I am a Pole that lives in the UK and I also lived in Berlin for a bit. I think Germans just like Poles - we're selective about friends and we have a very defined levels for people we know - somebody is just a colleague, yet another person is an acquaintance, yet somebody else is a friend, then there's a bro/sis from another mother. In the UK it's very easy to become a friend and the understanding of it might by some get a bit shallow but the other times it's not. Quality over quantity. That's my take.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Blaisy thanks for sharing. Hope you’re enjoying life in the U.K. 😀👍🏻

@Anastasia-oy2zp

Жыл бұрын

I definitely prefer the British way

@19Rena96

Жыл бұрын

@@Anastasia-oy2zp why?

@Anastasia-oy2zp

Жыл бұрын

@@19Rena96 because

@Jpeg13759

Жыл бұрын

Quality over quantity Well said

I have an ex-girlfriend who moved to Germany from the US and until she met me and another friend of ours, she struggled *immensely* at one particular thing: Germans aren't fake nice. There's a lot less superficial smiling, laughing and niceness. She presumed people were constantly mad at her while in reality, folks didn't know and treated her with respect - which means keeping a certain distance (not too invade personal space), trying to be courteous rather than too friendly, etc. When she saw us in particular act towards other Germans, even some that we know, she realized that many Germans (myself included) simply need calm and space in our everyday lives, so we are a little distanced. But if we meet with *close* friends, then that shell basically breaks immediately. I'm obviously biased being born here, but I think Germans are very warm and friendly, but only to a handful of folks that are in the inner most circles of friends and family. The further you get away from that inner circle, the more metaphorical and often enough also physical distance you'll have between yourselves. But joke by joke, event by event, day by day and year by year you'll move further inwards.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Nicely said 👍🏻

@nickahrweiler7862

Жыл бұрын

I completely agree with you. I’m from Munich an spend a year at an American Highschool. That experience showed me the exact things you said.

@1IGG

Жыл бұрын

Few things worse than fake friendliness. Polite is fine, but don't pretend we are old friends. Or like an old German chancellor said as someone didn't use his doctor title when addressing him "haben wir mal gemeinsam Schweine gehütet?"

@slartibartfas0428

11 ай бұрын

It is just a thing of taking other people seriously, not just "show and shine". Germanns won't usually give you a nice smile while, when turning around and talking to friends or other well known persons, just lough over you. They just are trying to treat you as they on their own would like to get treated. And, the fact that people are not rushing up to you and waving hands and shouting helloooo to you does not mean they are not interested in you or maybe they even would hate you. It is just an attempt to leave you as much room as you need to feel comfy and show them how close *you* want to get. Of course, there are regions where people tend to keep a bit of distance and try to watch "how that stranger is" and if they might be interested in you, but if you try to integrate and just keep up showing your interest in them that kind of "ice also will melt like snow in the sun" and you will find friends, maybe good or even best friends.

@juu2356

11 ай бұрын

don't forget that you cannot generalize this for germany as a whole, it is highly dependent on the region you are speaking of and also whether you are in a big city or out in the country side.

I am from the Netherlands and I live in Germany. Germans are not at all as superficial as f.i. many dutch oder americans. Yes, it took me longer to get friends but once you have friends they are very loyal and very honest and so helpful! They tend to feel responsable for your wellbeing, that is really extremely "german". I really prefer that in a friend! I enjoy being here, and I never regretted it. The last couple of years things are going bonkers here as well, unfortunately, but that is a political thing.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Glad to hear you’re happy here. Yes the last two years have unfortunately done a morbid damage.

@marvelenia6702

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany I am relieved that this is also so noticeable to you. For the first time in over 24 years I catch myself considering to leave again, although I am in my 60's now. But then again, nearly the whole world is going bonkers with this sick political agenda being pushed everywhere. It is my experience, that ordinary people around me do not agree with this agenda at all, but it is being forced upon us. I am longing for the old Germany that I loved...maybe I can find that society again in a more eastern european country.

@heinzhaupthaar5590

Жыл бұрын

​@@marvelenia6702 I'm still hoping the mostly silent majority will rise up with their complacent asses and get heard. I feel like it's a very loud and obnoxious but really small minority driving these changes and many folks thinking "I don't have time for that crap. Don't worry, they'll tire themselves out eventually", just like myself some time ago. Yeah, they won't. But the resistance is growing and more and more are starting to realize that they'll have to do something. I hope it won't be too little too late or I might follow you, but I'd be heading for SEA.

@jaupolio

Жыл бұрын

Main question: do you know a German emotionally before you begin with texts on Internet?? So for how long did you get to know a German? Did you experience moments of joy, suffering, victories or defeats? If yes, continue... They will never hug or kiss you and tell that you are a good person for example and they like being in your presence because you are important for them, etc. Once body contact comes up, you an alien. Shortly you realize they simply don't bring the matter to the heart. They bring it to ideas or objective speculations and start co-fabulating about the subject. They do avoid bringing feelings alongside... those cannot be part of the game. Their emotional instinct is bluntly clamped in. When the society really needs to operate, (boom!) then they enter the stage to do it precisely right! The distinction between professional and personal is incredibly huge! The heart-related matter is just abandoned and will never (ever) be prioritized. It's just visible how emotionally distant they have to be in the middle of a deep conversation. What they really want, as taught since day one with their strong mentality, is to be part of the engine machine that leads them to their accurate and well-functioning way of life. Well, that said... yes, ladies and gentlemen... Germans are cold. Truth spoken.

@SoneaT

11 ай бұрын

I highly disagree on that! It might seem like this to outsiders, but that's not the case at all! Even if a German is not smiling at you all the time, he will be invested in the conversation, think about it thoroughly before answering, he will not give basic standard answers nor lie about trivial things, will not agree with everything you say, but is mostly accepting about different believes. The problem with new friends of the USA for example I had is, they fake smile, being overly friendly but letting you wait for hours or didn't show up at all, being almost mad if you disagree with their beliefs or didn't make a single attempt to make this new friendship work! Friendship in Germany in general is completely different! I intend to have my friends for years, we would be there for each other through bad times and support them when having problems... and expecting the same back! And yeah we hug each other, have skin ship way more than others, but only with people of the inner circle!

I don't agree that Germans are "cold". Germans - in my opinion - maybe are a bit guarded and initially maybe a little distant, but that is due to the fact that Germans observe first before they engage. But when they engage they have already decided that they like to be friends with you. Very different compared to Americans for example. They engage first and you get the feeling you have become fast friends and then are disappointed that they did not have any (serious) intention of meeting with you again / becoming friends, despite everything they said (i.e. let's have coffee, let's meet again, I'll call you ... etc.) Can't say anything about the British, I have never been to the UK. In Italy again I also find it difficult, Italians talk a lot and seem very friendly but will forget about you immediately. I am sure every country has its own quirks and culture and you are absolutely right, without speaking the language it is hard to understand the culture and the people. There is just one more thing that I have realized over the years, living in different countries and working with a multitude of different nationalities, and that is not something that has to do with the individual nationality/country, but to do with the individual person. There are those who constantly compare and thereby "criticize" a lot - and nobody really feels inclined to offer friendship when you are being criticized (for example "Germans are cold" is a criticism, why would I want to be "your" friend when basically "you" are telling me that I am a cold person?). You find so many KZread videos from expats that carry titles like "Why Germany, why?" or where expats are saying: Germany needs to change this or that. Basically they are comparing Germans/Germany to their country/them and if something is different (and in my opinion it is normal that things are different in different countries) then you are being judged by what - in their opinion - should be "normal", while completely leaving out the fact that what makes sense in one country might not make sense in another. 'On the plus side there are also MANY who do not compare and judge but keep an open mind and are willing to look beyond the surface and even try something different before they decide that they don't like it. Germans in general are quite welcoming, but that stops when they realize that you mistake their "welcome" for an invitation to criticize the country/them. Nobody likes to open their doors and welcome you just so you can be criticized. Try that in any country and see if it flies ... Also nobody was waiting for you to cross their paths, so why would people jump right in and offer you friendship? You are absolutely right when you say that it also takes some effort from your own side. There are few Germans that will deny you friendship when they get the genuine feeling that you like to be friends. But: it won't happen over night, it's a little like dating ... Meet them three/four times and you'll see it gets easier, because it does not matter if you are a German, British, American or any other nationality ... Germans make other Germans "audition" for the part of "new friend" the same way they do with anyone else. 😉

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yeah it seems that most people surveyed couldn’t speak German which obviously is difficult. I have noticed myself when you don’t understand what people are saying you often misunderstand body language or eye contact as unfriendly which is rarely actually the case. If you could understand what was being said you would realise that people are not talking about you…they usually have more interesting things to discuss 😉. I ultimately believe that a big chunk of integration must come from the person who has moved country…obviously it would be great if the beauracracy and Prozesses were easier but when it comes to making friends it sometimes just takes a lot of effort…

@Tommyleini

Жыл бұрын

As a German I have to disagree hard with the criticism part. When someone moves to Germany and then complains about our bureaucracy or internet, I will not be like "why are you criticising us, you came here just to criticise our country?" Nah, it just means that could be improved. So might be an individual thing but I have no problems with a foreigner complaining about things that aren't performing amazingly.

@spirwes64

Жыл бұрын

@WMFF831: Das ist mal eine Ansage! Gratulation!

@Llortnerof

Жыл бұрын

@@Tommyleini It's a matter of tone, mostly. It's one thing to give a reasoned critique, it's another to just complain. Though i think part of the problem is what different cultures consider a "friend". Americans in particular are quick to call people friends that Germans would consider aquaintances at most.

@joergn.1800

Жыл бұрын

@@Tommyleini true, Germans criticzed their Country often,too 😅 And sometimes Its to hard. And we dont have a problem with people from other countries who do it as well. Because Its often true. But, to criticze people himself is an other case, especially in serious cases, that may only do a special friend or a family member.

I moved to Frankfurt 2 years ago from Croatia. I was part of few whatsapp meeting female groups with over 200 hundred people mostly foreigners. I posted and asked several times to meet or do some activity - no response. 200 people, not a single person can't go out for a drink or walk on weekend or evening after work. But asking about buying clothes or where do get nails done is regulary answered 😂Nobody actually wants to go out and just meet and just even talk to people. I dont know what is wrong with people these days. Then they are sad and complain how they dont have any friends!! Having friendship takes time and effort. The one that I meet can't move away from their phones, or they complain about Germans being difficult - meanwhile they take 0 interest in language and culture and only keep hating it. Making friends it is difficult but not impossible! Also I have generally good experience with Germans, I dont mind that they have stern face or tone, I care about their actions not flattery words and fake smiles!

