They can’t take ANY criticism, but are more than happy to dish it out. They enjoy criticizing/insulting others…it’s a sport for them.

@sandrathomas2893

Жыл бұрын

Supersport

@badomaji

Жыл бұрын

Game on!

@songriver1232

Жыл бұрын

100%.

@cyndigooch1162

Жыл бұрын

That's for sure and they say that we're the ones who are too sensitive, or can't take a joke! 🥺

@ladennayoung2939

Жыл бұрын

They absolutely LOVE to give unwanted, unhealthy, unsolicited advice. And they ALWAYS act like they do it out of concern. But we ALL know it is ALL about control and manipulation. I pray your strength in the Lord in the mighty and the matchless name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. The name above ALL names. AMEN.

1. Controlling 2. Manipulating 3. Threatening 4. Insecure 5. low-low- self-esteem 6. lack of responsibility 7. lack of accountability 8. Will lie about any and everything 9. Full of fear 10. They tend to confuse intelligence with maturity.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

All of that!!

@mollycote1021

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@songriver1232

Жыл бұрын

Yup

@conniegalanopoulos4911

Жыл бұрын

😂 yepper

@robinbecker6108

Жыл бұрын

I will add sadistic to that list.

If you are emotionally strong, there is absolutely no need to prove anything; you're already there...

@wadesnyder6871

Жыл бұрын

correct

If you find someone is subtly belittling you and making you doubt yourself and feeling less than them, recognise this, acknowledge it and watch their tactics, observe their behaviour and know that this person is set to destroy you. If everytime you are left feeling miserable, know these kind of people are best to be avoided, forever!

Narcissists are emotionally stuck in childhood thinking. They will never grow up! No contact was my only option. I only want healthy relationships in my life.

@genny9026

Жыл бұрын

Yes. Sometimes it’s even possible to work out how old they were when they became stuck at that emotional level.

@wendi-bnkywuv

Жыл бұрын

I was aware that I was more mature than my "mother" around 8 to 10 years old, and that's saying something! They're *worse* than most children I've seen! I don't even fully get the "emotionally weak and sensitive" aspect to narcissism, because so many that I've seen (and my "mother' being one of them!) it doesn't make sense to me, and worse yet, I'd always wind up using that as the excuse for their behavior too! I truly do believe that these "people" are inherently evil.

@wendi-bnkywuv

Жыл бұрын

@@genny9026 I honestly think that some are born narcissists. I suspect there's some kind of genetic trait involved.

@genny9026

11 ай бұрын

@@wendi-bnkywuv By “ emotional level” I meant ‘ emotional maturity’. No one said that it deserves to be excused or sympathised with. Most children get past the ego development stage quite quickly and most, without causing havoc at all. Some, don’t, get past that stage and they do, cause havoc. They don’t learn to not create drama or to seek attention as if it’s the air they need, to breathe. They don’t learn empathy. As adults, they want the same level of control they had when they were toddlers. When as adults they can see, how they’re destroying other people, they don’t care. It’s all about themselves. Piaget’s stages of ego development backs up the possibility about the stage they’re stuck at. They can’t reason, how to genuinely fit in society or a group, or family, without causing big, problems. Sympathy, is the last thing they need. It helps no one, including a narcissist, to not tell them why, they’re causing problems and that acting hurt or actually feeling hurt, isn’t the solution. If they can’t even imagine anyone else having the right to feel upset as they, claim to be, if they can’t listen to advice not, yelled at them but said calmly and without cruelty, then frankly, that’s their choice and it’s often best to just walk away. Typical responses, “ You don’t love me ! You’ve never, loved me !”. Translation, ‘ If you love me, I can behave any way I want and treat you like muck’. Or, ‘ I’m very, very, upset, now ! How could you !’. Translation, ‘ I can run you into the ground - emotionally, physically, mentally and maybe financially too but that’s nothing, because I’m, the one who matters here’. I do, believe that at 8-10 you were more mature than your mother. Anyone, who has unfortunately had to put up with narcissists would. Narcissists deserve the sympathy they give to everyone else - zero.

@tab0419

11 ай бұрын

@@genny9026wow! My teenager was able to peg the emotion age of ours… it’s like dealing with a haughty, bossy, mean-spirited 7 year old girl child… you know the type of kid I’m taking about ?!!

