The urge to send this video to my "friends"... They keep coming to me talking about their stuff saying that I'm a good listener and then they say that why don't I ever talk about my own and tell them my "stuff". Then when I do, they are not listening and already thinking about what they're going to say next. Why tf should I even tire myself trying that, especially if it's going end up making me feel even more neglected because this time I did tell my stuff but it went over their heads. Speaking is the key to communication, as many say, but if your ears are closed to hear whatever is spoken you can't say it is really communication. I think people are mistaking speaking for communication. It is not over the moment words leave my mouth, that's the moment where it actually starts. If you're not gonna pay attention, why bother? Btw, great vid as always, Georgia!

@rhokesh4391

2 жыл бұрын

"We never seem to listen, we only hear" (some DIO song, forgot the title^^°)

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

" I think people are mistaking speaking for communication" wow that is quite an accurate quote. It should be on a poster for sure. I know sometimes people dont have the want or skills to actually hear hear you. I hope you find someone who you can share with and feel heard Raven.

@justlemons4077

Жыл бұрын

Same thing with a couple of my friends! They always tell me about their issues (and I listen) but never want to hear anything about my problems.

@crystalwoodard8216

Ай бұрын

You really need to slow down your talking! You talk so fast without even pausing that I can't benefit or take in what you are even saying.

My Dad - GREAT listener, so I learned a lot from watching him. Everybody was made to feel important. Even little kids still learning and needing extra time to figure out how to express what they are trying to express. It was important to them, so it was important to him. It was the shared experience that mattered. One lady I dated in university, she told me that she didn't wash her hair everyday because for her, it was less healthy for her hair. We also had some of the same classes and mutual friends, besides dating. We were together a lot. Many conversations. A couple of weeks later, she again said how she didn't wash her hair everyday. I said " Yes. Because for your hair, its not healthy." Her eyes got very BIG. She said: "I know I mentioned that before, but I didn't think you were listening. Guys never do. And not only did you listen, but you also remembered!" That conversation was a shared experience that mattered to me too. Oh! PLUS...I don't spend my time with a female thinking about her unclothed, or trying to say exactly the right thing to get her unclothed. My fantasies are ROMANTIC fantasies. = )

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

it is a wonderful feeling to be really heard

@classicslover

2 жыл бұрын

@@GeorgiaDow Well I could listen and...hear you...all day. Even when you are politely kicking my butt. = )

This is really helpful. As someone who was in a friend group of toxic people, i know what it feels like to not be listened to or immediatley forgotten about. I know I'm not the best friend someone could have but I'm really close to someone who was in the same friend group and I want them to be able to rely on me because they can't rely on old friends. I'm glad I can learn to actually care about someone and be able to show it at the same time.

Also Exercising the act of being quiet internally is very beneficial, shutting that need to come on with an answer. Sometimes you can see when someone is just acking for you to finish what you’re saying to they can talk. Sometimes people just want to vent, they’re not looking for answers or solutions. My therapist advised me to actively listen to people because you can most of the time identify what’s the problem when they talk to you if you listen and pay attention

When listening, 1) I see parts of myself in the person who's talking 2) I see the person as a teacher. Not necessarily in an academic sense, but rather there is always something to learn from them. Both situations are very humbling because if I see myself through the person who's talking, I'm more patient and calming. And if they're teaching me something, I'm enthralled and less likely to talk at all.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

a wonderful way to listen you are part of their journey

Listening for me can either be a curse or a blessing, because the moment you show interest, the person either continues to talk incessantly to the point of me regretting my decision or I just lose interest halfway through the conversation. On the days where I do have the mental capacity to listen and show genuine interest- keep in mind that my job is in retail- I can only do that with so many people within a day's time until I start to feel drained of my energy. Long story short, don't waste my time telling me your life story once you enter the checkout line.

