I was a really good kid…yet I grew up seeing my drunk mother’s mean streak. Do not engage these people, life is too short. You’ll know the ‘mean streak’ when you see it.

@visaormastercard

9 ай бұрын

Those of us that grew up with narc parent(s) know all too well about it.🙁

@cathy_clarinet

9 ай бұрын

Exactly!! My father ..,

@dnk4559

9 ай бұрын

Yes, both my parents.

@cherobinson6371

9 ай бұрын

I e done my best when I surrounded myself with nobody avoid people as much as possible do your things that make you feel joy and u will have two or three solid likeminded people in yoyr life in some manner or u will have none but that’s still way better than juggling Narcissistic

@tbunnyshy1

9 ай бұрын

I hear you and relate. I am actually getting an intense therapy session on parental bullying this week. I’m hoping to gain skills in mentoring the inner child, showing massive compassion, realizing the child is only ‘part’ of me. I now have ‘adult me’ to help out. My heart is with you. ❤

They project their loser mentality on you to make you feel like a loser when they are the ones that feel that way. Don't let them do this to you!

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

Yep! Watch for Thursday's video about projection! You're spot on.

@TheMazinoz

9 ай бұрын

So spot on!

@wordswordswords8203

9 ай бұрын

Totally. It's almost like they are saying verbatim to you what is going in their head about themselves. It's actually kind of sad, but it's awful to deal with if you are the target.

@brianhill6842

8 ай бұрын

He did it to me. He told me I wasn’t good enough, that I would always be just an option. He said if I poked the bear I was going to get mauled.

Mean streak ??? These creatures are pure EVIL !!

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

They never have a 'nice' streak 😮😢❣️

@wordswordswords8203

9 ай бұрын

Yes. And creatures is a good word. They aren't really human.

@purplepaws9273

9 ай бұрын

i agree they are evil.

@user-uv1vx9xi4d

8 ай бұрын

They are led by a evil spirit it's all about control they want to control everything in your life you don't have a opinion this video is right on when they can't have their way all hell break lose they are use to being in control grown men with a little child inside throwing fix's like a little child these toxic people don't need to be in a relationship leave them alone and keep it moving for your peace of mind sign Cynthia Smith

@user-uv1vx9xi4d

8 ай бұрын

You can't do enough for them when they do something for you they are looking for pay back they never do anything from their heart they can be so charming when they go out when you alone with you the real person comes out Sign Cynthia Smith

It's the cowardly way they sabotage you behind your back, instead of dealing with issues face to face, like healthy adults.

They insult you, yell at you, tear you down and criticize you and then wonder why you're broken. It's like they kneecapped you with a bat, and then they ask why you can't run the anchor leg of the race without a finish line.

@user-dn6mb7qd6q

9 ай бұрын

Yup!!!

I have never experienced such a deep hatred as the unfounded hatred of the narcissist- it's so frightening! 😮

"They just won't let go." So true, Dr. C. For them, cruelty is the point. 😢

I should not have to tell myself I am not a lowlife.

Revenge ridden, Childish, deceitful and toxic when you find them out! 😮

They can be condescending and make it sound like they are joking! Everyone in the room is laughing thinking that it a joke when you know it was meant to be mean!! I'm learning!

Mean spirited people chip away at you until there’s nothing left. Get them out of your life!

They will find fault with everything about you; all you have to do is walk in the door

Mutual regard and respect will NEVER happen with them. Now game playing and triangulation will go on forever. Nobody has the time or patience for their fallacious behavior ✌️

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

Yet I still keep trying.

@LukiGames0

9 ай бұрын

And at the same time they will accuse you of playing games with them -.-.

@mr.makedonija2627

9 ай бұрын

​@@LukiGames0100 percent

@CS-mt3dh

9 ай бұрын

@rrr0bbbieee an elder once told me, once you'll have had enough, you'll have had enough. ♥️

Just recently, I experienced extreme cruelty from a narcissist in my life. This came as a result of enforcing my boundaries. It took my breath away and continues to hurt in spite of the fact that I know what to expect from this person. I’d love to know how one person can treat another person so poorly lay their head on the pillow and sleep soundly every night.

@michellebehr7669

9 ай бұрын

Amen

@CS-mt3dh

9 ай бұрын

same way a liar can lie to someone, never tell the truth(s) and sit and smile in our faces ... they are soulless & don't care ♥️

@mmorgan7918

9 ай бұрын

That's what lack of empathy looks like.

@user-zp1sr8kn6k

9 ай бұрын

I have thought about how he slept after his outrages countless times. I guess it's his way to release his pressure when he's unable to literally run away from the problems he made.

@marilynbrowman5520

9 ай бұрын

That sleep well becausevthey have no soul

The narcissist is the personality type that makes the world what it is today.

The meanness is a by-product of their jealousy and competitiveness. They are seething with anger and contempt that revenge and “doing it to you before you do it to me” plays over and over like an endless video loop in their sick minds. You are not suffering enough to their liking and they want you to hurt and be as miserable as they are-and they are going to make sure it happens.

I know several family members who cannot have a disagreement without snarling and snapping. They never hear more than two sentences before beginning their anger manipulation. They never ask for more information to understand my point of view, they immediately shut me down and no one in the room chastises them to listen more. I am so done with them, but the feeling of hatred toward me lingers. This is why I avoid them to the point that I wish they would never come around me again.

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

It is sad that we feel better when we are away from toxic family members. Also, we are better people when we are away from them.

@michellebehr7669

9 ай бұрын

Sounds familar. You phrased it so well!

Truly a lose lose situation. You go along and lose yourself or you are yourself and pay the price.

@patriciahboston3547

9 ай бұрын

and the price can be your sanity .... or your children

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, sanity is what I feel I've given up.@@patriciahboston3547

@beths9006

9 ай бұрын

200%. No win situation. No peace until you leave.

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

In such a grave dichotomy, I suppose being yourself and facing the consequences is far better than losing yourself, since losing yourself is essentially tells the narcissist they have won and you're nothing but easy pickin's from now on.

