Also, when we tell someone no, we DO NOT need to justify WHY we are saying no. "No." IS a complete sentence.

@arieswinters5754

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you! No is a complete sentence

@cathyann5014

6 жыл бұрын

because for some of us we never learned to say no...we were conditioned from birth that we were there to take care of our Mother and if you objected as a young child...you were punished...we did not know anything else...we had to comply in order to exist ....and then it was just a way of life....I can say No now and I do when I need to, but I have such love and compassion for that little girl who was taught that my only value in life was to serve my Mom and make her happy....I believe my Mom was BPD or NPD or both or something

@lizzee3727

6 жыл бұрын

Stephanie Civic, Excellent point!

@cherelletyenutritioncoach5068

6 жыл бұрын

That’s RIGHT!!! And thank you! Just did that. It’s called empowerment. 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

@boomerangsruckflug8513

6 жыл бұрын

Cathy Ann, yesss, the same experience I had with both parents. To say "no" in my childhood meant to be beaten everywhere on my body and afterwards to not be allowed to cry otherwise I got beaten until I stop crying. I'm 58 now and still full of fear when I say "no", but fortunately I have learned to love myself and protect me, so I say "no" and if it's too scary I say a little ly as excuse to cope with the situation. I m on a good way. Thanks to Meredith and some other wonderful people I've found on KZread! Much love to all people who had to spend a childhood full of fear to get beaten up to death. 💮🐝

For me, it is anger. I get angry when I am in the presence of a toxic person.

@wendymccolm

6 жыл бұрын

Gae Bren me too and I felt guilt for so long because of it but now I know it meant leave

@aurorakruger-english6146

5 жыл бұрын

I feel the same, angry and super annoyed!

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

I get a fight or flight sensation

@zukoher

5 жыл бұрын

Same

@MihaDuV

5 жыл бұрын

Me too!

The biggest sign that something is up is major anxiety. I wont be able to relax, and there will be an extreme uneasy feeling right in my heart. It is different from nervousness.

@McFraneth

6 жыл бұрын

Anxiety is the discrepancy between verbal and non-verbal signals from a person: they're saying one thing but their non-verbal communication says something else. It's a really fantastic survival tool in fact. Never ignore it when you feel anxious around a person or in a situation. Our limbic brain is there to protect us.

@DonnyDaison

6 жыл бұрын

Yes!

@zukoher

5 жыл бұрын

France Clémence Fradet YES!!!!!

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

and you just feel sad and want to cry for no particular reason.

@decoy2636

5 жыл бұрын

Yes I had a feeling like that last night in her bed. I did wonder if I felt anger.idk

Narcs do not accept boundaries ever!

In my last relationship with a narc, witch lasted 5 years, I literally lost my period. After half a year in safety it returned. Now 13 months out of the relationship it is back to my normal rhythm of synchronizing with the full moon. I am so grateful that I got out. I felt, like you speak about, that my body was shutting down to protect me from having a child with this man.

@theaembay529

4 жыл бұрын

Same her omg😳😳

@Dani-cali

4 жыл бұрын

Omg.. I had a miscarriage w my ex last year and was thankful I did. Once I left him for a couple months my period came and was normal. Then, he came back in my life and my period instantly went away again and I'm having a ton of health issues. This time around I think I understand that my body is preventing me from having kids with him..I think I know I need to get him out of my life. My body knows he is not healthy for me.

With my husband, whom I'm convinced is a covert narcissist, I never felt comfortable sleeping next to. It seems silly to say that about my husband but whenever I was in that in between sleep phase I always got the distinct impression I was next to a stranger, for all 10 years of our relationship. My body never relaxed around him, it knew, I had never had such a thing happen and didnt realize what it was until now. Scary I ignored my natural instincts for that long....

@truthmerchant1

4 жыл бұрын

You felt like you were next to a stranger because you actually were. The person you thought you had married never actually existed. Your body knew the truth.

@daughterofsekhmet81

3 жыл бұрын

Same exact thing with my now-ex. We were together 3 years and I was NEVER able to relax around him, no matter what we were doing I was always in a state of fight or flight. I chalked it up to my PTSD from a past relationship with a narc, but then I caught him in a mountain of lies & infidelity. The body knows!

@ha8236

3 жыл бұрын

@@truthmerchant1 its like her subconscious coming to her conscious self during sleep

@ha8236

3 жыл бұрын

@Moki Ac. they can be very confusing and manipulative, so reading the signs isn't so easy.

They: They're clingy, they give intense eye contact, aggressive, jealousy, dramatic, egoistic, verbally saying I love you more, fake care, jumping to marry you too soon, mood shifts, belittling you n your job often, disrespect, verbal abuse when they're mad. What happens to you: you get nightmares, you get cringy feeling in stomach, your hair fall, you sleep a lot, your energy is drained, sweaty palms, you cry for no reason, your hair turns grey ( in my case), you're scared of them, they hold potential to slap you, they break objects in anger, they try to control you, you feel off around them, you need to eat protein and drink water all the time because your energy is drained, you gain weight, serious depression, serious nightmares. What you need to do Run . . . Fucking run for your life Start praying Hug trees Eat sleep better. Surround yourself with loved ones Note: unmask the abuser, that person could be apparently claiming love for you but you're responsible for your life. Knowledge is power. Run before you die.

@santinoabolic4050

5 жыл бұрын

All these happening to me. Got locked in this relationship with four kids. Powerless

@jennifertremblay9350

5 жыл бұрын

You are brave. Narrated the back off steps w the guy moping over his ticket. I would share moe if this could be anonymous. Disregard / override our gut feeling...is urged by Many. Hit paue. Step away. Take a complete hiatus. Wedding invitations sent Is no reason to walk the plank. Sudden immobilzing back pain when my body tried to stop me from relinquishig my apt and moving to his state. He said to you not to trust your 'ser'- In Spanish- that means your 'Being'. You are brave. You must realize something to be abe to do this. In order to be Outstanding You must be willing to Stand Out. You are willing to be pegged as Odd In order to stand ground And shine a light. Undergound railroad Heroes Were going against the tide. Taking a stand required brilliance. You are very likely saving lives. This is sensible and practical Life saving information. Unconventional. Not ego driven. Im sure you have your admirers. Those who get it. And The haters. Because you shine a light on the Roach nest and blow their cover. Bravo. And Fluent in Spanish... Fabulous. They scold when you question. "You've changed." Power. They want to continue steamrolling over. Attention is cheap. Love is deep. Wow. Loneliness over abuse. Atracting predators. Lazy Lions. Embrace the loneliness. Process it. Raise your standards. Lower the bar and it will get negotiated lower yet. I know it took humility to grant a view to your own exhanges as your suitor tried to strong-arm you to feel ashamed for declining his visit. Wondering where you live and where you are based. Give self permission to hibernate. Exactly how im handling need to release Relinquish cherished ones who betrayed and concealed it. You are doing a great work. You might stand alone at Times. BUT Long term...your loyalty is a precious comodity. Don't squander. An often misquoted text "Dont throw pearls before swine" Is not the comple verse. "Lest they trample them in the mud,then turn upon you- and dash you to pieces." THAT is scriptural warning against malignant predators. MeredithI don't know you- but your candor and humor has saved me from a confusing raging sea. Looked like an oasis-but it was the opposite.

@sunnyclouds1372

5 жыл бұрын

All these happened to me too

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

they are clingy alright my god. even when they break up they keep chasing you back but not really wanting you back. arseholes.

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

wait hair falls out? wow i had actually thought that was from my lchf diet i was on....but it was fine til during the time i was with him...particularly towards the end...it was coming out in clumps...far out. i am still trying to get i thick and glossy again. never again...will listen to my gut and tingling arms next time...i hope.

I tried praying for my enemies. As difficult as that was, it actually worked. The more negativity they spewed at me the worse they got, like it all went back on them.

@jensbasement3862

4 жыл бұрын

@@erock4319 I think the mask dropped because you severed the soul ties and connected with Jesus. They hate when you fill your heart with God because their lies won't work on you anymore.

