🐐 I invite you to join my upcoming ‘Scapegoat Recovery Workshop’ Move beyond the rejection, betrayal, shame & pain, and effectively refuse the harmful role moving forward. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/scapegoat-recovery-workshop/

@malinliljeblad8875

10 ай бұрын

I've studied narcissism every day the last 3-4 years but this video really nails which of my parents tactics were the most harmful to me as a child. Its sad to listen to but very informative and validating. Thank you

@LukiGames0

10 ай бұрын

My narc parents just accused me of playing games with them since I stopped responding to their baits and provoking and he became extremely nasty and going to rage for a smallest things and warned me to look for an apartament until end of a year -.-. They never loved me and you can see it as I am looking from a time perspective. Welp it's only confirmed how bad and self centred they are and do not care about nobody else. I am going no contact once I move out.

@h0lyspiritual.sweetheart

9 ай бұрын

🫂

@dorlottibrussels4224

9 ай бұрын

Hi Jerry Thanks for your video I live in Belgium, my English is not so good. I need to get some guidance in my journey with my parents. My dad is narcissistic I think my mom also. I created some distance as I got older .... now my father demands all my help and presence. His second wife died January 23 and he told me he has not so long to live..... he has cancer. But now I know he can have several years to live..... I regret taking care of him..... I am empty and totally in stress after seeing or hearing him. my life , he wants to control it. My work also, my friends.... did not have the time to celebrate my birthday in April...he told me to cancel all activities.... just be there for him.I cannot hold on.....for years to come...

@Portia620

9 ай бұрын

Are you stating that it’s not OK to mention your sex life to your parent but you can to a therapist how about a friend like a best friend if it’s very confidential and they keep it to them selves? Where are the lines drawn? Is it considered a national if you talk about very private personal things with a friend or how about a therapist? There just seems to be so much gray area there. I do see what you mean there or covert narcissist do gather information with asking you a ton of questions and they’re just using it to use it against you were trying to delete you as somebody that is true it’s almost like to write a book I guarantee it’s true they are, and you’re the star that they’re gonna punish.

I finally said goodbye to my father after more than 30 years of continued trauma. Honestly, the hardest thing to deal with was the guilt other people put on you for doing so. Those people who do not understand what it is like to deal with toxic parents, it's exhausting and it's okay to walk away from it.

@joshtrent7945

8 ай бұрын

I’m here to motivate me to not respond to some 11 pm bs text from my dad. At 37 😅

@bayoutown1990

8 ай бұрын

I had to do it about 15 years ago when i was 50. It was very difficult but immediately my husband, son, and I began to heal. I had to do the same with a subbing who controlled the family. Peace is very sweet. It took a long time for me to learn to love myself and so neglecting myself. It made me a better wife and mother and friend.

@JoiRandom

8 ай бұрын

💯

@akashicklovebpd1264

8 ай бұрын

Tell those people they are lucky that their parents haven't invoked those emotions in them. Don't take a blessing for granted. Watch their face go blank 😆

@Beginnerreadsthebible

8 ай бұрын

Same boat ❤

I am sooo sorry for my inner child. I started to be my self at the age of 52.

@amberv4223

3 ай бұрын

Hugs. Me too. I’m 41 and just realised what happened to me.

@irinamladenoska7539

3 ай бұрын

@@amberv4223 yess. Support here!

@JoeMcKenzie888

16 күн бұрын

Much love to you

Imagine being held back your entire life, and only discovering as an adult that what you've experienced actually had a name and you could have prevented it had you only knew about all this terminology at an early age.

@curiouscomplex290

3 ай бұрын

You could not have prevented it. Don't do that to yourself. You didn't know what you didn't know.

@madam-mim

3 ай бұрын

@@curiouscomplex290 True.

@sjf426

2 ай бұрын

I don’t have to imagine, unfortunately. 😒😌

@enigmalfidelity

19 күн бұрын

It is what we went through that allows us to see things from said perspective and understand it, otherwise we'd probably be one of those people that claims CPTSD because they got grounded on a regular basis. Best thing we can do is use what knowledge and wisdom we've gained through our traumas to help and understand others going through bad situations

I bought myself a hat. My Mum took it off me and tried it on and said, "it looks better on me." It sat on top of her wardrobe for years and she never wore it once.

@amberv4223

3 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry

@AAMtruthteller

2 ай бұрын

I cannot even fathom this. I am just so sorry. How are people's children not everything to them 😢

@simonealisa

2 ай бұрын

My mother-in-law is like this. I should have never taken her to get my wedding dress. 😢

I decided to just cut all communication with my narcissist mother and pedophile father for my own healing. They adopted me when I was five, they already had two kids and I was just a scapegoat and a plaything for them. Once I had my own kids, I saw the abuse in a whole new light and basically said F*CK YOU and I was DONE! The only forgiveness I felt I needed to have was to forgive myself for all the wars I waged against myself, for all the self sabotage, I forgave myself. I don’t particularly feel like I need to forgive them but I also no longer let it consume me, I’m just indifferent towards them. It is what it is and I’ve moved on.

@amberv4223

3 ай бұрын

You don’t need to ever forgive them

"Stop neglecting yourself."...lightning just went through me

Sometimes the gaslighting is more subtle ...like the parent is yelling at you and you respond in a normal voice and you are told that you are the one causing the problem..argument

@Shenanigans_Afoot

10 ай бұрын

Yes, you’re yelling if you speak sternly or raise your voice a tiny bit, yet they yell ALL THE TIME.

@abowling5759

10 ай бұрын

They love to do anything that dumps everything on you, making you the problem.

@madeleinegrayson8372

10 ай бұрын

I vividly recall the first time I chose not to engage my mother with the incessant verbal arguments and stayed very calm, very collected. She accused me of being in a cult, lol. Staying calm and it yelling sent her into a tailspin. 😂

@sarge6283

9 ай бұрын

I was told that I was ruining my parents marriage because of all the fighting that I'm causing between my parents. I wasn't the one who cheated in their relationship. I wasn't the one who decided to have kids with a narcissist. I wasn't the one who decided to abuse my kids and not listen to them.

I don't let anyone live rent free in my head and no one shuold. I've used a tactic called negative affermations.' Any thing else you don't like about me?' They eventually run out of material to attract you with. I'm the scapegoat that escaped.Lol😊

@jerrywise

10 ай бұрын

Great response.... Thank you for watching.

