The inability to stop my brain from replaying the perceived social mistake over and over and over and half the time the person isn't even mad like I thought they were.

@darrenthorn4043

11 ай бұрын

Literally :(

@lisaweinmeyer5782

11 ай бұрын

Yes, and every time my mind repeats, my heart flips over, with a thud of insecurity,, fear, and regret. The process repeats until I can work it out, or slow my mind!

@Cnsalmoni

10 ай бұрын

Terrible debilitating insomnia ensues.

@gsismaet5385

10 ай бұрын

Hard for spectrum person like me. These embarassing faux which may have happened decades ago, suddenly pop up. This sends me into cringe mode.

@OE2023

7 ай бұрын

Yupppp

To me RSD feels a lot like a confirmation bias thing. Like, after being generally rejected as a kid I'm forever braced for the impact of the next rejection and looking for signs that it is about to happen. It's been useful to think about it that way because there are ways to overcome it by being rational about things. Like, I can look for alternative explanations for people's behavior when they do something that touches that old wound

@lenoralee9553

Жыл бұрын

This.

@4LLT0G3TH3R

Жыл бұрын

And my own learned patterns of behavior that are response to the confirmation bias. Working on it but it's really hard. Walked away yesterday feeling like I just am not cut out for having close relationships. I always fxxk it up.

@Dancestar1981

7 ай бұрын

That’s because we’ve learnt through experience to be in a continual state of flight or fight and react to the environment accordingly

@Dancestar1981

7 ай бұрын

@@4LLT0G3TH3RHowever good news is we can unlearn those patterns and replace them with new healthier ones over time more quickly than we think

@EdisuHaro

Ай бұрын

​@@Dancestar1981How?

Fear of being judged or evaluated often comes from the fact that we frequently _are_ being judged and evaluated; by parents, by peers, by various authority figures, who are happy to tell us everything they think we're doing wrong. How we express ourselves in the wrong ways (eg. "being too aggressive"), how we perform actions that they find unacceptable (eg. stimming), or how we fail to do things that they think "normal" people should be doing. Neurodiverse people are constantly being judged by the society around us; and often bullied and abused as a result of those judgements. It's no wonder so many of us have RSD issues.

@megb7715

Жыл бұрын

Or we witnessed a parent talking smack about strangers on a regular basis, often loud enough that the person likely heard 🙃

@EphemeralTao

Жыл бұрын

@@megb7715 Definitely that too.

@robertblume2951

11 ай бұрын

Let me help you. People are constantly being judged by the society around them.

@Dancestar1981

7 ай бұрын

It does then we become our own worst enemies because we internalise that negativity and it speaks to us as an internalised parent that always appears to disapprove of us. I’ve learnt that I’ve got 42 years of trauma to unpack and am in therapy to retrain my brain for better mental health. It’s a new beginning as I was very late diagnosed with the double whammy of ASD and combined ADHD along with complex mathematics disabilities but it was misdiagnosed as Anxiety and Depression at age 17, which just so happened to be additional symptoms of being ND

@Pabliski577

2 ай бұрын

@@robertblume2951 Yup and if something actually sets them apart from the society around them they're judged more harshly

Thank you for this channel. I am 56yrs old and was diagnosed two months ago with autism. I found your channel a while ago. Your words and your attitude have helped me so much. I just want you to know that I appreciate you:)

@ranc1977

Жыл бұрын

He stated few errors in his video. 1) RSD has no cure. It is futile to promise us fantasy magical potions - while there are none. There are workarounds but they are not cure. We will get triggered. 2) RSD is caused by exposure to relentless criticism in our formative years and exposure to toxic society such as CBT. RSD is not our personal hallucination nor our choice. Toxic people caused this effect. RSD is after-effect of narcissistic abuse.

This so describes my youngest son. I’ve always said that most people need to hear 5 positive things for each negative comment. He needs to hear 20 or 30 positive things for each negative.

One thing I would say defined my middle & high school years is spending hours each night laying in bed reviewing & re-inventing conversations from the day, imagining how they would play out if i'd say this or that instead of what i had said, re-examining facial expressions to see if i'd mis-interpreted them, etc. Several months ago, I laughed aloud upon realizing i'd spend most of my life throroughly confused. I'm 52, diagnosed at 47.

@graceb3934

11 күн бұрын

Thank you! You stated it perfectly- "reviewing and reinventing conversations..." - that's exactly what I have always done (and still do). Its torturous at times, given how fruitless it ends up being...although I am guessing it's part of how I learnt to mask.

Oh, wow. My partner (we're both autistic) told me he would get really nervous about what he was doing with his hands while waiting in line at the store. Like, it felt like he was standing weird and that people would be judging him.

@herewegokids7

Жыл бұрын

I quit frequenting my usual grocery bc of some awkward eye contact I thought happened w the produce guy *one time*. Every single time after that I would get so much anxiety trying to casually not look at him.

@Koozomec

28 күн бұрын

@@herewegokids7 It's called a crush.

We're definately not think skinned. Given the nature of our condition it definately attracts critizism and bullying that can become a vicious circle.

@SpicyAutistic

Жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh, yes! I can certainly say I am an easy target as well. I had to get out of so many toxic environments because of RSD. 😢

