Why does finding a good therapist feel like a quest to climb Mount Everest??

@pommie5093

2 жыл бұрын

I know what you mean. It does feel exactly like that, Olivia Eff

@jennytaylor3324

2 жыл бұрын

Because it can be - except with Everest you'd tend to know where you stand a lot earlier in the expedition! We're out there as vulnerable as can be, but still having to use every instinct we have, and listen closely to our gut feelings. It's so easy, as Patrick rightly says, to drop anchor with a bad one for the same reasons that put us in therapy in the first place, as we tend not to trust our judgment. From experience, boundaries around time-keeping when the therapist's taking the piss, can be very hard to address, I think.

@oliviaeff4154

2 жыл бұрын

@@jennytaylor3324 Agreed! Unfortunately, out of the 4 or 5 therapists I've tried visiting in my 30 years, most of them loved to talk about themselves constantly and I would feel bad interruprting them and getting the focus back on myself becuase it felt so selfish. But when you think about it, thats what I was paying them to do! listen to ME! lol. or the other thing I've run into is therapists who don't actually hear me. They just seem to want to give unsolicited advice when really all I want is someone who asks me the right kinds of questions to help me process things. Between that and how difficult therapists are to find and then to pay for/get covered, I have given up.

@jennytaylor3324

2 жыл бұрын

@@oliviaeff4154 That's really bad! I think you're right, that the mark of a good therapist is that they ask the right questions, which draw you out in to a state of self-compassion so that your own truth floats to the surface, as it were. Like yourself, I've gone through about 6-8 different kinds of therapists over a similar timespan. The most notable one was a 'hypno-analyst' (a talentless, unskilled d*ckhead who'd done a few 6 month correspondence courses in hypnosis and psychotherapy!) He promised to cure my insomnia and cleanse me of decades of trauma in 6-8 sessions. After failing to hypnotise me in about 9 of a total of 10 sessions, when i told him honestly that I didn't feel any better, he blamed my 'very negative attitude'. I'd parted with about £400 for that privilege, and that was in 2001. Almost 2 years later, I was still so angry that i took retrospective action, and eventually got every penny back. That was more healing than the 'treatment' in the end! 😐

@oliviaeff4154

2 жыл бұрын

@@jennytaylor3324 Thats amazing that you got the money back! lol good for you girl, taking charge like that!

"You can't just breathe through a toxic family system, past or present." Thank you.

@whotelakecity2001

Жыл бұрын

That's powerful.

I told my old therapist that I would get uncomfortable when grown men would stare at me in gross ways and she said “well you should learn to enjoy that because when you get older you won’t get those looks anymore” 🤮🤮. Honestly this video is triggering for me just because it enrages me how many therapists are like this. How many people go into this field because they think “oh I just talk to people”. They need WAY more monitoring of how therapists are conducting themselves.

@emochka1347

2 жыл бұрын

My mother said this to me when we were at a waterpark at 14 years old and grown men were staring at my chest. My mother is highly narcissistic so it's gross that a therapist would say this to you. I gasped when I read your comment. So awful, I am with you 100%!

@andreakoroknai1071

2 жыл бұрын

holy shit how awful

@Star-dj1kw

2 жыл бұрын

OUCH 😣

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

I have encountered quite a few bad ones, ranging from extremely disappointing to criminal in their professional behavior. I agree with you! Many therapists are extremely narcissistic.

@wtfisgoingon129

2 жыл бұрын

What the fuck!…….

All therapists should watch this video. The amount of times my therapist tells me I should meditate or “take a walk” 😂

This helped me realize therapists I’ve gone to in the past don’t seem to grasp the family system dynamics and instead focus on individual interpersonal conflicts. When I would outline all the people in the system and the issues I’ve had, the therapist would point to me as being the common denominator and thus focus on how I can have more empathy for others. Basically “let’s work on how you can be more accepting and loving toward others.” I remember saying that I do have empathy for them but it needs to be a two-way street. Then the therapist said my love shouldn’t be so conditional and controlling. It just went round and round with me trying to explain and the therapist becoming more and more convinced I have a personality disorder. I had to figure out the concept of boundaries (mine and other people’s) through KZread and discussions with an old friend who is a counselor in another state. Thank goodness for Patrick and people like him!

@kconrad5893

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my exact experience....the therapist I went to for the longest was definitely on my parent’s side from day one. I was the bad one. I was the one who needed to change. I was told I expect too much from people. I’m too hard on others....blah blah blah. He even suggested I might have BPD. I stopped going to him altogether when he told me that maybe I’d feel better about myself if I got into sports. Wow, all this time and come to find out the solution to my problem was start playing sports! Fucking douchebag.

@OceanicMind

2 жыл бұрын

@@kconrad5893 without knowing anyyy context, it makes me wonder what your therapists's intension and rational was-- sports could be something that's connected to family dynamics, or growth in interpersonal and personal growth; as well as benefiting biologically (physical benefits + corresponding positive release of some neurochemical goodness). Idk shit about you, what do you think? (Hope you're doing ok rn) 🙏

@kristajohnson9173

2 жыл бұрын

I dunno, you kind of sound like you have a personality disorder though. To have many therapists tell you that, and for you to reject that opinion from all of them is pretty concerning. I have had a bad, or just neglectful therapist on occasion. But to have many in a row? Nah. We really need to hear the situation. To hear a friend of mine tell it, she wasn't the asshole for trying to get a maid fired because she used the tweezers she had casually left next to the sink to clean the drain. She pounded on the doors of everyone in the house witchhunting for the person who had done it, early in the morning. She was at a 10 about it. The maid was a very nice lady and a friend of mine, it was an honest mistake. That friend then endlessly attacked everyone who told her she was the asshole for MONTHS. She is still not speaking to me 6 months later, and I like it that way. That's a personality disorder, and most people with a personality disorder are convinced they don't have one. Sometimes YOU are the problem.

@xandocommando

2 жыл бұрын

@@kristajohnson9173 ... not sure it's your place to be an armchair psychologist in the KZread comments section it sounds like this person is trying to seek help, but having a therapist who makes moralistic judgments instead of coming from a place of compassion isn't a way to help someone become better and maybe this person does have a personality disorder, but that doesn't mean it's their fault. chill.

@bereal6590

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yeah, it's like a subtle form of victim blaming! As if everyone else including ourselves aren't blaming us enough! Mental health that's inherent like schizophrenia has a biological origin often times but NOT ALL but anxiety ocd and so on are in my mind reactions to toxicity around us, like drinking poison.thats how I see my fam now. They gave me poison sugar coated with gifts and holidays. If someone handed me sweets with poison in the middle I'd run for the hills. Toxic fams just keep feeding it to us then we get sick and if we get a bad therapist it's like they're saying well you have to take the sweets and understand things aren't perfect! My mom would have made an excellent bad therapist! She is fond of telling me how I should be! ✌

“Have you ever considered that she’s trying her best?” -My therapist referring to my mother that has abandoned 3 families and that doesn’t care about me or any of her other 5 children

@lori3670

2 жыл бұрын

"yes doc, and have you considered that i don't give an f if her best is trash coming out of a rat's ass? Just a thought ❤️"

@whatarehumans3680

Жыл бұрын

I saw a therapist. And I had told her that I used to feel upset at my mom for not being at home more. Mostly because when she wasn’t, then I’d be home with my abusive stepdad. Note that I said upset, not angry. Yet, she accused me of being angry at my mother for her “trying to give us a better life.” Then I had told her about my mother’s history of being unpredictable, and often dismissive of my feelings. And my therapist completely overlooked it. She didn’t even address my past struggle with sexual abuse. She almost instantly took my mother’s side.

@eliaol4231

Жыл бұрын

@@whatarehumans3680 I am so sorry. So many shitty therapists out there. Research childhood trauma therapy( and sexual abuse as well)

@gabrielaburcea5734

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I feel you. One idiotis psychologist told me: "have you ever thought your (narc extremely controlling to the point of tyranny mother) mother did all that (abuse!) to make you stronger? God! 🤣

@mikami9099

Жыл бұрын

@@lori3670 im fucking screaming laughing

Most people entering therapy are extremely vulnerable. It's the worst time in their lives, and they are tortured by anxiety, self doubt, depression, and shame. This makes them easy to hurt or exploit. Patrick: More content like this might help the vulnerable protect themselves from the incompetent or downright evil therapists who prey upon those in distress. It might also help them identify the great ones, and encourage them to stick with a good therapist over the long term. Much love to everyone dealing with trauma. Thanks again Patrick.

@renoia3067

2 жыл бұрын

That’s the only reason I clicked on this video. I’m supposed to start therapy soon and I’m so incredibly terrified of missing the red flags and winding up in a toxic dynamic with someone who just makes me feel worse about the things I’m already struggling with.

@ItsAMissTree

Жыл бұрын

I literally just discovered about a bogus sober house organization, that's receiving tax $ for sec. 8 & disability housing. No regulations whatsoever. No license, no education, no experience needed, if you have money and property and a little charm, this is a build your own cult program

@brandyk

Жыл бұрын

LA voodoo. I agree with this so much but we should all do our part as well and start rating these therapist on the sites that allow reviews. Not just a number of stars but an actual specific honest review. You don't need to turn them into life saving Gods or alternatively throw them under the bus with non specific n super critical or exaggerated review. This will help people decide over time if more people took the time to do this n help weed out the poor ones. There are far too many n the profession as a whole is watered down.

@brandyk

Жыл бұрын

​@@renoia3067 wonder how it went for u. I think it's good if people can share with a friend or trusted family mbr to get their perspective as well.

The Blank Slate I've come across so many times with all types of counsellors, whether for employment, a school counsellor, therapist, etc. They all just go on about how they can help for an hour, then let you talk for a moment, you ask what is the next step and then they lead you onto booking another appointment because time has run out. You come away feeling like nothing was accomplished and no questions were answered completely.

@gujono.eiriksson8553

7 ай бұрын

Some people as therapist apparently get into a comfort zone, and realise they can collect income by just doing the bare minimum or less.