@bereal6590

5 ай бұрын

That's useful, thank you. I said to my mother once, is there anything you know or like about me! I like the idea of is there anything else you ront like ✋✌

My mother would do all of that and more. As an adult she would get me to a breaking point (provoking and denying stuff, smiling to my face while saying that all the wrongs she did to me didn't exist) and than record me while I was raging. Then she would let other people listen to those recordings so I would be considered like the crazy piece of shit that she was. Honestly I understand why some people end up killing themselves or their parent. I want out myself. She stole my life, my choices, my future, the person I was supposed to be. And she doesn't understand why I can't stand her

@ericb8413

10 ай бұрын

It’s not too late to start building the life you want. You’re worth it.

@abowling5759

10 ай бұрын

It’s an awful trap!….Been there myself….. the best thing you can do is free yourself from her and get away when you can and go no contact. Then you get to work some more on your healing and be the person you were meant to be, surrounded by people who genuinely love and support you. Good luck to you!…..🍀

@keithstewart7514

10 ай бұрын

Your independence from the crazy people of the FAMILY is your best revenge!

@feelingbetternaturally1099

10 ай бұрын

Go no contact. It's your only hope. Narcs are pure evil. The best thing my narcissistic mother did was die.

@jolynmcteigue8371

10 ай бұрын

It’s so sad to see all the advice to go no contact. These are also hurt people who did not get their cup filled with love. Pray for them. Don’t do things you will regret when they die. Vengeance is of the Lord.

I'm a ACOA and a recovering alcoholic. I'm the scapegoat in the family; I realize now at 55 that they continue to abuse me mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. It's so covert that I wasn't aware until recently when I started to learn more about gaslighting, silent treatment, and indirect put-downs. On my last visit with them, I decided I was done with the disrespect I needed a break.

@keithstewart7514

10 ай бұрын

I woke @ 58 yo & oh what difference the recent past 15 months of being woke @ a distance has made. Two more years & my Super Nova SHINE will blast my families darkness into the Light.

@keithstewart7514

10 ай бұрын

The Sadistic Cruelty of what has been over a lifetime to endure solidify why death neither scares or concerns the hundred upon hundreds of time I've faced death as if it's just one of my childhood playmates that much like my Narcopathetic FAMILY is always there to squander my flame pre-ignition. Super Nova pending (no child deserves this WITHOUT God HAVING HIS Devine Reasons).

@teresagillmer9464

9 ай бұрын

I'm so sad for you .I know what it's like .I sreamed at my mother one day that she didn't care.Itade no difference ..lm the one who was always willing.

@Amaterasu_990

9 ай бұрын

Enjoy your break, I relate. I spent all last weekend in bed in my pyjamas reading, watching movies; cuddling the cats, being the licenced driver in the passenger seat while my Learner driver son drove to the shops. Phone off all weekend. 85% of every weekend, my phone is on airplane mode. Works for me, I'M in control of who I speak to and when. When I do talk, I decide for how long, Boundaries, I'm not sure what brand of family/parent/system I have (narc or other ~ I don't know. All I know is how I feel, and I have permission to feel how I do and self-validate how I feel and act in congruence with that. To negate my feelings and go along with being nice is to commit a violence against myself. And TOOOTALLY it is about them. "Oh you have a good job now at age 54, I can finally stop worrying about you." NICE. Yep it is about them when these things are said. ( 😹) Rant over, but ~ thank you and good luck Janl.8918. No apologies, no crap. :-) Yay us and thanks Jerry.

@dogdad8754

9 ай бұрын

I’m 46 and finally figured out the Narcs in my family. Stay strong and safe

I was six, sitting at a table, sobbing after being hit in the head so hard my face hit the book. She said " you're to stupid to copy something right " I was six years old in a foreign country tying to learn a new language and didn't know I was dyslexic.

@user-lw3ri8us4w

6 ай бұрын

that is f**king awful. i'm so sorry.

@jmvwegnerpriest

5 ай бұрын

♥

@DesertSessions93

4 ай бұрын

That's so wrong! I'm so 😔 sorry

@Bronte866

3 ай бұрын

She should be in prison.

@misspat7555

2 ай бұрын

@@Bronte866Abusive parents very rarely land in prison. They pretty much have to put their kid on life support before that will happen. 😓

My mother would always disagree with me no matter what, she just would never like to accept that I might be right or that what I have to say might be right. She would always question me and make me feel like I was stupid or dumb.

@idontcare9797

8 ай бұрын

My father was the same. would really like to know why parents do that. He would argue with me that "connections " social, business, political don't exist! Just because he doesn't have any its insanity

- Emotional neglect - Gaslighting - stone walling and silent treatment - covert putdowns and overt ones - verbal abuse (get internal boundaries aka thick skin, ignore them!!they are weird animals and arent worth it) -project their negatives traits on you - sabotage and pathological envy - Hot and cold behaviour - Rage attacks - micro managing (who are you speaking to, what you eat, what you wear....) - neglect and physical deprivation - triangulation (emmeshment) - pitch forking ( dont join them) - smear campaigns (maintain self confidence and self esteem) - parentification, emotional incest - sexual abuse, coercion -

@theoryofpersonality1420

9 ай бұрын

Thank you. This helps me follow along to the video better. I appreciate it.

@NikkiaSings

8 ай бұрын

Thank you 😊

@valerier4308

7 ай бұрын

I experienced everything on the list except sexual abuse.

@tinomaster

7 ай бұрын

@@valerier4308same here but we don t know what happens when we were babies.🥹😔🙁

@margaretaklemming2492

2 ай бұрын

-Divide and conquerers.

My abusive parents have not seen me since 2015. I tried & tried until I realised in my 40's these people never change. As soon as they discovered I was going to therapy & talking about the trauma they put me through all my life, they preferred to pretend I don't exist. Everyone assumes I am a terrible child & that is what hurts the most now. My heart turned to stone many years ago, when neither parent called me to see if I survived a 4 hour major surgery.

@adimeter

19 күн бұрын

Oh no! Unbelievable.

it took me 60+ years to finally hear my older sister's microaggressions. she subsequently tacitly confirmed her dislike resentment of me and after decades of trying to comprehend narcissism and the toxic family, i've had to call time and go no contact. what a truly surreal cruel monstrous terribly tragic dynamic. the destroyer of worlds. 🥴

Not just narcissistic parents but siblings as well!

@adimeter

19 күн бұрын

Yes, that was my older sister..a mean narc.

That's the secret! Observe, witness, without absorbing. What they say, think or feel like, is none of my business. Never was ❤

@DesertSessions93

4 ай бұрын

You are right. They can say whatever they want it doesn't mean it's true or I have to believe it.

@theresefournier3269

4 ай бұрын

@@DesertSessions93 To be-lie-ve anything per say, when lies abound, never is truly knowing.😘

The pitchforking is a very good comparison. 'I want more information about you'. That's how I spot narcs these days. You asked the rhethorical question, 'Are they writing a book?', I have actually asked people in the past, 'Are you going to write my biography?. They were offended...

