there is no problem with the husband here. This is just the logic of someone who’s about to cheat but doesn’t know it yet.
@legiontepes347416 күн бұрын
Lol I bet everything she lost attraction cuz he cried. Women are like that, sadly.
@Hayday_28
16 күн бұрын
Oh wow, you are spot on
@Shadowy_2
16 күн бұрын
Actually. Almost ran into this issue with my wife a couple of years ago. I'm married for about 2-3 years. What are you told the struck record? I suppose if I'm gonna sit there and listen to you cry eh and comfort you. You have no f****** excuse to think less of me when I cry. And and if you start thinking less of me, I'm not gonna comfort you. When someone tries to make you cry at all. I'll sit there in the corner and think less of you. I followed up the statement with saying if everybody gets treated equally. There's no special treatment, at least not anymore. Because. Back in the day my wife used to be a feminist major activist. Nowadays my Wife thinks the feminist movement is retarded. Her words, not mine.
@user-eb2kv7bg4t
16 күн бұрын
100%
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Yeah...
@dharma391
13 күн бұрын
Word
@Lloyd-zj2gx16 күн бұрын
Glad she ain''t my wife.
@cantdestroyher724515 күн бұрын
You can ask a person to change their HABITS yes, but to ask a person th change their entire PERSONALITY is just insane
@TacoCat_Fabio16 күн бұрын
Maybe she would be happier with an abusive compulsive cheater
@shiiuo
15 күн бұрын
This was my first thought. 😅 It's always the same.
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Women ☕️
@BLDBadrasta16 күн бұрын
Theres nothing wrong with anime and videogames for a hobby. Seems no matter what he did she wouldnt find him manly. Its not him its you lady.
@MC-oi2pb15 күн бұрын
so her male coworker told her she needs to consider separating from her husband
@saintoflastresorts227216 күн бұрын
He deserves better than her.
@themandownthehall16 күн бұрын
She completely lost respect and admiration for him when he went with his feelings. You NEVER EVER EVER tell a woman about your feelings. You never share your insecurities or cry in front of them. The moment you do, you'll lose her. And she'll use those feelings and insecurities against you the instant she needs to
@saintoflastresorts2272
16 күн бұрын
Why would you want anyone as weak as her in your life then?
@NeoCreo1
16 күн бұрын
Because she’s a piece of shit. All women are not like that. If you are with someone who is like that then you need to stop doing so immediately because she is toxic af
@genieknight6375
15 күн бұрын
Please seek therapy
@thatonememe_guy
14 күн бұрын
Wait really...?I'm confused please explain...
@genieknight6375
14 күн бұрын
@@thatonememe_guy It's not true.
@harambe09516 күн бұрын
She's mad he's not a drunk? Haha
@blackfire600916 күн бұрын
I gotta say, I find it really.... Interesting that the person in her life she confides into and is pushing her to separate is a "he"... As a cynical man I can see two possibilities : -she's been talking to this guy and got convinced husband wasn't manly by comparison. So either cheating or manipulation on the guy's part -the guy is opportunistic.
@juniormon751416 күн бұрын
Op I talked to a male co-worker about my personal relationship .a few updates later ,What happens between my husband and i are between us. Oh yeah She's texting and talking about her husband to her male coworker and she doesn't know why people are calling her a pos. I bet they ended up getting divorced
@lelajones659115 күн бұрын
Wait so you have a husband who cooks and cleans is a wonderful father and a loving husband yet your complaining.... I think you just want an excuse to leave him YTA he deserves better and you deserve to see what life would be without him
@lelajones6591
15 күн бұрын
And she is confiding in a male coworker...... Even if your not having an affair stop talking about intimate details of your marriage with a man not your husband Find some female friends.... Again YTA
@karishma_k16 күн бұрын
Tbh, looks like the last post was written by his wife from his account
@JohnDeljohn
16 күн бұрын
Right?! If not this man is even more of an angel that she does not deserve.
@carlamathis730316 күн бұрын
Op getting upset that her husband is not being a man is stupid. Fishing, hunting and stuff like that will not make him a man no more than others who do it. She needs to divorce and this good MAN go free. This is on her, if he’s never done this stuff when you got together then it’s not gonna happen, he does the stuff for his family happiness and his are different. OP just wants him to do stuff other men does to show that he’s a man in her eyes and that’s not right. It’s like a man saying that a woman is not a woman if she doesn’t go shopping or get her hair and nails done.