@Cod12Osc

9 ай бұрын

Pretty much sums it up

You described someone I had the misfortune to work for several years ago. He owned the business, so couldn't be fired. I watched him viciously and systematically destroy many talented people, just because it made him feel important. On the day he came for me, I called him out on his abuse and he went beserk. I just sat there stone faced as he fired me, screaming. I went to my office, started packing my things, actually feeling relieved. Then he came in and said maybe we should rethink this. I was already done. Told him thanks but no thanks, and went on to healthier endeavors. He is still in business and I sometimes think about the poor souls who are still being terrorized by him.

@rwdchannel2901

9 ай бұрын

Narcissist seem to like the security guard industry. I worked in it for 10 years and most of the managers were highly narcissistic. They fired people for fun. It made them feel powerful to abuse people who need a near minimum wage job. They loved crushing people's souls. I finally got sick of seeing it happen and left. Its one of the most toxic industries to work in. I'm still healing from the abuse after 5 years of not being in it. They would follow me around on camera which is stalking. Then yell at me over anything they could find wrong which was easy seeing they created lots rules they would selectively enforce. That way if they didn't like someone they could fire that person over something petty. Usually the person they didn't like was someone who wasn't going to put up with their abuse.

@rosieE121

9 ай бұрын

They like to abuse those who have small children at home and would have trouble leaving.

@ilashankar9031

9 ай бұрын

​@@rwdchannel2901 Gosh! That's so mean. Poor souls.

@maggietrek69

9 ай бұрын

He saw that you saw through him and it scared him. He then tried to “lovebomb” you as a way to test your boundaries, to see if he couldn’t control you again. If it works, then they double down on trying to destroy you as a person bc it makes them feel powerful. Good for you, walking away strong and confident in yourself. I stayed with my “boss” for 33 yrs. My husband owned a business and I was his right hand in everything. He couldn’t have done it without me to take care of all the menial, tedious things that go along with having a business. Plus raise our children, homeschool them, care for our home and property, etc…. All along the way he demeaned me, was cruel and told me I was worthless. Nothing but “ his girl Friday “. I finally left him over a year ago after our kids were grown and out on their own. I’m rebuilding my sense of worth and self love slowly. I made it without being completely destroyed so I see that as a win to begin with. ❤

@ranc1977

9 ай бұрын

@@rwdchannel2901 Gosh! There are no mobbing laws in USA? People commit suicide due to exposure to work abuse - this is serious issue. But I guess, in USA it is easier to switch jobs and let to leave narcissistic monsters rot in hell.

This is wild. My husband does this lashing out, name calling, yelling, putting me down, all the while saying I am the problem, I am the one who is mean, selfish and ungrateful. So much gaslighting when he lashes out. Then he can just move on, zero apology or ownership for his bad behavior and acts like nothing ever happened. It’s totally maddening. I am embarrassed for his bad behavior- that most others don’t ever see

@Bob-zh6dw

9 ай бұрын

Sounds like projection, which narcissist are prone to do. They project their feelings onto you and refuse to acknowledge it's really about them.

@LyndaGarner-jh1gb

9 ай бұрын

Same for me with my adult daughter who lives with me...she calls me a narcissist & I gaslight her while she is projecting her behaviors onto me.

@karenk2409

9 ай бұрын

I lived with this behavior for decades. It only gets WORSE over time, believe me. It WILL accelerate into physical attack. I implore you to leave before he beats you down to where you don't feel like living. Please. I did, and life has never been so good.

@Mo.1988

9 ай бұрын

They’re nuts.

@direstraights

9 ай бұрын

2 year old in an Adults body... he's probably seen and heard his father treat his mother that way. 😢

Having involvement with these individuals is like entering the dark side. Dr.C is our O B 1 Kenobi ❤

@istateyourname4710

9 ай бұрын

Spot on! Mine fancied himself an agile Darth Maul when he was actually more of an annoying Jar Jar.

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

@@istateyourname4710 ha ha 😂

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

​@@1windyoldbirdNice one 👍

@cathy_clarinet

9 ай бұрын

He’s awesome

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

@@cathy_clarinet Agreed 👍

My covert ex was mean, sadistic, vengeful, petty, judgmental , just to name a few things. Just a miserable being.

The Bully has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act. (Tim Field)

@yukio_saito

9 ай бұрын

A good example of that is my ex-friend. He looks so nice and charming, but he divorced twice and his first spouse ran away from home. 🏃‍♀💨💨🏠

@roxymovie3938

9 ай бұрын

​@@yukio_saitoGlad that this person is your EX(it) friend!!! Yukio, I like what you have "drawn" with the emojis.

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

I had a boyfriend like this once. I now refer to people like this as smiling assassins 😕

@yukio_saito

9 ай бұрын

@@roxymovie3938 I also went no contact with people around him. They only see his Jekyll side. They're not sure why I think he is Mr. Hyde 😨

@t_nels

9 ай бұрын

So true! This title scared me!

Dehumanizing ... I used to have to remind my husband, "I am another sentient being." He somehow didn't see me as another human being. I could tell by how he looked at me, not to mention how he treated me. He tried to destroy me; he never did.

@Dove-gx5gz

9 ай бұрын

❤️

This describes the horrible narcissist I live with for 3 years. I feel I'm losing my mind. I'm trying to escape. Can't take it anymore. I'm 71, not much left of my life, I want to get out before it's too late and safely.

@SurvivingNarcissism

8 ай бұрын

Please practice self care. Seek assistance.

Mean streaks and downright disdain.

@lisastillion2937

9 ай бұрын

An understatement!

They can be very mean, often just out of the blue. People who have never experienced it cannot understand, they go into cognitive dissonance. You may as well be explaining a floating apparition.

