Envy is what drives the narcissist to want to absolutely DESTROY their target! It's scary

My experience of my ex partner’s envy (he oscillated between grandiose and vulnerable narcissism) was very negative. He was critical of everything and everyone constantly. He would ridicule how people dressed, how they decorated their houses, what car they drove. On the other hand he would constantly remark on things that he wanted, the Bentley, the Rolex etc. I must stress that when I got together with him he presented himself as a simple guy who could enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Over the course of 4 years it all fell apart. He was a very talented actor, be careful out there. Thank you as always Dr Grande, it is an important component of the disorder, and could be a red flag to look out for.

It took me 25 years to figure out my MIL. It was my own mother who kept telling me that my MIL seems envious of me. I just could not see how my MIL could be envious, when she was the matriarch of the family. After all, she held all of the power from the start. I just wanted my MIL to accept me into her family. It all came to light for me when I learned about vulnerable narcissism. I am so grateful for these videos.

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

2 жыл бұрын

Hi I came here for some enlightenment,in case there's something I can do for my MIL who seems very jealous of me and other people's lives. She (and lesser her hudband) emotionally abuse me and I cannot take any more. I had enough ( needing days to recover) after an interaction with them. I sensed jealousy from her all the time. Although I try the exact opposite, don't show off, or boast, or show excitement (to prevent making her jealous), not that it works very well. Jealousy is irrational and illogical.

Long before I knew anything about Narcissism we knew a guy whom I now realize was a Covert Narc. He came to our house for the first time, and suddenly went from a jolly joker to a glum, silent lump. I believe I witnessed just what you talked about in this video ... Narcissistic Envy! He was very prone to want what anyone else had, and we had a very nice home, which apparently really got to him. It was dramatic, and just Weird! Who knew that all these years later I would watch a video and remember that moment! Thanks Dr. Grande! A real eye opener!

The absolute worst narcissist I've ever known operated solely on envy. I mean this was a very dangerous man, not your average narcissist- he would ruin people's lives out of a sense of vigilantism. He once told me that he never in his entire life felt happy that another person had an accomplishment. Every time he heard someone "get something" like get married, job promotion, etc, he would become enraged.

@bizinsky

4 жыл бұрын

Kristine yecchh. Been there with family and coworkers. Best just to walk away and shine anywhere else.

@emmaphilo4049

4 жыл бұрын

Omg what a miserable life😱

@karendalsadik7119

2 жыл бұрын

Wow!

@SoberCatboy

2 жыл бұрын

That sounds a lot like me :( I don't understand how anyone can be happy for anyone else unless you already have what you want in life. Like why should I be happy someone else has a great life when mine fucking sucks? I'll be happy for them as soon as I'M happy. I can only really be happy for someone if their achievement benefits me directly in some way. Particularly if I have a partner who is supporting me financially while I work toward my own goals.

@karendalsadik7119

2 жыл бұрын

@@SoberCatboythat’s narcissistic. Love and selflessness hopes for others to have achievements snd a good life. If your completely miserable it’s hard to be happy and view things clearly.

Envy is one of the seven deadly sins. These people make terrible partners.

@xrc7445

2 жыл бұрын

And parents. And siblings.

@dianaverano7878

9 ай бұрын

Even terrible friends! Im watching my back onn these types of people from now on!

I think entitlement is the most dangerous, it motivates and fuels all of the destructive traits. If someone is envious but has humility they aren't going to be motivated to take what they don't think they're entitled to.

The irony of my love life is, that in my twenties as a student I conceptualized traits of vulnerable narcissism in my mind as an total opposite of open/grandiose narcissism. Feeling impaired by the behaviour of the open type (such as lack of interest in others, very extrovert, always wanting to talk about themselves, always feeling superior, lack of tact, sensitivity and understanding of others, ...) in my family of origin, I thought I was at a maximum distance to this ( and therefore safe) by choosing vulnerable narcissistic guys as partners. They appeared to be good listeners, often rather introvert, interested in others, a bit reserved maybe... It never came to my mind, that this was just a more hidden version of the same and that I was actually NOT safe at all... the war of attrition was just around the corner. Everything will be great in my next life, Dr. Grande. 🐰

I’ve always thought of envy as being the core feeling of narcissism, deeply rooted in everything they do. Envy can be healthy, as can be narcissism, but when it is chronic it brings damage into the equation. Thank you again for your expert insight Dr. Grande.

My ex admitted that he only felt 'good' when he was around people who weren't as well off as he was. He hated being around people who he perceived were more successful than him. I think he had a great deal of hidden Scadenfreude.

@tashastarling870

3 жыл бұрын

My ex is like this too. He does it under the guise of being altruistic. Makes you believe he wants to show you and poor unfortunates how much he accepts them. The problem is he doesn't support friends when they do well for themselves. This includes family. Unless your success is a direct extension to his own and falls within his perimeters. And he doesn't have close to any useful personal insight to be able to admit his failings. Makes him very insidious and attracts sympathy until someone realizes the hopelessness of his situation.

