Parents who are threatened by their own children's light should never become parents.

@cyndijohnson5473

8 ай бұрын

These people usually aren’t that self-aware

@jacquelynskye295

8 ай бұрын

​@@cyndijohnson5473Some are self aware but don't care. 😢

@angelaholmes8888

8 ай бұрын

@@jacquelynskye295 yep exactly my father is like that

@007nadineL

8 ай бұрын

Too late Thx. Capitalism .

@le_th_

8 ай бұрын

lol The humorous thing about your comment is that you believe these solipsistic, pathologically selfish people think about *anyone* but themselves and what they want. They think about getting what they want: extracting it from others. They live to crush their children's spirit, and none more than the scapegoat they despise (often before they are even born). By the time the narcissist realizes that their child is surpassing them, or getting close to it, the child is a teen or older adolescent. By then, it's way way too late. These are *not* deep thinkers, these are me-me-me and what's-best-for-me thinkers. Aside from that, they consider what it means within the context of their culture so that they can "keep up appearances". I do agree with you, though, that narcissists, malignant narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, and antisocial personalities should NEVER have children. However, since they like to "keep up appearances"...albeit for different reasons, depending on the disorder...they DO have children, and often 3 or more children because they don't care about meeting any child's needs, only using the children to do their bidding.

In our narcissistic families we the children were there to meet our parents needs instead of our parents meeting our needs as children.

@Rye_Toast

8 ай бұрын

I was adopted by a narcissist, I was doomed twice over.

@graceb3934

8 ай бұрын

Same 😞

@Junior_Rocky

8 ай бұрын

The story of my childhood, unfortunately.

@miminotbovered2857

3 ай бұрын

This is why I don't have children. I spent my whole childhood nurturing and meeting my parent's needs while I was neglected. Now I'm meeting my own.

The moment I had my first child was the moment I realized just how sick my narcissistic mother was. The overwhelming unconditional love I had for her made it clear to me that my mother never had that for me.

@abaker2302

7 ай бұрын

Yup

@12thhouse4thhousevibes

3 ай бұрын

I feel you. Same here.

@user-tn8fu1gx3v

Ай бұрын

I felt the same when i got my first puppy. I was 40. I was entirely overwhelmed with love and happiness on the one hand but the sadness that followed when i realized my parents had nothing for me was equally overwhelming.

The soul tiredness. Wow. OI had that for so long. One story: In my teen years My family would constantly tell me not to slouch. When I began to get away, the slouching ended. I now know I was carrying their crap. My body knew it first. Thanks for this. Blessings to both of you.

@lcolon5606

8 ай бұрын

Amazing how energy can affect your body. I'm more mindful of people's energy and how I feel. Good way to remove yourself from it.

@lisasunshine773

8 ай бұрын

I SO lived this too. I never put it together.

My narc mother died last year, and I didn't go to her funeral. I was making a statement - she was no mother to me, and I'm not going to pretend she was anymore.

@anetapietraszko5094

8 ай бұрын

I totally feel you.

@SaritWorld

8 ай бұрын

I respect you.♡

@JudeScott007

8 ай бұрын

Ditto...felt no sadness, no tears...just relief and freedom! 5 yrs later, I hardly think of her. Still no contact with narc sister.

@jfb8552

8 ай бұрын

I looked after my narc mother and she was nasty even on her death bed if i could turn back time I would not have put myself through that.

@irismckay6472

8 ай бұрын

Good self-care. I remember feeling so much relief when my narc mother died. It was this feeling that I could finally relax and not that she was after me. I went to my mother's funeral because of family members but refused to keep her ashes.

In reading Alice Miller, a psychologist she said many parents have children bc of their narcissism and secretly hold their children in CONTEMPT. I definitely believe this.

@-nanabanana

8 ай бұрын

My mother would have aborted me till it occurred to her she could use me to bring her attention. It goes on to this day

@kaitlynkarol4600

8 ай бұрын

I never read this or know of this particular psychologist BUT thanks for sharing this b/c I always suspected that to be true but never had any dr's confirm this for me. I always have said that so many ppl have kids PURPOSELY to make themselves look good in the community and to play the role society sets for them to play and to also perpetuate their own image and name....HOWEVER, they won't let you have any of their good stuff - their good traits that you may take to a higher level to outshine them - God forbid, and they won't let you have anything from them financially or materialistically either - esp if they are nearing end of their life. Both of my parents have been trying to cut me out of their wills and leave me nothing as a final punishment for their deep competitive envy and hatred of me. I just dared to breathe in the wrong way, in the wrong space and I must be taken down for it! These kinds of parents use their kids as trophies, as pawns and as extensions of themselves to use at their own arbitrary whims when the mood hits them. They live life on moods and ego - NEVER on principles.

@cc1k435

8 ай бұрын

All narcissists likely have some level of contempt for anyone they view as beneath them. And any relationship where that is the case has an expiration date, to be honest.

@RationalNon-conformist

8 ай бұрын

She was a terrible mother, sadly..

@tracymorgan5386

8 ай бұрын

I have noticed a lot of people have a lot of children are not affectionate with and always seem cold to their children, that’s why when I see women with a lot of children and/or the ones with the reality shows with a lot of children I regard them with suspicion, I observe them first to see how they interact with their children.

What struck me first was that both her parents’ images were low key. Not the outrageous Hollywood personalities we usually hear about. That’s one of the hard parts, when everyone thinks your parents are amazing.

@eh-i1841

8 ай бұрын

They didn’t appear to be pushy,or rampant self publicists,like so many narcs.They seemed rather well balanced with their fame.

@kristend344

8 ай бұрын

They did get irked when Leonard Nimoy came onboard Mission Impossible, and their roles weren't as prominent.

@someonerandom256

8 ай бұрын

Probably more covert shades than overt. My mom is that way.

@quewalabear8575

7 ай бұрын

@@kristend344 Actually, Nimoy joined in the fourth season after Bain and Landau had already left the show at the end of the third...so there was no diminishment of their roles by him. ON THE OTHER HAND, it has been noted by castmates and producers involved in the production of Space: 1999 that both of them endeavored to sometimes effectively undercut their castmates and guest stars that they found to be a threat to screentime or popularity.

@kristend344

7 ай бұрын

@@quewalabear8575 I listened to the interview with him (it was years ago, I don't recall where). They left because they weren't getting what they wanted. He was *angry* that Nimoy ended up with what he perceived as the conditions that he wanted, but didn't get. There may also have been some lingering resentment/jealousy if there is truth that he was under consideration for the role of Spock and it went to Leonard Nimoy instead. (I've heard that no where else.) There were some other things he said in that interview that came across as a petty jerk. Nimoy left MI because the role was boring to him. He said it was basically the same thing every week.

Being ‘just good enough’ is such a good way to describe how a child of narcissistic parents has to behave. I remember my mother shaming me when I gained weight in college but later hating me because I was so thin and made her look fat.

