If your child literally has a physical reaction to someone coming into the room, that person should have been banned from the house! She also used distancing language, "because of the childhood". Lady, you know what's wrong in your house, and it's not your daughter

She’s almost certainly gaslighting her children about the abuse they faced.

She's definitely gaslighting , Cause she will not get to the point and she keeps trying to make it sound better.

If all her children have an issue with her....maybe its her. Sounds like all the kids are telling her and shes not hearing it.

@alexandrabecerra9271

2 ай бұрын

I believe she enabling the husband and his abuse and try to create a narrative to excuse them all

This whole call was probably one huge gaslight.

@anabelle3666

Жыл бұрын

😅🤣😂

As someone whose mom downplayed and enabled my dad’s verbal abuse, this call made my stomach turn.

@doctorposting

Ай бұрын

another person in this same situation checking in😂😂😂

“Neither one of the two acknowledge the growth.” In reference to your teenage daughter and husband. Lady, your daughter was raised with a “powder keg” and she’s somehow equally responsible for repairing their relationship?

People are up in arms about the use of the word "gaslighting", but they're failing to realize that their children are trying to communicate breakdowns in communication between them and their caregivers. They're directly communicating the reasons for not trusting their caregiver with the tools that they have. They don't know how else to express these feelings and that is why it's important to listen to them. A lot of parents, including my own, have far too much pride to ever admit to their own problems and how it impacted their children - they believe children are separate identities and are oblivious to problems in the home. *Children feel it even if they can't express it.*

I love how Mom brings up the weed while he is critiquing her for not leaving her abusive ex. She keeps throwing the blame on her daughter for not 'giving him a chance'. She be like, 'Why can't my daughters just forget how my husband abused them?😫.'

@sarahholland2600

3 ай бұрын

She probably grew up with abusive parents so she's normalised abusive behaviour.

This lady is really good at avoiding the issue. And I wish she would get to the point and then LISTEN.

This sounds so dysfunctional. Sounds like mom and dad haven't been successful support systems to their children for their entire lives and are now blaming them for it.

@zumbamommy5036

Жыл бұрын

Right. The child is 18. You cannot fix 18 years in one year.

@NeccoWecco

Жыл бұрын

@@zumbamommy5036 Absolutely. If the child had healthy, secure attachments to their parents, they wouldn't be seeking attention through threats of self harm (unless there is an undiagnosed disorder). Negligence and/or abuse leads to that outcome.

@jill9606

Жыл бұрын

100% agree with you

Man this family sounds like a mess. If I had to stab in the dark I'd say dad is at least emotionally abusive, and maybe physically and mom is emotionally immature and struggles with reality. I just have a gut feeling that the caller is embellishing big time.

@JustActNormal

Жыл бұрын

For sure!

This woman isn't trying to gaslight anyone: She's actually delusional and believes her own attempts to minimize her children's traumatic upbringing. It's so sad, because she probably adapted to pushing away reality to maintain her toxic relationship, so now she's genuinely confused by other people pointing it out and showing the effects of it (like jumping when the dad enters the room). Also fml, but if I had to live in what she described, I'd find a way to stay high too. Ma'am, if you read this, please get counseling.

@gabrielamartiniuc6322

11 ай бұрын

That’s what gas lighting IS. A delusional adult who lies to their kids.

She rambles on so much it’s driving me insane

@dakotasikes6690

Жыл бұрын

Not rambling trying to piece together a story that doesnt make her look bad

I feel like there's something off with this call ... I think that maybe she's sugarcoating, cherry picking to make herself sound better... Which in itself has a lot to do with the accusation.

@JustActNormal

Жыл бұрын

100%

@namelesswalaby

Жыл бұрын

Agreed

@dakotasikes6690

Жыл бұрын

Shes clearly leaving alot out that i bet makes her look bad. She called to try and find a way of disowning the gaslighting and not taking responsibility

@ricebeansrockroll882

3 ай бұрын

Fr, the way she dodged the question on "when or why have they told you that you gaslight them" you could hear her scrambling, and not finding, one example that she could downplay, where she wouldn't objectively be in the wrong. So she just stutterd until he shifted focus. 10/10 the daughter "lying" is just the mother not trusting her and picking a fight over it to the point where the daughter just agreed she was lying to keep some peace.

@TheRealHerbaSchmurba

2 ай бұрын

I disagree. I mean, her child admit to lying to hurt her mother, and threatened suicide if her mom doesnt leave her boyfriend, and she is 18. If the mom is dealing with this I cant even imagine that she is the problem.

