I was fortunate enough to save up the $5k I needed to get a mastectomy. I was 36, and they were huge, and so HEAVY and painful. Getting rid of them was one of the best things I ever did for myself. But when I was younger and "trans" wasn't even in my vocabulary (it was before the days of the internet and there was 0 public awareness), I thought the only way I could get a mastectomy was if I had breast cancer. So -- I kid you not -- I desperately wished to get breast cancer.

@cursedwyvern3044

Ай бұрын

No, that’s fair. I had the same belief, and also subsequently wished for breast cancer despite literally being a science student and knowing how bad cancer can get

Adding experience as a nonbinary person who tried to lose weight to lose breast tissue. There's a point you won't lose more breast tissue and it's not worth starving/working out to reach. I had an unrelated illness awhile back. I weighed 103 lbs at 5'9". I still had D cups. I am grateful every single day for my improved health and that I was able to have top surgery. I give thanks for my body and everything it's been through.

I’m gonna be so real, I am genuinely concerned this could end up causing other young trans people to try this. I’m a trans guy and 19 in the UK so probably in a somewhat similar situation and I’ve imagined this countless times, I’ve even done the ‘hypothetical’ research into how likely it would be to do this and live. If I wasn’t now almost a year on T and have been made aware my consulting date may be within the next few months, I’d be looking at this and thinking things. My chest dysphoria is still one of the worst parts of my life, it was SO much more distressing when I was younger for several reasons. Being a bit older and knowing it’s not too far away helps me cope a lot now, but I still remember when my family was asleep each night having breakdowns in the mirror trying to DIY binders, or when trying on clothes, etc.. I have been in the position of if I can’t get rid of this I can’t live anymore. Obviously so many of us have. I just want to say this to anyone who might be younger or in a place where this situation resonates to the point they have even slightly considered this. There is so much hope and you will not feel like this forever. I know it’s hard now, there are so many people who have been there or are with you in it. One day it will feel so far away the memory gets blurry, and it will be beautiful. This is not worth the risk and the likelihood of surviving and being operated on without significant issues is too small. I know how much the dysphoria hurts and I hurt with you, but please, please be safe and be patient. We can do it, and it will be worth the wait and the end result.

This is one of the reasons I get so mad when uneducated Americans call non-American western people "privileged" compared to them when it comes to health care. I am from Denmark, and there's such a limit on the treatment you can get. People are dying because of medical maltreatment - both from physical and mental conditions. I have DID and theres no treatment for any complex trauma here (unless it's war related). I literally was told that there are no treatment options left by my psychiatrist. My cousin has made a fundraiser because she is extremely sick and they won't do the surgery she needs in denmark, so she has to pay it herself when she's bed bound 22 hours a day and need all around support. I also know someone else here who had to travel outside the country and pay for her stomach/intestine surgery, because denmark doesn't recognise the disorder as real (the US and many other countries do) And when it comes to trans people, I know plenty of people who were put on long wait lists or were rejected for whatever reason (you can fx be rejected if you're autistic and have a "special interest in transitioning") The waiting list for just seeing a normal psychiatrist is at least 1.5 years, but often you can wait even longer. It's horrible here ngl. Not saying it's better in the US, but the rest of the West have some deep problems with our health care systems too

@cursedwyvern3044

Ай бұрын

While it is true that a lot of public health systems around the world are bad, I don’t think the solution is private healthcare. We need to find a balance.

@LuluTheCorgi

Ай бұрын

American health care is great as long as you are rich The problem is that most people aren't rich

ngl ive had thoughts about doing this as well. not like serious ones but like its a thing ive imagined doing. id never have the balls to lmao

@j77nx

Ай бұрын

THEY COMPLETED THE SURGERY FOR HIM OMG HES SO LUCKY

@j77nx

Ай бұрын

i completely understand why he did it too, id rather die than not get gender affirming surgery and ig he was like "well its worth a shot". im not saying its good o rwhatever but like i completely get it

@TheDopekitty

Ай бұрын

I completely understand this. I looked hopefully for lumps in my breasts after coming out in hopes that they'd just do the teat yeet for cancer and not make me wait forever. I WANTED cancer ffs...

@j77nx

Ай бұрын

@@TheDopekitty ive thought about this as well

@TheDopekitty

Ай бұрын

@@j77nx so glad I'm not alone

I had these kind of thoughts when I was a teenager. I’m an immigrant from extremely bigoted country, I feared I’d never be able to get my top surgery. Thankfully, things did not escalate, though I was one of the trans men starving myself and working out like crazy to cope with dysphoria. I will be forever grateful for my friend who helped me afford my top surgery. I was incredibly lucky to go around the system and find a plastic surgeon who had experience with trans people. It’s messed up that we have to resort to absolutely desperate measures to get LIFE SAVING care Folks, there will be a way. Don’t put yourself in danger, don’t hurt yourself, don’t push yourself beyond your limits. Keep in touch with community, look for support groups, and do not give up on yourself

all stories deserve to be told but it does hurt me that 20 years ago stories of trans women cutting their own bits off were common in our community but now that afab trans people are doing the same thing it's somehow time to take it seriously. idk i am in a bad headspace to see cycles repeat, i just want the hate to end. nobody deserves to go through this and we should have listened as a society 20 years ago.

