Do you feel alone even when you're around other people? Why do you think so many people report feeling lonely these days? What do you do to create (healthy) connections with others? Let us know your experience or thoughts in the comments below!

@ForumArcade

2 жыл бұрын

I used to feel exactly that way. When I was between 11-15, it was like I couldn't appreciate the relationships I had, or that people would try to reach out to me. I desperately wanted connection, but it was like I subconsciously enforced this barrier between me and everyone else. I didn't realize it was *me* doing it for a long time. When I was 16 though I experienced what many philosophical schools of thought refer to as an "awakening". I think the term is maybe overly dramatic, but it was seriously profound; one moment I was being dragged down into that quagmire of loneliness and depression that had become so familiar to me, and the next it suddenly occurred to me that I *didn't have to.* I could exercise some control over my mood and my behaviours. Literally in the space of minutes my emotional maturity completely transformed. And although I have continued to experience loneliness and sadness in my life, they never again had such dominance over me as they once did. Unfortunately my experience isn't something easily replicated. I don't know of any steps or procedures one can follow to achieve such a spontaneous change. I see people who suffer in the same way that I suffered; feeling helpless and beyond control of themselves, and I wish I could do something for them. But there's nothing. If I had appeared before my 13 year old self and told this story, it would have made no difference at all, because I couldn't see the way out until I was already there.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

@@ForumArcade Really interesting insights - thanks for sharing. You never know, it might make a difference to someone who is now in the shoes that you were once in to read this.

@ForumArcade

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise I'm kind of annoyed it looks like KZread deleted my top level comment. I put a lot of time into that one. But basically I think technology plays a significant role; young people (including myself) turn to things like watching KZread celebrities to vicariously fill that void of social connection. But it's unhealthy. We feel like we have this significant relationship, but the people we're attached to don't even know we exist. We cannot interact with them directly. It's totally one-sided. Technology in that respect has far outpaced regulation and studies into its effects on our health and wellness. I don't think it's the only factor, and I don't think that curtailing technology is the complete solution. But it is significant, and we should keep aware of its effects on society.

On top of that, you have friends that constantly reject you if you have tiny flaws, instead of talking things out, they want to completely cut you out, you never really have a "tribe" unless you are lucky. The lack of trust in people over the years gets worse and worse to the point where you don't bother with friendships.

@Skarletkombat

2 жыл бұрын

Facts, you can see this in romantic relationships too.

@novaparadoxx9043

Жыл бұрын

@@Skarletkombat Oh especially romantic relationships

@coreyaruecker

Жыл бұрын

It’s not luck. It’s a willingness to be fake as fuck so that others can manipulate and control you. I think ideology is making loneliness and is being amplified by modern technology

@iiCounted-op5jx

2 ай бұрын

beyond brutal

Gen X here and I feel badly for kids these days. Not only is everyone in front of their screens but people can be really brutal to each other. There have always been bullies but it wasn't possible for hundreds of people to harass you, like they can now on social media. I would imagine that feeling shunned online leads to being even more afraid of rejection in person. Another thing that needs to be mentioned is that social media is specifically designed to be addictive, so we can't blame kids for getting sucked into it (especially since their brains are still growing and changing). I think the genie is out of the bottle now but I wish we'd regulated it when it first came onto the scene to protect kids (and the rest of us).

@kylekillsit42

2 жыл бұрын

As a gen Z you have no clue how much it means for a Gen X to say, “We can’t blame them.” Because all we hear from older generations now-a-days is the opposite. Like I almost cried after reading this lol thank you for trying to step into our shoes. Not many do.

@hiuku8890

2 жыл бұрын

As a gen z I kinda do wish I was born in the 50s or the 80s because everything seemed so free

@tyb1329

2 жыл бұрын

The sad thing is, the internet is legit spreading horrible information & shitty advice. Us normal Gen Zs are shunned away by women because we don’t have a 6 pack. We’re left out because we aren’t douchebaggy enough essentially. They say they fight for equal rights, I disagree. ------- At my school I was passing out whiteboards & the amount of “who tf did this” was immeasurable when I see a board still marked with the words “Kill all men.” That was a student who wrote that on that whiteboard. ----- I just can’t comprehend my own generation & that’s bad.

@gsainoy

2 жыл бұрын

@@hiuku8890 well about the 50s,,,,,,, uhhhhh

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

It's not a necessarily horrible time to be born but there is a lot of brainwashing content online. Women especially are susceptible to what's out there and are beginning to hate men.