I was a very creative artistic hard working achiever and my ex i could see was very envious/ jealous of when i designed and created something beautiful. i started to notice her envy as when i had achieved something beautiful, there would be no pat on the back for me where as others adored and loved my creations. When i noticed her envy / jealousy i tried and offered her the opportunity to also try and create something beautiful on a few occasions, she turned the offers down. I noticed over a long period of time the same shrug of the shoulder reaction with everything i achieved. After the discard she had so much hate in her for me ( i had so much love in my heart for her even though she was never really nice/good to me) she actually tried to destroy my life totally. Let that be a lesson to anyone who has a (covert) narcissistic partner, especially over many years together...

@laurae8324

4 жыл бұрын

Anthony David Latter I’m an artist as well. A friend I had since I was 14 was also in the same field, and when I achieved a little success, she absolutely tried to destroy me with her slander. And many believed it and still do, even though my art has evolved and she stopped making totally. Envy runs in my family and sometimes those feelings creep in, but I root them out with prayer. We don’t have to be ruled by our feelings.

@laurae8324

4 жыл бұрын

Anthony David Latter And you can tell when you run into an envious person casually. They will never appreciate your work. My son’s MIL is envious of my pies and cheesecake. She’s a millionaire and takes their family on exotic and expensive vacations. I’m a starving artist, driving a beater, working a part time job in my retirement, but she’s the envious one. Go figure! There is a Jordan Peterson video about creative people and his concept is that being creative is a great risk bc people brutally turn against the truly creative due to our uniqueness. You have to put yourself out there and I do hate that part.

@asktheetruscans9857

4 жыл бұрын

@@laurae8324 If the narc lives in Buckingham Palace and you live in a cardboard box, they want to burn down your box...preferably with you in it.

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

2 жыл бұрын

@@asktheetruscans9857 exactly

@ilektrakaratasiou3352

2 жыл бұрын

@@laurae8324 just like with my MIL. She's jealous of my mum even though they have very different comforts. My mum is loved by many many people who can't wait to see her. However my MIL "I bet"is never missed by anyone.

I'd be envious of your knowledge & insight if you didn't hand it out so readily & freely 😏

In my current dealings with a raging narcissist in my family, I've noticed a revolving door of grandiosity and vulnerability that is driven by alcohol. Sober? Crying and apologizing. Drunk? Mean as hell, degrading as can be, arrogant beyond measure and spewing really dumb, hurtful remarks. A joy to be around!

I've hated myself for the longest time, always felt inferior to everyone else, suffered from depression for most of my life, and recently I've been feeling even lower than before, and I feel envy towards people with things I don't even want. (Someone online mentioning being pregnant made me break down, even when I've never wanted, (and still don't want) children.) I've theorized that this might be because I feel like my only life is being wasted and I can't reach or will experience any of these things (finishing school, having a family, having close friends, being smart, having a partner at all... hell, being able to feel happiness just by spending time on their hobbies), and it adds to my depression. The one difference I can think of is that I don't put people down when they achieve something, I support them because I'm genuinely happy for them, even when the envy stings like a mofo. But still... Now I'm scared I might be a narcissist.

@SoberCatboy

2 жыл бұрын

I don't think anyone who genuinely feels "happy for" anyone else (other than your closest family) can have NPD.

It may start with envy but the worst trait of a narcissist is that they think it is their personal mission to destroy at all cost.

They say love sees sharply, hate sees even sharper, but jealousy see’s sharpest of all because it is love and hate at the same time

I enjoy your videos because they help me understand some of the thought patterns of narcissists. My mother and sister double team me and they take turns insulting or bullying whenever I receive compliments or attention. They have done this together against me for decades. It had worn my self esteem down. My mother is particularly cruel. She says the worst things to me and smirks and you can tell she really enjoys dismantling how I see myself. I avoid them both now.

Great video. I now realize I have characteristics from both types of narcissism. I have very strong envy and it has made me sick. I feel the world is a war. I'm searching for the answer in philosophy and psychology and it has helped me a LOT. I believe in empathy and love. Thank you!

@camillelittell1250

2 жыл бұрын

Remember that EACH individual has the ability to achieve without draining another. You are more powerful than you believe. Look within.

@SoberCatboy

2 жыл бұрын

I have very strong envy too. But I'm also extroverted. There is no answer.

Thank you for bringing this topic into light, Dr. Grande!! The truth of the matter about destructive envy is that the doers do not recognize that they have their own potential that if developed can become something awesome. The unwillingness to do their own homework is the root cause of all the evil conduct, as if those who achieve something are sinful towards them. It's happened chronically all around here. Again, thank you, and God bless🙏🤞

@zebrastripes3786

4 жыл бұрын

Julia Tamalo They are still envious despite their success. I have been with 2 narcs,one was a civil engineer and the other a successful artist. They both envied my empathy and how people were drawn to me.

@camillelittell1250

2 жыл бұрын

ZebraStripes37 narcissists(takers) are always drawn to empaths (givers). Narcs usually don’t stay around too long if they aren’t receiving. If you keep choosing takers for relationships you might step back a-bit and take stock of your own traits you want in a partner. Go slooow. Narcs will love boom so you make a decision right away before you SEE them.