@zeddybear257

6 ай бұрын

It feels terrible to be sitting there thinking “I’m paying for this”.

Best way to screen a therapist: ask them “how much of your childhood trauma have you resolved” If they start acting condescending and change the subject RUN

@pommie5093

2 жыл бұрын

AMEN, Sid Jain. This is the best comment ever. I would also add to always trust that voice inside that tells you something is just not right.

@SusanaXpeace2u

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, never asked that. But my therapist was very kind and very validating

@ekkamailax

2 жыл бұрын

@@pommie5093 two easiest ways for narcs to get endless amounts of supply (1) have kids and abuse the kids (2) become a shrink and abuse your clients (while getting paid for it)

@pommie5093

2 жыл бұрын

@@ekkamailax Exactly, well said

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

You should see the south park episode where the therapist treats butters like he has multiple personality disorder but the therapist himself actually has it and doesn't realize

I've had so many bad therapists that I don't go to therapists anymore, I wish I had a therapist like you.

@bristolcorvid8894

2 жыл бұрын

Beware, too, of "the life coaches"... It's another mess of the selfish and opportunistic, the unqualified, and the personality-disordered hiding behind catch phrases. I'm sorry you've had such a struggle, Misha. Keep think about plans to keep watching the wonderful Patrick Teahan; and explore Jay Reid, Dr. Les Carter, and Dr. Ramani. All on KZread, and all with free and well-stocked and wonderful resources at your fingertips. Take good care... And keep going!!!

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

I gave up on them as well, I just watch videos and piece together all the best info and try to fix myself

@bristolcorvid8894

2 жыл бұрын

@@leahflower9924 Sounds like a good plan. I wish you health, continuing healing & insight. You may also explore artists, writers, and various historical figures. I find learning about their struggles--often with narcissists, which shouldn't be surprising--very helpful, too.

@HYTELES

Жыл бұрын

Same here. I need therapy from seeing toxic abusive therapists. All they did is waste my time and add more problems in my life. It's like giving the wrong medication for an illness that just makes you worse and never helps.

@gingerrivas5354

Жыл бұрын

Same here

The Apologist is already the voice in my head, and oh my goodness that voice is NOT helpful!! So invalidating and blame shifting... the voice says "neglect your own needs, expand your endless compassion to accommodate their misbehavior, you should stop being so selfish and try to see where THEY'RE coming from," etc. Trying to break myself of this!! So eye opening to see this kind of narrative portrayed like this. Thank you!!

@holaCarolina

2 жыл бұрын

I have the same issue and it is really upsetting to me when the conversations start to go that route. The worst part is that when you explain that you are already doing THAT, they go “No but, I don’t think you are seeing the whole picture”. What really makes me frustrated and sad is that when I already feel stretched thin to see the other person’s point, I’m told that it is not enough or that my experience is wrong. :(

@lunalu552

Жыл бұрын

Those are the grounds of CBT. The point is to make the client submissive and compliant so they don't create waves.

@JC-ei3ci

Жыл бұрын

SAME I WANT TO KILL THAT STUPID VOICE I've got it inside of me, my mom embodies it, and my therapist embodies it. It feels like the apologist is just screaming at me. Always. All the time.

@Samellon

Жыл бұрын

SAME. The Apologist is my own inner voice 100%. It's so hard to get out of it because it really at my core feels like putting myself first is selfish.

I feel bad for people who were already adverse to therapy, then they try it, and then they get a bad therapist. Then they never go back to get the help they need. It's really frustrating that one therapist can be a make or break situation for some people ugh

@vivvy_0

2 жыл бұрын

@AliSand it’s truly the worst thing. incomprehensible how this is even legal, it damages more then helping anyone

@misha2197

2 жыл бұрын

I stopped seeing therapists for that very reason.

@ElanaVital83

2 жыл бұрын

It doesn't help that insurances and networks are a nightmare to boot

@ElanaVital83

2 жыл бұрын

@@kiettprince8568 Ew eating and smoking during a session?!! Wow

@anitat9727

2 жыл бұрын

It isn't just one therapists. It's dozens. Especially if you add in racist/ablest/etc comments to it.

OMG, this was so good, Patrick! I hope therapists are watching this channel so they can learn what NOT to do. I have so many "bad therapist" stories. The worst is probably the one who validated my abuser by offering an excuse for his behavior instead of validating my experience of being abused. Fortunately, I was in a good place and called him out on that. Unbelievable.

@brandyk

Жыл бұрын

Cloud Walker sometimes I think maybe they are uncomfortable with people being upset... although duh you're a therapist,ad just want to sort of fix it n try to make it seem better for you in the moment. But it is invalidating n not good in the long run. People for the most part need to trust their own judgement. I believe most people going to therapy if their own volition n spending their own money especially, are not there to just be told there right about everything n aren't open to the therapists feedback even those in the socalled trophy generation. They are hurting n there's a reason for that. It doesn't necessarily mean the family is awful or that there aren't some better ways to view a situation that is more accurate or healthy but even then I think it's always best to see where there is agreement n what can be validated in the clients perspective before launch into devil's advocate

Gotta love the therapist who shows up late to the appointment and it eats into your time! The apologist sounds like a lot of Christian counselors that I’ve dealt with.

@zeddybear257

6 ай бұрын

I had one that would spend the first 10-15 mins talking about their personal life, as though wasting my time is helpful in making a connection with me. That’s unprofessional and disrespect, not connection.

@tylerledgerwood4327

5 ай бұрын

The part where he said "That sounds like typical family life" I like NO IT'S Not. For your mother to make plans and not tell anyone then through a toddler's tantrum when an infant isn't feeling well. What Hell are you from if you think that's typical for an adult of any sex to behave at that age.

I had a therapist tell me that she hadn't been interviewed by a patient in the first session for years. Yeah, I do ask questions about their background, their studies, their approach because therapy is expensive and I need someone who has experience, knowledge and will not be shocked by what I have to say (it has happened) . If your therapist tries to focus on a side issue and avoid the elephant in the room: run.

@rrruby1377

2 жыл бұрын

Urgh.... yeah suddenly they want to make it all about your carreer when thats not even your issue. thats a great advice, thank you for sharing! I will def interview my next therapist :,)... its kinda obvious though isnt it? ; like "why have I never thought about that myself??"

@antiantipoda

2 жыл бұрын

@@rrruby1377 We are trained to respect the specialists - doctors, therapists. I had to have a horrible experience to realize that I am in charge of my therapy. It is my job to vet the person across the room, to instruct myself on approaches to therapy and only then take the leap into trusting this person with my time, my emotions and my money. I do the same with psychiatrists - I have bipolar disorder. I probably read more research papers on this than most of the doctors I see. I do this any time a check-up exam comes with some issue. I educate myself before I go in the office, so I can advocate and spot an incompetent professional.

@onti__veros

Жыл бұрын

One therapist in the first session I ONLY asked her what kind of therapy she does, and she basically just told me it's not important lmao

@antiantipoda

Жыл бұрын

@@onti__veros That is amazing! One guy was a psychiatrist and psychologist. I questioned wether the behaviorist approach he was trying to sell me was going to really deal with the issues at hand. He told me to "Keep on suffering." Yeah: next!

Oof. Yeah, invalidation is a huge trigger for me. 1 minute into "The Apologist" I had to nope out haha. If my therapist talked to me like that I don't think I'd ever come back.

@empathopinion6251

2 жыл бұрын

OMG right? I felt like I was having minor PTSD while watching The Apologist. when you come from an abusive home, it might feel a little off, but intellectually it feels really normal - because that's the original abuse.

@sunakonakahara222

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah that was major red flags for me!

@endtimescommunities

2 ай бұрын

Imho; the trauma field is still being learned about.

Not only is this channel extremely helpful, it also has an element of “comic relief.” You know how the best comedians like Chris rock don’t really need to make a “joke” - they just expose unpleasant realities of human nature and people laugh. I find myself getting similar entertainment value from watching these re-enactments (in addition to educational value.)

@youtubingbabs

2 жыл бұрын

Totally. Observational humor

@SabiLewSounds

2 жыл бұрын

The novice had me laughing but also in shock

@moonbread2334

2 жыл бұрын

God, I agree. I cracked up at this video just as much as I cringed, and it was honestly kinda cathartic. Patrick clearly wears many hats well -- he is a really good writer and actor!

@ekkamailax

2 жыл бұрын

@@moonbread2334 agree. If he did stand up comedy and literally repeated what he says in these videos he’d get a massive audience

One of the first therapists I went to had made me feel very invalidated after I was assigned to her from a hospital. I came to her crying and explaining how I had met an older man online that had a cult and manipulated and drugged me into s*x(aka r*ped me). I was terrified of him and only recently got away when I told my mom about what was happening and my therapist asked me about the name of the cult to look it up in front of me(which made me feel like she wasn’t listening) and then referred to the man as my “ex” (which also made my experiences and fear feel misunderstood and minimized). I know I don’t have a common situation so I just blamed myself and assumed I had “explained it wrong” but, after cycling through two or three new therapists, I now have someone that really supports my emotions and provides healing methods instead of treating me like a gossip session. Remember! It’s okay to switch therapists if you don’t feel supported or “like a match” with the one you currently have!

@ElanaVital83

2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you got out of the scary situation with that guy, first off. And I'm glad you found a decent therapist to help you heal. Wow, you've had a bit of a rough time. But you look like you're doing so much better on your own terms ❤

@wanderingintime

2 жыл бұрын

wow. that was wrong what happened to you, both the man and the therapist. I'm glad you're working through your trauma with people who can aide in your recovery 💞

@storydates

2 жыл бұрын

Gosh I'm sorry. I've had therapists react horribly to sexual abuse issues as well, including one who said "Well you don't have any emotion in your voice so it doesn't seem to be bothering you that much." (She didn't think a high school teacher grooming and soliciting a sexual relationship from a student was that abusive). It feels awful, especially from a therapist. I have a much better therapist now and I'm so glad you do too.

