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"Adjusting the emotions of someone you're talking to is never going to be a winning strategy." It's simple yet so profound. 🤯

@nathanielschwartz425

14 күн бұрын

He’s absolutely right. The goal should never be to change or “improve” their emotions, because that’s not gonna happen (in fact that’s just going to make them feel worse) the goal should always be to validate their emotions. And to be clear validating someone’s feelings is not the same as agreeing with everything they say or doing everything they want you to, it’s just simply acknowledging that their feelings are valid and matter. And, personally, I think that when it comes to any interaction or relationship with another person, validation is key.

@user-kw2rl8df2s

13 күн бұрын

If you adjust them to the CORRECT emotion you can get what you want, THAT is the point in manipulating people not to help them but to help you.

@nathanielschwartz425

13 күн бұрын

@@user-kw2rl8df2s Right, that's manipulation, that's NOT AT ALL the same thing as working out a middle ground solution. And honestly, manipulating others to do what you want them to do will never end well, it will only ruin relationships and cause people to never trust you or want to work with you again. Which should never be the goal when you are trying to work with others.

@jerbear7952

12 күн бұрын

He's so much more valuable in this format. This man has accumulated an enormous amount of wisdom and disperses it better than anyone I've encountered.

Adam's like that one uncle, because you know eventually he's going to tell that story about the 8-foot $1500 foamboard project. Very practical mailbag, or whatever you call these video segments.

I'm about to start my own business, in an industry that is exclusively 'house-calls'. Most of my clients will need to take a day off work to accommodate me, and if I cancel at short-notice - even for sympathetic reasons - they just wont have me back. If I get injured and have to clear 8 weeks of clients - that would significantly shrink my books. This is when it's good to have a business partner - or even a sub-contractor you work closely with. It's invaluable to have someone who can cover for you. Maintain a healthy relationship with your industry colleagues as well. And I think best of all - you may be able to find someone who is semi/retired who will brush the cobwebs off for a bit of extra pocket-money and just something to do.

@BCGMrTwinkles

14 күн бұрын

Good advice about those semi retired. Makes them feel wanted and needed too. Some people take retirement hard

@frankcooke1692

14 күн бұрын

@@BCGMrTwinkles And a win/win because the customer gets a more experienced worker for the price of a novice.

@brandonyoung-kemkes1128

14 күн бұрын

Thanks for your honesty about having people that may dislike you in your past. I had my first experience with that, and it still seems to haunt me. It’s nice to know others experience this.

@frankcooke1692

14 күн бұрын

@@brandonyoung-kemkes1128 It's good that you care that much about your customers, that you are considerate and don't want to let them down. I would want to hire someone like that. "It is possible to commit no mistakes, and still lose. That is not a weakness - that is life" - Jean-Luc Picard.

@pony3284

14 күн бұрын

My mom was a single employee/self employed person for a long time. She always complained about not being able to find good workers. That said, I like your insight!

A personal philosophy that has served me well in life is to always have a solution to recommend when you talk about a problem. Adam's options when it comes to bad news is a great way to diffuse a potential conflict.

How people take bad news is a truer sign of professionalism than anything else in my mind. A professional knows that sometimes things can't happen, due to reasons outside of their control. It's okay to be mad, frustrated, or pissed off. But to take it out on the person who has to give you that bad news is unprofessional. Give you an example. I was supposed to be on a customers site this last week. Things happened, and i could not go to their site. Won't be going back for another couple of weeks, due to scheduling issues. The man i talked to on site was professional. He was "well, the boss isn't going to be happy, but it is what it is, stuff happens. I'll see you when you get here." That is professional. The boss, OTOH, wasn't. But i am also a professional, and dealing with immature asshats is part of the job. Middle management is the worst for this kind of thing.

Me who has never done contract work: yes, this is very interesting and important to know.

@MrRedstoner

13 күн бұрын

Same, and in all seriousness I think it is useful, even if I never do contract work there's a solid chance I will have contract work done for me. Understanding the other side is very useful IMO

As someone who sometimes has to pass on bad news to clients, I've found an approach of collecting and writing down FACTS and then delivering the summary first, while being prepared to offer the backup history / supporting details is best. If I don't know something, I say that I don't know. If they want to know why that is, I tell them. Honesty and candor is best and sometimes a client isn't going to care that you are being straightforward, even if there is nothing you can do. You can't do anything except deliver bad news in a professional, respectful, adult tone and hope they understand your hands are tied- but the willingness to communicate clearly and directly conveys respect- don't hide from them, make excuses, be vague or delay. I often find that having a couple of options to move forward ready to go it also helpful, so that if they care to know what the next steps are, you have them ready to go.

