The narcissistic in laws are the reason why I argue with my husband so much.

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

You need to solve the problem NOW. If he sides with them you MUST tell him you will not tolerate it. If he continues to side with them you MUST divorce him.

@fatamorgana223

Жыл бұрын

Which is exactly what they want and why they do what they do. Agent of chaos.

@Melanatedluxury

Жыл бұрын

Same here!!!!!

@YOU-niter

10 ай бұрын

Same!

@hinazeb6752

3 ай бұрын

Same but i stood up for myself, i had to be aggressive and told them i am not tolerating any shit.

I was one of the women that found out after I married. They waited until afterwards to show their colors and it was sooooo bad. We ended up living in their house and it was hell. This was really close to home. I'm very blessed to say I was able to talk to my husband and show him your videos and others videos. He ended up learning and growing and now we have successfully cut them off. Thank you so much for making your videos and I can't wait to watch all of this series.

@tvholste

2 жыл бұрын

Same situation twice! I divorced one and thinking my new marriage would be different… started out sooo nice then turned out to be worse than the one I left

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

Same story here. But my x chose to not see the truth. So, he chose her, I chose me. Period. After trying to love her by example but that became the proverbial black hole in my life. Our lives ultimately were about her. So, my endgame was to get my kid grown, I’d also hoped we (as a family) would work it out. It Never happened, had the promises, future faking etc., ultimately got ripped off. Don’t waist the investment of many years my friends! 27 years later, my life begins.

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

Lastly I am Grateful it worked out for you. Not so much in my story as he was the Golden child…. The only child of his primary care giver. He was shared the “parenting seat”, with his mother. I saw it was strange to me as my primary caregiver was staunchly who she was as my mother, and I aged, together we had a mutually respectful blessing of a relationship… This is what I have with our now adult only child. I’m grateful for hopeful comments, but I had to get out. The cost was too high!

@tatcha8915

2 жыл бұрын

I have to say I was blessed to not have kids yet because I know dealing with in laws like this is harder after having children. I'm happy my husband has grown and has realized that growing he was in an unhealthy household. We now agree only his aunt and uncle their kids and two of his siblings will see any of our future children. We have agreed on so much which is so different from where we were while living there. I almost divorced him and I sat him down telling him everything. I show so many videos to him and explained that she doesn't act in a loving way she manipulates and gaslights. His step father is no better and they both abused their children in different ways. I'm happy he has addressed it and now it's onto finding a good therapist for use individually and as a couple. STAY SAFE OUT THERE EVERYONE AND MUCH LOVE AND HOPE TO YOU ALL TO HAVE A LOVING HEALTHY LIFE ❤ IM HAPPY I FOUND A PLACE OF SAFETY IN THE COMMENTS OF THE WONDERFUL WOMANS VIDEOS

@ItsMyLifeDaralynn

2 жыл бұрын

The Mrs, it's great he listened . Some will not.

Society seems to normalize unhealthy in-laws interactions. Boundaries are often unheard of or perceived negatively. Thank you Dr. Ramani was giving us insights to navigate and negotiate these attachments so we may honour our soul.

@NerdEagle90

2 жыл бұрын

This. Somehow in our society, it doesn’t matter if in-law relationships (or in my case, parent relationships) are toxic. To people, it’s always “They’re still your parents”. So society tells us we have to deal with all the toxicity, especially if you grew up in a religious household

@brookea518

2 жыл бұрын

So true! And so disappointing.

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

When you are dealing with narcissists (in laws, grand in laws, sibling in laws) you MUST be assertive. If you are being abused and your spouse or potential spouse sides with the narcissistic in laws then you MUST assertively TELL your partner that you will not tolerate it. If the partner continues to side with the narcissistic in laws, you MUST exit the relationship. Anything short of doing that will make the rest of your life a misery.

@stealthwarrior5768

Жыл бұрын

Im impressed with Indeginous Australians native law regarding inlaws. We can learn alot about boundaries with inlaws from them.

@TikitikiNacho

4 ай бұрын

This hits the spot like a cool glass of water on a hot day…

I can happily say that my Narc in-laws are now my EX Narc in-laws.

@AthiraEaRaD

2 ай бұрын

. Hifive

MIL wrote me a card, "you are not at all what I wanted for my son." When we brought their 10 week old grand son to meet them, she would ignore me and talk to my baby in my arms, on my lap, nursing, anything, and ignore me. "You are crying because your Momma's bad." She told me her son was a martyr for being with me. After the next baby was born, we called form the hospital to announce, "It's a girl!!" and the first thing she says is, "I wanted a boy" She treated me like I was invisable . If I was upset or crying, she would look out the window and remark about a new building being built across town. my husband was dabbling in his own narcissisitic traits. He got worse and worse as he got older. I couldn't understand why I cried so much and felt so invisable except to change diapers and nurse. So glad to be rid of these unhuman humans.

I noticed my mother in law's toxicity the day I announced my engagement. She FREAKED out on my ex husband.

@jessicaaudate

2 жыл бұрын

👀 uh oh

@daniellejennings9016

2 жыл бұрын

SAME!

@joanna0988

2 жыл бұрын

Same here 🤣 My mil wouldn't look at me or talk to me for weeks. When people asked to see my ring she would leave the room. 14 years and 2 years of therapy later I realized she felt like I was his mistress and she should be in the position of his wife 😩😩

@jessicaaudate

2 жыл бұрын

@@joanna0988 😮

@joanna0988

2 жыл бұрын

@@jessicaaudate Ya it was pretty shocking but it makes sense. She barely sees our kids even though they all look more like him than me but she's the perfect grandmother to her daughter's kids 🤷

I am from Morocco. You can not even imagine how hard it was to deal with in laws. How toxic it was. The lack of boundaries is scary. It drains one's soul. The constant invalidation and passive aggressiveness along with manipulation. Their words and actions cut right through one's soul. It's draining. It's traumatising.

@user-ti8bw1ri5h

2 жыл бұрын

Je compatis.... être sur cette chaîne est le bon début. Savoir, c'est avoir le pouvoir! Vous êtes sur le bon chemin, tenez bon! Le docteur Ramani donne de précieux conseils pour se protéger et établir des barrières. Haut les cœurs Hajar ! Vous n'êtes pas seule.

@n.m6249

Жыл бұрын

I can imagine your pain because you are from a country where elders have to be shown respect regardless whatever they say

@noneofyourbuizness

Жыл бұрын

​@@n.m6249 not only that but our religion teach us so, even with narcissistic parent you gotta keep contact but just put distance . My faith is suffering because of this but Ibelieve in my religion. So I tried to react less to my mums bs and it work , but this doesnt help . So because I gotta keep contact with my mother I choose not to marry because my trauma will never go away

@dimitrat6587

8 ай бұрын

I really hope you are in a better place now. I'm from Greece and it is like this exactly! It's scary how undetected they go from their child but even then men here don't even want to admit that for their parents even if they witness something.

@hajarsweet870

8 ай бұрын

@@dimitrat6587 You summarised the whole thing! And yes I am in a better place. I am healing now that I no longer have to take part in such toxic relationships.

Wow, I’ve been waiting for this one. I am Asian and married to a Caucasian . My inlaws are both covert narcissists. I had no idea they were so toxic because at the start they appeared to be such a great improvement to my own malignantly narcissistic father and enabling mother. Boy was I wrong. My husband was the golden child and I often came last. After around 20 years, circumstances shifted our dynamic and my husband finally saw them as they truly are. Thank goodness because it saved our marriage. Funnily enough our children saw through them way earlier than we did. The kids and I keep well away from them now and my husband rarely sees them. Much more peaceful that way.