@marial3231

3 жыл бұрын

I don’t pray but consciously think of them as a struggling soul and how we are all in this thing called life together and how his suffering is no less important than mine, then my perspective shifts and I forget about all his pettiness as I realize the big picture of life. Usually when I’m able to connect with this state my forehead will throb or tingle slightly (I think it’s my third chakra letting me know that I have clear vision). However when I get self absorbed and narrow focused his energy can penetrate mine and I get angry with myself for getting wrapped up in his petulant games and for trying to understand and intellectualize/pathologize him and I swear he can pick up on this shift in energy of mine. I try to look at him as a master (he is mu roommate and is not violent or anything. Obviously if you find I yourself in such a situation try to get out) he is my teacher and I get to practice compassion in a way that I rarely can. It almost forces me to practice intentional love for him to see him as part of our “human condition rooted in suffering” because if I don’t have this intention I can quickly let myself spiral into my head where I stop feeling and instead think and obsess. Of course like now, the reason I’m watching this is because I’m personally exhausted and don’t know if I’m just generally stressed or if it’s because I’m tired of having to “be” something in my own home so I can never really rreally relax. I think it’s more because I personally am stressed and therefore have less love to give. Thanks to him my heart chakra feel one day woke up , I could literally feel this wonderful heaviness there as I suddenly fully accepted him. That hasn’t happened again and who knows maybe it was in my head but I credit this man for teaching me how to love somebody that I can feel intense hatred for. Finding love/God is a journey though so I mustn’t be so hard on myself. And when I’m like this he still tries to annoy me passively aggressively. I don’t think it changes him but changes our interactions for sure. Oh I’m so very exhausted and want to go live by myself so am looking for a studio. Well that was a long post!

Every morning my narc used to walk me to the front door of our house as I was on my way to go to work and he would say "I love you," and then I would get in my car and drive away. For almost all of the eight years that we were together I would cry on my way driving to work every day because something didn't feel right and I was so sad. I couldn't understand it, I thought I was being cruel for not believing his words, but now I know that it was my body realizing he was not being sincere and truthful. The only time he ever said he loved me was when I was leaving the house, it was like love = goodbye. I later realized that he was cheating on me after I went to work, and also after I went to sleep every night. Thank you, Meredith, for sharing your wisdom, guidance and inspiration. You have helped me regain sanity after a long-term emotionally abusive, manipulative relationship.

@Traceyi1000

6 жыл бұрын

Kristen Mercado Hugs to you. I hope you are healing.

@sanaz1466

6 жыл бұрын

Kristen Mercado the same dear happened to me I cried and could not hide my tears and he was looking angry because I cried and for him there was no reason I cry. I cried because I ve seen how much he is different from me I felt that he is a calculating person and mean and I am not .you know instead of hugging me he looked angry and keep asking why you are crying!

@kristenvanhala

6 жыл бұрын

Same for me too. Whenever I would cry in front of him, he would get mad and insult me with name-calling and shaming to get me to stop, telling me how ugly I looked when I cried, etc. No sympathy from him at all for my feelings, he always made me think that whatever I was feeling it was wrong, he was right, and it was all my fault. I guess that's why I cried in the car by myself a lot. His fake "I love you" comments just made it seem like saying those words would excuse/allow all of his other insensitive, selfish, rude behavior. Looking back it's amazing how I allowed myself to be confused and manipulated by his contradicting words for so long. I was denying my gut instincts, ignoring my own body's reaction to the situation.

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

When i didn't know yet that my mother is a narsisist i would go whith her and have a drive in the car and she would always scare me to death with recklessly riding and i thought it was by acsedent but now i know with thinking it al over again it all was on perpose and abuse better no contact it's all about power over someone i dont wanna be a victim anymore and try to recover

@michelejohnson514

5 жыл бұрын

Meredith you are awesome I just cannot put into words how grateful I am to have found you! I am a 38 year old female just waking up to the narcissistic abuse I have endured from my mother my entire life. I am in a wheelchair because I am also an empath and my body has been overcome with toxicity. Definitely looking into getting these books and I will continue to follow you. Thank you ❤️

This is totally true. Just before leaving my narcisstic husband I broke my finger, on which I was wearing my engagement ring. I took it as a sign that my body could not stand anymore this relationship and staying in it I would be actually harming myself...

the fatigue is the reaction I get big time

@ljo0605

6 жыл бұрын

I usually need to nap in the afternoon, could never understand why I lacked energy and Drs could never tell me anything. Makes sense now

@LonjeMarie7

5 жыл бұрын

Marie-Josée Charette me too

@kellysharon5815

5 жыл бұрын

yes - and dizzy & shakey; need to lie down *now* and he becomes annoyed because I’m “always tired, no fun, such a drag, always have something wrong with me, never want to do anything” Thank you thank you; it’s beginning to make sense ♥️

@aliciawistrand2014

5 жыл бұрын

@@ljo0605 omg me too. And then my ex narc would belittle me and make me feel even more worthless for needing a nap.

@aliciawistrand2014

5 жыл бұрын

@@kellysharon5815 omggg yesss!!!!

People that drain my energy. Oh my days, this is a huge one. Many, if not most, of my co-workers leave me utterly exhausted and drained.

@LOJETE85

6 жыл бұрын

solidcatink Same here lol Not all but some.

This is so true, whenever in contact with these toxic people. I noticed accidents, neck issues, twitches, diarrhea, confusion, poor memory, and chronic bad luck also a feeling of my life force being drained to the point where I couldn't get out of bed.

@steveniavarone3683

6 жыл бұрын

Lovewarrior sad to hear what happened to you. I know that feeling of life force being drained. The anxiety was bad, I got headaches & stomach pains. Every day I was taking advil or tylenol & medicine for my stomach. I was trying to hold it all together. My career, living with the narc etc. It just became too much. That was a long time ago. Still trying to recover. Good luck & peace.

@SingularForce

6 жыл бұрын

Chronic Bad Luck. Lol. So that is whatg is going on. Makes sense, now that I think of it..

@dischargesummary8794

5 жыл бұрын

LovewarriorforGOD psychic vampirism

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

i had a blood test for a health check up and to see if i still had likely hypothyroidism. interestingly my thyroids are now fine but my white blood cells were right up. this was in the midst of he said/she said between his ex wife and him and predominately him telling me story upon story about what she is supposedly saying about him or how things were with them. I was losing my shit and my body was saying as much. a few months later after we had stopped discussing these stories my white cell level went back to normal. I have since left and gone through pstd an grief of leaving and guilt etc... i am feeling much more peaceful now. I wonder what a new blood test will show?

@moriahmcquay4238

5 жыл бұрын

Interestingly, I had a lot of constipation, restless sleep, anxiety, occipital neuralgia when in contact w my xN, who was involved w another N, and he was living basically a double life. He was so drained constantly and had random bruising, full body aches, it was awful to witness how much he was falling apart and I didn’t understand. I was worried that I was making him sick and I couldn’t figure out why i kept thinking it was me(?) I don’t know if it was me or just that he was choosing to secretly be involved with the both of us & maybe this is what was taking the toll on him and me. I would be flooded with such dread sometimes, nausea. I scrambled trying to make sure we ate well, getting various supplements to try to help the both of us. It was such a mess. I’m sad but glad I left.

When I am around a psychologically dangerous person I feel an electric shock coming out the top of my head. That's my warning. Zap!

My hair stopped growing, fiber myalgia, neck tighten, nervousness, forgetfulness, scattered thoughts, talk real fast... 18 years married Covert Malignant Narcissist...

@cynthialee8195

6 жыл бұрын

Hmmm I am now dating someone, and I am experiencing some nervousness, definitely forgetfulness, scattered thoughts and I talk entirely too much... I also feel resonance (chills down my left leg) and blissfulness... Maybe I am just nervous about him liking me back, as we just started talking.. I am interested to see how this plays out for me...

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

yeah i had fibromyalgia from an ex 10 years ago...it lasted about 6 years before it finally went away and not without alot of natural therapy treatment and lost alot of money paying for it too.

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

scattered thoughts, talking fast, unable to breath etc is the anxiety

Uh, I can’t tell you how many times I have neglected my gut feelings. I was married to emotionally unavailable man at a young age 17 despite my parents refusing, and developed many issues, I divorced and married another man who was a narc and divorced again. I always used to think that I’m over exaggerating and sensitive and give many excuses to people who emotionally and mentally abused and manipulated me. Now I’m educated and have more knowledge I won’t let this ever happen to me again. I removed a lot of bad people from my life.