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Wow 200 people is a lot for a whatsapp group! To be honest I probably would not have responded either. I find as soon as the group gets more than 15 20 people it’s not really for friends but as you say kind of for networking info sharing purposes. But I think you’re right. We are unfortunately all a little addicted to our devices and that can damage relationships. I had a Handy Verbot at my last last Sunday when some friends came over 😉😉

@outdooradventureHungary

Жыл бұрын

2 years ago is 2020 ,i think something happend arround 2020 a virus or so and people stay at home and keep distance

@97Trishella

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany it doesn't matter how many people, after finally meeting some people from these groups, we formed smaller groups but it also happend no response or people literally forgot about meet up 🤣🤣 ?? or came very late, like hours late. Overrall very disrespectful and rude. I'm never in company on my phone unless i have to look up for something, I even apologize if it is taking too long. It is something i even say upfront to others that i think it's very rude and inconsiderated to look up on phone when with others. Just put the phone down and talk to people! 😅 i was lucky enough to become friends with one girl, just with meeting throu online community groups. Enough for me, better one friend who actually cares then 10 that only meet to be on phones or forget about meetings and waste my time.

@97Trishella

Жыл бұрын

@@outdooradventureHungary that is true, i came in the worst lockdown germany had... but soon as restriction were lifted people could meet up again. Now it is the same, no restriction, virus still here.. people think they want to go out and meet new people.. but it is too much effort for them i guess? I'm honestly a bit puzzled. I have to take train and spend extra money and time, to meet with people bcs i live in smaller place, it is still not a problem for me and i dont mind.

@jaupolio

7 ай бұрын

They will never hug or kiss you and tell that you are a good person for example and that they like being in your presence because you are important for them, etc. Once body contact comes up, you an alien. Shortly you realize they simply don't bring the matter to the heart. They bring it to ideas or objective speculations and start co-fabulating about the subject. They do avoid bringing the feelings alongside... those cannot be part of the game. Their emotional instinct is very suffocated and clamped in. When the society really needs to operate, (boom!) then they enter the stage to do it precisely right! The distinction between professional and personal is incredibly huge! The heart-related matter is just abandoned and will never (ever) be prioritized. It's just visible how emotionally distant they love being in the middle of a deep conversation. What they really want, as taught since day one, with their strong mentality, is to be part of the engine machine that leads them to their accurate and well-functioning way of life. Well, that said... yes, ladies and gentlemen... Germans are cold. Truth spoken.

What bothers me about mentioned article(s) is they all say it is the 'fault' of the visited country. Different countries have different concepts about friendship. It is up to oneself to understand and adapt. In the UK a pub is good location to socialise. In Germany it is the 'Verein'.

@tantangpenn5496

Жыл бұрын

Not to mention difference in definition of 'friend'. Social networking, drink buddy or others? Humans are such complicated creatures. On top of an unwillingness to alter personal 'flow' in the gym for the sake of making 'acquaintance'.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes totally. Well the opinions in the article were gathered from foreigners which are then compared with many other countries and I think it’s no surprise that it’s easier to come into contact with other people in Mediterranean countries. I tried to make the distinction between meeting people and actually making friends…obviously it’s not the same thing as some people just remain acquaintances. I think it is harder to meet Germans spontaneously (at the buss stop, in a bar etc) than in many other countries. But as you say if it is in a “verein” setting then it’s easier

@helgaioannidis9365

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany I've been living in Mediterranean countries for 25 years and I'd say while it's easier to find people to socialise with here, it's just as hard as it is in Germany to find friends, maybe even harder.

@StefanReich

Жыл бұрын

Who the hell wants to be in a "Verein" though?

@tantangpenn5496

Жыл бұрын

@@StefanReich Birds of a feather.

My grandfather was born in a small village in Baden-Württemburg, and he was one of two siblings (out of eight) who emigrated to the U.S. In high school (1970s), I was interested in my German heritage took three years of German. I had no ability to use it, so I promptly lost 95% of it. Fast forward to 2007 when I visited Germany for the first time. I was aware that we had cousins in my grandfather's village who ran a guesthouse, but I couldn't remember which specific cousin it was. I showed up unannounced and asked for a room for the night. During that conversation, in my very poor German, I let the gentleman know that my grandfather was Alfons. With that, he knew exactly who I was, and we connected immediately. Thankfully, his English was far better than my German. The next morning, eating breakfast in the solarium, I was able to meet a woman from Munich. We were able to strike up a conversation and, the next thing I know, she's giving me a tour of the town and taking me to the cemetery where my father's aunts were buried. We're still in touch with each other to this day, fifteen years later. On the flip side, later in the day my cousin told me that I had apparently-and quite inadvertently-offended a group of people at breakfast simply because I didn't go over and introduce myself. (My cousin told them that I was a cousin visiting from America.) I was a bit taken aback by the fact that they expected me to initiate the contact, given that I was the solo traveler in a completely foreign environment. Oh well. Live and learn. Thanks for your informative video!

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Wow what a moving story. Thanks for sharing 🙏

@barbsmart7373

9 ай бұрын

I wonder what's up with German's being so anal and easily offended. It gives me the creeps that the characteristically judgemental Germans like to see, here and observe a newcomer. That is what they look like, how they speak. I have picked up from Germans that they are very critical of people who lack confidence or have poor self esteem. I am shocked by the horrible attitude towards shy people. I have also heard people complaining if someone walks in, say to a doctor's clinic, without saying Gouten Morgen. Ig seems obvious to me that those same people like to critique people on things including whether they are foreigners and how well they speak German. Here in New Zealand we don't treat human beings like that!!!

for everyone living in a forreign country who does not want to learn the local language: learning the language of the country you live in is a matter of respect. If you do not respect the country and its people and openly show your disrespect by making it a point to not learn the language, then why would the people want to be friends with you? remember: it is their country and you are just a guest. a guest should not disrespect the host.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

While I do agree with you I think it is not always that black and white. If I think back to my first years here I had to make a consistent and concerted effort to force Germans to speak German with me...I would say for the first three years everyone just always replied in English when I tried to start a conversation...this is not something that any other language learners have to deal with.

@juu2356

11 ай бұрын

@@britingermany yeah, this is true, but a different story. it is just the natives being nice and friendly. I also tend to speak english with foreigners, it is out of courtesy and to make it easier for them (but when I notice that the person really wants to speak german I of course am happy to talk in german. And it isn't a big thing when you say "I would like to speak german, please speak german with me :) ) . this doesn't mean that on the other hand you as an non native should not learn the language as a matter of respect or to integrate yourself. in general, speaking the language of a country while you are there, traveling, visiting, living, opens up a whole world for you and it is way easier to get to know the people. I am learning spanish since like 1,5 years and recently traveled through chile. It was a complete different experience for me than my trip to colombia a couple of years ago (though the people there where also really nice and welcoming).

@Molybdan42

10 ай бұрын

Yeah tell that all the migrants that live here for 20 plus years and only speak bad German...

Yes, in germany it is like a "Klischee": as a long time visitor in germany you cry at least two times: first when you arrived, second time when you leave!

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Haha awww. That is sweet

My siblings and parents loved the German people, when my Filipino American father was stationed there. They lived there for several years before coming to America, and always remembered their time there fondly.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That’s lovely to hear Nancy. Thanks for sharing

In Europe it can be funny : Once I was in Greece in a village and asked in Greek for some food in the taverna which was not a tourist spot . Two nice ladies asked me in English to help them with finding nice tasting food. I heard they were French and answered in French. They then replied in German. We had a lot of fun together ! It happened now, that just in 2020 I moved from a place in Niedersachsen where I , 69, lived for more than 30 years, into a small village in Hessen. I did not know anybody there and lockdowns just had started. There was no possibility of " Verein" or " Club" during lockdowns. But beautiful nature existed, which I used roaming around with my charming dog. So I managed to come in contact with many people, mostly who kept dogs also , and some nice friendships developped. I am a person who likes to live retired, but of course I want to have some friends nearby also. Concerning to lockdown conditions I found it rather easy. I sat down on a bench in a forest. People stop and sat down because of the dog and after a while some , specially young ones, told me their whole life. People suffered a great loneliness in those times and I discovered to have the gift to give some relief by just listening actively in a helpful way . So I did not miss anything as a stranger and now I am a member of the village community as far as a " not born here", whose pronounciation of German is quite different , can become. But most of my closer friends also are " not born here" . Some of them had married into the village and have told me wild stories of being a stranger in the 90ties !

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That is fantastic Kassandra. sounds lovely

I'm German and I'm very cautious about friendships, too many disappointments with people who just don't get back to me at some point. Friendship means to me: forever. Even if you don't live around the corner. Some people from some countries are very superficial, so friendships don't make much sense. Furthermore, I only really make friends with people I have a "Draht" (connection) with. It is better to have few but good / real friends.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Nils thanks for sharing. I know what you mean. With a foreigner there is always the danger that they will leave again and the friendship will fade away. I think that’s another reason why some foreigners have difficulty at first. They may only be on a yearly placement and so will inevitable not invest as much as someone who is living for good.

My father always says that with respect to friendships, it is a bit like avocados and walnuts. Anglophone friendship tend to be like an avocado, a relatively soft skin that is easily permeated, a large soft volume which is a also easily reached and which is the acquaintance sphere and a final hard core, which is not easily reached and very exclusive. German friendship is like a walnut, a very hard surface, which is not easily breached, but if you do, you are really inside.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

haha that is a perfect analogy! Thank you. I might have to steal that😀

@PaulTobelmann

Жыл бұрын

That's what my ex told me, too. She's from Arizona. She made it peaches and Coconuts. 🙂

@claudiaweber4564

Жыл бұрын

True 😁👍

Friendship has a very deep and important meaning in Germany, therefore, friends are not that easily made. OTOH, friendships last a lifetime.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Like mining gold? 😉

@emanymton5789

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany More like diamonds, but essentially yes. I have 3 good friends i would give my life for without question. but those three *earned* that level of trust. they didn't just waltz in and got the position. it took them decades to get there. if you walk up to me and initiate the "friendship application process" you WILL be extensively vetted before i allow you so much as a glimpse behind the courtain. let alone lower my guard. but once you managed to get on friendship level it will damn hard to lose that friendship. you will have to royally screw up to do so. Friendships with a German are like diamonds. They are incredibly hard to find, they need lots of effort to polish them to shine, but just like diamonds they are forever. Once you make friends with a German you will notice they are the most doggedly loyal people you can find.

