This is something I have improved on a lot. I used to put everyone else before me, and I would prioritize other people's feelings at my own expense. It is not an easy habit to break, but being around supportive people and good life experience has done wonders.

I was so generous until these people I cared most ganged up on me and wanting more and more. In the end, they all stabbed me in the back. Twisted me that I was the selfish one because I didn't show off what I gave most of the time. I secretly gave to individuals I love and cared about either my time, money, advice, materials, care, etc. Unfortunately, they didn't see all these best efforts from me. I didn't expect any return from them. But to completely disrespect me is not something I can tolerate in my life. It really happens and even I myself can't even believe it. I set boundaries since then. I cut off some of them from my life for a mean time. I am at peace now. I still love them and sometimes sad that this thing happened. I believe people and thing can change, though.

@alaysiakayebutler6299

5 жыл бұрын

Zoe Begun; this video is speaking to the "neurotypical" experience. It has No Relevence to the kind of experience you have had most likely with cluster b personalities..This type of advice here can be dangerous to those of us that have given more than enough with real wounding in return. It pisses me off when my natural tendency to give is damaged so that in order to have any self respect I have to stop. And that sucks. Check out Flying Monkeys Denied website..I believe you will be validated there

For the first time, I'd have to disagree with Marie. I don't think the writer's intention was to give to receive. Think of an apple tree for example. An apple tree may be one of the most selfless things. It provides shade to everyone. It lets everyone pick its fruit without asking anything in return. It is simply giving because it is its nature. Furthermore it is one of the reasons why it is created. HOWEVER, the tree at some point HAS to receive in order to continue to function. It has to receive either sunlight, water, care, proper nutrients, etc... in order to continue to provide its services. Although this reciprocity doesn't have to come from the people picking its fruits, it has to come from somewhere!! It's not that the tree is being selfish by wanting some level of reciprocity or by wanting to receive, it just NEEDS to receive. My belief is that as human beings, YES absolutely we can want to give with the PURE intention of simply wanting to give and also just for the joy of giving. But at some point, if we don't receive anything or at least some level or reciprocity to keep us functioning, we will burn out. We also have needs and appreciation in my opinion is a STRONG emotional NEED (not a want) that every human being wants to have fulfilled.

@iflymilly

8 жыл бұрын

Totally agree.

@unknownvector1

8 жыл бұрын

+gemiiadvdanca Though the apple tree example is not very appropriate to the context, But I think I get what you are trying to say, mutual benefit and expectation on investment seems to be the way the world works right?

@gemiiadvdanca

8 жыл бұрын

unknownvector1 Maybe not necessarily how "the way the world works" but more like how we are wired as human beings. Although we'd love to give endlessly to the ones we love, at the end of the day, we must receive too if we are to be balanced.

@unknownvector1

8 жыл бұрын

+gemiiadvdanca Yeah but for the ones you don't love, it applies by default

@jamilgotcher5456

6 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate Marie's tips too. But I agree with your opinion on giving too. I don't think it's too much to expect kindness in return for giving and giving and giving. Some people are not just ungrateful but are only nice to the giver when they want something from them.

About a year ago, I went from being somewhat of a martyr giver to Giving joyfully without expecting anything in return. It has changed my life for the better, and feels so freeing. And now I can say no without guilt, and enjoy giving to myself as well. I deserve it. Great video Marie.

The problem is dealing with people's expectation where after a certain point they turn on you if you say no where before you have always said yes. I find this crops up with work as well as personal life. People resent me when I voice boundaries and start to argue and bully me to try and turn me back into a doormat. It ruins one of my favourite things about me which is my spontaneous generosity. I don't even know how to feel about it all.

Lots of really good points, here. Giving my love, time & service to animals feels good. The kitties at the animal shelter need cuddling, so, I go & cuddle them. Feels so good! I get to love them up without having to take care of them full time. I have a 3 year old - bamboo plant, it's enough to take care of. :)

"Only say yes to the things which you are willing to do joyfully" This really sums it up, it is obvious but just doesn't click. It really helps, thank you Marie

Really great video and an awesome clarification on a commonly misconstrued life value... thank you!

