Passive-aggressive behavior is so hurtful. And the person engaging in it walks away seemly innocent of all wrong doing. It usually leads me to rage and then the person can point out how sick I am!!!

@Clare-tea

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly my experience. "You're an angry person!"

@svenskgangmiljo2168

2 жыл бұрын

@@Clare-tea My dad angry screaming verbally abusive and fickle since I could walk. Me: Why are you so angry? Dad: I'm not angry! I guess him growing up without a present father and having lowlifes and drunks as male role models developes a special kind of father.

@coreyanderson7424

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah. Well, they have problems, be glad you don't have that mentality.

@tedmosby9409

2 жыл бұрын

Yh this is tipcal, I have a idot for a father who tried to control me , to the point he drugged me because his son in his 30s wants his own life has done well , made more money than him dont claim of govs like him and he is just a irrelevant wanker who won't give me my sanity says its all in my head I could rec it and uploaded it here, I said his going to kill me there's nothing else he can do i won't react to his nit picking he hits me then , I call him x y z he phones police threats to kill him , I said he's going to end up killing me. Then he drugged me months later, he has no purpose anymore we see this in animals mostly birds known as empty nest syndrome .. wow i had a break down .. i post this lastnight but its true i am not retracting ,, and sorry for hijacking your post

@bereal6590

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yes, just watching this today. My mom is judgemental passive aggressive and I can't stand it. I become dyregulated around her and often rage (which makes me look crazy!) because I'm waiting for the judgements and her watching my every move and then the passive aggression. Emotions aren't tolerated it's impossible yet still she thinks and has said I need to see a shrink! Every mistake I make its like you should have you can't you shouldn't have any push back is met with near hysterical outrage! I swear she thinks she is a saint. I can't ever be myself

The passive aggressive people in my family gave me my empath "powers." Newsflash: that ability comes from spending your whole life learning to read between the lines and finding nuance in comments and body language. Probably why I struggle with social anxiety. Thanks, Mom, Dad and Grandma!

@Golgi-Gyges

Жыл бұрын

Maybe you have AvPD

@JamieBarrington

Жыл бұрын

@@Golgi-Gyges You probably aren't wrong about that. I've wondered it myself

@bjrgstre-mauger5398

Жыл бұрын

Oh wow....Same 😳

@CodyWright-pq3eq

Жыл бұрын

Nail on the head. Learning to read between the lines is a hallmark of growing up with a passive aggressive parent. My mother did that for me. I'm always the first person to notice when what a someone says doesn't match their actions. One if the bad things though is my reaction to crying. I'm always sceptical when someone cries in front of me. When it's genuine it's very difficult for me to comfort them without feeling like I'm doing something foolish.

@sheldonmurphy6031

10 ай бұрын

Yes Ma'am Same Here 😊

I'm guessing Passive-Aggressive is not considered a disorder because that person might seem to function. It's just everyone around them that needs therapy :(

@tbigpictcha

3 жыл бұрын

Passive Aggresion is exactly like a sharks fin. It is absolutely key in identifiying hidden danger. Most Psychopaths and Paedofiles are passive aggressive. It's an excellent tip off of a predatory individual, reason being is that they can never communicate their sick ideas directly as they would be beaten to a pulp or ostracised instantly

Can you talk about Dr Grande disorder? Symptoms include obsessively watching all Dr Grande videos day and night. How should I cure this? Would you recommend I unsubscribe?

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

It sounds like a bad disorder, lol

@pocoeagle2

5 жыл бұрын

I have the same symptoms, but don't worry. It will be included in the next edition of the DSM as DGD ( Dr. Grande Disorder) 😂

@pocoeagle2

5 жыл бұрын

@M Z 😂😂😂

@melindac3368

5 жыл бұрын

Probably a very strong medication that makes one feel happy all of the time would help. If anyone knows of any studies going on with this type of treatment, please let me know.

@serendipitous_synchronicity

5 жыл бұрын

I'm afraid I've a bad case of DGD... is not wanting treatment, a symptom or a cure?? 🙃

Five factors related to Passive Aggressive Behavior 1. Rigidity - inflexible, maladaptive, stubborn, authoritative, dogmatic 2. Resentment - * anger, irritability, cynical, skeptical, low in trust, jealousy, paranoid, shame in expressing anger and a lot of anger turned inward. 3. Resistance - too weak to directly display dissatisfaction, come from low self- esteem, people reject useful advice and are inactive. They refuse to do any work. Oppositional attitude toward authority... 4. Reactance - procrastinating ( someone believes their behavior option is restricted ). This restores an individuals perceived freedom of choice. They hold onto control. 5. Reversed a Reinforcement.- normally when problems occur this leads to feelings of power and verification. May agree to something they not enjoy, do it, feel terrible. There is no way to reach negative emotions. this exists..

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, have seen it!

@allcolorsareentombedinblack

3 жыл бұрын

I have it... I'm not a diagnosed PA, but I know I have it because I've been bullied and harassed for 13 years, plus a plethora of other things that happened in my life, so I developed a childish personality which seems to not have ways to change. The more I try, the worse it becomes. I break stuff, forget even important things, procrastinate, use my toilet as some sort of "safe space" where I hide from people, I fear expressing my anger, especially when I'm arguing with my family, since they're used to threats, I have obsessive-compulsive behaviours, I'm rigid, when I'm met with aggressivity I often withdraw in my thoughts (and sometimes zone out), I have paranoid thoughts and I've had psychotic episodes too, mainly in the form of delusions, I'm unwanted and nobody has ever truly cared for me, people always seem to do things for me as a way to coerce me into doing stuff for them, and I don't trust anybody. I'm misanthropic and I've engaged in multiple forms of self-harm for quite some time, and everything seems to go against my improvements. I honestly don't know what to do. I want to have a normal life, but I have no ability to solve problems, not even my own. However, I hate failure. I don't feel powerful if I fail. I see that a person really close to meeets all the requirements.

@allcolorsareentombedinblack

3 жыл бұрын

Also, I dated a passive-aggressive girl, and I suffered so much because I really wanted to care for her.

@theawakeningheard410

Жыл бұрын

This is a sound checklist for alcoholics,honestly working through steps 4 & 5 of the 12 Steps. Very helpful, thank you!

@WXUZT

11 ай бұрын

Thank You For your effort and time...

Passive aggressiveness can be very challenging to deal with 🔥

@serendipitous_synchronicity

5 жыл бұрын

It's difficult to distinguish from covert narcissism!! The crazy making behaviour so they can evoke anger from you. It's difficult to resist!

@jovankrstic1851

5 жыл бұрын

Yes that is true

@debnn4854

5 жыл бұрын

especially once they have secure power lol

@EnclaviousFiraga

4 жыл бұрын

I'm very passive aggressive. Got to keep the fishies coming.

@Clare-tea

4 жыл бұрын

@@serendipitous_synchronicity Then they accuse you of being angry over nothing.