@Never_again_against_anyone

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany Yes, for true friends we would go above and beyond. And even if you have no common everyday life the friendship still works. But you need people on the same wavelength for that. That in turn can echo even if such a friendship is no more because people change. I still feel kind of connected to a friend from school I haven't seen for almost ten years.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@emanymton5789 nicely put 😀👍🏻

@barbsmart7373

Жыл бұрын

@@emanymton5789 Hi. Are you for real? Would you definitely give your life for your friends?

I am quite an extrovert German. I migrated to New Zealand and found myself 5 years without any friends in my late 20s. But for us Germans, we take the word friendship very seriously, whereas New Zealanders called me a friend in front of their established friends very quickly but didn't mean that. After 5 years going through a learning curve, I was ready to leave New Zealand. It was then that I finally struck a friendship that was a little more meaningful. There are many Vorurteile in the world that one has to overcome before human meets human. Like an onion, one has to get to know the other layer by layer, before getting to the core of a person. Many Germans fall in love with New Zealand but they cannot cope with the culture and leave after a few years, because of what I have described.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear that. Someone else from New Zealand commented here saying pretty much the opposite of you. I guess it’s just the cultural difference. It can be really hard to acclimatise.

@andreaskonig3767

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany That might be a Kiwi, as the white New Zealander calls himself. Thing is this, when a Kiwi goes abroad and meets another Kiwi, they party and be merry. When a German does the same, they often see potential income in another German. But that can also be said about EVERY other nationality. Germans are generally considered the cash cow and if that isn't so, the person is not fit to be befriended. And do not forget, the Kiwi lives often still in WW2. My children, born in Kiwiland, have been called Naxi at school. So, that did not help form friendships. Things have changed, you may argue... well, marginally. After 30+ years living here, there is still the occasional German Hater. When reported to the Human Rights Commission, the response was "you surely stand above such nonsense". Do I have to? Is it okay to insult Germans in such a way? This is just a little record of reality, without wining of course. So, acceptance does not come easy. And we have learnt to watch our back over the years. That is not to say that we have no friends.

@slartibartfas0428

10 ай бұрын

@@andreaskonig3767 Agree. Friendship is always give and take. It never is a one-way road. And "friendly" comes from "friendship", so if there's no will to give on one of the sides then there is no friendlyness, no friendship. And that's not typical "German" or something like that. I guess that's typical "people". ☺

@barbsmart7373

9 ай бұрын

Where did you stay in New Zealand, mate? What sort of people were you around? And why did you think the Kiwis were actually friends? I thought Kiwis were very friendly. Most Kiwi men don't talk deeply about personal things. That would be more the women's domain. Maybe the groups were not too small and people were getting to know eachother and looking out for a long term relationship or people to have fun with? Just wondering if they knew you weren't likely to stay long. Also, did you pass people off? I just read that a German person told a Polish man instantly to wash his smelly feet. That doesn't happen in NZ with people not known. I was also wondering how long ago you were here. I am a Kiwi and feel sad if people didn't take a real interest in getting to know you. I am an empath and get into deep conversations very quickly. I think people would see that as inappropriate. They are right. Being less open is a lot more common. But on the other hand, I meet people that I never forget. I find a lot of people quite special, or at least interesting. one way or another. My best friends have been from all over the world, and some I wish I'd got to know better. I don't think Germans sound at all friendly. I have met Polish peopletoo. I didn't think they were friendly. It gives me a big shock.

I'm German and for the most years of my life, I had no real friends. Just some guys which whith I was happy to meet in school. Then I went in a fan-forum. There were a section, where people got to write fan-fictions. This section wasn't very big. After a while somebody made a suggestion, that we meet in person. At this meeting, I met the person in person, which is still after many years my best friend, despite of we live on opposite sides of Germany. Via internet we speak nearly every day. (We also found a third shared hobby.) Once a year we manage to meet in person again. I liked this person already while we spoke via forum. And through the writing of fan-fictions and talking about them, you get to know somebody pretty well.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That is great. Shows the power of the Internet and that it can also bring good things 😀👍🏻

For me as a German, my tip is not only a club (shooting club, football club, judo club), I can also recommend, for example, to look at the voluntary fire brigade. or take a look at a museum, there are also people who are privately involved. my keyword here is local commune.

@MrSleepyFox

Жыл бұрын

I second that. The "Freiwillige Feuerwehr" is always a good idea, but (a no-brainer, really) your level of German should be good enough.

I think it makes a big difference whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. I (German) was living in London in the 80's and I didn't manage to find friends. But I don't blame the Brits. It was rather me who couldn't approach people. It was easy to meet other foreigners but not English. Meeting people in the pub was difficult for me too because I don't drink much alcohol. At one point I was even asked why I was going to the pub if I didn't drink (alcohol). I guess things with alcohol are different nowadays. Personally I think, if you have an outgoing personality, you can easily makes friends everywhere in the world, if you are introverted and/or shy you have an issue.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Mmm I not sure I would agree. Sometime extroverts struggle to find deep connection. They have a lot of contacts but not many real friends. But I would agree it’s harder to meet people when you are an introvert. If you have a strong passion or hobby this can be the catalyst for great friends as an introvert.

@claudiaweber4564

Жыл бұрын

Drinking no or less alcohol is an issue not to socialize with you. I made this experience, a German living since 10years in UK.

@hansmeiser32

Жыл бұрын

@@claudiaweber4564 "a German living since 10years in UK" Oh, ich weiss was, ich weiss was: it's "for 10 years" and not "since 10 years" Sorry, I'm a little excited because I learned this from the previous video I watched on this channel 😜

@claudiaweber4564

Жыл бұрын

@@hansmeiser32 😂and now you feel good in teaching your knowledge to ppl living in UK?????? Ich rede /schreibe englisch so wie meine Muttersprache deutsch, d. h. ohne auf Grammatik zu achten.

I remember some travel vlog youtuber once compared Americans and Germans when it comes to friendship. In Germany its rather difficult to make friends, however, once you become friends, you are friends for life. In America its rather easy to make friends, however, even as friends, you are not so close or loyal to each other. I dont know if thats true. I just heard it from that person. EDIT: The one thing I have observed from Brits but also from American is that they like to start conversations with total strangers. We dont do that here. Small talk aint the German's strength. Or at least I thats my experience.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

The talking to strangers is correct. I have also heard this comparison and I'm not really sure about that...I don't think that anyone is just automatically friends for life...you have to maintain the contact. I may be wrong but I would imagine if a German left Germany to live in another country and only came back 10 years later having cut contact I don't think the relationships would be the same...I can say from my experience I still see my school friends (from now 20+ plus years ago) when I go back home and we still have a good conversations, but it's definitely a different kind of friendship compared to when we would spend 8 plus hours a day together.

@worldtraveler2020

Жыл бұрын

I used to live in Germany, in Irland, India, Georgia, Canada, US, i can compare and i am telling you, most difficult to get in touch with people is in Germany (and i studied here for 8 years). They even didn't say hello or goodbye.

@jonson856

Жыл бұрын

@@worldtraveler2020 that's weird, because we always say hello when we enter a room, i.e. the waiting room for a doctor's appointment. But no more than that.

@rich-ard-style6996

Жыл бұрын

I live in the States for a few decades now. Friendship in Germany means friendship❗️ In America you are called a friend before you are a real friend. But you barely hear back from those who called you a friend. While in Germany you are invited as soon as you are liked and invited back again and you invite them and so it goes developing into a true friendship. In America people are more by themselves and with their families more or less only.

@rich-ard-style6996

Жыл бұрын

Friendship in America is not like friendship in Germany. I know a lot if people in USA, but friendship in the German sense of friendship that you visit each other on a regular basis and spend time together more regular, I haven't found a single one in USA M. It is pretty superficial, unless you join a club of your interest, then you see people regular or if you spend your time with volunteering (working for free for others, but please do not assume and think you find friends there!, has never happened) Isolation is a normal thing in America. Contrary to Germany, you may go through a time as a phase in your life for a period of time due to changes in your life, but at some point you will find friends that are your friends for a long time. And neighbors that might invite you more often to have a cup of coffee and a piece of cake with you, if they notice you need a friend and you are friendly too. Good neighborhood and friends and family is highly valued in Germany and cared for.

I moved around a lot in Germany and abroad. In my experience it depends on a lot of things how easy it is (or difficult) it is making friends - rural or urban, age, speaking the language for and foremost and the part of Germany you live in. The differences in mentalities in Germany are vast, way bigger than between some countries or U.S. States. For example your an expat moving to Munich to work for Infineon. You‘re planning to stay about three years and enjoy that stage of your career at the fullest, Munich beautiful city and landscape and such. You‘re not that interested in the language because your job environment is Englisch speaking anyways and so why make the effort, right? In Munich it will be very difficult to make German friends in that situation. As they say there: Freundschaft ist ein hohes Gut in Bayern.“. It‘s even difficult for other Germans to make friends there, btw, and I know what I am talking about. It is very different in Cologne or the Rhineland in general - there you will meet new people way easer but the road to real friendship isn’t much shorter. One could say - the shorter time it takes to make new friends the more superficial the friendship will be and that doesn’t only apply on making friends in Germany. For expats it can be difficult here, I’ve heard that a lot - maybe Germans just don‘t like superficial friendships very much…

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

I totally agree with you on the diversity point. Sometimes I find it difficult to refer to Germany as one country as the differences between states can be vast. It’s obviously a very complex topic but I think there is a difference between superficial and open minded. I suppose if you are only interested in very deep relationships this is only possible with a handful of people and if you already have this then you will have zero interest in meeting new people…hence coming off as closed minded and disinterested.

@luciustitius

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany When it comes to understand Munich and why it is a nightmare when it comes to making friends there I highly recommend tontead „Success“ by Lion Feuchtwanger. Feuchtwanger, as writer in the same league as Thomas Mann portraited the Munich and the people living there and how the city became „Hauptstadt der Bewegung“ in the 1920s. Although written in the 1930s he chose the format of a historical novel for readers in the year 2000. When it comes to the mentality of the people living in Munich and Bavaria and what is going on behind the curtains it’s still spot on.