I have a question: how does one get to be "Today's Question on Dr. Grande"?! I just learned a horrifying NEW component of narcissism: The INVERTED narcissist. OMG this whole time I thought my psycopathic narcissist's wife was a VICTIM too. Nope. She's an INVERTED narcissist. What in the World, Dr. G!???? Help me, they are multiplying on me!!!!! To be clear, my psycopathic narcissist was unfortunately MY LANDLORD so no - I did not have any kind of relationship with him other than an irretrievably broken landlord-relationship after his uncontrolled rage came at me and I had to get an Order of Protection keeping him out of his own property. Fun times. But I just learned this whole new level of disturbing offshoot of narcissism called the INVERTED narcissist. Why is this insanity so pervasive in our society, Dr. Grande? And is this actually a REAL thing? Their wives GET OFF hearing how the Psycopathic Narcissist terrorizes other women and she feels empowered being connected to such evil destruction???

Dr. Grande, Can you please do a video on the 10 signs of a Psychopathic parent, a parent who is out to destroy their child? I noticed you did a video on the traits of psychopathic wives and another on psychopathic husbands, but there needs to be something for child abuse victims, including adult child abuse victims, to help them decide whether they are safe with their parent (or a step parent) in terms of harm, and danger. In other words, what are the signs of a dangerous parent, and what kinds of boundaries and police interventions are necessary?

I think manipulation is the most dangerous narcissistic trait. Creates more victims while envy can be overcome kinda like a obstacle in the way of the narcissists road.

@c1rcl3s

4 жыл бұрын

A narcissist cannot overcome envy. it motivates them to destroy the person they are envious of.

@godstomper

4 жыл бұрын

@@suigeneris3347 agreed

@onelove8593

3 жыл бұрын

@@suigeneris3347 do you think that this kind of videos help to recuperate that natural intuition?, serious question I'm from México and I've been suffering abuse all my life, I'm 23 almost 24 in the past 2 years ago I been learning what was happening in my situation, now I know that I'm sorrounded by narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, this family is crazy is like a Rob Zombie movie, not just my family but we tend to engage in toxic relationships is like a no ending curse

Interesting note: the point about the vulnerable narcissist not considering that anyone would be envious of them, there are those I have met who will tell themselves that someone IS envious of them while being unable to believe it.

Joker's director Todd Phillips recently at Tiff interview described Joker as a Narcissist. I thought that weeks ago now glad to hear that was the director's view as well.

Oh thank you so very much, Dr. This makes it so much easier to understand what I have been through. Here’s another repeat-a-thon until I totally absorb its damage and heal myself. Your video’s are wonderful. Can’t wait to get more coffee mugs from your site.

Dr. Grande. Thanks for the well-balanced, informative videos. There are countless questions I could ask. I'll start with two. 1. What can an adult who hasn't properly matured do to become more well formed? 2. Also, it would be interesting if you could talk about going into the kind of work you're in, including the challenges you face in your line of work and the obstacles to getting there.

None of you believe us narcissists can change. I'm trying my fucking hardest to change and all your comments have me in tears. Thanks for giving up on our personality type. So much for being inclusive..........

Doctor Grande, you are spot on. I was very interested in listening, when I saw the title. I would appreciate if you could do a video on sadness. Grateful for your time and sharing of your knowledge.

It’s good to see you making distinctions between the types of narcissism, as they do think and feel and react quite differently, especially in later life and your thoughts don’t always reflect this.

Thank you Dr. Grande for the details in this video. Very interesting. I appreciate mental health science. Thank you for explaining to where this complex topic makes sense.

Thank you Doctor Grande. Extremely informative. Vulnerable narcissist I find them to be more damaged.

Two narcissists dislike being called out

Wow. I had an “Aha!” moment while watching this! My mother is a vulnerable narcissist, and her feelings of inadequacy combined with envy I believe are the drivers behind her hoarding. Her obsessive collecting and not letting go of material objects is how she copes with her envy of others and the associated feelings of inadequacy. She is determined she is going to have more stuff than they are, and somehow that thought comforts her. And she believes that other people envy and want her precious “stuff.”

@vickimerritt2832

Жыл бұрын

perhaps she was victimized or neglected by her spouse, or others? I say this as currently it has been found that many hoarders have been the partners of undiagnosed narcs, psyohopaths or domestic abusers that created the cognitive dissonance in their spouses resulting in the normal spouse now using things as a grounding constant for a hopeless positive outcome to affirm their personal value. for many it is all that is "allowed" to their spouse as a way to exixt as a person, rather than healthier outlets. Marital abusers delight in competing with and erasing their other half as a seperate human, but use and abuse them as a tool

@vickimerritt2832

Жыл бұрын

abusive partners make their spouse "earn" every basic need, from a sofa to a new stove to clothing to needed items for their children. Many older women were told if they "put out" on demand they would be "rewarded" with basic necessities, the act of lovemaking on the abusers demand became a bartering tool. It was a sick and perverted way of couples interacting defined by 1960 ad men, that was very derogative toward women as "childlike" and easily manipulated. not equals or adults. i know as my ten years older spouse was utterly abusive in this way. he only did the standard household items or repair or replaced worn out or broken things if they were earned by my being forced into sex on demand for even pointing these thing out. he did nothing without an exchange of master slave bartering. it is the only way he could exist. One of his pat responses was to any related info of family or home needs was, "If you play your cards right." meaning needs or wants had to be earned, and he left little doubt how you would be "earning" it. Truly sick.

