Yeah as an autistic person myself, OP's brother and mom in story 3 are clearly using him being on the spectrum as an excuse to let him do what he wants. Autistic doesn't mean stupid, and the brother CLEARLY knows exactly what he's doing. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he's hamming it up cause "mommy" can't save him this time.

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

I hope OP presses charges against his mom too because I truly think she gave him OPs info.

@sameagain4968

7 ай бұрын

I wasn’t really a popular kid when I was young. I wasn’t a bully or creepy or anything, I was just a weird girl. Knowing that my whole class got invited to a party except me would’ve been absolutely devastating. Like, core memory kind of stuff. If the daughter had a small party to include only close friends, getting excluded wouldn’t hurt, but to have someone go “Fuck these kids specifically” for no reason is fucked up.

@cogpamp21schannel4

7 ай бұрын

I agree as a high functioning autistic man, we are all challenged, not stupid. I do get in trouble of normal, but not illegal things as any normal being does. The brother may be an a-hole, but the mother is more of a villain because of the coddling

@Simipourfangirl

7 ай бұрын

It's sadly a common thing for this to happen. I know we've come far in understanding autism but now it feels like we've taken a massive step back because we are excusing some people's bad behavior because they are on the spectrum.

@toastycomfyghosty1891

7 ай бұрын

I have PDD-NOS, it takes me a whole to learn not to do something. Even I wouldn't be like op's brother. He gives us a bad name

I thought the mom abandoning her children with little to no food for a week and a half 100% would have been a 5/5 butthole score. They could have died and she wouldn't have known. Let alone the fact that she would have been gone for longer if they hadn't apologized

@NettylSpryngs

7 ай бұрын

Right?????

@totallynotalpharius2283

4 ай бұрын

We shouldn’t expect logic or consistency from a guy who mispronounced “Isaac”

Story 5: *GEE, I WONDER WHY!* She threw super bad accusations and vanished, and then she just comes back expecting everything to be the way it was before. Some things are just unforgivable

@bibigamer502

7 ай бұрын

To OP’s mom what she did is apparently super forgivable and she doesn’t see what she did as wrong

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

@@bibigamer502of course. She’s the type of parent who thinks that she brought them into the world therefore they must worship her. She will never look within and take responsibility.

@wingracer1614

7 ай бұрын

Mom is very lucky she isn't in jail. At least assuming the sister is under 18, I'm assuming OP is over 18 since she is taking online university classes. If that is the case, that's child abandonment.

@ramenbomberdeluxe4958

7 ай бұрын

Honestly, that story is super cathartic for me, as someone who also deals with a deeply delusional mom who can never own up to her actions. Now granted, my mom is nowhere NEAR as bad as this, but she still suffers from this strangely common delusion.

@GalaGrinsArt

7 ай бұрын

I think that deserved a 4.5/5 as it was obvious child abuse, neglect, and abandonment. There should be a police report filed and CPS notified.

Story 3: Yeah, it's pretty clear he knows right from wrong, but he hasn't really faced consequences before. The mom covering for him is definitely contributing to the problem

@ryukaze7392

7 ай бұрын

I'm honestly surprised that R/Slash didn't think that and didn't give the mom an asshole score tbh

@amaeliss7827

7 ай бұрын

Completely agreed, the mum is the main problem

@BadassHater1

7 ай бұрын

I don't care if he has autism or not. What he did was a crime. A crime he only had regrets for doing ONLY when he had to face consequences. So he deserves going to jail.

@princesolareclipse8426

7 ай бұрын

Yeah plus the mom by covering him say has autism makes sound degrading and all autistic adults do it. I have autism and i dont go around commenting fraud like jerk and stealing from family

@amaeliss7827

7 ай бұрын

@@BadassHater1 the problem to me isn't so much him going to jail as it is his brother saying he was going to jail despite knowing that his brother might meltdown and it may have lasting consequences on his health. Even wankers don't deserve that, imo (but yes, he's the one mostly in the wrong

the bride played stupid games and won a stupid prize

@wingracer1614

7 ай бұрын

I can't help thinking there must be something else going on that OP isn't telling us. The bride's actions make no sense whatsoever unless OP actually is doing something against the bride's wishes. But we have no idea based on this, she really may just be a nutcase

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

And maybe OP can sell the dress online and recur some money lost. The bride only saw OP as a cash cow and that her student loans was free money.

@ZombieMinion1992

7 ай бұрын

@@wingracer1614 I mean, either way OP has a right to cancel, paying for a wedding that she’s not invited to. No matter what she’s not the asshole for doing that if there is an issue between them, the bride should’ve made sure who was paying for the wedding stuff before she started rushing roulette with her wedding party, it was the brides choice to kick someone out of her wedding party before the bachelorette. She apparently had no idea that the person she was kicking out was the one paying for everything. If she didn’t know that OP was paying for everything. well then she’s a bitch who was just trying to use OP for money

@Arianainthedark

7 ай бұрын

​​@@wingracer1614I had the same thought. OPs update post was declined by mods, so there isn't much else other than this one comment: Ah yes, I did not include this part, sorry! My bad. So the first time she messaged us, she didn't tell us nor explain what we were doing wrong. when we first all discussed it, she said she just had a moment of panic and stress took over, and she said things she didn't mean. The most recent time she had told me she'd be uncomfortable due to the fact we had a "fight" (the fight was her just removing me from the group chat and then cussing me out) she never told me what I wasn't respecting her wishes on unfortunately. But I will say she DID know she had a Bachelorette party, but the suprise was what it was going to be. I have spoke to MOH since this post and she has said that bride told her she just didn't know how she felt about a "skinny" girl next to her at the altar...

@wingracer1614

7 ай бұрын

@@Arianainthedark OK yeah, bride is a bit nuts and is stressing out. And while I certainly don't condone it, I kind of understand where the bride is coming from. Again, don't condone or agree but it makes sense. Years ago two of my best friends married each other. The bride is unfortunately not the prettiest girl around but the maid of honor is absolutely super model material and the bridesmaid dresses were actually very nice and accentuated that. I worried that might cause a little friction but fortunately bride is way too classy for that shit, LOL.

I've read SOOO many stories about unhinged autistic people and 9/10 its the mom making them the golden child, never disciplining them and fetishising a disability It gives autistic people a really bad name because people assume all autistic people are like this when in reality, even the quote en quote "severe" autism types are still normal people, not criminals and psychopaths like in this story. Sadder yet, this is far from the worst example I've seen NTA

@Bendylife

7 ай бұрын

I've met just mean autistic people before and not because they used their autism as an excuse. I think its just that Autistc people are just as likely to be jerks as any other person. So yes, there are so many amazing autistic people, and I know many of them too. Being a jerk is no more prevalent than the general population.

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

Exactly. I'm autistic & people say that I'm not & that I'm faking it & the reasons basically boil down to the fact that i came from a household where i was punished for behaving too autistically, so I'm good at faking being normal & internalizing my distress so it doesn't bother other people.

@brooklynsilverman9235

7 ай бұрын

​@@LilChuunosuke Its so sad you have to do that... Thats so.. Sickening that the world has to be so horrible to the extent of making someone with a disability have to fake NOT havinf that disability to make OTHERS more comfortable. I hope you have people you can be yourself around.

@ivytaylor1494

7 ай бұрын

It's actually crazy because one of the symptoms of autism is a stronger sense of justice due to sensitivity and black and white thinking. The only time they turn out entitled is if they're raised to be that way by shitty parents who refuse to hold them accountable

The last story about OP's mom ABANDONING them should've simply resulted in a call to the police reporting the mother. There should've been no apology, just swift repercussions for a grown ass woman acting like a toddler and neglecting her kids.

@abiean222

7 ай бұрын

OP was in collage at the time, presumably an adult. i don't think they could have gotten away with reporting the mother. but seriously, what a fucking b*tch OP's mother is. honestly if i was OP or OP's sister i'd never speak to my mother again once i moved out.

@aliecarey

7 ай бұрын

But one of them was in college....so an adult! Lol the mother is wrong but so are the "kids"

@nicolethompson2399

7 ай бұрын

That usually doesn't go the way the protocol is. I assume these are some minority demographic kids (the greeting not being acceptable is cultural and the punishment is exponentially greater than the crime but justified because "Mom said so" as some examples why I got to that assumption) so if police were called, where would the kids go? If family was involved, I'm sure the kids would call them when they ran out of food or needed to go somewhere. So the child would actually become a ward of the state (i.e. foster care) or be given to the older sister for guardianship. Also, there's the part of the kids actually loving their mom and not wanting anything bad to happen to her. Just something's to think about

@Nebraska60

7 ай бұрын

@@aliecareywhat did the kids do wrong?

@aliecarey

7 ай бұрын

@Nebraska60 Not wrong, I guess. They are WAY too old to be helpless. To write a whole AITA story about your mom abandoning you and you're in your 20s 😅😅 I thinks that's kinda wrong lol

I’m nearly 70 years old and I have a friend who still talks about how he was excluded from class parties because of his parents religion and how painful that was to him as a small kid. Excluding kids from group activities is a rotten thing to do- whatever the excuse!

@EremittV

7 ай бұрын

Exactly. And when you turn 12 you’re too old to run away crying from your dad everytime you see him because he forces you to choose between a select group of friends or your entire class to invite to your birthday party. Especially when he rents out an entire pool and rec. center for you! Be grateful and share in your blessings

@duesenantrieb8272

7 ай бұрын

yep i feel him .. was excluded for being the only new kid together with the autistic kid when i was 10 ... Looking back this caused me to fall into a downwards spiral for all my school life... only mooving away 1000km into a new country fixed this .. and even to this day i think i still have some unwanted traits because of this... been deeply depressed for years now with abandonment issues ... cant say this caused it, but i cant figure what else did

@beautifulmidnight

7 ай бұрын

100% The kids at the party may not remember this in a few years, but the three kids who were excluded will.

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

@@duesenantrieb8272 I also been rejected, it sucks, but I also have completely caught up most of the people who have hurt me and I even do not attend reunions because I just don't wanna hang out with kids who act like brat and now now expect everything to be peaches... They might have changed because people can change, but why would I put myself through hanging out with people that I do not like and I think are awful people deep down still

@Nerobyrne

7 ай бұрын

Religious cults do this to other their children, on purpose. (EDIT: I mean to make the children "the other" at school, so that their peers dislike them) Literally, so that they do not "live in the world", which is code for "keep them from forming support networks outside of the cult". The really sad thing is, the people at the bottom often don't realize that's what is going on! They think that they are doing a good thing for their children. That they are saving them from an eternity in a bad afterlife, or something similar. In reality, they're saving them for the cult to exploit when they become adults -.-

Lucy’s selfishness made everyone, including herself, miserable. Don’t know how this kid got adopted. Didn’t the family members get separate interviews or something? Or did she just bully them into saying what would get her what she wanted?

@tcullen2283

7 ай бұрын

That was my first question too. I thought normally the agency will interview the other kids in the house to make sure that they actually want another kid to be adopted

@AWholeBeew

7 ай бұрын

Considering how Lucy was able to steamroll over the husband's and biological son's misgivings on adopting a kid in the first place, my guess is that the father and biological son were either browbeaten into complying or were so used to giving Lucy her own way to avoid incurring her wrath that they just said and did what she wanted them to. Extra AH points to Lucy for either not doing her research or ignoring given information on the realities of raising foster or adoptive kids. Behavioral issues are rampant due to substance exposure and early trauma, and you need to be prepared for more than a typical share of turmoil. I say that as a foster/adoptive mom of three with an adopted sister and an adopted brother-in-law.

