This is great example of why sometime going no contact is the best for your peace

@LM-he7eb

Ай бұрын

Exactly. Show up on the day, make sure they don't have your phone number, make sure they don't know your address.

@trollallday151

Ай бұрын

Yes cause that whole "for the family" thing brought me to a place of mental health issues that I couldn't pin point of where the cause was

@marvaaba3929

Ай бұрын

Works for me !

@tkm1875

Ай бұрын

So who gon' be on your emergency contacts? lol. None of what happened in these movies is grounds for emancipation, lol.

@LM-he7eb

Ай бұрын

@@tkm1875 Really. So you think people who ask you for every single thing are worthy of trust in emergency situations?

rich auntie here. i'm tapped out...i've heard "she think she better than everybody else" when I have been more than accommodating. then when I set boundaries, I am rude and arrogant.

@heybaeitsblanca1492

Ай бұрын

Hey rich auntie lol. Glad you set boundaries & people always get upset when you don’t do what they want you to do smh. But good for you.

@mak28busted

Ай бұрын

It's because you are better than everyone else. Let's call a spade a spade. You're probably living, eating, dressing and traveling better. Please enjoy the comforts your money can buy with no guilt.

@jayvirgo8175

Ай бұрын

Auntie lemme hold sumn

@melaninchocolate6552

Ай бұрын

They hate your boundaries because they just want to continually have access to you unrestricted so they can freely abuse you and use you. Hate entitled families. I was a literal slave to my family, I was their servant, made to be a beast of burden and not allowed to be soft or even practice self care. I left at 18 and NEVER looked back!! Free living a soft life, I don't open doors or pay any bills and have my own little hustles making money and taking care of myself, am free from being a slave.

@home-818

Ай бұрын

Recovering rich auntie here and the answer is no now

I always hated the way Shirley tried to play victim, crying about how Kimberly treated her. Ma’am, she was raped and impregnated at 14 and you did NOTHING about it! You protected the predator, then further tortured her by raising the baby, reminding her of her trauma day after day! Shirley deserved every ounce of that anger!

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

I completely agree. Mrs. Shirley created the cold, bitter Kimberly. She didn't even pull Kimberly to the side and ask her how she was doing. You know your adult daughter is suffering bc of a childhood trauma. It never goes away. You didn't think in reality, that someone in that town didn't remember 14 year old Kimberly being pregnant? You know people gossip. Someone messy asked Byron did he ever hear about what happened to his sister's baby? Then someone else would have been like, it's crazy that your mama had a baby around the same time your sister allegedly did. I didn't like this at all.

@angelaholmes8888

Ай бұрын

I felt so bad for Kimberly 😢

@AshleyMagnolia_

Ай бұрын

You need to remember that back then the old school thought that was what was best for everybody including the child and grand baby. They didn’t have the education or social awareness that we have. We’re very fortunate to be so evolved. The Big Mamas believed babies were a blessing no matter what and were doing what they thought was right under God by raising the baby under any circumstances so their child could live their life. Be empathetic.

@Las645

Ай бұрын

Kind of harsh to say she tortured her. The man that raped her should've been severely punished, but the kid didn't ask to be born. What else was supposed to happen to the child if he wasn't raised by the grandmother?

@deathdragoncat

Ай бұрын

@AshleyMagnolia_ You can still point out how harsh and evil it is to disregard the assaulted child. People in the past used to abandon disabled kids, put women who needed support in mental asylums etc. It was never right and we are allowed to critique them in favor or recognizing how awful that accepted behavior was. I have more empathy for the child who was forced to bear a kid from rape than anything. That still happens to this day and it's disgusting.

#JusticeforTerri because why did her mama have her paying for EVERYTHING meanwhile she got all her money stashed away in a TV instead of an interest-bearing saving account 😂

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

HELLO?? I'm sayin' Like you know daggone well you're wrong for having your daughter paying for everything without so much as a contribution from your tv money

@Demthorshie

Ай бұрын

Soul Food had me all messed up with how they did Terri. She was the only sane and smart one in the family.

@ashlee616

Ай бұрын

​@@CocoaCosmosOfficial Imagine if Soul Food was given a realistic ending instead of the Happily Ever After take. I would be PISSED if I was Terry. Her MOTHER left her out to dry so she could pay for the whole family!

@roseriveter7351

Ай бұрын

And on top of that, had to deal with not only her sister stealing her boyfriend but her cousin sleeping with her husband. And made her seem like she was overreacting for being upset, she deserved a better family fr.

@KillaKeyTV

Ай бұрын

THISSSS

God forbid a BW rise above their circumstances to become successful. I don’t like the way they were portrayed and used in films and IRL.

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

Ай бұрын

Facts

@mrs.haynes4636

29 күн бұрын

Facts exactly 💯

The way Kimberly's trauma was revealed in big happy family never sat right with me. Tammy was d3ad wrong .

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

And the fact she did it as a way to knock her down a peg. Like what’s wrong with her??

@riverhigurashi8058

Ай бұрын

That still makes my blood boil

@niabelizaire3596

Ай бұрын

Kimberly might’ve been a bitch, but Tammy had no right to put her on blast like that. Even Madea called Tammy out

@darkwriter_xx94

Ай бұрын

I said the same thing in a comment on a vid on Tik Tok and everyone over there was like it was necessary and needed to be told. Had me thinking I was crazy

@fayetinsley1411

Ай бұрын

It’s the typical Tyler Perry formula, I think Tyler was jealous of the well to do Blacks and just painted them in a horrible unlikable way.

I've had a family member use my sexual assault as a "gotcha" moment as if it was a character flaw that needed to be "exposed" because I acted like I was "too good for them." I've never forgot it. The lengths that insecure people will go through to hurt you when your very presence makes them feel small is so despicable.