@MaureenWHamblin

2 жыл бұрын

Omg!! I can so relate! My in laws are both covert narcissists!! I had no idea because they seemed like such an improvement from my narcissistic mum, grandparents and aunts!!Im African and hubby is Irish. We finally cut them off fully (had grey rocked for a while) a few weeks ago after 7 years of marriage! Well done to you and your marriage.

@daniellee1722

2 жыл бұрын

Our children can sense our apprehension around certain relatives. No genuine warmth coming from them and an unease in our own demeanor. My two young daughters don't see my brother as their uncle. He's just some guy who comes to family functions. Last time my family got together he didn't even make an effort to engage with my kids. It bothered me for a second then I realized I'm starting to get what I wished for, and that's for him to leave us the f%ck alone

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

Great to hear such a great outcome! Hopeful indeed!

@cowboywithacameratrucker4745

2 жыл бұрын

This is so upsetting, my wife chose her family over me. Even after she was completely aware of the situation. I’m so happy your husband saw the light. My mother-in-law’s death bed move and my reaction to it caused us to divorce. After we cared for her mom for two years.

@MooninLeo

Жыл бұрын

Same!!!!

Listen folks. Young relationships that don’t know of narcissism -get manipulated by a boyfriends parent or bf or gf or vice versa! Teach children and watch closely. Don’t be influenced by gifts or niceties.

FOUR narcissist in-laws. They need to be studied in a lab. Mom, dad and brother and sister-in-law. It’s quite the spectacle. I had no idea what I was getting into until all hell broke loose during our engagement. So so so many attempts to break us up and meddle. Thank God my husband sees it now and set boundaries. Going on 10 years together with our own family being the focus now 😊

@daniellejennings9016

2 жыл бұрын

Seems to always start at the engagement!!

@joanna0988

2 жыл бұрын

Same thing for us. 17 years together now and we've only distanced ourselves the last 5 years or so.

@aliceroberts1980

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah there’s always theses big drama brake up big family fights thank god I’m done those people my sociopathic father-in-law died at the funeral my covert narcissistic mother-in-law started a big family fight I mean literally at the funeral accuse me of doing something that never happened and threw me out of the family damn was the best thing that ever happened to me good riddance and now she’s in some kind of mental home for elderly people

@brooklynp2108

Жыл бұрын

Just absolutely had to laugh out loud at your first comments!🤣 Relief to know there are others. Glad for you and your family now.

@fatamorgana223

Жыл бұрын

@Kelly Kelly Your husband may well be highly narcissistic himself. It does run in families, when there’s one there’s more. How do I know 😂

I noticed red flags the very first meeting. My MIL talked about my husbands ex girlfriends to me. She also talked poorly and even made fun of my husband’s cousin who was 8, the same age as my son at the time. That was a huge concern for me. My husband did not agree with what she was saying, but he didn’t speak on it.

My Narc inlaws & sister inlaws are terrible. my wife is a the scapegoat & is a survior & warrior she is changing her bloodline! thank you Dr Romani

@nowimfollowingu3925

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly the same here, wife is scapegoat and her brother can’t put a foot wrong…we don’t bother even trying to argue or fight for validation anymore

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

Go Hero! To your wife! 👏🙌

@pablorodriguez6318

2 жыл бұрын

Oh man, we know she is a Narc, we are trying to set boundaries but it’s been extremely painful, since the whole family but my wife is extremely toxic. I left my family and friends and move to another country and I am currently going through a very rough path, my wife was the scapegoat, but now it’s me. :(

@nowimfollowingu3925

2 жыл бұрын

@@pablorodriguez6318 stay strong, I hope you find comfort and strength among these videos, Kris Godinez also has great videos on here if you haven’t already watched her

@MelB868

11 ай бұрын

My sister in law last Sunday night yelled at me because my bed wasn’t made up and it was 10:30 at night she just acts like she hates me for no reason and sometimes she fat shames me it makes me sad

My mother-in-law showed up to my wedding wearing a white dress… My husband was and is the golden child. It was not easy…

@sandratraversy9048

2 жыл бұрын

@vedder82 Anything at any price for attention! I’m sure she got lots of attention, but not the right kind. People sure are crazy!

@daniellejennings9016

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you!! Except the white dress part because I eloped to avoid the in-law drama!! My husband and I come from two different cultures, he is an only child, favorite grandkid, and his mom and grandmother are terrible narcissists. Never been through something more difficult in my life.

@englishwithsanjuktadas

2 жыл бұрын

My goodness

@saiKabhi7249

2 жыл бұрын

It is a custom in my country for the groom's family to get the bridal trosseau and gift it to the bride, who then changes into it from the dress she's wore from her home... My MIL showed to my wedding wearing a bright red saree.... And I found an identical one gifted to me.... It didn't seem to be a big deal at that time, but looking back, it was an obvious 'red' flag.... My husband was her golden child and she couldn't bear the thought of his attention wavering off from her... She hadn't showed up at our first meeting with the family, behaved coldly when my parents visited her, had created a fuss about the expenses.... She fought with me 15 days after our marriage and created a scene.... Called me a whore.... Didn't bother to see my kid.... Luckily we moved out....

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

Lol me too! Ivory lace with diamonds and pearls…. 😂🎯

My narcissistic mother in law is currently stalking me and my husband once he went no contact….. we are now planning on moving because we don’t want her to know where we live

@louiseleslie-mcmillan4002

2 жыл бұрын

We are going through the same thing right now... so draining

@crystalnavarro8012

2 жыл бұрын

Ditto

@p.w.352

2 жыл бұрын

Wow! Kudos to all of you, and those replying for doing the same, for being strong enough to end the madness.

@raccuia1

2 жыл бұрын

The best thing is you are both on the same page. She would be going mad not being able to have contact with you. Keep strong and keep her out.

@macnchessplz

2 жыл бұрын

I have an entire family and then some stalking me. It seems the entire clan revolves around doing it. Unreal, isn’t it that something like that would consume A Lot of their time (when each of them have their own individual families). My husbands parents have both passed. It’s elderly siblings on the clock in our situation.

Thank you for posting this. My in laws are INSANE.

@Genizara_85

2 жыл бұрын

I'm right there with you! Almost 20 years married, it is tough. Sending good vibes ♥️

@YOU-niter

10 ай бұрын

Mine t👀🤯

My mother in law was the cause of my divorce. I couldn't take it anymore.

@realhealing7802

2 жыл бұрын

Narcissists will ruin marriages!

@shreyashichatterjee4707

2 жыл бұрын

Cngr8s to you..a divorce from such families are often the best relief and life changing lesson

@cowboywithacameratrucker4745

2 жыл бұрын

Meet too! Sad.

@ChrisPereraNZ

2 жыл бұрын

Did you have children in this narcissist family?

@kalicosmetics

2 жыл бұрын

@@ChrisPereraNZ yes. I have one son, and my narc in laws basically lied their way into getting primary physical custody. My custody battle is still ongoing, but I will never stop fighting for my son.

Thank you for confirming I'm not Insane and/or making shit up. This shits REALLLLL 🤯

In traditional Greek families, parents are deeply enmeshed in the marriages of their children. Very often, it’s mothers in particular who control the marriages of their sons, leaving the actual wife in a secondary role. It’s sad because many of these women experienced the same thing as young brides themselves, and they don’t seem to have the conscious awareness to treat the next generation differently. Everything from naming the children to the colors you might paint your house could be decided upon by your in-laws, and it’s all considered normal. It’s absurd. To call it a “cultural thing” is dishonest. It’s just plain dysfunctional. Calling it cultural only perpetuates this outdated cycle that needs to stop.

@shakirasmith6454

Жыл бұрын

I experienced this with my now ex Greek boyfriend. I was literally the third party to his and his mom’s relationship, always feeling like the “other” woman. Anytime I would try to set boundaries, it was “well this is our culture, this is just how things are.” I eventually let her have her son back.