I want to cry with relief to your videos. I’ve been getting signs constantly saying my life is about to change drastically, and I finally feel like YES, FINALLY! I just struck GOLD with your channel. I’ll see you at the top 🤗💓

This video is seriously excellent!

This was truly a BREAKTHROUGH for me. I've always given more of myself thinking I was being generous. Your illustration was so on point of what i was really doing. Now i can identify my intention and well now excercise my right to decline giving or doing it because I truly want to do something.. and being conscious of my feelings. THANK YOU THIS WAS AWESOME

With previous employers and in relationships with family, I do things because I don't want to disappoint other people and seem selfish. However, I am often taken advantage of and not appreciated. When I finally say no to something, they think I'm being out of line, uncooperative or selfish. I'm trying to learn to stand up for myself with kindness and not be afraid of what other people think. It's not in my nature to say no if someone needs me or wants my help, but I end up feeling depleted and taken for granted when I put everyone's needs ahead of my own. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic!

Thanks so much. Loved the way you explained the difference of the why in giving.

Thank u Marie. Amazing video as always!

Brilliant! I so needed to hear this. I have been saying yes when I mean no, and getting resentful. Then I had to have time off work with stress. my body just said NO MORE. For just over a week now, I have been practising listening to what others are asking of me, and actually thinking whether I want to do that thing, instead of cooperating automatically. This is an ingrained habit for me, so I really need to be mindful and aware, and make choices that serve me. Anyone reading this, be warned that the stress will make your body say no, even if you're mind says yes. Do yourself a favour, stop saying yes and think about what you want first!

Thanks so much for another great video. I can definitely apply this to both personal and business aspects of my life :)

Agree with others who have found your simple but inspiring quote,"giving to give", thank you!

Hey marie, thanks so much for the reminder of doing things joyfully. I totally know the exact feeling of doing something for a friend but feeling taken advantage of by always being "the one that helps". As time goes on im getting more used to saying no because 1) its extra stress i dont need and 2) just because you are a loyal nice friend does not mean this will lead to the greatest friendships unless it is reciprocal in nature, which often it is not. Thanks Marie!

This was wonderful. Thank you!

Thank you for creating this video! This is such an important aspect of self-care, that many forget about. I’ve added it to the extensive self-care playlists I curate on my channel 💕

Oh God, this is one of my most favorite videos from Marie TV. Very inspiring!

Thank you so much for this!!!

That a great explanation - a reaction must be joyful!

Marie what a chic and classy style you have and what a fantastic video! I actually found your video by chance. My name is actually Deb and I was looking to hear what others had to say about setting boundaries. It was the most ironic thing when you read the letter from your subscriber named Deb. I thought you were talking literally to me. Thank you for your words of wisdom and the prompt for introspection on why we are motivated to give. Right on time! Thank you so much!

Agreed 100%. This is where my focus is when I am happy.

Hi Marie, Thank you so much for sharing such video, actually everyone needs appreciation , perhaps you give more and you didn't get even " thank you " word.

Man that video was awesome! Tkx for the reminder!!! I love to give but it's important to give with a joyful and rested heart. So I'm going to rest now. I think that was the problem, lol.

Love you Marie! Really. Wish you much, much more love, and may it always fill you!

Thank you so much Marie :)

This is wonderful! I give to get a lot in romantic relationships- I always end up feeling resentful, Thank you for the insight.

I understand what you mean to give without expectations and I have no problem of giving without expectations, but I was in a relationship for 10 almost 11 years in which I was giving all the time and barely getting any help. I grew tired and now were separated. I was giving because I loved him not because I wanted something back but in the end I felt under appreciated and abused.

wow. thank you

Some people would assume that this whole "giving to give/get" thing is common sense. But actually this video rly helped clarify things for me! Thanks marie seriously

great vid Marie

Excellent.

love it! you have nailed it!

Love your vídeos Marie!!

