Jokes are like frogs, if you dissect them you will understand them better. But now they're dead.

"I'm gonna approximate cat as rectangle". true physicist

@intellectualize6354

5 жыл бұрын

Seems like you approximated the cat as cat. True physicist, and Englishman.

@HenriFaust

5 жыл бұрын

A true physicist would approximate the cat as a sphere.

@intellectualize6354

5 жыл бұрын

@@HenriFaust true. He's clearly a mathematician, and not a physicist. Real physicists approximate cows as spheres.

@intellectualize6354

5 жыл бұрын

Noah Nissrn Can I have ∑ as well?

@attoblaze3395

5 жыл бұрын

@Noah Nissen i dont get what it should sound like can you explain what its supposed to sounds like

this Fibonacci joke is worse than the last 2 you heard combined.

@kallek919

5 жыл бұрын

I wouldn't say that. It’s combined joke value is the same.

@timq6224

4 жыл бұрын

wouldn't it be better? (greater)

@eukleidesk6759

4 жыл бұрын

That’s golden !

@boxhead3997

4 жыл бұрын

You win at commenting

@bernat8331

4 жыл бұрын

@@kallek919 thats why its worse

Did you hear of the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He would stop at NOTHING to avoid them!!

@dancrane3807

5 жыл бұрын

This is my favorite joke so far.

@jaycecameron4850

5 жыл бұрын

But nothing isn't zero. Zero is sumthing.

@kameronbriggs235

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah zero is something.

@Diogenes2077

5 жыл бұрын

@@kameronbriggs235 counterproof: 0 times anything is 0 If you drink 0 times a beer, you drink nothing ----------------------------------------- 0 is nothing

@kartikkalia01

4 жыл бұрын

Shut up dude 0 isn't nothing, it's an abstract representation of space.

If you've got a pizza with a radius of "z" and a height of "a", the volume can be defined by pi*z*z*a ;)

@TheIcecreamtaco

8 жыл бұрын

Don't you mean pi*(z^2)*a Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjbbbbkdjdo

@SilverWave64

8 жыл бұрын

TheIcecreamtaco That's the same :P

@SilverWave64

8 жыл бұрын

TheIcecreamtaco Oh, that's mean :-/ :D

@nvmcomrade

8 жыл бұрын

+SilverWave nice one

@michael_rodgers

8 жыл бұрын

Mind blown.

Optimist: Glass is half full. Pessimist: Glass is half empty. Engineer: Glass is double the required size.

@mittfh

9 жыл бұрын

Sum bloke Chemist: Glass contains a 1:1 equilibrium of water:air.

@superyoshigo

9 жыл бұрын

Physicist: ducks. (That's an xkcd reference)

@Max24871

9 жыл бұрын

Sum bloke Physicist: glass is full

@CoolAsFreya

9 жыл бұрын

Binary coder: 01

@Spark31Gaming

9 жыл бұрын

Sum bloke civil engineer: The design of the glass is not as such supporting the liquid with maximum efficiency.

Answering machine message at a maths department: "The number you have dialled is imaginary, please rotate the keypad 90 degrees and try again."

@yossubonkers4666

4 жыл бұрын

Why hasn't this got more votes, it's brilliant!

@h-Films

4 жыл бұрын

yes

@AlexandrBorschchev

4 жыл бұрын

didnt get it. what does it mean??

@janda1258

4 жыл бұрын

Alexius Czar P. Vergara I think it has to do with the imaginary plane where the usual y-axis represent the imaginary part and the usual x-axis represent the real part. So if you are on the imaginary line (an imaginary number) and rotate 90deg, you end up on the real axis so it’s not imaginary anymore

@nadian848

4 жыл бұрын

😂

Has 2 blackboards in front of him Draws on a piece of paper with a pen

@shadowbane7401

5 жыл бұрын

Absolute mad lad

@tjfush

4 жыл бұрын

Haha... its Numberphile's tradition to use brown/khaki paper

@Ken.-

4 жыл бұрын

A lot of these jokes get recycled.

@emeria9620

4 жыл бұрын

@Drew Kangaroo The point is that blackboards are erasable and reusable, whereas paper isn't.

@aicy5170

4 жыл бұрын

@@chipblock2854 what?

Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal and Isaac Newton are playing hide & seek. It's Einstein's turn to count, so he closes his eyes. Pascal runs away, but Newton stands right in front of Einstein, takes a piece of chalk from his pocket, and draws a one metre by one metre square on the ground, then stands over it, looking smug. Finally, Einstein stops counting and opens his eyes. He immediately sees Newton over the square metre, and exclaims "Ha! I found Newton!" Newton smirks, and replies "Nope, you found Newton over metres squared. You found Pascal!"

@antonioj.salamat1984

7 жыл бұрын

Legendary!

@deandrekendricks3814

6 жыл бұрын

I'm weak😂😂😂😂😂

@Rachano

6 жыл бұрын

Noob Why though?

@Megasterik

6 жыл бұрын

What why? They born in different space-time.

@Rachano

6 жыл бұрын

Yes, but... it's a joke. I'm sure we would all agree that even if they all lived together, this would probably never happen. But jokes don't have to be historically accurate, sometimes they are centered around little inaccuracies. So, yes. You're right. But it was completely unnecessary to bring that up, I would guess that about 99.99% of people would immediately understand the hypothetical nature of this story.

A chemist, a physicist and a mathematician travel by a train in England. They look out a window and the chemist spots a black sheep on a field and conclude. "In England sheep are black". The physicist corrects him and say "no we can't conclude that, what we can conclude is that there is at least one black sheep in England". The mathematician corrects him and say "no we can't conclude that. What we can conclude is that there is at least one sheep in England that is black on at least one side".

