Thank you all so much for such warm and caring replies. It is a little overwhelming to respond to all of them, but please know that I’ve read each and every one of your comments. 
Take care everyone, and see you next week

@petergilliam1419

Жыл бұрын

All these losses are tough on us

@petergilliam1419

Жыл бұрын

Lost my dad and brother at 17, my mother while going through divorce at 44, sister from Covid, job of 28 years and girlfriend. You truly have to look at the good things. I don’t have MS. Or Cancer. Yet . Somehow look at the good things. Not Trumps divided America, global warming, etc. call your friend. Or someone.

What I really like about cycling is that you can do it by yourself, with a partner, or even in a group with other cycling enthusiasms, a great way to meet new friends, even allies, just like motorcyclists do. I was never a fan of the big city life, instead, I like rural areas, mountains, and the wilderness.

😳 I can somehow relate to your situation, I lost love of my life in 2022 after 15 wonderful years, grief is devastating and it needs time, it was extremely traumatic and at the end of 2022 I developed DPDR (depersonalisation/derealisation) which feels like you are in a neverending nightmare. Cycling everyday for few hours saved my life, after a year and a half in constant dpdr state I can say I am feelin‘ better evry day and go out cycling alone as much as I can, no matter if it‘s -15 degree celsius or rain, just go somewhere, it helps Hope you‘re feelin‘ better now👍🏻✌🏻🌞

Yes grief is very very tough. Bikes are a good outlet. Can take the edge of things

❤

Wow! I recently had a great loss and as you described, I too had struggled. I didn't even realize it was depression! Just wanna say thanks for sharing. It sought of made a difference or realization to me. I also found cycling to have been helpful in coping.

I hear hope and focus in your comments. That is encouraging. It sucks, no denying that, but time and focusing on the positive are key steps to healing. In regards to exercising your way “out” of depression, I am not medically trained, but I can tell you that endorphins go a LONG way in improving your body, mind and spirit. Best of luck with your journey to health and happiness. Guessing your dad would want nothing less than that for you.

I'm so sorry you are struggling with the loss of your dad. Im a father of daughters ...beautiful wonderful successful incredible beings....I will pass from this world and rest in peace desiring one thing. that my girls just remember me and live happily as if I were next to them....I will be. Your dad is in your heart and will be forever. In time the sadness will settle and just leave you with a foreverness that won't die or get sick. Your memories. Your cycling is an awesome way to keep the darkness at bay. I would very strongly recommend that you try backpacking as a change up. The pace is different and there is so much more time and energy to devote to just you...you need not worry about cars or traffic or stores. You already have most of the gear. I'm not a person of organized faith, but when I go into the mountains I understand what a person feels when they say the "feel god in their hearts" There are powerful healing properties in the mountains. ....Thanks for sharing. Please accept my big long dad E-hug....you'll be OK. you made me cry

So sorry for your loss. I can relate in a big way. At 60 years old I'm at the age when my lifelong friends are starting to go and it's heart wrenching every time. This year I lost 2 friends, my mom, and my brother. I felt no shame in going to the doctor to get some anxiety meds so I could function and yes yes yes cycling is so therapeutic. Riding puts me in my happy place no matter how my mood is. Dancing is another activity that does the trick for me. Lindy Hop is super fun and social. Keep active and keep social. It gets better. I recently heard someone say that grief is just you continuing to love that person. He taught you how to love. What a great gift.

Dude, PhDs are super hard. The pandemic is crazy hard. Losing a lost one is ultra hard. You're putting one foot in front of the other and you're doing great

Beautifully said!❤I’ll bet you he’s beside you on every ride……..❤❤

Hannah, bit late getting to this video. Pouring heaps of love on you from Sydney. The best thing you can do right now is exactly what you are doing. Getting it off your chest. I know you know this but he is right there with you. So much love for you mate.

I'm glad you're sharing this. Depression is a serious topic that plagues a lot of people. While I'm not nearly as deep into my depression as I used to be (got better with medicine and life changes), it's still lurking in the shadows for me. I committed to riding every single day this year, and so far, I've done it. Some days it's literally only a mile on the roller trainer. Some days it's 5 miles in the cold and dark. Other days is 20+ miles in the sum and decent temps (Iowa winter). Like you said, losing a parent is really fucking sad. There's no other way to put it. Grief sucks. You're absolutely right. But also like you said, you're not alone, and it will get better. It has to get better. I hope anyone reading this that has battled with any sort of depression is fighting it with all they have in them. You're not alone, even if it feels that way. While I'm only a random person on the internet, I'm glad you're still here and still doing the best you can.