@CP-ev1on16 күн бұрын
They are blasting her because she is objectively in the wrong. That co worker should have ignored her shame on the both of them. He should not change for her. Worthless wife.
@arjundhaliwal885316 күн бұрын
Wife clearly wrote the husbands part as well
@greenfrog885116 күн бұрын
Damn it's getting more and more difficult to understand women by the day isn't it?
@PreeSpunky
16 күн бұрын
Nah, it's actually pretty easy, and this video just solidifies it. Be toxic and they'll chase after you. Don't ever be more in love with them than they are with you.
@jameslyons665516 күн бұрын
You cannot make someone happy. You can try to build an environment for them to be happy in, try to provide opportunities for them to be happy, but ultimately they must decide to be so. This one seems like a head scratcher because she describes an almost perfect husband and laments the absence of a few things that appear trivial or would even be considered negatives by most rational people. She doesn’t want to be happy. Not with him, not right now. Her struggle is that she’s in a position where he is so good she is forced to manufacture reasons to step out or end the relationship and this is a wind test to see if it’s blowing in the right direction. She needs therapy immediately before she ruins something good chasing something that doesn’t exist.
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Women ☕️
@tkim9016 күн бұрын
she will always find something that she wants to change about him no matter how much he changes
@Nik6692810 күн бұрын
What's so bad about this? Even Anime and video games. Both are thing I enjoy together with my wife. And I also don't drink since I got sober for my wife. This woman sounds exhausting and what she described sounds like someone with toxic masculinity who beats her after a few drinks
@trinity393415 күн бұрын
she's crying cus people are trashing her what does she want?? advice?? she has a near perfect partner what does she even want?
@northernnightmare7986
14 күн бұрын
She wants it all, that's the problem. She wants a perfect partner.
@scubasteve83015 күн бұрын
So you married this guy and the two of you have lived a good life and raised two kids into adults and your complaining about him not being masculine enough? Not every man know how to work on cars, or build things or repair things. Not knowing those things doesnt make a man any less masculine. Then you tell him to change who he is in order for you to feel more tingly? He even told you how he felt right to your face and you didnt get it. When he said he knew who you were when he married you. He accepted you for you and didnt need to or want to change you because he loved you for you.
@miceltusav8816 күн бұрын
"I'm not having an affair!" Is literally describing how she is having one with the coworker
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
She said she asked advice from a coworker, how is that an affair?
@Shadowy_2
16 күн бұрын
You don't go to a guy co-worker for advice on your marriage. Frankly, you don't go to anybody actually for advice on your marriage, besides a therapist I believe she's having a emotional affair and it hasn't turned physical yet from the sounds of it but. I'm not a professional therapist so I can't really tell. I'm just saying what it sounds like.@@TheseksiXae
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Shadowy_2 I get your opinion, but in my country, india, if someone asked their coworker of the opposite gender about advice on their marriage, it wouldn't be seen as a emotion affair, far from it.
@Shadowy_2
16 күн бұрын
@@TheseksiXae Oh, it is Okay, how about we reverse it? What if he was to go ask one of his female co-workers about his marriage. Saying he didn't find his wife attractive anymore. That's a red flag, aint it?
@TheseksiXae
15 күн бұрын
@@Shadowy_2 nah, I'd say it's pretty normal
@scribbles142415 күн бұрын
And people don't understand why men aren't getting into relationships and instead focusing on themselves.
@elade785716 күн бұрын
A) This looks fake. B) If the overwhelming majority of people tells you that you f'ed up, you probably f'ed up. C) This, ladies, is what some of us have to deal with.
@sugarbeef
15 күн бұрын
"Quit calling me a POS for my feelings, you can't help your feelings!" Well, we can't help our feelings that you're a POS.
@johnbradbury8610
11 күн бұрын
If this is real, they are both AHs
@BERKE-no1ds
11 күн бұрын
@@johnbradbury8610 Both? Glad nobody cares about your opinion.
