Choice yes Ben God gives us free will we choose how to behave God never force anything on anyone . Everything we choose in life is free will . If God truly starts living in us things change for the better ☺.

What cowards.

Great to hear those help for people who want to get it. Thanks for putting out this information

Music has been my saving grace. I am not a narcissist, though, being raised in a family with NPD, and thanks to developing DID - I am on the psychopathy spectrum (not saying all people with DID are on that spectrum - it’s due to one of my alters).. I have difficulty feeling anything of depth, without the aid of music. Though, it has been difficult, also, because I am an aspiring musician, though, it has been VERY difficult to do, because of minimal access to said emotions. There have been many times in my life, where I have been apart of events that should have evoke some deep emotion, and all I could think was “Aren’t I suppose to be feeling something?” I’ve done a lot of work, on myself, though - cutting out corn/corn-derivatives this past year has not only allowed me to feel emotions I have never felt, prior.. I, also, have physical sensations I have never had, prior (which, made sex all about power, versus pleasure, in my past, for starters). I love all types of music - though, I wish I had words to convey how much joy and peace heavy metal brings me. Probably because I grew up being screamed at, all the time, lol.

Please do a video on Dog Whistling that is related to what the narcissist, flying monkeys and gang stalkers will use to further abuse the target. Thank you 👍

Thanks for this, friend ❤😊

Awareness is a powerful tool. Thx Ben

All they think about it themselves. It destroys good relationships because they are so self absorbed, and they are terrified to LOOK like a shitty person, BUT they ARE a shitty person!!

I don´t think anyone wants to have bad feelings, emptiness, sadness, lonliness etc, because well it´s unpleasant and who wants that. Same thing for feeling "happy" 24/7 which is unrealistic, to some degree it´s ok to feel these things and know it will pass, however when you don´t know, it becomes toxic to yourself because you don´t see an "end". So personally for me, I don´t want those negative feelings, however I don´t put it on others. Sure, I think everyone has a bad day and may explode at the wrong time for it, but does this really make someone a narc?!...With consideration that there´s 100 emotions a person has.

My ex always referred to how he compartmentalized everything. At first it made no sense. I didnt understand why he alway said it. It felt like he was telling me i was wrong not to compartmentalize everything too. Does that seem he is aware of his disorder? 😊