The one important piece of professional advice I was given and take to heart: bad news does not get better with age.

Love the Jamie impression. Spot on.

@MonkeyChessify

14 күн бұрын

...the rig has totally failed... 😂

Don't just bring problems to the table, bring solutions.

@harvey66616

13 күн бұрын

Exactly. In fact, the second Q&A ties in with the first nicely, though Adam didn't mention: if you have to drop a job, when feasible do your best to research and offer alternative providers to take over. It will depend on the reasons for dropping it of course, but in many cases you can at least give the client a path forward with someone else that you can vouch for and they can trust, so that their particular need is fulfilled.

I use SIOR: Situation, Impact, Options, Recommendation

I love you Adam, watching your videos gives me a sense of sameness in a world full of difference and turmoil, I grew up watching you and Jamie and you’ve shaped my life in a way I never thought possible, you were just making a show, and it really did reach further than you guys imagined, I even went as Jamie for Halloween one year! I’d be glad to share that image with you guys if you’d like, either way I love tested and all the things you do Adam, what a magnificent human being

@pony3284

14 күн бұрын

Lol I'd love to see that image

That advice about giving options is really great. Give the person something other than anger to work with, and give them some context on why the problem exists.

You can have it fast, cheap, or good. Pick two.

@tygerbyrn

14 күн бұрын

Fast and cheap, but not good. Cheap and good, but not fast. Good and fast, but not cheap.

@MrRedstoner

13 күн бұрын

2 if you're lucky that is

@02SplinterCell02

13 күн бұрын

Good and good. Nowhere in the contract did it specify that every choice could be chosen only once 😉

"We all have people in our past that think poorly of us" - Something people need to realize. You won't always succeed. You won't always win. Sometimes people just won't like you, move on.

Thanks. You clearly speak with the experience of a lifetime. There is no better advice than that.

Some really good advice when bringing a problem to the client or supervisor. If possible have a set options or solutions.

As a person who straight up avoids conflict and risk adverse, your wisdom is a huge relief. Your response in these situations isn't a miracle solution where everything works out, but a hard reality navigated honestly and professionally. Thank you Adam.

I remember doing a bad quote for a job. I ended up just eating it and working for basically $4/hour 😂

not meeting a deadline has happened to me at work many times where im only pat of the equation and if another department doenst deliver the blame game starts instead of trying to figure out how to meet it, i learned long ago never play the blame game cause you end up looking incompetent, giving the boss choices is very effective and usually works out in your favor.

As a non American, cancelling that bank check makes not only very little sense, but would even be illegal here. By paying an invoice you therefore legally agreed with the job. Even if the contractor makes a mess. That's either called business risk or when it's really bad you can try to set it straight in other legal ways. But just cancelling payments left and right sounds totally wild wild west to me.

@briandeschene8424

14 күн бұрын

Adam is speaking of a transaction that occurred in the past and I believe is relaying it accurately of what could occur at that time. However, recently, a relative of mine tried to put a hold on a cheque that had already cleared and the bank refused to do anything to what they identified as a completed transaction. I believe today that US banks refuse to take such actions out of fear of becoming embroiled in legal consequences against them as you commented. The only exception I am aware of is a payroll company who do have some rights to “claw back” previous deposits made in error or that are later determined to be invalid.

I 1,000% agree that when you bring a problem to anybody you answer to whether it's a client or a manager or a parent or friend you always come with at least three options and include the pluses and minuses and be prepared to tell which option you would suggest. My dad wants told me that as a manager he really despised it when his employees would come to him with a problem and would not have even one solution to consider.

@AuntJemimaGames

14 күн бұрын

As much as I'd like to agree, I think there are also plenty of times where it'd be unreasonable to expect someone to offer solutions to a problem, which is arguably the responsibility of their manager or boss.