My mom is like this. My step dad was super verbally and physically abusive to her, me, and my baby siblings. After about 8 years, we finally got away and settled down for about 5 more years when he died in an accident. My mom suddenly started praising him and speaking like he was an angel to my half siblings who didn't remember what a bad person he was. They love their dad but don't know his true character. It's so triggering for me to have to listen to all these praises and see pictures of a guy that ruined my childhood. I hate celebrating his birthday and I hate going to his grave. My mom changed their last names to his. They keep around so much memorabilia of him. It's like I'm the only one who knows what happened because my mom acts like I'm crazy when I bring things up. She tells my siblings and her new husband that I'm making things up and nobody believes me. I think she can't cope with what she put me through living with him and what happened to her so she wants to act like it never happened. It's a horrible feeling to feel like your mother is dismissing your lived experiences. I wouldn't blame her kids if they cut contact with the caller.

The caller is clinging to her marriage and throwing her daughters under the bus. They are not responsible for who they are right now - you and only you and your husband are. Just because you want them to get over it so you can "save" a terrible marriage doesn't mean that they have to shut up and obey. You are sacrificing your daughters in the name of pathology - but hey, you "saved" your marriage.

Why is she married to a man that is abusive ? And allows him at home with her kids while she’s at work???? How dare she ? What a negligent mother! There has been change with him? This woman is despicable!!! I’m absolutely disgusted with this mother .

Yeah... don't blame the children for your choice to stay. They don't have to choose the same way.

Both my parents gaslight me and as a nearly 40 year old I had to go 'no contact' to preserve my mental wellbeing. Parents who abuse their kids and later deny, minimize or 'gaslight' their adult kids about past memories (raised by the kids who want acknowledgment of abuse), end up being alone in their old age. Your adult children will not want to be around you.

“Okay, well, sorry you’re hurting right now.” This mom takes no accountability for anything. Her whole attitude is one big shrug. I think she just called so she could play the victim again. PLUG IN! Give a damn! I just want to shake her.

Like "trauma" and "bullying", the term "gaslighting" describes very real things that need to be named. HOWEVER, they are thrown around way too much nowadays, which dilutes their true meaning. Every unpleasant thing that happens isn't trauma, every time someone argues is not bullying and every time someone tries to reason with you is not gaslighting. Not saying those don't exist, but everyone claiming it just disrespect those really dealing with it. Having said that, this mom is doing something related to gaslighting, even though I wouldn't exactly call it that. If her husband was hateful to her growing up, it's not on the child to "acknowledge his growth" or "meet him halfway".

@MarleneHen

Жыл бұрын

Very well said.

At this point she’s gaslighting us listeners 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@jason_v12345

Жыл бұрын

This one is called "word salad." It achieves the same goal of creating confusion, but it achieves it by being vague and disjointed instead of by denying others perceptions.

@DianeWilliamsCurvyGoddess

Жыл бұрын

Totally. lol. Throwing her children under the bus and trying to get Dr. John on her side. lmao.

@toshrizzle

3 ай бұрын

😂

@cwalker6911

Ай бұрын

Right?! All the stalling and not getting to the point lol

@ArtAbsurdist

28 күн бұрын

You said it! Haha! Total gaslighter and in major denial! Wants to be right and even tried to frame her “question” in a way to where she can gain knowledge to use as leverage against them- in order to protect her abusive husband. Mom is putting her own selfish needs ahead of the needs of her children and failing to protect them. Now she calls a podcast seeking help and advice…????? No wonder they are the way they are. Poor kids.

Why does she keep blaming her daughter ? Her husband is clearly the problem and not safe .

The conversation is overwhelming and I'm not part of their family.

I dont know why people are saying John is interrupting so much here. After only listening to 3 minutes, Anne is talking in vague terms and trying to avoid the meat of the topic. I think John did a perfect thing by keeping her on track and show that word definitions dont matter but the effect actions are having do matter.

@ithinkigottalent4047

Жыл бұрын

Exactly! She kept rambling on and on 🙄

@216trixie

Жыл бұрын

Only one comment said that John was interrupting.

@jason_v12345

Жыл бұрын

Seriously, I could barely stand to listen to her. What was her question? Did she ever even ask one?

Is it just me or is this lady being so vague about what has happened? What happened with the father? How is the Amazon login really an issue? Is she being dismissive and the daughter is labeling that as gaslighting?

@David-wo9un

Жыл бұрын

I was wondering the same things; I attempted reaching out to help with kind of a similar situation but wasn’t offered help.

Dr. John is right on the money here. Mom is spending too much time justifying and enabling dad's behavior. When the daughters feel safe around dad, their bodies will know. If he walks in a room and reacts as if he's on fire, that's because her body is telling her that it is! Being in the presence of a human torch is horrifying.

