Jessica, I am a 70 yr. old female who 'loves' being able to use the word Queer. I am happy to have a word that serves as an umbrella to encompass all the feelings I have. This was a wonderful video. 😇🙏🌈🐭

@jessicaoutofthecloset

7 ай бұрын

Thank you so much ❤️🌈🥰

@llliiimmmeee

7 ай бұрын

It's great to see you older LGBTQ/LGBTQ-supporting people here. I hope you have an amazing day.

Your continual acknowledgement of asexuality and aromanticism makes me so happy. Thank you for being so inclusive when covering queer topics 💜

@divergentdreamer

7 ай бұрын

Yes! I feel like I use "queer" for myself (cishet ace) because I don't want people to question my place in the LGBT+ community. It's also self-affirming that I'm part of it (while recognizing that I have not experienced the discrimination many in the community have) .

@1901180108

7 ай бұрын

@@divergentdreamer Hello, fellow cishet ace! I feel exactly the same way. :)

@jdot_fightme7770

7 ай бұрын

literally this

@corasgrove3474

7 ай бұрын

Yes, it feels so nice being seen :)

@speciesmg7537

7 ай бұрын

@@divergentdreamersame again. cishet demisexual, it's just easier than explaining the nuance, especially when writing articles

I'm just a guy. A Gen-X dude. I do very basic guy stuff and like feminine women. I have a trans sister, however, and although I may not inuitively understand the nuances of gender identity, I am infinitely appreciative of discussions like this. It makes me happy to know that my beloved sister is included, appreciated, and understood by many, and ever more, through the existense of a video like this. Thank you for bringing this to the world.

@sawyersweetart1042

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for supporting your sister and seeking out knowledge. You sound like an awesome brother. You and your sister are lucky to have each other.

I use queer to describe myself for similar reasons, it’s easier to say than LGBTQ+, it’s not inherently a bad word, and it’s taking the power back from the bigots. But when describing the LGBTQ+ community, I use that phrase (or LGBTQIA+) because not everyone in the community is comfortable with describing themselves as queer, and that’s okay.

@Junierox

7 ай бұрын

I use queer because I fall into a bunch of the groups that are under the umbrella and it's just a lot easier than naming them all.

@LeafyK

7 ай бұрын

I agree 100% with everything you said. I do the same

@LuckyBones77

7 ай бұрын

I’m the same. I say LGBT+ for the umbrella term when I don’t know how the person I’m talking to feels about it. At the same time, I refuse to stop referring to MYSELF as queer. It feels like a good compromise, as it doesn’t invalidate either of our identities.

@SageK253

7 ай бұрын

I tend to use both LGBTQ+ and Queer as Community terms, but with some differences, as there's sometimes some political and ideological differences. I think there are two communities, and while there's significant overlap, sometimes they're in opposition to one another. So, sometimes I'll say something like "the LGBTQ+ and/or Queer Communities", and other times I'll highlight one side or the other.

@krissyskulls

7 ай бұрын

I call myself queer, two spirit and polyromantic. But if someone from the community didn’t like me saying it around them I wouldn’t.

I’m both strange and don’t conform to what society demands regarding gender, romance, and sex. I’m queer in both senses of the word and I embrace the term hard.

@Reed5016

7 ай бұрын

As an autistic sapphic nb, I agree.

@stargirl7646

7 ай бұрын

Saaaaaame

@LuckyBones77

7 ай бұрын

Big same!! People have already called me ‘weirdo’ and ‘freak’, it’s like reclaiming two birds with one stone lmao

@MichaelACurtis

7 ай бұрын

I feel the same way.

@chadfalardeau5396

7 ай бұрын

Same here

In Germany 'queer' is used widely within the community and also by organisations etc. without much of a negative connotation (as far as I can tell, I'm only 24). Like many loanwords from English the original meaning or literal translation gets lost and it's just used in the modern sense of the word. So thank you to all the activists who reclaimed the word and gave us an easy way to describe the vast LGBT+ community in 1 word!

@louisbates673

3 ай бұрын

It's not an umbrella term. Most gay men find the term offensive. Doesn't surprise me that you're young and I'm willing to bet you're female too- you won't understand it's history or the experience many have had with this vile term.

I started using queer when my wife came out as trans ten years ago. I'm straight but it's really too much hassle to explain how a straight woman ended up married to another woman so saying I am in a queer relationship felt like the easiest way of describing our situation.

@erin6945

7 ай бұрын

You are technically not in a queer relationship though. Your wife's biology didn't change, therefore, your relationship status didn't change.

@mael2039

7 ай бұрын

​@@erin6945pretty sure she knows more about her relationship status than you... I'm not sure anyone's biology has anything to do with that

@erin6945

7 ай бұрын

@@mael2039 If we're going by the definition of queer, then yes, biology does matter.

@PeachNEPTR

7 ай бұрын

@@erin6945 You may be surprised to learn TRANS PEOPLE DO ACTUALLY CHANGE THEIR BIOLOGY, to the point that it may go unnoticed to medical professionals depending on the depth of examination. If you would like to continue spouting off transphobia I’m sure myself and others will be glad to clarify any misinformation you decide to spread.

@erin6945

7 ай бұрын

@@PeachNEPTR I'm not being transphobic. Their hormones change, and there can be physical changes. Their sex is not changed. If her wife is a biological male and she is a biological female they are not in a queer relationship. Words matter. Definitions matter.

I feel like queer describes me on a much deeper level than my sexuality. I am bi, i am a woman, but deeper than that i am Queer and that word feels all encompassing to the many complex experiences and feelings I have and will continue to have.

@Codeexcited

7 ай бұрын

I like it because it is one word that covers both multiple relevant labels for one person, and the labels for multiple people. My wife is a trans lesbian, and I am a bi cis woman. But we are both queer, and our relationship is queer. Most of our friends are queer, including some who don't really identify with any specific "letter" in the LGBTQ+ umbrella, either through ambivalence or because nothing quite fits (oftentimes this can happen with people whose partners transition, and don't really feel like they fit any label)

I (cis/het) and my trans friend have used "queer" in our personal discussions, and while we've never used it in a bigoted manner, this was very affirming about how to be sure I'm using it respectfully, even just between the two of us

@cherrywilson6267

7 ай бұрын

😂😂 cis/het why TF do you need to clear that up? Werid

@gwendolynrobinson3900

7 ай бұрын

@cherrywilson6267 for context? Because I'm not someone that falls under the "queer" umbrella term, but still using another community's reclaimed slur and explaining why 💀 I don't see why you think that's an issue or why _you're_ being weird about it, you okay?

