Read through CS Lewis with Doug with "The Commons" mycanonplus.com/tabs/discover/video-series/1845

@daltonhaley9214

2 жыл бұрын

Alright, I don’t normally do this but I have to comment. I see that this is in no way biblical and am confused as to how people think this is a good idea. In Ephesians 5 Paul lays out the significance of Jesus’s relationship with the church and how Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for the church out of his unfathomable love. And then Paul says make sure you love your wife the way Jesus loves the church. That means love your wife the way Jesus loves us, be willing to sacrifice, be willing to serve, be willing to go to great lengths to relate to and understand each other. After all Jesus became flesh so he could die for us and so he could be our great high priest who is able to relate to us (Hebrews 4-5) since he too has been tempted (while never sinning) and he also has suffered. So to do what this man says is to do the opposite of what the Bible says. We should become more like Christ as his image bearers, no that’s not a natural thing. No it’s not easy, living in sin is easy which is why I think people are falling into this false teaching where men assert their authority without love while never being the type of man Jesus called them to be. I’m not saying be a people pleaser but I think there’s a distinct difference between being stepped on and stepping on people. We should be people characterized by love who stand up for what’s right but this is wrong so I had to say something. Please reconsider his claims. Sincerely, a brother in Christ

“Better to have a full man talk about small things in the world around him than to have a vacuous man unload absolutely everything he has and arrange it pleadingly on the table in front of her. Do not under any circumstances try to make her feel sorry for you.” I wish I had been told this years ago. Would have saved me so much trouble. I didn't get these things until my late twenties. Since then, I'm finding it's so much easier to get a girl interested and get a conversation going especially with online dating.

@sonofskyrim1331

Жыл бұрын

Your lucky you found this out it your late twenties, I'm in my very early forties & just finding this out, only because truth like this is extremly rare.

Also ask her if she's good at cooking, if she likes the idea of 10 kids, willingness to move to Moscow, and if she has a Dutch uncle.

@sam_the_davidson

2 жыл бұрын

🤭🤭

@kamiamia897

Жыл бұрын

✅✅✅❓

@joostbakker

Жыл бұрын

What's the Dutch uncle about? I'm from Holland 😉

This one hurt. I've probably done this dozens of times.

@physicsman23

2 жыл бұрын

Right there with you bud.... Ouch, but I needed it

Uncle Doug is again spot on. Women need stability, strength, protection, and skills. You need respect, dutifulness, a good household manager, and an excellent mother to your children. Be the first, first. Then, look for the second until you find her. If you are indeed stable, strong, and skilled...YOU are the prize..

Instructions were unclear. I talked about salt and pepper manufacturing for 35 minutes until she had to leave with a sudden emergency…

@alexmanzewitsch714

2 жыл бұрын

Ah, but did you bring up your extensive knowledge on optimal salt and pepper grain diameters?

Imagine you're about to walk home from school, but before you leave, a helmet that covers your eyes and ears is placed on your head. You proceed to try walking home for 20 years. It's at this point that the helmet is removed. You look around and find yourself a whole 20 years' worth of travel away from home. That's what it feels like to be learning these truths at this point.

@dubois2.024

2 жыл бұрын

You're not alone...was trying to figure this out a decade ago and fell into some bad stuff. Now along comes Pastor Doug to help me finally learn. Better late than never I suppose!

@Charles.Wright

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately I was flailing wildly in my blindness! Hurt a lot of people, and killed at least one marriage .

I wish someone would have given me this advice when I was 18, although I probably would not have followed it back then.

@KENTEKELLER

2 жыл бұрын

I don't think it is too late. Even if you (we) have already made these mistakes before. Wanting to be loved can prompt us to spill out ourselves rather than find the interesting traits of others. Might be a close cousin to selfishness.

@samuelkland6029

2 жыл бұрын

im 19 and i am so glad i found this video

In other words, don't simp. 😂

Excellent advice! Young men, do not let our degenerate culture turn you into a beta. Hold onto your private thoughts and feelings, and dole them out individually over a life-long marriage with the right woman. They have more value to her that way, and you won't drive her away or put yourself in the friend zone.

@pavelshalnwv8494

Жыл бұрын

Better be sigma, under Jesus, who IS alfa and omega

All good advice...I've been that chump...trust me in the end it doesn't go well. Back tracking and grey rocking your wife is not a fun way to live, but I'm learning. Act like men boys...don't be a chump. Uncle Douglas knows what he's talking about.

