Edit: slay for this many views over night but why are you all giving me dieting and exercise advice in the comments like you didn’t watch the video at all?? Don’t advise me on these things because (which i also say in the video) i am disabled. I have crohns disease. I have a disordered eating past. Like go watch other videos on my channel that literally talk through these things in detail. Familiarise yourself with the term ‘unsolicited advice’ and also with the idea i am not a woman coz a few of youse are just misgendering me in the comments 🙄 This was a messy and weird video to make but i wanted to acknowledge my choice to be single to take care of my mental health, heal my relationship i have with myself, improve how i have friendships, and figure out who i am before looking for romantic connection again. I dont want this video to be about the people i dated in the past (tho lord do i have some stories…) its about me and where i have gotten myself with the help of some friends (and my mum) through these 6 years and what i’m looking for in my future! Relationships of all kinds are hard with BPD but for me romantic ones were basically impossible (ill blame the shitty friendships ive had on being autistic and people just not liking the vibe lmfaooo) i have some hope but i am absolutely sceptical that it will be possible now and maybe not as bad as i remember/expect it to be.

I’m less than 10 minutes into the video and I like this video and you on principle. You’re reaching your target audience 💚

@ArtieCarden

Ай бұрын

Thank you! I needed that after some weird comments 😂 i hope you got something from the rest of the video :)

It’s cool to see someone else who has just, stopped dating. I don’t date or hookup, for me it was never something I naturally felt drawn to I’d just notice everyone around me dating and go “oh right I should get on that”. I’m on good terms with all but one of my ex’s, which has massively helped with people saying trying to dismiss my chosen singleness. I don’t get “you’ve just had bad experiences” or “haven’t met the right person” etc. I’ve always felt more content with friends than relationships. I never dreamt of marrying or having kids, when I’m dreaming of my future it’s never with a partner (but I do always have a dog). It’s nice. I don’t miss dating. I pick when I travel, where, what I do with my time. It’s blissful.

@ArtieCarden

Ай бұрын

Thats very cool thank you for sharing! I think i do want a lot of those things but not in the most traditional sense it is usually shovelled at us which can make it hard to define and confusing to explain to people. I definitely needed these last 6 years alone! And like you said i dont answer to anyone or currently deal with the bs of dating etc. if i could id skip the dating the wrong people and just find the right person 😂 I think we should all be allowed and encouraged to have the relationships we actually want ? (Or dont) and i dont see why a romantic partner is seen as the be all and end all. And its been wonderful seeing other people sharing their platonic partnerships for example, something id never even considered. And i think i have lovely friends who id love to grow old with like in golden girls lol And whilst id like to find a partner, i wont die without one 🤷🏻 Thank you for sharing your perspective too 🥰

Hi Artie! Not sure how people misgendered you - you literally say at the start of every video what your pronouns are!! This topic must have taken a lot of bravery to tackle on a public site - big respect to you for sharing a vulnerable part of yourself. I think the idea of getting to know yourself better before considering a relationship is very sensible - more people should do it! I wish I'd been encouraged to know myself better before trying to have any relationships tbh - I've had some real disasters & maybe could have avoided a lot of trauma. PS Can't believe your throat is still bad - I hope you get fully better soon 💚

@ArtieCarden

Ай бұрын

Thank you! Yeah this is why i think a lot of the comments hadnt watched the video coz they are commenting on things i said in the video 💀😂 My throat is better but the virus has caused a lot of fatigue and other symptoms/making my chronic illness worse and generally harder to do anything as i have much less energy 🥲 I do think more people should take time to look at their relationship to themself and it doesnt always have to be done the way ive done it but i know for me thats what i needed to do! We are always gonna come across people who arent in the same place we are mentally with things and it makes it so hard 🥲

As an aro ace that has NOT been single for over a decade, it's so good for mental health to be single. (I'm also likely autistic and have ADHD and a host of other mental illnesses that have not been diagnosed) It takes so much work and mental energy to attempt to be at all healthy in a relationship when you're already fighting for your life to be healthy yourself. Like you said, prioritizing yourself. And as you talked about, building up a network of friendships is not able to be substituted with a single person. It takes a village and everything. I'm glad you're choosing healing in whatever way you feel is best for you. And self-awareness of patterns because of mental health and physical health and attachment styles and whatnot is so valuable. Oh and educating people on asexuality is my entire life. It's exhausting. I hope you find a world where you don't have to carry that burden.

@ArtieCarden

Ай бұрын

Yes! Literally all this 🫠 and unfortunately not many people take time to focus on their own shit for a while so it makes it harder to re-enter dating when you have done a lot of work on yourself and communication but everyone you meet hasnt even started. Im an inherently curious person and want to understand things which i think helped/helps make me change over time but a lot of people are very comfy never addressing anything even when you stand in front of them asking.

@Arionlappy

Ай бұрын

@@ArtieCarden I could see that. I feel like I hear people talk about their ideas of deal breakers vs when you're being too picky about dating. Like "oh everyone's a work in progress," your standards are too high, etc as if we should all just be more understanding on realizing that a person doesn't have to have all their shit together to be ready for a relationship, you just have to be compatible. Well ok...but if I'm focused on self-growrh and they don't WANT to get their shit together or even try, then are we compatible? If they're still in the denial stage of grief and I'm onto bargaining, are we on the same page? Lol

@ArtieCarden

Ай бұрын

@@Arionlappy urgh yes!! Exactly 😭😭 i dont expect perfection (in the relationship itself or a person) but being mostly on the same page is actually so hard ? I think my main battle that happens over and over is i become the care taker and never get taken care of which is when its very detrimental to me because i rarely get my needs met but and told i am asking for too much (usually bare minimum or below) and im done asking for those things whilst giving everything i had. It was the same with friends for a long time that i put much more in than others did and its very boring honestly! 😂😂

@Arionlappy

Ай бұрын

​@@ArtieCardenhmm in my experience that's usually a somewhat co-dependent experience. One person has to be the giver and one person has to be the taker. I'm used to being the giver, but that means if someone doesn't choose to take care of me in response, or I won't let them because of my own issues of vulnerability, the imbalance gets pretty bad. So finding the balance of taking care of yourself, Knowing where the line is to ask for others to help take care of you, while knowing another person can't be your everything, and also taking care of them within reason? Like how.

Really respect your choices. What the heck is with these comments? People love to dish out advice where its not wanted. You literally say you know desirability is not the problem.

@ArtieCarden

2 ай бұрын

😂😂 thank you ~ felt like i entered another realm reading the comments