1. Won't set the stage for love or peace. 2. Waste emotional energy on minutia. Anxiety. 3. Terribly ugly anger. 4. Constantly gripe and complain. 5. Incapable of maneuvering through nuiance. 6. Impossible to approach differences logically. 7. Absurb inclination toward defensiveness. 8. Setup drama, then complain about results. 9. Can be very dishonest when discussing personal hurts. 10. Unwilling to let go of grudges. Contempt. Won't apologize.

@ninath13

Жыл бұрын

At all apologize for what it's always your fault for anything 😭🙏

When some people tell you they love you, what they really mean is that they have a very long rolling list of requirements for you to meet.

1. Dominating and controlling others show emotional insecurity 2. Anger and rage show impatience and not being able to regulate the own emotions 3. Blame shifting shows no responsibility 4. Always being in power is no strength 5. Playing the victim shows no maturity 6. Revenge shows a childish behaviour 7. Not beeing able to show tenderness shows a lack of empathy 8. A lack of compassion shows not being able to take care 9. Passive aggressive behaviours like silent treatment show an incapability of connecting/communicating insightful 10. Insulting/Harming others by being dishonest and telling lies shows a lack of consciousness and/or the absence of a moral compass

@amandaliverpool3374

Жыл бұрын

🎯🎯🎯

@kevinn2216

Жыл бұрын

Aint that the truth. You could frame this and put it on your wall. I took a screenshot.

@roxymovie3938

Жыл бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thank you, Amanda 💗 also for your best wishes. Hope, you are doing fine and sending you many regards, lots of sun 🌞 and also all colours of the 🌈 for healing and progressing in your environment 🕊🤗

@roxymovie3938

Жыл бұрын

@@kevinn2216 Thanks, Kevin. That's very kind of you. Take care 🙏🕊🙏

@amandaliverpool3374

Жыл бұрын

@@roxymovie3938 Thanks Roxy. What a lovely thing to say. Your kindness is reciprocated. Take care 🙏💖

In my experience, some people think because you haven't been completely destroyed, you're strong. It's almost like a test to really break you down, why are you still functioning and alive? You're supposed to be finished. That's their recognition that they are so powerful! They are disappointed and very angry if you survive their destructive power! Your destruction is their success.

They can go from full-stop-zero to over one-hundred-and-fifty in under three seconds.

@galaxy98765

Жыл бұрын

Ain't THAT the truth! And they do it in a NOT nice way. Plus, you never know when they are going to do it.

@JohnJones-pe9kj

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Consider yourself lucky !! My two Nark Sharks could do that at the speed of thought. I hope you left them in the “DUST”! Turn a 180 and put the pedal to the metal.

@beverlyadams7205

Жыл бұрын

@@galaxy98765 the peace that comes with not having to deal with my daughter anymore is unreal. I never knew what would set her off. I was Walking on eggshells constantly.

Today, June 1 is World Narcissist Abuse Awareness Day.

@galaxy98765

Жыл бұрын

Good! And they should add BPD Abuse awareness to it. 😢

@katiepayne2479

Жыл бұрын

​@@galaxy98765 most of us with BPD were created by Narccists, and there's a huge difference between a self aware borderline working hard on themselves, and those who don't want help or to do the work.

@marmaladesunrise

Жыл бұрын

It should at least get a month.

@katiepayne2479

Жыл бұрын

Domestic violence awareness month is October. I'm sure you could be included, and raise awareness for your particular situation and experience during that time.

@perceptiveperson5842

Жыл бұрын

@@katiepayne2479 One relates to a U.S. designation. One relates to a world designation.

Dr Carter: I’ve been listening to your channel for a few weeks now and it has given me so much help and PEACE to understand the narcissist in my life. I’m beginning to recover myself and my autonomy. I cannot express enough, my sincere thanks for your presence and knowledge.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

So pleased, Jane. I'm glad to be on the path with you.

@tab0419

11 ай бұрын

❤❤❤😊😊😊

This becomes so evident once u know the signs! I’m still blown away how quickly the narcissist will crack when you don’t play along into their delusions. The slightest change in tone or demeanor, like not laughing or smiling along with them to their fake niceties (like u might have in the past) makes them completely crack and start insulting you. It would be funnier if I didn’t know & have to deal with so many. Emotionally immature ppl are on my last nerve!

Just 10 days ago I set a massive boundary with my little (63 year old) brother which was not easy. When I feel some self doubt about my decision it's videos like this that help me get through it. He fit every single one of these signs. Thank you Dr. C.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Listen to your gut and stay strong!!