@peterl5804

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely right

@rich-ard-style6996

Жыл бұрын

Ja, die Bayern. Typisch.

@hermes667

Жыл бұрын

I think most difficult parts are in Northern Germany, because people here tend to speak less and have some rural dialects like Plattdeutsch which is more like Dutch. Even other Germans do not understand them.

You are very well spoken and your videos are such a treat! Keep up the awesome content!

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thank you very much Jane. Glad to hear it 😀🙏

The pandemic opened up big cracks in my friendship circle because it became obvious that I didn’t share the same values plus lack of contact put the final nail in the coffin. I was also extremely sick, (not Covid). All in all I’m back to square one on the friendship front. I learned German and I don’t find it too difficult to make friends because a lot of people find a foreigner interesting. I also recommend a dog, it’s constant conversations with people if you have one. I am optimistic that serendipity will sort it out for me.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear about that. I don’t think you are alone in that burning live your positive attitude 😀👍🏻I wish you the best of luck ☘️

@adaadena7291

Жыл бұрын

Haha. As we Germans are a nation of dog lovers yes a dog can be quite the icebreaker xD

@1IGG

Жыл бұрын

Best ways is to find something you like as a hobby and start there. E.g. if you like tabletop role-playing games, look only for a group and try to join them (speaking the language is pretty much mandatory, though). If you like sports, martial arts etc., join a hobby club / gym for that sport. Join the voluntary firefighters.

This is a very important subject. Thanks.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes I think so too…and I think it will become a big talking point in the next few years …not just in Germany but generally all over

As a German with a bunch of really good international friends I really agree with the recommendation of finding meet ups or clubs specific to your interests like the example of the knitting meet up or maybe a sports group etc. you will at first at least have some social interaction and there is always one person you become really good friends with after a while.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing 😀

If you think you can't make friends in any country - no matter which one - you should think about the fact that it's your own fault. Perhaps a lack of willingness to adapt to other cultures, a lack of patience, the expectation that other cultures work just like your own. People are social beings, everywhere, also in Germany. I lived in Germany for a few years and made very good friends. Germans just have a slightly different speed of building friendships and they are more honest about if they are interested in a friendship with you or not.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Sure the journey starts within as they say…nevertheless there are differences in different countries and also I think we often go through phases in our lives depending on age and our own thought patterns. Glad to hear you made friends in Germany 👍🏻

Ich mag deine differenzierte und sachliche Art sehr gerne ☺️

@britingermany

11 ай бұрын

Danke sehr. Das freut mich 🙏

I was living and working abroad (in the UK and Canada) and my experience is that language is the most important point. I believe that my English is fairly decent but I am German so not a native speaker and that was already a barrier to making friends with the locals. A co-worker who became a good friend in London was from Bulgaria, and when I worked in Canada I formed a friendship with a couple from Poland. So in both cases, no native speakers as well. The situation was completely different when I was working in China but for a German company, I had no problems connecting with my German co-workers there. I think that language matters a lot.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

I think it does. It’s not just the language but the shared culture and humour. So much if language is about cultural references

I have single friend on the level of best friend. And I fully content with that. Sure I have work colleagues and family etc. Not one second have I thought that I need more friends. As you have guessed, I am German.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Well it's nice that you have the great connection

"social butterfly" What a beautiful phrase. Kopfkino sparked right away.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Haha yeah I like it too and I think it’s very accurate.

@uliwehner

Жыл бұрын

immediately thought of Matteo Lane and his stand-up comedy :)

I can, unfortunately, agree :/ It's really forkin difficult to find new friends as an adult in Germany. If you are lucky, you have a little house with a garden and friendly neighbors with whom you can interact across the fence and at some occasion invite each other for BBQ or whatever. But if you and maybe a colleage from work whom you vibe well with live in different districts or even different cities, it's much harder. Many of us are just tired after work. We want to go home, be with our families or pets and forget about the work day (talk about work-life separation). I myself am trying hard to maintain a friendship with a former colleague who lives barely 7km away. But she has a family with 2 kids and we manage to meet for an afternoon of cake and coffee maybe once in three months. My closest friend whom I talk with on a daily base via chat can only manage a meeting maybe once or twice in two months due to conflicting work hours. Other people of my favorite clique meet up once in a year for a long weekend. My closest friend for the past 30 years lives about 90 minutes away and I see him maybe once in two years, these days. Sometimes, migrant acquaintances ask me how to make friends in Germany and I feel sorry each time because I don't know that answer. German life can be truly lonely. Just one thing I can assure everyone: The language, especially for millenials and zoomers, is not an issue. If we notice that you are struggling with German, many of us switch to English almost automatically. We are honestly trying! ♥

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for being so honest. Everyone has their own struggles

I live in Germany and met some people from different countries living here. German is a very difficult language to learn and the all had problems with that. But a lot, especially younger Germans speak very good English. This often lead to situations where it is more simple to talk in English. Excellent for tourists, but if you want to learn the language it is no good. I met some guys especially from the US who struggled with the language even after several years because they speak English with Germans almost every time. I think food is a good way to make friends and Germans are very into foreign food. Talk about food, they like it. Or even better: cook with them. And if you are French: be tolerant with the way Germans cook. XD

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

haha "be tolerant with the way Germans cook". I agree with your first point. I actually made a huge effort to avoid English speakers during the first few years that I was here. It was lonely but I would have learned German if I hadn't done that.

@slartibartfas0428

10 ай бұрын

If you do really tell them you would like to speak german just to learn the german language on your own, I bet then you will get a lot more support from natives. But you must not expect them to talk to you in german, seeing you struggling all the time on the cases, grammar, pronounciation, ....... It is more of the will to help you out of your misery to try to take over the part of translation and then, maybe, struggle on their own. If you really do show them the interest in learning their language then they *will* help you. I'm pretty much sure.

Thank you for sharing! Probably one of the better integration courses you’re creating here.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. I’m Doing my best

"social butterfly" - expanding my vocabulary is quite a welcome byproduct of your videos - thanx!

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome 😉

Speaking as a German (with many years living abroad): Friendships are investments (at least for a German) and when we meet people that are on the move, it is risky to invest time and energy into someone soon to be somewhere else. Maintaining friendships also requires some effort, albeit that seems to be different between my wife's friends and mine. While my wife "needs" to keep up-to-date quite regularly, I can revitalize a friendship even after a few years of neglect. When we moved to Canada, we were incredibly fortunate to be included into a group of friends almost from day one and this very generous openness that we received shaped our willingness to help strangers and turn them into friends and ignore the "investment" issues - sometimes. Furthermore: we have friends from times when we had fewer commitments and more time and regret that when we raised our kits (and invested into our carriers), time was at a premium and we hardly enlarged our circle of friends then. So, consider yourself lucky if you meet someone interested enough spending time with you and getting to know *you* - it is a generous gift. And don't be disappointed when someone does not show interest... it might not be you, but their schedule might not allow it.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Well said! I think many people don’t consciously think about the compromise you make when you invest in a big career…there’s often that aha moment when you loose if leave the job and realise that you have less in common with colleagues than you thought.

I'm a German who loves the English language and I would be soo happy to have English speaking friends :) yes some Germans are a bit distant - there is also a difference between the north and the south, that seems to be a general character thing :) but as everybody else we love to have friends and community :)

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Nanna. Thanks you for sharing 😀

I work and live in Germany since 11 years. I came with B2 to Germany. There is no general rule but due to my experiences germans from these 2 provinces, NRW and BW are the friendliest, esp BW.Germans have their friends and family circle and adding a foreigner friend who will leave the country is not their biggest priority and I think we should give them right. Some Germans from east Germany are also very friendly, not everyone in east Germany is against foreigners. I think there are some cold germans in Germany but there are also warm germans.There are many german groups, that do the international volunteer help.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Tia. Thank you for sharing your experiences in Germany 😀🇩🇪

@tiajin248

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany You are welcome🙂. I have worked in north, south, east, west and middle. I will be glad to share my experiences.

LOL. The german national poet Friedrich Schiller one wrote: "Wem der große Wurf gelungen Eines Freundes Freund zu sein Wer ein holdes Weib errungen Mische seinen Jubel ein." It is about "Whoever has succeeded in the great attempt, To be a friend's friend," That was 1785 and did not change. By the way: the melody of that poem by Beethoven is Europes anthem today :)

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Sorry but that‘s a little advanced for me…what is that about ein holdes Weib errungen? Getting mixed up with a woman?

@kellymcbright5456

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany i found a translation for the line concerning a friend. The other line is about a woman, indeed. "Erringen" does mean literally the same as "win". Ringen is a way of fighting (wrestling), thus sucessfully winning the battle for a woman. You'll find that as "Ode an die Freude" or "ode to joy". There are many translations of it available, at least since it is the official anthem of the EU now: kzread.info/dash/bejne/gY2fy6trga6Wnps.html

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@kellymcbright5456 ahh ok thanks a lot Kelly…I don’t think I’ve heard the anthem being sung at any occasion I can recall.

@kellymcbright5456

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany maybe due to the british euro-scepticism. Today its less common in Germany, too. In the 90ies it was more present in my remembrance. However, this poem is one of the most learned in german schools. It came into my mind inevitably when i heard "difficult to make friends" ;-)

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@kellymcbright5456 wow interesting. Yeah I would say that is not common knowledge in the U.K…although it could just be me🤷🏼‍♂️

If you end up in Germany as an adult and you don't know anyone where you live - especially at 30+ - it IS hard to make new friends even if you are German. I don't think it has that much to do with Germans being unfriendly towards foreigners.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Admittedly it is harder The older you get. I think not being from the country just adds an extra layer of complexity.

@quetal5695

Жыл бұрын

Correct.

