I'm not sure I ever express anger, I simply go to hurt and sadness and defeat. Anger was never allowed as the consequences would have been physical and extreme in my childhood.

I hold a lot of resentment and anger for never being supported, protected, seen, heard and understood , just today I shifted a little bit of it. To me its about catching it when it surface, have compassion and self love, takes a lot of hard work on a number of levels. Soo important to be aware of these dynamics in a conscious way. Happy New Year ✨️🎉

@DrKimSage

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤I can understand why you would feel that way.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@nazcarcup

6 ай бұрын

Same here

@yrgarcon

6 ай бұрын

Slow slow it is shifting for the better ❤

@TMMT4

6 ай бұрын

Similar situation…You explained my experience

@knit1purl1

6 ай бұрын

I relate to your experiences so much. The one that bothers me the most is never protected. Because I wasn't a child, I was a thing.

I have a lot of resentment about some things my mother did during my childhood. She provided very little emotional support and did some things that were very unfair and seriously damaged my self esteem. Her tactic was to shame me. Partly because of that, and because I had grown up in a religion that did not recognize divorce, I stayed far too long in a marriage with an emotionally abusive husband who seemed to enjoy criticizing and humiliating me. I still don't know how to deal with these things that shaped my life for so many years. Now, in old age, I resent the lost time I spent in that marriage. The only thing I can do is tell others, please don't let this happen to you. I feel both resentment and compassion toward my mother, but the time that's lost can't be regained.

@powerdynamics4life

6 ай бұрын

I can totally relate 🙏🏾❤️‍🩹

@sayusayme7729

6 ай бұрын

I felt your post very deeply. Thank you for sharing. I’m learning to let go with Byron Katie

@sayusayme7729

6 ай бұрын

Thank you 🤍

@andreaf5369

4 ай бұрын

I understand your feelings - Thank you for speaking them for me

It is not we tend to choose bad partners, but we just didn’t filter them as others do, and tolerate them way better. Since our parents treated us that bad, it seems to be normal to tolerate those bad deeds.

Resentment makes you feel unworthy of a relationship because you’re afraid of hurting someone. And talking about resentment to enabler will drive you mad, because they’ll gaslight you crazy. And they guilt trip you for no contact. Enablers are half of the pie to face.

@happygucci5094

5 ай бұрын

Dear God you nailed this 🥹😔💗

I didn’t have the epiphany of what was wrong with my mother until 2+ years after she died. But when she died, I felt a giant weight lifted off of me. No long having to take care of her- she parentified me, no longer responsible for her moods, no longer subject to her horrific moods and criticism. Thank you for sharing your videos. They are so helpful. I’m also in a FB group “Daughters of Mothers who have BPD. It’s so helpful dealing with my anger and resentment as a mature adult. Now I know why I say things to my husband that are hurtful and usually not justified.

@JDforeveralone

5 ай бұрын

Hi ! May I ask, is it an open group? And is it for such who eg had only traits of BPD or the full disorder?

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

I have a friend in that group and have heard such good things!!

I’m glad to hear the connection between resentment and mistreatment. I always thought I was being petty, jealous and immature. It would really hurt to see other siblings, friends, etc. well treated and not have the language to understand or express. Those expressions would have been shot down and denied/gaslit.

@tam_to_evolve

4 ай бұрын

Thank you, your comment was insightful and helped me even understand some of my jealousy of friends with healthy parents/family

❤ I'm so, so grateful that I was able to consciously make choices in the opposite direction of what I grew up with! Well, many things, not all. But I learned not to smoke, to only drink a few times a year, and to choose a partner who makes me feel safe. Now I've been with my fella for 26 of my 40 years on this planet, and he is WONDERFUL! He's worked in women's shelters, mental health facilities, and healthcare, and it's just a genuinely good man. He also consciously made decisions to avoid certain things to keep me feeling safe. He doesn't drink or do drugs or smoke, mostly because he decided against those things watching his own father, but also because he never wanted to trigger me or create any accusations which would lead to resentment. I thank God / The Universe for him every single day. I'm beyond grateful that I never "married my father"! ❤❤❤

these issues require lots more explanation...just how is a damaged person from childhood issues ever know if they are perceiving relationships accurately? how does one set boundaries or come to conclusions...if they are constantly arguing with themselves over perceptions? it boils done to trust....and that is in limited supply to anyone who grew up in chaos...