If I am genuinely interested in what someone is telling me, I tend to hyperfocus a bit, and I don't do it intentionally, but I've been told it comes across as flirtatious, despite the fact I have no intention of it being so. I grew up slightly isolated in a rural area, and I think it just comes from that era in my life and being genuinely over the moon whenever I had someone there to actually have a conversation with in an almost needful way. I still really enjoy it when people want to share with me even now in adulthood, but it does confuse me when I get accused of having some ulterior intent.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

i hope those around you appreciate this wonderful way you communicate with them

@WilliamJMilliken

2 жыл бұрын

@@GeorgiaDow Some do, some think its odd. I do a lot of writing though and having someone point out these behavioural quirks and the processes behind them is very helpful from a creative stance :)

@kpaxian6044

Жыл бұрын

I have the same issue. I am autistic but naturally warm and friendly. (I was sort of criticized when little for being too aloof and disengaged...) I think to avoid people thinking I didn't care I talked more and shared what I love but I can be too intense. My friendliness has been mistaken for flirtatiousness too but I am a warm person. I also can talk intensely due to anxiety and am calmed when I hyperfocus on my interests. It's too intense for most people but so hard to get a handle on it all.

When doing CBT I learned that the pretty much the golden rule of communication is that you can’t possibly know what the other person is thinking unless you ask them, don’t just assume. I guess that ties into idea of asking questions and confirmation.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

well said

I always thought I would be a good listener, but now that I have seen the video and the things you should avoid in a conversation I realized, that I am not good in listening at all. Since I am having ADHD, it is really hard for me to stay silent when I talk to someone, especially when I think that I have something useful or smart to say. Or when the person wants to say something and my brain completes his/her thoughts for him/her and I interrupt without even realizing it. Or when there is a topic that really excites me and I want to share my thoughts so badly that I get more and more nervous the longer the person is talking. I still get compliments from people I talk to because they appreciate my empathy and objective perspective. And I have the feeling that I can listen and think about what I am saying at the same time if the conversation is encouraging. Because then I am able to hyperfocus and lose myself in it. But even then I struggle to not interrupt people because I don't wanna lose the thought I have in mind, which happens so quickly that I have to say it immediately. Keep up the great work!

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

i hope this video helps make you gain in the areas you have more trouble in and have more meaningful conversations. It is really nice you are able to reflect honestly on your own skills that is rare. Thank you for sharing

My tell is eye contact. I stare down enimies, but when I actually care I look away when speaking. Only look when I've made my point or am listening. Then I'll look away again. I might make eye contact while listening, but only when I agree. No talking. Nonverbal communication. Just listening.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

eye contact is an interesting one. Sometimes it is welcoming and yes sometimes threatening depending on how you use it

1. Don’t over think 0:16 2. Concentrate on hearing them 0:34 3. Determine why they are saying what they say 0:47 4. Restate what some one says 0:57 5. Pay attention to your body language 1:31 6. Use mirroring 1:47 7. Give signals when listening 2:10 8. Ask questions 2:20 -Ask open ended questions 2:31 -Ask genuine questions 2:43 9. Sometimes saying nothing is best 3:08 Just putting it out there because I didn’t see it before!

@GeorgiaDow

Жыл бұрын

thanks for that =)

I've been told I'm a good friend; time to see whether it's true or not. So far...oof, it looks like ADHD at default puts you at a disadvantage. I do fidget and sometimes interrupt, but it's a combination of a prior point because I keep repeating back what the person says to me and give my input. I'm constantly going, "Oh no!", "Damn", "What happens next?". I am listening, but also interrupt without meaning to and constantly apologise. I can be silent sometimes, as I like to be told a good story, but I think I should ask my friends how I hold up on that end. Thank you for another great video!

Your contributions are soooo important and good! Thanks

What helped me a lot over the years is listening to podcasts. You can't participate in the conversation, but you are there to understand it all.

This is so interesting! I think I already do some of this things, but I sure have to practice being silent and giving people the chance to think what they want to say, I find myself trying to fill the silence too many times

I stumbled across your channel when I was looking into how the series Arcane was made but quickly started watching your other videos. I am so digging your channel and I am learning so much while having a great time. Thank you, Georgia!