I think it's important to consider the conditional and intrinsic catalysts which have motivated passive-aggressive behaviors. Passive aggressive tendencies seems to represent one's defensive behavior to a perceived threat : someone interprets an interpersonal situation as threatening to that person's sense of self which lacks cohesion. To feel safe, one resorts to indirect expressions of anger. This tendency isolates people, may reinforce feelings of rejection ...and I am not sure it is always completely conscious. Awareness of such is crucial to treatment,as it is a potential source of treatment failure and relational impasses.

@Linesofjoy

5 жыл бұрын

@ Wendy Mcreynollds, what can we do to stop relying on passive-aggressive behavior? Also, what can we do to set healthy boundaries when dealing with a person who is regularly passive-aggressive?

@serendipitous_synchronicity

5 жыл бұрын

Yes!! I'd love to learn how to set healthy boundaries. Dr Grande has awoken me to my cognitive dissonance!! OMG I think I'm co-dependant! I'm slowly working through some older videos of the Doc's.. to see what may assist me 💞

@jtfike

4 жыл бұрын

Linesofjoy I think the issue with setting boundaries is passive aggressive people respect boundaries and use it to find ways to shoot darts from afar or creatively cause boundary safe destruction.

@mariavillani5220

3 жыл бұрын

Linesofjoy b*

@Mikael004

3 жыл бұрын

This. Girl yes. And thank you for your insight

I have passive aggressive behavior patterns that fit the descriptions and possibly narcissistic also. Im trying to become self aware. I've been very successful and have some close friends, I'm 58 , divorced from 2 long term marriages. No drugs or alcohol. I had a difficult childhood. 2 parents fighting until one left. Looking back through my childhood, I seem to have developed some adaptations, to deflect shame/guilt whatever. So, I watch every, single word I say . I say, it's all an act, anyway. Condition, circumstance, situation and environment will change all behavior. So,let's be as good as we can to each other. Without allowing others to drive us nuts. Thanks for the video!

@princesskileyrae

Жыл бұрын

Your abundance of "I" statements demonstrates your lack of progress.

@loririlling2538

Жыл бұрын

You have more likes than replies, you are doing well. No worries!😊

@TheFreedPerspective

Жыл бұрын

Any update on your personal journey with becoming aware of being PA? I’m so curious 😊

@hiddenhand6973

3 ай бұрын

Not really, he or she is sharing their personal thoughts and experience. You sound ridiculous. @@princesskileyrae

Passive aggressive people show a level of immaturity and social ineptitude that is selfish and abusive to others. They are "borderline narcissistic " in my opinion.

@tracybrown4941

5 жыл бұрын

Janis Cohen-Dacosta - Agreed. Covert narcissists. The worst kind. Victims and manipulators.

@dunkelziffer488

4 жыл бұрын

agree!

@erikavaleries

4 жыл бұрын

My experience exactly

@jackdeniston9326

4 жыл бұрын

I wonder if you actually listen to their viewpoint. Passive agressive behaviour is what you get when you ignore, belittle and dismiss. It is perfectly reasoned if you are the asshole.

@Patriot842

4 жыл бұрын

So right on, Janis.

I relate passive aggressive behavior as mostly work place revenge. You cannot be forth coming with your feelings at work when angry or frustrated, lest you be let go, so workplace revenge starts. AKA passive aggressive behavior.

@wizardofahhhs759

3 жыл бұрын

I get what you're saying, my BIL makes passive aggressive comments towards me in public but has a whole different attitude when he's at my house, so it seems he is aware of what he's saying and when/where he can say it.

@ohemgee4359

3 жыл бұрын

Oh PAs have private lives, trust me. They don’t have the capacity for authentic problem solving at work or at home hence destroy their partnerships with gaslighting. And they blame their partners for the dis-connect thereby making themselves feel deserving of betrayals and pleasure seeking elsewhere.

@rosa2098

Жыл бұрын

I’m not passive aggressive, but I find myself behaving this way at work. I’ve even found that I will subconsciously be passive aggressive without realizing it. My theory is that anger has to go somewhere. It can’t stay repressed for long

@show_me_your_kitties

3 ай бұрын

Lol no. Be a professional and express yourself professionally, directly and effectively. I hope you are communicating better than you were 4 years ago.

@christinah.8504

3 ай бұрын

@@show_me_your_kitties , lol. I haven't worked since 1993 at the ripe age of 23!

Think you're going to have to go on TV, doc. You're knowledge is a godsend to many of us, who are struggling in silence, because we don't know what to do with those in our lives exhibiting these behaviors.

@kathleenreardon8943

Жыл бұрын

Dr. Grande is, at times, very passive-aggressive. Don't wait for him to save you. There are many great videos by more than qualified psychologists out there. Dr. Grande is sexist and many times displays a superior attitude that doesn't help anyone feel better except himself. Look elsewhere.

I'd love if you covered more disorders which have fallen out of favor in the DSM. I know one of my favorite podcasts had an episode called "81 words" which covered how the DSM finally dropped Homosexuality as a mental disorder. All of this is incredibly fascinating

@PassedTime2788

5 жыл бұрын

That would be cool.

@shelchicago8997

5 жыл бұрын

It’s amazing that scientists in the past held such a bias against homosexuality!

@naimasawyer-dymski5011

5 жыл бұрын

@@shelchicago8997 LOL there's a lot of crazy things scientists and doctors believed. There was one man who thought that doctors should wash their hands before helping in surgeries or women giving birth, because he believed it may contribute to people dying. And he was ostracized for it!!! This was before germ theory, but it's still crazy to think about

@shelchicago8997

5 жыл бұрын

Naima Sawyer-Dymski Holy cow! Hahaha!

@hayam35

5 жыл бұрын

could you tell me the name of this podcast ,plz?

I was reading about Negativistic Personality DO. I was dealing with someone who was showing a lot of red flags for not having a conscience, as well as being cold, violating boundaries, and in many ways being extremely passive aggressive to an almost extraordinary degree, so I was looking for potential answers. Thank you for making this video, so interesting.

I used to work in a mental health clinic and this disorder describes some of the therapists I worked for. I really found them to be neurotic, passive-aggressive dictators to their support staff and who would annoyingly answer a question with a question or a tedious lecture on a simple office issue to the point where I questioned my own sanity! I'm not speaking about the psychiatrists; They were great to work with - just therapists and social workers. They have issues lol.

This is a really hard personality to be around. I think maybe it bothers me so much because I see some traits of this and OCPD in my father, who had a very negative impact on me. I had to learn to deal with adult interactions in a mature way in my own. It's been a journey and I've made it up that mountain, finally.

My mother is very passive aggressive and its difficult to deal with. I find it a very immature way to deal with things.

literally anyone I fall in love with is either passive aggressive or narcissist ugh it’s so tiring.

@thephoenix756

3 жыл бұрын

Damn, that sucks. You're intellectually arming yourself, so you're less likely to fall victim to these toxic people. Best of luck to you.

I feel the changes to the DSM in this regard were not progress. PAPD should still stand on its own, as well as have the other PDs as we have them now. After I lived with a PA for 18+ years, a registered nurse tried to tell me that these people are "harmless". There were over 300 individual acts of cruelty, abuse and other PA behavior that radically injured an entire family in this case. As far as classification goes, there may be overlap with other PDs, as you describe, however, I feel PAPD is underreported and under-studied. Now because of its status as a "non-disorder", PA may never be fully studied. I've observed it to have its own etiology. Is there any evidence of underlying reasons for the three types you describe? What are the treatments? Statistics in populations? I am fascinated by this and hope to learn more. Thank you for doing this video.