@davebowman9790

Жыл бұрын

Agreed

@ranc1977

Жыл бұрын

You are absolutely correct. The person in the video is promoting CBT agenda and CBT propaganda of NT which is shocking and I cannot understand it. CBT is part of the problem, it is wrong therapy, it is Ludovico Technique from Clockwork orange, it is therapy intended for short term brainwashing invented in late 1960 based on Nazi technology which Americans stole during WW2 operation Paperclip - it is not intended for long term therapy and it is not intended for victims of abuse. CBT is intended for psychopaths and suicidal survivals to get open to therapy - that is the purpose of CBT. CBT is based on idea that we are living in delusion now and that we need to snap out to reality. Victims of abuse - which are autists, ADHDs and socially anxious - who are exposed to trauma and invalidation since childhood - will not hallucinate abuse. The abuse is real. There is no perceived hate. There is hate. I admit - due to exposure to abuse there will be sensitivity to perceived threat. The best example is when I learn Duolingo app - there is option to play slowly spoken words. And the automatic recorded voice will seem to me as if the mock me due to slow talking. I am completely aware that this is recording but there is some degree of annoyance how it sounds and I do take it personally to certain point - but there is no hysteria. If this was spoken by real person I would get offended. That part is "perceived". However there are plethora of Cluster B monsters who do hate others and who see others as threat due to their fragile ego - and there is nothing we perceive as hatred, they really do hate others. This starts to be problem when they are family members or at job - where we cannot leave or cut contact. So another approach is needed - CBT explanations are horrible, they are detrimental, they are re-traumatizing us, they are part of psychological abuse - where our trauma is being invalidated and explained away as a mere hallucination. CBT must be banned - CBT is the part of problem. Instead of CBT there is Humanistic psychology which is based on validation. CBT is based on ableism and NT fascist mindset where diversity is seen as abnormality and something to correct and destroy.

@GoblinLord

Жыл бұрын

I mean, I can't expect someone who is literally being attacked by reality to be able to handle a more personal form of negative stimuli very well

I didn't know this was a thing! But this thing is ME! I never knew how I feel had a name. Since I was a little child I've taken criticism of any king much harder than others around me. The slightest correction or reprimand hurt me deep deep inside. Criticism or correction, especially from a superior or authority figure, makes me feel ashamed. Like I failed. Like I'm no good. It makes me sad. It makes me embarrassed. The fear of someone not "liking me" is also a huge part of me. The fear of someone who likes me suddenly NOT liking me anymore is also strong. Not just romantic partners, but even friends. I've lost so many friends over the years that literally just stopped liking me, that at least this fear has some basis in truth. Now I just expect people to just stop liking me at some point so I don't really try to have "real" friends anymore. Why bother? I keep friends, co-workers, etc in the "acquaintances" file in my mind. They're just people I talk to, people I work with, not "real" friends. It's easier that way. Then when they stop liking me, (which they always do at some point), it won't hurt me as bad. I'll be 60 this year. I've come to accept who I am. I'm mostly happy, contented. Rarely lonely. But it's still nice to have names for the things that are part of me. I kind of look at it as an "excuse" for how I am. It's not my fault, I'm autistic. I have RSD. Maybe that's not the best way to look at things, "not my fault" isn't really an excuse. But it helps me deal with things. Thank you for bringing RSD to my attention.

@annissa8959

Жыл бұрын

This is me too, mostly! ❤

@Nikki.H

Жыл бұрын

You described how I feel about it and react to it perfectly. 😓I, like many of us I'm guessing, had a terrible time growing up. Left me with PTSS, which doesn't help obviously. Nowadays I have true friends and supportive family which I care about a lot. But I can't help myself, it feels fleeting and fragile, even if it doesn't make any logical sense. As if one wrong word on my side could turn everything against me. I often wonder if early diagnosis would've prevented a lot of the difficulties I have now, there simply wasn't any understanding back when I was little, only impatience.

@Psychx_

Жыл бұрын

During my time in high school I also struggled to consider my peers as friends. Shortly after graduating it, I had a bit of a meltdown, which led me to think that it would be for the better to cut (it was a painful decision nonetheless) all of them out of my life, in part also due to me being unable to muster the energy to maintain these contacts. Years later, I met a few of these people again by chance. Turned out that I've hurt quite some feelings. That's when I first noticed the immense dissonance in perception regarding my relation to others. RSD, not being able to trust, and not wanting to be vulnerable played a big part in this aswell.

@CtDDtC1919

11 ай бұрын

I am very much like this too. There is a tangent of this that I became aware of about 1 year ago. My wife is very understanding, or at least tries to be. We had a conversation about why I removed myself from our Facebook Messenger family group. I told her it was because it was a constant source of the feelings of rejection. Whenever one of her family members would share a funny meme, I always responded, or at the very least, reacted. It feels the polite thing to do. But when I would share things that I found humorous, or even worse, when I would share something meaningful to me. It would be met with the figurative sound of crickets chirping. She told me that they weren't ignoring me, but that they were probably busy and didn't have time to react. Maybe so, but my mind keeps going round and round "Did I offend them? Did they hate that one?, Do they just not really like me?.." So I would try harder, only to be met with the same lack of response. I told her that my OCD makes it extremely difficult to NOT over analyze and send even more things in an attempt to get a response, so I took the safe way out. I removed myself, and thus the temptation. I know logically it is mostly in my head, but it feels so very real and it can ruin the quality of my daily existence. I know how completely ridiculous I sound.

@gsismaet5385

10 ай бұрын

Ditto.

Praise elicits the same reaction as rejection with me. Can't face either

@TarkMcCoy

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I hear that. It's like they are patting the little retarded kid on the on the back with false praise...it's humiliating.

@RichardBronosky

Жыл бұрын

I used to be this way. I tackled the praise thing because I could logic my way through it. The rejection part is immune to logic. You CAN change your response to praise. Accept that as fact. Commit yourself to it. I got nothing for you on the rejection thing.

@Dancestar1981

7 ай бұрын

It makes you uncomfortable because you aren’t used to hearing it and feel unworthy of it so it’s a double edged sword I get it a regular thing

Ok, Orion, I have to admit. You have me kind of backed into a corner here. You have described me precisely. I asked my wife to watch your video and she did so and smiled and said "this is you." A typical scenario is when she questions me about why I do something a certain way, and my response is an emotionally charged 5 minute explanation. Another really big thing is ruminating. My brain has a way of bringing things to my attention that happened not only yesterday, but years ago. It would seem that these things are safely filed away in my brain, right next to the "Well, that was really awkward, wasn't it?" file. My wife thinks your video will help those of us with RSD as well as our spouses/partners who may feel that they have said or done something really hurtful. The second half of the video has realistic advice about what we can do about it. It helps me a lot just to know that other people have this RSD thing going on. I could have used this information years ago. Thank you for making this video.