I put up with my narcissistic parents "mean streak" for nearly 30 years before going no contact. I joined the US army when I was 18, deployed when I was 19 then got honorably discharged, went to college, graduated and my parents were still being mean and disrespectful to me. I finally realized not only was there anything I could do to earn their respect, but they were wanting to see me down forever. I talked to one of my black sheep sisters recently and she told me 'They raised us to be mean'. I didn't think of that before but she's probably right.

@roxymovie3938

9 ай бұрын

Yes, your sister is probably right. - Glad, that got back on your feet again. You can be proud of yourself!!! 👏

@pamwhitehouse5961

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for your Service.

@ashcash8539

9 ай бұрын

Thats crazy and great insight they have. It just weird how u can go through what we all go through with our narcs and come out and see the crazy dynamics of how the narcissistic relationship play out. Everyone has there place in the narcs system and u finally how everything makes sense now when u think back. It's like it was totally setup that way. It's crazy.

My middle son, sadly. I received a rage call, then a series of horrible degrading texts from him because I had told his younger brother about a diagnosis regarding his father, my ex. The viciousness of those texts was stunning. This was almost 2 months ago and I'm still in shock.

@joannahediger7820

9 ай бұрын

Not even your child has the right to be abusive to you.

This video is giving me so much PTSD from my last week before the discard. The “I’ll show you” mindset and making me feel like a piece of trash that didn’t deserve any kind of attention

I saw the mean for years. My (narcissistic ex) wife would return home from each meeting she attended, and roast one or many of the others in the meeting. I, like an idiot, listened to the disparaging rampages and sympathized with her each and every time. I guess it was only a matter of time before I became the target when she would try and get the same response from others that she had gotten from me.

@aaronkwolfe

9 ай бұрын

@@1windyoldbird I realize idiocy now, but then I was trying to be a loving, supportive husband. 20/20 hindsight.

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

If you poke someone with a stick enough times they are bound to react at some point. It's human. I'm glad you're out of that craziness 🙏

@aaronkwolfe

9 ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 It’s like living the dream now. Small, clean cottage where I do what I want, whenever I want. Loads of friends. Mom & siblings Zoom on Sundays. Oldest daughter invites myself (& plus 1) and her brother over for holidays…. I get to hang out with TH 4X a week.

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

@aaronkwolfe You deserve it, Aaron 👍

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

I grew up with this and I never regained my balance.

My late narcissistic mother-in-law regularly had a mean streak while completely sober .... and she had the unique ability to *smile* or even *laugh* while saying mean or cruel things. I can still remember the day she said the cruelest thing to me (rather not say) and she said it with a smile on her face--a smile! She hadn't been drinking and we weren't arguing, at all, so she wasn't worked into an angry outburst. We were just sitting in her living room, having a private conversation, around noon time, and that's when she hit me with her cruel words. Like, wow. Still blows my mind when I think about what she said and that *smile* of hers, so creepy & cruel.

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

I remember Dr. Carter having once posted a video called, "The Narcissistic Smirk". The description reads as follows: "In its innocent form, a smirk can be a playful way of defusing tension, simple teasing, or implying approachability. But when narcissists smirk, it is a non-verbal way of displaying haughtiness and condescension. Dr. Les Carter explains how it is yet another way a narcissist attempts to gaslight you" He posted it on Jan 2, 2023. I don't know if I can post links here, but if I can you will find the link to Dr. Carter's video in my following reply. I think it will be of help to you.

@wolfling2039

9 ай бұрын

I’ve experienced it myself and it’s creepy and sadistic. I immediately went no contact and haven’t regretted it and never will.

@Dove-gx5gz

9 ай бұрын

Creepy is the right word.

@user-yd6th5ch5k

9 ай бұрын

It's called "a dry drunk".

@joannahediger7820

9 ай бұрын

My mother did this too. Those barbs go deep into the heart and can bury themselves for decades. As a healthy, caring person it is literally inconceivable that a mother will do this to her child with no provocation. But a narcissist will. I hope you can find support and love. Not being loved by the one person on earth who should naturally feel it for you is a pain that runs so deep. Believing that one is lovable after being raised by a narcissistic mother is an enormous challenge.

This is my ex-husband. If we didn't share a child together, I'd never speak to him again. Thank you for the information.

Good morning team HEALTHY. Day 8 of no contact. Pray for me 😊

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

Well done 👏 🎉

@patriciahboston3547

9 ай бұрын

You can do it, one day at a time!

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

@@patriciahboston3547 Well said 👏

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

Stay true to yourself!

@barbarakelly1916

9 ай бұрын

You have made it around the corner of 1 week, on the path of Dignity, Civility and Respect (especially respect for yourself). . Stay strong, and keep going! You can do it!

I got a neighbor who lives closer than what we would want who is a narcissist. Unfortunately we didn't realise it until way further down the road. He had us under the "kindness" spell that narcissists do when you first meet them. Now that the relationship has flipped 180 degrees out of nowhere, there's not a day that goes by that mine and my family's safety is on our minds.

@missnyssah8048

9 ай бұрын

😢I'm living this too...fun times...

@jillgarcia265

9 ай бұрын

Me too - got the narcissist dump via text that our friendship was over forever and she was truly sad but my husband did not wave at her when she drove by…uhhh ok

@patriciamogannam3616

9 ай бұрын

I feel your pain, in same situation 😢

Dr Les, I am so glad and thankful you covered this! Wow I lived years with my mom who had not only extreme extreme meanness but sadism as well. It was as simple for her as flipping a switch. It both felt horrible and so so hurtful. Lived this for years and years. I did a lot of crying when I was not able to get away from her. In the end she relied on me out of 3 sisters to walk her through Alzheimer's and she passed in my home 2 yrs ago. I rarely hear anyone address this aspect of narcissism but there certainly is a whole lot of great and educated people out here now trying to help those caught up in it. Thank you so much! I watch you alot.

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

You are quite welcome.

The face of the scowl hurt me without even a word. 😢

Narcissists will always get into trouble and face the consequences.

@roxymovie3938

9 ай бұрын

Yes, they will always get into trouble for sure but they will never face the consequenses for they do not feel any responsibility for their actions. It's always the other's fault and they are the victims.