@tracybrown4941

5 жыл бұрын

Jeanette York - I have experienced it to go hand in hand with covert narcissism as well. PAPD can be very damaging in a family dynamic and in a marriage.

@danasnell7975

4 жыл бұрын

I'm not Dr. Grande, but I've had first hand experience with this. My mother & sister as well as myself . Yes, it can be cruel & damaging. The only way I've been able to overcome this is by learning to appropriately deal with feelings. To feel the negative ones in the moment and learn to discharge them quickly (without hurting others). People that have PAD have learned that having negative emotions - anger, doubt, worry - makes them deplorable. Once I learned that the feelings are in fact neutral, as opposed to shameful, and can be positively dealt with, there was no reason to store them up and unconsciously shoot them at people. There's also a process of learning to trust other people involved. (Personally, I felt I would be social undesirable if I told people when I was truly uncomfortable with doing something.)

@user-sw2no8ux5w

4 жыл бұрын

Jeanette York what do you believe the etiology is.?

@aprilkitten

4 жыл бұрын

@@user-sw2no8ux5w It is Fear and low self-worth. There is no other reason to be habitually inauthentic, other than fear. Fear is the contracted egoic state that is at the core of every unhealthy condition.

@user-sw2no8ux5w

4 жыл бұрын

aprilkitten I think you are right. It’s sad.

I've searched for years to try and describe my sister's chronic PA behavior. I've never seen anything like it in another; she's relatively stable, does have underlying depression issues as a cause to channel it to PA behavior, but it is a CONSTANT. It's not situational. I've searched cluster A B C disorders, and nothing quite hits. But go down a PA behavior symptom list, and she hits 10 out of 10. Critical, rigid, sarcastic, controlling, judgmental, cannot take criticism, resentful, prone to hostility if confronted (usually by their own hypocrisy), self-righteous, difficulty expressing love; yet, can be loving. She pays her bills, she's responsible, she looks stable. To the outside world, they give her some anti-depressents and set her on her way. Yet, her "hit and runs" are relentless. She does it in every situation, at all times. It was a huge mistake taking it out of the DSM. I firmly believe that PAPD on its own, exists. The misery cost to loved ones (and themselves) as a result, means behavior-modification models for this type won't be developed. As previous commenters noted: by the # of views, and likes alone, should raise consideration. I'll add that it's also one of the top searched subjects on KZread. We're not all crazy 😂.

@theawakeningheard410

Жыл бұрын

Add gas lighting to the top of the list!

@cm-yu6gu

6 ай бұрын

THIS comment needs more likes I know exactly how you feel I have a coworker who I have to work in quite a confined space with everyday and it can be hell, especially before I had any framework to understand her behaviour. I too had NEVER seen anything like this in anyone else but her behaviourial patterns were far too consistent and specific that I couldn't shake the feeling she had something although I didn't know what. Someone with prominent fame/in the public eye who I believe has this too is Kourtney Kardashian. The body language, manner of speaking, attitude to work is all the same. It's quite mind-blowing when you first see it because it can really cause such a head fuck when you don't know what's going on that when you figure out what it is you feel like a mastermind just because it really isn't widely known, understood or talked about. It really was a failure to have been taken out of the DSM. I really hope they reintroduce it along with more research

Wow, that was an extremely well thought out and right on target explanation of PA. I've been dealing with it from family member for almost 50 years and have learned about it from several books written on the subject. It is a crazy-making issue that I've found that I've had to be constantly on guard against. I never know when things are going to be "accidentally" destroyed and then, of course, totally denied along with a thin argument of "plausible deniability" . The only solution I've found is walls and distance. Makes for such stress.

Holy! This is the first time I’ve heard this...aside from my thinking my own thoughts. Can some people be blind to this and not ever be able to pick it up??? I think I physically sense it but I can’t cognitively grasp what is happening. This results in a change in my mood when I’ve sensed something’s up after they say whatever passive aggressive comment, I then have some silent discomfort, they fire “what’s wrong w you” type questions aggressively when I’ve done/said nothing but am feeling down, sad or anxious because I don’t understand what’s gone wrong, but am essentially minding my own business & not wanting to bring anything up because I don’t actually know what’s going on, don’t have words to express myself and therefore I’m unable to approach them in any sort of balanced calm level headed manner to find out what the issue is. That then seems to give them the opportunity to spark off an argument I think, which seems to be usually always successful w/me. Which of course is my fault if I lose my temper, I know that but the emotional turbulence that’s already pre loaded makes it hard to not snap back when someone agresses at you for being silent with your own private thoughts. I then end up the bad guy because they had it in the bag from the start and KNEW what was going on. That’s what it’s seemed like a lot of the time. Evidenced by the fact that I’m usually left a mess and they don’t seem to have a care in the world. Really hate sounding like such a victim here but this has been such a huge problem for me in my life I think?. I’ve always thought that I’ve been “too stupid to insult” because at times things have “ slipped through” and I’ve realised almost in real time that what someone said to me wasn’t all that nice, as well as having other people point behaviour of others towards me out. Different People have called me naive at times also. I’m now 34 and I think this has become such an issue over time that I’ve now developed a sense that I can’t really trust many people. I’ve also got such a reactive temperament that I never used to have. Like ptsd where I easily fright and too quick to react. That would be a good description actually, I feel like I’ve been at war. Two LTRs have really done my head in, in this regard, one I’m just trying to get through now. I’m becoming bitter and cynical because of this because I know I don’t act selfishly/I act in everyone’s interests or try to as much as possible, and I know that if I make a mistake (which everyone does sometimes) I care too much & will do anything to make amends. Seems like many others are all too happy to lie or cheat their way out of even just apologising, or worse they know it’s a strategy to maintain in order to get what they want. Am I being paranoid?? What is wrong with me that I can’t see this until it’s too late? Or do I just overreact?? If anyone can please help If they relate to this? Would be good to go to a therapist armed with some lingo to help me describe this stuff....thank you

@MrGrey-vo2og

3 жыл бұрын

Just read this comment to a therapist. You described a lot I've been going through aswell!

@CLEFT3000

Жыл бұрын

@@mmellese Wow! Thank you. What a great reply. Thanks for taking the time to write it. I will look into those things mentioned. 2 yr on I’ve taken the avoidance route…lol which isn’t great but slowly putting myself back out there. Your comment really came at a great time, very much appreciated ❤️❤️❤️

@TheFreedPerspective

Жыл бұрын

Did you ever see a therapist? I’m curious, hope you’re well😊

I have never understood the term “passive-aggressive”. In all the explanations that I have read about it, I do not see the passive part of it. I then wonder if it is a person acting like they are passive but are actually an aggressive person. Like they are in disguise or something.

@autumnpepper6186

2 жыл бұрын

My husband is passive in that he will withdraw affection when you don't do things their way. He is a nice control freak! No one else even see what you are complaining about. He seems like such a good husband.