@Amy_The_unbearded

7 ай бұрын

I thought with situations like this they did interviews with all involved. (sounds like a child was being fostered and led to adoption) I have a feeling Lucy's husband was "okay" with it until he realized the extent of the "behavioral issues" and the impact that it would have on him and Logan. Seems like Lucy either 'bullied'(strong armed) or manipulated her husband to think things would be different. Either way, they should NOT have been allowed to adopt and they DEFINITELY should have taken their biological child's feelings in to consideration which it sounds like no one did when initially making the decision

@Dannygoblin

7 ай бұрын

She offered a home to someone to the expense of her own son and husband. She clearly didn’t communicate the child’s needs to her husband if he didn’t know his behavioral issues. Yes, the wife is completely to blame for this situation. I can commend her for wanting to help a child, but she’s doing everyone in that house a disservice @@KitKal

@stuartwalker9597

7 ай бұрын

@@KitKalthe husband was neither happy or unhappy with the suggestion it’s in the story

Story 2: NTA. This is the definition of "you reap what you sow", she ruined her own wedding. This bride just uninvites OP for no reason, twice, mind you. And when she apologized the second time, she has the gall to make demands that OP can't be the bridesmaid? How is OP the AH here? Is it because she found out about the party and just decides to guilt trip her? Please, this girl is bordering on bridezilla status and I don't blame OP for backing out entirely.

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

OP was only a fool for staying after the first time she was boosted from the party. Bride never provided a valid reason other than “stress”. I wonder if she did this as a test to see how loyal they are?

@ZombieMinion1992

7 ай бұрын

I think we fully crossed the border to bridezilla. The friend is probably feeling really paranoid and weird but that’s really not an excuse. I am more curious if she’s having problems, funding the actual wedding and is trying to knock more people out of the wedding party in hopes that she can like clear up seats for other people.

@Krystal40553

7 ай бұрын

@@ZombieMinion1992 I seen some comments mention an update but it got deleted by the moderators, but from I can gathered first time bride kick OP was because of some fight and bride cussed OP out of the group but I guess getting some slack from the others she let her back in before kicking her out for another thing that OP didn’t know what and OP messaged the Maid Of Honor who said basically the bride didn’t felt comfortable or want a “skinny” girl standing next to her at the altar. So I’m guessing the bride is plus size and was jealous of OP probably thinking she wouldn’t be seen beautiful on her wedding day but from it seem like OP has the most money in the group so the bride kept her in the wedding party to be used as a cash flow and after getting everything she wanted from her kicked her out.

@abiean222

7 ай бұрын

@@Krystal40553 OP didn't have any money, she was pulling from her student loans to pay for everything. and honestly, that makes them using her for cash so much worse.

@Krystal40553

7 ай бұрын

@@abiean222 ah yes that’s right it slipped my mind and it does indeed.

Birthday Story: Their was a story we read about a year ago where a student and their mother wanted to not include a student for bullying and invite the rest of the class. In response, the teacher demanded that either everyone goes or none of them go. This sounds similar, but the actions of the daughter feel off to me. I’d suggest calling those crossed out parents and asking them if their kids are being bullied by the daughter. Until then, this is an INFO rating from me.

@ladylily634

7 ай бұрын

There was an update where OP explained further to the daughter why she shouldn't exclude those people and the daughter understood and invited the three kids, so get off the daughter's ass.

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

Not inviting not nice kid who is mean is super justified, why should the birthday person reward a bully with invite?...Why should bad behaviour be rewarded? Maybe then the bully thinks that maybe they should be nicer in order to be included

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

@@ladylily634 Aww thats nice :D

@dudeorduuude5211

7 ай бұрын

​@@hipsterracoon2159but the kids she wanted to exclude aren't bullies. The daughter says they are just "weird".

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

@@dudeorduuude5211 I am talking about other story that the OP is talking about where everybody was invited. Besides, the not nice kid not this one :D

Story 4: as someone who was known as “that weird kid” it is awful seeing how the wife is taking the side of the daughter. The fact that the daughter can’t think of a good reason is extremely suspicious and most likely she already bullies those kids or the kids are ostracized, and the fact that she crossed out the names too instead of telling OP directly could be her not wanting OP to find out about the bullying or ostracism. What makes this worse is the fact that OP’s wife is taking her side, and the line “picking a fight over something no one will remember years down the road” makes me actively concerned, the fact that she doesn’t see how it might effect the kids is disgusting. If I was OP this might be enough for me to rethink my relationship with a person like this.

@luciellawliet

7 ай бұрын

As another weird kid, I 100% agree. I wouldn’t be surprised if those three kids are struggling at home too and this is affecting them being able to “fit in.” Just hearing this story made me remember so much of the bullying and actual harassment I went through because of my classmates and how every single adult failed me. It really, really fucks you up. I especially hate that she couldn’t give op a good reason as to why she doesn’t like them, that is extremely suspicious and probably social bias. I still invited my entire class to my birthday parties as a child even though most of the class didn’t even like me (they really only showed up to hangout with their friends and get free food and drink etc.)

@HopefulDarkness

7 ай бұрын

As a third weird kid (hey we are the three that didn’t get invited xD), I was bullied and isolated by a lot of people in grade school. Didn’t help that I was also arbitrarily assigned as learning disabled or ESL since I didn’t like to talk or interact much with people. Not sure why, I always struggled with interacting with my own peers. Definitely feel the home life part. As a kid, I geniunely didn’t know if my parents truly cared about me or a result. Like I had to be or do something in order to be loved. I’d say the dad’s right and awesome for being a standup person. Dad’s teaching the kid to not be a bully. Props on him man! I think it probably is the social ostratization of it or she’s one of the bullies.

@lmp192q

7 ай бұрын

I was another "weird kid" (sorry to ruin the three part). This exact scenario happened to me. Social ostracizing kids is a form of bullying that leads to many social insecurities that permeate through to adulthood. "What did I do wrong? Why doesn't anyone talk to me?" I tried so hard to make friends and heck my parents threw a birthday party similar to the one in the story when I was turning 10 in an attempt to help the situation (keep in mind my parents were broke and couldn't even invite my cousins to the party because they couldn't afford that on top of the kids they expected to attend). I invited every kid from class. Only one girl showed up. Tons of tokens and play divided between two made it awesome! Afterwards, however, she was bullied in a similar fashion until she didn't talk to me either to work her way back into the two classroom social leaders' good graces. Stacy thank you for making my birthday awesome and I don't blame you.

@ryker6728

7 ай бұрын

As a weird kid. Grow up. Kids are mean. You're not going to like / get along with everyone, that's just how life is. You don't have to invite people you don't like. Trying to force inclusion is just more damaging in my eyes as it will create some kind of strain that further pushes her away from those kids.

@vinwaffle7077

7 ай бұрын

@@ryker6728 As a weird kid Saying its forcing inclusion is just wrong. Its not forcing inclusion, its teaching his daughter not to be mean/a bully. It would be forcing inclusion if they were mean to her and or she literally didn't invite the whole class. She can dislike people yeah but its not a valid reason to bully people by saying "Hey everyone's invited to my awesome and big party except those three because you're weird." in a environment where everyone would know that they were the only three to be left out, it's going to cause bullying from other students.

For the last story, my own mom did something similar to me, although it was only for 2 days instead of 2 weeks. I was terrified, as it was the start of my sophomore year in high school, and she didn't tell me where she went or when she'd be back. I was barely a few months older than 15, and I had to take care of myself and our dog for about 50 hours. I was a wreck that entire time, and when she came back, she claimed that her leaving was my fault because I 'drove her away' This is one of many, many reasons why I don't speak to her anymore. She believes that I'm the problem in our relationship and why we don't get along, and selectively tells parts of the story that make her seem like a good mom. Good moms don't bully and abandon their children, Jennifer. Fuck you.

@NettylSpryngs

7 ай бұрын

I probably would have called the police if my mom did that to me. But I guess you and OP were probably used to some level of erratic behavior. That's so f-ed up. I'm sorry you were saddled with such a shitty parent

Story 1: In all honesty, the adopted kid is the real victim here. He clearly has behavioral issues and needs help, but her mom refuses to acknowledge them cuz that would reflect badly on her, and thus, everyone loses.

@nicholasfarrell5981

7 ай бұрын

Both of the kids are the victims, honestly.

@journeehyde9128

7 ай бұрын

The kids both need individual therapy and tom needs a divorce. Jack and Logan are the real victims and Lucy was an absolute idiot for never listening. She's not giving either kid a good life, just trauma

@rogueryder3285

7 ай бұрын

She reminds me of my grandmother. She dismissed all of my father's issues and that backfired on all of us

@arthurramirez5665

6 ай бұрын

Behavioral issues = never met the belt-

@rogueryder3285

6 ай бұрын

@@arthurramirez5665 oh goodness

For the Birthday party there is an update. We talked again this morning morning and I asked her more specifically about her feelings towards the three and it’s really nothing even potentially problematic like people were suggesting, but I thought it was important to make sure just in case. I asked her to put herself in their shoes-what if one of her classmates was having a party and invited everybody except her? How would she feel? This is the approach I admit I should have tried in the first place, and it worked. She gets it. I explained that’s why she can’t invite the whole class except for just three people because at that point, it’s a class affair. I reiterated that she could still have a small party with just her close friends, but she said she wanted to still have a big party and everybody is invited.

@privateeyety5735

6 ай бұрын

Aww glad it had good ending

@SaruCharmed

Ай бұрын

Thank you for the update! That's A+ parenting. Teaching empathy, not ignoring when your child is displaying bullying behaviors.

Story 1: While Lucy was absolutely careless and oblivious in this situation. Tom had the responsibility to speak out, which he was too cowardly to do. He stayed complicit until it was too late. I really doubt Logan would be so troublesome if the situation was handled any good. And I really have to wonder what agency they used and how careful it was about finding a GOOD match.

@Dayday-xj3hc

7 ай бұрын

See I feel like that wanting to adopt was perfectly fine but who they adopted wasn’t the right call. There is a reason why people adopt babies or kids under 5. And yes Lucy did mess up but Tom agreed to it too before it got too hard, in my opinion op isn’t being fair in this situation, I would be annoyed if my sister was complaining about her family life too but the way they spoke to their sister was uncalled for. The real victims are Jack and Logan.

@DragonbornMike-ym2er

7 ай бұрын

@@Dayday-xj3hc I completely agree. A different kid may not have created the same issues. But at the same time, both adults here already clearly had things they needed to work on before any of this.

@criscat1750

7 ай бұрын

Tbh i dont trust OP at all, she seems like a snake in the grass, how is she the only one voicing these concerns and when confronted by other family members shes immediately the bad guy, like it all seems like a conformation bias mess, and OP isnt telling us the whole picture.

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

@@DragonbornMike-ym2er This is 100% the husband's fault for not saying a hard no, if he was gonna be a garbage human being and abbandon an adopted kid. You don't necessarily control which kid you're gonna feel a bond with or will gravitate towards...things just happen and we know nothing on how the adoption actually happened, we are given a biased outsider's perspective and that's it. You also don't necessarily learn the depth of all the damage of the kid prior to the adoption. Adoption is never easy and it does take a lot to make it work, which reinforces Tom's fault in this...he did go through everything knowing all this...only to ditch. He is the one really at fault here.

@stuartwalker9597

7 ай бұрын

@@criscat1750 op’s parents are agreeing with her can no not read?

Still waiting for the update on the story from the OP's wife who emptied their bank account and went to enjoy life traveling before having symptoms of dementia and who expects to return home as if nothing happened.

@superchargedweenie7582

7 ай бұрын

I am too, but I don’t think we’ll get an update for that story any time soon

@OliviaConroy

3 ай бұрын

Just look up the post. The whole thing is pretty much concluded.