@aliross2720

Жыл бұрын

Narcissists are guided by emotion. Not logic, not reason and not intelligence. Emotion. This often causes their perception of things to be very, very different from other people's. They view everything through the lens of feeling, and their feelings are generally negative, out of control and even frightening to them. This causes their perceptions and experiences to be negative and frightening to them as well. They believe feelings are facts. If they feel it, it must be true, regardless of whether it makes any sense or if they have proof or anything else. The narcissist's "truth" changes with their emotions. . It has nothing to do with actual reality or anything you are actually doing. It is all based on unreasonable, irrational and faulty perceptions. Instead of being seen as an individual human being with your own feelings, you are simply seen as a walking mirror of the narcissist's feelings about themselves Emotions color everything narcissistic people do. Feelings are the lens through which they perceive everything. This is why things are given meanings they don't have, and people are assigned motives, feelings and thoughts that do not match reality. They match the narcissist's feelings. And to the narcissistic person, that is reality. Their feelings define and create their reality - much more so than other people. It's no wonder then, that their reality is so chaotic and unstable. Their feelings are no different. Because they are so disconnected from their emotional inner-world and because they perpetually deny and avoid emotions, narcissists' feelings are often chaotic and out of control. You certainly can't control something that you are pretending does not exist. As a result of this blanket denial defense mechanism, narcissists may have a lot of unprocessed trauma, and because it is unprocessed, it can be as if the trauma happened yesterday. Many also have not emotionally matured the way that most other people have; they haven't learned control over their emotions or to be able to self-soothe. It seems that for pathologically narcissistic people, their emotions present to others in one of two ways: either freewheeling with no structure at all, or so locked in that they seem to emotionally react to nothing at all most of the time. Inside, the emotional turmoil is the same and emotions are still the guiding force of their life. There is a disconnect between logic and emotion within the narcissist. In most people, these things work together to make up our perception and create our experiences. In narcissists, they do not. Understanding something intellectually makes no difference to the narcissist, because these two parts of their mind don't work together. In most people, emotions are very powerful and when emotions run high, they can shut the logic out completely. Narcissists' emotions always run high because their emotional development did not progress to the point where they learned to process, understand and control them. In other words, narcissists do not just experience emotions, the way the rest of us do. Emotions control their entire reality. Emotions are the glasses they see everything through. Emotions are the undercurrent in the narcissist's every waking moment. This therefore makes it very difficult for them to assess, perceive or understand things logically. Without logic and reason to guide them, they rely on emotion. This is why they believe feelings are facts. It's all they have to go by. Because of this, truly understanding narcissism isn't really possible for a narcissist. It requires an emotional understanding of things that is coupled with and tempered by an intellectual, logical understanding so that you can see clearly when emotions are illogical, unreasonable or inappropriate. They just don't have the tools necessary to do that. There's generally a large disconnect between their intellectual and emotional maturity, to the point that their emotional immaturity routinely counteracts their intellectual ability. In healthy adult people, this does not happen. It can happen in times of extreme stress, but it is not their basic way of functioning. For narcissistic people, it is. Narcissists expect to be treated badly. They therefore look for evidence of it in every single thing other people do. And of course, they find it, mostly because they push and provoke and harass and refuse to accept