Having experienced this myself and in 2019 hitting rock bottom and having cycling, among other physical activity, to help pull me through it I can say that your video resonated with me in ways I can hardly put in to words. You're not alone. Thank you for your vulnerability.

Thank you for this. More than 2 years on I still find myself randomly breaking down after loosing my father. It happened again today when you said "I miss him so fucking much...." I know that feeling - it's just been buried away under all this Life bullshit. My personal grief cycle was made even more confusing by COVID hitting mere weeks after he passed, then watching as my block burned during the George Floyd uprising and everything that came with it. Hearing you talk today was cathartic. I have let myself go so badly, not riding, working out, climbing... you have brought light into my dark places and for the first time I really see how far I've let myself slide. Perhaps an overshare here on the KZreads comment section, so forgive me if I offend. I wish for only the best and know that you, too, are not alone.

Brave video. Sorry to hear about your Dad. Grief and depression suck. Exercise helps a great deal, especially cycling and running, I feel. And having someone to talk to. It gets better. Hang in there.

Thanks for sharing, I hope exercising and biking continue to work for you. I struggled big time during my PhD with some major depressive episodes and crippling anxiety. I wasn't always great at getting through them and it wasn't till the end of my degree that I found exercise to be helpful. I became a dedicated cyclist during my postdoc, initially for commuting purposes but I soon learned that it was a way of life for me. It's been five years since finishing my PhD, and still cycling is my #1. I had a concussion from a cycling accident 7 months ago, still haven't fully recovered but I am still cycling. Besides the utility and convenience of riding bikes, the sense of freedom and empowerment I get from being a cyclist who can rebuild their bike and perform all sorts of repairs is a wonderful feeling. Happy to be a subscriber here and looking forward to more content.

Thank you for talking to us. You're doing wonderful at taking care of yourself. I'll leave it there

Thank you for sharing! Sorry for your loss. I also struggle from depression for years. Not because of grieve but because of my Narcolepsie. (And so not loving myself, destructive habbits and behaviors on mental ways).My cycling trips are my goals to work towards. My long me time without outher interference from friends and familie, to be able to think without influence. Since my biketours i started working on myself on physical and mental ways and start loving myself more. Cycling is therapy for me. Wish you good luck and I am sure you will also find a way to get out of your depression. Always looking forward to your next videos.

A loss that great is tough for anyone, and putting it out on KZread is downright heroic. I love your videos and I too, am trying to cycle my way back to fitness and out of depression. You are not alone either. Thank you for your honesty and knowledge in your videos.

Ran into your video by accident. I was cycling three times per week (walking daily, swimming, yoga until my mom received a cancer diagnosis). My mom soon passed and I have been off the bike consistently since driving to mom’s primary home (250 mi away), businesses, checking on family, etc. Looking forward to working out my way from the sadness and loss. Prayers to you and your family!

I know how you feel EXACTLY!!! I lost my Dad Dec of 2020. It broke my heart and honestly the first year was a blur. Somehow I made it to work and rode my bike so much that at age 59 I started racing again after 30 years of just riding my bike. I was the most fit I have ever been. . I can tell you that if you want to cry and cry as much as your body wants and never let anyone tell you to stop. Life does get better because he is in your soul. My mom died 10 years ago and I thought I I would never get over her death but time does heal. hang in there and read, write and ride! take care of you.

Cycling and self care can be a refuge for so much. Just cycling alone can’t do it. Being a creator keeps its out in the open. As a viewer, some times a topic, like high viz clothing or vests, hooks us, and really focus more on the message more than the production values.

I lost my mom a few years ago and she was my best friend. I try to remember the good times and then appreciate that I had those good times, not everyone gets an opportunity to have someone in their life that can be so precious. I really like your commitment idea to changing what you have control over and being healthy this year. That is something I have not done as well as I could and it's reminders like this that can be so helpful. I am subscribed and look forward to watching more of your videos. I am just getting into cycling so I have plenty to figure out. Thank you for wearing your heart on your sleeve and being a kind person, there can never be enough of that.

I don't suffer from depression, but I can understand your grief from the loss of your Dad. I lost my Mother in 2019 to cancer and although it's been easier as the time has passed, there are little reminders that pop up and cause me to really miss her. There's nothing wrong with shedding tears at random memories, it just proves how important your relationship was with your Dad. Just never forget Him and it helps to talk and tell stories about him with close friends.

The strength of grief matches the depth of the love. Heartfelt condolences coming your way; wishing you nothing but good times, better days, and happy endings.

Thanks for making this. It was exactly what I needed to see right now. I hope making it helped you too. KiaKaha Gem.