As someone who was often excluded for being "strange" (undiagnosed autistic) and made an effort to befriend the, admittedly, very strange kids in class who were being actively bullied, I'm on the dad's side. That stuff HURTS and stays with you for life. Even when you think you've gotten over it and are doing fine, there will be occasions where something brings up the old emotions and old trauma. I know that I personally have issues with thinking that even the friend's I've had for literal decades don't really like me, and I assume I'm not wanted at events unless I'm directly invited, even when everyone else understands that they are making an open invitation to the whole group. It's damaging to behave the way his daughter is just because the kids are a little weird to her and will, more than likely, lead to her being an active bully, if she isn't already.

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

Why is OP’s daughter expected to put the happiness of kids she doesn’t like over her happiness. It’s HER birthday. You aren’t entitled to go to someone’s party just because you know them. Does it suck not being invited? Yes. But it’s not up to someone else to make me feel comfortable at the expense of their own happiness.

@Digitalfairy

7 ай бұрын

@@briannad9155 Hey, I thought this whole modern society was all about being "tolerant" and "inclusive" to...everyone, or were THOSE just lies allegedly woke people tell?

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

​@@briannad9155because the happiness is caused by bigotry. If the daughter wanted to include the entire class except the black kids or the kids with two moms or two dads or the kid in the wheelchair, everyone would immediately recognize the child was being a bigot. But when the source of the discrimination is an invisible disability, people are seemingly totally comfortable with their kid excluding disabled people. OP is being a good parent and recognizing that their daughter is excluding people who did nothing wrong simply for being different. He needs to know if his daughter is a bully or just confused so he can step in and provide the right parenting. Also the daughter was given the choice to have a small party with just her friends. Asking to invite your entire class minus "the weird kids" is a massive red flag for bullying and discrimination.

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

@@LilChuunosuke you’re pulling so much info straight out of your ass. you don’t know if it’s bigotry. You’re just assuming this kid is ablest,racist, or homophobic. Do you invite every person you know to celebrate your birthday? No? Why not? I’m sure it hurts some people’s feelings to not be invited to every birthday celebration you have. But literally no one does that. You aren’t entitled to be at someone else’s birthday just because it might hurt your feelings if they don’t want you there. If it hurts you as an adult that you weren’t invited to someone’s party in middle school, that’s between you and your therapist. Op is telling his daughter that her needs don’t matter even on her own birthday. That she needs to bend over and make sure other people are happy before her. That’s not being a good parent. A good parent would teach their kids that not everyone has to be invited to everything and that’s ok. Is he gonna expect her to do the same when she’s a teenager? When she’s an adult? To invite everyone she knows so she doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings? No. So she shouldn’t have to do it now. I swear. So many of Y’all are just attaching your bitter memories of not being invited to the popular kid’s party to this story. The choices are either she invites people she doesn’t want at her party or she has to exclude more of her friends so those children don’t feel bad? Wow. What great choices that totally don’t teach OP’s daughter that she isn’t allowed to feel comfortable and have fun if it might make other people uncomfortable because they weren’t put first 😒

@ThatOddChickenHippie

7 ай бұрын

@briannad9155 then she needs to just invite her friends and not the entire class aside from those three. That is sending a clear and deliberate message, and im sure that's her intent.

I don’t know man as a kid who was socially outcast the mom being like “nobody will remember this in a couple years” rubs me the wrong way like lady if you’re one of the only 3 kids not invited to a big party like that that’s a core memory you WILL remember that for the rest of your life. The mom was obviously never one of the kids who got left out when she was young because that shit sticks with you and forms who you are as a person.

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

Literally this entire story is reminding me of birthday parties where I was excluded for being weird when I was SEVEN YEARS OLD. The kids being excluded will DEFINITELY remember. I hope OP not only invites them, but actively ensures the daughter is kind to them and speaks with the parents to see if their kids are getting bullied at school.

Birthday Story: If you're inviting the whole class, you invite the whole class. It's the perfect opportunity to bond with those kids you're not close with. If you exclude the three, they're gonna notice and that's gonna scar them emotionally.

@journeehyde9128

7 ай бұрын

I don't agree. you could easily just give the invites to your classmates outside of the classroom. but I don't believe in forcing someone to invite people to their party that they don't want. that birthday is about that person. not about what you feel is right. if I wanted to invite the majority of my class to my party but hated 3 people. Then I would be d***** if I was going to invite those 3 people.

@ivytaylor1494

7 ай бұрын

​@@journeehyde9128then you could simply only invite friends, the problem is she wants a big party with the entire class minus 3. She doesn't even have a valid reason to exclude them just that she finds them weird, and excluding select members of a group from something is textbook bullying and WILL affect those kids because they'll definitely find out at some point. One birthday party not going exactly as she wants is better than allowing her to be a bully which could continue the rest of her life, Op is doing his job as a parent to correct bad behavior and teach empathy

@lexalina132

7 ай бұрын

Respectfully disagree--I was the pitty invited throughout my childhood and lemme tell you, that hurts more than not being invited at all 😓

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

@@ivytaylor1494 except he’s not teaching her empathy. He’s telling her that her happiness and comfort on her own birthday is less important than 3 random kids he doesn’t know and she isn’t friends with. He’s telling her that her feelings don’t matter. It’s the same mentality pushed on women so often: that they need to always put the happiness of others above their own happiness and comfort. Her not wanting them there is more than enough reason for not inviting them to her birthday. You aren’t entitled to someone else’s party and those kids’ parents could easily just teach them that they aren’t going to be invited to everything and that’s ok.

@zerobolt9506

7 ай бұрын

​@@briannad9155yea this I was thinking this too, like what if wired is the nice way she put it, what if one or all 3 are creepy at her or her friends, it's like those horror stories told by Lazy, Mr. Nightmare & the others where a young girl was made to be friends with some creep & the creep was being very VERY creepy with her saying stuff that at his age he shouldn't know yet & she had no choice but to deal with it cause "oh but his feelings" 🙄

11:35 oh honey, I was one of those kids that didn't get invited when most other classmates were. Trust me, we remember. We remember how amazing it felt the few times we were invited, and we remember how awful it felt when we were not, knowing almost everyone in class would be talking about it afterwards. Edit; OP gets 0/5 buttholes, daughter gets 1/5 buttholes (she is young so I can give her a break) the wife gets 3/5 buttholes.

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

Too many people in this comment section are not understanding that its not about the weird kids being entitled to join, its about teaching your child that it is not acceptable to exclude others for not fitting into your narrow box of what is a socially acceptable way of existing. I hope the OP not only forces her to invite the weird kids, but takes an active interest in understanding *why* she doesn't like them and *how* she treats them as a result of it to ensure their daughter does not just bully those kids every time his back is turned.

@journeehyde9128

7 ай бұрын

I was often invited to events where the girls clearly didn't like me but I was the pity invite. That's worse. That's way worse. You should never be forced to invite people you simply aren't comfortable with

@Lilnaomi3

7 ай бұрын

It doesn't seem fair to give the daughter a butthole score. I was bullied, weird and annoying. If someone told me I had to invite people just because their feelings shouldn't be hurt that would suck. I knew at that age, you don't have to like everyone and everyone doesn't have to like you. We are always talking about consent but then we try and force others onto children. You don't see adults inviting people they don't like to their birthday unless they feel socially pressured. That's not a good time either. OP should talk to the daughter at a later point when things have calmed down about why those kids were not wanted at the party. For some reason she doesn't want to tell him, maybe she told mom but we don't know. We don't know about the social dynamics at all but we do know the daughter isn't talking for some reason to the dad. definitely teach kids to not bully or ostracism but also that they don't need everyone approval. It's ok to be hurt or disappointed and we aren't entitled to everything.

@waltgrisly509

7 ай бұрын

Nobody cares. If you were more sociable or likeable, people would invite you. Stop expecting people to bend over backwards to accommodate you.

@bladerunner3314

7 ай бұрын

It's akin to being the last to be selected to any team - sure, maybe you aren't the best in aparticular game, but if you are, and still ...

Birthday party: I had the same situation as a 8 year old. There was one girl in the class that unfortunately was not very popular and I didn’t want to invite her due to group perception. My mom made me invite her and it had no affect on my life. I feel like I’m a better person for it.

@CommanderLobo

7 ай бұрын

Personally, I suspect the girl has been bullying those three at school. Her reaction to having to invite them to the party seems a bit much.

@JLense

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, she's bullying them by exclusion. I was one of those kids that was forever excluded. I remember every single one years, decades later.

Fifth story: NTA. Wow... She's abusing her kids in any way possible and also believes herself the victim. This is narsistic behavior and she started to feel her control is slipping.

@aatelophobia146

7 ай бұрын

not narcissistic. stop using words u clearly dont understand. npd isn't a bad thing/

@franciscojaviermendezrinco1902

7 ай бұрын

@@aatelophobia146 looking at the definition a narcisists crave to be in control of everything and everyone in their lives. OP's mother is like that and she will do anything to keep her control over her kids.

@WolfODonnelfan

3 ай бұрын

@@aatelophobia146 What? This behaviour is textbook narcissistic behaviour. And npd, based on personal experience having one in my family and one as a former friend, is one of the worst personality disorders out there - together wirth borderline. I'd rather be around a psychopath/sociopath than a person with npdl. So I must respectfully disagree with your opinion and say that: yes, npd really is that bad.

Bride story : That's even worst, that's Firing you, re-hiring you without explanation nor apology, then refiring you, THEN asking to rehire you AT A LOWER POSITION than your previous one. That Bridezilla is a mess.

Story one: As someone with multiple mental health issues, you don't have kids if you aren't able to take care of any health issues. It's not good for Jack to be in a house where 2 people hate him and the other one is a narcissist. It's also not good for Logan to grow up not getting the support he needs.

@BadassHater1

7 ай бұрын

It does not look like Lucy gives a damn about anyone except herself and her own "happy place"

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

@@BadassHater1and when Tom and Logan leave, she’ll have to deal with her beloved Jack all by herself. I’m not faulting Jack since he wasn’t dealt a good hand and likely isn’t getting any additional therapy. Just family therapy.

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

That is merely Rslashs interpretation. They BOTH went through the adoption, they BOTH wanted this. They had interviews, meetings and a whole lot of paperwork before getting the kid. What it sounds like is that when they did not get an easy, quiet kid this pos of a husband decided to quit.

@Manorbis

7 ай бұрын

Interesting thought. I actually think he didn't want to do it to begin with and just didn't stand his ground to his wife. But it would have been better if he had, now his family is suffering for his lack of spine, for his wife narcissism. The adopted boy needs help and love, the bio-kid needs love but instead they got the mom who wasn't to ~feel~ virtuous and the dad who is spineless.@@fallenprometheus

@ZombieMinion1992

7 ай бұрын

@@fallenprometheus I mean it’s just as likely that Lucy strong armed her husband into it. You don’t get randomly given a child Lucy picked Jack my bet is the husband was just not interested at all and let Lucy do whatever she wanted during the adoption process he had no idea that Jack had all these mental issues, he just wanted his wife to not bitch and moan about needing another child. Because that’s apparently the only thing Lucy is good for is being a mother, but she sucks at it clearly

Story 4: How would you and your daughter feel if your daughter, and maybe 1 or 2 other kids, out of 20+ children were PURPOSELY EXCLUDED from a classmates birthday party?! OP is NOT the AH. This is classic mean girl behavior that showing here. Some elementary schools have rules that say only invite half or less, or invite everyone for this exact reason. OP WBTAH if he let's his daughter's behavior slide. This attitude needs to be dealt with before she gets too old.

@Dissarae2469

7 ай бұрын

I'd feel fine. It would hurt to be excluded but I'd get over it, and in those situations I did get over it. Why? Because why the hell would someone I'm not close to or that finds me weird invite me to their birthday?

@wingracer1614

7 ай бұрын

That is most likely what is going on but just because an 11 year old says she isn't being bullied, that doesn't make it true. It is possible she has very good reason to exclude those three and doesn't know how to say it. Again, that is less likely but it a possibility that should be considered.

