"You will be a PERFECT sacrifice for our lord." "I AM YOUR LORD!"

@jakubfabijanczuk8221

Жыл бұрын

This makes "I AM the manager" look like a joke

@Arsonixx_

Жыл бұрын

@@jakubfabijanczuk8221 agreed😂

@jessicadegen8433

18 күн бұрын

This makes me think of DBZ TFS with that scene: "Do you believe your own hype THAT much?" "I AM THE HYPE!!"

@ultrapokemon9984

20 минут бұрын

*ultrakill music intensifies*

Y/n: Reveals to be the deity he's trying to do a sacrifice for Jupiter: I've done all the calculations necessary,but man,am I bad at maths

@potatoes5629

Жыл бұрын

Lmao ikr 😅

@somerandomgirl9680

Жыл бұрын

The math isn't mathing

@zipspratt2310

Жыл бұрын

Is that a quote from somewhere

"Do you want to join this cult?" I *AM* THE CULT

@djwolf3810

Жыл бұрын

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

@laylamullins5883

Жыл бұрын

@@djwolf3810 yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssss yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssss yayasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyas

@NapalmStick

Жыл бұрын

@@djwolf3810 O N E O F U S

@valh889

Жыл бұрын

@@NapalmStick *O N E O F U S*

@haileyva5223

Жыл бұрын

*O N E O F US* *O N E O F U S*

Him: what are you 7'2 ? Me 5'3: I will take that as the best compliment I have ever gotten

@BlueFireDemon

2 жыл бұрын

Same

@-Dark_Shadow-

Жыл бұрын

Me chilling in the corner being 5'9:* chuckles in tall*

@LunarNightmare666

Жыл бұрын

I am 5ft and laugh at this😂

@Arsonixx_

Жыл бұрын

My being 5’4: Agreed man

@lilywilliams-adams2405

Жыл бұрын

More like the biggest

“You definitely look fit” “Thanks bro” 😉 💪👔👍 🩳 👢👢

@midteirgamer

2 жыл бұрын

Drippin

@plaguepotato6624

2 жыл бұрын

. 🌵 . 👖 👢👢

@bjt_bjt

2 жыл бұрын

SLAY!

@-Dark_Shadow-

Жыл бұрын

🤫 🧥 👖 🥾🥾

@zipspratt2310

Жыл бұрын

@@bjt_bjt Yas queen

*Chuckles Under His Breath After He Eats The Cake Cause He Can Taste The Drugs:* *”Oh. I’ve Been Drugged. Well I Might As Well Play With My Little Cultist Boy.”*

@highlanderwolf8483

Жыл бұрын

Ah yes we all know one of those nieve little cultist boys

@Arsonixx_

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@reillythompson

Жыл бұрын

This sounds seriously sus when you say it like that

@GreyBladeRover

Жыл бұрын

@@reillythompson That’s the idea!

"welcome to the cultist cookery" *first red flag, great!*

@wrd-tj4jm

2 жыл бұрын

Then the excessive comments on how we look *is concerned in what are you planning to do with it*

I imagine the listener is just here just like: "man that food was good but where is my cul- OOOOHHHHH"

@SoshoKozadokaGojiraChargedUp

Жыл бұрын

Well, there it is

Me to the cultist: you translated "sacrifice" wrong,the right translation it's offering insted of sacrifice,since you gave me food i can't be upset by the fact you tried sacrifice me to myself,even that being odd

@MONOEDITZ75

Жыл бұрын

I love this comment I don't know why it's funny but it is

@samfire3067

9 ай бұрын

"i offer My God, so My good Will bless me". Teezench:Uhhh Nice.

I can just imagine the deity listener just sitting there and just waiting for him to find out that they're a literal diety-

@nights_the_nightingale

2 жыл бұрын

Him: *telling us about how we are to be sacrificed* Us: ...it's tough to be a god... trod where mortals have not trod

@thezodiacgirl7166

2 жыл бұрын

@@nights_the_nightingale OH MY GOD YES.

@thezodiacgirl7166

2 жыл бұрын

@@nights_the_nightingale Them just sitting there while thinking: "When is this dumbass gonna figure it out?"

@michaelverissimo2666

Жыл бұрын

@@nights_the_nightingale Be deified when really you’re a sham

@RanchMonarch

Жыл бұрын

@@michaelverissimo2666be a symbol of perfection 🎶

*him complimenting me and calling me healthy and fit* *me with my mental illnesses and gender dysphoria*

@emonighteverything4827

2 жыл бұрын

Mood

@potatoes5629

Жыл бұрын

Mood 😌

@-Dark_Shadow-

Жыл бұрын

Mood -w-

@cxntaur

Жыл бұрын

"healthy and fit" is gender neutral.