Mental illness is tough, no doubt, but so many people experience it and the more public it becomes, the more people it helps. I've been very open with friends and colleagues about my anxiety struggles over the past decade, and people tell me it has helped them. So kudos for getting this out, and sorry for the loss of your dad. He sounded like a top bloke.

Sending you so much love. Thank you for sharing this vulnerable and difficult time ❤

I hear you and I have been there. My dad passed away 6 years ago and I didn't know how depressed I was until one day, three months later, I got off the couch and felt that my heart was lighter. Give yourself time for this grief; think of it as a way to pay tribute to the memory of your dad. Cycling, or anything you can do with other people or even alone where you can get into your head, is very healing. You are definitely not alone.

As if grad school wasn't enough of a mental health challenge. Sheesh. So sorry to hear about your loss and that you're struggling. I lost a parent at age 26 when my career, social life, and creative practice were all booming. It was crushing. It took me out for over a year, sent me on a total reversal. The only thing that will help you is time. The process just takes time. Please hang in there. You're 100% right that you have control over your health, your fitness, your body. This is the smartest, healthiest way to go forward. But don't put too much pressure on yourself to "exercise your way out of this depression" - grief from losing a loved one is a totally different type of depression and you just need to ride it out. Your video made me cry, remembering my own time in my mid 20s going from things being amazing to the whole world crashing down nearly overnight. Best of luck and love to you.

I lost my father/riding partner 3 years ago due to cancer. I know your struggle. I think often of his favorite phrase...." Life's short kid so sometime it ok to eat dessert first" . Our parents want us to be happy so it alright to do what makes you happy. I think for me it took time to rediscover what that was.

I went through something similar, with me it was the death of my paternal grandfather, who was the one who raised me. I got over it with therapy and physical activity, it took a few years, but the pain subsided, the saudade never goes away.

I’m so sorry about your Dad. I can also relate to your grief and depression, but in different ways. How are you even able to get out and ride? I’m just getting back into it. But with a full time job and my mental health issues, it’s not easy.

Thanks for sharing. You’re not alone either :)

You are not alone :) I wanted to say that too. Others are having a hard time with their own issues. ❤️

Keep on pushing man. Im sure you've heard it a million times but just take it one day at a time. Things will get better. Dont be worried about how long it takes to get there, but you will get there. Good luck and feel free to vent to us anytime.

Thank you, i wanna thank you for sharing this, i know this was hard for you. You inspired me more, cycling is the only way out for me and im doing it no matter what, hope you'll get through it, you got this!

Thanks for sharing. Very powerful and brave! We too are going through something similar and have had a hard time dealing with it. Thanks for putting it into words, because we are at a loss for them. Stay strong and know we’re sending positive vibes your way. Peace.

Yo, I really appreciate you and your ability to consider others while going through such a tough time. I really needed this; "knowing I'm not alone". I also sincerely want to send my condolences to you and your family. Your dad definitely gifted us someone special and something special with you and your ability to see beyond yourself. In my opinion the ability to see beyond yourself especially while grieving is definitely a great quality that I'm sure your father is pleased you're exercising. I'm not going to hold you (slang) but in closing I didn't know your father and I don't actually know you but I definitely get a great understanding about your parents expectations that they've set for you to become the woman you are today. Shout out to DAD! 💪🏾 Best wishes to you, your continued growth and your family.🤛🏾🤗✌🏾 -Christopher Edit: P.S. "You're a real one"...

I was told that grief is love with nowhere to go. sometimes that helps

Cycling has been a tool for getting me through some rough mental challenges as well. Thanks for sharing and talking openly about a topic many of us go through as well. Wishing you all the best in your journey!

Thank you for sharing this. While I haven't personally dealt with this kind of loss (yet), I've seen people I love go through it. So I don't know your pain, but I see it. We see you. The most we can do is try to keep going.

So I am currently in PT for a nagging back issue that has effected how much riding I can do. Your story of your injury seems very close to what I could have experienced had I continued to ride and fight through it. Thank you for being so open with your emotions. I also understand losing a parent. My mom died when I was 15 and I am 35 now. Still miss her. It gets easier. Just take all the time you need! Your cycling partypace community is here to support you!

I am sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing. I have been so blessed with the fact I still have both of my parents and that both of them are my best friends. I almost lost my dad to cancer 2 years ago and it was fucking gut wrenching. To see the strongest man and person I have ever known to be so beaten down was very hard. Lucky he was able to come back to health and to come back to us fully. However that experience really taught me a very valuable lesson. “ I never want to say I wish I had.” I never want to say I wish I had done this or done that. I wish I would have went to their house or whatever. I am living my life in a way now that I make sure I never say I wish I would have. It is hard at times and sometimes I have to give up one thing for something else but I will make for sure that I never have to say I wish I would have.