@LuxanderReal

Ай бұрын

I honestly don't know that this story is getting focus outside trans communities, I haven't seen anybody else doing coverage of it on KZread at least. Unfortunately I was 10 twenty years ago so I couldn't have covered it at the time, but it is still awful that people are driven to those extremes

Im 39 years old, and my chest dysphoria is so bad, it has a tight choke hold on my depression, waiting for any triggering moment to snap me in half. I would never do it myself like this poor kid. But i am going crazy from not getting top surgery at my age. Im about to lose my current insurance this summer and im not sure i will have the strength to go through the process again when i get Medicaid. Especially with the Presidential election this November, and possible threat of Project 2025, has be stressing me out! I was hoping to get top surgery before the election so I can at least enjoy one summer without breasts even if trump wins, but that doesn’t seem likely. I would like to go out of pocket, but I don’t have the money for it since I don’t make enough to have the ability to save up. And i reeeeeally don’t like Go Fund Me. I just in general don’t like begging for money. So if my dysphoria breaks my depression, thats the end of me. My dad will have to bury my ashes instead of me burying his ashes.

@l6318

Ай бұрын

Hey. Just wanted to say I'm glad you're here, and, as a cis person who doesn't always understand fundamentally what this feels like, I'm grateful that you shared your perspective. You help people like me understand and your existence makes the world a better place! Keep being you, please!

I have a little scar from an attempt at self removing that thing down there when I was a teen. Please, no one else do that, I probably would have bled out if the pain didn't snap me out of the dysphoric episode in time.

If anyone is in Connecticut, or maybe lives near here, and would be able just to move here, our state health insurance does cover it. They cover gender affirming care. I know that's not much, but maybe that's a small sliver of Hope for some people.... I know this didn't happen in Connecticut. But I wanted to put that out there. When I read the title, I'm not even kidding,I started tearing up. No one deserves too be barred from healthcare. Especially our most vulnerable members of our population, desperately need the support of the public and health care system. Transgender people need our support, and it is heartbreaking to me that he felt he had too do this. He could've died. 😢 Thank goodness,he is okay. I will never understand, how humans can be so cruel to each other. He shouldn't have bene barred from treatment too begin with.& it's crazy for me too think too,how some people will hear this and not feel a shred of sympathy....How someone could every hear this and not instantly feel pain for him...my heart breaks. 😢

@xdani_thethinkingneko

Ай бұрын

11:21 I get what you're saying, it is just so terrifying thinking about how many more trans people we will lose because of things like this...😢 and probably already have....What is saddest to me, is that it could take days for some of these people to die if someone were to do this. Since infection can you take days for you to die...and me thinking about someone suffering like that is heartbreaking too me.

@LuNa_097

Ай бұрын

The eternal worm probably helped /j

Omg, I'm heartbroken😧... I've loved Moe and their content for a few years now... I don't know what to say; I'm grateful they survived!😣 Luxander, is right, you do not need to do this, this is not the answer. I'm 30 & I haven't been allowed to have surgery yet and I'm not sure when I'll be able to financially, so I truly understand the debilitating desperation... My heart goes out to Moe and anyone contemplating such dangerous actions. This is indeed a horrifying example of why Gender Affirming Care should be attainable for anyone in need of it, because without it, hope for a future can also feel unattainable.

@LuxanderReal

Ай бұрын

Moe got their surgery by crowdfunding! Sorry if that was unclear, this is an unrelated teenager who is not Moe that attempted the self-mastectomy

Ty Turner is awesome. I'm guessing maybe he had pretty small ones though. I'm turning 50 and can't work out much because of other physical problems, plus my chest is massive. Like GGG.

i am a trans masc person also from nz. trans healthcare here is abysmal. i have been trying to get on hrt for almost a year and have paid hundreds of dollars for doctors to say that they will refer me to someone who knows more but never follows through. i am aware that informed consent trans healthcare is new, but its so emotionally exhausting to go through. it’s hard enough to get hormones and waiting for public funding for top surgery is at least five years away. i’m so tired of fighting for my healthcare

Omg no. Don't do that. But desperation makes people desperate...

I’m in Australia and I checked the criteria for being able to access top surgery and I don’t qualify. I have dropped weight in an unhealthy way a few times now to try and reduce the size of my breasts.

@CadPlaysGames

Ай бұрын

Hi, I'm in Australia too. Is this with one particular surgeon, and private or public? Each surgeon will have their own requirements/criteria to be met.