+ shaming: horrible quick system of deflecting all their anger onto you alone, but overly nice to outside people in your presence.

They manage conflict by posturing. Period. That’s all they have.

4 year old temper tantrums rings a bell 😁

@carolmuir2997

Жыл бұрын

...and still wearing diapers!...

They're dishonest about everything. Period!

Today's topic awakened this memory for me: Ten years ago, our beloved pupper was diagnosed w/ a disorder that wasn't treatable. As we learned that he needed to be put down, my former narc spouse said, "I'll stay with the kids. This will be too much for them to handle." (Code for HE didn't want to be there, as he always jetted from anything remotely heavy.) I couldn't have been more proud of my kids who said simultaneously, "No, we WANT to be there!" It was so obvious that he tried to weasel his way out of a loving, tender moment that the rest of us wouldn't have missed for the world.💙

@Laura-mt6xx

Жыл бұрын

😢 So very sorry for your loss of so many years ago. You have my heartfelt condolences. No matter the amount of time that has passed, they will always be remembered and have a special place in our hearts ❤

@istateyourname4710

Жыл бұрын

@Laura Ty😊,~yes, my kids & I still talk about what a good boy he was!💙🐕

@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this, I'm teared up and understand. You handled it perfect, don't dictate others feelings, let them decide! Love and Logic. My friend recently told me about this old man that chastised his wife for keeping their pets ashes for many years. Just deplorable, lack of empathy!

@mday3821

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry for your loss.😢❤

They feel personally attacked when you simply stand your ground and stick to your boundaries. To them it feels as if younare trying to deconstruct their (non-existing) ego, simply by saying No. Hence, they begin to fight and attack "back" which is hella confusing and why healthy people try to explain to them, why. They are not able to listen, as sadly they are in a constant survival mode..

@cacatr4495

Жыл бұрын

They do have an ego, and they conflate it with their personal identity.

@Lemana28021989

Жыл бұрын

​@@cacatr4495 you are right. They do have an ego. I chose the wrong term. What I meant was: they habe an overly inflated ego that loses air as soon as someone seems to show them how tiny it actually is.

@cacatr4495

Жыл бұрын

@@Lemana28021989 They see their ego as being them, as being their intrinsic inner Self. Other people *have egos (as a personality feature or attribute), but Ns see their ego as being synonymous with Self. It seems to be the only "self" they've got. So when someone says anything to them, they see that as an injury to Self. That is part of why they are so high-conflict. They are unable to function outside of ego, meaning rationally. As a result, they can't function in peace, or according to logic or truth/reality.

When my evil authoritarian father was terminally ill, my mom felt extra bad for him because “it’s hard for someone as strong as him to have to rely on others” I was like uh no he is the weakest person we’ve ever known. She mistakes his pride, ferocious anger, and insufferable ego as strength. Those things are all heavy fortresses that the weakest people erect around themselves to guard against life. Life as a whole offends them, hurts them. They are slighted by everything, angered by everyone, and constantly miserable because life doesn’t give them what they feel they deserve. True strength is humility, sincerity, and relatability aka the things narcissists will sadly never come to know.

I just wanted to say thank you I have finally figured out what is going on with my sister. It has been a funky 18 years I am 100% convinced that she’s a covert narcissist.

Their anger is incredible. Outside they hold their anger It is just for the " loved one " the spouse. Dr. Carter , please say hello to Gus.

The narcissist (s): "I'm too weak to listen to people. I'm too weak to receive input, I don't know what to do with that either!" ✅

Judges & Attorneys & Court Child Advocate need to take required classes from you Doctor & Gus 🐾 🙏 Thank You!

Dear Dr. Carter: This isn’t about the narcissist’s behavior - it is about mine during my relationship with a covert narc - a physical, emotional and psychologically abusive one. I made poor decisions and acted out in ways that I never thought I would. I take full responsibility for my own reactive behavior during that time, but during that time, I was unaware that I was being manipulated, devalued, triangulated…. all those classic abuse angles. I responded, lived, and behaved in ways that I am not proud of. I truly thought I was losing my mind and that there was something wrong with me. I look back with my own shame at this embarrassing and “stooping” time in my life and I wonder - how do I forgive MYSELF for the self degradation that I can only remember as humiliating, shocking, and abhorrent? I am an independent, educated, authentic and well rounded woman and I just can’t get past this. Every day I hope my friends and family have forgotten who I was “then”. Thank you - you save my life every day.