@gwendolynrobinson3900

7 ай бұрын

@cherrywilson6267 nvm I've seen your other comments, you're just a bigoted troll 🤮

@thombruce

7 ай бұрын

@@gwendolynrobinson3900 I think Cherry is probably a transphobe who has gotten lost. There's this common idea in transphobic groups that if you're cis or heterosexual it doesn't need to be specified because it should be assumed to be "the norm"... which just seems to be a way to force the onus onto LGBTQ+ people to state their gender and sexual identities, even in conversations like this where LGBTQ+ people should be the main voices. It's very silly, but it's also very nasty. It serves as an attempt to _other_ LGBTQ+ people even in conversations about themselves, about the LGBTQ+ community, and is one of many attempts to erase some of the language that enables those conversations. Basically, pay no attention to Cherry. They are probably a transphobe, and of course it makes sense to supply the context that you are cishet in a conversation about LGBTQ+ terminology. Of course it does. I'm cishet too, and if I just replied saying "I call many of my queer friends queer too, but only if they use it themselves" you'd have no reason to actually assume I was cishet. In fact, you might assume I were LGBTQ+ because it is more common within the community than outside of it (which is where you and I are; outside of it, even though we have friends within it) and also my KZread profile pic is the colours of the trans flag 🏳‍⚧ (I just really like the colour pink though). So yes, I am cishet too and I'd generally refer to a lot of my friends as queer but only because I know those particular friends prefer it. Those friends come from all across the LGBTQ+ spectrum and what they tend to like about it is that it provides a sense of collective identity. But in general, I wouldn't use it to describe anyone I didn't know unless it were clear that it were their preference... and only if it's relevant, but I think that goes without saying.

Thank you for doing so much to preserve our gay, queer, and trans history, and to strengthen our culture

I really appreciate the inclusion that queer isn't the right word for everyone!! My identity feels so solid to me that if someone uses the word queer, feels sort of like it's "just easier" than my preferred labels. It can accidentally erase people's preferred labels. So I appreciate bringing that attention!!! Even though I'm from gen z, it reminds me of how people can accidentally say "oh but sexuality is fluid!" And I'm like, "mines not, my asexuality is solid as a rock 😂"

@fae567

7 ай бұрын

Haven't thought of that, thank you for your perspective

@SailorDisco

7 ай бұрын

I’ve always been a bit uncomfortable with the term "sexuality is fluid." It seems like to much of a generalization. I prefer to say "sexuality CAN be fluid" because I’m right there with you when it comes to mine.

As a Gen X Queer person who absolutely had the term targeted at them, I am proud of the progress we have made and I'm proud to call myself Queer. I hear Millennial/Gen Z people reclaiming f@&&0t and I did have a very visceral reaction to that word at first but the more I hear it, the less the reaction is. I feel like it will be reclaimed, too.

@sunshineonmars-

7 ай бұрын

I am a gen z queer and the f word has been used against me too. It makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time i am angry that just words can hurt that much. Maybe i will reclaim it one day.

@SageK253

7 ай бұрын

I hear some younger people (mostly Gen Z) reclaiming the f slur, but I agree, it's way too fresh for me to do so. I have this mix of emotions when I hear it. Part recoiling and part joy that these kids don't feel any fear or discomfort in using or hearing the word. I feel like each generation of the community is doing work to make the next generation's life a little safer, and little more joy-filled.

@troopersjp

7 ай бұрын

I'm a Gen X Queer person...one of those queer elders, I guess...and that means I'm part of that generation that was wearing motorcycle jackets and being militantly queer in the streets protesting...and...we didn't just reclaim queer, we also reclaimed F@ggot...and Dyk3...and a number of other slurs. So that reclaimation is part of our history. Dyk3s to Watch Out For, Dyk3s on Bikes. And as for f@ggot...Queer Nation had lots of plakards and T-Shirts with people loudly proclaiming themselves as f@ggots. If you look at queercore bands of the 90s it is all over there as well. Jessica, thanks for bringing up Queer Nation, and not forgetting Gen X. I was watching a different KZread video essay on the word queer, and it went from Oscar Wilde to the 1950s...to today...just skipping over Queer Nation completely. But then, the thesis of that video essay was mostly, "Old queers are conservative and assimilationist and that is why they all hate the word queer, whereas we young'uns love the word queer because we are all radical." Last note: the 1980s/90s definition of the reclaimed word queer is not the same definition as the one people are using it today. Today it is an umbrella term that basically refers to almost anyone and everyone. Super broad. In the 90s, it was an umbrella term that referred to people who were radically oppositional to heteronomativity. There was a saying people'd would say back then sometimes: "He may be gay, be he's not queer"...and that was not a compliment. So Log Cabin Republicans were not queer. But also, back then we would often see straight leather people as queer. So...the term queer has gone through lots of definitional changes over time.

@AurinneA

7 ай бұрын

Oh wow. As an older millennial I have always seen that queer has been often used as a slur but it never had a deep effect on me. But as soon as you said fa88ot my gut twisted, even though it never applied to me. Not that I ever failed to tread carefully when using queer, but your comment really made it hit home just how taboo that queer must feel to some people if they feel the way I feel about fa88ot (I don't really like typing it even).

@jennoscura2381

7 ай бұрын

I knew a guy that self identified as a "big ol f(a)g". So some reclaming of the term has already happened. At with in regards to British cigarettes. But not as much in regards to British meat products made by Mr. Brain.

I've proudly identified as queer since the mid 80s and have spent that entire time explaining to fellow LGBTQI+ people that I get to choose what I want to call myself and that I will afford them the same respect. I like the word for the reason you mention- it doesn't go into detail, it lets me keep my sexuality and gender private.