@guydude691910 күн бұрын
The wife like most people does not understand that feelings are hard to change but not impossible. You have to be self aware while taking it seriously. Some call that conviction. Influencing yourself is the primary method to be in control of yourself rather than saying "it's just a feeling I can't help it" as a child would. It's ok to have those feelings even thoughts that aren't great but it's how you respond and act on them. How you dwell on and deal with them. Her expectations of someone she's spent a very long time with says she has not taken it very seriously for the entire time to have thought about these things before getting married. I feel as I get to know someone I want to know who they are, how they became that way, who they want to be and how they tend to feel or struggle with the overlapping of these things. Sounds like the husband did most of it except the last part. It turned into a time bomb and has blown up in his face. I still believe most of the issue is with the wife but some minor compromise on his part is on occasion acceptable as long as she does the heavy lifting for her own perspective on someone she has vowed to be with that has no serious issues and many virtues. I'd give this a 90% her 10% him. 5% of him is the lack of that foundation to avoid it and the next 5% is lack of reasonable adaptation. On her part it's 50% willful ignorance(my least favorite human behavior) which is the cause of her entire life going by without the thought of self control being a real concept that can be practiced. 40% justification for dwelling on a clear perspective that assumes the world and it's people should take the shape you "feel" and thus ignoring her part in the problem(honestly it's just the first part with more steps). I hope she gets through her late puberty in tact for her families sake. I do feel a little bad about how harsh this sounds but it's already a very large adjustment from how I really feel about this behavior. I also hope that growing from these moments is more common for these people for the sake of us all. I do want her to succeed just not at living on a whim.
@nachtwaya872115 күн бұрын
Women can never be pleased.
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Yeah...
@toshlane39085 күн бұрын
His reaction tells me her convo broke this man emotionally. Or he’s like me. He’s got autism and just detached himself from her emotionally.
@tychan2006Күн бұрын
Marries a fine specimen of a husband. Hmmm...he isn't "exciting"
@blightedcat213713 күн бұрын
why isn't she trying to figure out a way she could change herself to make those feelings go away or she could cope with them and instead goes straight to trying to get her husband to become someone he isn't
@dharma39113 күн бұрын
WE RAISING THE RED FLAGS WITH THIS ONE 🗣🗣🗣 📢📢📢
@JRBDWD14 күн бұрын
Women DON'T want to be happy. They want drama.
@Garoslol16 күн бұрын
Why did she even marry him????
@bballplayer555512 күн бұрын
Unfortunately these aren’t feelings, these are desires and I guess many women confuse these two realities. Feelings are not controllable and can result in the creation of desires because it’s much easier to express what we want than what we feel. However it’s very easy to control desires and that’s what everyone on Reddit is targeting you for. No your feelings could be insecurity or fear relating to how your husband traditionally behaves and is manifesting in this desire. I would say you approached the conversation wrong in that you expressed your desire in a way that you thought was a feeling but came out as you telling your husband he was flawed. When discussing your desires or feelings it needs to be about you. You are having issues with attraction and your feelings in your marriage. Along those lines and then ask him for help with that. Your spouse isn’t required to change but if you’re struggling generally your spouse will want to love and support you and that may drive change. If you just tell him he’s gross and needs to fix it you’re never going to get the fix you want and you’re likely just building resentment. The other approach that you should have started with is incentivize the behaviors you want. Not to put this too simplistically but mammals and most animals operate on cause effect basis. This means we can create negative feelings surrounding activities we do not like which decreases the likelihood we will engage in those activities again and and the opposite is true where if we reward activities we are more likely to engage in them in the future. Now in a relationship there is only so much negative incentives you can apply before resentment starts to build, but positive incentives are easy and generally you can use them continuously so long as the jump you are making isn’t huge. If you go from never having sex to having sex everyday for example red flags go off and people can feel it’s not genuine. As for incentivizing your man to be the way that you want, ie more dominant in the relationship pair your submissive behavior with something that is rewarding for him. This means you get up cook him breakfast and then maybe get on your knees or something to that effect or potentially engage in his hobbies with him. Huge extremes in the potential reward but you know your husband, but again it’s about incentivizing the behavior you want paired with a reasonable and not out of nowhere reward which means the reward should probably build up from small gestures to large incentives. Same thing if you want him to fix things and he doesn’t, maybe if you’re getting your oil changed you say that it’s too expensive and maybe you and him can try and do it together at home, and then reward the collaboration gradually building up the reward. Throw in some false incompetence as you get better at the activities so that he has to take charge. Eventually this is going to be figured out but you’re building habits associated with positive responses because eventually the positive responses will come as a result of the activity itself. On top of this you should also be curious or interested in why he doesn’t enjoy the activities. Maybe he has a negative association with certain things he’s trying to overcome like bad relationship with dad or ex gf accused him of being too aggressive. Curiosity is going to help you understand his hesitancy and potentially guide him through it. Generally the best approach is not “I need you to change, I can too if you got something” it starts with you being honest about your feelings, understanding the difference between feelings and desires, understanding your spouses feelings on the particular items you want to see more of, and then setting up the incentive structure to build positive associations with the actions. You realistically cannot say I don’t like who you are so I want you to do something you don’t like, which is what these requests and statements of desire can sound like when you claim they are feelings.
