Narcissistic fathers are very controlling and invalidating. The child will grow up with low self-esteem and thinking that they're not good enough for anyone or anything. This might develop into anxiety, body dysmorphia and even suicidal thoughts. Children of a narcissistic father all share one thing in common... they all feel like they are not good enough. The reason for this is because the narcissistic father disowns their feelings by projecting them on to their children. Narcissistic fathers will leave you without support. They are self absorbed and they lack empathy. They only care about themselves and they have no consideration for you.

@dotnb

2 жыл бұрын

True.

@patricialongo5746

2 жыл бұрын

You might develop body image problems because Dad put you on a diet and expressed rage when you reached puberty, but praised you for dieting away your periods. In my way, we know but don't know that it happened.

@carolynololade4126

2 жыл бұрын

@Gemma Dann to let him know it doesn't apply to everybody....I'm here on this channel learning and unlearning

@carolynololade4126

2 жыл бұрын

@@patricialongo5746 eyah

@Luvnthegodnme

2 жыл бұрын

So on point!

A dad should be a hero, not a villain.

@chaimbrownbasketball4730

2 жыл бұрын

tell me about it, my dad was definitely the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now I'm 51, completely messed up, drinking too much, can't remember an hour without suicidal ideation going back to the 1970s. I"m definitely the child who left them behind forever, except in my fked up mind.

@3406226

2 жыл бұрын

Your dad is a hero! Happy father's day to him!

@tawneenielsen4080

2 жыл бұрын

Well said. They wasted the gift of parenthood and killed the gift of us being children.

@dhanyaslifeventure

2 жыл бұрын

@@3406226 he is a hero .my lovely hero.Thank you

@realhealing7802

2 жыл бұрын

Amen to that! Narcissistic father's ruin lives.

feeling unseen - check seeking out safety - check trying to win people over - check selling myself short - check not feeling worthy - check never seeing a healthy relationship - check I fought for most of my life, but I finally gave up. He has been dead for 21 years, and I almost feel like I can breathe now. Almost.

@lyndasheridan9018

2 жыл бұрын

I think I wrote this 🙁 but I didn’t though I sure could have

@Lilylou59

2 жыл бұрын

Me too!

@helpIthinkmylegsaregone

2 ай бұрын

self medication-check. getting a scientific degree while not even being allowed to come home - check. getting "useless" as a funny nickname in front of people - check.

For those who see this: may you find inner peace, heal from past traumas, and embrace change. You are worthy of love ❤️🙏

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Lori, if you watch 'Silver Skates' on Netflix there's an artsy dance/read on Geminis ♊/my kids are Gemini, June 7th and June 9th, 2 yrs one 1 day apart and still dickhead complains! Love back at you!

@LoriGeminiTarot

2 жыл бұрын

@@joseenoel8093 I haven’t seen it yet but I’ll have to check it out. Thank you for sharing. BTW, my birthday is June 6th❤️🙏

@Freerunningtwo

2 жыл бұрын

Working on it, I don’t feel like I’m grieving today. I’m just shut down.

@arinaira1417

2 жыл бұрын

Amen!

@LoriGeminiTarot

2 жыл бұрын

@@Freerunningtwo grief changes it’s shape in time

We all need a Survivor Day!!

@vincec.202

2 жыл бұрын

Amen to that!

@saj4642

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, we do need it badly

@sandraxrubia

2 жыл бұрын

What a great idea! Absolutely!

@jessicamusicslife465

2 жыл бұрын

Support!!!!!

@SDNDE

2 жыл бұрын

Damn straight!!!

Thanks for doing this on a day when some of us are unable to celebrate.

@paigebrown4037

2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely…thank you. ❤️🙏

@jessicamusicslife465

2 жыл бұрын

Right? Dr Ramani is truly God sent

@baligirlhops7319

2 жыл бұрын

Send love and positive thought to you. I feel you my friend ❤️❤️💐

@jodycasey6936

2 жыл бұрын

@@jessicamusicslife465 she’s wonderful

@tawneenielsen4080

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed!!!!!!!!!

I went NC with my narc dad and his flying monkey filled family over 11 years ago. I received a call 7 months ago that my dad had passed away. I have shed so many tears filled with grief and pain over my dad who I loved but he just brought so much horror into my life. After he passed, his family tried reaching out to me ( just to get gossip about me I am sure). I did not respond to them n they now have left me alone. This Fathers day is the 1st one I finally have peace that he is no longer on the earth and can't harm or frighten me anymore....A 50 year nightmare is finally over.

@atanamorell2

2 жыл бұрын

I am glad you are finding peace.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Hi hon, I'm no contact with them now, same situation, I was there when they took dad's tube out and didn't his tongue 😝 come out with it! He always felt like everyone was taking advantage of him, not me though, he couldn't even swing by at Xmas for my kids, my husband's family is all in Europe as his parents passed away and my family's so toxic here.... Well to bad for them all now, I've a great green space in the burds and they know to keep their distance 'cause I've had enough! It's a sad situation, they worry (the dads) about how things went bad for them and there's no one taking their place for us, oh well, good to have a head's up on how rotten people can behave, less surprises you and your stomach can take more, it's them which ruined what should have been life cherishing moments, malignant mom set him up to beat her weekly, I over heard cops saying they weren't referees once, oh my, even they were sick of it all! Think I could ever mention that? No way, couldn't step on his little ego 'cause he'd suffered too much... Suuurrreeee!

@lynnmarieanderson1744

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you!!!! My dad is already dead to me .

@Smurgles

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I went NC with my narc father about 7 months ago and he hasn't called during that time. The thing is I know that if he were in an accident, in the hospital, etc., that no one would call me until way after the fact. That's how it's always been with him. When I read that you weren't notified until after your father passed I know that that very well could happen to me, too. Not sure how that makes me feel, but I have a feeling that I'll never be able to have complete healing from this until he is gone and I know that he can't abuse me any more.

@lovemymini8418

2 жыл бұрын

This will be my response too, when my dad passes. Stay strong. Life is so much more peaceful without toxic relationships.

Starting around Grade 8 or so, I realized that my Dad was toxic to my mental health.I spent the rest of my life telling my mother that I never wanted to spend any time alone with my father. For her part, she kept using guilt to get me to spend time with him. While my Dad had his good moments, they were rare and overwhelmed by his bad ones.When my father died, relief was perhaps the biggest thought that went through my mind.

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

My mother actually laughed that we "had to put up with" father touching us. Sick, evil people.

@sabat8068

2 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie oh my God!... :( that's evil. I feel for all the innocent little children who should be experiencing a safe home environment and protection from adults but it's all stolen away from them. Some people can be real cruel, it's heartbreaking.

@theoakhills

2 жыл бұрын

I kept in touch on my sons behalf...almost killed me inside.

@Bender789456123

2 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie That's messed up... My father (that was a RCMP policeman) did nothing about his POS father that abused my sister and 2 cousins. Failed in his duties as a cop and a father..... Hell, he even tried to bribe my sister into being nice with her abuser for shoes! I'm glad I cut him off a bit over a week ago!!!

@ebd12345

2 жыл бұрын

7th 8th grade (12-14) was a turning point for me too. As soon as I found a voice and some agency. In other words, when I graduated from being an adoring plaything to an actual person.

My dad is a malignant narcissist. He likes breaking my confidence, invalidating me, downplaying my achievements and lacks empathy and I don't exist, my emotional needs don't matter. I am now abandoned by him

@theylovekenzieee__

2 жыл бұрын

i am in the exact same boat... i'm so sorry. do i wish this man a happy father's day today

@justflow1964

2 жыл бұрын

@@theylovekenzieee__ follow your dreams and don't let his invalidation and abandonment break you. Go within and achieve your dreams and soar. Be your own father as we always have been. Don't betray yourself by wishing him 'father's' day when he never played that role and in fact was a complete opposite of it ie abusive. A father nurtures and I have decided that I will be my own hero

@colette2612

2 жыл бұрын

Do we have the same dad?