@Miss_Elaine_

Жыл бұрын

Just had this exact interaction with my husband! I often have to hide my emotional responses because he takes them so personally. And past memories... When I'm feeling vulnerable, horrible memories can pop up and be SO real that I will say something in response, out loud! Then I have to tell whoever heard me that I was just talking to myself as it's too much to explain... 🤦‍♀️

@user-js5et3gc8q

Жыл бұрын

@@Miss_Elaine_ Yes,I certainly know how memories can jump in when they are not wanted.I believe what happens to me is when I feel that I'm not being understood ,a wave of feelings from my past comes over me.I have a ton of memories from my childhood of being misunderstood.When we are different from other kids it can be traumatic just trying to fit in and not being able to do so.These feelings can precipitate a panic that is difficult or impossible to control when we these memories intrude.

@ranc1977

Жыл бұрын

" and smiled and said "this is you."" We got to be extremely careful with diagnosis and using psychology as blame and finger pointing and scapegoating and declaring this is you. Nope- we are not limited psychological vocabulary. We are not walking diagnosis. This is mindset of NT, of abusers and narcissists who are hidden in medical industry and who use psychology as sadism and abusing the masses. Sorites paradox tells us that the heap cannot be defined as heap - Fuzzy logic tells us the same. CBT idea that we see the world in form of labels is stigma and discrimination. It is cognitive distortion itself called black and white thinking or in psychology it is called splitting. This can be extremely dangerous - since toxic people will then use labels and stigma and diagnosis to harm, hurt, control and manipulate their targets. Your wife might be cheating on you, might steal your money, might commit some crime, might start poop in your bed and plan to steal your money in court - and if you protest -she will simply state "this is you" "You are over-sensitive" "You are hallucinating" etc. CBT and diagnosis and blaming and scapegoating is making us to be mad, insane and abnormal, that is abuse. CBT is part of abuse. The truth is - unless we are serial killers, Trump, Putin - there is absolutely nothing wrong with our mind, with our thoughts, with our thinking patterns. Trauma responses are reflex - they are not "this is you", they are not our persona, they are not our personality trait. CBT is fusing our trauma and exposure to abuse as our personal fault and our personal choice and our persona - and this is psychological abuse. CBT must be banned - it is doing incredible psychological damage to anyone seeking honest help and explanation about abuse and abusers - because CBT is based on narcissistic abuse and pharma mafia making money on our neurosis.

@user-js5et3gc8q

Жыл бұрын

@@ranc1977 I share none of your concerns.

@ranc1977

Жыл бұрын

@@user-js5et3gc8q Your life, your choice.

4:02 "There's this constant fear of being judged or evaluated while doing even the simplest of things." The only time I don't feel that is when I am alone in my room with the door closed.

I've got this really badly! When we've been knocked back so many times and in so many ways, and having been criticized for the ways we've done things, said things, expressed emotions...of course we're going to get this problem. It's not something we're born with.

There is a WORD for "IT"??😲 THIS is EXACTLY what I experience?? And I NEVER know WHERE it comes FROM, or WHY??? I just thought it was a "ME THING"?? But apparently NOT???👏😯 I feel sooooo much better NOW☺️🙏 Thank you soooooooo much for all your unfathomably informative videos. I absolutely love how you explain everything & the way you explain it, I just absorb it like a sponge. It's literally unbelievable. I am an undiagnosed, 42 yr old Female, that will be 43 on Wednesday... I have learned soooooo much HERE, than I have ANYWHERE/EVERYWHERE ELSE... I can't find any Providers in my state to get any help &/ get appropriately tested. I guess they only test children & young adults?? Everywhere I've called seeking help, that is what I am told. LITERALLY... So THAT is WHY I turn to KZread. Where I will find REAL LIFE help & support & encouragement. Bcuz I literally can't find it ANYWHERE else???🤷 So thank you so much for EVERYTHING 💙 it literally means the world to ME 🙂🙏

@markwhelan8233

Жыл бұрын

I'm in the same boat,I never knew why if somebody mistook a comment I made online or I phrased something badly,the angry comeback from them would make me shut down and go non verbal for the rest of the day

Overthinking and replaying social interactions: I also replay positive interactions. It feels like I'm trying to extract the essence of what went right so that I can repeat that in future. It doesn't work, it's just annoying and time consuming 😒

First one of your videos that I can't relate to even if I'm autistic. I took me two decades to even understand the concept of fear of rejection. Because there are few things that I care less about than what other people think of me. So when people reject me, as long as they don't become violent towards me, I have no issue with that rejection. But I do know other autistic adults who very much are afraid of rejection.

This must've been why I was misdiagnosed BPD. That was very harmful, as I almost gave up, feeling defeated and hopeless, because I thought I was everything wrong with the world. Thank God for Tony Attwood!

@Dancestar1981

7 ай бұрын

Tony Atwood is the original Autism guru

@A.Abercrombie-uo9ji

Ай бұрын

I'm glad you didn't give up! I was misdiagnosed as bipolar so I can relate to how it feels when nothing that is supposed to be working works....

Self diagnosed here, with an autistic son. Your videos opened up my eyes to my own neurodivergence as I was searching YT for info about autism. Pieces of this never unsolved puzzle in my life came together all of a sudden. And one of the traits I’ve been ashamed of the most is RSD, something I didn’t even know had a name. Literally thought I was the only one on the planet experiencing this. Thanks Orion, for making this alien feel a little more at home on this earth knowing there’s an entire supportive community out there who truly understands what autism feels like…(yes, I got your book too). Thank you!

Depending on the day I’m like “Sorry l’m not accepting any criticism today” I’m my own worst critic, don’t need any help thanks! My father was adopted and I believe this was a lifelong struggle for him as well.

Yes man! Very true. I have finally stopped caring about how strangers perceive me in public, unless I know that I am going to interact with them regularly in the future. Getting criticized by an acquaintance feels worse to me than getting criticized by a stranger; because I know that the stranger is likely forming quick and inaccurate assumptions when they have literally just seen me for the first time. In that case, I think that they are foolish to judge someone who they know zero facts about, and therefore it is hard for me to take their judgement seriously. On the other hand, an acquaintance who you regularly pass by in the hallway at work will likely have a deeper affect on me.