@JoePAcalaughs

Жыл бұрын

@@autumnpepper6186 nailed it. It's a control thing, which is a survival thing, which is usually a trauma thing.

@frankevans6584

Жыл бұрын

I don’t understand why they call it that either.

@Shahina456

Жыл бұрын

Well overt aggression is like yelling shouting etc Passive aggression is more masked covert but no less destructive

I have a long-time friend who is habitually passive-aggressive, and I could relate to some of the points that you have mentioned, especially the part where they feel gratified when there is failure. We went for a trip overseas once while she was at her worst and she agreed to the plans i suggested and made no contribution to the planning of the trip, being okay with everything but when something went wrong during the trip, she would be the very first to criticize and complain and just be really a pain in the butt. I think she gets off on this "response" on failure. it is similar to what you have mentioned, a general "i told you so" attitude when she has contributed to these problems too by not participating in the planning. Anyway, in recent years I find myself "tolerating" her behaviour. Not sure how long this can go on tbh.

My husband is passive aggressive. I feel so lonely and its so stressful. I do almost everything alone. I can feel he is angry with me but he always just denies it and says something like "you're perfect, I could never criticise you" which isn't true at all of course. He forgets to do things he promises constantly, he dies things poorly so I have to do it again, he denies all feelings all the time. He stonewalls, doesn't tell me anything. After hours of tears and crying from me he will say "well you don't want to hear anything I have to say" so gently. It feels so cruel. I feel so lost.

@show_me_your_kitties

3 ай бұрын

How are you these days?

@Candlewick14

3 ай бұрын

@show_me_your_kitties we had this argument again on Monday. UGH

This is the hardest for me to be around. Ive often said-these are the ones who piss in the coffee pot.

@abeedhal6519

4 жыл бұрын

The only solution to people like this is to keep them out of your life.

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

@@abeedhal6519 amen!!!

@Aprilforevergreen

3 жыл бұрын

Not really

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

@@Aprilforevergreen not really what?

@Aprilforevergreen

3 жыл бұрын

@@pauladuncanadams1750 not pissing in the coffee - perhaps more like spending the rest of their days wishing they had - building up a life of seething regret and resentment because they were never brave enough to do or say the things that needed to be done or said.

Dr. Grande, can you please in the future make a video talking about the subtypes of OCPD? Btw great video! 😆

Interesting historical review of PAPD. I found *a lot* of passive aggressive traits in people with BPD.

@ladymopar2024

4 жыл бұрын

And bipolar ppl. I just try to ignore and disingage.

@ziggylaurie2268

3 жыл бұрын

Toxic personality

@kusumlata1390

3 жыл бұрын

I have BPD and have absolutely no traits of Passive Aggressiveness.

@srmillard

3 жыл бұрын

@@kusumlata1390 Yes there's no guarantee that passive aggressiveness, especially of the clinical sort, is necessarily connected with any cluster be personality disorder. People are complex

@tbigpictcha

3 жыл бұрын

Passive Aggresion is exactly like a sharks fin. It is absolutely key in identifiying hidden danger. Most Psychopaths and Paedofiles are passive aggressive. It's an excellent tip off of a predatory individual, reason being is that they can never communicate their sick ideas directly as they would be beaten to a pulp or ostracised instantly

This described me down to a cellular level. If I ever overcome passive-aggression (is that a word?) enough to go back to therapy, I'll raise the issue. Many thanks for the clip.

very good description, and yes they enjoy a bad outcome more than they would miss a friend; pride comes before any other emotion; it is, i believe, a form of narcissism, to me a hurtful one, for they really seem to be able to fool many and just get away with it (somehow believe they deserve privileges)

Another jewel from the Doc

Thanks, doctor. For some reason I can never wrap my head around this disorder. Someone once asked my forgiveness for having been passive agressive with me through the years we knew each other, and I answered, "that's okay. It was a long time ago." Then I thought and thought and I couldn't think of one thing they did wrong towards me. I still don't get it. Thank you though. 🌹

@XYZ-kb3mm

5 жыл бұрын

Elisa Mastromarino sometimes people are too nice and never notice passive aggressiveness lol

@donpeny6470

5 жыл бұрын

Theres a difference between the technical usage as this vid elaborates and how we commonly use it, at least from my experience and understanding. It confuses me too, hence watching nacho grande. Not to say it's misused, I'd have to take a closer look at how it's defined, but I've heard people use it in place of sarcasm, patronizing, or when I speak..er I mean when someone speaks to them condescendingly. I can't imagine being clinically sarcastic or even passive-aggressive with my basic understanding. I'm not surprised it's not listed in the dsm. I can see, however, the problem with a constant state where sarcasm and the above mentioned are indiscriminate and hamper our ability to function within society. I'll have to watch again to hear everything he said,.but I believe he mentioned negativism and that makes sense to me. If this person who asked for forgiveness was an overall negative person or just negative to you, you'd probably notice even without noticing the passive aggressive behavior. I've known people who annoy me with most of what they say and do. When there's no escaping them I let everyone know just how displeased I am for having to be in his/her company. They subtly express they feel the same. The fact is most of those people really weren't all that bad and may have caught on but didn't know what to say or do about it. If I got cancer and decided to go apologize, if they understand then it's good I made right of it for them. If they don't understand, no harm done and closure for me. I doubt this person was saying they have a disorder. He was probably saying sorry for being a nonchalant dick to you in your face. You may not have gaf enough to notice. Or you could be stupid.

@genmusicofficial

4 жыл бұрын

Yep it happened to me too! I didn't notice someone being passive aggressive until a friend I introduced to them pointed it out to me. Within 2 minutes of meeting the person she picked up on it and said to me "She's really passive aggressive and she doesn't like you" it was a revelation to me and left me wondering what I'd done to piss her off and then it made me angry because if they had an issue with me how was I to know unless they communicated it? Passive aggressive people repress their anger and don't communicate very well.They're constantly resentful because they expect people to read their minds. If anything it made me more mindful of not resorting to passive aggressive behaviour myself because I realised how irritating it is being the recipient of that behaviour.

@susanivy3619

2 жыл бұрын

@@donpeny6470 ahahahha nacho grande ...the way you just threw it in there, I lost it. lol

Nailed it Dr. But you forgot borderline. Isn't borderline related to jealousy and passive aggressiveness? How many times does one have to behave passive aggressively to get a diagnosis that it's a pattern in reacting? Could a mental health physician diagnose someone based only on one incident? There has to be a pattern, right? Observation needs to be made over a period of time. Sounds all very bad I have passive aggressive behaviours sometimes. But my counselor said I more likely have an Avoidant PD

I find your videos to be grounding in terms of identifying personality traits and the relationships of traits to personality disorders. In other words, an individual can have a certain trait or several traits, such as passive/aggressive behavior but that doesn’t in itself indicate a disorder.