@vickimerritt2832

Жыл бұрын

Your attitude towards your mother aquisitions, or stuff seems very abusive to me as until recently it was a sign of her times, especially for older generation housewives, it WAS the only form of expression they were allowed. Over the course of a lifetime one can obtain many things in a household, especially if they has very few moves. i do not know if any of this is your mothers case or causes for her "hoard" but the disgust minus any understanding of your mother pride in her things and idenity very common of her time and generation, though not of yours, is unsetteling to witness as an example of envy in narcs of a dangerous sort. Has you mother posed a threat to others, or is she just eccentrically attached to her things?

The root of the envy, shame, etc...is the willingness to serve fear. I did 16 years with a female with consistent and strong covert narcissistic traits. Envoy, jealousy, shame, constant desire to feed off others emotions...it was all driven by their willingness to serve fear. Fear has no master, and to make a choice off of it is to bring that fear to fruition, which then is used to spiral. The greatest damaging aspect though, is their willingness to fake being a soul mate (this takes down others, mate & kids, & keeps the victims thinking how if they just keep working hard their soulmate will come back to them). Do the work to heal yourself, and know you are loved.

Another excellent explanation 👍🏻

@franmellor9843

4 жыл бұрын

Yes !

Comment 201: 14,288 views. With 781 likes and 12 non. Envy is the only unpleasant sin. Another great video Dr. Grande. 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁😄😄😄😍🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁 Three types of Envy: Neediness Envy, Separation Envy Narcissistic envy In neediness, Dan tries to take land from me because he is envious of the good reputation, degree, social status I have --trying to make it his because he does not have it. In separation, that someone they want is not their possession. Thus a gf who wants me be their desired partner and not tolerate that I can make. Make my choice because it is mine...

Always so fascinating and well explained! Thanks Dr. Grande 🙂

I really enjoyed that explanation as I believe it to describe my covert. He aggressively admitted the envy once to me in an argument. I think he was honest in that moment. I do feel better and sorrier for him after I clinically hear it broken down.

TY for another great video. I appreciate them very much :)

This is very important information. I have known many Narcissists.

Great job, thanks for sharing!

My narc has every single quality that you have mentioned. I am glad I am alive. Still.

I always thought that envy was a benign emotion, and jealousy was more hateful. I've envied my sister for years because she has everything I'd want - but I'm glad she has it and is happy. I just want the same. I figured jealousy would be if I couldn't love her because of her life, and wanted to take her successes from her. I do not. Thank you for defining these your way, Dr Grande. 🎃🌹🍁🍃🍂👍

I wish millions of subscribers for u dr. U r saving people from suffering

The idea of Grandiose and Vulnerable narcissism existing in the same person needs to be known. They can switch between the two depending on what they are surrounded by.

@melodyvovan9205

4 жыл бұрын

Depending on the stages in the relationshit... depending on how you defend yourself...

I can soooo resonate with this regarding my ex. So spot on.

Very interesting, I will comment this later. 🌹🌹 to Dr. Grande.Happy Halloween to all!🎃🎃🎃

Whole thing makes my head spin, when I feel I’ve seen oscillation in my mother, between covert and grandiose. Overall though, when I look back on the history of her statements and actions, I don’t question that there is envy and, in case it’s questioned, I do not, at all, enjoy being the target of envy. I have been the target of envy in workplaces, “friendships”, and I was completely blindsided by finding out that my mother is narcissistic and that envy is a part of the narcissistic construct. The majority of people that I’ve wondered whether there were issues with envy, firstly, could’ve been mere dislike as, not everyone is going to like everyone. But, in the situations where there’ve seemed to be possible envy, I’ve never understood it. I’m decent looking and smart enough. But, not drop dead gorgeous and a rocket scientist. The people I’ve wondered if there were envy issues with, have had their own positive aspects that they’ve brought to the table. Not the least of which is my mother who, although she’s aging, has always been drop dead gorgeous and used to model. I’m aware of age envy but, to be on an extended plan to destroy your own daughter, which tells me that she’s been quite conscious of her efforts, long before dementia would’ve even been considered, tells me that this is a person who simply cannot see herself anymore. I do realize, however that, because I was her confidante during her 3rd marriage, she also sees me as a threat, considering the information conveyed to me. Worse yet, my sister has leash been envious, in part due to my mother’s input so, I now have a team of envious people against me so, I choose to disengage. I also realize that there are people at my current job who are envious as, they’d like my position. Whether they are narcissistic or not is debatable and on an individual basis. I HATE envy. Sure, I’ve been jealous over what someone else has. But, this idea of obsessive, perpetual, seething destruction, is nuts.

Another excellent video.👍🏻

Very well said. Thank you

Remember, jealousy and envy are different things, Envy is malignant jealousy focused on destroying the other.

@mervyngreene6687

2 жыл бұрын

This was a critical element for me to understand why my relationship with my siblings was so toxic. Ever since I was in my 30s, I could feel a growing hostility against me by my siblings. That was when I first spoke to a counselor about my problem with my siblings. After giving the counselor the incident that made me suspicious, he said that the problem was obvious. He said that they were jealous of me. This made no sense to me. All 8 of them were college educated, with good, professions and great respect in the community The problem was what he was really talking about was envy, not jealousy. It took me years to understand what was going on. After that, I started to remember times when they actually told me why they resented me. I was always treated as academically gifted. I was in classes for gifted students. Then when I was 14 years old, I got an academic scholarship to a New England prep school. That was when everything started. All of my siblings were considered gifted. All of them are college graduates. All of them have great professions. However, I was always considered "special." All of their toxic behavior can be traced back to this problem. It is depressing how far they have been willing to go to discredit me and any thing about me that threatens them.