anything else. Explaining in these situations is useless. You will not get anywhere. Not only are they not listening, they don't want to believe you. They want to believe you are evil. It makes them victims. It makes them the center of attention, and most of all, it makes them right. If they have to accept that you are not evil, then who is to blame for all these problems? There's only one person left. They're not listening to you. Your denials just make them more sure they're right. Narcissism is a defense mechanism against their abusive inner voice. That little voice says they are evil, horrible, disgusting vomit on the ground, so in self-defense, the narcissist creates a false self that is the total opposite of that. It is a malfunctioning primitive defense mechanism that the brain grew into instead of out of which causes them to take any criticism, real or imagined, and amplify it, overreact to it and run from it. It's how they are wired. Somebody has to be the bad guy. It's either going to be you, or it's going to be them, and since when it's them, that can lead to suicide ... it's going to be you. That's why they argue so hard and seem to believe these delusional things so absolutely. Their life is depending on it. Their supposed cleverness at spinning things is really just desperation. However far they have to reach and twist and turn things so that it is not their fault; that's what they will do. They like frustrating you and upsetting you and sucking your life force out one pointless argument at a time. Explaining is really only feeding their egotistical need for attention in the end because they aren't going to believe you. They don't want to, and even if they did, the voice of that brutal superego that piles them on with internal abuse 24 hours a day would never let them.They are trying to take heat off of themselves for something by switching the focus to you, and/or they believe that while you may not have actually said or done those things, your motive is actually bad. Your feelings for them are bad, which therefore makes everything you do and say bad, regardless of whether it actually is or not. Their disorder is set up so perfectly that exactly the things they need to hear and understand in order to change are exactly the things they are programmed to deny and block out the most.. . They spend their entire lives hiding from reality. It is very difficult for someone to see something that their defense mechanisms have evolved to hide from them. It is very difficult for someone like that to turn and face the truth. Some may not even be able to at this point in their lives. The pathologically narcissistic person's relationship with the world around them is complicated and confusing, both for them and for others who are in their lives. Everything is colored by their skewed, immature and emotionally-charged perception, and because of that, their relationships are unstable and volatile - including their relationship with themselves. As with any other person on the planet, their relationships with others are reflections of their relationship with themselves. The way they treat others is indicative of their unacknowledged feelings for themselves, which is why they are often so desperate to prove this is not true. Their perception is extremely skewed. Their perception is colored by emotions they cannot regulate or understand (or even acknowledge), dysfunctional coping mechanisms that have become pathological thought processes and knee-jerk reactions, as well as deep-seated beliefs that are often extremely illogical.This is why seeking help for this problem is fraught with serious issues, if it even happens. Aside from the fact that they trust no one this much - including themselves, for a narcissist to get help with these things requires them at minimum to be able to use insight which they don't have to engage in successful reality testing, which they can't do. It requires them to use their fundamentally flawed perception and corrupt thinking processes to examine their fundamentally flawed perception and corrupt thinking processes so they can identify - and correct - the flaws in this perception and these thinking processes. For all intents and purposes, this is just not possible. It's using a computer program contaminated by viruses to find the other viruses in the computer. It doesn't work because the program itself is contaminated.