@jamieDodds56

9 жыл бұрын

Nice. Curious incident of the dog in the night time joke

@michaelbauers8800

8 жыл бұрын

+ballefras I have a book with this joke. Might be my book on Fermat's last theory

@danielharrop9465

7 жыл бұрын

I remember that!

@SmileyMPV

7 жыл бұрын

ballefras I legit cant stop laughing

@shivanisinghparihar63

3 ай бұрын

I didn't get this

A math pun numbs my brain. But, two math puns make it even number

@gambe96

Жыл бұрын

surprisingly clever double pun

@skjalg_ask

11 ай бұрын

Brilliant 😅

@drenz1523

4 ай бұрын

underrated

How does a mathematician catch a lion? He builds a cage, gets in, and defines: this is outside.

@smallw1991

3 жыл бұрын

underrated comment detected

@stephentorrey8727

3 жыл бұрын

Ha

@drewmcdermott6798

3 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, he's now caught every lion.

@nimphilia

3 жыл бұрын

so I'm outside of my dad?

@mrigendrajha8727

3 жыл бұрын

Extraordinary... 😃😃😃

3:15 "I'm gonna approximate the cat as a rectangle..." Okay, you can stop now, joke's over.

@sivalley

8 жыл бұрын

+Fuzzballfox Onionring Only if he approximates a horse as a sphere.

@kernell32bcn

8 жыл бұрын

lol

@AntonAdelson

8 жыл бұрын

lol

@UltimatePerfection

8 жыл бұрын

+sivalley For horse approximation you'd need an oval. Now, an elephant can be safely approximated as a sphere.

@WSebastiaanZ

8 жыл бұрын

+sivalley No that only works for spherical cows in a vacuum.

A Physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are asked to build a fence with limited supplies, but have to contain the biggest area. The physicist designs a square fence, showing that a square contains the most area. The Engineer then designs a circular fence, showing that the area to circumference ratio is better than a square. The mathematician think for a moment, then starts building a tiny fence around himself. When he's done, he says "I define myself to be the outside

@deadbyte8086

8 жыл бұрын

smart

@alxmampilly

8 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

@TheRedstoneTaco

7 жыл бұрын

Freaking beautiful. Absolutely genuis.

@Badg3r001

7 жыл бұрын

Is there a bit missing from this? All I can see upto is "the Engineer designes a circular fence" line. Is there more to it, or am I just not getting it?

@AbridgedAnime

7 жыл бұрын

Tom Badger have you clicked "show more"?

Love how annoyed Matt sounds when there’s another ‘non number’ joke

@achtsekundenfurz7876

3 жыл бұрын

The " . . . *no* " at the end was the best reaction. I'd have replied "Must have been a #2 pencil" - but only because I know what the average (no pun intended) KZread audience is like. And the "nice belt" is best explained with 0 and 8 on a digital display.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary, those that don't, and those that didn't expect this joke to be in ternary.

@sharifulislam3201

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely amazing

@stop_bringing_me_up_in_goo167

3 жыл бұрын

@@sharifulislam3201 you win

@dielaughing73

3 жыл бұрын

Look, if I've told you twice I've told you 10 times...

@austingarcia6060

2 жыл бұрын

Brilliant!

@fazaazafg

2 жыл бұрын

i'm the 10th one

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sitting in a bar watching people go in and out of a building. They watch two people walk in and later two people walk out, so they conclude the building is empty. This goes on throughout the day, always ending with the building being empty. Then two people walk in and later three people walk out. Astonished, the engineer says "We must have made an error in our measurement!" The physicist says "There must be something wrong with our theory!" The mathematician thinks a moment and says "If one more person goes in, the building will be empty again."

@christosvoskresye

9 жыл бұрын

CLE277 The physicist says, "The false vacuum has decayed."

@adheesh2secondsago630

2 жыл бұрын

@@Awaclus damn i was abt to say that

@Hextor26

2 жыл бұрын

@@adheesh2secondsago630 You are 5 years too late, son.

@mhmd-mc113

2 жыл бұрын

@@Hextor26 lmoa

@ENFPerspectives

Жыл бұрын

The evolutionist says, So.

'I'm going to approximate the cat as a rectangle.'

@potatoonastick2239

7 жыл бұрын

"The front door and chimney are optional"

@Felixr2

7 жыл бұрын

My house never had a front door and chimney and I've lived my entire life happily without it. But I do wonder what this "outside" thing is that people are talking about...

@nmkloster

7 жыл бұрын

That's what I do with all my pets.

@robertjarman3703

6 жыл бұрын

Niels Kloster Banzai cat?

@flossenking

6 жыл бұрын

classic Math Prof

Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? - It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!

@mrigendrajha8727

3 жыл бұрын

Underrated....

Three mathematicians walks into a bar. The bartender asks "do you all want a beer?". The first mathematician answers "I don't know". The second mathematician answers "I don't know". The third mathematician answers "Yes!".

@Spedley_2142

5 жыл бұрын

Underrated joke, I like it!

@kameronbriggs235

5 жыл бұрын

Better. "He pours the third a beer"

@moanilsson3448

5 жыл бұрын

I don't get it. Can someone explain?

@Spedley_2142

5 жыл бұрын

@@moanilsson3448 the first two don't know what the third wants so can answer for everyone. The thrid knows the first two didn't say no in which case they must mean yes so he orders for all three.

@moanilsson3448

5 жыл бұрын

@@Spedley_2142 I get it

All the functions threw a party. Sin(x), as usual, was a bit up and down; whilst x^2 was slowly getting as high as a kite. |x| was being his usual positive self when he noticed, sat in the corner looking sad, e^x. "Come on e^x", he said, "you need to put yourself out there and integrate!". "What's the point?" replied e^x, "it won't make any difference!".