@lemoncholyme

Ай бұрын

SMH I'm so sorry you experienced that but I'm glad you have the self esteem to know you deserve better.

@am-harris7458

Ай бұрын

That's a vile and low disgusting thing to do! Only a wicked person would rub an SA into someone's face! I wish you happiness & healing!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

@thetillerwiller4696

Ай бұрын

OMG! I absolutely despise my mother just because she does the same thing: taking something very personal to me that she knows is an insecurity and trying to have a gotcha moment. Just despicable. These type of people should not waste our time; as you said, their insecure themselves

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

I am sorry you went through that. SA is a violation to anyone. No one deserves to be harmed in that way. No one should ever discuss anyone else's moment publicly. It didn't happen to them. That's inexcusable behavior. I would no longer talk or associate with that family member.

@angelaholmes8888

Ай бұрын

Omg that's so cruel

This is why I love Hilary Banks, she’s rich and entitled but there’s no doubt she loves her family especially towards her little sister Ashley

@ashleyrogers1930

Ай бұрын

The difference though is that Hilary Banks was rich because of her dad so she wouldn't be classified as the rich sister

@playerback7722

Ай бұрын

Yep

@alphabarre9096

Ай бұрын

😂 you mean her dad is rich, lol.

@all_my90

Ай бұрын

She didn’t financially support her siblings..

@ColoradoFalls

Ай бұрын

Terry loved her sisters as well. Trauma impacts us differently

The way Kimberly's husband responded when Tammy talked about Kimberly being a pregnant 13 year old like it was a gotcha rubs me the wrong way. Like, why are they acting like she was secretly engaging in infidelity and not a child that was taken advantage of irreparably?? ☹️

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Agreed. “I can’t believe you’re keeping all these secrets from me!” That is not something you broadcast

@MNIJJ

Ай бұрын

Y'all obviously didn't watch the film... I truly agreed with your assessments of the other two characters, but I'm convinced your Kimberly commentary is satire, lol.

@nueshb4797

Ай бұрын

@@MNIJJ I watched the film in it's entirety. What's wrong with my statement?

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Okay I’ll bite. What’s your take?

@MNIJJ

Ай бұрын

@@nueshb4797 I'm just saying I understood his response because that is most definitely a big secret to keep from your partner. I get that it may be painful to even think about let alone discuss. But If you're willing to keep an entire child a secret, there is no telling what other secrets she may be holding or capable of holding. In a marriage there should be trust and communication. She had neglected to provide both. Madea disclosed the additional secret about him being a child of rape/incest towards the end of the film. This was long after his initial reaction. The entire film he proved to be a loving and engaged husband. He was painted as an a**hole in this video. I was confused by your comment and the subsequent reply from the creator. it appeared that you all did not care about his feelings when they are valid and in fact matter.

I hate how black women who have money are Vilanized bc they don't deal with nonsense. Yes there are some evil women out here but just bc they have money and are not living up to someone else standard on THIER life doesn't make them bad or that they abandoned the family

@normandy2501

24 күн бұрын

She likely would have been better off abandoning the family and finding some guy with no other hobbies besides work and maybe eating out. I doubt she would ask for much else at that point (based on the writing).

The "unfriendly black hottie" trope in movies but they ignore the racism that got them there would be interesting. Bring It On comes to mind

@Tan87ful

Ай бұрын

Oooh, you made a true statement there. 💯💯👏🏼👏🏼

My heart broke for Teri. Her family used her so much, shamed her, and then got angry when she tried to hold them accountable 🙄. I wish she just left and never came back.

@blackberry8615

Ай бұрын

me too

@goldengarnet

Ай бұрын

But also, let’s not pretend that Teri’s attitude was the best. Homegirl was on husband number two for a reason, I’m sure. I understand her anger, but she held onto her career and her degree as a means to act above everybody. She was unsupportive in Miles’ love for music, telling him (who was a successful lawyer just as she was) that only a certain portion of his money is in their joint account and he can’t use it, and bragged about how she graduated from law school while Maxine dropped out of college at 19 when all Maxine stated was that their mother would want them to continue their family tradition of Sunday dinner. I’m not saying she had a right to be cheated on or didn’t have a right to be angry, but her payment of things and her degree didn’t warrant a lot of her actions.

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

29 күн бұрын

Me too

@gamuiceyt01

27 күн бұрын

@@goldengarnetdid you want her to stay in a marriage if it wasn’t making her happy

@goldengarnet

27 күн бұрын

@@gamuiceyt01 didn’t say that at all, but my point still stands.

I hate the writing (except This Christmas) of these successful, independent women as they are being leeched from by “family” don’t actually care about the wealthy sister’s wellbeing. “That job won’t keep you warm” line is annoying because all this money can buy me a weighted blanket. Plus unhealthy relationships with ungrateful mooches would make anyone frustrated and miserable to be around them.

@jenniferray509

Ай бұрын

My favorite sister was on this Christmas. I wanted to be like her when I seen the movie.

@AnonymousC-lm6tc

Ай бұрын

When I *saw the movie.

@DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables

Ай бұрын

Never saw this movie, but all of this!! I hate how the rest of the family feels entitled to the fruits of the independent sister's labor!

@LV2308gmail

Ай бұрын

It was too much like soul food in that sense

@jenniferray509

Ай бұрын

And now that I remember correctly unhealthy relationships make your health fail fast.

How maxine had money for an attorney for cease and desist but couldn't help with taxes.

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

BINGO

@theladykat2601

Ай бұрын

Amen!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

@phatboybright

29 күн бұрын

I liked Max but she was the secrete villain of that movie. Took her man and constantly took jabs while always needing money.

