An elegant and heartbreakingly accurate way of saying “you’re fucked either way.”

@summmer77

3 ай бұрын

HAHHAHAAHAHAHHA TOUCHÉ! With a silky resolution effect of: “so don’t you ever give that much of a fuck, cause you better focus on pistachio icecream - life then will taste better”

@msb6337

3 ай бұрын

Muahahaha.. love that

@sunny100294

3 ай бұрын

Let me be the devil real quick. Most people eventually get over a breakup. And are happier after a while. If you stay the what if stays with you indefinitely 🤓 On the other hand, the grass isn’t always greener

@pattykarcher1200

3 ай бұрын

Ugh, so painfully true!😢

@sabrinaoliveira3654

3 ай бұрын

@@sunny100294 that's until you get into a new relationship with the next person and the cycle begins once again.

You won't leave until the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving

@spectershore4482

3 ай бұрын

Whoever you are, I wish you to obtain all the very good you visualised for yourself. Thanks for your perfectly nailed thought ☀️☀️👌🏾

@fragipani8179

3 ай бұрын

Thank you...

@selectivelychosen2020

3 ай бұрын

💯 Facts

@crystalferry1582

2 ай бұрын

Well said,

@nilavasaha3597

2 ай бұрын

1000% true.

She articulated it so beautifully and truthfully

@Iyonndadon

4 ай бұрын

She really did 😫👏🏽

@mynouschka

3 ай бұрын

But she didn’t answer the question 🙊

@dorcussimpasa9285

3 ай бұрын

Question not answered!

@b_740

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, she didn't even answer it.

@BerryFlair

Ай бұрын

She’s like: I don’t have an answer for ya.

You have to experience ‘loss’ to some degree no matter what outcome you choose. ❤

@RevealedFilms

4 ай бұрын

I felt relief. She was doing my head in almost daily, we became completely incompatible.

@1fancychik4God

3 ай бұрын

Yes 👍 it’s a sure thing

@kellygreenii

3 ай бұрын

The relationship as you knew it is over. The question is whether you try to build a new one with the same person…or with someone else…. Either way you are starting over…

@BeautifulOnes876

2 ай бұрын

😢💯

I’m glad i stayed with my cheating partner for awhile. It helped me to never look back when i finally left. I literally do not miss him one bit bc he showed me in every way possible that last year that he was not worth it.

@theamazingworldofme6489

3 ай бұрын

❤

@diboleloanniekamota6585

3 ай бұрын

❤❤

@thehumblehygienist2805

3 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

@mynewlife1911

3 ай бұрын

Same here❤

@danaparfitt2491

3 ай бұрын

❤ ♾

Be quiet...be still... breathe... then follow the guidance of your soul...it knows what to do ❤

Also remember, that hard times happen in every relationship, let some time pass before you just leave, unless you or someone is in danger. Give yourself time to heal before you make a decision…let God guide you!💖🙌🙏

@lombmusic07

3 ай бұрын

How does God guide day to day?

@Jessica_PMHNP

3 ай бұрын

@@lombmusic07 praying to him and surrendering whatever it is to the care of God! Ask him got guidance in the area. You can also meditate or journal…really just talk to God and ask him to reveal his will!🙏

@muma6559

3 ай бұрын

​@@lombmusic07by living his principles

I left my marriage of 28 years. I took 18 months to get up the courage. There was no part of me that held on. My decision WAS 💯 perfect. I'm unattached, meeting new people and excited about what lies ahead. 💖🐾🐦✨🎁

@thehumblehygienist2805

3 ай бұрын

2 steps behind you!!

@dannellecarroll

3 ай бұрын

Was there a straw that broke? Or just time? If u don’t mind me asking 💞 so happy you’re choosing you.

@jennifere4641

3 ай бұрын

@dannellecarroll Thank you for asking. ✨🐦He gave me the silent treatment for those 18 months. From mid-2018. I trained myself to not talk at home. Our kids had left home to work/study. There was silence at home or he was nasty to me. Locked me out of the house. Hid all the keys to the outside, except the front door. Called me a f*cking parasite. At the end of 2019, I took my eldest daughter's advice and planned to leave. And then divorced him. 💖💖💖

@dannellecarroll

3 ай бұрын

@@jennifere4641 Oh sweet friend I am so so sorry this happened to you. You are so right for choosing you! 💞 I’m so happy you got away from that situation! ✨❤️

@Queejack

3 ай бұрын

Every body is carrying baggage.

Yes!!! I’m not crazy for being double minded. Thank you.

@abstract3213

3 ай бұрын

Same here..

This is so helpful. I realised listening to her that the fear of not knowing what could have been outweighed my fear of grieving the loss

This very thought process helped me cut my ex completely off. I knew it would be greater regret to stay then leave.