@KoolT

Жыл бұрын

Yikes. Some SCOTTISH ULSTERs do this too, and SICILIANS, just saying. Lol. Hugs.

@RS54321

Жыл бұрын

Wow, that sounds awful. I truly think there is a spiritual component to this disorder.

@MK.19.

Жыл бұрын

My Indian in laws are the same

@fatamorgana223

Жыл бұрын

Some cultures though do tend to have more dysfunctional family dynamics than others, where enmeshment isn’t seen as abnormal.

My ex was the golden child. His mother is a narcissist, very skilled in triangulation. She was like an overgrown child who always needed to be the center of attention. She always had control over my ex, throughout our entire marriage, and was literally responsible for facilitating our divorce. I think the first time I realized my ex's relationship with his mother was toxic was after my ex and I were married. I made him tuna casserole and he refused to eat it. He was a very picky eater. My ex MIL explained that I needed to strain the mushrooms out of the cream of mushroom soup because he didn't like the texture. When I said that this was ridiculous, she told me that is what a good wife would do. Ex MIL treated me like the "other woman" throughout my marriage to her son. Her relationship with him was extremely disturbing. She ultimately got him back (which was the best thing to ever happen to me!).The irony is that she wanted him back so that he could support her financially and she is probably supporting him. They are 2 people who are always looking for the greatest reward for the least amount of work. I wish them many years of happiness together.

@kamnajadhav9651

2 жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to you. I divorced a similar man child and his child mother

@herefortheacoustics9987

2 жыл бұрын

Almost hit that, first time he complained about dinner in the crockpot because it wasn't the way his mother made it, I told him I was done and he could fix dinner himself. He's been cooking for two years plus now 😏

@krithigachandrasekar4591

Жыл бұрын

I went through this too... It's more worse than infidelity. I was married to only child of a narc MIL whose husband left her when she was young. So my husband was the only source of her supply. As I am from India I had to live with this monster. I am currently into divorce because that monster in law put me through hell. My husband acted as if he is husband to her. He is emotionally in an affair with her. I lost my child at 7 months due to the mental pressure that they gave me. Now the word mother in law itself gives me panic attacks.

@LuckiestStarByFar

Жыл бұрын

@@krithigachandrasekar4591 I am so sorry. 💔💔💔

@KA-mq4wj

9 ай бұрын

My condolences. My narc MIL and her little narc baby boy can go where the sun doesn’t shine. Mommas boy through my whole horrible marriage. Divorced him and his weird controlling mother.

Requesting something about addiction and narcissism if not already done

@roseflores7410

2 жыл бұрын

I will really like to hear about this subject. Thank you for requesting! Hope all is well with you. 💕

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

@vedder82 and their victims - as their chief coping mechanism (in my case anyway until I had the tools to thrive)

I unknowingly married the golden son. It has been made known that I "married up" in many subtle ways over the years. At first my MIL love-bombed me. Then she triangulated me with the "perfect" DIL because I didn't fawn over her advice or try to mold myself in her image. Perfect DIL had no problem abandoning herself to fit in. I can't do that and I've paid dearly for it. I'm essentially the scapegoat, so I go into any family gathering with no expectations. I watch the clock.

@AngelAshleyMarie7179

15 күн бұрын

My MIL tries to so so subtly make me feel like I don't match up to the other "perfect" DIL. The other DIL also started having issues with me for some reason not too long after I met everyone and has been subtly flirty with my own husband. They BOTH try to control me. I'm my own person though so I'm learning how to not feel anything from their "punishment"

I would love to see videos on being married to the goldenchild/scapegoat/handmaid/etc and how that would shape engagement with the narc in-laws

@zeroeffsdoigivezerozeronon9202

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I think the in law thing is not talked about enough at allllll so many things could revolve around just that topic alone! How about when your narcissistic mother in law becomes your coparent Bc your husband is the golden child …so your mother in law is the stand in father and you have to coparent with her…Bc her son is so busy. Not weird at allllll …🙄 can you say ZERO boundaries or respect. Enmeshed chaotic every way you turn.

@lisagrace6471

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah. When 2 scapegoats get together or scapegoat and helper child.

@cheraz713

2 жыл бұрын

I would be interested in this as well. And I’d like to know if the roles change. Does the golden child occasionally become the scapegoat, etc.? What causes this and what causes it to revert to “normal?” I see the constant threat of a change in status as a way to keep family members under their control.

My ex's parent were astonishingly good at hiding their motives and iron fisted control of their adult children. I got my first serious clue when they wanted us to change.our wedding date and my now ex didn't even ask how I felt about it. He told me what day would work. Should've walked right then and there.

@kaitlync.2628

2 жыл бұрын

That happened to me!!

@AthiraEaRaD

2 ай бұрын

We always regret the first red flag

I was wondering if you could make a video about protecting your children from their narcissistic grandparents (being your and your partner's parents). I know this will be an issue for me and I am concerned about how I could navigate that situation, especially with a younger child who might not understand why everyone else has grandpas while they've never met theirs.

@breannaneville4332

2 жыл бұрын

Agree, I would love that topic!

@eleonoramantovanelli475

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, that's truly an intire other issue and I agree, I would very much like to listen to the doctor prospective on it. The behavior and tactics of narcissistic in laws in the event of grandchildren.

@sarahshiffler9654

Жыл бұрын

Yes!! I need a video on this topic desperately!

@shahniza

Жыл бұрын

Yes please

@vickyeahoh

Жыл бұрын

Here also pls. Don’t want him to loose them but don’t want to loose me neither!,

My mother is the narcissistic in-law. My wife is an immensely strong woman and tried her best with my mom, but making her happy would have involved folding to her every want. Eventually, my mom's behavior made it to where we no longer have a relationship with her.

@micha5147

Жыл бұрын

She tries to contact you continuously?

@nothinghappens9811

Жыл бұрын

@@micha5147 She has tried, but I have blocked all of her attempts. A year ago, I tried to calmly just tell her to stop and she acted like a child. So now I just will not engage at all.

I have had some really difficult things to deal with in life but nothing prepared me for a narcissistic mil. She truly tried to destroy me. 6 years no contact this Christmas. Still struggling with anxiety but much much better once I found a good therapist.

Having your own family of origin issues to deal with and now you have to manage this mess. Yes.

My MIL was upset when I sat next to my husband at a birthday lunch for her. She wanted to sit next to him. That was the first red flag I noticed, but the red flag parade started at the beginning. I grew up with neglectful parents, so I thought the intrusion was love, and the lack of boundaries was because she cared *so much*. The good news is this marriage has been the catalyst for me identifying and figuring out my own issues, and understanding why being deprioritized and neglected felt familiar and normal. Those days are over.

My situation is a little bit interesting. In my case, my parents were the narcs, and I wanted nothing to do with them. They never welcomed my husband into the family and he frankly didn’t care whether they liked him or not. However, when the kids were born, he insisted (as thoughtful as he is) that we should keep visiting my parents so that our kids can form a relationship with their grandparents, so we kept in contact with them on occasion keeping visits limited to holidays and birthdays. We went on like that until when the worst happened. They touched the territory of bad-mouthing my husband’s parents. It was then that we both decided that cutting contact was the best option for the health and well-being of our family.

@cowboywithacameratrucker4745

2 жыл бұрын

They always get the thoughtful ones! Glad you exscaped.

Never clicked on any video this fast in my life. But I read the title and was like Yes!! I would definitely be up for watching an 1 hour video on this topic. Love Dr. Ramani!

@suzaruwrx81

2 жыл бұрын

same... my MIL is toxic

@maddiesyoutube6023

2 жыл бұрын

Lol same here. finally someone discussed this. Psychologists need to start a new branch of psychology solely focusing on narcissistic in-laws 😂

My previous MIL was the matriach in every sense of the word and the ex-husband never, never stood up for me. When I complained about all my furniture being rearranged in my house while I was at work, or new pictures hung on my walls in my absence, I was the problem. This ultimately caused the break-up of the marriage for the most part.