This is SOOOO true!! Once we are “released” from the narc, and you get back in tune w/your body, you will be amazed how quick the energy will change and you will actually feel it. Once i left the anxiety, chest pains, sporadic bleeding, fogginess, shortness of breath stopped. The weight balanced out, headaches left and memory loss is gradually coming back as well. Long-term effects are real so save yourself so you can heal yourself!! You’re awesome Meredith, Thk u!!!!! 💛

@heidistanton4583

6 жыл бұрын

So true! It's been a month and one week, and I'm feeling more energy than I've had in 3 years. He convinced me it was old age, jeez only 50 that's a spring chicken! It feels so good to get healthy too, and just make him wrong, wrong, wrong. Younger every day! Best to you all on your recovery :) Cheers to you!

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

i used to get tingling burning type sensations up and down my arms or in my chest. I could never pin point why and i didn't know i was in a fog til after i left and a friend of mine said i can see you are coming out of it now as i started to gain some clarity. It's like you have been walking about being yourself but not being yourself, not truely being there and not overly noticing it. that feeling of coming into clarity kind of hurts because you then have to accept you were lied to and likely your whole relationship was a lie and that hurts...took me a long time to do that...then there is bitterness but eventually there is peace. No more burning sensations until i meet someone else that gives that to me and then i run from them real fast.

@sandramaree9431

5 жыл бұрын

Same here, I do not get how they do it

@sandramaree9431

5 жыл бұрын

@@Goldgirl1978 that fog is really insane how do they do that?

@loveanpeace4eva

4 жыл бұрын

Sandra Dudas because we had unhealed wounds from earlier trauma and that made us vulnerable

With my current partner and hopefully my last, I feel I am home. That’s it. It is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I am nearly 50 and it has been worth waiting for. I feel calm and totally myself x So does he by the way ❤️

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

i am 41 and still single. you give me hope x

@sandramaree9431

5 жыл бұрын

I am in the same place now...

@amanitamuscaria7500

4 жыл бұрын

I married "the love of my life" after narcissistic abuse from a psychopath. I thought it was perfect. The exact opposite of psychopath. We were the archetypal blissful couple. Then, after 17 years, out of the blue, I was suddenly and shockingly dumped and the reason? I was too old and too sick to be with. I was 60. I lost my home, my business, my pension, my friends (i had no idea, but was being lied about) and ended up having to jointly pay debts that i didn't make . That was 2012. I've spent years in therapy and on these channels, trying to work it out. What i had was a vulnerable narcissist. Very clever, very manipulative, and ultimately, very cruel. I'm not saying that's the same for you, just that i used to be SO sure i had cracked it. I was wrong and i had NO CLUE. I wish you all the best.

@pandoraw259

4 жыл бұрын

are there even good people out there who you will feel yourself around I think everyone's a little crazy

@casperinsight3524

4 жыл бұрын

That sounds Beautiful ❤

Sensation of feeling smaller. Hands, arms, height, even posture feel slumped and just like I take up less space in the room. Also an increased awareness of my facial expressions. They feel more forced in part because there's a degree of lying we have to do in order to have conversations with toxic people. We have to put on a face just to interact "agreeably" with someone who isn't interested in true intimacy. The sensation for me is the overall experience of smallness, an empty pit of the stomach, and awkwardness in my face and body where I'd normally be feeling a sense of ease or confidence. It's the experience of there being many layers, many feelings that just aren't allowed to be expressed in front of this person. Breathing also changes and becomes more difficult to manage.

@BlinkinFirefly

4 жыл бұрын

You said it all :(

@louisecampbell2628

7 ай бұрын

OMG!!! That was exactly the same as an experience I had with someone.

I had to say to a new friend one time, "How come you can't hear my NO!". Then, she got it. This was a red flag right from the beginning. The friendship did not work out because she did not have respect for my boundaries.

@pandoraw259

4 жыл бұрын

they will never hear "no" when I say "no" it's always "no what?" they will never accept that I don't like them or want to be bothered with them they are obsessed with the fact that they can hurt me it's the only reason they want to be around me

@loveanpeace4eva

4 жыл бұрын

Ashley it's like a cat messing with a dead mouse! They want us there only as punching bags to throw all their emotions and frustrations onto and as slaves!

I once had a so called elder in a church hug me a little too tight and I said wow, your awful spry for your age and he said, yes I only take Viagra!!! I later found out that he had abused children. Wow, even an awful feeling hug tells a lot.

All of the time when I know I have to be around a certain person, the night before I have a hard time sleeping. And the anxiety comes. I never really realized how I drained I would sometimes feel after seeing that person. The one thing I do to take back my serenity during is put in my headphones and watch a show on my tablet. I block them out and this person knows what I am doing. I will sometimes see them staring at me with this look. You can just feel the negative energy when they are in the room.

Yes! Skin crawls, gut clenches, hair prickles in the back of your neck... Classic clues. The one for me was the cannon ball in the stomach. That and a vague feeling of dread.

@edcho5774

6 жыл бұрын

McFraneth Being nervous all the time is another 1 too. Feel like you are in a room with someone that wants to hurt you instead of with someone you know you will feel safe.

I knew I had reached the end when I developed severe anxiety and chest pain when my ex stopped by one morning before work. Nothing provoked this feeling ...it came out of nowhere....it was just his presence. We were just chatting about random things just prior to the feeling. I had experienced a lot of the body vibes in the past and blew them off but for some reason this time was so intense. We had plans on getting together over the weekend but the feeling was overwhelming so I text him that the relationship was over and that I was moving on with my life. I just felt that if I talked to him or saw him that I would be sucked back into the vicious cycle. I immediately went no contact without even an explanation as to why I ended the relationship. This video really helped bring things to light. I really need to start listening to my body. In retrospect when Ive gotten those sensations in the past.......there was always something wrong that provoked it and my body was right. This time I did listen! I thought I was just too sensitive and emotionally needy. What a relief it is to know that I was not crazy.

Every time I spend time with certain family members I feel like vomiting. So many signs that you’ve mentioned i feel when I’m around them. Also, so much relief saying goodbye after spending time with them. Thank you for this video! I have a few people in my life that make me feel accepted and understood. Those are the people i want to be around!

@gladnessmanana4568

6 жыл бұрын

You're not alone

@boomerangsruckflug8513

6 жыл бұрын

Gladness Manana, definitely, we are not alone!

@cheryldias4269

6 жыл бұрын

TheEarthycrunchy I can relate I feel anxious and clam up

@gateway4582

6 жыл бұрын

TheEarthycrunchy holidays ick! Change your phone # and address.

@pandoraw259

4 жыл бұрын

same I always feel nervous around family and relieved when they leave I always wondered why I want to go no contact I think that will be best

I had horrible inflammation in my eye. I could have lost my vision. My eye doctor had me on steroids, drops- re checking me for weeks. He finally asked me what was going on at home........ The “light bulb” turned on. It wasn’t me “imagining” things. I was married to a sick covert narcissist. I knew in my soul- I wasn’t “crazy.” Thank God I got out. Prayers to all you that are trying to leave.

Near the end, I would get physical joint aches and even lose my appetite for weeks around them. Would also feel anxious and stutter for no reason. Literally developed a speech impediment I had no history with. About a week or two after the separation, appetite returned and I even felt better physically. Now nearly 6 months of no contact later, I feel whole again :) My signature humour and spontaneity is back and I am so glad. I will never trade this sense of stability away again, not for anyone.

Wow, you just subtly dropped such a massive truth bomb on me.. And we're told to control ourselves, to get a grip, that it's all in our head, that we're hypochondriacally creating our problems, that we're too sensitive. - When it is really just us hearing our own smart body signaling something is bad. So many have never heard of this in a positive sense, only twisted into saying something is wrong with us, when it is actually exactly right..

@antomariecohn2522

5 жыл бұрын

cp honey I 100% agree with you!!!

@fuzbugg

4 жыл бұрын

yes the toxic ppl make being disconnected and unloving into normalcy!! and bully us for being real ppl

Tight solar plexus, its always the main link of energetic exchange with a narcissist in most cases. Solar plexus chakra is associated with self esteem of course!