@mariaridler1831

Жыл бұрын

It’s not your fault 🙏💕

@Iamsam-jl5fn

Жыл бұрын

@@mariaridler1831 thank you. It makes me just so sad to look back and see myself with so much immaturity, anger, and confusion. I hope you are well and thank you for sending the encouragement. ♥️♥️♥️

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Check out this video about reactive abuse. It will explain a lot. Best wishes to you, and thanks for your honesty. kzread.info/dash/bejne/fJaNlLmPj8vHc5s.html

@wayneelliott1180

Жыл бұрын

Wow, such an important question seldom touched on, something I struggle with too - and I'll bet there are many like us out there!. I constantly kicked myself for having fallen into the narcs traps, even as I knew they were traps, reacting emotionally instead of with intelligence. When I find myself ruminating and playing the self-blame game, I remind myself that the whole horror has been an important life lesson. A necessary one. I look back at how I originally acted with the narc - being pliable and apologetic, shamed, taking the blame for their behaviour, tortured and bewildered by what was being done to me ("Because you let me!" was one light bulb moment with my narc), thoroughly exasperated at the toxicity and gaslighting. And then I look at myself now, wisdom gathering on sites like this, learning the complexity behind the behaviours, seeing the narc (who is still unavoidably present) manipulating and lying, baiting, provoking, smearing while I simply observe, and I realise how much I have grown and that my less than glamorous responses in the past were necessary stepping stones to where I am now. We rue our behaviour then because we have the dignity and conscience they don't possess. They twisted us out of ourselves. They made us crazy. We are decent humans and that means we are not like them at all. I hope this helps.

@mariaridler1831

Жыл бұрын

@@Iamsam-jl5fn I’m hoping my sister wakes up to her awful behaviour since marrying an absolute monster of a narcissist. She’s so unaware of the influence he has had on her. I pray she wakes up to it as you have done. I’ll support her at that time as she’ll need it. She and you deserve support. God bless 🙏🙏

A person who has inner strength does not feel a need to make sure other people believe it.

Truth never been so true, only on team healthy is absolute!

During your 9th sign Gus lifted up his head and laid it down softly on the couch and I felt the gentleness and peace he is experiencing which I am growing towards. Thank you for including him in your sessions.

My sister will NEVER admit to a weakness. She is all of the things on your list. Thx for another greatly helpful video sir 😊 good day to you and sweet Gus ❤

I ditched a narcissist friend who was stunningly weak and shallow. I watched him regularly reduced to tears while screaming at his dogs and kids. 59 years old and useless at life. It was a shock to discover and then it was a joy to ditch the coward.

Hello from California Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community. They can not show emotions and they don't want anyone else to show emotions either. It is very hard to talk with them because they stay on the defensive. Thank you for this video Dr. Carter. It is so very, very helpful.

@cacatr4495

Жыл бұрын

A lot of them show emotions, most commonly *anger.

@lemostjoyousrenegade

Жыл бұрын

Anger is the only true emotion that I have seen them express. They’re very comfortable expressing anger as it’s not an emotion that they consider weak; it’s not an emotion that could make them appear vulnerable/weak.

When trying to reason with narcissists, they will use various tactics, from pretending they misunderstand, to scolding you.

The Narcissist (s): "You owe me! You didn't give ME what I want!"✅

My heart grieves as I listen to this. I have changed tremendously over the last 20 yrs. I am very guarded with people in general after being married to someone who cannot/does not give encouragement and support to others. Likewise this person is angered when I show love, empathy, or friendliness to anyone other than him. I have gotten to the place where I feel very calm; I am not excited or overtly joyous with anyone while also being in the presence of my spouse. (My personality definitely has molded and changed. I believe it can take work to “remember” who you are.)

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

Same here but it's my fam that initially had this effect on me. My elderly mom was always jealous and angry and still is if I show friendliness or empathy to anyone else. She wants that herself but cannot let her barriers down so instead is contemptuous and disdainful to me one minute the next saccharine sweet and wanting hugs. If i don't comply it's the guilt trips. Just recently she had a medical diagnosis, not fatal but not good. Instead of opening up she wanted to see me (under the guise she missed me, untrue it was because she was feeling bad but didn't tell me at that point about the diagnosis). I'm very sick and she winds me up so I've gone low contact because of that. Instead of being honest she tried to guilt me into getting together but i just can't do it because I can't be myself around her. I feel even more sick afterwards. If she had been honest I'd have understood and talked it through and met up. Pretending to be concerned about me about missing me to get her needs met and then when I didn't meet them, I'm the guilty party. Now she can see me as the bad person. It's all like a game they play where I don't know the rules. Done in such a way I'm always the looser. I'm sick and I don't need this power play bull. The darn bit about it is im very ill and what did she say, she told me I was weak! It's head mess crazy making manipulation. You're sick you're weak, I'm sick I miss you...... it does take tremendous effort to remember who we are without all their control and manipulation. It's gone on so long for many of us ✌

