I’ve been experiencing extreme levels of isolation and constant loneliness but I’ve learned to like myself and realize this feeling will pass and to make sure to get out and move my body more, definitely helps with stress.

@ranc1977

2 жыл бұрын

Exposure can be detrimental if we are surrounded by toxic ambient. Check this out: There is Jane Elliott's Blue Eyes, Brown Eyes experiment, exercise - that showed that social settings can influence the targets. Abused kids in experiment failed their previously passed tests due to programmed stigma. There is Narcissistic abuse: Long-Term Narcissistic Abuse Can Cause Brain Damage. There is Stanford prison experiment where it is shown that targets of abuse in toxic ambient where they cannot escape from will develop extreme social anxiety. There is Skinner's box and Little Albert experiment which shows that people can be conditioned and initiated into social anxiety.

To you reading this right now... you are beautiful and get through this. We all understand what you’re feeling. Please know that you’re not alone in this.

My loneliness is just too much I feel like crying and makes me shy and scared to talk to to women, and think that everyone just hates me .

I swear the universe must be talking to me right now. I randomly stumbled on this video and your description of the hopelessness and "it's never going to get better" mindset is me. Exactly, like word for word, me. I really needed to find this today before the darkness inside me gets any worse. Wow.

Ive realised everything is a pattern, it seems like even professionals dont get this. You learned to act this way which means you can learn to act differently.

@ranc1977

2 жыл бұрын

"Ive realised everything is a pattern, it seems like even professionals dont get this. You learned to act this way which means you can learn to act differently." Skinner's box. Crooked politicians and marketing are abusing/using this phenomena of hypnosis and Dark psychology daily. I believe with social anxiety we have ability to detect this manipulation and that our brain decides to protect us against it through isolation since it has not data of description to name it what is happening. On unconscious level our brain knows something is wrong, but it does not what it is. Similar like virus attacking the body. Body will react by over-reaction, however unless it has this virus on the list, it will not know how to discover it nor destroy it other than fever. That is why I believe that socially anxious people will benefit from learning about narcissistic abuse and learning how to handle it in proper manner - other than isolation or drama.

@mTrader1

2 жыл бұрын

That’s really powerful

But what if there are external reasons - like I have very little family, and no close friends. Then it’s not just a thought, it’s true.

Except some people with social struggles like me I never found my "tribe" and sometimes I gathered toxic persons.

I think i have aspergers and its making me loose hope, when I feel lonely I suffer and the only solution I see to relieve the suffering is suicide because of this life long condition i have which kind of disconnects me from others. I know I can practice empathy and maybe that helps but I just can't seem to connect with anyone but other people on the spectrum, which there are very few of unforunately

I recently lost my job - my second job loss in one year. My anxiety has made it hard for me to concentrate and perform up to the levels I grew accustomed to. I was always hard on myself but I have a knack for making people laugh and I can help them spin their stories. Now I'm in a mindset that I'm a complete fraud and a very lonely fraud at that. Since I don't have a job, I'm alone at home when my family is out working. I believe that the reason people wanted to hang out with me is that I could be entertaining or give them an ear - but now I can't do that for them in my current state. My family needs me around as a provider and emotional support but I can't do that. Why would they want this damaged version of me? I feel disconnected from everything and everyone. I'm so so so scared to try and get back out there and learn things and improve on myself and apply for jobs. I have zero confidence. I am reading and listening to the OMOS book + audiobook. It is quite well written. Thanks for all you do.

@kokikak4023

2 жыл бұрын

Somehow i feel the same ....except for that i didn't lose my job ... I quitted , several times and still don't want to apply to any as i hate the job environment .

@village_style5237

2 жыл бұрын

Brian Delaney that is my exact state of mind and situation as yours. I get anxious about jobs and its culture. On top of that I feel this pressure to appear super friendly and responsible for the work as I dont like the work environment in the first place. If u ask me whether I am giving up then the answer would be may be but I never wanted to initiate with something that troublesome to my well being for like all the time. I have issues sociazing, though I am embarassed to admit but yes its a fact that I tend to face huge anxiety and fear when in professional environment I do not know, I get shy, scared and all kinds of emotions at once and I fumble and get short of words and that lowers my confidence further while my english communication is fairly good in other places. My situation is worst in corporate sector Its like all kind of unpredictable conditions and situations have fallen on me and hence with this situation I feel I am the least suitable to that environment, but as money is the necessaity I will have to find a way to go through this somehow. And my fear and anxiety it doesnt seem to leave me specialy around the corporate section of people or when I am supposed to have an official discussion with those in authority. Yes I have zero confidence wont be a wrong statement to say.