@MrPausenbrot

6 жыл бұрын

QueenBeeNightly Yes! I always end up with anxiety in my solar plexus

@karo1564

5 жыл бұрын

It's my spot were I can feel if somebody suck the life out of me... 2 narc exes did this. It's a very weakening and draining feeling

@suelamalasi8654

4 жыл бұрын

Yessss 🙏

@weareallbeingwatched4602

4 жыл бұрын

Central dantian

A year ago I took my dog to the local dog park. An older guy in his 70s stepped up to me and started chatting. Before I knew it I had sat there listening to this crap about his cancer (victim) for 20 minutes. To say alarm bells were going off in my head is an understatement. He followed it up with inviting me to the nearby lake with his dogs and GF. Sure enough he proved to be a narcissist within about 2 to 3 weeks, and I never went to the lake with him. Small little digs at me essentially insinuating I wasn't smart or he knew better, coming over, sitting down and saying hello and then walking away literally after I responded hello, etc. He never got anything out of me, I don't even look at him now. Funny, my mind started to play the tricks on me, he's an old man, he's been sick, he has cancer, etc. None of that changes the reality. My body was shaking, contorting, my stomach dropped, alarm bells in my head, and I momentarily ignored these signs in favor of logic, but never forgot. And my body was right.

@fuzbugg

4 жыл бұрын

that thing about saying hi is so true.... just weird games to feed their fragile self esteem

Another clue: your body feels super heavy.

@capitalpink1840

4 жыл бұрын

Only if you accept their energy. Program yourself to reject negative energy and you won't be affected by it.

This is a new way of thinking as a massage therapist. So many times my patients have come in with a pain that has no known cause. When trying to play detective and figure out what is going on and what may have happened to cause the pain I ask about stress in their life...but now I'm thinking I need to ask them "What were you thinking about immediately before the pain occurred." I will encourage them to become more aware of their thoughts and feelings and how this affects them physically. This brings my practice to a whole new level! Thank you so much for your videos.

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

You will do a verry good job at this 👍

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

@JoJo Skye wow that's shocking but it is treatable 😉

@oldben76

5 жыл бұрын

That is really cool!

With my covert narcissist I remember constantly getting sick. I would literally get sick every few weeks. I would feel like I couldn't do anything because I was always calling in sick. I felt bad because I don't know how people could understand why I'd get sick so much or if they thought I was being lazy. I use to think it was something I was eating but that went on for a full year. I would have migraines, stuffy nose, running nose, diarrhea, get the shivers, and heat flashes. Anyone else experience this?

@miachung31

4 жыл бұрын

Alison D Yes!!! Migraines, diarrhea, cold shivers

@banhisanyal614

3 жыл бұрын

Totally

Where do I begin. This is great! One narc I knew, loved to touch or hug on parting company. Gave me the creeps and made my skin crawl There was something disingenuous about him. Proved to be completely true. I work with the public and they are great to learn from. I think the point you must reach in life is that willingness to go it alone. Scary at first then gets easier. I have learned to trust God and His ability to guide me and care for me and it clears alot of the fog. So now I have become very aware of things like disrespect, dishonesty, a lack of mutual give and take and I fact check my relationships frequently to see if the person continues to be appreciative of the time and effort I give to the relationship. If not I pull back .......slowly or quickly....... to give myself room to see and assess. One of the most dangerous things about being around toxic people is the mind numbing effect they have on you. Which strips you of your ability to think for yourself.......and never forget THAT'S THEIR ULTIMATE GOAL. BECAUSE EVERY SECOND YOU THINK FOR YOURSELF IS ONE LESS SECOND YOU ARE not AVAILABLE TO SERVE THEM. Keep fighting for your mind , your will and your emotions YOU ARE WORTH IT!

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

I never wanted breast feeding they tolt me now i knew why we were born with gutfeeling it was a warm ing even then at a young age

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

That's amazing yes it it's in deed mind numbing an you discribe so good why that is i didn't get that at first but thanks to you i see and your right about findibd God Respect True Love And Protection

@loveanpeace4eva

4 жыл бұрын

bright eyes yes, WE WILL PREVAIL!

The sudden onset of feeling drained hit me when I am with people....when I am home with my cats and dogs, I never feel this way. This phenomenon began when the narc entered my life...but I escaped 6 months ago. Now I just want to stay home....I feel like I am becoming a hermit

when i was younger i think i was having mini-strokes? im not even sure...but i was a teen living and growing up w/ my narc mom and abusive family, no support and i would freeze up; my right side of my face and my hand would freeze up and i wouldnt be able to walk for a few seconds until i would have to shake it off. but now that im healing, and have low contact w/ her all of that is going away and i havent had an episode in years. im lucky i never had an actual stroke i guess. it was freakin SCARY, narcissism abuse can actually KILL u! so get away from them

I kept having nightmares, turns out it was reality and I just didn't know it yet.

@river.scryer

2 жыл бұрын

I vividly recall having various nightmares where I would discover my parents were vampires trying to eat me... {shaking head} decades before I realized how toxic the relationship was.

This whole conversation reminds me of the rice in a jar experiment. I guess you cook a few cups of white rice then put the exact amount in 3 different jars. You label one "love", one "hate" & the next "nothing" then you put them in your fridge. Every day you take them out and for the love one, you say only nice/loving things to the jar. The hate one is mean, cruel things. And then the nothing jar, you say nothing. You do this ever day for so many weeks/months. I cant remember. The results are insane. The hate one is usually always black/brown & moldy. The nothing one turns brown but not as bad as hate and the love one is pure white. It goes something like that. (Its been awhile) Anyway it just makes alot of sense. When you're with someone who is so toxic & deprived you of love and constantly brings you down, your body is going to be in worse shape just like the rice. When you're loved and appreciated you feel your best. I developed type 2 diabetes while with my narc. I felt absolutely drained. Like couldnt drive more than a half hour anywhere bc I would fall asleep at the wheel. When he got home from work I was constantly anxious. I uses to enjoy when he would work over time. This all is making so much sense. & of course he always belittled me when I didnt feel good.

Thank you for this video. I was in a situation where I was around an ex who I now know is a covert narc. I felt a tightness in the core of my body, drained of my energy, anxious and angry. I ignored these feelings in order to "play nice" and I wanted to let go and forgive. I was around him for 4 years. As a result, I became very physically ill. I thought I was having a stroke or heart problems and I thought I was going to die. I went to the emergency room a few times. I was also involved in other abusive relationships. I've let go of these toxic people and I'm slowly healing the toxicity in me. The body does not lie. I'm living proof! Now when those alarm bells go off inside me, I listen! And don't care about what the other person thinks or feels. Otherwise, the mental and physical pain is downright excruciating.

The feeling tired or sleepy effect: WOW! I've never heard this mentioned anywhere else. My Narcissist ex would become very aloof and uncommunicative when we were alone together at my house, making it almost impossible for me to generate any kind of conversation with him. To me it always felt intentional, that he was doing this. It's like he would completely withdraw his personality into himself, just shutting me out. The effect this would have on me was always a sudden onset of intense fatigue or sleepiness. I would feel SO TIRED for no apparent reason. One time I remember him doing this, almost putting me to sleep, and then he wanted to leave, and I was following him to the door, and I swear the sleepiness was so intense I was seeing double. I would almost feel drugged. And magically, when he would leave, it would vanish, and I would feel back to normal. WTH is up with that?! I never connected this to him being a toxic person.

@TinyRedFlags

6 жыл бұрын

Hmmm... In these situations I'm describing, there wasn't any pain to mitigate. I was just hanging out at home with my boyfriend, who would be stonewalling me and doing his whole poker face routine, shutting me out, not making conversation. Just sitting in blank silence. He did not do this at the beginning, that's for sure. The effect it would have on me was dramatic - I would go from feeling awake and alert, to intensely sleepy, like I was drugged. And when he would go home, that sleepy feeling would evaporate. I think it's what Meredith says in the video - a reaction to being in the presence of a toxic person.

@Goldgirl1978

5 жыл бұрын

come to think of it i haven't one overly moody day...slightly but not overly let alone feeling my eye sight blur since i left him. thought it was my keto diet but nope...was his energy...even if he was being nice...they always have that energy around them.

@katemcl1124

4 жыл бұрын

@Heather Mamatey I experienced this too. I would feel so drained and exhausted in his company. Sometimes I even felt damaged somehow.

@pandoraw259

4 жыл бұрын

I always feel the tired effect everyone starts shutting you out and you're just left tired and confused

@loveanpeace4eva

4 жыл бұрын

Heather Mamatey ugh, the asshole narc ex did this to me as well which actually helped me to heal as I had more time to myself. Screw these demons! It was deff intentional. They are ENERGY VAMPIRES.

Vaginismus was the main one for me; and I think women have to talk more about it... It took me 3 years to realise my body was repelling my abusive ex partner... and as soon I left him; the condition was gone; just like magic...