@c4oufi

7 жыл бұрын

The angry derivation walks into a bar and starts to looking around. Constants disappear almost instantly, closely followed by other functions. Only one function still sits at the bar, so derivation asks: "Are you not afraid of me?" "No, why should I? I am e^x, you cant do anything to me." "Yeah? But i am so angry, that I differentiate by y."

@gabrielenr19

7 жыл бұрын

This joke was so great!

@MikaelNevear

7 жыл бұрын

Bat Phil this joke had to many math puns TOO MANY

@michelepolli8889

7 жыл бұрын

Actually there would be a constant difference

@AutomaticDuck300

7 жыл бұрын

F(x) walks into a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger. The waiter says "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."

A terribly corny but genuinely math-based joke I know is such: "What is the difference between a diameter and a radius?" "A radius."

A “correctly drawn infinity sign” is the best joke in this video

Q: How many ways are there to trigger a mathematician? A: **whispers** _almost infinite_

@mathpuzzler9563

5 жыл бұрын

Underrated

@jimallysonnevado3973

4 жыл бұрын

ThePotaToh 3(pi) is enough

@57thorns

4 жыл бұрын

Great one

@ferikhoros8802

4 жыл бұрын

*TRIGGERED*

@newcantinacrispychickentac7754

4 жыл бұрын

ThePotaToh or anyone else I guess, can you tell me how to get the slanted letters?

A physicist and a mathematician are given a problem the same problem. "If you see a house on fire, and a hose disconnected from a hydrant, what would you do?" The physicist and mathematician both answer "Connect the hose and put out the fire" They are then given a second problem "If you see a house not on fire, and a hose connected to the hydrant, what would you do?" The physicist says "Do nothing, because there is no problem to solve" The mathematician say "Disconnect the hose and set the house on fire, therefore bringing us back to a previously solvable problem"

@d0nnyr0n

5 жыл бұрын

this is great.

@tipiq1357

5 жыл бұрын

Then the mathematician goes to jail because he lit a house on fire.

@shoutz5872

5 жыл бұрын

A solution exists *leaves*

@Jivvi

5 жыл бұрын

@@nbob4733 arson?

@arkanon8661

5 жыл бұрын

yep. totally makes sense

What's the difference between a board and a plank? Boards vary but Planck's Constant.... ....I'll just get my coat....

@anshumanpatnaik7020

9 жыл бұрын

spencer hardy Get out.

@antonm1834

7 жыл бұрын

spencer hardy 😂😂😂😂😂

The Barman says “what’ll it be?” A tachyon walks into a bar.

@alexanderjoseph5380

4 жыл бұрын

That's so funny but its not quite a math joke.

@screamsinrussian5773

3 жыл бұрын

I don't get that one

@ruinenlust_

3 жыл бұрын

@@screamsinrussian5773 tachyons are particles that travel back in time

@screamsinrussian5773

3 жыл бұрын

@@ruinenlust_ ooooh cheers bruv

@YaamFel

3 жыл бұрын

@@ruinenlust_ Don't they technically travel faster than light so they experience time backwards from theie reference frame? Also it's important to note these particales are only hypothesised and currently do not fit the standard model

a neutron goes to a bar and orders a beer..when it goes to pay the bill the cashier doesn't accept its payment and says "no charge for you"

@bushrakhanam4323

2 жыл бұрын

Isn't a math joke tho

@lightblue254

2 жыл бұрын

Wrong class lol

I have a root beer and put it in a square glass. Now, it just a beer.

@dariofagotto4047

9 жыл бұрын

An absolute one

@MegaZsolti

9 жыл бұрын

Raynal Ramadhan Troll science! :D Even young kids can drink beer this way!

@that-guy-pearce

9 жыл бұрын

Raynal Ramadhan A glass cannot be square, or at least one that holds liquid. In order to have volume, an object must have three dimensions. A square is two-dimensional. If this is in fact a square root beer, it would become (correct me if I'm wrong) beer * SQRT(glass).

@that-guy-pearce

9 жыл бұрын

Ian Belletti I think you may have just killed the joke, too.

@ianbelletti6241

9 жыл бұрын

Secret Steve Different styles of killing. You by being overly technical, me by trying to explain how a glass can be square. Cheers to the joke killers! :)

Three men, one a statistician, are out hunting when they come across a deer. The first man shoots and misses by 5 meters to the right of the deer, the second man shoots and misses by 5 meters to the left of the deer, the statistician cries out, "we got him!"

@rayminazzi2065

9 жыл бұрын

You know why that's funny? Because it's mean

@ltotePheles

9 жыл бұрын

I feel like this was an average joke.

@thatoneguy9582

7 жыл бұрын

ltotePheles eyyyy

@tipsybun

7 жыл бұрын

Christian Smith Is it odd I'm not even in High School and I find that hilarious?!

@Gergesh146

7 жыл бұрын

Warghost890 Not trying to be mean (okay maybe just a little), but knowing how to average numbers before getting to highschool isn't something I'd be THAT proud of.

Definitely one of the most positive comment section I've seen in a while you could there was no negatives at all. KZreadrs should |absolutely value| this

@papergamesproductions

3 жыл бұрын

seriously, like, no dislikes on any of the comments at all.

@aradhya_purohit

2 жыл бұрын

Ah, all this buildup for an absolute value joke

@buhzs9663

2 жыл бұрын

@@papergamesproductions nor the video 😅

Mathematicians : Pi - 3.1415.... e - 2.7..... Engineers: "three, take it or leave it"

@thehiddenninja3428

5 жыл бұрын

programmers: math.pi

@corpsiecorpsie_the_original

5 жыл бұрын

Industrial engineers: "I'm confused"

@icecreamsundae1038

5 жыл бұрын

Bakers: Apple or cherry?