In New Zealand we use "the rainbow community" when talking about our communities - it nicely avoids the issues with using the word queer, and everyone knows what it means. Personally, I think of myself as queer, but it depends who I'm around whether I described myself that way or not - I'm very aware that many people my age have had it used against them.

@PhoebeFayRuthLouise

7 ай бұрын

I really wish “the rainbow community” would be popular in the US! I think I’ll start using it myself and see how it goes!

@annikabrechbuhl3237

7 ай бұрын

That would be such a cool term to use in my language. I do not speak english in my country and I always struggle with describing or talking about the LGBTQ+ community because I never know if I should use queer. Because it's just shorter to say. But a lot of cishet people don't know the term... i also always say queer when talking about lgbtq+ folks and this video made me realiesed that while yes I may identify with queer not everyone in the lgbtq+ community does. So I now really have to think about what I will say instead. I don't want to hurt people.

@missnaomi613

7 ай бұрын

I've said "rainbow people" and sometimes "Skittle Squad." But I call my bisexual self queer.

@natashabonica4205

7 ай бұрын

Kia Ora! I love that term, too. It also really upsets the Christian conservatives.🌈

@FutureCatNZ

7 ай бұрын

@@natashabonica4205 Best thing about it ;-)

My first introduction to the word queer was completely outside of any reference to sex/gender etc. It was in the book "A little Princess", the first book I was able to choose for myself for reading at school. I'd been dealing with some ableism the year before (overbite + wonky teeth therefore physically couldn't speak properly so assumed to not have reading comprehension and only allowed access to the basic reading books), so it's got some emotional significance to it. The main character in the book is described as queer meaning strange/odd, and her being odd is one of her greatest strengths in that book, so in way I've found the word to be quite a bit comforting. I now identify as queer, partially because trying to explain both asexuality and aromanticism can be complicated and time consuming and there's no word other than queer that's both as conveniently understandable and accurate. And the other reason is I genuinely like the word.

@Codeexcited

7 ай бұрын

I also self identified as one of the "weirdos" in school. And I like that queer has the sort of vague nonstandard meaning with needing to be entirely specified in every parameter.

I'm a queer identified therapist and I have been using the word queer in my therapeutic practice. I make a point to give a brief disclaimer on my use of the term in groups or presentations because I think it's important. I appreciate you highlighting the part about "gender critical feminists" and I plan to incorporate this information into my next big presentation where I use the term queer. Thank you!

after all, often these words were negative because society deemed what they were describing as 'bad'. When we reclaim these things and wear them proudly, we're basically just saying "Yes, we are this thing, -I- am this thing, and I am not ashamed of what I am/who I am". I do remember queer being used in a very negative way when I was younger- and as a closeted queer kid, it feels pretty good to proudly say YES, I am a queer person (of various flavors of queerness). My presentation and identity are not necessarily as uncomplicated as you want them to be- and that's fine.

@hexonyou

7 ай бұрын

side note: my lil queer friend group often jokingly uses "that's so gay" about things, solely to set each other up to go "yeah, I know" lol

Thank you so much for always educating and speaking on things most people may not even think it's important to discuss. Much love from a queer disabled human🖤 you help so many people learn, grow and just love themselves too.

@jessicaoutofthecloset

7 ай бұрын

Thank YOU so much for your comment - this has made my day 🥰

@alexnikander6353

7 ай бұрын

I love the word but for some reason I have a hard time pronouncing queer, both in English and my native language so I don’t really use it in conversation ☹️

Jessica does such a great job of presenting sensitive topics. I was in my 20’s during the 1990’s and I had no idea that is when the reclaiming of “queer” started. How did I miss this? I thought it was just the past few years that it happened. This is exactly why videos like this are so important. It is easy to forget the path that got us to where we are today.

@zhenia2511

7 ай бұрын

As someone who's a lot younger, I can't obviously know, but I think it may be because terms like that firstly get reclaimed in very radical, political circles and most queer people - especially, teenagers - don't hang out in such places.

@jaspersgrimoire

7 ай бұрын

Actually I’ve found the exact opposite- queer is actually *less* popular than before the last few years. Despite using the term Queer for myself for my whole-ass life, suddenly around 2015 I started getting yelled at that queer was a SLUR, ONLY a slur, could only be PERSONALLY reclaimed, and was NOT to be used as an umbrella term. Quite a moment of “getting ‘educated’ by people younger than me about things that I lived through and can personally remember pretty well”

@jennifers5560

7 ай бұрын

@@zhenia2511 true, I definitely was not in radical circles back then.

@jennifers5560

7 ай бұрын

@@jaspersgrimoire wow! What a terrible experiences you’ve had. It is so interesting how things are different for everyone. People like that are hard to convince that we all don’t have the same feelings about things. One way is not the right way for everyone.

@jaspersgrimoire

7 ай бұрын

@@jennifers5560 eh, there’s always been some pushback against the term from exclusionists who don’t like that it includes more people than the acronym, I was just confused why the opinion was spreading like mildew. (The answer to that was terfs learning to pipeline better, unfortunately.)

HANG on! When I came out last year, I started my social media post with “I’m here! I’m queer! And YES I’m sincere!” I had no idea I was quoting older activists! I guess a good rhyme is truly timeless haha 😄this makes me happyyyy

@Codeexcited

7 ай бұрын

I definitely think that the fact that queer generally sounds good and is easily adapted into catchy slogans is a significant factor in its popularity. Like I would never use the word d*ke except in reference to dykes on bikes, because that sounds good enough that it has stuck around but otherwise d*ke just sounds really harsh and negative even without the specific negative associations.

@Codeexcited

7 ай бұрын

I definitely think that the fact that queer generally sounds good and is easily adapted into catchy slogans is a significant factor in its popularity. Like I would never use the word d*ke except in reference to dykes on bikes, because that sounds good enough that it has stuck around but otherwise d*ke just sounds really harsh and negative even without the specific negative associations.

@stargirl7646

7 ай бұрын

@@Codeexcited yeah I think you’re right!