I really needed to hear this

I so loved this video Marie. Thank you so much for posting. One thing that wasn't pointed out is to beware of manipulators. Like you said, if you don't want to do something, it's ok to say no. Most people will still try to sell you on why you should do it, but it is important to stand your ground. Genuine people will understand and may even respect you more for it. However, manipulators will definitely try to make you out to be the worst and most selfish person on the planet because you won't do what they ask of you. Bending to those people is like giving a homeless cat food... they will never go away and constantly expect you to do everything they ask. Lord knows, I've been there. The only thing that ended that harmful cycle is by doing exactly as Marie said. Just say NO.

Very informative

thank u so much marie, u are saving my life

once again Marie, on point.

Excellent topic, Marie! Thank you! Your personality reminds me so much of my daughter. Life's lessons with a dose of humor 😄

I have been giving to receive in relationships and I think it's because of my fear of rejection as well as abandonment and fueled by my anxiety disorder. Thanks for this straightforward candid video to offer to people. You're Rad!!

@UptownLBoogie

4 жыл бұрын

Wow! Thank you for verbalizing what I feel. I completely feel the same way and thank you for articulating so well. ❤

back here again watching for the content and stiiiiiilllll love that Anthro dress!

Oh my gob! THIS JUST SOLVED MY PROBLEMS AND MADE ME FEEL A WHOLE BETTER!

You are amazing, Marie Forleo! ;)

Good reminder Marie. Shared.

yes this is great im glad i found your videos :)

I really do love giving. I'd love to hear about responding to people who really do expect you to do it for them. Walking the dog is one thing. Doing their work for them is another. I'm learning to say No as best as I can with these folks but would love to learn how you say No so that it doesn't create resentment or other problems in your friendships.

Marie, I know the focus of your videos are the genious contents, but can I also point out that you always look FAB? I mean, that wardrobe!!!

I appreciate this video. I need to work on saying no

I appreciate your videos and information. You make more sense than many of the presenters on the internet. I am glad I found you and your system. I live in a different part of the country or I would try to attend a program if you have them. Have a wonderful weekend.

@TeamForleo

18 күн бұрын

You're so kind! Thank YOU for being here, watching, and learning with us. We're so honored you're interested in our work. And for more info on our programs, just shoot us a message at support@marieforleo.com and we'll get you everything you need! ❤

This time I kind of have to take a step back, Marie. I agree with principles of "giving for giving" and know it is easy to slip into lots of unconscious "deal making" in our relationships. But as a middle-aged mom, I wanted to just say that family dynamics can sometimes be very powerful - more powerful than we're able to handle. My experience has been that you can be "giving for giving" for a long time, but if things shift, things change, which, what can we do, they do in life, and you need to or want to pull back, the kind of pressures brought to bear - especially on someone in a parenting role - can be incredible. Since Debbie was talking about her mother as an example, I wonder if a few more questions might have clarified a bit more of what is going on in her situation. And while Debbie doesn't feel being generous is serving her mother welll, her mother may well feel differently. And if Debbie doesn't want to be just like her mom, that's also fine. But I am curious about whether she's gotten the message somewhere along the way that the way her mom is is the "correct" or "only" way to be female. There are lots of ways to be female, though. We just don't always give ourselves permission to try them on... I know I haven't!

You defined it! And I just had a request for something I did not want to do!

Great Video!

One of the things I tell my clients is that you TRAIN people how to treat you, based on what you accept from them and what they've come to expect from you. If you condition them to expect you'll always say yes, you'll become their go-to person for everything, because they'll expect that they can ALWAYS count on you to say yes. Boundaries aren't always easy to set up, honor, or enforce, but they are a necessary part of life, work, and being human. Sometimes we'll upset people, but that's also part of life, work, and being human. If people are going to get upset anyway, why not set the boundaries that work for you? At least then you're modeling the kind of world you want to live in. :-)

@Symbolsysteme

8 жыл бұрын

+Lisa Robbin Young Exactly....*))) I experience setting boundaries as a win win situation. I am grateful if people set boundaries, because then I know it's an honest person and a person with some sort of integrity. I don't want to 'fall' into people; people who are not able to set boundaries, but I then I hear they talk bad behind my back, because they felt I overstepped their boundaries. I see setting boundaries as something where both sides win. If someone has exorbitant claims towards me, it feels good for me to set boundaries, because I teach a valuable lesson to this person and vice versa if it would happen to me.