@gail9566

8 ай бұрын

My mom plays soooo many food games. She's unnecessarily competitive

@leahflower9924

8 ай бұрын

It depends what role you adapted too if you're the golden child good enough is not enough

@nicoleroberson6310

8 ай бұрын

My sisters were thin and I was fat, even though we ate the same food. My mom was always putting me in a diet. I've been big my whole life and less than 2 yrs ago, I changed my diet due to an ulcer and lost about 75 #s. My mom often has a snide comment about how I think I am better now... no, I'm healthier now, sorry you are older and miserable with no friends or life besides sitting watching tv all day. I've had to limit my interactions with her for my own mental wellbeing

@debbysimon120

8 ай бұрын

OMG! Let's not even talk about the weight shaming and competition among the women in the family. My sister was naturally heavy, I was naturally thin, my sister was the MOST BEAUTIFUL and older. My mom did EVERYTHING to make her lose weight. Nothing worked. I used to get SO MAD, my mom was so obsessed with her looks and weight. Yea, she was pretty, but not educated. I always looked up to my sister because she was "normal" my mom was hyper naturally. Anyways, girls, women should NEVER be made to feel any kind of way about their weight. It does not define their souls.

@HollyFurgason

8 ай бұрын

I never saw "just good enough." What I saw was that was no winning ever. The lines constantly changed so that I was always the looser.

*THIS!* 5:54 “...I wasn’t allowed to shine--or outshine my parents in any way. So it was this razor’s edge where you had to be good enough since you were reflecting on them, but not good enough to actually be your true fulsome self because that was a threat.” Congratulations on shining now, Contrary Actions and all! 👏👏👏

@animallover4955

8 ай бұрын

Wow this hit home for me🎉

@kaitlynkarol4600

8 ай бұрын

This statement is so on par for me and so VALIDATING! Those of us who survived this narc abuse must continue reaching out to validate one another b/c we all know all too well how evil it is to be erased and made into the invisible day by day, year by year and decade by decade. Ever see the movie 'Eraser'? This is another metaphor I use besides the vampire one to articulate my story b/c my parents always would either erase my identity in certain ways or they would steal my ID by taking credits for the things I do and say, etc., as narcs have no real solid ID of their own.

@bellaluce7088

8 ай бұрын

@@kaitlynkarol4600 Ugh, yes, Eraser makes so much sense too!

Fantastic discussion! “Blood is not always thicker than water…sometimes it’s just stickier”.

@theskeletonsskeletons9495

8 ай бұрын

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Didya know that's the original proverb...yep...another perversion.

@728spridle

8 ай бұрын

That saying is heavily diluted from which it came.... It means the opposite of what many think, our chosen bonds are stronger than the bonds of related family.... "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"

@idid138

8 ай бұрын

My narc husband used to love to say that to me, meaning I'd never be as important as his family. Most of us also know our narcs yo treat their family as poop, anyway.

@728spridle

8 ай бұрын

@@idid138 divorcing a narcissist currently. Also both parents. He would act appalled when I was trying to go no/ low contact with my mother and sisters, because family sticks together, unless it's me, then yea, fuck that lady. Both my married family and bio, all narcissist. I'm not estranged from my 2 adult kids. He told them some sort of bullshit. Had to go no contact with all of them. I'm finally at peace.

@daCubanaqt

8 ай бұрын

“Blood is not always thicker than water” is universally understood to mean family bonds aren’t always great and chosen bonds might be stronger than family ones. Understanding the original saying is great, but the “perverted” phrase means the same thing. Blood has long been a euphemism for family and “blood of the covenant” invokes the idea of blood brothers or those bonded in blood that aren’t related. So either way, the saying mean the same thing.

I have actually used the vampire, zombie, death-eater metaphors while explaining Narcissism to my adult children. They feed off your heart, your mind, your soul.

@kaitlynkarol4600

8 ай бұрын

Yes, right - I use these same metaphors too. They are evil monsters and they never grow up b/c they got stuck in an arrested development and nothing will cure or change that later. Even Dr Ramini tells us in her many videos I've watched for yrs now that she can help w/ mental illnesses in many cases but narcissism is a CONDITION not a mere illness. They are stuck in their baby brains and have a sense of entitlement and their pride and ego eats them alive like a cancer that keeps spreading for the rest of their life. My senior parents - currently going into senility - are much more evil and crazy now than they ever were as their fangs are even sharper and the bites they attempt to take out of you are even deadlier - b/c they know they're going down and they wish to take you w/ them. That is b/c they never grew up so now, they recoil back even further into their infant-brains to make you feel obligated to feeling sorry for them again, and I just won't do it. My empathy has been warped and messed w/ so much that it's a miracle I still have my empathy as well as my soul. By the grace of God, I was saved and spared! These psychic vampires are soul-crushers and will do EVERYTHING they can to keep crushing you - including removing you from their will and leaving you w/no inheritance like my dad is doing for his last punishment of me to seal the last vestiges of his hatred of me. They do this b/c like the old saying goes, 'misery loves company'. In the God-believing community and in the Christian realm, the bible refers to this as the 'hardening of heart and the reprobate mind' and I know too many ppl like this and they are def doomed for hell... but guess what? They DESERVE it! No, I don't hate them as I had to forgive them and still am forgiving them which is a lifelong process sometimes but they are hell-bound nonetheless...It is not my fault - the empath's fault. They have put themselves there. They had many chances to change but their blind pride and huge ego made them stay imprisoned by their own self-denial and lies they tell themselves up till the day they die. So yes, b/c they are stuck and unwilling to change this, they will die this way.

@TrudyPatootie

5 ай бұрын

*I described mine as a parasite ...and I of course was the host.*

@connie9492

4 ай бұрын

THEY HAVE NO REMORSE OR SENSITIVITY!

@TrudyPatootie

4 ай бұрын

@@connie9492 *None! Absolutely none!*

This! “Both things can co-exist”! My ex can have Bipolar disorder AND be a narcissist. He can be a violent abuser and still post spiritual quotes on Facebook!

@cuucnsbfl9913

8 ай бұрын

Joe Says: I Know someone VERY Much like that!

@rsviews2167

7 ай бұрын

Jacques Languirand was a very well known french speaking radio host back in the 70s, 80s here in Montreal Quebec. His podcasts were always about the spiritual side of life ; deep meaning, poetic and a bit humorous. Later found guilty of sexually abusing his own daughter for many years. Died no too long after. These masters at disguise monsters exist for real, and sometimes, they are your parents. It’s hard to suffer abuse in your own home. It’s way harder when everybody thinks they’re awesome.

Also, it's depressing to imagine how many artists and performers I admire who are probably monsters to their loved ones behind closed doors.

@idid138

8 ай бұрын

Or people in your community

@samme1024

8 ай бұрын

It's not just artists and performers. It's many people in the community. My father is a horrific narc and a sexual predator. He's a well loved pastor. I'm building a case against him with his victims. Otherwise no one would ever believe me .

@DebraCollins-fq4jo

8 ай бұрын

So called Christian narcs are the worst. Having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof. Wolves in sheep's clothing. Jesus called the Jewish leaders a den of vipers and hypocrites. White washed sepulcher with death inside, no life. God said not to put our trust in any man. We are to expose the evil, shout it from the roof top. Nothing is to remain hidden. Blessings as you pursue the injustice done to the innocent 🙏. Put on your whole armor everyday!

