“Rejection is the cure to delusion” great quote.

@0biala0

Жыл бұрын

Rejection that I have found might be the only antidote to delusion. I like how Mathieu used that. In the book it's mother - daughter relation.

@Sunshinegirl0105

Жыл бұрын

This is actually factual.

“The one would value the same relationship as you. They would stick it out the same way you do.”

@desertpunk6705

2 жыл бұрын

Not true. People come from their own unique point of origin. They are not going to be like you, and if you love someone, let them be themselves. Don’t judge someone you love by your standards.

@KalvickQT

2 жыл бұрын

Nope, she was there for me for years, Im an idiot, fucked up hard. possibly have a second chance 2 months later, not getting my hopes up early but I have definitely learnt ALOT this last two months, and it will not happen again.

@EmilyGloeggler7984

Жыл бұрын

That is not always the case. There were mutual reciprocated feelings between my ex and I and we both were willing to fight for the relationship, and yet I chose to leave it and move on. ^_^ I never went back and learned to heal and embrace being on my own before, eventually, met another man who is now my husband and father of my children.

@somerandomperson5009

4 ай бұрын

@@desertpunk6705 in my case, it wasn't reciprocated and as well to the fact that, she could not really accept me for who i was? i went by it as i felt that it was alright, apparently her needs weren't being met and she wanted me to love her some other way, which i did always ask her how should i, her point was some things i have to figure out, and how she did hint it but im not a mind reader which was the point i had. in short, i feel that there was a lack of communication and in my case, it was not reciprocated as the original comment and AS WELL that she couldn't do what you described in your reply.

The real story is "I don't want to be in this relationship enough to do difficult things to be in it." Meaning: I don't want to be with you enough to do difficult things to be with you. This line should be enough for you to get over them and move on with your life.

@diegomesa2337

Жыл бұрын

Boom

@tigerexo6577

Жыл бұрын

I agree. That's exactly what's on their mind. Tbh, this is cowardy and selfish, but still, it's their choice. If they wanna go, then let them go.

@riachia9452

Жыл бұрын

@@hurtsoul7398 I'm in that place now, and it's so hard :'(

@meiforest5769

Жыл бұрын

True. This hurts but it's the truth. They don't want to be with me. End of the story.

@bumslayer76

Жыл бұрын

The concusion story is probably B.S. She is is probably a lyre and probably lazy. I bet her house is filthy!!

My girlfriend broke up with me on Sunday. She said she loves me deeply and wants to be with me, but that she fears/thinks that we're too incompatible and that any work we put in will not be fruitful. It hurts, because I believe if the two of us both wanted to put the work in, we actually could have a very good thing. It's been hard to recognize that it's not that there's this obstacle I have to fix to get her back, but that for whatever reason she doesn't want to put the effort in. And I love her deeply. So deeply. And I have a fantasy that she'll realize she lost me, and then actually put the work in, but I know that's not going to happen. I'm trying to accept and begin my process of moving on, but it's so hard because I really thought we had the real thing.

@shazzqsong

Жыл бұрын

Sorry you're going through that. I'm in a similar situation in a second break up, except he didn't want to put in the work to stop his hurtful behaviours, whereas I was willing to do the work to work on myself. In the end, unless both are willing to work then it stops being a partnership. As Matthew said, 'they don't feel that this is worth fighting for.' I really hope you manage to heal and to move on.

@liztowers2058

Жыл бұрын

Hope you just said ok ....I'm sorry u fell that way, I love you.... And just vanish . Silence speaks volumes. Never chase a girl. It turns us off. Do your thing. Act busy. If she cared at all...she might regret it.and come back. If not, you dodged a bullet.........

@MrzZebicho

Жыл бұрын

Exact same thing here... she said " i love you BUT we are too incompatible" I love her and still will for a very long time, but in the end, it takes two to tango...

@Stonedog70

Жыл бұрын

I'm going through something very similar (with a 10/10 girl) I know logically I'll be ok And so will you , but the heartache is unbelievable in its pain. People are going through this crap and it sucks. I will miss hee touch, her kisses and more. But she was looking for her way out. The obstacle was just an excuse as he says

@kd5082

Жыл бұрын

Same here, i met my girlfriend, well my ex girlfriend now, through work because his sister, we had an awesome relationship and she all of a sudden started to feel like depression and told me I didn't deserve that and I tried to convince her of not cutting the relationship and she refused and blocked me from everything, it's been a year now, i heard she's with someone else and it hurts to not understand why she just cut the relationship from nothing, personally I believe she cheated and wasn't strong enough to tell me, but sometimes it's hard because I wonder if it was my fault Tbh it's the worst position I've been in my life and I probably will never know the answer Im just trying to figure out how to live with it

“I don’t wanna be in this relationship enough, to do difficult things to be in it”

@alvmusic4402

2 жыл бұрын

"I'm not attracted to you enough to make you a priority"

@kiks399

Жыл бұрын

Thank you.

They always come back when we have moved anyway 😅😂 no one truthly goes away for a while, only the 1% doesn't come back. So keep moving forward with a smile. They will regret everything.

@radar4536

2 жыл бұрын

Thank God he moved on from such a selfish bad person.

The last sentence in this video"You have to let go of the idea of he/she is the right person but appeared at a wrong timing". Yes I agree with that. Stop idealise that person who chose to leave you as the right person. You deserve much more than a person who simply gave up on you, who chose to leave you when things get hard. You need to unlearn this knowledge, learn and relearn the new knowledge that the right person will stick with you no matter what happens. No matter how big the obstacle is, no matter what hardships both of you are going through... That right person, trust me, is willing to choose to be with you no matter what. Don't let a selfish coward to make you question your worth, or even hinder you from knowing what the right person looks like. Sticking with you no matter what happens, this is how you should be treated, and this is what the right person does.

@meiforest5769

Жыл бұрын

I need to hear this. Crying whole lot and feel stupid. Thanks so much. The one who walks away is not the right person.

@jhielyfish

Жыл бұрын

I needed this right now. I'm losing all hope in this world

@Satori791

Жыл бұрын

Needed this!!