Anybody else really think the Dad has abused the daughter worse than this ignorant mom knows? She's repeatedly upset at her daughter for not just immediately forgive the dad.

@randyadams1312

Жыл бұрын

Yes, my mother would physically, mentally and verbally abuse me and verbally and mentally abuse my mother. Whenever my dad would abuse my mom would be right there defending him and making excuses and telling me to let it go. Other times she’d vent to me and I’d be expected to be a pseudo counselor for her. Now they’re divorced and she gaslights me about her lack of action and plays it off like it’s no big deal “it’s in the past”.

@tinam761

Жыл бұрын

Yes! She said they were alone a lot while she was at work … she does NOT know what happened! The girl experienced some sort of abandonment because mom wasn’t there … mom believed dad … believes dad’s current recollection of the past … and the child NEVER had a parent protect her. SOMETHING went on … a child does not just arrive where she is now. Yes, puberty… pandemic… etc. However, home has NEVER been a safe place for her. She appears to want to be listened to and believed and true change. Why on earth should she believe change has happened???!!! Because dad/mom has not yelled at her for a week??? She has 18 years of experience that tell her - be careful and don’t trust it. The daughter does not know how to live in safety. Very sad. Her body does not know how to relax and stop hyper vigilance. I pray 🙏🏼 for the daughter… I hope she gets the help she needs and makes good choices for herself that will help her. It’s not easy. Daughter may need an extended time away from family to feel safe. Speaking from experience…

@randyadams1312

Жыл бұрын

My father would abuse*

@mollynash2597

Жыл бұрын

It's very possible. There might be abuse that has happened that mom doesn't know about or she has learned to black it out.

@MichaelJones-rn2pq

Жыл бұрын

That is a good point.

Mom can I have the Amazon prime password: "yeah that's not a boundary I'm comfortable with sharing" Bruhhhhhhhh this lady I can't 😂😂😂

@AliciaGuitar

3 ай бұрын

I would never give my kid my amazon password.. that is just dumb. There are family settings where her daughter can have her own password. Otherwise daughter can just use moms credit card to order thousands of dollars of video games 😂

This woman has taken no accountability for anything she might have done. Like she cant even fathom that she could be part of the problem. Whether that is ignorance of narcissism you cant tell from this call but she is avoiding accountability for anything and everything.

this woman's husband is abusive as hell, she left him way too late and now wenz back and the mother thinks the kid is the problem. wtf.

@nobleinthought8019

Жыл бұрын

he "didn't abuse" them but yelled at them and what not? ma'm you gotta learn the basics.

My parents owned up to their anger management issues and our relationship has been repaired. I almost gave up on them as a teenager, but then they did the work and took accountability.

Mom you’ve set your kids up for a lifetime of therapy. You should ALWAYS protect your children. I grew up in chaos and I wasn’t protected. Now my family and I have a good relationship but it’s taken lots of therapy with all of us and I’ll probably always be in therapy trying to get over that chaos.

7:30 The way that she describes the event almost sounds like she was manipulating the truth as she was saying it. Her saying that she walked away because she didn't want to talk to her daughter when she was like that made me sick. That was always something I was told when I was younger. It made me feel crazy and invalidated. I can't believe how people manipulate

She won’t get to the point!

Gaslighting is one of the biggest buzzwords of the last few years tbh... I'd gone almost my whole life without even hearing that term until the last couple of years and now I hear it almost daily, mainly on youtube.

I wish I knew what was truly going through Dr John’s mind… he really keeps it stoic listening to this woman blabber on.

This woman is blaming the children for their problems, like with the weed smoking. She brought that up when John was holding her accountable for the abuse from her husband. She is deflecting her responsibility for the horrible childhood they had growing up in a house with a horrible father. She is enabling him. Those poor children, they just need to get away from both of their parents. I just hear the mother blaming the children, not holding the father responsible for anything. It's like my step mother with my father, who has caused so much pain and suffering in all of his children. He was protected by her.

This sounds like my mom! 😂😅

Sounds like mom guilt and just trying to make it all okay

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck. Mom just want the daughter to pretend like she wasn't abused by husband so Mom can stay in mama la la land with her crappy husband. Then in five years when the daughter is NC she will be like why does my daughter not want anything to do with me? It's a mystery.😑🙄🤔

This one really hit home.

Let the boomers hear that they do it! Keep calling it out.