I have thought so many times about DIY top surgery, I will not lie about that

To focus on how dangerous that was. Surgery in non-clean places are intrinsecally dangerous, the more invasive the more dangerous it is (cutting a small splinter out vs doing an apendectomy). Doing self surgery is even more dangerous (high praise to Leonid Rogozob who successfully did an apendectomy on himself in Antarctica, that is incredible and to be remembered in history). In a orchiectomy, you cut down a bit of skin and clamp and cut the blood vessels that feed the testes. In a mastectomy you have a lot more blood vessels, and more diseminated, you have nerves, you have much more tissue, you need something to coagulate the blood fast like an electric scalpel.

I hate hearing the "there is so much to look forward to"

I'm lucky enough to have been able to get grs under my country's healthcare system. Took about five years between first seeking gender-affirming care and getting my vaginoplasty. One year waiting for a referral, which wasn't actually necessary, one year waitlist for hrt, one year on hrt to be eligible for the grs waitlist, a few months getting paperwork together and getting approval for the surgery, 14 months of electrolysis. Canada, BTW, and if you can immigrate to the Yukon territory, I hear they cover ffs, BA, and body contouring. Plus transmasc stuff is available, but I'm not an expert.

Thank you for your compassion Luxander.

For lower half surgery like an orchiectomy i think you can generally get en epidural no?

@LuxanderReal

Ай бұрын

I'm sure it depends on the healthcare provider and the standard procedures in that country/state, and on what the patient wants. I know someone who just had orchi and she went under for it, but I also know there was a trans haven in Oregon that was licensed to perform them and they generally did them awake

@xdani_thethinkingneko

Ай бұрын

​@@LuxanderRealoh wow. I knew people where,awake for vasectomies,but I didn't know they were awake for an orchidectomoy as well.

I know of one person who successfully performed a self orchiectomy and then went to emergency room because the VA was taking too long.

im so sorry i cant watch this video, hearing about home medical procedures makes me a little sick to my stomach as i get older. it makes me sick and tired and disgusted and disappointed that we live in the richest and most powerful country in the world and still cant just treat people like people and get them the medical help they need without sticking opinions and politics and religion into it. we all deserve better whether youre cis trans nonbinary intersex or any other, we all deserve better.

I did my own surgery on Monday, lol. I'd already had GRS but needed a kind of "episiotomy". It took me 9 years to get the confidence to ask again for them to do it (I already tried once), and they failed to do enough (plus the gorping ciswomen was just unbearable and I felt violated). So I did it myself with a scapel, a mirror, some haemocell just in case and a glamorous assistant. The first time was tricky, but it got easier. I researched AGD so it looks so much better now. I decided healing by secondary intention was fine. And it is. Obviously don't do this at home folks but when there's NO OTHER OPTION, you just go and do it. Rather like the British poor who pull their own teeth.

I bought Korean fat dissolvers online and injected mystery liquid into myself like 10 times over 3 months. It works great and now I’m eligible for keyhole instead of DI, but I won’t instruct others how to because I’ve since recognized that it was SO dangerous. I understand that need, whatever to takes, for something to change. That doesn’t make it smart but..

I know someone who did a diy Orchiectomy. Not good.

I'd rather life in a country where everyone has to wait Vs one where rich people can just skip the waiting

Stuff like these legit make me angry, coming from a country where there is no insurance founded trans healthcare and you have to play for everything out of pocket, we still get by. It's really this idea that they'd rather throw away any chance of future happiness in their bodies over waiting a few more years and fighting on, while so many of us didn't even start transitioning until we were way into our 20s or 30s. Like what was even the end goal of that kid?

@TheDopekitty

Ай бұрын

I'd say the result he got. of having it done and over with

I'm from NZ, and its *agonizing* trying to get gender help over here. Even when you do (after being on a wait list of at least 6 months) the psychiatric analysis you havve to go through is so horrible. I saw an older cis woman who told me I have convinced myself I "wanted to be a man" because of past sexual assault, that she specifically asked me about. They wouldn't even let me bring my parent into the meeting for support dispite that being illegal. A person that worked there even talked to me in the lobby before the interview and said "we get a lot of complaints for transphobia, but I promise we're not, we just have to ask these things." Which I get to an extent, I expected a level of invasive prodding, but they didn't even seem to grasp the concept of nonbinary, critisized my eating habits, weight and height, and were so unempathetic and uncaring that it ending up being a somewhat traumatic experience for me. I left crying and had a panic attack, and it took me years to build up the courage to reach out again. I'm in the same group now where I'm constantly considering self-macestomy dispite knowing how bad it is, because the alternative agony of having what feels like giant repulsive tumors hanging off my body and giving me non-stop dibilitating back pain is less appealing that self-mutalating and dying of blood loss. At least then my corpse will be burried with a flat chest. Sorry for being so forward and like trauma-dumping lmao, i'm just going through the system again now and it feels like screaming into an abyss. Very frustraiting, and I feel so bad for the person that was forced to do this to themselves because of a system that failed them.