Mirroring: The Unconscious Body Language of Love, with Jane McGonigal | Big Think
Mirroring: The Unconscious Body Language of Love,
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In our attempt to make scientific findings "applicable," people have said some pretty creepy things about body mirroring, the natural event in which people subconsciously mimic each other's body language. On the other hand, consciously mirroring someone's body language in order to manipulate them is awkward, says Jane McGonigal, at the very least. So instead of trying to manipulate people, simply be aware of when body mirroring happens in your life - it may be a sign that you are personally or professionally compatible with the person across from you.
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JANE MCGONIGAL:
Jane McGonigal, PhD, is a senior researcher at the Institute for the Future and the author of The New York Times bestseller
Reality Is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World. McGonigal's newest book is titled SuperBetter: A Revolutionary Approach to Getting Stronger, Happier, Braver and More Resilient--Powered by the Science of Games. Her work has been featured in The Economist, Wired, and The New York Times and on MTV, CNN, and NPR. She has been called one of the top ten innovators to watch (BusinessWeek), one of the one hundred most creative people in business (Fast Company), and one of the fifty most important people in the gaming industry (Game Developers Magazine). Her TED talks on games have been viewed more than ten million times.
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TRANSCRIPT:
Jane McGonigal: One of the fun things that you can do in everyday life is to develop a technique that I call the love detector. And here’s how it works. In everyday life we are constantly mirroring with our facial expressions, with our body language, even with our breathing and our heart rates people who we like. And the more that we feel like we really understand somebody, we’re really connecting with them, we’re really clicking with them, the more likely we are to physically mirror what they’re doing. So if you’re sitting across from somebody, you’re having a meeting, you’re having a first date and you notice that you both have your head kind of tilted to the same side or maybe you’re both leaning into the table with your head on your hand like this. And you haven’t don’t it on purpose but you notice just in that instant wait, we’re really - we’re sitting the same way. And oftentimes in my own experience it’ll be really strange positions. You’ll be leaning back with one arm out here and you’re like whoa, how did we get into this position.
Well the way it happened is you are both feeling connected. You feel like you are clicking and so because of that you’re physically starting to mirror each other. And some people would advise you to do this intentionally to kind of trick the other person into thinking that wow, we’re really getting on. Look, they won’t consciously know it but their brain will perceive it. I think that’s kind of creepy and really awkward. So instead of using this knowledge to I don’t know maybe manipulate people into thinking that you’re bonding, just use it as a love detector. Happen to notice in everyday life when you’re physically mirroring people and that’s just a signal to you. It’s a clue to you, hey, here’s somebody that I really connected with at a very deep level. This is somebody who would be a great ally, a great collaborator. Somebody that I should definitely spend more time connecting with in the future.
Пікірлер: 139
This is definitely true with me and my girlfriend, and it makes sense. If you're around someone and their family you will notice similar phrases, body language and personality traits shared within the family. The more time you spend with them the more these traits will be incorporated into yourself. This happens subconsciously because our minds want to feel like we belong. (If you're a psychopath you will consciously do it) We want to be a part of that group, so we begin acting like them. It makes you feel comfortable. It makes you feel welcome, and that is probably most important when it comes to love.
what i observed with people who are in a loving relationship is that both partners trigger each other emotional responses and create a pleasant or loving experience within each person acceptable personal boundaries.
It is not really a love detector, it works based on empathy and sympathy not only on love.
@amenophisiv6904
8 жыл бұрын
I think she just used it as an umbrella since empathy and sympathy might be the closest thing to "love".
@bonnieaprillollipoptrigger6516
5 жыл бұрын
Thank You My Sekai Sensei 🐆🇪🇪 From Estonia Recommendation
@lisah8438
5 жыл бұрын
She's talking about when you are on a date.
@motivated2connect
Жыл бұрын
Can be a fake Narcissistic copycat that envies you and wants others to see you in them... or faking rapport to exploit a fake friendship. Learn the difference.
@unoriginalyoutubename8761
Жыл бұрын
@@motivated2connect how do you know it’s that? I noticed a coworker doing this the other day and I’m hoping we’re actual friends, but I can somewhat see her being manipulative instead. Although I have no proof of her being a bad person.
Who else thought about LARRY when u watched this video ??? (or is it only me ? )
@jullyarwen4745
3 жыл бұрын
I SEARCH THIS BCS OF LARRY
Yup definitely gonna misuse this
@emilyk1502
4 жыл бұрын
🤣
@kdadrianblount9136
2 ай бұрын
😂😂😂
@BtsPablet
Ай бұрын
😂😂😂😂😂😂
just dumped my gf because she didn't mirror me.
@BOBOUDA
8 жыл бұрын
just dumped my gf because she didn't mirror me.
@abysstec
8 жыл бұрын
just dumped my gf because she didn't mirror me.