@queenbee3647

3 ай бұрын

This isnt a "boomer" thing. I had parents born in 1922 and 1928 and neither of them EVER admitted the past. They tell it all perfect and glowing. Im a boomer that grew up in hell. My kid is awesome and never had a seconds moment of fear growing up. I made sure of that. Put away your boomer crap. You sound infantile.

I don't think I've ever heard gaslighting accusations come from anyone other than the gaslight or the gaslighter themselves. That she even has to ask this is a big problem.

Omg this mother. I’m 3 minutes in and she’s dismissing everything and making it about her. You can tell she’s twisting what actually has happened to make herself look better.

Narcissism is a description of a personality style, not a diagnosis. It’s only in the DSM on a technicality.

My husband used to gaslight me all the time and it got to the point I almost left. I had to explain to him that it’s actual abuse and I can’t put up with it even one more time. He swears that the gaslighting was unintentional and he really didn’t know he was doing it. It’s confusing because I thought narcissistic gaslighters are always aware of it. Since I confronted him he hasn’t done it anymore which makes me think maybe he was aware of it 🤔 very confusing situation.

He doesn't abuse them that way.. How do you know you weren't there!!! And when they take ya make excuses also weeds good at helping anxiety. But the abusive ex is worse than weed

This woman isn't listening to a thing John has to say... So, yeah, I believe she is a gaslighter....ugh

So two bad parents that's coming home.

Oh man this woman has gaslit her children. She's gaslighting Dr. John. gaslighting the audience. Hell, she probably gaslit herself a long time ago too! I feel AWFUL for her children. She really slipped up referring to her husband as "the powder keg" and you can hear when she realizes it too, she goes back to the word salad, rambling on trying to confuse Dr. John. These are definitely going to be those parents with estranged adult children and the "missing" missing reasons.

My uncle was a gas lighter and I am genuinely just now realizing this.

Her daughter threatening suicide for her boyfriend makes me think that this lady isn’t even the problem. Noone else is talking about this part. Plus the fact that the daughter admits that she lies to hurt her mom.

"I'm not very good at this don't worry" I don't think I would get the joke and I'd definitely be worried 😂

Frustrating!

Sounds like they all enable each other🙄🙄🙄

she calls her husband a powder keg but wonder why her kids have issues😂😂😂😂😂

John wants to tell her to shut up 😂…he’s so antsy while shes talking

What a sad relationship when you don’t share your Amazon account with your own kid. I am still sharing mine with my kids and it’s a non issue

This is upsetting. My teen didnt get along with my caregiver (who i really needed) and even tho my teen was in the wrong, i sent him away because she was more important to me. I suffered healthwise so i could prove to her she mattered, and she could focus on healing her own trauma instead of focusing on blaming him. My caregiver suffered too, even tho he didnt deserve it. This situation sounds WAY worse and she still clings to the abuser over her own daughter 🤦‍♀️ it just sounds like pure selfishness to me

I feel like it’s a mixture of the parents not being able to demonstrate and control their own emotions and now their daughter struggles because she was never properly taught. This has been sort of my struggle and I’m learning to navigate my own emotions as an adult. But it doesn’t make it right that the daughter can’t agree with her mom that they should discuss these things with a therapist because nothing will ever get resolved with just yelling and emotional outbursts. She needs to mature a bit. Because it’s honestly reasonable and commendable that this mother even is calling and willing to see a therapist because A LOT of parents don’t even give af

@kellharris2491

Жыл бұрын

That's not how therapy works. You can't just push people too fix their issues on your time table. The daughter is immature because she is 18. What is Mother's excuse? Mother demanding therapy now is another way to assert control. Mother is still focused on her own feelings and trying to get her daughter to see things her way. Mother should do her own therapy first. She doesn't understand how toxic her husband is and how she has enabled him. She wasn't to make daughter forget all the bad. The daughter is not in a place yet to work through her feelings about her family. Not with her mother there and maybe she isn't ready for individual therapy yet either. Mother needs to step back and be patient.

She's calling to try to validate her stance from a respected professional. It backfired. That may be a narcissistic trait, having to have people be on her side. She's making herself a heroine while calling out her children.

My mom has got to have something undiagnosed. :[ Don't take what the kids say as a personal attack. They just want their feelings validated. Forget the details, they're expressing hurt. Tend to the wound.

Gotta give this one a like

Is the daughter her or them? Is there one or 2? Mom is very unclear here. Also, “Nobody else would” is the truest damn thing

@er6730

2 ай бұрын

The younger daughter is the one who lives at home. The older daughter isn't fighting with mom or dad, but when asked she backs up her sister. (Which bothers the mom who would like to only have happy memories expressed) Both of them smoke weed and say it helps with anxiety. That's what I understood.