My husband passed at 55; we were together since high school. I only understand now what narcissism is and was in my 50s. Continuous triangulation and gifting to my husband and controlling and pushing buttons was evident and a mine field with contributing to frustration and failed businesses huge debt and only his mom holding over him start up funds for new ventures way over his capability and I had no say, over and over for many years and control and who’s house (hers) to be at for years for numerous holidays. Even dissuading my decisions of buying a piece is furniture :( I was so kind and naive. Omg. I am only now getting it. Such a shame such a a SHAME a parent does this to their children and turn them into narcissists too by the way :( no sense of a separate relationship or independence really. But secrets probably I will never know about everything. I was left o tremendous debt using my cr crds to keep afloat business and home and raise our child. They do not care about you they care about what you do for them, sure while he says he loves you but what they can’t do is truly feel accountability or be happy always thinking another business another car another job another purchase.

@warriormom5843

2 жыл бұрын

We are bookends in experience!! This is my EXACT STORY……EXACTLY!!! she’s the grand dame NARC and they all rest on her every word and dollar. It….is….nauseating.

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

Much of the same for me, sorry about your losses, I lost so much too. No Holidays, no memories all taken when I left for the last time! I ran while they threatened my life…. But, I’m out, alive and hold my memories in my heart-Forever! I suffered same mine field during our long marriage. I say, Don’t let the door hit them on the way out! The truth always comes out…. Sometimes, it just takes time! My life began again the day I left!

@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723

2 жыл бұрын

For those who lived with this self same story I recommend Sara Barellis’ song; Sweet as a whole! It’s Hysterical to me. In fact based on much of her lyrics she has experienced Narcissistic relations…

Oh my word. Took me NINE years to figure this out. I thought they weren't as bad as my family of origin. Well I was wrong. Very wrong. Just different flavor. It was particularly damaging to have gone through this with one family and then experience the invalidating and gaslighting all over again. I would have preferred not to go through the mind trip and heart hurt again.

@Rebecca-cu5hs

Жыл бұрын

For me it took 14 years 😑

@alwaysyouramanda

10 ай бұрын

My bf actually has an aunt (in law) that killed another woman. There’s even some show about it. I guess they think she lured her with a disguise

The first red flag was literally the first time I met my mother in law. My husband didn’t call or visit his mom right when he got into town. He was with me we had barely started dating. So, when we arrive at his family gathering and saw his mother she was so mad and had an attitude asked him why he didn’t call her to let her know he was in town. She gave me the cold shoulder for a couple of minutes then finally started talking to me. That was the first time a met her and looking back was the first red flag of my narcissistic mother in law.

It's so sad that this situation is irredeemable in so many girls' lives. Do these narcs even realize what it is to be human and how many lives they destroy? What's even sadder is they never seem to reap what they sow while we try and limp back to normal trying to understand what hit us and why. Lives are pitifully wasted, lost time can't be regained, hopes and dreams are squelched...can understanding these narcs behavior change anything?

@cowboywithacameratrucker4745

2 жыл бұрын

Man this hit me hard. If it is so pervasive why can’t it be focused on and stopped?

Yes please more in law stuff… my sister in law is almost like another mother in law

@glizzard1894

2 жыл бұрын

Same here, SIL is MIL's mini-me. It's gross.

@woopiemiddleman8232

2 жыл бұрын

Gross as f.

@zeroeffsdoigivezerozeronon9202

2 жыл бұрын

@@glizzard1894 holy crap YESSS they are clones with same falsetto voices. Happy Holidays ☠️☠️☠️

@munequa81

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! My situation as well. The sil is the golden child. My mil lives through her. It’s sick.

@zeroeffsdoigivezerozeronon9202

2 жыл бұрын

They talk alike, dress alike….it’s maddening “ go see what the men want to drink” me: just stopped doing that at some point Bc NO

It took 6 years and a major nervous breakdown for me to realise how I have consistently been treated is NOT normal or healthy behaviour. I can now see them and their dynamic (mainly MIL) for how it truly is. Engaged to the golden child and boy, was that day truly eye-opening, and not in a good way. Working through this battle with my partner so we can be a united front has been a long and difficult process. He is slowly learning how to protect me from their behaviour. If your not working as a team, it will not work.

People who do not respect boundaries are difficult to interact with because there is an element of entitlement. The entitlement is rude because it is selfish in that only they matter. Relationships are a give and take and respect in any relationship requires it to be a two way street. In my opinion good boundaries are the only way to save any relationship. I saw an issue early on (years ago) when my spouse was encouraged to honor (his parents )their anniversary but the in laws did not honor our anniversary. It was basically saying that only their marriage was/is special. My husband recently stood up for himself and our marriage. He let the in-laws know that next year he would remember their anniversary if they remembered our anniversary. I think it was good for him to stick up for himself because he has felt hurt and left out over the years. For example not receiving any mail or care packages when he was serving in the Army in Vietnam. Thank you Dr. Ramani for bringing awareness to both of us. 🤔❤️🇺🇸

I should have known when 3 weeks before our wedding, over Thanksgiving for a whole week, the whole family- with spouses included- goes on a cruise without me. I couldn't go because when we got engaged over the summer it was "too late" to get tickets for me or changed in my name, I was told. I grew up lower middle class- no vacations like that ever- and assume the best about people (back then), so I figured that was the truth. I was sad to miss him for a week over the holidays right before our wedding. He didn't enjoy it because all his siblings were with their spouses and he wanted to be with me. How I wish someone had told me that wasn't the truth. So I didn't have to be scapegoated AGAIN and gaslighted again for years before I finally figured it out on my own. I think she even told her son (my husband) that it was one last trip before it all changes. I should have known she didn't like me, didn't want him to marry me, and that this would never change and that they would keep doing stuff like this to me- completely invalidating me and acting like I don't exist and never considering how I feel.

@sudhakhristmukti1930

Жыл бұрын

😤😤😤hugs to you...be kind to yourself dear sis.

Both my husband and I have experienced narcissistic parents. The only difference was that in my family they were narcissistic to me not my husband or children, whereas in my husband's family they were very toxic to me and my children as well as to my husband. We literally had to cut off everyone. It was physically affecting all of us. It felt like we had to recoup from a "day with the families " that is not how we want to live. Thankfully our children recognize when someone is being toxic to them and are way better at establishing good boundaries and are also very supportive of one another. 😊 My husband and I are very proud we broke that cycle.

@mirnacudiczgela1963

2 жыл бұрын

Me and my husband both have narcissistic parents as well. My mother and both his parents. But we set firm boundaries.

@Loving1999december

Жыл бұрын

👏👏👏

@fatamorgana223

Жыл бұрын

When it begins to affect your health and relationship with your partner is when you need to pull the plug and go AWOL. 5 years after getting together with my spouse and being put through all the circles of hell by his malignant narc family, I was diagnosed at 31 with a rare form of cancer mainly associated with Vietnam vets exposed to Agent Orange.

@katarzynabb2302

6 ай бұрын

How are the things now? Did something change?

They (my husband and his mother) put on a great theatre before we married. Their real personalities exploded in my face immediately after the wedding.

I'm south Asian, so are my parents... what's interesting is my parents are very easy going and kind. My in laws, surprisingly, are catholic and Caucasian. They are wayyyyy more overbearing than my parents ever have been.

@Genizara_85

2 жыл бұрын

Best of luck. Stay strong ♥️

@mitchh3092

2 жыл бұрын

Religion can be a VERY strong enabling factor; the Abrahamic religions in particular read like a textbook study in narcissism. The behavior (as described in the texts) of the central god being in all three main offshoots is routinely on par with a petulant, cruel toddler.

