If you don't want to be subjected to anger & judgement then you should make better decisions. Chances are that the person who was betrayed probably wasn't getting all of their needs met either but they managed to stay faithful.

@kyrianjoseph1403

Жыл бұрын

Exactly!I wasn’t getting all my needs met from my relationship and it never crossed my mind to cheat.

@susieq6558

Жыл бұрын

No excuse for cheating . But everyone has different coping mechanisms.

@ToddCreager

Жыл бұрын

That is true Lightnin' Dawn.

@succubusgf1886

Жыл бұрын

i was in an LDR for 3 years, I saw him as often as I could. One of my love languages is physical touch, so I was always touch starved and still managed to not cheat.

@seacee4803

Жыл бұрын

Exactly!!!! I was neglected in every way possible in my marriage and I stayed faithful.

He forgot other ways that cheating changes the cheater. They become expert lying, deceitful con artists. They become extremely selfish. They lose empathy. They may feel guilt, but only after they are caught. You would think that guilt, empathy and compassion would stop them from crossing that line in the first place.

@ToddCreager

Жыл бұрын

I think what you’re saying is true for many people that cheat but definitely not all and I’ve seen many many people who have cheated. However, I don’t believe the cheating itself makes them that way. The actual act of betrayal does not change them in that way and that is what the subject matter is about.

@couchtater4621

Жыл бұрын

@@ToddCreager Perhaps some cheaters bring these character flaws into the relationship and these flaws manifests themselves in some dysfunctional behavior (red flags) that are missed or, more likely, ignored by their partners. Whatever these flaws are, they seem to worsen as the cheating drags on, the lying and deceit gets more elaborate, the selfishness increases (less time with the partner and kids) and caring less and less about the impact that this selfishness is having on others in the cheater's life. I've seen many cheaters as well, and is seems that unless the cheating is stopped early, in the first few weeks, these people become damaged goods, and some even become quite dangerous.

@ladyvirgo9514

Жыл бұрын

Agreed

@valenciabock7585

11 ай бұрын

So very true

@krissiskloset1177

9 ай бұрын

Exactly and they move on and keep partying

"Reach out before one cheat"... How??? When the cheater is lying and gaslighting you. They are doing it all on purpose. Nothing about their actions is a mistake or an accident. They chose to do it and chose to not care about how you would feel. They chose that other person over you, the kids and everything you thought you had with them. It's a conscious choice that they made to hide it from you, so there is no way to stop it from happening. Cheaters gonna cheat.

@sparkledejager1965

7 ай бұрын

Absolutely. I have been cheated on many times by the same person and they seem to enjoy the secret they have and use it as a form of punishment.

@albertodeulofeu5277

5 ай бұрын

That’s not true. It’s not that simple. I understand you’ve been hurt, but the cheaters that do it and then regret it, end up hating themselves. Even if they never do it again, they feel horrible. For prolonged periods of time

@kiddytube3915

3 ай бұрын

You married a narcissist.

I got cheated on by my ex recently. She promised to never cheat on me. But she did. I will never trust anyone ever again. Five years down the drain. I'll never look at you the same ever again as long as I live. 😿

@ToddCreager

Жыл бұрын

That is so painful and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I never like to see when someone says that they give someone so much power that they’ll never trust anybody again because that deprives you. So I hope you can get some assistance for that, so that you can open up to love and, not let one person block you from what you deserve in life, which is a loyal and loving partner.

@mljrotag6343

8 ай бұрын

Best to leave after that boundary has been breached.

@ojuschugh19

Ай бұрын

Don’t let the cheater win. Cheater wants you to think like this. To defeat the cheater you have to stay positive in life and move forward. Take professional help if necessary.

I cheated once in my twenties, and I have never looked at myself the same again. But I don’t talk about it to anyone because I already know, much like many who commented, no one really cares about the betrayer or their feelings. You sin, so go to hell, right? I guess you can put cheater right up there with murderer, rapist, etc. in people’s eyes. So I keep my feelings to myself and work with my therapist to process my inner thoughts and turmoil. Some nights and days are harder then others, but what matters is the will to be better and ensure I never walk that path again to cause so much hurt and destruction to people I love.

@nashbreen

2 жыл бұрын

My ex gf and best friend of 3 years cheated on me a few months ago. I'll be honest it has wreaked havoc on me in countless ways and I suffer deeply because of it. That being said, she deserves forgiveness and so do you. What she did was wrong, but I believe it stemmed from insecurity and childhood trauma and wanting to hurt me before I could hurt her. I know she is crushed by the weight of guilt and honestly she has stopped speaking to me altogether, I'm assuming out of shame that she feels for herself, knowing that my family knows and my friends that she knew now know. It is sad and I actually feel really bad for her. You made a mistake. It shouldn't define you and it shouldn't define her. And, I'm saying this while still having RAGE and wanting to scream in her face and be horribly mean to her about it. But that's just from my ego being crushed. However, these feelings are like drinking poison and hoping the other person will be hurt by it. If you're feeling guilty and know what you did was wrong and you learn from those mistakes then I believe you are someone who deserves to not have the wear the burden of this mistake. We're all human and I think as long as we learn and don't repeatedly commit our "sins", just because we have sinned, doesn't mean we should "go to hell." 🙏

@halinamykhailovych791

2 жыл бұрын

This is called your personal growth. Only unforgiving people don't understand this. It has been caused for both sides to grow. We came here to learn.