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

Same here but it's my fam that initially had this effect on me. My elderly mom was always jealous and angry and still is if I show friendliness or empathy to anyone else. She wants that herself but cannot let her barriers down so instead is contemptuous and disdainful to me one minute the next saccharine sweet and wanting hugs. If i don't comply it's the guilt trips. Just recently she had a medical diagnosis, not fatal but not good. Instead of opening up she wanted to see me (under the guise she missed me, untrue it was because she was feeling bad but didn't tell me at that point about the diagnosis). I'm very sick and she winds me up so I've gone low contact because of that. Instead of being honest she tried to guilt me into getting together but i just can't do it because I can't be myself around her. I feel even more sick afterwards. If she had been honest I'd have understood and talked it through and met up. Pretending to be concerned about me about missing me to get her needs met and then when I didn't meet them, I'm the guilty party. Now she can see me as the bad person. It's all like a game they play where I don't know the rules. Done in such a way I'm always the looser. I'm sick and I don't need this power play bull. The darn bit about it is im very ill and what did she say, she told me I was weak! It's head mess crazy making manipulation. You're sick you're weak, I'm sick I miss you...... it does take tremendous effort to remember who we are without all their control and manipulation. It's gone on so long for many of us ✌

I asked chatGPT to evaluate a conversation with my narcissist brother and it just told me everything you said on the video 😮

@timmywitty1432

Жыл бұрын

Why are you helping the ai learn about us?

@GlupShiddo

Жыл бұрын

@@timmywitty1432 at least AI isn’t narcissistic. A lot of the therapists we’re supposed to elicit help from are.

@timmywitty1432

Жыл бұрын

@@GlupShiddo actually ai has talked at least one person into committing suicide. Quit helping ai learn.

@GlupShiddo

Жыл бұрын

@@timmywitty1432 good to know. I can appreciate your point.

Its your fault for things they do that ruin your trust and the relationship .Tell you what they need, but absoultely dont give it back. You tell them what you need and like, theyll do the exact opposite just in spite. Then they get upset why you pull away. Its "rules for thee, not for me."

I find having assertive anger near on impossible with vast swathes of people. People Now more than ever seem (not all, some are very kind and thoughtful and helpful) to not listen to others, to not think how their behaviours affect others. Assert why you're upset and they either ignore it, are condescending or think it's funny that you're upset. It's very difficult not to loose my own control over my emotions when they're so flippant and uncaring. With those closest asserting needs is met with open aggression or silent treatments and disdain. It's no wonder to me so many of us feel are we the crazy ones ✌

@lemostjoyousrenegade

Жыл бұрын

Well said. Stay real/true and healthy! 😘 Remember: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - J. Krishnamurti

I love Gus! The absolute most charming pet I have ever seen. Mostly sleeps and occasionally lifts his head and falls back to sleep.

Its very hard too when one or more of ones children is a narc, one has to learn how to stay in touch but keep a safe distance for the sake of trying to keep some kind of family together. These videos help keep one honest. Thank you for these talks Dr C.

Great information, as always. Also, a caution to all of us about getting caught in black-and-white thinking. Please remember the spectrum of narcissism when you say the word, “narcissist.” Not everyone we call “narcissist” is terrifying. You may find someone irritating but worth the aggravation if you have a reasonable short-term objective, a good understanding of narcissism, and a healthy sense of yourself. Like many people, I have enough narcissists around me to see the differences in capacity for insight and willingness to accommodate others. None are in my circle of friends, but I can usually find a way forward with, or around, most of them.

My ex was obsessed with fear of appearing 'wimpy', so he was often overly aggressive and very misogynistic. I could not tell him what day it was without him challenging me. He was not a slow learner, he was a NO learner. He also never admitted to being wrong about anything, and would become very insistent about being "right"- even when it was clear that he was not and to his own detriment. I often wondered how he could have a successful career and be so obstinant.