@MzShonuff123

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry that happened to you! I’m glad you found someone to actually help

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

I feel like a lot of therapist basically focus on how do you feel about that and it's time to "grow up" now, a lot of them are useless outside of not having a personal relationship with you and providing a somewhat safe space

I wish highschools had a mandatory class about how to find a therapist, that would have saved me so much trouble

@progressivedragon6664

2 жыл бұрын

That is actually an incredible idea

Yes the message is be the bigger person and tolerate the abuse.. what a shame and great video on invalidating❤️

@nohjuan3048

2 жыл бұрын

That's exactly what my family says to me, "be the bigger person," and "she wouldn't hurt you if she weren't so hurt by you. Can't you just be the one to keep the peace?"

@norielkaselowski3808

2 жыл бұрын

​@@nohjuan3048 This is something that bugs me A LOT - with abusive people that use this very conveniently instead of changing their behaviour (when being confronted about her verbal attacks, my mum e.g. used to say: "The recipient determines the message" - followed by a smug smile), but also as advice in self-help books. It's so common, and it's so frustrating! The focus mostly seems to be on the abusive person and the difficult experience THEY are having. Somehow, for many authors this seems to lead up to the advice that the abused person stay, bear it and not take it personally as the other person is sick and doesn't mean it. Even though I'm not debating that sick people are suffering and that they need help, how does this warrant an obligation to take their abuse, which, I guess "Be the bigger person" is supposed to mean? That's extremly invalidating for anyone who has been or still is bearing the brunt of intolerable behaviour, and it's very unfair. And it's also dangerous! Just how far is the recipient of abuse supposed to stretch? Personally, I ended up with anxiety attacks and posttraumatic stress. And I know I'm far from alone in this. But back to this strangely popular doctrine of "being the bigger person": Just a couple of days ago, I finished a very good book for relatives and partners of people with borderline personality disorder. Yet again, there were some passages in there, however, in which the authors suggested that relatives and partners needed to make sure to take care of themselves as well IN ORDER TO BE BETTER CARETAKERS to their disordered counterparts. I gotta say, I get the thought. I do. But still: This kind of advice seems to promote a situation in which one person is asked to basically devote and sacrifice themselves to another person, in high likelihood getting damaged while doing so, and somehow ends up being the bad guy if they can't or won't take it anymore. In my opinion, there is something seriously wrong with this.

@martinburrows6844

2 жыл бұрын

@@norielkaselowski3808 i thought "be the bigger person " meant, dont let them drag you down to their level. Such as pulling you into arguments, like the double bind narcissist tactic. and Walk away if you have to (and can)with your head held high.

@norielkaselowski3808

2 жыл бұрын

@@martinburrows6844 You're right, that's another and - in my opinion - way better interpretation of the phrase when it comes to the kind of behaviour it encourages. If people use the phrase in this way, it makes a lot of sense to me.

@Solonneysa

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed, JOanne Carleton. "Be the bigger person" is often used to shame people who react, respond, or acknowledge **any** problem. It's almost as if some people think that acknowledging someone else's behavior is inherently more wrong than the abuser's behavior. It's similar to people who (wrongly) tell an abused spouse to just "work harder" or "be less annoying" or "maybe if they just said this or that" then they wouldn't be abused. It's ridiculous. People might acknowledge that physical violence is bad, but anything that isn't physical is expected to be tolerated.

wow i've had a couple experiences with the "blank slate" therapist which left me feeling so unheard and alone in addressing my issues - this hit the nail on the head! i always wondered why i felt those sessions were not helpful and i think it's because i felt like they were giving me absolutely nothing in return

@halfmoonyogi4997

2 жыл бұрын

Ive felt the same way. I'm trying to figure out if my therapist is a good fit because when I tell a piece of my story, she doesn't validate or even reflect it back. She asks more questions and I end up feeling like I have to explain myself. I grew up with my feelings and experiences invalidated. People didn't believe me about my feelings. When I felt hurt and tried to have a boundary, i was too sensitive, I was overreacting and being a brat. I was emotionally alone, and then through the loss of my mother, I was alone emotionally and physically. I finally started validating my own experiences, so I'm terrified to share it and get nothing in return, feel like I'm talking to a wall.

@michaelzedd2540

2 жыл бұрын

Me too. I’ve dealt with several blank slate therapists over the years. In theory, talking with a therapist should be more useful than talking with a rock. It’s easy to list reasons why a therapists are worse than rocks: they cost money, time, and energy. To date, I have yet to experience any benefits from therapy. Maybe it’s because they have all been blank slate people. Honestly, those people have left me feeling like I’ve been cheated or conned. How can it be ethical to take money from someone in severe mental distress while saying nothing of substance during a session.

@donnathedead7554

2 жыл бұрын

I think maybe there is a certain type of clientele that like this style. The know-it-all type that just wants to be told they're great and right about everything. The "See, I'm helping" therapist is compatible with the "See, I'm working on myself" client. To me, the whole thing is s scam.

@anegrey

2 жыл бұрын

I’m a therapist, and have had so many clients come in telling me their previous therapists were like this. I’ve never experienced it first hand, it seems so weird to me. Not even the Socratic leading question matador style, just like sat there and didn’t say anything.

@2degucitas

2 жыл бұрын

I had a counselor who said NOTHING, just wrote things down. Like talking to a lamppost.

Me, a therapy intern: *frantically takes notes* lol.

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

Patrick is a good one to learn from. There are so many bad therapists out there. Glad to hear you are conscientious!

@rrruby1377

2 жыл бұрын

love that :,3

@Shortstacksandticktacks

2 жыл бұрын

You're going to be a good therapist. :)

@Bopomama

Жыл бұрын

Don't bother. Internalise it.

@Mantras-and-Mystics

Жыл бұрын

Oh good! Please, please really try to understand all this. You will be one of the few who actually sees our situation as it is - not as it's taught. Just never give pat, rehearsed answers or questions to your clients. Approach each individual as a human being just like yourself - worthy of love and respect and a need to actually be heard. Wishing you well in your endeavours! 😊

The invalidation is so maddening!!! How about the ones that say “let’s talk about you, not them” “we can’t change them, only ourselves” I’m like okay, I’m not trying to change them I’m just trying to establish the fact that they are toxic and have been abusing me. I cant solve that by introspection 🤷‍♀️ this type of counsel is soooooo annoying!! Sometimes it really is about them, talking about it isn’t the same thing as trying to make them change. Why aren’t we allowed to talk about them when they are causing the distress?? The validating therapist deserves a raise. The therapist who just took a training needs a new job, they about to send someone to seek more therapy after the therapy 😂

@frankydottir8762

2 жыл бұрын

Me: oh doctor, my leg hurts! Doctor: let's talk about your arm.

@goodenoughgirl8102

2 жыл бұрын

Ugh. Right? Like it’s taboo or something. I wonder why also. Like are they scared of the boogey man or something? SMDH. 🙄 As if anything unpleasant or ugly (yet true) or not positive can’t ever be uttered for some mysterious “reason.”

@bluecolumbine

2 жыл бұрын

@@goodenoughgirl8102 kinda like toxic positivity huh? You can’t just honestly be a victim of circumstance it has to unconsciously be your fault so that I can feel more comfortable about it. If hearing about other peoples hardships makes you uncomfortable to the point that you have to victim blame, don’t become a therapist, it’s literally your job.

@goodenoughgirl8102

2 жыл бұрын

@@bluecolumbine Exactly!! And weak like someone who can’t deal with any sort of harsh reality actually being true. I often wonder how they explain away things like serial killers and such. Do they go around pretending such monsters don’t even really exist I wonder?

@bluecolumbine

2 жыл бұрын

@@goodenoughgirl8102 it’s so sad when true victims go to seek help in the community they receive the same kind of secondary gaslighting but even when they are paying for a therapist they get it there too.. we gotta do better than this people! And call it out when you see it IRL. Sure there are people who fake being a victim for attention or to take advantage somehow but that doesn’t mean that we need to always assume the worst when someone is only looking for help and fair counsel. Theramin trees is a KZread channel that just posted a video in the last day or two about invalidating therapists or people who tell you that you “unconsciously attracted” this abusive partner or situation. The video was a very similar point of view and another great representation of what happens. It’s hippy dippy BS and we gotta stop accepting those theories. It’s victim blaming and it’s always going to be unhelpful and sometimes even re traumatizing. I feel that whenever I have been in a desperate place and sought counsel that was bad and victim blaming, whatever trauma I was experiencing doubled down. This secondary gaslighting I would say is even the most painful thing to experience, because you survived the abuse and would be in a better place to just take the burden of it all on your own. To open up because your in need of support and have this happen, it’s kicking someone while they’re down and I’d argue that it’s more common than good and proper counsel.

Yes! I had a therapist who said a million times. "You are in good hands with yourself." Over and Over! Yes! Notice how the client is questioning everything the therapist is saying he has no idea if he is going in the right direction. That was me. This is so validating that leaving that therapist was a good idea. Thank you.

@cjloui6434

2 жыл бұрын

yes they make you feel like they want you to say a particular thing but they won't tell you so you keep guessing... I stuck with a "blank slate" therapist for over a year. Terrible decision

@Joelswinger34

2 жыл бұрын

Wow, if you were "in good hands with yourself", why even see the therapist? Glad you moved on!

@Joelswinger34

2 жыл бұрын

@@cjloui6434 Ewe, I had one like that for a few appointments. I finally told him that talking to him was like talking to a brick wall, and if I wanted to do that I could do it for free.

@hwaidasweilem8955

2 жыл бұрын

@A.S I'm speechless. How do these people get licensed?!

@noellegross4803

2 жыл бұрын

Ugh, I feel you on this one and I'm sorry you experienced this- I wish I had seen this video when I was paying someone $$ to be invalidating

Wow the blank slate was triggering... I spent one year with a therapist and she didn't help at all. I wasn't getting her questions about my feelings, I wasn't even able to put words on them, I just knew something was wrong. Luckily I found you and other KZreadrs, you help so much!