@winchestersons625811 күн бұрын
I'd be gone
@joshuawesteros534516 күн бұрын
How do you “do anime”?
@johnbradbury861011 күн бұрын
if Op is telling the truth, the husband did give a simp answer. Dont change anything, come on dude
@johnbradbury8610
11 күн бұрын
he needs to check her
@LuanNguyen-tc3wf16 күн бұрын
She's the kinda person who'd abandon an old dog cause they're not as cute and energetic as a puppy. TBH though this sounds like bait. A dude built like a tank but is as soft as a teddy bear who's amazing at housework and raising kids is the dream guy for so many women, plus the weirdly specific mention of no videogames, board games, and anime? On reddit of all places? It seriously sounds like a dude who is trying very hard to make a story about some perfect man who's still "not good enough" for some woman who somehow stayed 20 years before realizing it.
@LumemDH
16 күн бұрын
Everything on the internet is fake and gay. Lol
@scribbles1424
15 күн бұрын
@@LumemDH Could be but I have seen this thing happen before so it's hard to say.
@twoblackhands6 күн бұрын
You want him to tell you what you can do to change stop being a B
@TheColombianSpartan15 күн бұрын
I see no pproblems with the husband I mean, he likes cooking? AND builds lego sets? Can i have him?
@Solkard16 күн бұрын
In my opinion, they are a great match. It’s hilarious that they both got the ick from husband having emotions. It really shows that deep down they share the same values on stuff like “being a man” and “not being a p***y”. I think they will be able to work through things.
@bunnyloves697516 күн бұрын
The comments are weird af. She was having negative thoughts about him, so sought out advice and tried to communicate instead of building resentment or cheating. Having shitty thoughts should just be a bit more normalised, this is why people are afraid to get help
@Brian-qt6su
16 күн бұрын
So you’d be okay with someone telling a woman that she’s not feminine because she doesn’t cook, clean, sew, etc
@eyjzdrkxjqzfuhqyzybf
16 күн бұрын
There is a difference between having thoughts, and telling your partner they're not enough and have to change for you after 20 years. The only thing it achieves is hurting them and ruining their self-esteem.
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Brian-qt6su yea, I would be, tbh, if he wants to fix those feelings.
@NeoCreo1
16 күн бұрын
Except that if you pay attention, what she’s actually asking for is advice on how to change HIM to better fit her preferences, not to change herself
@cipher5150
15 күн бұрын
her having negative thoughs isn't the problem. the problem is that they're irrational and based on what SHE thinks is supposed to be manly/not manly. those issues are on HER, and she needs to work on her weird mindset. she's basically running a perfectly fine relationship against the wall because her husband doesn't engage in hobbies she approves of. wicked shit. i agree that there have been pretty low, useless, and nasty comments after her first post already. though, i have to admit that just listening for 60 seconds already made me grind my teeth because of all the bullshit she threw around. still, those comments certainly didn't help anyone there, i would agree. in my opinion, ultimately, she failed to realize that the issues were on her side, not his. that man seemed to be the perfect husband, doing everything what a good husband and father should do. and she gets hung up on him not going out wrecking his liver enough and building lego sets as a hobby. that should be enough of an indicator that the issue is only in her head, and nowhere else. and the hate she got after doubling down and demanding him go change and all that crap, was more than deserved, honestly. all just my personal opinion, of course.
@TheseksiXae16 күн бұрын
Reddit really is weird, trust me. Yes, it's her wife's fault for having those feelings, but she asked for advice on how to fix them. What is she supposed to do? To not have those feelings? How is that even possible? Tbh I really pity the wife for getting so much hate. She tried to fix her shitty thoughts and feelings, but she got hate for having them instead. This is why people are so afraid of getting advice, and result in hiding their pent up feelings, and the ruining of both lives. Also, are we ignore the fact that this seems really weird and fake???