@MarilynGarcia-ht4zw

11 ай бұрын

Need it too..

@salvadorarjona3031

11 ай бұрын

​@@meiforest5769Hope you get better :)

I was scared of listening to this because i thought would feel like I'm being stabbed by a knife, but it's crazy how Matthew has laid it down easy and I was able to listen all through. Thank you.

@thematthewhussey

2 жыл бұрын

So glad

@SurasmitaMeher-ch3lo

2 жыл бұрын

Aww, I feel you.

@lalaigorota

2 жыл бұрын

Same...I feel you.

@mellisaolipathathane2262

2 жыл бұрын

Same here, out of all the videos I've watched on KZread, this one left me feeling lighter. Thank you so much Matthew 💃🏽

@kiks399

Жыл бұрын

I even fall to sleep to this. It's just so impactful.

„A real and beautiful relationship has to be defined where two people can be happy together. If someone is telling you the obstacle is just so big that a happy relationship is not possible then we can’t tell ourselves that what we have lost is a happy relationship. Actually what we lost is a relationship that will make us deeply unhappy.“

One thing I’ve found is if a person really and truly wants to be with you, there’s no obstacle that’ll get in their way, be it distance or some other circumstance. They’ll figure out a way to make it work.

Sometimes ppl have too much on their plate. One more thing to worry about and put effort into is just too much. They can't emotionally invest more. They're not emotionally ready and can't give, they chose not to. Simple as that. They can't give

Healing over the man I thought I was going to marry and assured me they wanted to be with me until we got old. We were together for 3.5 years and he cut things off (ghosting, ultimately) and it has been 7 months since I've heard from him. Healing isn't linear, so these videos are so helpful for the moments that all feels so confusing. Thank you, Matthew.

@copacopa4881

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. Same promises. A lot of commitment (we were engaged, he did everything to help me financially, he said he wanted me in his life forever, said this to his mother too, never said that before, Same with having kids). And finally, the obstacle was insurmountable. Was it my jealousy, the temporary distance, my happiness of regaining control over my life, his fear of rejection, his desire to someone else (a stereotype of me), the difficulty to maintain emotional connection for a few months, ...? I'll never know. I found this great song of Rhys Lewis "Reason to hate".

@thaiteaboba

2 жыл бұрын

@@copacopa4881 oh my gosh!! Such a good song! Wow 😢🤙🏽 Ty

@Infoseek777

2 жыл бұрын

Ghosting…..after 3.5 years? That sounds very painful… Sorry that happened to you

@mette1983

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear that. He doesn’t deserve u AT ALL!!

@naimam3976

2 жыл бұрын

Im sorry that you have been ghosted after 3.5 years. I hope this experience makes you stronger. Wish you all the best, it might Hurt now but you will be fine as people learn to cope with the death of a loved one. Consider him dead 💔

I'm a true romantic, but finally figured this out just a month ago. And I have never felt more free from my own chains! There is a difference between developing a thing together and just giving them dopamine. It depends on what you're ok with. But if they aren't with you - dating and in a relationship and they walk away? They weren't the one who got away! A one-sided soul mate isn't a soul mate. It's toxic to just be stuck on them forever while they move on. And unfair to yourself!

@kw6524

2 жыл бұрын

M Mmm M

@amazingshnixmarky

Жыл бұрын

So true. Always be fair to yourself. You deserve as much love as you give others ❤

@dorothea_walland

Жыл бұрын

amen

@leesanderson6885

10 ай бұрын

Yes, I agree...It was a huge dopamine hit....but not soul mate material. More energy on my side. It gave me a Joy which isn't present in my life ..a lot of tragedy and loss ..crazy amount. Totally on my own. Yes, good friends. But it was I think..escapism. And a good click..Strong attraction. But he is avoidant. I am.anxious attached. Both late 50,s. Nice to think we have still got it all going on ...hate the connection ..disconnecting ....

My boyfriend split up with me 3 weeks ago and everyday since has been a constant struggle. I feel sick, anxious, in physical pain.. the lot! Praying for everyone going through heartbreak.. praying for your healing and strength to get through this. Everyone thats currently going through heartbreak write a comment under mine and lets see where we are in 6 months. Stay strong people, we’ve got this!

@breemadrid6151

Жыл бұрын

I feel this way too. I feel like I could have written this myself. I am just holding so much hope that he decides to fight for us like I am willing to do :(

@mariamar56

Жыл бұрын

Same situation here... 2 weeks after the breakup and still hurts a lot and also miss him sm. Hard (but necessary) to accept that the person who said you were going to be together forever (or for a long time) is not willing to be with you anymore... truly difficult, but I believe we can do/be better and feel better eventually. Sending yall big hugs and positive energy, especially if yall don't have true friendships and/or support during this moment. 💕🤍

@binibeny

Жыл бұрын

It's been over a month, 5 yrs down the drain. The pain is still here, still feeling sick, anxious, couldn't sleep and eat properly. Ping me in 6 mos, hopefully, we're all in a much better state

@rickyfactz

Жыл бұрын

We broke it off first week of November. Let’s see how we are in the future, stay up guys.

@bendoyle5023

Жыл бұрын

Hardest break up of my life, I've dated a few people over the years but this one was magical, like a fairytale. Hope time heals 💙

I think a simple question to ask in this situation is: "if he or she was the right one, then why did they choose to leave?" You simply don't leave the right person.

Oh yes! 👏🏽 The lies we tell ourselves to avoid facing the truth 😔. 10 months of completing lying to myself and robbing myself the enjoyment of life months after being 👻. Fell hard for the BS, "I want to be with you but...," "I love you so much, but...", "I want to build a life with you, but I am scared that I will disappoint you". Then came, " I cannot promise you anything", "You deserve better" then 👻. Bottom line, I mourned someone who didn't give a "F".

@BexyCuz1

2 жыл бұрын

GIRL SAME

@zouisingto3055

2 жыл бұрын

Same here omg 👁️👄👁️ same3 mine 5months i love you but, I want to be with you but......fck the" but"...