@LisaRobbinYoung

8 жыл бұрын

right Symbolsysteme good fences make good neighbors. :-)

@Symbolsysteme

8 жыл бұрын

Lisa Robbin Young Now I finally hear a saying in English which fits to a German saying my Granny always used to say. In English it would be something like 'It is easier to say you a**hole than to say Miss A**hole' = in English it maybe doesn't make so much sense, because in German we use a formal title, if we are talking to people, we have a certain kind of respect for. But in essence it means something like 'good fences make good neighbors'...*))

This is so Awesome :* ♥ Love you ♥

Another useful video. Thank you Marie. I ❤️❤️❤️ that dress 😍👌

Just got turned on to your channel, you and your team are hilarious. The martyr alert nearly floored me. Your channel is awesome, thank you.

Marie looks Fabulous as always ❤❤❤

You're awesome Marie.

Hello Marie! Thank you for the video. I just realized that I give people too much of my time, which makes it seem like I do not respect my own schedule. Now, I am not mean and wouldn't want to be generous about that but I understand now why successful people say that if you value yourself, you value your time. I will learn to do just that. I need to start giving something of value ( not sure what yet but I'm looking)

Marie, you are so good! :)

Just fantastic :D first video i watched from your channel, first video I found for this topic/question and its so well done, I in contrary might not find the best words (at least in English, most likely because its not my mother language / "mother tongue" google said that word is what I mean, though it sounds strange but kinda handy and I hope its actually what I mean(?)) But I just try to tell how perfectly this helped with further and at a point sure finally solving that big and paradox "question mark" and how well it fit to my intuition, feelings, theories that I had in my head about that topic/inner conflict/question/problem (might be different from person to person, for me its an inner conflict). I think I got a very good intuition, and what you said (that part that was most inspiring and was the part, that wasnt clear to me) felt like being just right, very well though, perfectly formed, kinda wise, also rare actually honest kind / generous way of seeing things... and people say you must be old to be wise :D) in my personal mindset I always like to give, I like it to help, I rarely ask, and never take as much as I would give but I again and again experienced so many people that sold their honor for 5-50€ they took for me, they said, theyd borrow, or what ever and I and they too probably knew they would never return it, but though I knew it, I would have also given it as a gift, but I though, even it feels, like I would most likely get betrayed and my trust dissappointed, I should give some people at least a chance though (the 10% that could be trusted rather than the rest) but it always turned out that they would just take what they can get and ask again and again and I have to say NO then 100 times and they dont understand and I explain but they wouldnt listen and think its an invitation to argue and a possibility to manipulate me to give again, even they failed my chance to honor my trust. And there are some who just dont have anything bad in mind, like some beggars, I see when they are just kind humans which had bad luck or huge pain in their lifes, and those I would always give and I never expect something in return, but when I get asked and I say I cant, I need that money today, and those other guys that do these shit say BUT I will give i back then and then please just help me out, if you dont help me out each damn time of 10000 times in a row, without even thinking of being thankful, respectful, also maybe think about giving something or at least caring about my own feelings, while they bomb me with their problems, even if I say, I dont have the energy for that problem talk, they will keep on, and always try to take their problems financial and mental, put in on my and then its solved for them. That are people which I give 1 time when asked and not giving from my own, and then never again, because they proof that I was right, not giving them from my own, but they might have deserved a chance (but I think thats wrong, my intuition is always right, even they return it 1 time, they still always showed to be exactly the person that I felt from the 1. moment on. Id rather die than begging and betraying people that way but they want respect and help from me but they dont give a damn about others and even me, who they want to feel sympathy for them or just help them because Im stupid maybe, they dont understand, I would give it and don cry about the money, but cry about the cheap people they are, wihtout honor worth more than 5€ the only value some people have in their heart, is probably as a transplant organ. I need to be able to feel not like a egoistic or bad person, which I know Im not, but when they tell me then "you such an asshole not giving me something everytime without being friends or anything or at least trying to give something too for others (or me in that case) I though feel bad and sometimes I even fail to say no, and think okay, that 5€ isnt worth the stress, bad feelings, and it might actually help them a bit, what alone might be worth more than the coin, but I forget that they are bad people, that to help, would be actually a loss.. They probably need to fall and learn and as long as people help them, they will never feel responsible for themselves. I mean how can they even think a forneign person is responsible for them, and not themselves ! and on top that my own feeling dont matter a damn shit to them, they cant even think 1% that far. It are like little devils or worse than animals maybe especially where I live here. But I tried to see the good in people but thats too far away in those cases, its not my job to dig that good out is it? It always failed anyways despite honestly hoping it would help but its like its a loss for both, just a piece of meat for a mad dog, that bites his own tail of afterwards anyways (which would in this metaphor magically regrow every day for "logic" reasons ...uhm ya...), as long as they arent fed a few days, then he would again learn to hunt and stop being such ruthless, honorless, mad dog. I dont know, how can I NOT feel bad about such blames from those people teeling me I am the one whos ruthless not working for them and giving them money for free (even for some unhealthy shit in some cases, but I dont judge that ways, as it might help them to go their ways, if they wouldnt be such shameless ruthless maddogs that dont understand a thing, so not the strangest secret individual way and tricks would be able to help them they cant be helped unless they try to think like they would have a SOUL, HEART, HONOR, RESPECT, GOOD WILL and that stuff that "real humans" have and I dont understand, how people can not see, that they dont have that, need that, are nothing as parasites as they are or maybe theyre happy as parasites and just are evil and shameless?). Problem is they dont let one decide if one wants to give. THEY TAKE! Thats something else.