@kathleenking47

8 ай бұрын

Johnny Carson, had only ONE grandchild A black biracial granddaughter which he snubbed She looked a lot like him SIMILAR to Johnny cash's 1st wife vivian

@carolyntirado2159

8 ай бұрын

@@kathleenking47 Vivian was Italian.

I was in my early 50s when I first read about the psychological definition of narcissism. After decades of therapy, I chanced upon the term and a discussion of it while reading an article online. I got the recommended book and began reading. Within a few pages I had to stop and take a moment to take in that this was going to be a very big deal for me. The text was both terrifying and extremely validating at the same time. (The book: "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad.) Too few mental health professionals understand the effects of being "raised" by narcissistic parents. I had been reaching out for help all my life, when I was not fully dissociated. There are very many narcissistic people in this world, and they cause so much pain and harm. I'm so glad this information is becoming more widespread. I thank you both so much for doing this work.

@forgiven5919

8 ай бұрын

Yes I believe that the world is full of these creatures at this time in history. Having a narc for a parent seems like a very cruel trick of our worst enemy. They silently secretly hope their own flesh and blood commit suicide so they can get sympathy....

@grovermartin6874

8 ай бұрын

@@forgiven5919 Or just to have the whole stage to themselves. Sharing is not their thing.

@gregpendrey6711

8 ай бұрын

I can relate to being in therapy for my whole adult life and not getting this common knowledge until recently. Sad but hopeful at sixty.

@forgiven5919

8 ай бұрын

@@gregpendrey6711 Good luck in healing ❤️

@esimm595

8 ай бұрын

Sadly, you probably won’t get your money back from your therapists.

It was such a honor to do this wth Dr Ramani

SO SORRY TO ALL WHO HAVE HAD ABUSE IN THEIR CHILDHOOD AND FAMILY. BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

What she says about how different the parent is at home and how they are in the world and how the world sees them is very true. My father to this day, he is now in his 70s, is Mr. Popularity. At home, to this day, he is a miserable drunk with PTSD from Vietnam. He brought his war experience home with him and unleashed it when drunk onto me and my mother. Instead of raising me to be my own person, I had to play the role of being an extension of him, “the fruit of his loins”. I would have to beg like a dog for food at his feet. He would always look me deep in the eyes and tell me that we were the same person. That no one could break us apart. He would force me to watch war and horror movies with him. We didn’t watch Disney in our house it was always violence everywhere. And yes he was violent with us. But outside the home he was the most and still is the most popular guy in town. All the women love him because he is so attractive and charming. All the men have a deep respect for him because he is a veteran and is highly involved in all the social stuff that veterans do in the community. If there was a King, it would be him. He just has that presence. So when people see me they see me only as that extension of him. They know me because everyone knows him. And it’s always lauding about how wonderful he is and I have to just maintain that illusion by smiling and nodding and internally screaming “if you only knew!”

Both my parents were also narcissists as well, and my sister and I left our home for the west coast of the country from the east when we were in our late 20's. I am an elder now, and of course didn't have the words to describe my parents behavior back then but we both new we had to leave. That's when my 'healing' began when I realized I could not heal my family. It had been a long going process of individuation and self love.

Both my parents too, my dad was more an enabler of the psychopath mom. She destroyed me whenever I was succeeding and I had no idea because I was pushed to succeed for their image.

@imalrockme

8 ай бұрын

That diabolical dynamic, I can in part relate.

@allywolf9182

8 ай бұрын

Yeah I couldn't wrap my head around how in public I was this shining star, straight A perfect child.... for them of course... but the moment I was at home...I instantly returned to being the POS they repeatedly told me I was. When I was the same person the entire time 🤷‍♀️. At 63... it still messes with me

@erikavaleries

8 ай бұрын

@@allywolf9182 It’s so familiar and very hard to get over it. I try to learn to live with it instead and distance myself. Hugs 🙏❤️

I am so sorry to hear this. Just proves how well narcs can cover so well in public. I pray for her continued healing.

@angelaholmes8888

8 ай бұрын

Yeah narcissist are good at hiding who they are to people like shirley maclaine

@1purplekw

8 ай бұрын

They are different people, to different people. Even a different parent to each of their children. One child might think they are great, or not that bad. The other child might think they are verbally abusive. Both kids are right, cause both kids experienced different parents, in the same home. They are different people, depending on who they are dealing with. I believe this is subconsciously done, and not done on purpose.

@annemccarron2281

8 ай бұрын

@@angelaholmes8888They are master con artists

What really amazes me about Juliet's story is that both she and her husband had narc parents and yet, they have a good, loving marriage. That is so beautiful, how they can now tell their stories together. As an artist and filmmaker, I really needed to hear this. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You are such a blessing. 💜🙏 On a side note: there was always something about Martin Landau that unnerved me, even as a kid, when I'd see him in something. I could never put my finger on it, but now it makes sense. Also, I just started reading 'People of the Lie' the day before listening to this! Excellent book (which is to be expected from M. Scott Peck).

@soniakakunze9120

8 ай бұрын

Maybe you are one of those truth teller and great gift of discernment ! I am the same and I know what you mean

@juliettailor1616

8 ай бұрын

Yeah,never liked Landeau. The roles he played were also creepy. Maybe that made him worse. Hollywood will do that to people

@leticiavillafranco6347

8 ай бұрын

Here's what I felt when I saw Landau I was always puzzled by my attraction to him bc he wasn't particularly a handsome man in his older years. I now understand that it was that thing Juliet talked about the familiarity. I ve come realize that I've attracted mainly narcissists into my life. I now tell myself if he's attracted to me he must be a narcissist!!! It's shattering to ones reality to not be able to trust yourself to see the red flags and have the capacity to run like hell if you do and not be like a bug attracted to the fire and your own demise in the process. He play disturbing roles.

@jackyleblanc6460

6 ай бұрын

also the road less travelled

My parents were narcissists. My stepmother is still at it (dad passed), but what you said about getting nauseous really hit home. I can go back to my childhood home and my gut clenches? up. Thanks for being so honest and open, both of you.

@ruthpearsall2618

8 ай бұрын

I wasn’t able to go near my childhood home for decades. I went back last year with my head held high, no nausea. It felt like a symbolic moment when I transcended evil and stepped into my power. I’m 62

@63rambler66

8 ай бұрын

I think a lot of people play out these dynamics with a step parent. It might actually require lower narcissism to end up like that in a step-relative relationship, and just obliviousness makes up for the difference, not sure…

No contact WORKS. My life has only improved after cut-off but it’s hard at first to accept what we must do & the narcissist will never change

Thank you both. I am a 58 y.o. Doctor. My mother is now 88 and has dementia. Her pre morbid personality is becoming more pronounced. I have just decided to go no contact for 1 week initially. Listening to this it may have to be forever. My father stopped his medication to leave this life and her. Thank you again, I needed this today.💔❤️❤️

@TrudyPatootie

5 ай бұрын

*So Liz I am curious...how is it going today?*

@lizphillips2283

5 ай бұрын

Still difficult, was baby sitting her for my nieces wedding. Have to switch off emotions and just get through it. My sister and I are emotional support for each other.