@harvey66616

13 күн бұрын

@@AuntJemimaGames You are right, it will depend on the problem. Some problems are squarely in the domain of the supervisor/boss/manager/whatever. Those roles exist _specifically because of_ the kinds of problems that can come up and which they are supposed to solve. In some cases the problems involve the rain of shit that the manager should be protecting the employee from. In other cases, the manager is there to provide the insights of experience, which the employee may not yet have the knowledge to be aware of. But of course in other cases, the employee can and should be able to explore the various options and provide solutions. This is especially true where the problem is of their own making (as in the Dickens example) or is at least their direct responsibility (as in the Hyneman commercial example). Of course, in the freelance scenarios (which I think is what Adam is largely addressing in these videos), there is often just one person, acting as employee, manager, HR, accounts receivable, legal advisor, etc. and so it becomes quite clear whose responsibility it is to offer solutions. :)

Everyday, I go through periods of nuclear furiosity, psycho rage, hideous breakdowns, gamma anger, danger room meltdowns, frothing, carnal hate and crap like that 😂❤

Thank you. I needed to hear this today.

Thanks for this timely video! I have to tell a potential contractor that we've decided to go with someone else (because I didn't hear from option A for 3 weeks). This really helped me process what to focus on for that convo.

You give amazing advice Adam. God if I could come work for you I would drop everything, buy a plane ticket at the quick and be there.

I love this and will save it. I have always given myself time to bring a solution. Tell them right away bur bring a solution.

Thank you for sharing your life experience with us, this is the most important thing.

The way Jamie handled that is beautiful

Solid, solid job advice but also completely applicable to life too 👍

@tested - great stuff loving this channel.

Looking forward to this one after you mentioning moral objections - after growing up in WY and not quite fitting in.

good advice

The three years I spent working in collections taught me a ton about conflict resolution. The biggest lesson was, let them scream, curse, tell you how his wife left him and his dog died and his truck broke down and his company went bust (true story), and once they've finally gotten it all out then present them with solutions. Interrupting will only make their anger worse.

Listening to this takes me straight to the "Fuck you, pay me" video you spoke about a few weeks ago. Starting out there are lessons to learn, and reading potential clients is definitely trial and error. I had no idea a check could be cancelled after cashing and spending, which is some really shadey rich-people shite.

Great video sir

Sometimes listening to Adam is so grounding. Feeling less ashamed to hear him say that we all have people in our past who think poorly of us. Sometimes I guess we just never get a chance to prove that "that time" was us at our worst.

"We all have people in our past that think poorly of us."

When you said you bid $500 on that job, I immediately knew it wasn't enough despite never having done that kind of work.

You can do or say things that raise the likelihood of a positive response, but ultimately your interlocutor is involved too.

If someone stops paying you and then ghosts you, walk away. Yes you should have costed it better, but if they want to act like an asshole they will always act like an asshole.

I'm a contractor both electrical and general and i just started relatively speaking and thats my biggest thing i struggle with is deadlines and bidding when i have them its tough my work is great im one guy so i go a little slower but cut no corners and always seem like i fall just alittle short everytime Hard to find older guys to give up the secrets lol guess just gotta pay the dues

Damn. "You have to give up control of that" got me.

@nickybeingnicky

14 күн бұрын

Double whammy with "adjusting someone's emotions is never a successful stratagem for life"

As a banker, generally a stop payment is placed before the check is cashed. You can dispute the check after it's cashed, similar to a dispute for a fraudulent debit charge. However there are limited reasons to do it, but non delivery of goods is an option.

And whatever you do: be honest!

I've had this experience working for the company I was working for last year and for some reason the gold plated pins we ordered for the electronic pacemakers we were building was having issues with the gold plating sticking to the pins and don't know why,it's first time it's ever happened and they're still trying to figure out this issue as we speak

Well, nobody can be mad at Jamie.....

@harvey66616

13 күн бұрын

Not if they want to live to tell about it. ;)

Yes, such cases happen Adam, thank you for giving the most useful advice. Working with a customer is always a roller coaster ride, it’s a joke for everyone. The customer tells the designer he can play around with the font style. replies Yes I can make a font in the New Roman style. The CUSTOMER answers no, leave it as it was 😂😂😂😂

I love how adams hands tell the story of his life. He always has dirt under his fingernails and cuts on his hands. He is the real deal.

Hot rods are the hardest

Adam forgot he told the xmas story disaster already lol

Oh, I was a photographic mural printer, mounter, and cutout / installation guy in SF 91-2000. I bet I did work for the guy you mentioned. Was his initials S.G.? Oh the stories.

