"Do the review" "THIS IS THE REVIEW!"

"We have a clip." "Oh, good." "No. It's not good."

"There were six people in the audience, maybe seven. I think one of them went. Didn't come back" 🤣

Listening to this 2013 review in June 2023 and hearing Mark say that he's disappointed in Phillip Schofield because of Keith Lemon: The Film? 😬

Seriously I don’t think The British realise what a national treasure Kermode is!

This is the only time I’ve ever heard Mark being genuinely upset- not merely irritated, not just angry- but truly saddened and dare I say hurt at having to watch a film. Fucking excellent content. The pause when the clip ends is my new favourite piece of aural media

@hipsterelephant2660

Жыл бұрын

Did you not hear his review for Dirty Grandpa?

@tomwright4969

9 ай бұрын

@@hipsterelephant2660 and Little Man, he really hated that.

The dropped fivepence story is maybe the funniest thing Mark has ever said. What a great review

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

But what kind of cinema is he going to? The places I visit tend to be pretty clean. There isn't any crap beneath the seats. Then again, I don't tend to go to the type of cinemas that play 'Keith Lemon - The Movie'...

@samsonwilkinson8090

3 жыл бұрын

He's used this story before. Only it was 50P.

A hate crime against British cinema

@re-viewfilm9535

10 жыл бұрын

***** Yup, even Hitchcock's best stuff was in the US.

@EdPlays1997

9 жыл бұрын

It reminds me of a quote in Empire Magazine about Parting Shots: there are British films that cannot find a distributor, young British directors and writers battling to get projects made - meanwhile, a restaurant critic who made Death Wish 25 years ago is allowed to foist a bloodless, unfunny comedy on the world. Except replace Winner with Lemon.

@DavidWilliams-so6sc

6 жыл бұрын

Kenneth McCrindle Not a hate crime, just shite.

Mark kermode is such a Brilliant movie critic .

@borednow5838

7 жыл бұрын

He is and Keith Lemon is unfit to breath the same air as him.

@ammorreztristar

7 жыл бұрын

Indeed. That movie from keith Lemon was just absolutely terrible !

@pearsemacintyre1728

4 жыл бұрын

He's the best. Funny, humble, decent, intelligent, eloquent. A great mind, a lover of film, and only harsh when it's deserved. I love Mark Kermode.

@velox5598

4 жыл бұрын

I agree. He is one of the best ever. Love his secrets of cinema, podcasts and books too. However I do disagree on his opinions on Eyes Wide Shut being Kubrick's worst. I also think that he gave Green Street too much hate. I think that movie is great. Also Pain and Gain is apparently worse than this. Bruh I found Pain & Gain enjoyable (not good but ok) however it got ranked the 2nd worst movie of the 2010's OVER THIS FILTH WTF!

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

@@velox5598 I love Eyes Wide Shut. Kermode is right about 9 times out of 10, and I love listening to/reading his reviews, but I wouldn't say I agree with him 100% of the time (for instance, I didn't like it when he said he could tell Michael Keaton 'wasn't a good Batman' because of his chin).

"It's not as hateful as Sex Lives of the Potato Men" - Mark Kermode

@PatrickKelly-lz3pv

3 жыл бұрын

The Wild Woman of Wonga

Here in 2020 and the phrase "Phillip Schofield in the closet with Gordon the Gopher" has never meant more to me lol

@Debagio

9 ай бұрын

Very portentous.

@dannypalin9583

5 ай бұрын

Don't know whether the phrase is even funnier in 2023 or awkward as hell.

The silence after the clip was hilarious...

I love the fact that this evoked such a strong reaction in Mark that he almost started an argument with Simon, and this is such an amiable relationship usually. Brilliant.

Phillip Schofield. This is why Gordon the Gopher wants nothing to do with you.

That excerpt was PERFECT. The ending left me dead-eyed and numb.

Love that Beckettian-style pause by our heroes after the clip extract ends........

@jameswilliams9104

Ай бұрын

Heh, 'Waiting for Mayo'?🙂

Immediately thought of this seeing the news about Philip Schofield

@Phil_Mitchell

Жыл бұрын

So did I 😂

This video came on while I was falling asleep and I jumped out of my skin when Mark raised his voice at “THIS IS THE REVIEW!”