@theylovekenzieee__

2 жыл бұрын

@@justflow1964 dude i almost started crying... you have no idea how awful it's been the past couple months and hearing that basically i don't have to feel guilty ab it feels different. up until ab a couple months ago i never got a clear diagnoses on my father and why he did what he did and said what he said . i knew there was something wrong w him but i didn't know what. ive been doing a lot better now living with my mom compared to the horrible place i was in living with him , it still hurts from time to time. especially because i lived with him for 18 years of my life and i still feel like i don't know him and he doesn't know me. but i am learning and growing every day , and the one thing that kept me going was finding out that i wasn't alone. so thank you🥲❤️ love and light to you

@abbykendrick5748

2 жыл бұрын

My experience was the same. Dangerous narcissist father who abandoned me, but not before shaming me as much as he could.

My dad is a narcissist. His birthday was last week and now today is father's day. I feel depressed. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to please him, to get him to notice me, so I could get the dad I so desperately want and need. I've slowly come to the realization that he isnt going to be the dad I have a picture of. But I have a wonderful step dad, and although he's fairly new into my life, he's already done so many things that I've wished my dad would do for me, without even knowing ive wanted those things. And my husband is the absolute best. The exact opposite of my dad. He always puts his family first. He constantly shows love and affection. He nurtures our kids and their interests and talents. He spends time with them. He's the dad I wish I had and I absolutely love that.

@sabat8068

2 жыл бұрын

I'm happy for your good stepdad and good husband, and also get why you're depressed. Just let yourself grieve the "great dad" you never had and won't have. It is how it is, and it's not your fault at all.

@BBFCCO733

2 жыл бұрын

Yup, I can relate with the forever hoping they will treat us properly, and they never do. I give up but it's very hard. I feel like I am dying inside.

@fandrews26

2 жыл бұрын

I can't relate and I pray you can heal from the trauma. Also Luv, there's no pleasing people like this, even if they gave you Life. I was blessed with an Amazing husband isn't anything like my stepfather. I use to call him a Devil for all of the abused and trauma he caused. Unfortunately it has trickled down to three of my brothers. Sadly, they're repeating the pattern.

@Catbooks

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry. Father's Day is so rough for those of us who have or had a narcissist father. Thankfully mine passed away a few years ago, but I spent most of my life trying to please him too. You can't please a narcissist. The day I realised that and accepted he was never going to be any different was a day of freedom. It didn't make everything better, and there were times I had to keep reminding myself of that fact, but it helped a lot. Give yourself that gift. It's wonderful you now have an amazing stepfather, and husband! You chose well, and that's important.

@claratreeborn8647

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so happy for you that you found a wonderful husband. I hope I can do the same.

Father's Day doesn't mean anything to me anymore, he didn't care about me why should I care about him? Honestly, the only reason why I get reminded of Father's Day is that I have friends who have good close relationships with their dads.

@user-rh9gc3rf3x

2 ай бұрын

Well said🫷

I go through cognitive dissonance every father's day as I want to celebrate the father that my community adores and highly respects yet he is the one who hurt me the most to the depths of my core.

@princessak21

2 жыл бұрын

Ufffff that was deep

Babies please know that if you ever feel like having low self-esteem or not good enough no matter what you do, it's your narcissit parent's failure in raising you. THEY DID YOU WRONG. You were born an angel, and it was not your fault.

Never getting the love and validation a child craves or being crushed under the weight of a narcissistic father's disapproval and out-of-context rage!

The list of ways one can be shaped by a narcissistic parent... I tick ALL the boxes. What the hell?! Why do I feel like such an idiot? I always felt strong for coping, but every choice I've made in my life was just a reaction to my parents abuse?! My life isn't my own at all...

@atanamorell2

2 жыл бұрын

It's your life now that you see it. Enjoy each day of enlightenment!

@ericag5346

2 жыл бұрын

I know when we find out it hits is like a ton a bricks 😅 you'll be stronger, wiser, and supported now. Even online communities are great! Good luck!!

@readygi

2 жыл бұрын

i feel this. I went No Contact with father 3 years ago and just recently with the rest of the family for good. It's been a gradual process, but Im seeing now how much Im able to love myself and live the life I want, even though it hurts like hell to not have family. Honestly Im so much better without them making me feel ashamed and unimportant and invisible and invalidate my feelings, thoughts, achievements, trying to feed off of my good spirit for them to survive. Honestly this sounds like you're taking ownership of your story. best of luck.

@ericag5346

2 жыл бұрын

@@readygi Congrats, I'm so happy for you! 🥳

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

It'll get better. I'm old and it's been a couple years of hard work but I'm starting to see the light. Just think- you get to be a whole new person!

It took me 35 years to realise that I have a narcissist father. I'm happy to say that I have an awesome relationship with my kids, because my dad taught me in every way how NOT to be a father.

Did you seriously just say get yourself a father's day gift.... omg you crack me up bad

Dr. Ramani, you broke my heart in your video yesterday where you were crying and validating people who have PTSD symptoms. Thanks so much for validating these very painful experiences. A lot of therapists (from my own discovery -- been in therapy on and off since 12 YO, I'm 41 now) do not seem to believe me when I tell them how much my Dad has impacted me in a negative manner. I've even had therapists shame me for going no contact with my father or for setting a boundary. I'm about to quit therapy altogether, I think, since it isn't very supportive and try to quit drinking on my own, too. It's strange when your therapy just becomes a new analogue of the very dynamic you are trying to escape -- one rife with disbelief, criticism and judgment, and a bunch of rules to follow for "compliance." To all those broken-hearted today on Father's Day, you are not alone. Be a parent to yourself today in the manner you were not treated. Celebrate YOUR accomplishments today and don't forget to congratulate yourself, even just for doing something small like emptying the dishwasher!

@tawneenielsen4080

2 жыл бұрын

So true. I've struggled lately with my religion who also seems to preach with little compassion and much enabling. I think that's my next arena to work through

@yimhappy

2 жыл бұрын

@@tawneenielsen4080 You aren't alone on the religion thing. I really like the "Unholy Charade" blog which is narc-wise about abuse in churches & church families.

@yimhappy

2 жыл бұрын

@Curious - I've found reputable therapists useless for anything except getting info. I've found community and good friends much more healing. Have you found eplacement families/tribes, like fandoms & recovery community more helpful?

@provencepoppy1078

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, my dad was a narc abuser and my family of origin was filled with other, equally abusive people (such as a highly abusive, violent grandfather) and circles of enablers and flying monkeys. In addition to therapy, 12-step recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous for people who want help with alcohol addiction, and programs like Co-dependents Anonymous, can be very helpful. Sending you good thoughts for your recovery. You did not deserve to be abused by your narc or anyone else. None of us did. We can find recovery though. For me, my recovery from familial abuse is a daily practice. That's OK. I have found greater serenity, happiness and prosperity in my life since I've been in recovery and went no-contact with my family of origin 30+ years ago.

@delsings

2 жыл бұрын

As someone who has lived this before, I will urge you to keep looking for different therapist pros. If you can afford etc. You have simply been getting the wrong fit for you. It is ok to keep looking for a person that you actually can have productive conversation with. I had a bad fit for a while, even had to teach them things I was needing help getting through... Found a specialist that fits my needs way better that the med insurance approves, and thanks to pandemic infrastructure changing I am seeing them thanks to remote video appts. Wishing you a smooth day today.

My father was a narcissist and quite literally called himself the “all knowing” He would uplift my brothers while tearing my mom and I apart verbally and physically behind closed doors. Even sexually with me on occasion. It sucked and I always felt like I had to put on a show in front of the family. My mom never stood up for me cause of Stockholm syndrome. He never gave me or my brothers a proper foundation and everything always revolves around him and his emotions and ego. My grandfather was also an abusive man so pretty sure my father learnt it from him and never healed. It’s taken me years to understand that I operate from major father wounds within my relationships with other men. I always go for men that don’t want me it’s sad and I’m just now realizing this. I wanna go to group therapy so I feel less alone it’s a heavy weight 😣 Thank you for these videos. I pray everyone out there struggling today feels light and love. You are not alone.