@Brian-qt6su
16 күн бұрын
The advice is just stop being sexist lol So many people would lose their shit if a man indicated to his wife that she wasn’t feminine enough for x and y stereotypical reasons.
@Brian-qt6su
16 күн бұрын
It’s also super fake
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Brian-qt6su true, which is something I'm also against. People should really just stop hating on people for wanting to fix their feelings.
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Brian-qt6su yea, like I mentioned, it probably is fake. A lot of these reddit story channels use AI generated stories these days.
@CP-ev1on
16 күн бұрын
Her feelings are stupid and she should push them out of her heart. That’s what men do aren’t women equal to men?
Пікірлер: 121
there is no problem with the husband here. This is just the logic of someone who’s about to cheat but doesn’t know it yet.
Lol I bet everything she lost attraction cuz he cried. Women are like that, sadly.
@Hayday_28
16 күн бұрын
Oh wow, you are spot on
@Shadowy_2
16 күн бұрын
Actually. Almost ran into this issue with my wife a couple of years ago. I'm married for about 2-3 years. What are you told the struck record? I suppose if I'm gonna sit there and listen to you cry eh and comfort you. You have no f****** excuse to think less of me when I cry. And and if you start thinking less of me, I'm not gonna comfort you. When someone tries to make you cry at all. I'll sit there in the corner and think less of you. I followed up the statement with saying if everybody gets treated equally. There's no special treatment, at least not anymore. Because. Back in the day my wife used to be a feminist major activist. Nowadays my Wife thinks the feminist movement is retarded. Her words, not mine.
@user-eb2kv7bg4t
16 күн бұрын
100%
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Yeah...
@dharma391
13 күн бұрын
Word
Glad she ain''t my wife.
You can ask a person to change their HABITS yes, but to ask a person th change their entire PERSONALITY is just insane
Maybe she would be happier with an abusive compulsive cheater
@shiiuo
15 күн бұрын
This was my first thought. 😅 It's always the same.
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Women ☕️
Theres nothing wrong with anime and videogames for a hobby. Seems no matter what he did she wouldnt find him manly. Its not him its you lady.
so her male coworker told her she needs to consider separating from her husband
He deserves better than her.
She completely lost respect and admiration for him when he went with his feelings. You NEVER EVER EVER tell a woman about your feelings. You never share your insecurities or cry in front of them. The moment you do, you'll lose her. And she'll use those feelings and insecurities against you the instant she needs to
@saintoflastresorts2272
16 күн бұрын
Why would you want anyone as weak as her in your life then?
@NeoCreo1
16 күн бұрын
Because she’s a piece of shit. All women are not like that. If you are with someone who is like that then you need to stop doing so immediately because she is toxic af
@genieknight6375
15 күн бұрын
Please seek therapy
@thatonememe_guy
14 күн бұрын
Wait really...?I'm confused please explain...
@genieknight6375
14 күн бұрын
@@thatonememe_guy It's not true.
She's mad he's not a drunk? Haha
I gotta say, I find it really.... Interesting that the person in her life she confides into and is pushing her to separate is a "he"... As a cynical man I can see two possibilities : -she's been talking to this guy and got convinced husband wasn't manly by comparison. So either cheating or manipulation on the guy's part -the guy is opportunistic.
Op I talked to a male co-worker about my personal relationship .a few updates later ,What happens between my husband and i are between us. Oh yeah She's texting and talking about her husband to her male coworker and she doesn't know why people are calling her a pos. I bet they ended up getting divorced
Wait so you have a husband who cooks and cleans is a wonderful father and a loving husband yet your complaining.... I think you just want an excuse to leave him YTA he deserves better and you deserve to see what life would be without him
@lelajones6591
15 күн бұрын
And she is confiding in a male coworker...... Even if your not having an affair stop talking about intimate details of your marriage with a man not your husband Find some female friends.... Again YTA
Tbh, looks like the last post was written by his wife from his account
@JohnDeljohn
16 күн бұрын
Right?! If not this man is even more of an angel that she does not deserve.