@mdhironbhuiyan

9 ай бұрын

Thanks❤@@roxymovie3938

You described my narc 100%. He invited me to a festival. I didn't want to go but gave in. The whole time i was with him, he acted like i dragged him to it, wouldn't talk, acted like he hated my guts the whole time, evil stares!. I then recieved an email from him hours later with a copy of his resume, bragging about some promotions he has had, mentioned he's a responsible person and a team player due to 30 years of work experience. Meaning I'm a nobody and he's superior to me, I just ignored it but will not give in again and spend time with him moving into the holiday season.

Holy crap! You described my ex and every word he ever said to me (the clean version, though) throughout my relationship with him. Especially the end of it. He was nothing BUT meanness. And his temper was hair trigger and vicious. He was awful... Name calling, poking at my son, blaming me for everything, justifying his abuse with lies and false accusations, berating and belittling, controlling... I don't need to keep going. He was evil to his core. And then said I was the evil one. "Men are of God, and women are of the devil" is what he said to me. And omg, was he vindictive. But he said I was the vindictive one. Pure, soulless evil.

@karenk2409

9 ай бұрын

"Ex" -- thank goodness for you.

@southerncatlady

9 ай бұрын

@@karenk2409 it was so hard. It took WAY longer than it should have to make him an ex. And I'll be honest, the trauma bond is digging in its heels and is reluctant to release me, so I do (foolishly) miss him SOMETIMES. BUT... largely, I'm glad he's gone. He was horrible. And I know now that there are MANY people in the world just like him. I pray that EVERYONE who is dealing with someone like that can finally get away, too! It can be hard. But we do have options and support, and people who care about our peace and well-being!

My husband was passive aggressive mean so there was always plausible deniability. He also described himself as being sometimes ornery -- irritable tending toward meanness. I could say black and he would say white just to be combative. He loved the drama but of course, accused me of being a drama queen.

I'm not sure at what age narcissism begins to appear in a personality, but I'm wondering about my nephew. I attended his 22nd birthday party, and when he opened the card I gave him (which also contained a generous gift card) he turned to me and asked, "where are the commas?" Apparently the card, very graphic, was missing commas. He repeated, "there are no commas, and I thought that is something you're supposed to know about." I was so shocked at his creepy meanness, I didn't know what to say, but in retrospect I wish I had agreed that it was defective and taken the gift back. This happened a few years ago, and I'll never forget the contemptuous look on his face. On other occasions he mocked what I was wearing (openly laughed after a mean comment) or made fun of how I use my hands when I speak. I now avoid his toxic presence at all costs. Narcissist?

@J.F611

9 ай бұрын

Perhaps just a total Di*k!

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

Narcissism is not considered until after a person becomes an adult. This is because many behaviors in childhood and teen years are natural for those years, including the ones that seem to overlap with adult toxic narcissistic behaviors. I am not an expert, but I know that the brain does not completely finish development until around age 30. I know that narcissism is based on an established "pattern" of narcissistic behaviors (as opposed to once in a blue moon), and it nearly always includes a persistent and pervading pattern of lack of empathy, lack of accountability, a sense of grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and a deep need for control, power, narcissistic supply from others, among other things. So the issue is probably going to be based on your personal hunches as to whether such toxic behaviors are a consistent pattern over time that will be a permanent part of your nephew's entire life. Narcissism is believed (mostly) to have roots in early childhood trauma, commonly from toxic parents, through there are exeptions. If the bad behaviors can be explained by something else, like having a bad day for example, or going through a developmental phase in adolescence, but the rest of the time he is fairly well-behaved, it might not be narcissism. But the bottom line is that his behaviors were indeed quite mean and awful, and so you need to do what is right for you no matter if the label is "narcissist". Abuse is always abuse, and it is not acceptable.

@liana2136

9 ай бұрын

​​​@@danielkaiser8971Thank you for your detailed clarification, Daniel. This is so helpful! Another thing that suggested to me that it might be NPD is strange gifts he has given his grandmother, containing blown up photographs of himself. A skateboard with his face plastered on it to hang on a wall? So I was connecting some dots a bit there. But your point, abuse is abuse, is correct. I'm not around him much anymore to see a pattern, but I hope he turns himself around. Thank you for taking the time to post such a helpful reply. ❤

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

@@liana2136 You are very welcome. And I would like to add, your usage of commas is exemplary. 🤗👍

@Hatbox948

9 ай бұрын

Wow. He certainly sounds unpleasant.

One of my siblings, a family’s plague.

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

Ugh.

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

When it is family it even feels worse. Sorry.

@Teacher369

9 ай бұрын

I hear you, Fred. 😞 Mother was a narcissist but she makes sister look like a saint.

@tbunnyshy1

9 ай бұрын

Oh do I hear you Fred. My sister creates a pretend argument, tells our parents what I “did”, then gets attention. They keep her happy. Plague is right.

@fran23324

9 ай бұрын

@@rahrahrobbbieee Yes, that’s SO true! 🤔😏

I was told, if I keep asking & don't get a response then quit asking..

I use the gray rock method with my narcissistic brother in one-on-one communication, but I still haven't figured out what to do when he humiliates and devalues ​​me in public. For example, he answers the questions others ask me on my behalf, without me answering them. There was a time when I didn't want to tell people that I was going to medical school for college because it wasn't certain. When they asked me, I said it could be any engineering field, and he immediately tried to embarrass me by saying, "I don't know when you changed your mind without telling me, you want to study medicine, tell the truth." He made fun of me in front of people, saying, "Soon they will give her a diploma from the exam center" because I took the exams several times. When he talks about me in public, he uses demonstrative adjectives like 'this' and 'that' and he saw that I was upset because he humiliated me, he said with a disgusting smirk, “Did they make fun of you, huh?”, many other humiliations. These are the mildest ones. I don’t react or respond, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, don’t want to get into conflict with him because he’s really evil. And I got into medical school this year, but I still have to stay with my family while studying for 6 years. Insults, swearing, contempt… I keep silent, just smile and pray for divine justice to be manifested.