@gataay

Жыл бұрын

@@cxntaur never said it wasn’t

Him; “You definitely look fit” Me🐖: “why thank you” Also this concept is absolutely hilarious, and your delivery of the script is perfect- I love it lmao

@aethelwyneleighbautista

2 жыл бұрын

SAME-

@m0mmy154

2 жыл бұрын

bro same 💀

@lunakoi565

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly like nah man I’m fat as hell

@alenathurston3070

Жыл бұрын

Same

@duckeredlethird3792

Жыл бұрын

My lifestyle:🐷

Jupiter: "you seem pretty forgiving" Me: "yeah well when ya lives 500+ years you get to know....things"

Him" your meal will be out before you can say goat blood." Me"goat blood." Him" here it is" Me"what the heck 🤣🤣🤣"

@winterfox63x

Жыл бұрын

I did that too😂

The cultist: You’re the great one?!? *Bows before me* Me, about 5min later: Somft… *does the equivalent of burying myself in a pile of blankets in his mind* I love this so much

@nights_the_nightingale

2 жыл бұрын

:D SOMFT **joins you**

@Krozahl

2 жыл бұрын

*somft*

@SoshoKozadokaGojiraChargedUp

2 жыл бұрын

*SOMFT!*

@sknsoul.08

2 жыл бұрын

Omg yes *somft*

@FennTheFeral

2 жыл бұрын

Much somft, many cozy

Him: **trying to sacrifice us to ourselves** Well I’m both scared and flattered at the same time

@Vixenschuuring

Жыл бұрын

Same, it is thoughtful but WHAT THE FUCK

“No allergies? Great!” NO I SAID NUT ALLERGY-

@Vixenschuuring

Жыл бұрын

I am lactose intolerant so not technically allergic but my toilet is my best friend if I have too much lactose🤣🤣🤣

"Have you ever been baptized into a religion?" Me an OG barbie fan: Yes the BIBBLE religion...

@Arsonixx_

Жыл бұрын

OH MY

@Vixenschuuring

Жыл бұрын

Lil opera singer😂

Him : your like 7 ft Me: I'M FINALLY TALL !!!!

"You passed with flying colors" Me who's favorite color is apparently orange: 👉💨💨🟠🍊🔸️🧡

@SplashiestPig

2 жыл бұрын

If it makes you feel any better, when I was writing this, I imagined that Orange was the wrong answer. That you had to have any favorite color except orange to qualify as a host.

@Moonstruck_Arrow

2 жыл бұрын

@@SplashiestPig Same. I’m not a fan of most shades of orange so that’s how I interpreted it too

I cackled at the "hey real question, are yiu sure this isn't just schizophrenia?" Lmaoooll

I thought this was going to be a continuation of the story where the guy who thinks you are an incarnation of a dark deity, but in reality, he just got "visions" from being hungry and eating moldy food.

@cludy6667

2 жыл бұрын

I rmb that one LMAOO

@grunklestan1271

Жыл бұрын

HUH

"What are you, like 7'2?" My 5'2 ass: Yes.🧍‍♀️

@potatoes5629

Жыл бұрын

Mood

Cultist: Aren't you scared or something? Me: This is another Tuesday to me... Cultist: What? Me: Also Friday

@djwolf3810

Жыл бұрын

Also every month

@morganlovesedger2768

Жыл бұрын

@@djwolf3810 Also every year

@MommyJustice

Жыл бұрын

@@morganlovesedger2768 also Every decade

@morganlovesedger2768

Жыл бұрын

@@MommyJustice Also every millennial

@annarchy200

Жыл бұрын

And Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Listener after saying they’re deity: 🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗 Jupiter: *contemplating life*

Him: Do you work out? Me: No. Him: Oh, I can tell!

@The_blue_mist_foundation

Жыл бұрын

roasted

"big thing like you" *are you calling me fat-*

Him:You look fit and you're tall Me who is short and cubby:😭👍

@Yogsy

2 жыл бұрын

ME TOO I honestly got so offended when he was like "you're big you must work up an appetite" before he said TALL.

@ahamiltonkyurem3400

Жыл бұрын

@@Yogsy at least doors ain't a problem for you guys my head still hurts from a doorway

@monkeymoney8552

Жыл бұрын

​@Yogsy, for real, my insecurities were about to say, Hey

Jupiter: you're a perfect vessel me: "A perfect being you said?" *continues to regale jupiter using Mayuri's speech on perfection*

I'd just be asking for hugs. Literally like: "All's forgiven, if youll hug me. It's already forgiven, I just want a hug."

