Of course we were all young and dumb at one time in life

You only had protective instincts for your friend barbara

Aw Steve dont beat your self up we all say crazy things

You weren’t wrong. I’m sure many other people told them the same thing. They were in shock and they probably didn’t tell many people how bad he was. He was a monster. you weren’t wrong.

My issue is NOT saying something to a friend who meant more to me than just friendship. Tried to contact him over the years only to find he had recently died. No one cared and his ashes were unclaimed. I brought them home and I will eventually lie beside him. So many lost years.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Omg John, that is beautiful that you will at least be together now in the end when no one else wanted him!

@danielmorse4213

5 ай бұрын

I am sorry.

Steve, you obviously learned something from this experience. If you had continued to make this type of mistake over the years then you could beat yourself up. But here, you clearly learned you are human and have good intentions. Who among us haven’t messed up? I also believe that everything happens for a reason. We are here to learn. You learned.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks H!

@guygrip9634

5 ай бұрын

YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. CAUSE THEY BOTH COMPLAINED ABOUT HIM. YOU WOULD NOT KNOW AT THAT AGE. MY MOM ACTED LIKE MY DAD TOOK VACATION WHEN HE DIED. BUT THEY FORGET THERE WAS LOT GOOD HE DID DO. GOING TO BEACH AND AMUZEMENT PARKS. BUT IN THIS CASE.THEY WERNT TELLIN YOU TRUTH. THERE LOT PEOPLE COMPLAIN BUT STILL LOVE PERSON. THATS NOT YOUR FAULT. SHE COULD MADE IT UP. FOR. ATENTION. . OR THERE BOTH IN DENILE. I TWO DONE SAME THING SHE DID. I U S ED SAY MY AUNT WAS ALCHOLIC. BUT CAUSE SHE WAS DIEN. AND I HAD ARCHE BUNKER BOSS SAID GAVE ME HELL. I.I TOOK DAY OFF THAT I SAID SHE WAS ALCHOHOLIC. BUT SHE WAS LOVELY PERSON. ITS THEM THAT STERIO TYPEN. LISTEN I FROM AWAKEN. YOU ARE GOD LEARNEN HEEE. GOD IS HEE IN THE ILLUSION SO GOD KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL. I WANT YOU TP KNOW THAT IN THIS SOLID ILLUSION HE MAY NOT BE PERFECT TO YOU. SHE MAY HAVE PASSED. NOT HOPEN THAT. BUT SHE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN. ITS SAD ALL MY FREINDS ARE DOSPEARED OR GOT HIV GONE. ONLY ONE I KNEW GAVE CHANCE. BUT STEVE STILL SEFLESS .HE USED HIS DATES. I TWO WONDER WERE IS EVERY BODY IM THE ONLY ONE STAYED CLEAN. BLOOD. HELTHY LIVED TO 61 AND SCENE KILLED ALL GOOD ONES OFF. I HOPE THIS HELP. REMEMBER THE TRUTH GOD IS HER AND YOU. SO HE KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL. ALL LOVE IS GOD. FINELLY NOT WHAT WERE TAIUGHT ❤❤

@guygrip9634

5 ай бұрын

Lot typos wont let me corect it. I should wrote it over. But hopefully you get to understand

My abusive alcoholic father died when I was in 2nd grade. The 4 older kids and my mom were relieved, but the younger two don't remember being beaten every day. I understand where you were coming from.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that you had to deal with that Mary! 💙🙁

Hi Steve, I don’t think that there isn’t a person alive that hasn’t said or done something that they have regretted. With that being said, You were young and You were expressing Your relief that they would never be hurt again by this man. Unfortunately, it just came out at the wrong moment. Like You said, They may have been feeling those same emotions, but were still raw from his death. Thank You for sharing Your video with us, it was great as always. Blessings to You and Jim! ❤❤❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you Nancy ❤️👍

Your such a beautiful person…❤

Gosh, I know the feeling, some things I've said in my past still haunt me...if we had known better, we would have done better...live and learn I guess. Steve you are such a kind person, don't beat yourself up...in a way I wished she would have yelled at you or expressed her thoughts, so you could have at least apologized and not lost a friend. Like you mention, I learned early on NEVER to comment on someone's children, parents, family negatively...not even to align or agree with their own thoughts. 😄 Love these videos!!

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Taylor. You were very smart to learn this lesson early on. I guess I had to learn the hard way!

You probably said what everyone was thinking. They just didn't want to admit it. Anyway, I'm sorry things ended as they did. 🙂

It happened to me. I have also criticized my family but get upset when someone else criticizes them.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

It’s funny how we all seem to do that! 😂

Oh yes. I most certainly have done that in the past. Sometimes I say things that I know right after I said it, I just wanted to "put foot in mouth". akkkkk. 🤦‍♂🤦‍♂

I've always been a straight shooter my entire life. But I've been capable of holding my tongue except for one time and that was enough to end a decades long friendship. Fast forward 15 years and I saw that person again. I didn't know what to say other than hello, hope all has been well with you. He looked at me, rather oddly and said to me, that even though I was crass in what I said, I spoke the truth. We did have a friendship going forward, however it was never the same. It was an accumulation of that situation in the past and who we had grown into as people. If there is a person who says "I don't regret a single word I've said in my life", I couldn't believe that.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing bitter sweet experience with us Stacy!

