How To Know If Someone is Right For You | Jordan Peterson Relationship Advice
"The best relationships are predicated on attraction, trust and negotiation. And it's constant. You're constantly negotiating to maintain the relationship-to expand it."
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➤➤Speaker:
Jordan B. Peterson
/ jordanpetersonvideos
jordanbpeterson.com/
➤➤Video Sources:
Q&A 05-01-2021 - Jordan B. Peterson
• Q&A 05-01-2021 | Jorda...
Pexels Video
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Videvo
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➤➤Music:
Licensed through www.beatstars.com
➤➤Editor:
WordToTheWise
/ wordtothewise
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➤➤Transcript (Partial):
How can you tell if the person you're in a romantic relationship with is the right person to spend the rest of your life with?
Uh, you can't. You actually decide that, rather than discovering it. I might suggest what you might look for on the way to making that decision, all things considered, a certain amount of similarity on the personality dimensions between the two of you is probably to be recommended.
If you differ tremendously in trait conscientiousness, one of you is gonna find the other unbearably rigid, orderly and workaholic oriented. And that person is going to find you dissolute and undisciplined. And those are temperamental differences. And if the gap is large, it's hard to bridge it. Agreeableness, it's the same thing. The warmer person will find the colder, harsher person cruel and unkind, and the cruel and unkind person will find the more agreeable person soft, a pushover and contemptibly unable to stand up for themselves. The extrovert will want to be out partying all the time and the introvert will have had his or her fill of that very rapidly. So you want some temperamental similarity across the major personality dimensions, with the possible exception of trait neuroticism, which is the generalized proclivity to experience negative emotion. I would suggest that a person high in neuroticism seek out someone low or very low, because first of all, neuroticism is one of the best predictors of unhappiness in a relationship.
And so, if you're both high in neuroticism, you're very likely to be unhappy in the relationship and it's highly probable that the person who's higher in neuroticism needs the stabilizing influence of someone who's lower. Then I would say, well-this is based on my clinical observations as well as the experiences of my life. I think it's necessary, or at least highly desirable, that you find the person that you're with sexually attractive, and that's somewhat ineffable. You can be confronted with two people who are, by "objective standards," equally attractive or perhaps equally unattractive, and find yourself very physically attracted to one of them, while the other one will leave you cold, and that's a deep mystery. And I've seen couples try to get along as friends, try to bridge that romantic gap by will, and I haven't really seen it be successful. So I think you need that spark that ignites sexual passion.
Then you have to ask yourself if you can trust the person, if there are activities that you can share with them that would make up a life-if you're oriented in approximately the same direction with regard to your goals, especially important goals, career and children being foremost among them-if you think you could come to some agreement about how the economic resources could be distributed, or at least how that might be negotiated-if you can negotiate with the other person, then again, if you can trust them. And I would say of all those, trust is the most crucial component, maybe followed by the ability to negotiate. The right person is someone you can negotiate with because there's gonna be differences between you and them. There's gonna be differences in your approach. There should be-hopefully there'll be-because that means that the two of you are bringing different skill sets to bear on the problem. That's-means that you have a more diverse range of potential responses, which can be good, but also that there's gonna be conflict. The issue then becomes: can you negotiate through the conflicts and will the other person stick to their negotiated solution?...
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Пікірлер: 96
The 3 cornerstone to a healthy relationship by Jordan Peterson: 1. You must be attracted to the person. 2. You must have reasonable measure of trust for that person. 3. You must be willing to negotiate through your differences continually. Our own: 4. You must have a measure of respect for the person you in a relationship with. 5. Your happiness is not up to them and there happiness is not up to you. Happiness is a conscious and personal choice. Good luck in your relationship.
@mvargast
2 жыл бұрын
Great freaking comment
@davidthomspson9771
2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much
@robert88hun
2 жыл бұрын
Yes, those are important for a healthy relationship, but the question wasn't that..
@nz7780
Жыл бұрын
Ours: Honesty Faithfulness/loyalty COMMUNICATION 🤩
@davidthomspson9771
6 ай бұрын
Excellent synapse
You got me out of depression, I would listen to these videos constantly couple years ago. Now I keep checking if you uploaded anything new. I don't really listen or watch a lot anymore, but this definitely helped, I actually wrote phrases on my bedroom walls that I got from these videos. Thanks for your support and I hope you are doing well. To give a little more detail before I go: I was suicidal, lost my girl, my job, my career, my friends, my place and had to go back to my parents house at 27. I'm 30 now with a really nice job and recieving more offers, studying programming, can save money every month, I'm on the carnivore diet, lost 16 pounds in 14 days, no acne anymore, not body pain anymore, lean and healthy again, got my friends back and I've been dating a girl for the past 6 months. :) By the way, depression is gone.