@highlanderwolf8483

Жыл бұрын

Same bro

The ultimate "I am the manager"

Him: You're like 7' sumthin Me, 5'3": 🤡

To reveal your prophecized return, you've got to Stay Hydrated!

Him: "Where our food will keep you coming back for more!" Weighing scale: "Nuh uh gorl-" This was really great!! Loved and enjoyed every moment of it!! Thank you Jupiter! Keep up the great work and stay hydrated ~

Him: “What are you like 7’2 Me: “nope but almost 6’0 😌

@bethconroy4692

Жыл бұрын

Me: "nope but almost 5'4"

"I'll have it out before you say goat blood!" Me: *Wanna see some real speed, b*tch?* No but literally I said it in less than a second.

Him: is your favorite color orange? Me: how did you know!?!

!!! This script was so buried, I didn’t think it was going to get voiced! I'm so happy to hear it!

"What are you? 7'2?" Me: *is 5'2*

Me who's oc is a deity: This. Is. My. Time.

@FallenNexysCreates

2 жыл бұрын

Same lmao

@SoshoKozadokaGojiraChargedUp

2 жыл бұрын

Yep

@victory___doom6869

Жыл бұрын

Same tho

@laylamullins5883

Жыл бұрын

Same bro

@saithecosmicAustralian.

Жыл бұрын

Same

I this in my watch later, so I was just writing and when I heard "Hello, and welcome to the cultists cookery" I was like... "I'M SORRY, WHAT!?!"

Him: I promise I won't slack off now that you're here Me: bruh we ain't getting nothing done now that I'm here 😂

My five foot nothing ass was very pleased at the 7” thing I love it

Him: wow this is cool Me: thank you I've practiced this many times to look cool 😎😌

I KNEW IT! I KNEW THE CAKE WAS A LIE!

5:39 *looks at entirely orange room and orange phone case* “No.”

Me: *giggling the whole time*

Saw this and was like "this is going to be funny" and had to watch it. I was right and I loved it. Though first order of business as a deity to this cult is getting the practices corrected and fill in the missing gaps in knowledge, getting the important stuff written down. Burnt texts are hardly something to go off of.

Man, I love being a Deity >:D

I didn’t know we were a EATING AT THE DEVILS DINNER I thought THIs WAS DENNYS

Me to the cultist: do not worry follower for your faith has spared you also the rolls were pretty good

Reminds me of Genshin impact. Barbara praying to barbatos because barbatos broke something that belonged to barbatos in front of barbatos

@-Dark_Shadow-

Жыл бұрын

I fucking snorted- THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED?

@hiiloveu1521

Жыл бұрын

@@-Dark_Shadow- yes. And then she told Barbatos that she wouldn't give Barbatos the thing that belongs to him because Barbatos broke it

@Miko66672

Жыл бұрын

How many barbatos?

@Vixenschuuring

Жыл бұрын

HAAHHAHAAHA her being like "oh anemo god help us" and Venti just standing there while he broke the Holy Lyre🤣🤣🤣I cackled so much

The idea of a restaurant based of a cult is awesome

" You look 7'2 " **Laughs in 5'1**

*unhinges jaw to eat the cake*

I'm not just a sacrifice, I'm the wholeass cult

I’ve counted how many times I’ve sneezed during this video the total came out as 239 my nose hurts.

@FallenNexysCreates

2 жыл бұрын

Ma'am are you okay? I'm concerned for your lungs. :)

@R1CE_S0UP

2 жыл бұрын

@@FallenNexysCreates I’m a girl 🥲 but that’s ok!

@DragonFury4250

2 жыл бұрын

Are... _Are you... Good...?_

@-Dark_Shadow-

Жыл бұрын

Are you fucking okay Gurl? LIKE WHAT THE FUCKING STATE OF YOUR LUNGS THO-

@R1CE_S0UP

Жыл бұрын

@@DragonFury4250 ACHOOOOOOO

him: table, booth, or bar? me: oh just a booth- him: bar it is!

I imagine that this deity just shows up on earth from time to time to check what their cult is up to lol, also someone said that the scriptures say offering and not sacrifice, like food, and I like that a lot

Me: *passes out* My mind: dang it, I got drugged again

@frenchtoast9158

Жыл бұрын

Yep it happens every day

@maddisonbower9836

Жыл бұрын

@@frenchtoast9158 yep 👍🏻

When he asked me if my favorite color was orange, I thought I was being watched 🤣🤣

"where would you like to sit today?" Me: Booth please, "Bar it is" Me: I said Booth bit-

@Kaitlyn_18

Жыл бұрын

I said the same thing!