If it makes you feel any better, we’ve all said, or did things we wish we could take back. Especially back in our younger days.💁🏻‍♀️

@Prilavolus

5 ай бұрын

And as we age, that tendency can come back in spades. Some people think they have to protect and defend their abusers.

Honestly, you didnt say anything dumb or stupid. You were only going on what your friend had whined about. I, like you learned through the years that we can only take things at face value. I lost a dear friendship because, bless her heart she just always played the victim. I didnt understand that at the time but when i put my foot in my mouth to try to help her, all hell broke loose. We live and learn and from that 15 year old experience i learned quickly, everything that friends tell us .... sometimes is not the truth. You're a great person with a great heart. But i totally understand how we can second guess our actions even going on what we thought were true facts. You rock,Steve.✌️❤️🙏🏼

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing that with us gypsy. I’m sorry you had to experience something like that too! 😲

I hope you’ll forgive yourself, Steve. What you said came from a place of LOVE. You knew that, and so did she. Seriously, you are so kind, please give yourself the Grace you give others. Most of us have said much worse, and more than once. ❤❤❤ I sure hope you find her- maybe you have a friend in common that can connect you? An alumni association? I bet it would feel great to talk to her or even send her a message. (I say stupid things almost daily!!!!)

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you Kim. It would be really nice to reconnect, but unfortunately at least at the moment I don’t have any way to do that.

I made the same mistake. I know how you feel! Your still a good person especially when you learn from your mistakes!

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Mike and sorry you had an experience like this too. 🙁

Oof! I've said my share of the things I really shouldn't have . My therapist told me to just let it go because it was doing me no good to hold on to the guilt. It affected me in ways that I was constantly beating myself up over and over again. I'm learning to forgive myself and I pray that the person I affected is having a great life . Thank you for sharing this with us. ❤️

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

I agree Jody, that’s the best attitude to have. 👍

It was immaturity in response that she had also increased your concern and frustration with the dad. Hindsight is 20/20 and lesson learned. True that, we can complain but if someone else criticizes a family member we become protective. We have all had occasion to offend someone unintentionally and sometimes along life’s way we lose friendships but as John Denver once wrote in Rocky MountainHigh “ lost a friend but kept the memory “.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing with us Julia. That is one of my all-time favorite songs! 😄👍

Steve, this is too weird because my oldest dearest friend from third grade and I listened to the Cabaret soundtrack daily when it came out and used to put on shows in her house. She was a gorgeous Marilyn Monroe look alike, in part because I molded her and in part because she had the physical attributes, and we had a blast in life and caused some scenes lol. But I too said something stupid to her about 25 years ago and it ended our friendship. She too came from a family of alcoholics and lost her sister, brother, husband, and father to alcoholism, and finally it took her. The worst feeling in the world was when I got the call several years later from my sister that my friend had passed away at 46. I called her mother immediately and her mother told me that the night before she died, she had all my old cards and letters out on the desk table and was looking at them. A big lesson I learned. I'm about the same age as you and sometimes late at night I'll think of things I said and did in the past that I'm so sorry for, hurtful things that I said to people, mostly because I was abused and bullied terribly as a young person, and homelife was just as bad and abusive, when I tell people about it they tell me I should write a book. So for a while there I guess I became very defensive and somewhat snotty myself. In hindsight , I think it was a case of "I will hurt you before you hurt me." Why does it take so long to learn these things? It happened with another dear lady friend of mine, we were such close friends and she could be rather difficult and I cut her off and the next thing I heard is that she had passed away. You can't go back and fix it. But I guess this is something we start thinking about when we get older. I never really much believed in religion or an afterlife at all, but as I approach 70, I hold open a slim chance for it and I do "talk" to my departed dear ones, asking for forgiveness and telling them I love them. I definitely have some regrets. Anyway, sorry for rambling but really identified with this.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing this with us, I really appreciate it. Sorry to hear that you’ve had experiences like mine too. After reading all of these comments I realize it’s even more common than I thought! 🙁

Hi Steve. My heart goes out to you; I totally understand how you feel. I had a similar experience back in high school, ironically almost as long ago as your experience (mine about 45 years). I didn't actually SAY the wrong thing, I DID the wrong thing.....and even as far as that goes there is part of me that still defends myself. I had a really close-knit relationship with two friends I had known since childhood. Unfortunately, I had another even closer friend who the other two did not like at all (I never did find out why). It got to the point where my two friends said if I kept having this other person as a friend, our relationship was over. This put me in a really awkward position. But for one thing I didn't think they were truly serious; secondly I really really liked my third friend and wasn't about to stop being friends. So what happened ? My two friends disowned me and never spoke with me again.....all because I kept this other person as a friend who they didn't like. Such a shame, and so unnecessary. It makes me very sad when I think back on it because we have missed out on 45+ years of friendship. Sorry if I rambled on and Thanks for listening. Your friend Gary from Rochester, NY