@TrudyPatootie

5 ай бұрын

@@lizphillips2283 *Thank God you have* *your sister's support and she has yours* *MY daughter is a Narc and I know how* *absolutely abusive they can be. Yours* *is truly a trying situation,but it appears* *that you have stepped up to assist an* *aging mother who mistreated/mistreats* *you both. God Bless you both!* 🙏

I loved her Drusilla character. So glad you found a partner who has your back, Juliet!

I watched this film at the start of the pandemic at the recommendation of Dr. Ramani. My narcissist-boyfriend had just overdosed on heroin in my bathroom so I was trying to go "no contact" because I was so traumatized by the overdose and having to perform CPR. This was killing me, especially during quarantine. The timing was perfect for me to see Juliet depict how I had been suffering so I felt connected to something during the loneliest, most painful, scariest, most depressing time of my life. I spoke with Juliet and Dev following the film about what happened to me and how her performance in the most intense scene depicted my current state. I want to rewatch this film and join the place among the dead heads as I hardly remember anything from that time. My trauma has erased so much of my memory. Thank you for this very insightful conversation.

I had that "numbed out" look after a year into a narcissistic relationship to the point that some of my colleagues were like, "Geez, what's wrong?" I meekly said all was fine and tried to shuffle along my way, obviously miserable. My narc ex didn't ever pick up on the fact that I was miserable until 6 months later, right before I broke it off. She was always so wrapped up in her own feelings/plans that even spending every day with me wasn't enough for her to take notice.

When someone has your back and you have their's. I have never felt what that could be like. I am so glad Juliet found that. Amazing personal insight and empathy for others while dealing with the trauma of her own life and that of her husband. Soul tired

You must shine enough as a child to be a good reflection of your narcissistic parent(s) but never to outshine them. Also, the perfectionism that develops hits home. It’s no wonder I married a man who makes a living on stage and is revered by many but behind the scenes is a textbook narcissist. Fully understanding in hindsight how we connected as empath to narcissist in a magnetic polarity gives me an intellectual understanding of my choices. Now I get to chose differently and allowing myself to rise to the surface and dare I say upstage my husband ? It’s taken me a long time to get here as if I’ve woken up from a alternate reality as I step fully into being ME.

@DevonExplorer

7 ай бұрын

That's wonderful, Cheryl. Something similar happened to me with an ex partner. He was 'the' photographer and soon convinced me that I didn't need to continue my photographic studies, undermining me each time I used my camera. He went the way of many by running away with a much younger woman, leaving me with our little boy and a shed load of unpaid bills. Fast forward decades later I now have part of a City & Guilds in photography and a uni degree encompassing photography along with other design arts. What the best thing is I finally realised that I'm actually a much better photographer than he is, lol!. It takes a long time, doesn't it, but we did it. Congrats and very best wishes to you. :)

Speaking of narcissistic parents, one of the most disturbing videos from Ruby Franke is when she is blatantly gaslighting her daughter about yelling at her. Ruby looks so delighted that the world can see her gaslighting skills at the expense of her sweet little girl

Exhausted after 40 years with narcissist/sociopath. Divorce final 8/25/23. My freedom- now finding myself again and learning what my wants and needs even are. I divorced my family of origin at 35 years of age, not knowing then I was living with a monster of the same elk. Eyes wide open now with a very small circle of people now. No contact is the only way to go when dealing with these monsters. Didn’t go to my father’s death bed either. I have no regrets and won’t on my deathbed. Thank you for this - running to watch the movie 🍿

@sandragrewe

8 ай бұрын

I discarded my mother 1.5 yrs ago and my half-sister in Dec 2022. both hated me anyway & caused me so much grief. I don't have to put up with them anymore! Half-sister sold mom's house for $900,000 CASH. Half sister said my mom left me $100.00. That's One Hundred and No/100------- and I was always there for her and went to all her dancing events (she was a dancer). my half-sister never went to any of her shows. She always talks about my half-sister like she is a movie star, "with her beautiful Norwegian Smile and that magnanimous personality." i can finally be free to be me.

@lynettefarley537

8 ай бұрын

@@sandragrewe it is so hard to loose people who were supposed to love us and protect us and never did and never can. We have to go no contact and get on with our lives. It’s lonely sometimes and I am learning to love and care for myself. That is a solo journey. You are not alone. Love and light to you ❤️ So proud of you from escaping the toxicity ❣️

@AlyKatKitty

8 ай бұрын

I’m in the same boat, out after 36 years! It’s so strange, all the detoxing. Thank you for sharing!

@sandragrewe

8 ай бұрын

@@lynettefarley537 thank you. It's painful but I am better off without these people. My half-sister abused my son and didn't tell me the truth until 18 years later.

@kaitlynkarol4600

8 ай бұрын

@@AlyKatKitty - I am in same boat too. What's interesting about my situation is how I ran away from home at 16, been independent ever since but there are times when family emergencies w/health or funerals come up and I show up to help or show respect only to be taken to the chopping block again. I am then re-traumatized and have to start over w/ my forgiveness journey as I call it. I spend my whole life healing b/c there are TONS of layers upon layers of healing that must be done and it takes a whole lifetime for some of us - esp given that I have had 4 relatives like this - both parents, one gma and a brother who all were narc haters of me and made me their scapegoat due to my strong empathy. The legacy of narc hatred is INTENSE and lasts far beyond the events that caused such hatred in them.

Yikes, I've so often referred to narcissistic people in my life (I'm also in show biz. They're EVERYWHERE) as "drinking my blood" its a perfect metaphor. Now I'm dying to see the movie.

It's so sad that we have come to the point where we are encouraging the dissolution of family systems. I get it, I've recently gone no contact and am feeling the positive effects, but having to leave your family is heartbreaking.

Look into childhood emotional neglect for that bad relationship answer. It makes so much sense. Even with seemingly good parents can raise broken children if there is no emotional nuturing.

@rochellea9652

8 ай бұрын

I think many of us raised in the 60's had parents like this.

@timorthelame1

8 ай бұрын

@@rochellea9652 It wasn't a picnic being "raised" in the 70s and 80s by boomers either. But I would certainly agree that the phenomenon of self absorbed neglectful parents became more commonplace starting in the 1960s. It was a decade of social change, some for the good; some for the bad but selfish parenting was definitely one of the negative aspects. If that was your experience too, I hope you found ways to thrive and have a good life in spite of it. :)

I used to think my dad was the narcissist of the family but I now see my mom is just as bad. The damage done sometimes feels irreversible! Specially bc I can't really go no contact. Now it's about them being old and their lives coming to a close. They resent that you will continue to exist beyond them. Good for you Juliet that you've figured it out at such a young age and have done something ingenious to convey your story and the story of so many victims of narcissism

You had to be good enough, educated, attractive, charming but the narc does not like when you get more attention than them… if you do they start to secretly downplay any accomplishments you obtain. Then they start to gaslight.

OMG !!! I’ve experienced being ill and nauseous every time I interacted with my mom during my formative years resulting my digestive system to be the weakest part of body . I’m still healing after more than fifty years via meditation and learning from you about narcissism Dr. Ramani . Bless you , thank you !