@AMarie_USA

2 жыл бұрын

I was cheated on and honestly the ONE thing we want to see a cheater do is feel truly sorry so that they NEVER do it again. It sounds like you may have actually learned from what you did (because that person's life and trust is utterly destroyed I can tell you from first-hand experience) but knowing that you would NEVER make that horrible choice again IS deliverance from this and really means you are sorry for what you did. If you never do it again, you are better than most cheaters.

@xleiloh9502

2 жыл бұрын

You can change it’s a personal development thing. Yes you hurt someone’s feelings in the midst of it which is shit, but you’re not your past you can change.

@julioj.5655

2 жыл бұрын

“Most cheaters aren’t bad people, most cheaters are good people who have done a bad thing.” - Dr. Joe Beam

Infidelity is such a bad thing to have in any relationship. My advice will be for anyone having such thought to fully understand that it will always inhibit one giving his or her best in any relationship. So the best thing to do when infidelity issues arises is to find out for sure. I used to have allot of doubt about my partner and had to find out for sure. It was heart breaking what I found out but the best thing to do to keep my already troubled mind at peace. Thanks to the help I got which enable me to find out everything and see things for myself. I was really happy I did take the step and now my heart is peaceful after everything.

@phawtakhun3652

Жыл бұрын

so how did you get to find out

@roseying6198

Жыл бұрын

I employed the help of a professional, who helped me to uncover everything with evidence. Here is his contact no. below

@roseying6198

Жыл бұрын

tst him or send watsap message

@roseying6198

Жыл бұрын

plus one[559]

@roseying6198

Жыл бұрын

[3760]

There are types and types of cheaters. The worst are the ones who are like "I am quite happy with my life with my husband/wife but I cheat for the thrill and excitement". You cannot find a worst type because they give absolutely no s**t about their partner.

@Gotoworkkk

4 күн бұрын

Exactly! Even happy people cheat, especially men.

I wish cheaters would just date each other and leave good people alone!! So they fuck up they own life’s as cheaters.

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

Though I’m faithful in all my relationships… I feel nothing negative towards people who cheat. I was cheated on twice. The way I see it, if I were the right person for them than they wouldn’t cheat, it’s not their fault. Upon confirmation of being cheated on both times I completely disappeared without a trace (one a 2 year relationship, the other was 3 years). I don’t know if either of them knew that a discovered they were cheating, but that’s none of my business. Well, the one that I was with for 3 years, her other boyfriend confronted me with evidence, so maybe he told her. I took the tougher route of ghosting them, walking away clean, forgiving them, while holding no grudge towards them or seeking revenge. Mental toughness trumps pain. I quickly concluded- if someone is cheating on me, do you think they’re going care about me whining, complaining, my pain or frustration? Of course NOT because they concluded our relationship for both of us, that it’s not important; hence them deciding to cheat. So having a conversation with them is meaningless unless you get some kind of thrill out of making them look or feel bad during about what they did. What’s weak is asking them for an explanation with the false sense that it’s going to change or undue what happened. It’s one of the most mentally toughest feats you’d ever do is forgive them while ghosting. Not closure is a fascinating way to end a relationship if someone cheated, whether or not people agree.

@AL-sg2jd

Жыл бұрын

I’m religion it says corrupt women are for corrupt men. Good women are for good men. Bad women are for bad men

@mljrotag6343

8 ай бұрын

​@@standground7956Completely respect that strategy.

My ex was so proud of cheating he even married her and show it off in social media. What a shameless creature. He is constantly in needs of emotional supply. There is no compensation of his betrayal sorry means nothing I know it will be a memory one day but for now I cannot forgive him for all the trauma that he caused. I believe he will harvest all the pain that he inflicted to so many of us.

@Gotoworkkk

4 күн бұрын

I’m sorry for what you went through. Sometimes people find a better match for them. It does happen

I think most people watching this obviously want to be a better person. I think it's the know-how . I have cheated, and I'm so ashamed of myself. Take myself to hotels just so I can sit and cry and punish myself without getting sympathy. Letting my children down was a real wake-up call. Even though we went through bad times, not every mindset is the same, and not every cheater is a bad person. Identifying were you went wrong and putting the steps into play to become a better person

@kunntakentay

Жыл бұрын

If you dont mind me asking, why exactly do you feel ashamed?

@nicolecraig6986

11 ай бұрын

This is why I’m able to try and work it out with my boyfriend. He’s ashamed, embarrassed, and seems genuinely remorseful. I came up with a plan to get us back to where we both would like to be with his input, of course. So starting tomorrow, so that way we can actually keep track of what day it is lol we are going to do a 30 day couples challenge, we are going to find one new thing that we love or appreciate about each other every day, which we’re gonna keep track of so that way when we start to get frustrated we have a list to remind us what we are working for, and then 30 minutes of intentional intimacy every day. I know most people associate intimacy with sex, but that’s not what the goal is for us. For us the goal with the intentional intimacy is deeper conversations or meeting the others needs without cell phones or distractions.