From my limited personal experience I think a lot of narcissistic people are somewhere in between. In some areas they feel grandiose but as soon as they see someone who is better/has something they don't, they start being envious and behave more like "vulnerable" narcissistic which results in either resenting to aggression or being ashamed of themselves and self-loathing somehow.

@SoberCatboy

2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY!!!

They hate when you get anything other people’s attention or if you are a better parent or if you have a better job or if you have artistic talent or if someone say your garden looks good or if someone invites you some where or if you go somewhere with out them. Their jealous of everything that you have and they don’t. If your pregnant and get attention they will hurt themselves to get attention from you. Everything is a contest. They will try to steal attention from their child mite get at school for sing in the Christmas concert by causing a scene.

Very interesting Dr.Grande.Thanks 😃🇳🇱

The granular detail is fascinating & very helpful in everyday life - are there other channels you like ?

I've never seen a narcissist with anything going on in their life that I would bother getting jealous over.

This really helped me understand why I might have so much envy myself

Needed this.

Envy is the fuel that feeds the fires of Narcissism

DR TODD GRANDE: As you say in an other video: their are thousands of youtube videos on narcissism (albeit many not clinical) - so how come I can’t find any that answer my questions?? I’ve even contacted some presenters by message but still the topics are ignored. Are you interested in hearing my questions?

Great video, thank you! I can see the grandiose doesn't experience envy as long as the status quo remains. However, the grandiose is their own worst enemy in the sense that the supply needs to intensify because there's a tolerance build up similar to addiction. Break through the glass ceiling for the next rush, unfortunately it's never enough for the narcissist

That was fascinating. 👍

Comment 202: 15,034 views more than 746 when I last comments. It’s good to know you are up to 209k SUBSCRBERS. 😄😀😄👍 If I was envious I would not rejoice in your success. I’ve had envious people downgrade me because of their envy of me. Negative emotions like envy not very good.😁😁😁😉😉 Thankyou Dr. Grande 🥺🥺🥺😄😄😄

They envy their own children. Grandiose narcissist do envy , I’m living with one from 40 years.

Dr. Grande could you analyze Jussie Smollett and what might have been his drive behind his bizzare lies and outrageous story ? Btw love your videos!

@JoeMama-yd1ve

4 жыл бұрын

To get narcissistic supply off being the victim of a hate crime and more supply off being praised as a civil rights hero.

@PositiveMommaLife

4 жыл бұрын

MongoVision he was attempting to start a race war.

This is fascnating and appreciated

I can say with full confidence that all types do envy and carry a lot of resentments. The way they express it may be different. A grandiose one would say out loud "I don't believe in money, or paying for stuff" and the following sentence with me "Why do you have this and I don't, or this person has a castle (reality it is a regular house) and so it is ok to use them" and on and on. The vulnerable instills doubt in the integrity of a person whom they perceive as more successful, wealthy, etc. They both sabotage anything you have that triggers their envy then pretend they didn't mean to or deny responsibility, that is, if you actually caught them. Lack of gratitude and inner fulfillment leads to envy, narcissist or not. It is scary how much damage it causes and the endless put downs that eventually gets us off our goals.

thank you for this

I just how you explain these topics .( I need new friends) 🤪Thank you Dr. Grande

I have to re-listen to this tomorrow. I was distracted by feelings of envy and could not concentrate. Seriously I have to re-listen. I have been on the phone tonight explaining to someone what is wrong with a person we both know who has displayed these envious traits in all the time (40 years) we have known this person. This person is very cruel to her on an ongoing basis. Envy and comparing are both very destructive. I have removed the person that we were talking about from my life. I know I never have to be the object of her hate and envy ever again. It is a great feeling. Who needs people like that?

Three narcs in my life used envy to turn my best friends away from me. Telling me whenever they have a chance or trying to get closer to me "your friend isn't good for you, she's jealous of you". How do narcs show their envy to me : grabbing me suddenly by the hair "wow, you've got such beautiful hair! ", "sure you came on time, you live near here", "you always know someone who can help you". Vocabulary of narc coworkers. I used to think they were just arrogant, but since they showed all the possible red flags I don't doubt they are the true npd.

@Dr. Todd Grande would you consider doing a video on the concept of self sabotage? In particular if it has a tendancy to be deliberate or subconscious? As always, I love your vids.

In my experience narcissist try to make themselves that they are something important and special and other people envy them that make them happier and more special and important and tried to pull other people down so they can be above ...so sorry for them that they are not safe, not confident. And not satisfied.