I have ADHD (diagnosed as an adult) and even then, I didn’t learn that RSD was a thing until a few years ago. Especially when I was a kid, I always heard “she’s just sensitive, she takes things hard so be extra careful with her, etc.” And I didn’t know any different than to believe that and assumed I was simply deficient in some way. It was my fault and I was failing somehow, and that played heavily into my anxiety and depression as a teen. And now, sometimes. I can consciously recognize it now and cope for the most part, but sometimes a small interaction will sometimes surprise me with I feel about it. That’s when I try to allow myself a few minutes to feel the emotion, take some breathes, and try to calm down in whatever ways I have available. It’s a work in progress but just knowing RSD exists was a huge game changer for me.

I thought mind-blindness was my most prominent trait, but now it's clear to me that RSD is my most prominent trait -- at least in terms of what I _feel._

What makes this so prevelant in myself is my social awareness of how commonly judgment is handed onto others, laughter and sniggering in a school environment behind peoples backs which i as a bystander notice. I recognise how easy it is for people to be judged especially for their own ASD and therefore i recognise in myself all the points to be criticised. Thank you, however for simply putting a name to the emotions, it helps to sort in my mind what is wrong as that is the first step to improving ones mental state

I have suffered from all of the things you have described but have never been able to adequately describe it to anyone. Thanks for your succinct description. RSD has had a huge effect on my life, from my earliest memories as a child.

@mrs.jennifer3339

Жыл бұрын

ME too??? Spot on right??? Invaluable video & information, that I have NEVER EVER heard of, UNTIL TODAY🙂👍

@spankmcnasty2687

Жыл бұрын

@@mrs.jennifer3339 Yes, I haven't seen this described on any other 'Autism' related channel and I resonated with this description immediately.

I thought I didn’t experience this condition because I’m one of those autistics that really don’t care for strangers or acquaintances. I don’t fear other humans. I fear making mistakes and having the people I have a high regard for, see or get affected by that error. As a result, I have just completely removed myself from any type of situation that I am not confident enough in taking head on. But you’re right, we all need to be kinder to ourselves. I, personally, need to focus on positive outcomes of my day, where I know I did good. Thanks for another well explained video, Orion!

@rainerwahnsinn3265

Жыл бұрын

I think I don't care how other people perceive me. Certainly i don't think about how I am perceived by others. Good to see, that I'm not alone on that.

@laradesautel3013

5 ай бұрын

Finally, someone explained exactly how I experience it. It only matters if it is someone who I hold in high esteem and/or some thing I care deeply about doing well and then I’m ridiculous- ridiculous how breathtakingly painful it is- even physically! Ugh… I’m glad I finally figured out what’s wrong with me in general. I spent my whole life not getting what IT was!! I’m in education and I’m so ashamed that I never bothered to learn more about autism and adhd. I bought into the stereotypes and never connected it to myself!

“It’s the unrealistic goals you don’t meet that you use to explain why you think you’re a loser or not good enough” 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Absolutely. I see my BF unnecessarily beating himself up for the unrealistic deeds, actions goals or whatever that he couldn’t meet or do. And it hurts me to see him torture himself over them. 😢 Y’all don’t be so hard on yourself because you’re an abundance of awesomeness that you never give yourself credit for! Whether you feel it or not…you matter❤

@laradesautel3013

7 ай бұрын

Your comment really helped me at just the right time. Thank you for that🙃

I regularly feel perceived rejection even if the person occasionally gives me reassurance. It's became a real issue in my social life because I want to get close to someone but my brain tells me that they've now rejected me because they might not be doing what I expected. Whenever I get these feelings I usually am the one that ends up stopping communications out of anxiety and I feel really bad about it.

I was disowned or excommunicated by the majority of my family after my service in the army, most of my battle buddies moved on & have their own lives & new friends. I am a disabled vet. the physical injuries to my spine prevent me from a social life especially when I don't have a physically capable trust worthy person to help me get out & about. where I live the options are slim & the waiting list is very long, but I could really use a peer support person that I can TRUST & wont quit after 3 sessions.

Just gave this video to my husband to watch because I know he’ll agree how accurate this is for me. I’m 53 and just now putting the pieces of the puzzle together that I most likely have been misdiagnosed since age 12. You know once you’re in a certain “bucket,” they stop looking for anything else. Especially back then because autism was thought of so differently. Meanwhile, I’ve been learning more about autism since it was suggested my 30 year old daughter might be autistic (they’ve said she’s but after testing) and more and more I’m losing any doubt that this is it. Autism is the true condition I should’ve been receiving support for, rather than the 5 other diagnoses given to cover this and that symptom. I’m so grateful you give ways to manage RSD in this video. I had a *meltdown* just this past week because I took my CAT’S behavior with her new kittens as a personal rejection. I felt crazy even in the midst of the meltdown. I often make no sense, even to me. Maybe with more knowledge, things will start making a little more sense. Much love from Texas! ❤

I woke up at 4 am and had a meltdown from just thinking about being rejected if I change my career path. I fear everything… talent, success, putting myself out there. The anxiety has made it so it is hard to create or do anything. I keep losing job skill going deeper into burn out… but this am, I just wanted to wake up, and start drinking until I pass out. As I was on my way out the door I saw your post submission and realized that all of my behavior this morning is being caused by rejection sensitive dysmorphia and it’s the reason I can’t do anything with myself..: and probably why I keep getting fired:

@jimwilliams3816

Жыл бұрын

4am is a b*tch. It's when my prefrontal cortex is offline, and my amygdala has free reign to terrorize me. I've learned to tell myself that, while the facts of the situation my mind is reviewing are usually fairly accurate, the feeling of utter and pervasive doom (it's hopeless!!) are not; think about it again in the morning and it won't seem as horrifying. It doesn't stop my feelings, but it helps.

@t.f.3228

Жыл бұрын

@@jimwilliams3816 .thank you

@ranc1977

Жыл бұрын

@@jimwilliams3816 "4am is a b*tch. It's when my prefrontal cortex is offline, and my amygdala has free reign to terrorize me." Excellent comment. I'm putting this on twitter.

@gothboschincarnate3931

3 ай бұрын

@@ranc1977I'm putting it on a t-shirt.