Ngl that restaurant's menu sounds pretty good, the crucifixes especially sound like tasty garlic bread. But how dare they drug cake of all things. Also if you're a God's vessel but still in there, are you still sacrificed? Maybe just "given" or "offered"? And what did cultist-kun mean with the question about having sex with something NOT living like is he talking about necrophilia or like...doing it with a lich or something?

Boutta snort a whole line of cake-

@Curses.does_art

Жыл бұрын

Lamo

Now I want some devil’s food cake 🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰

“Aren’t you scared?” The only thing I’m scared of is Ohio 💀

@frenchtoast9158

Жыл бұрын

Same a little bit

@aidenwright3996

Жыл бұрын

Bro I ain't scared of the random hands in the closet in ohio

4:04 “Uh finally 🙄” WOW, I feel offended 🥲

God I’m so excited for the next part bc they’re gunna pop up all cool bc the cult didn’t believe him

I love being sacrificed

@justiceguzzler

2 жыл бұрын

Can you explain why?

@suyin6900

2 жыл бұрын

Explain it

@uhicanexplain1942

2 жыл бұрын

@@justiceguzzler I get sacrificed to myself

IDEA! After the meeting (Listener probably speaks from Jupiters body cuz why not) Jupiter asks if Listener can reveal themselves and when they come out (haha gae) they’re asleep cuz they got too burnt out

The jokes on him my food will always be free in the sense of me being a deity I could just create money >:D

My reaction to reading this title is literally that Patrick gif of him running amd then stopping in midair A very entertaining audio I love it 😆

Him: Is your favorite color, orange? Me: (lies) *yes* [it's purple and yellow..]

@Lover_Of-Sinners

2 жыл бұрын

I did to. Purple, black, and red!!!

@Quinn._.1

2 жыл бұрын

@@Lover_Of-Sinners ⊂((・▽・))⊃ thoses are such lovely colors!!

@frenchtoast9158

Жыл бұрын

​​@@Lover_Of-Sinners same but add blue

@aidenwright3996

Жыл бұрын

Mines black, white and red

"I'll have that out to you before you can say goat blood." Me: Goat blood. "Here it is." Me: Wait wha-

That was an interesting concept, and a fun audio overall. I hope there's a part 2.

Me:*is tall* I never thought that day would come

5:38 Why, yes! Yes it is! (Ngl hearing this surprised me though LMAO)

@Lover_Of-Sinners

2 жыл бұрын

LOL!!!!

NAH THAT CRUCIFIX THING SOUNDS AMAZING

🤣🤣 what an awesome script! i love the funny ones, really adds to the whimsy of the roleplay category

Oh, I read this script just today!

So did I let my self get drugged or something? Because I don’t think a god would be able to be drugged

@SoshoKozadokaGojiraChargedUp

Жыл бұрын

You bamboozled him my friend

@aidenwright3996

Жыл бұрын

You faked the drugging

Can you do a part 2 please? I loved this!

I've watched this so many times I can't even count anymore 😭

This was very creative and interesting. Great job!

Bro making me hungry Later: oh shit

8:08 literally made me laugh 😂😂

Why tf he own a Cafe? He called me big and I got offended quick af XD

No no no, I said I wanted a SNACKrifice. As in feed me chili cheese tots.

Approved

this is such a cute concept and you delivered it very well!!

Excuse me for raining into this comment section, I haven't even listened to it, but I couldn't keep it - the title of this video made me laugh out loud 😂😂 How did asmr go from "Cute boyfriend helps you fall asleep" to "Oblivious Cultist tries to sacrifice you to yourself [Deity Listener]" 😂 So amazingly odd and random and smh it passes as normal for asmr fans 😂

@minty094

Жыл бұрын

Watch it girl 👧

In love with this concept!! I hope we get more like this!!

This was a funny rollercoaster XD

This concept is wild and I am here for it 😂

This was awesome, I so want a part two with the meeting. Great work! ❤️

Part 2 ? Keep up the good work

“Kinda new to this whole chosen thing” Hah, fatherless (If this is offensive to anyone I’ll delete it immediately)

i feel like i got here “to” fast🤨😃 not complaining tho💅

My dumbass: I AM DEITY YOU WORSHIP 😊

I usually don't like listening to these but the tittle looks too golden and I wanna laugh