I have seen this first hand... I felt it as a child from both parents, it messed up my childhood as I was shamed and blamed and stopped me achieving and having a better life.... and now lol! It's why don't you trust us! I think it is the inferiority thing. ... play to your strengths and you won't feel inferior everyone is unique and envy is pointless as what's to envy we all go to the grave in the end?life 8s a journey and a difficult one for many of us 🙏🙏🙋🙋

Hello, i’m new to the channel and was wondering if you could do a mental analysis of Jim Jones. Have really enjoyed your content lately since discovering the channel :)

My brothes is jealous about my husband being accepted in the family :) and because my husband is from another country there is rasism involved. Besides that he cant accept thay i got married in a first place - in his eyes i am his little sister - a freak of nature who dont deserve things in life:) so... im outtie... time to become "an only child" and erease him from my life. Thanks to dr. GRANDE Ive learnt so much about my brother... and i am still connecting the dots of what happened in the past that i havent noticed and are now so clear indication of narcissism ... ❤ thank u!

I get jealous of my friends relationship with her mum. I feel very left out and having such a supportive presence in my life feels unattainable. I feel so jealous of her life in general and have struggled with this for a while.

The paradox in this is a non narc can be envied by a narc and then that presumption would be true.

It’s why I left my ex narc. He was enraged that I was buying a new home. He couldn’t handle any of my accomplishments. He had more degrees than I, and yet couldn’t be happy for me. It’s why I saw the light and went no contact. I guess I destroyed his projected fantasy that he had in his mind. Makes sense!

From 10mins point - wow!

Dr. Grande what good further explanations on the processes behind the development of personality disorders. So in other words in summary it may be that if a person is practising of all 3 kinds of envy with narcissistic intent driven by narcissistic pride is what drives people with narcissism to commit crimes which pushes them over the threshold into starting to practising psychopathy.. Chrstians are socialized to see all others as better than themselves and so when included in a research study it may affect the interpretation of research results among only some clinicians [Not Dr. Grande] of course

My vulnerable narcissist husband who is self-centered, needs constant attention and admiration, feeling entitled, who does not understand reciprocity in a relationship, controlling, mocks everyone easily but cannot take even a positive criticism , gives me remarks like "good for you, you can bond with the children, you have common interests ". What??!!! I know exactly about the dark cloud theory. The word happiness does not exist with these people. Tired i am, feeling alone. SEPARATION or DIVORCE ??

Envy in particular by my eldest sister has caused me and my adult son's to turn our backs on her, every interaction is extremely stressful, volatile and destructive on the entire family. I am the youngest of my birth family, I was a teenage mother, and from day dot, my sister has repeatedly said it's not fair I have children when she could not. After I had my first son, she said he should have been hers, and would constantly try and tear me down with demeaning put downs and manipulation. One of the most deceitful things she did was going behind my back for a year with my vulnerable son, to enlist him in political organization that flew in direct opposition to my own and his father's, peaceful hopes and opting out of the religious divide that plagues my country. He was extremely vulnerable at that time, and that was when she took it upon herself to be a shit stirring cow. My other two son's where far more prepared for her manipulation and never fell victim. My son is still a member of the political organization. And over the last 14year's it's caused many fall outs. And that bitch loves it. She is no longer welcome by any of us. We gave her too many chances and every time it ended violently.

Dad couldn't handle my sister doing well in her A levels (grades taken at age 18 in UK). He trashed her room and shit went flying. When my mum confronted him and asked "why the hell did u do that?" His response was "she blocked the toilet!". A toilet that he refused to get fixed even though he had the money and had left it bad condition for years. Narcissists often come up with crazy stories (that sound good to them) as a way to justify and deflect attention away from their envy. DO NOT FOOL FOR IT!!

Very intresting topic. Thank you for all your work Mr Todd truely a joy to watch and learn from you. I believe that envy occurs in both overt en covert disorders. because they tend to switch from overt to covert and vs. Overall you see one disorder manifastation more domenant then the other. With the overt situation you see more like..... What ?your not domant to me let me put you in your place....(and the behaviour that follows is granted in their narrotive he had it comming) usual in a not very sophisticated way. With the covert its often how could he or she have this and not me.... why don't I deserve that, I worked harder for it... more in a victim way....thats not fair you see how/what he or she got instead of me? I'l make this right by..... (and the behaviour that follows is granted aswel in their perception) more in a sophisticated way thats refutable when you call them out. And I think you see envy in both covert and overt.....they can't stand somebody else enjoying something that they can't enjoy, they get irritated(because of they personality disorder criterium) or it didn't come to mind persuiting that thing they are envy about(so they copy and make it their own idea).......or simply because they just can't affort it/ It's out of their league....and their overall cheap.... (excuse my poor English;) actually fishing for a compliment here really....lol joke;)

I proffer a slightly different view. If a vulnerable narcissist develops an impression that someone else actually believes that the narc has some inferior qualities, the vulnerable narcissist will project onto that person, in typical twisted logic, envy, thereby explaining away the narc’s uncomfortable feeling. This is how I see it but it’s a harder pattern to detect, because unlike the more characteristic reactive narc traits, this (twisted) conclusion develops more slowly as the narc quietly wrestles with it. Once resolved, the narc then quickly dismisses it.