@deedee7780

2 жыл бұрын

I feel your pain. I'm a people pleaser and always go for narcissistic men. Deep inside I feel undeserving of love. I haven't had much success in traditional therapy, so I am planning on working on these deep rooted issues using psychedelics. Best of luck to you!!

@maryellendelong7221

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry that you went through this. I did as well. My father never sexually abused me, but he called me terrible names like slut and whore. I was raped at 14 years old and couldn't report this to my parents because I knew this would just make my dad's behavior worse, and that my mom wouldn't do anything, since she allowed these verbal attacks from my father. Hang in there and do seek therapy. It had helped me tremendously. You are not alone. ❤

@froufroudeluxe

2 жыл бұрын

My dad has the “all knowing” thing too… He is convinced he shouldn’t be learning new things because why should he? He has nothing to learn according to him

@rociomartinez8666

2 жыл бұрын

Bad juju I’m so sorry my father is terrible too. I know how hurt you are. You are seen. You can do it. You can be on your own. We believe you.

@adish7275

Жыл бұрын

I have a wired memory , i was bending to take something out of a closet, i was 21, with a short skirt and my dad smacked me on the but. Is that sexual? I goen no contact with him lately for other reasons, he is definitely a narcissist but that memory... I don't know what to make of that . What do you think?

Mine is quite possibly the most cunning and conniving narc father on planet earth. He operates with such stealth and is so good at playing the victim card that it never ceases to astound me. Narc fathers are like rotten tomatoes. They will cause you to rot, physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically, till the time you make the decision to let go of him for good.

These holidays sadden me like today with celebrating mother’s and Father’s Day because I can’t. I don’t get on social media really especially days like this it’s too hurtful and a lot of it on there is fake and not real anyways. I can’t talk to my parents, they are so cold, invalidating, dismissive, narcissistic and angry/rageful towards me it’s horrible. They minimize and gaslight everything I say where I now feel numb to the abuse. I don’t matter or feel seen by them, they have neglected and abandoned me. with their harsh mean words and behavior. They are so negative and controlling all they have done is put me down, they’ve shown me no support love or encouragement for me living my life. They won’t go to therapy with me and I’m going to therapy because I know I didn’t do anything wrong here for them to treat me this horrid way. It breaks my heart that I feel like a orphan when my parents are alive they are just choosing to be crap to me. I’ve been going no contact with them for quite sometime now because every time I’ve tried to have a healthy 2 way street relationship I get met with a one street, their one my way of the highway type of relationship and it’s so wrong and messed up.

@Vrez-zk6iw

2 жыл бұрын

Ur not alone I can totally relate... its a lonely path to choose to stay away but have to believe that the cycle is being stopped

@provencepoppy1078

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, me too. My family of origin was extremely abusive and toxic. I went no-contact with all of them including narc father 30 years ago. It saved my life. I have found greater happiness; a stable, sane, nice supportive partner, and close, kind friends who are my family now. It is possible for all of us to recover from such abuse and lead happier, better lives. My recovery from the abuse is a daily practice, one day at a time. Sending you positive thoughts and energy on your road to recovery. 12-step recovery programs like Co-dependents Anonymous (CoDA), can be helpful, too, in addition to therapy. CoDA meetings are worldwide including phone-in, online and hopefully one day soon, in-person again, too, in many places.

@sabat8068

2 жыл бұрын

I told my mum once that it's better for orphans, because they don't expect their parents to care. It's worse when you have parents and you expect them to care and acknowledge you but they don't. Orphans break their heart once, we break our hearts many times. That's when she said "look at how well orphans turn out despite having no parents at all" (gasslighting the emotional abandonment and neglect)

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Cut your losses, count your blessings, at least you know and with that comes the knowledge that you don't have to tolerate their abuse any more, this might be the best any one of us could hope for, don't take it for granted!

@samuelsurbrook1428

2 жыл бұрын

You just described my dad. He is definitely a vulnerable narcissist.

As a 17 year old...I am completely dependent on my narc father(mainly for studies).....Sometimes it really confuses me how differently this person presents himself to the outside world( almost like an angel) while in the house when no one is there(except mom and younger sibling) he becomes a devil....Every other day I cry thinking the tortures he is doing on me( and other family members) He has broken me from inside.....May be I will never be able to recover I no longer believe in love and don't care for others, don't want to have my own family cuz I am scared that will same as him....OH LORD

@atanamorell2

2 жыл бұрын

That sounds awful. I am sorry you are suffering through that. I wish the best for you and the others in your family who are going through this. Stay strong ❤️

@ellesharie

2 жыл бұрын

Such a tough situation being in the same household as narc parent. Sorry you’re going through this, it’s not your fault. The good thing is that at 17 years old you’re already so self aware and understand his disorder. Understanding is half the battle💪🏾

@sabat8068

2 жыл бұрын

Don't ever lose your beautiful soul to other people's darkness. There are many many caring and loving people in the world. You just have to turn your back on those who doesn't care for you and let that space fill with people who do. You ARE worthy of love, care, compassion and time. You just have wrong people arou d you, but it's not your fault.

@NoobTube4148

2 жыл бұрын

Hang in there mate. Get your education and once you start earning no living on your own, things get soo much better.

@rishabhmittal7766

2 жыл бұрын

@@atanamorell2 Thanks. Best wishes to u too

The seemingly desirable family model was the Brady Bunch, but I couldn’t believe families could be that kind toward one another. My damaged family was my reality and all households were like this

DYK : Narcissist also usually don't celebrate any holidays or birthdays. To those that have sad memories of fathers day, in attempt to try win them over which didn't happen - wasn't going to happen, we understand !

@davidhinkson8856

2 жыл бұрын

Not anyone else's birthday or holiday.

@karenktq

2 жыл бұрын

Nah, they would want to celebrate occasions they think is important and related to them like birthdays but other people's birthday? Who cares!

@karenktq

2 жыл бұрын

@Aisling Ní Scuillín Happy birthday dear! We're all in this together, sending love xx

@africanacity4865

2 жыл бұрын

@@karenktq from what I know they hate these special days. They're ignored. They're a reminder of happiness and they're not trying to be happy.

@africanacity4865

2 жыл бұрын

@Aisling Ní Scuillín Happy Birthday hon.

My dad is a malignant narcissist and DR. Ramani has said pretty much everything I’ve been thru. One thing I personally want to add, when I was a kid and up to my teenage, every time I saw my friends or other kids had different relationships with their dads (which is healthy one and not like me and my siblings toward our dad), there are things that always come to my head was ~that relationship wasn’t real, that can’t be true, is there such a thing caring and loving dad in this world???~ It’s such a toxic and so dysfunctional narcissistic parent would be for their children and even worse it shapes their children’s psychology into ‘what they’re going thru with their dads are normal’. It’s poison!

@SDNDE

2 жыл бұрын

I so relate.

@Chahlie

2 жыл бұрын

I remember looking at 'healthy' kids like looking at a zoo animal, listening to their parents saying non-evil things, and when I saw other kids parents smile at each other, or God forbid, touch each other, I was fascinated... what was this weird thing. I remember so clearly visiting my grandfather and his new wife and each time she walked past his chair she touched his shoulder- it was a complete mystery to me. In my world the only touch we got was being wallopped by mother or dad coming on to you. Sneers were the #1 communication.