@aliross2720

Жыл бұрын

For narcissists their opinions are facts. In their opinion these things are quantifiable and provable because narcissists are pathologically egocentric. They legitimately have no understanding of other people's perspective. There's no understanding that there could be other interpretations of things or that there are different ways of looking at something. Even when someone is reasonable they can still have opinions that are ill-informed or not based on facts. However most reasonable people try to at least look at and consider facts and consider evidence, even if it contradicts their opinion. When someone is a narcissist this is generally not the case at all. They cannot see anything outside of their own interpretations or conclusions and anything else is considered extraneous at best and at worst it's considered manipulative as an attempt to trick or convince them of something false. Due to their mental gymnastics narcissists are able to consider their own opinions as facts but actual facts as just other people's opinions. This appears to happen because they genuinely don't understand the difference between these two things because they're egocentric. Facts don't exist for them as things which are true in and of themselves and remain true even independent of anybody's agreement with them. It appears to be much more simple than that something is a fact if the narcissist believes it or agrees with it and not a fact if they don't. Stating and believing that a fact is just someone else's opinion is a way of denying that it is in fact a fact . Narcissistic personalities often have extreme difficulty with many aspects of processing information. This means they very frequently come to erroneous or incorrect conclusions, particularly regarding emotionally charged events. Their rigid thinking in serious difficulty integrating new information makes it very hard for them to alter a conclusion once it's been established in their minds. For narcissists their conclusions, judgments, appraisals and Views are much more than just opinions, they are more even than facts. They become concretized into part of a narrative that supports whatever pseudo identity they're trying to live out. These personalities don't have a stable Identity or self-image they have to try to create one with whatever they have available in the absence of anything more substantial. Narcissistic personalities attempt to create an identity out of even superficial things like their opinions about entertainment, media or sports teams they attach their identity to these things which makes the things very important. Narcissists will fight like tigers to defend their opinions because they're much more than just opinions. This is why they react so poorly to being corrected, challenged or disagreed with. This is taken not as a simple disagreement or a difference in actual opinion, meaning having differing preferences or subjective Impressions but as a challenge to their deepest beliefs about themselves. As a threat to the narrative they need to believe in order to survive. They take this very very personally. The subject of the disagreement challenge or correction doesn't really matter, it could be which waffles are best or how many stuffed animals is too many or whether it's 99 degrees outside or 100. It always somehow ends up that you are attacking them on the deepest most personal level and must be punished for that. It always somehow ends up that they're the victim even when dealing with narcissists who don't use that exact verbiage or who don't blatantly accuse others of anything, if you listen to what they're actually saying you will realize that the bottom line is always the same, they are the victim somehow. This isn't just about protecting a very fragile unstable identity either. There is also a large amount of toxic shame embedded in the narcissistic personality structure and a huge amount of it is being triggered by not being right. In the narcissist black and white perception not being right is shameful and therefore destabilizing on a level that people who are not narcissists probably cannot even begin to understand. The basic gist of this particular situation is that if someone disagrees with you or if there's another way to see something then you're not right because of the toxic shame that is intolerable to narcissistic personalities. Not only does not being right trigger shame and destabilizes them because they don't have stable identities and because they have such difficulty processing and integrating information among other very serious and fundamental problems the idea that they might be wrong about something undermines any confidence or stability they might be experiencing in that moment which is how they exist Moment by moment. Due in part to their very severe black and white thinking, catastrophizing and other cognitive distortions as well as their complete lack of trust in their own information vetting skills narcissists often conclude that if they are wrong about one thing they could be wrong about everything. There's no ability to just be wrong about something and that be all it is or all it means, it's much bigger and much more higher Stakes than that. It simply cannot be allowed because the implications surrounding it are too big so to defend against it they refuse to even entertain it... it's just not true and that's it. This this can result in some pretty bizarre situations and in behavior that comes across as even delusional or crazy things like denying obvious facts making weird and paranoid accusations attempting to Gaslight people in very obvious or absurd ways and much more. The things they're saying in these situations May or not be things they actually believed but the point of saying them has nothing to do with whether they're true or not. The point is to deny the things that the narcissist needs to believe are false and however they have to get to that doesn't matter. If they have to say things that make no sense or throw people under the bus or come across as completely delusional then that's what they'll do. It doesn't matter because they can live with that because they won't live with it, they'll just create a narrative where that's not how it is. What they can't live with is allowing things that contradict their main narrative to exist on. Challenge that simply cannot be tolerated and it will not be allowed. These people are an illusion. They are in many ways completely phony. Not perhaps in a conscious purposeful way for many of them, it's actually worse than that. These personalities spend all of their time and focus constructing, Shoring up and constantly preparing against challenges a reality they can do with and generally speaking it often has no resemblance to actuality at all. In the absence of a stable identity and no ability to self-regulate emotions, self-image, self-worth or anything else the only way narcissists have to self-regulate and stabilize is that they have a narrative identity that they can perform to induce others to see them the way they want to be seen so that they themselves can then see themselves the same way. Without a stable Identity or self-image this is how they attempt to stabilize and regulate themselves. Because their reality is not congruent with real life it's constantly in Jeopardy and constantly being damaged by facts, by actuality. this is extremely stressful for narcissistic personalities and a large amount of their time and focus is spent repairing this damage, mostly in the form of denial but also in other ways as well. It's easy to see then why their opinions are more than just opinions for them. They are part of the patchwork used to shore up a very fragile completely unrealistic existence. It is perhaps not understood very well by many people how extremely fragile these personalities really are. A large majority of narcissists appear to be unable to deal with almost anything in life as adult human beings. They seem unable to make sense out of the world or the people in it in any real way. They often have enormous difficulty making even small decisions. They don't seem to really understand the majority of their Communications and interactions with anybody. They have a very hard time trying to understand or communicate their emotions, thoughts or needs. They can't deal with things not going the way they thought things would go. They can't deal with being corrected, challenged or criticized even gently. They can't deal with being told no, being told to wait and they can't deal with their own constant negative emotional experiences. Even those who don't appear to have these difficulties very often do demonstrate them if you pay attention. Narcissists are of course not the only people who have difficulties with these things but their difficulties with all of these things and many more are often pretty extreme and they are among the only only people who deal with it by attacking, blaming, abusing and punishing others for it.