Walking barefoot on the corners of Lego pieces for a whole year non stop would probably be more pleasant than watching this movie.

@melciveng

5 жыл бұрын

AJA Ryan1994 I would rather step on a discarded chop bone in the garden.

The sad thing is that since this video has a dislike, someone in some miserable corner of the universe liked Keith Lemon.

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

Impossible. I think it was Philip Schofield.

“Do you have any messages from anyone who actually enjoyed it?” “Alexander Stanbury on an email” “Oh you’re kidding.”

I think Mark is being a bit harsh on himself, saying he only appeals to the over-50s demographic. I like him and I'm only 49.

@mantistoboggan5171

4 жыл бұрын

I'm half that age

@nifralo2752

4 жыл бұрын

@@mantistoboggan5171 I'm less than half that

@DarrenBates

4 жыл бұрын

I'm 29. Love listening to him!

@justincoleman3805

3 жыл бұрын

I am of an age.

@funguy8801

3 жыл бұрын

*Plot twist:* I made my original comment over 3 years ago (because I thought it would be funny) and I've only just now turned 40. *Double-plot twist:* I lied, I actually turn 80 this year... ...If Bill Gates doesn't get to me first!

"Kevin and Perry is Citizen Kane compared to this" Oh God.

@nonceyguy113

6 жыл бұрын

Mr. Veteran Kevin and Perry was great

@haveanotherpinacolada

4 жыл бұрын

@@nonceyguy113 Fantastic soundtrack.

@560smr4

3 жыл бұрын

Kevin and Perry is brilliantly funny

@GlennDavey

3 жыл бұрын

He says the funniest things the quickest.

The one part of this review which stood out to me is the great tradition of British comedy shows making awful movies. I had no idea how accurate this was until I saw the movies Mark listed off.

8:40 "Oh your kidding" is one of my favourite Mark Kermode moments.

@martinlatour9311

Жыл бұрын

you're

This is what Kermode said during the review of A Serbian Film: "If you're going to be a film critic, you have to see *everything*. That is the job. If you're not doing it, you're just playing"

'If I ever meet Philip Schofield, I am going to have to remonstrate with him'...

@chrisdansey2600

5 жыл бұрын

I want to slap him for the We Buy Any Car ad.

THat was a bit cryptic... I just wanted to know whether he liked it or not.

many years later- i can confirm this film does not age. avoid. at all cost.

That first email, from A. Stanbury, was a great example of a professional trying to write criticism in as fair and constructive a way as they can, even if what they're reviewing is crap. Takes me back to reading my teacher's comments at school.

Looking at the screenshot of young Mark Kermode I'm like "ohhh I really wouldn't like that dude if I met him..." but in the last couple decades he's turned into a bloke who looks and sounds like someone I would really get along with. Funny how age changes our features and our smiles.

Keith Lemon is about as funny as watching paint dry.

@foxybingo1112

7 жыл бұрын

One of the top 10 people I would like to punch

@danmannion6273

5 жыл бұрын

I think watching paint dry is actually considerably more humourous.

@andycadle8270

4 жыл бұрын

35 myself and although I enjoyed Bo Selecta, Leigh Francis hasn’t been funny since then to me. The character of Keith Lemon is pathetic...

@dommidavros2211

4 жыл бұрын

I agree, he’s just annoying!

@pdmore123

4 жыл бұрын

Bo selecta was hilarious

THIS IS THE REVIEW!

Keith Lemon: The dead joke ITV continously pushes down our gullets!

@jayrorschach2247

3 жыл бұрын

And the bbc have mrs browns boys, comedy is as dead as music nowadays!

"THE REVIEW IS THIS!"

Holiday on the buses was a masterpiece that bit when Olive ended up with ice cream cones in her eyes was a masterclass of direction

And the Keith Lemon character is still going.

People slag off Carry On films, but the early ones especially were charming and genuinely funny. Carry On Up The Khyber is one of the best British farces ever, never mind the franchise. They did become a lot more smuttier in the 70’s, but they were never as filthy or vile as Keith Lemon.