@davejohnjules5670

11 ай бұрын

Well, I've just been kicked out for the 10th time in 3 months. #still trying, lol I spent 4 months at therapy dealing with past issues decisions making bad choices, and really feeling like a better person moving forward

@joel7348

10 ай бұрын

@@nicolecraig6986you love your boyfriend very much for giving him another chance. How long did you not talk to him after you found out though? And what helped you forgive him and give him a second chance? What did he do in his part that allowed you to let him back in? Thank you please let me know everything?

Having sympathy for someone that shatters your belief in love and scars you forever cannot be forgiven if we are being honest. Not only did you destroy the relationship you have sent that other person on a path in life where everyone and everything is questioned. Most of us can’t ever truly put trust in another partner so there is no forgiveness. Live with it because we have no choice but to live and die with it.

Actually being cheated on is what I needed to stop my own cheating tendencies

@stevenkeller452

3 жыл бұрын

@Marian Nana what happens when people think someone spies on someone's phone thinking they are cheating and that person learns they weren't and and trust in that situation is destroyed also,I'm not saying some people do cheat and I'm not excusing such behavior or my own past behavior however sometimes the solution of spying only causes problems that arent truly solutions but further problems that need to be reexamined closer

@SAMEntalhealth

3 жыл бұрын

Whoa, I don't have tendencies but I did do it first ... but she never knew so, I looked at it as, I don't count but look what she did" and part of me wants her back. But I obsessively think and picture things, it pushes me away

@carriebell3566

Жыл бұрын

@@stevenkeller452 I hear you on that. This is because the focus of the spy is to catch a wrong in the making. That is the intention, which means that even if there is literally nothing to see, the spy will react to their own intentions! This can also be a double edge sword because it turns the spy into an false accuser, which in some cases may become a self fulfilling prophecy.

@carriebell3566

Жыл бұрын

@@SAMEntalhealth and that is the price of cheating.

@bbc20231

Жыл бұрын

Bro I cheated on my woman for 10 years. She cheated once and I still can’t breathe after 6 months

What he is stating that the betrayer supposedly feels guilt and remorse. After interviewing clients what one finds is that remorse is due to being caught. This commonly seen in those women who cheat. What comes next is the lack of accountability and the wanting to sweep it under the rug. Women want closure and some kind of forgiveness as it assists them to mentally sweep their indiscretions under the carpet. Regarding closure for men. It doesn’t really benefit men. It isn’t as important as it is for women. In reality men, do not owe the cheating woman any kind of closure. Women need it as to psychologically sweep their vile decisions and behaviors under the rug. It allows them to call themselves a good person because all is forgiven. The best thing for a man to achieve any form of Closure is move forward and seek self improvement and happiness.

@famine500

Жыл бұрын

Yeah it all stems from accountability for their actions and how it effects them not the person they hurt

@katieelow8892

17 күн бұрын

My cheating GF would not give me anything at all. She was like a cockroach trying to climb her way out of a cup. I got no closure what so ever. Horrible stuff.

99.9% of all cheaters only feel guilt when they are caught. Up until that time. they often feel nothing. I believe you have to be somewhat sociopathic to cheat in the first place. Most narcissistic people will cheat on their spouse, I speak from experience. I'm living in my wife's double life.

@kim9865

Жыл бұрын

well yeah its difficult to explain. a cheater doesnt feel nothing but they usually dont feel bad... there's always a reason.

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

Though I’m faithful in all my relationships… I feel nothing negative towards people who cheat. I was cheated on twice. The way I see it, if I were the right person for them than they wouldn’t cheat, it’s not their fault. Upon confirmation of being cheated on both times I completely disappeared without a trace (one a 2 year relationship, the other was 3 years). I don’t know if either of them knew that a discovered they were cheating, but that’s none of my business. Well, the one that I was with for 3 years, her other boyfriend confronted me with evidence, so maybe he told her. I took the tougher route of ghosting them, walking away clean, forgiving them, while holding no grudge towards them or seeking revenge. Mental toughness trumps pain. I quickly concluded- if someone is cheating on me, do you think they’re going care about me whining, complaining, my pain or frustration? Of course NOT because they concluded our relationship for both of us, that it’s not important; hence them deciding to cheat. So having a conversation with them is meaningless unless you get some kind of thrill out of making them look or feel bad during about what they did. What’s weak is asking them for an explanation with the false sense that it’s going to change or undue what happened. It’s one of the most mentally toughest feats you’d ever do is forgive them while ghosting. Truth is there a situation where ghosting makes sense, whether or not people agree.

@cewilliamsable

Жыл бұрын

Same. They say one thing and do another... say they're at work and off somewhere else, and lie to cover the lies they can't remember. Refuse to discuss anything and bring up stuff from 20 years ago to justify it and blame you. 😒 it's sick

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@Renee Johnson I get that you prefer a different route but you’re in no position to challenge me on whether or not I received closure. It’s not a passive aggressive approach. It takes way more discipline to walk away instead of confronting someone yelling, upset and out of element for something they did. Cheaters don’t deserve an adult conversation about their actions. Cheaters will view confrontation as an ego stroke plus they didn’t consult with you before entertaining someone else, so a chat is counterproductive. Letting a cheater know their actions affects you is meaningless since they don’t respect you, you’re basically satisfying their ego. When you forgive them and move on like you never knew them, they don’t take it well. Doing it was much easier done than said. One of my ex committed suicide because of it.