I really do appreciate this video! I use the word queer to describe myself as an AroAce person, mostly because I find that people who experience romantic and/or sexual attraction *even if they are allies* find it hard to understand and grasp what it means to be AroAce. I use queer as un umbrella term, because it makes me feel more comfortable talking about my queerness to other people.

Me personally, I just ask any given person if they’re okay with the term. I used to hate it, as I often got called it growing up with the upmost hatred targeted at me for various reasons, mostly focusing on my queerness as well as my mental and physical disabilities.

I have found “queer” very helpful to describe myself because it quickly communicates “not straight/heteronormative” in a way that doesn’t necessarily invite specific questions-especially those I don’t have clear answers for yet, myself. Even as I lean more into identifying more specifically as a lesbian somewhere on the ace spectrum, I still find “queer” fun and useful, especially to identify with a broader community of LGBTQ+ folk and refer to friends who also like the term. I have been deeply unaware of my sexuality for most of my life, so really didn’t get a lot of bullying about it growing up (of course as a millennial I certainly remember “that’s so gay” being thrown around). So “queer” is not traumatic for me personally, for which I’m VERY grateful, and certainly do not take for granted. I am also so grateful for people who take the time to educate and who share their lives so publicly, like you do, Jessica. Thank you for being here!

This is s really interesting topic. Im asexual and also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but I wouldnt use the term queer for myself. This is mainly because I do not feel as connected to the broader queer community. Im aro-spec, but definitly hetro oriented. For a large part of my life I have seen myself as straight, and while realising Im ace/ aro. I still do not feel very connected to people who are gay for example. There are definitly some shared experiences, so I totally get why other aroace people identify as queer, but my person experience and the way i view myself is not what I would see as "queer".

I'm here disabled and queer! and I love your videos

@jessicaoutofthecloset

7 ай бұрын

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that 🥰💜

@astridmyst

7 ай бұрын

@@jessicaoutofthecloset :) thank you for all you do with your videos and everything

@sturmykins

7 ай бұрын

Hello fellow queer, disabled human!!

@astridmyst

7 ай бұрын

@@sturmykins lolo Hi how ya doin?

The closest I get to the LGBTQ++ community is to consider myself an ally, so this video was very clarifying for me! I'm an older milennial and English is not my first language, so when I saw the term for the first time it was only in a positive way by people labeling themselves as queer - I had *no* idea it had so much nuance and could be so contentious! This is the type of thing they don't cover in English classes... However, now *I* am an English teacher and I try to make sure to include as much of the culture around the language in my lessons, so I'm very grateful for this video!

@edisonlima4647

7 ай бұрын

Just out of curiosity: as a teacher of English as a second language, do you teach the singular pronoun "they" in grammar classes?

@AmandaNievi

7 ай бұрын

@@edisonlima4647 yes, I do! I use it myself pretty frequently and I teach it as well! It's pretty difficult for my students to learn though, not because of any ideology or anything like that, but because their first language is gendered (Portuguese).

@cherrywilson6267

7 ай бұрын

@@AmandaNieviso you’re confusing them…what a winner you are

@AmandaNievi

7 ай бұрын

@@cherrywilson6267 oh don't worry, English is already pretty confusing for them, it's not my doing at all! It's a feature of the English language that things (nouns) don't have a gender, and in Portuguese they do. So even if I chose not to teach that specific part, they'd be confused already... They use "she" to refer to things as a spider or a table because in Portuguese these are female words. Yeah, I'd say I'm a winner for guiding them through learning a new language with a completely different way of classifying words indeed!

@fae567

7 ай бұрын

@@AmandaNievi PERIODDDD

The only people I've interacted with who are LGBTQ+ and have a problem with the word "queer" are Gen Z. As an elder millennial, kids on the playground didn't even know the word "queer." Appreciated that you mentioned that for us, "that's so gay" is what we grew up with. My read is that young people who reject the word want to make clear that they don't want to be part of the existing community for whatever reason.

@ThomasSturm

7 ай бұрын

That's mostly the fault of those folks mentioned at the end of the video; the "drop the t" trash and such. They're great at making the most ridiculous stuff to sound reasonable, and since younger folks haven't yet found the community they're easier to manipulate.

@ffarff

7 ай бұрын

​@@ThomasSturm100 percent. Don't be loudly out/be conservative looking / Don't complain or ask for more messages to the young lgbt+ members before they can get a good community around them is damaging.

I find it fascinating that you referred to younger people using queer, and older people finding it too traumatic, because I've always heard it the other way around. I've seen many discussions on Tumblr which started with a younger person (millenial or gen z) saying that queer is a slur, and we all need to update our language and stop using it. Then an older person (boomer or gen x) will explain that they use that word to describe themselves, because they're old enough to have fought to reclaim it in the 80s and 90s, and that it upsets them to be told the labels they identify with aren't good enough anymore. That usually leads into a discussion about younger people not knowing their LGBTQ+ history, due to the disconnect between the generations, as you mentioned in the video. I suppose the fact that you've heard it in reverse is yet more evidence that our community isn't a monolith!

@seto749

7 ай бұрын

Being on the older side, I was neutral about the word when I was young but now it has picked up various implications that I absolutely oppose. Even the idea of "community" is problematic. The part about "old labels not being good enough" works both ways. Young Qs are drawing all sorts of negative inferences about older Ls and Gs.

@catrinahorsman1637

7 ай бұрын

@@seto749 I've always liked the idea of us being a community, having something in common that brings us together. Celebrating the good times, and relying on each other through the bad times, though I know it doesn't always work out that way. Honestly curious, what in your experience has made it problematic?

@seto749

7 ай бұрын

@@catrinahorsman1637 As the group included expanded to gargantuan proportions, our interests became far more often directly conflicting and it became clear than only being able to share one space would force it to be so bland that nobody would find it affirming. Simply destroying the mechanism that privileges people who aren't any of us doesn't work; the mechanism will just work in a different direction. A large conglomerate of smaller communities might operate sufficiently closely to what you want to see.