@nryane

5 жыл бұрын

Ísis Linguanotto Vulvodynia for me - painful intercourse. That probably saved me from serious illness, as I believe the toxic ex never used condoms with any of his sexual partners before and during our “committed” relationship. (No intercourse after that). Also, when I first met him, he gave me his phone number. I lost it! My body was warning me. I lost it another couple of times, but by then he had found me at my favorite ACOA meeting and had convinced me that he was a good guy. When I think of all that I went through during almost 30 years of knowing him (nearly 20 years living together), including major chronic illness, I’m so grateful that I’m soon to be 2 years of no contact, and now listening to my body/intuition. Grateful beyond measure that I’m healing, big time. Thanks, Meredith. ❤️

@loveanpeace4eva

4 жыл бұрын

Ísis Linguanotto I noticed anytime I and sexy with him I had issues down there I had never had before and never had an STD although I forced him to get tested and he had Chlamydia and was the one time he admitted to cheating. I'm sure he did many other times. Did not have Bacterial Vaginosis before him and it was recurring throughout being with him. Yes, we really must pay attention to our bodies!

@kerrymillar1267

4 жыл бұрын

I had an experience with an abusive ex like this. With him it was frequent cystitis and eczema all over my legs. Never had cystitis again since we broke up.

@Janiacster

Жыл бұрын

I had horrible uterine adenomiosis and I was literally allergic to his body fluids

Very accurate video. Happened in a few of my relationships, where I just did not feel safe, and it did turn out that they were deceiving me & gaslighting. And all of their (subtle) actions were screaming the truth to my body of deception and their words were completely contrary. Trust your body and respect it, get space from people when you don't feel grounded to assess what is REALLY happening and not their words.

I am ridiculously sensitive to any kind of change so when he began having an affair, every alarm slowly turned on in me. Took about six months for me to sort through it all and figure out there was another woman. If it were a court case, I’d have nothing. He covered his tracks incredibly well. Zero physical evidence.

A nervous feeling like i am being preyed on.

The left eye twitching happened to me a couple of weeks ago and I was worried about it. As soon as I saw the big picture and accepted the situation for what it is, the twitching stopped. Thank you for mentioning it and for sharing with us such valuable information.

Very helpful, my symptoms included sudden tiredness, sudden fever, dizziness and infections which flared up out of nowhere whenever I'm forced to be around toxic people.

Love this, I just did an instagram post about really actively listening to others and feeling into your body and listening to it. I would meet up with my ex thinking we could be friends (his decision) the whole relationship was turbulent (his issues) every time I would meet up with him I would come away and have massive panic attacks and breakdown. It was because I was belittling myself I was allowing someone to project which would turn me into a shrivelled child. All the red flags were there from the start, but little ‘fixer’ me wanted to help. Lessons learnt ❤️

For the 3 years I was in a relationship with a Covert Narcissist I would abruptly wake up in the middle of the night with an 'Impending Doom' feeling. I knew it was about him but I couldn't figure out why since he 'seemed' to be a dream come true. Later, after the first year into the relationship, I started noticing little confusing things but he was so good at convincing me nothing was wrong...he used to say, "You're over-thinking things." I would have panic attacks...major anxiety...exhaustion...yet doze off as soon as I would sit down on the couch. (I JUST had an 'AHA' moment! I had been on anti-depressants for years, since I was previously married to an Overt Narcissist/Psychological abuser for over 22 years and had been prescribed them from my Dr. and he encouraged me to get off them since I was now divorced, which I did. This made me more controllable due to the increase in depression/anxiety from going off them. WOW!) Though, I left him over 7 months ago, which included moving to a new state, he is STILL hoovering. Every time I think I've blocked him from contacting me he has managed somehow to send an email letting me know he's still around...finding me on other social media...sending romantic songs or old photos of us...or blasting me for leaving him. This happens a couple of times a month or lately, several times a week. I've weakened a couple of times by responding but am blocking again for No Contact. Fingers crossed!!!

@Janiacster

Жыл бұрын

Stay strong💚

The last person I dated was a covert. Now moving on a few months later, I tried hugging a guy and I got the exact feeling that you're talking about where I locked myself and shut down completely. It was overwhelmingly strange and I was full of anxiety. Something was so off, but I just thought that it was me reliving the past and having an emotional flashback of being with my ex narc. I was so worried and thought to myself how am I possibly going to move on, my body is shutting down! Turns out a month later I ended up randomly in another guys arms and I did not get this feeling at all. IT WASN'T ME AFTER ALL, the first guy was probably a narc and my body was warning me. Anyhow I was able to kiss this guy and did not feel that overwhelming anxiety, I felt relaxed. Baby steps!!

Most common for me was just feeling flattened mentally, like the toxic persons personality took up all the space and mine was pushed back to nothing, I couldn't think straight, memory was not functioning. To describe them as overbearing extremely accurate. The endless barrage of talk gave me no room to say or think anything but "uh-huh", only reacting to them, not able to form any of my own thoughts. Of course this was very tiring and frustrating.

@lisbethbird8268

4 жыл бұрын

I feel like you know my toxic ex friend, Bossytits Blabbermouth. You even used the same language in some ways, nearly word for word! i.e. "Can't think straight", "barrage" (I had described as "incessant"), can't form my own thoughts, can't function. I had been text consulting a psychologist. These are textbook fight/flight responses from your limbic brain in cptsd reaction. It's good to know I'm not crazy and this is a really real thing, because it was so extreme and weird I could hardly believe it. My hands didn't start shaking until after she left. She always made me anxious and sometimes panicky, but after that episode, and on psycologist's advice, I initiated no contact.

I have found the "eek factor" to be accurate 100% of the time. Even if i cant pin point why at the time.

I used to feel a stab in a back for unknown reason every time I visited my older sister until I decided to stop visiting because of that mysterious feeling that was occurring while at her place. I didn't understand why but my analysis was that my body seems no to feel safe at my sister's despite the laughter we'd have therefore I stop going to hers because I trust my body and wanted my body to know that i value her message even though I couldn't explain why. it turned out that my sister was envious of me and wanted to have what I had a partner, my gorgeous baby girl and my baby's clothes and belongings. The alternative was she wished i didn't have what I had. she confessed about it after I left my partner due to his escalating abuses towards me that was at that moment that the backstabbing feeling I used to have while spending time with my sister made sense. so always trust your body feeling guts you just name it.

@pandoraw259

4 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way around my sisters nervous scared I don't know if I should trust this because I feel this way around everyone

I didn't listen to my gut while being Narcissistically abused for years and ended up with Crohn's Disease.

@doreenplischke7645

6 жыл бұрын

ayla perru...I hear you. Me,too. I am so sorry to learn how many of us suffered not only emotionally but in physical ways as well. Hope you are on your journey to healing. Inner and outer.❤️

@EbonyStorm06

6 жыл бұрын

Omg, me too!

@metfanmetfan1477

5 жыл бұрын

Hopefully you will try eating soursop it may heal you its just advice and intirely up to you ofcourse

@annamacm4063

5 жыл бұрын

ayla perru Bless you. There is real hope. Please Google ‘Crohn’s disease and Low Dose Naltrexone’. Take care xx.

@Dannniellleee

4 жыл бұрын

I fell into tears the moment I realized why my stomach was always a MESS as a kid. Stay high peace and low stress! There’s always some way to manage the symptoms based on what’s best for you. ❤️🧡 Good luck!

Wish I knew this YEARS AGO. Thank you Meredith, your perception of this abuse and the concepts you describe are so perfectly on target. You're totally on your path. I've had rashes, headaches, chest pains that cost me a fortune in tests, stomach pain doctors thought was cancer, complete exhaustion... I've had chronic fatigue for years - while the narcissist looked at me like I was lazy. After working a 12 hour day.... Thank you for what you do!!!! So many people needs this, desperately.

Really insightful, Meredith. This reminded me of a time that i was interacting with a co-worker and i touched their shoulder in a friendly manner. They then left the room. It was like a surge of bad energy that left me feeling depressed and suicidal. I immediately took note of how that made me feel and then suddenly this person came back into the room. I think they were trying to make a spiritual hook into me. In the end, it was all projection and transfer of their bad energy onto me. Once i recognized it for what it was, i was able to deflect and not absorb.Very powerful indeed.