Easiest way to make friends in Germany, join a club (there are clubs for almost everything, cars, sports, animals etc) or go to a "Volkshochschule" (public school where you can go after work to learn something new, german for example). This way, you have the advantage that the people around you share the same interests which makes it easier to talk to them.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes this is exactly what I discussed in the video

I like your approach, especially the "go to groups that are interested in a topic, be it cooking, knitting or whatever". That's exactly what I tell people all the time as well and Germany offers a lot of these groups at the VHS (Volkshochschulen) which are institutions that teach various topics. Like you and others commented, it also depends a lot on the region. I could imagine that the manager who found Vienna so outgoing came from the Black Forest which is a region I know well where people are a lot more strict than those in my region, the Saarland. I assume this stems from the fact that the Saarland used to be French in between depending on who won the latest war and thereby, people here adopted more of a French "laisser faire" attitude compared to other regions in Germany. Of course, language plays a big part in getting to know others better and then to become friends. I've learned some languages myself and I always find it much easier to connect to people in a foreign country if I address them in their language than when I try English. Many native English speakers seem to assume that everyone is fluent in English and therefore, they do not need to bother learning the language of the country they are in and then complain about the rudeness of people there. I hope your video will encourage more people to learn another language. It doesn't just help with making better and deeper connections but it is a value in and out of itself. As someone put it so nicely: "With every new language we learn, we expand our ability to think since we now have terms to express things we could not in any other language."

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Perfect! I love your quote and I totally agree. Not only that I think it is one of the most brain crunching things you can do…to improve cognition way more intense than any Sodoku puzzle or cross word😉…I actually am planning another video on that because you are right. Most English speakers do not value learning another language and I think this is such an opportunity missed.

@PEdulis

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany It is indeed. I hope you'll persuade some people to actually enjoy learning a language, not just native English speakers btw. To name just a few examples of words that are not easily translatable: The English "splendiferous" has more connotations than the l translations like herrlich or prachtvoll. The Spanish answer to "how are you doing?" as "más o menos" - "more or less" is a unique way to answer that question. The French "Voilá" can be used in so many situations with so many meanings, it is quite unique as well. The German "Entschleunigung" may be translated to "slowing down" but o stands for a movement that you mentioned in another of your videos and that is hard to translate into any other language with just one or a few words.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@PEdulis yes. My current favourite German word that I find very difficult to translate is Zweisamkeit 😍

@PEdulis

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany That's a good one, too.

@Ezekielepharcelis

Жыл бұрын

It also depends how the German-French Relations have developed over hundreds - even thousands of years. For Example I grew up in Swabia. Swabish Culture is a mix of the germanic tribe of the Sueben (they came from the baltic sea) and of the germanic tribe of the Alemannen who lived in the south west of Germany at that time. The Sense of humor and overall view of Life is very different to the frankish/french sense of humor and how they see and value different things in Life. Even inside Bavaria the Difference is extreme. Swabians from Bavaria don't get along with Frankish People from Northern Bavaria. This is due to Wars from the Past, even from before the middle age. Real Bavarians again (Ober and Niederbayern) got a celtic Backgound which is very traditional for example. I can only advise to learn about germanic tribes and the celts which is european history. As a Brit you also pretty sure got different germanic and celtic genetics. Learning History is understanding the present.

I agree with you, particularly on the 'taking responsibility' part. Truth is, making friends gets harder when you older and this is more pronounced if you move countries. For me, my friendships are a bit more superficial, wheras back home I have very close friends, but they are all from my school and university days. The other difference for me is that in Germany, many social activities happen at home or involve an acitivity, e.g. having people over for a meal, or a game night, or going for a hike togehter. In the UK, this seems to be much less common, people go out for meals, or go drinking or clubbing, and people seem to find it odd if they are invited over for a meal or 'Kaffee und Kuchen' unless kids are involved, when people do combine play dates with entertaining the parents at the same time......But I don't know what the chicken and the egg is - maybe I just don't have those kind of friends because i came to the UK as an adult...

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Oh interesting. How long have you been living in the U.K? it was actually one of the reasons I wanted to get out do there. Everything seemed to revolve and drinking and the pub and it was difficult to find people that were interested in other things. Now however I think that was mainly because of my age. When I go back meeting people for caffee und Kuchen is pretty normal or also just going for a walk.

I was born in the UK and my parents were from Germany, at the age of 6 we moved back to Germany just in time for Grundschule (Primary School) due to the language barrier I didn't have any friends at first but by 4th grade I had a pretty good group of friends who were nice and warm to each other, maybe its just because we were kids and now I'm pretty well integrated into German society since I look like a German and can speak it to a near native level nowadays

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Glad to hear you've settled in nicely 😀

In my city the method no. 1 is this: start dancing. There are tons of dance schools und even more daily dance parties everyhwere with hundreds of super cool and open minded people. Dancing is ideal, you get to know a lot of people quickly (kind of like speed dating) and it doesn't allow reserved or shy behavior. Just go for it and enjoy

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That is a cool tip😉. Never thought of that…it requires a bit of jumping over one’s shadow

I think the best way to do this is by common interest. Everybody has hobby's like motorcycling, enjoy footbal, making music, walking, cycling, or collecting some stuff, so just go visit the organisation connected with your hobby at their meetings or on a open event. This way you have a topic to talk about and come in contact with several people in a short amount of time. And be there on their local town party's and drinking events. 🍻

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Wim. Yes well said. If you have a deep passion or hobby which you can do outside of work it’s a lot easier👍🏻

as someone who also struggled with making friends in germany here is one piece of advice: volunteer as a fire fighter. pretty much all volunteer fire stations are understaffed, so they're usually quite happy to take in pretty much anyone, even if all you can do in the end is bringing water bottles for the guys who're doing the heavy lifting, germans generally seem to respect people who take time out of their day to aid their fellow man, so it'll also do good for your reputation in the community you call home, which makes making new friends one hell of a lot easier.

In Spain I joined a group of climate activists and found a really great group of people. In Germany there are also a lot of groups like this: bike association, ecological/environmental groups who do nice projects together ❤

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That sounds cool. glad you found your people 😀

It’s interesting to hear your experiences trying to make friends in Germany. I’m an American living in the northeast part of the US and we also have the reputation for being cold and hard to meet. I think it’s an accurate portrayal. I always say that once you break through, people can be very warm. When foreigners meet Americans on travels and get the impressions that Americans are so gregarious and outgoing I’m convinced they’re meeting Americans from the south or west coast. Incidentally, I was a U.S. soldier stationed in Bavaria, Germany back in the eighties and did find Germans fairly easy to speak to at least at fests or other places where alcohol was involved. But I do speak German which was a novelty for them as most soldiers did not. I really enjoy your channel.

@britingermany

8 ай бұрын

Hey thanks for sharing 😀

Friendships are easy if you have a shared interest. There are many clubs/societies (Vereine) in Germany, where you can find people that share your hobby. Mostly for sports, but also cooking, charity, handcraft and many more. It is really easy to make friends there. And in Germany (and everywhere else ?) you make friends at your job or around other parents (if you have kids).

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Jan. Thank you for commenting. Just out of curiosity did you actually watch the video? 🤔

@TheKraken123

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany Yes, but the comment came first, because with that title of the video it is so obvious (for me as a german), that one short answer solves the whole problem ...

Thanks for sharing the interesting experiences you made. In the 80s I went to Australia to live, and my experience, I found the biggest obstacle to make friends, is the language. My English was pathetic when I arrived. So it took a while before I felt integrated. If you don't speak the language you can hardly share anything. After one year it was good, and after two years it was great. Back in Germany (with an Australian passport) I can see the differences between the British and German attitudes, but these are just the surface, i.e. behavior patterns. When one gets closer to the core, if you can, I believe you can find friends anywhere. I still miss the Aussie live style. But here in Europe we have you British people. Somehow I haven't made it to the UK, but I am sure, that I will like it.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes you should definitely visit! Most of us are very friendly 😉

Just stumbled across your channel - greetings from Langenselbold :)

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Thomas👋🏻😀. You could almost say we are neighbours 😉

@thomasbrutting8046

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany Indeed and if I put my workplace in downtown Mainhattan into the equation we're more or less flatmates :D -

I think you summed it up quite well - I’m German and lived abroad for several years (France and Russia). I agree that without learning the language you will never really understand people. And I mean this both literally and culturally. BTW: learning another language is like doubling the size of your world and width of perspective! I have another tipp you might try to kill two birds with one stone (or rather two flies with one swatter as Germans would say): try to find a „Sprachtandem“ - a language learning „tandem“ partner - in this case a German that wants to learn English (or whatever your mother tongue is). You meet and half of the time you talk in German half in your language. This is especially helpful if you’re still new in another country. Your counterpart will be more patient with your mistakes and as a bonus help you correct them. Also in a tandem you can freely ask all kinds of questions regarding customs and cultural „mysteries“. I found one of my oldest friends this way.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes that's a great idea. I actually did this when I was in China and it is a great way to start. You might have to "go through a few people" as you will not have chemistry with everyone but just doing that process will bring you into contact with the locals :)

Totaly off topic (sorry!), your camera, camera work and rest of the hardware is outstanding.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks a lot Oliver, that is nice to hear. I’m trying to improve it as i don’t honk the audio is great but it’s a work in progress 😉

@ollo71

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany After watching some of your videos my opinion is just the same - great camera shots and you are right the audio might need some support now and then:-) Thank you for this interesting channel and keep up the good work.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@ollo71 Thank you 😀

You also meet people very well when you do voluntary work in your city. There is something to do in every major city where you can meet people. You don't have to go to a bar to meet someone. There are also many clubs (Vereine) in Germany so you can find the right one for you and your interests. This way you get in touch faster than if you spend weeks in bars.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yep exactly👍🏻that’s what I detailed in the video

Spot on. My suggestion to re-write dictionaries: Friend = Bekannte(r). Freund = close friend (with the expectation that it is for life, even though in parctice it often isn't).

@britingermany

11 ай бұрын

Interesting point actually about rewriting terms. I found “Freund” really confusing at first because it is used to mean friend and partner (male)…I’ve learnt the different usages now but at the beginning that threw off a little

@featherstone5838

11 ай бұрын

@@britingermany Indeed; I forgot. So, revised version: Freund/Freundin = close friend OR boyfriend/girlfriend? It IS very confusing, even for native German speakers! Perhaps it stems from the good ole times when you were not supposed to share a bed before marriage...? I don't know.

as a german, it is not easy for me to find new friends as well, not impossible but really not easy... I am not someone who is comfortable putting myself out there, so that is probably part of it that being said, over the years I did collect quite a few friends mostly via other friends, that I met by luck, in school or by being in the same fandom and randomly finding out they live in the same city as I do, but having as many friends as I do took me years as well, I think the first person from those I still consider friends I met 23 years ago

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing 😀 and 23 years is a long time. Congrats!