@martinsmallridge4025

13 күн бұрын

*opens popcorn stand* We’re listening 😂

Aha, but the caveat is dealing with micro-managing clients who are the cause of the delay! "Remember when I said that it wasn't a good idea to do such and such? Yeah, well, because of that, your own timeline is screwed up." Everyone leaves pissed off, but lesson learned is that you can't please everyone all the time - I just try to be nice, mostly. Good luck on all your future endeavors Adam!

This is also how you fire people, isn't it?

thats an interesting "hot mic"

@scottderyck1467

14 күн бұрын

I would have appreciated hearing all that.... because you hear what you normally don't hear, the truth and you hear them trying to figure out how to be gentle when they tell you the truth

OMG, your opening story is crazy.

You can't say for sure the client *won't* be happy. I can certainly think of employees or contractors that I would be *thrilled* to cancel on me.

I found when delivering bad news is to make sure you don't make your problems their problems. You underbid, you're taking the loss. You are too optimistic in how fast you can do it, you are working long days. Your plan was wrong, you need to fix it.

10:30 Are ocular migraines (which do suck) something that is actually precipitated by this level and kind of stress? Adam is the third case I know of. It seems to be stress combined with a sense of powerlessness. For me they started during my studies. For someone else I know it was child's grave illness. The body seems to say "You are not allowed to bash me this way. I will make you blind until morale improves."

I think it is part of being an adult, to have people in your past who don't think highly of you. I never intended it, and sometimes its not your fault, but it was sobering realisation.

Always start with a slight, under the breath mumble, “man, this is gonna suck”…then, proceed

Youve used the Toys R Us commercial story a couple times now, and I suspect you have used it several times in other talks to people. I believe it might have been word for word the same as the last time I heard you reference it here on Tested. I have a friend that does the same thing. Ive heard him tell the same story to different people, and I swear he has the story memorized verbatim. Not a criticism, just an observation...

@thecauseroadie

14 күн бұрын

Adam has mentioned something about this before. He’s stopped himself from saying “in a previous video I mentioned this”, because he treats these stories like it’s someone’s first time listening. Because that’s usually the case. More long term subscribers might hear these stories two or three times.

The written contract should include clauses pertaining to cancellation.

Bad news: I label it right up front and directly, honestly and with nothing to hide; “I’m about to frustrate you, with some bad news.” Wait a beat, let them process, “Here’s the update…” At this point I’m 35 years old with 20 years of experience, and that respectful adult approach has led to better outcomes than otherwise around 80% of the time.

Bad news ages like milk.

I Googled "can you put a stop payment on a check that has already cleared" and web said no. I'm sure that what you say happened happened, but I'm interested in what the full story is. I know that someone can place a stop payment on a check before they have even written it, because that happened to me. The FIRST and ONLY check I have accepted from a private party.

@TheCoopMan

14 күн бұрын

It’s a lot more complex than google will tell you. Also the story is from a fairly long time ago. Technically under the right circumstances a stop order can happen within 14 days.

Well, no point in avoiding it. Just get on with it, explain it... and take it. It never works to hide it. It never works to trick the other party.

If you back out of a job for moral objections, to you offer them options?

$1500 in 1992 is equivalent to $3400 today (2024)

Nice

i dont have this problem, cause i dont do deadlines, you want it, il call you when im done

Deadline: “What’s the absolute worst case scenario if we miss the current due time?” …A lot of due dates are arbitrary, and even if not, there’s usually some wiggle room, and even if not it’s time to discuss options.

Always have a Plan B and C, D, E, F, G, ...

Subject: avoiding giving your work away for free. I do web work for clients and I tend to bend over backwards, drop everything, fix an issue that usually takes less than an hour, but don’t bill them for this work. It annoys me that I give up my time for free.

@matthewegeler

14 күн бұрын

Bill them then!

I still wonder how many people recognize the Dickens build, and realize the planner screwed you over on it...

I haven't got any, I'm dead, but if I had, I wouldn't make it anyway, it's like pretending to find a ray of sunlight into the freezer, no way. I knew that things wouldn't be as easy as before, but hell is crowdy and cables colder. I don't know. Namastè.

Talk is cheap, should have had this difficult conversation on video. I appreciate the advice and talking points...but meh.

Empathy? Speak for yourself, the longer I have to live in a world where the majority of people want leaders like Biden the less empathy I have for people, and at this s point it's GONE.

@ChristophBrinkmann

14 күн бұрын

There's a word for people without empathy. They're called sociopaths. Or cowards.

@amanoj318

2 күн бұрын

It sounds like you never really understood what empathy is. Also, the US is not the world.