@aynilaa

8 ай бұрын

I grew up with narcissists and already had IBS as a kid. There's probably a connection as stress triggers it and life with them is always stressful.

@samme1024

8 ай бұрын

For years I've gotten sick when getting ready to see my brother who is a horrific narc, and a self-declared "warlock" aka satan worshipper. He took me to one of his gatherings when I was 6 and tried to kill me. He's bullied me my whole life. I can't wait to no longer see him in the rear view mirror.

@SamStone1964

8 ай бұрын

​@@samme1024My 63 year old brother is still trying to destroy me.

I did a similar thing as Juliet did. I did not go to either parents' funerals. My situation is different. I live in another state, I lived on Disability so I was low income, disabled so I would have difficulty getting there financially as well as physically and I can no longer drive so I would have a lot of problems getting there to be with people who don't want me there and for what? My parents are dead. They are gone and I would go through a lot physically and financially to see a body in a coffin and a hostile family who don't care about me. I honestly told my niece that going was impossible for me and why and multiply by two. My cousin told me she wanted nothing to do with me because I didn't show up for the funeral. I am so use to this family toxic behavior that I told her no problem. The family knows for years that I have physical problems due to a back injury, but now I don't jump when called so I am dirt. They are no longer in my life and I am fine with it. You have to preserve your sanity and stand up for yourself. You have to draw the line and stand your ground.

This was so hard to hear because of how much I can relate to it. I had to go full no contact because my mom threatened to lie to CPS so she could control my children and therefore me. I refused to let them have the awful childhood I did. I had to go full no contact for the safety of my family. My whole family of origin supported my mother. Both my parents are toxic narcissist and it's like living in a cult of personality. It has taken a lot of time to deprogram and learn how to live a healthier life. I said to both my husband and also to my therapist that after six years of no contact I finally feel like I am living instead of just surviving. I am doing things I only dreamed I could because I surround myself with people who love and support me and who I love and support in return. My grandma died recently and it hurt so much to not get to say goodbye, but I felt much the same as Juliet. It would have been a lie. My grandma would have begged me to forgive my family and take them back into my life. I couldn't do that. Why add energy to a situation like this when it would be horrible no matter how I tired to direct that energy. It would have been twisted into something selfish when really I just wanted her to have the peace of knowing she was forgiven. I do forgive them because they can't change. I understand how they got to where they are. But I am never going back.

@j1947m

8 ай бұрын

Wow.......that sounds so horrible.....much worse than I had it.......but it took me a lot longer to find out what it WAS...and then I chose to go back to it because my sister was all alone and couldn't help herself any more...but God provided just the right people to help me and to be WITNESSES to what was going on.

Thank you Juliet for sharing! Not easy talking about family in this way. Society doesn’t make it easy to open up guilt free. Victims are made to feel they’re vilifying their abusers. Victims get shamed for speaking out 😢.

@oceandove

8 ай бұрын

This is so true what you say about victims experiences when speaking out. After listening to Dr. Ramani and a few others on narcissists and toxic behaviour from people , I’ve learned to stop sharing with individuals who are oblivious to the topic. Even if they mean well, their lack of knowledge in narcissism will cause more harm than good.

@lucylue1713

8 ай бұрын

So true.

I recall catching an interview with Martin Landau after a movie, and after I had learned about the narcissist in my life. He said some things that sent up flags for me that he was not a nice person.

It is always sad to hear about someone who grew up without the love and support of good parents. Juliette sounds like a very intelligent person. She and her husband are fortunate that they found each other and were able to heal together. I definitely agree that no contact is necessary to heal for many people. As a grandparent of two little girls I am so glad that they have the love and support they deserve. I really enjoyed ;listening to Juliette and hope to see her movie.

My experience too!!! Not famous but very good image to everyone except their own children- I’m the scapegoat - no contact 3 years 🎉

The knights saying, “Trust : The Blood of the Knights cut covenant is thicker than the Water of the Womb” in other words family ties are only of birth, not of loyalty ! I love Julia’s saying too ❤

being children of rich or famous sociopeths/ narcissists is a special kind of hell on earth ...worst case scenario : Menendez brothers : still in prison for life ,for trying to break out of the demonic hell of abuse😰😥

Forgiveness is not reconciliation. I can forgive the narcissist because he obviously has no ability for empathy just so I don't carry the poison of bitterness. But we are never reconciled because reconciliation requires the narcissist to apologize, make amends, and prove himself to me that he will never hurt me in the ways he did again...which he is totally incapable of. So yes to forgiveness, but no reconciliation.

@centpushups

8 ай бұрын

Often mistaken. Forgiveness is not pardon. Forgiveness requires repentance. And if the offender really means it there will be compensation like if I stole I will pay back 4 times.

@SamStone1964

8 ай бұрын

Forgiveness is such a murky concept. I aim for neutrality where they don't invoke any strong emotions in me.

I was born in the fifties and throughout the sixties watched old movies on tv. I had a hard time telling the actresses from the thirties but there was one that really creeped me out. I didn't know she name but the moment she showed up in a film I would recognize her as someone I didn't like. As I got older I learned that she was a critically acclaimed actress a nd I finally could make her. I still couldn't understand what so disturbed me about her. And then Mommy Dearest came out. I'm not sure if the book is completely accurate but the emotional experience for Christina Crawford I believe entirely because it is exactly what I feel watching her mother perform. Joan Crawford is not someone I can watch.

@kathleenking47

8 ай бұрын

I think Lucille LaSoeur was crazy, and not acting when she played Joan Crawford It's like Shia LaBoeuf...they're not really acting They just play their TYPE

No contact is not so easy. It often means cutting off siblings that you love or nieces and nephews who are living with awful parents

I can identify with being the platform for my mother's attention seeking, but after the attention was gained, being tossed aside or shamed for acting in accord with my needs or talents in the situation. This made it very hard to discern right from wrong in social situations. Since the supposed repercussions were always described via triangulation (what will people think of you) there was no way to directly refute the abuse. Nothing was ever her fault. Nothing.

@janettemartin4604

8 ай бұрын

I hear you! My MOM that I only called by her FIRST NAME was the beneficiary of ANYTHING I did! If I veered to ME she was MEAN AND EVIL! Jay Reid (and I am not just saying this to get him more followers) he covers these minute details very well!

@Flyingrabbit2222

8 ай бұрын

@@janettemartin4604 Thank you for the rec...Jay is interesting.

@chloebell2209

8 ай бұрын

sounds exhausting - I'm so glad you untangled the triangulation - so well hidden - I'm happy you see what was going on and hope you can relax in social environments

The good enough but not TOO good thing resonates so much. My narc mom got lots of "supply" from attending a super-elite college. All her children (even the invisible/scapegoats) were expected to get good grades without support in high school (having smart kids aligned with her self-image), but I don't think it's a coincidence that when my brother who's a literal genius started his first semester of college his tuition "somehow" never arrived despite ample family funds. He was forced to drop out, as did ALL my mother's kids (though two of us went back years later). It adds a bitter irony that during this era she was doing things like raising funds for students to attend her elite university and eating dinner every night with other people's kids as a dorm parent while literally not seeing or speaking to her own high school-age daughter for weeks at a time. 16:01 It's so true that they consciously gild their public image, sometimes in direct contrast to how badly they're behaving at home.