@QueVenGuey

Жыл бұрын

@@kim9865 are you speaking as a cheater yourself?

Wonderful! Thank you, Todd!

Cheating should be illegal if your married!

@celyvalenz110

Жыл бұрын

Omg yes!!!! I think it is illegal (here in Illinois) they can get up to 2 years in prison.

@Shell40142

Жыл бұрын

Yessss....if you can prove they cheated it should be 75-25 split not 50/50 part of all finances

@rizednb

Жыл бұрын

it isn't in nevada which is bullshit. Nevada is a no fault state. found out my wife of 4 years has been cheating and we share two kids together.

@jessrouse8475

Жыл бұрын

It is in the middle east. Better that way theu get shamed and SEVERLY punshied

@deborahrouse5644

Жыл бұрын

@@jessrouse8475 Yes but they go overboard!! And in the Middle East EVERYTHING is the woman's fault, even when it isn't!

It's ironic. My wife of 25 years was cheated on in a previous relationship which immediately fell apart. Before we were married, she cheated on me with this same "boy", and I forgave her. Our marriage was good for 23 years, but after our son graduated, her personality changed. This happened when she saw her ex who happened to be the photographer. Now, she has left and is fully involved with her old-new lover, who is still married to his third wife. As in the video, I noticed that she has aged considerably, but I'm not sure if she's remorseful. This is the hardest part for me to deal with. That being said, I am seeking an attorney and preparing to file for divorce. The only thing I'm still wondering about now is how to get past the pain, which has plagued me for over a year.

@cinemaximum5654

Жыл бұрын

Please watch the "do you have the post betrayal syndrome" Tedx talk, and when you decide to invest more energy into healing, I highly recommend you buy one of Ramani Durvasula's online courses. I know exactly how empty you feel inside brother

@starslayer6396

Жыл бұрын

@@cinemaximum5654 Thank you for your kind words. I'll definitely check it out today.

@gamwsas

Жыл бұрын

obviously she stayed for the children. when they got adults she left

@starslayer6396

Жыл бұрын

@@gamwsas I can't say that wasn't the case; however, she seemed very loving up until the point she wasn't. Then again, sometimes people put on a good show.

@gamwsas

Жыл бұрын

@@starslayer6396 never underestimate woman's will power

This is such a helpful video. Thank you.

@ToddCreager

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

Cheating changed my life for the better. I lost everything, I was so lost. Now I am found, I'm alone, and I cry for my wife everyday. But I'm facing my issues and life doesn't seem insurmountable anymore

@TheRumbles13

3 жыл бұрын

@@ilurvekimchi I replied but my comment was deleted?

@TheRumbles13

3 жыл бұрын

@@ilurvekimchi wierd YT won't let me

@TheRumbles13

3 жыл бұрын

@@ilurvekimchi yes but the 2 paragraph post I've re typed 3 times to tell you keeps getting taken down

@creativeasshole5673

2 жыл бұрын

Look up Veronica Isles law of attraction specific person you can get your wife and life back through spiritual laws and healing, I love her she is great about recovering any lost relationship no matter how bad the circumstance you can heal your relationship through god even if you havn't spoken to the person for many years.

@kimberly4580

2 жыл бұрын

You’re lying. No man who cheats on his wife is ever remorseful or cry’s for her. The only reason you’re crying is because you lost your gravy train. Do everyone a favor including your wife and leave her the hell alone!

The person who cheats doesn't care about anyone or anything. They only want to satisfy their selfishness and cannot control their flesh. They are not concerned about passing any diseases to their spouse or even their children. The cheater is heartless, loveless, cold, cruel, nasty inconsiderate individuals and so much more. The cheater will never change. They live their life as if their spouse caused them to cheat when in all actually it was a choice and decision that THEY made. There is no excuse for cheating....period. A cheater doesn't deserve any second or third chances because they will always do it again. #scumsoftheearth

@gamwsas

Жыл бұрын

what if cheater goes undetected?

@sparkledejager1965

7 ай бұрын

Absolutely. Cheating is a choice. And if they really felt as badly as this article says, they wouldn't do it again. But they do.

Yes I love when cheaters suffer let them suffer!!

@julioj.5655

2 жыл бұрын

If you don’t forgive, you too are suffering.

@charminglove8594

2 жыл бұрын

@@julioj.5655 I can forgive and still wish them to suffer.

@lifelessons9127

2 жыл бұрын

Lol

@dullknifefactory

2 жыл бұрын

@@julioj.5655 😂

@MtuckerGoBlue

Жыл бұрын

@@julioj.5655 Forgiveness is only necessary when repentance exist

I have been cheated on in different relationships and it was the same cold hearted respondse every time ,no apology ,no acknowledgement of the pain I was going through, there was no reason to cheat,and they all punched down which is infuriating and makes me believe that it was a Deliberate message to me than I'm not so special. They expected me to let them come back? Nope!!! It is like the person that l knew suddenly turned into a hateful lying sneaky child. I was obviously too good for you in the beginning and now I am way out of their league .

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

This is the exact reason why I ghosted the 2 women who cheated me upon getting confirmation. I just disappeared and never gave them an opportunity at closure. I was with one for 4 years and it took seconds for me to forgive her, become indifferent and not seek revenge. I honestly don’t know if either ever found out that I discovered that they were cheating, but that’s none of my business.