Geez lady you’re controlling over an Amazon video login? Yeah your daughter isn’t the one with control issues. Look in the mirror.

I'm kind of wondering about the making of lies and the threats that she throws on her daughter. Cause I'm not real sure if this woman is a reliable source. But the truth like you're letting him treat us like this or you're just as bad as dad. Cause she's not saying what the lies are Or how they're trying to hurt me. Cause it seems just them being scared and not sitting down and talking about it even though they're scared hurts her or it's gotta be the weed. I think this is a lot more and she is just not a reliable narrator. Is the daughter just threatening suicide to hurt her or is she trying to say this house is making me suicidal. She is at this point jumping back with fear. How long could you take that? I don't think she's reliable.

Pro tip accuse anyone who disagrees with you as gaslighting.

Okay, it's official: Everybody has ADHD and PTSD...I guess. Anyhow, the daughter is 18 years old, she won't be a problem in the house a year from now. She can sail away to wherever.

@NeccoWecco

Жыл бұрын

Parenting is for life and Many children grow up in households with parents who have their own unresolved trauma... leads to generational trauma.

@jjgems5909

Жыл бұрын

Damn is that how you view parenting and children? As a “problem in the house” lol? That’s fucking sad. Some parents still care about their kids and desire to have a relationship after they turn 18 ya know?

@MichaelJones-rn2pq

Жыл бұрын

@@jjgems5909 The daughter is being unreasonable and trashing boundaries. As Both Dave Ramsey and Jon Delony have said, "My house, my rules." This daughter needs to learn that. Agreed???

@firefly9838

Жыл бұрын

It's a uniquely American and really toxic trait this idea of once your kid turns 18 your parenting is done you can kick him out and forget about them... but still expect to be on good terms with them.... so so so many parents I've seen go through this and it's sad.

@og666

Жыл бұрын

@@MichaelJones-rn2pq John seems to be pretty strongly against the mom & dad here though

This is too funny!!! I remember watching a therapist talk about narcissists, gaslighting, and other forms of narcissistic abuse. This lady called and asked him if she was a narcissist. The doctor immediately said no. She was upset because he didn't even let her explain. He let her know that if she was a narcissist, she would not have made the call. A narcissist is incapable of self reflection. Before even listening to this woman, I knew she wasn't the narcissist or engaging in narcissistic abuse because she was calling. Her daughter is the one that's engaging in the emotional manipulation in narcissistic abuse.

@jason_v12345

Жыл бұрын

That's not true. So-called "self-aware narcissists" are rare, but they exist.

@MissTryALot

3 ай бұрын

😂 Good one! You should try stand up comedy.

They learned a new word, and want to use it

@jill9606

Жыл бұрын

How dismissive of the children’s feelings.

Never tell a gaslighter, they are a gaslighter Gray rock them. The 18 y/o need to leave home & get some real world experience. The child is entitled & abusive.

Adhd isn't real. People just need to suck it up and try harder to focus

@stampandscrap7494

3 ай бұрын

Being an Arse is real and you definatly don't need to focus on that.

I love John delony but he needs to stop interrupting guests

@l-train7876

Жыл бұрын

He has to take control of the call though.

@lilymohsye

Жыл бұрын

I felt like he couldn’t interject. That’s not a conversation. He’s being called for advice. Let him give it!

@MarleneHen

Жыл бұрын

Can't give advice when being asked for a definition. Reducing to a definition in a case like this could lead to weaponizing a self-defense, which is not what he's about.

@l-train7876

Жыл бұрын

@@MarleneHen huh?

@MarleneHen

Жыл бұрын

@@l-train7876 Sure. "Gaslighting is A+B, and I don't do A or B or A+B, therefore, I'm not gaslighting you, so there!" When, in fact, she's doing C which would really fall under that category, but since it wasn't listed in the definition and isn't obvious, she (or anyone else) can defend herself against gaslighting by turning the definition into a weapon. In which case, denial occurs, and the problem isn't any closer to being solved. More clear? Knowing the story behind the requested definition is going to be more useful both to there caller and to the listening audience, and then John isn't handing over the ability to say, "This expert says this, therefore I'm not part of the problem." I'm not trying to bash her by any means - just trying to look at it from John's POV.

She’s not gas lighting, her kids are just crazy

@stampandscrap7494

3 ай бұрын

No they are kids that have lived in a highly abusive household.

@nathanriver1556

2 ай бұрын

Growing up with an abusive parent and an enabler parent will do that to you.

That word gets thrown around way too much these days

@ashleyhess6461

Ай бұрын

It gets thrown around for a reason. Because it happens all the time. Welcome to planet earth.