@candidlyopinionated19
Жыл бұрын
Congratulations on not giving up and getting yourself to such a good place. That is no small feat.
@arnoldschwarzenegger6369
Жыл бұрын
@@candidlyopinionated19
@batmanbruce9266
6 ай бұрын
Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 Brother keep up the good work
This is one of the BEST I've seen from Jordan. Short, powerful and straight to the point.
Wow. He described my ex-wife so well... So that's not enough obviously. However, then trust followed by negotiation. That's what I've rediscovered in my current relationship.
3 things for best relations Attraction Trust Negotiation
@davidthomspson9771
2 жыл бұрын
Yes
Today is my birthday. Thank you, Lord for waking me up to see another day.
The best relationships are predicated on : attraction, trust, and negotiation. -J. Peterson
This is the most sane advice
Even though I enjoy like 90% of Dr Petersons work, I disagree with him on the allegation that you should look for someone who has similar personality traits. At least I would say, that it is absolutely correct. I think you need a person that imbalances your weaknesses whereas you have to imbalance your partner's weaknesses in a relationship, so you are complementary to each other and create a whole together. I think there can't be common developement in a marriage if your partner can't show you things you do not know yet.
@nz7780
Жыл бұрын
Fair, I do think the part where he’s like if you’re a person with a high level of neuroticism than you should seek someone with a low level, is questionable. And I was in my car listening to it, saying NOOOO, don’t do that to them, take the hit or fix it- don’t drag someone else down with your constant desire to see negativity and force them to constantly listen to you venting and complaining. That’s exhausting, unfair, and enough to put someone else, who’s generally at peace, into a depression or 24/7 high stress environment depending on how neurotic the other person is.
@nz7780
Жыл бұрын
then*
@d.m.8848
Жыл бұрын
Phillip Brown, collaboration and delegation go hand and hand. This Video assumes there are only two people in this relationship. This is the type of relationship I prefer. The person delegating will need to collaborate on occasions to become keenly aware of the strengths and weaknesses of the other person. Only delegating yields the "you always", and the "you never" phraseology, and is clearly not informed. In your relationship you will encounter an issue that is bigger than the both of you. In that moment, you will need someone that is willing to negotiate for a equitable solution. Negotiation in good faith requires both of you to leave your egos at the door. If egos are abandon at the door, you will discover common ground.
Thank you Jordan for distilling and sharing your personal and professional experiences. Thank you.
Thanks Sir.
These are Great quotes that really make you think about life ❤️thank you
Deneyimlerinizi paylaştığınız için teşekkürler güzel anlatım
Excellent video
bu değerli bilgiyi paylaştığınız teşekkür ederim
Such a brilliant, inspiring man
Thank you Jordan Peterson
So WELL Put! Ty so so much! ❤️💜💜💖💖💖💛💜❤️💖💛💚💛💜❤️💙
I think trust is key. You should feel like you are at home with your partner, that you have each other’s backs and want each other to succeed. You give each other space and room. I agree with JP here wise words.
Işinizi hakkını vererek yapıyorsunuz ellerinize emeklerinize sağlık
Real talk
fantastic
I couldn't stop crying the whole video,and im still crying,not because what i heard its sad,but because im trying to understand how to see life form a pov that its more simple than life and that doesn't exist,idk how to explain it,but i wish i understood life better,i guess im still innocent. Silly me
@HaitamBakkali
Жыл бұрын
Life , is a learning journey , along the way you will be faced with many different realities , and even how your reality is actually is ! I would say follow your gut feelings , & keep pushing forward , stay hopeful & strong
@danimoonie
Жыл бұрын
@@HaitamBakkali thank u :')
Kaliteli iyi video olmuş gerçekten. Ya beğendim.
Agreed
I have respect for Peterson but I disagree with him on this. A small percentage of people accidentally end up with the right person, and those people think they're good at relationships. Sometimes you have a fantastic spouse, Peterson is one of those people.
Damn! So this is the last video you posted, it is indeed very very very interesting, for me at least, As I am having an argument with a suppedly future significant other.
Could you please provide the name of the song playing during the video? Thank you 🙏
Relaxation
Tebrik ederim insan psikolojisini iyileştiriyoruz Emeğinize sağlık🎉
My friend danelle told me this you can't trust someone you can't be with them. That's a good point.
@charlottebruce979
8 ай бұрын
Isn't it an obvious point?
there's good reason to get on with it😄
This man is a fuckin genius. Such a blessing
A rare Instance where I have to watch the video at least 4 times ;)
Am I crazy or didn’t you have some lectures of David Hawkins and Robert Adams? Cannot seem to find them now. Did something happen?