@kimhumiston2686

10 ай бұрын

Hahaha. Love this remark!

@jerrywise

10 ай бұрын

I have asked, when someone asks for more information, “I’m not sure why you ask.” Or “How will that information help you, I’m unclear.” Or “Maybe we should just take it slow, there will be the right time for these answers…what did you do this past weekend?”

I raged at my mother in May, because after 4 years of giving me the silent treatment, when she FINALLY agreed to talk to me she told me that it was merely my perception that she was giving me the silent treat. Whaaaaaaat. She not only gave me the silent treatment herself but she drafted in other family members to give me the silent treatment too. All while my dad was angry with me for hurting her! My whatsapps went unread. She didn't respond to texts. When I walked over to her house to give her a letter, she wouldn't take it. She looked around to see if the neighbours were noticing me trying to give her a letter that fell to the ground when she wouldn't take it. So when she told me that it was merely my perception that she gave me the silent treatment, I RAGED like I was plugged in to a generator

@sevenseconds8652

10 ай бұрын

She was just doing you a favor not talking to you. You're so ungrateful! 😂😂😂❤

@amarbyrd2520

10 ай бұрын

They can drive you to it

@mercedesvallar3384

10 ай бұрын

Sorry you went through that

@josephineananda

10 ай бұрын

No contact.❤

@y_yy_2844

10 ай бұрын

A person who pulls the silent treatment is someone who shouldn't be talking to you and who you shouldn't be talking to. I hope you can accept this and your mind will be at peace. Trauma makes our minds be at war with reality and you will do nothing but suffer.

I remember my MIL snickered at me when I was talking to my husband, my father-in-law and while waiting in line at a restaurant. I looked at her like she was a 6yr old but she really was 72 at the time. It’s crazy for me to see a parent act like a toddler or jealous teenager. 🙄

@TheBLGL

10 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry you have a bad MIL. I miss mine, she was great. But this sure sounds like my own mother. She’s so childish it’s ridiculous.

My narc dad always had a millions of reasons to not do the right thing, but was always extra critical and abusive to us kids. Now that we’re adults, he has selective memory where he doesn’t remember any of it, and believes himself to be a relatively good father bc I didn’t turn out to be “messed up”. Now my sister has become a narc like my parents, the only option is NC or minimal contact..It’s so toxic and unhealthy dealing with these people.

@guybrush1701

10 ай бұрын

I fucking HATE the "Oh, you turned out fine." argument. Translation: "I'm a good parent because you're not in jail or a permanent resident of a mental institution." By Grabthar's Hammer, what an accomplishment. 🙄🙄🙄

@y.peffle2802

7 ай бұрын

Funny my dad says this because only 1 of his 5 kids turned into a drug addict. It was nothing he did because 1 out of 5 isn't bad right ?! 🙄

covert putdowns. They go in like a corkscrew in our heart ❤️ perfectly said.

@dawnkikong637

10 ай бұрын

That's just how it feels!

Since April 22, 2022 I have been on a journey to finally find myself. I have felt like a failure for my whole life and I am beginning to see why I did. Things I was taught in my childhood truly effected my relationships outside of the home. I feel especially stupid that it has taken me this long to see the truth. I was successful in stopping the generational trauma as I raised my children basically opposite of how I was raised. They never had to compete with me for a spotlight, I taught and reinforced self love and respect in each of them. But the entire time I knew I was a hypocrite because I didn’t live those principles myself. I’m in the winter season of my life and I don’t know that putting myself through this is going to be worth it in the end. My grandmother had to have been a genius; she taught me to cook, clean, sew, manage a household…all of this being done under the mantra of not needing to be dependent on anyone. I can take care of myself and unfortunately that is where I am at in life; on my own, alone and realizing just how broken I am

@abowling5759

10 ай бұрын

😢

@Maverick305Bliss

10 ай бұрын

@@iluvmusic1710 thank you for the kind words. I did make the conscious choice to have children but the partner I chose didn’t want to be faithful…but I’ve done everything in my power to put a stop to the toxic generational neglect and emotional abuse. Two of my three are of adult age and they are starting to see things that I told them that they would understand one day…taking the high road cost me so much financially but I was playing the long game for the physical and emotional consistently supportive and nurturing for them. I am going to need to work until I drop, but the money spent has been worth it when I can see my young ones being physically healthy, but more important they don’t have the burden of toxicity in their lives… my investments didn’t go into my 401because I invested it in my kids; they are good, kind , confident and loving people…

@starseeds8121

9 ай бұрын

I understand about feeling broken.

@kaypasa1243

8 ай бұрын

Sounds familiar. Keep your chin up.

I used to tell my mom the only time she would talk to me if she wanted me to do something or he was mad at me. Because I got in trouble doing something wrong. And the reality is they don't know you. You're not even a person to them. They had their own messed up childhood.

My parents divorced when I was 5 and I resented him for leaving me with my mom. I didn’t have the wisdom to recognize narcissism as a child, but this is my mom. I believe he got tired of her games after the divorce because he never came to visit us, but he should have been a better father FOR HIS CHILDREN! We had no safe space. And all of us are damaged because of her. My mother is now 80 and I’m torn between leaving her to her own misery and obeying God’s command to honor her. I will say me and my siblings are distancing ourselves more and more from her because the antics continue and we don’t want to be bothered. But, knowing she has only a few years remaining, I’m really not wanting to completely disconnect. My biggest fear is to not have contact with her and the next thing I hear is she passed and no one knew for days, as she lives alone. It’s really hard.

@soniamarinawade8209

6 ай бұрын

I feel the same .

@passionproject568

5 ай бұрын

I have the same dilemma. I want to honor my parents according to God's commands but I keep getting hurt over and over again. I don't know since when I started admitting this but I'm now just waiting for all my toxic family members to die... it's the only way I see closure... there's just something about the death of my abusers that makes me feel like I'll be set free. Yes I know they're my father and mother. But they were cruel and narcissistic. I don't want my own family, husband and children to be effected because of my trauma. They didn't do anything wrong but love me and care for me... I need to protect them now. Love shouldn't have to hurt and I'm very sorry you lost your mother. For what it's worth she's in a blissful sleep ❤ if it helps one day you'll see her again. In the mean while, God have mercy on me

@miriam100ful

5 ай бұрын

I'm coming from the same place as you,. I realised too late that she was a narcissist, but when I did I used some strategies ppl suggested. Like the grey rock method, not arguing with her, and mostly minimising the contact I have with her. Contact by telephone seems to be the easiest for me than face to face. So I still have contact but it's functional, not social.