@1224chrisng

5 жыл бұрын

sin(x)=x

@pichass9337

4 жыл бұрын

@@thehiddenninja3428 that's just python brainlets

Okay, so NORMALLY a joke is not funny if you have to explain it, but seeing someone explain why 6 is afraid of 7 with such a serious tone is just hilarious. XD

@alexdibianco1261

6 жыл бұрын

Ran Dom any video with Matt is gonna be funny

@brunoandrades5530

6 жыл бұрын

Alex Dibianco That's because he's a comedian

Heisenberg is driving on his way home, when he gets pulled over by the police. "Sir, you were going exactly 85mph"! said the police officer. "Oh no, now I'm really lost" he replied

@intellectualize6354

5 жыл бұрын

So many jokes about the uncertainty principle.

@pauladan2958

5 жыл бұрын

Hearing this joke has made a miserable semester of quantum physics worth it!

@utsav8981

5 жыл бұрын

😂😂I understand Quantum Physics

@Bhaadi

4 жыл бұрын

The version I heard said that Heisenberg got pulled over by the police. "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were driving?" "No, officer, but I know exactly where I am!"

@mr.beananddiscoveryseries5557

4 жыл бұрын

Frost Platypus is he an electron?

I hoped, there would be chemistry jokes involved. When it comes to that, I’m in my element.

@camilestermann9392

4 жыл бұрын

But unfortunatly entropie isn't what it jused to be.

@chouser25

4 жыл бұрын

I only make chemistry jokes periodically

@anthonyhu6705

4 жыл бұрын

sodium bromate

@NeemeVaino

4 жыл бұрын

Periodic acid is HIO4

@crispoman

4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, but all the best ones Argon. Including: What do you do with sick chemists? If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, you have to Barium.

If Werner Heisenberg produced cars: "We can offer the best GPS or the best speedometer, but not both."

@darklord9813

3 жыл бұрын

Best comment and best joke

@introverted2886

3 жыл бұрын

@@darklord9813 Thanks!

@tcadityaa

3 жыл бұрын

I don't get it...:/

@darklord9813

3 жыл бұрын

@@tcadityaa Speedometer measures speed GPS system gives the cureent position of your car

@tcadityaa

3 жыл бұрын

@@darklord9813 oh...uncertainty principle...

Recently a man was cooled down to absolute zero but dont worry he is 0K

@Nl4liF3

7 жыл бұрын

Abi Rizky veritasium or something like that has a video about it. you should check it out.

@cowlikenuts

7 жыл бұрын

xD

@lythd

7 жыл бұрын

its actually KO

@TheOddPolymath

7 жыл бұрын

H4MM-R H34D α

@Tjalve70

6 жыл бұрын

But he won't be 0K once they thaw him up.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are working, when a small fire breaks out in front of their offices The engineer panics and grabs the fire extinguisher, spraying it everywhere, putting out the fire, but causing extra damage in the process The physicist runs some quick calculations, and uses just enough to put out the fire The mathematician sees the fire, looks over to the fire extinguisher and says "a solution exists!" then returns to his office

@andrewdevenezia6154

7 жыл бұрын

Meh a better description would be that the engineer put it out within a factor of safety. We do calculations too :)

@AlexPuns

7 жыл бұрын

Deathnotefan97 iiuu

@geoffroi-le-Hook

3 жыл бұрын

I've heard a variation on this where the mathematician I presented with a small fire, an empty bucket, and a sink / source of water. He fills the bucket and puts out the fire. In the second part, he is provided with the same situation, but this time, the bucket is full. He then picks up the bucket and dumps it down the sink, thus reducing it to a previously solved problem.

@santhoshs-vr3un

2 жыл бұрын

Unfunny...mathematicians aren't nuts..

@logi-operations

2 жыл бұрын

@@santhoshs-vr3un you live a dangerous life

Roman man walks into a bar with 2 fingers up and says "5 beers, please"

@gunnarbehl5237

4 жыл бұрын

i get it \/..,

@Lucas-ss5xi

3 жыл бұрын

And a Greek man walks into a bar with 2 fingers up and says "50 beers, please"

@truthurts1692

3 жыл бұрын

I heard it was an old carpenter who held two fingers up and said "3 beers, please"

@AlexandruJalea

3 жыл бұрын

@@truthurts1692 you mean French archer 😜

@vanlalruatdikakullai1108

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂

Why does 0 = 1? cos 0 = 1

@timgoppelsroeder121

3 жыл бұрын

stupidly brilliant

@timurkotulic3948

2 жыл бұрын

And we can surmise that 1 =0!

"...and then all the way up to a correctly drawn infinity sign." - I'm dying.

@jattprime2927

8 жыл бұрын

i know! This guy is so funny!

@RobbyBoy167

7 жыл бұрын

haha 7 is a six offender

@amab2977

7 жыл бұрын

I didn't get that one

@amab2977

7 жыл бұрын

L&PForever oh .... hahahaha

@mistyminnie5922

6 жыл бұрын

why is that a correct drawn and is the usual 8 not correct?

Someone once told me I was average. They were just being mean. Budumch

@enderstar5017

8 жыл бұрын

Noooooooooooo please Y do you have to do this!?

@johanvincentdelange

8 жыл бұрын

Nope, they were only irrational...

@canaan5337

8 жыл бұрын

but if they were mean wouldn't that make them average not you

@terranova139

7 жыл бұрын

Me too, it must be the mode

@enderstar5017

7 жыл бұрын

You really do need to play this at the *right angle*

e and pi. Pi: So how was your meeting with Logarithm? E: At first we started to get along with each other very fast, however something went wrong and this process slowed down. Isnt this weird? Pi: No, its natural.

@stefanobertolotti2555

2 жыл бұрын

Nice profile picture ;)

He worked it out with a pencil... Me: "Just don't" Matt Parker: "No" Me (with great relief): "Thank you"

@thomaswalter8355

4 жыл бұрын

He could have worked it out with logs

@SreenikethanI

4 жыл бұрын

Now please

@omikronweapon

4 жыл бұрын

Matt's response is the best part of the video XD

@b.clarenc9517

4 жыл бұрын

I actually did not get it. Is "pencil" some slang word for feces?