@lunar686

2 жыл бұрын

Lol I say give your ex the benefit of the doubt, you may have actually found someone truly loving of you and your relationship ...but you may have also found someone truly lazy and dumb AF too lmao. I legit have to keep reminding myself that relationships involve intent PLUS capability, and that both criteria need to be met. It’s so much easier to play the mental gymnastics game to compensate for ‘good guy’ F*boys than for the obviously-bad-for-you variety. Unfortunately lazy idiots are just as capable of feeling genuine love, but not as capable of being in a healthy relationship, so if you ever find yourself playing the mental loop de loop game, feel as completely free to accept their love as you are to walk away knowing it is not your job to do the entirety of the mental effort required to make any relationship work 😊

@mariabrennan72

2 жыл бұрын

Same a complete 180

@jennxoxo9064

2 жыл бұрын

Girl, that’s the same thing my guy said too.. 😩😩

Never take someone back who left you for selfish reasons. Matthew, this is the best and empower advice I ever heard. You saved many broken heart to get their power back and raise their self value. Thank you for being here and all what you do to help people 🙏🌹

"Rejection is the cure to delusion." this quote really gave me peace of mind can't lie.

No one wants to be the "jerk" who makes someone feel bad for not wanting a relationship- so the one who doesn't want a relationship will use similar excuses (or scapegoats as you say) knowing the person they're rejecting will accept it easier and just go away quietly. People most often use distance, or work, or if they have kids they'll use their kids as excuses (which is awful!) But people will say anything (usually a lie or at least a gross exaggeration) to get out of something. I've realized that most humans are basically cowards who rather be dishonest, hoping you are not very intuitive and you will buy their BS. If you DON'T buy into their excuses and you call them on it - that's most likely when you'll be ghosted altogether and simply never hear from them again. If you've done that and been ghosted, consider yourself lucky. They know you know they are full of it. They know then you are not stupid. Be strong enough, no matter how much it hurts to never contact them again either. And if they text or call... ignore it. At that point, at the very least they will respect you. They obviously aren't interested or attracted to you anymore, but they will have no choice but to respect your strength - especially if they thought you were hooked on them and over the moon in love. They'll be shocked by your strength and have no choice but to remember you as such. They didn't want you and you were never going to be with them anyway, but at least letting them go and never, ever looking back you can rest easy in your integrity and dignity. Excuses are for cowardly, emotionally immature people. Remind yourself EVERY DAY that you don't want someone like that anyway. If you frame it like that, there is no loss on your end - only theirs.

@charlottebuckland1453

2 жыл бұрын

Wow...this is exactly what I've been saying the past month after what has just happened to me. But I just went away on a cruise and that was what I needed to gain clarity and to not waste any more energy on someone who can't even ask how I am when they used to be constant in their communication. Great comment, thank you!

@Nicolegin

2 жыл бұрын

@@charlottebuckland1453 did you bf stop talking to you? It happened to me... I broke up yesterday bc of it and I'm feeling intense sadness 😔

@charlottebuckland1453

2 жыл бұрын

@@Nicolegin Yes but will still reply if I was to reach out. But not answer questions that needed answering so I thought why am I wasting my energy that can be spent on healing on someone who can't even ask how I am?! So I went away, and I focus on gym and running and honestly, that and knowing that if I focus on myself does the world of good. Your sadness will go hun, I know it feels horrid now but soon you will look back and think what was I thinking?! When they don't care about us, it's time we stop caring about them too.

@Nicolegin

2 жыл бұрын

@@charlottebuckland1453 thank you for your reply! I've been having the same attitude, distant but still contacting me if I did it so... but not in the loving ways as before, so heartbreaking to watch. It's like a whole new man I've never known. I wish you healing, happiness and lots of love ❤

@karladawson353

2 жыл бұрын

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Dang! Minutes ago I almost break the NC coz I terribly miss him. Thinking he was the only one for me and if he was only mentally available, we could be a happy couple now. But dang it! Thanks to you Matthew, you save me from this miserable feeling. Every words you said in this video worked like a magic to me. Yeah youre right, let’s not fucking romanticize people who make some poor excuses just to make their way out in the relationship. THEY ARE NOT THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY. Let’s not label them as The One. If they’re The One for us, they would never choose to go away. It’s us who keep holding every pillars of the relationship just to make it standing,it’s us who invested fully to them with our pure intention, it was us who were taken for granted, we are their One Who Got Away. They have lost someone who’s willing to make things work, willing to take risk, and who’s willing to be in their future no matter how difficult it is. We didnt lose them. They lost us.

@amazingshnixmarky

Жыл бұрын

Yes. We shouldn't give undue importance to someone who doesn't deserve it. A pile of dung is a pile of dung no matter however much we try to perceive it a pot of gold. People rarely change. That's a fact. Cheaters will always be cheaters. It's in the human nature. A person with good ethics & good moral values deserves a similar person. If for some unfortunate reason such a good person has ended up with a bad person, always remember we have the power of choice. Don't be so blind and call it Love. Love is a decision we make. So that decision should first of all be someone who loves us & respects us. 🙏

@meiforest5769

Жыл бұрын

What you wrote is exactly how I feel but don't know how to put into words. I always feel like doing all the work and tried keeping everything not to fall apart. Thanks so much.

@aichamohamed4491

Жыл бұрын

Period.

@mikeokuta8173

11 ай бұрын

Great comment from the heart.very very true

@rkl3692

11 күн бұрын

Oh thank you 🙏.

When they dont feel the same then why they waste our time and chase us and then suddenly like an opportunist leave when they find option somewhere else

@copacopa4881

2 жыл бұрын

They probably did think they feel the same, before being confronted to the fact that they did not.

Damn Matthew do you follow my life?! This video is right on time, I’m going through a break up, and I thought he was the one. I’m realizing that he wasn't my person. It hurts, but I’m working on healing and valuing myself more

@thematthewhussey

2 жыл бұрын

We are with you!