I didn't even get 10 seconds into the video and i've already subscribed lol. Love your vibe

Giving to give!! love you Marie! :)

Nice vid and nice dress girl! Im impressed

Very good advice again :) and i agree, we just shouldnt be overwhelmed trying to make all other people happy.. me first and its not selfishness.. its honesty ;)

So true 👌 Give without expectation. Yep Say No when you want to say No.

wow. how does this channel only have 258k subscribers? (

For those of us struggling as doormats, the helpfully paired topic in addition to being able to say no to things “not willing to do joyfully” is also how to ask for what you need from others so you’re not in that “nobody else will do it” zone.

@TeamForleo

4 ай бұрын

Absolutely nailed it. ❤ We're so grateful you're here! xoxo

You are adorable Marie. I love your humor. Great video :)

though I know a little English.I can't tell the reason why love your video so much.how I wish there were subtitles in the video！

I just have one word for ya girl... . . . . . . . . . . . .AWESOME :-)

I feel like I always give too much. Usually because I feel like if I don't do it, no one will or because I don't like disappointing people and I don't want people to think that I am selfish. I pride myself in being such a selfless person but that's not always a good thing I guess. From watching this video, I realized that I have been "giving to get" sometimes. Sometimes I give expecting that my relationship with that person will grow or that they will do me a favor one day. But now I learned to go by that tip of giving only when I can do it joyfully.

Yo she listens to Nas I'm in love lol I just found this channel and I'm so happy I did. I'm 23 and I'm trying to change lazy poor habits towards a positive successful life. This channel keeps me going

What can you do when you love giving to give, and never expect or request the favor be returned....but friends turn that trait against you and start feeling entitled. They just expect you to always provide continuously. It's not that you don't want to help or give, but it becomes an issue of feeling like you're generosity is taken for granted.

the dress

Ha ha. The gift giving scene reminds me of Sheldon from The Big Bang. Great video Marie. I think most people are focused on their outcomes alone instead of connecting with others and understanding the greater outcome. At the end of the day, relationships are the most important part of our lives.