Oh Hannah, I'm sending you so much love. Well done for bearing your soul like this, for us viewers it helps us to feel closer to you, and there will be a ton of people who feel seen by this video. There are no words, grief really sucks. Cycling definitely helps. Keep focusing on nourishing and looking after your body, and keep your dad's memory alive. He sounds like a wonderful person 💕 ❤️

I really look forward to your videos every single week! It's not everyday you stumble across such a genuinely nice creator that's just starting out and I've very glad I did. Safety vest videos and all, I love them! This subject speaks to me a lot and I cycle for my mental health and controlling what I can control. While I haven't lost a parent I have been dealing with depression for many years and would say I'm in the deepest part I've ever been in this past 6 months. Cycling has helped me a lot, as has bouldering although I'm injured from that currently so cycling has had to be my number 1, and I couldn't live without it! I love a target, a goal, a sense of achievement, but my depression has really made that difficult to obtain so I brashly decided to say fuck it and fuck not doing the things I love so I signed up to cycle the length of the UK, over 1000 miles in 14 days come July. Having that goal has enabled me to get out on the bike regularly, becoming fitter and raise money for charity. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd love to give you the biggest hug possible. We love you here on KZread and we can't wait to see all the videos and adventures you go on. Take care of yourself 🧡✨

Thank u for your honesty. I lost my dad last year too. My condolences. I never felt something like this, is definilly the worst thing in the world. Sometines doesn't look real, sometimes the pain affects parts of my body. Force for us. Cycling help me a lot to remember how life can be good althoug all the hard things. Sorry about my english, I'm brazilian amateur cycling and i love your channel : )

Thank you for making this video and I am so sorry you’re learning to navigate the world without your dad. The last year and half has just been a dumpster fire that doesn’t end. Covid, isolation, losing friends, demotivating depression. The whole “new normal” mantra everyone wants to use just feels like bullshit to me so there isn’t any comfort there either. But one thing I know for sure…110% is that I have never come back from a bike ride feeling worse about my situation than when I left. Ot doesn’t get me out of depression but it allows me to keep pushing through. Thanks again and all the best .

So very sorry you’re having such a difficult time. My mantra for all difficulties in life, whether it’s a challenging ride or an emotional hurdle is, The only way round is through. There’s no short cutting grief, and you could block it out in a myriad of unhelpful and damaging ways, but it’s still there, and you just have to wait it out until it’s a little less hard to wake up every day. I have the greatest of admiration for you that you’ve chosen to care for yourself in a period of time where it probably takes more effort than you’ve ever had to summon before. I haven’t experienced this kind of grief yet, but I have struggled with profound depression, and my way through it was self-care and good people around me. Sending so much love.

Thanks for sharing this & your vulnerability Hannah! Also I am digging the set up! Can't wait to meet you IRL!

@queercyclist

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks KC! ☺️ Looking forward to meeting you too!

♥♥♥

Thank you sharing this. I'm sorry for your loss & can only imagine what it's like not to be without parent. Cycling has helped me find more community in a time where world a mess. Knowing there are other queers/lgbtq people out there on bike has been positive & nice to see. One positive is Spring is here so one could spend more time getting lost in thought among nature.

Hope springs eternal. Or we hope it does. There's no cure for being human, but we all are, so you're not alone in feeling pain and grief.

Cycling Has been my anti depression trough Sleep deprived from sleep apnea. If Was not of daily (2h) of exercise, i would for sure been on pills and depression. Got the Apnea issue kinda resolved i think, but daily exercised have saved alot.

So I lost my father when I was round you age and know what you are going through. I will have to admit though you are going about things a bit better than me in that you are trying to cycle you way out of it and I chose alcohol. Didn't work. Cycling would have been a better choice. Do know there is no shame in getting therapy. The stigma around that is less now I feel than when I ended up going, which is good. Unfortunately the pain will never go away completely, but that is because you will never forget your lost. Best wishes.

Thanks for this video and speaking honestly about your grief, that’s not an easy thing to do. Grief sucks so much and it’s such a slog to even just exist when dealing with something like that. Good for you for taking care of yourself. But also if there does come a period when you are not able to go to the gym and/or cycle so religiously I hope you are able to extend yourself some grace about that. On a separate note, I love your videos for many reasons, but perhaps most of all because I appreciate how you always seem so genuinely yourself in all of your videos. Also, queer voices are super important, especially in an industry that still seems kinda dominated by cis het white guys.

You aren't alone either.

💜 🚲 🏔️ 🎄 🍄

kayat ko matayak kon.

❤️