The more you see it - the more you can't UNsee it - ain't that the truth?!

"Her anger is terribly ugly". This was what finally prompted me to search about unregulated anger, rage and it led me to narcissism. Many years ago, I bought her your book "The Anger Trap" -- in hopes to make her understand how her anger was destroying us. She never looked at the book. thanks. Dr. Carter

I appreciate your clarity in analysing narcissistic characteristics. Our entire culture has been duped by their false promises and theatrics to the point of outright desiring the narcissistic way of life, not knowing of course what a miserable existence it is to be a narcissist. I strongly feel that this message must get out there and reach more people. Informed consent, please (narcissists do hate that, by the way). Cheers, doc.

when i finally really stood up to my narc cousin she told me to '' shut up '' and drove off all i can say is she is the biggest coward of all time she love bombed my mother and was overbearing with me during lock down she deserved my anger i have been holding in since 2019 she used us took advantage of my now passed on mother i love my mom dearly forever i would call the cousin a mechanical narc robotic blind to others feelings and boundaries no remorse no boundaries

Goodness. You've described both my mother and father. Dealing with both of them now that I am aware of what they are and a few years into my healing journey is utterly exhausting. They will never know the D, R, C or peace, but that won't stop me from achieving what they refuse to. Thank you so much, Dr. C.

not being able to forgive.. i get that one..

I'm the survivor of covert narcissistic abuse by my mother and an Ex. My anger has always been loud and destructive, I never knew it's reactive abuse, while my abusers stayed extremely calm and never really let their anger show. Only through gestures and mimics, which I didn't recognise back then.

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

Same here, took me decades and still struggle with that. Some people in my life have a speed dial to my anger button. My elderly mom has such a way with her im angry at the word hello! ✌

When he used to constantly get angry over nothing, he'd say, it's only my voice being loud. Then one day the anger stopped and he became silent. Afterwards he would go back and forth being silent with bursts of anger while complaining, criticizing, etc. It was an emotional mess that helped him to stay fake. Glad to be finally separated from him and then to have found your videos, Dr. Carter. It's been incredibly helpful being informed about narcissists. Thank you so much!

WOW!! Yes all of the above! Especially the blow ups over minutia. Also my Narc would brag brag brag about 30 year-past accomplishments but never have anything recent (like 3 yrs to present) to brag about. And the price ticket of his “generous” help to others would escalate every time this gripe would be retold.

It would be interesting to hear narcissists tell their story and version.

My ex was always accusing me of looking for fights, while I was just not agreeing with him or stating boundaries. It was a very confusing time and he made me think I was defective and didn’t know how to communicate properly.

@evanna369

Жыл бұрын

I had that happen to me!! He would even use my very own words like “ you are out of line. I do not tolerate being yelled at” as he adopted it for his own new identity accusing me of starting an argument. 😂

They torture you because they are selfish and if you even look happy they hate you. Remember you have something they'll never have. So I always say and it's saved me. "Don't mess with my childlike wonedrment!".

Oh my! I'm a lifelong learner and open to other people's opinions and try to see the best in people. My covert narcissist doesn't feel the need to learn anything new and thinks he knows better than everyone else, including coworkers/bosses. He only learns what he *has* to.

I just got diagnosed with adhd. Always got in trouble speaking my mind and I feel undercurrents which being with my N was suppressed. Never be suppressed. I need air and want to breathe. Ty d r c you have been more teaching than I have ever heard before ❤

When one gains an understanding of narcissism, the dynamic shifts from a game of supply to a pattern of both supply and shut down.

@fairygurl9269

Жыл бұрын

🔋

Thank you so much for keeping me grounded. God Bless You!!

My narcissist boyfriend will verbally attack and question me, but as soon as I turn the table around, and give him a dose of reality he ALWAYS will say, " I'm not doing this right now" and walk away... another frustrating thing........if we get in an argument about something, my version of the story will remain the same, his version of the same event will change at least 10x in five minutes. I've learned to live with his ways, (10yrs) until I can make my escape.. 🙂

Once again Dr. Carter.. are you sure you were not a fly on the wall observing our family chaos. 😂 You nailed it. What hurts is the chaos entered into our lives due to a brother and daughter in law. Took us off guard as a family. 😔☹️

Excellent video! Thank you for being clear and direct. You can’t make this up and I see every point mentioned in my covert narcissistic father. A very good barometer for me as a daughter to not repeat any of these behaviors that a child may learn from a parent growing up. It’s a great checklist I can go to when I think about my own reactions to circumstances in my life now.