@MsEagle20

5 ай бұрын

My story too!

@Dbb27

5 ай бұрын

My mom finally passed. She was close to 92. I constantly left my business and home to fly in and help her cope. I feel I honored her as my mother but it took it’s toll. Thank heavens for Covid. For two years I couldn’t visit at times. I found she actually did better without me seeing her so much. I really wasn’t making a difference and my visits gave her more inspiration to act out. Do less but show up when really needed.

No, my favorite is when you're talking. And asking a couple questions, and they only respond to what they want to respond to. And they ignore the questions that they don't want to answer. That's always fun.

@Seatonni

9 ай бұрын

& they won’t let you ignore any questions they ask

@Blue-tm9ev

9 ай бұрын

@@Seatonni Sometimes it helps if you make your answer contingent upon them answering your question. You're not going to get an answer to your question, but they'll eventually stop asking theirs. It's not productive, but generally, nothing about these conversations are.

@theoryofpersonality1420

9 ай бұрын

Yup, fun. 😒

“You’re just the kid - I’m the adult” when you are BOTH GROWN will make you throw something breakable across the room and hope it smashes to pieces

@FFlores79

10 ай бұрын

I m 39. My mom was entertaining telling my 11 y/o something inappropriate to threaten him to behave better in school. I asked her not to do that. She started yelling at me..."I never said i was going to tell him." And later said me telling her not to tell him was me chastising her. So a reasonable request as a parent for my child was chastising her. I started to cry about the hopelessness of the situation and she said...well great now I feel terrible..not oh I m sorry but great you are making me feel terrible...I was hospitalized at the time as well.

@sarge6283

9 ай бұрын

My enabler dad told me a few days ago "Even though you're an adult we still see you as our child". So why didn't you protect me then if you see me as a child? What an absolute dumbass fucking thing to say to someone. Sorry Dad, I know you said you did your best but I still see you as a lazy coward.

@amarbyrd2520

9 ай бұрын

@@FFlores79 You were *hospitalized*?? Then it shouldn't be all about her feeeeelings, should it? I'm so sorry you were put through that 😞

My mother will say she rages on me and tries to control my every decision out of love. I sold my house with out telling her because she is crazy and stressful. She cried and said I hurt her to her heart. Because I say no to her control now. She is trying to use me as a retire plan..and control my money. I no longer give her a benefit of doubt. She is an abuser who has an ego that needs to be fed. Thus channel has helped me heal! ❤

@abowling5759

10 ай бұрын

Good work!

@sarge6283

9 ай бұрын

I went very very very low contact like borderline no contact and mine was telling my dad that "It just hurts my feelings that my child doesn't talk to me". I laughed so hard. Boo fucking hoo. My feelings were constantly hurt by her growing up and was always told "get over it". Weird how people don't think about their actions and the consequences that come from it.

You just described all of my childhood and most of adulthood. I left home at 14 and was estranged from parents many periods of adult life. I was once told by a psychotherapist I had been an orphan all my life, ie not had real parents, but I said it's much worse than being an orphan when the parents are still around and abusive. Both parents died in last 3 years and I feel only relief and some sadness that they couldn't have changed and had a happier life, I only feel this sadness because of all the work I've done on myself. Every point of this video brings up memories that caused cptsd, I must refer to this when I go for EMDR soon. Also, you have a beautiful singing voice. Thank you

@jerrywise

9 ай бұрын

Thank you for your kind words

The Physical neglect point touched me deeply. I remember as a child and teenager being sick and being completely ignored. One night at 14 years old I had a severe asthma an couldn't breathe, I stood up and ask my mom for help and she just turned to the other side in her bed and told me that she wouldn't help me, that she had enough issues with my sister, that she couldn't pay a doctor, that I should wait until I grow up and work to pay myself a doctor.

@RobertKramer17

3 ай бұрын

You just reminded me of when my appendix nearly burst, and my parents thought I was playing sick to get out of school. Of course, even until recently, I'd blame myself. Also, I was 7. 😢 Sorry for what you went through - that sounds really painful. ❤

I suffered all of these. I was alone, an only child of a narcissist single parent who at 78 and in hospice, still emotionally abuses me, gaslighting, verbal put downs. When I did therapy in the 90s, narcissism was not a hot topic. My therapist knew my mom was abusive to me but she couldn''t put her finger on it. Then I returned from my study abroad summer, and my mother's equally narcissistic sister had weaseled her way into the women's group therapy I went to, even gaslighting my therapist. I quit right away but the therapist was blind to what my aunt was doing - stealing and sabotaging.

@Brummiebythesea

8 ай бұрын

God bless you ❤I always thought it was normal mother and daughter relationship I’ve only learned about narcissist people and parents in the last 7 years! I’m 55 next week I moved 2 hours drive away. I’m listening to jerry and going to go minimum to no contact ❤

@SusanaXpeace2u

8 ай бұрын

I can believe it because a lot of what therapists study is the extreme personality disorders. They don't seem to study a pattern of externalicing shame via gaslighting, denial, manipulations and projections. My mother would never fit the criteria for a personality disorder, but she is extremely shame-avoidant. So, example, it's not that she had no empathy or patience when I was growing up, it's that I was "sensitive". Another example, it's not that her pain is at the forefront of her awareness and mine isn't, no, in her eyes it's that her pain is real and mine is a grudge!!! On and on I could go, but none of this is in the DSM5, and it's not studied it seems, so you end up with therapists who have 7 years of study but only the last year of their studies is relevant to the issues normal people experience at the hands of other "normal" people!!

Being raised by absent narcisstic father and borderline mother caused me borderline and narcisstic personality depression anxiety body imagine issues eating disorder and ocd

@sarge6283

9 ай бұрын

So relatable. I have horrible anxiety and cptsd from my narc abuse.

"For an honor role student you sure are stupid." Dad told me that in junior high

@theoryofpersonality1420

9 ай бұрын

🫂❤️

As a scapegoated person in the family, I have very limited contact. It's still frustrating to realize the amount of sabotosh that's gone on over the years and that some in the family will only ever know the projected lies and stories.

It’s not just the parents. I had a brother who hated me for as long as I can remember. I was the scapegoat and my reality is always a lie, my mother buys into it. They denied all the abuse. My farther had to ways silence or rage.

@jerrywise

10 ай бұрын

I have a scapegoat workshop coming up. Check out my website soon for details. I’m sorry to hear the abusers in your life have denied it. Silence and rage is not love and not normal. You are as lovable as they think you are not!