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

Welcome aboard! i hope you stay and enjoy = )

I really like training my listening skill while building models and at the same time listening to some materials about naval history espacially form Drachinifel pretty good combo because english is not my native language. I think about how to fit parts at the same time understanding what I hear and absorb information from it. PS. I like your videos so much that I don't skip sponsored fragments because I know that watchtime matters for the algorithm. Actually You are the only youtube creator for who I do so.

I'm currently reading 'How to Have Impossible (A Very Practical Guide) Conversations' and its a quick read and I highly recommend!!

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for the insight on listening: a good refresh for me. Blessings on your day.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Jeff

I would love a video solely on public speaking if that’s possible. I really want to get better at it and right now I have a huge fear of it

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

good idea thanks i will do that

I used to be a good listener(due to being in a supervisor position for five years) then I had my concussion, now for some reason, I can't focus on what people are saying. I have to rebuild my skills which have been difficult. This video is very much appreciated.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

Yes after a concussion you often have difficulties in focusing and staying attentive. You can relearn them but it is like any other injury it takes time and patience.

My main problem is trying to stop myself from finishing their sentences/thought because we're usually on the same page

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

sometimes that is good and people feel connected other times people find it irritating. Depends on who

thanks Georgia

Thank you so much for this free content, it helps me a lot since I'm a preschool teacher and sometimes it gets really difficult to teach this kind of things to little kids.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

You're very welcome!

Great advice

I suppose that I am a good listener. Its so fun to listen to what someone else really cars about.

I would love to see you break down legosi's mentality from beastars.

Normally I listen to your stuff while also doing something else, but I feel like I should pay attention to this one

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

= )

Hi Georgia! Great video! I really like your tips. Two of the ones that really stood out to me are to not overthink and being silent. I sometimes ruminate too much, worrying about being awkward or not having a witty response (or being too shy). But, you are right. It is much more important to listen to what the other person is saying and understanding them and the reasons for what they are saying. I concur that body language is key too. I heard before that it can be even more important than what we say aloud and that makes sense to me, especially since, as you've mentioned, it can show that we are actually listening. Awesome video again. Have a wonderful day :).

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

thank you I am happy that you find it useful

Re-affirming. Selling professional work at a live event this entire weekend, active listening is the #1 tool towards engaging with people, helping their purposes, and preserving their memories. It also increases the probability of non-commission-based sales. A successful weekend begins with actively listening to others. Being silent, giving space to think(most importantly). I will keep you in the back of my mind today. Your words will stay with me. Thank you for contributing to our professional success.

@GeorgiaDow

Жыл бұрын

Your welcome : )) appreciate you

@robbiestroud2858

Жыл бұрын

Mutual. Reciprocated. Equal

Also, I know we watch this channel for your big braing and bigger heart, but you're very pretty. It's my doctrine to always compliment honestly when I think it in my head, as years of this has proven that it brightens people's day(s). You're a very pretty lady, Georgia, and also very funny. You are very charismatic to watch and I truly appreciate you making all this time to put so much good, education and fun into the world.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

Aw Your words touched me thank you very much. They did brighten my day and I read it out loud = ) It is a wonderful skill to make people feel good and sparkly

I struggle because, even if I'm genuinely interested in what they are saying, I have an hard time making eye contact during a conversation especially if the other person is a stranger and is staring at me and I find myself looking down or away or "adjusting" my backpack or anything I can find just to make it look like I'm listening but doing something else instead of making obvious that I'm avoiding their eyes. I hate especially when I'm saying something and I can see that the other person is still staring at me even tho Im looking away, it makes me really uncomfortable and I hate it, I seem rude. This also happens with my closest friends. My best friend has ADHD and when she tries to share something she zones off and starts sharing anything that comes in her mind, she talks quickly and it's messy and while doing so she stares at me the whole times and I hate it (even tho I actually love hearing what she has to say!!); she doesn't find it rude because she has an hard time understanding kinds of social cues (or maybe she just understands that I don't like making eye contact, idk)

I really like your videos reacting to tv-shows. I think you should create a subreddit, or something, where people can share suggestions of things you should react to.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

That's a great idea, I dont have a reddit account though

I just realized I spend most conversations thinking about what I'm going to say next

@catsandstuff1458

Жыл бұрын

Same!