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Gary, how awful that they would give you an ultimatum like that. If I had friends like that I would probably be happy to not have them in my life anymore. I hope the friend you chose to remain close with turned into a long lasting friendship. Thanks for sharing this with us. 👍

@Karin-

6 ай бұрын

So sorry to intrude here on your response to Steve, but I personally don't think you have missed out on anything with those 2 people. TRUE friends wouldn't give anyone such an ultimatum, they could have chosen to continue your friendship separately from this other person. To me, they are the ones who lost out, not you 😊

@garyuser-zr5iq9sx4z

6 ай бұрын

Yes Steve, I feel that way on the one hand (not having them as friends anymore after putting me in that horrible predicament), yet on the other hand 45+ years of potential opportunities lost. Yes, to this day I am still close with the other person. And I will never know what the two other friends had against the third. Take care, Gary @@steveinpalmspringsca

@garyuser-zr5iq9sx4z

6 ай бұрын

Hi Karin. No intrusion at all; I value your input. I see your point and it is a good one. It's just that in the back of my mind I can't help the feeling of such a waste of a friendship it could have ended up being. I would hope that their ultimatum was a sign of immaturity (high schoolers), and wonder if they themselves have had any second thoughts over the years (it would truly be a shame if they haven't). Thank You for commenting - Gary@@Karin-

@ericv1989

6 ай бұрын

I can only speak as a white, heterosexual male, meaning I can't tell the same jokes Seth Meyers can't tell, but controlling guys who give their girlfriends ultimatums on who they can and can't hang around with are usually losers trying to beat logic by making a stray dog their one and only. However, sometimes good people have fun friends that they shouldn't. Like if her female friend hangs out with guys convicted of the worst kind of assault just because she likes their dope and how generous they are with it. If you don't want a scenario where you have to fight a guy who's been in prison, you have to spell out the reasons. Not just because you said so. (I guess I really out-Rochester, NY-ed you with this post, LOL.) I'm going to post the above only because it's funny, but let me guess by how bad my applicability is here. If you don't watch your language around people who have a lot friends who have children, you put them in a spot where they have to dump you. The same goes for being openly racist. Don't expect an explanation.

Steve...I would have said the same thing. Their reaction is on them.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks William 👍

It's a part of life. We learn as we grow. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Some things are never meant to be and some people are never meant to stay a part of our lives.

@donneesf

6 ай бұрын

🎯

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Sometimes I forget that, but I totally agree with you Gail! 👍

At 17/18 years old I was living out of the US...and corresponding with a high school friend, back home. I wrote something stupid and insulting to him, that ended the correspondence...which I too regretted for @50 years. Then I saw him at our 50 year high school reunion, with his wife, and he disparaged one of our classmates...who were were all friends with......a star athlete when in school.... who had died...... his words about the death were very cruel. I left the table.......I felt vindicated to have insulted him those 50 years ago. As one of your fans commented....everything happens for a reason.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Don, yes that seems like a very good example of everything happening the way it’s supposed to even if we don’t realize it at the time. Thanks for sharing this with us. 👍

@ericv1989

6 ай бұрын

I'm so glad I read your post, donneest. There's this commercial where this guy's applying for a job and he has a pit bull tattooed on his neck and when he sits down, a barking dog sound effect starts up. I'm not a model and I was never all that great at sports. I just wasn't the popular crowd stuff, but if I was, I hope I'd still have some kind of soul towards others who weren't as gifted as I was. When you stand with people like that, that's what people see. I'll never forget one funeral. The father of this guy who'd stiffed lifelong friends attended the service of the father-in-law of one of his victims. The deceased and him were neighbors and close friends.He sat beside the family. They were both immigrants, but from different countries. The lifelong friend and son-in-law victim gave such a moving tribute, it felt like I was in a movie. I guess it just depends on who you want in your life.

Steve you know what? I wish I could get to go back and start all over again from the year 1968 when I was born and do my life again With the knowledge I have now I swear I would not have made the choices I did in this lifetime so don't beat yourself up about something you can't change all you can do is savor the time with her that you have left I laughed at the comments you made about your friend father I know where you were coming from but sh took it the wrong way I guess

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

I can relate Tonya. There are so many things that I would do differently if I could go back and have a do over. Boy would not be nice lol? 😄 thank you for sharing this with us. 👍

Thank you so much for sharing. When we are young we don't always have the appropriate "filters". Your comment came out of caring so deeply for your friend and being excited that she and her mother wouldn't be abused any longer. While it was the wrong thing to say, it's clear your intentions were good. I bet we all have an example of a time we said something we shouldn't have. Mine was 30 years ago. I was probably 22 and had a good friend named Brenda. I adored her and we had so much fun together. She was eccentric and silly and weird in all the best ways. Well, she had this good friend who was a gay man she really wanted to set me up with. She had hyped him up for months. He was 6 or 7 years older than me, established, sophisticated, etc. So she really built him up and when it came time for our date, I was beyond nervous. Sitting across the dinner table from him and not knowing what to say, I zeroed in on what we had in common: our friend Brenda. So I said a few things like "Oh you know crazy Brenda, we just love her don't we?!?" I never, ever meant these things as a put down, just an awkward way of connecting with someone. Well.....he told her what I had said, and of course out of context it sounded bad. She confronted me and we never spoke again. Still makes me sad to this day. :(