I was a typical nerdy guy in grade school who didn't have friends. Now in graduate school and I don't feel like I've had practice to even make friends. To get over my loneliness I talk with my gym class instructors amd my parents more. I've been considering going to church as well.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Happy to hear you're strategizing ways to get out of the loneliness trap!

@spencervance8484

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise so what am i supposed to do? My family made it clear they dont care as well as my local church sees me as a non entity, social media is abundant and im not in school

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

@Spencer Vance hard to know for sure what might work for you, but have you tried connecting with people who are part of an activity that you like?

@catsandalcohol99

2 жыл бұрын

I was a clown type person in high school. Now at 22 I don't feel like I am connected to anyone or anything.I have like one friend. Barely any family. No school. Shit job. Do what you can. We were different people in high school, but we're probably very lonely now.

@zackgravity7284

Жыл бұрын

Try flatting with others, easier way to get to know people

I'm a millennial that has been lonely my entire life, but lately it's crushing.

This video focused on the US, but isolation and loneliness, is worldwide. Japan has had an epidemic of hikikomori for the better part of a decade now and it's contributing to their impending population collapse. The fact that each generation reports feeling more lonely than the previous one indicates that the likely reason is technology. Each one had more technology which is nice, but more isolating, from TV to computers to cellphones. Zoomers (the Internet generation) are extra screwed because they started out isolation from the start, so they haven't had as much experience developing social-skills, which makes it harder to initiate connections which just leads to choosing to isolate more.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Indeed! The student survey we mention in the video spanned 37 different countries. Loneliness is a worldwide problem!

@Hallifex

Жыл бұрын

Potentially yes, but people are letting technology control them, social media tiktok, insta promote the atmosphere of having to be perfect its really not healthy for young kids growing up.

@Razor-gx2dq

9 ай бұрын

I'm assuming hikikomori are like shut ins who don't go outside

I truly want to connect with people but the opportunities are getting so narrower, lost hope and guess what, let's just stop searching and start scrolling again.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

We hear you. So many ways to connect online, but way less IRL these days. It's definitely harder to have real friendships. What did you think about the advice from Justin Puder, the therapist we interviewed, towards the end of the video?

@spontaneousevaluation8533

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise Mr. Justin told us to just do it, go there and fight with our discomfort; Yes, that's absolutely right, but problem arises when others don't reciprocate moreover tell how we are babbling or nervous anything like that. Laughs behind our backs. As more people are getting isolated in these days, the people hanging out in real life are the extroverted ones. In other words, participation in real life communication of introvert people are getting lesser. Hangout or social gathering is now like "Extrovert dominated place". As they didn't stepped into out foot steps, they tend to not understand our shortcomings and how they should lend their hands for help. Now it is a first mover's hurdle to overcome all these. The more introvert people joins in real life hangouts, the more it will be easy for new-comers. Plus we should try make everyone aware and request to be a bit more emphatical towards us next time.

my only true connection is with my boyfriend, which seems unhealthy. but its the first connection i've had in 6-7 years and it's amazing to just be able to properly be myself with someone

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

So glad to hear you found a solid connection with someone! Maybe that will give you momentum to make more!

Loneliness is no joke. I always felt so alone during my darkest moments in the past. Human connection is truly vital to our physiological and psychological health. The Internet can help facilitate new connections and friendships, as well as help one stay in touch with those from the past. But it’s clearly no replacement for face to face interactions. “We can blow on our thumbs and posture But the lonely are such delicate things The wind from a wasp could blow them Into the sea With stones on their feet Lost to the light and the loving we need” - James Mercer (The Shins)

@thickaroniandcheese9836

Жыл бұрын

I love that quote. Is that from a book? Sounds interesting.

@cestlavegan5793

Жыл бұрын

@@thickaroniandcheese9836 It’s from the song “A Comet Appears” by The Shins 😊

@thickaroniandcheese9836

Жыл бұрын

@@cestlavegan5793 Thank you! I'll look into it :)

@thickaroniandcheese9836

Жыл бұрын

@@cestlavegan5793 Thanks for sharing that. It was a beautiful song! I'm glad I found it.

@cestlavegan5793

Жыл бұрын

@@thickaroniandcheese9836 Of course! Glad you liked it. That whole album is lovely 🙂

Idk if anyone else had the same experience but I do feel that going out with your friends while you're young is harder today simply because many parents believe the world is more dangerous than it ever was (even though quite the oposite is true) and are always wary of their kids not being home.