I felt the narc was trying to turn everyone into a ‘mini me’.

You’re keeping me sane, Dr. C. Thank you for helping me reality test.

Weak, yet LETHAL.

Many narcissists absolutely don't value calm reasonsing! Nope! Not at all, Dr. C! Funny, not funny! Absolutely dodging their clutches today and everyday! You'd think they would be completely exhausted by now and simply give up! Lol

I've posted alot about my new boss, covert narcissist, and how he lies, steals, and wrecks havoc. Alot of the people who deal with him thru the business knew something wasn't quite right with him; but, his butt-kissing threw them off track. Well, he went too far and sexually assaulted a co-worker. Now, we're trying to remove him, otherwise all the clients will leave the business and he'll be left standing without income. Are narcissists always this brazen? Do they go too far but people are just too afraid to stand up to it? And what will this guy do now? Will he stand his ground and yell loudest? We live in a very tiny fishing community - most fisherman are just interested in beating him.

@mre9208

Жыл бұрын

He sounds like a malignant Narcissist.

Dr. C. As I sit and listen to you my awareness grows in the wake of all the damage the Narcissists have done in my life. But believe a Full Recovery is possible. At least now I can make sense of exactly what happened to me in the Narcissist long game......... I am now able to determine when I am being baited by his family. His death brought out the Narcissist Family Cult from the shadows. Their discard of me was the best thing that could have happened after he died. I am an Empath, and a Truth teller, have always been. They could not fit me into their mold so like him discard came and I broke free. Have had the whole senerio of shaming, slander, flying monkey drama on behalf of his Malignant Patrioarch Mother. What a group of idiots. I refuse to take their Bait when engaging with this. Thank you for educating me on how to handle these inhuman robots.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

I’m so encouraged for you, Elaine

"10 Signs That Narcissists Are Emotionally Weak": 2:02 1. WON'T SET THE STAGE FOR LOVE OR PEACE 2:39 2. WASTING ENERGY ON MINUTIA AND FIXED CIRCUMSTANCES 3:07 3. ANGER IS TERRIBLY UGLY 3:50 4. CONSTANT GRIPE, CARPING, COMPLAINING 4:08 5. INCAPABLE OF MANEUVERING THROUGH NUANCE 4:45 6. IMPOSSIBLE TO APPROACH DIFFERRENCES LOGICALLY 5:30 7. AN ABSURB INCLINATION TOWARD DEFENSIVENESS 6:15 8. SET UP DRAMA, THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE RESULTS 7:02 9. DISHONEST WHEN DISCUSSING PERSONAL HURTS 7:46 10. UNWILLING TO LET GO OF GRUDGES My narcissistic mother process signs number 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. My narcissistic sister process signs number 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, and 8. I am working on being more emotionally mature myself. I will just keep learning to strengthen my own emotions.

All ten describe my wife perfectly when we are together, out in public she is totally different, sweet and all the good stuff.

I think our society rewards narcissists unfortunately because to succeed over everyone else, you have to be ruthless, flawless and selfish and being a top narcissist means you're unbreakable and untouchable.

Dr. C Why do we need to seek out therapy when the issues reside with the narcissist? Peace & thanks.

@beverlyadams7205

Жыл бұрын

Isn’t that the truth? The abuser never admits There’s anything wrong with them thus no therapy. I recently learned that my overt narcissist daughter is in therapy because of how I have hurt her by going no contact. I would love to be a fly on the wall during those therapy sessions.

@fairygurl9269

Жыл бұрын

The Same as @ss@/+ Victims Need thier Wounds Tended to In Order to Survive ..

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

The primary reason is that they can get inside your head and throw you off your healthy rhythm.

JUN01 World Narcissistic Abuse Day On this day, let us take heed of the warning signs that constitute narcissistic abuse

The anxiety management coping strategies of some with autism will look like narcissism.

DYT? They make up grudges that don't even exist

@Donita1213

Жыл бұрын

For years......

Dr C please let us know how we can get rid of some of those patterns ourselves if we were groomed by the narcs and grew up in narc families. both parents, both siblings narcs of various descriptions in mine. from grandiose to covert. I felt like I was never heard and eventually ended up also to be protective of my weaknesses because they would trample all over me and it wasn't safe with them. I am better when I am away and have learned to be less ruthless with myself when it comes to my own mistakes. I have tried to be perfect to be loved in my family of origin like they always made me think it is necessary, but it has been standing in my way now with my own family and children. I am 59 and it is hard work to reverse these patterns. I am a true softie at heart and have heaped so much shame on myself for basically everything. I fear my children have suffered. I am trying to make amends and let go of these behaviours every day and had to go no contact with all of my family of origin.