Op getting upset that her husband is not being a man is stupid. Fishing, hunting and stuff like that will not make him a man no more than others who do it. She needs to divorce and this good MAN go free. This is on her, if he’s never done this stuff when you got together then it’s not gonna happen, he does the stuff for his family happiness and his are different. OP just wants him to do stuff other men does to show that he’s a man in her eyes and that’s not right. It’s like a man saying that a woman is not a woman if she doesn’t go shopping or get her hair and nails done.
They are blasting her because she is objectively in the wrong. That co worker should have ignored her shame on the both of them. He should not change for her. Worthless wife.
Wife clearly wrote the husbands part as well
Damn it's getting more and more difficult to understand women by the day isn't it?
@PreeSpunky
16 күн бұрын
Nah, it's actually pretty easy, and this video just solidifies it. Be toxic and they'll chase after you. Don't ever be more in love with them than they are with you.
You cannot make someone happy. You can try to build an environment for them to be happy in, try to provide opportunities for them to be happy, but ultimately they must decide to be so. This one seems like a head scratcher because she describes an almost perfect husband and laments the absence of a few things that appear trivial or would even be considered negatives by most rational people. She doesn’t want to be happy. Not with him, not right now. Her struggle is that she’s in a position where he is so good she is forced to manufacture reasons to step out or end the relationship and this is a wind test to see if it’s blowing in the right direction. She needs therapy immediately before she ruins something good chasing something that doesn’t exist.
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Women ☕️
she will always find something that she wants to change about him no matter how much he changes
What's so bad about this? Even Anime and video games. Both are thing I enjoy together with my wife. And I also don't drink since I got sober for my wife. This woman sounds exhausting and what she described sounds like someone with toxic masculinity who beats her after a few drinks
she's crying cus people are trashing her what does she want?? advice?? she has a near perfect partner what does she even want?
@northernnightmare7986
14 күн бұрын
She wants it all, that's the problem. She wants a perfect partner.
So you married this guy and the two of you have lived a good life and raised two kids into adults and your complaining about him not being masculine enough? Not every man know how to work on cars, or build things or repair things. Not knowing those things doesnt make a man any less masculine. Then you tell him to change who he is in order for you to feel more tingly? He even told you how he felt right to your face and you didnt get it. When he said he knew who you were when he married you. He accepted you for you and didnt need to or want to change you because he loved you for you.
"I'm not having an affair!" Is literally describing how she is having one with the coworker
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
She said she asked advice from a coworker, how is that an affair?
@Shadowy_2
16 күн бұрын
You don't go to a guy co-worker for advice on your marriage. Frankly, you don't go to anybody actually for advice on your marriage, besides a therapist I believe she's having a emotional affair and it hasn't turned physical yet from the sounds of it but. I'm not a professional therapist so I can't really tell. I'm just saying what it sounds like.@@TheseksiXae
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Shadowy_2 I get your opinion, but in my country, india, if someone asked their coworker of the opposite gender about advice on their marriage, it wouldn't be seen as a emotion affair, far from it.
@Shadowy_2
16 күн бұрын
@@TheseksiXae Oh, it is Okay, how about we reverse it? What if he was to go ask one of his female co-workers about his marriage. Saying he didn't find his wife attractive anymore. That's a red flag, aint it?
@TheseksiXae
15 күн бұрын
@@Shadowy_2 nah, I'd say it's pretty normal
And people don't understand why men aren't getting into relationships and instead focusing on themselves.
A) This looks fake. B) If the overwhelming majority of people tells you that you f'ed up, you probably f'ed up. C) This, ladies, is what some of us have to deal with.
@sugarbeef
15 күн бұрын
"Quit calling me a POS for my feelings, you can't help your feelings!" Well, we can't help our feelings that you're a POS.
@johnbradbury8610
11 күн бұрын
If this is real, they are both AHs
@BERKE-no1ds
11 күн бұрын
@@johnbradbury8610 Both? Glad nobody cares about your opinion.