@cathrynm

Ай бұрын

This is a good point. Kids are protected from 'stranger danger' -- and now that's their life, huddled inside, safe from the predators.

My only friend is my mom (I'm Gen Z), and I'm really happy in my life! You don't need many friends, what matters is the quality of your friends, and my mom is an amazing person :)

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Everyone is different when it comes to the number of optimal friends and what the relationship with those friends look like!

@nugget6635

Жыл бұрын

But that's because you're either an introvert (finds people tiresome) or timid (fears people) or an antisocial (hates people and has no empathy for most people to the point that murdering someone would be a trivial task.). Also mom is not a friend. A mother is more important than a friend.

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

Yeah but you got to find someone eventually look for someone with the same values/religion rather than looks and appearances

@Galactic_Emperor9000

3 ай бұрын

Oh how I envy you. Wish it was my mom....

As a decrepit 27 year old man I can’t speak for the kids, but I feel like a lot of millennials are somewhat mercenary in our work ethic: loyalty can be a liability. For me that means I feel very uncomfortable at the prospect of “work friends.” If it sucks, I gotta be able to hit da bricks, and making friends feels like it ties me down in a way that can be exploited by the boss. idk maybe I’m just a uniquely traumatized weirdo who’s had really bad bosses but I don’t think I’m that special

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

At the end of the day, we're all traumatized weirdos! And I REALLY hope 27 isn't considered decrepit!

@ebolapie

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise Oh, was just being a little facetious with the remark about being decrepit. These dang kids keep calling me a boomer!

I was a loner in high school despite having people know of my existence. It was hard because it’s hard to create good connections with people when you are constantly moving. I was really awkward and I really worked on myself and my social skills. But it’s so hard making friends here in the US. It seems almost ridiculous when I ask people to hang out even though we may laugh and have lot of good moments at work. It boggles my mind that here in the US people complain about loneliness yet don’t want to do anything about it.

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

It's all about ego.. People will only become friends when they sense some sort of hidden benefit in becoming friends with you. Same thing with relationships, it's all a transaction. There is no real connection or bond anymore with people.

I work in the emergency department and I keep seeing increasing suicidal ideation in patients who are millennials. Most of this is caused by loneliness caused by weak social support. However, this is mostly seen in developed countries.

I find social media to be helpful against loneliness because it let's me talk with my friends even if I would normally be unable to contact them.

Thanks for unbiased, science based content that tackles complex issues! Subscribed!

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for subscribing! We appreciate your appreciation!

I thought I was lonely at school and now I'm a single mum and it's actually so so much worse now 😭😭

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

It's tough out there!

I've struggled with loneliness all my life for a multitude of reasons. A part of it was moving a lot, part of it was that my parents didn't actually teach me good communication skills, and part of it was just rotten luck (you don't always get to pick the kind of people you are surrounded by). But his advise at the end of the video is absolutely right. To combat loneliness, the best thing you can do is strengthen the connections with people you do have and want to strengthen, and you can work on expanding your circle by picking up new hobbies, volunteering, or even using social media to find people near you with similar interests! The pandemic has really made this so much harder, but as it is becoming safer to go out, we need to be working harder than ever to strengthen community bonds.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your story!

@FirstnameLastname-li7lk

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a you problem

It's been a while since i last saw one of your Videos and i think you've improved quite a bit, keep it up!

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks!

Moving to a new city during the pandemic has been rough, especially as a millennial moving to a smaller vacation city where the age range tends to lean older than I am. Finding groups that meet in person is tough, and a lot of folks seem to be more shy than I am and hard to connect with. I'm still trying though; looking for new groups to join, and trying to give them a fair shot before I move on. I want to bring up a point about the way we talk about social media use. Saying that the effects of social media depend on how you use it is an important statement for sure. But I think saying it that way puts the focus - and also some of the responsibility for the effects of social media - on the users, and takes focus away from the companies who are actively engineering their platforms to keep us engaged as long as possible.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

That's a great point, especially considering all the stuff that's been coming out about Facebook in recent weeks. They definitely benefit from keeping us staying on our devices for as long as possible!

@zackgravity7284

Жыл бұрын

Have u considered renting with others?

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

People wanna stick with their own it's too dangerous these days to associate outside of family

Im a part if gen z and i used to have plenty of friends until the coronavirus came and i had to do inline school and now i have no friends so the pandemic definitely played a huge part in me having no friends

@catsandalcohol99

2 жыл бұрын

That was a minor part of it for me. Took a break up to realize that my girlfriend was my only friend.

