I look back in a similar way. I’m 42 years old now and just started my transition a year ago. I grew up in Montreal and hockey was a huge part of my life. I started playing when I was 6 years old. I was the only ‘girl’ playing back then on all boys teams and always wanted to play in the NHL, but knew I couldn’t. I still get those feelings of jealousy, sadness and anger. I new from a very young ago (3 yrs old) that I wanted to play hockey and wear hockey skates, not the figure skates people expected me to wear. I was a trailblazer in a way, as the first ‘female’ to play hockey in my town, but I never wanted that title. I just wanted to be one of the boys. I didn’t play on a ‘girls’ team until I was in my 20s (as there just weren’t any before then) and went on to play college hockey, but at that time, that was as far as you could go as a female in hockey at my age. I was too old for the Olympics by then. I definitely look back to my childhood and wonder, what if I had been born a male, how would my life have been different and how I missed out on so many opportunities. I wish I could have at least started my transition at your age, but it wasn’t something I really knew about and was also in denial for several years. So know you’re not alone in these feelings. 💕🏒🥅

For most of my adult life I have wanted to “live“ but never understood why I had that feeling going on all the time. I knew when I was a kid that I felt like I was in the wrong body but because of my upbringing that was something that was squashed and not addressed or even entertained. Recently within the last year at the age of 61 I finally was introduced to the word transgender. for the first time in my life I understood that this was the reason I was so different growing up and living my adult life. I finally understood that I was not living life the way I was, (trapped in a female body and roll) because that’s not who I was and now that I am embracing who I am and who I was born to be, now I can say I am living. And I am finally free. You talked about morning a childhood, I feel as if I have lost an entire life..... however I will not embrace the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” but live what I now have with all of the gusto I can. I am alive for the first time in 61 years of occupying planet earth! I am a MAN!

As soon as I saw the title of this video I was like oh yes this should be very relatable haha. I relate so much to everything you said. Growing up, I wanted to play sports but refused to play on girls teams because I knew that wasn't the place for me. I missed out on playing volleyball and lacrosse and other sports I was really interested in because the girls wore these awful skirts and skin tight spandex shorts and I was never going to feel comfortable wearing that. Now as an adult, I have a lot of anger and sadness around this issue and I don't know how to let it go. I can't help but think, what if? What if I started playing hockey when I was a kid? Could I be in the NHL? Instead of starting at 20 and looking like a total bender lol. Would I have had friends in high school instead of being a total loner? I still feel so much jealousy when I see teenage males living their lives so freely. And yes, bitterness. Because I look at them and see that they don't even have to think about these things. They can just live and be and do as they wish. It's not even a thought in their mind. I wish I could've experienced so many things. My childhood was not what I wanted it to be. It feels so hard to accept something that I feel contributed negatively to my life in such a big way, but of course the flip side is: maybe I'm exactly as I was born to be and I experienced everything I was supposed to, to be exactly me, right now, in this moment. Thanks for making this super relatable content. I'm so glad you choose to talk about these things that most people gloss over. It's a really important part of transitioning.

I feel the same. Although I was a tomboy growing up, I missed out on Male culture - my friends liked makeup and pop singers, so I never got into conversation about sport or space or politics or all the things my brother did.. I never had any interests because I hated everything girls exposed me to. I now have a huge interest in all those things my brother enjoys, but am so far behind in my knowledge, and now it’s too late to study them further in university. He got amazing grades, had girlfriends, won trophies in sport, was good at gaming, had loads of guy friends. What did I do? Spent my years being jealous of boys and pretending to be one online to escape. I feel like I’ll never be on level with other guys, and that makes me feel at a loss.

I'm going to start off by saying I have a HUGE amount of respect for you (as well as the rest of the LGBTQ community) because of the amount of adversity and hardships you have to go through to be seen by others the way you want them to. You're a huge inspiration to everyone who's struggling with their own identity and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your transition!

I recognize from my own childhood that growing up as a tomboy made me feel that I still missed something that boys did cuz I wasn't allowed to do those things just because I was "a girl". I still think that if I wasn't trans, I wouldn't be this strong mentally. I have learned a lot from hard times. I'm pre-t and still have problems with some of my relatives and other people I meet. I've been trying to use a new name, but people use it variously or don't know yet.

I had parents who let me act whatever way I wanted to and trusted me. I was a tomboy. And like a boy, I was on my own a lot of the time as my parents were always working. But my troubles came with adult life. I feel like I had way more freedom to be myself back then than I did the whole rest of my life. Soon as I got hitched, I was expected to be what other people wanted. I’m just now trying to get back to who I should have become. So I can relate!

OMG I can’t believe he posted a video I am so excited about it I love and he inspires me so much and I can relate to him so much thanks man🧡👍

I'm transgender female to male.

Hi Harrison, nice video! Sometimes it's good to get anger out of us. I can totally relate to what you say. To help me feel better I like to think that this 'pain' in the past will be an advantage in the future when we will not give for granted anything of what we have achieved. Cheers from Italy Federico

Your feelings are totally valid! It's ok to be angry. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks so much for sharing this. I think about a lot about this topic sometimes too. It definitely makes need feel angry and sad and upset. It makes me feel like I have to hide my past from people because almost every sport I played was was so gendered and it sucks. Anyways, thanks again for sharing my dude

For some people there is an easy road. For some people a muddy road, but those people get stronger every step of the way

Thanks for your insights on your lost childhood, totally understand. That being said, your childhood can be lost in other ways even if you are cis gender which helps me a little in accepting my (stolen) childhood and ‘what could have been’. BTW, you remind me of Matthew Modine from Full Metal Jacket!

Harrison. Som.of this.is the result.of growin.up.in a dysfunctional.family.girls.were treated.very bad in the 60's and70's.grateful for.title.X1

I find it interesting the way that some trans terminology is seen as wrong to some, while it is used to identify for others. Maybe it’s an American thing but I’ve heard trans people who don’t want to be referred to as being “born x sex”, rather, “assigned x sex” only. Further, many maintain that, for example, a trans man was always a boy, but he was misgendered etc. Ive heard that terminology moreso, so I think it’s interesting to hear you say, “When I was a female.”. Obviously you can identify and describe yourself however you want, I just wanted to point out some differences I’ve seen.

@nintando

6 жыл бұрын

I think he meant in terms of transitioning more than actual being of the female gender

@lr3521

5 жыл бұрын

Your sex (XX or XY) often get misinterpreted as gender. Your sex is what gives you your physical characteristics. Gender is basically the behavioural characteristics that are associated with males or females. E.g. Males are usually naturally dominant, aggressive and protective, Females are usually naturally submissive, tentative and nurturing. The gender compartment of the brain is developed independently with the aid of testosterone or oestrogen. If too much testosterone is released instead of oestrogen during week 8+ of the pregnancy, the body will be the sex of a female but the gender of a male. No amount of psychotherapy can change this as it is physically ingrained in the brain. You can hide or alter your physical body so that your ur gender matches your sex or you can emulate the behaviours of cis gender females in order to appear to be a normal cis gender woman (and not get bullied and ostracised). You can never biologically change your sex or your gender.

Wow you inspire me so much. I feel like we think so similar. I love your videos. Wish we could meet up for a coffee! 😉😊

Exactly my thoughts……😔

Maybe, in time, you can add your voice to change perceptions. Maybe you will be able to understand white male priviledge, women's and LGBT issues from a new and different perspective.