I believe my ex has this. His mother and sister are so controlling but he will never admit this... but now passive-aggressively he resists and dismisses all other women. He cannot tolerate ANY disharmony and cannot express any anger until he is at absolute bursting point. He prefers to gaslight rather than admit to a problem or mistake. He cannot make a sincere apology (he says in his family they don't apologize but accept people for who they are 😅🤦🏽‍♀️). He cannot take a side of right/wrong - he is always in the middle. He loves "tasks" but hates being asked to plan anything and then will "forget", be late or undermine its success - he hates any kind of "accountabilty". He has no friends, hobbies or passions and has had a job in the same company for 20 years.

You once did a video on socially desirable five factor model facets. I think it would be cool to also do one on romantic or attractive facets for both males and females

Dr Grande thank you so much for your videos! I really like that you approach every topic with cautiousness but at the same time you are obviously well informed. I was thinking it would be interesting if you do a video about existential crisis, what is it and why some people maybe more prone to have them. Thank you again from Venezuela

Being passive aggressive in certain situations can be a benefit for certain individuals.

Passive aggressive and OCD. I've dealt with it from someone for more than 40 years. I've told myself, it's ok, I don't care, in my efforts to stay sane. It is trying to make sanity out of insanity. I'm running out of steam and feel like I'm going crazy. 🤪

This was so helpful to me. I now understand that all the anger and upset that is coming from a loved one with this issue is not really my fault. It is freeing in a way not to be responsible for smoothing thing over and making this person happy. Thank you!

I am 31 years and I had a time in my life where I was extremely depressed because of my life situation. I had anxiety and panic attacks due to university problems, I had issues with my controlling parents, my ex wasn't meeting my emotional needs and I hated my job! I stayed in this situation for 2 years and my behavior was exactly like this! But I could not live with these mindset of constantly acting passive aggressive towards people I loved and I genuinely wanted to change! I don't know how I managed it, but I would never act in this way no matter what!! It makes the person acting like this feel miserable inside! I spend days and night crying because I felt like this is the only way people will understand what I am feeling and what I want! And I feel like this personality has a lot in common with machiavellianism!

@PrivateAckbar

3 жыл бұрын

I don't think behaviours that are situational and adaptive and related to a mood disorder can ever be considered a personality disorder. You're better now. I think your a case study in exactly why certain behaviours have to be distinguished from more fundamental problems that constitute a personality disorder.

As someone who identifies with literally everything said in this video and specifically with what's referred to as the "abrasive" subtype, I completely disagree with removing Negativistic Personality disorder from the DSM. I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me and have have several symptoms for things like ASPD, OCD, and NPD but I don't meet the diagnosis criteria for any of them. For context, I'm 21 years old and have been diagnosed with both ADHD and MDD. I have a pathological need for autonomy which leads me to enjoy being abrasive just for the sake of it. I compulsively procrastinate on my responsibilities simply for the fact that the idea of being forced to do something and thus losing my autonomy terrifies me. I actively disregard the desires of others if it contradicts what I desire to do. I have to do everything exactly how I want to do it or I get very irritated. I break social norms for the sake of it. I get viscerally angry when someone interrupts an activity I'm doing. Given my symptoms I actually agree with the renaming to Negativistic Personality Disorder. I can be very passive aggressive but it is indeed situational. What isn't situational is my pathological need for autonomy resulting in a pattern of compulsive defiance.

@fiberpoet6250

2 жыл бұрын

I suggest looking into Pathological Demand Avoidance disorder Since you already have ADHD, it tends to be a common co-morbid It’s on the autism spectrum as well. I’m Autistic and I see it a lot among my Autistic and ADHD friends

@mrsmaxbemis

Жыл бұрын

I think I have this as well.. Up till I learned about this I mostly identified with vulnerable narcissism and a bit with ASPD. This fits me even more

my husband to a "T". when things are going well, he's the best. if something goes wrong, he pouts, gives silent treatment, has tantrums, expresses violent anger , expresses that he is better than others but gets no recognition. he is very rigid and stubborn...that is so frustrating. on top of this, he will gas-light me.

Dr Grande explains things so much better than anyone.

That is an understatement! I have lived with a PAPD husband for 31 years. I am realizing now how isolated I am, and how much damage he has done over the years. He treats me with contempt, and he has completely trashed everything I own, and our lovely home. Everywhere I look things are broken and filthy. He comes along and destroys it again after I clean up his last mess He has been to every kind of therapy known to man, and he just dissociates his way through it. I am 68, disabled and with failing vision. I have nowhere to go and no one to help me. I don't have enough income to live on my own. I am not making excuses: this is just reality. I get no support from my kids. They can't picture us not married anymore. They would never help me leave. I feel like I am at the end of the line. No doors left to try. PAPD is abuse. People don't realize it.

Excellent description and explanation.

i recently found out i am Passive Aggressive in my communication, which was a bit of a shock because i recognised the signs immediately but i didnt realise thats what i was doing. I also learned that my MB personality type is INFJ. Question for you Todd - if you are an introverted type are you more likely to be Passive Aggressive ? Logically this would seem likely since introverts often internalise emotions in stressful situations that can cause P-A. Thanks. i really appreciate your neutral non-judgemental information on mental health topics, so good to listen to.

@Shahina456

Жыл бұрын

It isn’t only in introverts. I know extroverts who are very passive aggressive

This was incredibly helpful and it makes a lot of sense. Grew up in a disfunctional family where my grandma has narcisistic personality dissorder, was abusive to my mom all her life, and mom is INCREDIBLY passive aggressive and was psichollogically very abusive to me too, and to this day still has huge tantrums and episodes of passive aggressiveness. It's been hell of a journey and years of therapy to learn to deal with them. Thx for your work!

I'm so grateful for your content. Amazingly educational videos, Dr. Grande! Thank you so much! 😊

This is me. The clearest memory I have of behaving this way was my high school graduation -- I didn't want to go through the ceremony as I was graduating a year "late" (due to my poor academic performance). I felt really ashamed and so I didn't feel like it was something worth recognizing but my parents were adamant that I do it. I procrastinated heavily about ordering a cap and gown and announcements. When we received the announcements, I didn't bother sending any out (I don't remember if my parents ended up addressing them and mailing them out, but I refused to touch them). My parents wanted to host a graduation party but I refused it (I only had like two friends from this class anyway); they wanted to buy me a class ring but that was also something I didn't want, at all. The day of commencement was terrible, made worse by me acting morose. Through it all, I got a sense of deep pleasure out of spoiling the whole thing for my folks, which in retrospect I'm ashamed of now, because they were struggling financially and couldn't really afford to pay the extra fees for the announcements and cap and gown. I still wouldn't change my mind on going through commencement exercises but I could have been more gracious about it because apparently it was something they needed to see. I've had other minor situations where if I knew that I was made to do something that the other person was expecting me to enjoy, I would deliberately be a jerk and spoil it by not reacting the way they want, but fortunately that has been very rare. I've known there is something wrong but I've never been able to pinpoint it, so thanks Dr. Grande -- this gives me hope for treatment.

@TheFreedPerspective

Жыл бұрын

Wow, that’s incredibly insightful you noticed those patterns within yourself! Most people don’t seem to have awareness around what they’re doing so this gives me hope! And I’m just happy you’re looking into this, because it’ll give you richer relationships throughout your life😊Any updates?