@gary.h.turner

3 жыл бұрын

@@b.clarenc9517 No, the pencil is what he used to extract ("work out") the faeces with. A pencil is always useful if you're stuck on a problem!

Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right. The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"

@stevemsteven6103

6 жыл бұрын

Mathematics? More like Meth Medics.

@NanaoNganba

6 жыл бұрын

average😂

@firstnamelastname3089

6 жыл бұрын

nanao nganba omg, hahahhahaha

@neoleonard9418

6 жыл бұрын

Linear Regression?

@KesbugTheGameDestroyer

6 жыл бұрын

HAH get it

about 83% of people are bad at math. luckily i'm in the other 42%.

A mathematician quit math(s) and went into the restaurant business, but the place he had bought was too small. Then he got a brilliant idea: He started offering every tenth customer free food when they bought a beverage. This greatly increased traffic in the place, as each patron hoped to be the one-in-ten to get the freebie. In fact, the business got so lucrative, he was soon able to build out, to accommodate the extra customers. All that was left to do was to announce the grand re-opening, naming it after the promotion that had made it possible. So of course, he called it . . . THE BUY-NO-MEAL EXPANSION!! Fred

@ryarod

5 жыл бұрын

Not bad. You get credit for the story and the pun.

@jorritr8592

4 жыл бұрын

Jet Rin binomial expansion

Why do they never serve alcohol at mathematicians' parties? You can't drink and derive!

@anthonynorman7545

4 жыл бұрын

Really? I heard mathematicians loved having lots of proof!

@soonersciencenerd383

8 ай бұрын

after being stopped for drinking and driving, what did the officer say to the mathematician? "here's your sine.."

A mathematician, a physicist and a statistician are golfing. On the last hole they make a wager; closest ball in one shot wins. The mathematician is up first. He whips out his notepad, scribbles on it for a minute, and takes his shot. The ball lands 30 yards short of the hole - he didn't take air resistance in to account. Next up, the physicist having already worked out the maths in his head, takes his shot and his ball lands 30 yards past the hole. Seems he did too much rounding in his mental calculations. The statistician is up next. He says "I win", and they go home.

-1 says to square root: "Why can't we stay together?" Square Root: "It's complex"

@toprockphotography8669

5 жыл бұрын

π says to i, “Get real!” i says, “You're irrational.”

@alexwang982

5 жыл бұрын

Wait no, it’s imaginary No real part

@themehguy9084

4 жыл бұрын

@@alexwang982 thats the joke..

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside of a pub. A person enters the pub and a few moments later two people exit the pub. "That's impossible." Said the physicist. "They reproduced." Said the biologist. "If a person enters, the pub will be empty." Said the mathematician.

@n0nenone

4 жыл бұрын

They lol! Worth it

@djpeynado

4 жыл бұрын

Sorry, didn’t see this before I wrote the same joke!

@studyonline3236

4 жыл бұрын

lol didn't get it. Can you explain?

@dreska255

4 жыл бұрын

@@studyonline3236 well, imagine the people entering and exiting as a mathematical calculation. Let's just say before the first person entered the pub it is 0. When they entered it's 0+1=1, but then two people exited the pub, thus 1-2=-1, meaning that if another person entered, it will be -1+1=0, and the pub will be empty. Edit: minor correction

@bikeshike

4 жыл бұрын

Did you mean physicist?

≈ 2:00 You're a mathematician Matt you shouldn't still be shocked that 5 is directly after 4.

@JatPhenshllem

2 жыл бұрын

The fact that you showed it as an approximation

@jamesl8640

2 жыл бұрын

@@JatPhenshllem I'm too used to coping with engineers

Why do Computer programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

@111asel

8 жыл бұрын

+G Whiz totally stolen from the other video

@111asel

8 жыл бұрын

PeninjaPlaysTheThing chill bro, no need to swear

@PeninjaPlaysTheThing

8 жыл бұрын

Pokedel Asel Are you five? Or is your level of naivete really just that high?

@111asel

8 жыл бұрын

I really don't see how swearing is acceptable at all. If anything, you are the five year old here.

@PeninjaPlaysTheThing

8 жыл бұрын

Pokedel Asel How swearing is acceptable? Because its language I don't believe in self policing, it makes no sense at all how is it not acceptable. That actually makes no sense, am I harming you? Are you claiming PTSD for words?

There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,

@obviouslyanonymous

7 жыл бұрын

Throwing Stuff Ikr

@nejlaakyuz4025

6 жыл бұрын

Can you explain it

@SuperM789

6 жыл бұрын

stolen 100

@TusharJain007

6 жыл бұрын

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary.

@rachidvanheyningen

5 жыл бұрын

Hahaha noooiiicee

What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski? Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

@drewmcdermott6798

3 жыл бұрын

Best joke I've read here so far!

Patient: I'm afraid of the vertical axis. Doctor: Why? Patient :* panic screaming *

@hemmojito

4 жыл бұрын

omg stop :D

Have you heard of the band 1023 MB? Of course not. They haven't had any Gigs yet.

@shuriken188

9 жыл бұрын

Matthew Veteto If only more people understood the metric system and data storage.

@darerd

9 жыл бұрын

ShurikenStudios ...Wow, now that you mention it, yeah. That joke was funnier before I learned the difference between a MB and a MiB.

@mechtecifycsgo

9 жыл бұрын

darerd xD :D True words said! :D

@lunaArtemisOld

9 жыл бұрын

darerd 1 MB can be both 1 000 000B or 1 048 576B

@shuriken188

9 жыл бұрын

defer0920 That's easy. There are a little over 1 trillion bytes in a TB. Metrics go up to a septillion, and it's relatively easy to remember the earlier parts. Deca = 10, Hecto = 100, Kilo = 1,000, Mega = 1,000,000, Giga = 1,000,000,000, etc. Data storage is only slightly different as you measure it in multiples of two.