@ZombieMinion1992

7 ай бұрын

There was an update for the story, OP asked his daughter to think about how it would feel if she were the one excluded and she understood. Apparently the reason she wasn’t close to the three kids was nothing problematic like bullying or any of them having some sort of mental issue , she just wasn’t close to any of them. she did see the point and invited them anyway because she wouldn’t have felt good if she were the one excluded

@ZombieMinion1992

7 ай бұрын

@@Dissarae2469 I mean I was the kid not invited to every birthday party but I was also bullied. It’s not as much how each individual child feels but more the precedence, it sets that those kids not invited are weirdos and should be bullied. Children don’t understand the nuance of well I don’t know you I’m not going to invite you to something all they understand is that person is not like the rest of us, so they must be wrong.

@audreym3908

7 ай бұрын

​​@@ZombieMinion1992I wish this was pinned because I was wondering if there would be an update. Glad everything was settled!

Oh man, Story 4 brought up a memory for me. A bad one. I was in the advanced math class in 7th grade. I was also new to the school district. We were the smart kids and I was having trouble making friends. Near the end of the first month one of the girls said “hey everyone come to my house today for a party.” Everyone else was super excited. I talked to the kid next to me and was told that girl would routinely have the smart kids over for impromptu parties. It was fun. So I asked and was told her address, she lived a few blocks away from me. Sweet! I told my parents when I got home and they were happy to drop me off. They were planning on taking us out for dinner anyway so they would drop me off on the way out and I would call for them to pick me up or I could walk home if it was still light enough. Thank God they stayed to watch me go into the house. I got to the girls’ house, I could hear people. I knocked. The girl opened the door. I waved and said “hey, am I late?” She gave me a look and said “oh, I cancelled the party.” I could hear the music and people inside. I got the message. I turned and walked back to the car. I cried. My parents hated that girl for the rest of my school career. I never treated her badly, but a lot of people recognized her parties as a way to be mean to people she didn’t like. When we were in high school she tried to invite me to one of her parties. As people got to know me a lot of them liked me, plus I had a nice glow up and dated a very handsome guy IMHO from another school. I obviously turned her down. I never said why but I’m sure she remembered. I had forgotten that but this story reminded me. OP is not wrong. If you are going to have a big party, invite kids from the neighborhood and a few classmates. Please don’t be the reason a kid goes home to cry because they “weren’t invited.”

@CommanderLobo

7 ай бұрын

Personally, I suspect the girl has been bullying those three at school. Her reaction to having to invite them to the party seems a bit much.

@yourlocalcoffeeaddict9603

7 ай бұрын

Or here's a idea... Don't invite them at the start. I was severally bullied in school, I still think OP is wrong. It's her birthday, the kids could be labeled for a serious reason, I don't know. She could just not be friends with them, whatever. It's an AH move to ruin HER birthday in favor of three kids OP doesn't know.

@BelleDreamer7

7 ай бұрын

@@yourlocalcoffeeaddict9603 OR private party where only the close friends of OP’s daughter get invited not the whole class. My niece’s 5th birthday was within a month of school starting, my sister sent a small number of invites to the teacher and said “could you give these to the children our daughter seems closest to” because my niece only had like two friends from her old day care program and my sister wanted to help my niece get closer to the classmates she was becoming friend with at school. It was lovely, the teacher was discreet and slipped the invites to the parents at pick up. Not all the classmates invited even came which made it easier for my niece to start befriending the few who did.

@sailorstar3148

4 ай бұрын

⁠@@yourlocalcoffeeaddict9603You have a point

@WolfODonnelfan

3 ай бұрын

@@yourlocalcoffeeaddict9603 I guess that's the difference between the to main parties in this discussion. Your side values their child's happiness and independence above all, while the other side , where I'm at, values goodness (aka not being a bully) higher than anything. Actually it's not so much that we value goodness, it's moreso that we all have no tolerance for being a bully while under our roof. So to sum it up; your side believes that bullying isn't such a big deal and our side knows that bullying is in fact a very big deal, especially towards children.

Story 4: I was tought by my mom that you either invite the entire class or just the boys/girls or a smaller group. That way you still have control over who comes but does not discriminate against anyone. Inviting everyone but three classmates is quite hurtful to those classmates.

Rslash in 2019:" haha i dont work here lady you sillygoose.." Rslash in 2024: daily dose of the most depressing stories on planet earth

@annika5893

7 ай бұрын

Maybe the latter option gets more views.

@michaelhorn175

7 ай бұрын

Time for an upgrade?

@duesenantrieb8272

7 ай бұрын

thats so accurate ... still remember his treelaw month ... fuck that where some of the most entertaining storries he ever read.

@carrierussell9224

7 ай бұрын

You’re so right. Where are the fun ones he used to do - petty revenge, malicious compliance, or, like you said, I don’t work here lady? Our world is depressing enough - we need laughs!

@survivedandthriving

7 ай бұрын

I suspect it is in large part 'the fault' of us, the viewership - maybe not us as in you and me and some of the others, but the viewership as a whole. KZreadrs, especially those who have decided to make a career of it, learn pretty quickly to stick to content that gets the most likes, views and contents, especially because those three factors best-feed the ever-hungry algorithm. My guess is that rSlash is choosing the content that get the most of these algorithm-feeding responses. And NO, I am in no way bashing rSlash. I am just recognizing that people who are selling goods and services generally try and best-meet the wants and needs of their clients...

Re birthday party: OP is right. Either have a small party with close friends or invite the whole class. Not inviting 3 of the class is cruel and they will never forget it.

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, on one side, it's correct what you say because making the first move can help you grow to put it simple, but on the other side, it's her birthday and if she doesn't want to invite people then she doesn't invite people... I would rather have party that is memorable and good, and I hang with people that I want to associate myself at over some people who I do not feel comfortable with... Life sucks there will be rejection, but you just have to keep on trucking... I am looking at this on both sides… over the years, I have learned that not everybody will give you participation cupcake, just because…

@nat6098

7 ай бұрын

I was the left out kid and it really hurts when you go to school and everyone but you us talking about the party. It also turns out that the reason I was "strange" is because I'm most likely autistic but was only diagnosed as a highly sensitive person as a kid. It may be her birthday but it impacts other people. I know our society is very individualistic and the thinking of this kid and her mom is a great example of it. They're solely focused on the daughter and not on how it could impact others. I winder if they'd be mad if one kid brought in snacks to share with everyone except the daughter and a couple other kids.

@zozocecp

7 ай бұрын

Thing is, they could get invited but then be othered by the other kids. As in, nobody playing or interacting with them because they weren’t wanted there in the first place. That’s honestly worse than just not being invited.

@pakki2006

7 ай бұрын

@@nat6098 Weird. The type of stuff you describe here, only a few kids being left out of parties and only a few kids being left out of shared snacks is common here. The story to me seemed entirely one-sided, because here, you don't think about that kinda stuff. Either they're your friends and you have a good relationship with them so you invite them, or you don't.

@CG318

7 ай бұрын

It might be her party but she is not paying for it. Her attitude at a young age for not wanting to invite people shows what she will be when she gets older. If she wants to have a party with people she only wants then she can make her own money and do it that way. Also you never know those kids might not even show up because they don't want to go to a bully's party

Story 4 : so... this 11, going on 12 years old, cries and runs away whenever someone doesn't go along with what she wants..? I would expect that from a 5 years old not almost 12 ! I don't think the birthday invitees are the problem here, but her reaction to being said 'no' is.

I was excluded from kids birthday parties in middle school. I know how that feels. That was in forth grade. Teacher told me it was up to the birthday kid who to invite. Out of the whole class, I was the only one not invited -shrugs- hurt as a kid.

It's one of the best things my mom ever did, I had to invite everyone or no one. "How would you feel if everyone was invited except for you?" And that happened to me later on and it sucks. So I'm very pleased that I invited everyone.

Birthday Party one: the parent is right. She's not "close" to 17 kids, so inviting the whole class is an statement, and inviting the whole class excluding three kids is also an statement. Unless there's a valid reason behind it she should either invite everyone, or only her friends EDIT: People are forgetting that he gave her the option to only invite her friends but still have the party. The dad isn't forcing her to "ignore her feelings to be fair" or anything. If she's inviting 17 kids in a class of 20, she's already inviting people she doesn't really care about. No way all 17 kids are actually friends with her, so this party being big is already a superficial symbol for school popularity and not something she really should care about, asking her to either be kind and invite everyone or downsize is not being cruel and teaching your kid to ignore her feelings, but teaching your kid to value people over clout, which more people should be taught tbh

@leonardoespinosa3364

7 ай бұрын

Op says "it would be different if they were bullies" but it seems like he's racing the bully, enabled by his wife. If the only reason to not invite someone is "they're strange", that's a bully move. Even at my worst times in elementary school people invited me to the school parties, nevermind I was constantly bullied for being strange.

@fdm2155

7 ай бұрын

Agreed. The daughter should either invite her actual friends (not just acquaintances) OR invite everyone. Daughter's vague claim that the kids are 'strange' just wouldn't cut it with me. I would not set up those3 kids, who may already be ostracized, for teasing/harassment from classmates. If 15 to 20 kids are gonna be at a pool, the daughter can easily avoid them.

@sarahmiller2431

7 ай бұрын

I can't get over the kid dropping everything and crying and running aeau from her dad when she sees him. I dunno, feels kinda manipulative? Its not like these kids are mean to her theu just are a little weird? I dunno

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

I’m really curious about her fascination over having a big party. It sounds like she isn’t friends with her class, not just the three not invited. Does she want this party as some status symbol? Otherwise why be upset over settling with a party with just her friends?

@CAUGHH

7 ай бұрын

@@sarahmiller2431idk it feels kinda of complicated. Like if she’s being bullied by those kids she’s not gunna want to tell her dad yet invite them to her birthday. If there just quit kids yea she’s a bully but there’s really no way to know

I was the kid that didn't get invites to parties because I was "weird." I still remember how crappy it felt when I found out I was the only one not invited

@stuartwalker9597

7 ай бұрын

Same about being the weird kid. I had the kids who’s party it was go “your not invited” to me to wind me up then when I told them “I didn’t want to go to their party” that upset them a lot 😅

@Artretha

7 ай бұрын

Same. It sucks being excluded for being the "weird kid."

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

Honestly it sucked being invited and it sucked being left out. Because a lot of the times the parents seemed to think inviting me was enough and never stopped or properly disciplined their kids for spending the whole party bullying me. When I wouldn't get invited the next year, I knew the parents just gave up on teaching their kid to be a good person because excluding me was easier. Especially since they didn't have to confront how their kids treated me in class every day like I did. Inviting the weird kids is a good start, but if the dad doesnt follow up on it, they'll just be forcing the weird kids to buy a present for someone who plans to spend the next few hours picking on them for fun. He needs to make sure its discipline for the daughter instead of punishment for the weird kids.

The birthday one, op is 100% NTA. Yeah, it’s important to celebrate his daughter’s birthday, but it’s more important to raise her into a good person. Letting her exclude 3 people when inviting the “whole class” could only be bad (unless they’re bullies)

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

You’re not entitled to go to someone’s party just because they’re in your class. OP is telling his daughter that the happiness of other kids he doesn’t know is more important the happiness of his own daughter and that her feelings don’t matter. That’s an AH move.

@Hawaiiwong

7 ай бұрын

100% agree. Especially when the only justification is that they're "weird". That just screams mean girl behavior.

@DenimDucky

7 ай бұрын

@@briannad9155 I don’t agree. If it’s being framed as “inviting the whole class” and then excludes just a few people she doesn’t like, then it’s telling them that those few aren’t welcome in the class. Parents’ job is to raise their kids. Sometimes that means defending and spoiling them, other times it means teaching them about the possible consequences of their actions. I don’t believe the daughter intends to make the few feel bad, she just doesn’t enjoy their company. The idea that you MUST prioritize your child’s happiness over others’ is how you get parents whose “precious baby angels” can do no wrong.