Interesting! It all makes sense of course. Our brains are processing it for us and giving us signs, which we should not ignore (like the gift of fear). What stands out for me is that I must have ignored my gut feelings so much that, at one point as a young adult, I just could not bear to touch or hug my mother any more, more so after my son was born 12 years ago. I felt sick, disgusted, something like that to even get close to her. It really intensified once I became a mother myself. I could just not understand it, and I could not get over it, no matter how hard I tried. I did not know back then what she really was.

... a hollow feeling in your stomach .. is usually your spirit trying to tell you ‘you are being lied too and s/he is only giving you half the story 🙂

I once heard a counselor who was also very spiritual say, ‘the body doesn’t lie.’ It’s so true. And yet we dismiss it and continue to lie to ourselves because of loyalty to long-term relationships. Lord, help us.

This is such solid advice. Listening to my body is THE main way I'm able to know whats going on in regard to sociopaths or narcissists. Thank you again, Meridith.

@firstladyqueen5985

6 жыл бұрын

that is a very great question. I was wondering the same thing.

@macoeur1122

6 жыл бұрын

Ildiko Peter + I think it takes time and repetition and lot's of "taking mental notes" which you will later refer back to and "compare notes" Your "hindsight" so to speak compared with "what you know now" can teach you a lot about your body's signals......what a reliable signal is..how that feels in your own body.....what pre-existing/unrelated fears come up for you, and why, and under what circumstances,etc.... It takes self-reflection, repetition, being truthful with yourself etc. I sometimes think I wouldn't have had the patience and persistence for the process if it wasn't absolutely necessary for my survival, but it can really teach you sooooooo much to put in this kind of effort/attention....It's almost as if it creates a kind of new "superpower" eventually. One thing I've found necessary is honestly admitting to myself that sometimes, "we just don't know" if a particular interaction was truly manipulative or passive aggressive...In which case I've found it extremely helpful to "assume the best" until/unless I start to see a pattern. The healthy boundaries we set...if we can stick to them....will protect us in the mean time from any major damage. We can let the feeling of "potential trouble" just put us "on alert" without jumping to immediate conclusions.

@hajibaj

6 жыл бұрын

Sean Fitzgerald t

Yes I have in the past broken out in hives when around toxic individuals..and once swelling all around my eyes just before having to take a trip to see a very toxic family member. My body was screaming at me to listen. The trip was terrible.. I was targeted.. heckled. Gas lighted abused and disregarded whilst there. I was literally exhausted and traumatized once I got back.. it took a long time to heal from that.. it was a massive warning.. listen to your body.. it never lies.

@bringiton3457

5 жыл бұрын

Rioshanti I broke out in hives too when I worked with a bunch of narcs!

@kathrynjoslyn1835

5 жыл бұрын

I broke out in hives on my wedding day 😨 how crazy is that? I knew it was a bad sign but I was so young I didn't have a clue 💔

extreme sleepiness even during the honey moon phase it almost feels like a contact high.

YES my energy was compleatly drained I would sleep for 12 hours and still feel exhaused. I went to the doctor seeking answers. My bloodwork was perfect. Thyroid was perfect. The second the relationship ended and I knew i was done it felt like a weighted blanket was lifted off of me.

Dizziness, fibromyalgia, brain fog, panic attacks, inability to make decisions, intense rage, to fogged for self care, nightmares...

I remember having crampy stomach pains. I also often dreamt about bad things he did BEFORE he actually did exactly that.

WEIGHTGAIN FROM STRESS.

@katemcl1124

4 жыл бұрын

I have the opposite. Weight drops off when I am stressed, even if I am eating. To the extent people comment on it.

autoimmune illness from being worn down by the Narc...

@ilovemexoxo5720

6 жыл бұрын

deb vankoughnet u

@jadeheart911

6 жыл бұрын

I have worked in health care for 25 years and realize that but living with a narc does set it off and wear down your systems to that point. The stress damages your body....

@brightwithspirit

6 жыл бұрын

So true. So much emotion gets trapped in the body and screws it up.

@jadeheart911

6 жыл бұрын

Never used the term psychosomatic...those are YOUR words not mine....stress does cause illness.. ..autoimmune included.....yes there are other causes.....are you here to correct others here or just to argue...maybe you should read her book. Im done here.....go offend someone else and drive more people away from this site. Nice job.

@Traceyi1000

6 жыл бұрын

Tania D Campbell Have you ever had a toxic relationship and/or family?

I've noticed that my left shoulder torques inward, as if to protect my heart from a punch or a blow. When I realize it's happening, I notice my entire upper left side exhausted from straining the muscles in this position for who knows how long. I try to make a conscious effort to relax my shoulders. I remember a couple years ago when I was still with my ex narc husband, I had chest pains so bad from doing this that I thought I was having a heart attack. But I was only given muscle relaxer pills. I'm so glad you spoke on this Meredith. Things like this are now making sense. And I can't think of anyone I know who would support or even entertain this even as a thing. THANK YOU!!!

@purplestar8081

6 жыл бұрын

Gretchen White Butterfly. I think you are spot on about protecting the heart-- mine is the Same! My left shoulder kills all the time, and makes me short of breath when it's at its worst!

I was very sick and drained after spending time with the narc. I did experience a sense of relief with his touch but felt as thought he was stressing me up to calm me down and that's a method for controlling people I developed emotional triggers after that amd cptsd

I loved this video. The body is such an amazing tool, especialy when we've been manipulated and had to develop certain reactions that saved us as kids, but have run their course. Our body always remembers how this happened and we can use it to understand why we do things the way we do. Our body is used to remember events that affected us and warn us of a potential danger. I believe that those of us who have been raised in abusive environments should listen to our body more than most people because our minds have been manipulated to respond favorably to abuse.

These feelings are why I had to change my profession. I was a body worker and I would get these pains after working on some clients and even feel dread before going in to work on some people. Thank you for explaining.

Great advice, Meredith. Thank you for your videos. My right eye twitched, I had chest pains, hardly slept and gained 12 pounds because my body knew I was in deep, deep trouble. That was all actually after my mind woke up to it (two weeks after we got married). I went downhill fast. I had so much fear and anxiety around this person who was constantly lying, manipulating and emotionally abusing me. Before I woke up to it, I was often confused and felt like I was on a roller coaster. I broke up with him multiple times and he would "hoover" me to get me back. I don't know why I kept believing his promises of change. It took so long to understand what was really happening and took quite a toll on my emotional and physical health. I had no idea what gaslighting or hoovering was and didn't know someone could be like that.

Wow! What you said about after you are awake that is when your body starts to shut down... I had already escaped 4 years ago. Total no contact with ex predator though I still had some other narcs in my life but I learned to rid myself of them within a few months. I felt physically very healthy when I escaped. Although mentally I was a mess. Within two years I was diagnosed first with R.A. and then Stage 4 Lymphoma! Thank God that did not happen while I was with the enemy. I was alone in my new life and that was scary but not nearly as scary as if I had been with the person who literally wanted me dead. I am in remission for the last few months! I don't plan on leaving yet. I still have more so say to those who are dealing with the things we have all dealt with. GREAT video, Meredith. Another classic. Thank you.

@dandeliongreens4664

6 жыл бұрын

Hugs and high fives to you C. Meagan Michael

@jessh9988

6 жыл бұрын

Sending you good vibes to stay in remission! 💖💖💖

@CMeaganMichael

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Jessica! Much love and light to you, my friend

@CMeaganMichael

6 жыл бұрын

Hugs and high fives back at you Dandelion Greens

@manasinishchay3475

6 жыл бұрын

Lots of love! Stay healthy, stay happy!

I may be an empath or just really hyper vigilant..how can you discern between gut feeling or projection of your own trauma or lack of trust onto someone who may be truly innocuous?

@BlinkinFirefly

4 жыл бұрын

That's a really good question. I was wondering the same thing. But I look at it this way: if a person is making you feel physically unwell, whether you're projecting or not, if it's out of the norm for somebody to have this effect on you, I would definitely take it as a sign that maybe this person is not good for you. Especially if you're a highly sensitive person, it's probably best to not have even slightly toxic people around. I like to think I'm a good judge of whether someone genuinely cares, and whether they are indifferent (after some time, though it took me like half a year to figure it out with my narc ex)

Sooo great. I'm 67 with a toxic mother. I became chronically ill very soon after my mother begged me to move into her house and rent one of her apartments. I knew at the moment that it was toooo close for us. But I got sucked into her depression act as she told me of her financial woes, so I moved in. That was c.2006. I've moved several times trying to get away from her, but she seems to need one of her 5 children to clutch onto. I've gotten sicker and been hospitalized, and every time I talk to her, I GET SICK! IN MY STOMACH! And she stayed with me for 3 days in this last hospitalization. I should have watched you first, Meredith . . . I would never have let her in!