@maiab.4894

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate. My in laws are Catholic and Caucasian. When I saw them objectifying my son it was a wrap. And my husband had to make a choice. Once they raged enough at him he went no contact.

@qendresaful

2 жыл бұрын

My mother in law is terrible I’ve cut off my partners entire family Toxic as hell I’ll never entertain that shitt

@brigitte9999

2 жыл бұрын

This is a rather controversial statement but Christianity is narcissistic. And it attracts narcissists. Because of all the gaslighting, blanket forgiveness and the whole someone else’s suffering is saving you and taking on your sins. I’m well aware of other arguments but fundamentally it attracts people who aren’t into accountability. Edit: My son pointed this out to me and I thought it was insightful and true.

I have been the golden child (and the only one). For me the crucial moment was to get "enlightened" that my parent may be narcissistic. Being unable to set boundaries (and not even realising I should have some!) was causing a recycling chaos in our relationship. That was until my girlfriend (now wife) showed me the other side of the coin. I got educated by video as such. I put the puzzles together. So guys, mostly saying it to men - toughen up! This will cost emotional distress for a while depending on closeness of the relationship with your parent, but the value in return - ie. having healthy relationship/marriage is so MUCH worth it!

The character trope of the intrusive mother-in-law, Marie Barone from "Everybody Loves Raymond" comes to mind.

@contessa5434

2 ай бұрын

I hated that so because of the narcissistic mother.

@lefantthepainter

16 күн бұрын

That’s my Mother inlaw to a T. I had to go no contact for my health.

Both, MIL and FIL contributed to the destructio of my marriage....both full blown narcs who passed on a complete, detailed narc playbook to their daughter.....wow! It was sure crazy!

@Lexingtonian0215

4 күн бұрын

Same dude. Awful.

My in-laws lived out of state so they werent really a factor in our relationship for the 1st several years. That ALL changed during our 1st trip to my husband's home town. His mother made it crystal clear that she didnt think I was good enough for his son. She actually told me- I have no idea what he see's in you!! She treated our children with disinterest 99% of the time & would only acknowledge their presence twice a year with a birthday & Christmas card. My kids are 21 & 24 and their grandmother has NEVER called to wish them a Happy Birthday, yet she called her son about once a week. For 14 years she would send Christmas checks to my kids & husband & not even pretend to acknowledge me. After 18 years of my husband ignoring or justifying her behavior I finally told her off and let her know that my kids said for her to keep her stupid cards, and that her behavior was unacceptable. My husband actually got mad at me for standing up for myself, but I was already clear on the fact that our relationship is over anyways. My MIL would constantly tell my husband to divorce me & "cut his losses" as if HE wasnt the one abusing his family all that time. The irony was laughable.

@claponetime

2 жыл бұрын

You were trying to keep the peace and not “embarrass “ your MIL. Problem is these people will turn around and destroy your reputation without you knowing about it while your concerned about their feelings. Your MIL most likely told everyone that your parents didn’t want to come.

It happened after I gave birth my first, suffered intense post natal depression and then had an 9 week loss at home. Five weeks later, brother in laws wedding, the step mother in law cornered me 3 times, set me into a massive panic attack, pushed a door on me and also shut me in a room with her. It took months before my partner actually understood the severity of the situation. Then he told me she used to that to him as a kid, she would lock him in a car, drive him down the road and lecture him 🤢

This video had me in tears, you literally described my mother in laws behavior perfectly. I have an amazing husband who I love dearly and we have been married for 20 years now, but I still feel powerless. She is so controlling and seems like she’ll never change it just makes me not even want to be around her.

My in laws are Filipino Doctors and are very vindictive. Always inserting themselves in our marriage affairs. Wife recognized the problem. Working through all the issues after my wife had a bad fallout with them.

Took 8 years for the mother in law showed her colors when I finally stood up to her always trying to tell me how to run the house and family. That open up a can of worms! Now my wife and I are separated and I don't think we'll be together again until she can keep her mother sperated from our relationship. It's crazy ! Her mother introduced us and now I'm the worst husband in the world.

20 yrs of sharing my mother's day with my exhusband ,mother(was deceased for 3 years ,of last 23 years, I spent with him).I suffered tremendously when visiting her so much so I would walk away every time feeling sickly and actually physically felt like the "flu",woman was pure evil and unfortunately my ex learned from her to much !! happy to have lived to tell my story! I m FREE!!

I missed all of the Red Flags! 🚩 My issues with abuse as a child, poor self-esteem, codependency & being an empath left me vulnerable. By working on me, I am in a much better place. Now, I'm better equipped to protect myself & my children so that they will be less likely to continue the cycle.

My ex would act really wierd around his family, almost child like and walking on eggshells when in town. I also observed if a particular parent called it didnt't matter what we were doing he had to drop everything and answer that phone. One time he was driving and his phone was in his pocket and he damn near almost crashed the car because he just " had" to answer that phone right then and there. He couldn't make any decisions unless he got approval from a certain parent.

Perfect information for Thanksgiving ... I'm the empath and scapegoat who sits in the corner, drinking wine, with my shades on, indoors... just waiting for some argument to pop off. I'm the one who always brings all the skeletons out the closest once an argument ensues during Thanksgiving dinner.

@missednoahsarc2654

2 жыл бұрын

Yes why are we the ones that also hold everyone's secrets?? I dont live near my fam anymore and will not be traveling. I will be hanging out with a group of people I chose to be with. Good luck to you hope it's as painless as possible!

@sewgeekdesigns9113

2 жыл бұрын

Same why I avoid family gatherings and ask who’s gonna be there cause my mouth will get me in trouble

@zeroeffsdoigivezerozeronon9202

2 жыл бұрын

You sound like a fun person to me! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@zeroeffsdoigivezerozeronon9202

2 жыл бұрын

This made me laugh so hard Bc I’m a loner at the family things. My narcissistic husband talks over me and entertains his family. I sit there and take the sarcastic jabs by my narcissistic BROTHER in law… I’m surrounded by them! When someone hurts my feelings I’m the only witness to it in a family of 6 and I’m just too sensitive Bc that never happened… lol

@craigkillmonger7283

2 жыл бұрын

@@missednoahsarc2654 I enjoy getting the ones in my family who think they're better than everyone else. When I know who, what, when, where and how.😆

Cindy Watts is a perfect example of this. Shannan didn't stand a chance 😢.

@milanaschaffer6358

2 жыл бұрын

Yessss!

It’s exhausting. Thus, best to avoid marriage at all costs. I’m enjoying the singles life way more often. Lots of freedom, a peace of mind, no intrusion into my own personal space, no answering to people who throw “compliments” meant to degrade. It’s GREAT!!😅

@joanna0988

2 жыл бұрын

That's awesome but not so easy for those of us with children 😩😩

@TheBraiedys

2 жыл бұрын

It is exhausting! tho when your significant other (myself) begins to realize their own family is a major issue and you protect your partner since myself is the truth teller and your partner is also supportive of you. You then are able to gain confidence to actually set boundaries with the family and “ironically” the family doesn’t listen at all so you go to no contact with them and now the past year I’ve never felt so free and full of love and passion with myself and my soon to be wife. Best decision I’ve ever made after a life of trauma/emotional abuse it’s been a wonderful journey that has simply just begun. I do understand where your coming from ! tho Marriage/life long relationship is still a beautiful thing when it’s real love 😁

My first flag was when my in-laws stated they wouldn't attend the wedding if I didn't include their names on the invitations as hosts of the reception even though I paid for it entirely. I wound up redoing them just to keep the peace, things really went downhill after that.

@jessicaaudate

2 жыл бұрын

Oh no

@libertyme3258

2 жыл бұрын

Whoa.