How much is pi for an engineer? "Use 5, it'll hold!"

@OPTIKLOPS7

9 жыл бұрын

Gabriel Torres Ok thank you :)

@Alfarius20

9 жыл бұрын

John Doe im studying engeniering and all my teachers and professors so far round too much for me, its true

One day, i and pi got into a fight, and i shouted “why can’t you ever be rational!?” To which pi replied “you need to get real!”

"Recursive" Coctail composition: 20% water, 30% alcohol, 50% "recursive" coctail

@ReasonableForseeability

3 жыл бұрын

40% water 60% alcohol

@2D_SVD

3 жыл бұрын

I think it should be the other way around, 30 water, 20 alcohol, 50 recursive coctail. So that its vodka.

@brendanh8193

3 жыл бұрын

Show me the proof.

@tdcalverley99

3 жыл бұрын

@@brendanh8193 The proof was actually done in the video; this is the "Know your limits" joke done twice and with different starting points: %water = 20 + 10 + 5 + ... = 20 ( 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + ... ) = 20 * 2 = 40 likewise, %alcohol = 30*2 = 60

"I was promised number jokes" LOL

@getlost8027

6 жыл бұрын

So were we. No need to explain these things on camera.

@Cresanova

6 жыл бұрын

Name matches

@JohnLee-lb4uu

6 жыл бұрын

Maybe those jokes were just imaginary...

@jasonpan6537

6 жыл бұрын

666 likes, I'm not ruining this.

@UnknownRager96

6 жыл бұрын

That is a number joke at your perspective, isn't it?

A mathematician, a physicist and a philosopher standing on the roof of a burning high-rise. The only way to escape the flames is in a dip in the small pool in front of the skyscraper. The philosopher said: "If there is a God he will help me." He jumps and misses the pool by far. The physicist takes calculator and notepad, calculates a while, takes a running jump right into the middle of the pool. Even the mathematician calculates a while with calculator and notepad. When he is finished, he takes off, jumps and flies upward. What had happened? algebraic sign error

Numberphile, please We’ve been waiting 6 years for another one of these.

Why did the chicken cross the mobius loop? - - - To get to the same side badum-tsss

@sdasda7777

4 жыл бұрын

That's a nice one, actually

@shreeyamittal1771

3 жыл бұрын

Bada-tcha, actually

@masterimbecile

3 жыл бұрын

Normally one doesn't badum-tss their own joke.

In the course of a scientific study a builder, a physicist and a mathematician were each locked into an observation room that contained a matt to sleep on and a tin of food. They had no tin opener. The next morning the researchers came to see how they were fairing. In the builder's room, one of the walls had a lot of dents. The tin was very battered and it was empty. The builder was awake and asking for breakfast. In the physicist's room, one of the walls was full of rows and rows of calculations and a single dent. The tin was open and empty and the physicist was fast asleep. In the last room, a very tired mathematician was sitting on the matt, staring at the closed tin and mumbling to himself: "Assume the tin is open..."

and noah said to the animals, get off the ark and multiply, but two snakes came and said "but sir, we're adders" so noah built them a log table

@timq6224

4 жыл бұрын

amen

@wolflordy3193

4 жыл бұрын

So many random things you have to know to get this xD

@joeykiel1412

4 жыл бұрын

@@wolflordy3193 more then me

@wolflordy3193

4 жыл бұрын

@@joeykiel1412 adder is a type of snake. And a log table was used as an early form of mechanical calculator for addition.

@Hexanitrobenzene

4 жыл бұрын

@@wolflordy3193 ...for multiplication, i.e., replacing multiplication with addition.

What solves equations faster than a calculator? A calcuNOW

Two mathematicians are admiring the Zero. Says one, " That Zero is really something!" The other replies, "No it's not."

There are 2 types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...

@ToWnHeAdAARON123

8 жыл бұрын

Andddd...?

@auail5594

8 жыл бұрын

+aaron melrose You are the second type

@ToWnHeAdAARON123

8 жыл бұрын

Au Ail And you are the hidden third type, who think I didn't understand the joke.

@pauldeddens5349

8 жыл бұрын

Guys, the joke is you the sentence isnt complete hence extrapolate from incomplete data

@ToWnHeAdAARON123

8 жыл бұрын

Paul Deddens yess we all know

mathematics and english are my three goodest subjects

@moka8267

8 жыл бұрын

Best comment ever.

@LLHLMHfilms

8 жыл бұрын

+Geometry Dash Nigu agreed

@thisisblackmesa

8 жыл бұрын

is*

@jacklangsdon

8 жыл бұрын

+SmileyMPV wow (sigh)

@RedsBoneStuff

8 жыл бұрын

your*

If two's company, and three's a crowd, what are four and five? Nine.

you forgot the shortest joke that makes mathematicians laugh: "Let epsilon be less than than zero."

@cleavesolais

4 жыл бұрын

No. Let epsilon be greater than zero, but so small that epsilon/2 is less than zero.

@papergamesproductions

3 жыл бұрын

epsilon = -epsilon

@bobh6728

2 жыл бұрын

Did you mean to include two “than”s? Maybe I just don’t get the joke.

@JatPhenshllem

2 жыл бұрын

@@bobh6728 Same

@introverted2886

Жыл бұрын

No it won't be because this joke gets arbitrarily short

Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back. And don't ask y.

@theunknownblock5942

7 жыл бұрын

Yes

- "How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem?" - "He worked it out with logs..."

A zero vector goes to a therapist "Help i am linearly dependent!"

Teacher: "The answer is xy-plane." Student: "Please, explain why?"