@funkmonster

Жыл бұрын

Oddly enough, your attitude is probably the reason which lead to them cheating on you in the first place. Cheating doesn't just fall out of the sky. It's a calculated, well thought out, intentional means to disrespect you. It doesn't just come overnight. It comes after months or years of someone disrespecting you and treating you like less of a man. So much so that a man has to prove to himself that he is man enough to be with another. Weird I know. But that's how it works.

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@@funkmonster This doesn’t go along with the way they conduct themselves after they’re caught cheating. One recently caught up to me after months of ghosting her. Once I presented evidence that I found out, if what you wrote is somewhat true - it should have been as simple as: oh you left because you found out I was cheating, okay cool. It was the exact opposite - asking for forgiveness and let’s make it right. I crossed paths with the mother of the one I was with for 4 years. She says I was evil for leaving her daughter and disappearing the way I did. I showed her the evidence and the guy who she cheated on me with. She informed me: that same guy moved in when I moved out. He was abusive and currently serving a jail sentence for attempting to murder her, she’s currently in a wheelchair because her ran her over after a heated argument.

@Moonlight.Melon.Mounter

Жыл бұрын

@@funkmonster shut up

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@@funkmonster *A cheater makes a conscious decision: ‘What I’m about to do may jeopardize my trust with my partner, my relationship, but after careful consideration- I’m going to cheat because it’s worth the risk and I have my own reasons (what anyone thinks doesn’t concern me), my partner deserves me betraying them and wouldn’t understand so I’ll do it behind their back.’ It’s all on them, you’re just the person they have to convince to buy snow during a snowstorm.* *You should forgive a cheater and move on remembering the good times (regardless of length of relationship). Don’t hold a grudge or be mean spirited towards because they preferred to be with someone else and mislead you. One time is more than enough because cheaters made a conscious decision to betray you. You should never confront a cheater showing anger, frustration and upset because it’s meaningless; It’s only an ego stroke and laughing material for them. Cheaters don’t care what you think, how you feel or how their cheating affects you. Cheaters pretend to be remorseful when they’re caught, some will provide an Oscar worthy performance while crying saying they regret their actions. Ending a relationship with a cheater is the most unselfish thing you could ever do for someone else. It allows them to opportunity to have a clear conscience, get with others guilt free without all the misleading and lying. Ghosting a cheater is way easier done than said.*

What if the cheater doesn't feel guilt, and continues to lie and hide and deny their infidelity?

@lovergirl8360

2 жыл бұрын

Same question

@TheHerrMan

2 жыл бұрын

No guilt and self-justification pretty much means it's time to end the marriage. The guilt-free person ended the marriage in their heads a long time ago. The only thing that might change their mind is divorce papers. If those don't change their mind then the betrayed person needs out and stop allowing disrespect.

@angielucas5164

2 жыл бұрын

Then it's time to go!

@QueVenGuey

Жыл бұрын

Then they aren’t truly sorry As someone who did cheat on his significant other I felt like absolute shit! Owned my wrong and doing everything I can to make up for it and work on my issues. Anyone can be sorry but to not even feel it and continue it…..

Hard convos like this are much needed. Thank you, Todd.

Anxious preoccupied attachment types ten to cheat out of relationship insecurity, often when with an avoidant / dismissive attachment type. To be ignored is about the most painful form of rejection, rather be hated temporary than they feel indifferent towards you. Don’t cheat, leave: find another partner, do anything but cheat. The consequences can be a nightmare emotionally. Be strong, if you have cheated, forgive yourself and know there is more to this error than you yet realise.

@noahhh1245

2 жыл бұрын

If you cheat you don’t deserve to forgive yourself. You don’t deserve anything

@charlesdc1233

2 жыл бұрын

Ohhh poor anxious. They feel lonely and so they have to jump to another men's bed to find love again... really high value...

@avaj2825

Жыл бұрын

Oh STOP with that crap I did that test more than once an my attachment style came back as secure, however based upon my childhood l should be anxious ,avoident or way worse. These stupid behaviour tests at wbest give people excuses for bad behaviour at worst makes people parinoid that harn m is inevitable .

@lyalyakim9898

Жыл бұрын

That's not true. I am anxious preoccupied but I am extremely loyal. My husband is dismissive avoidant and he cheated out of fair of true intimate relationship, vulnerability and closeness. Sex with no attachments is a way to withdraw from significant ones for most avoidants

@QueVenGuey

Жыл бұрын

Pretty sure that’s a fearful avoidant.

The cheaters get by with it and they are often not sorry for anyone but themselves

@AMarie_USA

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yes, the literal gaslighting he tried to do when my ex was found out was unreal. He was only sorry he was caught. He kept saying he was sorry... no one is sorry 5 mins. later that they destroyed your entire life, all the trust you had, etc. Cheaters are sad, sorry people for sure and yes, they only care for themselves because cheating is selfish and immature.

@madelineanabella6400

2 жыл бұрын

I wish there was a dating website for people who were cheated on to find each other. i

@chucknotermann6177

2 жыл бұрын

@@madelineanabella6400 Thats a great idea. I thought the same recently.

@pushplatasingh2971

Жыл бұрын

@@chucknotermann6177 was thinking the same!

Eye opening discussion, from the opposite prespective! Thank you

@ToddCreager

6 ай бұрын

You are welcome!