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

Purely hurtful.

@jennetteoverzet2959

9 ай бұрын

Key phase to say I'm sorry you feel that way..then you don't need to explain I can accept the faulty perceptions you have of me.. not accepting their reality's as yours I have no right to control how you see me (nope) I guess that I have to accept that's how You feel (Not playing their games)

@juliechurch1799

9 ай бұрын

Well done getting in med school

@kf4722

9 ай бұрын

Sounds familiar. I would bet jealousy is involved too.

@patriciafry8634

9 ай бұрын

I hope you will be so busy going forward that you will not be around him much, even if you have to live at home.

Have known several of these kind. When you tell them where your boundaries are look out. It's about to hit the fan.

My ex chose the day my best friend died to make up a story about me speaking to his best friend and saying all sorts of horrible things about him.i have never spoken to that person but he nearly convinced me I had forgotten!

When someone says “I want you to be as miserable as you make me feel,” it’s best to believe that they mean it :(

I know a narc who has just gotten meaner over the years.

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

Narcissists typically get worse as the years pass. Some people hope they will mellow out, or have a change of heart one day. If that happens, they weren't narcissists to begin with.

I can tell you what it accomplishes; it's more effective than a hard slap, which they WANT to give you.

Anyone can have a bad day but woe betide you if you have a “bad” day or even a hormonal day around a narcissist. Any attempt at trying to get compromise on normal things resulted in “I’m not bending over and taking it up the a.. from you!” All that was necessary was for him to say “Hey what’s going on with you? Are you ok?” But once he saw me as an enemy there was nowhere to go.

I had to stop contact from the mean narc. In my immediate family. I went thru years of this abuse. I’m done!!!

This really hits home. Both my mother (now deceased) and brother have wicked mean streaks that I've had to manage. There wasn't a lot of info about narcissism back in the day and I always knew something was amiss with my mother. I do recall later in life having a nice discussion with my mother where she was human and decent. I thought to myself "wow" this is the best conversation I've ever had with her. Then she turned on a dime and started telling me what a terrible mother I was. I remember thinking "what the hell just happened?" I walked out of the room to tend to one of my children and thought "there is something wrong with her". I was a loving mother and had good relationships with my children. She saw this and it really bothered her. My brother is the same. I had to put controls on my FB page because he kept threatening to post old letters, photos, report cards etc to embarass me. Now I have to approve everything that people want to post on my wall. Now in his 60's he states that he can say whatever he wants because he doesn't care what other think. Well, there are consequences. He basically called an old friend a nasty name and then was surprised that the guy ditched him on social media. People with well established connections don't need jerks in their lives.

Very true and absolutely frightening how callous. So much better and fulfilling to live a life of purpose and kindness

@Dove-gx5gz

9 ай бұрын

"absolutely frightening how callous"...exactly. It's chilling.

My adult daughter...what a shame became such a twisted, sick, evil person.

He would tell me “if you poke the bear you’re going to get mauled…” and would insult me for getting sad. He would rage and tell me I was a “whiny ass bitch” or a “teenage girl.” because the way he talked to me would cause me to break down. I see him now adding new guys and I just think, “they have no idea.”

I got this a lot and became a good girl to stay safe. Now I'm more observant and when i recognize I gave too much I have snapped after feeling abused. Sick of that pattern. I cut things off earlier now.

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

A good lesson.

Narcs with a mean streak?? Oh, I see you have met my family!!

These things that they're angry about, they're all fabricated; stuff they've made up in their heads. And love, no matter what we've been taught isn't even a part of their vocabulary! My narc was famous for waking up in the middle of the night and starting a fight with somebody, and when the other person fought back she'd pull out the victim card, pretending to call the police like we were too stupid to realize that she hadn't even dialed the phone! I'm glad, personally that I haven't spoken to her in almost a year. Going no contact is definitely the way to go with these people. It saves a lot of headaches, even though it does get lonely sometimes,!

Oh my gosh, this described my former best friend to a tee. She has unfortunately passed and I ended our friendship about a year before she died. She had such an incredible mean streak it was unbelieveable. It got a lot worse as she got older, but that streak was always there in some form. Towards the end our friendship, it was truly intolerable. I was very unfamiliar with narcissism so I didn't know what her issue was, all I knew was that she had 'issues', haha.

The last rampage my now ex husband dealt was brutal, it lasted 2 hours non stop. I finally escaped. He held me down on the couch by my wrists, screamed any foul word you could imagine. He screamed at yhe top of his lungs that he fad abandonment issues. He justified his actions because " I frustrated him!" He was a bully on steroids.....good riddance.

I currently had a 2 month break from my narcissist due to his work. The best 2 months of my adult life. Our last child left for college, so for once in my adult life, I experienced freedom. I've been with him for 25 years, since I was 19, he was 34. Having my schedule be MY schedule. He has a horrible mean side and it can come out over the phone. When he realized I was enjoying my time alone, he gave me a tongue lashing! But, I remained calm because I did not have to deal with him in the flesh. He came home 3 days ago and the air feels different, more tense. I don't think I can go back to this normal

Agree 100%. I do find them bizarre. I'm not sure I even want to try to understand why they are like it anymore. Just get away for your own sake. They have zero self insight.

Yet again, you have come up with another extremely interesting and compelling video title. You ARE THE BEST!!!

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

Truth!!!

True,true mean spiteful,almost hateful a malice and complete satanic behaviour, I even found myself making the cross infront of my husband. His response an evil smile.I truly believe that in many occasions he is possesed..I truly cant understand why a human being can be so evil

The narcissists I have had to deal with use alternate meanness and kindness, hot and cold, as a well established training strategy for their environment. And it does work as a basis for training animals and controlling prisoners through an addictive mechanism linked to dopamine. It so happens that it also controls flying monkeys who hope for support and dread meanness. The majority of people around us do not dare to stand up for victims. They criticise tyranny and rejoice in their downfall but will not take a risk with them. To individuals deprived of a sense of purpose as promoters of betterment of this world, meanness is a materially rewarding strategy, at least for some time. Peace makers are often material losers and spiritual conquerors. We all have the choice.