Thank you, Jerry; very informative. I am an adult survivor of a violent binge drinking father, and a mentally unstable narcissistic mother. I was parentified all my life: had to care for my siblings and my mother. As a result I have a chronic progressive disability. I finally had enough, and moved 3,000 miles from my family, to heal me. I'm now accused of being selfish, you're not looking after mom, you're just like dad (I don't drink or consume any drugs). Yes, if taking care of myself for once is selfish, I'll accept that. Just sorry it took me 60 years to figure that out.

@elhadjdiallo633

9 ай бұрын

I hope you are OK My sister ...I'm so sorry to hear that you have been through what you have been through !°° narcissists are dangerous these folks have killed millions people without a gun frankly speaking !!!!

@Brummiebythesea

8 ай бұрын

Good for you ❤I wish it didn’t take us that long to look after ourselves and go minimal or no contact in 55 next week I moved 2 hours drive away it hasn’t been far enough my toxic family still get here I use excuse I’m working when I’m not to keep people away aswel sending blessings from the coast in the uk 🇬🇧

A lie can get up and go miles before the truth can get it's pants on...

@wisdomdantecourt8179

10 ай бұрын

True and the flying monkeys eat it up every time. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I was tested in elementary school and my IQ was in the top 2%. I was put into a program for mentally gifted kids. My parents told me I was lazy. No praise. I think they were trying to keep me humble. 😮

@madeleinegrayson8372

10 ай бұрын

No, they weren't. They were threatened you. That's jealousy in action.

@guybrush1701

10 ай бұрын

​@@madeleinegrayson8372💯

@valeriew4833

10 ай бұрын

I think you're both right

@desireecook5291

10 ай бұрын

No they weren't. They probably were envious of you.. I'm sorry but it seems like they did not want you to excel. I was an A grade student at school. But I dropped out of school at 16 bc my parents didn't want me to be educated (no praise, criticism, secondhand uniform so thin you could see thru it & 2 sizes to big at 15 yrs old, no interest in anything I did at school, no money spent on basic education items and THEY HAD MONEY to pay for it. I wanted to keep learning but couldn't).

@inhale.exhale.2527

9 ай бұрын

i hear that! zero praise. just criticism. slowly erodes your self-determination and all the subsequent possibilities. it began so young and it has utterly destroyed my life.

The passive aggressiveness conversation is like insunuated that you're less than me so I'll take the chance to cut you down because you trust me to be fair in our encounter. You just can't give them the opportunity to even speak to you sometimes because in these hives, there's a secret about you, but you're always the last to know. Childish adult behavior. I thought we were supposed to be elders and be deserving of respect when we aged? What ever happened to that fantasy? It won't be a fantasy for me. I'll stay by myself and let the real God guide me. Not some false pride to bow to. It's all crazy fear of the imaginary judge of "The Family". It's not even real. "Ohg, but they might talk bad about me." Bak bak bak, like a hen house spreading like wildfire looking for, even making up something, anything rather than setting an example like a real Cristlike man or woman might do because it would make someone elses life. Better. Maybe if we all did that the world would be at peace. For once. Youre right Sir. We need to see what blinded our parents to act this way. This isn't love.

@abowling5759

10 ай бұрын

DEFINITELY, not love.

Growing up, we never got any of the love bombing - my dad reserved that for business associates. We - the family - got the rage. My dad has never said I love you to us kids, but he's said it to people in his business. We got the bellowing and tantrums.

You've just described my childhood! This was why, even as a nurse, I couldn't love my mom as a daughter when she died...she'd destroyed my love for my mother.....😢

I just listened to the part about covert putdowns and my dad's sense of humour came to mind. "Well son, I'm happy you managed to do SOMETHING right in life" after telling him that I'm soon going to be a father myself.

Emotional incest. New term for me but I experience that all the time from my mother and narc partners and even nosy neighbours. It feels like a violation! I have been setting boundaries around this, which feels weird because it seems like I'm hiding something. But it's called a private or personal life for a reason!

@GeorgideMarne

9 ай бұрын

It mostly used to describe that icky feeling when they dump emotionally on you, about their work, their relations with the other parent, their past etc.. It's role reversal. It has to be shut down.

@RobertKramer17

3 ай бұрын

OMG, when you said it feels like you're hiding something I know what you mean. Couldn't articulate that myself, and it's what I'm feeling these days. Boundaries feel like alien technology at present. 😂 Thank you!

Oh my I feel personally attacked lol self care, or lack of, is me! I’m doing better, realizing that I HAVE to eat, I need to feel good inside, and it’s ok to take the time to take care of ME. I still struggle immensely with food and cooking for myself.

@RobertKramer17

3 ай бұрын

Chicken thighs, some spices, in a glass dish. 350 degrees for one hour. Easy mode. 😊

I am deeply aware of what I didn't have growing up through videos such as this. I lived a lifetime on what I knew. my whole life was a sad lie

My mum rang to say how terrible she’d been treated by her neighbour and how (and imagine the tone of a person with vitriol saying this) she hated her neighbour and she will take that hate to her grave. What was the neighbours crime? The neighbour’s husband had unexpectedly passed away and she’d failed to tell my step dad that she didn’t want black worn to the funeral. The whole street knew except my stepdad and he felt embarrassed as he’d worn black. So (according to my narc mum) it was the bereaved woman’s fault and meanness that caused the embarrassment. My mum said the fact that the neighbour had not told them when she knew my mum she was poorly and couldn’t go to the funeral made it even worse treatment. Now that I know so much about narcism (been studying it almost 20 years) and how dangerous my mum and step dad are, I can protect myself. I have a relationship with them but I keep fairly low contact. I did ask mum - where’s her empathy for the poor neighbour who’d given her so much help over the years but it fell on deaf ears of course. I know it’s the narcism driving my mum to act this way. I accepted long ago she cannot love me- only in a narcissistic way (if I give her everything she wants and does everything she says and then it won’t be good enough). I feel sad for her and me. But I won’t be walked all over any more and I leave her vicinity if she starts triggering me. I am so grateful I see understand and see narcism much easier now. I think the funeral/colour of clothes drama is a really clear example.

My family turned everyone against me. Including my adult children… it feels like a crime 😔

Thank you so much. In the midst of confusion, sorrow and loneliness, your perspective gives me insight and comfort. Thank you very much.

@andreabrunkow9314

10 ай бұрын

Please KNOW that you are not alone. There are very many of us out here who get it. ❤

One can never get rid off narcassist parents.

Covert putdowns are big in my family. I never considered them as actually being a thing and denied them as being a thing for most of my life. I think it was because all of the encouragement and compliments that I had received were actually just covert put downs.