@ranc1977

3 ай бұрын

@@gothboschincarnate3931 11 months later and I discovered this is Autism Spectrum issue. I refused to believe it, until I learned about High Functioning Autism

Not only autistics feel this. Anyone who is remotely insecure can suffer this too. Reading a book called "Im Ok Youre ok" helped me enormously with this and with setting boundaries in life generally.

I felt kind of attacked in a meeting this afternoon. I was accused of being negative and combative and I had zero idea what he was talking about because I definitely wasn't in my opinion. But, it set me off. I wanted to retreat to an island and not deal with anybody. Then your video popped up. Thank you for all you do. It helps remind me I'm not the only one.

This has been me ever since I can remember. I fear criticism and get scared of being Judged and take negative experiences very personally to the extent that I tend to avoid the situation or activity in the future and stop myself from truly enjoying my life

@joycebrewer4150

10 ай бұрын

I am right there with you. I have been so deeply worried about being rejected by others, that I would judge myself super harshly to try to prevent further rejection from outside myself. I caused myself as much or more damage as I had from hurtful messages by others. Then it turned out much of what I thought was rejection, in fact was others trying to sandpaper off some of my personality rough edges so we could be good friends.

I learned about rsd last year and it now made sense to me why I always feel like I’m stepping on eggshells around most people 😅 also my eyes will sometimes water on it’s own when I’m feeling rejected and it’s so embarrassing because it’s like my body is doing it all on it’s own, I’m trying to work through it though

I'm 60 years old and self diagnosed myself a few days ago. You are so helpful to me understanding why I am like this. I have struggled all my life not knowing I was on the spectrum. Meditation, breathing and energy work has helped me so much. I sleep better and take real care of my nervous system. I'm still so early into my journey of finding out I'm autistic, but I feel relieved I'm not crazy and can give myself permission now to take better care of myself. Thank you for all you do bringing awareness. You are helping more people than you ever will know. 🤗

I love how I finally got a word for my feelings now. RSD. I always called it social anxiety and depression because they both share some of the same traits from my perspective.

I don't know if you ever heard of it, but the book "THE GIFT OF ADULT ADD" changed MY life & my perceptions of Myself?? It is a beautifully written book filled with wisdom & empathy & I think Everyone should read it that goes thru this. I think it will greatly help so many people cope with EXACTLY what is explained in this video. Priceless information🙂👍

Your timing is impeccable. . . Says the person who sat for 3 days ruminating over why a friend didn't respond to DMs and thinking it was probably something she said and mulled over all the conversations. Upon finding something, I latched onto it like it was a cookie...and then started beating myself up about it to the point that I apologized for it and talked to another friend about it. Yeah...and then I proceeded to beat myself up for apologizing and putting a burden on him to sort of console me when he's just been stressed and busy. This is fine. >

It's weird, I have always tried to find the best in things or the "silver lining" of the situation. The forever optimist. So the whole idea of reframing the situation is really good to me and I am going to try and apply this to my feelings of "rejection."

This is my first time hearing about RSD. All of these examples resonate with me so much- thank you! I finally have a name for the anxiety and shame that I feel, when criticized or rejected. Break-ups can take years for me to get over. Performance reviews at work leave my stomach in knots, and I go into fight or flight mode. And, I have often wondered why I am less and less excited about the prospect of dating, and more and more avoidant of it, now that I am divorced. This sheds a lot of light on my life. My son has Autism, and it is only recently that I started taking diagnostic tests online, to find that I am also on the spectrum. So eye-opening! Thank you! ☺

@Ziko577

11 ай бұрын

I didn't hear about this until sometime last year thanks to spending time in a less than wholesome Discord server. A young lady randomly took me aside and mentioned this and I was like what? After our talk, I was very upset and made that known to some friends I know online and they understood my frustration then. I left that server a while ago as the place became so unbearable and others that left spoke of similar experiences too. Even so, learning this brings little solace as things haven't gotten much better for me.

@gothboschincarnate3931

3 ай бұрын

is it any wonder that i hate religion?

overthinking and replaying... yep. No-one even remembers what upsets me, it's the little things . wrong interpretation, clarifications, 2 paragraph explanations for a one sentence problem. also, compliments are hard. Most feel forced or unnecessary. I pray, and I keep trying to connect with humans despite my feelings. I have made some boundaries, thanks to God. I feel evaluated in a negative way often. I don't think like most people that I know, I have to remember that different is not bad. I am uniquely crafted. (ADHD, PTSD, autistic)

I felt like you were describing my WHOLE LIFE! I’m even dealing with that stuff right now. I’m currently waiting on my official autism diagnosis, and I’m so scared to tell my parents. They’ve rejected or criticized things I do and parts of my personality that i now recognize as autism. I’m really nervous about telling them.

Thanks Orion for a very good description of something I'd never heard about but have experienced many times. Not sure whether I am on the spectrum or not, but I often listen to your videos and have learned a lot! Also, I love your taste in shirts! :D

For me, it’s that I get more gratification and reciprocation from pretending, then I do when I am being authentic. I don’t just get more gratification from others, but from myself. A part of why I “pretend,” is I sense a demand/obligation that is greater than myself, prompting an unnatural state of being, to avoid “rejection” and feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, feeling like a terrible person and depression. Occasionally, when the act slips I get a perceived sense of rejection based off the reactions of those around me, which makes me feel like an ugly horrible person, which further reinforces the invalidation of my true self. I also feel that if I have this perceived sense of being a terrible person, that gives me a compulsion to self sabotage. It’s like a reaction to exposure anxiety, as if I’m saying to myself and those around me “there you go, that’s the real me. I am horrible.” Then afterwards I feel terrible. It means it’s hard to know when you are actually being yourself and if you are really being awful, but it feels so real. If you’re not careful you become it.

Thank you Orion. I have ADHD and ASD...but more the first...I struggle with this daily.