@alonzomosley7

2 жыл бұрын

Paid the whole wedding ,in laws contributed nothing ,guest list was 90% their family and the father in law criticised me for not formally asking for his daughter hand in marriage .All the rights none of the responsibilities LOL

@jessicaaudate

2 жыл бұрын

@@alonzomosley7 ouch

@munequa81

2 жыл бұрын

Wowww

I didn't realize my MIL's narcissistic traits until my off and on pain became chronic.... Then she got worse when my husband and I placed dementia FIL in assisted living (my MIL divorced him when my husband was very young), I noticed the toxic behavior even more when I finally was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis (a painful, and progressive, genetic autoimmune disease, aka I was born with it.), and extremely worse since covid began in 2020 (I am immunocompromised, high risk). By the time my pain became chronic, my husband and I were already married for a decade. Additionally, I was abused by my narcissistic bipolar stepdad.... and have C-PTSD..... I'm sure that's a huge factor why I didn't notice the narcissistic behavior the first ten years. I am now healing from past narcissistic abuse from my stepdad (past child abuse); and 2020-current due to residuals dig up by narcissistic behavior and enabling abuse those I thought where friends, and trying to set boundaries with MIL. Getting diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis in late 2019, started immunosuppressants/Biologics, theeen covid.... Yeah, not fun. My husband's blinders have been slowly falling off. The last straw, MIL lied to me again about everyone in the in-law family being up-to-date on their covid vaccines (when I knew they were not) to try and convince me to attend Thanksgiving 2022. Some of the in-laws were in contact with covid, some just got over covid a day or two before Thanksgiving, and one person had covid, and a lot of the children had the sniffles. Yet they were still trying to have my husband and son attend, and blamed me for not "allowing" my husband and grown son to attend the in-laws Thanksgiving dinner, while I stay home alone.... Both my husband and (grown) son stayed home with me for Thanksgiving. They did not want to place me at risk. It was their adult decision to stay home. The in-laws gossiped about it during their Thanksgiving dinner, which I heard from other in-laws later.... Christmas, my husband, grown son and I made no effort of telling them our plans, or that we weren't attending Christmas at MIL, nothing. All of a sudden, MIL is being nice, wants to drop off presents. We went by to drop of things off at MIL's, and pick up whatever she had. But she came over unannounced on Christmas day, claiming she's vaxxed over and over again, and basically came in the house like she owns the place... After the whirlwind experience, both my husband and I agreed since she has lied in the past about her vaccine status, she needs to show us she is up-to-date on her vaccine. It's a boundary I have had since March 2020. If your not fully vaccinated, or come over with a cold, sick, covid, or "just allergies", they are not allowed in. Being immunocompromised means I I get sick very easily, as in hospitalization, ICU, and possibly death.... I see no issue with doing the best I possibly can from not gaining more comboderties (long-covid) on top of all the health stuff I already manage, more medical bills, possible hospitalization or death... My life matters. My boundaries still stand firm.....

I completely freaked out after a big blow up with my inlaws. Ended up getting drunk, running my truck into my husband's car on purpose, then drove myself to a hospital. The hospital threw me into a psych ward on a 72 hour hold. The next morning I met with the staff psychologist. She was originally from India. I didn't realize the cultural differences until I started telling her what my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws had done to me. She asked me how many sisters my husband has. I held up 4 fingers. That psychologist signed me out right then and there. I got out of a 72 hour "mandatory" hold after serving about 12 hours. God bless that lady.

A month into dating my boyfriend I said a boundary that I wasn't ready to meet his family. I dress achieved Independence in my own life and wasn't in a place to enter another family. He told me his mother said to ask me if I had a bad experience with the family before and that would be the fault of me not being ready to meet them which is irrational so it would invalidate my choice. I held my boundary. Then not a week later my boyfriend insisted on sneaking me into his bedroom for the first in the middle of the night. It just so happened we ran into his mother in the hall. She even mentioned she is so embarrassed to run into me she would never want anyone to see her without makeup on. Later I found out this was no mistake. The next red-flag I remember is even worse not two or three weeks after meeting the mom against my will, she sees an opportunity to speak to me alone while I'm waiting for my boyfriend in their kitchen and takes the opportunity to inform me my boyfriend has not paid her rent this month please do not hang out with him again until he has paid me. 😂 I was only 19 talking to a 40 plus year old woman. I told her I wasn't comfortable getting involved and she pressed me about it. "You would defy me?" As if I have any connection to her at all.. although I wish I had just told her the same thing over again and left yet. I'm still proud of my response. I told her honestly I don't agree with parents charging their children rent and that is why I will not get involved. We left it at that. Later I learned she made a huge deal out of that one sentence she squeezed out of me and stop charging my boyfriend rent from that point on. Obviously made things even more weird I wasn't telling her what to do I was telling her to leave me alone.

@antheredhen

2 ай бұрын

Weird

Yes, Dr. Ramani. I need more on narcissistic in-laws and how to deal with them. Too many times it's the side jabs, innuendos and cryptic language that throw me off in the moment so I say nothing, pretending I didn't catch what just happened. Then I leave situations kicking myself for not having the words, and promising myself not to let myself be the recipient of their abusive behavior again. But then I do. It's crazy-making and I'm not just talking MIL. It's both SIL, FIL, step MIL. They're enmeshed beyond belief. I adore my husband. It's a miracle he came out of that family as sound minded and level-headed as he did. But he doesn't see what I see, even after all these years. He sees my frustration when I bring it up and he tells me to deal with them. I'm not looking for a fix-all and I know I need his help going against them in order to establish healthy boundaries. Becoming a mom changed what I'm willing to live with, for the sake of my kids and us as a unit. There's not enough advice out there from experts like yourself and I'd be so appreciative of more on this topic.

My Egyptian mother-in-law died last year and my husband left the family home 30 years ago, but the narcissistic abuse his mother did to him as a child has made him to be a high level narcissist himself. I suffer from this every day, a terrible gift from my mother-in-law.

I noticed narcissism in my ex girlfriend's parents. All 3 of them ganged up on me demanding I put her on my mortgage. I wanted to wait until after marriage but that wasn't good enough for them. It was either that or I give her half of my life savings right then and there, or leave. So I left. I couldn't believe that people could have such little regard for my boundaries. Manipulation, guilt trips, gaslighting, you name it, they did it. Thank God they didn't get the chance to become my in laws!

I realized the dynamic fully, about the worst time possible… When it was three weeks before My destination wedding. And his parents and my BIL made my entire wedding about them, and still to this day I am blamed, shamed, scapegoated, trapped, and absolutely apologizing for everything that they do wrong. I have to get away from this or it’s going to kill me and my children don’t deserve to grow up in this.

I noticed asa soon as I married. my sister in law and mother in law started taunting me indirectly but I was trying to justify their behaviour like I am new to them so they may take some time but after 1-2 month of marriage It became very clear that whatever I do to please them they will always find the fault in me

Took 10 years, but my husband finally ‘got it.’ Thank God, because I was at my absolute wits end.

Dr. Ramani- while doing this series please don’t forget the misery and complications of having a narc partner who also has a narc parent. This was my life for a decade. An abusive narcissist ex and one of his parents as well… which I strongly believe is how he became a narc in the first place. It is no fun!! It sure explains a lot though

Yes please on continuing this series on narc in-laws! For me, the red flags started within the first year when the really-big lies started (designed to elicit sympathy and attention) and the subtle guilts trips when visiting my family increased. The classic covert narcissistic and sometimes grandiose during times of competition. I really realize now that she actually experiences self-loathing when she is repeatedly so cruel towards me, but that certainly won't stop her from doing it again. My new mantra: TAKE NOTHING PERSONAL WITH A NARCISSIST. Not an easy thing to do with the never-ceasing gaslighting. It's painful to watch her live such a conflicted and anxiety-filled life, but then again we all have choices and she refuses to get help. Thank you for your work because you've help me see I'm not the insane one in the situation.