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Omg, how sad! Sorry to hear that you had a friendship end in a similar way. Thank you for sharing this with us! 🙁

We have all said and done unintentionally hurtful things. We learn and grow as adults I pray we are all smarter and more experienced. We need to learn to forgive ourselves as we would forgive others at 45 I am still working on extending forgiveness, kindness, and love to myself as I do for those around me.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Nicely said Melissa 👍

So sorry Steve. Have you ever thought about looking up her dad's obituary to find her? Lots of information could be there to find her through family relations. We've all done silly stuff when young. Also you felt comfortable enough to voice opinion. Maybe you can make up one day. Hi Jim. Stay safe out there.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for the suggestion Shannon, unfortunately I don’t know her dad‘s name and I don’t remember her address. I don’t think I have enough information to do that. But now that I say that I do know the city and the year and the last name so maybe I could look that up. I will try that. Thanks! 👍

I'm sure I have inserted my foot in my mouth many times. It happens. At that age I might have said the same thing. I'm so sorry your friendship ended. I'm A big believer in fate tho and your whole life could have went a different route if you had remained friends with Barbara. Sending hugs.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Sue, I agree. I guess in the end everything happens the way it’s supposed to. 👍

Understand your dilemma Steve - older I get more of these internal debates I have as well. Guess with age comes wisdom and maturity - which at times tends to lend itself to questioning what I did and why I did it 🤷‍♂️

"The Truth Hurts" 🤔 You never know what I will say but you can be sure I will say it..

We say a lot of things during our, years on this earth! No one is perfect. Have a great day Steve! 😊👍☀️

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Linda and you too! 👍

I'm sorry you lost your friend that way. I also believe we all say dumb things sometimes, especially when we're younger and more naive. Although, it's understandable but often the case that we only remember the positives about people after they die and tend to forget their horrible deeds/qualities. I guess it's part of coping with a loss and mostly a good thing, but not when it damages relationships with people still alive. Sometimes, too, I think people hear things differently than they were said, or at least intended. You always give us so much food for thought.❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

I agree Sharon about never knowing how people will interpret what we say. I guess as long as we are coming from a good place when we say it, that’s all we can do.

We've all said dumb things we later regret. It's part of life. You learn and you move on. You had her best interest at heart.

Like others have said, we ALL have done something like this in some way in our lives. I’m hoping there are three positive things that come from this: •you allow yourself to forgive young Steve for what he said, although honest, but just a bit untimely. •you get to find her again, or at the very least find out what became of her. •someone out there, possibly in the same age group as you were when you said what you said, and it actually “saves” them from having an untimely verbal response. All us older folk become wise not because of the smart & great things we have done & experienced, but also because of the very bad, dumb and unwise experiences we have endured. I hope your heart has become lighter with this video. It has reminded me to forgive myself for some of my untimely verbal responses that I have made in my life. The reason I say to “forgive myself” is because along with the story of abuse, we as humans can also self-abuse ourselves for instances we caused, and forgiving yourself is also part of the healing. Love to All…

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Very nicely said HWW! Thank you for sharing this. 😊👍

Steve we have all said things we regret. We all hopefully learn from the dumb stupid things. You have a kind heart and all of us that watch your vlogs can see that. Try searching for your friend again I bet she would love to hear from you after all these years.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Lori 👍

I have the same old regrets. It's hard to let go when it's too late to rectify .... friends or partners are gone.

I've said and did a couple of things decades ago that changed my life. A lot of young people do that. You are fine.

Steve you were growing up, you have to stop feeling regret! Let me till you about my regret. In 1973 I said I do it was my wedding day!

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Oh no, sorry to hear that Teena. 🙁

Sometime we do say stupid stuff Infact Sometime I just change feet in my mouth. You do impress me as a very kind and sincere person. Have a great day

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Norma, yes I guess unfortunately it is something we all have in common! 😲

I hope you get reunited with Barbara again..I understand completely Steve I have said similar things before and it happens you know. I think everyone has had something very similar happen to them..hope you have a wonderful visit and safe travels 😊.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you David!