@baligirlhops7319

2 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie yep same here. Those things so foreign to us at the time. Cause no love at all, it’s all about one power to control only which is his

@rachelspeck1230

11 ай бұрын

I can completely relate Completely

My father is a maglinate narcissist his temper was so bad his own job Sent him to anger management and he came home telling us he didn't need it because it was our fault for his angry outburst. Also because the therapist was a woman he said ( she's a woman what does she know). I use to rebel to piss him off on purpose now I'm in my 30's and healing. Because he spoiled my youngest sister she still caters to him in a way so now if I have to its 20 minutes top with my dad or surround in a group of people because some of them have seen how he can personally attack me so they can defuse the situation. Especially when he's trying to tune out everyone to focus on me in a negative way. I don't really have too many good memories of him just a bunch of bad ones of him being angry, verbally attacking me, bad mouthing me to neighbors and nearly being physically abusive. It gets hard when my sister defends him but I'm doing my best to move on from it now

@Sama-rp5rb

2 жыл бұрын

Unfortunately that something we all share with our narcissistic dads 💔 Lots of pain and grief not knowing what a healthy relationship between the dad and his daughter should be💔💔

@loishines1023

2 жыл бұрын

My narcissistic then husband blamed me for his angry outbursts, too. He used to say, "I wouldn't treat you like this if you did what I told you to do!"

@Sama-rp5rb

2 жыл бұрын

@@loishines1023 that's deeply annoying they really treat us like if we are their servants or slaves

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Move on, with that move he'll lose his target, guess who's next in line? Believe it and he'll worsen with age, her turn! It happened to me, biggest surprise of my life, I've not seen her in 7 yrs, suits me fine and I hope she's soon out of time!

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

@@loishines1023 what that's, think for yourself? Can't believe it! My older overt coke head sis and her husband would argue loud and clear on which way one wiped, unbelievable and in the kitchen no less, no contact with her, he's long dead and my bathroom business remains my own!

We should pick a specific day to celebrate narcissistic abuse survivors, that would be a day I'd gladly celebrate, I hope everyone's doing okay today, these holidays aren't fun when you don't get the love you deserve from your family

@breakingpoint3893

2 жыл бұрын

@@out4dinner478 That's for sure! I was considering an order of protection from my mom for a while, and I was told that there's nothing that can be done unless there are physical signs of abuse or stalking behavior. Well I think PTSD is physical enough to prove anyone's abuse. It's so unfair to see all these support groups and therapists that don't acknowledge this kind of abuse, I've cancelled all my therapy appointments because my therapist is a bit condescending. She never remembers anything I tell her, and I know i've brought it up. Therapy is only as healing as the professional who's walking you thorugh it. If they're not a good fit you won't get any better.

I actually feel bad today , a person who has been bullying me for 12 years tried it today and im ashamed I totally lost it at her , I'm sick of being bullied by these narcs , I just try too get away but they use my children against me as Porns of abuse even turn my children against me , they tried too control my decisions today and I completely lost it because they are not my family now , I feel so bad because ive been silent the whole time and today I finally stuck up for myself and now I'm crying because I have a empathic heart and don't like being like them, I can't beleive I stuck up for myself, I've never done that ever , God it felt good to stick up for myself but bad because I felt like im acting like them xxx

@loladonai3744

2 жыл бұрын

when you think sticking up for yourself is narcissistic....you have got some serious self educating to do. Because the opposite is true, it is healthy behaviour. You need to get used to it, keep doing it, if you think you are worth it!

@dianegraber9333

2 жыл бұрын

Firm protective boundaries are your very BEST friend, not easy at first- you will make mistakes. Just re assess and go forward - boundaries , boundaries, boundaries will save your dignity and your sanity.. stay strong! Don’t give up nor give in!! 🧘🏻‍♂️✌🏻🦋

@cristinacastellanos9269

2 жыл бұрын

how it feels to stand up to narc really shaming and guilty .. not fun but that’s the start of healing… for them it’s fun that’s the difference

I was a “fawn” for my father for 62 years. No more! Thank God I’m no longer any narcissist’s fawn or pawn. I’m FREE!

@user-kl3hi5ov1c

Ай бұрын

I am so sorry. I was until nearly 56. I mourn those wasted years but as you say "I am Free" Good for you and best to you.

My father is my inspiration. His behaviour goes beyond narcissism. He’d rather impress a stranger than visit his son, my brother furloughed in covid, his wife working saving covid patients, and his grandchildren, which he uses as a competition on his sister that he holds many a grudge against. This is the first Father’s Day we’ve not sent or done anything for him, as he should be Preoccupied impressing strangers, telling them how his children have no time for him, when a free meal came before seeing his own family, that he’d not seen in months. When people show you their true colours, believe them. Maya Angelou.

There is one big plus with narc parents:when they pass away you don't miss them at all,unlike others, with normal parents, who are devastated .

Both of my parents are narcissist, including my siblings, I feel so unlikely sometimes, I will never experience what's real family like

@lovemymini8418

2 жыл бұрын

Me too. You’re not alone. I’ve lost all my family and my oldest daughter because of my narc parents. Stay strong.

@decemberlotus

2 жыл бұрын

Never say never with all of this information & support

@vladislavkozlov4978

2 жыл бұрын

There’s always hope of creating a healthy family yourself. Do the hard work in therapy so you can be in a position to CREATE your own healthy family . Then you will see what a healthy family looks like ✊💪🏼

@lovemymini8418

2 жыл бұрын

@@vladislavkozlov4978 Amen. That’s what I’m doing and it’s amazing!!!!

@oceanprincess8886

2 жыл бұрын

Same

Step father is a Machiavellian narcissist. My youngest childs father is incredibly narcissistic. He stood her up for a phone call day before yesterday and when she waited long enough (2 hours) she called him and he picked up the facetime and then HUNG UP ON HER. Never bothered calling her back and is now demanding to see her on “fathers day”. As far as I am concerned he doesnt deserve a celebration after the hell he has put her through. He can wait for his scheduled visitation

@amarnamizelle8432

2 жыл бұрын

@C Brown - yes, please protect your daughter from this toxicity! He tries to pull her close just to smack her down. Hope you’re documenting and recording all of these potentially damaging things he’s doing to support your case. In his sick, perverted mind he’s probably thinking he’s at war with you and using your daughter as a pawn. I’m glad you see through him. I wish you and you daughter the best. I hope there are other family and friends who support you. Things become more difficult for the narcissist when they see you have a lot of back-up and support. Hang in there!

@CBrown86

2 жыл бұрын

@@amarnamizelle8432 thats exactly what he is doing! And to think that this “Father” was trying to make me and the kids homeless last month after already making us homeless in 2017. He is trash in my eyes and might as well be dead. Im keeping track of everything in a calendar. Hes not going to win this time and he sure as hell is not going to hurt my kids any longer

@amarnamizelle8432

2 жыл бұрын

@@CBrown86 try to assemble a support network and if at all possible try to get as far away from him as possible (like moving to another state). He sounds like the type who’ll swoop in when his children get older and try to take credit for their (and your) accomplishments after he did everything to derail any progress. I wish you the best and hope you can assemble a team to support you and back you up. Keep us posted on how you’re doing.

@eddierayvanlynch6133

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for standing up for your child. It's bewildering for a kid when nobody has their back. Good luck on your journey.

@CBrown86

2 жыл бұрын

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 Thanks. Its my most important job for my kids. Im not ever going to teach them to be doormats. The can be the bark and Ill be their bite. Im not going to be like my mother and offer my kids up as her sacrificial lamb

Thank you for this! Yes I have a Self-Righteous Narcissistic Father, who I moved back in with back in January when I decided to leave my Narcissistic husband. It has not been easy at all because my Mother is his Co-Dependent. I'm trying to do everything I can to move out as quickly as possible. Father's Day for me is not a joyous occasion. I bought a card to be nice, but while everyone on social media is celebrating their Dad's I just don't feel that way.

@kmc1994

2 жыл бұрын

I know exactly how you feel. I hope it eases your pain a bit to know you’re not alone.

@lovemymini8418

2 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. He’s ruined my family. No excuses for that. I’m better without him around.

@carlitah74

2 жыл бұрын

@@kmc1994 thank you!

@carlitah74

2 жыл бұрын

@@lovemymini8418 I'm just trying to get through this day.