Really enjoy your channel, Dr. You have a calm, understandable delivery, and always give examples that I can either relate to, or understand easily. As an aside, I also really like your intro with the "falling books"! Straight to the point, with crystal clear vocals. Amazing # of subscribers, which isn't surprising, and I'm happy for you that this channel appears very successful, and likely to be around a long time. Thank you for all the work you've put into this, and for being a clear voice in an area of information that typically doesn't seem clear at all! I'm very appreciative!

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for those kind words :)

Thank you Dr Grande.. I'm learning so much from your informative lessons! I'm definitely a fan of yours!!

I've been trying to help a loved one move beyond this but I don't know much and he's autistic so I always have to do a differential first, because what looks like passive aggression in a neurotypical might be the wiring in someone on the spectrum, and they "get a pass for that, it's beyond their control." He suppresses his anger to such extremes he can smile when furious, while stimming and trembling. Of course I want to caretake when this happens and it scares me too. We are all creatures of habit so it is hard to know whether it's neuro or psychological on my friend's part and I have few tools, never having dealt with passive aggressive folks before. I do encourage him to speak his mind, share his resentments openly, show his work and make more mistakes, throw a temper tantrum if he needs to, and watch people express irritation all day long and no one drops dead from it. But I see now it goes much deeper than this. And it all resonates. I don't know if should feel relieved or defeated, I just hope my beloved's therapist is half the therapist Dr. Grande is. And that he tells us more, soon.

Thank you Dr Grande. I’ve never come across anyone with what would have been classified as PAPD but I think most people have come across others who exhibit the traits. Listening to you describe the manner PA people adopt, I wonder if it’s caused by an inner fear to act or say what they feel...... so they go about things in a passive manner. Sorry, that’s a poor explanation, but it’s all I can think of at the moment. I’m enjoying your subjects lately! Have a happy weekend ☺️

@aprilkitten

4 жыл бұрын

I agree and wondered the same thing about PAPD myself. It took me awhile to figure out why it felt so confusing when communicating with my aunt. I could hear her agreeing to topics during conversations, but intuitively I could feel her holding strong disagreement. I didn't know what was going on, but I felt a strong abrasive energy coming from her followed by being ignored for long periods of time. Eventually she would call claiming she was fine, but just too busy to respond sooner. That really couldn't be possible with text messaging these days and the fact that she's disabled, on oxygen, lives alone and is housebound, but out of respect, I took her at her word. It was obvious that the inauthentic behavior issue that was preventing her ftom sharing her truth was "Fear". I began to put the pieces together and could see how this passive-aggressive fear-based condition that had been left unaddressed had over time, manifested into multiple physically disabling conditions. She had also taken on the position of being the victim and was blaming others for her suffering as she was too fearful to take on any responsibility as well as being unable to speak her truth. This dysfunctional fear-based condition is so damaging and has been passed on to her daughter and her granddaughter that all have failed relationships and sad dysfunctional lives. When a mother is in "fear" during her pregnancy this fear-based energy is imprinted onto the fetus and passed on ancestrally. This was designed to protect the species from predators in the wild, but this fearful perspective can be very destructive if left unaddressed in humans. In my opinion, PAPD should not have been removed and should be treated aggressively. I'm not a doctor. I'm simply a happiness coach and an alternative healer, but I see how fear and stress due to fear, is the primary core cause of 95+% of what most humans are suffering from these days. I believe the lack of Joy should be taken more seriously and addressed as a priority at every doctor visit. Understanding these conditions is so helpful and I appreciate Dr Grande and all of you for sharing.🙏💕🌿

10:20 "they have oppositional attitudes to authority". They also have oppositional attitudes to the idea that others are their equal.

@ziggylaurie2268

3 жыл бұрын

Superiority complex

Very interesting Dr. Grande! I think there is value in looking at past diagnoses to compare them to those currently recognized in the DSM-5, and this is the first time I've seen this spoken about by a doctor. Thank you!

Dear Doc, thanks a million for all your valuable educational interesting informative videos. They have helped to understand my life & surrounding environment better & clear. It's taking time to process facts & logic but m working hard on it. These videos are timeless treasures & I revisit them whenever I can.

It sounds like a passive-aggressive person harbors the same entitlement that underlies antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders, but is unwilling to express that entitlement openly; perhaps due to introversion, cowardice, some degree of self-awareness or shame, or a desire to protect their reputation. Like the “cluster B insecurity” is much more conscious.

I have ADHD & I can see where I have been passive aggressive a lot in my life. I wasn't attempting to be that way, it was already engraved into me. I wish more people didn't hate on people like us, but I can understand how harmful that behavior has been. I want to work harder at not being passive aggressive & accusatory. It's really hard on everyone involved, including myself. I have ruined relationships because of this behavior. While I may have not been aware or able to work on this part of me, now I can be more aware within myself. I hope people can have patience with me as it may have been the choice of my mind to follow this path but there were many factors that have attributed to me using this to cope. I am not better or worse then anyone, I am just a person with problems/ coping that I have to work on, just as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

@TheFreedPerspective

Жыл бұрын

Beautiful reflection, proud of you for recognizing it…I can’t imagine what that’s like. It’s gotta be hard! I have someone passive aggressive in my life, but I don’t think they’re aware of it, but I’m not sure. How did your awareness come about?

@Rvanmeeterenbobbie

Жыл бұрын

@@TheFreedPerspective

@TheFreedPerspective

Жыл бұрын

@@Rvanmeeterenbobbie Thank you for such a detailed response, it fills my heart that you’ve found some support and relief!💜 And to know that it doesn’t represent you as a whole or take away other incredible aspects around your intellect, creativity and unique qualities 😊 It’s one aspect of a coping mechanism that just needs some light shed on it so you can adjust that lens. Really appreciate your update🙏

@Rvanmeeterenbobbie

Жыл бұрын

@@TheFreedPerspective 100% agree & thank you so much for taking the time to see me. It's always nice to be recognized for the hard work, cause it often isn't the easiest to call yourself out on the things that are challenging for yourself/ relationships. Not easy to acknowledge toxic traits within yourself. :)

@TheFreedPerspective

Жыл бұрын

@@Rvanmeeterenbobbie I applaud you SO MUCH on working through this…it’s a feat! I’m in school to become a therapist and my compassion has deepened for people dealing with issues that are potentially hurting others, and making their own lives harder. Because it’s just stemming from pain that needs TLC and patience, just like you originally said. Thanks for enlightening my perspective around this, update me sometime!🙏😊

I appreciate you so much. Thank you . The impact of your good deeds is incalculable

In my experience, I had a job while attending college working with individuals who were not fluent in English. In other words, they seemed to not have a broad vocabulary. As a result, they would express their frustrations in a passive-aggressive manner. I also think it is taught in some cultures to behave that way in order to accomplish what a person desires without coming forwards in a simple fashion

@TatjanaMur

Жыл бұрын

As an migrant (not in the US), I can say that it is not always about the culture or ability to express your dissatisfaction with sth. Sometimes the stakes are too high for a migrant to assert their human rights. Despite paying the taxes as others (the citizens), if a migrant is mistreated at work, they do not have the same luxury of just leaving the job. Otherwise, their visa is not prolonged and they can start packing their and their children's luggages and return to the place where they had put so much effort, time and money to run away from. It is unfair. It is sad. But it is a real life. So, in some cases passive-agressive behaviour is the only option to protest the injustice. And, of course , sometimes it is a sign of immaturity. Migrants are not saints. They are people as others, with an extra load of serious challenges that go unnoticed by majority of locals.