@onti__veros

Жыл бұрын

Same, and everyone around me just told me "oh therapy doesn't work immediately, sometimes it sucks but you just have to keep going and eventually you'll start feeling better" 🙄

@WingedHuman

Жыл бұрын

Had one like that too, for about a year. She just sat there (smoking or sometimes even taking calls during our sessions) and didn't even make any comments, just me talking. I got sick of it cuz it didn't do shit for me (obviously). Sometimes I wonder if she is even a therapist.

@Mantras-and-Mystics

Жыл бұрын

Yes, we're here - and we care! You don't have to go through this alone. ❤️

Great video. I had a therapist who thought my goal was to have my cruel father tell me he loves me. Which was weird, because my father would say that to me and it made me feel terrible. If my father said he was proud of me or loved me after insulting me, my therapist would smile and say, "that's wonderful." It was as if what my father said was more important than what he actually did.

@VioletEmerald

2 жыл бұрын

Yikes

@eecneihappy

2 жыл бұрын

Yes.. people, even therapists ASSUME A LOT! Verifying, asking what someone's goals are, also not making assumptions about how their clients behaves due to usual stereotypes.. Like, why would my therapist assume I expected my husband to tidy my stuff?

@a.s.h.5774

2 жыл бұрын

Damn. I'm sorry man. I really appreciate you sharing because in a small extent in my life I can relate and it feels validating.

@charlespoker882

2 жыл бұрын

@@a.s.h.5774 I hope it helps. You don't deserve to be treated badly.

@beatsg

2 жыл бұрын

Woa. That's messed up!

Clicked so fast because my last therapist was kind of rotten. She was ordering lunch during my session, and her only interest was using me as a resource for Reiki (I'm a carnie Reiki master, performer and singing clown ) The therapist before that sort if implied my career as a circus performer needed to end for a "real career" and said I should consider becoming a teacher instead 😫 I'm proud of my career! And I make decent money when I get a show. It's what my childhood dream was: What kid doesnt dream of running away with the circus! But she said it's not a good dream forever. I'm 38, married, have a house and am happy in my career. Why would I have to stop performing if it's what I'm good at?

@mrs_mentalhealthsa

2 жыл бұрын

Thank God you're levelheaded enough to stick to your dream instead

@marianmain

2 жыл бұрын

I want to see you perform! How wonderful that you keep going in that! What a wonderful person you are and I love it! 🥰🤗

@misha2197

2 жыл бұрын

Good for you my friend! :)

@donnathedead7554

2 жыл бұрын

Should have popped back with, entertaining people is a lot more respectable way to earn a living than stealing money for services you aren't really providing.

@MrClarissacain

2 жыл бұрын

TEACHER?!? please tell me you are at least NOT in the US. Teachers are undervalued, devalued, abused, and blamed for their offspring's awful awful behavior all the time. You do what you love. And that's coming from someone with an incredible phobia of clowns. (And doctors and anyone with biiig huge smiles. Before you even ask, no clue why.)

was seeing a therapist while in an abusive relationship, literally showed her a video of him abusing me and she just explained it away and totally took his side and made me think I deserved the abuse because he was just struggling so much and that I needed to support him more.

@m0L3ify

2 жыл бұрын

So much yikes!!!

@rrruby1377

2 жыл бұрын

what the actual F.... how are you now? could you trust another therapist after this betrayal?

@ashleykathryn9038

Жыл бұрын

How to drive someone to insanity 101. I hope you're in a better place now ❤️

Every bad therapist version triggered past abuse, and is WAY too familiar - sadly. Those versions have happened to me repeatedly over 35 years of searching for help for extreme PTSD. So grateful you showed us the contrast through role play and not just discussing it. So helpful!

Omg! I had an old therapist that would use the "blank slate" on me all of the time. She would always return to asking me after I expressed all the things my parents did to ask me, "what is your self-talk right now?" It was not helpful at all, lol. Too, she didn't understand narcissistic abuse and would ask me in "what way do you feel traumatized?" without ever really hearing me. Horrible stuff. It took a long time to find a therapist that really recognized my trauma and that empathized with me. Thank you for this video!!

For me, another thing to note is how you played the client, how they took in and accepted what the therapist said even when it was quite invalidating or inappropriate. Like, when you grew up in a controlling, gaslighty, guilt laden context and you don't know what's normal, what's fair, you don't have a reliable gut feeling or an inner compas to notice those things. That's precisely what you need guidance for... and there you go making yourself open and vulnerable to an authority figure. You don't know any better so you just play along and hope it works. Ideally you should politely dismiss the therapist and look for another one, but realistically, you aren't equipped to recognize there's an issue in the first place, let alone speak up. It's kinda tragic. Receiving the wrong advice from someone you trust to know their stuff and be there to help can set you back so much on your mental health journey...

@ac1646

Жыл бұрын

THIS: "but realistically, you aren't equipped to recognize there's an issue in the first place, let alone speak up." So well said. Thank you🙂

@ashleykathryn9038

Жыл бұрын

What I'm dealing with now, I know deep down she's out of line, I've had friends tell me to report her and leave but I feel bad like I'm letting her down lol. I tend to just put up with it because every now and then she says one thing that is true and helpful

@maytemmz25

Жыл бұрын

@@ac1646 I just realized my therapist is “an apologist” and that explains a lot of the things I’ve been through during our sessions for the past year. It’s so triggering, it mentally took me back to my childhood and I honestly feel so betrayed and lonely. You’re right, the reason I trusted her so much is bc I lose all self-trust when I’m with an authority figure. Even as I’m writing this, I feel guilty and like I have no right to criticize a professional. Tragic how childhood trauma can make us feel so small and insignificant.

I almost cried with the Apologist. That's my mother: the quotes, the "oh, that's normal" and all of that.

This is so validating. I experienced all of those 🙈 and found myself more confused than before and often angry. Nobody knows narcissistic abuse over here in Germany. Nor CPTSD.

@tabitas.2719

2 жыл бұрын

And the few that do are booked out, it seems years in advance... :/ So sorry you had to go through that experience!!

@NN-re7cy

2 жыл бұрын

Neither in Spain, it's infuriating.

@sxyteesa0890

2 жыл бұрын

None in the state in the US either smfh

Yes! Late to the appointment, not getting my full time, and using the bathroom during my appointment. After returning from restroom, still fumbling with a loud paper towel, and telling me to go on. When I pointed it out, they became so defensive. Thank you for this, I have beat myself up over n over.

@Malin0908

Жыл бұрын

Same here. My therapist is always late to, not by much, but still, never on time, always 3 - 5 min past, and i have not Even been in The chair for more than 10 min when she starts looking at her watch. She did obviously not bother to watch The time when to be on time for my session. She always stop me abruptly ans have Even asked if it was ok if we ended The session early. It was not ok with me, but i always put my needs last and thought maybe she needed to eat, have a rest or something. I have been walking out with a sniking feeling in my stomach more times than i have not.

@tompetty3742

Жыл бұрын

@@Malin0908 I've gotten a new therapist. Even though it was for my best, change is very difficult. I'm extremely grateful I did. It can be very difficult for many of us to put ourselves first. I hope you can find a better fit for yourself.

I have OCD and saw 2 therapists for it when it was worst. The first gave me mindfulness techniques but did nothing to help me understand what OCD is and how it works and how to recover. Useless. OCD for me is REALLY typical as well, I'm a hand washer/ disinfecter with the red cracked hands. The second therapist I saw, when I started telling her my story, said things like "oh I can't imagine how hard that must be" and then went on to help me understand OCD and walk me through CBT in a way that was comfortable for me. It really struck me though that she must see people like me ALL THE TIME and she still had the patience and care to really sympathise with me. She's the reason I'm ok today.

This was helpful to make me realize that I’m like an invalidating therapist sometimes when I’m trying to be pollyanna sunshine when I’m trying to respond to a comment of a survivor on a message board. Clues me into why I get banned sometimes when I didn’t think I did anything wrong. I can see now, I’m a bit of an apologist.

What really stuck out to me was when you mentioned the therapist that is it sort of like a blank slate. I had one like that, and you’re right it was shaming. I was telling her all the stuff and I didn’t get much of a response. I felt like I was revealing myself and being judged. It makes me sad thinking about it. I thought she was my only choice but it turned out she wasn’t so I got somebody else who’s better, thanks for bringing that up.

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I have experienced it, too, to quite an extreme. My current one does it somewhat. Sigh.

Wow, what a great video!! It is sad that there are many invalidating therapists. It infuriates me when a therapist or even a friend brushes it off and says, "All families are dysfunctional. You need to accept them for who they are!" All families do NOT have willfully abusive parents and/or siblings who do daily damage to their chosen family member target or targets. Narcissistic abuse (be it physical, sexual, or verbal) is most certainly not "normal dysfunction." It goes way, way beyond that silly and untrue cliché. And those of us who have survived this type of chronic abuse are all too aware of this.

@NN-re7cy

2 жыл бұрын

💯 narcissistic abuse is deep. And what's unfortunate is most "therapists" haven't even heard of the term.

@bereal6590

2 жыл бұрын

My mom is extremely fond of explaining away everything with all families have difficulty etc.. I'm physically very ill, struggling and everything is invalidated literally everything. I've concluded im not mentally ill (she is fond of that one) but that she is deluded and would make an excellent invalidating forgiveness type therapist ✌

@littlewillowlinda

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!! I'm still taking time away from mine bc it took me forever to say the word abuse and she immediately jumped into how all families are dysfunctional. I'm like ... I just told you that I thought xyz was normal until other people told me it was not....

Having a bad therapist can be so damaging, thanks for covering this topic

Well, this explains a lot. I've spent 5 years at $100 a week with an invalidating therapist

Oh the experiences I have to tell would make you go cold. The most memorable one was being introduced to a “therapist” that could talk to me about my “significant problems” as they were described to them. I had untreated post natal depression and I had been abused by my ex “christian” husband. I was in a church at the time. So I went to meet this woman. Within the first five minutes she told me I had a demon. A demon of depression. I was absolutely flabbergasted and shocked. I was so vulnerable. Turns out, after 3 years of knowing her, she was NOT even a qualified therapist. She didn’t even complete the training. She was a fraud. She was abusing her assumed power everywhere she went. She added more problems to my life than helped me with. I have since found a QUALIFIED therapist in DBT. And she has helped me to validate myself, to believe my experience and remember the truth of that, and to question everything. I will never again allow anyone to tell me untrue mumbo jumbo because they themselves have issues. I am going forward with my life without the religious aspect. I no longer believe. I saw absolutely no evidence of a loving god in any of them. And I feel freer than I ever have in my life.