Dr. Grande, I find your videos very informative and helpful in my understanding of my past marriage. My ex was a college professor at one school and I was too at a smaller school. I got tenure, he did not. His controlling, aggressive abuse and humiliation tactics went into overdrive. I got a divorce. I waited until I got tenure to have some financial security since everything I had went into our home. Anyway....I am wondering if there is such a thing as group narcissism. Would you consider social trends in thinking such as white male privilege an expression of group narcissism? I have a kind, thoughtful white male colleague, a lovely person, constantly being accused of things like man-splaining and other insults during committee meetings. White privilege has gotten a lot of traction where I work and while I get the concept I find it hard to believe, especially in the instance of my collesgue. Thank you again for your fine videos.

Dr Grande, I know that this is rather ad hoc, but based on the competitive nature of narcissists, in which they run down targets (victims) and others that they view as threats, how would the emotion of envy factor in during the three phases of idealisation, devaluation and discard? This is definitely a very unexplored area despite its possibility for explaining how some people, especially narcissists and those with very high scores on the narcissism scale, behave towards others.

Envy of narcs is not realistic e.g. I am a medical professional & was bitterly envied at my job by narcs who were IT diploma holder & Arts degree respectively. They both felt entitled to my job & that I was not worthy of my earnings. However , both narcs were unemployed.NPR is the worst poison to an empaths brain chemistry.

... I completely get the description of envy as it applies to narcissists ... but the meaning seems to have evolved from when I grew up ... often someone would tell someone “oh, I envy you... !” as a compliment, not because they coveted anything about the other person or would even want to possess anything similar ... it was just a way to acknowledge the other person in a complimentary way ... whereas “jealousy “ was viewed as having ill will towards the other person ...

I honestly never detected the envy. I can see now it was envy at the base of it and I was its object. So strange. the anger was much worse than the envy

I had to cut off a group of women because their narcissism was too extreme for me to handle. They were malignant. I sensed they were jealous of my looks and the attention I got from the men around us, and one of the main “compliments” men gave me was how “nice” my body was. Well, the women eventually started calling me “ugly” in front of everyone and picked a part my looks on social media. They went from throwing out compliments and “agreeing” with men who complimented me to full-on insulting me and asking why they would be jealous of a “retard” with saggy breasts and butt. It was emotionally draining.

I wonder if all narcissists have that inner core of insecurity even the grandiose ones. I can't help feeling that envy in a grandiose narcissist is just better hidden. The superiority and intolerance are the upper most obvious reactions but if you look at their targets whom they choose to hurt, you may see the envy in the choice. Why people that are close, family or work colleagues? Narcissists must surely score low on emotional intelligence and we see envy of riches, power, looks but can there be envy of someone who has more emotional capacity than you? Why do narcissists target empaths and in time try to destroy them? Just a thought.

@melodyvovan9205

4 жыл бұрын

Yes they are so void they want to steal your joy your smile and after idealizing your empathy they will describe it as weakness...

@rebekahtinker1749

4 жыл бұрын

@@melodyvovan9205 you are so spot on there. Idealizing then belittling.

@melodyvovan9205

4 жыл бұрын

@@rebekahtinker1749 I'm sending you strenght Rebekah God bless you ❤

Dr. Grande- I'm really struggling to put this all together. When it comes to the "grandiose" they would be considered "egosyntonic" e.g. they don't believe that there's anything wrong with them and don't feel ashamed our inadequate. Thus "envy" is more of a feeling of entitlement and an anger about not getting what they want. Are "vulnerables" somehow "dystonic" and thus the shame and "envy" come with feeling bad about not getting what they want? Am I on the right track? Can the difference between the two forms of narcissism be seen through this dichotomy?

@budawang77

4 жыл бұрын

I think Dr Grande's conclusion is that grandiose narcs don't usually feel envy at all because they think they are better than others. However, they might feel others are envious of their "superiority". Conversely, vulnerable narcs are prone to envy because they feel they are not as good as other people and that is very painful for them.

Strangest thing.. I never thought I had envy... .. but I remembered before no-contact every time I spoke to my mother I expressed immense envy towards people who had parents who cared but sounded like envy of their objects ie. families, wives, businesses, homes etc. I was envious they had folks who had nourished them and not let them hang out to dry or sabotaged them, not what it gave them. Anyhow the minute I cut my parents out all that envy went out the door, I found I the envy was just the idea others new families had given them an escape route away from their birth families... but now I was free too. Today i only envy people without post-traumatic stress disorder. They're all bastards.

Narcissist: angry, envious, emotionally impulsive, throws tantrums like a 5 yr old, spends money like there's no tomorrow, have no dreams in life But too busy making people's dreams destroyed. Got it.

When someone makes you envious. Try to look at what you are envious at and see how you can find this for yourself. Also: Question wether what you are envious of is even worth envying are they really better off with what they have that you envy. This is more productive trying to help the person being envious. This envy hurts the object of their envy ofc. Envy is false its a lie and it hurts the one you are envious of. I admit to my envy and overcome it this way. This way I feel equal or do not compare myself with others. I have ADD and this means I Am envious and have some narc traits. I try to Come from abundance not lack that way i do not need to look down upon anyone to like myself. # teach narcs self love

@jooneemoon

4 жыл бұрын

I believe that a true narcissist would not have the capacity to recognise and acknowledge their feelings of envy. If they did, then they would be self-aware and ultimately have the capacity to manage & transform their behaviour. Lack of self-awareness & of the other is characteristic of narcissism, in my view & experience.