@liana2136

9 ай бұрын

Yep, mean and kind is my toxic mother. It took me a very long time before I understood that the kind phase was not a sign that she was changing. Very "Lucy and the football."

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for your insight. Could you direct me where I can learn more about the "hot and cold" addictive mechanism linked to dopamine? Is it anything related to a concept known as "trauma bonding" in psychology? Thank you in advance.

@Dove-gx5gz

9 ай бұрын

Lucy was a narcissist!

I was a genuinely good person when my mother passed away. I moved into my childhood home and tried being friendly with my neighbors, but most gave me the cold shoulder, so I turned my back on everyone and it made me a mean person. Sometimes it’s a learned behavior.

This was my last eight years. The relationship came on the heels of the death of my father. Unfortunately she got pregnant. I'm an active father and have gone no contact as much as possible. She had issues with anger and being mean. God is my rock. Thanks for the vids.

Keeping peace is so difficult still for me. Even though I have been learning so much from your videos Dr. Carter the past 3 years, I find it so hard to not get super angry with my father. Since a few months he started visiting me and my family again (after 3 yrs of almost no contact). And every time he is here in my house, he starts talking about how he still wants to talk to me about the past and everything me and my mum have done wrong. Last week he was here and I told him we had plans so we had to leave, and he started saying to me "but I still want to talk to you". And answered quite strongly: " I don't want that". Where he answered " well, I don't have much time left: I am working on ending my life". GOOD GOD. How do you not get triggered by this behaviour? I got way too angry and lost control over my emotions, what I now deeply regret.... I hate the feeling of anger mixed with guilt.... I feel like I need to make this up again because I am also so sad for him.... Mentally very hard.

@liana2136

9 ай бұрын

I know how hard it is to keep cool, after the frustration has been building for so long. It's very easy to react with anger, and it's completely justified, really. I lost it with my mother a few times in recent years, before understanding the dynamic (later regretting my behavior). Even now, I can have my guard down and accidentally take her bait. Those of us dealing with narc's crap are only human and doing the best we can under extremely difficult circumstances.

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

Sometimes you just have to stand back and let other adults reap what they sow, take responsibility for their decisions and actions and words, and do all the things adults are expected to do because they are adults... even if he is your father. Your responsibility is you, his responsibility is him. When the interdependency is healthy, or not healthy, your responsibility is you, and his responsibility is him. As for how you manage your internal reaction when he dumps an obligation on you, it takes practice to get through it. Until you figure out the specific cause or causes for your internal reaction, you only need to know that you're having one for a very good reason, and that reason is unfinished business where your father is concerned. The sad reality is, if he is a narcissist, it means you will need to heal without his help or closure. And the fact still remains, your responsibility is you, so take care of you.

Has my son turned into a narcissist? I made a comment 5 years ago and my son’s wife started ignoring us and says I always say mean things. My son started saying this 2 years ago and we were alienated from our grandchildren. He wasn’t like this until 2 years ago - they’ve been married 24 years. My husband and I are thinking it’s time to stop being their punching bag.

@Stardustpal25

9 ай бұрын

This is ruining your life. Take charge. Write list of actions by your son and another of the wife. Make another of your actions. Make list of what you'd like rel to be, what you feel it has not been, how you have been affected. Write how this could be fixed how long it would take to build trust if suddenly all great. Now make list what you want your life like not including that person. That's what you need to build on. 🫂🤲🕯️

How do people like this, and I've met several, attain such highly successful occupations of leadership... I've worked with some who were very accomplished and had the ranks like US military colonels or above. People such as this are extremely difficult to navigate unless you're on their so-called good side. If you don't measure up and make their good list...you are doomed to being bullied, disregarded, and disrespected, and made to doubt yourself by always critizing or comparing you to their pet employees. You will never measure up with them. They can be brutal to work with.😢

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

Narcissists have a way of being singularly focused on getting narcissistic supply, craving control and domination, etc. A few of them channel this into a successful career, sometimes including the motivation to climb the ladder to the very top. This is not necessarily saying that the "climbing" part was done honorably, though anything is possible. Narcissists sometimes keep their "eyes on the prize" and do whatever is possible to gain more and more control, and often this is done through other people the narcissist controls. For example, a narcissist will pay talented workers to develop the next best thing since sliced bread, and as the CEO of the company, the narcissist takes credit for it. A narcissistic motivation for this type of supply must be immense, although I suspect most narcissists just want the maximum supply with the minimum effort, as follows. In other cases, narcissists simply smoke out all the good people so that there is no competition remaining for the position of power and control over others, like in my very own HOA (homeowner association). There was once a terrible, menacing, meddling, gossiping, smear campaigning, narcissistic woman who made all the other Board Members so sick that they left. This left her a clear and wide path to fill the President position so she could use her position as the excuse to meddle in the private lives of the homeowners. (Incidentally, I later got on the Board and exposed her to the entire HOA, causing her to resign, she hoped all would come to her rescue, but instead everyone asked me to take her place before she changed her mind! lol, so I did.)

@CaliDreaming98

9 ай бұрын

Bravo to you. When you put it the way you did in your response to my comment, it's understandable when I see it in this way. Yes, no matter how they arrived at the top, they still seek their dark agenda at another person's expense. All the best in your new role.😂 Blessings and Peace.

I know a person who is always mean to me when I visit her. She is very disrespectful and insults me whenever she can. I refuse to continue to have any type of contact even though it is my fiance's mother. Thank you Dr. Carter for this video.

I feel exactly like a particular narcissist’s punching bag. She goes to the gym so I feel like asking her if she could use that equipment there instead of using me!

I personally know some mean people- I know them over them years and from different places- these are all people with psychotheraputic training - it took me a very long time to see this- mind blowing.