@ichigohime16

2 ай бұрын

Going thru this rn, I will regret to stay with my ex in the long run , I do miss the nice memories and the good times but his personality was pretty narcissistic

Separating from my husband after 25 years has been the most painful experience ever . My first everything. Yet sometimes you reach a point of maturity that love just doesn’t seem enough When you desire to be real about the way you want to live Compatiblity is so important Without it One cannot live authentically ❤

@rafymsr4799

4 ай бұрын

Have you found more compatible partner

@MultiGracie23

4 ай бұрын

@@rafymsr4799 not interested. Learning to find my own equilibrium of feminine and masculine energy is my priority .

@kingfattycake5526

4 ай бұрын

@@MultiGracie23what was your past husband missing that you needed

@1fancychik4God

3 ай бұрын

The biggest thing to me is how long I was going to sacrifice me and the life you wanted and give all that to someone who would never love or respect me - because they showed me that every day - love does not conquer all and some things never should have happened at all - decisions are life changing

@amyproudfoot6611

3 ай бұрын

Extremely well said ! For us it's 24 years & the emotional disconnect almost broke me 😥

After decades with my partner, I decided that leaving and being as okay-as-possible with the things I miss is preferable to staying and knowing, as much as one can, how things will continue to go. It wasn't so much 'what will I miss out on if I stay,' but rather, 'can I stay knowing things will remain the same?' I appreciate the acknowledgment of mixed emotions because that's reality for most of us.

Reminds me of 'The Bell Jar' by Sylvia Plath: "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor... I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest..." There is duality in every choice we make: love/loss, relief/grief, joy/sadness. Both/and. One of the most beautiful and painful parts about being human is the finite nature of our lives ❤ Everyone deserves to live with the freedom to choose their own path.

I did like the rest of her answer (not in the video) because essentially you need to be sure you don’t value what you’re losing more than what you’re sure you already have.

I’m having trouble seeing what the loss is in staying and it ending up being a beautiful relationship. I think a third option is you go and if it’s meant to be it will come back. Don’t stay or go, just be. The universe will guide you

@shantaywicklander4773

2 ай бұрын

That's what I had to do... I let him go not because I didn't love him but because I wanted him to heal and find peace & I also told him I need to heal & find peace. You have to make peace with both of your choices

@JoseEduardo1594-

2 ай бұрын

@@shantaywicklander4773yea we need to just stop forcing shit freal, what’s meant to be will be 💯

@hm2011100

2 ай бұрын

Jay & Esther are speaking about individuals who are suffering enough issues in their relationship that it would take a lot of work to make “a beautiful relationship”. And when you do the work, you don’t know if it’ll work out. No one just stays in a troubled relationship & it morphs of its own accord into smthg beautiful. And if the relationship is already beautiful, the individuals within it won’t wrestle with the dilemma of staying or leaving.

So true . If you stay you have to grieve a part of you

Great advice.💯♥️ But I love my peace being alone is a blessing not having to deal with someone else.💯♥️😇

GO GO GOoooooooooooo, once you question it , the answer is GO. Be brave and have courage bless them and save yourself Goooooooooooo

I left when I was fed up and I never looked back, I never regretted. Fully worthy.

This woman is so authentic and deep and real.

Grief in staying...is grief for what doesn't work and what could be if you leave.

I absolutely adore her voice, the way her bright beautiful eyes cosmically sparkle full of wisdom and knowledge..

Wow. Thats some deep stuff right there.

@pwilliams5143

4 ай бұрын

100%, but absolutely true

@frapuboy

4 ай бұрын

Right?!

Relations are built on trust. Never violate it folks ❤

From experience, she is 100% correct…Im very 😊 with my decision. So many wonderful experiences and counting due to the decision.

Beautifully said, “A dream of once was…”

Hope you’re this helps: I’ve left relationships in the past without regrets ever. The way I do it is, I ask myself like really deep ask myself, if I can live with the behavior (which is usually negative) of the other person. Like he is never going to change much, that the behavior he’s had in the past is the same behavior he presently has. If I can be okay with it I stay but if I am counting y that things will be different I cut my losses. And I’ve never been wrong. He still has the same issues, just with a different partner.

@schwastedfriday

4 ай бұрын

this is a great perspective. I recently left a relationship that I was in for about 8 years where I spent so much time hoping that things would change. If somebody’s willing to change that’s one thing but if they’re not willing to change you have to decide whether or not you can live with them as they are and if not, have the courage to leave. My former partner finally started making an effort to change when the reality of the relationship ending hit him but at that point it was too little, too late

@burymebelowawillowtree9243

4 ай бұрын

@@schwastedfriday I learned that when I asked my mother, when did she realize my father was a cheater, she said right after my oldest sibling, her very first child was born. Then I asked her then why did she have another whole 5 more children? She sadly said “because I thought he would change”. To this day my father is 70 and it’s been decades that they divorced and he still the same.