@mariaridler1831

Жыл бұрын

Every word you’ve said is my story too. I’m trying to educate myself so I can heal and be better. I think it’ll take the rest of my life but one step at a time. God bless us both 🙏💕

@Liz-in8lu

Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry to hear. I grew up with a narc dad. Now I’m 36 and see all the behaviors… it took me years of reflection and internal work to see who I am and that I’m not the old me (who I was around him). It also took lots of great friends and acquaintances to show me what normal was. Good luck!

Also with #7, they gaslight

The title to this video I found very interesting. I know from college that in laymens terms a Narcissist is someone who lacks in the EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING OF ANOTHER PERSONS EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL NEEDS. I have also experienced that they can be very cruel and caculating in the ways in which they will seek to cause you pain. Yes their Anger is very cruel. As a victim of Narcissistic Abuse I know that depending in how long it has lasted in which sometimes can last for decades; you develop your own strength by what may look like a contagious narcissism. To fight back you start looking just like them. The difference is their abuse is completely irrational, distortion of facts, triangulization, false accusations and complete strategic warfare. Shifting the blame, spander, and ....trying to fight back will never work. There is no accountability. They discard you and devalue you while they watch you skirm or suffer in the outcome of what they did to you. The best thing you can do is walk away before your losses are so big that you have nothing left. Dreams gone. Achievements stripped away and career goals sqbatoged. They love to know you are in pain. When something good is going to happen suddenly you get all their attention. Suddenly they are all up in your business.

So so true I always said I was married and put up with Dr. JEKAL and Mr. HIDE sadly it took almost 30 yrs to figure out but I gave my vows thank goodness for Dr. CARTER and Gus for helping me understand the sickness ..as my fur babies are my saviors too...

Weakness deprives them of happiness. SAD

Absolutely no depth in personality with them. My narc, whenever I would try to confront him about some thing would repeat my words and tell me that I was the one that had these issues not him. Yeah, he never complained about these issues that I supposedly had.

Thank you Dr. C. Hit the nail on the head as usual.

Thank you for your immense help and support dr Carter. ❤

Thankyou so much Dr. Carter and Gus. ❤

Based on the descriptions - many people I know personally and many of my co-workers and managers would be narcissists. Teal spoke about this - the pandemic of narcissism of our time. We need protocols specifically to deal with narcissists at work and the drama/damage they cause.

Needed this. Thank you! 💜👍🏻

Excellent and on point 💯 So validating. Educational. Thank you!!

Great list, great source of reference, appreciate the people that have broken it down and simplified it because this, as well as so many other toxic characteristics are a reflection of their dysfunctional personality traits. Thanks Dr. C.

My goodness this is insane. I assume my weaknesses everyday. I feel imperfect all the time and an eternal learner. A real peregrine of life… everyday learning something new and trying to learn from other’s experiences as well with mine. However I think my depression comes from feeling too much.

Thank you again Dr. C

Thank you, Dr. Carter, for all these different videos they very informative 👍🏿

Dr. C, Your videos have helped me stay true to who I want to be and be known by. Thank you!

I love the breakdown in this video! It's applicable to all types of narcissists.

Was exactly what I go through ....😢

Standardless standard bearers! ✅

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Go figure.

The more you see it the more you cant unsee it. O yes

Dr Carter, you have been a big help throughout my journey. However there’s this feeling I cannot shake. The feeling that despite everything that’s occurred in my very long narcissistic relationship that has now ended in a discard. The feeling that I still miss him everyday despite knowing I’ve probably been replaced by new supply. I guess this is just my trauma bond talking but it truly feels like I’ll never move on. I guess only time will tell.

100% correct music to ears

Absolutely true.

There was a narcissist at my church and what happened was I said look I can't be with you so what happened ever since that time he's holding a grudge and bitterness and contentment towards and find ways to punish me because he didn't get what he want was me so anyway I have decided to go to a different Church and not cuz I'm not going to deal with and I've dealt with a narcissist before in the past and thanks to you I've learned a lot

Your shirt and Gus match 😊 good talk.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Gus is pleased with that!