"the right question to ask is : "How do i let go of this right person and he is Not with me anymore , you need to let go of the idea of him being the right person first " THAT LINE GOT ME 😍😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍❤️

@learningworld6078

2 жыл бұрын

Agree👍

@florivalentina3400

2 жыл бұрын

What if you cant

@florivalentina3400

2 жыл бұрын

What if you cant picture yourself with someone else

@alissalina7919

2 жыл бұрын

@@florivalentina3400 exactly , you tell yourself that you can't , that's the struggle , why the person that left me , or he/she isn't good for me so our relationship is doomed already , moved on and laughing and happy like nothing happened (it was 4 years relationship), and am still in the same corner ,it's hard i saw him with my own eyes but i always tell myself , you should convince yourself that it's over , what matter what happens , in that moment u succeeded , no calls , no looking back , create better life , set goals this time alone , stop checking them in social media specifically , move on , this guy told me about his ex , i gave myself 3 days to move on from her , and whenever she tried to come back i set boundaries , it's not easy , but it's not impossible , everyone has his/her time , 4 example i gave myself 2 weeks , then it wasn't enough , now that i passed 2 months, i can say am better , i even saw his pictures today again and maybe all time my phone is full of his pics , but it felt like a stranger again just like the first time i felt my heart was cold towards him like i never knew him once , this is the strong mind that controls the heart, i can cry sometimes , but believe me , you will see somebody else , and you will be able to be with him without any problems , of course if you want to , but if you choose to stay single forever , it's even better , because all you will have in the moment yourself the most precious person on earth for you , so you don't get to share anything with no one , specifically time and energy , just be satisfied with your own and discover it better it's the better choice , he/she wasn't the right person , because if they were you still together , so it's like saying it was a dream but the ending is bad , or further better , it was all fake , or it was all acting , help yourself cuz you deserve it better than anyone .

@alissalina7919

2 жыл бұрын

@@florivalentina3400 why did he/she pictured themselves with others ? Why was it easy for them than us to just leave everything behind ? WHY WAS IT POSSIBLE AND EASY? WHY WAS IT EASY ON THEM ? WHYYYYY!?? ask yourself. He called me my woman , he promised me to be with him , but when i desided to leave , he didn't even try to convince me that we can do it , he said clearly to me " i don't even care , it's going to come as it's going to come " , he was honest to the point of being arrogant to tell me , i knew another one and i will marry her in less than 6 months , which i was dreaming of this with him for 4 yeaaaars , i know it was finished but my heart wasn't ready so i gave myself time so that i won't look back when am gone it helped me to heal better and to be strong , i even accepted him living with her in the same house until i gave myself power and my mind told me that i can live without him. That's why now i got no regrets and am living the life as i wanted it , 4 years ago but with myself . 😏😉😉☺️😌😌

Thank you for snapping me out of a delusion! It’s so true because regardless of how they feel about you or what they want, they still need to be able to show up, be present and prioritize the relationship. When they simply can’t do that, a real loving relationship is not possible.

"How do I live with the knowledge that the right person is not with me anymore? You have to let go of the idea that they were the right person" - you're right about this, but it's tremendously difficult for me to accept at the moment. I'm still stuck with the feeling that we could have worked out so many of our problems with better communication, and given all our future plans around starting a family, living together and our shared interests and passions, it's just so hard to wrap my head around the idea that she is not the one.

@Mo-ur8vm

Жыл бұрын

i am facing the same issue

This gave me SO much comfort, I feel finally at peace, that I can let go of all the “what if’s” from my past love, I finally feel like I can allow myself to be present and realize that I deserve someone who will commit to a relationship the way I do. Thank you so much Matthew

It took me close to a decade to get over the one I dubbed "that got away". Once I realized it wasn't the obstacle of his ex being in the way and understood fully that it was actually his choice to not make this work - it made me wake up and stop being this perpetually heartbroken fool. I almost got angry when I really absorbed it. Because all those years of me doing that to myself was like self harm, totally unnecessary. I grew a lot from it though at the end of the day, so I wouldn't trade the valuable lesson I got from it.

@Indite_Biden

2 жыл бұрын

This!! 💔 ❤️‍🩹

I've binged on Matthew's videos since being dumped the last Friday and I've got to say, this video hit the nerve. I think I'll play it every morning and every evening to remember he wasnt the one, because if he were he would fight for the relationship as I suggested we could. He just wasnt that invested in it as I was. Even though I'm still very much heartbroken, I hope this realisation might help mě in the future to open my heart again.

"I don't want to be in this relationship enough to face difficult things with you, to do difficult things to be in it." 👈🏻This is the real reason why he broke up with me.

@tarawiselove

Жыл бұрын

Same

@riachia9452

Жыл бұрын

This is so hard to sink in :'(

I was in a committed relationships for 3 months. He ended up ghosting me. A few months later, he came back & we reconnected. He apologized for his behavior. 4 days later, his son took his own life. For the past 3 weeks I supported him through it. He knows I love him & care for him. After I told him that I loved him & I’ll continue to support through this, he wrote this: I’m grateful for everything you did for me. I mean that with all of my heart. But I’ve thought very hard on this. I just can’t move forward with you. It’s not fair. I’m a physical wreck. You’ve been nothing but good to me. Better than I deserve. I just can’t. 2 days later he said he couldn’t see me anymore abs he ended it and cut all communication. I’m heartbroken. I know he’s hurting. It’s been 2 months and I’m still hurting.

@annaj7534

2 жыл бұрын

Im really sorry... you are great person , he was Just not right for you

@SpiritDragon888

2 жыл бұрын

Ugh I’m so sorry your going thru this right now. I am experiencing a similar situation, it hurts so much. Be extra gentle and good to yourself, you deserve it!!!

@JustineCarissa

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry. I am glad he cares for you enough that he was honest with you and willing to also think about your happiness.