Terry is a cautionary tale of what happens when you don’t set proper boundaries. I also low key think Terry doesn’t have the same daddy as the rest of them.

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

She did. I guess many people talked about it so much. They discussed it on the tv series. Terry was light and looked just like their daddy. Terry even talked about how she felt insecure. She envied her sisters because they looked like her mother. Their mother reassured her she was beautiful and that she should admire that she took after her father.

@k.alvarado6237

29 күн бұрын

There’s a picture of the parents in souls food. The father was a light skin man. Like Terry

@therealmarlonbellamy

22 күн бұрын

Facts! I was once a people pleaser who lacked boundaries.

The fact that Shirley was okay with letting everyone in the family think that her 12-13 yr old daughter was sleeping around is still crazy to me. Even said out of her own mouth “i dont know why she hates me” and still apologized on her death bed cause she knew exactly what was wrong the whole time🙄I would’ve liked that movie if Shirley actually died alone without her children there to comfort her. She got the stressful life that she deserved

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

I would have liked if Kimberly would have confronted everyone at the table instead of leaving. She should have told Tammy that she didn't know what it felt like to be SA, pregnant from the attack, and by someone in the family. An uncle should have been protecting you from people like that. That would have been the moment to ask her mama, why she acted like it never happened. As for Calvin, she could have just told him then like she did in the end. She was too ashamed to talk about it and was afraid to tell him.

Im glad somebody said it. The other day i was like why does the rich black person have a negative archetype

@lovergirl________

Ай бұрын

This is always the case!!!

@TheLovesnowangel

Ай бұрын

They're not black. All of these characters are mixed. 😁

@kusuoken5687

Ай бұрын

@@TheLovesnowangelthe actresses may be mixed but the characters are not mixed

@CeliniacForLife

Ай бұрын

​@@kusuoken5687 And only Sharon Leal is mixed. Vanessa Williams and Shannon Kane are light skinned Black women.

@k.alvarado6237

29 күн бұрын

@@CeliniacForLife - hate to be that guy but. While Vanessa identifies as black. She did her DNA breakdown and she’s 50% African 50% European. She’s mixed

The way Maxine decided to volunteer Terri's money to pay for their mother's house. I did not like Vivica's character at all in Soul Food. She was jealous and Big Mama sided with Max

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Middle Child Syndrome for real

@darkwriter_xx94

Ай бұрын

It was the “maybe we’ll pay you back in installments” that had me heated. MAYBE?

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

Ай бұрын

@@darkwriter_xx94right! The audacity!

@am-harris7458

Ай бұрын

I have a younger sister like this who gloats about having babies! That's not a flex! 🙄🤨🤨

@notaytguru8214

Ай бұрын

Not even just Terri, she said Terri AND Miles….. tf you gonna not only volunteer my money but my husband’s too….

Meanwhile, in Tyler Perry's Acrymony, no one looked at Robert as selfish when he didn't consider his ex-wife (who he sucked the life out of) once he finally struck rich. His new fiancé had to tell him to at least give her some money. Such writing is to be expected from TP anyway. But everyone feels entitled to the woman's money.

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Oh lord don’t get me started with Acrimony. I was about to make a whole separate video about it 😭😭

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

Ай бұрын

I hate that movie. I’m convinced Tyler Perry hates black women.

@prud.ence.8447

Ай бұрын

@@CocoaCosmosOfficial please do😭

@yumiko0017

Ай бұрын

People actually go through that. I’m glad he placed this in his writing.

@Diz_27

Ай бұрын

@@CocoaCosmosOfficial do the video because I want to hear your perspective on it.

I just realize through this video, Kimberly is a grandmother because Byran had a kid. Also imagine the emotional stress of being near someone that looks like your attacker. Kimberly deserved to be upset with her family Side note, besides the cheating husband, why are most of the men written as good guys. Even in soul food after the husband did something bad, the film wrote them in a passitive light at the end

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

Miles was wrong for cheating with Cousin Faith. He was a good person who made a terrible mistake. It was better that he and Terry divorced. They were obviously on the verge before he cheated. It was no saving their marriage.

@kusuoken5687

Ай бұрын

Tyler always does that and not even the men just the cheaters in general like in ‘why did I get married’ he literally tried to portray Trina as a nice good woman throughout the whole thing even though she literally was messing with her close friend’s husband ON A MARRIAGE RETREAT like why is she confused at the end of the movie about why Sheila doesn’t like her…

I love this video. As the "rich" auntie/cousin I will say that they only ask for what you allow. I opened my wallet up to everyone and they took took took until I put a stop to it. I have a millionaire male cousin who nobody asks for anything and people always says oh he has a wife and kids and employees, don't ask him for nothing. The same is never afforded to the women/girls in the family. Partially it's our fault for always being so maternal towards everyone in the family but also our families fault for culturing us that way.

@rhoward

Ай бұрын

THIS. I just relocated to be near family for a few reasons, and they are astonished at how easily "no" comes from my mouth. These same people know my situation and the specific reason I'm temporarily local, yet they still only see a new female body to be used for their (often poorly thought out) antics. Magically, they figure it out themselves after my refusal. I witnessed them drain the other free or paid women in our family and refuse to be next in line. I have priorities that will be respected. These requestes are always things that they can reslove with even a bit of effort or logic, so I don't feel bad about turning them down. The boundary is working well so far!

@LM-he7eb

Ай бұрын

Ask them for money before they ask you. That shuts them off

@alfredfreedomjones5105

Ай бұрын

I watched a compilation of “Why I am no longer sending money back to Africa” and it was ALL women being robbed by ungrateful tools! And then some people in the comment section had the audacity to say “WOMEN” were ungrateful and cannot be providers. They’re sick and tired of BEING providers for 8 people back home cause the men aren’t sending back a cent!