I was much older than you and I made the same mistake. I heard horror stories for years and thought my friend would be so relieved. Open mouth, insert foot. Never spoke to me again. I learned my lesson. Enough said. Yes, I regret it to this day. 😢

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that you had the same experience Janet. 🙁

Three primary reasons women stay in abusive relationships are money, fear of retaliation and fear of being alone. None of these are valid reasons, but they exist. My sister did it and consequently ruined her children. She wasn’t strong enough to leave him. Never gave one iota of consideration to how he treated her children. She simply turned off her emotions when it came to them. I don’t believe he was physically abusive towards her, mostly to the son whom she showered her affection on. She all but ignored her daughter who is terribly scarred to this day. My sister passed very young. I will never forgive her for what she did. She had multiple chances to leave him. My husband and I would have taken care of them. We made arrangements a few times and she always changed her mind. I often said she had to die to get away from him. I love the kids like my own. They always had me. Unfortunately things were different back then and we weren’t as aware of domestic violence and abuse.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear this sad story Cynthia. it’s even sadder knowing that you would have and could’ve helped her but she didn’t want any help. It sounds like her children are very lucky to have you though. 👍

You no doubt learned a great deal from the experience. I think most of us have had “verbal mishaps” especially in our youth. I know I have my regrets. Live and learn, as they say…

Hopefully you can get speak with Barbara again ❤

Steve, I have totally been there. I think it shows great character on your part that you feel so badly about this. You can't change it. It won't help to endlessly beat yourself up. You have apologized. It was a young guy making a careless statement who never meant to offend in the first place. If they don't forgive you then its on them.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Thomas. You are the third person to mention using her photo. Even though I was also in the picture and the picture is 50 years old now, I have blurred it. It takes KZread a couple of hours to update the video, but it has been blurred. I don't use her last name or location or any other identifying info, so there is no way anyone but me will know who this is. Thanks.

No. I have done that , too, and lost a friendship.😪

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear that Pamela!

We all say things when we are young. I hope that you find her some day Steve.☺

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Linda, me too. 😊👍

Sometimes people choose to stay in a family dynamic that feels familiar rather than leave because it is all that they know. Love or a loving relationship can be confused with caretaking and obligation. The view we may have from the outside is very different and our honest reaction to their situation may be misunderstood. We can only take care of our side of the street. ❤ Paul

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Excellent points Paul 👍

I also have a problem with saying things I shouldn't. I almost lost friends that way. What you said was true but you probably shouldn't have said it out loud. People make mistakes. Hopefully one day you can reunite with your old friend.

Steve we have all said things we regret , over the years I bet your friend understood, we all learn from our mistakes I have definitely out my foot in my mouth many times , take care x

I understand how you can feel the way that you do. Besides you were young at the time. I have a tendency to often put my foot DEEP down my throat, unintentionally and oftentimes unknowingly. I don't set out to hurt anyone. :(

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

I guess we all have foot in mouth disease once in a while! 🤪

@shondad

6 ай бұрын

@@steveinpalmspringsca, apparently 😬😅

We all say awkward things when we're young (and sometimes when we're not so young) -- and it's particularly easy to do that in connection with someone's death, when our feelings can be at their most sensitive. A simple sincere apology should be enough to mend fences, although that may take a little time. If Barbara and her mother wish to hold a grudge -- and I'm hoping they want to resolve the issue as much as you do -- they would never reject a sincere apology. Doing that only cuts them off from what could have been -- and what might still be -- a rewarding friendship. Sometimes we just have to look past the shock of the moment. I've heard a lot of people say the same thing about their own relatives. It probably doesn't sound like commiseration if you join the chorus. I've found it helpful to explain that God -- if you believe in one -- understands more about human nature than any human being and that He has things under control. I use that strategy when people are afraid their deceased relatives have gone to hell. Even the strongest among us are fragile individuals. We help each other by respecting that fragility. Once I made someone mad at a funeral by saying to an attendee, "It's nice to see you even under such unpleasant circumstances." People have told me over the years that I should have separated those two thoughts with a lot of words. My worst faux pas involved an eccentric aunt who bought a lot of statues. A few of them were probably too revealing for some, so she kept them all covered most of the time. She only allowed a select few to lift the drapes. If you made her mad by reacting to the statues improperly, she'd never let you see one again. Her mother-in-law once remarked that she ought to put her money in the bank and not "under wraps." I thought that was kind of funny so I relayed it to my aunt. That started a family feud that went on for the better part of three years. Finally everyone got older and moved on -- but I felt awful about that for a long time. My mother used it as a lesson to explain how we can all get so wrapped up in our own little quirks that we don't appreciate how others, even loved ones, can often be completely indifferent to them.

@steveinpalmspringsca

5 ай бұрын

Very nicely said P. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences!

😮 😊. I still say what’s on my mind, my mouth gets me in trouble sometimes….I say I have no filter…but I’m better at 62 than when I was young 😂😮

Don’t beat yourself for saying that. You may have said that thinking,thank god the horrible abuse is over. Things happen.