@lakshyajoshi3759

2 жыл бұрын

i dont get it

Two professors are sitting in a bar. They get into an argument about the general public not knowing enough about higher maths. When one gets up to go to the bathroom. The other has an idea & calls over the pretty blonde barmaid. He says "when my friend comes back I'm going to call you over again and ask you a question I want you to answer a third x cubed” The barmaid says “what?" The professor repeats himself and the barmaid goes back to the bar muttering “third dex cubed” when his back he say to his friend “I bet you £10 that some normal working people know at least some higher maths" the other professor accepted his challenge thinking he couldn’t lose. So calls the barmaid over again & ask the barmaid “what is the integral of x squared?” The bartender answers "a third x cubed." and starts to walk away. The professor who won the bet look rather pleased, suddenly the bartender turns around with a smile on her face saying "plus a constant."

@anthonynorman7545

4 жыл бұрын

Maybe the most wholesome of all the comments! ^_^

Three logicians walk into a bar and the barman says: "would you all like a drink", the first says "maybe", the second says "maybe", and the third says "yes".

@jimbobeire

9 жыл бұрын

George Sains That one is very funny and I had not seen it before. I actually did laugh out loud. Thanks.

@wew841

9 жыл бұрын

George Sains Marhematicians

@VreelDanelli

9 жыл бұрын

Replace "mathematicians" with the term "logicians".

@pawccefawce3438

8 жыл бұрын

+George Sains It took me a few seconds to get it. Clever.

@dominikdubiak389

8 жыл бұрын

+Pawcce Fawce yea, very goos joke

This guy explained a joke where knowledge of calculus is needed to comprehend, then explained 7 8 9

"I'm gonna approximate the cat as a rectangle." lol That in itself is a joke, a pretty famous one at that.

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.” ― E.B. White

@Stan-san

8 жыл бұрын

That would be vivisection

@geoAriton

8 жыл бұрын

not my quote, dude, but it seemed relevant :))

@RajarshiBandopadhyay

8 жыл бұрын

A comparison is being made here of the explanation of a joke, which sheds light on the meaning of it, with the vivisection of a frog, which allows us a biological understanding of the same. The idea here is that as a frog dies during vivisection, the humour of the joke is lost during the explanation., hence its death.

@RajarshiBandopadhyay

8 жыл бұрын

If you do, I would just analyze it.

@helldwarf

7 жыл бұрын

Please analyse your grammar.

How do you turn six into nine? Remove the s...

@holysword876

8 жыл бұрын

What sorcery have you done!!!!! *Mind Blown*

@javier8920

8 жыл бұрын

BHaxxor If you remove the "s" from six, you get "ix", which is the roman numeral for nine "IX"

@LuisManuelLealDias

8 жыл бұрын

didn't quite get it. could you explain it in latin?

@javier8920

8 жыл бұрын

Luis Dias It's ok, a lot of people don't. If you remove the S from "six", you get "ix". IX happens to be the roman numeral for 9, therefore you can turn six into nine by removing the S. And I'm sorry but I don't speak Latin :-P

@borisknapp9911

8 жыл бұрын

Maul009 He got you!

What sits on your shoulder and squawks, "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!" A parity error.

A Higs Boson walks into a cathedral and the bishop says "Hey we don't allow your kind in here!" The higgs Boson is taken aback and replies "But your emminance, without me you can't have Mass!" A bit of a physics joke. . .but it applies

The 8 goes to the psychologist and says that he feel so small respect other numbers with a lot of digits; then the psychologist just said to him: relax, lay down on the bed and you will feel better.

@jamiechong6038

7 жыл бұрын

lol

@abdullahghazi7229

7 жыл бұрын

i did not get it in yhe first tima but its I N F I N I T Y

@abdullahghazi7229

7 жыл бұрын

***** do u really collect souvenirs?

@pushkarsoni8927

7 жыл бұрын

you have got 88 likes.lol

@Miju001

6 жыл бұрын

This is actually inspirational.

2 scientists walk into a bar. Scientist 1:"I'll have some H2O" Scientist 2:"I'll have some H2O too" The second scientist dies.

@namibjDerEchte

8 жыл бұрын

+Elvis Imamura :D hydrogen peroxide

@Mark00747

8 жыл бұрын

+Elvis Imamura HAHAHA

@ItsameAlex

8 жыл бұрын

+Elvis Imamura If I wanted to study everything from primary school maths up until A level maths, how would I go about doing it? What books should I study? I remember the textbooks show you how told solve the easier versions of a problem, but as it steadily becomes more complex you need to write down how the teacher solves it because it doesn't say in the textbooks. If you don't know how to answer this question, can you point me in the direction of someone who does? Thanks in advance. (I finished school, so I can't make use of teachers)

@AdrianSanchezq

8 жыл бұрын

+ItsameAlex Khan Academy

@trulyUnAssuming

8 жыл бұрын

+ItsameAlex It is a lot easier with a teacher, especially math. I am at the university right now and you don't really use books about math there - becasue you essentially can't understand them if you don't know the subject already, at least that was my impression until now. There might be better books out there, and A level math is entirely different anyway - I guess you could buy the school books? In germany there are also summaries for A level students ("Abiturienten") to learn for the final exam - but that is the problem again it has kind of the presumption that you got the explanation already and only need a refresher. What about evening classes? The problem I find with self teaching is motivation, if you get stuck you will throw easie, than if you have regular appointments. But maybe that is just me (I usually can't motivate myself when I don't have any deadlines to meet, etc. - that is why I didn't get far teaching myself programming although now I know some bits and pieces.)

I told my friends about some of these jokes. Now im alone.

@mmicoski

3 жыл бұрын

🤣

@lakshyajoshi3759

2 жыл бұрын

bruhh...