@aliross2720

Жыл бұрын

One of the most damaging things about dealing with narcissistic personalities would be their opinions of other people. These also often have no resemblance to actuality, whether in a positive or A negative light the opinions and images that narcissists hold of others are usually outside of objective experience. Sometimes very far outside of objective experience.Their positive images of people are just as extreme and incorrect as their negative ones.Narcissists are so empty and so limited that literally every single other person on the planet has many many things that they don't have. Most information focuses on the false negative things narcissists say during devaluation but the reality is the false positive things they say during idealization are just as harmful and damaging. They are a big part of the reason the devaluation is so painful. You're not the most amazing person who ever lived, you're not the smartest person in the world, you're not their only chance at happiness or The Miracle Worker who could heal anybody with your kind benevolence as many will tell you in the idealization phase. And you know what that's okay. You don't need to be any of these things to be a great person. The narrative that we are targeted by narcissists because we're special in some way is understandable and it's attractive, but in some ways it's also very similar to the artificial ego inflation that narcissists engage in during love bombing and idealization. It often makes people feel better but actually healing from these situations does require more than that. The best thing for victims of the ego trauma and character assassination inflicted by narcissistic personalities is to be able to see themselves realistically and be legitimately genuinely good with that. If it's too painful to accept that the idealized version of ourselves is not real then that needs to be explored because this is a vulnerability that can be exploited by manipulation. Seeing ourselves unrealistically actually increases our vulnerability to narcissistic relationships and not just because we might be more susceptible to negative claims about ourselves. It's also because when a narcissist idealized image of a person and that person's idealized image of themselves coincide it causes them to feel like the narcissist is truly seeing and understanding them in a way nobody else ever does or ever has. This is totally false but it creates a fantasy about themselves and about the narcissist that most people find very hard to let go of. When you fall in love with a narcissist you've fallen in love with yourself. Not only are they mimicking your behavior and things like that but they're reflecting an idealized image of yourself back to you. That is really what initially captivates most people in these situations. It isn't that the narcissists themselves was so amazing, it's that they treated you like you were. People sometimes spend decades in these relationships trying to get back to that without realizing that none of it is is ever based in reality at all. In reality what narcissists do and all they do is alternate between false overly idealized images of people and false overly devalued ones. They do not ever see anybody for who they actually are and this includes themselves. When we can see ourselves realistically then we can see this much more clearly. Their opinion loses importance, it loses any weight that it might have had because we can see that good or bad it's not based in reality and it makes no sense when it's compared to who we actually are. The manipulations from narcissistic people are almost completely ego based. Ego is the part of you that speaks as I. That means narcissistic manipulation targets your sense of self and who you believe yourself to be. During idealization they create a narrative of how perfect, selfless, beautiful, powerful, amazing,,intelligent whatever that you are and during devaluation they create a narrative of how flawed, selffish, awful, cruel, abusive, stupid, unsuccessful whatever that you are. These things can never be brought together into a more realistic cohesive picture of a person due to the narcissistic personalities cognitive distortions and inability to understand whole object relations. They think in black and white terms and narcissists are very extreme, it's one or the other and if you're one you're the best one of that and if you're the other you're the worst one of that. They will continue to have one completely negative image of you and one completely positive image of you that they simply alternate between back and forth based on how they feel in any moment. Idealization occurs in part because narcissists are so fragile so grandiose and so envious that they can only attach themselves to things that are viewed as perfect somehow so as to benefit in some way by associatio....anything that makes them feel good will be idealized. Devaluation occurs in part because narcissists are so fragile have so much shame and think so low of themselves that the only way they can feel as though they're betterthan somebody is that the person has to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever anything which makes them feel bad will be devalued. When we can understand that we can start to disengage ourselves from caring about their opinions of us because the reality is that's all this is. No matter how cruel and horrible, no matter how damaging and hurtful and upsetting the things that they say really are all it boils down to is an opinion. This is the ridiculous unrealistic opinion of a person who is essentially delusional, who cannot live in reality, who does not understand what it means to be human even though they are on,e who has never seen you or anyone else including themselves for who they actually are ever. Their opinion of you is worth nothing in that regard. It's not based on anything except the stilted, rigid distorted way they view the world through their own distorted rigid feelings and beliefs. It's not a fact, it might not even be how they feel in 10 minutes from now. It's not based in reality at all and considering the truly limited understanding most of these personalities have regarding the World At Large you might as well be attaching serious importance to the opinion of a toddler. The more realistically you are able to see yourself the more you are able to really understand what you are and also what you're not, the more you're able to remind yourself of what you're actually dealing with here the more clearly you'll be able to see all of this and then it won't be able to affect you anymore because you'll be able to see it for what it is.