Migraine auras after a strong negative thought.

@OHGEEITSKOOKIE

3 жыл бұрын

I thought I was the only one!!!

I literally fall asleep when he comes over which of course pisses him off, he’s always droning on and on. Extreme drowsiness, once he leaves I’m wide awake!

This is a comprehensive primer for people who want and need to learn about using their body and intuition to guide them toward making better choices in people and in situations. It really does work as I've found through experience this past amazing year of fine tuning my intuition. As I watch Meredith's videos, I keep asking myself "How did I not find Meredith before now?" Meredith covers a lot of ground here and also recommends several books. I got a lot out of this video and will need to watch it again because there is so much info here. Since I'm recovering from narcissistic abuse I find it very helpful to review all my resources over and over because each time I watch a video like Meredith's, I pick up something I didn't hear before. I've been aware that my body will send me signals when someone or a situation isn't in my best interest. This does work, and it helps my learning curve to refer to my resources over and over to assist me when I need guidance. Want to fine-tune my intuitive skills because I'm convinced that my intuition is the all time best guidance tool in my toolbox.

This is so true. I waited to long ignoring chest pains, signs my body was trying to warn me for sure. I ended up in the emergency room. They didn't find anything, they said it might have been stress related. But I didn't even realize I was under any stress. I'd learned to endure the daily slights, the disrespect, mixed with a little fake love and it turned into a very toxic combo. Note: He didn't take me to the emergency room let me drive their alone, didn't call to see if I was ok either. And even after all that I went back to him. Proud to say he's out of my life forever! And my body is healing. All my love to anyone going through this. Take care of you!

My health was in serious jeapordy for years while I was in the process of removing the disordered people from my life. Still recovering. When I found out that my ex narrsasist boyfriend was lying and cheating my body went into complete spasm. I had complete panic attacks I thought I was having a heart attack. Went to the ER. All while he was doing the lying and cheating he was pretending to care about me. It's very confusing. I'm happy to be alive. "Ick factor" x100

had the experience of intense joint pains around this one narc, this would happen after being around him a few hours. the pain would only go away if he touched the screaming joint. he used to tout he was a gifted healer. one day i innocently questioned how this was possible, so after he touched my knees to take the pain out, he got angry and touched my knees and put the pain back. insisting that if i was gonna question his gift he wasn't gonna take my pain away. i cried in agony. but then i noticed that when i was not around him for a week the pain was much less or completely gone. from that moment that he supposedly put the pain back in i decided i would never let anyone pretend to control my pain but me in fear that if i relied on someone else for pain relief that gave them too much control. i now know my pain was my body telling me he was bad, and he must have known this and manipulated it to make me feel like he is some magical hero. never again. i wrote ollie mathews about this a while back, his answer didn't make sence to me then but does now. ollie said this man could remove the pain from my joints with touch because i wanted to believe in this man. now i understand what ollie was saying, and now i know why the pain existed to the extent it did. and totally amazed that this jerk could even manipulate the meaning of my own body trying to save me.

I have a great example for this one. Last year I was learning how to drive (I'm 30, just getting a late start), I had just gone no contact with the narc 3 mos earlier. So I was in a school zone going 25 and I was talking with my instructor about the ex, suddenly I got this feeling of something is wrong in my gut, it felt like "STOP". I wasn't just going to pull over, and I had never felt this feeling before. The thing I realized later was it was more of a "STOP talking and pay attention," and I didn't. Less than a block later I was 3/4 through an uncontrolled intersection and this guy going like 45 tboned us so bad that we slid about 30 feet after contact was made, my passenger had a sprang wrist that still bothers him. His car was done. I've never had such a feeling come true so fast. Always listen to it and get to know your body. It knows better.

@Janiacster

Жыл бұрын

I was looking at a van driver to see if it was the narc I knew and I rear ended the driver in front of me on the hiway in rush hour traffic. My van was a write off.

I thumbed up this before even listening..I ignored my bodies signs of toxicity for years.. it's your family right..They love you right?..Wrong..I went no contact when my body took me wretching into a toilet bowl after just seeing a seemingly innocent email message from my covert altruistic brother..Energy does not lie!!!...run for the freaking hills. ..... ..this ends with me. ..your book travels with me everywhere I go...its now in the french/swiss alps..under my nightstand..you are loved .thank you xxxx

Oh my goodness, so much explained. I was trying to end an almost 1 yr relationship with a guy, and I was so exhausted, starting to have the most intense jaw pain and clamping. Then a rash came on my neck EVERYTIME I'd speak to him, his control and constant blaming had me almost sick. There would be times we would be together and I'd leave with a sick, sick feeling in my gut. The last week where I knew I needed to end it and I'd try and then he'd smear campaign, gaslight me I was so confused and broke out in the worst blister of my life on my face doctors didn't even know what it was. I did finally end it and such a peace came over me, so much strength I gained INSTANTLY. MY rashes and blister went away, my jaw clamping and constant stress, just gone. It's been such an eye opener with these videos I was married for 14 yrs and under a rock, being back out there dating is scary and I have a lot to learn and I'm not settling. We have to be careful who we allow into our lives, even if at first they seem over the top great, I see now the love bombing, moving way too fast, the superiority, the over gift giving, using my own kids and ex against me, constantly giving me goals or an ultimatum to reach, I'd reach it (supposedly) but it was never enough, they are all ploys until their mask falls off...unfortunately it took to long for me to see who he really was, he even kept asking me "who do you want me to be", ugh icky is the word, like who asks that?!? I have 3 precious kiddos who need me to pick very wisely. Thank you @innerintergration for the work, wisdom and coaching that you do.

I’d feel constantly like I needed to run away or get away from my partner when I was with him. I started feeling this before I recognized the emotional manipulation. Has anyone else experienced that feeling? I’m still trying to understand it.

@lisanorman2329

5 жыл бұрын

Hi!! yes...if you ignore your gut...your legs will respond...i kept distancing myself physically....if he was in bed with me...i would not sleep and have to get up and get as far away from him as possible.....to understand......everything is energy....you may try to fall back on logic...or love...but your energy field will be repulsed by the repulsive...like magnets......does that help? Our emotions are e-motions....energy in motion.....road maps...markers....so if you try and overrule your initial red flags...and they are always there.....your body will repulse....away...

@tati9071

5 жыл бұрын

Yes...RIGHT NOW! And he is only a friend. I stopped the sexual part when I started to feel disrespected. I do not have to give it up to him cuz he wants it or with his stupid comments about him having to masturbate cuz he isnt getting sex. in my mind, I was like lol little does he know that I know his scheme... he was married for almost 30 years with the same person...so he knows nothing else. So even though he may not know what he's doing because he was so used to talking to his wife or treating her that way or he told me one time my wife never by the way he always Compares me to his wife when they're not even legally divorced yet but anyways, he speaks so resent me about her he hates her by the way she sounds and he wants to deny it and I'm like okay if you say so and then he will tell me I'm just like his wife in that we know I'm nothing like his wife I'm worse than his wife he said. She said that I'm worse than his wife because at least his wife would never his word is argue but that's also the word he knows because his wife sounds like couldn't even have an opinion or he would knock it down dot-dot. I feel so bad for her and I'm sure that's how she felt and that's what it was because I'm getting the same exact treatment but I now know that he's being manipulative and I told him to his face about it and he's like I'm not and I'm like okay I'm not falling for your game I told him. So now I like to isolate myself from him. Have own room. to be honest, the only reason why I'm here and just actually there shouldn't be a reason but I need to stop giving excuses to myself however, the only reason why I have been kind of calm about everything because of his dog who I love so so so much! She he's helping me so much and I love her but I know that it's not forever stop it. I have to move on or I will keep getting close to the dog and I don't want that ! :( i detached myself from him 2 weeks ago! you know what... Now that I think about it, I felt something about him so I never allowed myself to get that close to him even as a friend and now that I see that, I believe it I was actually slowly trusting my body and my thoughts :) ooo yay I have noticed that I get that feeling in my stomach when he comes home. I "dread" walking out of the bedroom to even see him. I woke up this morning with a cold. Weird. Cuz i RARELY get sick! It's so crazy because I know about these kinds of people and how they are but I just recently did a lot of healing..regrdless of it all, I believe that God is showing me I need to get out or I'm going to get sicker or panic disorder is going to get worse which it kind of has but I'm trying meditation and it has been working...but I do know that I am now poisoning myself cuz symptoms that come out of nowhere and I just need to get out soon. Because I'm now killing myself again by living with energy that I'm not relating with. I'm just noticing this today...., in the beginning through my healing journey I have been more positive this is just like a month to month and a half ago maybe even less and I was happy well happier and more confident with my abilities and positive about the future and the present ... it was great to feel that way again. Then I started to feel weird and getting sleepy and losing energy and came across this video and I now see the bigger picture and I'm not helping myself by staying here. So I have to give myself a goal and actively work on finding a new place to live even with no friends here literally n no family. But the great part is that I have lived in other new places in the past knowing literally nobody but myself or a landlord... And I was able to find a new place or friends. I've been blessed and lucky in that sense so I'm going to have to do that again even though it seems like a lot of work... but I'm going to THANK myself in a couple of months!