I thank our God for you. These vids have been such an encouragement. Boy oh boy... are they needed. I pray that the young men listen closely to what The Lord has said in the Scriptures. I also hope they listen to your blog. Grace to you and peace, Steve

Could you put all of these into a single playlist called advice to young men or something? I would love to listen to all of these again together

dang I'm just out of high school and have not had any girlfriends. I definitely fell into being a girlfriend with the one girl I did try pursuing in HS.

This was extremely helpful. Thank you, Douglas.

LOL. Good advice. I have been married over 30 years . Early on my wife said she respected me because she couldn’t control me.

I can't help but comment after hearing the statement "an interesting man is an interested man", as I have had a near identical statement that I came up with and have lived by since I was in early high-school. I struggled to make many friends in my younger years so I observed those around me to see how they managed to attract people around them. I came to the conclusion that the people I found most interesting and was most drawn to were people who took interest in people/things. Generally speaking they had passions. From there I shortened it to "interesting people are interested people" and took it upon myself to take interest in things, be it hobbies, or just the conversations at hand.

INTJ personality here, and wish this video had been made 15 years ago and showed to me when I was still a teen. This is the kind of stuff "everyone" just assumes, and is impatient with you if you don't "get," so it's a slow and painful process to learn when nobody is apt to teach

MOREEE! I demand more.

Great advice. If I knew back then what I know now. Hindsight is 20/20 vision.

Wit and wisdom from Uncle Doug!

ace series, thanks Doug!

Good stuff, as usual Unc!

Can someone explain this in more simple terms 4 me please? Don’t talk about myself? Talking about myself makes me an emotional needy bucket?? What if she ask me about myself and want to get to know me??

The best advice ever

Wow wow wow, so much to think about!

Very good advice

This is good stuff.

The problem I am seeing is that most women (even those who profess faith) want a wedding, not a marriage. A wedding is exciting, fun, flashy, etc. A marriage is commitment, sacrifice, submission to authority, respect, and love. Women in this day and age have no idea what being a wife is and instead think that they can just slide right into a marriage and not change a single thing about their life. Granted, both sexes make this mistake, but ever since women started trying to be like the men that they are told to despise via feminism (talk about an oxymoron), the outcome is certainly doomed. Men typically come to a point of understanding that they are designed to work hard (or intelligently) for their money and that they should save and provide for at least themselves. The transition to being a husband is not that far of a stretch, though the few steps that there are are not trivial by any means, as plenty fail. However, with women being raised to be exactly like men, they have a much greater task. Women these days are expected to get out there, get an education, start a career path and then MAYBE (though the world would discourage it) give that up for a time to be a mother. So now she is being told to radically shift from being a self-provider to being subservient to a man she has been taught, whether directly or subliminally, to challenge and usurp authority from her whole life. This is a massive undertaking and I honestly take pity on them when they become frustrated because some of this isn't their fault. They are being raised to be men instead of women and even more importantly, they are NOT being raised to be good wives. A pastor I have a lot of respect for once told me "Be before you become". What he meant by this was that a highschool or college football player should not expect to be handed a spot in the NFL and THEN start training how he would need to be competitive on the professional level. Instead they have to strive in the beginning, train hard like they would be expected to at that level before they are ever even considered for it. In the same way, a man who desires marriage should start behaving how a good husband would before he ever becomes one. Same with the ladies.

@gandalfthegrey2171

2 жыл бұрын

I would also add that even without all the lies the world is telling us, there are the lies we tell ourselves. From the beginning, Eve was cursed by sin, wanting to usurp Adam. So yeah, it's not easy. But by God's grace it really is possible to be in an awesome marriage. I've been a wife for three years now and God has already done wonders. Can't wait to see what he has done on that final day. For both of us, for his own glory.

@WasLostButNowAmFound

2 жыл бұрын

Ding ding ding!

@gandalfthegrey2171

2 жыл бұрын

@@Abigail-gf7cg Yes, but I was thinking of Genesis 3:16 when God says that Eve will want to rule over Adam

Uncle "Chad" Douglas

This is soooooo useful… WOW!