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

@@DenimDucky not enjoying someone’s company is more than enough reason to not invite them to your BIRTHDAY PARTY. This isn’t some random party, this isn’t some school event, this is literally OP’s daughter’s birthday. She should be allowed to invite whoever she wants. Is op gonna expect her to do the same when she’s a teenager/adult? Invite everyone you know because you might hurt someone’s feelings? No. So she shouldn’t have to do the same now. This would be an opportunity for the other kids’ parents to explain to them that they aren’t always going to be invited to everything. If that still impacts them that much as adults, that’s a problem between them and their therapist.

@Digitalfairy

7 ай бұрын

​@@DenimDucky Yeah, I thought this whole modern society was all about being "tolerant" and "inclusive" or were those just lies?

As someone who was the weird kid in school, getting invited to parties where you know the guest of honor doesn’t like you… makes things awkward for everyone.

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

But being left out feels crappy too. I think including us is a good start, but its not the entire solution. I had more fun at birthday parties where I wasnt wanted if the parents actively punished their kids for excluding me. I knew that if I wasn't having fun, I could move closer to the adults & they would have to be nicer. I even got one girl grounded for like half an hour at her own birthday party for picking on me. That was pretty funny lol

@sailorstar3148

4 ай бұрын

@@LilChuunosuke I would feel even more weird being invited to the same place where the birthday person doesn’t like me

@WolfODonnelfan

3 ай бұрын

But they should still be invited, and then the kid in question can decide if they want to come or not. Having the option to choose is always more preferable to not have that option.

Story 3: I was the child being excluded from parties just me for the sake of popularity. I was excluded from my own birthday party. Good on OP for shutting that rubbish down she invites her whole class, a few friends or no one

@s.h.6858

7 ай бұрын

I had one party, maybe a little younger than this girl, where only one person showed up. Never asked for, and never received, a party since. The mother in that story is wrong: these things ARE remembered, years and decades later. And sometimes they become a "before x"/"after x" point in life, where x is an event that creates a fundamental change in your life.

story about fraud brother: you forgot to give the mother the a score, since she always covered the bad behaviour of her son

Birthday party; So here's the thing, if you are handing out invitations during class, everyone has to get one. Otherwise, you must hand them out individually on your own time. It's usually a rule in school to avoid this exact problem. As for my judgement, I'm with dad. I feel like this is a good learning opportunity that even during special occasions, we should be kind towards others, especially when the most they've "done" is be "strange". OP's daughter and wife honestly give me mean girl and my super sweet 16 brat vibes, small but still there, so I do think OP needs to stand firm here. Otherwise, daughter will become an actual spoiled brat imo.

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, I agree with you, but at the same time it's her birthday party if she doesn't feel comfortable around those three people why you should force her to invite them just because of politeness ? You know what I mean, I'm against exclusion, but I also understand that you cannot force somebody to invite somebody for sake of it that's also not great

@lduker9731

7 ай бұрын

@@hipsterracoon2159except that’s not what’s happening. She was given a choice Invite the whole class or invite a small group of friends she just isn’t allowed to exclude 3 people for no reason.

I was one of the kids that wasn't invited to a party the rest of the class was invited to. It's a core memory. I was bullied and ostracized by my peers after transferring schools at a young age. It affected me well into adulthood. The proper route would be to ask your daughter why she doesn't want those specific people and if she cannot give a legitimate reason (ie they are mean to her, harmful etc) then just set a limit on how many people she can invite. Also talk to her about how she thinks leaving that person or persons out will make them feel and how she would feel if the situation was reversed.

@TeasyLove

7 ай бұрын

this is what i wanted to write. glad i found someone else with the same thoughts! thank you for sharing!

If those three girls dont invite op’s daughter to their birthday party but invited everybody else and she was the only exception she’ll be a wreck

The title story - brother is absolutely a jerk. I'm willing to give him a little leeway for the autism, but OP says that he has acted like this before when he gets caught doing wrong. It seems like he has never faced any consequences for his actions, and the fact that he is autistic ended up being used as an excuse for bad behaviour and leading to him being coddled when he really needed to be taught WHY what he did was wrong. The brother has unfortunately internalised the lesson that having meltdowns like the one he had upon being caught in the story will usually get him out of bad situations because of the extra care he recieves from his parents, and now it has just come to a head with him committing a crime. The meltdown isn't necessarily because he's autistic, it's because he's realised that there's no getting out of this one. OP, your brother isn't bad because he's autistic. He's bad because he's spoilt, doesn't know how to face the consequences and likely won't learn unless you press charges. I don't think it's necessary to send him to jail and you could have been a little more tactful in that phone call, but if any legal action results from this, you need to make sure he understands that this isn't okay. OP - 0/5 buttholes, he is doing the right thing. Brother - 4/5 buttholes, he committed a serious crime and needs to pay no matter the circumstances OP's family defending the brother - 3/5 buttholes, it's obvious that their pampering and excuses are the core problem that resulted in this. -sincerely, A Neurodivergent Person.

@BadassHater1

7 ай бұрын

"He doesn't know right from wrong" "Then you have failed to teach him that as a parent"

Story 2: you should block her, she talks so much crap about you for no reason, then acts like she's entitled to your money. Like she literally want you to go in deeper debt for her wedding after kicking you out of it twice. Who cares what she thinks she's a terrible person I like to throw fits just to have them.

Story 1: Lucy really screwed over her family, I understand the desire to have a big family but some things just aren't meant to be and due to her wants, she ruined the household. You shouldn't adopt unless everyone is on board, there were two NOs to her Yes. No child should be where they aren't wanted.

@stuartwalker9597

7 ай бұрын

But in Lucy’s mind her yes probably counts as 20 yes

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

Two nos doesn't mean SHIT when the husband goes through all the lengthy process and decides to do it anyway. The kids reluctance can be relegated to him wanting to stay an only child and other similar reasons that parents disregard ALL THE TIME, everywhere...so it should be no surprise it's not taken into account.

@Digitalfairy

7 ай бұрын

Lucy screwed up alright, but it seems to me the adopted kid in question was not meant to be. If people want a large family people should respect that too. If someone wants to go childfree and not change anything, you support them same if someone wants to have a large family yes or yes.

@DragonClapper1855

7 ай бұрын

​@@fallenprometheusStop blaming *just* the husband and start tossing some blame on the damn wife that wanted this. And, disregarding that a child probably wants to remain a single child is stupid to do, as- in some cases, it makes sense and it's why parents, not just one of them, should talk to said child properly and before any adoption process starts. Bio children aren't disposable or meant to stay silent either when it comes to the subject a new person being added to the family, and if you think otherwise, you're utter trash and deserve *no children at all*.

@mywingsareyours

7 ай бұрын

Only children very often declare they don't want more siblings, why would that suddenly make a difference now? LOL. Also, the husband literally was almost completely through the process because he started getting cold feet, and even then it was only reluctance because he didn't want a traumatized kid

For the story about excluding the three kids from the party, being one of the three excluded from all the fun while the entire class gets to go to a party sticks with you. They will remember that snub down the road and it will leave an emotional scar. NTA, he should give her a small party if she refuses to invite those kids. If she gets out of line for not getting the big party then canceling would be appropriate. Don't throw a party that's going to be used to traumatize kids.

@millymaker7836

7 ай бұрын

If you’re traumatized because someone didn’t invite you to a party, there are some underlying issues there. My parents were both teachers, and they knew that forcing kids to be friends wouldn’t end well. Not being invited to a birthday party sucks, but you can just move on from it. You’re not owed a birthday party invitation from anyone, especially some kid you barely know

@Beeezledrop

7 ай бұрын

@@millymaker7836 You obviously were never a kid who was bullied or excluded. When an entire class gets invited to something and you're the only one not invited, that sticks with you. It's like being picked last for a game of baseball but 100x worse because the next day kids are going to rub it in their faces. It's not like OP is going to force his daughter to play with the kids at the party. You can bring kids to an event and not hang out with them. You're right no one is owed an invitation but, if you're flat-out inviting every kid in the class and you leave out three kids you're an asshole. It's like when you bring food in for a class to share, you bring some for everyone or you don't bring any at all. Excluding people doesn't fly when you're involving the entire class.

@millymaker7836

7 ай бұрын

@@Beeezledrop depends on how the invites are being handed out. If the daughter is handing them out in front of the kids who weren’t invited then she’s an asshole. If they’re emailed then it’s fine. It’s not her fault that she’s friends with everyone except those three. It’s not the daughter’s responsibility to be a friend to these kids if they don’t have any

@Beeezledrop

7 ай бұрын

@@millymaker7836 Never said she had to be with friends with the kids. She doesn't have to do anything for them other than let them come along. You just don't purposely leave people out when doing something that involves everyone. That's just bad juju. With an entire class of kids at a recreation center, I'm sure those kids will find their own thing to do and his daughter won't have to deal with them.

@millymaker7836

7 ай бұрын

@@Beeezledrop that’s fair but the kids will likely end up feeling excluded either way. People don’t always get to go to things, that’s life

As someone who was 'weird' and not invited to classmates birthdays and they didn't come to mine...I remember 20 years later. That girl probably does laugh with the other kids about how weird those three kids are. They probably are alone at recess cuz all the other kids run from them and call them names

The birthday story, no. op is NTA. There is no way the daughter is friends with every kid in the class. It’s purely a social status thing for her, she’s looking to elevate her standing, and she doesn’t want the “weird kids” there. Either she invites the whole class, gets a smaller party, or nada. She doesn’t get to bully these kids by exclusion.

Story 5 mom is a chameleon, since she's serial dating, she acts differently with every boyfriend. Example: if a potential bf has interests in basketball suddenly she'll becomes interested in that sport as well. The moment they break up she loses all interests

@BadassHater1

7 ай бұрын

That makes the situation even worse because she can't act like a mother to her own children without such a chance to repeat this shit once again. And again. And again. She already shattered what little trust her daughters had towards her so.....congrats with a new fuckbuddy of the week i guess? Hope it was worth losing both of your daughters.

The birthday story: OP is NOT the butthole. He's taking a stance so his daughter doesn't develop a sense of self entitlement that she can treat people differently just because she doesn't like them for some mundane, inane or innocuous reason. Wanting to exclude “the strange kids” from her party because she just says they're strange? It isn't kind of bullying by exclusion. It IS bullying by exclusion. As a former geeky outcast who never really fit into any clique when I was in school, I can tell you, from experience, what it feels like to be excluded from peers’s events. For example, on Valentine's Day back when it was no longer mandatory for everyone in class to present everyone with Valentine's Day cards, I maybe got three or four cards. It's worth pointing out, some of them were gag gifts with cruel or inappropriate messages written inside them. I never got invited to sleepovers or parties. The one time that I got shoehorned in to attending one, because my mom guilt tripped my brother into bringing me along with him when he didn't want to, I had a miserable experience. It should come as no surprise whatsoever, that all of my brother's friends were my bullies. He stood idly by while they humiliated, picked on and made me cry. Then I got mocked, ridiculed and shamed for crying. My brother even joined in on the bullying. After that, I became a total loner. If OP's wife can't see that by letting her daughter off the hook and, therefore, that she's potentially enabling their daughter in to becoming the stereotypical mean girl, then I think family counseling is in order to say the least.

@HeoBaby24

7 ай бұрын

Your not entitled to an invite

@iononcantomascrivo

7 ай бұрын

@@HeoBaby24 I never said anyone was. This inviting someone solely because she thinks they're strange or she doesn't like them for some shallow reason makes her a bully and the wife going along with this is positively reinforcing her negative behavior. That's all I was addressing.