@targoltran

Жыл бұрын

@@TatjanaMur I understand your points. I can only express my views in regards to the U.S where I have been employed. I think the problems pertaining to passive-aggressive behavior at work, is not so much that employees don't notice it. The problem may be that it takes thousands of dollars to hire an attorney to represent the victim. And if anyone is mistreated, there is a Lord that sees it all. Again, I can only speak for the society that I live in.

Thank you for the clarity about the needs which passive aggressive behaviour might be serving. I often hear professionals mention anger which individuals are not allowing themselves to express openly. My question to you Dr. Grande and to the viewers here is what can we do with our anger when we want to choose a healthy coping strategy?

@susanivy3619

2 жыл бұрын

He's gonna have to charge you for a response on that one. Dr. Grande doesn't give away free help ;)

Very good explanation I know someone with this disorder. It's a problem when the person is in denial.

How about this trait of the passive aggressive person: hoping for bad outcomes for others.

@saras.2173

3 жыл бұрын

This is called schadenfreude. Look up the KZread channel Vital Mind Psychology. He has a whole video on it.

@tbigpictcha

3 жыл бұрын

Passive Aggresion is exactly like a sharks fin. It is absolutely key in identifiying hidden danger. Most Psychopaths and Paedofiles are passive aggressive. It's an excellent tip off of a predatory individual, reason being is that they can never communicate their sick ideas directly as they would be beaten to a pulp or ostracised instantly

@paulv6910

3 жыл бұрын

@@saras.2173 ty, I will have a look at that.

Yes this video was very interesting. First of all it touches on a subject ( Passive - Aggressive behavior) most people have experienced. The second thing is it helps lay people understand how the DSM works. Third it explains the behaviors and some of the possible reasons for them and the overlap to other disorders. My question is would PA personality traits be a sub-type of another personality disorder if it seemed to be a main way of coping or behaving under stress? Is there any current research in this area of behavior? How is this difficult behavior overcome- what treatment is helpful? Thanks so much for your insight!

I kinda don’t understand why these are called disorders, it’s a type of character, lots of people are like this. I think all these disorders just hide unhappy people who cannot figure their life out and are still unable to leave childhood insecurities behind

@RAJOHN-ke7mc

Жыл бұрын

I swear i had this exact same convo With someone not too long.ago.

@vampoftrance

Жыл бұрын

Its not in the manual. I asked a Psychiatrist what can I do about this behavior. He told me that you must learn to live with it. Or leave. He/she believes that it's a defense mechanism against aggression of the other. It's covert. And in my case, victory was when I left for this individual. I was to blame. Leaving them the " saint".

Never in my life, even after an entire life of forced psychiatric care and being put into hospitals for “behavior” since second grade have I found anything define me and my internal issues so much. I am always at a war with myself in my head between what I SHOULD do and what I COULD do. 😞

@csc8697

11 ай бұрын

Try being busy, out of your own head. Physically tired so you can't think as much. It helps, it's a goodmental break & then gets easier.

The lost personality. That sure is a good alternate phrase to use for a commonplace personality disorder Dr. Grande.Thanks!

As an empath, passive aggressive people drive me crazy literally. I feel passive aggressiveness so strongly that it can ruin my entire day.

Really enjoy all your videos but found this one especially fascinating. As others have mentioned, I’d be so curious to hear about more disorders which have either have fallen out of the DSM over the years or which have been amalgamated to form disorders we still diagnose today. Thanks doc 👍🏼

I enjoy watching your videos because they explain factually complex issues using user friendly language cross referenced with lots of true to life examples.

I didn't know this was ever considered a PD. Very interesting. I've observed people throwing it around regarding people who preferred to not be combative or to engaged in conflict.

I have learned so much from this channel, you explain things so well!!thank you!!

if you have to work with someone like this-ugh

@frankenz66

5 жыл бұрын

I have worked with people like this, and eventually, they got sent home. An observant supervisor helps.

@Limerick1993

4 жыл бұрын

@@frankenz66 what if your supervisor is passive aggressive 🙄😂

@sunnysmiles8211

3 жыл бұрын

@@Limerick1993 yep my boss is this way

@ziggylaurie2268

3 жыл бұрын

Yep! Dealing with this right now

Wow Dr Grande, I'm trying to understand a relative, and this helped A LOT.....Thank you!

Never heard this so accurately described before

Oh my gosh!! I have been trying to figure out my husband after 38 years and this is him 100%. He won't tell himself he has difficulties with people or jobs or believes he has any issues. Thank you Dr Grande for open up this issue and finally figured him out!

Thank you, Dr. Grande.

Dr. Todd, you are awesome! Love the way you break the topic down. Once agin, very helpful information. Thank you❤

Your videos are so useful, many thanks and your voice is really calming and reassuring

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

You're welcome :)

The most annoying and hurtful thing of all of when you give them an option to leave the thing you ask of them and they say no and act happy to do so only to punish you for it because they were too coward to say how they really felt. Had this with a relative, told them I'd totally understand if they needed some space after I shared the news of my pregnancy with them. They told me, to not be silly and they will be okay with communicating with me. As we are adults I took her word for it because she has the right to her own feelings and if she wants to be involved then she should be. She punished me so much with insults, passive agressive behaviours, blatant rude remarks and telling me things that she knew would disturb me and constantly making me feel guilty every opportunity she got. I knew this was the behaviour she was displaying but tried to give sympathy because of her situation. Once I told her I knew exactly what she was doing and wasn't going to have it anymore she straight said it isn't true. Blah blah. Ugh best thing to cut the ties as she was too coward to do it and instead sought to punish me for it. Absolutely awful when you do things like that. I also displayed passive tendencies because of my childhood/teens but I would turn more inward than punish the other person. I'd go quiet or sulk silently but not deliberately pike jabs at people but either way passive agressivness isn't good and it's abusive. Still have to watch myself and make sure I'm not doing it because it's not fair on the other person.

@nuclear_muffin5600

Жыл бұрын

My experience is that they hold growing resentment against people,and blow up. They justify what they done with the most terrible excuses and act happy and postive. I stopped talking to a passive aggressive "friend." He never wanted to apologize or say sorry,or mention the problem ever. All they do is act happy and say "I acted postive so I dont know why they're feeling that way." Then I left that huge friend group because everyone else orbited around that passive aggressive person only because he was nice to them.