@copacopa4881

2 жыл бұрын

In my case too, it seems that they sanctified us, like we were too good for them, like they are the devil or something, and like we're angels. I had "I feel I don't deserve to be loved", "I'm damaged"

@hamzahkhan4319

Жыл бұрын

you should have recommended therapy to him

“I love you, but I can’t be with you RIGHT NOW “ 🤪 I just went through this, and it’s taking me so long to get over him. I’ve gone no contact, for me.. if he was meant for me he would never not choose me.. and thanks to you I now know this 🙏

This is everything I’ve been needing to hear. Thank you Matthew. Rejection is so painful, but it’s a lot less painful than thinking they were “the one that got away.” I’ve been beating myself over this “obstacle” but I think you’re right that it’s just really a scapegoat and easier for the other person than to say “I don’t want to be with you enough.” Sending love to everyone here ❤️

@rodolforudeke6981

2 жыл бұрын

I feel you Rebecca. I feel you. Living this in the now with two daughters that love me but not my spouse. Its terribly hard. Can’t really cope.

exactly how I got over my husband. I realized some day he was not feeling the same way I was. it still took some time to sink in, come to daily life.... but one day I understood. and I finally got over him. your thoughts where a nice add on 😁

@thematthewhussey

2 жыл бұрын

🙏

This is far deeper than psychology. This is about tribal instincts and pair bonding. The only way to deal with this is through action. Talking, therapy...none of that will do it. Get outdoors. Hire a professional. Get your mojo back. That is not betrayal or heartless. That is you reclaiming your purpose. Don't start dating again until you feel it in your bones.

Some people use that line to be selfish in wanting the door half way open in the instance they want to re-enter the person's life. Some people prefer to not to face the cold shoulder post rejecting upfront so they wrap it up neatly with words to keep you on a line forever.

Wow ok this explains my story line. So I met a guy going through a divorce. The divorce process was just too intense and my guy was just in so much pain almost half of the time we were together. I decided we stop the relationship and we both individually work on issues with his being the divorce. Remaining friends was just too painful for us as we can't talk about dating other people in my case without him getting hurt and now his silence is too painful. I know separating was the best decision but wow it's so painful at times. I do hope we find each other at a good place but even that thought scares me. LOVE alone which is a feeling is just not enough to sustain a good relationship. Thank you Matthew 😊

my only dissatisfaction about this video is not being able to hit the like button more than once.

I am currently healing from a relationship with a married person… I needed to let go of the thought that he was “my person”, and I finally, finally feel ready to. I feel so much lighter, I have suffered so much. The right person cannot come at the wrong time ❤️

@rosegardens9701

Жыл бұрын

Being with a married person is adultery even if they divorced they are one flesh joined by God till death them do part so LEAVE and save your self the heart ache and trouble and pray to Jesus to help you

I let him go because I wanted him to be free. He chose the obstacleand that's fine, acceptence is the only way people.

I think this is the truth I have been seeking. You basically just saved my life. I feel an incredible weight lifted from my chest.

@mariabrennan72

2 жыл бұрын

Me too big time

Exactly right..Not feeling the same way....not willing to fight for...let the Person GO!☝

"how do I live with this knowledge that the right person is not with me anymore ... and the truth of how you get over that .. is you have to let go of this idea they were the right person" Matthew Hussey

How do you let go of that idea? When does it go away? What should be done? I talk to my therapist about it, I try to distract myself, I started exercising, I started reading again, I tried dating but nothing works and I’m still in pain. Dating made it worse because I can see his face in every man I look at. I don’t look at his social media because none of us have it. We don’t have mutual friends. I don’t have any photos and I deleted all our text messages. But he’s still on my mind 24/7 and I feel like I’m being tortured.

Hi Matthew, I been dating a man for one year, however April 2022 I had a health scare had minor heart procedure It took me 4 days to recuperate, he was wonderful to me, I went back to work, am doing cardio rehab, he started to change he seems distant and I finally open conversation with him His fear is that my heart issue will escalate, am 61 he is 63, well I decided to end the relationship, I will never burden anyone specially the man I love, I need my freedom to heal 100% love is not selfish. Am a very active lady, love life and I don't play the frail card.

@charlottetheartist327

2 жыл бұрын

What a nerd. He will surely die, trying to save his own life. He hadn't grown up very much AT ALL.

Regarding obstacles: Imho, I think you need to take fear and insecurities to a bigger degree into consideration. In the example mentioned, the fear of being a burden, the insecurity in terms of how the physical well-being of the woman will evolve. Sure, fear and insecurities can stop people from having meaningful relationships , but I think it is possible to give it a shot and at least talk about what you are afraid of which in the end might not be a huge issue for the other person, might only be a temporary problem or might be something that can be solved. Fear is also something you can work on once you have acknowleged that it exists. So, given that the feelings are mutual, it's maybe also a question of vulnerability and opening up to each other.

It's not about finding the one it's about being ready when you find the one letting go is a choice you have to make it for yourself you ask yourself how can I learn and grow from this situation you have to trust yourself you can handle it by knowing things will get better 🥰💖

Thank you for this Matthew! I needed to hear it. I'm 27, and about 5 months ago I lost my first true girlfriend. ( I was her first boyfriend as well) I was truly in love with her, but after 8 months of friendship and 8 months of dating, she told me "We were like two different people" and "weren't compatible". The truth is she distanced herself emotionally, wouldn't talk about issues between us, and didn't want to commit to what a relationship requires. I still do miss her sometimes, but I knoe she is not the one that got away, she didn't feel the same as I did towards her, and if it had gone on longer, the hurt of the inevitable breakup would only be worse. Things can only get better from here! 🙏

@hamzahkhan4319

Жыл бұрын

she needs therapy not love

@tahminaimanli7231

Жыл бұрын

He broke up with me for the same reason. I hope you are better :)

@cenriqz

Жыл бұрын

(24M) She broke up with me after 5.5 years. Distanced herself and made me think we were still “good” and “fine”. Then one day, just told me why I wasn’t for her and we were done. Just happened Sunday and doesn’t help that when she gave my laptop back, she just left it on the curb and couldn’t bring it to the door of the house. Trying to gain my strength but it is hard and want to move forward because now I know she did not want this as much as I did even though she said “I really wanted ti make this work”.