@HeoBaby24

7 ай бұрын

@@iononcantomascrivo unless she actively rubbing it in their faces she not a bully for not wanting 3 people who she said make her uncomfortable. Again no one is entitled to an invite. Why should I have to invite people I don't like? It's her party her mother is sticking up for her daughter. She not rubbing it in their face. She not bragging about it to classmates. She simply doesn't want to invite those people Bec they make her uncomfortable. It's not bullying

@iononcantomascrivo

7 ай бұрын

@@HeoBaby24 I guess we'll have to agree to disagree here. Also comes off to me like you've never been bullied in your life and doesn't know what it feels like to be left out, humiliated, to feel like you're less than human or like you simply want to end it because everyone hates you

@HeoBaby24

7 ай бұрын

@@iononcantomascrivo homie I've been bullied since 1 grade. Imagine getting heat bumps and having everyone laughing at you saying you got chicken pox. Imagine having your whole class hate you and barely speaking to you for a whole school year. Imagine just trying to use the bathroom having a brand new shirt on. And have someone throw sour cream at you. Imagine having people constantly making fat jokes about you over and over and over and having no confidence in yourself. Imagine standing at the bus stop and having a whole bunch of kids coming up to you and jumping you. Imagine not having no one to turn to and when you try your the one who's told to basically get over it. So believe me I been bullied most of my fuckin life i do know what it's like to be humiliated, felt left and feeling like less of a human. I've been through depression. Had to get over it by myself because I felt like no one will listen to me or take me seriously. So yah I know what it's like to be bullied

Man, the last story hits me too strong, got a similar story. After my dad passed away, we moved to UK and lived at my uncles place until we found a place to stay a year after. My mum already found work and me and my siblings were in school. First day when we moved we had our beds, clothes, etc, but no bedding for the beds, no food, nothing, all because my mum met someone at work a week prior or so and was spending time with him at his place. She wouldn't pick up the phone and when she did, my sister had a shouting match which ended in her having a breakdown. My mum said that she'll buy something and come home. Her bf lived like 5-10 away, and it took her a while, no update, and doesn't pick up the phone. My sister called my uncle (mum's brother) and told him of the situation, he lives like 20 minutes away, and he came over before she did, with basic food like bread, cheese, and hotdogs, but it was enough for us to at least not go to bed with rumbling stomachs. Then me and my bro (I was 13 at the time and he was 14) went to sleep. My sister stayed up until my mum came back. Around 10pm I wake up to a screaming match between my mum and my sis, which resulted in her dropping the food off and leaving the house. Food, which were just bread, butter and cheese. Less than what our uncle brought in less amount of time. It but now she's got the nerve to tell us that "what would we do in her situation" yada yada. Guilt trips us by saying "did you want me to stay alone forever?" I hate it every single time and I hate the fact she's still with him and that he lives with us.

@NettylSpryngs

7 ай бұрын

"What would you do?" Stay home with my kids?!?!? Wtf? Get home on time because I have kids!?!?! Hello????

@NettylSpryngs

7 ай бұрын

Hire a babysitter?!?!

@NettylSpryngs

7 ай бұрын

Good lord

@xNekross

7 ай бұрын

Yep, that's what I said, mind you, things have settled a bit now and it's ok now, but it took a lot of effort, stress and screaming matches to get here lol

@NettylSpryngs

7 ай бұрын

@@xNekross 💕💕💕💕

As a mom of an autistic kid, please don't ever exclude only 3 kids, it's heartbreaking 💔 for the 3 kids who are different

@13thMaiden

7 ай бұрын

As the autistic kid who was regularly excluded, yeah it is. We figure out ways to cope, but rejection still hurts. If all that kid can come up with us "they're weird!" Then she doesn't deserve to have the whole class at her party. And she can keep throwing her temper tantrums.

@zelga6425

7 ай бұрын

As the autistic kid, who was forced to attend their bullies birthday parties and join their same boyscout group, no it is not. I totally get, why you would think so but sending your kid to a party, where nobody wants you there and shows so openly, is worse than feeling excluded. Add to this the fact, that those are not some kindergarden kids but almost teenagers, who should be allowed to have their own friend group of their own choosing and OP´s kid is totally rectified. You wouldn´t force a kid that invited 3 people to their birthday to invite random other kids after all. Forcing all kids from class to come would not be good for anyone and while I get that feeling excluded is never a nice feeling, it´s also true, that not everyone will be friends with everyone as nice as that would be.

@ArcanineEspeon

7 ай бұрын

​@@zelga6425I'm autistic too and think both of you make really good points, depending on the personality of the excluders and the excludees. For kids on the older side, I might lean toward the side of "don't invite kids who would just get excluded AT the party instead" like you. I think OP needs to look a lot farther into the EXACT reasons his daughter doesn't get along with these three.

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

​@zelga6425 i think the issue is that the solution is not ONLY making sure the kids are invited. It's asking why they wanted to exclude them and confronting it. I've been to birthday parties where they were forced to invite me and instead of the parents punishing their daughter for bullying me the entire time I was there, they just let me hide in the kitchen away from the other kids and pick at the snacks. I could've had fun if the parents realized their daughter was a bigot making fun of their disabled classmate, but they did nothing.

@wmdkitty

7 ай бұрын

That isn't why they're being excluded, though, so...

For the birthday, op should have a talk with her about how her actions might be considered bullying and how op understands that’s not her intention but maybe I’m jumping here to say that it lowkey feels like she’s headed in that direction when she says those classmates are just “weird” I think that she should invite whoever she wants, but let her know that excluding people isn’t kind

Last story. I wonder how much the BF had to do with mom's reaction. If OP says the whole greeting thing had never come up before, I have to think the BF and his attitude had something to do with this.

I do need to say that Tom is just as guilty. His compliance and consent to adoption makes him just as guilty. He shouldn’t have just gone along with “whatever makes wifey happy” attitude. No matter if he was on the fence or if he truly wanted this adoption, he made a commitment to be a parent to this child and if it wasn’t something that he wanted a conversation should’ve been had BEFORE the child was adopted

@mindyschocolate

7 ай бұрын

Yup. Sounds like a doormat.

@ZombieMinion1992

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, no Tom’s an asshole. I hate the idea of happy wife happy life because that’s sure shit isn’t true. Both people in a relationship need to be consenting and happy with their choices. I get the feeling Tom didn’t really consider the fact that they could get a child with mental issues, he’s a dick for just pretty much treating Jack like garbage. I’d say divorce should be on the table because he needs to do what’s right for his child and if splitting the family means that they both have a better life fine.

@RealCoolstriker64

7 ай бұрын

Some people accuse the wife of being a narcissist. I’d have a little more grace if that’s true

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

@@RealCoolstriker64 They're accusing her out of their ass and rslash's unhinged take, which happens far too often. Idon't get why people take his view as much as fact as the story written. lol

@stuartwalker9597

7 ай бұрын

@@fallenprometheus yet you don’t read the fucking story

4th Story: Thank you, OP. I can still remember being left out of my classmates' birthday parties and feeling excluded from their conversations the days after, even though this happened decades ago. Thanks for your consideration towards those kids. Ultimately, it's your daughter's birthday, and I feel like she should have the final say in who attends and who doesn't. However, I'd check on those excluded kids if I could. Talking to their parents may clarify what does your daughter have against them existing in her party. Maybe, if they aren't bullies with your kids, they are being bullied themselves? I'm not saying it's by your daughter, though.

For the 4th story: NTA. Seeing your whole class invited to a party and you not being invited could absolutely destroy you, especially at that age. I was a weird kid, but I was lucky enough to still be invited to friends' parties. If I hadn't, it would have definitely destroyed me. Your kid is going to have other birthday parties. She'll live.

@MarukaiX

6 ай бұрын

For real, people are just projecting the fact they weren't invited.

Bday story - but OP wasn't simply going to cancel. He offered a compromise to the daughter that lets her still have a party with her closest friends. OP would absolutely be the butthole if he lets his daughter exclude the three students because he's letting her be a bully by treating people poorly solely on the basis of being different.

@LLandS18

7 ай бұрын

So am I too assume since you are saying the daughters in the wrong that you as an adult invite people to your birthday party that you don't like and you are uncomfortable with. Or do you just expect this child to do that? Because if you can't meet that standard yourself, you don't get to criticize someone else. And I guarantee you, their people in your life that you don't like that you exclude from things all the time. And telling your child that they're feelings and their comfort level doesn't matter because they might hurt someone else's feelings is a really dangerous message. It'd be different if she was calling the names or physically bullying them. But excluding them from a private event that is the daughter's birthday is not bullying. You're not going to get invited to everything. And you have to learn that.

@Nico6th

7 ай бұрын

So inviting them and then excluding them by simply not playing with them would somehow be better? Would those three children be happy when they have to give a present to OP's daughter who they most likely don't like that much either? How many non-invites would have made it okay? 4? 6? One-third not being invited? Not everyone gets along with everyone else. If she has only three children in her class that she doesn't get along with - that's a pretty good cut. Sometimes it's not bullying but just chemistry. Why did OP rent a whole pool etc in the first place? If the daughter had said "I want to invite X and Y and no one else" would Op have been happy?

@KellyDVance

7 ай бұрын

​@@LLandS18as an adult you can choose who you socialize with. I don't socialize outside work with coworkers I don't also consider friends. As a child you don't get that luxury. If you are going to invite a whole group, such as a class, to an event, but say "not you" to one, or two, or three individuals you are rude. And at 11 she should understand that. I was the kid who found out that the whole class was invited to birthday parties, but I never got an invitation. Let me tell you what a absolute boost that was to my confidence and social inclusion. If she wants to exclude people, you make a limited guest list. If she can't remember a name, she doesn't consider them enough of a friend to invite. OP's kid is behaving like a spoilt brat. If I were him I'd cancel the party and have her spend the day volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen. Teach her some empathy towards others. Not celebrating a birthday won't kill her. I had plenty where no one showed up. (Back to that whole social isolation thing caused by being excluded. Being the new kid every few years sucked.)

@ericwilliams1659

7 ай бұрын

​​@@LLandS18 You still have birthday parties as an adult? What is the adult version of "chuck cheese," a casino?

@lovetannworldoftanks3382

7 ай бұрын

It's obvious to me many people do not understand that she feeling the three kids being weird might not be unique to her. Learning to include everyone is a valuable lesson. Excluding and ignoring them is a quick way to making them the outcast. If they aren't already. Things like that can spiral out of control and lead to years of bullying and depression. Dad is 100% a good dad in this situation. She needs to learn a lesson. 0:01

No, I think the OP in the birthday story is 100% correct. You can't invite all but one or two (or three) kids in a class. If she's not comfortable having them there that's fine, but she needs to have a smaller party.

@ErzsabetJones

7 ай бұрын

Exactly!

@ErzsabetJones

7 ай бұрын

Yeah, kids don’t forget this stuff. I remember being excluded from things all the time and it hurt. And then I remember going to a new school and getting invited to a party by this girl in my class and I was surprised and so grateful! She is the sweetest person, and I will always remember her kindness to me.

@TsukiKageTora

7 ай бұрын

It’s literally a slap in the faces of the kid that did nothing wrong to be hated by her. Honestly I hope the same happened to her and she’s not invited to one of their class get together and she’s the only one who is invited. Then that will make her realize how much of a jerk she was being two people just because they are a little different to her liking.

@olivergregory5093

7 ай бұрын

Honestly I think Rslash has taken the "It's my party, I can do what I want" logic a little too far. The reality is, you always have a responsibility to basic consideration of your fellow humans, even at your own party. "It's my party, my way goes" should apply to things like decor and food preferences; it doesn't go as far as letting you be a cruel bully for a day.

@AdamaGeist

7 ай бұрын

As someone with adhd who very much was the weird kid and who didn't get invited to many things, or have many friends... I have to disagree completely. You don't have to be bullied to dislike another person, and right now the lesson the dad's trying to force on his kids is 'your decisions and boundaries don't matter, you have to let everyone take part of your life.'