She won't let you out of the friend zone because she is an evangelical Christian and has no interest in lesbianism 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and I died

This guy is breaking spells left and right

To true Doug, nicely put

Man I wish I had this advice 25 years ago. 🤣

Watching the lifetime channel or a Friends marathon is not the way to a potential wife. Watch more Doug Wilson, and get away from video games, the couch and work at a job that actually pays bills and is exhausting.

@horrificpleasantry9474

2 жыл бұрын

Counterpoint: I use video games to help me do cardio on the machine at home for over an hour at a time

Pretty much nailed one of my personality faults.

Wow 🤩 amazing.

Thank you Doug lack of communication is key lol

I usually listen to Mablog with a smirk of satisfaction at how right and to the point it is... But I have to admit, this one has me scratching my head, huh?

@timffoster

2 жыл бұрын

I'm going to have to re-listen to this one. His other lectures are more digestible.

@OscarSchneegans

2 жыл бұрын

Don't worry about it. You're not the target audience.

@elizabethkroeker4615

2 жыл бұрын

I understanding what he’s saying.

@rambo9199

2 жыл бұрын

If a man is an emotional needy bucket, cannot make conversation halfway by not giving the woman everything she asks for and cannot pay for the date.... He is forever alone in the friendzone

@papasmurf986

2 жыл бұрын

Tommy Nelson in his S.O.S. series makes a similar point about building a connection too fast through just spilling your guts right there at the beginning. Both sexes I believe on some level appreciate a bit of mystery and maybe even coyness that slowly unravels over time some would even say till death do you part.

Nice twist.

Where were you 32 years ago? Maranatha!

Good point, I agree. Now my question is, how do you navigate around if she is asking a lot of those questions herself? Is there a way around it, or is that a sign in and of itself that she has already placed you in the "friend zone"?

@emmadoremus9908

2 жыл бұрын

One-sentence answers that give her something, just not a whole lot. Then turn the question back on her and let her talk. If she’s actually being invasive you can give her a short vague answer (you can go ahead and laugh at her forwardness to diffuse the situation and keep things playful) and then say something like, “but we can talk about that another time”. Then use that to segway into a loosely related but less personal topic. It doesn’t really matter if this is done a little bit awkwardly; if you seem sure enough of yourself to assume the role of leading the conversation, it will be attractive and you will come off as being the right amount of mysterious. In the unlikely case that she reacts badly to this, then she’s just a weirdo. Hard to say if it means you’re already in the friend zone, she might just not have a good sense of how to build attraction herself. Generally though, when I’ve been attracted to men I always hope that they ask me questions and I’m not necessarily asking them a lot of questions. Subconsciously I think it’s me trying to let the guy lead, to see if he would be good at that. When I’m not interested in the guy, I’m more willing to carry the conversation and unfortunately this usually comes off as flirting. One of those standard man-woman miscommunication things.

@youseman4789

2 жыл бұрын

@@emmadoremus9908 those are really good points, much appreciated. I think the thing with guys seeing overly talkative coming off as flirting is because Disney has convinced both men and women that women carry as much weight when it comes to leading, and when men see that they read it as flirtation. It also has to do with that's how we flirt, so we read it as flirtation. Either way, thanks for the tips, I'll keep an eye out for that.

@youseman4789

2 жыл бұрын

@@Orderofthe6th that's funny. My mean face may be a little too aggressive and send the wrong message

I so could have used this advice in the past 😂

So true! I love an alpha-man!

This is opposite of the current culture and even church teachings but it makes sense and is more practically true.

Well said. Demonstrate, don't explicate.

YES!

Yeah, and avoid using dating apps!

Aw sounds like Doug has a cold. Hope he's better now!

Is this a threshold that cannot be uncrossed if already opened up?

Basically be prudent with the information you give. I think this applies to both sexes.

Wanna tell me how to move this way backwards? I knew it was wrong and now it absolutely has clicked. It wasn’t even because I believed it but it’s more something I got comfortable in. And if I’ve built the girlfriend status already which I have- is there any reversing? It’s wishful thinking but someone give me the plan B

The first thing I want to know is if she wants a career outside the home. Deal breaker.

When a woman feels repelled by a man's emotionality/over-sharing, is there any way of salvaging that? Or is it best for her to walk away?

@rambo9199

2 жыл бұрын

Best practice, if you don't already kinda know the answer or don't really want a complete answer.... Don't ask the question hoping for mystery.