@arnavsrivastava4635

Жыл бұрын

@@tahminaimanli7231 same reason, exact same reason

@arnavsrivastava4635

Жыл бұрын

I got the same reason, nd I hope u r fine now

Never believe that the right person would leave you but then change their mind and come back... The right person will never check out!!!! The right person will be by our sides no matter what! No such thing as bad timing, we are who we are all the time, so is the right person! Obstacles are just excuses to dismiss a relationship and check out, while in reality there was no desire to stay and hiding feelings of regret and dislike! Yes, sometimes people learn something different with time and change their minds and then they either leave or come back.., but that is a different story! Its unnecessary to break bonds so we can rebuild them stronger, the right person will not.., instead they'll always be a team player and willingly build and rebuild along with us as we both go hand in hand!!!!

Rejection hurts...So much more after a long term relationship, hearing 1 milion times: "I love you" from this person, all the memories, going thru the good and the bad together. The person is gone and there you are, feeling alone with your body and mind still craving for that person for months to come...maybe years. Love gets scary really fast after that...untill the day you finally heal.

I love listening to these types of podcasts over “how to get them back” or no contact. It’s better to value yourself than the other which is valuing them.

From a non-native English speaker, I appreciate that you care to access all tools from the discourse analysis so I understand and internalize what you're saying. The time you take between sentences is so important for my cognitive and emotional understanding. Thank you for this

You have to let go of the idea that he is the right person. this line hits me i should implied to myself so that i can move on..

Our big obstacle was being far away...too big. We can't tell ourselves is what we've lost is a happy relationship. What we've lost is a relationship that will make us unhappy. Thank you for helping people get out of fantasy. Our lives our happening right now.

@thematthewhussey

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, exactly 🙏

@raneemta8341

Жыл бұрын

Same reason here ( we were far away from each other) … But the connection was real that’s what hurts my soul

@joesillamanrs7189

Жыл бұрын

Same thing happened to me...

How is this man so wise?

He first kept saying he didn't want to do long distance because he was scared he'll be bad at it. I went on a rant explaining he just needed to try for some months and if it didn't work out it's fine. I just wanted him to try because i saw potential. He still didn't consider it. I prodded him for the real reason and he said I'm not someone he wanted to do a long distance relationship with because in some months if we were still together, he didn't want to end up with me. Hurt more than anything but it was a much more definitive answer than just lying he was scared, which just would've given me hope. He didn't think I was worth the effort of trying and he didn't want to try. I'm glad I insisted on the brutal truth because I now know he was the one who was choosing to lose something good we maybe might have had if he had been willing to try. I realised i didn't need someone who didn't want me. It's painful but I'm trying to accept it because if I'm not worth their time, they're definitely not worth mine.

She didnt want it as bad as me in the end. She loved me deeply, but that fact was displayed in her actions time and time again. I work hard on me, learned from this, and will get someone who picks me as much as i pick them. Thanks for this.

It hurts to think that someone is the one, and they made you feel like they are gonna be there no matter what and gave you everything you needed and made you feel special, and then they give up on trying in the relationship for reasons that can be solved. They give an excuse like this is my personality, and we aren’t compatible, when the reason is not a personality trait, it’s an issue that they are unwilling to fix. I’m going through that rn. I’m a recovering love addict, 26, and I’ve been dating a lot since I was 17. This is my 8th failed relationship, and I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to find love and someone who has my back. I have been in therapy for years and am trying to hard to improve and work on myself. I’m just so sad and hopeless.

I had a break up 3 weeks ago. We had the same interests, values, personality, investment, you name it. Then one wonderful weekend we go on a trip together (I had a friends babyshower to go to) and next day he is home alone, gets drunk and breaks up with me. He said that he had been having panic attacks and realized after the baby shower that the seriousness of our relationship scared him and he felt trapped. He also said that he is incapable of love (which i disagree, he showed me love I've never felt from anyone) and hed rather be alone for the rest of him life then deal with the anxiety and stress of a relationship. Watching this video made me finally realize that i was focusing on the anxiety. Rather than his feelings werent enough to fight for the relationship. Hardest pill to swollow. Thank you Matthew.

@terri-annriddle251

11 ай бұрын

Honey.. my partner just did this to me last night for almost the same reasons. It's not us, it's them Hugs xxx

I needed to hear this today, thank you Matthew

@thematthewhussey

2 жыл бұрын

You’re so welcome

@charlottetheartist327

2 жыл бұрын

@@thematthewhussey Matthew how can I speak to you personally.

@kai-anngillie1159

2 жыл бұрын

@@charlottetheartist327 yeah I wanna know too

@xXGalloXx

2 жыл бұрын

@@thematthewhussey I got a question

@pambrown3863

2 жыл бұрын

@@thematthewhussey ...if its possible ...how can we send you a question privately ??? Btw loving ur advice online !!!

He said, I'm not fed up with you, I'm fed up with this relationship.

I used to really get upset in these kind of situations... where there is some "reason" we can't be together. Now I don't. If any woman is looking for a "reason" to not be together, then she is not worth my time. Find someone who finds every possible reason to be with you, not to every reason not to be. The end.

After 7 happy busy years with who I thought was the love of my life, dealing with a long distance relationship coz he’s military, he ended it 4 weeks ago after telling me ‘when I’m 68 you’ll be 83 so I can’t do it anymore’ - this hurt more than being rejected out of the blue. I may be older but I thought we were on the same life path… buying a house together, no other commitments. We wanted the same thing until he got scared about where we’d be a whole 30 years in the future. The pain is unbearable. I miss my best friend.

@sage5585

2 жыл бұрын

They sound grossly immature

@therealone8628

2 жыл бұрын

how are you feeling?

@naomiaustin7813

2 жыл бұрын

@@therealone8628 I found out only a week after I wrote the above that he’d lied all along.. it wasn’t the age difference, he’d found someone else to replace me before he even broke up with me. It’s so painful still 8 weeks on. I miss him still & wish I didn’t but I put him on a pedestal & adored him. I long for the day when I can say hand on heart, I’m over him. 😞

@badlander6369

Жыл бұрын

@@naomiaustin7813 I was in an age-gap marriage and went through the same thing. Hang in there.

The SAME THING happened to me. Concussion, plus she said “you’re literally perfect but I don’t have the time to dedicate to a relationship,” plus she lives 45 minutes away and works 16 hours days 4-5 days per week as a nurse. I think she way trying to say it’s not possible for her to have a relationship right now and she thought it might have been. MATT THANK YOU, IM FREE

"they're not willing to put this relationship above the obstacle" its an interesting point because it makes me question "well...why would I?? Are my standards too low? Is my idea of the ideal relationship not a happy one??"