@lovemymini8418

2 жыл бұрын

@@carlitah74 I’m sending prayers and a hug.🙏🤗

Yes mine was growing up...and still is. I do still love him...but from a permanent distance 😢😞 Hang in there survivors 😉🙏🏿🙌🏾

Tw: 😍 sure :( there will be times when i think about the trauma and wonder how i didnt know it was abuse. You should not be crying till you r hyperventilating from emotional and physical pain inflicted by someone whose supposed to love you...you have blinders on when you dont know how love is supposed to look!

@mysmirandam.6618

2 жыл бұрын

Your responsibility to yourself and everyone around you is to take steps to heal yourself and dont be afraid to ask for help! That is easier said then done!

@atanamorell2

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I really feel this comment. Never understood why my father and ex hated me so much when I cried. Other people were treated differently. I honestly thought it must be me. That I must appear hideous when I cry. Now I get it. Best wishes for you ❤️

@mysmirandam.6618

2 жыл бұрын

@@atanamorell2 thank you best of wishes and blessings to you as well ✨🙌💛

@manal1888

2 жыл бұрын

Right now i am going through a truely confusing time of my life where law-enforcement and childprotective services are involved in the effects of my father's behavior. Eventhough i know he's bad and he has done bad things throughout my life, i struggle with feelings of guilt and am afraid i am 'ratting him out'. You have no idea how much your comment helps me. You are right, he should not leave me crying and hyperventilating. Thank you for making me realise this.

I went no-contact for a long time and last year when my uncle/dad's brother passed away I went to the funeral to support my auntie (dad and uncle's sister) and cousins. I felt that maybe my father would take stock and realise what is important and for a few months he seemed to warm up to me again. I still hold out hope he will have an enlightening "Scrooge" on Christmas Day moment. I know this is stupid. He doesn't like me and hasn't for a long time (if he ever did in the first place). I need to stop giving chances.

@Luvnthegodnme

2 жыл бұрын

After 50 years on the planet, I’ve given my father chance after chance to no avail. We went through several periods of no contact and then he’d APPEAR to change. Yet, there was NEVER an apology. Then, in time, he’d go right back to his old ways. Now, I am officially DONE. I have FINALLY accepted that I do not deserve this and I am worth so much more. No more walking on eggshells. I can exhale. I am finally FREE AT LAST!!!

@1986nitya

2 жыл бұрын

You already know the answer. Stop waiting for your existence to be validated by someone who does not even value you.

@lynnmarieanderson1744

2 жыл бұрын

I have tried to make a point to my dad over the past few years by NOT getting him anything for father's day, not even a card at all. This year on Friday I decided to get him a card and a couple small gifts, plus $10 I put in the card. He was nice to me and seemed to appreciate that I did that for him. BUT ..... yesterday on Saturday he's back to being his asshole self, and he yelled at me for no good reason, so I yelled back at him and told him he was being a stupid jerk. Now today is Father's Day and I am so DONE with his bullshit. I was supposed to go with them to my sister's house for a Father's Day get together but I just took off this morning and I'm spending my day at a coffee shop. It's noon right now and I don't know if they realize I'm not home, no one has called my phone at ALL and maybe they're all gossiping about what a terrible daughter I am. Oh well, as Phil Collins would state in his song, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!

@ildikof1606

2 жыл бұрын

Scrooge is a great metaphor for a reformed narcissist - but narcissists will never understand it is them, and they will never change. I bought A Christmas Carol for my ex last Christmas, shortly before I broke up with him, not yet aware he was a narcissist, even though I had already identified most of the traits and realised he would never change. Then I understood that my father was a narcissist, too, and all the pieces of the story of my life fell into place. I hope you find peace.

@roseaduke8835

2 жыл бұрын

Better not get your hopes up!

My dad morphed from the codependent enabler into a narcissist himself over the past few years (spiritual narcissism), after i finally woke up to the abuse and became the whistle blower. For my whole life even though he enabled the abuse from my mother, at least he was nice to my face. But the past few years that’s totally changed, and now they both gang up on me as a team if given the opportunity. I tried to save my dad from the abuse and wake him up bc I had love/care for him, and all he did was betray me on a grand scale more than once. The only time he’s ever really cared to talk to me (and especially over the past few years) is to attempt to proselytize me and preach his spiritual beliefs, and will completely rage out when i express contrasting beliefs and don’t just go along with what he says. Anyway so now in his eyes i’m the villain of the family AND prob some kind of adversary in his eyes, in regards to how i won’t just fall in line and believe the same things he does, just because he’s convinced himself. Yeah today sucks

@vladislavkozlov4978

2 жыл бұрын

Why does this sound SO much like my dad. He would rage out if I expressed a contrary religious opinion to his . A couple years ago I in a moment of trying to break through to him and understand him I brought up the fact that the god of the Bible loves his children unconditionally , and all I got I got was I can’t love you if you don’t believe what I believe . Even when I did I never felt loved by him in any way so there’s no point in changing my beliefs to get approval or “love” from a person to whom unconditional love to his children is a foreign concept apparently (so much for being a regular churchgoer for all his life ) . I came to this conclusion: the best relationship with my dad is no relationship . It doesn’t make it all better bit at least I’m minimizing the drama in my life . Stay strong and heal 💪🏼

@provencepoppy1078

2 жыл бұрын

I went no-contact 30+ years ago with my toxic, abusive family of origin including narc father and all of the other abusers, enablers, and flying monkeys. Best decision I ever made for my sanity, mental and physical well-being, and independence. I realized that I had to break free of the shackles of my family's abusive communications and toxicity. My life has been much better without them. I have found support through a loving partner, a circle of sane, kind friends, and 12-step recovery programs like Co-dependents Anonymous. Sending you positive thoughts on your road to recovery.

@francesbernard2445

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story here. Helped me to be all the more determined to not fall for the hoovering from time to time.

@sabat8068

2 жыл бұрын

@@vladislavkozlov4978 i can relate with you. I feel anxious and nervous when it comes to practicing my beliefs, because they are different from all my family. When i changed my religion, my brother was just destroying me verbally. Mother went into complete denial. Every year i have to explain myself and listen to the same nasty comments or ridiculing, like i never told them nearly 10 years ago that i reverted. I even have a son and they believe that i have no rights practicing my religion with him. They think he should choose when he's 18. But somehow, nobody gave me this kind of choice when i was a kid. It's perfectly fine when it fits them. As soon as it doesn't fit, you're the "brainwashed, crazy, squeezed your head etc" i have to take a lot from them since. For example, they know i stopped having alcohol but still would offer me and pull faces when i refuse. Brother said he doesn't trust people who don't drink. And that's supposed to be your own family? No support, no taking interest, just using as a punching bag and ignoring. I wish i had an option to limit contact with them.

one thing that drew me to my husband was that he was so much like my father.... not realizing what narcissism was I dismissed and ignored all the horrible things in my childhood..... now I realize how much they really are alike.... I wish my eyes had been opened years ago

My father was a malignant narcissist, I believe he was the entire Dark Triad. He left a path of destruction where he went including murdering my mother and talking his way out of wing considered a suspect. I knew he did it, he was always swindling, conning or doing something violent or mean. He admitted it to one sister a few years before he died. It was by the grace of God that I survived the few years we lived with him, I turned to prayer and it changed how I communicated with him as self-defense & taught me so much.

I just realize it was father day! I went no-contact for 6 years and I just realize that I don’t even had the tought of him, it’s like if he was dead. I have a wonderful dinner yesterday with my father in law, for me the father day thing was done! I still have to accept that I don’t have to be perfect to be accepted and love. Sometimes in occasions like this you realize that you have make progress.

That is the question I have been asking myself every day for the last year! 😭 Dr Ramani confirmed this tragedy. Unseen is the word that really hits hard. Eternal struggle to prove yourself. This video broke my heart by opening the wound again. Thank you Dr Ramani. Sending lots of love to everyone watching these videos 💔

@Ryu_Kage.

2 жыл бұрын

Although I dont know you that person was your father. We should hold no hatred for our parents. Yes they were just as imperfect as we all are but they are still our parents. No matter what.