@MotorGoblin
8 жыл бұрын
just dumped my gf because she didn't mirror me.
@marcgo3542
8 жыл бұрын
just dumped my gf because she didn't mirror me
@NarratingFox
8 жыл бұрын
just dumped my gf because she didn't mirror me.
LARRY
I noticed that very insecure/introverted people start mirroring me to a ridiculous amount if I talk to them a little bit. I notice that and try to change my posture and can see how they mimic me again. Experienced that with many people. All nonsexual and of the same gender.
@TPixelAdventures
8 жыл бұрын
i mimic accents and speech patterns when i'm in a group of people or really just engaging with anyone for an extended period of time. matching energy levels and just body language in general is also something i notice happening while socialising. the whole "sameness" act is probably part of herd mentality i guess? to try and fit in with the crowd so that you don't get branded as an outcast.
@bluecrystal3900
6 жыл бұрын
Random Commentator You are right, only insecure people copy others, and it's no different just because it's supposed to be a love relationship.
@danam358
3 жыл бұрын
Why do you think they’re insecure? Maybe they like you! Why y’all think negative and everyone is jealous of you lol
I noticed that the guy I was on a date with mirrored a lot of my body postures, so that was definitely a good sign! Next week we will go on a second date :)
@RafaelMunizYT
2 жыл бұрын
how did it go?
@daviedood2503
2 жыл бұрын
That's not good. That's a cluster b doing that to open u up and get u to attach so he takes control of you. Once they get bored of u, it leaves undevestated bc u think its a twin flame, ur other half, soul mate etc bc that stuff makes u feel a certain way that normal people don't. Normal people don't go around mirroring others
@sanne433
2 жыл бұрын
We ended up not going on another date
@Imamnotjapanese445
Жыл бұрын
@@sanne433 He could have been doing it consciously to catch your interest, which is scary and a red flag
I started noticing that for about the last 6 months, and couldn't figure out why. This does make a lot of sense why!
Sometimes I cross my arms or my legs just to see if the person I'm talking to will mirror me. Iv been aware of this for a while it's pretty funny in the moment. If you do it intentionally it's like your controlling them, you just have to pay attention to it.
@bluecrystal3900
6 жыл бұрын
ethan rowe I think mirroring people was a form of parody actually making fun of them.....mocking.
I studied sales tactics years ago, and one of the tricks of the trade was to mirror the body language of customers, so that they would feel connected to you and want to buy more things from you.
@bluecrystal3900
6 жыл бұрын
Shawn Ravenfire I believe that's called emotional prostitution.
Idk if there’s a point in what I’m going to say but I feel that sometimes there’s a lack of self esteem on the part of the person who does the mirror behavior because they are trying to fit into the group by mirroring the “leader” then in this way they think they’ll be accepted. Of course this is unconsciously.
Thank you for sharing info !
Today internet videos teach how to fake everything and manipulate all situations. The good thing about talking to a fake people (someone who wants manipulate you) is that you can see yourself in her/his body language and easily get what you are doing.
Am I the only one who finds it creepy when a guy mirrors me especially with dressing and mannerisms...I find it as a manipulative tactic to grab someone's attention in particular if they have narcissistic traits.
@IamRanJos
10 ай бұрын
Bingo
@DirtiestdanP-ml7tv
6 ай бұрын
I think you're the narcissists. If your initial thought is that the mirroring is intentional, that's a reflection of your issues not theirs. Most people dont realize they're mirroring someone. You sound like a manipulator thats afraid they're being manipulated... so basically an insecure narcissist
Another word for being on the same wavelength, same frequency aka VIBING (VIBRATING) with them
Literally help. Ive literally started looking like my crush. My face looks like his. How is that even possible😭
After years go by they even look like each other.
Im listening to someone with glitter on their face, im out smh
@216trixie
8 жыл бұрын
Lame reason.
no must manipulate
Narcs do this to ensnare you. Makes u feel the twin flame crap, my person, my soul mate blah blah. It leaves u devastated and emotionally shattered when the randomly ghost u after a while. Bc this tricks them into thinking you're their person when ur just playing games
@daviedood2503
2 жыл бұрын
@Kev S it facinated me bc I fell for it HARD and it felt pretty damn cool. Figured I could pass that good feeling on to someone that likes me, yet can hold on long term. Unlike the narcissistic that tosses them aside.
our heart rates... really
@dashealynnez7015
4 жыл бұрын
I've noticed that with my boyfriend. We've been together for 8 years. Sometimes I'll notice that our heart beats match.