I learned about resentment the hard way: gallstones! The body keeps the score, rt, and the gallbladder is full of bile and bile is bitter, so bitterness and resentment showed up in the physical to be looked at. Our society doesn’t teach much about forgiveness and resolution so there are a lot of gallbladder surgery’s aren’t there ? I’m still learning …

@mpetry912

6 ай бұрын

a very important insite !

@jadezee6316

6 ай бұрын

are you saying if someone who doesn't have gallbladder issues is not resentful? are you saying if someone removes their gallbladder, resentment goes away? or are you saying people have health issues ALL due to resentment? or are you saying without knowing it...that people have health issues that can not be caused by resentment? or are you just making stuff up to justify your personal opinion?

@mpetry912

6 ай бұрын

@@jadezee6316 I think she is saying that your body will keep score. Resentment and anger go "somewhere" if you don't work thru those feelings. you will internalize them. That which you resist, persists !

@zofiajaneczek184

6 ай бұрын

Trauma presents in the body via health problems. The Body Keeps The Score is a great book if anyone wants to delve further into the connection. The works of Gabor Matte also are fascinating as far as childhood trauma. Trauma and childhood abuse really put people behind in life, so much for some that they struggle to live and thrive. No woman, child, or man chooses this life nor do they deserve the fallout of this abuse. Resentment, in my opinion, is a normal process of healing. Though one may struggle to move past the resentment. I’m don’t covet what anyone has. However, I’m deeply unhappy that I’m unable to actually live and thrive thus far.

@lovelv1278

6 ай бұрын

THE BIDY KEEPS THE SCORE IS A MUST HAVE BOOK! As well as DR GABOR!!!!

I've spent the majority of my life feeling guilty, I'm glad you addressed the resentment because now I can get through the guilty feelings. Thank you!

“Feeling overpowered,” struck home. My father (likely suffering from BPD) would make me listen to tirades where he denigrated people I loved. Seeing people mistreated, especially verbally, became a trigger for me, as did feeling dismissed - not allowed to speak, or being made to feel as if what I had to say was unimportant.

@leahflower9924

5 ай бұрын

My dad did the tirades too what is with that he was actually always the calmer seeming one compared to my mom who would always react but when my dad did get mad or felt disrespected he would go off for hours and last time he did that to me I was 30 something lol and he analyzed my husband's entire side of the family like wtf?

Thank you for this. This is me exactly. I have repeated patterns with romantic partners. I have resentment and anger that I have not allowed myself to “go there” I am afraid of my own anger. Anger was modeled in a very rageful and abusive way. I need to face this part of me and let go of my current relationship. He is both my mom, dad, sister and grandfather. Very covert narc, a sweet lover and a bully. Crazy. I was raised with love and hate go together that that was normal. Love there’s love and there’s hate and that is love. I’m trying to own that there is no love in abuse and no abuse in love and that a love-hate relationship is just me repeating patterns that I need to address. Thank you so much for this video every word you spoke explained so much for me. If you can do more videos on how to face your anger, how to deal with the resentment how to let go how to be able to stand on your own and be OK with that. I’m a single parent of three kids and I feel the exact same way that you felt taking on everything and being the overly responsible one and that has been my role since the day I was born. And I know longer want to live like this. I need Balance.

Thank you as always. My mother passed over two years ago and I find myself resenting her and not missing her. She allowed sexual abuse to take place in the home and was really absent throughout my childhood. I don't hate her but find I don't love her either.

@rosyloveslearning3013

6 ай бұрын

Of course.