@jsf8145

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. They will drive you crazy if you take their arrogant behavior towards you personal. When you finally go crazy out of self defense & self respect, then they will tell you (and others) you are unstable and need professional help, while everyone buys into that narrative and everyone begins to treat you like a diseased child & black sheep of the "family" (spineless lap dogs and/or two faced wolves in sheep's clothing). I finally went no contact years ago and never felt more at peace now that I'm no longer putting up with their toxic bully condescending behavior.

My first red flag was about 4 months before our marriage. My mil told my ex narc that I wasn't invited for Christmas. Her Christmas was a huge extended family event. After marriage, she was a huge problem. I didn't understand, know about narcissistic behaviors. She became more invasive as time went on. Upon her husband's death 17 yrs later she really became "evil" towards me, yes and others. I thought she was a huge contributor to my marriage, but the truth turned out to be, he not only didn't support me, but encouraged her behaviors . Yep, he's a narc too

I am married to the scapegoat. And my in-laws thought I would also be the scapegoat. I wasn’t having it. I am so glad for these videos and my spouse and I seeking therapy. We had to cut them off! They would make lies about me and run to my husband and gossip about total lies to our small town including my coworkers. It was out of control!!

@YOU-niter

10 ай бұрын

I’m in therapy to deal with in laws who should be in therapy..

I have covert narcissistic son in law , not a nice person at all. I have said before, my heart is broken. But thankfully listening to Dr Ramani helps - but there is nothing I can do apart from waiting until my daughter really sees her husband for what he truly is...😔

23 years married. Suffered immeasurable suffering from my mil thank god just got the strength to cut her out of my life. Blocked her from calling,whats apping. My whole life i always thought of the fact that I have no choice,bc shes my husband mom. I always think of the other person. Recently i realized god doesn't want us to suffer. He doesn't want us not to care for ourselves. I have never felt better. First time im putting myself first. Never too late.

I was 18 when my then-boyfriend's mom struck me as bizarre, erratic, just plain "extra." But I put up with her for almost 30 years 'til the final straw finally broke this strong camel's back. Good riddance to her

It’s 100% a boundaries thing for us. And it was weird because, to my face, she was the sweetest kindest woman, and I had respected her as a church leader for years before my husband and I ever started dating to begin with. But behind our backs she talks about us like she has nothing else to do, and we don’t even live in the same state as her anymore. The first weird red-flag interaction I had with her didn’t happen until after we were married unfortunately. We were at church and apparently she had made quick plans for us to have lunch with her (it wasn’t communicated to me, Sunday morning was always busy for us at the time being involved in various ministry) but thinking we didn’t have any plans, I started making lunch plans with my parents. Apparently she overheard me making plans (we all went to the same church) and when we got in the car, my husband was listening to a voicemail with a very concerned look on his face and I heard someone yell-crying at him it in the voice Mail it was so loud. When he got off the phone he snapped at me immediately with, “what did you do?!?!” I’m like what In the world. He told me it was his mom screaming at him, crying, saying that she had made plans but I decided to make plans with my parents. I was shocked and kind of scared, even tho she’s sweet and sugar in person. To me it was an easy fix, “oh well… why can’t we all go to lunch together? Im sorry?” He just stayed angry at me the whole time and she wouldn’t answer the phone. Weird stuff like this continued with boundaries-us asking her to keep my second pregnancy a secret, her telling her friend in the church and the next week me hearing from the youth group congratulations because my mil’s friend told their daughter who was part of the youth group. When we asked MIL about it she said “Well I wasn’t going to NOT tell my friend about it!” Never apologized, and never does apologize any time we’ve had had the guts to bring something up with her. When my husband has had to bring up a boundaries situation with her, he told me that he wouldn’t be able to finish the actual topic of the meeting because she would cry, and the conversation turned into a convo about *their* relationship-how “she thought he hates her”. He unfortunately struggled with seeing that those convos. After seeing this video, yes, triangulation was a big thing (I didn’t know any of these terms until it was getting to much and I was trying to understand what was happening) My parents happen to be very years long close family friends of hers. One of her birthdays, she had a couple staying with her from out of town, and she told us she wanted it to be small and intimate. My husband asked her if she wanted my parents there and she kindly said, “oh maybe we will do a bigger thing next time and have more people but I just want it low-key.” We get there, and people begin pouring in. Her BFF we haven’t seen in years, and even my cousin with her four kids. I was totally shocked (not sure why at this point) and my cousin even asked where my parents were right in front of her, and I just looked at my MIL, like “um, I’m not sure…” because I didn’t want to embarrass my MIL saying “oh she didn’t want them there”. Lol and aside from that, she would always talk about which of her sons would be her favorite today, etc. So weird and toxic. Especially because on the outside you would have never known just the backbiting, gossipy stuff she would talk about. I didn’t until I married into that family. We’ve placed some major boundaries via my husband finally putting his foot down, but it’s taken years for us to get to a point where we felt kind of justified enough to do so.

I was one of them who realised it after 10yrs that my MIL was the cause of all the fights btw me and my husband. She will trigger it and then will blame me. I realised that she always humiliated my husband infront of people and family and always compared him to the elder brother. My husband was the invisible child. I went into protect mode and used to have verbal fights with her and she didn’t like it. When I started questioning and rebutting everything my in laws said with the real truth, they went to the extent of trying to replace me. They suggested divorce to my husband. I also found out that my MIL always brought some used stuff of hers as my birthday present. When relatives started recognising that they had given it to her and she had passed it off as my birthday present. We cut contact for 7yrs now and our lives have been better and super harmonious.

I didn't realize until 9 months into marriage. I was love bombed for 2.5 years, then they drastically turned.

@tammyfitzgerald5336

Жыл бұрын

They want to marry it’s crazy scary 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

The first time I noticed was the first time I met them! Red flags galore. MIL said to me “well if you’re sensitive you won’t fit in with our family very well”. She also starting controlling me from the start with toxic positivity and telling me not to joke about my issues because she takes it personally. Luckily my partner is well aware and boundaries are in play.

@mugabifaith5964

Жыл бұрын

When my husband then boyfriend introduced me to my MIL. She directly asked me why am so dark skinned. Turned and asked the son of there aren’t any light skinned girls out there he could have dated

@sudhakhristmukti1930

Жыл бұрын

Aha..the ones that verbally/emotionally abuse, accuse the abused of being 'sensitive.' How pathetic.

@sudhakhristmukti1930

Жыл бұрын

@@mugabifaith5964 Dark skin is SO much better than a 'dark' heart!! But obviously, to the toxic the heart does not matter...outward appearances do!!

She would already cook her Sunday dinner ahead of time so we were called and TOLD what we were going to eat two days prior. “ I’ll see you Sunday!!!!!” 💀

I found out, or really noticed after my wife and I got married. Her dad is involved in every aspect of our lives… he’s over at our place every weekend, just shows up and takes our weekends over. We purchased a car without his “consent” and he freaked out and gaslit us. It’s a very stressful and unhealthy way to live, and I pray to one day get away from all of it.

I was married to a narc (the golden child) who had narc parents 😫 My ex narc would tell me that my parents didn’t love me as much as his parents loved him because my parents didn’t talk to me on the phone every single day and/or drop what they were doing to assist me with everything in my life (my parents had full time jobs who lived hours from us). The narc in-laws lived within 2 miles from us (they moved 5 hours to be closer to us) and were at our house just about every single day. It was exhausting dealing with my ex and his parents on a daily basis! I felt like I couldn’t be a normal adult dealing with normal adult issues. They always seemed to be involved with our life in every way!