@Me-fy8ue

8 ай бұрын

I hope your brother found real love and success

@bellaluce7088

8 ай бұрын

​@@Me-fy8ue Thank you. All her kids are still quite damaged but we've also all managed to find good things in life.

@SamStone1964

8 ай бұрын

​@@bellaluce7088Classic communal narcissist.

What’s hit me: being gay, rejected…it’s so “similar” to being raised by narcissistic parents/family. It’s almost a DOUBLE DOSE. Therapy has taught me a real problem with constant self doubt, rejection issues. A cry of “SEE ME!” and “FIGHT FOR ME (like I do you)” and “I MATTER”. Oprah said in the 80s: “people want to be seen, heard, and know they matter”. Hard to see yourself when never taught.

@rolo4945

8 ай бұрын

❤️

@Flyingrabbit2222

8 ай бұрын

@@rolo4945 Depending on which generation you grew up in, growing up gay can be either celebrated by an N parent as we might see with some of the "Trans" parents showing off their kids, or being subjected to a thousand uncomfortable glances for simply being yourself. It is a mine field that few therapists talk about.

@kameshiam1674

8 ай бұрын

My family was the opposite. My gay cousins were praised and us holy rollers weren't. This was probably due to my grandmother being bi sexual.

@kaitlynkarol4600

8 ай бұрын

This is what most ppl don't get: It's NOT a matter of being gay or being straight either. It's a matter of what is trending. Narcs are very trend-minded b/c they're deeply insecure hipsters w/ unstable identities (aka, sell-out's, posers, frauds, imposters, etc) who just go along to get along & whose EGOS ARE DYING TO FIT IT so badly that they'll erase you if YOUR identity gets in THEIR way. Their overall decisions are shaped by bias so if society makes it convenient to be gay or to be straight - that is the issue you need to be focusing on and how then all other narcs will respond to THAT. It has nothing to do w/ your ID or any aspects of it - so you can't take it personally b/c it's about them and how they chase after whatever is trendy in the moment, according to their biases & prejudices at that time in history. The ego is what is hungry and thirsty for not just its desire to be accepted but to be POWERFUL & POSSESSIVE & according to the times, and what is trending in that time - that is what they will fight for so it all depends on the time you're living in that will be the determining factor of whether you fit in w/ the evil childish 'hive mind' or not. This is why we have to stand on our own INDIVIDUAL ground - regardless of whether others support it or not. I am straight and always have been but now that so many ppl are pretending to be interested in trans-gendering - and not for their own reasons or struggles but just to be trendy - this same group now hates ppl like me w/ a vengeance. Many of my gay friends are also being hated & pressured into being trans too and this also squeezes out many gays from being accepted anymore too b/c the new trans scene says being 'gay is passe', 'no longer cool' or 'cool enough' and many gays hate seeing the blind trends of something that should be taken seriously & I don't blame those gays for seeing it this way b/c this is the truth of what is happening. There is a culling going on now, dividing us deeper down thinner margins w/deeper shoals and ditches. It's reverse hatred that so many groups are now playing to keep up the identity politics machine - all of which is run on hipster values staged and controlled by the elites who run the world - the ORIGINAL NARCS. This is why we must be true to our own ID w/out regard to what's 'in' and what's 'out'...none of that should matter. But narcs want to own us b/c they want all the power so they will say what gets to be accepted and what won't and this is why narcissism is so evil. Globalists are the ultimate epitome of narcissism and even dr's are not willing to explore this part of it as they skate by it a bit but not fully embrace the deeper nuance of it. Their fear is also part of the enabling of narcs! And ya know why? B/c so much of this trendy BS w/ trans ppl that is aiming to erase the rest of us for a new race and type of human - is run by the APA (American Psych Assoc) who are doing all this to promote pedophilia b/c if you can get kids to believe they're trapped in the wrong gender, they will also be led to believe it's OK to lower the age of consent to age 5 (their goal, an adopted goal of the old NAMBLA agenda) and to have sex w/ adults who groom them. This is the slippery slope if you do the research. Sorry if this is too much to take on BUT it's fact and also - this is the bigger conversation we NEED to be having about narcissism b/c it is THE MONSTER that is eating us all alive, bit by bit, trend by trend.

@kaitlynkarol4600

8 ай бұрын

@@kameshiam1674 - Makes sense due to bias and all social groups have patriarchy and matriarchy biases and prejudices w/in their own social groups including family culture as well as business/corporate culture, religious culture, etc. It's about how the hungry ego is run by the hipster ideal in mainstream society overall and how the lower sects of that choose to appeal to their own social systems that run below it. See my other comment in this section to Flying rabbit2222.

I always thought this of them even as a child. I didn’t have a word for it, but I knew.

Not knowing what love really is, yup I get that. Deep down we know what's happening feels awful, I remember thinking that if this is love then I don't want it. I longed for someone to have my back, narc parents never do and they'll think nothing of stabbing you in it whilst buying you gifts and smiling to your face

My mother tried to drown me when I was a baby.. Thankfully my dad came home early from work. I had colic, she was pregnant with my brother. Life never got better for me but it was a secret. I learned early that nobody would believe me. She was an heiress to one of America's favorite foods. She was also an alcoholic. Everyone in my town envied us.. I was the loneliest person in the world. I gave up my career to help her at the end. I thought we were finally, "You're my best friend." Just a day before she passed she told me that I "was the reason parents should outlive their children." A week after her death I found out that she had cut me out of her will..except for her rescues which she left to me with instructions to dispose of them. My siblings got her millions, I got shafted. But I also got the things money can't buy.. And I can sleep at night.

@dnk4559

8 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry you experienced this and you are right you have what is better, the ability to show and feel love and have empathy. This is something I’ve come to realize that those stuck in the narcissistic family system are unable to have.

@Me-fy8ue

8 ай бұрын

I hope your siblings shared with you🙏

@thebiscuitrose

8 ай бұрын

@oldsoul279 wow. I'm amazed 😢 and hurting with you. And did you re-home the rescues? 😢😢😢😢😢😢

@mares3841

8 ай бұрын

I don't understand how she could do that to you, the one who cared for her. I cared for my parents too and I know that I gave all that I had to give and I would recommend it to anyone.

@j1947m

8 ай бұрын

@@Me-fy8ue I have a feeling that they didn't...

I relate to this discussion so much, only I married a dangerous man so things only got much much worse for me and my children. I also tended to have quite a few one sided friendships and all of this blew up all at once when I had a major health crisis twenty years ago, and from there the drama continued right up to and through the death of my son and a few years later my mother. Who am I kidding? It continues even still.

My brother is a narcissist. I came to this understanding at age 68, but it freed me. My brother lives far away, has lung cancer and I have finally given up thinking there is something i could do or say that would change the relationship. He has an online journal of his health journey. I have some guilt about not wanting to read it and wondering what his famous friends think. Julia's words have helped me. Thank you.