Friendship is a very serious thing in Germany, because friendship presupposes trust.But trust has to grow and that takes time.Those who do not have this patience will never find real German friends.And most immigrants lack this knowledge, which is why so many have a problem finding German friends.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes Cultural competence is hugely underrated…learning the language unfortunately is not enough…

@Kelsea-2002

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany But knowing the language is a prerequisite for understanding the culture. It's really a hard road, but at the end of the day you are often rewarded with a friendship that lasts for life.

@olafkunert3714

Жыл бұрын

"Friendship is a very serious thing in Germany, because friendship presupposes trust." In Germany there is a clear difference between "Bekannter" and "Freund". The issue is that esp. people from the USA do not make this difference. 🙂

Nice video! I find discussions about culture to be quite fascinating. It makes me wonder how do these cultural traits develop? Do they form as a collective response to individual environmental and biological stimuli?. Since, as I imagine, folks didn't sit around and consciously vocalise and vote on which cultural norms would be acceptable and which ones would not be acceptable . WHEN , as in how much times does it take, for cultural personalities to develop and become wedded to and embedded in a particular culture? For example, I don't imagine that a group of 'cold emotionally distant' persons sat and debated on the pros and cons of being 'cold and distant and it's effects on them and foreigners and then consciously decided "Yeah, this works for us and we want this to be a part of national identity." Or, "We like being warm and friendly so that is what we will be known for!". I wonder, how these traits are propagated amongst a disparate set of personalities within a culture and subconsciously codified. There is not one country on this earth that has a person or persons with character traits that are unique to that Country or culture. They all have a collection of the same human traits with the exact same human basic needs. Yet EVERY country in the world has found a way to collectively value some of these traits and to devalue or even disvalue other traits. It is a basic human need to feel accepted and treated fairly and with dignity, to feel welcomed by strangers but yet cultures find a way minimise, suppress, or even squash that on a societal level knowing that it is antithetical to social cohesion. Like I said, Culture is fascinating to me.

@britingermany

11 ай бұрын

Yes it is fascinating. I would have said that the environment and weather plays a role. Often people who live in warmer mite sunny climates are more outgoing and extroverted. Although this doesn’t ring true in the U.K. as people from the north are generally friendlier and more open than people from the south…however I think that class and wealth is a key influence here. Can you see a link to climate and openness in the US?

@indigoinarritu6096

11 ай бұрын

@@britingermany I couldn’t agree more with your thoughts, however, being me, I still wonder WHY it happens, and why the same outcomes happens to disparate groups sharing the same environmental factors. Is it hardwired like an equation inside of us like”If environment ‘x’ = N then character trait ‘z’ is expressed? IDK. Also, could a a blending of people from different or similar cultures reinforce or diffuse certain cultural traits. For example I lived in both Seattle and San Francisco. Seattle is renowned for what is called the Seattle Freeze while San Francisco has a little more of a welcoming reputation. Ironically they have a similar mix of cultures with the Scandinavian/Asian tilt in Seattle and the Latin/Asian tilt in San Francisco.

@britingermany

11 ай бұрын

@@indigoinarritu6096 interesting. Well I believe we 50/50 nature/nurture so I think our genetics and personalities play quite a large role in how we react to or perceive culture

Extroversion is a necessary condition to join people. Exercise: Go to a pub in the Ruhr area and try to be alone for five minutes. That is impossible. The same thing in Frankfurt doesn't work so well. With all my friends I have the same interests, which are about a dozen different groups. It is a good idea to join a Verein. I myself do not like clubs. It's appreciated in every country if you at least try to communicate in the local language. At least in West Germany, almost everyone also speaks English. In my life, I have brought people from all kinds of countries closer to the German language. The good news for English speakers: our languages have a lot in common.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes extroversion helps ok the initial phase of meeting people. Otherwise I agree that the best way is to focus on your interests and bond over that. But still it isn’t always easy to make the time and requires effort…doesn’t happen automatically, at least nothing my experience

@joergn.1800

Жыл бұрын

True, i am from Bochum/heart of the Ruhr Area, and Its really easy to come together with the people. „wo kommse her?“ (Where do you come from) is a friendly invitation to talk with the locals. And Its also possible to get relatively quickly some good Friends. Wenn du „ein guter Kärl“ bist. (If you are a good guy). 😅

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@joergn.1800 that sounds great 😀👍🏻

@rainerm.8168

Жыл бұрын

​@@joergn.1800 Genau, im Ruhrpott klappt das prima. Und nicht vergessen: Geh nich inne Emscher, blaibse stecken.'

@joergn.1800

Жыл бұрын

@@rainerm.8168 nich meer, mitlerweile ist die Emscher an vielen Stellen wieder renaturiert. Und das zahlt sich aus.

10:00 this observation agrees completely with my experience. That means, it is mainly a question of ones own mind set.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

At the end of the day I think everything comes down to that…there will be different types of challenges but it essentially is up to us how we approach them👍🏻

It depends to the region in Germany. I lived for some years in the Hanover region and the people are pretty cold. It's a region, not really close to the see, not really close to the mountains, they forgot the dialect, there are few people speaking Calenberger Platt, but it's a cultural thing, they doesn't do it in every day. Some names, like Kamp for acre or krökeln for playing table soccer are from the times, where low German was pretty south. But Brandenburg who had also initially Low German turned to Germany's answer to cockney Berlinisch

Hi Benikon, ich fühlte mich angesprochen- until you said knitting lol! Seriously, I had a great, what I would call „social circle,“ when I was a regular at a dance school, but I find it very difficult where I live now. I can’t attend the social events here, because of my day job, but I don’t think it would help much, because I am just too different. That’s on me, I know. I had much more easy social contact in cities compared to villages. I have tried but some specific things factor in that I don’t think I can really say on here. Germans aren’t cold, but they are very different when it comes to making friendships, I find.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Lauren…I’ll have to follow up with you on that offline😉 it sounds juicy 🤪

@uliwehner

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany do that, and make a video afterwards :)

I’m German myself and only lived in 2 cities here. I think that age makes a big difference as well. It is much easier in general to make friends in school or later in university. After I moved back to my hometown as a adults I had only 1 friend there and it took awhile 1-2 years to make new. I joined several groups: French class, dance class, a choir and later I joined the Red Cross. In each group I found 1-2 friends. Not best friends, but good friends. I’m from east Germany and I wouldn’t recommend to try to meet people in a bar because usually you go there with your friends to talk for hours. And don’t expect to meet each other every day. Many people have their own family, work,… I see my best friend only every few weeks. So my tip: try out different clubs till you find the right ones for you!

@LaureninGermany

Жыл бұрын

I have found that East Germans were the most friendly to me and most likely to invite me into their homes.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yeah you’re right I think it does get harder when you get older and if you move away from where you went to school you kind of loose contact with school friends. I do still meet up with old school friends when I go back to the U.K. but that’s usually just on e a year

As a German who’s lived abroad - you need to learn the language of any country you’re living in and you need to learn it well, it should be your absolute priority. Without doing that I never would’ve survived, I never would’ve become at home.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes, I can’t ague with that👍🏻

When I was 20, I moved from East German to Frankfurt. Even I am native German, it took me around 5 years to find some real friends, too. These people are still my friends now, 18 years later.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing 😀

The most thoughful man talking about Germany on KZread

Sometimes it's easier to make friends if you join clubs (carnival clubs, sports clubs, etc.), aid organizations (volunteer fire brigade, Red Cross), church communities, even if you initially have a language barrier or don't yet speak the local language.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes indeed it a good way to meet people…whether you make friends that way or not is up to you really

@Stoffmonster467

Жыл бұрын

We had several collegues from foreign countries, US, British, Japanese, Chinese. We took them to any kind of event, and if it was only eating pizza after work. One big problem was that the English speaking guys simply refused to learn German, even for 20 years. Your job will work that way, but you will never be integrated. Simply because you don't think it's important to learn just simple sentences. And if somebody invites you to join the local church, fishing or sewing club: just go there if it isn't really against your deepest feelings. Don't let your prejudices avoid to find a tiny charity job - and if it is only giving out the fishing magazine to the 5 people in your village. It will help you to meet many others, to get respect, to find another meaning than just earning money.

I still think it's way more difficult in Germany than in other countries. Yes, people aren't "fake nice" but they are also genuinely rude. I've never been to another country where it's socially accepted to be rude to people in public. Even the shopkeepers are rude to me if I point out that a reduction was not applied that should have been. Also, Germans themselves speak often about the problem of coldness. They simply aren't comfortable hanging out spontaneously or messing about at work

@britingermany

8 ай бұрын

Interesting about the messing about at work point. I have another video planned about work culture

@kw1ksh0t

8 ай бұрын

@@britingermany Yes your point about friends in the workplace summarises it nicely. I've worked in both the UK and Australia and both of them have a strong culture of making friends at work. It's not uncommon at all to end up in the office messing about with NERF guns or playing chess randomly when you should be working

@britingermany

8 ай бұрын

@@kw1ksh0t 🤣🤣I can’t imagine that happening here

I think that the most important parts are: Learn the language and join some sort of organised activity. Both is so because of a rather strict seperation of fun and work in German society. Most ppl are learning and speaking English for work, so it's work to speak English, and most ppl don't want to do that an weekends. And when their shift ends on Friday afternoon they don't like to see the guys from work, bc the weekend - the non-work part of the week - has just begun. Don't expect someone after work to ask you to join him and the other ones in a bar or corner inn. But if you are member of a local foorball club, it's pretty common to be asked after the training "to fill up some electrolyts" with some beers just around the corner. Get some organised hobby and meet some friends. I've lost most friends from school bc we all spread over the republic. I've lost colleagues from the university for the same reason. I didn't want so see my co-workers on weekends just to complain about the work. But than I've found an organised group for my hobbies and after approximatly 10 years without close friends living close to me, I've got dozends of comrades and therefore lot's of friends, some of them even close.