@nessmiaou3424

25 күн бұрын

your comment is very balanced..I say it as the "rich" sister in the family.

As a first generation college graduate who left my home town. You are resented. Whenever I go home I’m treated like crap. There is a lot of envy and bitterness that you escaped the toxic family cycle. And they paint you as Bougie and too good.

@tamaramason8941

29 күн бұрын

Stay far...far..far away love,I fully understand go where you find love

@aishakamara94

25 күн бұрын

Woooo girllll! Moving far away was the best thing for mental health. I’m not trying be rude but how is it our fault….we went to school and decided to better ourselves…for ourselves. Now they wanna start acting out? GTFOH smh

@DavidMcMillan-pi6zk

23 күн бұрын

💯

@therealmarlonbellamy

22 күн бұрын

Don’t forget the you forgot where you came from statement & you don’t know nobody.

@nitrofairywing1541

20 күн бұрын

The envy and jealously are always from the people that don't wanna use the time they have being alive to make themselves better for themselves, they are breathing, they wake up alive everyday with chances to either have joy or bitterness, and they continuously choose to be bitter and angry, they love that toxic ass shid cause it's comfortable and they don't know how to cope with nothing else but are capable of learning to do so, but do not give themselves the chance to gain knowledge of what it means to be happy. They in the hole and don't ever take the staircase/ladder up when it's always been there and never left

In real life, it is a painful existence. Somehow, you are labeled “evil” or “selfish,” despite helping everyone the most. Also, no one returns the favor, so you never catch a break; you always have to have enough to take care of all your needs and the next family emergency. Eventually, if you are smart, you learn to stay away to protect yourself. It’s a lonely and draining experience. Thanks for the video.

@notaytguru8214

Ай бұрын

Yes. when I say NO I’m suddenly the bad guy,but nobody remembers the 1,000 times I said yes…. To my own detriment

@ninagrace-lee8323

Ай бұрын

Exactly how I feel. You do so much for people but they never appreciate it. So I stay at a distance. And yes, you’ll always get scapegoated no matter what you do

@normandy2501

24 күн бұрын

Just cut ties and straight up change your number at that point. Don't give yourself the chance to even say no in the first place.

Tyler Perry's script writing for people of color in general is atrocious lol. He must be stopped

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

A menace lmao

@janettas3873

Ай бұрын

That is exactly why I stopped watching his movies. He always has black women in some struggle love or the black women with high standards are left single.

@zvezdoblyat

Ай бұрын

@@janettas3873 rather be single than settle

@janettas3873

Ай бұрын

@@zvezdoblyat yes girl. Same here.

@janettas3873

Ай бұрын

@@zvezdoblyat I just wish he would shift the narrative, and show more high esteem black women; such as ourselves, with the happily ever after. It too is possible for us, if we want it.

Tammy was so wrong for saying that to her sister 😢 because it's not like she just laid down, had a child and decided to just abandon him. She was literally r4p3d as a minor. It wasn't her fault the family were too pwssy to just tell the truth to Byron

@Marie_Laveau

Ай бұрын

Tammy had so much hate in her heart

Justice for Terry. I was a kid and knew they did her dirty.

@Itsjust-me

Ай бұрын

Me too. Even as a kid (watching it behind my parents back in middle and high school) she was my favorite sister and I knew they did her wrong.

@ladytye826

Ай бұрын

Even in the series Soul Food, her sisters would still throw jabs at her “saying that she does not kids” and such

I definitely looked at Terri's character differently after I got grown and started working full time and became the go-to person for family members when it came to money. It's a shame the way they did her. And it's a lose lose situation that strains relationships.

I always wondered what soul food would’ve been like if Ahmad were a girl. Girls tend to be exposed to dynamics in the family that boys are sheltered from. Also as an adult I now believe Terry always seemed to resent Miles because he could pursue his passion and she doesn’t have that luxury of just giving up her job because she’s the financial backbone of her family.

@selalewis9189

Ай бұрын

Ahmad as a girl is in _Eve’s Bayou_

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

I believe Terry had to be just like the video stated, the one who made the sacrifices. She was engaged to Kenny but lost him to her sister. She gets Miles but loses him to music. She felt like ignoring her own needs and desires built stability in her life. It reality, it emotionally damaged her.

@goldengarnet

Ай бұрын

@@danabenson4125Kenny and Teri weren’t engaged, they were just dating.

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

@@goldengarnet I can't remember but I could of swore on the Soul Food Tv show, they said they were engaged.

A similar situation happened to Toni Braxton. Baby face record label chose only Toni and not her sisters so their mom guilt tripped Toni into helping her sisters out in the entertainment industry and I’m sure that can lead to resentment. Toni’s the rich one in her family.

@prim.an.propher1505

Ай бұрын

Evelyn Braxton is an evil prude. The show only showed a fraction of how difficult that woman is

@novalove4790

Ай бұрын

OMG I was just thinking this

@Jacobytru

Ай бұрын

@@novalove4790 wow really?

@Tan87ful

Ай бұрын

Exactly 👏🏼💯

@beprettylife

Ай бұрын

Toni is not rich. Tamar was the richest until her divorce.

My mom is the terry of her family (she’s not rich, but she has the most money) she was one of 8 girls and my siblings and I stayed fighting the family over her. They use to gaslight her by calling her mean and selfish anytime she told them no.