For the birthday party story, the father had great options instead of just excluding those 3 kids. The fact that the daughter didn't seem to get it. Kind of seems kind of weird to me. It would be different if these kids were bullies or just rude kids. But they're strange to the daughter and in a way that is bullying. In some schools, they actually won't allow you to throw a party without inviting the whole class because of incidents like this. When I was little. I remember being excluded like this in a way. And no one would tell me why I was never invited. And It hurt deeply as a kid realizing that no one wanted you around. Like these kids didn't do anything to her. I understand the mom's point of view as well. But in a way this might teach her daughter that it's okay to do what she wants even if it hurts others.

You're wrong on the birthday party one. Excluding 3 out of the entire class is going to cause issues for those kids and teach the daughter that being cruel is ok. She is already showing a sense of entitlement by demanding her way.

@hummingbirdwof

7 ай бұрын

I totally agree with this !

@justonecactus1541

7 ай бұрын

I honestly try to see your pov but to me not hanging out with someone who you dont like isnt cruel. It is her birthday party, why cant she invite the kis she wants? I could see your point if there was any other hint at her being a bully, but simply not wanting to hang out with someone isnt a crime.

@RealCoolstriker64

7 ай бұрын

@@justonecactus1541that’s not what’s happening. She’s not hanging out with her friends, unless she’s close friends with 17 out of 20 classmates. She’s inviting her entire class except 3 people. So the next day the entire room except 3 people will be talking about it.

@aparnarai3708

7 ай бұрын

@@justonecactus1541 if you ask a bully if they are bullying someone, what do you think they will say? Allowing her to not invite will only enable her behaviour and will eventually make her a bully

@stuartwalker9597

7 ай бұрын

There is an update, and the dad and daughter had a talk about and he was able to ask how she would feel if it happened to her and the daughter admitted she would be crushed so the that were going to be left out got invited it was a good teaching moment

the adoption itself was one thing, but that kid clearly needed help, so i feel like enabling bad behavior like that is basically neglect.

@lorilancaster5917

7 ай бұрын

Jack wasn’t a good fit for the family. There are plenty of kids for adoption but it sounds like Lucy picked Jack for the purpose of coming off as his savior.

@danviferahr1426

7 ай бұрын

@@lorilancaster5917 he clearly was not, yes. That said, you can't just adopt and then not actually parent. That's wrong.

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

@@lorilancaster5917 How the FLYING FUCK you get that she picked out him to torment her family? Are you fucking mad?

@Ikajo

7 ай бұрын

​@lorilancaster5917 You don't really get to pick a child when adopting. They will just say "Here's a kid, take him or leave him". Especially considering he is an older child and not a baby.

@danviferahr1426

7 ай бұрын

@@Ikajo is that how it is in america? That sounds like a bad idea

I just want to say, for four years now, I have listened to your videos each morning like clockwork, I almost never start my day without listening to your videos, keep up the great work and have a happy new year!

@LilChuunosuke

7 ай бұрын

I do the same thing! I put on the videos to stop me from dozing back off to sleep

First story, OP should go ahead and call CPS or whatever group her sister adopted Jack to tell them that he's in an emotionally abusive family and needs to get out ASAP. Also take the chance to warn them that Lucy should not be allowed to adopt anymore and to spread the word to other agencies due to how she's proven incapable of raising an adopted child. No child deserves Lucy and Tom as parents, not even their own bio child.

@Seahorn_

7 ай бұрын

No kid deserves Tom (or Lucy?????). Why? Because Tom is miserable and his own sun is too? THAT is enough to take away his rights as a parent not only that also is enough to take away his son if it is up to you??? On what info do you base that???? Do you know what is happening in that family besides that it goes bad there and that the adopted son has behavioral problems????? Maybe the adopted son has major behavioral/mental issues. Maybe their own son is miserable because he is forced to share his live and his parents with a stranger which he cannot get along with. And still the father tries to make the whole situation work Point is you dont know, we dont know how much of a burden the whole situation is on the family, only they know. But YOU decide that that is enough to take away his parenting rights and take away his own son?? What an entitlement, to judge people without being there, experiencing their situation....... The ONLY one which should NEVER be allowed to have kids is YOU! With that ignorant, entitled comment you showed clearly to be a 1st class Karen of the worst kind. An entitled, judgemental holier then thou brat. And all those people who liked your comment? Same trash!

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

F off. The husband wanted this. If he had concerns he should NOT have gone through it and thus the fault lies in him. The wife thought she'd have the resources and help from her husband to navigate this integration but this piece of garbage just noped out real fast when the kid turned out not to be just a sweet little angel. They went through so MUCH paperwork and visits and shit. The fact no ones seen this just proves it.

Story 1: How much you wanna bet Lucy reprimanded Logan for not being brotherly to his 'brother'?

and story 1 is why you should never adopt somebody unless everybody agrees with it. you can't simply force people into wanting a new child like what lucy did to her husband and child because that will just build up resentment until it boils over like it has in story 1. op needs to be there for her nephew and bil because it's obvious lucy abandoned them 1ce she chose to adopt a child and make that her only priority over the happiness of her own family which is cruel.

@Ikajo

7 ай бұрын

What? So a woman has to abort if her children don't want siblings?

@cludecat7072

7 ай бұрын

@@Ikajo there is trauma with the adoption of children. namely trauma involved with making and having familial connections taken away. to put it bluntly, it's harder on an adopted child to not be accepted by family than it is for a biological child due to the past traumas.

@Ikajo

7 ай бұрын

@@cludecat7072 Nothing I wrote suggest otherwise. I'm simply pointing out that siblings usually don't get a vote in family planning

@WolfODonnelfan

3 ай бұрын

@@Ikajo That is one of the dumbest arguments you could bring up. The child was adopted and also alive before the mother even started the process. Please tell me how the mother in question could abort a fetus that she never had to begin with?

@Ikajo

3 ай бұрын

@@WolfODonnelfan The point is that a kid has no say in whatever or not they get a sibling. Regardless of how

Trust me, those 3 kids will remember it. for first five years of school I was one of those 3 kids till kids properly formed their long term friend groups. That was 27 parties, 27 parties a year, for 5 years, of being one of a hand full of people that didn't get invited. Yes it hurts. Yes you remember it forever. One of the people not inviting me was my own damn cousin.

Story 1: I can't help to feel sorry for Jack.... It is mostly certain he will think it was his fault the "family" fell apart. My concern is that douche of a woman could try to "return" him like he was an object… That poor child doesn't have a really good place in his "home" (Something like that woman is NOT a "home" to return to). The father should have said no, but I can't blame him entirely because he just was bullied by that monster of a woman. The children definitely don't have any blame. The child said he DIDN'T want a brother and her "mother" said "yes, you want. I know".

I disagree on the party story, as a teaching assistant it is heartbreaking to see pupil excluded from certain activities and when all the kids come back to class and talk about it you can just see how upset they are. I hope as your daughter grows up you understand how damaging it is to children to be excluded.

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

Why is OP’s daughter expected to put the happiness of some kid she doesn’t like over her own? It’s HER birthday party. You’re not entitled to go to someone else’s party just because you know them. Op essentially just told his daughter her happiness is less important to him than the happiness of 3 random kids. Not everyone needs to be invited to everything

@jessilynallendilla5014

7 ай бұрын

@@briannad9155 way to miss the entire damn point let me guess you're that kid that invited 18 kids of your twenty kid class to your party and are now trying to justify your shitty behavior?

@Richard_Nickerson

7 ай бұрын

​@@briannad9155 If you're inviting the whole class, then you're inviting the whole class. Singling them out "because they're weird" makes her a bully. If she had actual reasons, then it'd be different.

@BunnyQueen97

7 ай бұрын

@@briannad9155 it’s more than “just knowing” them. Schools have rules against inviting everyone in class except one kid FOR A REASON, it’s a fairly common bullying tactic. OP also offered to have a smaller party with his daughter’s closest friends, which is the right solution. It’s OP’s job to teach his kid what’s socially acceptable and not - when she’s 18, she can choose to be a bully all she wants. For now, she’s a child in need of a valuable lesson.

@briannad9155

7 ай бұрын

@@Richard_Nickerson no. She just doesn’t want them at her party. Do you invite everyone you know to your birthdays? No. So she shouldn’t have to either.

Story 4, as a weird kid growing up, being the only ones out of the whole class not being invited will definitely be a core memory for those unfortunate kids. OP would actively be the asshole if he gave in.

@Dissarae2469

7 ай бұрын

As a weird kid growing up, I disagree. Nobody has to invite me if they don't like me or feel comfortable with me. It just shows who my friends are. Also making the daughter invite them if she doesn't then she has no party? That just makes her resent them on top of feeling uncomfortable around them.

@lduker9731

7 ай бұрын

⁠@@Dissarae2469she isn’t being forced to invite them. You don’t seem to be paying attention. Op gave her multiple choices. 1. Invite the entire class 2. Invite a smaller group 3. If those options aren’t to her liking they just don’t have a party

@millymaker7836

7 ай бұрын

@@lduker9731it doesn’t matter. She wants to invite her class except 3 people, let her. It’s her birthday for crying out loud, and it’s pretty damn entitled to think that you should get an invite just because it’ll make you sad if you don’t get one

@lduker9731

7 ай бұрын

@@millymaker7836 why do people keep saying it’s “entitled to except an invite”? No one is asking for an invite. the dad is simply setting reasonable boundaries.

@millymaker7836

7 ай бұрын

@@lduker9731 the dad is ignoring his daughter’s request to not have kids she doesn’t like at her birthday party.

Story 1 : Do you know, when these girls go around talking about their very specific wishes and "Oh that's the life I dream about and I would not have it anyway different.", whether it is about their marriage or life? Yeah, these are the consequences of forcing your life choice down your partner's throat, when they're not someone 100% on the same wavelength. Your sister just forced the life she wanted with little to no regard to how others involved would deal with it. Story 2 : Stress or not, she's a bridezilla. She can wallow on it by herself, if she's playing mind games like you were her S/O. You're not. She does NOT have that right. And she does NOT have space to make demands. I'm wishing the best to that man she's going to marry. Story 3 : I don't think him being a jrk is the main problem. I think the real problem is the person enabling him and overcooing him like he's some fragile egg. Good luck, lady. Enjoy his tantrums when you'll refuse him anything. Just know you're the reason for this. Story 4 : No AH here. Both sides are reasonable. These stuff can have lasting effects when you're excluded for just "being weird". Most likely, everyone else will adopt that stigma of them. On the other hand, she's allowed to have those she feels comfortable with around her during her birthday, that's her right in this matter. So I can't blame her either. Just don't cancel it altogether, just make it smaller. Last story : My sperm donor used to do this forced "Love" thing and get mad when not having that. You know? These things like jumping on your parents bed on morning to wake them up, or running at them coming home? These stuff that children who actually LOVE their parents do? Yeah. Never force love gestures from someone. There's a reason why I refer to him as such.

Did your brother do it? Yes? Then no.

With the story about the girl’s birthday… invite all the kids, or small party. The three that aren’t invited will Literally get bullied over not being invited, and she’s honestly displaying bullying behavior.

Lucy is selfish, plain and simple, as for the birthday party... That's a tough one, the part about they won't remember this year's down the line, trust me, we remember, all 4 of us still do 😔

About the birthday party story: I agree with OP. I was one of the new kids a lot (we moved every 2-3 years), and thus an outsider who was bullied, and being excluded from a party that your whole class is invited to, would be deeply hurtful to a kid. OP is the parent of the child, so he’s responsible ultimately for who’s invited and who isn’t. He should not let a child’s very limited judgment be the determiner. He should ask his daughter how she would feel if one of her classmates had a party, invited the whole class, and not her. NTA.

Story 4: the most important job of a parent is to raise their kid into a good human being. A happy birthday comes sometimes after that. So yes, OP is on the right path, but he definitely should figure out what the reason for the exclusion is.