One saving grace was that my mom was too busy in her own life to micromanage me. I went through all the rest. It's amazing any of us (kids of narc parents) survived, really. My mom's abuse sent me to the hospital in an ambulance many times, and when I stood up to her and called her out for lying about it she reported me to the police and tried to set up one of my kids to get arrested and the other institutionalized. She was trying to get me involuntarily committed as psychotic to avoid the consequences of her actions. She has no conscience and got the rest of the family to believe her and threaten me. I've seen a lot of my friends go to an early grave from this kind of abuse, it's serious. I know a lot of people roll their eyes when you say "narcissist" but this is no joke.

I love that you just went full in and called them crazy people, tbh that felt good hearing you just say it, yes they are crazy. I love the strategies you’re giving us, I really appreciate this

I can relate many of the traits to my mother, who exhibits pronounced narcissistic traits. Like many, I'm still working out how to handle the past and deal with the way I was raised. Hardest part is getting over the lies and mistruths about our place in society and the victim mentality. Its often so much gaslighting that your entire life and worldview growing up has to be discarded as an adult as if you were cocooned away from reality. Ideological/political attitudes played a strong role in my family's mythology, where healthy, realistic aspects of "the other side" politically were continuously portrayed as only negative so that any success or independence was seen as evil. In retrospect, control where the enmeshment of all being stuck in the same place allowed us to be collectively "stuck" as a family. Another one you nailed for my family was the malignant projections. Super harsh criticism and disregard for us but in turn fragile as a delicate flower. I wonder if anyone else here feels similarly in one regard to me: I don't feel sadness or shame or regret or bitterness, but furious and righteous anger. Having cut ties from unhealthy family relationships, while maintaining healthy and mixed ones, I've been told "can't you see you're hurting your mother through not talking at all to her?". And my response is always "GOOD, I want her to hurt, because that is justice.". Love the memes about the cycle-breaking oldest siblings who become so done with the toxicity, we get hyper-combative with the toxic parts of the family.

@dogdad8754

9 ай бұрын

I get it. My mom is a narc. A bad one tooo

One of my CN mother's most amusing projections was years after I had went no/low contact and had almost no contact with all family members was to scream at me ' ALL YOU DO IS INTERFERE IN EVERYBODY ELSE'S LIFE !' . I had made the error of picking up the phone before realizing it was her .

@kimhumiston2686

10 ай бұрын

Wow!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! For me, it is healing simply hearing how common the awful things I experienced in childhood are. It isn't me. The first time I went to the dentist was when I was twenty-one and found a coupon for a free visit. So much of what you outlined was so upsetting, I wept like a baby listening to you recall my childhood. But there is so much peace and freedom knowing that it wasn't me. Millions of parents were like mine and millions of people got the same or worse treatment. I wasn't bad and I didn't do anything to deserve the treatment I got, and neither did the rest of us. Thank you!

@MegaLight4Ever

9 ай бұрын

Reading your your words made want to cry. I remember when I first started discovering the truth about abuse and my family's "love". Please know that I'm sending you virtual love and hugs!! ❤❤❤

@starseeds8121

9 ай бұрын

Good point it wasn't us.

@banjomechanic

8 ай бұрын

I lived a long time thinking there was something wrong with me and as it turns out, I was the normal one. Keep looking forward my friend. And peace be with you.

Literally shaking my head YES YES YES AT EVERY BULLET. Today I learned another piece to my life long search for answers of wthell is the reason I am the way I am. I divorced my bio mom at 26 to save my life (obviously at society dismay) I am almost 50 still grinding away trying to fix myself. Thank you for your channel ❤

Wow, every single example you mentioned hits home with my mom. Even at the end when you said, “what’s going on? Are they writing a book?” In regards to the toxic parent asking too many questions… My mom is currently writing a “memoir” that is suppose to be about her life but instead is primarily about mine and all the times she took me to auditions, etc. My mom was not only a stage mom growing up, she also had a severe case of munchousen biproxy and kept me sick to be paid by the state to be my “caregiver” when all along it was me taking care of her emotionally while being mentally, spiritually, psychologically and even physically abused in the process. Was recently diagnosed with a severe case of CPTSD from all of the severe trauma throughout the years. 😔

@raymondclass6794

8 ай бұрын

I'm writing a book about my crazy baby boomer father that runs a slum lord ice business that he uses to perpetuate abuse, my mom is an infinite helper and never stand up to him. Cold as ice a classhole chronicle it's a,play on the last name.

@raymondclass6794

8 ай бұрын

They used the ice house to film a part of the movie fight valley with holly holm and misha Tate. I have other tie-ins as well

Hello, my name is Donna and I am an alcoholic/ACOA/ADON. (Hi, Donna.) I quit drinking when I was 28. I'm recovering from recent homelessness. My husband and I are recovering from my rages. Our five surviving cats are my emotional support animals. I was retired prematurely from legal aid due to the disability of C-PTSD, which I believe is connected to having misophonia, which ruined my life and career. I was a Lost Child who became a Scapegoat when I had the unmitigated gall to marry, to love someone more than the narcissists. I want to thank Mr./Dr. Wise here for keeping his delivery clear and free of triggers such as lip-smacking and throat clearing; and to compliment his marvelous tenor voice. But mostly for keeping his delivery clear and free of triggers. I'll be listening to more videos.

The covert insults get under the skin, then fester until the ugliness builds and bursts to the surface ....like an infected wound.

Our son’s biological mother has been diagnosed w histrionic, personality, disorder. Had no idea what this was until our son who was almost 9 at the time came home from a visit w his mom and told us that she forces him to take showers w him. He showed me ( his dad’s significant other) how she was washing her privates in front of him. As a woman, I literally couldn’t breathe or process what he was telling his dad & I. It took two wks before I, myself called a crisis center. We pd for our son’s biological mother to be assessed. We went to court and even the judge couldn’t process what our boy had been thru bc legally the biological mother has rights. A yr later our son had a 5 hour visit w his mom. His older brother molested him. Marks were left on our son where his older brother had cut and strangled him. We are still fighting for our son in court. Everyone needs to be aware of this kind of narcissistic, abuse. Otherwise the curse continues and others are hurt.

I'm so scared right now my whole life is this right now 😭 I'm in my life right now I'm not ok mentally I wish I had money to get help I can't get help no one to help me through this my husband doesn't get it I don't think I don't believe anything about myself

@dawnkikong637

10 ай бұрын

Would he watch a video like this so he understands that it's a thing and then maybe starts to notice those behaviours?

Haha funny how if u start to focus on yourself to heal they will all freak out and start calling you the narcissist.

WOW, THANK YOU !!! Almost Everything you said resonates with me !!!!!! This touched me to the core !!!