Terri wasn’t that rude. She was nice to Ahmad and had him over her and Mile’s house. She probably did that often. She even seemed really protective of her entire family. Only one she got into it was Maxine and that’s because she took her man from her. Oh yeah and she and the rest of the family definitely hated Faith but you know why that was.

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

She wasn't rude at all in my opinion. She just didn't wanna be walked over

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

I understand bc everyone has a Cousin Faith type of relative in their family. They only come around when they are going through something or need money. She was family but she needed to get her life together.

YES! The rich sister has to have SOLID boundaries and a balance of good therapy. Great topic!

I've been a Terri apologist since I was a little girl. The family did her dirty from start to finish.

So right about the eldest daughter archetype. If we don’t aggressively take ourselves out of the family and give ourselves the opportunity to grow and have a life outside our family then it’s very hard to move away. I’m the oldest of 6 kids and after the stunt the second born pulled last year girl I don’t even know the importance of family anymore like f everybody

Seems like the more successful sister or family member gets volunteered to become the provider for the family and god forbid they set boundaries and say no they get labeled as a horrible sister, child, or family member when actually the less successful family members are users

@autumnwinter5

16 күн бұрын

Also being called selfish and inconsiderate, and “needing to be humbled”

"A mother knows" that scene is the epitome of the babying some of these matriachs do for these boys, only for them to grow up and blame women for all the mess they put themselved into. Aaaabsolutely not. Im so glad to see younger people are learning that boundaries (even with toxic family members) is not wrong.

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

29 күн бұрын

Right. I’m so tired of them coddling them

I'm not rich, just a middle-class professional, but my sisters and mother have been counting my coins for decades! 😠😏😒😡

As a working adult who does okay, the biggest misconception these movie paint in people’s minds is that one family member going to college and making above minimum wage can support an entire extended family. That was maybe true after WWII, but hasn’t been the case since before Ronald Reagan. Now, we often come out of college with student loan debt the equivalent of a mortgage, are often struggling in the for years beginning, working in environments where there are so few of us that we don’t fit in the corporate world or the streets, and we also have bills to pay! These movies do not show an accurate depiction of unemployed, working poor, lower-middle-, middle-middle-, and upper-middle class individuals across an entire black family. Instead, they mark one working black woman in the family as the source of the writer’s and director’s grievances about the potential upward mobility and education of black women.

Being the oldest girl in my family, I noticed the overarching theme in all these movies and my own life are that they're the oldest girl. We're made to "mother" our siblings without calling it that. We end up adults that are hyper-responsible and chronic overachievers because we dont know any other way to be in life but that way. We are held accountable for our siblings and parents failures, even at a young age we are depended on heavily for meeting the parental and emotional needs of everyone in the house especially in the event both parents are at work or to support our single parent easing their emotional burdens. We also have to bounce back quickly on our own when we fall. There is a learned heroism here because no one will or understand we need them to be there for us to depend on when we should have the family helping us like we helped them.

@AT-zl6dk

Ай бұрын

My husband and I are the oldest in our families. It’s a blessing to be the responsible, resourceful one but it can be exhausting. Family think just because we’re the successful ones we should provide for everyone. Who can we run to if our world crumbles? Since we have similar backgrounds with our individual family, we make sure to treat ourselves ( put us on the priority list). We had to create boundaries with extended family so we can focus on our household.

@BeautyLoves88

Ай бұрын

i remember i got sick & needed surgery & was therefore not working….my BROTHER said to me: “you used to be the most successful one. you have TWO degrees. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?” i learned THEN i was not a HUMAN to my biological family. but a MACHINE. the oldest child, especially the Black girl, you’re right, we’re NOT seen as a person w/ feelings. or allowed to “fail” or “need help” smh

I will never forgive Tammy for that. That was a LOW 9TH CIRCLE OF HELL BLOW

this was so needed and actually opened my eyes as the eldest black daughter with wealth in the family to how these movies not only shaped my perception of family, but also of money and how it changes people and relationships. like i had this realization that gave me goosebumps- these characters as well as the people in my life who embodied them made me reject the idea of being wealthy from a young age because i never wanted to be like them. but at that young age i never considered there was a possibility to be wealthy and NOT fall into these patterns i saw and didn’t want for myself. so now age the age of 29 i’ve been existing in a lack mindset which is at the root of a lot of my money problems 🥺 i need to sit w this, thank you so much for posting! this might inspire me to make a video!

@Porter5habazz

Ай бұрын

I can definitely see what you mean.

@ChocolateBabe_

Ай бұрын

Yes. I want black women to understand you can be wealthy and not have a lack mindset or feel like you HAVE to do shit that is not your responsibility. You are only responsible for bettering yourself. Cutting off and setting boundaries with my family that couldn’t get their shit together and left that responsibility on me a child that grew into a adult that didn’t ask to be here is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. Self love, respect and boundaries will save your life.

@lalat5899

Ай бұрын

Same girl same. 😢🫶🏾🫶🏾

I love boundaries. I had to let my Mom know at a young age, my money wasn’t the family money. She started acting like bc I was the oldest I was supposed to always help everyone out. Thankfully I see those “I ain’t the one” boundaries early on. Now my family knows to only come to me for dire straight emergencies and if you’re in jail….. don’t call me.

@angelaholmes8888

Ай бұрын

You are totally right to set boundaries I still have a hard time doing that

@therealmarlonbellamy

22 күн бұрын

💯

"She says the things you hate to hear and she always has your back". People think we're haters but really we want people to see that they deserve better.