This describes my father, who unfortunately I also spent 20 years working with. He basically took a wrecking ball to my life. As a result I've had to go no contact with my whole family. My mother and all my siblings blame me for everything. Dr Carter, your videos have been a huge comfort to me during this whole process of going no contact. Thank you ❤

Like all bullies, when push comes to shove, they're cowards.

When you do not know these things about narcissism, it is extremely difficult to make sense of anything that is being done to you by the narcissist in your life. I was there when I was married to one. And it’s very difficult to get help as most people are as woefully ignorant as I once was.

@jeffwilliams9086

9 ай бұрын

You are so right about being ignorant that leads to them manipulating you, that has been a large part of my 56 years on the earth. Finding help is difficult, I would even say a minefield as others often see the victim as the problem.

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

Keep learning!

@jeffwilliams9086

9 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you so very Dr Carter! Your videos led me to discovering what narcissism is and I cried that day I watched your first video. It made so much confusion suddenly make sense. Ignorance made me believe I was the problem for years. You truly are a blessing and doing the Lord’s work in blessing others in such a profound way.

They can be unbelievably mean and petty, though they gain nothing from doing so except to upset you.

IT's difficult to trust someone who smiles while being mean. That was my father. He would make you believe you were "loved" only to turn around and say something hurtful. I learned not to trust someone who said they loved me. Horrible way to live your life. I'm 60 years old and it took me a long time to realize that I was worthy to have real love in my life. I don't have to settle for a fraction of love and only a love THEY think you deserve. Who does that? In order to be loved the way that is healthy is to ask yourself if the love you are receiving from them is enough and are they willing to receive love in the same measure? That's the tough part. The people we want to love might not be able to receive it, fully and we might not be able to accept the love tainted in anger as being enough.

The poor souls were never loved, thats how they're so used to inventing truth. No one took the time to pay them regard and draw their flaws to their attention so they are lost in a fantasy world in which they are the most important person on the stage.

Thank you. I encountered the mean streak yesterday as i have several times before. But instead of letting it get under my skin. I kept telling him things i appreciated in him. It was very hard to do as he was still saying mean comments. But i refused to pay his game. And today he snapped out of it. I am proud of myself

From the moment I started appropriate individuation in my early childhood, I was the “horrible, ungrateful, selfish, mouthy” daughter. This coincided with my parents’ divorce around 1st-2nd grade. Her supply came from picking a fight with me 5-7 days per week. My teachers, friend’s parents, paternal grandmother liked me just fine. Somehow I knew even then that her behavior wasn’t normal. I hid in a fundamentalist boarding high school and odd summer camp type jobs until I put myself through college. She actually paid part of the high school tuition (“let them have you. See if they can do anything with you…”). I worked the rest off just to get away. When I turned 15, the first summer, I had 8 days between camp end (I was cooking 12-14hrs a day) and boarding school starting, so I caught a ride with a friend 350 miles back to her home only to find she had moved and never told me. When I heard from her again, she gaslit me “that never happened”… Never went back. Only gift that woman gave me with no strings attached. My adult me has been raising my inner child me since. Turns out I’m an okay parent. ❤😊

@SurvivingNarcissism

8 ай бұрын

My goodness. What a story. I'm so glad you were able to find your way forward...actually it's pretty amazing. Thanks for posting this. Dr.C

@Dana-gj5hr

8 ай бұрын

When I went to med school (30yrs ago), “Axis II disorders can’t be fixed.” Period. I appreciate your educating victims of Cluster B persons. Here’s to validation and moving on!

Dr C, I've backed off from your videos for several weeks because they were triggering memories of my 18-year narcissistic marriage and 70+ years of mistreatment by my sister. It was just too much for me to handle. Something made me watch this video tonight, and I'm glad I did. The ex- isn't a problem, but I've been living in my sister's crosshairs for the last 10+ years. I went no-contact about 5+ years ago, and while I sleep better, I have no idea what lies she's been spreading to our common contacts. Basically, my philosophy is "If you know me, you know me" and I choose to proceed in that mode. I've abandoned friendships we share, figuring if they want to stay my friends they will. Two of our cousins remain friends with me. I depend a lot on Buddhist teachings about suffering/detachment; I don't stop loving people, but I look for nothing in return. I fuss about what I can control (which is very little beyond my own skin) and leave the rest to the universe. Your videos remain in my library, and I'll watch them as I can. I want to thank you for all you've contributed to my wellness (such as it is!). All the best to you and Gus. Until next time!

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

I get it. Thanks, Susan.

I'd hoped to bond over shared interests and our children, but they punched me in the eye. Why did they need to do that?

My ex narc has a mean streak. He mostly unleashed it onto me or customer service reps who disagreed with him.

@amandaliverpool3374

9 ай бұрын

I'm glad he's you're ex 🙏❤️

@Hatbox948

9 ай бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 That makes two of us lol!

Its safe to have selfcompasssion , healthy boundaries , and choose safe enough people where i can be and share my true self. We deserve to take up our space in the world, and share our true selves, and be in relationships that meet our needs, we can have boundaries and disengagement from narcistic people and choose safe enough people, where i can get my needs for connection met. Its healthy and safe to have selfcompassion healthy boundaries and be in relationships where i can be and share my true self, were worth it . With gentleness humor love and respect were worth it :)

This is an exact, picture perfect description of my wife. Thank goodness for Dr. C! I’ve been studying these videos for over a year now, and it has literally saved me, my mind, and my thought process. I have never encountered such hate and anger with anyone in my life. I will admit at first, that I was confused by the red flags in the beginning, and couldn’t figure out this type of behavior. Now, at 69 years old and being told that I am not attractive, who would want me, I am “nobody”… I can feel myself retreating into my own inner sanctum, and keeping my thoughts to myself. why wouldn’t I? And at the same time, she envies other couples we know that outwardly and boldly proclaim their love for each other. She “wants that“ from me (!) My desire for this woman has completely evaporated. It’s almost too much, just to be around her, and her incessant complaining about how things aren’t the way she wants them to be.