@shugaroony

5 жыл бұрын

True, even Carry On Emmanuelle or England which were appallingly awful; but the best ones were great fun, something Lemon will never be.

@jasongallagher54

3 жыл бұрын

The carry on films were monty python compared to Keith lemon

As it happens, I did see about ten minutes of the Keith Lemon film on TV once. Honestly, the only way it could have been less pleasant was if the TV occasionally squirted sulphuric acid in my eyes.

'no it's not good' Classic

LOL, I like hearing Citizen Kane mentioned in the same sentence as Kevin & Perry. Both great films in their own right.

@DavidWilliams-so6sc

6 жыл бұрын

FilmMakerMovies Harry Enfield and Kathy Burke are great comedy talents, in a different universe to Keith Lemon. But the Kevin and Perry film wasn’t their finest hour.

i was still in school when it was released, and i remember a couple mates saw it when it came out on dvd and said it was the funniest film since borat

@peterclarke7240

2 жыл бұрын

So Kermode was absolutely spot on that you needed to be 13, or at least have the developmental age of a 13yr old, to find it funny? 😂

Kermode at his best.

THIS IS THE BEST AND FUNNIEST REVIEW, MR KERMODE! :) That 5 penny piese rant was brilliant!

Well, I wouldn't be that disappointed in Phillip Schofield...

The person that plays Keith Lemon is a very good conman

PHILLIP SCHOFIELD!!!

Playing that clip, jeezus! Made me want to pull out my eyes to have something to stuff in my ears.

Only made it to the part where he gets mugged in the subway, I could not take any more. Mind pain in the extreme!

That would be Leigh Francis. And his mum, dad, brother and sister.

lol, finally someone got it. I've been blocked on the kermodeandmayo channel, for making the same comment :D

I was horribly prejudiced against Keith Lemon. I still am.

Philip Schofield probably disliked this video or an edgy teen who can't handle the bantz.

1:45 nice soundtrack

I recently saw a few seconds of Keith Lemon’s show while scrolling through the channels, and it was funny for completely the wrong reason. One of the guests was singing “jing my balls” instead of “jingle bells” - as you’d expect, not funny in the slightest. But he wore the startled expression of a man who could see his career vanishing down the cludgie at breakneck speed right before his very eyes, with absolutely nothing he could do about it.

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

Was the guest under duress? I mean, presumably he had a choice, no?

My Mrs hates Keith Lemon with a vengeance. My sister-in-law loves him. Guess who the more intelligent one of the two is.

@Bloodlovefreak That dislike probably is from Franchis.

Little did Simon know Philip Schofield came out of the cupboard lol

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn't like Bo Selecta or Keith Lemon, loads of people I know said they like it. I used to pretend and say 'oh right yeah I suppose its quite good', lying through my teeth the whole time, now I finally hear a review of someone this guy has done and it turns out perhaps my gut reaction was a sensible one.

An awful film, I laughed once, when he referred to a premature ejaculation as having 'blabbed up'. The ironic thing is Keith Lemon is fully ensconced in the vapid world of light entertainment celebrity gladhanding that was sent up so successfully in Bo Selecta (before it ran out of steam), a sad example of parody becoming pastiche, from a man with nothing left to say.

Sex jokes and Celebrity gags: the two easiest ways to make people laugh.

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

If your IQ is around the 80 or below mark.

@AJARyan-yn2uv

3 жыл бұрын

@@GregOrCreg ye

...and on top of all that he had to go to Eastleigh, poor bastard

@jimisi7424

4 жыл бұрын

he lives there

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

@@jimisi7424 "he lives there" Poor bastard.

bo selecta was very funny. Keith lemon is a comedic atrocity.

@Dim4323

8 жыл бұрын

how come people like Bo selecta?

@SpewChoob

7 жыл бұрын

At the time it was the most surreal thing on TV. Taking the piss out of egomaniacs like Craig David was funny.

The Porridge film was great. Buck Tarbrush? He's getting it mixed up with Rising Damp. Now that was an insult to Rising Damp.

I like the lemon 🍋 movie

Tell us what you really think, Mark. Your Wiki page says you have opinions about this movie.