@Alalea17

7 ай бұрын

​@seto749 yeah but that happens automatically if enough people feel that way, yk. I dont know what huge differences in needs there might be Accept... people who hate trans women don't what to have them around. But yk, spaces for asexuals don't just erase spaces for allo gays or something like that. The thing is, that what the lgbtq Community is all fighting against is norms about Sexuality and gender/Sex we ALL don't fit in. And incidentally gender, Sex and Sexuality can't be seperated completely from one another. Yes, you could imagine a world where there is no homophobia but transphobia, but homophobia actually just exists because society had an Idea that humans must be devided into two genders which shall not sleep with one another. It was ingrained in what a woman or what a man is. I think it's erasing history by not seeing that the struggles have historically exact the same roots. And nowadays cis homosexual people just have a little more privilege over trans people that it's often a thing of privilege not wanting to acknowledge that we were once all treated the same. And that's upsetting. Trans, inter and a-spec people were always there, you can't say that now where they are noticed, they suddenly have different goals.

@Alalea17

7 ай бұрын

​@@seto749that is to say: the group is not expanded because it has a broader range of things under the term but because more people can openly show themselves and there are new words to finer describe more nuanced experiences... so don't jump on the lgbtq phobic train in deviding us even if you might not be the one and only seemingly dominant experience narrative any more. It's easy to confuse that with being oppressed... but it's not the same.

This video is great. So informative and really nuanced! I completely agree that people should use the terms/labels that are comfortable for them and we should follow their lead. My wife and I use queer to describe ourselves as "not straight" bc we're not interested in being more specific than that. I use "queer community" among other LGBTQIA+ friends who I know don't mind the term. With strangers I use "LGBTQIA+ community".

You're always so loving, Jessica. This is what drew me to your channel in the first place. You always seem to know when to use humor, too. These are gifts, and you use them to make the world a better place. Thank you.

@jennifers5560

7 ай бұрын

She is so good at talking about hard issues without alienating people.

I’ve always had lots of queer/LGBTQIA+ friends and in the past year discovered that I’m also queer. The word queer allowed me to not have an answer to what my sexuality is and still find a sense of community🥰 I’m still in that journey of figuring myself out, and it is confusing enough to come out to people once, let alone having to correct myself and be like “oh actually I was wrong I’m not bi I’m $&@%…”😂 However I definetly feel so much more educated in this word after watching this video and thank u Jessica for always be our LGBTQIA+ story telling parent🥰

@Codeexcited

7 ай бұрын

It can help to instead of framing it/thinking of it as you having been "wrong" before, to instead frame it as being more accurate and up-to-date now. If I used to say my favourite colour was blue and now say it's teal, that doesn't mean that I was wrong before, I'm just using a different label now. And It might mean I don't like navy any more, or it might mean I like shades that other people might call green, or it might mean that I like all sorts of shade of blue but as different shades become more common(in fashion and design etc) I realised that I particularly like this kind of blue. 🤷‍♀️It might help, but also it's totally fine to like all sorts of colours and/or not have a favorite too😊

I enjoyed the dynamic with Jessica asking questions and informing one another Both hairstyles are beautiful

@jennifers5560

7 ай бұрын

I found it amusing that straight hair Jessica was “straight” 😄

Up until my late 20s, queer was just another word for weird and gay meant happy or was someones name. I didn't hear these used in reference to sexuality until I was an adult. My Mum always used homosexuality or lesbianism to describe non-heterosexuality so those were the words I learned. She didn't even start using the word gay this way until I was in my 30s. My Mum didn't like using slang too much, so that might be why. Thank you for this video...made me think about how I was raised and how lucky I was to have a Mum that understood that the world is not just straight.

Thanks for this! It was very interesting and informative! And something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately! I have 2 LGBT+ kids, 16 and 13 yrs old… one is a transgender male (and not really expressive of any kind of sexuality) and the other is more genderfluid/nonbinary (and very openly bisexual). Also, my younger sister, who lives with our family, is asexual/aromantic. So, I used the word “queer” a couple weeks ago as an umbrella term for these dear ones which is how I thought of it, and how I’d been hearing it used for quite a while) and the 16 yr old seemed surprised and asked me if that was an okay word for me to use (since I’m a straight, cis woman).

this is a genuinely fantastic resource for actual information on the history of the word. i’ve personally always used queer to describe myself (probably from around the age of 14 or so) and while i had a base understanding of the history, this was super informative, and helped fill out the gaps in my knowledge as an aside, ncuti gatwa’s name is pronounced “shooty.” when he was first announced as the next doctor, i had a really hard time figuring out how his name was actually pronounced

As a teen in North Wales in the 1980's. I often had kids I did not even know run up to me, calling me ''Queer!'' before I had even understood my own identity. One lad even walked right up to me in the street to ask, ''Are you bent ?'' (which was another slur used for homosexuals). I imagine he might still be stood there, scratching his head in confusion, after I replied, ''No, I'm perpendicular !''. :) I am glad we reclaimed the word Queer as an umbrella term that can mean whatever the individual wants it to mean. When it comes to using negative connotations for words, I was quite annoyed when, for many years it was quite common for youngsters to use 'gay' for anything that was not good. For example, ''That coat is so gay.''or ''His trainers are so gay.'' (I wrote this comment half way through watching the video and when the moment I continued to watch, you spoke about this very topic !) :) xx

@MsStBoom

7 ай бұрын

I honestly love the word 'bent' as a very literal way of saying 'not straight'. I used it for myself for a long time because I didn't have a better term. I knew I wasn't gay or lesbian, nor exactly bisexual, and didn't learn the words (or concepts) asexual or biromantic, (or nonbinary,) until I was in my 40s; but I knew I wasn't straight. I still think it's the best overall description of what I am, although I usually use queer when speaking to other people. I don't think there's a term for LGBTQ+ (including LGBTQ+) that hasn't been used as a slur in some way, so I figure why not just pick the one you like for you.