This is gold, 7 year relationship and my ex said I couldn’t meet her needs and she didn’t trust me anymore. That she gave me more opportunities than any other women to move/commit and she could no longer prolong things. I was thinking she’s the one and beating myself up, miserable, I told her there has to be way, a solution. I now see that she just wanted out and I wanted to continue to hold on for hopes of a future. She clearly wasn’t the one or we’d be together. Matthew’s videos help a ton, I am going to heal and move on.

In my case, I was the one who said I can't. Cause in that year my life was a mess, my mom was admitted to the hospital, I was unemployed, I lost my home. And the relationship was good, but I was so desperate with everything, I told my boyfriend I needed space, he didn't want to break up, and kept asking to come back for a year, but I was getting worse and worse losing myself, so I didn't accept. Now he's moved on, and I've lost the one person who most loved me in life. I still torturing myself until today.

@buddy4972

Жыл бұрын

How are you doing now and what do you do when you miss him?

When you realize that those people aren’t the only ones that will make you happy when you find other joy in your life then that person won’t have value in our lives anymore

Is it me or what I found in common to all the stories that I read in the comments is: - the person you love and who loves you experiences an obstacle - this obstacle defies one of their values - they think that they don't deserve love if they act/feel in a certain way (against their values) - they deliberatly assume that you will be miserable if you're confronted to this obstacle - their reaction is to prevent you from suffering by pushing you away, without even letting you the chance to actually reject or accept the situation

@supremepancakes4388

2 жыл бұрын

No you are absolutely right. I am a solution minded person and I don’t feel the same way with people who feel the need to separate “for the best,” but I could understand. On the other hand I am completely worn out by life things lately, and I worry about the kind of energy I could give to someone. Physically, I barely can even get up without a pain in my shoulder and finish my work day. The thought our coldness could give someone a really bad start that might be problems down the line…is a lot. I was resentful of this idea you must separate…as someone who was on the other hand…I think I sympathize with that a bit more. But, the difference here is, as I am assuming might be your attitude as well, that I’d ask if this is ok and if something that “makes it work.” The idea of imposing on somebody like that is just too great though, unless you’ve already known someone for much more time than, 3-4 months.

@supremepancakes4388

2 жыл бұрын

I hope I can offer a more positive interpretation to “I don’t view relationship the same way” this way. It really depends on the situation. Still, I agree with Matthew. Our logical brain might have understood the situation, but our emotional brain needs some kind of “antedate” he mentioned in this video, that someone is not viewing the “relationship” itself the same way.

@copacopa4881

2 жыл бұрын

What I found more and more is that people run away or have people pleasing tendencies to avoid to confront themselves and their own issues. Generally, because we attract similar vibes as we have, it gets hard to not be triggered by our partner’s behaviour. It is by working on ourselves that we can overcome unhealthy reactions that make our partner threaten by us. This is so hard to implement the first time you are confronted with this situation, we are so used to react as we were doing self defence that we don’t see -sometimes- that it is not an enemy in front of us…

There is light at the end of tunnel, so don't stop, keep moving.

I'm 7 months into my break up period and I'm still as shattered as I was when he decided to end our relationship out of the blue and it's been so hard because I was the happiest I've ever been in my life when we got together so it's hard to imagine finding anyone else that can meet or surpass what I felt for him, and he's back on tinder and trying to date. . I fantasize he regrets it and shows up but I know that will never happen.

@nextplanb1899

Жыл бұрын

Do you really want him to show back up in your life? Chances are he will trap you in again only to send you back to misery, and starting over again. If he did it once he could do it again. Are you willing to take that chance? Are you willing to accept the pain of another breakup with him? Don't put yourself back in the position you were in 7 months ago. Heal up first. Get stronger. Everyday will get better and you will soon see that sunshine again.

I have listened to this every day for the last two weeks, since my breakup with “the one who got away.” I’m still devastated but these words are giving me a lot of clarity. ❤️

In the lives of people with BPD, they like to think they’re the ones who got away, when we all know it’s always the other party that got away because of their self-loathing and incapacity to receive or give love after splitting

I just have to thank you. I watch this video almost daily since the break up almost 2 months ago. Thank you for keeping me grounded. I sometimes watch it multiple times during the day particularly in the morning and evening. At any rate, thank you friend

@Ummrahman

6 ай бұрын

how are you feeling now parker

Matthew, you are really an angel in many people's lives at present, you have literally saved my heart from being shattered into piecse ❤❤❤

@thematthewhussey

2 жыл бұрын

So lovely. Thank you

@charlottetheartist327

2 жыл бұрын

@@thematthewhussey it's true Matthew.

Definitely a sad circumstance... Life seem to love to get in the way.

This hit me deep, I almost felt like the video was addressed to me, been recently broken into pieces by someone who seemed and behaved “perfectly”, opened my heart, and immediately abandoned ship. Such a struggle to get closure, as there was no real motive, I deeply felt this connection with her like no one else, and I lost it, she’s the one that got away…. Lots of work to make peace with this.

@arshitavatsal2385

7 күн бұрын

Hey, how are you doing now? Do you feel your life is better now? I am going through something similar. After years of hit and trial, finally found someone who I thought I could trust completely, because he made me trust him that much. I felt things that I didn't even know i could feel with him. I opened myself up to him completely, broke all of my rules and boundaries for him and i genuinely thought we had something so good, something that both of us would want for the whole life. But then, one day, out of nowhere he said he wanted to end it. It hit me like a tight slap on my face, because just the day before we were planning on booking flight tickets for me to go and meet him and the next day he said that he doesn't think he can make it work with his busy job. I tried to convince him, but it was far from that... I let him go. It's been a month since he left, 2 weeks since I cut all contact. I am trying to move on, forget about him... But every morning, I wake up with so much of pain and anger... Everyone keeps telling me that I need to channel this fury into something productive and I'll be fine, but I am not even able to do that... I don't know what to do...

