My husband was born with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and serious birth defects. His parents brag how he claimed as a toddler to have chosen them as parents. He experienced medical neglect and abuse from them. They still deny that alcohol caused his condition. He no more chose them than I would choose to catch the plague!

So very well said.

Yes!!!

Amen

Agree completely. I would love to hear more about nonauthoritarian parenting. I have stuff to unlearn and would love some resources. ❤

Yes! Thank you!

I've also seen this same idea of children "choosing" their families used in some other very gross ways. Namely people saying this to survivors of child abuse. I guess they think it's comforting or empowering somehow, but really it just puts the blame on the victim. No one chooses to be abused. It's some serious toxic positivity bs to hear that someone has gone through abuse and to try to silver line it by saying it's a life lesson. Sure, you can learn and grow from such experiences. You can learn and grow a lot more easily without abuse. Trying to put a spiritual spin on it isn't compassionate or helpful, especially if it's paired with the idea that you should focus on compassion and forgiveness for the abusers. There's a lot of anger, grieving and painful work that comes before any healing or learning from it can occur. And compassion and forgiveness for the abusers isn't necessary to heal. Those are only helpful if they help the abused person and usually only much later in their healing process, if at all. It's much more important for the person harmed to find compassion and forgiveness for themselves and hopefully receive those from others.

Preach

Heard it the other way round, too, as the other part of this concept: the argument goes that the behaviourial challenges of each different child are somehow adapted to our own challenges, our own problem-solving skills our own areas in which we have to learn. Not as a logical psychological argument, more like a belief in fate. Like: God did create exactly those challenges for us so that we can learn those lessons we have not yet learnt. Side by side with: you are faced with exactly those kids (and problems, challenges) you have somehow "deserved".

This is not a right wing thing. I have never even heard this.

@zesky6654

Ай бұрын

It's more of a hippy thing, they are horrible people. Don't believe in the love&peace nonsense.

@ParkrosePermaculture

Ай бұрын

It is though. The crunchy to alt right pipeline is very real. I've lost multiple friends to it.

Lol, you said the same thing as the other post ....the other post never said it's the Children's responsibility.

@dag2273

Ай бұрын

I think she commented the idea shared not the post or the person

@ParkrosePermaculture

Ай бұрын

lol? I was agreeing with an expanding on the comment. Not everything is a disagreement.