@Alalea17

7 ай бұрын

As a queer person with severe scoliosis I find the word bent quite funny to use for myself now. Sadly I live in a not English country xD

@LeFouGallois

7 ай бұрын

@@Alalea17 I like that you have retaken a negative word on two different levels to find your own descriptive. I guess that we all have our own personal journeys with words and phrases. For example, back in high school in Britain in the mid 1980's, Duncan Norvelle was on TV with his exaggerated flamboyant persona. One of his most famous catchphrases became the bane of my life, as I had kids of all ages running up to me during break times, frequently shouting, ''Chase me, chase me !''. I hadn't even realised or figured out who I was, myself at the time. Years later, I went to a theatre production he was in, and I could only feel contempt for what I felt his portrayal had instigated others to put me through. (Those were just my feelings at the time.)

this was a lovely video!! i love the word "queer" to describe myself but i've always been aware of others who don't -- thank you for specifying the difference between people who find the word a reminder of past trauma, and people who try to ban it for exclusionary reasons. (also, very entertained by the fact that the cishet ally that was asking all the questions had Straight(tm) hair, lol)

I love the word 'queer'! I'm cisgender (female), but my sexuality is extremely fluid and I'm still figuring it out. So when I'm coming out to my friends, I never know what term to use. I usually say I'm gay or queer because it's a lot easier to identify myself using those broad terms. I'm also disabled and neurodivergent. The disabled community, as Jessica has talked about before, have reclaimed multiple derogatory terms, including gimp and cripple. I personally don't use gimp or cripple (unless I'm trying to be funny about how disabled I am, like 'omg, I'm such a cripple!), but I know many people who identify as one of these terms. It's the same idea in the LGBTQ+ community as it is in the disabled community. Some people prefer to use the once-derogatory terms to describe themselves or a group of friends. Some people don't use these terms themselves, but they aren't offended by it because they know that some people use it. And for some people, these terms are offensive because of how they used to be used. And if you're not a part of the community and you're not sure if it's appropriate, just pay attention to the words the person uses. Or better yet, ask them what word they would like you to use to describe them. Disability, special needs, crip, etc.

@SageK253

7 ай бұрын

I'm also Queer and Disabled and use Cripple sometimes for myself. Usually with humor and around people who are comfortable with it. Also I've stolen "you're harassing a Cripple!" from the "gay pirate show" recently around my family lol

I personally use it because the conversations I've had with people have always, without fail, brought up how exhausting the acronym can be at times, and as a queer person, I have to agree. So I use the term 'queer' in place of the acronym for two reasons: 1. People will know what group I'm talking about anyways, and if not it's easy to clarify, and 2. Saying "LGBTQ+" so often slows my speech down to a near halt, and that upsets me since I like to keep a consistent pace. That slowing down is also why the acronym is often brought up as a problem in my conversations, mostly from the other party noticing the pace going from 100 to 30 almost instantly and taking the opportunity to bring it up. Me and my late mom always wished we had a simpler way of referring to the community because we would talk about my identity and the laws surrounding it often, with her not quite understanding and me trying to explain it to her, but there seemed to be a sort of wall that didn't allow all knowledge to reach her. I personally think it was the generational gap, "it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks" and all that.

OMG, JESSICA... YOU'RE GAY? I have watched for years (love all the queer history, chronic illness, and adorable family content) and never knew you and your wife were gay. I am totally betrayed!!! Why have you never said anything to your audience? /s of course. People are so weird. Love y'all and hope all is well this week.

For some reason you disapeared from my feed... so glad to have you back 🥰 now to binge all the vids I've missed

Another great video. Thank you for the time and energy you put into your videos!

It feels like a slap in the face every time I hear it. I’d rather be called racial slurs, honestly, because at least the people doing it aren’t insisting they’re on my side.

@JustASillyReally

Ай бұрын

Then tell the poeple around you to not use it? For a lot of us (including myself) using the word queer is just a way to describe ourselves

This video is super helpful! Thank you so much! 🤩

Jessica! 999k!! So exciting! You’re almost there! 🎉🎉. Thank you for another educational video ❤

As a bisexual woman with a complicated relationship with my sexuality, I find the term queer to be an incredibly helpful way of referring to who I am. Many of my friends and family members are LGBTQ+ as well, and using the umbrella turm queer is a frequent occurrence. I am also an autistic person who has many strange or untraditional interests and characteristics, so the word works doubly for me.

So incredibly proud and happy for you and your magnificent channel! Congratulations on 1M subscribers!!!!!

This is an important video! I especially appreciate your sensitivity for those who struggle with the word!

"Queer and Questioning" is so much easier for me to use for myself in certain contexts than a shifting variety of specific labels. I understand why other people don't want to reclaim Queer for themselves, though it can be very useful and flexible for those who choose to use it.

* waves * in queer boomer

Haven’t had a chance to finish the video but thanks for talking about this, it’s definitely a tricky one. I understand why some people like it and use it, and as a community term I’ll use it, but I hate being called queer as a person and have been met before with confusion from people who don’t get that I dont personally want to be called queer

Thank you for such a nuanced, educational video, Jessica :)

I am loving that because of the net (here, Tumblr, fb etc) i am finding and/or talking to people who are my elders in the community. Not too long ago, i only saw them if they came to the local lgbtqia center. Or if i saw them in a documentary. (Comment quasi related.. you were mentioning about how we don't get our data passively. We have to go hunting. Its super true, and i look forward to that changing. It has to change)

Jessica-by-the-door sure has a lot to learn! Thank goodness Jessica-sitting-in-a-chair is so knowledgeable and eloquent! Great video!

Great video! You're so close to 1m good luck and grats! \o/

I have a bit of a weird relationship with the word queer as It was used to beat me down but also has been a helpful shorthand for me. I really like this video and look forward to more of your content.

@ookamiblade6318

7 ай бұрын

It’s quite similar to the reclaimation of the n-word in the black community. The in group can use it, the out group uses it as a slur and those like me (white passing) with shaky n-word privilege often opt not to use it without checking in first.