@steveinpalmspringsca

4 ай бұрын

Thanks Samuel. 👍

The innocent of youth.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

And immaturity! 🤪

I was actually in a similar situation like you except this was way worse as it was on social media and the group I was in was from a KZreadr and just like you I said something dumb that instantly broke our relationship and we never spoke to each other again, I still feel horrible about what I did

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Oh no, so sorry to hear that! 🙁

@InanimateGachaInsanity

6 ай бұрын

Thanks, I'm handling myqelf perfectly though@@steveinpalmspringsca

We are all imperfect. I’m sure they felt the same way, the relief of no more abuse. It’s a tricky line to walk, especially with being inseparable friends and then having this happen. I really wish you could find her and reconnect. I bet she would reach out to you if she sees this. I’m glad you didn’t let this cripple you.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks lamlam 👍

I understand and I hope your friend sees this and realizes you meant no harm! If we could just go back in time and thought before we spoke I’m sure you would have said something like I’m glad you won’t be abused anymore and I hope your father has found peace.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Exactly Thomas! Would it be nice if Life offered do overs? 😄👍 Thanks

You were saying something that a lot of people think about abusers and that they are better out of the picture not dead necessarily but left behind after reluctance to seek help. It appears that the mother was in it for life and not because it was necessarily difficult to leave back then but she personally lacked the psychological wherewithal to do so. As far as the friend is concerned she probably had a father complex at that time and hopefully since that time she has worked through that so she might be responsive to your apology but you're dealing with a toxic family dynamic obviously and so you have to tread carefully which when we were young we did not do.Most of us have had a case of foot in mouth disease from time to time❤

Nope, never, ever did that! LOL!

Morning Steve. I too have made some very bad choices in what I say. Some I really regret but some I don't. I'm almost sure that the mom wasn't aware that her daughter was telling you about her dad being abusive. So when you said that it caught them both off guard for different reasons. The mom for obvious reasons but the daughter because she'd now have to explain to her mom why you said that. Maybe she exaggerated about her dad. And could have been an untruth. Who knows? I hope you don't continue to feel bad. It shows your a good human being with a caring heart. That's why I love watching your channels. Plus you've shown people who passed away that I had no idea had passed! I don't watch any news. Lol. God bless you always and stay safe 🥰🙏🤗

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Dana, you sound like a very perceptive person. I have never thought about that possibility but now that you mention it it sounds very likely. That would definitely explain the extremely shocked reactions! Thank you for giving me a different way to look at this. 👍

Heck we all have made mistakes. I have so much egg on my face still from things I have said. Love ya Steve! Stink happens. ❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Tracy, lol That’s a good way of putting it! 😄👍

Steve you look so young. I would never have guessed you were the age that you are. Good for you! You don’t even look 60 😊

@steveinpalmspringsca

5 ай бұрын

Wow, thank you! 😊👍

Hey Steve, I’m sorry that your friendship ended so abruptly. IMO, what you said back then was a reflection of how protective you felt of your friend and her mom, how powerless you all were. You felt immediate relief for good reason. And your friend and her mom, dealing with their own mountain of confusing emotions, had no way of coping with your truth bomb. It’s so totally understandable with hindsight. I’m sorry that SHE hasn’t gotten in touch with YOU over the years.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Bunny, me too! 🙁

Man, try to find her. You must try. Keep us posted. I bet she would love a good cry with you.

Steve, Your well meaning feelings and heart were in the right place, but from your story it looked obvious you spoke too soon. Your friend had not recovered yet. I grew up in a household that was a carbon copy of what you just spoke of, and no one can imagine what that is like unless they have lived and survived the same. My mother was a target of abuse so was my brother and of course I was a big target being of a homosexual nature. Not long after my farther passed a very nice neighbor said to me, "Well he lived with his 'problem' for a long time." I didn't saying anyting and I think the neighbor felt that was rude of me. But I was a little ticked off because what about me? My mother, my brother? We all lived with my father's problem. Because my father made his problem everyone's problem. I truely believe my mother's life, my brother's life, along with my own life could have been much better if we had not had to deal with a alcoholic father figure in the family. My father passed when I was almost 38 years old and I promised myself then that upside down crazy would never be a part of my life again. But it lingers. My mother grew up in the 1930s from a teen ager to a young woman and because of the depression she could shove her feels away. She lived that unill she passed. My brother left home as soon as he turned 18 and never truly dealt with his true feelings right up to the time he was shot and killed in the line of duty (he was a police officer). I just turned seventy three last June (2023) and I'm just getting things worked out. It takes time, strength, and power. JCB

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Wow, John, so sorry to hear that you had to grow up in a family like that. 🙁 It sounds like it made you a very strong and understanding person. Or maybe it’s in spite of everything that you turned out to be such a terrific person. I appreciate you sharing your story with us. 💙

@johnbeckett8028

6 ай бұрын

​@@steveinpalmspringscaThanks Steve. Your posts have been inspiring to me. JCB

I love how you keep it real Steve.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Jennifer 😄👍

I can relate to you Steve in so many instances in my life when I try to talk to my family or friend, I was thinking at the time what I said was in the right way but its not well received. I was only being honest then they get very defensive, their response doesn’t reflect you done something wrong. They choose to end good friendship on that one note, I wear my heart on my sleeve I still feel my regrets years later, I cannot control if they cut me out of their life, they ended up missing out on having clarification, broaden understanding and cultivating that friendship. I think your friend had she been in a better mindset she wouldn’t reacted in defense like that, she had alot of unresolved things to work out about her father, and she wouldn’t have the opportunity to do so with his passing, her grieving was speaking volumes that day, you didn’t do anything wrong, you were only trying to say the right thing at such a hard time. She would be on her own journey to deal with those issues without her father. I would hope if she ever sees your video she would reconnect with you. With things in my life I try to tell myself is to not be so hard on myself; Steve don’t be hard yourself you’re a good caring person 🤗