Tammy herself thinks her children aren't well behaved but kimberly thinking the same thing is a problem to her ego so much so, that you have to take a "dig" at her because you "actually raise your boys" and shirley saying she doesn't know why kimberly treats her that way will never NOT upset my soullll!!!!!! You knew what happened to her! You mean to tell me you don't think being SA'ed and giving birth to a child while you're a child yourself will make you hate everybody!!!!/

Kimberly being given decent compassion?? That's my girl. I've only seen two Madea movies, maybe three, many years ago, but Kimberly always stood out to me. She was raped and impregnated at 12 years old, and instead of condemning the uncle who did that to her, throwing him in prison, Kimberly was forced to shut herself down, and her biological oldest son was raised alongside her as a brother. And her mother was given all the empathy in the world because she's soft-spoken, meek and a pious Christian, and told, "Wow, Kimberly is so mean to you." And then Madea telling her she needed to forgive the man who did that to her, or else she'll keep being bitter? It bothered me then even though I didn't quite get why, but as I've gotten older, I've only gotten angrier about that. I know Kimberly is fictional, but there are women who likely experienced that. But honestly, what a fascinating video. It was recommended randomly on my feed. I'm not Black, however, this offered me another lens into the tribulations that Black women experience, especially if they're successful, self-possessed and breaking past traditional barriers. I do somewhat understand as a Latina, but you all have your own cautionary tales to be mindful of and I salute you all. ❤

As a kid it bothered me how Terry was treated...but how the successful sis is treated starts early when your family see you have your head on right. At least for me it did. Been fighting for my life to keep boundaries....

Family don't make you blood,blood don't make you Family

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Big facts

I felt for Kimberly man. Her whole family had issues but vilified her. She certainly didn’t treat her husband right but it was clear she was working to move beyond her past. Her sister was way in the wrong and you can tell how much that hurt her. Worse knowing she knew it was force! The way Calvin was upsett she didnt tell him about her trauma. And her mother was surprised she doesn’t want to spend time with her!

@island_girl_shan2011

12 күн бұрын

Tammy didn't know it was force though. Not saying her actions were right but she clearly didn't know (and probably thought her sister had a lil boyfriend) to throw Kimberly having a baby so young in her face like that. Madea said the mom didn't want them to know.

Justice for Terri!!

I hated soul food as a kid because I knew they did her wrong so I know as grown people they knew she had the short end of the stick. Haven’t watched since the 90’s 😂

@baddiezone

Ай бұрын

The movie definitely made me mad , to know that these dynamics are happening worldwide and i can’t do nothing about it

#JusticeforTerry I don't think Terry even wanted to be married. But no matter how successful a woman is, family will manage to still shame you if you aren't married with children. And Maxine ain't bout nothing, taking your sister's boyfriend, and still in Maxine's pockets, the nerve.

black women work so damn hard and rise above the worst circumstances. i support any black woman who chooses herself, her empowerment. all else can eat dust.

I love the rich auntie/sister Diahann Carroll Dominique Deveraux was my idol. They’re always beautiful child free and happier then the other siblings or relative.

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

Ай бұрын

I love Diahann Carroll! She’s absolutely my role model! ❤

@lululemongirl00987

Ай бұрын

Yeesss childfree icons!

@Las645

Ай бұрын

🙄 here we go with this childfree crap. I don't get this weird hate towards kids that grown people have these days. Being childfree doesn't make someone happier. Insanely annoying how you guys indicate people with kids are always miserable. When I know people without kids that are fucking bitter. You people always bring up being childless in every conversation about anything.its beyond irritating.

@themostbeautifulisraw4561

Ай бұрын

@@Las645 you must have kids you regret having 😂😂

@bombom-sz4cr

Ай бұрын

@@Las645 . Not wanting kids and hating children is not the same thing. Your acting so butt for no reason. Sounds like your the bitter one. Looking at stats women without kids live longer and they have more money to spend instead of using it for brats. I’m not sure who “you people” are considering I’m only one person and do not represent the majority but considering this is a video about rich black women yes I brought up no children because it’s a common denominator. I’m only 19 and my eggs probably aren’t fully cooked so who knows if I’ll have kids in the future but bitter people such as yourself who complain when others express there admiration for a lifestyle are enough negative energy for me to keep the birth control on lock.

All the rich Aunties have the same husband. Like, there’s an archetype, they all look the same 😭

I’m so scared to become the rich sister. I subconsciously self sabotaged a good paying career just to not be. 😢 I’m working on boundaries with family( specifically my siblings)

@tondaniraluswinga2590

Ай бұрын

Same. I can see the drama from miles away

@ladytye826

Ай бұрын

Don’t just set boundaries, set strict boundaries

@zvezdoblyat

Ай бұрын

Girl don't do that to yourself. Communication is everything

@soulonice99

Ай бұрын

NO sympathy for the devil. Walk away, quietly and FOREVER. LIVE abundantly -- reach your potential.

In Madeas Big Happy Family, Shirley Was The Villain. Let’s Talk About It. 💯

What always irritated me about ‘Big Happy Family’ was the lack of closure between Kimberley and Byron. You’d think Byron would have a million questions or would at least want to know why things went down the way they did. Madea should’ve given Tammy the same treatment she gave those hellion children, maybe she would’ve straightened up too.

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

That’s so true. I wish they would’ve at least had a sit down discussion or something but it was just kinda let go.

🙌🏾 You really ate in this video. This is a common trope that always disgusts me. I really wish you had time to include Deliver us from Ava. Waiting to Exhale was the only film I remember humanizing the successful career woman. But then again, its one of few films that isn't degrading and laced with mysogynoir.

Terri would have out grew Kenny so maxine did her a solid

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

You're right. Terry would have wanted a career first, but would have struggled with Kenny. Next, Kenny would have been pressuring her to have kids and that would have been the beginning to the end for them.