Because of my introverted personality I never feel lonely. Life is good, life is peaceful. No backstabbing losers to taunt me for my supposed flaws. I go with the flow as I always have.

This guy is a Genius.

I feel like social media is too simple of an explanation for it. IMO it's a contributor but I wouldn't be surprised if things like the economy were bigger factors, though they're not as exciting to talk about. You made some good points about other factors that could affect the stats too, like simply being more open with survey answers

@Hallifex

Жыл бұрын

The economy? Well poor people who lived a much lower standard of technological life actually socialized in person much more than people do today. If you lived in a small town or village you knew mostly everybody in it. You ran errands and would run into people. So no it isn't the economy. I actually moved from the US to Philippines for a few years from ages 10-13. Lived on an island the first year with no electricity 👍

YES, the goblin reference, I love you!

The seniors in my mobile home park are dying from loneliness. 😢

I’m gen z with autism I’m the most anti social person you’ll ever see with many mental problems, I have gen alpha siblings and they are very healthy and they were not abused I was

GenZs have experience childhood life so genAlpa will never experienced that . Sad 😭

I wonder if we'll evolve to no longer desire social connections. Obviously for us, that sounds horrendous, but for the people who don't desire social connections, it'll just be another Wednesday.

Being homeschooled before and during the pandemic does not help

This Gen Alpha... is growing up on KZread Kids and its logic.. imagine that.

The announcement shouting out the loneliest generation made me laugh/cry 😂

Idea-- People now have more exposure to how they don't have to conform, but they aren't yet being given all of the tools or freedoms that they need in order to not. And they are getting big push-back from the institutions that they are immersed in. Um like I'm imagining a chasm of loneliness between conformity and authenticity, more people are seeing that they want to cross that, but they can't quite get to the other side, they have trouble connecting with other people trying to make that same journey (like that inertia of isolation).

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Oh that's super interesting!

The Scapegoat generation... keep your head up guys..

What friends? Yeah introverted and “busy” with career, health, school, and paid positions.

I wonder how much of it could be related to the concept that "ignorance is bliss" and how it changes in the information age; what happens when the sum of all human knowledge is at our fingertips? There's perpetual FOMO and what's more, we're able to see excellence from around the world, which can ne humbling in a harmful way. Great grandma got to playfully call her recipe "world famous" but the polished examples on this-or-that app make it painfully apparent that we're out of our league, so why bother trying? Sit back and live vicariously through so-and-so influencer who mastered the craft.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

There are some clear benefits to "staying local" and keeping your focus on the nearby community instead of expanding your focus to the whole world via the Internet. But that insularity can also lead to close-mindedness and tribalism. Where's the happy medium between narrowing your focus and connections vs. expanding your worldview?

Exactly

DAMN i didn't think were going come at me like that in the first ten seconds of a video! 😔

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Sacramento Kings fan? Sorry, that was a low blow.

@jennrodriguezdaluz

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise it's ok we're used to it 😭

It sounds like a cheap explanation, but the price of being in solitude has substantially decreased since social media/the internet are widespread. There are lots of ok substitutes for many scoial activities which require less effort and arguably lesser stakes, so this might be one factor among others. It would fit the timeline, as the 2010s were the time where everything internet-related was finally at an 100 % adoption rate among young folks.

I have a personality disorder that makes me feel worse when I'm around other people in person. So contrary to most people, I feel better talking w people online and therefore connect more / am less lonely !

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Interesting! Thanks for giving us your take!

Gen X asks, 'What's lonelier than being forgotten?? Aand where is gen x in this lineup?'

9:16 Tell that to Japan

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

😂

Jesus christ is there some global plot to remove all evidence of gen x?

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

We have some (well, one) Gen X person on our team. They were a little hurt by our thumbnail...because what's more Gen X than leaving out Gen X? But if you watch the video, you'll see that we do include Gen X. And the good news? They aren't the loneliest generation despite being left out of everything. 🤷

@evilvet

2 жыл бұрын

We really don't care if we're forgotten generation 2. BUT they only include us when it's time to blame people. We'll be over here not being lonely, waiting to be left holding the bag.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

@@evilvet lol. Your comment is getting high fives from the few Gen X people here at the KQED Education department.

@evilvet

2 жыл бұрын

Careful with those high fives. We are the diaper changers for all the other generations.