@steveinpalmspringsca

Ай бұрын

Hi Cath, i’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through things like this too. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for the kind words. 😊👍

@cathpeterson1944

Ай бұрын

@@steveinpalmspringsca you’re welcome 🤗

You were young and growing. There is always sadness on some level at the loss of a loved one, whether the deceased was a prince or a murderer. Often times, with the death of a loved one, we are grieving the loss of what could or should have been. In the same way, you are still grieving over the loss of what you think could or should have been a lifelong friendship. Although, even if you had said the right thing at the time, we don't know if something else could have divided you later on. I always say that people come into our lives for a reason or a season, and sometimes friendships and relationships just end. You have now apologized publicly to Barb. I hope that you can forgive yourself and tell your current friends how much you value their friendships. Often times, the other person who was offended at the time doesn't even remember what you said, especially during stressful times like weddings and funerals. Maybe Barb will see this video and get in contact with you. You might have the opportunity to rekindle your friendship and start anew. Then, you make a video of the two of you singing the songs from Cabaret! Be blessed, and remember that you are love and are loved by all of us!

@steveinpalmspringsca

5 ай бұрын

Thanks! That was very beautifully said and let’s hope so! 😎👍

Many times my mouth has jumped ahead of my brain.

You were too young and inexperienced to understand the complexity of their relationship with him. Im sorry you two weren't able to restore your friendship .

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Ms B 👍

Hi Steve. We have all done something stupid. Especially in our youth. I wouldn't beat myself up over it. She must know you didn't mean it that way . Have a. NIce week. Take care . Deborah 🇨🇦

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Deborah 👍

its ok Steve I've said alot of things in the past that I Regretted. then after you said whatever dumb thing it was the words like hang in the air and your like crap why did I say that. God Bless and take care My Friend.

I know I have said a couple of stupid things but we learn through them. You have grown since then you were young and from what you say now it was done in innocence not spite. I bet if you met her today she would act as if you never said anything and go back to being a good friend. Don't beat yourself up over something you said all those years ago it can't change the past. That's a lesson that I think we all learned. Have a great day.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Pat. Maybe I’m more upset that I’m not able to change the past . Wouldn’t that be nice lol! 😲

I hope someday you can find her, the past is the past. Enough of it has been wasted without you two together. So I really hope you get to see her again soon ❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Monica. That would be nice. 😄🤞👍

Steve, of course we have all been in your situation! We’ve all put our foot in our mouth at one point or another. But yes, you were trying to be protective in the moment, after all the stories of his alcohol behavior, and saying terrible things about the daughter and mother. Of course you had your opinion and that probably wasn’t the best idea at the Time to say some thing like that but listen, we have all done it, and we grow older and mature and learn to bite our tongue. There has been many times where I thought the blood was running outside of my mouth and down my chin because I didn’t want to say some thing that I really wanted to. Just discovered your channel. Thanks for all of your great video content.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing that Eco. 😊👍

❤you Steve one of my best friends. PASSED I PUT off calling her to long l finally tried last month I was so sorry to find she had gone.if I would. have called her when I started to I would have en able to talk to her one last

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear that Ellen. That happened to me too. 💙🙁

I think we all have said things that we regret. My mom is in her 70s and she says things all the time that I tell her to please not repeat it. However everyone has done this. Don’t beat yourself up over it

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Very true Dawn. Thanks for sharing that with us. 👍

I am glad you're making up. We all have said things growing up. I admire your openness, have a very good drive and be safe. ❤

@tommymonroe8706

6 ай бұрын

The most important thing here is you wouldn't say it today. Don't beat yourself up. Forgivness is great. ❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you Tommy 👍

I suppose I may have led with "I am sorry to hear that." But hindsight is always 20/20. It is too bad that a good friendship ended over something like that. I have lost a few very good friends over silly things where, I suppose, pride takes over and nobody will be the first to admit a mistake. I just moved on and realized that we must not have been that good of friends.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

I agree Robert, if we were really that good of friends I’m sure that one mistake wouldn’t have ended the friendship. In the end I guess everything happens the way it supposed to. 👍

I am just curious if you ever tracked down any mutual friends to see if you could locate Barbara. You need to find her and make amends.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Jose, unfortunately any mutual friends are all now dead. 🙁

Yeah, been there, done that. I’ve lost a lot of friends for being inappropriately honest with them, and I’ve lost a lot of friends for not saying the right thing at the right time. I was in love with a women that I truly loved and thought would one day be my wife. One day she just walked away and I haven’t seen her since. I still miss her and think about her all the time. In this case it was something I didn’t say.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Wow, Iain, that might even be worse to lose a friend and you don’t even know why! 🙁