Omg Jessica, I've missed you! I lost you for a while, but I'm so glad I'm back. You were the first person I remember watching on KZread. My brother showed me one of your videos when I was 11, and I loved your voice and clothes first, and then I found out you were married to Claudia, and my little mind was blown! 😂 Thank you so much for all you do, you have been a constant inspiration in my life for 5 years ❤❤❤

I really appreciate your nuanced discussion of this topic. I am one of the folks who grew up with queer being the ultimate slur towards me, even moreso than the 3 letter F word (or 6 letter if they're going for the full version). While i have put work into "getting over it", and for a while now i've fully accepted that this term is our reclaimed umbrella identifier, even still to this day, every time I hear the word unexpectedly, it still catches my ear in a heightened way and triggers a mini fight or flight response. Ya know like how when you hear your name, it catches your ear and brings you to attention if you were only passively listening? It does something like that, but in a negative way. So often lately, when i see this topic discussed, there tends to be a really dismissive attitude towards anyone who struggles with the word, so I appreciate your grace on the subject

the little note about labels made me so happy bc when I was questioning my sexuality I always worried that I was just “trying to attach myself to the community” and “faking it” and that I was overthinking the labels. Even if I don’t know my exact identity I feel comfortable enough to say “I’m queer” or arospec ace and be okay with fluidity :) also thanks for being so inclusive of nonallosexual people in your videos they’re always so welcoming and fun to watch!

This video has convinced me to subscribe. Really love this careful discussion about the use of a word I've had to argue with TERFs about on twitter, but also knowing an old gay man who finds the term difficult. I was a child of the 80s which means I grew up with it becoming a slur, then being reclaimed, so I know the history of it better than many and have felt comfortable navigating that with TERFs in particular, but it's good to see a longer discussion of the kind you can't have on twitter.

Also, i have this exact same cardigan. I also have it in 3 or 4 other colors. It's super pretty, soft, & lovely! ❣️

The word queer has been super helpful for both myself and others I know when they are questioning their gender or sexuality and aren't sure what section they fall into. They know some part of them isn't cishet but they're not sure whether for example they are bi or a lesbian. It feels validating to use queer in those cases because it allows us a sense of community and belonging without putting pressure on people to choose certain labels or figure out who they are prior to being ready. I personally have been trying to figure out my sexuality for many years now and am still very confused so I often just use the word queer to describe myself because it's easier than getting into the long story of why I actually have no idea

A definite must watch! Sharing this video to give others some insight. Never too late to gain knowledge of something you might not understand. I use either lesbian, gay or queer. Shows like Showtime’s Queer as Folk and The L Word were big for me and my cousin. We had our own form of code to talk to each other about “queer things”. Now as an adult I talk freely and with no need to hide.

I really like your videos, you are so good at explaining things😊 I feel less confused after watching them😄 👋🏻 from Denmark

LOL! I love your style and humor! Liked! Shared! & Subscribed!

I like the version of Jessica holding onto the door and asking questions, she's a good foil for Real Jessica

I think this is a great video. It does a wonderful job of explaining outward that has been controversial at best. I'm a 55-year-old gay man and I grew up at a time when there was an actual game called "Smear the Queer". However, as I've gotten older, I have allowed that word not to hurt me and I don't have trouble using it to describe someone who prefers to be referred to that way. I think her main point of respecting others and being sensitive to their feelings, is a good takeaway to any instance

I love your channel, I have a gay child, and I tend to watch as much content as I can about the LGBTQIA++ Community to learn as much to be an ally for my child and their spouse as I can but also for the overall community. Side note my adult kid also watches this channel. We both love your channel! Thank you for what you do, it does really help us outside of the community.

This is so well explained 💗💗

Thank you so much for the specification of queer as an adjective and not a noun, this is something I’ve been saying for a while and I’m glad to see people agree

I love that you did a video on this topic! Ive used queer for the longest mostly because when I was younger I associated it with being strange (which I thought I was at the time). Now in my 30s, I still just use queer as opposed to bi since I feel like it just fits. 💜

Thank you for another informative, nuanced video ❤️

If I could subscribe multiple times I would! So sorry some people are such forks. Love to Jessica & Claudia & Rupert & Walter & Tilly! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

Thank you for yet another wonderful piece of lbgtq+ content! Also, that outfit is absolutely amazing. Keep doing what you do! ❤️

This was super interesting! I've known queer used to be a slur, but it's never felt like one to me. I'm pretty young (20) so it's always been very normal me for me and my friends to use it, to the point that I forgot that not everyone may be comfortable with it. I personally love it, it's fun to say, easy to use for a group of noncis/hetero people, and it encapsulates my gender too! (I'm bi, which is technically gender neutral but I'm also gender queer so I feel like queer reflects that more!)

Thank you Jessica ❤

Great video, althoigh i'm surprised you didn't touch too much (directly) on Queer theory and it's use of the word. Would definitely love to see a video on that tho!

I really liked this video ❤ Nice to see a shout-out for the gender census, too. My take on "queer" is that I actually kind of *like* that it was a slur, just because with something like LGBT+ (eg) the transphobes like to ask "what does being trans have to do with being gay" and when you just say "queer", if anyone asks "why do you need a word that covers all these things" you can just answer "I don't know, you invented it"

Great video, Jessica! I personally also like to use the word queer, and find it empowering, but I agree that we need to respect that not every LGBTQ++ person mat want to be described that way! Thank you for making such a wonderfully informative, easy to digest and approachable video! As a fellow disabled queer person, you inspire me so much. Thank you for all that you do

i'm not gonna deny, i'm subscribed cuz of her way to speak, like, sometimes i'm just not listening to what she's saying BUT THE SOUND OF IT i'm always in love with

Thanks for this breakdown. I do say queer about myself/friends/family, but I did find myself hesitating to use it in conversation with members of my LGBTQ+ group at work. I suppose subconsciously the word queer still carries a bitter taste.