I’m just tired, too. Tired of trying to stop the abuse of a narcissistic family that will never think that they’re at fault for anything.

I very much went through yhe same thing. I always thought my mother hated me. I'm just now realizing I was the victim of narcissistic parents

@farmcat3198

8 ай бұрын

Sorry. The last time my mom visited, she got drunk. After pressing her on her favoritism towards my sister, she finally admitted that she preferred women over men. I've been no-contact since. There was one occasion when I joked that I was going to move back to the same town as she and my sister. She told me she didn't want anything to do with me, and that I shouldn't contact her or my sister if I move there. To hell with both of them.

Manipulative, gaslighting, having a private face of humanitarianism and a private face of soul and sometimes physical murderer, exploitive… Narcissism is an absolute no win. For myself going no contact and being able to identify narcissism is so important in finding people with compassion, respect, integrity, and empathy and capable of understanding and love. Thanks Dr Ramanj

I read People of the Lie. It’s great. My father was the overt narc and physically abusive (my one ex husband) and my mother was the covert vindictive sneaky narc (my other ex husband).

Yes, absolutely, it is a very mixed message that I received from my narcissistic parents. I had to receive good grades, but at the same time I was told that I had a low IQ, that I was lazy, etc. When my good grades led to me graduating from Nursing School, in the Honor Society, with a Bachelor's Degree, I was told that none of these things meant anything. That anyone could have gotten them. Even though in the 5 years up to me getting my degree, I was told frequently, that I would never finish my degree. That I wasn't smart enough to be a nurse. That I didn't have the ability to be an effective nurse. Of course, after 43 years as a Critical Care Nurse Specialist, and no contact with my father for 20 years of that career, he has no effect on my self belief, in regards to my career

@indytoby1

8 ай бұрын

Wow😢..so sad to not recieve honest validation from those who supposedly loved you the most! I feel you .

I've absolutely got to see Julia's film! I had the creepy feeling her father was a Narc but heard Johnny Deep talk about how helpful he was...... which reminded me, they're public persona is so different from who they really are.

Juliet's perspective on forgiveness is so relieving to hear for me...along with so many other insights... thank you so much

@timorthelame1

8 ай бұрын

My perspective... not seeking retribution is more than enough forgiveness for someone who abused you. They are owed nothing.

From all the stories I’ve heard, I can’t think of anything worse than being the child of famous actors or politicians or titans of industry.

@gigiarmany4332

6 ай бұрын

Yep..pure evil ..like the parents of the Menendez brothers

I so appreciate Juliet sayin that her inner peace works, I hate the term forgiveness.

@j1947m

8 ай бұрын

You will never know the the peace, the JOY that you can feel on a regular basis until you "forgive" someone....they don't HAVE to "deserve" it.....they DON'T, of course......but it is the only thing that will separate you from the pain of having known them.....the bitterness that will SHOW ON YOUR FACE and prevent you from being FREE!

24:18 Where the discussion leads to the excellent point where "blood isn't always thicker than water, sometimes it's just stickier"

I always find it strange when a person tells another person that they're going to regret something. As humans, most of the time we see things from only our own perspective. She didn't go to the death bed because she knew it was right for her. My son in law grew up with practically the same type of relationship as Juliette. He had 2 narc parents that have tried to blame him for his abuse and trauma. Dealing with them was causing him to want to harm himself. He felt like his whole life was out of control. He has completely cut both of them out of his life. Since this, he's been so much happier and peaceful. He said he now doesn't always feel like someone is about to drop a hammer on him. I can't imagine what he and others like him have suffered but I'm so thankful that they've been able to make their way out of the muck and into the light.

Juliet Landau was incredible on Buffy and Angel and she played Drusilla with such a beautiful balance of dangerous unpredictability and lovelorn insecurity. It’s late so I’ll watch the episode tomorrow. Sorry that her parents derailed what should have been a privileged and happy life.

I wish there were as many resources for people who had nice but emotionally neglectful/distant parents. It's so strange to realize I share so traits with people who survived narcissist parents even though my parents were for the most part very "normal".

@drkatel

8 ай бұрын

@debless9572 I get it. There are so many ways parents can harm children. I don’t believe my mom was a true narc, but she had untreated severe anxiety plus no capacity to apologize or talk about feelings. I know she loved me, but her fears caused her to essentially imprison me so I grew up not trusting myself. Her method of discipline was shame and silent treatments so perfectionism became my defense against abandonment.

I had to do business with Martin's brother for a time and every year when I had to call on him, I dreaded it. He was an obnoxious, grandiose narcissist himself. I was raised by two narcissists so I am quick to recognize this and it was always very triggering for me to do business with Martin's brother. I had to bite my tongue- easy to do because he talked constantly and never let anyone else speak. But still, very unenjoyable experience, like I was being held hostage by him as he fluffed himself up. In order to get the sale I had to put up with his constant bloviating about what a great attorney he was and I hated it! And he would then brag about his famous actor brother, too. None of this had to do with the sale at hand. But I had to placate his enormous ego in order to close the deal. If you've been raised by narcissists you will know this is a very triggering thing that would stay with me for weeks. I hated dealing wtih that man!

@MariangelaDiCarlo-dg7gl

8 ай бұрын

Martin Landau had only sisters, no brothers.......🙄

@julianne33333

8 ай бұрын

@@MariangelaDiCarlo-dg7gl Oh, maybe he said cousin? He brought up the family relation thing every conversation.... exhausting. Maybe I blocked out the dtails because I was seriously triggered every time I had to speak to him. OR he is another narcissist he lied about this.

"These people are very good at getting in through the cracks".. that is so true and well said

This is why we should never admire beautiful pictures of people. Pictures don't tell their truths.

Juliet, Thank you for sharing honestly about the toxicity and gaslighting of narcissism. In a famous family you had the extra burden of not being believed by a hoodwinked public. This admission helps not only educate regarding narcissism but also projecting adoration onto people whom they really don’t know. Your speaking was validating and refreshingly honest.

I spent 40 years catering to the narcissist and kept getting abused it would be each holiday everything was my fault or I didn’t live up to some standard. Thanks to these videos I’m finally realizing what I’ve been put through and the other people are coming to the same realization that their lives are infinitely better without trying to cater to a narcissist

Catching up on videos now. Wow! This is really hitting home. I’m 67 years old and I still cringe at compliments. I have low self esteem and low self confidence to this day. I’m slowly getting better at accepting compliments and I’m slowly building confidence. I’m pretty sure my mom was a vulnerable narcissist and I’m pretty sure my oldest sister is. I just thank my dad for being a loving and caring influence, but he was trying to tap dance his way around our mom’s moods. Thanks so much for all you do. Dr Ramani, you have been like a life line to my mental health. ❤️🌻

I'm curious. Does her sister feel the same way? Why isn't she here contributing to this discussion?

wow good for you Juliet - we went to the same High School (BHHS) and i always saw you & your parents around town i send my sympathies 🙏 thank you for speaking out.

When I was about 12 years old, walking outside at a shopping center, I knew I was feeling depressed, but then I caught my reflection in a store window, and I looked like I was smiling.