@ghuyakalika

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ryu_Kage. Yes. I have forgiven him and embraced radical acceptance

@Ryu_Kage.

2 жыл бұрын

@@ghuyakalika me to it's so much easier to freely forgive others for there mistakes knowing full well that we daily also make mistakes too! This is what God wants us to do freely forgive one another to the best of our abilities. Holding grudges only hurts ourselves. Let go forgive. I know I for one am far far from perfect and make so many mistakes. I do my best to forgive others for anything they do to me.

@jenteale

2 жыл бұрын

The wound is where the light shines in

My father is a narcissist he’s getting really old now but he still has the same temper and outlook, he controls everything always has. When I was young mom used to say wait till your father gets home and then I receive my punishment, super controlling takes a special kind of person, to be the way he is he’s a retired police officer. He did more damage to me and I realized until I got to be 56. I was a scapegoat I left home at 17 1/2 knowing it was a toxic environment...My mom and dad are still married my mom has dementia it’s really bad I know dad loves her in his own way but his number one priority is himself and when I tried to tell him how much Diet has to do with Your Health he never picked up the ball it’s all about him in fact he had me take it off the estate planning all together so now I’m completely disowned, I tried telling him he needs to buy grass fed beef and really actually spend money on food. When I was down there five years ago I cleaned out the fridge and freezer everything was expired, When I was a kid we had one dinner per week that was called bunk dinner because it was made entirely with expired stuff. He loved serving bunk meat.. He would smile and laugh about it as I was trying to choke it down, even to the point where I’d be sick then I’d be in trouble for being sick. I was treated like a criminal my rotator cuff in my left shoulder is still messed up from being an arm locks policeman style, Not to mention chokeholds.. My father is also a self professed bigot, who would come home and tell us At the dinner table all of his antics for the day. He ruined baseball for me when I asked him for a mitt He brought home a used left-handed meant for me and tell me and taking in from a little black kid on the corner at work.. I never used it, and this day I don’t even watch baseball.. He never came to any of my sporting events soccer, swim team, water polo… Yeah I’ll still call him today if he answers the phone which he Never does.. He just sits in his chair now watching TV old westerns as mom wanders out the door and around the neighborhood, I have volunteered to come home and help with mom but he doesn’t want me to because he gets so angry his eyes just pop out of his head, He gets right in your face being a former Marine Corps number like 1 inch from your face and yells at you, to this day he’s the only one that I really fear in this whole world… It really sucks living 652 miles away from them but that’s the kind of distance I had to put in over 45 years ago just to get away from him, years later I met what I thought was a nice lady she love bombed me , Which I was so happy to oblige but after 10 years of being with her and being engaged she left me for no reason I had lost her respect she said she said she still love me But wasn’t in love with me, It took me a while to figure out what was going on but unfortunately she was a covert narcissist that’s three years ago now, I had to look backwards in time To figure out how I got myself into this mess how I could be so codependent well that’s the answer Dad. I just suffered from a major stroke three months ago and had to pretty much give her all my family because they’re toxic. That’s why I’ve had hypertension since the 11th grade and that’s why my brain suffered from both and ischemic and hemorrhaging stroke it was really bad but I’m lucky to be alive just wish I could find a nice woman and watch sunset Someday...

@user-jf4xi4tv3q

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry, you're an adult now you can protect yourself and make yourself your number 1 priority without harming others of course unlike your father. Love and peace to your soul ❤

@gregbeaumont5554

2 жыл бұрын

@@user-jf4xi4tv3q my sister arranged zoom meeting (dad won’t tell me his email) we We’re on zoom for about 20 minutes, It was really good to see my mom I haven’t seen her in person in five years it is doing better mentally than my mom she has dementia but during the entire video time on zoom dad was facing to the left never loads to the camera had his hand in supporting his head and just plain listened and did not contribute to the conversation, how do you spoke of memories of him and I fishing when we were younger 49 Years ago we would go deep-sea fishing and to my surprise he remembered all that what I asked him if he remembered it he would just not his head then he spoke Up about the Captain And how drunk he would always be so I guess he didn’t respond in a little bit of a wait but that was it no Eye contact through the video app.. He just acted like he was very bored with the whole thing I did get to talk to my mom..My sister and I are trying to get them to move closer to us since we both moved 700 miles away or so and that way will be able to see them more often but they are non-amicable to the Idea, Even though it would be a much less expensive area to stay in anyways it was going to see mom and dad too But it was not a surprise that he didn’t really care

@killadjango6995

Жыл бұрын

blessings to u, ur lucky to be alive. enjoy the sunset daily, u don't need anyone!💪🏾💯💯

Oh, "deliberately pushing everyone away so they can't reject or judge you" counts as flight? I guess I do that one then.

Dad wasnt a narc but he was a narc enabler to my mom, abused by her just as much as I was. Taken advantage of in every way possible even after she divorced him. He did her bidding and was an absent Dad to me until he started to recover in my late 30s and just died 6 months ago. I feel like our relationship was repaired the last few years but I will always wonder if he would have been a lot happier if he wasnt an enabler of her horrible ways.

@thereisnoninadria

2 жыл бұрын

My dad was in the same boat. He tried so hard for her and stayed for us kids (9 of us) for 27 years before the stress broke his body as well. I am grateful that he did as much as he could for us, and it breaks my heart at how thoroughly she abused him.

I freeze in front of my father all the time. I'm really trying my best to over come this and tell him exactly what I think.

@colette2612

2 жыл бұрын

You shoul never tell him what you think. You will cause a narcissistic injury and he will then seek revenge on you. Dont react, dont defend yourself dont try to explain anything. You know whats what, learn to put up a metal shield around you and dont let whatever he says get to you... let it bounce off that shield. Ignore it. Be your thoughtful and nice self, and spend as little time as possible with him. And when you leave his house.... dont give him another thought until the next time you have to deal with him.

@dominiquejademorelis2816

2 жыл бұрын

@@colette2612 this is true. Thank you ❤

@vladislavkozlov4978

2 жыл бұрын

I’m going to do what my old therapist suggested I do . Your situation reminded me of it. Write ✍️ down everything that you want to say to your father , speak your truth write him a letter . You don’t have to ever give him the letter and it will help you process and cope . Imma go do this right now .

It’s the physical violence that can accompany this personality disorder.....children need protection 😢

Just realizing , studying and healing now, at age 33…. It’s been a looong road! God help me ❣️🙏🏽

My Mom died in February and my dad lives with bipolar 1 with paranoia and psychosis and I’m pretty sure whoever diagnosed him missed the narcissist part of his diagnosis. I’m in bed recovering from my Dads abuse and with severe anemia. Since my Mom died, I have been watching your videos every day, often more than once. Thank you for helping me stay sane through this Dr. Ramani.

Thank you. This year my father past away at the age of 94. And aldo I build myself a pretty good life, after he died I finally felt free. So ya, its important to think on days like these about all the people who feel pain and loneliness instead of joy.

My narcissist husband of thirty-two years died on Monday this week. He was on hospice only two weeks. His rapid decline shocked the hospice staff. They just didn’t see what I was. I also found out that the funeral plans that he had arranged told me he had paid for it. I found out yesterday that he didn’t. I’m waiting to see if he transferred his money to his family. I’m hurt, frustrated, and periodically angry. This isn’t good. Although I helped his nieces when their parents were on hospice. They never visited us. Now they are coming out of the woodwork to vie for his belongings.

Narcissistic father who ruined the lives of his children. We all have complex PTSD and he wonders why nobody wants anything to do with him

The story of my life that I had to aknowledge in full in order to heal and move forward. The most painful is the accumulation of narcissistic people that repeat the same patterns. It's like being wounded several times at the same place. Until you noticed what has been happening, you look back and you notice that a big part of your life has been like a walk in the desert The recover is slow and the scars very noticeable.