I really wonder if this is me...I've been going back and forth on seeing myself as autistic for several months, but every time I find a new piece of information like this it makes me see myself in a whole new light---and how can I not be autistic? It's ironic that I don't want to get formally assessed because I am afraid that my view of all this is just wrong and I'm actually not autistic and I get rejected. But it goes further than that in my everyday life: EVERY conversation I have, I am in constant fear of saying the "wrong" thing, and people either correcting me, losing interest in me, just not liking me, or misinterpreting what I'm saying (which tends to happen when I'm the most excited and confident about what I'm saying). But those are all mostly irrational fears, and I don't know why I feel that way; but the fear pops up literally every time I even think about speaking. And I wonder if that has anything to do with RSD, and especially autism.

i don’t have the fear but it still feels like someone ripped the soul out of my body until the next morning. watching this video helped and tending to it when it happens is paramount. do whatever you need to do to tend to it in whatever way you need to

I don't know if I'm actually autistic, but I DEFINITELY have RSD. I didn't know there was a name for it until now. Thank you

Another piece to my puzzle!

The biggest thing for me is to accept that I have triggers and I will not always be able to avoid them. In those moments I go into survival mode. I tell myself that the feelings will be addressed in private afterwards, like scheduling a nervous breakdown, and in the meantime I wll distract myself without judgment. Because experiencing the overwhelm publicly is as shaming in some ways as the original event. It enables me to shelter-in-place, and I reassure myself that I will address the feelings in complete privacy. It was the hopelessness of never being able to change that used to make my feelings impossible to hide. I no longer expect other people to understand, and I am able to handle non-judgmentally things that might evoke other people's pity if they really understood. I have short term memory issues, but I reassure myself that I may have misheard something and that when I later analyze what happened I will avoid jumping to conclusions, and put the best possible light on something and trace what it echoes (from my childhood), and deal with that for as long as it takes to process the grief....

@Since-80s

8 ай бұрын

❤ ill try this

In my case this involves projection of self hatred, one of the things I figured out through those repeated self reexaminations of my rejection events.

This is me all over. I live in the past replaying past mistakes trying to figure out what I could have done differently, but then getting unreasonable anxiety because I can't time travel to fix it, even though I know that's objectively not possible, my brain doesn't seem to care. When I have experienced rejection or even mild criticism in the past, as much as possible I retreat from that person or those particular situations. I rarely allow myself to drift back.

I have dealt with RSD since childhood. This is largely because of my sensory issues and my difficulty socializing with other children which was made dramatically worse by being in a military family that was always moving... leading to me always being "the new kid". With the sensory issues, I had extreme difficulty wearing most clothing. When I started school, I was suddenly no longer allowed to wear pajamas or sweatpants and tee shirts, and instead required to wear nice school clothes. The intensity of the sensory assault was SO severe that I would develop rashes where the seams and tags touched my skin. Because it would often lead to an emotional meltdown, I started getting whipped/beaten daily for being "completely ridiculous" and being a brat. My parents were told many times that I was above average intelligence, bordering on genius. This made them quite happy. Unfortunately, florescent lighting greatly exaggerated my inability to filter sensory input. Sounds, visual input and even smells all competed for my sensory bandwidth and I would develop anxiety and a feeling that the room as slowly rotating and tilting. The teacher's voice was lost in all the noise. I brought home a report card with mostly Ds in 4th grade, and received one of the most severe whippings in my life. This one scarred me both emotionally and physically. As I was being punished, I was being told I was lazy, didn't care about my school work and a few other disparagements about my character. Other kids called me weird, and most didn't want to be my friend. Sometimes I would have a friend(s) for a while, until they figured out I was a bit different. I was always having this heavy cloud or anticipation of rejection hanging over me. When I was a teenager, I had a few girlfriends. I was considered to be good looking, so I could attract them, but they never stayed. It usually ended with being accused of being inattentive, non-caring, obtuse about things like birthdays or Valentine's Day, and not ever "reading between the lines", which was basically me not caring enough to know what they wanted without them having to tell me. It goes on and on, but the sense of being rejected for reasons that are out of my control has been a big challenge for me to try and overcome. Recently, I was with 2 friends from work. After our shift, we went across the street to have a beer and grab a bite to eat. A lady who who knew one of my co-workers from the University came up to our table to say hi. She joined us briefly, but started ranting about white privilege and how ALL of the world's problems are because of white males. I snapped. I went off on her and shut her down HARD. She ran off. I think she may have started to cry but I was too infuriated to care. One fellow said to me "You know she didn't mean it personally, right??" I lectured him about being rejected my entire life for things that were out of my control. For being severely whipped for things that are out of my control... and that she just basically blamed me for everything wrong in the entire world, and that I am NOT allowing ignorant, shortsighted people to do this to me anymore! Yeah... they didn't ask me to join them ever again.

I feel sooo tired! As much as I appreciate content of channels on autism by autistics, and the support and information it offers, especially newcomers, I really seek a channel that takes it further. It’s as if there is a glass ceiling of what ‘we’ talk about. I am moving beyond the maaany aspects (and cute names/comorbidities) of autism, and autism friendly apps, stimming toys, weight blankets, EarPods, etc. I have mentioned alternative views in comments on different channels, but creators keep coming back to the same contents… Instead of pushing through, you’re all turning leftish. That borders to influence by a narrative. Maybe you are not consciously aware that you are doing it…but you are! Any new interesting studies? Old studies that could need a re-read? Can we move beyond identity politics, and how we are misunderstood? Orion, you made a video on how attractive autism can be, that was great! More on our potential, how do we tap into it? There is a scene in X-men (one of them ?), where a seemingly normal scientist unhappily reveals he has blue gorilla feet (so he’s actually an X man). He has created a drug to erase the X component in his body, he takes the drug, and (SPOILER) the opposite happens…he develops into his full potential (a full blue gorilla)! Turns out his true self was not human with a defect, but an Xman with hidden potential. I read an article of an autistic painter (gorgeous work), who learned aikido. Before that she was clumsy and uncoordinated, but after, she was graceful and enjoyed movement. She said, that it was as if her stimming was unfinished, pent up movements, that she needed to extend out. I have also learned a lot from qi gong, kung fu, other eastern embodiment wisdom. Inside and out. There are HEAPS of things we can study and try out, which is beyond stimming toys, and not about bending to society standards…but to be ourselves fully in our own right, and a contribution to society. What do you say? Are you Man or are you Mouse?! 😎

Someone can be sitting next to me, completely minding their business and I swear I can feel the rejection in the air. I used to be ashamed of my lankiness, then got ripped and now perceive my muscles as vulgar. RSD is real.