@language-n-learning

6 ай бұрын

That's terrible. I can relate. Have you read "The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting" by Alice Miller? I reading it right now, and it's one of the best books I've ever read.

@JDforeveralone

5 ай бұрын

@@language-n-learning… has it got any suggestions of treatment or advices on how to overcome?

@language-n-learning

5 ай бұрын

@@JDforeveralone Well, I haven't finished it yet. But the foucs of the book is on the BS of the 4th commandment (to honor your father and mother...even if they are abusive). And most therapists and most people push this narrative to the point of keeping abuse victims enslaved to the idea of loving their parents no matter what. She advises us to face our feelings and be honest about them.

@ladyfae4797

5 ай бұрын

I experienced the same thing and I feel the same way towards my mother. She's been gone 5 years and I'm realizing more and more how much she didn't protect me and even put me in terrible situations that hurt me physically and emotionally.

❤ Every video of yours for me is like a puzzle piece adding to a bigger picture. I adore your work, thank you ❤

I experienced resentment a lot in all of my relationships. I always felt slighted and like I was not being seen, heard, considered... One of my core wounds is injustice-my parents treated me unfairly, I was denied a lot material things that were clearly evident. I also was given many things my other siblings weren't, especially by my father. Once I was able to take hold of my victim mentality and stop feeling entitled and also to stop feeling like I had to earn everything I was able to be more balanced. Self-care and boundaries and managing expectations is a lot sometimes, and I still feel sometimes like I'm struggling to let go of the past hurts. I do feel lighter, easier going.

Dear Kim, this must be one of your best clips! I feel like I’m standing at crossroads, completely confused of which direction to take. Not knowing who you really are. Or what you want. Just having so many regrets. Discovering that you were badly hurt as a child - although it was said to you over and over what good childhood you had. In turn, knowing that you yourself hurt the most close ones around you so much. And then this ever growing resentment. Trying to push it aside for years. Only to become like a volcano never knowing when it will erupt. And now hearing of the origin of it!!! Recognising that maybe a part is projection but there is definitely, definitely reenactment as well. I want to cry. Can’t anymore. Crying doesn’t being a solution.

Wow, you just gave me the “why “ I have been looking for all my life. ! Resentment toward some of my family. I was able to look back at them and understand where it came from. Thank you. Your style of explaining makes it so easy to relate and recognize.

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

❤❤thank you for being here!

this is all so true. even as a young person i felt resentment cause i knew what was happening was wrong. those around me didn't seem to want to acknowledge or didn't see the things happening as wrong. that always fascinated me. I still find adult friends that way... yet they suffer from depression and anger but they won't claim resentment. all super interesting how we deal

@chestnut1279

5 ай бұрын

i resent my 5th grade teacher for accusing me of plagiarism cause i knew the word 'haughty' LOL that bothers me so much and I kind of feel THAT should be something I let go. but it made me feel so powerless. i'm curious, do you think that's something i should let go? cause i wonder

I don’t even have resentment towards my parents anymore, really just all the people who hurt me along the way

So so so helpful. I’m in a broken state and seeking/wanting healing. Your content is so good.

This speaks to me so much! This is a repetitive problem in my marriage.

I believe that mislead af us that grew up in this volatile childhood, unconsciously seek Familiar CHAOS in all situations at home and even work

I have an issue with holding my family accountable even when I'm internally thinking about it because I kind of see how they affected me but I had trauma from other places like school which wasn't their fault so it's like I can't blame anything or anyone at all and I'm stuck continuously turning on myself

My mother was a resentful mother with me and my sister, for her own childhood issues.

Thank you for speaking on this topic. Resentment, like jealousy, is so misunderstood and you have beautifully articulated the reasons underlying this behavioural/emotional pattern. If we don't acknowledge and deal with the cause, we will just put a veneer over resentment (often to please others) and this will actually reinforce it in the long run. 🙏

Thank you for these videos. They have meant a great deal to me. When I was a child, it was unsafe to be heard, seen, or breathe. Horrible destructive thoughts filled my head. Frequent dissociations blocked anger and fear. I have had an ADD diagnosis for years, and I am now thinking that it might have been dissociations. I still have them every day. I am in therapy. Thank you again.