@evilvet

2 жыл бұрын

BTW, why few? Did everyone else retire? Public broadcasting has awesome early retirement packages? Or are they aged out? 🤔

The Internet gives but the Internet takes as well

Doesn't the number of friends per person decrease since, like, forever?

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

It has!

@Doping1234

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise if i remember correctly at least since the industrial revolution. Perhaps social media can be thought of another wave of urbanization?

The new generation is unlucky they got no social life, count they re friends they got 1 or 2, I use to have 100 in the 80's sad to be alone when young

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

Because schools and colleges stick us behind screens and expect us all to get along FOH

ok

ha no other gen zers can compare to my loneliness. to protect my family and other high risk people, i have quarintined for more than a year.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

🤣

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

I respect that. Do what you can to protect your family. Everyone else just leaves in search of their own profits.

this comment is typed on smartphone taking my time to type it why,to give my opinion, and i think loneliness is good when it is NEEDED

You think Gen Z is lonely? Gen X didn't even get into your thumbnail!

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

Gen Who?

@MultiCappie

2 жыл бұрын

@@AboveTheNoise Ouch!

Where's Gen X

Why is Gen X always omitted? Just because we are small does not mean we don't exist.

I have learned something about multiple races of humans a lot of people are getting a lot of privileges with their races not just white people but other races too privileges that they didn't used to have in the past some privileges that are old privileges for some races new privileges for other races I thought it was just people treating each other normally but no they're getting privileged too

In science a theory is kinda a fact. Like climate change is a theory.

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

In science-speak, I do not think the causal relationship between smartphones and loneliness rises to the level of scientific theories like climate change or evolution. Not enough variables have been isolated to rule out other explanations, unlike climate change and evolution.

Oh look, Gen X left out AGAIN...

@AboveTheNoise

2 жыл бұрын

😂

The youth today 1. The most socially awkward 2. Plays victim 3. Suicidal 4. Untraditional 5. Unreligious 6. Unambitious 7. Less children 8. Not a generation that can run a nation.

@Cyrus992

2 жыл бұрын

At least social media can be used to alert them

@mofospeedracer1131

2 жыл бұрын

Where does wanting to jail those who don’t use their gender pronouns properly fall under?

@mofospeedracer1131

2 жыл бұрын

What about unhygienic due to lack of bathing & showering and not using deodorant?

@noneedtoknow2731

7 ай бұрын

​@@mofospeedracer1131 Snowflake and stinky

Im top KZreadr & top level twitch streamer! I live on the internet 24 7 I can’t live without technology & KZread

Gen X didn't have a meter because everyone knows we're loners that enjoy solitude lol

The loneliness graph is BS. First, what is a "high loneliness" score? Second, what if "high loneliness" scores were inversely correlated with "low loneliness" score on a year by year basis so the mean "loneliness" score is virtually unchanged? Third, the X-axis skips 2 years, then 8 years, then 2 and 2 again. So the X-axis doesn't accurately represent time (which is linear). Fourth, why aren't the intermediate years shown? It's possible that "high loneliness" scores peaked at 60% in 2004 then dropped way down by 2012, in which case Gen Z wouldn't be the loneliest generation. This graph doesn't disprove this unlikely proposition. A properly drawn graph with a linear X-axis that included all data points could. And by data points I mean mean "loneliness" scores. Taken at face value, all this graph shows is that the number of students reporting "high loneliness" scores has increased. It says nothing about overall loneliness among students. (I believe overall loneliness is increasing, but this graph is faulty evidence.)

feminism

Why are you making this kind of a funny video when its about a really not so fun thing to talk about?? Well actually I know WHY you do it. But just dont

This is because generation z females are having high standards when it comes to looks for dating a guy. Like 6 feet 4 inches tall, chisziled k Jawline, high cheekbones, hunter eyes, perfect symmetrical face. All these these features don't fit into a lot of guys. So that's why generation z guys are lonely.

@mofospeedracer1131

Жыл бұрын

Less time on smartphones and social media and more time in gym improving those physical qualities you’ll be one of them my guy.. Do it for yourself and your own physical and mental health not simply to impress ladies..

@mofospeedracer1131

Жыл бұрын

You don’t have to be 6 foot 4 to have those qualities

@anonymous-cx7ng

Жыл бұрын

Wtf this is not about dating and you’re wrong gen z girls are depressed and will take any guy

@Punicia

Жыл бұрын

I have all that trust me that's not the issue lol

Ah, so as always, fuck late stage capitalism and return to monke

Gen z needs Jesus.