I was cheated on by my ex-wife, I don't give a rats ass why she cheated or how she has changed because of cheating.

Thank you so much for this

Cheaters have no empathy, an overwhelming sense of personal entitlement, are arrogant and uncaring. That will never change so they will always cheat if they feel that they need a pick-me-up.

I can relate to this I cheated outta insecurities and trust issues… I really loved her tho but just the fear of being vulnerable was too much.

@MP-gw5kw

2 жыл бұрын

It’s mature to be able to admit this. Hopefully you’ve grown in your awareness and have healed those traumas so that you’re able to enjoy a beautiful relationship.

@ToddCreager

2 жыл бұрын

Darius, thanks for your comment. I was a little slow here of course in responding but I also liked MP‘s comment below yours.

@sithlords666

2 жыл бұрын

@BB Why didn’t you discuss with your ex certain important issues or concerns before thinking they would do the same? Also was the best friend attractive and your type to feel tempted by? I ask this because I’ve always felt that platonic best friends of the opposite sex (I’m heterosexual so only going by my personal experiences) should be people we are definitely not attracted to and would feel repelled at the idea of doing anything sexual with. I would not want any close friends that I’d have any possibility of attraction for when I’m in a relationship to make sure temptations are avoided. Not judging you, just thinking of some things I’ve witnessed others go through, and some heartbreak I’ve experienced when I was totally faithful and devoted.

@sithlords666

2 жыл бұрын

@BB Why didn’t you discuss with your ex certain important issues or concerns before thinking they would do the same? Also was the best friend attractive and your type to feel tempted by? I ask this because I’ve always felt that platonic best friends of the opposite sex (I’m heterosexual so only going by my personal experiences) should be people we are definitely not attracted to and would feel repelled at the idea of doing anything sexual with. I would not want any close friends that I’d have any possibility of attraction for when I’m in a relationship to make sure temptations are avoided. Not judging you, just thinking of some things I’ve witnessed others go through, and some heartbreak I’ve experienced when I was totally faithful and devoted. Another thing I wonder is did you already have feelings for the best friend, kept them around as an option, and just waited until they showed interest and you felt it was the “right time” to reciprocate? I can’t just get with someone just because my love and I have issues or a rough time. Why do something wrong because you felt your ex would have done it? Again, no judgment, just trying to learn from others points of view and experiences.

@sithlords666

2 жыл бұрын

@BB I hope things work out better in the future. You’ve learned important lessons and that will make whatever future or current relationship even stronger. When I feel like my fiancé might do something, I think to myself it’s better to stay loyal and loving because if he betrays me that will be on his conscience and karma. Also, I can be wasted or sober, and if you’re not my type (if single or taken) then trying anything on me will end up as a physical fight or a harsh rejection, and if it’s a platonic friendship it will end. A few friends have witnessed it and had to break up the fight. I have a strict rule in a relationship that if my man has female friends he needs to observe boundaries and not let himself get into messed up situations. The same goes for myself. And feeling worry or thinking I’ll do something he should tell me, we comfort each other as best as possible, and not do something he will regret. But I do wish the best for you and that you find the love and happiness you need. Safe journeys and blessed be! 😺

I like his terminology : it’s a pause in one’s life.

Thankyou sir, you gave me hope.

Very eye opening prospective from the other side….However, I feel zero empathy for a cheater. Which isn’t the point of the therapist. I hope the cheater do find in them some insight of not doing again. I hope they find in them some awareness and learn how much wound they have created in someone’s life. I was cheated after being with someone for ten years. It was one of the most painful, stressful, body aching I endured. It has being almost eight years, lots of therapy and I still find myself triggered by that experience. But now I have the tools to work on my healing, independently of the outcome of that relationship. It’s was a awful end. So if you have any self respect, love for your partner don’t go down that ugly road. It’s way to distressful. No one deserves that. No one. Only a lot of courage can help one get out of it with our minds still somewhat aligned.

@funkmonster

Жыл бұрын

One thing I have noticed about those cheated on is that they never examine how the cheating occurred in the first place. They always complain of being blindsided, caught off guard, shock of their lives. Yet, from a distance, seeing other couples cheat - I could always tell with remarkable accuracy, the serious issues with both people in the relationship. And in the aftermath, the cheated on, never wants to examine what they might have done to lead to the spouses decision to cheat. Cheating doesn't fall out of the sky. If someone punched you in the face, you would want to know what you did or said to cause that person to punch you. Yet with cheating - a punch to the gut - the person never wants to understand what they could have done to cause it. They are always setting themselves up as a victim. Then they are surprised when it happens again.

@jedhopkins8921

Жыл бұрын

@@funkmonster Do not cheat. as simple as that. Have some decency to end things if you do not want to be in that relationship anymore.

@agg1172

Жыл бұрын

Agree! I'm surviving 2yrs after the Divorce 4yrs after the affair and yes 2 yrs of contested divorce 19 1/2 yrs of marriage! Most difficult thing I've ever experienced!! I tell my friends that if their marriage is salvageable then save it! I know Divorce was right for me but the humiliation of Infidelity as a Man at times was overwhelming! There are times even now when I feel permanently broken! I feel sometimes that being a Good Man isn't enough and yes the fear that some Jerk who won the Johnson Lottery can ruin everything you build with a Woman! Still everyday gets better and I hope one day to meet a good woman and try again. Sorry absolutely no empathy for cheaters!!