Shared experience is the key. I am an inner german expat as somebody who moved from Northern Germany to Bavaria an adult. The majority of my friends is not Bavarian. For a simple reason: they already have friends. They grew up here, they have friends from school to university, they already settled when you came along. My friends almost all shared the experience of being foreign (Germany is quite diverse in this aspect)

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Interesting. I bet it took you a bit of time to find those people

Thank You for sharing your view. I‘m sorry it took two years until you made friends with someone. There is indeed a difference between Germany and let’s say the US (and this probably goes for UK as well). If you go out to a house party with a friend and you don’t know the host, you are simply the "+1" of your friend who brought you along. The host will probably not care much about you because it’s commonly accepted to bring unknown people to parties. Friends of your friend who haven’t met you yet won’t probably talk much to you either at first. They expect you to talk to your friend if you want to have a conversation or to start the conversation because you are the "new one" while in the US/UK I guess everyone is curious to know who the stranger is and probably talk a lot to you. I admit it’s different here but it’s also true that once you‘re accepted you‘re REALLY accepted and most Germans have life-long friendships with mates they’ve been knowing since their childhood even. The best way to make new friends if you‘re out with a friend is to ask THE FRIEND to start a conversation with you and 1-2 other people. It’s even common at parties that there are some bunches of smaller groups and each group is in s different corner of the room and the groups don’t mix. Or talk to each others. Each group stays on its own. It’s strange, I know, since I know (what you also mentioned) that ppl in the US/UK go out in larger groups. I don’t think language is an obstacle. Most people aged 40 and under will speak decent English. And secondly, since we don’t go into detailed conversations with anybody else there is no need to know other than basic German. My advice: sports (soccer especially), movies and video games are big topics at parties (especially the males) so this is something to contribute to. Females usually are s little bit more open minded, especially if your friends suggests opening bottle of sparkling wine. Just 1-2 glasses and most start getting talkative. Also, Germans love to complain, so if you pop into a conversation saying something like „Oh dear, the Deutsche Bahn was late again today, that sucks" you will surely have some ppl ranting about this for a while. 😅

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣yes excellent point. Die Deutsche Bahn is a Great starting point…and lay year I had the feeling that every second conversation was about “home office” 😉

What I can tell you from my (being a German) perspective: It may be harder to break the ice with us Germans. But once you made a german friend, it is often for lifetime as loyalty is very highly valued. Ways how to get in touch with people? Just as you said: alcohol can help, so a bar is not a bad place. Another good way: follow your hobbies. E.g. if you like going to concerts. You will meet a lot of likeminded people there. Or sportsclubs that are based on interacting with people, so you cannot put your headphones on and be isolated. E.g. team sports like Volleyball or Football, even martial arts clubs. Great places to get in touch with people.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. Yes that has been my experience as well

I have been living in Darmstadt for nearly two years and I am all alone, feeling bad. I have been learning German for two years but I can't really perform it in real life as I feel it is still Schlecht. Plus, this "struggle to befriend with Germans" is very true, and even harder if you are not very extraverted. Actually, I am happy to stumble upon this content of yours, it made me feel that I am not alone by being alone :) Moreover, our destiny in Germany is kinda similar, I will start a new job in a while in a design agency in Frankfurt and they expect me to speak German even though I told them I can't do this in the wink of an eye. However, somehow they trusted me to learn the language and hired me. Let's see if I will be able to speak German like you after 10+ years.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Well congrats on the new job. I learned all my German at work, I had no option but to just try and speak. loads of ridiculously cringe worthy experiences but that's all part of the process 😉

@mertdagcioglu

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany Thanks! Yeah that pretty much sounds like my everyday life already. Actually there were English speaking jobs too, as you might guess it is not a big deal for designers to find an English speaking job as the tasks depend on more personal creativity than communication, but I felt like I need to get out of my comfort zone sooner or later, otherwise I will always stay in my Eng speaking bubble and will never integrate in this country as you also mention multiple times in your videos. Hope I did right choice, we ll see.. cheers!

@mistercarousel1872

Жыл бұрын

​@@mertdagcioglu when I lived in France I accidentaly had to do a 10km run. I didn't catch the difference between "faire les courses", which is going grocery shopping and what my host had actually said, which was "faire un cours", as in doing a run. By the time I was at the doctors to verify that my physical condition was good enough to take part, I didn't quite want to back out anymore although it dawned on me I had messed up my translations... What I am saying is you will mess up and it will be funny, just try sticking to people who also find it funny and not the assholes that might want to rub your nose in it, although the latter are by far the minority.

@hansmeiser32

Жыл бұрын

"I have been learning German for two years but I can't really perform it in real life as I feel it is still Schlecht." Try watching German KZread videos and comment on them and if you feel especially brave ask people to correct your German. That's how I significantly increased my English skills. When I "discovered" KZread around 2014 I exclusively watched English content which is almost still the case - I'm subscribed to 200 channels now and only 5 of them are German. P.S.: It's schlecht with a lower case s 😉

It's easy to make acquaintances, but not friends. Our friend bubbles are small and we're usually not waiting for people to "pick us up and make us their friend". 🤣 We're good at spending time on our own.

It's absolutly dependent how you want to live. If you a international which is living in the a big city with urban lifestyle,and you are feeling good in hipster-comunitys, that is okay. But if you want friendships with germans or people living in germany you have to dive deeper in the german comunitys with all there clubs and groups. An it is not dependent of the migration share to make quick friendships in germany. Take the city of Ludwigshafen they have the proportion of migration as Frankfurt and you can try to make friedship in this city. If you want talk about " to make friedship in germany " you have to analyze more and to dive and dig deeper in to the topic.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Wolfgang. Of course it is a highly subjective topic and depends on individual people and personalities. Nevertheless Germany ranks consistently low in these studies…and I think there’s no smoke without fire as they say.

As a German who lived close to Frankfurt for many years: Yes, FFM is quite international. But I never heard of it as Germany's most diverse City. That would be Berlin, I guess. And before Frankfurt, I would think of Cologne and Hamburg, too. But that's just my point of view. Anyway, I enjoyed your point of view. Welcome to Germania, everybody😊

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks Tyrion 🙏

Thank you for this of course. I am British too and only speak English. I have not been to Germany although sadly I am disabled though. However Germany now is a large country when you look at the maps of it-from Aachen in the west to Gorlitz in the east somehow. Bordering Holland/the Netherlands; Denmark; Poland; Czechia; Austria; France and Switzerland of course too after all. The main player too in the EU; of which sadly of course Britain/the UK is now not in though too. Berlin of course the capital, but there are many other cities, such as Bonn which was the capital of the old western part too. Forgive me if this is rather off topic for this one; I did meet a man some years ago whose Mum was German and his Dad was British. Of course, he spoke English as we do here; but I guess he spoke German too due to his family background too. Well done though too!

@brucedanton3669

Жыл бұрын

And also bordering Italy too-I have realised that too! Thank you.

@hansmeiser32

Жыл бұрын

@@brucedanton3669 Italy? Either the Swiss or Austrians wouldn't like that because you have to cross either of them to get from Germany to Italy. But you forgot Luxembourg in your list. "Well done though too!" The videos from Brit for Germany on the German language and culture are exceptionally accurate. He does understand Germany and Germans very well. Sometimes a very little detail may be missing but he is never far out.

@brucedanton3669

Жыл бұрын

@@hansmeiser32 Forgive me there you are of course so right there then too. Germany of course does not border onto Italy-I must have looked at the maps wrongly so then too. And yes of course it does border onto Luxembourg so then too. Thank you for pointing those out of course then as well.

Danke!

@MHK6620

Жыл бұрын

Sorry mate, wanted to increase the amount, but didn' t get along with my Linux system....hope you want go bankrupt with the difference for YOUR coffee..:-))

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Oh wow!! Vielen Dank Martin. I can’t see it yet but I’m sure at them end of the month I will do. 🙏🙏. I appreciate you 😀

I am Bavarian and have lived in the UK for over 20 years. I certainly don't think we are cold! However I do think that Bavarians and English people are on different wavelength that makes forming a friendship very hard. Bavarians and Scots are a very different story, it was much easier to find friends when I lived there.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Interesting…something to do with the land maybe…

@SD_Alias

Жыл бұрын

Even Bavarians and people from Hamburg or Schleswig-Holstein are often very different in mentality

We are a group of seven buddies knowing each other since early school days and everyone would literally die for the others. Last year one of our group brought a guy from the US he's working with with him to our Kneipenabend (pub meeting). The american was a nice guy and the evening went out with seven Germans and one American chatting in english all night. Tell me a similar story from the UK or the US.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That sounds great. Glad you had a wonderful time. This kind of thing is very normal in the UK...although of course you wouldn't find a group of Brits who could all speak German that is definitely not going to happen any time soon

@peterparker219

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany That's the point, they don't even strive to speak another language.

Good one, first for parents easier, as they bond over their kids, Kita, school, other parents. For Singles and if they are really into learning German, meet local locals, go visit a church service! You avoid the commuters, esp in Frankfurt, get to know people from your area, neighborhood. On your return to England, you as a Brit living in Germany, even 2 yrs in China, makes you interesting to talk to. If you don't like to befriend {too close} with your colleagues. How about your peer managers talk about leadership stuff. Just to break the ice, get to know. Liked the expression of the "social butterfly", great to start, alas it stays supperficial, still in contact with you Chinese or Austria butterfly?

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Haha no I’ve lost contact with the social butterfly. He went back to New Zealand and I’m in Europe…it’s a long way away. I had no peers at work in my city. Only in the other cities but to be honest I didn’t mind that. I prefer to meet other people outside of work…afterall 9-10hours a day with the same people is enough for me 🤣

@Mayagick

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany Aah, so you consider yourself as a social butterfly then?

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@Mayagick no not at all. That’s definitely not me.

What about clubs? Here,where I live in Germany, we have an english & an american club. O.k, the american one is mostly for business matters - but ! the english is about socializing & improve english & german speaking skills . For a small voucher one can test it. If you'll like it, just stay. Maybe ,if you have to move again for example, how about installing something like this?

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Iane. Thank you for commenting. I actually talked about clubs and society's at 5:11. If you live in a big city then the sky's the limit when it comes to clubs

I think many expats live in larger cities. That may seem easier, but obviously large cities mean anonymity, and whilst choices are much larger, making contacts is also more difficult. The most important message is probably: friends don't just ring at the door downstairs. You have to go search for them yourself. Having friends means being proactive, and positive.