@DianaBeautyLA

4 ай бұрын

@@schwastedfridaythey never really change. The change is temporary and they go back to being themselves again

@contentsweetpea

3 ай бұрын

Mine keeps on telling me he can only change if I do. However the things that anger him are getting more and more ridiculous. When I tell him he can word his issues different he just gets more mad. He cusses at me and insults me for trivial things. Then when I've shut down or my feelings are hurt, he tells me not to act all sad because he pointed out what I did wrong and if I'm going to then I can just go home but if I'm going to go home that he doesn't want me to come back and to delete his number and block him and stop wasting his time. If I say ok and try and leave, he gets more aggressive and says meaner things but if I make myself act like I'm ok and don't talk about what happened, he'll act like were completely ok and will be nice again as long as I don't show I'm upset. It's getting to be too much. He makes me feel like the entire way I think and do things is wrong, selfish and entitled but I don't think I'm that bad of a person.

@rashmimishra7552

3 ай бұрын

@@contentsweetpeasounds like the person won’t understand and this whole thing points to narcissistic personality. Am sorry if l over stated.

Stay to lose part of yourself, leave to lose the other person!

This is so true. Loss of a long term marriage is worse than bereavement IMO... No one understands your grief. Grief support groups are just for the widowed... 😢

@hm2011100

2 ай бұрын

Therapy groups do contain divorced individuals & in the ones I’ve attended, there’s acknowledgment that the loss can be as great as bereavement

This is a wonderful demonstration of the life of an individual who has lived with a narcissistic or even just had a relationship. I love the way she highlights the effects of the decision making process. It’s what every therapist should be brave enough to share! It’s not their lives or their decisions. What a therapist needs to give you is the honest truth. There are consequences for leaving and staying. There are wins for leaving (unfortunately not so much if you stay). What are you willing to gain and lose? Both are important to consider. Ponder that! (Standard of living, home/money/cars) family; friends; health; emotions ; safety; respect ; self-esteem; dreams; future; and so much more)! One of the hardest things for me was aging and saying to myself is this what I want to be the purpose of my life-it had been nothing short of a ´human sacrifice’ for things that pass away. What were my children learning from me? Will he eventually almost ki11 me or actually ki11 me or harm me and not even take care of me? Yes? I actually almost di@d! Will you???

@Song-Girl-Still-Singing

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Very insightful. I hope you have found greater peace and happiness.

Reminded me of the beautiful film, The Bridges of Maddison County. 😭💚

She's so correct. I was in a relationship that was abusive. I stayed with hope until he got physical. Even had hope, but the fear of harm and damage to trust and harm to my children were all too much to ignore anymore. I still wanted to work through things, but I decided to embrace reality rather than the future i was hoping for.

So true this pertains to everything not just relationships

Sometimes you have a doubt to go or not ,,but in evrything i trust Gods timing and process!❤❤❤

This resonates with me. A year ago my ex and I broke up as friends after 5 years. It was the right decision for me. However it was also hard and there are many things I still appreciate about him and our shared time together, and sometimes I'm sad that it didn't work out.

@sarahmaxwell9236

4 ай бұрын

Me too. It's a conflicting feeling

@abstract3213

3 ай бұрын

I hear you ❤ it must be difficult what you went through

@jennysim4860

2 ай бұрын

Mine 13 years. Very painful.

Stay if your happy. Leave if your not. Don't Stay hoping and praying things will get better. ❤

I love Esther! She’s always so eloquent

Man oh man is this big for me. The eclipse is conjunct my north node at the same time Pluto is square my natal Chiron. All month i've been healing and claiming my self worth, healing the lineage, and powering up to leave a very unhealthy relationship/power dynamic that has left me with cptsd. Looks like after the eclipse my real world will really start to shift. Looking forward to it, but also . . . It's gonna be hard. Know your worth, my friends, as deeply and truly as you can. Claim it. Life is so much better when we aren't letting other people stand in where our own power should reign supreme.

I love Esther Perel! She leaves no stone unturned! But she turns each one over with such care and inquisitive interest to find the truth. I so enjoy watching how she thinks.

It took me two years to solidify my decision because I kept thinking it was me and that I had all these things to fix. That the problems were usually my fault. Turns out he was just being manipulative and lying to me. I’m in no way perfect, but I know I tried my hardest. Went to therapy, looked up ways to be a better partner, tried to make sure he felt heard/supported/loved, did special things just because etc. Turns out he was just taking advantage of me and was doing terrible things behind my back. Never again.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like she didn’t actually answer the question in this short? 🤔 I suppose I’ll have to watch the whole thing now.