@j1947m

8 ай бұрын

Oh...that's so sad

"You have to be good enough to reflect on them but nit too good to outshine....A Double Edge Sword for sure.....

I love the vetting process for the team selection. I will adopt this from now on in my life. Thank you!

@NavigatingNarcissismPod

8 ай бұрын

Glad it helped!

When someone makes you feel sickly familiar, it's an unsafe person. Wow! Thanks!

My mom was a covert narc, my dad was very overt narc, I know all about these abusive aholes , my parents ruined my childhood, I have been NC for over 5 yrs, never been happier

I hope you are at a better place now Juliet Landau! You're amazing and deserve happiness and love!

She has gone a long way on her healing journey ❤ She is so lucky to have company, I can only imagine having a partner who understands. I have so much conversations with me in my own head that I feel it's going to explode 🤯. I mean, I am not complaining, I am very healed 😅, but it would be nice to have someone (I love and loves me) to talk things over. My big mistake was waiting too long to make the big change against narcissists in my life. I waited and waited and when I finally said ENOUGH! I had no social network left to relay on or to help me in any way. 5 years after that "enough" point and, although everything around me looks ok and normal, inside my mind are millions of conversations trapped. I journal, I write songs, I paint and design things as an energy outlet. It is not enough. I tried not to filter people I hang out with, but I get uncomfortable very quickly when I'm around clueless people or enablers. And with presence of narcissists, uff!, my energy drops so fast that I put myself at risk of going into sleepwalk mode. Like the frontal lobe disconnects itself and I have no memory of anything afterwards until I have real sleep. Sorry for the rant, but maybe is helpful for someone and/or I find someone who has had a similar sleepwalking experience after an energy consuming narcissistic encounter, and we can exchange "notes" 😅 One can only dream!! This interview was awesome, thank you!

@JudeScott007

8 ай бұрын

I hear you!

@user-rk1jt6ft7h

8 ай бұрын

Good Luck in your recovery.

Would definitely buy an autobiography about Juliet's story.

In Crimes and Misdemeanors Martin Landau , justifies the killing of his side chic for the betterment of his life. This is the ultimate Narc move , he’s brilliant in that role and now…..

Drusilla. I remember her and loved her character. Juliet is a fantastic actress! She helped make Buffy the iconic hit it is.

I don't trust the "charm" of the narcissist. What does the person want, what is the person's angle? Intent? It's never good!

Wow! What an amazing and refreshing interview. Juliet is thriving. I’m so happy she is experiencing the love she deserves. I hope to have that one day. I’m on low contact and only communicate w my mother through my brother. It’s starting to drain me so I may have to stop. The saddest part abt realizing your mother is a narcissist is realizing that she won’t ever change and that I’ll never have the mother I always needed. I have no idea what that feels like anyway. Much love to all of the survivors out there. ❤

I read Peck's book several years ago, and it helped a great deal, but the process of coming to terms with all of the twisted adaptations that a child of narcissists make and then carry with them as habits of thought, mind, heart, and action; this has been a gradual process for me punctuated by fits and starts. My mother's passing was revelatory for me, but these habits of the heart continue to impact me every day, decades later; perfectionism, avoidant behavior, trust issues, inappropriate choices in partners. Growing old enough to not care what anyone else thinks of me, or how they perceive me, is a help.

Space: 1999 producer Sylvia Anderson gave an interview where she acknowledged the Landaus were a handful to work with and she, too, eventually cut off contact.

So, re my other comment, there is this small group of fans who are her mother’s groupies who take her out. I’m sad to hear this but as a victim too I believe her. Personally I wasn’t very comfortable with her parents & I think this explains it. I saw & heard some red flags. I also refused to see my father on his death bed. It was the best decision for me, in retrospect too, & everyone I’ve seen who did visit the abusive Narc parent regressed severely & regretted it. Finally, I hope Juliet reads these. Oddly, Anne Lockhart (actress, Battlestar Galactica) is also estranged from her mother, June Lockhart (Lassie, Lost in Space), sounds like for similar reasons. Have you ever spoken to her??? You have much in common, your mothers were both actresses and sci fi stars. Anyway, I hope you see this & I hope you two connect someday.

Wow. That idea of receiving a compliment and then a slap. Talk about a light bulb moment. There's my topic for therapy this week! lol That scenario definitely makes you wince or feel uncomfortable with compliments. I have dismissed compliments for almost my entire life and now I understand why!!! Thank you!!

@jojospeechy4848

8 ай бұрын

Ditto! I continue to be so uncomfortable with complements. I brush them off quickly verbally & thru gesture. I get anxiety just thinking about receiving complements. 🥺

Hearing other people's stories of narcissistic parents is such a validation for me for my own situation alone of this is relatable especially about extended family enablers, narcissistic family systems and societal gas lighting and the toxic seeds that get planted and how it can affect all our relationships. So grateful for this video and channel 🙌

Thank you Juliet & Dr. Ramani - this hits so close to home, and provides a lense that many of us can relate to. Appreciate the vulnerability here! Cheers, Kelly

Thank you both for this interview and discussion! So many great points and wonderful ways of putting language around the process of discernment, healing, creating awareness and and safety for yourself and others. I love that we working of that old adage about blood and stickiness. And the way she Drew so many parallels between the traditional vampire and a narcissist. It makes me wonder if the whole genre and character of vampire World developed out of the experience of people who were under this kind of narcissistic abuse way back when, like so many other tropes and traditional characters. I had so many thoughts and even slight aha moments listening to this and will be listening to it again and again. And I'm going to share it immediately. Thank you both

People would always say my parents were wonderful, and that my father was a "happy" drunk. That happy drunk beat me to a pulp and left bruises when I was 13 for getting into a squabble with my sibling. (My parents were in another room making out at that moment. So he felt justified in trying to end my life.) The bruises became varicose veins which I still have. My father's family have deified him and see him as a saint. My mother had to pull him off of me because he was in a total rage and hitting with such force. The next day, I showed her my bruises and she acted as if I deserved the beating, and as if it didn't matter. Two narcissists in cahoots. I believe you Juliet absolutely. I always wondered if your dad was really more like some of his bad guy characters.

@5:57 This is exactly what it is like, it is a survival mechanism and entirely unsustainable as an adult. Having narcissistic parents messes with your mind from a very early age, and you don't even realize it's happening.

Julie and I were in acting class together for 6 years when we were in our twenties. Its so interesting to hear what she experienced with her parents, when I was experiencing the same narcissistic abuse with my boyfriend, who became my husband!

I was excited about watching this because Dr. Ramani has helped to open my eyes AND I was a big "Buffy" fan and have been impressed with Juliet's acting skills for many years. I did NOT expect to relate to this video as fully as I have. When Dr. Ramani mentioned growing up with a father who is a pastor, my heart stopped. Not only did I have this exact situation, but I am an adoptee. Top that off with a brother who is 14 mos. my junior, and born to my parents. He is the golden child and I am the scapegoat; always on the outside looking in. Happy to see Juliet and her husband have flourished together with love, helped each other with the healing process, and have received validation from each other along the way (and others).