I was in a situation like this almost 5 years ago. No one has ever been able to come close to the connection. He made bad life decisions. He was involved with the hells angels. Wanted me to move with him to a compound to open a dispensary with a bar. He also had a friend sabotaged us because he wanted me for himself. I had to walk away. It was the most painful break up ive had. I had to make myself break up with him. I was so in love with him but could go on that path. We tried a couple more times to get back together because the feelings were mutually strong but as usual these his choices were what ripped us apart. We talked a couple of years ago on the phone and we agreed that we got into each others hearts and never left. Communication never happened again. I can't repeat the same cycle over and over again and go through the torture of healing and dreaming about him every night again

If I love person, I would say: I understand that you don't have energy to put in relationship right now, you have to focus on recovery, I truly care about you and would like to help you as a friend. I genuinely want to help you recover, and then we will reassess how we feel when you recover. I mean t doesn't have to be 'all or nothing' situation. Love sometimes means putting other person needs before anything else.

I am not exaggerating, this video literally cured my anxiety and despair. It was really uncomfortable to get through it the first time, but it was the hard truth I needed to face inside myself. I have listened to it probably 100 or more times, yeah, I know, but I was completely broken hearted and in so much pain, I have had to listen to it a lot to get my head and heart out of that delusional thinking when it surfaces. He isn't the one the got away, he is someone I truly loved who didn’t chose me. This is so empowering and the truth I needed to hear and hear and hear and hear and hear 😂

Heartbreak is difficult. Eventually the person who left will realize what they lost

The right person,is the right person without expectations. The “obstacle” is one sided. One of the two people involved says, “I have to have you how I want you before I can decide to be in relationship.” No one is perfect, we all have “obstacles”, sometimes it’s communication, or lack of. Not everyone will fit the other persons expectations unfortunately. Everyone has demons, some just show them more than others. That’s where communication can be helpful. Communicate the expectation, and if the person says, I just can’t, then they aren’t the one.

Matthew, you came at the right time of my life. It’s like you’re communicating directly to me. Thank you.

If really love someone , I believe people will do their best to overcome any situation, if not trying, only one side willing to make effort, I think most of it just excuses. Suppose just one ear in one ear out. Listen too much excuses they give you, you will start to question everything

Wow that was intense Matthew! Thank you! I was willing to move heaven and earth the moon and stars for a man, but he didn't want to even TRY to change a thing.

Didn't know I needed to hear this, thanks Matthew! Keep healing us one by one! 🙏🐐

The timing could not have been more apt. I was speaking to someone for three months. And he ended it this morning saying that on the first meet, i said the word “friendly vibes” so he couldn’t look past it. He didnt want to o be friendzoned. But that didnt stop him from texting and meeting me for 3 months. When i asked him where you see this heading, he said I thought we were just friends. Sorry i dont see that spark needed for a relationship

I was with some one for 3 years When we got together it was perfect then it started going wrong we just seamed to drift apart but I still loved them with every heart beat. Sadly his nan past away so he went to stay with his mum for a week and came back different. After a week or two he decided to go and stay with his mum so he could sort his head out everyday we texted said I love you then on the 12 day I got a break up text I was Utterly heart broken but stayed calm when he came for his things a week later he told me he was messed up in the head but still loved me and possibly when he sorts his head out he might come back, we had a bit of contact after that but if I texted him it be hours or days before a reply. 5 weeks after he posts on FB that he's in another relationship that cut so deep it's unbelievable. These videos you post Matthew are helping me so much you wouldn't believe the strength you give me so thank you so much.

"Rejection is the antidote for delusion."

@lunar686

2 жыл бұрын

....I wonder if that may be because delusion keeps your brain in a constant state of asking questions, which many times don’t have answers...Maybe ‘rejection’ is the answer that stops the cycle, and now the brain is free to solve the next challenge you set it 😊🌸😊

@charlottetheartist327

2 жыл бұрын

@@lunar686 I like it.

Beautiful words of wisdom.

Thank you for this man🙌🏾

Every single word in this video is so true! It is the same thing with the long distance relationships (an obstacle is distance) I totally agree that it is about choosing to pursue it or not. Thanks for the video!

I like that, "Rejection is the cure to delusions"

This is so enlightening Matthew. My thoughts and emotions have been in such a jumble since being broken up with a week ago, darting from despair, to guilt, to blame and more, but I've been settling on this very idea for the last day or so before watching your video. It's such a relief to hear it laid out like this. It's like the pain of the breakup is like a wound that's going to close over with time, but that I need to make sure it isn't infected first. And so I've been trying so hard to understand what went wrong in my relationship so that the healing could be straightforward and uninfected. This has helped massively. Thank you

- she wanna be with me but simply can't. Three doritos after, she is with another dude

Me and my partner were together for 6 months and though it wasn’t long I really saw a future with this person. The last 2 weeks of the relationship out of nowhere she avoided me and I tried to work things out but they weren’t willing, what’s worse is that for 2 weeks after we broke up we remained in contact and I still chased her telling her I take accountability for my mistakes and that I’m willing to work on it. I probably pushed her away and that was a huge turnoff to the point where they may never be attracted to me again. It’s going to be hard but I need to find happiness within myself.

I love how all of Matthew's videos regarding relationship still ensure that we value ourselves enough - even if the video is about how to get them back etc. My confidence was in shambles after going through my first ever situationship that I thought had the potential but seeing your videos has helped me sooth my heart. Truly grateful for your vids!

I’ve been trying for a week to get some sort of clarity on how to feel besides keeping to myself and moving on of course and this really opened my eyes. Thank you. From the bottom of my soul

The timing of this is unreal Matthew. Thank you. I needed to hear this, even if it's difficult.

The obstacle; i want kids and he doesn’t want more….. but the thing is that I was willing to make it work. All I want is to be a mother, and I could have that with his kids. But he chose to use this reason to push me away and not try. I have to let go of my delusion that he is my person 💔

Wow! That was the most accurate and helpful explanation of such a hard state of mind. Thank you for making this episode - perfect timing! You've helped me a lot! 🙏🏻