I would accept it. I would try out changing the ambient, environment and people - who are probably all toxic. We are social creatures, we react to our ambient. If we live in toxic, critical, conservative, mentally ill ambient - it will reflect on our mind, too. It is availability heuristic - we notice only what we are feeding our mind with - and if we are not totally living in delusion - toxicity we feel is mostly stemming from toxic intake of data that is around us. I realized in my case, that if I never ever had social anxiety- I would still avoid toxic people that trigger me into social anxiety panic at this moment, too. In fact, I would avoid and isolate even more. We can check this toxic ambient my googling images for "Shame culture countries". Emotions are like virus, they spread like contagious disease. I would stay off from self-pathologizing and labeling and social stigma - it makes things worse. If I am isolated and disconnected - it has to do with people around us. If we live in toxic shame culture ambient - we will soak up nagging and complaining from sick society. Criticizing, as William Glasser discovered, is form of control. It leads to mental illness in people who witness controlling behaviour from others, others being intrusive. I would claim that if we feel isolated, and lonely - it is because we were or still are - exposed to other people's intrusive and controlling behaviour. And it helps to learn about intrinsic locus of control - since control will form toxic shame inside us that prevents us from developing our true Self and intrinsic, inner focus in life - where I do not seek approval and validation from other external resources. Improving our relationships is improving our mental health. William Glasser Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. WILLIAM GLASSER Controlling Habits: Blaming Criticizing Complaining Nagging Rewarding To Control Threatening Punishing William Glasser William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits: Listening Supporting Encouraging Negotiating Respecting Accepting Trusting

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing this

I'm going through a break up for the third time with the only man I've dated. I'm 29 years old with no friends or aspirations. I've been watching your videos and listening to your podcast and they have helped but putting myself out there is the real challenge. Thank you Dr. Aziz.

@ranc1977

2 жыл бұрын

"Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron "They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron"

Your content is awesome and so helpful to me. Regards from Germany

Thanks!

my social anxiety is caused by repeated trauma, wich also caused CPTSD. I feel revictimized and villified when I try to make connections with people. This has made me put my mask and armor on and keep my distance for fear that I will be attacked verbally again. I have had peole scream in my face, literally injury me for little tings like asking them not to grab me without permission (I'm blind and have chronic pain, seems reasonable to me), and each time it happens, it makes it harder and harder for me to try again, especially when they trigger a trauma response and am called a monster for it. If you scream in my face and I scream louder, I'm not the monster...I'm just having a trauma response that I woudln't have if you didn't scream in my face. I am still trying to fix that trauma response, but it'd be easier if people would sstop triggering it. So my social anxiety is caused by repeatedly being traumatized by others. I can no longer feel feel safe going out with friends. I definitely don't feel safe going to meet a new person or group. And so I struggle in exchange for not having to have PTSD attacks *sigh*

Idk why but i feel like i cant do anything he says because in the moment i just stop myself even though i know this man is telling the truth probably

I've been trying out many of your techniques for a year now and one thing happen. I did put myself out there and I did got friends. But I didn't like how much time and attention they demanded from me. So I had to shoo them away to aquaintences because I enjoy studying and like to keep it up instead of joking arround all the time. I like joking with others a bit but not all the time you know? So now it's a new year at university and I was thinking I'm gonna try again with a clean sheet. But I don't know how to make connections that don't get so intense from the get go. I'm pretty impulsive and I can go all or nothing at times. Just wanted a more soft connection

Hey Dr. Aziz! Thank you for your videos! You have really helped me with my social anxiety. However, What is your take on dissociation and social anxiety? I struggle with dissociation (derealization/depersonalization) due to my social anxiety and don't know how to alleviate it or prevent it from happening. Hope you can make a video about it. Best regards!

Bro described me

I am in a perpetual state of anxiety and i believe its root cause is lielong loneliness, i had this as a child. However, now at 51, i actually am isolated as well and i am increasingly in a state of near constant panic. I do not sleep and its going on for years now. I am so sick i cant eat.. my whole digestive system is inflamed, everything gives me instant diarrhea. I cant digest food and it gives me pain and im losing weight i cant affordcto lose. I have chronic fatigue. Im not able to function, to take care of myself and this is a pattern that has been going on for year but getting worse. I have coped with my fear of living, my chronic loneliness and depression, in the past by 2 things, having boyfriends and taking drugs.. i always needed drugs to be able to be relaxed and engage with other people. Now i have nobody in my life . Nobody understands. I have quit substance use many times but always reverted back eventually because i would be so anxious and depressed. I can not get used to living alone. Im like a young child. Im not able to function. I have tried to kill myself last year and im always thinking its the only answer because living is hell. Nobody understands, even the counsellor i see every week for the last 7 months is not really helpful to me . I feel i have to be cared for but ive nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. People say it will pass but anytime i improve its shortlived and im back to massive anxiety and depression again.. like it gets worse each time. Ive seen therapists and taken medications many times in the past. They dont help. Especially the medications.. Im so physically ill from.the prolonged insomnia and anxiety now that i cant even manage to go get a bus to get anything i need. I have nobody to help me practically or otherwise

❤️❤️❤️

What if i try to connect but the results are often not as i expect or wish for?

When I hear someone say, “….get into a new marriage” I think to myself, I can’t even find a date 😢

EVERYONE'S MELANCHOLIC

Another thing is I try to connect with ppl who will definitely reject me ...I run after them