You covered it all. It's good to categorize the situations that create the confusion. The childhood trauma follows us well into adulthood and even after the parents have passed on. In fact, the distinct memories can come up, even when we are in our senior years. The self-care is necessary and it must be defined, in order for us to better understand our feelings. Thank you for this very wise compilation of information on the issue.

Pitchforking and caballing are new terms (reputation smearing is not)...I've seen this in the workplace. This is going to help a lot of people give labels to what has happened to them, and to begin to understand the common tactics narcissists use to control, manipulate, and disparage people. Unrelated: you have a smooth, melodic voice.

I knew the meaning of the words "condescending" and "patronizing" before I was a teenager - don't know how.

Dayum, the best 25:30 I’ve seen on KZread addressing this topic; he got to the point and spoke of other tactics I had forgotten about as a kid. He articulated the behavior and it’s impact on my psyche and my soul….

Thank you, Jerry. I’m currently working very hard on internal boundaries and agree it’s the key to freedom!

@jolynmcteigue8371

10 ай бұрын

Forgiveness is the key to freedom.

My mother doesn't seem to fit in 100% to any one category (i.e., narcissistic, borderline, codependent, etc), but it's interesting how similar some of the traits are. I have C-PTSD and I woke up this morning remembering how my mom wanted me to use my PTO and vacation time from work to go on vacations with her to places that SHE wanted to go.

@dariamancini963

10 ай бұрын

My Mom would want me to use it to serve her. She'd ask for the vacation money I'd use on myself to pay for her wants and needs or to give the money to needier family members that she determined were worthy and entitled to it

@Vapourwear

9 ай бұрын

Cluster B, for “bullshit.” It’s all kind of the same and tends to wash over around the edges of formal diagnostic definitions.

@gojiberry7201

9 ай бұрын

@@Vapourwear I love this!

@theoryofpersonality1420

9 ай бұрын

Narcissism is on a spectrum. The low end of the spectrum. Having some let's you know you're in the right direction. Look up complex b personality disorders in the dsm5. She may be further down the scale. Closer to psychopath. Not all psychopaths kill. Some don't need to in order to destroy someone's self. She may have histrionic personality disorder or may be a sociopath. There are also other personality disorders on the spectrum. I hope this helps.

I'm crying now but it's a good cry. It is something I needed and now I understand so much more about my parents and my own behavior. Thank you Jerry.

Idk if my parents are narcissists but they are similar. Definitely covert and overt shamming. When I have made an achievement, it's not that they need the spotlight it's just hardly recognized and I'm made to feel immature for wanting to celebrate. They don't tell me something never happened but they never remember it. Most poignantly that I'm aware of is that my pain is never comparable to my dad's pain. Just an example, I had a muscle spasm that was so painful I nearly blacked out when he tried to make me stand up. They had to roll me into urgent care in a wheelchair and my dad laughed and said I was doing it for attention. Like I broke a bone last year and my first reaction was to try and splint it myself, which I was successful, but I put off going to the doctor until I realized I wasn't going to be able to walk without crutches. But there's no stonewalling or other typical narcissistic behavior. Mainly it's just them acting disgusted by me for being weak, stupid, or "different" like I'm not the child they wanted.

Wow! what an eye opening dissertation, you were so very clear. here I am 80 years old and did not know those things had names! I am going to go read your free articles, as I often wonder what is my authentic self. Just bowled over even hearing you talk about human interactions. Thank you for your expertise . I am amazed and astonished you genuine interest in helping others.

Yep they point out all your faults & joke about it, keep putting you down but say oh we love you anyway!! Like they have to tolerate your existence... it just saddles them with a lifelong belief they aren't enough!! awful thing to do to a kid 😡

I remember the verbal abuse distinctly remember saying even as a kid I would rather get my butt whipped or beaten than to get the verbal abuse Oooooooofffffda! Caused allot of self esteem issues - As an adult I have finally recognized and am clearing it out internally Thank you jerry I sooo do appreciate your lessons Love and light Namaste 🙏

Thank you Jerry! I have learned so much about living in a narcissistic family through you. I have been under their “spell” my whole life. I am s l o w l y gaining strength to commit to a me life~not what I was always told I HAD to do for my parents or other people of their choosing. One thing that has been so freeing is that I am no longer afraid of my mom. I learned from you to practice saying no, I would prefer not. I was wondering if you might consider doing a video for adult adoptees who have narcissistic parents? Thank you! 😊

@kaystephens2672

10 ай бұрын

Yes. More research needs to be done on this. I was so devalued by my cousins and I had a mentally challenged sibling as well. It takes a village and they scatter when you're really needing help. Blood is thicker than water. For sure. They can make you feel dispensible.

My father was definitely a narcissistic. I am the scapegoat/black sheep. My family is also narcissistic.

So grateful for the information and validation, Jerry -- some of it is really tough to hear (esp if you're offspring who's been yanked back "home" by "parental illness" when you were out there trying to build your own life, and we didn't have this information at the time we were bombarded with the "COME HOME" screams to accurately assess what was going on, ESPECIALLY when we're "only" kids and so society beats you, literally beats you over the head with "IT'S *YOUR* RESPONSIBILITY) buuut it's necessary if we're going to build any kind of life, especially now

@iamjustsaying4787

10 ай бұрын

So you are a narcissist too.

One day I was at my aunt’s house and she showed me photos of my mother’s 70th birthday party from a couple of months earlier with all of the extended family there except me (because I didn’t even know about it). The next day I visited my mother and asked her about her 70th birthday party and she said, “I never had a 70th birthday party”.

Jerry you rock❤ you have identified some great issues in dysfunctional families.

I am 59 years old and I am only now realizing that my mom was narcissistic. I look back at my child hood and adult hood and now I see all the times that my mom made feel like I could never handle things on my own. She made me feel like I always had to look up to her and admire her and always get her permission to do things. When I told her once that I wanted to get a job with an airline or at the airport, her response was to say. you will never get a job at an airline or with the airport. you can not do that. When i did get job with the airport she was embarrassed. So many times I have tried to talk with her and she would always either ignore me or say I was not remembering what really happened. I feel like I am such a broken person that i will never get better.

Thanks for this Jerry my mom tried to bait me into an argument today and I did become reactive but had to catch myself but not before she started to call me too sensitive and crazy .. it’s a constant practice but i am getting better I do not want to give them any supply ..as that is what they crave to make themselves feel better ..your videos are very helpful

Im really thankful for this video! When I talk to friends it's very hard for me to explain my experiences. I felt trapped in this repetitive negative relationship with my mother , and it broke my heart. I was blessed with a new job opportunity! Which required me to move a hour away! It's the best thing that ever happened to me! Im starting to find myself and its beautiful! Im making new friends! And im so amazed because people like me! Everywhere I go! And it's so refreshing 😊 now I have the time to heal! And watch videos like this! Thank you

Jerry you have a good singing voice and you sing in key!