Story 1: when I was in high school, my mom decided to foster kids after she saw the poor conditions one of her distant relatives was living in, in the system. We ended up getting a long-term placement who was HORRIBLE. She suffered from terrible behavioral problems, would throw fits like a young child despite being in high school herself, and made my house a living hell. It was tense at home 24/7 until she got placed elsewhere. I understand that she needed a safe loving home and was prone to issues due to her past trauma but all I can say is that the stress this puts on the family unit is REAL.

People like Lucy don't need kids. They need therapy.

The 4th story reminds me of a story my mom told me. It was my 8th bday and I invited the whole class. There was new kid and I invited him. When he was picked up after the party his mom cried and hugged my mom saying thank you for inviting her son because he had never been invited to to a birthday before. I probably impacted that kids life just being nice.

@s.h.6858

7 ай бұрын

Every once in a while, after the fact, one is lucky (or unfortunate) enough to hear how they impacted someone's life. Sometimes, "just being nice" and "just being polite" can have a great positive effect.

Birthday party story: OP is NTA. What is her reason for finding them strange? Could it be their background/appearance? If so, she needs to learn to be accepting of those who appear to be different from herself. Acting strange? What if being treated like outcasts is why they act that way? Excluding them could only alienate them further, and could lead to more severe "consequences" down the road. In an update, OP said that he asked his daughter how she would feel if it was her getting excluded while everyone else was invited and she finally got it and, given the choice between a big party or a small one with just friends, she opted for the big party, and everyone is invited. Who knows, maybe those three strange kids will wind up being friends of hers someday and she'll be glad that she didn't exclude them.

I was the only person in my entire year that wasn't invited to one person's birthday party. I've been bullied and excluded before but this felt particularly bad, especially since I'd talk to this guy all the time in class and got along with him well, (he'd even invited people he'd never talked to before). It sticks, and I still get achy thinking about it years later, so I kinda agree with the dad on this one but I get where the whole "her birthday her choice" argument comes from too.

1- ESH except the little boys! Tom should've fought against the adoption instead of trapping Jack in a broking family to keep his wife happy!

As someone who was regularly excluded from all parties by a few girls that always invited the whole class. This would be remembered especially if someone asks why that weren't there. It hurts, I was horribly bullied as a kid, and it's possible she is being a bully to these kids. but they may just not get along too. The better way to do it is to say smaller party or no party because the difference would be noticed.

Story 4 : Birthday Party. The father was right that if his daughter wants to invite the whole class besides 3 kids his daughter thinks are "strange" but not bullies, then yes, that is a type of bullying by exclusion. Her father was so right to say that she should invite her few close friends instead of excluding the 3 people out of the entire class, or to just invite the entire class without excluding 3 people. Good job father!

Story 1 : NTA .. someone had to tell Lucy the truth.. she wanted another kid she got it now that she got jack " why won't he play happy family" nahhh dawg you take accountability for your actions.... Story 2 : NTA.. the other bridesmaids and the "friend" are major turds for trying to take advantage of op and when she fights back by canceling everything " why won't you let me have this wahhhhh your no friend at all"..op advice ..drop this toxic "friend" like a bad habit.. block it everywhere and be done with it and focus on your studies and life . Story 3 : NTA .. send the conartist to jail.. autism is no excuse for terrible behavior.. Story 4 : Esh yeah the kid sucks for exclusion but op you suck as well for making her birthday all about what you want..plot twist op daughter is the bully.. Story 5 : NTA.. she let some nobody destroy her relationship with her kids and now she's crying about it.. nahhh op mom is trash..what does op mom think he and his sister is a dog ??

@sailorathena17

7 ай бұрын

Tim gives people with autism a bad name! He is a con artist and he needs to face the consequences

@jeanbean7183

7 ай бұрын

@@sailorathena17definitely

@romus1299

7 ай бұрын

Disagrees on story 4, OP is parenting the child. I bet the child is bully. She could just her closest friends then making the classroom environment very for the 3 kids who were not invited cause they were “strange”.

@thetruth1223

7 ай бұрын

​@sailorathena17 1000% facts.. I know a couple of people with autism ( my brothers oldest son is autistic) the kid is normal usually chill.. just makes weird noises at random times....

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

S1: How is the husband going through with it, only to ditch an adopted kid not an asshole???? What the fuck did she do wrong??? She wanted more kids, went through all the legal process WITH THE SUPPORT OF HER HUSBAND and the moment the kid wasn't a perct sweet angel the trash husband ditched. If he didn't want kids then he should've SAID SO and put his foot down. That is entirely on him.

man, the people saying the girl in story 4 should be able to exclude the three kids and the DAD being the AH need to get a grip. The dad already gave the option to have a small party just for friends if she wanted to play the exclusion game. She wants a big party? then you can't exclude a few people you think are "strange". Horrible example to set for your kid to make her think that's okay.

@lilianeneilla8896

7 ай бұрын

Also, if the girl gets to exclude those kids for being "strange", and people think it's right, then I guess it's also okay to, you know, mock them, laugh at them, ... or in worse case scenario actually escalating to physical violence because... they're "strange", so it's okay to at that way. So if they're strange you have the right to treat them wrong. That's litterally the kingof behavior that leads to bullying, but because it's her borthday people seem to think she has the right to do it. Seriously the dad has the right idea here, either only invite her friends or the whole class

@BunchyPanther42

7 ай бұрын

You’re not entitled to be invited to someone else’s party. You wouldn’t force an adult to invite someone they don’t want so why force a child

@LyreHarper

7 ай бұрын

Makes me wonder if the “strangeness” is those kids being neurodiverse and OPs kid shunning them. :/

@MickMotionMusic

7 ай бұрын

I'm sick of the "You're not entitled to [INSERT THING HERE]" it's about raising kind adults who don't exclude others for being weird. Nobody is entitled to anything, but does it hurt to be kind and caring? also "you don't tell an adult when to go to bed, why tell a child?" "you don't force an adult to brush their teeth, why force your child?" @@BunchyPanther42

@SiegfriedoExMachina

7 ай бұрын

​@@BunchyPanther42even tho you are right with the first part, i feel like if, for example, the setting was an office, what op said would still apply. Of course you wouldnt invite people you dont get along with or if you had a beef, but not inviting them just cuz they are strange would gain you a weird look from everyone else in the office

Birthday story: those poor kids must be so isolated just because they're "strange" And to all those bullies that keep sayin "yiri nit intitlid ti bi invitid" GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO A BDAY PARTY, yet the dad is offering a very good compromise. You're not friends with 20 prople, she's not leaving them out because they're not close, she's leaving them out because she's being intentionally rude

Op in the second story needs to send the brides fiancee screenshots of how his future wife acts in situations like this and tell him to be prepared to be blamed for everything that goes wrong in her life, have her apologize, and then repeat. She is immature.

I've been a kid, I've been not invited to parties as a kid, and I've never cared. why would you want to go to everyone's bday parties instead of just those of your friends lol

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

Sames

Story 1:Dont get more kids if you can't handle them,NTA

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

How is the husband going through with it, only to ditch an adopted kid not an asshole???? What the fuck did she do wrong??? She wanted more kids, went through all the legal process WITH THE SUPPORT OF HER HUSBAND and the moment the kid wasn't a perct sweet angel the trash husband ditched. If he didn't want kids then he should've SAID SO and put his foot down. That is entirely on him.

@cludecat7072

7 ай бұрын

@@fallenprometheus that's not what the story said the husband brought up concerns and their bio son didn't want a sibling

@fallenprometheus

7 ай бұрын

@cludecat7072 Biased pov, not the husband talking, "he never outwardly said he did not want more kids" is a quote straight out of the story. Kids opinion don't matter, as often is the case. He went through a long process only to discard this child as a piece of trash. He is the real asshole. Case closed.

Kids birthday: I have been left out for being the weird kid, together with an other kid, in a class of thirty kids. 25 years later: I still remember it and feel really bad about it. My weirdness: I’m deaf and making contact with hearing kids was hard back then… it is a form of bullying too. Op would be the bad guy if they would allow that to happen.

0:36 it’s actually become a recent thing in most countries that if the *_entire_* family is not in agreement, no matter how old they are, then they won’t allow you to adopt/become a foster family

For the birthday story, I think that OP is the AH. It is the daughter's party and she should decide who to invite.

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

Yes... It is nice to invite people on their birthday and make them feel included but also you cannot force somebody to invite somebody if they do not want... That's also not nice basically damned if you do damned if you don't

Have to disagree with Dabne on the birthday party story - social exclusion is not 'inadvertent bullying,' it's very much intentional bullying. By 10-11, kids are absolutely aware of the impact that social exclusion can have, those 3 kids will absolutely know that it was on purpose. Second point of contention, Dabne says that the birthday girl isn't the B for only being close with 17 of her classmates and not the other 3, but that's unrealistic. She's almost certainly inviting kids she's very close with, acquaintances, friends-of-friends, and even kids whose only relationship to her is 'classmate,' the 3 being excluded are almost definitely not 'kids she isn't close to,' rather they are 'kids she specifically wants to exclude, knowing that the other 17 kids will all know they have been excluded, possibly causing them to be further excluded in the future.' It might be worth knowing what is different about these 3 kids that warrant their exclusion - are they poor? Introverted? Maybe the birthday girl spends a lot of time with grandpa who's 'from a different time' and she's unconsciously picked up a racial bias? Still, at the end of the day she's 10, she's probably not a b-hole. Dad trying to teach her not to exclude people without just cause is good parenting.

I was the kid never invited to class bday parties because I was “weird” (neurodivergent). I wasn’t mean or uncomfortable to be around, just a little strange. Watching the birthday kid pass around invitations to EVERYONE except me fucked me up for a while. It still fucks me up. My elementary school ended up banning it; all kids or only a few kids, and you can only send invites to parents outside of school. Sure, the parent has an obligation to the daughter, an obligation to stop her from becoming a bully.

Story 3: most schools have rules against doing exactly what the daughter is trying to do for the sole reason that kids take being left out to heart. She also made it clear that she doesn’t want them there bc they’re “weird”, it is her birthday but it’s not fair to exclude others just bc you think they’re strange. You can’t force her to interact with those kids but you can teach her that excluding others for being different is cruel. Also I was always taught that my parents are the ones paying for my birthday and that I’m lucky to celebrate it in the first place, if I didn’t want someone at my birthday it was tough cookies bc I wasn’t the one paying for or organizing the party.

Story 4: if she doesn’t want to invite them then she doesn’t have to. However I do see where op is coming from

@hipsterracoon2159

7 ай бұрын

Exactly ... Because life is not perfect, there will be rejections. You cannot force the birthday person to invite somebody if they do not want it.... That's also cruel AF

First story: NTA. She literally adopted the materials for a time bomb she was building to destroy her own family. She was the detonant to make the kid's mental issues worse and all because she had to have it all her way. And worse is she is literally blaming everyone else but herself, the actual problem.

Story 4: for a large part of my school years, I was one of the kids who wasn’t invited to things or just generally wasn’t included. It wasn’t malicious, I was just a weird (undiagnosed autistic) kid that people kinda forgot about. And while I’m in a much better place now, that exclusion left scars that to this day make me scared of being forgotten/left behind. The parent in the story is, imo, doing an important thing by trying to prevent their daughter excluding people. Maybe they just need to properly explain it to her since kids can be oblivious sometimes, but no matter what they need to stand their ground and also look more into the issues in case there’s more to it.

Re: the birthday party: you know who will remember it years from now? Those 3 kids who didn't get invited. They will still be feeling the sting. And I definitely think that the daughter in this story, who is allowed to do whatever she wants no matter how many people it hurts, could grow up into Lucy from the first story, who also didn't care who she hurt and only thought about what SHE wanted.