@agg1172

Жыл бұрын

@@funkmonster Speaking for a large portion of the cheated on, it was a decision made by my ex-wife! We had a difficult marriage but the issue was she chose infidelity instead of working on the marriage. I wasn't perfect I made mistakes she was far from perfect as well even awful at times, the painful difference is instead of taking the selfish and easy path I chose to try to work things out and save the marriage!

@MC.992

Жыл бұрын

@@funkmonster Not sure you are calling a victim….but okay. I guess this is your option basing everything by ‘watching from the outside as you claim’. One thing I know for sure is cheaters are a coward for not having the courage to leave the relationship without causing so much unnecessary pain. I have examined plenty and I can assure you when someone decides to cheat they do it alone or with the cheating lover. No cheated on should accept any blame from some else’s decision! That comment sounds just a cheater talking. Just saying…. 👎🏿

My husband shows no remorse!! He actually changed completely!! I’m living with a stranger 💔

I am sorry i did this mistake and i regret it....i wanna be a better person...from now...i cheated i regret that🙏🥺

@torreyharris2493

2 жыл бұрын

He will

I made attempts to have an emotional affair by posting want ads basically. I would delete them within an hour or two each time. It never led to conversations or anything physical. I feel terrible about that. I picture what my ex must be thinking and it hurts me so much. I'm not a mean person. My inner child acted out because I failed to listen to what it really wanted. And I have to live with that and learn from it. I have no other choice than to look back on this one day and see I am a completely different person for the better.

pays to be a sociopath...and if they were capable of feeling guilt they wouldnt do it in the first place

@QueVenGuey

Жыл бұрын

Not so black and white

Sorry but I'm not about getting the betrayer to play the victim. I'm all for marriage counseling....but after a nuke has been dropped on the relationship by one party, no thanks. All that guilt and remorse BS is usually about getting caught rather than the act itself. These feelings were obviously not obstacles to the act if infidelity itself....but conveniently now they want to focus on that to appear more virtuous.

@ToddCreager

3 жыл бұрын

mlj rotag There is nothing at all in this video that suggests the betrayer is a victim. Infidelity is wrong and hurtful. However, cheating does affect the cheater and if this video gets some people to think before they cheat or even after, maybe we could save some marriages and families from breaking up. There’s nothing bad about that.

@mljrotag6343

3 жыл бұрын

@@ToddCreager That is fair when stated that way.

@madeleinehoward-frank1025

3 жыл бұрын

@@ToddCreager What about cheating in abusive relationships? If Sam is cheating on Alex because Alex is abusive towards Sam... in that situation, who is wrong? Is everyone wrong in that case?

@TheRumbles13

3 жыл бұрын

Over simplifying this prevents you from actually hearing what he's saying. Life isn't black and white, you will make mistakes too

@Bibi-zh3kh

Жыл бұрын

@Renee Johnson thats not true. marriage can be save after infidelity. Requires True Repentance from the betrayer and forgiveness from the betrayed spouse If they want to reconcile. Its a process that take times and their willingness to work hard to change. Definitely need a Professional help that specialize in Infidelity. I know few people including my own sister that their marriage healed after infidelity and better than before.

My wife of 33 year's started her affair over a year ago. She has constantly lied to me and our five adult children. She has blamed everyone other then herself. So what do you do in this situation,I guess divorce.

@bbc20231

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear this bro. Just focus on gym and money. Once you are feeling better you can leave or rekindle depending on her attitude.

@laszlomiskolczi2036

8 ай бұрын

gym money and fame

@mljrotag6343

8 ай бұрын

Time to push the reset button on your life. Divorce and redidcate yourself to a new life and the best version of yourself. Don't look back and never consider reconciliation.

I now earn every week. You’re such a blessing to this generation, we all love you

I’m guilty. I downloaded a dating app. Talked to a few girls. Never really went further than that but, I understood that the principle of infidelity is just the same as being physically/emotionally cheated on. It’s been a little longer than a month now. We’ve hardly exchanged words except for her making her final peace. Before I got caught, I’d even imagine the pain it could put her and her family through. I kept justifying it with the anger I was feeling towards my family, ex lovers, and myself. I had this fake, imaginary pulling competition between my brother and I, even though we were already estranged. I remember before it ended, I met a man on the streets. We talked about everything. I brought up how good our relationship was despite me not feeling Complete attraction. He stopped me and said “if you’re this old now, that’s not going to matter anymore pretty soon. That’s true love” I lost more than a lover. I lost my best friend. As did she. I feel like such a monster. I hope she still has the good job that she had. I also pray that she finds something more enduring and stable in the future. She’s such an amazing person.

@mexi8739

Жыл бұрын

Man this is my exact situation. I downloaded two dating apps and swiped for a couple days and that's about it. Happened on July 15. My ex as of yesterday said she cannot get over the betrayal and that we are done. We had been in contact for 4 months and haven't done no contact. I honestly believe we are done and I have to just let her go. She did say at the end that "if we are meant to be we will find our way back.". She is moving on Snapchat, FB, Insta. I am just going to back up all the way and let her reach out if she ever wants to. Good bye TP.