The sad thing is, when you yourself have no one who really listens to you. Everyone say's i'm a good listener and that they feel comfortable talking to me. But everytime i need someone it's always these "mhhh, yeah, sorry for that ... but can i talk to you about something?". I know you should not demand things, people are different. But sometimes i think to myself, why do i even listen and try to be a good friend when somehow this way i just make friends with people who on the other hand can't do the same for me. I often really wonder how I appear to others or after what i look in people, that i know mostly such people. I mean, they are wonderfull in their own way, but sometimes it really hurts ...

So I Saw The 2 Episodes OF Obi Wan Kenobi. THEY Were PRETTY Good.

Every time I watch this (which is many times), It kills me. I am such a bad listener, my life partner tells stories about her work with great excitement and often relates everyday events with work stories. She is telling ME this, I never see that even though I know and understand. I am still a bad listener

Think one can a spend a lifetime working on this skill... A good way to test yourself is to replay a conversation you just had in your mind and try to identify how many times you tried to offer a solution that wasn't asked for vs just acknowledged/validated/commiserated on the information shared... Related side story, I knew someone once who would get promoted to management positions every job they took without any bonified qualifications. Asked them how they pull that off and they replied " I listen to what people say, and tell them what they want to hear". It is like the magic in the book "Wizards First Rule" by Terry Goodkind.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

thank you Paul that is a really great tip

I'm a master in listening since I was a kid, I like to listen and understand the deeper thoughts of people and their line of actions. People often get surprised cause of what I can see about them jut listening and stuff, but I have a problem of talking and I can't speak much, maybe next video could be about how to be more talkative in conversations?

Lol honestly I seem to already tick most all the boxes & still include some wit haha. My listening skills only really go down if I am exhausted or stressed by something. The worse part about me regarding this is how I'll quickly jump in & add my input... Sometimes even interrupt if I'm excited. Honestly... I should stop, but I suffered a brain injury in 2015 in a car accident & got short term memory... So... To my friends its made known and I kinda explain I may interrupt to offer my input when I have it before I forget it... But... I would do this before my accident... I just have a justification/an excuse now lol.

Hi Georgia...can you make a video on how to talk less due to social anxiety and poor executive functioning due to being neurodivergent. I deal with huge amounts of anxiety and I tend to hyperfocus on subjects I find interesting and monologue. I wish I could remember all the time and in the moment to listen more. I care so much but struggle so much to take control of my run away brain.

Awesome video very helpful 👍. Is it wired I can listen really well but still feel like I'm going on a tangent or ramble on about stuff

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

you may be too hard on yourself =) also and arent rambling at all.

@grimm516

2 жыл бұрын

@@GeorgiaDow you have a point your probably right

Oh right georgia I also stated agents of shield as well the fitzsimmons retrospective