ADHDer here. I hate how mad I get at the people, I will even take simple teasing extremely personal and will repeat it over and over again in my head, getting even more mad, even feeling like I hate the person. I feel so guilty afterwards

I have only recently discovered that I am on the spectrum. I did not know about RSD until last week. Completely explains the things that I do, especially with my artwork. It has gotten so bad that I cannot get myself to do art anymore. That tears me up. Knowing that it can be controlled or, hopefully, healed is great. I am almost able to have hope.

I definitely have struggled with this all my life! Thanks for covering this topic!

oh boy, i (diagnosed ASD+ADHD) can somewhat relate to this, but it really rings true to what my girlfriend (no formal diagnosis yet, ASD highly suspected) told me about how she perceives social interactions. especially with my parents, even though they've immediately welcome her, she cares a lot about how they see here and every time we meet them, the next day she gets very anxious

This might very well be the reason I have given up on applying for jobs without even having trying it that much and why I have such difficulties with the overall feeling of trust, bot in people and maybe even more in life and the whole reality in itself! One thing I feel very embarrassed about is when I say something, particularly in a group, and nobody replies and I do have stronger emotions in those situations on the inside than I show (masking, I suppose). Maybe I don't feel I am in control in social situations (even though I think I can read them and know what is expected of me there), without having realizing it in that way before... Very, very useful video! And the art of saying no is probably something even neurotypical people would benefit from learning, I think!

This is me!!!! Thanks Orion for the explanation. 😊

It is crazy how much I identify with this. Thanks for the video.

All of the types of triggers for RSD. I have all of them. If you can think of something that could cause rejection sensitivity, it does for me. There's a reason I'm one level above a complete hermit.

the overplaying part I always did this at night so I never got enough sleep before going to school. found out later that these overplaying past experiences were tributing to depression and aggression leading to other emotional disable problems such as isolationism. the fear of getting angry. and can't find a way to get past it for days after. great motivational speech Orion Kelly doing a great job here, love it thanks.

@SpicyAutistic

Жыл бұрын

I can empathize with both you and Orion on this problem. It's poison if we allow it to consume us. It's hard to get our minds to stop acting like a rewind button, for sure, but I know with effort, consistency, and knowing this is serious, we can get that rewind button to get unstuck and move forward! 😊

Thank you. I cried during this video. RSD can be so painful and isolating. My RSD was badly triggered yesterday and I’m stuck in the overthinking of the moment. I cried listening to this video just for the validation and sense of understanding and community it gave me. 🙏🏻

Listening to this description of RSD was like looking into a mirror. My psychologist taught me how to manage it, but I can fall back into it sometimes. It's not as bad as it used to be before my psychologist helped me, but it can still hit hard enough to make me want to avoid opportunities that I should embrace. I'm better now at recognizing it and not giving in to it, but it takes work.

Thank you for this. I'm working on my special interests, doing mindfulness meditations and breathwork, as well as setting boundaries, journaling, and using re-framing/re-focusing techniques, all of which really help. 💜

Thank you so much for sharing all of your findings with us all. The amount of built up discouragement and anxiety over this stuff, is quite often unbearable. Especially when I have a 30+ year history of trying to discuss this to medical professionals & family... who only minimize and dismiss the reality of it in my area. I may not know exactly where to turn at this point in life, but at least now i know what I feel is real and their are others who do learn to manage and often thrive with the same mental build as me. Thanks again and thank you all for being here and taking action when no one else would.

This is very much me... but actually dealing with it is beyond me at the moment.

You got a sub from me on this vid! When you started talking about routine, meditation, breathing etc I was like DING! The more I spend time alone, in my energy, unpressured and unjudged, I meditate, do yoga and breath work, and keep my stress level as low as possible and it's the happiest I've been in a long time.

I've been fired on the 30th, they've gone into plenty of detail how it wasn't my fault, but their fault to synergize my workload with theirs (so they essentially tried a new thing with me but it didn't work out for them), but that didn't help me feel better about it one bit. This video couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks!

Thanks for this! Self diagnosed AuDHD here and this is definitely part of why I suspect I'm neurospicy... I was thinking recently about how it plays in to job hunting - knowing that there is a lot of rejection in that makes it even harder to take those steps.

Hi, This is a real eye-opener for me. I can so much relate to this. Thank you 🐹

I definitely have this. It began in early childhood and persists to this day. I can't understand why I feel like people really dislike me, which leads to embarrassment and shame, even for things that happened decades ago. I don't seek out new friendships or try to retain old ones. I have walled myself off and rarely talk to strangers. The only people in my life are my immediate family members. Even recognizing myself here makes me so unhappy.

It's so helpful to hear that autistic peoples and people with adhd alsow struggle with this. I tought i was just over exagerating everything and was sensible or a crybaby but it's nice that others alsow feel intense sadness or anger about "small things" sometimes. It's honestly tiring it's like a loop evrytime i see something that annoys or saddens me; I enjoy something on the internet i like; show, songs, video game, ect. Someone says anything remotely negative about it like calling ir cringe or annoying or "I seriously dont get how someone could actually enjoy this" I feel as if they've just insulted a part of myself or i take comments like "i think thing is bad" as a fact and take it way to seriously. I try to realize that i dont need to feel this way but in the heat of the moment it comes out as hate and phrases like "You care so much about things like these" "Literally no one else cares why do you?" The jugmetal comments turn into self depricating thoughts and self judgment. I try to think of something else (usually kind of works but once and a while the anger and negativity comes back) I get a random boost of confidence and an "I don't care what anybody thinks!" attitude that last a minute qnd then i go back to normal. Get's bored and tries to enjoy somethinv on the internet And repeat :'D

It's interesting to learn about RSD. I had a super hard time during adolescence and had no idea why I felt so rejected by everyone. I'm doing better now in middle age but the perspective is invaluable. Thank you for explaining!

as I watch this during the final semester of grad school 🫠

I related to so much of this,especially the overthinking.