To add, they say " mind your business" but everything is their busines financially. They'd mind their own business if they had 0 to do with it. And on top of that, family is being used as an excuse to telerate poor behavior and abuse. It'a the reality of it all. They are britter and resentful, so they come off cold, but they still care die to the fact that they help their family financially and also try to give them tough love pep talk. This was a great video, i enjoyed it. Makes me think of myself. I can see the resemblense in the names too.

The audacity of Maxine saying Miles after sneaking around with her sister boyfriend took me out....like gurl STOP IT ..

He only returned the Baby because he realized it's hard doing it on his own! 😅 loll

@soulonice99

Ай бұрын

Bingo!

Soul Food has to be the most aggravating movie I've ever watched. How they treated Terri was AWFUL!!!!! Literally none of them ever considered her feelings! BIRD AND HER good for nothing husband PISSED ME OFF!!! 1st, Terri paid for their wedding! 2nd paid for her salon! 3rd when birds husband literally came in their bought to out his hands on her. Hell yea I would've called my cousins on him tf!! Then he wants to sit at the dinner table BLAMING Terri bc he gotta temper. When she's the ONE WHO BAILED HIM OUT! THE NERVE!! Then Bird ass to tell her to mind her business. I would've said GLADLY DONT ASK ME FOR A DAMN THING!!!!! then faith at the table playing victim. ughhhhh the audacity of EVERYONE!!! They were all jealous of her beauty and success.

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Like at least she got his ass out when she realized it was a misunderstanding and they wanna be hateful about it. People thought he put hands on her. I’m very much getting it handled if it was my sister. Shouldn’t have been tearing up stuff if you don’t wanna deal with consequences

I totally understand why Kimberly was so angry because of her unresolved trauma from her childhood she had every right to be angry with her mother unfortunately i know this very well from my own childhood i don't think her mother got her help when she was younger of the three kelli is my favorite love her for speaking the truth

This is my life…straight out of a movie. I have been the ATM for the last 10 years and now at 37, I have put my foot down and everyone is showing their true colors. Yeah you only call me when you want something and if I don’t reach out I would never hear from you again. Well the door is to the left and I’ll see you at mine or yours funeral.

@therealmarlonbellamy

22 күн бұрын

This is my family’s dynamic. I don’t go back home like i used to & the only time i heard from them is when i reach out first. I haven’t heard from some of them in years.

My ending of soul food If I was Terri . I would payout my name on the house and move far away from that family.

My mom is a rich sister and watching her be taking advantage of is annoying but I also call her an enabler because she complains but doesn’t set her boundary.

I used to hate Kimberly as a child until I got older and realized that she is just like me when it comes to my sa except for the pregnancy resulted if that, I empathize with her.

@kiss101love

Ай бұрын

Sorry you went through that experience I hope you’re well and healed 🙏🏾

@bougiepeaches5497

21 күн бұрын

@@kiss101love thank you 😊

“Miles’ group is carrying him” True, Miles ain’t in the Milestone music video so…. 😂

I’m trying to get rich but its hard when everyone see you shining and they want some of that light. I don’t even respond when people ask me for money. I don’t ask for anything I can’t give back and that simple fact is what make me keeping me alive to thrive. The guilt trips don’t work on me, the emotional outburst don’t bother me; I have detached myself from people that can’t reciprocate. I will always support another women putting her education first and stay grounded.

@rhoward

Ай бұрын

SAME.

Maxine saying “Cornbread” is still hilarious! And Uncle Pete needed to be in a home because why is Maxine taking care of him? I’ve never seen the third movie but DAMN!😮

As rich auntie well as the obly one without children who does the estate managing and looking to the future: WHAT YOU ALLOW WILL CONTINUE. Only give out what you don't mind not getting back and always remind everyone to stand/set up their own. No one can take what you build and control. Kelly was the most gracious portrayal of rich auntie amongst these three; in the end all the animosity was an eldest daughter projecting that weight and her insecurities on someone else. Terry should've actually abandoned the family; move to a different city even if she still felt compelled to finance everyone at least she wouldn't have to eat Sunday dinners with her ex and unappreciative sisters. OBHF was just a hot mess from start to finish and gaslighty.

Justice for Terri🗣️🗣️

22:41 that’s how it is in our community. SMH 23:32 she acted her a** on that part. Broke my heart.

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

I agree Shannon Kane did her thing

For Teri’s situation…no way could I speak to my sister. Even though her ex (now sister’s husband) is trifling…but it’s bigger than him. She chose to be with her sister’s ex boyfriend. Idc how great of a wife or mother you are, you are lower than trash. Your morals are out of the window and will most definitely reap what you sow.

Whew I forgot how problematic Soul Food was 😭

Everyone in the movie was wrong, but this is the first take where I have heard someone rage FOR Kimberly rather than hate her character. What a great introduction video I found for your channel ♥️

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

Thank you so much! ❤️ I hated how the whole family just acted like it didn’t happen and is so confused that her trauma is still very present especially when there’s a constant reminder around her

My family made me the “Rich Sister Archetype” but here’s the kicker… I’m not even rich! No one calls me unless they want something and if I say no (because I truly don’t have it) they treat me cruel and disrespectful. It’s very hurtful

I was adopted at 3 months by ..... "the well off sister" and her husband. And can you believe, Her nieces' HATED me for it? Like it's my fault, They adopted me and provided for me. And the nieces always referred to me as the "Rich Cousin". After all these years, I now realize they were being salty on the sly, callin me that. And no we don't speak now. When my parents died, I was shut completely out. But it's their loss.

I notice that all those rich sisters have a more Eurocentric appearance/pheno than the opposite sister does. Art imitating life where physical features determine who gets economic access way more (often) than any other factor.