@philliprogers6857

2 жыл бұрын

IMO, reticence is something that men most men naturally have. What one has to determine as a woman if this man is respectable. As a father I'm instructing my 3 daughters to determine this by reading Proverbs 19 and to follow the wisdom contained there. There is an ocean of wisdom in Proverbs 19 for women (and men to be respectable) and for women to determine if he is respectable. One of the lines of wisdom there in the text to perhaps help you dive into that ocean is to not be deceived by riches (vs 1) or the amount of friends he has or doesn't have, or zeal (vs 2) and many other things that he may or may not have. Vs. 1 says he has to have integrity. You as a woman need to see if he has integrity and not allow you to be misled by anything (Looks, money, friends, gifts, power, etc...) Take a look for yourself when God says "better a poor man than..." He is giving great wisdom to help see through, to a good choice.

@randyg22152

5 ай бұрын

I’m not an expert on women or relationships by any means, but I will give it my two cents worth as no one else seems to be responding: I would assume that if a woman is acting as if she was “repulsed” by you (I’m not sure how you knew what she was thinking about you, but I assume that she gave you some kind of disgusted expression, or else she was acting as if she was avoiding you and otherwise acting reluctant to talk to you), then the polite thing to do would be, I assume, to walk away and giver her her space; don’t stay where you are not welcome. If she misses you, or you misread the situation and she actually likes you, then she will, most likely, contact you in the future asking what happened to you, and did she do anything wrong? If you ignore and avoid her, and she doesn’t try to reinitiate contact with you, then assume that she just doesn’t like you and move on to someone who does appreciate your company. Not to lead you on with false hope, but sometimes people do not appreciate what they have until you are gone, so give her the gift of your absence, and give her a chance to miss you, and see what happens. If you ignore her and she doesn’t seem to care, well, you have your answer. Find someone new to talk to.

well nice, i messed upp and this is why...

Would love for you to have another series speaking directly to the women. On some points (across the breadth of this series), it's been easy to extrapolate from what you've said (to the guys) how the woman ought to respond but, in other places, I'm not sure.

This is probably also excellent advice for women, honestly. Echoing multiple people here in the comments: I wish I had known this earlier.

So in short talk about the world around you and knowledge instead of emotional experiances? Or do you not talk about your knowledge and savor it? On balance im relatively confused.

How is it a genesis "very good" thing that man doesn't understand woman? Did he understand woman before the fall? Thanks.

@jonathant752

2 жыл бұрын

I do not think He did. But all the differences between them only united them perfectly. But after the fall, all the good things God created, including the differences between the man and the woman, were corrupted by sin, and thus, all the confusions and difficulties we face and see today when we consider the relationship between the man and the woman. But above all this, we cannot overlook the power of the cross, and the redemption that Christ has brought us, it is in Christ, that the man and the woman can truly be united again. Doug's advices are good, but always strive to see Christ in them, by that I mean truth, wisdom, and good sense.

@nosegrindv4951

2 жыл бұрын

@@jonathant752 ill consider it, thanks!

@horrificpleasantry9474

2 жыл бұрын

He definitely didn't, because one way or the other, either by him over explaining or under explaining what God told him, Eve ends up telling the serpent that God said that even if you touch the fruit, you'll die, but that's not what God said. We may infer that Adam and Eve had their first miscommunication while they were still in their unfallen state

well doug, from the sounds of it, if you ask her any of those questions, such as "what was your life like growing up?" seemingly you'd want her to basically not answer the question, as to not "overshare" thus leaving you none the wiser.... i agree with some of your sentiment here, but it's been badly laid out..... think this one missed the mark, tbh in my experience you're MUCH better off finding a suitable long term partner (in my case by the grace of God married 10 years) if you actually DO pick your teeth with the fork, don't pretend to be someone you're not to suit the other person, instead, be who you are, and you'll actually find someone who's compatible to YOU. If you do what most people do, and pretend to be who the other person wants you to be, just because they're attractive etc, and start picking your teeth with the fork a couple of years in, only to find out she can't STAND you picking the teeth with your fork, you'll end up in a failed relationship a couple of years down the line, happens all the time, seen it more often than anything else i'd say, because there's only SO LONG any person can go on acting like somebody else to suit another. Anyway, God bless, suppose we'll agree to disagree on this one.