Please don't take my comment as a negative, Ok? Here it goes...I'm hearing you for the first time today, and I am being triggered. The examples you are using of the things narcissists say to manipulate are right on with what I was told. It is bringing up buried feelings and memories. I noticed that while I was listening to you, my chest became tight and my breathing became faster. I was brought up with these manipulations in a very, religious environment. It was cult (IBLP-Bill Gothard). I was finally able to step away at the age of 42. My awakening began around the at of 32. It took 10 yrs of breaking down false teachings and seeing the Truth for me to be able to finally step away from it all.

@maggiesalle2256

9 ай бұрын

Congratulations!

My sisters do this smear, scapegoat, pitchfork routine. Parents are gone, we’re in our 60’s but the “Golden Child” has taken over the role of head Narcissist. Has always used stonewalling as punishment etc. Painful to be exiled by my entire family including the extended family members. Golden Child even actively works on looping in my adult children. My experience with narcs is they leave no stone unturned in order to exact as much pain and damage as possible once you become aware or won’t engage in their wants and needs including fawning. It’s bad. There’s always a Scapegoat and now it’s me. I used to be the one helping out and listening to everyone. Devalue Discard cycle was inevitable.

This is the first video of your channel I have watched. I subscribed. You are spot on with all of these. My abuser was a borderline. I was gas lit and the scape goat my entire childhood.

@jerrywise

10 ай бұрын

Welcome!

just found you and subscribed. been dealing with parental alienation for nearly 2 decades. My son is 19 now and it never ends.

Awesome singing Jerry!

When there’s no reasoning for it and they tell you some delusional lies it becomes hard to hold back. I have found that with myself and with many other people when talking to them about their realizations, it all came down to jealousy. I am glad for all I have been through. There’s no way I would be as emotionally aware, Independent, and confident had I not gone through these trials and tribulations. God helps me too. I know that even if I have no one, I will always have him there with me.

Damn! My mother loves to control everything... if you shut down TV wrongly she comes with a life changing advice on how to do it correctly! It seems shes always trying to provoke people and when you ask her to shut up she says I'm doing it for your own good and plays victim... 😄

Thank you so much to videos such as yours! It took me 65 years to figure out what has been going on. These videos will teach others at an earlier age. ❤

My mothers favorite thing to say to me "You looked so good...yesterday." I used to feel so bad when she said that to me but as an adult I actually laugh about it now and make fun of it. Its pretty heartless to do that to a child though you know.

Thank you , explains alot , black sheep ...always trying to keep the peace , dysfunction al relationships and narcissist partners - everyone has turned away from me since the death of my son 3 years ago. Why I chose to do life the hard way ? I've given my life away - I am 56 , trying to heal. Realoise my parents just live a lie and still live their life through my brother.

Pitchforking - happened at sit down dinners. Parents worked together before on what they would say to each person there. They even arranged the seating so that someone else (protector) wouldn’t hear what was going on at the other end of the table.

No contact since February for the final time. I had to get away to save myself. Narc mother’s yelling response when I sobbed to her on the phone about my suicidal thoughts…”It’s all about you! It’s all about you!” She poisoned my dog & my dog died in 1999. I could write a novel. I’m sure we all could. I’m done with her & all the relatives

painful, resonate, much appreciated Jerry as always.

Love your videos. I grew up in 60s. Just realized the last couple years through other creators how well the narcissist label fit my Father. Some of your videos every word describes my entire childhood. My earliest memory we were traveling to California to see my Mom's sister family. We stopped at Hoover Dam. Mom likely pregnant had to pee again. Terrified I cried being left alone with my Father. He put me on his shoulders and walked over to the edge forcing me to look at water 400' below. Panicked that I was going to be hurled over the Dam I kicked myself free and ran across the lot. Mom came back to him beating my ass. I was about 3.75 years old. I just found you a couple days ago. Will definitely watch them all.

It's so scary:you consider your narc parents your closest people, but they are actually your worst enemy, and have no connection to you whatsoever except their DNA.

00:39 🚸 Narcissistic parents often practice emotional neglect, focusing on themselves and neglecting their children, leading to self-neglect in adulthood. Breaking this cycle requires prioritizing self-care. 01:45 🎭 Gaslighting creates confusion about reality in children of narcissistic parents, eroding trust in their own perceptions. Recognizing and affirming your reality is crucial for personal growth. 03:22 🤐 Stonewalling and silent treatment can make children feel responsible for their parents' unhappiness. Learning to set boundaries and recognize the emotional manipulation is key for healing. 04:15 🔄 Covert put-downs, delivered subtly, can be traumatic. Recognizing these hidden insults and building self-awareness are crucial for breaking the cycle of internalizing negativity. 06:28 🗣 Verbal abuse, beyond overt put-downs, can be scathing and damaging. Building confidence and setting boundaries are essential for overcoming the impact of verbal abuse. 09:21 🤢 Narcissistic parents may sabotage and feel pathological envy, leading them to undermine their children's success. Understanding this behavior helps in maintaining self-worth. 10:57 🌡 Hot and cold behavior, characterized by love bombing and punishment, can be emotionally confusing. Developing boundaries and recognizing the manipulation are vital for stable relationships. 13:04 🤬 Rage attacks and emotional abuse can induce fear. Reducing the emotional impact of love bombing and intolerance for rage attacks is crucial for emotional well-being. 14:11 🕹 Micromanaging by narcissistic parents hinders the development of self-management skills. Learning to know and trust oneself is essential for breaking free from micromanagement patterns. 15:46 🚫 Neglect and physical deprivation, including emotional and physical neglect, can hinder adult self-care. Learning to prioritize one's needs is essential for healing from neglect. 17:25 🔄 Triangulation in relationships within narcissistic families involves unhealthy dynamics. Breaking free from triangulation requires establishing healthy boundaries and avoiding emotional enmeshment. 19:44 🔥 Pitchforking and cabaling involve group dynamics against a family member. Recognizing and avoiding these toxic patterns are crucial for maintaining personal well-being. 20:51 🎭 Scapegoating and smear campaigns can tarnish one's image within the family. Maintaining a strong sense of self, self-esteem, and self-confidence helps mitigate the impact of scapegoating. 22:37 🤐 Covert emotional incest and parentification involve inappropriate sharing of personal details. Setting boundaries and seeking external help are essential for breaking free from these patterns. 24:27 ⛔ Sexual abuse and coercion may occur in narcissistic homes. Acknowledging and seeking help to heal from such trauma is vital for personal well-being.