My narcissist father has been deceased for almost 15 years now. There's been enough reprieve time to sort through a lot of the dysfunction & claim what likely was orchestrated by him via gaslighting & teachings of (faux), morality as valid positive parts of who I am. I love my cluster B/dark triad dad. But, I don't miss him. Father's Day is a reminder of that freedom.

My father and grandmother had to constantly remind and brag to me and my younger sister for years that he paid his child support for years and always made us feel like we owe him/them for that. Even now in our 20s, they still kept up with this behavior along with thinking its okay to talk trash about my mother for years, constantly talk about the past (even about stuff when they were kids thinking it should apply to us kids) and stuff that has nothing to do with the situation when i call them out. My younger sister decided to cut them both out of their life 2 years ago and i did the same this year, especially after they would act like they didnt do anything wrong with my younger sister. My older sister whos in her 30s now i think will eventually do the same, because my dad and grandma will repeat their patterns like they always do. It's only been like a week but feels like the best decision ive made in my entire life. I'm way less stressed without that kind of narcisstic and toxic behavior in my life.

God loves us and will never abandon us: this is the most beautiful consolation for the terrible lives we got with our narcissists parents.

Drinking pure distilled water.... cheers to the "dad" who was so terrifying my mouth often literally went bone dry!

I don't have a relationship with my dad at the moment. Also that's because I live in another country. Out of sight, out of mind. On father's day, I worked. Earning that 3x income that I deserve haha

Yes, my dad is a narcissist, It's why I haven't spoken to him or my mother in years and years. At least my husband is not a narcissist, it's easier to focus my energies today to make it a good day for him and my children.

@joseenoel8093

2 жыл бұрын

Aren't you lovely, my kids don't see my wanna be narc hubby's pattern but now as adults they see how really it's really (him) the sensitive one and who (me) is really the one going without, he's my prob though, not theirs so that's on my good work too!

I am saddened by this post because of those who may not have had it as good as I did. If only all people could feel genuine pride in their old man.

Nope, my Dad was my narc Mom’s enabler. After she died I sat down and asked the hard questions. He was devastated by what he now sees happened more clearly. I finally have a relationship with him that my mother denied me.

Thank you for this. Today my father is celebrating Father's Day with someone else's family. He said he can see me some other time.

@amarnamizelle8432

2 жыл бұрын

@Kimbies Ann - That’s terrible that your father decided to treat you like that. My recommendation is to do something wonder for yourself (treat yourself to a meal, movies, candy, go to the hairstylist, etc) and don’t make yourself so easily available to him. The truth is you don’t have to see or talk to him at all! I’m not talking about playing tit for tat. I’m talking about protecting yourself and not allowing him opportunities to invalidate or humiliate you. Remember the saying, “you can do bad by yourself; you don’t need any help.” Limboed, you deserve better than to be treated and disrespected like that. You owe him nothing but are obligated to yourself to live you best life. I wish you the best, take care!😀

Such a hard day, my dad was & unfortunately my husband too. I know he'll be mad he won't hear from our son, who had gone no contact almost a year ago. Thank you for this video!! You always are very relevant to my life!

Yes! And I definitely went in to freeze and still did as an adult around him. Thankfully I cut him from our life nearly 3 years ago and now celebrate my loving husband on father's day ❤️

My father is narcissistic. Actually, he is not a father, but a sperm bank. He wants all credits for just passing his chromosome to me. That's why I am a big fan of this channel, which has become a big support/therapy for me. Thanks Dr Ramani. Let's make a support group for "Narcissistic survivor from Narcissistic father". I don't have any support group and my surrounding friends don't understand the complication and give me pressure to pledge my sperm bank. He is a competitor, but not a supporter, which is an opposite meaning of father figure.

@BBFCCO733

2 жыл бұрын

So true I have a really hard time calling him dad I actually never call him anything. It's really awkward and fake because he doesn't feel like a father he's never been there and when he was a real jerk to me.

@killadjango6995

Жыл бұрын

agreed! they act like the child was delivered by a stork, like they didn't make a conscious decision to make a child. cowardly and pathetic, they'll get just what they deserve!🔥🔥🔥

My biological dad isn't a narcissist, but he kept his distance as if I were the plague, I don't think he really wanted to be a dad, but by the time I was an adult he had a second son, it was as if he said to himself "I messed up with the first one, let me just make another one." My mother's ex husband was a horrible narcissist and he torture us at the psychological and emotional level (and some times at the physical level) for 12 years, when his marriage to my mother ended because he shoved her and said he wanted to fight, he blamed me, I was a teenager for most of their marriage. Now I have the dread of calling my biological dad and having a painful 5 minute conversation with him cause he judges me harshly if I share too much, so I keep things as brief as possible.

@aaronfischer9885

2 жыл бұрын

Go your own way.

@dawnemile4974

2 жыл бұрын

Why bother with your father? If he was dead you'd have to focus on someone else. Do so. Spoken from someone who tried to kill mine because of his brutality towards my mother. He later tried to kill my mother. Some people aren't worth our time and attention no matter who they are.

@MrJBest78

2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes NO CONTACT can be a wonderful thing. Just my opinion though.💁🏻‍♂️

@user-is6gt2tz9w

6 ай бұрын

I would rather be accepted as a ⛎ Cetus 🐬 then a criminal individualist of Justice ♎⚖️ by law & order🇺🇸...

Not my father but my father-in-law! He was an absolute tyrant, control freak, who meddled constantly in my marriage and more than likely, ultimately, was a significant or possibly primary reason for my marriage ending. His behavior was both insidious and blatant! They say that "the apple does not fall far from the tree".... my narcissist wife learned a lot of dirty tricks from him and employed them, every single one! Unfortunately, Father's Day, means little now....too many bad memories....

@NT-bz5nh

2 жыл бұрын

Yup. It’s my father in law too. In laws can strengthen your marriage or ruin it. My own husband learned a lot of his narc “tricks” from his parents and I resent them for this.

Thanks to you.. I discovered before my dad passed that he was a self righteous narcist. I never could quite grapple with how he never truly loved or cared for my safety. It's heart breaking. Its important to know

Thank you Dr. Ramani for the work you do 🙏🏾

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your care and support. I cannot tell you how big of an impact you're having on the world, on our lives personally. We can feel the resonance of your big heart uplifting us as we analyse ourselves and our relationships. I am so grateful for what you're doing and I wish I could give you a hug! Much love to you 💖

@atanamorell2

2 жыл бұрын

This channel is the best!

We moved away from our home almost every year-. Dad said those were not my friends anyway, the only one I can count on is him. Dumped me when I turned 20.

@ildikof1606

2 жыл бұрын

This is so cruel, I am so sorry it happened to you. I hope you find peace.

I can't tell what my dad is. He likes everything to be centered around him. he hates doing things for others but wants everyone to wait for him or do thinks for him. He is also an enabler for my NM. Also, calls me and complains when he and my mom are in a conflict

100%. I could write a book on his toxicity and mistreatment of his family.

Wow! It's incredible how you capture my entire lifetime of relationships in 5 minutes.

Such a sad day for me. I took care of me and stayed away. I don’t engage in my narcissistic dad much anymore. Makes me sad I will never have a healthy relationship with him. I went to work so my focus could be on that instead. Today I’m grieving the dad I will never have.

My sister and I could never figure out anything nice to put in a father's day card because there was nothing good to say. Dad (if you could call him that) was so lacking in impulse control around many issues. He was abusive and neglectful. Bad husband and father. The narcissistic part of him was that he thought he was great. Never said he was sorry. Never owned his own behavior, always scapegoating and blaming others.

I am 66 and my father will turn 94 in two weeks. This is always a difficult time for me, from picking out a card to just spending time with him. My brother has pretty much walked away and I am his care taker. It's tough, very tough. The control and the put downs are the worst and I know that I will not be completely free until he is no longer on earth. I still battle with guilt of my wishing we could get to the end of this father/daughter relationship. Never have I had warm or loving feelings towards him but I am doing my best to keep him safe in his old age and at times I wonder why as it is a never ending fight. I wish I could just let go but I can't just walk away, I tried that 3 years ago and it didn't work. Yes, I have been involved with men who are narcissists just like my dad and have given up with that part of my life. What I want is freedom to move, to live a life that isn't judged by my father and a life of peace and caring for myself.