@sapphire1817

Жыл бұрын

@@nuclear_muffin5600 Yeah! It comes in so many different forms and severity to it it's mind baffling. My ex husband was like this, kept quiet about his anger but would do exactly what I asked him not to, to spite me. Even after we divorced he was trying to hurt me the exact same way but I always let him know I knew. I mean I understand so many people are this way because they didn't have a chance to have healthy expressions because I mentioned myself also exhibiting passive traits but once you've been made aware why not try to change it rather than hurt people further and I swear someone people even when they have had a hard life etc it's like they enjoy it making you feel like you're mad. Absolutely bonkers.

What does a healthy person look like?

Dr. Grande is a pioneer among the internet's mental health clinicians.

It's really uncomfortable when you're smiling at them and they're being passive aggressive. Even if you want to, you can't be aggressive to them because of your sanity.

@tbigpictcha

3 жыл бұрын

Passive Aggresion is exactly like a sharks fin. It is absolutely key in identifiying hidden danger. Most Psychopaths and Paedofiles are passive aggressive. It's an excellent tip off of a predatory individual, reason being is that they can never communicate their sick ideas directly as they would be beaten to a pulp or ostracised instantly

@usernamechecksout7543

2 жыл бұрын

@@tbigpictcha great analysis

@tbigpictcha

2 жыл бұрын

@@usernamechecksout7543 Thank you, I'm glad my analogy of the shark fin was not lost on you as some people didn't seem to get it (as if it's that harder concept to grasp- WTF??) and ridiculed me. I have unfortunately met two p@edophiles and four people who meet the criteria for psychopathy (watch Thomas Sheridan's 5 Key traits of psychopathy on you tube.) who were consistently extremely passive aggressive and even when it would have been more straight forward to communicate in a direct way they would deliberately use it as an opportunity to be passive aggressive. Another thing they would do was persistently talk in metaphor and riddles even when there was no requirement to do so and a straight answer would be expected.

Thank you Dr.Grande. Very interesting!!

I wonder if Lucy Van Pelt, the character in the comic strip Peanuts who repeatedly holds a football for the Charlie Brown character to kick and then yanks it away at the last split second so that Charlie Brown will take a pratfall, is displaying passive aggressive behavior?

Or, as we sometimes see it in scientific research, "Invested Method Disorder". I really appreciate your detailed description of the history of the development of the state of knowledge, even though I'm stubbornly insisting I didn't get any enjoyment from it and knew I wouldn't from the start.

My husband displays behaviors associated with this often. Silent treatment is probably his favorite among other things. I think it is from his childhood. I thought I had a dream husband and several years later I realized, he never said no to anything or anyone. Before we married he spent all his money on pleasing other people. Always gave into others. We have seen counselors and he would agree with them in person but later act like he wasn't told anything. Then he stands by if the kids verbally disrespect me. Thankful he doesn't drink or smoke, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Interesting. In the past when I made.passive aggressive statements, it was because I was afraid of saying what I really felt. I was afraid of an angry reaction. But I did not realize then what I was.doing, or why. I would like another video on this with more info on WHY people feel the need to not be direct and assertive. Perhaps some never learned how.. .like if they were raised with angry screaming parents with a lot of conflict.

@sherunswithscissors

4 жыл бұрын

Suzy Q - or in my family where being angry was just not allowed.

@daholyspirit2783

3 жыл бұрын

Skippy W Caribbean? 😂

Thanks, Dr. Grand, for answering my question on P A D.

Thank you for helping me understand

I had a coworker whom I liked but he was very passive aggressive. He did things like hide important things- that would reappear- only after a huge blowout and frantic drama about it being gone. It took me a long time to figure out it was him doing it. He also would always show up late for shifts, and take extreme amounts of time to do tasks. Like being sent out to get something that should take 30 minutes and show back up two hours later. He had some good work skills that made him valuable for the company, was so defensive that no one, even the boss, would confront these things. He also complained to others- but never to managers or higher ups- to people who could actually change things. Also gathered gossip. I learned the hard way, to keep my business to myself around this person. My feeling was that depression was also a factor in his case. His low mood maybe played a role in him thinking everyone was out to get him- it was a self- fulfillment prophecy.

I'm very interested to hear about this. I had a councilor refer to me as a "passive aggressive borderline", ..but I never really got much of an explaination of the passive aggressive mention. I'll edit my thoughts in after I watch. As usual, I get excited and precomment 🤓 Edit: Well, the way my councilor explained passive-aggressive bevahior was the example of; "Instead of pushing down somebody who has made you angry, you would stick out your foot and trip them as they walk by." I'm not sure how much that aligns with the diagnosis as a whole, but that was the extent of him speaking with me about being passive aggressive. I do agree with his description based on his sense of the behavior, I would agree I'm passive-aggressive... However, I didn't relate very much with many of the descriptions you gave here.. so maybe it's just a bit difficult to pinpoint comorbid disorders or behaviors with a borderline.. Either way, this was a nice surprise, as I've wondered about passive-aggressive personality for many years now.

@elisamastromarino7123

5 жыл бұрын

Im a precommenter, too. Don't feel bad.

@LaceyAnn

5 жыл бұрын

Listening again, I actually relate very much to the first four factors. The last, I'm not too sure is very like me.

@iroamalone6953

4 жыл бұрын

I'd trip 'em too dammit

Dr Grande, you said theyre holding on to control, feels more like they excise control!

There is no question that passive aggressive behavior exists and is problematic in social settings as well as in work settings. Employers see it as being a very important problem when it occurs in the work place. Problem is that the behavior creates distress in other people not for the the PA person so much, but that is the same for Narcissistic PD. Both are extremely troublesome to other people, but if you ask the problematic person they'll deny there's a problem for them at all--in fact as Dr. Grande said they tend to feel more powerful and gratification from their behavior. DSM almost got rid of NPD also, but kept it because of the demand of clinicians who saw NPD a lot. In that same way, IMO, PAPD should be brought back as well. I see Passive Aggressive PD as ancillary to NPD. Very interesting discussion Dr. Grande. I believe that employers filter for the personality traits associated with PA because it is so disruptive of the workplace.

Just got to be glad the work group members care deeply about the people they are making decisions for. I wish other institutions in the US felt the same way.

Even if it's not in the DSM, doesn't mean we aren't dealing with it on a daily basis.

You’re a good kid and you always seem to give it your best...

Seems like a lot of overlap with Oppositional Defiant Disorder! I'm curious about how they would differ and if it's possible that ODD was based on this previous disorder?

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking that too. The person that sticks in my mind was a scapegoat and a vulnerable narcissist. I don't get along well with sensitive, prickly people.

@FLdancer00

Жыл бұрын

ODD and CD are just labels to give to kids because doctors are allowed to diagnose anyone under 18 with psychopathy or sociopathy.

@HealingBeyondTrauma

Жыл бұрын

@@FLdancer00 Feels accurate. Stepson had those diagnoses and more. Tried to kill my self and spouse. After all interventions we tried and failed chose to go no contact.

Categories in psychology has something that has always really confused me and made me feel sceptical of the whole subject. I'm probably grossly ignorant, though. Hopefully if I watch enough of your videos it'll start me on a path to psychological enlightenment.

TTTT I'm having some difficulty thinking of passive aggression as a mental disorder. Passive aggression may just be what is employed when real aggression is not possible, and as such may be totally rational.