Sex lives of the potato men was a laugh riot!

I think Philip Scofield might have made a cameo

come on now mark!!!!!! i have been to all screens in eastleigh vue cinema and none of the seats are like that

@GregOrCreg

3 жыл бұрын

You probably haven't gone to a screen showing Keith Lemon The Movie. I don't want to think of the type of people who pay money to watch that.

@DadgeCity

3 жыл бұрын

Do you stick your hands down the sides?

Hello Keith Lemon, how are you doing?

I thought Alexander Stanbury pretty much had it right in his email.

I watched this just to see how bad it was. I did manage to get through it all with a few breaks in between. I didn't laugh once, thoughI did smile at a couple moments (both of which came from people other than Keith Lemon). I groaned multiple times. It's just cheap, lazy entertainment.

@haveanotherpinacolada

2 жыл бұрын

Hope it was worth the time.

The whole review

"Philip Schofield" "Philip Schofield!" "Philip Schofield!" "Philip Schofield!" "Philip Schofield?"

fantastic review.

Keith "Scrunge" Lemon

Jimmy Carr was recently on the Keith lemon show.... why?

Philip Schofield, Philip Schofield, Philip Schofield, etc......

I think it's more a case of Kermode appealing to the 'people with a brain' demographic. :D

He was when it was poking fun at simon jordan.

What is Look Northwest?

@jackthereader

Жыл бұрын

A local news programme.

There are a lot of masochists in the UK.

I haven't seen this film. I do say though that I love fart gags and knob humour of Francis in his many guises. I also like more cerebral comedy. I hope the film isn't as bad as you say, because I do intend watching it. Maybe on TV when it is free though.

@chungusbooper

8 жыл бұрын

+BeerGogglesReviews Eight months is a long time. What was the film like?

@lwaves

8 жыл бұрын

+Barbas the Daedra BeerGogglesReviews entered the cinema with his popcorn and drink in hand. He sat down, made himself comfortable and the movie began. Customers waiting for another movie claim that they never saw anyone leave that screening. Staff say that when they went inside, there was nobody to be found. BeersGogglesReviews was never seen again. The search continues.....

@chungusbooper

8 жыл бұрын

lwaves What you just described would probably make for a better film than Keith Lemon. :D

I kind of like Ali G The Movie (it helps if you grew-up around Staines and know the references), and The League of Gentleman movie was okay (if not a patch on the TV series), but Kevin and Perry Go Large is absolutely vile. I couldn't sit through the second half.

I find athlete's foot great fun. To scratch that dry skin feels so good, just got to know when to stop.

Philip schofield isn’t so well received now is he?

Philip scofield?

Phillip Scofield, Phillip Scofield,..

The story is The Jerk steve martin

Porridge the movie wasn't that bad was it?

How are cinemas surviving when they always have only about 6 people in according to Mark lol?

I've seen celebrity juice a couple of times and found it pretty funny. I couldn't watch it now because essentially it's like six year old children giggling whenever cocks, willies or 'bum bums' are mentioned. it's maybe funny once or twice but when every fucking 'joke' is simply an extremely thinly vieled reference to sex.. it's just incredibly tiresome.

@MaxBennie

9 жыл бұрын

I suppose it's a depressing indictment of today's comedic "talent".

@AJARyan-yn2uv

9 жыл бұрын

You also forgot that the whole show gets its jokes from the two easiest ways to make people laugh: celebrity and pop culture, and sex jokes.

@maliivan1993

8 жыл бұрын

+AJA Ryan1994 Aren't those three things?

@louisericketts6738

8 жыл бұрын

+Max Bennie There are some very talented comics today. Not Keith Lemon though.

@MaxBennie

8 жыл бұрын

Louise Ricketts True. A lot of the funniest ones have been going for a while though.

Mark "get the fuck off the" Kermode.

The Inbetweeners is funny, that's why

If he was in a cupboard gored on a gopher?

not seen the film but celeb juice is a funny show

Re: Mark K's nasty comments : That's not specifically true...

textbook kermode

4:44 This bit hasn't aged well...

Well I guess Keith won’t be smashing Mark’s back doors in 🍑