Isolating you is a way to have you depend on them solely, this way they have full control of you without outside influence.

I actually blew up his triangulation tactic. I had recorded our conversations and I shared his texts. He was big mad. It also destroyed his smear campaign.

@josephzicaro9913

Жыл бұрын

What happened after that? Asking for myself because I'm about to do something very similar and I'd like it to go well.

@Reubin2878

Жыл бұрын

@@josephzicaro9913 my now ex started calling me a blackmailer because how dare I keep his text, photos and make voice recordings. Get ready to be called names and be screamed at with threats. They go nuts when they realise you have proof and the guts to go share it. My ex told a friend of mine that either he or his family will be hunting me down to get "rid" of me. So get ready for it to get wild. Decide if it's worth it because some of these narcs are pshycopaths and will get you killed to not be shamed. So really weigh up your options first to decide if it will be safe to even bother with these sickos.

@StandingInMyPower

Жыл бұрын

@@josephzicaro9913 He lost it. He became very angry to the point of threats. So be careful. It put him at odds with his co-workers, his family and the new supply.

@josephzicaro9913

Жыл бұрын

@@StandingInMyPower so after he was "big mad," he was "very angry." Sounds like his anger never subsided; narcissistic collapse without recovery. Is that correct?

@StandingInMyPower

Жыл бұрын

@@josephzicaro9913 It turned into depression. He felt extremely alone.

100% !! I grew up with toxic parents, first marriage was toxic, yet still walked into 15 years with covert narc because it was so different and subtle !! I'm not stupid, the brain activates cognitive dissonance to protect you. These creates the trauma bond and keeps you there. Society also pressures us to stay in relationships, especially women, and the 50s housewife propaganda still lingers.

They train us to become codependant 🍒

Thank you for this! This is the first time I’ve actually managed to find someone who acknowledges silent treatment or getting in trouble for going out. My ex started with veeery subtle silent treatments or just actively “slightly” colder, but almost undetectable, when I would go out…it grew to full blown rage over the years and I never left the house. I started to notice it with a guy I was recently seeing - very subtle colder treatment, it’s so hard to even explain how he was different, but I detected it. Followed by ignoring my messages for hours even though he had just messaged me and I could see he was constantly online - he did this whenever I went out, or if I wasn’t available to see him, or if I took slightly longer to respond (say an hour or so), he would punish me with mini silent treatments. It’s been so hard to explain it to people and they look at me like I’m crazy, but I feel like I know the subtle signs from my ex - and this video helped validate me - thank you!

@RawMotivations

Жыл бұрын

Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at rawmotivations.com/one-on-ones

@naturesway16

10 ай бұрын

the new girlfriend of my best friend was doing the exact same thing, everytime we did something together. The meetups with my best friend became less and less, as she always got colder and colder and my friend was suffering, because of the emotional distancing of her. But she always denies, that she has a problem with us meeting. Still she punishes him after that. Meanwhile she got him all for herself, because he avoids meeting me because he wants to avoid the struggle. Last time i saw him, he met me secretly. That's 3 month ago...he changed a lot since she met her. I am really worried about him and i want my best friend back.... fyi: she knows me as long as him and always acted as if she is my friend, and as if she loves me and acted like she would have absolutely no problem, with me being his best friend and now? We are no contact... She's such a manipulative person and even i needed some time to understand that. But he can't see how abusive she is... What would you advise me? Can i help him in this situation? What could've helped you? Thank you!

Yes, the last 2 years I realized we were always together and I lost myself. He talked me into leaving my job then would use the money against me and the bills got behind. Used the money to make sure I couldn't leave, but I did leave my own home. It got so bad that if I did leave the house to go with my kids are my friend then he would text me are call the whole time I was away from him. It was driving me crazy.

Wow! Oh yes. All of this resonates with me and has or is happening in my marriage. The one that really baffles me goes along with your third point. My husband will go out with me and appear to be having the time of his life but then the next day is mad at me. We have an annual Christmas/birthday dinner with a group of my very close friends. I always enjoy this dinner and have so much fun. He even drinks and seems to be having fun but every year I’m “in trouble” the next day. He’ll say I said inappropriate things (which isn’t true). This year my friends are organizing the dinner and I already have so much anxiety. I want to go and have fun but I know I’ll have to pay after. It really sucks. I’m outgoing and love spending time with family and friends but I always “pay” for the fun. Every time. 😩 If he’s not there and I have fun, I still have to pay in some way. He’ll find something to be mad at me about. He also tries to find faults in my closest friends. It’s so hurtful because those friends are so special to me and I can’t stand hearing him talk negatively about them. Also, he keeps mentioning that he wants us to move to a farm in Italy! Frequently looks at places to buy over there. He would love to completely isolate me. But also baffling is that I feel like he hates me. Why would he want to be away in a foreign country with me if he hates me?! Makes no sense!