I dont't remember signs of that nature (there were others that I ignored) but when I was with the narcissist, I was always sick. Sicker than now with a burnout. I lost a lot of weight, and I was very weak. Near the end of the relationship, I had chronic diarrhoea. I had never realised it was him making me sick until after. I was numb for several years, then CPTSD hit hard and I burnt out and got as sick as back then, sort of. Dealing with it all, my body itself has physical emotional flashbacks. But I am much better and so happy in my life right now. The more I heal, the happier I get. Fear controlled me and prevented me from finding that happiness for so long. Now, I look out for those signs when my body tells me to AVOID a person.

@MihaDuV

5 жыл бұрын

Your story is just like mine, with the weakness and weight loss. I left him,, and after 3 years I was finally able to gain weight again, and my health returned.

@BlinkinFirefly

4 жыл бұрын

SAME! my ex made me physically ill :( he was the only one out of all my boyfriends to ever have that effect on both my physical and mental health. i too lost WAY too much weight, got stomach cramps and diarrhea. i would ruminate for hours about all the subtle back-handed comments he used say to me. all the red flags were there but i kept making excuses. until i realized what was really going on and got out of there.

Wonderful video Meredith, so helpful and so true. Your kind voice of reason is always such a comfort. I’d like to add a comment -that I was once in a crowded supermarket in broad daylight and my hair was literally standing on end in response to the presence of a particular guy there. At one point I needed to pass him in an aisle and actually felt slight panic and chills up and down my spine, especially as I continued down the aisle. At this point, I felt very grateful that it was daytime and that there were people all around. I’ve never felt this particular way in response to anyone before, and he barely actually did anything. It felt like my body was responding to a very real danger, a psychopath.

I just ended a 10-years long abusive relationship 3 weeks ago. Watching this video I wondered WHY didn't my body warn me in the beginning, WHY it felt so right to be with this person? WHY it started giving signals only after the first slap in my face? And then I recalled how strange it was the first time we kissed... My eyelids were trembling out of control, like panically blinking, for minutes. I even wrote this down in a letter for myself then, thinking it was showing the power this love between us had. Couldn't be more wrong :D

If you say "no", & they say "why ??", my response would be -- calmly, "just, no", & after they continued pressing, -- calmly, "just, no", again & again. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received in my entire life was "sometimes, LESS IS MORE". This "less is more" principle can also be true if you're asked for an explanation for something. The fewer actual words you use in the explanation, the BETTER. Keep your explanation as short and to the point as you possibly can. "Less is more" can especially help you if the person asking you the question has actual authority and/or power over you.

This message is so powerful, and Meredith describes the most important tool for protecting oneself from further abuse or trauma when beginning the journey on the road to recovery. This outlook, listening to one’s gut instinct, is crucial at the beginning of a divorce process or custodial battle! Your body can protect you from the psychological/mental flaming hoops a victim of narc abuse is forced to jump through in legal and social situations revolving around these proceedings. Meredith, beautifully and accurately explained!

YES OH MY GOODNESS. I went on a date with a girl and it went lovely but at the end of the date when we were saying goodbye, I had this sinking feeling in my stomach and knew I would never see her again. I was really surprised because she texted me nonstop telling me how much fun she had and how she couldn’t wait to see me again for about a week and then I heard absolutely nothing from her after that week 😂 it stung but I guess now I know to trust my body more!

Wow, THANK YOU Meredith! My body has screamed at me my whole life, but I’ve never made the connection..... 🙈🙉🙊 Now I’m beginning to understand, but at the same time I’m feeling sorry for my wise body for which I’m always been irritated when it’s aching 24/7/365 of the fibromyalgia and other stuff I have.... My very clever body against my overthinking mind..... but right now I’m feeling that it just may be a way of healing ✨✨✨

Thank you so much for this video! I have the hardest time with boundaries and am working on changing this.

@jeaninezanocco1385

6 жыл бұрын

Sarah, I am in my 50's and up until I figured out my ex as npd/bpd and how he roped me in, I never had any personal boundaries. Thanks to Meridith and others I have learned from on KZread, my boundaries are like a rock! My mind is wide awake and will never allow this to happen to me again. You can get there too. 💜

What always works is how you feel the first second you saw the person for the first time. That second always warmed me of danger. Now I decided to start acting on that feeling ...trust myself instead of just ignoring my inner voice. The path to recover myself after so much codependency.

For me, the most common reaction is a sudden enormous fatigue or lethargy, where I feel I am practically paralyzed...very powerful..

Autoimmune disease. I am currently planning my departure.

@corsicanlulu

6 жыл бұрын

why are u advising for a person to not leave and abusive relationship? u sound narcissistic

Excellent unique perception & viewpoint! Thank you for reminding me, especially since I'm an empath, to stay attuned to what my body is telling me. It's so easy to sometimes forget & overlook red flags per social interaction. And in identifying people toxic to us.

One thing that I have noticed when I start to get to know a guy is why he is giving me attention in the first place. I can sometimes tell what they want from me through the first few text conversations. He might say that he is not interested in sex, but he will continue to talk about things related to it.

Legitimate reasons to trust your gut. Thank-you.

When in person around verbal manipulators, what I get is this compressed feeling in my body that I'm sure people with claustrophobia feel in small spaces. I'd love to know what that is...its awful.

@bombshellgirl8106

5 жыл бұрын

I believe negativity & evil cause compression & contraction. They pin you into a box. They keep you distracted and confused and busy. It’s a narrow viewpoint, and they want to keep you on a narrow pathway of thought patterns & beliefs. They are very rigid in their beliefs. They paint a picture of “how things are” with their distorted viewpoints. It’s all contracting, makes you draw inward, makes you go into your head, doubting yourself, not trusting your own gut. It’s very shallow, very one sided, you know? They talk a lot, keep us confused, too much information so that you can’t sort it out. You will feel rushed, and forced into making decisions now. They will ask favors and tell you what to do and it all is restricting. It’s the opposite of freedom. The opposite of this evil is goodness. Goodness is expansion. You will feel relaxed, free, able to think clearly, open, the world is a good place. Evil has you fearful. (Contraction, drawing away from others). I first became aware of this contraction that I had experienced my whole life because of having a narcissistic mother, when I started praying and relying on God in my life. God is a whisper, a suggestion to do when you wish. No pressure. No time restraints. Evil knocks you over the head, yelling at you, keeping you confused, busy, doing, going, no time to think for yourself. When I stop and slow down, and be still, literally, and listen to the whisper of God, I feel expansion, relaxed, peaceful, no fear, no pressure, an open-ness. So if I feel pressured now to make a decision, then my answer is automatically no. This is especially helpful when someone is selling you something. Feel pressure? Say no. This is my experience. Hope it helps.

@fayemey2829

4 жыл бұрын

Carol Zuk Yes, you‘re right, being calm and silent is a better thing

Sometimes I have a "knowing" for no particular reason, I just know what I know. I trust and honour my body, it never lies.There is a mind body connection, instinct. Trust yourself, if I hear a little voice no matter how quiet I lean in to hear, to listen, to pay attention. Listening, trusting and honouring ourselves is self loving, self affirming and self validating ✌💗 self respect ✊