I absolutely ❤❤❤ listening to Jessica speak about LGBTQ+ and other topics! Keep the videos coming! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you so much for covering this topic so completely. You've managed to summarize some of the issues I've personally had with using/not using the term. Personally, I'm not comfortable using the word 'queer', simply because of it's historic usage and as a straight cis white woman I'm fully aware that people like me used it as a very damaging insult not that long ago (I remember it being used in derogatory ways during my childhood, so that may be part of it). If a friend uses it as a self-description, ok, cool, I don't need to know more than that (arguably, I don't even need to know that much) because it's not my business. But if they're willing to share or expand, great! I'll listen, possibly ask some questions, or simply leave it and do the legwork to educate myself. My spouse and I are non-monogamous, and we've both been referred to as 'queer' in various communities we circulate in, and had to be like "No. That is not how the word is used. We're both straight and cisgender, we're not queer because we're both, aside from the non-monogamy part, heteronormative." It's been really frustrating when some people have shrugged and said it doesn't matter, it still counts. I'd be interested in other peoples viewpoints on this.

Well done! Lots of research was obviously undertaken for this one. I for one dont care for lables as many were used disparagingly toward me during my life. However, I dont judge. Whatever someone prefers is just fine w me. Be who you are and be proud of it!👍😊

13:23 I shall borrow this when attempting to educate healthcare providers. I had some unpleasant dealings with a few and want to try to explain to them why they can't act the way they have.

I use it because my first exposure to it was from a person who used it to describe themselves before I realized it was a term that also described me. I was honestly unaware that it was so hurtful to some people still, despite having explained what it meant to my mother in the terms I understood when she asked about the word so I will be forwarding this video to her.

Excellent explanation 👍🏻 I like the fluidity of just being not-straight, cisgender but it’s good to point out that some people better fit specific, fixed labels.

Great educational video, thanks! While I do have family that use the term, I do not feel it is my place to do so, because I want to be respectful.

I'm one of two token cishets in my group chat and have got in my own head before about whether i should use the term queer to describe those friends as a group or where the line is on me joining in with affectionate joking and discussions on queer topics. This helped me work through my thoughts on it!

I'm queer. My identity is fluid, it alienates me from the majority of people in Eastern Europe and I love the radical, political edge the word possesses. P.S. Regarding reclamation of slurs. My friend sometimes calls himself "підор" or "підорас" (basically, post-Soviet F-slur) because he thinks it's funny and is not ashamed of his identity as a bi guy.On the other hand, my other friend - also a bi guy - is uncomfortable with the term and never uses it to describe himself or other queer men.

@silverjade10

7 ай бұрын

Is that term related to the same root as 'pederast'? It reads like it might be, but cognates are so tricky sometimes.

@zhenia2511

7 ай бұрын

@@silverjade10 Definitely, Wikidictionary says it stems from USSR-era prison slang.

i love using the word queer to describe myself and the lgbtqia++ comunity. I'm so happy re-claiming it. Tho I'll be more vigilant of not using it whe it's hurtful. I use it as a generic term, or when i'm not up to saying i'm aro/ace and having to endure the inevitable questions that follow that statement. Loved this video!

Thank you so much! You were really insightful (for example in how we have to seek out our history) I do use queer for myself

Really great historical context and wonderful research! I use queer and bi to describe myself, and I definitely take the context into consideration, e.g. hanging out with elders in the LGBTQ+ community.

Thanks for this - I hadn't really realized how damaging it could be to use "queer" to describe people without thinking about it. For myself, as an aroace lesbian (more or less), I get a little frustrated with LGBT+. When I first figured out i was asexual, it had expanded to LGBTQIA+, which was even more of a mouthful, but which included me. And while I know that not everyone gets a primary letter, I'm not fond of being relegated to the +. Using "queer" for the community as a whole doesn't make me feel like a rare afterthought the way LGBT+ sometimes does.

I find the term queer useful as a label for when you don't know what specific label would fit (or you don't want one) to describe yourself. Your video was helpful :) in Germany there are some politicians who had said something along the lines of they're gay but not queer and it currently high in debate, I feel like your video might be helpful to understand why they said that (?) Because before watching your video I thought of "queer" as just an umbrella term and didn't really know about the history.

I appreciate you so much! I'm a Xennial and I grew up a "tomboy" and eventually identified as bi. More recently, I've switched to calling myself queer and gender queer, interestingly gender queer was easy but romantically queer took more consideration as I'd always been bi. I see it as a more open an accepting term when I'm trying to describe what romantic partners I'm interested in and "yes" isn't usually an option. Lol!

You have no idea how perfectly it fits me. Of course it's okay!

I've tried on the other "more acceptable" labels like bi or pan and even "questioning" over the years and none felt as good a fit as queer. My sexuality ebbs and flows, sometimes I'm open to anyone and sometimes it's just one gender and I've had periods when I've had no interest in anything, even a relationship. So I just felt like I was lying half the time or was still figuring it out and considered immature for that. Queer is the only label that feels right 🤷🏻‍♀️ For context I'm an elder millennial/Gen Xer who came of age in the Washington, DC ( USA capital) metro area. My dad's gay and my mother is pan and my eldest daughter is trans. 😊

Thank you so much for offering your perspective and knowledge, Jessica ! As a proud disabled and bi woman, I value your voice a lot 💖 Even though I love using the term 'queer' for myself, and I also find it easier to pronounce than LGBTQIA+ haha, I never quite know when and with whom it's appropriate. This is simply because I am French, so in my country and primary language, I would imagine that the process of reclaiming 'queer' has most definitely not been the same, historically speaking. I recently heard (from a friend) of a point of view I had no idea about : they consider that queer people are indeed part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but that the opposite is not necessarily true - meaning that, to them, 'queer' would only be an accurate label for LGBTQIA+ people who also defy the gender binary, or relationship models. So to them, 'queer' wouldn't apply to gay or trans people who conform to societal norms, I guess. I found that stance quite interesting, as I had never heard of such a distinction. So although I don't agree with them, I feel like it's not my place to tell them they are wrong, nor do I feel like I am in the wrong for having a personal preference for the term. I don't even know if the term has a different significance in French, since the vast majority of the media I consume is from English speakers! Btw, if French speakers read my comment, I'd be very interested to talk about it in the replies below !

Wonderful and well explained video, thank you ❤ I grew up in the 80s, so although I do describe myself as queer (had an angry rebel 90s phase, so reclaiming queer felt right for me 😅), I'm always conscious of the pain it can cause those who fought for LGBTQIA+ rights before me. Anyway, big love to you and anyone reading my comment ❤