@meineliebling9395

Жыл бұрын

I am in a similar scenario 😭🙏💐 thank you for sharing your experience Right now I went to my Mama's house for Grandma's funeral and he threatens gov involvement to confiscate our kids bc the snow literally closed the roads down AND my truck broke AND he won't allow me to buy tags This life is beautiful and crappy for all of us I think

@yvonneflanagan2312

Жыл бұрын

Mine did this to me! Took a job in Canada from Uk to isolate me from people again…. Did Ireland to Uk before… I won’t bore you with the details… do not go to Italy… future faking… after 30 years he’s finally my ex and I can see this now after years of coming out of it!

@pauladuncanadams1750

Жыл бұрын

He has to ruin your time, your fun, with friends because it's not all about him. Messed up, so sorry!

I don’t know who I am anymore. He did isolate me very slowly. He put spyware on my phone and my computer. I didn’t have to share location because he had full access to me. He is a stalker.

@midnightpaperparty9687

Жыл бұрын

Mine is a HUGE spy. He has a recorder hidden to record me when I am totally alone. He's hacked my computer before, and my portable hard drive disappeared for a long time, then just showed up one day . . . like they do. I have serious suspicions about spyware on my computer, and maybe my phone. Do you know the names of the products, or anything about how to find them? I would take them to a computer place, but I don't have a vehicle right now. I wish some of these folks like Ben and Lee would give us some direction on how to find and remove this sort of stuff.

@StandingInMyPower

Жыл бұрын

@@midnightpaperparty9687 I would suggest Googling spyware. The only reason I knew about my computer was because he bragged about it. He’d done it to other people. So he gave me the name and all I did was type into my computer… and there it was. On my phone, the only way he could track me was if I had the phone on. My children were the ones who told me that he would go absolutely insane. He would drive to find me but I always shut the phone off before I got to my destination. Later I just got a new phone and didn’t ever leave around.

So much of what you said here almost applies to my husband, but even more so to my MIL's treatment of my husband. He doesn't work - she controls the money. When he has made strides to start making any money, she will then give him a big check or present to distract and derail him. I thought it was accidental initially, but I don't now. She doesn't want him to work and be successful in his own life because he would have less time for her, and she takes an incredible amount of his time. She is always calling and texting him, always 'needs' him for help or guidance, but never takes any of his advice, just drags him into her drama and keeps him upset with her ridiculousness. He overly involved her in our problems, and she took over and gave them serious life, and has been running the show now, smearing my name to him in ways I can't even imagine, but know because he turns very cold towards me each time after he has seen or spoken to her. Not once has she contacted me to see how *I* am doing in the middle of this despite how well I treated her and how much time I spent with her. It's like she was just waiting her opportunity to do her damage. She is a master alienator, and she works hard to teach her grown children that everyone is against them . . . but her. I got isolated because everything had to be about her, so she got my time, too, and we went to her house every week, and they demanded all my holidays. But he is even more isolated than I am because if I am out, I can make new friends. He just doesn't realize what she has done to him, and she doesn't care because she is getting what she wants - him as a mini-spouse. She's almost 80, so this isn't going to end well for him when she kicks off. He has no other friends than me because this is lifelong isolating behavior by her towards him, and he's bullied me too much, so we are coming to an end. His mother has allowed him no space for other relationships, and it was a fluke I made it into his life.

Take up all your time, energy and money. Not using their stuff. Yep no object constancy. Out of sight out of mind some people use pictures to resolve this.

Truth !! When I became sahm he controlled the finances. I thought because we were on a tighter budget, but he earned a lot more than me told me, and he used it to control me. Never told me how much was on the card so I was terrified to spend anything or go anywhere. Set up notifications so I'd get a message from him within minutes saying "what did you just buy for £3?" 😖 realised after he left that he'd put find my phone app on my phone too - he took over all the tech so I didn't know how to use anything or any passwords etc

This is what my narcissistic workplace managers and supervisor and my toxic family and toxic exes and former friends did to me.

May be the best one yet.

Can you hold my red flag for me please? Joke of the year 🤣

@RawMotivations

Жыл бұрын

I like that lol

All that, except I controll the money because he refuses to pay bills. I think he thinks he's entitled to live for free.

@edenjennings8395

Жыл бұрын

Of course that means I'm the control freak in his eyes. Sigh.

This is what happened to me 🥲