@ElanaVital83

2 жыл бұрын

Wow that's incredibly scary. I'm surprised people are getting away with that kind of thing. I'm so sorry that happened to you ❤ Post partum/natal depression is a real issue and it's so sad how many women are mistreated because people don't understand it

@wonderfulj5093

2 жыл бұрын

It is very scary. Im so sorry that happened to you

@SweetiePieTweety

2 жыл бұрын

@@ElanaVital83 Happens every day. Been there. It’s horrid. Incredibly destructive. Spiritual abuse in all its varied modalities is rampant today. Maybe take a journey to study the work of those who study cults and explain how they operate and how easy it is to be in one and not recognize it, especially if you are raised in one (or married into one) to understand. So many victim blame unintentionally (even therapist) because they just can’t comprehend how someone could actually fall prey to some pretty crazy belief systems. But it happens day in and day out. So sad 💔😢

@samaralaliaabzu2837

2 жыл бұрын

DBT is so practical and easily useful. Should be taught in middle school.

@marianmain

2 жыл бұрын

@@samaralaliaabzu2837 It has literally saved my life.

The invalidating therapists made me so uncomfortable that I had to fastforward partway through each one until I got to the validating one. My last therapist was a mixed bag of both, validating that things were bad ("if the authorities had been aware of what was going on, they probably would have taken the children"), but starting to go to the kind of invalidation of the first example, which was confusing. I'm older (65) and have done a lot of work over the years, and I think I have a good awareness of my mother's situation. I feel compassion for her, but not attachment. I needed to have that feeling honored, and it wasn't. I cut it off after 3 sessions. This video helped me identify why I felt uncomfortable.

I had a therapist I saw for only a few sessions at a very vulnerable time in my life. After describing a situation with my BPD-trait mother, she said “you’ll understand why she did that when you’re a mother someday.” 🤦‍♀️

@christianbrown1032

9 ай бұрын

If this was my therapist I would never go back. They suck. My advice is don’t trust them

Does anyone else find the intro clips and music to be incredibly soothing? I appreciate hearing it and seeing a beautiful, calming visual before we tackle tough topics. It really makes a difference, thank you Patrick Teahan!

@rosepistilli223

2 жыл бұрын

I love this too!

@GeorgideMarne

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, same here ! 🙂

@m0L3ify

2 жыл бұрын

I actually went to find the whole song on KZread just so I could listen to it a bunch of times 🙂

@carolinehughes738

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Absolutely 💯

@darrynreid4500

2 жыл бұрын

I have to admit, I'd personally find it more relaxing if were symphonic heavy metal. There's nothing that cannot be improved with growls.

20:33 "...Sorry I was 20 minutes late...but we'll have to end soon..." 😂😂😭😭😭 So, so good. I wish this was a show or at least a recurring character session.

I have to say, as a performer myself...You're a pretty good actor!

Wow. Few minutes in and I was sobbing like a baby. My most recent experience in therapy was sooooo invalidating! The woman (neuropsychologist) would often cut me off mid-sentence to tell me that one of my perception/feeling was wrong, followed by her "corrected" version of my experience, which often implied that my expectations were too high (or any other way of saying I was actually responsible for my own suffering). Because I recently started standing up for myself, I would try to answer with something like "I get why you would think that, but I really thought this through and I think the way I shared it to you was valid" (which feels very new and unsafe for me to say). She would then start to argue (raising her voice to shut me up if needed), until I'd get in my old ways and start agreeing to anything she said. I would sit there silently for the rest of the session, nodding and holding back my tears, while self-doubt found its way back into my head. Every time, I had to walk home instead of taking the bus because I felt too overwhelmed to be around strangers. One time, I felt so desoriented that I wandered around the office for 20 minutes, unable to focus and remember which street I was suppose to take. The last (and worse) time I went, I called my parents crying the minute I got home, explaining what had happened in details. I even let myself be vulnerable and told them about the self-harming thoughts that I had on the way back ("if the expert who is supposed to help me learn about validating my feelings/needs/limits thinks I'm wrong and I'm responsible for people treating me poorly, maybe I truly am a trash human being and should just stop trying altogether..."). Right of the bat, my parents took her perspective and tried to figure out what I missed. At first, they assumed that I was overreacting, that she was probably just using "tricks" to make me rethink things differently, and even "informed" me that it was natural to feel a little unsettled in therapy (as if I didn't know that). I insisted on the fact that her behavior was borderline agressive and that there was no way it was "part of the therapy", so they asked me if it was possible that I acted in this or that way, "making her" react the way she did. This kind of comment is soooo painful for me! It makes me feel like an entitled brat when, actually, I spent so much of my life blaming myself that I could classify for the "self-gaslighting Olympics"! I just discovered Patrick today and, already, I feel so seen! In this situation, I can see very clearly the connection between the two relationships (with the therapist & with my parents). I realise now how invalidating my parents have always been with me, and why I tend to feel so triggered in situations like this one. Before today, I had a very hard time allowing myself to hold my parents accountable for this kind of trauma. I thought : "They were so loving and caring, they made a few uncouscious mistakes but I should just feel lucky for everything else." After watching this video, I doubt this is the real reason. Thinking of it right now, it might have to do with the fact that they "teached" me (by their behavior), that blaming people for their actions is only OK when their intentions are also bad. That accusing someone who made a mistake while acting out of love is useless and hurtful to them... turning YOU into the bad guy for "criticizing" that well-intentioned person.

@Mantras-and-Mystics

Жыл бұрын

Oh you poor thing ... I can just imagine how you must be feeling! Remember this whole thing was 100% NOT your fault. All I can say is that somehow we learn to be our own therapists. KZread has been a great resource for me. I sincerely wish for you all the strength and courage you need to get through this. God bless. ❤️

You cant meditate away abusive relationship, yes! I guess a lot of childhood trauma survivers believe in such things because we're conditioned to think that we are the problem and if something is happening it's all because of us, so we're trying to fix the consequences (our reaction and thoughts) instead of the reason (abuse)

I had so many harmful and traumatic experiences with therapists that it almost resulted in me ending my life. Two years later and I am still trying to pick up the pieces. It's devastating.

Yes!!! I once told a therapist that my mom never called me and got upset if I didn't call her. The therapist said that's how older people are! Then I felt bad.

gosh i'm still reeling from an invalidating experience with my therapist today so this was uncanny. to think i'd been seeing them for half a year before realizing this. makes you think if seeking help is even worth it. but evidently yes as seen in your content and your work.

@carolinemccallum8468

2 жыл бұрын

Same omg this is borderline crazy how I came across this after JUST experiencing this type of therapy session

Makes me want to stop therapy..... I'm tired of telling the same thing over and over again, tomorrow I will start again I hope she understands and have the skills to help me with the PTSD and grief

@briannawaldorf8485

Жыл бұрын

Look for therapists which advertise trauma informed therapy

@JoJohXD

Жыл бұрын

@@briannawaldorf8485 I don't live in the USA here they don't advertise their especiallity plus they don't give strategies to work with trauma they just listen to you and "ok see you next week" I'm sick and tired of this, last week I was crying on session but he doesn't know what to do (when I cry he cut the session short) I just resigned myself and will not go anymore..... Better the way I'm than frustrated

I once worked as the personal assistant to a licensed therapist with over 35 years experience, and often sat in the adjacent room doing administrative tasks. Where I could overhear them *yelling* at their clients. They would lose their temper, snap, yell, and shame their clients. It was horrible. I felt so bad for everyone who came through those doors. It was a huge relief when I was able to leave that job for a position that didn't put me adjacent to abuse. Looking back, I wish I'd been older/wiser and had reported them. Thank you for making this video and outlining what reasonable expectations are, when seeing a mental health professional. You're so gracious in how you speak about it, but still calling this behaviour out. Thank you.

The worst part is that when you go to therapy the first time, you don't know that invalidating dude is a bad therapist lol. I had to be told how toxic my situation was, I was like a frog in boiling water saying 'I mean, they were abused too, it's not their fault'. It might not be entirely their fault, but that doesn't mean you should have to be abused. Please remember this everyone. You deserve to both be and feel safe. It is a basic right.

Wow, I am amazed that “the apologist” type of therapist even exist. He’s causing more damage and perpetuating the original family malignancy: making everything about the parents, in particular, the mom.

Definitely needed this reality check. I’d been trying to decide if my new therapist was a good fit, and had just settled on “no”- because as I tried to get insight from them on why I was having these interpersonal negative experiences, their comment was “well, the law of attraction! You draw in what you are most afraid of or what you think about the most.” I told them that I don’t particularly believe in the law of attraction because it has some pretty bad implications as its endpoint: 1) when bad things happen to people, it’s because they called it in in some way- this contributes to r*pe culture and victim blaming, and 2) when you don’t get something you want, it’s because you just didn’t have RightThink about it enough, I.e. the only thing standing between you and your goals is whether you’re thinking RightThoughts correctly enough. And this completely ignores factors like transphobia, ableism, racism, class, misogyny, &c, and is a very privileged take. I told the therapist all this, and they abruptly changed the subject, saying “alright, well what do you want me to do? You clearly are well-researched on OCD, so what do you want me to do?” Uh… your job? 🤦🏼‍♂️ So I’m therapist shopping. Again.

@samo917

2 жыл бұрын

This is why I like having left wing therapists. I can usually tell they are if they have things like lgbtq+ ally on their bio.

Thank you so much for showing how this kind of therapeutic language can be used in these weird gaslighty ways.