@jamvenger

3 ай бұрын

Hahaha, you are correct. I did not notice that she did not answer the question. My attention was on what she was saying.

@sharonlaparry775

3 ай бұрын

I felt the same way. I feel like it was open to our own interpretation.

@Dragonfly5_

3 ай бұрын

I think what she was trying to say was, you can almost never be 100% sure. My thoughts - nobody can feel what you are feeling in a relationship and nobody can decide for you, a part of you will grieve one way or another, whatever you may decide. So it's really up to an individual, there is no formula to calculate if the decision you are taking is right or wrong, only time will say.

@courtneye.3276

3 ай бұрын

@@Dragonfly5_ thank you! That was a much clearer way of putting it.

@Dragonfly5_

3 ай бұрын

@@courtneye.3276 you are welcome 🙂

lol normally we hold up until it takes your health down maybe you start binge eating, skin picking… depression and then you’ll know what is the root and how to end them. It’s almost like having a tumor removed. And once you end it is only blessings since you recover your health and there’s no more wondering 🙌

To stay makes healing much more difficult and takes longer than leaving. It is very brave of someone to stay because it is much more challenging...

Beautiful put and very...very true. Wise woman with an exceptional view on life and relationships 🇿🇦

I’ve felt this and told myself this but couldn’t articulate as gracefully as she did. So very true. That’s why it takes people so long to actually leave a relationship.

This women is gold!!

Well said! I left and have learned I was truly dying. I am a new person now with energy, vitality, and excitement for life. ❤

Esther Perel s the definition of beautiful, brilhant and also senstive, gorgeous.

She said it beautifully, Thank you for putting my feelings into words. I always feel is the scariest, toughest, decision one can make. Especially because you wouldn’t wanna leave and have the need to come back later

Damn, that hurts because it's so true.

She is my absolute favorite relationship advisor ❤

Wisdom based on experience right there

the scorpio reading was everything I needed. I resonate with all of it.

Loved this episode and a ultra follower of Esther Perel’s work. She’s the best at it. ❤️🙌🏻

Dr Pwrel Always a beautifull presence And toughthfull advice

So true, so real and answers the question so precisely.

She just spoke wisdom.

Not everyone can help carry your torch and vice versa. . . When the bad starts to outweigh the good, that's when you decide. You both will most likely move on to better matched partners. That is just life, unfortunately. And it is all okay at the same time! ❤❤❤

So complex. She’s so smart.

That point about not reacting to reality…but instead what you created in your head. I am constantly guilty of this! I want to fix it so much.

In other words, regardless you must make a decision and live with it.

I needed this

When will I ever choose?!?! 😭

@selectivelychosen2020

3 ай бұрын

When God Gives U That For Sure Holy Sign. Just Don't Take 2 Long. Time Wasted Can Never Be Given Back 🙏🏼

Wow! So brutally honest and true.

Wow!!!! Simple BUT profound 😮

Very transparent explanation

She’s so marvelous!!!!

Woooow one of the explanations I have heard. I would love to listen to the whole podcast.

Profound n Powerful. Truth spoken

Love is the most complicated subject in this world I swear 😏 (can I say my world too?)

She is so wise!

She's so Gorgeous 🥰. I love her

So true, so difficult

Most interesting!!!! If you leave, you’lll find out!!!!!!😊😮

Love you both, fantastic message 🤍

Wow. Powerful.

Wow well said makes me really think as I have decided to leave and have second guesses....🤔

always leave a toxic person always always always human never change

She spoke a powerful truth. Ouch!

This is the most important information I’ve heard outside my own mind.

I have done both and neither is easy

My goodness this strike my heart so true

Leaving allowed me to get out of the fog and see all the things that I thought were good for what they really were. There was no set up …..happy 💯.I actually felt like the first time wore prescription glasses…the light ..the true colours, now I could now see properly

brilliantly said

Wow! What a beautiful response💜

And when you willing to make that decision it was and most likely the best of anything you learned about “self”.

Wow❤beautifully explained.

I love this woman ❤

Wise words

Great insights

If only it could have been easier... But beautifully put...

DEEP 😌

I felt that. Also think what’s is more unbearable, grieving the part of you what could it have been if you left , or grieving the loss, then you will have your answer.

❤ Esther perel

Goodness I felt that pain right now 😢😢😢😢😢😢

Staying is fine untill it starts to kill your soul 🥺❤

Wow. Very well said.

Exactly - choose your hard.

3:3 Portal blessings