The wife like most people does not understand that feelings are hard to change but not impossible. You have to be self aware while taking it seriously. Some call that conviction. Influencing yourself is the primary method to be in control of yourself rather than saying "it's just a feeling I can't help it" as a child would. It's ok to have those feelings even thoughts that aren't great but it's how you respond and act on them. How you dwell on and deal with them. Her expectations of someone she's spent a very long time with says she has not taken it very seriously for the entire time to have thought about these things before getting married. I feel as I get to know someone I want to know who they are, how they became that way, who they want to be and how they tend to feel or struggle with the overlapping of these things. Sounds like the husband did most of it except the last part. It turned into a time bomb and has blown up in his face. I still believe most of the issue is with the wife but some minor compromise on his part is on occasion acceptable as long as she does the heavy lifting for her own perspective on someone she has vowed to be with that has no serious issues and many virtues. I'd give this a 90% her 10% him. 5% of him is the lack of that foundation to avoid it and the next 5% is lack of reasonable adaptation. On her part it's 50% willful ignorance(my least favorite human behavior) which is the cause of her entire life going by without the thought of self control being a real concept that can be practiced. 40% justification for dwelling on a clear perspective that assumes the world and it's people should take the shape you "feel" and thus ignoring her part in the problem(honestly it's just the first part with more steps). I hope she gets through her late puberty in tact for her families sake. I do feel a little bad about how harsh this sounds but it's already a very large adjustment from how I really feel about this behavior. I also hope that growing from these moments is more common for these people for the sake of us all. I do want her to succeed just not at living on a whim.
Women can never be pleased.
@JRBDWD
14 күн бұрын
Yeah...
His reaction tells me her convo broke this man emotionally. Or he’s like me. He’s got autism and just detached himself from her emotionally.
Marries a fine specimen of a husband. Hmmm...he isn't "exciting"
why isn't she trying to figure out a way she could change herself to make those feelings go away or she could cope with them and instead goes straight to trying to get her husband to become someone he isn't
WE RAISING THE RED FLAGS WITH THIS ONE 🗣🗣🗣 📢📢📢
Women DON'T want to be happy. They want drama.
Why did she even marry him????
Unfortunately these aren’t feelings, these are desires and I guess many women confuse these two realities. Feelings are not controllable and can result in the creation of desires because it’s much easier to express what we want than what we feel. However it’s very easy to control desires and that’s what everyone on Reddit is targeting you for. No your feelings could be insecurity or fear relating to how your husband traditionally behaves and is manifesting in this desire. I would say you approached the conversation wrong in that you expressed your desire in a way that you thought was a feeling but came out as you telling your husband he was flawed. When discussing your desires or feelings it needs to be about you. You are having issues with attraction and your feelings in your marriage. Along those lines and then ask him for help with that. Your spouse isn’t required to change but if you’re struggling generally your spouse will want to love and support you and that may drive change. If you just tell him he’s gross and needs to fix it you’re never going to get the fix you want and you’re likely just building resentment. The other approach that you should have started with is incentivize the behaviors you want. Not to put this too simplistically but mammals and most animals operate on cause effect basis. This means we can create negative feelings surrounding activities we do not like which decreases the likelihood we will engage in those activities again and and the opposite is true where if we reward activities we are more likely to engage in them in the future. Now in a relationship there is only so much negative incentives you can apply before resentment starts to build, but positive incentives are easy and generally you can use them continuously so long as the jump you are making isn’t huge. If you go from never having sex to having sex everyday for example red flags go off and people can feel it’s not genuine. As for incentivizing your man to be the way that you want, ie more dominant in the relationship pair your submissive behavior with something that is rewarding for him. This means you get up cook him breakfast and then maybe get on your knees or something to that effect or potentially engage in his hobbies with him. Huge extremes in the potential reward but you know your husband, but again it’s about incentivizing the behavior you want paired with a reasonable and not out of nowhere reward which means the reward should probably build up from small gestures to large incentives. Same thing if you want him to fix things and he doesn’t, maybe if you’re getting your oil changed you say that it’s too expensive and maybe you and him can try and do it together at home, and then reward the collaboration gradually building up the reward. Throw in some false incompetence as you get better at the activities so that he has to take charge. Eventually this is going to be figured out but you’re building habits associated with positive responses because eventually the positive responses will come as a result of the activity itself. On top of this you should also be curious or interested in why he doesn’t enjoy the activities. Maybe he has a negative association with certain things he’s trying to overcome like bad relationship with dad or ex gf accused him of being too aggressive. Curiosity is going to help you understand his hesitancy and potentially guide him through it. Generally the best approach is not “I need you to change, I can too if you got something” it starts with you being honest about your feelings, understanding the difference between feelings and desires, understanding your spouses feelings on the particular items you want to see more of, and then setting up the incentive structure to build positive associations with the actions. You realistically cannot say I don’t like who you are so I want you to do something you don’t like, which is what these requests and statements of desire can sound like when you claim they are feelings.