Thanks for raising awareness around trauma and emotional abuse!!! 😊

Great video Patrick, I would like similair videos to focus on the therapists and doctors who arent just invalidating but downright gaslightening treating your PTSD symptoms as mental illness symptoms. For example: 1)when you get triggered and get strongly disoriented, confused they view it as a sign of psychosis and you not understanding your situation when in fact your mind is in this ptsd freeze mode. 2)when you get angry because of abovementioned behavior they view it as hostility 3)when you feel guilty and feel like you're lying they assume as if you are indeed in fact lying 4)when you feel so blocked in communication that you put more effort into speaking and trying to get your point across, that they assume you do so to maintain false beliefs. 5) when you get triggered over sthg they dont understand, in other words they dont know your triggers, they assume your reaction is irrational, and you might be too.

@Elya08

2 жыл бұрын

Ugh… Yes!! I have felt this way about my own symptoms because I didn’t know I had CPTSD, and it got really bad 2 years ago. Felt like I had psychosis, felt like I didn’t know my own truth because my memories were coming and going.

Thank you for sharing this. I haven't felt like my current therapist was really helping for quite some time now, but I couldn't quite pin why. The blank slate really reminded me a lot of our sessions. It's crazy how much childhood trauma makes you doubt yourself and say "maybe I'm just not being open enough to the sessions" when you're actually still being invalidated. Honestly, I've learned and grown more from watching your videos (and Crappy Childhood Fairy's) than I feel like I have from my current therapist. I don't quite feel like I'm ready to give up on therapy, though, and I'll be starting with a new therapist in the next few weeks or so. Thanks for all your great content!

This make me even more grateful to my therapist, she is so validating and it did get to a point in my therapy where I found myself thinking in shock “I wish you were my mom” , with her validation I was able to see how different type of people were treating me and also how shocking it was that a lot of the things I been through were definitely not okay and was kind of really messed up.

Thank you for this. As someone who saw a therapist I would never recommend to anyone ever at a particularly pivotal point in life, it's really crucial to have a therapist that is not only effective but receptive as well. Everyone recommends therapy without addressing that it could possibly be detrimental if matched with the wrong practitioner.

@doreenplischke2169

2 жыл бұрын

👌🏼

@beatsg

2 жыл бұрын

100%

I had a therapist that made me feel like all my fights around my family were my fault, that I was being "resentful" and needed to go my own way and "grow up". My codependent mother did a session with me (which I wasn't 100% cool with) and the therapist basically sided with her against me, saying I just needed to get a full-time job. None of my issues with the way the household is ran were brought up, none of the emotional baggage, all it came down to was "Just get a job and leave us alone. Stop having problems with things". In retrospect, I feel very betrayed by her, because she KNEW about all the issues I had with my mother and yet pushed that all to the side when she came on the camera, not questioning anything.

@empathopinion6251

2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry Ewan. Therapists can be harmful for those of us who lack entitlement and have bad modeling because of abuse (only guessing for you, definitely the case for me.) I also had a similar situation. A long time ago when I attempted at age 21, I had a therapist who invited my parents to one session. After the session he said in so many words that they were great people and everything was my fault. BTW, I became suicidal at the age of 7, when a terrible trauma event happened that my family has never acknowledge and I have only bits of memories. I can't imagine a 7 year sold being suicidal without a severe problem at home - that's way too young. Because I'd seen almost all only negligent therapists I searched elsewhere. Totally gave up on the field. Way to many harmful therapists out there!

@rrruby1377

2 жыл бұрын

that sounds horrible, Im sorry D: Id probably write that therapist an angry letter but then again.... maybe Id just want to forget and hope to never see that person again

@MsMastress

2 жыл бұрын

@@empathopinion6251 Sorry for the late reply, but I'm so so sorry that happened! Honestly, it just sounds like these abusive therapists aren't there for the patient's wellbeing, but for the paycheck. And on top of that, the lack of trust in what us patients are saying and experiencing is so toxic. We KNOW our experiences better than anyone else and to ignore that for whatever obvious or even obscure reason is to inflict massive harm. I'm glad we have resources like Patrick to help us, because it'd be so damn hard to find help without souls like him.

OMGOODNESS!!!…The ‘Novice Who Took The Training’!!! Is my current therapist… I have no connection with her… I just called to request a new therapist… You have opened my mind to, ask for a new therapist… she makes me feel bad… I have more shame finishing a session with her… more anxiety I do NOT need… Thank You…

A few years back a new therapist asked me what I did to cause my mother's abusive behaviour . Always being held responsible for everyone else's behaviour has been a real sore spot for me . As a scapegoated kid this made me angry ashamed and resentful with that here it goes again feeling . I came away from a few sessions with this person knowing more about her life , abusive husband , ungrateful daughter , problems with her neighbour , decision to move , what was going on around the office in her work environment and on and on than she ever found out about me . She also told me I knew all this stuff and I could do her job - guess I should just talk to myself .

@m0L3ify

2 жыл бұрын

I mean....self-therapy's worked for me... I just educated myself about it and regularly did the journaling, reading, and various exercises and it worked. It took years, but the hard work and dedication has paid off. There's probably no reason talking to yourself wouldn't work lol give it a shot

the bad therapist examples are so spot-on and can be retraumatizing when they happen. I've run into these (and worried I might be a narc since I don't like going to therapy lol) but it might just be that it hurts when you bare your soul about your trauma regarding narc parents and therapists want to make it seem like something is wrong with you for feeling the way you do

"those who are the hardest to love, need it the most" the use of that quote in that video is just so on point! Can't count the times when this one popped up on my Facebook feed and I was like : this bullshit again ! Because they don't! They don't know what love is. They don't even recognize it when people show them love. What they think love is : praise, validation, hypoçrisy

The Apologist reminds me of my family. Highly invalidating while being well meaning. A real mind fuck.

@skythedragon7897

2 жыл бұрын

I was actually shaking during that part as my mom's ex blamed me for literally everything. He found it funny but it really fucked me. The well meaning just made it confusing to understand

This has been like every therapist I've had. And now I'm seeing a new one trying to get evaluated for autism spectrum, because all my life people close to me suspected it AND it would make sense for myself, but this one refuses to evaluate me or even give me the questionnaire because I "look" normal. Isn't that ableist? She was up front and said she "GUESSES she can" but "doesn't really want to" and got all passive-aggressive with me, because she "doesn't see anything wrong with me" but it was our very first meeting and she didn't even try to get to know me. She judged me based on appearance before she knew anything about me at all. She also never scheduled another appointment with me and pretty much told me she doesn't want anything to do with me.

@oliviachipperfield6029

2 жыл бұрын

That pisses me off just reading about it.

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

wow i wanted to be a psychologist so i could help people in a non bias way, why the hell are so many therapists so biased?

I live in Slovenia. Here every professional psychotherapist has to go through demanding education, theoretical and practical. Thousands of hours of theory, several hundreds of hours of personal therapy, also group therapy. All of this is supervised by licensed and experienced older psychotherapists. The begining of the practice with clients is also under supervision, later in their career further supervision is mandatory as well. In Slovenia the law about psychotherapy is bad, however regardless of bad legislation, the education is conducted by highly trained professional and also clinical psychotherapists, psychologists or psychiatrists. The clients and their wellbeing must be number one priority for every mental health professional!

@johngilnitz4126

2 жыл бұрын

So how well do the slovenian therapists do in practise?

@Bojan_V

2 жыл бұрын

@@johngilnitz4126 Generaly speaking, they are doing very well. However there were some complaints. I remember one client had to change two therapists, because even do both of them were under supervision, they were still in the process of education. They refered him to other therapists, because they were unable to help him, but the client was still disapointed.

@johngilnitz4126

2 жыл бұрын

@@Bojan_V thx Bojan are you a therapist yourself?

@Bojan_V

2 жыл бұрын

@@johngilnitz4126 No

@johngilnitz4126

2 жыл бұрын

@@Bojan_V i think regardless of countless hours of study and supervision one should also take into account systemic problems in the field of therapy. Just because sthg is certified doesnt mean its free of errors, unfortunetely discussion about it seems scarce.

Talent on so many creative and technical levels to produce this skit with himself doing both roles, and having it look so real, and the script being so relatable. I don’t think there’s anybody else on KZread quite like Patrick Teahan, I think I saw people discussing one of the ideas from one of his videos recently on r/cptsd.

You are absolutely phenomenal. Wow. I've subbed with you for a while now but holy 💩 this is amazing. The way you delivered that ENTIRE speech AND then provide shitty therapist responses, as well as your own commentary. That is sooo much work. Truly blown away & grateful for people like you who go above & beyond to help a trauma survivor. I think it's got to be one of the most toxic things to have someone experience abuse and actually seek help, only to get more abuse. You have a heart of gold & obviously years of intense training....so as an aspiring therapist I'm honored to be learning from you. I wish you the best success with this channel & all the lives you touch 🤍🕊

Like in every career, there are some who stink at their jobs. I’ve had one therapist who would drop off to sleep in our sessions. I assumed she was ill, so I asked if she was OK. “I’m fine,” she responded. “I just get tired sitting here.” Another suggested I keep seeing a physically and verbally abusive boyfriend because “he said he was sorry and brought you flowers, didn’t he?” She also suggested I have a glass of wine to “loosen up” when this particular boyfriend wanted to be intimate and I decidedly did not. This same psychiatrist would also fill out billing paperwork for the entirety of our sessions. I asked if she would please do it another time because it made me feel she wasn’t able to give me her full attention while multi-tasking; she firmly said “No. I don’t have a secretary. This paperwork has to be done before I go home.” I had yet another therapist who was a White woman. She became angry, shouted at me, and called me a racist after I told her I planned to discontinue therapy with her and work with someone like me, a woman of color, instead. What I’m writing seems surreal, It’s not. It’s unfortunate therapists/psychiatrists choose to behave this way. Their clients/patients are vulnerable people. Therefore, creating a therapeutic environment requires serious commitment to the lives and well being of others. Clients/patients may be living with serious psychiatric illnesses and/or difficulties around setting appropriate boundaries or a limited ability to recognize and respond to unacceptable behavior due to past or present trauma(s). I agree with the person who suggested this in another thread: RUN, don’t walk from a therapist and a psychiatrist who is not a good fit.