I have been worried I might be a narcissist as I accused my ex wife of being one but she has me pegged as one. I believe I may have a few of the traits but don't think I am a full blown NPD. Perhaps I have something else with a little comorbidity. Thats the problem. Many will get diagnosed by non experts as narcissists but maybe they are a mix of several things. I have never gaslightted or belittled or silent treatmented my kids. I have been irresponsible though. Such as gambling and raging after my ex gave me months of silent treatment. I know that my mother is most probably one and continues emotional abuse even when I am 40+. Happy father's day guy's. Sorry for people suffering from narcissist abuse from father's.

@gertrudewest4535

2 жыл бұрын

I suspect that most of us who had narcissistic parents and live in a narcissistic society have probably picked up some pretty awful habits. I know I have. There are so many blurry lines between anxiety, trauma and NPD I just don’t know what is what. I think genuine narcs cause harm to others. Real life impacting harm, not just inconvenience.

@BBFCCO733

2 жыл бұрын

Some of us develop borderline traits because of the heinous abuse.

I didn't contact my dad on Father's Day nor on his birthday. He constantly plays the victim and says that he won't bother making an effort for me if i won't. Every time i made an effort in the past, it would be good for a little while and then I was the only one making the effort again. I got over it and over him playing the victim. He is also extremely disrespectful to me and demands respect. I haven't seen him in over a year and don't intend to. There's a family get-together coming up and I'm not even going to that because of him. I'm just getting past my relationship with a narcissistic woman tbat was traumatic and intense and I don't need any more negativity!

My daddy was very toxic when I was growing up and he still is today. I will never forget being a teenager and remembering actually saying the words, I hate him! He told me a few months ago that when I was younger I was very recluse, but little did I know, I stayed in my room all the time because I was hiding from the monster I call “daddy.” He’s verbally abusive to my mom and she’s weak and spineless so she deals with it, he’s controlling and very invalidating to say the least! None of my siblings see any wrong in him, especially the two older sisters who he has under his thumb and control. I have completely disengaged though and I’m ready to move forward without them. I don’t owe them anything and I could care less what they think at this point. The sad thing is, I actually TRIED to have conversations and reconcile to make things better, but to no avail. They want it to stay toxic and dysfunctional because that’s what they’re used to… I’m not with that though.

My dad made me feel seen and loved when my covert mom was cold and invalidating. He worked a lot so I didn’t see him as often as I wanted, but I did hang out in his office as a kid. He used to let me draw on the chalkboard. He did take me to lunch often as an adult though. That was great. He was a tenured college professor and did important pioneering work in Computer Science. I miss my dad. My mom never did a celebration of life for my dad after he passed in 2018, when that’s what he wanted, and we never had a funeral service or anything. It was weird and that still bothers me today. My mom has gotten much meaner now that he’s gone. It is difficult having a narcissistic parent. Thanks for these videos, Dr. Ramani.

@cardinalflower6959

2 жыл бұрын

It's not too late for a Celebration of Life for your Dad. You could plan it yourself and invite the people closest to you and leave your mom out of it. She wouldn't even have to know.

Thank you, Dr Ramani, for acknowledging how painful this day, and any holiday, can be for some of us. It is comforting just knowing others are out there that sincerely understand 💜 Much love & graditude to you for all you share.

I'm a combo of a freezer and a flighter. Today is so painful for me in so many ways and I'm grateful for this video to help me understand my pain a little better.

My dad was the parent who loved me unconditionally. He was so much more patient than my mother. He died of a heart attack when I was 12.

Yes my dad is a narcissist

My N husband is the type that keeps going back to his narc parents who treat him like a scapegoat, as far as I am concerned, it is indeed ruining his whole life even he doesn't know or wouldn't admit it. The 2 Narc parents of his turned him into a Narc, not only they ruin my husband's life by themselves, but also by the seeds they planted when they raised a golden child(my husband's brother) and a golden grandchild of the brother. Even his father and the golden brother are dead now, but the bad seeds still keep on manipulating my husband. My advice to those who have a narc father or parents, if you are still a healthy person, stay away from them for the rest of your life and please don't feel guilty and keep going back. Forget about them totally, move as far away as you can, disappear from their lives even when they are dead, don't go back and take care of anything. Just live the life as if you have never had a father or parents. I know it could be easier said than done, but please do it.

Sad to say this......both my parents are narcissistic and it's a challenge having a relationship with them....I've chosen to keep distance between us because it is the only safe way of protecting me and my family's mental health

something to ponder considering that the narcissistic mother ALWAYS blames the dad MEN LOSE BOTH WAYS thanx a lot

@vladislavkozlov4978

2 жыл бұрын

This is how I know that both of my parents are Narcs : they have screaming matches all hours of the day . They always blame the other 100% for the reason they are fighting . Zero accountability, zero self responsibility or self awareness. I’m so glad I moved out .

Both of my parents were narcissists, so both Mother's Day and Father's Day are painful. I was the child who would freeze and I carried this into my adult relationships, now counting 5 narcissistic husbands. I have endured physical and emotional abuse, and am now 60 years old and finally starting to heal from these horrible relationships. I left husband #5 four months ago after he hit me (he didn't hurt me, but I know from past experience that once this starts, it only gets worse). I just started EMDR therapy with my therapist and am hoping for some real healing. I am also doing kundalini yoga with a yoga instructor who is trained in treating narcissistic abuse. I feel a sense of hope that this will kick off the healing process. Thank you for these videos, Dr. Ramani. I have and am continuing to learn so much from them. ❤

Thanks very much, saint angel Ramani. God bless you, precious woman❤️

I love my dad too much to care about how crazy he is and has been... mostly because my mind blocks out most of his behavior...

@florencenwafor8595

2 жыл бұрын

You don't have to leave in denial; if he's abusive, he's abusive - stop rationalising the abuse for the sake of your sanity

What pisses me off most of all is when I give Father’s Day gifts to my grandfather and step father, the rest of the family will ask ‘Did you send your father something?’ or ‘Have you spoken to your Dad today?’. The gaslighting is unbearable and they make me feel so guilty. And they wonder why I don’t stay for the whole day.....

❤️ it is so great to have you Dr. Ramani . Solidarity with everyone here.🫂

Nope but sadly my kids have one. Took me 21 years to figure out my kids only have one parent. The other one pretends to be a parent and has ridden my coat tails all while claiming we made a great team. Now that he has decided to leave and i have gone no contact- as my daughter pointed out -“our parenting styles couldnt be more different”

@Dr. Ramini - The worst thing is that since my dad started learning about narcissism through social media etc, he goes around calling everyone else a narcissist all the time. This includes his own grandchildren, basically any human with a pulse. If they don't fit in with what he wants, he brands them a narcissist. It's beyond infuriating.

After my mum died 13 years ago, dad treated me to a 'golden period' and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. First time in 40 years he'd shown any interest in me. He then met a lady who provided better supply and he sent my sister and I letters of severance. Told us he would not be staying in touch with us. This last year I have finally learnt he is a narcissist. He was abusive to mum and the three of us children all of our childhood and beyond. No one in the extended family knew about narcissism so mum just put up with it. I then spent 27 years with an abusive covert narcissist. Thank you Dr Ramani for your videos😘 I am now trying to help my children avoid these same mistakes.🙄

first fathers day without contact with my dad. I feel great for myself but still guilt for him. it’s better this way tho❤️ happy father’s day to you all

Thank you for this! This day has always been a holiday I dreaded, until my father finally passed away. I can't even express (without feeling major guilt) how I celebrate this day this day with such relief since he's been gone. I'm sharing this with my siblings.

Thankfully, I had two loving, supportive and caring parents. It helped me realize that the guy I was dating wasn't for me.

My mother was a gem. What a gift! Father’s Day….. eek