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks MA added to the list

YOK: hi ! what can we do, if we're constantly over-thinking ? It's really hard for me to feel passionate about people's life, because i live with "multiple personnalities" and.... I can't feel fully listened, if the person doesn't care about my headmates. If someone talks to us, we can have different thoughts popping at the same time, I hear those thoughts just as if a crew was around me....and it takes time to choose who will speak, what we'll say back... It's rare to find somebody who can understand what goes on in our head while this person is talking. We can listen to people... but it's often when we "all" are curious about the person's life and "all" stay quiet, or if we are "all" passionate about the topic, or if one is really listening, passionate enough to only hear the person, and not the headmates ^^' We often talk with people who don't let us the time to think and and answer them. I live with my dad and brother. I try to ask questions and stay quiet... but I truly don't care about politics, "how bad is our world", "star wars becoming bad"... and these kind of negative subjects. When i start to say "hey, I drew some art today" nobody is curious. When I say "i got 23 headmates sharing my life", i got sentences like "oh, okay, isn't it to hard ?" (nobody in my family thinks I can love them, nobody wants to meet them as people, its boring '-') I keep on overthink, and overthink. And I'm not the only one in my brain doing this overthinking. Only passionate people can draw our full attention (my dad is passionate... but i got tired of him not paying attention of what I ask etc. He is passionate but he only needs to be listened to.) Living with them got us closing our hears, and talking inside. Because conversations are always more constructive inside. More subjects, more passion, more ideas being shared, more love, more fun, more jokes.... our innerworld is so confortable that it's easy to feel bored by "outer" people. + I used to be a great listener before, but i met people who used me as a bag in which you can put all your sadness. I used to help people, listen to their traumatic stories, sad stories, problems.... and when I asked "what do you love in life ?" these people didnt really love something enough to bright up our days ^^' So i started to fear people. I started to fear only hearing about frightening events while not being able to explain what goes on inside our brain (mental multiplicy is so intersting to me ^^), not being able to talk about what i love, or what my headmates love or do, with or without me. Yet we go some friends that we really want to know ! When I ask things like "what do you love in your life ? " The question sounds weird. I feel juged, and weird, everytime. Even with people I love. I want to be able to ask and know about them.... without looking too much intrusive.... or weird.

I feel like I'm generally to caught up in my own head at this stage where I'm trying to find my own path in life, that it sometimes gets hard to leave space for other people in my life. When you said to ask questions about things that you care about, I don't know if I can be genuine. I want to listen, I want to care, but I feel like I'm not really feeling it?

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

you dont want to fake it but sometimes find an area of a conversation you are interested in and keep that going towards that area.

Probably needed this Georgia thanks for talking this topic can you react Last of us 2 next or a game called Spirit of the North seems like it’s similar to journey i think if you know Journey Cannot redeem you more positively for existing i appreciate your tone/mannerisms and advice thank you ♥️

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

thanks so much it is nice to be appreciated for your traits

That cosplay threw me for a loop haha

lol I didn’t I just found my comments from previous videos and just copypasted them into one comment Oh and descendants was a suggestion as well georgia I forgot to list it

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

okay adding it to list

Any chance you'd analyse shinji ikari from Neon genesis Evangelion?

Iam an awsome listener 😁

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

wonderful skill Viktor

Can you react to Max's storyline in the new Stranger Things season.

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

I will have max as part of the stranger things set for sure

Wonder how well everyone listened to this video...

@catsandstuff1458

Жыл бұрын

Lol

What can an autistic person do if they fidget from anxiety and have difficultly reading body language?

Hey what do you think about the JOHNNY DEPP AND AMBER HEARD TRIAL? :0

Georgia: how good are you at listening? Me: What?

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

ha

A better listener? Im a great listener, purely because Im too shy to talk over anyone

@GeorgiaDow

2 жыл бұрын

then you need to work on talking as well. Coming a touch out of the shell so people can get to know you more

WHAT?

Supergirl is my last one georgia

What about when you're married and you can't sexual perform anymore for you're husband after many surgery but. He doesn't seem to listen and still keeps trying to ask.which makes me feel horrible because I can't what would you do?

That's one of the thing that bugs me about therapists. How much of being heard and understood is genuine vs what is training and acting to a degree. Does your T really find you that funny or is it an act to build trust? How much of what you see is your actual T and how much is a green screen put up to be someone you think you can trust. Yeah my attachment style is pretty apparent. Lol. I'm *not* anti-therapy I believe it can be really helpful. I just question how many people are as closer to there therapist than the therapist is to them.

eh

Please slow down! You are talking way to fast and it's hard for me to even try and take in what your even saying.