Compatibility will create mirroring.
so what Howard wolowitz did was right
I like it sooo much better as love detector
Ease off on the glitter
@ichorous7434
7 жыл бұрын
Ease off on the glitter
@IAMUNDEREIGHTEENYO
6 жыл бұрын
She's mirroring you. lol
@Pieza_De_Queso
6 жыл бұрын
I like her glitter. Ease off on trying to control what other people do with their own bodies
I wish someone would mirror me :(
Full View Just For You My Sekai Sensei 🐆 From Estonia Recommendation 🇪🇪💕🔥
I always find it funny how people outright deny something before even looking into it. They would rather stick to their assumptions or previous beliefs than challenge them. Oh well, their loss.
1:06; That’s what she said...
@big think, what if they are doing it on purpose because they are trying to mirror.
Dr.McDougall said it's the food! Eat starch!
the mcgonigal sisters should have animated characters created in their honor...
Larry and Camren
Establishing rapport is not quite love ^.^
*_cough_* Larry *_cough_* Camren *_cough_*
Dude this is so fucking creepy louis and harry mirror each other every.single.damn.*TIME*
Remember when michio kahku, penn jilette, Bill nye, and other people were on here saying actual "big think" stuff?
Then why do I despise it when people adapt my mannerisms and speech quirks?
@MasterJoeKerr
8 жыл бұрын
I hate that too.
@MasterJoeKerr
8 жыл бұрын
Sounds more like you resent original and interesting people.
@MasterJoeKerr
8 жыл бұрын
***** I think you are neither original or interesting.
@Garmork
8 жыл бұрын
Christ you can't say anything on these videos without being crucified. I didn't imply I was original or interesting, I'm just saying that when I live with a roommate and they start saying things as you it is annoying. Almost as annoying as the degenerates that subscribe to anything Alex Jones says with a sliver of sincerity then proselytize their fake ideas in comment sections with the tone of a fussy baby.
@Xenlacasa45
4 жыл бұрын
T Dunn it’s natural people become who they’re around the most.
Lmao that really stretched my brain...
What's with Big Think reusing the same presenters recently? I think this woman has done 2 or 3 videos now, and others have done anywhere from 2 to 4 presentations lately. Are they running out of people interested in being on their channel, or are they just sticking with people they like? Not sure which concerns me more.
I mirrored my ex gf fascial expressions and smile and quirky looks and vocal expressions. Now its a part of me, but we are apart and it reminds me of her and its doing my head in. Her looks of empathy and emossions are being wired into me and i feel sad all the time. I need help.
What does it mean if you are both in superposition?
@asdgashash
8 жыл бұрын
It means you should get a room before you get observed entangling.
Oh god, it's her again
Has she ever published work on this? or anything for that matter? pfft.
cheers for mentioning (without saying) that NLP-like techniques are invasive and manipulative.
@motivated2connect
Жыл бұрын
If utilised unethically.
Oracle: You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you. Neo: Who? Oracle: Not too bright, though.
CAMREN SYNC
Kentell kentell kentell...!!
So basically, what she's saying to me is that I am gay?
@mms7146
8 жыл бұрын
yeah... I felt kinda awkward watching this... crap
@blazerspitter2068
8 жыл бұрын
lol
amber heard did this to johnny depp look what happened
was think made in the 2000 because her make i giving that
Sounds like an hassle.
Camren
the larries have arrived
@sosrslysydney168
3 жыл бұрын
Yep 💚💙
i won't say it this time. ;)
Is this video a joke?
tone down the makeup a bit
this well read stripper appears very learned in her craft
@ChillsWithSloths
8 жыл бұрын
Ahaha I knew someone would take offense at that joke! I love the internet
@ChillsWithSloths
8 жыл бұрын
+Aaron Forbes I now christen you A-a-ron the white, knight of the linear webpage
@ChillsWithSloths
8 жыл бұрын
+Aaron Forbes my parents bought me the black Iphone instead of the white Iphone, and I never quite stopped hating society it was a joke! jesus
@ChillsWithSloths
8 жыл бұрын
Well I didn't hope to incite offense, I just wanted to say a thing I thought was humorous. I just figured that it was a riské joke given the context of the PC culture that encourages people to do exactly what you did, and I decided still that I gave no fucks. Im not the kind of person who wastes their time intently inciting peoples vitriol, I just don't hold back on account of the potential for blowback. You just played into my suspicions which I found funny because I ended up being right
@ChillsWithSloths
8 жыл бұрын
+Aaron Forbes well A-a-ron could you pm me your email so that I might run all future jokes I want to post by you for quality control? As many internet points as you just earned with that finisher I would be willing to split a certain percentage of the ones they earn with you.
LARRRRRRYYYY
most idiotic thing on big think
Pretty Hot
she must like painted aggressive looking barbie dolls
LARRY IS REAL BITCHES
You've got an army of conservatives that flood your channel for some bizarre reason remember. Better get some fox news analysts on. Your comment sections and likes will instantly improve dramatically.
CAMREN SYNC