I'd be gone
How do you “do anime”?
if Op is telling the truth, the husband did give a simp answer. Dont change anything, come on dude
@johnbradbury8610
11 күн бұрын
he needs to check her
She's the kinda person who'd abandon an old dog cause they're not as cute and energetic as a puppy. TBH though this sounds like bait. A dude built like a tank but is as soft as a teddy bear who's amazing at housework and raising kids is the dream guy for so many women, plus the weirdly specific mention of no videogames, board games, and anime? On reddit of all places? It seriously sounds like a dude who is trying very hard to make a story about some perfect man who's still "not good enough" for some woman who somehow stayed 20 years before realizing it.
@LumemDH
16 күн бұрын
Everything on the internet is fake and gay. Lol
@scribbles1424
15 күн бұрын
@@LumemDH Could be but I have seen this thing happen before so it's hard to say.
You want him to tell you what you can do to change stop being a B
I see no pproblems with the husband I mean, he likes cooking? AND builds lego sets? Can i have him?
In my opinion, they are a great match. It’s hilarious that they both got the ick from husband having emotions. It really shows that deep down they share the same values on stuff like “being a man” and “not being a p***y”. I think they will be able to work through things.
The comments are weird af. She was having negative thoughts about him, so sought out advice and tried to communicate instead of building resentment or cheating. Having shitty thoughts should just be a bit more normalised, this is why people are afraid to get help
@Brian-qt6su
16 күн бұрын
So you’d be okay with someone telling a woman that she’s not feminine because she doesn’t cook, clean, sew, etc
@eyjzdrkxjqzfuhqyzybf
16 күн бұрын
There is a difference between having thoughts, and telling your partner they're not enough and have to change for you after 20 years. The only thing it achieves is hurting them and ruining their self-esteem.
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Brian-qt6su yea, I would be, tbh, if he wants to fix those feelings.
@NeoCreo1
16 күн бұрын
Except that if you pay attention, what she’s actually asking for is advice on how to change HIM to better fit her preferences, not to change herself
@cipher5150
15 күн бұрын
her having negative thoughs isn't the problem. the problem is that they're irrational and based on what SHE thinks is supposed to be manly/not manly. those issues are on HER, and she needs to work on her weird mindset. she's basically running a perfectly fine relationship against the wall because her husband doesn't engage in hobbies she approves of. wicked shit. i agree that there have been pretty low, useless, and nasty comments after her first post already. though, i have to admit that just listening for 60 seconds already made me grind my teeth because of all the bullshit she threw around. still, those comments certainly didn't help anyone there, i would agree. in my opinion, ultimately, she failed to realize that the issues were on her side, not his. that man seemed to be the perfect husband, doing everything what a good husband and father should do. and she gets hung up on him not going out wrecking his liver enough and building lego sets as a hobby. that should be enough of an indicator that the issue is only in her head, and nowhere else. and the hate she got after doubling down and demanding him go change and all that crap, was more than deserved, honestly. all just my personal opinion, of course.
Reddit really is weird, trust me. Yes, it's her wife's fault for having those feelings, but she asked for advice on how to fix them. What is she supposed to do? To not have those feelings? How is that even possible? Tbh I really pity the wife for getting so much hate. She tried to fix her shitty thoughts and feelings, but she got hate for having them instead. This is why people are so afraid of getting advice, and result in hiding their pent up feelings, and the ruining of both lives. Also, are we ignore the fact that this seems really weird and fake???
@Brian-qt6su
16 күн бұрын
The advice is just stop being sexist lol So many people would lose their shit if a man indicated to his wife that she wasn’t feminine enough for x and y stereotypical reasons.
@Brian-qt6su
16 күн бұрын
It’s also super fake
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Brian-qt6su true, which is something I'm also against. People should really just stop hating on people for wanting to fix their feelings.
@TheseksiXae
16 күн бұрын
@@Brian-qt6su yea, like I mentioned, it probably is fake. A lot of these reddit story channels use AI generated stories these days.
@CP-ev1on
16 күн бұрын
Her feelings are stupid and she should push them out of her heart. That’s what men do aren’t women equal to men?
Women ☕️