If a person has chronic envy, does this imply that they're a vulnerable narcissist, or is it possible for the two to be mutually exclusive?

@zebrastripes3786

4 жыл бұрын

schw0373 They all have chronic envy,the whole cluster B personality types that is. Vulnerable narcissists are the ones that don’t seems to be narcissistic outwardly compared to the grandiose ones. They would be more shy,quite not flashy dressers etc

@schw0373

4 жыл бұрын

@@zebrastripes3786 People with antisocial personality disorder often don't have problems with envy. But I was asking a different question: can a person be envious but not be considered a vulnerable narcissist?

@idin03

4 жыл бұрын

the problem with the very label of vulnerable narcissist is the amount of negative "stigma" it gets by others, as you can easily tell from the responses here and online communities in general. it's not a classified diagnosis, even under the DSM system or others, yet people like to put it still in the same category as grandiose narcissism when it's entirely a different thing. it's an off label if you will, similar to other conditions that haven't made it to the DSM, such as agitated depression or sluggish cognitive tempo, two conditions which i relate to myself. i was interested in answering your question(s), because as someone who has Schizotypal personality disorder and severe depression myself, i also relate to what has been called vulnerable narcissism, not all things, for example, i do not see people envying me, at least not in the way the typical "narcissist" would feel, but instead the envy that other people would have on me is that they wished they were like me, because they'd think they have easier lives or less hardships, because they assume my problems are trivial or that i'm a "simple" person to them. i have researched vulnerable narcissism quite a bit, and it's like the only mental health condition that explains me the closest in research literature terms, and again, not everything, but most of what is said about it. sluggish cognitive tempo only partially explains me in a temperamental way, but not on how i feel or how i react and go about things, for this very reason, i have disagreed with a lot of points Russell Barkley has made on it, where he was suggesting all sorts of crap that he believes as being helpful for SCT type of people, which i put myself into ( some unintentionally ), only to made worse by them, such as cognitive behavioral therapy making my mental illness worse, but that's more obvious because i don't relate / connect, like or get along with most people, so it would make sense why i wouldn't be benefiting for something also designed for typical people, although this is a whole different story. My envy is indeed based off seeing other people more fortunate, but specifically the envy has to do with people being happy who i don't like or relate to and / or see them as superior and more blessed than me, as evident based off how they function, see things, etc. like i'll feel sorry for people who are like me and inferior because when i see their struggles and hardships, then i know that they are true complex problems and can feel for them, but not these people, when i see these type of people, it's like someone stabbing my heart every time and it creates extreme rage where i can't do much about it but talk about it with either my mom or psychologist. like the other comment suggested at top, i might even unintentionally say something nice to the person, but really at the same time, it's not because i'm trying to be nice per say, but simply providing an answer that's reasonable but at the same time trying to secretly tell the other person that their problems are trivial and that they shouldn't "sweat" it, and that they are more capable than they really are. so in a way, i'm telling them, yeh, we'll clearly you have illustrated very well of how you ARE functioning quite well and have the traits and aspects to do so, so what more do you need? btw, i say all this from experience of many years in mental health group settings and meeting so many people. i've learned that i'm different than the majority of people. i haven't even related to anyone with the same diagnosis as me ( schizotypal PD ), so much that i don't think the label even helps, but of course it does explain me well enough in certain parts to have it. though the subtype timorous schizotypal fits me more specifically.

@idin03

4 жыл бұрын

@@schw0373 i'll respond twice in case my other response was too long for you, but as someone who has schizotypal personality disorder and major depression myself, the strongest emotion i probably feel is strong envy towards certain people ( which of course is almost every single person i encounter ).

Great video as always. I have a question- actually 2 of them- can narcissism and psychopathy be co-morbid and if so, is that person capable of this vicious envy?

Oh, this might become a longer comment, I'm sorry. At first, do you know what envy has in common with jealousy, deceptions, delusions, poor manners, mental illness, wrong opinions, bad posture, accidents, unflattering traits and bad breath?* Second I'm not sure, if it makes sense to part the two types of N, since I have learned from Dr. Grandes earlier videos that most people with NPD traits are a mixture of both, that they fluctuate between these two types. Am I misguided here? Is there something I have misunderstood? Third, I have to admit that, if anything, I really had prefered the older thesis. It is more in line with my personal observations. IMO grandiose N. compare themselves to others all. the. time. It is a kind of sports to them, I'd guess. Maybe they find faults in others so fast, that the envy cannot really develop to a substantial size? And in more vulnerable types it does? Fourth, at 11:30 Dr. Grande speaks of the feeling that others envy the N. My girlfriends had often quite marked narcissism, I acknowledge that I like this in them. I had one friend, well, in every conflict she had, she assumed, that the other person was just envious on her. Is this a totally poor strategy to stabilize one's self esteem? I would say no. Imo it's a quite good one, as you will have lots of conflicts with otheres in your adulthood. It simply belongs to human lives. So each time you have one, you'll feel better about yourself...😉 Envy is an universal human experience, very painful but inevitable. Imo it's not important, if you experience it or not, but what you do after you had these feelings. What kind of actions will succeed? Fifth, Dr. Grande, honestly, I envy you making my job. 😩 Thanks for reading my TLDR comment, have a great day. *It is always the other person who has it. 😊