We aint a relationship you learn in each other so just Be and remember you love each other.
The *_best_* summary regarding this question i've come across. 👌🏻✨🙏🏻
Truthbomb
❤️❤️❤️
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). If a person wants a relationship with you they wud not want bad blood to exist between eu. They wud want to feel good again and they wud want to occupy the same relationship az eu and both their words and actions. (not just words will demonstrate tha
I love this man's speech's... By the way, what does ineffable mean? 🙈
@linda1234G.
4 ай бұрын
immense
@heliotsucane5317
4 ай бұрын
@@linda1234G. thank you sis...
😊❤
Im feeling very conflicted about my partner at the moment, she is amazing and loves me unconditionally, but im not sure. Can anyone offer some advice?
@charlottebruce979
8 ай бұрын
Not sure about what? Being with her? Can you trust her, are you attracted to her? Is she reasonable so you can negotiate any differences and conflicts? What are you not sure about?
its funny i found watching this. im a gamer who has a significant other of 17 years (i live with him full time). when im playing games mostly MMO's (right now FFXIV) i will find one gamer i can hang out with do content with and then spend "personal" time with (chatting, ERPing etc). i have done this with 3 men so far. but recently i have found this one gentleman (hes a real life BDSM dominant) that tickles all he parts of me to the point i would love to have him as another real life partner (not just an "in game" one). i started to talk/ERP with him and i wasnt remotely attracted to his toon/character/in game avatar (whatever you want to call it). he was a blonde bombshell that was a pure himbo, as the more i spoke to him and got to know him the more i wanted to be close to him in a relationship way. and now i cant see my life with out him. ive had these type of attractions to ppl before but as long as i never met them my "in real life" partner was fine with it.
Word. 👉 💓💓💓💓💓. 🍄. 💓. 💣. 💥
Okay.....I need a freakin dictionary to watch & completely comprehend this video 😮
😮😮❤🎉
Wow. Almost TOO many variations, exceptions, compromises, wall way, and calm downs, etc… and I’m not even married. Lol
My second marriage is on appreciation, respect, communication, and adoration for each other. Without those, the marriage is doomed. see my first marriage.
👀😊❤🎉
and if they have that but don’t want to spend much time with you because they like their alone time a lot
I am In love with mark
I love strongly but it's not enough. I will never trust them and could not give the the freedom of our past happy life. We have no ability to negotiate because one cannot speak their feelings. Then the spark is weak
Did he say, you cant???😮
Yea fucking tell me about it!.....fucking tell me!!
What do you do when you know some people are married oh and also are ultra sensitive to disgust when you feel like your a mess maker and
This peterson is way better than the current weak and passive peterson of 2022
Seriously, the idea of finding someone that is perfect for you is very unrealistic, the difference is if both of you can become a team or a tragedy
And I'm screwed because I don't trust women...and I hate negotiation. Hell, I don't fully trust anybody enough to join lives together permanently. But I hate being so lonely. I just don't understand why it's so difficult to have healthy close relationships.
@everythingja5812
10 ай бұрын
Seek therapy. You not being able to trust women is one thing but there must be one woman you can trust. If you cant then there is something you need to develop to allow you to weed out the character of women quickly. Work on you. Follow Dr Peterson, he helps us figure out what we need to improve to get what we want out of this life
@erikbudrow1255
10 ай бұрын
@@everythingja5812 I do see a therapist. It's tough since my mom screwed me over big time more than once and I saw her manipulate other men too. And I experienced my sisters doing some sketchy stuff over the years as well. I want to be able to separate what they did from what other women could possibly be like but I'm sure you can understand that it's easier said than done...you're supposed to be able to trust at least your mom...the psychological damage causes some real strange thought patters and habits sometimes that have taken me a while to recognize...still working through a bunch of it...
@everythingja5812
10 ай бұрын
Truth is. I am a woman. I grew up seeing my mother do it too. I dont do it. And i have friends that dont. Dont stay a victim. You find healthy people by becoming healthy
The hardest thing a small KZreadr can feel is when you wake up in the morning and nothing has changed on your channel, so plz i need your support very badly 🙏🙏
@thesoundofmellow2915
5 күн бұрын
Subbed :)
Go away. Your a distraction
Follow Peepal farm
Mind games and sadism tells me someone is wrong for me. Someone has attached themselves to the idea of me maybe he resembles Carl or Simone and believes that he should be pulling my strings . It’s weird effed up obsessive behaviour and an absolute waste of his time. Get a life harassing the idea of someone is sick twisted behaviour. You are not Carl or Simone .
😊❤