@siamesedreamsx

2 жыл бұрын

I relate to this... I'm with a narcissist and his mother is one. She talks to him on the phone a minimum of 3 times a day. She lives 5 minutes from us. After he screamed at me on Thanksgiving this year, I refused to enter his mother's home, and went back to my house. Sent her a text about how horribly her son treats me. She didn't respond till the next day, and all she said back was "We will talk to him. I don't understand why you didn't come in yesterday." After 8 years being with her son, I am so over both of them. She always has to have an input on everything and my narc partner always sides with her over me. Working on my way out. Such a weird family.

I have a sister in law that is a narc. My brother is so conditioned that he can’t see it. They have been married for over 30 years. It’s devastating to watch and now I am so more aware of this I simply don’t have anything to do with his family.

@nancythornton2947

2 жыл бұрын

Me also.

It’s been a long long time but I had to cut my mother in law out . My husband has noticed way more of her ways and has began distancing hisself from her as well. It was rough in the beginning when I would try to explain myself and he would not understand. But as time went on he began reminiscing about his childhood and realize the evil things she would do or say and that she still continues to be the same even him being a adult. We now have one son and do our best with limiting time with her. It’s hard just cause my son is very close with my father in law.

I was aware of my parents and sibling were narcs and i trained my wife before marriage. So i only support her and my life over any shananigans they throw at us.

@glizzard1894

2 жыл бұрын

Bless you!

I was married for 37 years, my ex monster in law, knew my husband was beating me, she approved of it, even while I was pregnant. I'm so happy I'm divorced now❤ I was lacking a lot of self esteem back then.

My first *real* glimpse of my MiL's narcissism was on our wedding day. Her "toast" included a roast, to put it mildly. FiL red-flag came 2 years later when he got too physical with his disciplining our toddler and I first saw my spouse stand down against him. 💔 After year 2, the insults and covert emotional jabs became the norm. Before this, they seemed to be truly wonderful people.

@Zerushaddai

7 ай бұрын

Their masks fell off.

Yes the held they power! Could not even say “my opinion” always put down and always wrong! Triangulation was over the top! Basically at point of him choosing his family over me. I’m done with the family disfunction.

This described my on and off relationship for 13 years with a French Canadian. It felt like her mother was “sleeping” in between us. As though she was a part of our intimate relationship. Even when our 2yr daughter died tragically they were telling her to leave me. I recently had to run for my life across the country because her and her mother banned me to the basement of the place I leased in my name(and daughter) and I paid for, called the cops multiple times claiming I had a criminal record for rape, taking toilet paper, restricting me from using any groceries I paid for. The most hurtful was when this woman I love with my everything said “racism is something coloured people made up to make others feel sorry for them.” That’s when I realized she was gone and I will never come before her family.

I just read an article about a woman who just turned 107. She says she lived so long by eating well, exercising and never getting married!

It took me 24 years to figure this one out. It took a major financial issue that caused me to really see this. My husband is a brain washed child and this is has been really hard. My husband takes his Mom and Sister (who are covert narcissists and really good at it) side on these issues. I have figure out that they have taken advantage of my good will for way too long and now that I have called out their bad behavior and set boundaries, they are not liking this! They have said that "I have changed" and Yes thank you Dr. Ramani - I have changed as I now "see it".

I got accused from “having someone else” because I was sticking up for my self from her verbal abusive son . Crazy making!

I have noticed something is wrong about my partner's family exactly the day I moved to stay with them. Before when I was just visiting his mother was more than angelic, but the day i moved in she was all of a sudden so rude and aggressive!!!! Then at the same very moment she speaks sweetly again!!!!! I remember i passed my first night crying in bed trying to understand wts going on Specially that her reputation in the village is ..... She is the angel of the whole village or even whole Greece!!!!!

My first red flag was the day I met them. My future husband and I are high school sweethearts, and she dropped him off for a coffee date. As soon as he introduced me, I felt it. His mother and sister examined me head to toe and gave me a glare like I was a disease that needed to be eliminated. After 17 years of major work and boundaries, sadly we decided to go no contact. It breaks my heart because ideally we could all be a happy family, and I felt as if my husband had to choose. It’s so unfair. But necessary.

She’s now my ex, but I noticed it when my ex said “‘my mom gets mad when she notices that I’m happy” whenever I’d take her on trips, her mom would be mad when she returned. Color me shocked when this started showing up in my ex, her getting mad when good things were happening for me.

I still remember the criticism from my mother-in-law immediately after the wedding. She ran up to me and told me I was holding my flowers too high! What a great way to greet your new daughter-in-law!

@Z1nny

10 ай бұрын

😮🙄🤦‍♀️

Too late, I found out too late 🥴. I am SO grateful that I am in a much safer place; separated, no and low contact and one year into healing (therapy and aca) . I find now when I watch shows I used to love, I see all of the red flags thanks to Dr. Ramani 🤣 there is a show on tlc, I Love A Mama’s Boy 🤢 and I just want to tell these girls run, get some distance and watch all of these videos!!

My parents ARE the in-laws. Mom is a covert narc who railed against my husband, a rock solid man for several years before I retorted, “What do you want?! Should I get a divorce?!!!” She recoiled with a surprised , “well, NO.” Her eyes were big as saucers. I can see them so vividly. Mom has devalued, criticized, corrected/chastised my husband and my sister’s husband since day one. It’s been 20 plus years. After my own break down (yep, I’m the scapegoat), I have learned to go DEEP to survive in the moment and do my best to limit contact in the extreme. I’m still healing, and husband is able to see the patterns now, too. I hope the healthier future will make up for the abusive past. We are breaking the generational family illness at all cost!

My south East Asian narcissistic mother in-law and sister in law have borderline PD. I married to their only SON who is the golden child.. I can’t wait to watch more of this series. They break off marriages! The first time I met them, my ex narcissistic mother in law punched my ex father in law in front of everyone. My ex husband has no reaction.

I found out that his parents were toxic when I visited during a summer holiday and walked downstairs to a fully nude mother in law lounging on the couch as if nothing was wrong. Asking me if I was a prude or something. Constantly having extremely loud, obnoxious sex with her new partner while knowing her son (18) and myself (17) were in the house. What was also strange is that my partner suddenly turned into this abundantly helpful shell of himself when we were around them. He acted like some sort of a waiter or staff member than an actual human being. All the sudden he was behaving in a matter that I can only classify as slightly OCD...Cleaning until everything was spotless, cooking, emptying out the dishwasher, getting groceries... it was like watching my partner change from day to night. They would make us sit at the table from morning coffee, till lunch, till dinner and interrogate us about all sorts of personal stuff. What I remember most is them constantly repeating that I was not an honest person and that I was “pretending “ to be someone I was not. I even got called out for thanking them for taking us out to dinner. Now it seems completely ridiculous. I married into this family and was together with my partner for 10 YEARS before we finally got to the truth of what is behind all that strange and boundary crossing behavior. We have been no contact for 2 months now and I am extremely proud of my partner who really stepped up for his family. His biggest regret is putting me through 10 years of this shit but he forgets that he is also a victim in this. The hardest days were the days that I felt in my gut that she hated me, because she would constantly put me down, belittling me in front of my partner. But he would have a heart to heart with her and she would somehow convince him that she actually loved me and wanted me to be happy. Planting the seed that I was just a bit overly worried or anxious... We got really lucky we ever got out.

I AM SOOOOO GLAD THIS IS BEING COVERED! I came into my marriage so naive and it’s been hell, especially with MIL. Really hurts what she does and I struggle a lot, although I’m a strong person I think with extrovert and confident ways.

after a fall out with my MIL she sarcastically told me "you win" I had no idea it was a competition. I was floored. but I get it now. there's jealousy.