This is gold!!!

When you had a father with anger issues and are bullied from 6th to 12th grade you don't feel safe anywhere.

What would you do with a parent who you very heavily resent for how they treated you growing up, who has mostly calmed down on that kind of mistreatment but refuses to really acknowledge what they did to you and the impact it's had? I stopped talking to my dad about 6 or 7 years ago for a lot of reasons, he's been asking to talk to me but when I made it clear I want some kind of acknowledgement or apology for how he treated me growing up and into early adulthood, he acted like he's already apologized and doesn't feel like he needs to do it again. I don't remember any apologies, in fact it was a running joke in my family that my dad never apologized for anything, I think in his mind, saying 'sorry you're upset' or buying things is an apology. I'm at the point where I've accepted he's never going to say what I want him to, but now I need to either just accept that and let him back in my life, or keep him out and just move on. I'm inclined to just move on, my dad and I have never gotten along and have almost opposing worldviews, he always used to put me down and treat me like a failure, I'm not sure why he'd want me back around except to have contact with me because he thinks he should have that as my parent. That's just not good enough for me, I'm a fairly solitary person, I don't have many relationships, but the ones I do have I want to be genuine. I don't want to have to keep him at arm's length or pretend to be someone I'm not to just say I have my dad in my life, especially not when he won't even just give me the one thing I've asked for.

@pm8401

6 ай бұрын

He probably is too embarrassed to talk about it directly. If he belittled you growing up, he was insecure and jealous. So if you ask him to talk about it, you are asking him to face up to his deepest insecurities. He probably feels too exposed.

@SBecktacular

3 ай бұрын

That does not sound healthy for you- I would not invest more effort…. Beware if he’s a narcissist he might want back in to finally destroy you. This happens A LOT. Do not feel obligated to an abuser- narcissists will NEVER say sorry or take responsibility. Peace to you and take care❤️

yes. nice to hear this. makes me feel like l wasnt mad. all of this happened.

I really felt that, one day you wake up and you're just done. My ex partner never listened to me or cared about my feelings or needs and he had big dramas and drinking binges, was controlling and abusive and made threats to unalive himself if he didnt get his own way. Choosing him was on me and lm working on myself so that l have boundaries. One day I did wake up and l was just done, described things perfectly.

I’ve lately realised what I’ve been through and unfortunately still unable to escape. Struggling to cope alone. Thank you for your videos they really help.

Some of the best videos on mental health on the internet 🙌🏼

I’m just trying to recognize triggers as they come up and what exactly it is that’s getting to me….then I can unravel the hidden cause….ughhh I’m exhausted of being blindsided 👀🇺🇸🕊

OMG, Dr.Sage, I just finished a therapy session as notification of this video showed up on my phone. I am floored at how what you are talking about in this video is exactly what came up today in our EMDR therapy for me! It's almost as though you were at my session!! I won't go into the details, but to summarize, it has been the anger and resentment of what happened in my childhood and later as an adult and my not being able or even realizing that I never expressed that anger that made me feel dead inside. Like I was just an observer going through life without really feeling or living my life! What an epiphany! My therapist suggested visiting a "Rage Room." I never heard of that before, but inside I could tell that it might be a good idea to get the rage out! I would NEVER condone violence, but this is carried out with inanimate objects and no one would get hurt while letting the rage out. Just wanted to throw this out there in case it helps anyone. Thank you Dr. Sage for all the videos you put out there to help people!! ❤

@hshfyugaewfjkKS

6 ай бұрын

I'm a trauma coach and I recomended this to one of my clients also. She found it very cathartic and the people she went with were surprised at how much rage she really carried. I think they can be very helpful for trauma survivors!