Ok so we all agree Faith’s routine was trash just like Sarah’s on Save the Last Dance? Also “damn the family” was funny.

These archetypes hit me hard as I'm the oldest and resonate with Lisa the most. It's really best to move away before holding grudges onto others.

I love how the comments show the people who ARENT addressed to help with other’s financial responsibilities.

It's the family that leeched off teri

In the dynamic of Lisa and Kelli I believe Lisa deserves more grace. While I was disgusted how Lisa catered and shrunk for a man who she too knew wasn’t crap we have to live in reality. We know wealth is in what you own the fact is they would’ve lost all their assets if nobody had stayed and helped. Lisa’s family is entitled and automatically thought she should stay and do everything (without thanks I might add) since she’s the oldest. Lisa suffered from oldest daughter syndrome. Kelli said “women do it everyday” but those women usually have support from their family not a sister who constantly is judgmental and makes snide remarks about her position in life juxtaposed to herself. JUSTICE FOR LISA!!!

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

That’s real. I said it in my final thoughts but I can’t stress enough that the only redeemable person in these families I spoke about was Lisa. She truly didn’t have much of a choice and was upset Kelli thought it was as simple as 123 to pack up and leave a man with two kids with only being a homemaker on her resume. It was unfair that she directed her bottled up emotions towards Kelli but she did apologize and admit she wasn’t right for that. For that reason, I give Lisa a small pass.

@danabenson4125

Ай бұрын

😢 I completely agree. Their oldest brother left before anyone, when he should have stayed to help, too. I feel bad for all families who go through this. You do the honorable thing but feel trapped. Everyone else gets to live out dreams and enjoy life.

This was well put together. I’m the oldest child and I’m “successful” and what I’ve noticed is that because I have not created any problems for myself that I’m ashamed of “family”, expects a heavenly amount of grace for me when they disrespect me. My response to their bs is always harshly critiqued as opposed to the disrespect that I am responding to. I turn 37 next week and I’ve decided to mentally detach from my family and truly live my best life with the people that truly love and support me. I physically detached from my family a few years ago and I go to therapy, but I’m deciding that certain family members will be left behind and I’m going to be free. I also financially support my mom, but I’m going to make sure I set healthy boundaries and that I stop focusing on saving everyone.

I’m with Terri and Kimberly. Especially Kimberly. A similar thing happened to me as an adolescent, but it was by my biological father, although I didn’t become pg as a result. Nonetheless, it could have happened. And my family is still oblivious to that, as well as the SA I’ve experienced at the hands of my cousin from ages 6-10 (and to add insult to injury, they blamed both incidents of SA on me), even going as far as to claim to not understand why I moved to another state.

@octopussy888

Ай бұрын

Sending you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Like the way I would have ended Tammy at dinner

@CocoaCosmosOfficial

Ай бұрын

She would’ve been seeing stars fr

I'm an only child but I definitely relate to this archetype. Great breakdown! I refuseeeeeee to be the family bank REFUSE

I always empathized with Terry. Even though i am the youngest, I was always the fiscally responsible one in the family. I was also always the single childless one. Everybody thought my money was family money even though I didn't make a lot of money...I was juat good with what I had. Once I had that first child, I even tell my parents that if I have to choose I'm taking care of my children because they can't take care of themselves. Y'all will all be on the streets before I let them starve or go without basic necessities. They continue to make into their late 70's early 80's bad decisions. Smh

Thank you for making this video! As a kid I always wondered why Teri had a chip on her shoulder. No wonder, she was carrying that whole family on her shoulders and in her pockets!

Soul Food is such a good movie and honestly Terry had a sad life despite how financially successful she was. She was the oldest who often times is another parent to their siblings. Her first love became her sisters man. Never had children, All her family just thought she had an attitude but everyone depended on her..her husband wants to Persue his hobby while she pays the bills and ends up cheating on her with her niece or cousin in the midst of her mother dying…like that’s sad

I'm so glad that people of this generation are taking less and less bs from their families.

It's yet more humbling, unfortunately it's not unrealistic to have families feel those that are doing well need to do more to 'help', even though the 'need' for help is never ending, they also project their discomfort and paranoia by believing that they are being looked down on and that the one doing well needs to 'come down to earth' follow and live like them.

I absolutely adore seeing beautiful women being successful and rich ugh ICONS!

Justice for Terri!!! I hated soul food bc of the way they treated her?? Like you’re my sister and fw someone I like and yet im supposed to be okay w that? BYEEEE

This breakdown was important for me in a lot of ways. It resonates. Thanks for drawing attention to the seemingly “boujie” ladies perspective. In the end, it’s not about being boujie, but sincere work ethic and pushing forward, even when life is tough. The items are just the spoils of your labor. Next up, Tony Child’s please!…🤗💕😍

it goes like this in black families i think its okay to learn and accept rich aunty/sis have a go-getter energy which alotta woman in a family do not. and yes you will not be liked; yes they hate you but see your bag.

Pt 2 please!! I'm a dude but I literally empathize with the characters you spoke about. I've got some older cousins, and heard the way family speak about them, talking about they think they better, etc. like literally you can't be a well off black woman and just keep your head out the non sense without your own family crapping on you. Like they find things to pick on. Like one cousins literally a will paid biologist, married, debt free, living lovely in a giant house. And there are still aunt's like "well look at Miss too good to come around" , like I wonder why!

Not to mention eldest daughters are always more responsible, better at managing finances, and more well-rounded because we have to grow up fast. A 25-year-old black woman probably has the life experiences and skills of a 50-year-old average man/woman. This is exactly why I don't get the outrage when BW date older or make "older adult decisions" because they have already lived 9 adult lives ahead of schedule of their peers