@openyourmind3763

2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you experienced these things. I am a LMHC and none of those things those clinicians did are acceptable. I work for a busy community counseling center where I am not able to see people as often as they need, but clients deserve quality attention and support during thier time. Good for you for recognizing those things and advocating for yourself. A good fit of a quality therapist should at the least help you feel validated, hopeful and empowered.

@tmmears

2 жыл бұрын

​@@openyourmind3763 Thank you for the kind words. I'm confident your clients are very lucky in selecting you!

@melis6294

Жыл бұрын

What horrible experiences, sorry you went through that.

Why are there no good therapists out there beyond KZread?

@itsevanffs

2 жыл бұрын

i wouldn't say there are no good therapists out there - i've been through several therapists in my life and i've had some better and some worse ones, and my latest, who i've known for almost two years, feels like a good fit for me. we have our ups and downs but she's definitely helped me a lot. i hope you find someone who can help you, if you're looking for that. it's a bit of a journey but when you've finally gotten the right one (hopefully being able to curate them with the help of these videos) it really makes a world of difference. please don't give up on searching, even if it seems hopeless.

@anitat9727

Жыл бұрын

@@itsevanffs The abuse from therapists recreated the abuse from childhood on steroids. I'm now a shell of myself - before I went to therapy, I was at least hanging on and not getting sexually assaulted regularly because therapy made me afraid to say no. It's not worth 'trying'.

@itsevanffs

Жыл бұрын

@@anitat9727 i'm sorry that it didn't work for you and that people took advantage of your vulnerability, and i acknowledge that it is a possibility someone can find a "therapist" who will abuse them instead of helping but despite what may have happened to you i don't think it's fair to outright dismiss all attempts to seek help. your experience is not the be all end all.

@kate5911

Жыл бұрын

@@anitat9727 I'm so with you! Therapy has been so damaging for me too that it's not worth risking harming myself further. It makes me furious that I spent significant money on it too! It's been 6 years and I still get heated over it.

I've found that often therapists and church leaders do prioritize "fitting in" over acknowledging an unworkable situation. They understand physical abuse but don't notice or understand toxic parents. I don't expect them to fix my parents but don't tell me to be something else so my parents aren't triggered. There is no pull I can take to make my parents love me. There is no behavior that makes me less annoying to them. Just because they seem normal to you doesn't mean they are. There is like a bullseye target in their mind. Everyone on the outside rings sees charm. Only us at the center really see their behavior. Our society values achievement and celebrity more than authenticity and integrity. Sometimes you are better off muddling through with the various intelligent KZread channels and cobbling together self-care of your own design than paying a therapist. However, I will say I tend to downplay the reality to the therapist because I don't really trust them not to divulge it to my parents or to really believe me. Maybe some of the blame is on me. Also, I get really really really angry at my therapist. I think if you shop around and find a decent one you should make a commitment to be fully honest including telling them in an email the next day everything they said or did to anger you so that you can practice being assertive. Also make a commitment to go for 6 months. You will want to quit at 3 months but you need to go for 6 months. After 6 months if you are unhappy with your progress then just give them polite notice and try something else.

Another excellent video. And so true. I was struggling badly with grief after the death of my partner and went to a therapist offered through the workplace. She was young and obviously not a lot of life experience. I explained I was suffering depression (had seen my GP) and was really struggling with grief. I was at the anger stage. She only focussed on the depression and even said she had never heard of anyone getting angry with grief. Her expert analysis was for me to get a colouring in book and pencils. This was apparently the latest therapy. She totally invalidated my grief, and was condescending in the way she spoke to me. She lost me half way through the session and I just did the noddys and agreed with her as it was obvious she wasn't listening to me. I walked out of that session feeling a thousand times worse than when I started. I went back to work and immediately cancelled the next appointment.

I had the "recent training" therapist. She came back from a conference where she learned about EMDR and decided to try it by making me recount a traumatic experience while she waved her hand vigorously back and forth. It was something else!

@theyoutubeanalyst3731

2 жыл бұрын

Jesus Christ!

@nathanrohde3292

2 жыл бұрын

They can't learn without practice but if you weren't interested in an EMDR session nor consenting to it she shouldn't have done that.

@annetteprice

2 жыл бұрын

I had an EMDR therapist launch into an EMDR session within 10 minutes of meeting me. No history taken, no trust built. This was around 2000 and info online about EMDR wasn’t very available, so I didn’t really understand what to expect. Needless to say, it didn’t work. I never went back.

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

I had EMDR once, with a therapist who I later learned had Multiple Personality/Dissociative Identity Disorder! She was terrible. She is still practicing.

@victoriap1649

2 жыл бұрын

@@jackalope7395 DID. The term MPD is no longer accurate or recognized. Your comment feels a bit ableist to be honest although I’m sure it’s not your intention. I’m so sorry you had such a negative experience. At the same time, plenty of people with DID can in fact make amazing therapists. Your comment seems to imply otherwise.

Omg. First, you have changed my life. For the first time I'm finally healing and I deeply thank you for this. As for this video I was sobbing and then laughing through the whole thing because I've experienced these invalidating therapists and I started just sobbing but then I got to the novice and I just had to start laughing because I've experienced that too. And I have to say it makes therapy so hard because it feels so impossible to find someone who understands trauma. Thank you for teaching me that I was abused and the level of abuse that I experienced because that's what you did for me. You were my witness. You are the person who got me unstuck. I cut the toxic people out of my life including my sister. Thank you so much for giving me my freedom

Oh man, I just went through this situation with a(nother) therapist. I feel like I've seen it all, but after months of trying to build trust after multiple negative experiences, I finally told my therapist some of the details of what happened during the first 10 years of my life (which by no means encapsulates all my trauma, but 10 years of it is a lot!). For some reason they decided to offer me advice... And that advice was 'Ever think of your brain like a house, and putting those memories in a room of their own'? I'm still dumbfounded. I think their point was something about compartmentalizing things, but this little idea felt so invalidating; so minimizing; and I don't know why I'd want to try saying anything more. I feel like they could have just said, "Cool, cool... Ever try just not thinking about that stuff and putting it behind a closed door, just like the place that all those things occurred?" As if it wouldn't have already occurred to an abuse victim to hide their traumatic experiences all along......... Hah.... Hah.. HAH. I'm still livid, if you can't tell! Probably because they also seem to think it's my fault for just not understanding that they meant well, but who just comes out with 'put it in a room' to 10 years of trauma???

@BKSF1

2 жыл бұрын

I had one clown tell me that my coping strategy of locking myself in a house for years on end and enduring extreme solitude was a "skill". Older therapists in particular seem really prone to being completely checked out.

@LeftOfToday

2 жыл бұрын

@@BKSF1 Well that's impressive; I was told my agoraphobia couldn't even be that because I went outside occasionally with company! I'm sure age doesn't help within the therapeutic profession if the individual themselves have stopped bothering to work on self-development within their field, but simultaneously, I have to really wonder if the entire field is just full of itself. I've reached a point of accepting that the majority of modalities that we think are the answer to our psychological ails today will likely be proven to be snake oil in another 100 years, no matter how much 'evidence' and papers are written about them.

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

I have had many therapists basically blame the victim (me) for not adjusting to my abusive family or other abusive situation. The message is: If you aren't happy, it is your own fault.

@LeftOfToday

2 жыл бұрын

@@jackalope7395 Isn't that fun?? -_- Nothing quite like the "You're the common denominator" argument just because... Y'know... You're the one who shows up at therapy for help and support, but then they wonder why you have so many trust issues! Just a huge illustration for why the study of psychology needs to go back to its roots, destroy that time-frame where Freud decided to assume we all wanted to be abused somehow, and then actually start putting focus on trauma and how detrimental its impact is.

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

@@LeftOfToday Yep.

Can you make a video on therapists finding a good supervisor to help them work through these invalidating behaviors? I'm a new therapist and I can pick out a few of these behaviors that were taught to me through supervision and now that I'm seeing it through your reenactment I'm realizing how destructive this can be!

Woah, that first baby family visit was insanely similar to my own . That was 23 years ago but just listening to this my gut and heart hurts. Validating but painful.

That room is really nicely decorated.

Liked as soon as I saw the title. Patrick is just something else!

Yes! First psychologist i went to as a young teenager told me as i sat down in her office, that she didn't read my therapists notes about me before I came there, and that she didn't have to, because she could see with her own eyes that i was simply anorectic and that if I just began eating again and went back to school, my life would become better. So I went back home to my abusive parents, and I felt incredibly guilty for being so "difficult" and "overly sensitive" having to drop out of school due to severe bullying, and it took me 20 years to even understand what had happened to me as a child and young adult, shaping me into a dysfunctional adult with PTSD. Having had bad therapy and wrong diagnostic treatments really effed me up so much more than just having childhood trauma... I have no trust in the healthcare system anymore, because it is broken, so many therapists and doctors know NOTHING of value for someone suffering childhood trauma. I actually became a nurse because i wanted to give people what i wasn't given myself. I know for a fact the system is broken as i have seen it working from the inside as well as a patient. Now I practice holistic medicine and use alternative healing methods, like acupressure, reiki, tuning forks.. and diet, to support my body as it has been experiencing a lot of stress, from guilt and shame. A Holistic approach is so much more helpful than modern medicine imo. And I do like your videos, you bring a very helpful input that people need to hear. Thank you! ♥️

Thank you for all of your amazing videos, as always. In one of my "therapy" experiences, I was trying to explain why I had finally cut myself off from family outings. This was after a childhood of multiple types of abuse. Cutting myself off was the first time I had attempted to actually take care of and protect myself. When I talked with this therapist, he said I was treating them "as if they are bad". Why wouldn't I want to go to the family outings, he asked, incredulously. He came to the conclusion that I was just trying to punish my family. When he said this, I thought I must be completely losing my mind. It confirmed that I WAS the bad one in the family, as I had always believed. I WAS the problem, the reason why all the things were done to me. I sank even lower into the hole and nearly lost my battle to live.