@user-hc2ss4vz4z

6 ай бұрын

@@hshfyugaewfjkKS Thank you for sharing! It's true, no matter what your age, we can always learn something new ✨️

for me, anger was unsafe because if i expressed it i wouldn't be listened to, so i would argue more, and due to my adhd/audio processing issues, my voice would get louder to try and be 'heard' properly. by the end of it i'd be a crying, screaming mess. my mom would usually say 'if you yell louder the neighbors are going to call the police' and she'd sometimes add 'the police will take you away to a mental institution' but she'd say it not as a threat but more like she was concerned and didn't want that for me. as though she really believed that. (nobody ever called the police on us, not once.) and i'd be so ashamed and embarrassed of myself for losing it by the end. i'd kowtow and apologize and feel humiliated. i can't ever remember feeling heard.

I love your videos, they’ve really helped me work some things out, my brother too (we’re both in our 40’s) Both of us went to full time boarding school at 8/9 and our home life was very volatile (we were smacked till we were 15) I have held in a lot of resentment, I think because one side of the family are very judgemental and won’t / wouldn’t allow you to have or behave in any way but perfectly. My mum I think has BPD, was abusive to my dad and has addiction / depression issues. I have broken relationships, fear of conflict and a magnet to Narcs (staying single is the safest way to be!) thank you for your insight and easy to understand explanations x

I felt that I had married my father, and that An. [my wife] had married her mother. After 41 years- we are still married. [Segue] the arrival of woman's rights bought a lot of challenges and changes to our world. I found this to be positive, and formative.

You look great Dr. Kim! ❤😘👍 let’s just keep moving forward!! Happy 2024!! ❤❤

I love it! Another great video. The sound is also really good ✨

If my shadow work journal had a spirit guide.. it would be u Dr. Sage. I literally stayed up writing about these trauma Re-enactments which I call the hollow-graphic reality of relationships. It’s a hologram made by our subconscious mind reflecting, refracting and projecting based on conditioning oftentimes leading to very hollow love. Lacking the depth necessary to heal in a relationship is running in circles. As an intuitive Akashic record reader, it’s amazes me on how my realizations are often confirmed form your stance. I think it takes different approaches to form a foundation to build a healthier lifestyle. Thank u. I’ll be sure to share this one with my sacred healing circle ❤

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

Thank you for your insights about resentment. I definitely will explore my own resentments which may have been unexpressed.

Wow! Dr. Kim, I am just finding your channel and feel super enlightened. There is so much insight here. I have struggled with anger and resentment more as long as I can remember and knowing and understanding the root causes has been extremely helped. Thank you for the work that you are doing here 🙏✨️

Thank you kindly for sharing so much about this & that, as well as about then & when. As a 57 year old only child (& single adult) of an 84 year Mother (& Father r.i.p. 01.21.18) , I can relate to so many of your previous topics. Per chance being born during the Turmoil of 1960's Việt Nam, I may have a unique insight on such? Mother 母, may have possessed narcissistic tendencies, yet it seems her malicious behavior may perhaps have been intensified with dependence on Father 父. Long story short, I forgive her, hopefully next time around here 世界, She 女 may See 見

Thank you for clarifying this feeling.

It's the other way. There was no outlet for emotional expressions. You did not show anger, disappointment, or any hurt. You knew anger and resentment were there in the family dynamics but were not expressed. I spent my childhood shutting myself up in my room studying. I need to study, yes. But it's my way of avoiding my parents and everyone. I could only have some peace of mind and no pressure and no need to perform to live up to my parents' expectations when I was alone.

Thank you, Kim.

Dr. Sage-Love your videos. music and material- thank you for giving material to women toward their journey to understanding and further healing.

Thank you Kim.

As always you are most helpful. Thank you ❤

I just love you Dr Kim thank you ❤

Thanks Kim, this helps

Well done video. I'm very much looking forward to journaling. I took notes and wrote down journaling points. ❤

Wow. Powerful video. Thank you for sharing.