In my experience, there are vast differences in the regions of germany. I am from the southwest (Rhineland-Palatinate) where people generally are warm and approachable. Franken, Ostfriesland... very awkward people.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes I've heard about the regional differences...I guess every area has it's challenges

I live in a little village in an non industrial area. A lady moved in over the road and she took about 3 years before she spoke. Each time I see her it improves. However, when I moved in neighbours were friendly but kept their distance. My advice - have some kids - especially older kids

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Have some kids? To help you make friends or to keep you company? 🤣

@alia9087

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany They help you make friends. Especially when they are older. Also, more of your neighbours chat to you as they ask about them and what they are doing whereas they won't ask about what you are doing as that is too personal

just would add, that a language-barrier, doesn´t matter whether you, as a foreigner, will speak german or english, will always add some constraints to the german participants. We just know how hard it can be, to get into our language on a native level. As mentioned by others before, germans tend to get friends, as soon as a kind of inner access to each person is approved. The more germans can speak fluid and native with their counterparts, the more emotional and deeper the conversation will proceed and as of this point, for the majority of us I would claim, the base for a beginning friendship is set.

If I go to the USA without learning English, only speaking German, it would be a hard place making friends, too. It would be harder then making friends in Germany only speaking English. Why do Americans think, that all people around the world have to speak english? That is very arrogant.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Hello Roland thank for commenting…and while I appreciate your point …I’m not sure you actually watched the Video?? The study was done by internations which represents a whole host of countries…

It's easier to explain the other way around: Talking to strangers is unusual, not part of the culture. This first step is, what makes the difference. If you meet somebody the 5th time you start to feel to know each other. No matter if in a bar or in the tram. Of course this is much faster in job/university/gym situation, or maybe if you walk your dog. You need a reason to talk. There must be a reason to everything.

Fun fact: The word "deutsch" (German) in it's ancient form means "zum Volk gehören" (to belong to the people). So basically you are not born German, you become German by being accepted by the people.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

That's a really lovely sentiment :)

As a german, i would say , without Alc it´s realy hard to create friendships. If we lougth togethere we are Friends but, we shame if we lougth a about anyone else then oure selfe ore the one we lougth with. So anyone have to do any weared thing that is just fun to lougth about. So dancing on the Table is a good start. Take of your shirt, still if your dance is weared anougth. Your Pants are to much. An Otherway is deap talk but we mastered it often, and if it is one sided we forget about it.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

It's all about meeting the right people...can be difficult but doable

I was stationed in Germany for 3 years in the early 60's. early during my tour, a colleague and I went out to a neighborhood Gasthaus to have a couple beers and watch the World Figure Scatting Championships, which were on the TV. We both happened to be wearing scandinavian sweaters, and the locals sitting on the Stammtish assumed we were students at the Technische Hochschule in Darmstadt. When we went to pay our tab, they were delighted to find out we we well behaved "Amis"and invited us to sit with them around the Stammtisch. Well, I ended up spending many an evening on that Stammtisch trying to understand their German and gradually making acquaintances and friends. One of the gentlemen at the table had his daughter and her boyfriend join him one evening. Along with them, was a rather attractive, young blond German girl. We briefly made eye contact that evening, but made to conversation, as she was on the other side of the table. As luck would have it, shortly after this, I ran into this couple and young woman at the local town festival, Heinerfest. We ended up in the beer tent until the wee hours of the morning. I ended up with the young lady, Ursula at 3 AM at the Raststatte on the Autobahn to get coffee. That was July. The following Christmas Eve Day, we were married. We were married for 49 years, until she passed away. She came back to the U.S. with me the following May. I went on to get my B.A. in German at the Univ. of Illinois.

@britingermany

10 ай бұрын

Wow that is a beautiful story❤️. Thank you for sharing its moment like this that make life such a joy 😀

It takes a long time to break the ice but the water underneath is warm.

As an American who has lived in Germany for 10 years now, definitely top 2 suggestions: Join a club and learn the language - in that order. First of all, Germans LOVE belonging to clubs - sports clubs, music clubs, gardening clubs, cooking clubs, travel clubs, etc. A club is a great way to meet other people in a structured and friendly way, which then gives the context in which to practice your language skills. Even if your German is not very good, a shared interest in the club and a shared language will open doors to new relationships that you never knew existed.

@britingermany

10 ай бұрын

Yes I agree with that👍🏻

Don't worry ist hard to make friends even for Germans :) The best way to find some are in clubs (Vereinen).

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yes it’s one place to start…but even here it can take longer than most people would expect.

One of the best takes I've ever heard about this (without getting really deep into the details) is a comparison with fruits, where Germans are compared to coconuts (hard outer shell, but once you're "through" that, it's all soft and sweet - hard to get to know beyond a fairly shallow surface level of acquaintance, but when you've actually established a friendship, it's full-on, no "barriers"), and Americans to peaches (soft and sweet on the outside, but with a hard pit - easy to get to know to _some_ degree, but then you hit a wall when it comes to the more personal stuff). (taken from kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZXaXzKyeeZDAhag.html )

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Thanks. Someone commented here about Avocados and walnuts😉 also good

@claudiaweber4564

Жыл бұрын

Exactly the same applies to the Brits,.... helpful, polite , friendly but if you come too close, there is an unbreakable wall.

Germany is not easy to make friends but doable - Switzerland though is master level difficulty to make friends 😀😀

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Oh yeah? I heard that Austria is even harder than Germany and Switzerland maybe it’s something do to with the mountains there …🤷🏼‍♂️

@henningbartels6245

Жыл бұрын

As a German I've heard the same about Switzerland.

I found this video and simply wanted to know if I'm cold or not and saw my hometown Saarburg at 2:03, 2:22 and 9:27. Very unexpected but nice.🙂

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Well observed. Was only a few second but i was impressed with the down. The waterfall really is a highlight and I had amazing weather when I was there. Lucky you 😀👍🏻

@jrgptr935

Жыл бұрын

Oh, das Saarburg mit dem Wasserfall, den ich erreiche, irgendwann, wenn ich mich selbst im Klo runtergespült hab ( Stadtteil von Saarbrücken).

The main difference is the definition of 'friend'.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

I know that a lot of Germans say this and there might be truth to it. However in order to develop a friendship you first have to meet people have a conversation connect in some kind of way meet again and so on and so on. And I think for many foreigners it’s these initial steps which are very hard.

@Arsenic71

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany I think getting the first conversation started is difficult. But that's often difficult in many countries. Traditionally in Germany, a friend is someone who will always stand by your side and always have your back, no matter what. Ssomeone who doesn't get you out of jail but someone who sits in jail next to you. Small talk isn't really a German virtue, but it's very rare for a German not to respond or not to have a small conversation when they are spoken to first. Especially the younger generations are much more open.

I'm not sure if Frankfurt am Main is the most diverse city in Germany. Some people say it's Berlin, some others say it's Hamburg. The only one of these cities I really lived in was Berlin, for 7 long and adventurous years, and I liked its diversity. "When there is alcohol in the mix", whom do you tell that? I'm Bavarian. Even if you already have friends, there can be a dispute now and then, and we're used to settling it over a glass of beer or two. What's a "social butterfly"? I know what a "night butterfly" in Thailand is, but I guess that's not what you mean. Another British term I don't know? One thing about clubs I must mention: Don't get involved too much. I once was elected as "temporary" cashier and had that unpaid and unthankful job for three years. So much about "temporary". Besides, I feel ashamed. I'm currently preparing some lectures for our local Volkshochschule, and I should know how to do it, dammit, I'm a social worker, but it seems I forgot everything I learned. Your video was so well-structured and concise, you helped me more than you can imagine.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I should have said “one of the most diverse”…I think Berlin, cologne and Hamburg are similar although I think Frankfurt maybe has more nationalities over 200?. A social butterfly is someone who “works the room” at a party. They go from person to person making small talk and end up with like 30 business cards and phone numbers at the end of it…they usually don’t have many close friends but a massive social network and are great facilitators. Like a butterfly flitting from one beautiful flower to the next 😉. I’ve never really gotten heavily involved in the Vereins here but I really respect the volunteers who make these things possible…in some cases it is really like a full time job and they do not get paid for it. Glad I could help. Happy 🕯️🕯️

@eisikater1584

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany Thanks a lot. I admire the people in my village who are at the Freiwillige Feuerwehr, and all the other volunteer firefighters in this country (and others, of course). Most of the time, they don't fight fires, but cut injured or dead people out of demolished cars. I never had the courage to volunteer but have friends who did, and they tell me stories you'll never see printed in a newspaper. My club was a gun club (Schützenverein). There was a time in my life when I loved shooting, and I still have a license, but no guns anymore. Sold them all to other club members.

@britingermany

Жыл бұрын

@@eisikater1584 so you would essentially be able to go out and hunt? I know this is a massive thing in Switzerland but not sure if there is a such a big hunting culture in Germany?

@eisikater1584

Жыл бұрын

@@britingermany No, I'm not a hunter. You'd need a special license to do that and have to know much about animals, hunting times, and so on. My license is just for owning guns and using them for sports purposes. I know hunters in my area, of course, but I couldn't shoot at any living thing although I eat dead animals. The reason I quit was that Germany intensified their gun laws, so I would have had to buy a special locker, store the ammo away from the guns, and so forth, and that wasn't worth it for me. Many people quit in those days, but don't ask me for the exact year. I could call my cousin who is still a member and did everything the law was asking from him, he probably remembers.

@olafkunert3714

Жыл бұрын

"I'm not sure if Frankfurt am Main is the most diverse city in Germany. " It has a high share of non-German population or with migratoryl background. After 5 years in Frankfurt Hannover and Hamburg felt really pale. 🙂

Main question: do you know a German emotionally before you begin with texts on Internet?? So for how long did you get to know a German? Did you experience moments of joy, suffering, victories or defeats? If yes, continue... They will never hug or kiss you and tell that you are a good person for example and they like being in your presence because you are important for them, etc. Once body contact comes up, you an alien. Shortly you realize they simply don't bring the matter to the heart. They bring it to ideas or objective speculations and start co-fabulating about the subject. They do avoid bringing feelings alongside... those cannot be part of the game. Their emotional instinct is bluntly clamped in. When the society really needs to operate, (boom!) then they enter the stage to do it precisely right! The distinction between professional and personal is incredibly huge! The heart-related matter is just abandoned and will never (ever) be prioritized. It's just visible how emotionally distant they have to be in the middle of a deep conversation. What they really want, as taught since day one with their strong mentality, is to be part of the engine machine that leads them to their accurate and well-functioning way of life. Well, that said... yes, ladies and gentlemen... Germans are cold. Truth spoken.

you cannot generalize this for Germany as a whole. It highly depends where you are, as in which region, and also whethere you are in south germany, in northern, in the east or west. Further it depends on whether you are in a big city or a small one or out in the country side. :)