@liana2136

9 ай бұрын

Is leaving her an option?

@denicehaley9902

8 ай бұрын

My heart aches for you. I lost my self-esteem to the point I almost was fired and had to endure humiliating counseling. Years later, I’m regaining that lost self-esteem from 2 narc parents, “husband,” 2 adult daughters, etc. I’m not anyone’s emotional punching bag nor scapegoat anymore! I’ve recently been diagnosed with C-PTSD at age 61! Understandably! Between watching Dr. C. for a little over a year, and my new therapist, I’m determined to not only survive, but thrive above narcissistic abuse! My prayers for you, fellow Team Healthy. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Thank you for all of the videos and knowledge you share. I grew up with a mother and 3 older brothers that were this way with me constantly. I lived in confusion, spent my life trying to get any love or respect from the family, trying to be good, overly generous, not having my own needs...trying to talk to them and change what I have learned is not possible for me to change or have any impact on. I now do not engage, and am still the bad one for not showing up at holidays so they can make fun of me and be rude to me...to quote you "go figure". With much work and understanding I have been able to move on and am very grateful for videos like this. The sadness of the reality may never go away, but life can still be good for all that have experienced this type of treatment.❤

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

I strongly relate. ❤‍🩹

@pamwhitehouse5961

9 ай бұрын

❤Same here 😢

@Dove-gx5gz

9 ай бұрын

Me too.

A neighbouring family is like this. They are all narcissists! They only socialise with each other and I never see friends drop in as they dont have any!

You have been a guiding light helping me to understand the narcissist that was in my life. I am moving on with a healthy life!

The problem is, the narcissist you’re describing is my daughter. I’ve cut off my narcissistic mother but I’m not able to do that with my child😢

@sunnyt9630

9 ай бұрын

I have only recently admitted to myself that my daughter is a narcissist. Heartbreaking.

I believe there are several narcissists in my family, or else people who don't ever hesitate to make shaming and humiliating comments about me in front of others, especially at family dinners. I avoid family dinners now whenever possible (the planning of which I am rarely a part) and this includes my own birthday, which is never happy as long as family is around. My stock phrase for avoidance is "I think it's best if I stay out of everyone's way," which is self deprecating but still works better than any other excuse.

@AnnePerkins-po5jo

9 ай бұрын

It may sound self-deprecating but it works to keep you out of harm's way! You definitely want to be away from mean-spirited people who want to believe that bringing you down makes them feel better about themselves. The hurt for me was not so much what was said but that they felt the need to say it. They seem to be hollow and need to fill the void with some sort of false bravado or what ever it is that makes them so bitter they have to bring you down. I wish they could see that bringing you down actually brings themselves lower. It's a downward spiral into their vortex!

@liana2136

9 ай бұрын

​​​@@AnnePerkins-po5joI so agree that the hurt was in their need to say it more than the words themselves. How people are driven to be so harsh and mean, I will never understand. My family was always lacking in the art of stimulating conversation. Usually just gossip, especially if my narc mother is in the lead. Or put-downs aimed at their favorite targets.

@danielkaiser8971

9 ай бұрын

Whenever your birthday is, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday whenever the time comes. I hope your next birthday is peaceful and that you can find a way to celebrate with people who like and love you and want the very best for you. I wish you the best now and always on your healing journey. "Every year my birthday wish Really does come true Each year I wish I'll grow some more And every year I do." I memorized that poem when I was in third grade (1978-1979) from a special birthday book a relative gave me. In this context I think the work "grow" can change to "heal" if desired. From them to me, and from me to you.

@liana2136

9 ай бұрын

​@@danielkaiser8971Daniel, thank you for your sweet and very thoughtful wish for my next birthday (August of next year). I'm so touched that you took the time to send that. I've made a screenshot for next year. Wishing you peace as well. ❤

@barbarakelly1916

9 ай бұрын

@@danielkaiser8971 What a kind and helpful response! Seconding your wishes; hoping that Liana will design exactly the kind of birthday she wants, and that it will happen.

My mother was known as the mean Mom among my friends. No one wanted to come to my house to play. My 🎉 mothers boyfriend worked at a wood factory and would make these paddles to beat to beat us with. The beating didn't hurt as much as the fact that when he told her to beat us harder she would. Shed hit us in the head with those green coke bottle. Shed call me ugly and some of my friends. She came after my husband and they eventually had an affair. That one almost broke me. But I held on to God, the only reason I survived

& they ramp up their meanness when I don't fight back?

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

Exactly, sooner or later I get drawn in.

@visaormastercard

9 ай бұрын

My narc mom, if I argued with her or not, she'd go on & on.

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

My Mom beats on me until I respond and then it is my fault.@@visaormastercard

@DebbieLee-dr3hr

9 ай бұрын

Bait, bait, and more baiting. Turn around and walk away. Don't run- play it cool.

@rahrahrobbbieee

9 ай бұрын

Good advice.@@DebbieLee-dr3hr

You should see how he treats people just doing their jobs

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

In other words, he's a jerk.

@emilyhare-t9i

9 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism my mom is the same way. Yikes for me!!

@emilyhare-t9i

9 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism it's so embarrassing.

My 96 year old narcassist mom's mean streak scares the bejesus out of me. 🥴😵‍💫

From your professional experience, what can you say to survivors who are stuck in the blame cycle (after leaving) trying to figure out if they're the ones who are narcissistic? By reacting poorly ourselves in reaction (some mean responses) how do we know we're not the ones lacking insight, mean, and blaming someone else for "our" problem?

WOW! Where did you meet my ex husband?! 😂 You’ve described him to a T! His meanness was cold and calculated…..the only purpose was to hurt me and see me cry. Pure evil.

Bingo my daughter who holds grandchild over my head...had to cuts ties recently and hurts..but will be better in long run for my sanity

I greatly appreciate and Thank you dr Carter for you help and support. Narcisists are driven and chased by evil. No man can help them, they need Salvation from God. God bless you❤