This was great - thank you 👍🏽

It was very/really helpful. Thanks for sharing. God bless.

Thank you , Happy New Year , Dreamer 

Relate to most of the stuff lately. Ty

1:59-2:08 spot on 👏🏾💕🙏🏾

That was really useful. I would love to hear about this in more detail. I have e also been researching for information around a sense of loss with food. I have a client who Did not have much food growing up and then now feels the need to eat often. Also if she starts to lose weight she feels like she is losing something and then starts to hold on to it subconsciously. As losing the weight also feels like loss. I would love for you to do a video in regard to this and childhood. Love your insights. Thank you

Excellent

You were Privileged! Many don't have the money.

Hi Dr Kim! Your tree looks lovely! I have been traveling. My dad loves to Poke the Bear and my fam has so much of a part of my trauma

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry he does that 💔

You’re the best 💙

RESENTMENT WHEN YOU FIND OUT YOUR HUSBAND REPEATEDLY CHATTED ON YOU AND CALL YOU CRAZY WHEN YOU HAD THE HUNCH …..

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry 💔💔- it’s so devastating.

Thought this was our little secret! 👀😳🙏

I have resentment towards my partner because he continuously triggers me and places me in my childhood trauma

I have been married for 10years .and the first 8years was great but now it is a lot of BS, is it true that things change he doesn't want to go and get help and i do what should I do leave or stay 😢

Funny how you mention that women in hetro relationships feel that they have communicated before they shut down then leave. My experience as an older man is that women will do almost anything except communicate directly about what distresses them. Beating around the bush and passive aggressive behaviors would seem thier strategies of choice, when simple direct communication about the hurt, fear or need is the absolute best way to get a man's attention and remedial action. Go figure? 😢

@eubique

6 ай бұрын

I can say I've experienced this (as a man) but maybe it's sometimes the case that it comes down to such wildly different communication styles that both sides miss what's going on. Also as an autistic person I might need clear and direct communication. That cliche about women saying "it's fine" when you ask them if there's something up, in the past I would have made the mistake of taking that at face value.

@Dalabombana

6 ай бұрын

I am female and trying to communicate but keep getting shut down. I used to be passive aggressive years ago in a different relationship as that was what was modelled to me in childhood. I didn’t know any better then. However I have, like many here been working on my childhood trauma and recognising unhealthy patterns. I now ask for what I need but it’s ’too needy’. My understanding is a lot of traditional men have trouble identifying stone walling and avoidance as unhealthy and not actually a normal part of masculinity or communication. It’s not simply a male female thing. It’s due to how we were raised.

@pm8401

6 ай бұрын

(As a woman) I've noticed women are too scared to be direct because they don't want a physical altercation. It's a basic instinct.

So I hate life. Now what.

Beautiful tree. How do you you keep the cat out of it? I don't fear much, but I don't trust my girls and a Christmas tree.

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

Omg she’s been a nightmare this year for some reason! Kids are big now but coco will not be today to do!😂😂😂

@DrKimSage

5 ай бұрын

Told what to do 😂

@jonathanwest3062

5 ай бұрын

Despite their personality quirks, I've been glad I had them. Not always good days but they're my comic relief when I need a change of mind. While I'm bettering myself there are still days where I want to pull what hair I have out. They say having cats are like having teenagers so this is what I get for not having children.

Women and men speak different languages lots of times they are not honest and resort to shaming and blaming whish gives guys a resentment and guys stop listening.

🧚🥷🏾

*_MGTOW. Problem solved!!!!_* 👌✌👍

For my resentment feels like needles... as though I'm a pincushion and I'm prickly

Wow! My Mother was a nasty person! But I married twice and they were exactly the same! I married my mother two times! WTF! But I adored my Father. His story is more tragic than mine…..he had to live with her. She did not like woman but had 4 daughters! 🙏😢🙄Only two of us are left but deeply scared!