Steve, STOPPED beating yourself on something happen 50 years ago. As you say, We are all humans. Sure we have said things we regret, But you and Barbara were the best of friends. She was the one ended the friendship, Not you Steve. Barbara was the one to tell you that her father was abusing her Mother and herself. They probably were glad that he left this World. Tired of the humiliation and mental and physical abuse. I'm really shocked that they both acted that way, It wasn't your fault Steve. I hope that Barbara would be the one to get in touch with you, And to forgive. Steve life is way too short. Look at these CELEBRITIES that has died last year. We are lucky to be ALIVE, IN 2024, So far THANK GOD FOR THAT. STEVE IF GOD, AND HIS SON JESUS CHRIST, CAN FORGIVE, WHATS BARBARA PROBLEM. REMEMBER STEVE, YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IN A LONGTIME. PUT IT IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND, AND MOVE ON😊❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thank you Jill. Good points! 😊👍

I’m sure they were just in shock and grieving. And I know your comment was made out of love for your friend and her mother. Hopefully she has seen this and will realize you didn’t mean it in the way she heard it and you two can make amends. ❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

5 ай бұрын

Thanks Jennifer, that would be nice! 😊

Steve, we have all said things we regret later. You learned from it, so give yourself a hug and forgive your youthful self. ❤

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Mary 👍

Looking back there were some people I wish I had said something to that got them out of my life. That is my regret.

I think you might be making too big a deal of something you said. You never know. They may have moved away. Or maybe they didn't think of it until you said what you said. Try not to beat yourself up too much about it. You've learned a lesson, and you are a nicer person now. Take care.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Good points Maria. Thank you 👍

Steve, maybe it was easier to make you the enemy than acknowledge the abuse. Maybe she had resented the relationship for a while. Maybe it was just time to move on. We all say things we regret, but lesson learned. It's OK to forgive and stop blaming yourself.

@steveinpalmspringsca

4 ай бұрын

Nicely said. Thanks Jude! 👍

I think we’ve all said something we regret but once you’ve said it you can’t take it back. Hopefully we learn from it which it seems you did. Maybe one of your old friends will know how to get in touch with her. Wouldn’t that be great?

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Yes very true Peggy. And wouldn’t that be a miracle? 😄

@peggymcgraw1856

6 ай бұрын

@@steveinpalmspringsca Miracles do happen.

Steve I’m glad to see you back…. Love how you share and you come across like a real friend…. Been here since your start….Im your age…. Yes I think Iv said things in my younger years just like you…..Yes we can’t change our past being misunderstood…. But if the friendships we cherish reguardless…..How it ends up…. We smile thinking of them….☺️👋🙋🏻‍♀️

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Hi Judy, I didn’t know I was gone lol. 😂 very nicely said! 👍

Hi Steve---You did a story about a woman in Desert Hot Springs that bought a mobile home in a 55 and over community that was paying 155 space rent, I believe. Could you name the park that she was in?

@steveinpalmspringsca

5 ай бұрын

Hi Dominic, I don’t remember the name of the park, but if you just scroll back through my videos about a year you’ll find that video and you can watch it again. There is also a search bar on my channel and you can just type in tiny home and it should come up. It’s still there. Thanks 👍

You meant well but that was probably something that should've stayed internal. You were just stating what should've been obvious.

Things that seem black and white always are not Steve. . There are many grey areas and layers in relationships. You feel terrible about it forgive yourself Steve . I’m sure if you saw her and talk to her and explain to her how you feel now about it she would forgive you.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Ettore

I've been there before. Sometimes you think that a situation with others is bad for them and you mean well in saying something that you think is supportive and for some reason it's the opposite. They might be going through a bad relationship or have a bad home life. But they are displaying one side of it and then actually don't want to allow anyone else to say anything about it. Your friend should have discussed it with you and explained why she didn't feel like you did and said hey it's ok ..let's work on the reason for the misunderstanding. It's not worth being offended all the years and missing out on a friendship. But then again, that might have been God moving you out of the friendship and forward in Life.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Very true Jeffrey. I do believe that everything happens for the right reasons even if it doesn’t seem like of the time. Thanks 😊👍

I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID AND I AGREE ON WHAT YOU SAID,

We all say and do things when we're young without thinking about the effect it may have on the other person. But it appears you've learned from the experience. Maybe your friend will see this video and reach out.

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Carolyn. Wouldn’t that be awesome? 😊👍

Oh Steve! I am so sorry that happened 😢 You have always seemed so nice and kind. But teens... yeah! And you learned from it. That seems to be the case. I can say bad stuff about family, but I don't want you to. I guess we will see your lunch later. From the other day. I wouldn't really like you to video me and then put it on KZread. I am not very happy with how I currently look. 🤷‍♀️

@steveinpalmspringsca

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing with us Marlene! 👍

Honestly, I don't think there was anything wrong with what you said. I was expecting some huge faux pas like I am usually guilty of. What you said is nothing compared to the zingers Ive said! Please try to forgive yourself ❤ You are a really good person.

@steveinpalmspringsca

5 ай бұрын

Thank you Suzy!