@xxxViceroyxxx

2 жыл бұрын

I think Doug is talking about first dates here. Perhaps your more authentic self should come out on later dates, as you describe.

@aallen5256

2 жыл бұрын

@@xxxViceroyxxx Doug doesn’t seem very well informed here. Indeed, he can’t be well informed in this area as he went on his last first date in the early 1970s.

@xxxViceroyxxx

2 жыл бұрын

@@aallen5256 what specifically about his advice is "old-fashioned" rather than simply wrong

@aallen5256

2 жыл бұрын

@@xxxViceroyxxx Doug's views on women are 100% 'old-fashioned', and I think he would proudly say so. Specifically what is it about his 'don't be friends with girls or you'll become their girlfriends' take that feels progressive to you? He's fully against feminism so that makes his outlook at least early-twentieth century, from 2022 that counts as old-fashioned.

@xxxViceroyxxx

2 жыл бұрын

@@aallen5256 "how to stay out of the friendzone" is new-school advice though.

Why are you dogging on this Dawson guy bro?

@horrificpleasantry9474

2 жыл бұрын

Lmao

Interesting that Doug has taken the time to study secular red pill

For the algorithm

Woooooo! Dawson possibly got a gal!

Basically, women don't want men to be women; have emotional boundaries because spilling everything at once makes women feel sorry for you, but not attached to you.

👍Same for girls/women on a first date. Name, rank and serial number.

This sounds like using intermittent reinforcement to coerce the girl into engaging in behaviors that please the man. So, basically being manipulative.

@jonathant752

2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha. Yet, you are the one who is going to friendzone the guy when he starts sharing just too much. Call it manipulation or whatever you like. I have seen this happening over and over and Uncle Doug is just confirming it for me.

@kore8299

2 жыл бұрын

@@jonathant752, a few things: 1) what a lovely ad hominem fallacy you have there 2) you sound quite triggered by a woman who disagrees with your personal experience 3) I do not doubt that this has been your personal experience, given how much you just over shared with a strange woman on the internet who threatens your point of view.

@jonathant752

2 жыл бұрын

@@kore8299 Well, a few things too: 1. My opinion was not directed towards you, by "you", I meant women generally, kinda seems to me that you are the one triggered 2. I'd rather have appreciated a response to my opinion, a verified opinion, instead of making false assumptions about me 3.Again, false assumptions about me instead of addressing the issue at hand. 4.I'll conclude that you are the one with the ad hominem fallacy. I would have appreciate having you tell me what is your opinion, or the way through which a man and a woman should approach communication up against what Doug calls "lack of communication is key" which I find to be wise. I do not see it as manipulation.

Be more blunt Pastor. It is not so much that women don’t want to hear what’s going on inside, it’s precisely that - in the case of a potential mate - they don’t care… viz… it is boring and unattractive. Guys… if you want her to be attractive don’t share… in discussion focus on her and to a lesser extent your interests and goals (essentially communicating your ability to provide and how being with you could raise her status). All this is why I tell my sons - don’t ever share your negative feelings with a woman… that is what your buddies are for. In a woman’s world a man is a service provider… some men are better than others… but on the whole fungible. Keep up the good work without the hassle of needs… and you’ll keep your customer. The sooner a guy grasps this, the soon he will adjust his expectations and reduce his communication with his wife/girlfriend.

@aallen5256

2 жыл бұрын

Who hurt you..

.

I don’t buy into any of this. Where I come from the men are men and the women are too. And the sheep run scared. I guess Appalachia was ahead of the curve on woke sensibilities.

Tell me all about it! How can I get some action?!?! Mr. Wilson the ladies' man! Jesus got all the girls! But he did like sailors, a lot!

You shouldn’t feel ANY strong feelings to any woman. They should feel them to you, guys need to learn that as long as a woman is good and godly and willing to do what’s needed then that’s enough. If you get “friendzoned” just simply find another woman, no man needs a female friend. Men and women don’t really get on they are too different. I only socialise with women who aren’t my wife when I’m at church or have friends over who’s wives and daughters I speak to. What the hell are you going to speak to a woman about anyway? Lipstick? Cute boys? Guys if your honest with yourselves you know you don’t want to hang out with them. It’s not about pleasure it’s about duty.