@EdieDawnJay

2 жыл бұрын

So glad you are out of that situation now! You are worth so much more, you're not a bad person for wanting to be GENUINELY loved!

@pommie5093

2 жыл бұрын

@@EdieDawnJay Thank you, Erica-your comment brought tears to my eyes. I truly appreciate your words.

I think it's SO important that people don't stick with a therapist that doesn't work for them and I'm so happy you pointed that out. My very first experience with a therapist saw someone who only suggested breathing exercises and meditation, who after only 1 session and maybe 4 messages back and forth told me I was "uncoorperative" and that they couldn't help me. I was "uncooperative" because I informed the therapist that meditation was not really helping and one of the 3 breathing exercises she gave me actually caused me a panic attack (because it was an exercise I'd been doing unconsciously during hyper stressful situations, so doing it outside of stressful situations brought me back to that panic). Not every therapist is good, and even less are good for YOU. Don't give up and keep trying until you find someone who will actually listen to you and is actually offering you helpful guidance (whatever that looks like for you). As much shame and anxiety as it might make to hear a therapist tell you "I can't help you" or "we aren't a good fit" or whatever else, or if you need to "break up" with a therapist, know it's not your fault, it's not a defect of you, it's just not a good match (you wouldn't keep wearing a size shoe 3 sizes to big or too small, you'd try them on until you found one that actually fit).

I need the last therapist. Have wasted time and $$ on the other ones methods. Have gotten more help and insight on my CPTSD here w you. 😊 Thank you

I haven’t gotten through more than a few minutes yet but lemme say the acting on your part from the therapist’s side amazes me, I haven’t even heard the therapist speak yet. It seems intentional but just the way you sort of lower your head and sit back in the chair so that your face looks older and more jowly really reminds me of my father, whereas on the patient’s side you’re sort of perched on the edge of the seat that seems to me the classic posture of a nervous new patient, your jaw looks way more defined and just in the way you hold yourself you look like a completely different person. Awesome job!! To me it just speaks to your tremendous range of empathy, bravo.

@high-bi-password

2 жыл бұрын

Okay so now that I’ve finished the video: I loved this! I know that feedback is helpful and important but I like everything that you put out and feel is worth focusing on, so please don’t be afraid to trust your own intuition and focus on putting out the content that you feel needs to be seen. I was exactly right about the first therapist lol reminded me of my father in many ways. I think I’m very much interested in the different personalities and characters and lived experiences you’re able to portray, each of these genuinely felt like real sessions and that’s what’s most interesting to me. So I’d love to see more of these role plays for that reason! I also really like how you select different calming images at the beginning and the nice acoustic guitar, it always makes me feel relaxed and helps me prep for what can at times be anxiety-inducing topics. I also love your closing mantra ☺️

Oh I just wanted to barf when the apologist therapist mentioned expectations. Omg. Yeah I've experienced a therapist like this. It's so harmful. He's not sleeping or eating well and that's what the therapist said. Wow. Thank you for sharing this because it's so crazy making to deal with this when you need therapy.

I have found it so frustrating when a therapist wouldn’t hear what I’d said and respond to that, but rather would impart their own agenda. If I’m looking for clarity, it certainly wouldn’t come from someone changing the course of discussion. I’m so glad that this video identifies ways that therapists may fall short - this often happens and I have still not met a good one and have learned so much from my own intuition, reflection, writing, and listening to these podcasts. I had to identify my own filters to see the world with more clarity and it was from something said in one of these videos that unravelled all of that for me, just one single thing said in one of these videos. This channel has been so invaluable for me and I have so much respect for the work that Patrick does. One counsellor told me that I just paying lip service to my mother = flippant. Once I was told that I had someone who cared about me = judgement based on little knowledge of the subject - a person whom was also extremely controlling. I was told I was so distant I was all the way out in space = extremely unprofessional, once I was encouraged to look deeper into my family history and visit extended family when I was talking about current romantic issues = agenda, etc. It can be just too much for someone already taxed. Patrick is really trying to increase access to information. People having gone through so much have become wiser for it - at a cost, as Patrick has pointed out.

I have experienced every single one of these therapists in my life, except for one. I'll let you guess which one I never had. Thank you for releasing these videos for free because otherwise there would be no way for people to learn about this stuff.

@firefly4704

2 жыл бұрын

I'm guessing the last one. I can empathize. I found one and a half validating ones out of about 10. It's horrifying how many screwed up people become therapists and screw more people up. There's no accountability in that profession.

Thank you for being the first person to publically peer review the therapist community. The atmosphere I repeatedly experienced from therapists is one of superiority, especially the one who on my first visit was writing me prescriptions for antidepressants. Then when I didn't want to take them they made me feel like I was being recalcitrant and resisting treatment. I didn't need medication. I needed guidance. Then I needed guidance to recover from the therapy! Which I paid for! Infuriating. And so I turned to book therapy and let Bradshaw, Levine, Louise Hay, Esther Hicks, David Burns, and so many other wonderful books be my guidance - I also found Tami Simon's podcast- Insights At The Edge to be a tremendous resource for me at my lowest point. And I gave up trying to get help with one on one therapy because they never felt very supportive or even very friendly. Thank you, Patrick. I hope more therapists open to your world view.

Wonderful video Patrick. I think you hit the nail on the head when speculating about why some therapists don't recognize abusive toxic family dynamics. It could be due to the therapist's own unhealed abusive codependency/cptsd issues. I have my own invalidating therapist experience which I feel was an ethics violation of client abandonment, however, they would try to say otherwise from the half a** referral they tried to offer me, but what I am more concerned about is seeing this very dysfunctional display of being so out of touch about how gaslighting and abuse works amongst the faculty members where I got my counseling degree. It was drilled into my head that you don't call the client's family "abusive" or "narcissistic" or whatever label. Your just suppose to focus on the client instead of the people in their life. It's an outdated harmful methodology that ties a clinicians hands behind their back and prevents them from really helping a person who is dealing with abusive people. Thank you for being one of the pioneers who is blazing a new trail. 🔥 You inspire me to keep going!

omg 😫 I’m 77 and discovering this channel is the first time I felt like I was being understood. Once you zero in on the crux which is related to childhood trauma;, you can begin to heal. I’m so thankful that I kept searching, sad it took so long to finally be acknowledged. It all makes sense now. All of this is so spot on. Thank you

Patrick, so many therapists out there who measure our progress by how much we tolerate our abusive parents. Being able to visit with them and swallow their insults, thriving while they actively try to sabotage us and criticize us. My mother goes silent and grim when I get a new job, get a raise or my company hits a milestone. She didn't go to any of my graduations. When I was suicidal, she used to tell me to quit everything and go on disability, and she still tells me to this to this day even though I haven't had a depressive episode like that in a decade. My mother wants me and my siblings weak and undeveloped and will attack when we show any signs of growth. Patrick I never would have been able to see this pattern until I did a no contact with her for a year, thanks to you. I realize now that the healthier and more functional I get, the LESS tolerable she is to be around, the more immediately toxic she feels. So many therapists prevented me from being able to see this pattern because they insisted maturity was staying in contact and not reacting to her. I hope more and more therapists learn from you, Patrick. You are a gem.

This was so on point! I'm a therapist myself but even so I had two awful experiences with therapists that were extremely invalidating. One has like the first role play and the other kept saying that everything I was sufferinf about was not the reality but the way I perceived things. My inner child to this day craves validation and therapists have a major role giving it. It's so infuriating how many of us are still buying the honor thy parents shit. As always, thank you for you amazing content!

I had a therapist that didn’t say anything and it was so frustrating because I was like if I wanted to talk to a wall, I would do it at home for free. Question: if I want to find a good therapist, you said to kind of interview them first. What do we ask when we’re interviewing them? And are we supposed to ask them these questions right away like in the first session?

My therapist for 13 years who is also my psychiatrist. She also has immigrant parents and evidently according to her, they all are unaware and emotionally dysregulated so she says things like, "well, they think they own you," and just leaves it at that (I am 47 and I don't want to feel owned!) She frequently makes me feel like I am complaining about nothing. She says, "yeah but they also made you who you are," (she considers me to be very successful, like career wise) so I tend to feel shamed into changing the subject. Thanks, Patrick for taking the time to role play these different therapy approaches. I felt myself taking a big sigh of relief when the validating therapist started talking 🙂💕

This is great! Thanks for addressing the ones who seem to think "mindfulness" and focusing on your breathing are actually going to make a meaningful difference in working out life issues/dysfunctions, etc.

@skythedragon7897

2 жыл бұрын

That's EXACTLY what I was thinking. Like congrats you're not freaking out but now what? You haven't solved anything. It's probably gonna happen again as you've solved NOTHING

@aquamarine0023

2 жыл бұрын

@@skythedragon7897 Drives me crazy and these types still charge you their expensive fee despite providing zero help at all.

I can't thank you enough for bringing up this topic! I almost feel "triggered" when other online coaches push finding a therapist without help knowing when to ditch one who isn't helpful. My last therapist excused my last partners extremely abusive physical, verbal, sexual and emotional behaviors ("he was adopted after 2" so he's insecure", "defending his arguing, criticism, controlling, jealously ...; men need sex to feel loved"-defending his on demand, several times a day, bloody and bruised, filmed..., "but you said you'd known him?", whatever that meant). It wasn't until the abuse became extreme before I ditched the boyfriend and the psychologist without feeling I was "the problem" ;-)

@eecneihappy

2 жыл бұрын

I think she was victim blaming when she said, "I thought you knew him?" 👎

@margaretlovecchio8316

2 жыл бұрын

Agree, I have had some meh to bad therapists so don’t use them, I talk with my sister, a good friend and also journal instead. Therapists associated with a church can be truly awful, no support for you & your issues, it’s all about forgiving those who damaged you without working on what you need to heal

@jackalope7395

2 жыл бұрын

Many therapists are predators and narcissists themselves, so they basically side with or protect the abuser.