Great video! Looking gorgeous as always :) xo

This is so awesome! I kind of understand situation the lady from post describes. I love to give, help people with their projects, I love design, I sew wedding and prom dresses, I paint pictures and kids rooms, I love interier design. I even have degree in garden architecture. Any project, idea, I am passionate about. My little daughter is annoyed about that, because she would rather have some money , she would like to go to vaccation somewhere, or do thinks other people do. But we don´t have resources for that. I am rather with my work and with them after school, then at work whole day just for money for new house or trip. Am I selfish?

Great video! Also, thumbs up for Nas :)

““There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.”

I wish I could give this video 2 thumbs up instead of just one... Maybe three if I could... Love it Marie!

Oh, my gosh. They started off playing classic Nas. I love it already.

I adore your dress in this video - do you have a link to it? I am a total Marty. I needed to hear this. I have a Rescuer personality and am a perfectionist. I am working on not letting guilt run my life. Thanks for the advice.

@UptownLBoogie

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! Same here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I give like on this video before I see it , just because it is finally there :D

I think it's easier said than done. Last year, I asked my close friend what she wanted and she asked for a gift card to Mac so she should get a lipstick. So I got her one for 20€, also got the flowers for 15€ and made a really sweet letter for her. When it came to my birthday, she said 'I'll invite you to lunch', so I thought...alright I'll just make the best of it and so I said 'I'll get their Salad, I love it' (purposely knowing it was one of the cheapest), and she said 'yea..lets have a look how much it costs'.... In general she spend almost 10€. It really hurt my feelings and obviously I gave her her gifts because I wanted to show her how important she was to me and the in turn she didn't do much. It obviously hurts my feelings. I live alone, she lives with her parents, I'm a student, she works.... If she would have atleast made me something. Now I don't know what to get her this year.

@Antilli

7 жыл бұрын

Are you an ESFJ?

@theresaandrade5708

5 жыл бұрын

She us clearly taking advantage of you. Maybe you feel you need her more than she needs you so you overcompensate. Give to yourself instead.

wow this is so good thank u marie!! side question.. what if someone gets mad at you for saying no? (someone close like ur mom for example?)

can I just comment on your fashion? you always look so put together :)

@yeahwin

8 жыл бұрын

I know! Sometimes Im so busy looking at what she's wearing I have to rewind to hear what she said lol

@jamilgotcher5456

6 жыл бұрын

Ikr? I'd like to see her do a fashion shopping haul vlog, so she can share where she buys her cute looks.

Super interesting the fact that most people give to receive without even notice the expectation of receiving something in exchange XD

Happy belated birthday Marie! Remember Italians always do it better.

that dress!!!

I used to give just because I loved helping. It wasn't until a long time later that I realized that nothing was really reciprocated. I didn't always said I didn't need anything, but people just treated me like a store. I had to change after that.

"Debbie Doormat!" XD Oh my gosh! Cracking up over here! Ahahaha! Great advice! I typically don't do things with the expectation of anything in return, though I am guilty of spreading myself too thin sometimes. :P I've got to learn to say "no" a little more sometimes...

hahaha martyr alert!!! hahaha love u!!! seriously!!!

@HebattallahHosny

8 жыл бұрын

+Katie Pecotich I hear you, One can't help loving here becoz she's soooooo REAL...I love ppl who walk the talk 3>

@itscatmansouri

8 жыл бұрын

+Katie Pecotich Haha Marie is so funny

@TheDarkSlayeress

8 жыл бұрын

+Catharine Mansouri Ahahahah! Yes!! And know sooooooo many people like that too. At least we know what to call them now, right? ;D

@kindregardskatie

8 жыл бұрын

still cracks me up... even the tone she uses when they say things, that "poor me'' voice!!! dont get me wrong I'm sure I've done that too because I am such an imperfect human, its just hilarious!!!!

nice video, funny, and great message but where is the boundary part? Maybe change the title to something related to Giving.

I give to give but the person I want to make most happy by giving seems not to realize that I’m giving, or seems to think that I’m not giving enough, and that is what gets me really 😔

Marie where you at? I feel like I don't have anything to do on Tuesdays now ahhaha I miss you!!!