@orangenostril

2 жыл бұрын

We're gonna need Matt Parker to explain this one

-seven has "even" in it *yeah, so? -thats odd

@brendanh8193

3 жыл бұрын

Every even number is an odd number minus one. So subtracting a letter from seven doesn't strike me as odd.

@XenophonSoulis

Жыл бұрын

All prime numbers are odd. Now, you may say that this is not true, as 2 is even... But 2 is the only even prime... which is odd

A psychiatrist examined three patients in a mental hospital: Psychiatrist to patient 1: "How much is 2x2?" Patient 1: "5000!" Psychiatrist to patient 2: "How much is 2x2?" Patient 2: "Wednesday!" Psychiatrist to patient 3: "How much is 2x2?" Patient 3: "Four." Psychiatrist: "Very good, could you also tell me how you came to that conclusion.?" Patient 3: "Nothing easier than that I divided 5000 by Wednesday ..."

Math jokes are the first sine of insanity.

@jokuskokolorus2154

6 жыл бұрын

sign*

@alexanderschoch172

6 жыл бұрын

Jokus Kokolorus dude. Seriously?!

@shook_man_18

6 жыл бұрын

sine cos tan

@SuperMaDBrothers

6 жыл бұрын

Gillian Ham no.

@DarkLord-jx6pk

5 жыл бұрын

Sign is actually a function which gives 0 for 0, -1 for negative numbers, and 1 for positive numbers.

Why did Adjacent and Hypotenuse go to the beach? Because going anywhere else on vacation would be a sin. Why did Opposite and Hypotenuse go to the beach? Just Cos. Why did Opposite and Adjacent go to the beach? They wanted a tan. Rule of thumb: (Sahcohtoa)

@MathNerd1729

6 жыл бұрын

It's actually SOHCAHTOA

@KAF128

5 жыл бұрын

OOPS ! LOL !

@kyleborah949

5 жыл бұрын

sohcahtoa some old hippy caught another hippy tripping on acid.

@linus6718

4 жыл бұрын

Why did Hypotenuse and Opposite go to the beach? Because they needed a sec to relax. Why *didn't* Adjacent and Opposite go to the beach? Because they cot the flu.

@Oromnis

4 жыл бұрын

In French its so much easier, cah soh toa already kinda means something ( like "get away") 😅

"the thing here is that numbers apear in order"

@scorched1598

4 жыл бұрын

That's a very real thing to say. :)

@slolilols

4 жыл бұрын

*_That's a totally rational argument_*

Doppler gets pulled over by a cop for running a red light. Doppler protests, "but officer, the light looked green to me!" The cop gives him a speeding ticket. (if you're curious: he would have had to been traveling at 30.855 miles/second for the blueshift to make the red light appear green.)

@Marvin_Maverick

6 жыл бұрын

that is my favorite so far...

@SreenikethanI

6 жыл бұрын

Wow

@colinzoubek

6 жыл бұрын

Usually periods in numbers are seen as decimal points so you may want to change that period Into a comma.

@iancalandro8180

6 жыл бұрын

If he's going 31 mps, then that must be one fast police car.

@thatonegooze

6 жыл бұрын

Ian Calandro well he wasnt

I have a joke about Fermat's last theorem, but it's too long to put here.

@shashwat1330

6 жыл бұрын

You are close. He actually wrote 'the proof won't fit in this column'

@Hogojub

6 жыл бұрын

Arthur Russell Actually he wrote: "cujus rei demonstrationem mirabilem sane detexi. Hanc marginis exiguitas non caperet."

@SathvickSatish

5 жыл бұрын

Haha

@wolf-bass

5 жыл бұрын

Super!

@andrewandrus3296

5 жыл бұрын

fantastic

I would explain why contracts usually have one person sign (sine) one one line and another person co-sign (cosine) below it, but I'd end up on some tangent.

1:56 I find it hilarious that Matt emphasizes 5 right here

What's the volume of an Italian delicacy with the radius Z and height A? PiZZA.

@eleanorsilver8291

8 жыл бұрын

Only if said delicacy is circular!

@monoization

8 жыл бұрын

+Samuel Silver Right circular cylinder* Pizzas are cylindrical too, slightly. Or if you talking bout chicago deep dish then, yeah it's a completely obvious cylinder.

@RonWolfHowl

8 жыл бұрын

+Fluffig Igelkott If Z is constant, then its volume is “pi Z Z A”.

@user-ec6kt2fg7m

6 жыл бұрын

Monomit Sarker oh boy that thing is such a disgrace to pizza.

What does the "B." in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B. Mandelbrot

@tiptap1600

6 жыл бұрын

Rhys Olwyn, Excellent!

@SreenikethanI

6 жыл бұрын

Is this called recursion? 😂

@kevincardenas6629

5 жыл бұрын

I don't get it D':

@endubbaech8597

5 жыл бұрын

I exist in a quantum superstate of both loving and hating this joke

@juliangoulette7600

5 жыл бұрын

What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski? Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

How do you stay warm in any room? -Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

@MariOmor1

3 жыл бұрын

Nah, I'd sit on the side of the wall as it's 180 degrees there.

Sadly, 3 out 2 people don"t understand fractions.

@Mike-739

4 жыл бұрын

Sad 😔

@RevolutionibusOrbiumCoelestium

3 жыл бұрын

I recently had a heated debate with a mathematician about fractions... It's fair to say that our opinions were divided. 😂

@RevolutionibusOrbiumCoelestium

3 жыл бұрын

Now I really hate arguments about fractions... They're divisive.

@RevolutionibusOrbiumCoelestium

3 жыл бұрын

You think he’d know all about fractions... But he didn’t know the half of it.

@RevolutionibusOrbiumCoelestium

3 жыл бұрын

| don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals... 🤷‍♂️ It's pointless. Anyway you have to draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational, but that is beside the point.