You have no idea how helpful this is. Thank you thank you thank you!! 🙏🏽

Oh lordy ... It took me 11 years to get over my damn divorce with 5 years of deep, deep depression. RSD sucks! I have ADHD and Autism, but I wasn't diagnosed until 10 years after my divorce ... ugh. I won't go anywhere alone. I've always called it "brain weasels" because I didn't know what was going on. Dating with RSD at 55 is not fun.

@RichardBronosky

Жыл бұрын

I'm with you, Jim. It was 2013 for me.

Orion, this video clears up a whole lot of confusion for me, thank you! You have nailed it, spot on, now I know and understand what and why I behave like I do. Never knew about RSD, and it truly fits me! I was never offically diagnosed with ASD, but I know that I do have it, it just fits! I am 71 now. Just so thankful that I now know and understand that my being Autistic, doesn't mean that I am hopelessly defective🎉😂

Oh yes. This is me! I even avoid any socializing where I may be in focus, even briefly.

Love your videos. You make so much sense. I never knew RSD existed, you’ve helped me beyond words. 👍

Thank you, I now have the name and some coping strategies for the reoccurring theme in my life at exactly the time I really needed it. It's nice to know others feel this way, too, and I'm not alone.

I can’t believe they have actually finally named this… as a child with undiagnosed adhd I experienced an extreme rejection. No one would talk to me for 2 or 3 months, because of something I said that was misinterpreted. Scarred me for life. Ever since, I am petrified of rejection. Petrified beyond all reason. This is real.

I love how you smile and try to act happy when you're telling us about yet another aspect of our lives that suck. Lol. But yes meditation, re framing, journaling helps tremendously. I really love your angry uncensored videos. Those are more like my feelings! I can relate so much. This shit sucks and definitely warrants anger. Also nt people DO NOT HELP AT ALL with their secret code language and protocol and propriety. It's like we're lost in a house of mirrors. To help the rsd, i also try to focus on how I feel about THEM. Do i even like them? Do i think highly enough of them to torment myself about their opinions. This helps the most, because often i don't even like or care about these people. I call it, get out of their heads and back into your own head.

Genuinely so glad i found your channel, i feel so seen

Thanks, Orion! Great video!

As someone who is just beginning to appreciate and understand my autistic tendencies, I want to thank you for doing this wonderful podcast! I am getting so much value from it. And, since we are on the topic of reactions to feedback...You are absolutely charming, and great to listen to! (Hope that didn't make you uncomfortable, lol) 🤣🥰

Thank you once again for putting words to the things I struggle with and find hard to explain. You are truly a blessing. xoxoxo

Even having your own tastes in things like TV Shows and Genres of Music. I remember being put on the spot by my mother's older sister. One thing that intrigued me was that the light fixtures were controlled by one switch each illuminated at a different time Interval. This is because the garage is pretty lit by one bulb, wish to attempt adapter in a couple extension cords had to fluorescent fixtures tied into it. The to floresta figures came on after the bulb, not simultaneously. This reminded me of light displays on elaborate Store Marquis, so I would look look out in the garage and flip the switch up and down a few times with regular sort of duplicating the action lights on a commercial sign. This flip my and out and I was humiliated as a result of it. The sort of thing struck me as puzzling as I got older because my aunt proud of herself as a liberal activist she worked as a School Teacher (there was an American folk singer named Phil Ochs who while announcing his song "Love Me I'm A Liberal" mentioned the American Liberal 10 Points to the Left in Good Times and 10 Points to the Right when it effects them personally). I think the issue could have been better resolved if she was inquisitive about why I Was flicking the light on and off in that manner. She seemed to be concerned the most about Property Damage and maybe I should have been doing that but I think they could have been a better approach to dealing with it. Also I had an interest in music, Percy is my dad played the piano also Mr. Rogers on TV played piano and sang. At the nursery school I attended, they had an autoharp what's a feeling rule that figured out how to do I-IV-V Major Primary Chords Ellen difference between Major and Minor Chords. Around the time this was taking place my aunt had borrowed an autoharp from the school where she taught first grade, and I proceeded to play the same chord sequence I did on the nursery school instrument. Again she flipped out leaving me feeling rejected and embarrassed. Eventually I became a Jazz Organist and played other keyboard instruments. A lot of people with academic credentials of her generation learn true intellectuals listen to and/or play Classical Music. And everything else was for bums. I could easily triggered her playing piano once I got that down. Looking clean about her rigidity in spite of her ideological leanings, the Conservatism mm of my fathe and hisr family had its own unique problems for different reasons. It was more about Fear, and Loyalty and threats of physical verbal and emotional abuse.

Spot on Orion! Thank you for doing what you do.

thank you orion 🥺

Thank for sharing, I didn't know this. You explain so well, great video as always.

This video is very insightful, and for me, very challenging. I have never heard of this concept, but it rings so true with what I have lived. I will need to watch this several times. Thank you for enabling me to see this at work in my life, and potentially giving me some tools and tips to help me overcome some of these attitudes against myself.

Well that has explained a lot about my life!! Thank you Orion

Thank you so much for this, I needed it right now!👍🏻

You described my fears and reactions perfectly. 😓I, like many of us I'm guessing, had a terrible time growing up. Left me with PTSS, which doesn't help obviously. Nowadays I have true friends and supportive family which I care about a lot. But I can't help myself, it feels fleeting and fragile, even if it doesn't make any logical sense. As if one wrong word on my side could turn everything against me. I often wonder if early diagnosis would've prevented a lot of the difficulties I have now, there simply wasn't any understanding back when I was little, only impatience. My son is very much like me, I'm glad that I can prevent him from flying under the radar and getting understanding and help early where needed.

To me rsd feels like being stabbed in the chest and punched in the stomach at the same time, while I struggle to breathe and my mind keeps repeating that I am a failure...this happens everytime someone tells me off for making even a minor mistake...it feels awful😢

You're amazing! I love your energy and vibe! This video was also very well explained. Thanks so much!