@Water_meter_enthusiast

Жыл бұрын

@@mexi8739 I’m so sorry, dawg. Please do what you can to move on and, ultimately, mature from this experience. You, and the next person you love (which will happen) deserve it.

@mexi8739

Жыл бұрын

@@Water_meter_enthusiast bro I feel your pain. Honestly I thought we could work things out her and I. But ultimately her previous trust wounds wouldn’t let her. Now I have to move on and look forward to 2023 and to healing and finding someone new one day. I’ll be better for a future partner having learned from this experience. To the future!

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@@Water_meter_enthusiast I’m not trying to be rude but we’re these women truly worth it since you both were in the process of looking for someone else?

@Water_meter_enthusiast

Жыл бұрын

@@standground7956 that wasn’t the case. She was happy with me. I was happy but, very uncertain. I’ll admit to being immature on that count.

thank you ❤

Whatever!! Cheaters deserve whatever happens to them!! Poor Cheaters!!! That's pain, humiliation, disappointment and anger speaking! As a human and a Christian people have the opportunity to change and become better people, but they have to accept and understand how Destructive and Damaging cheating is and Rightly it incurs severe consequences!

i almost cheated a few times, and i broke up with the girl i was with before anything else happened because i didnt know what to do, and i cant think of why i think the way i do. ive always lacked a sort of empathy and gratitude for others since i was little. i didnt know if i actually had feelings for her, and i quickly lost physical attraction to her in the relationship, and felt the guilt of not wanting to hurt her feelings. and i relate to hating myself for this. i hate that i think this way and i hate that i dont have alot of remorse for what i did. i need help and im lost

@marajoelle

Жыл бұрын

Hope you can find some help, bro 🙏🏻

@kameronjones7728

Жыл бұрын

Listen, the fact that you broke things off before it escalated is commendable, there are people that would not only cheat but then deny it and manipulate their partner.

My husband cheated for 7 years, he said he compartmentalize the whole affair when he came home to be with me and our kids, he completely blanked it out of his mind, is that possible?

@olympusastrology9965

2 жыл бұрын

This is absolutely possible and a common story from unfaithful partners

@jacquelineharrell4605

2 жыл бұрын

Yes.

@antonmaclaron5164

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with the compartmentalization, it seems to have been very effective for my wife for 4 years. As for the supposed "blacking out" sounds ridiculous to me. They may be blanking their emotions from you or faking it but their thoughts and true emotions are on someone else while they are right their with you. You only get half of them emotionally at best when they are in that state. I don't personally think it is possible and would call my wife out on it.

@jamielyn9923

Жыл бұрын

Yes, absolutely! Men have much more success at compartmentalization than women since our emotions are connected to almost everything. They typically have a “wife box” a “wife and kids box” a “work box” a “friends box” a “recreation box” an “affair partner box”. They can leave their affair partner and go home and greet their wife and kids and pray with their wife and kids, and eat dinner with their wife and kids as if they are the only ones in their worlds.

@bobleglob162

Жыл бұрын

Maybe for some. Not everyone can. They just put on a good act.

I had a love who cheated on me a few years ago and we have both have aged but it was easier for her to gradually leave the relationship and blame it on me but she knew I would put pressure on her for the truth ,because she knew I knew, why did she mess it up , because she has really aged so much,why didn't she just say she messed up FFS. And be truthful 🤷

No disrespect good man but did you age naturally or did the stress from infidelity get you?

I couldn't get past your line about 'relationships get better after the infidelity in some cases'. That is patently absurd. You'd have to do some serious verbal gymnastics to make that work. I suppose you could argue that "the relationship had underlying issues previously unaddressed before the marriage counseling" I will grant you that. But the act of cheating leaves deep unhealed wounds. They never fully heal, and you'd be a liar to say otherwise. I'v never witnessed such a thing. You see it in every couple's face. The distance that wasn't there before. The 'holding back'. Even if both parties do literally everything in their full power to move forward, it's lost the initial innocence of a betrayal free relation. I have seen couples survive infidelity. But that's what it is. Don't sugar coat it. It's surviving. It's a painful 'one-day-at-a-time' approach. Life can even achieve something that ALMOST resembles life before the betrayal. But it never again reaches it. And that's BOTH parties.

@MrAndee40s

3 жыл бұрын

I agree with you on this a 100%.

@ckay9006

3 жыл бұрын

Yes .. ... in a nut shell he's my best friend and my worst enemy .

@perrysanders8433

3 жыл бұрын

You could not be more correct. Survival is all you will have, leave and do better for yourself. Even if they never cheated again, you would have no way of knowing that, and therefore No Peace.

@perrysanders8433

3 жыл бұрын

@@barrytheflashallen3941 No, Cheaters get angry because they have been caught in their lies, and they get even Angrier when peoole don't just magically forget their lies, and therefore label them, Correctly I might add, Liars. It always amazes me how people who thoughtlessly destroy others with their lies and infidelity, can't be satisfied with that, they must add insult to injury, and try to rip away any self worth the person they destroyed might still harbor, by demanding their forgiveness, essentially requiring them to submit even further to your controlling whims, You are a Monster, I hope the person you wronged has the inner strength to see you for what you are, and the ability to put you out of their life forever, Hell is too good for you.

@Niveous23

3 жыл бұрын

@@perrysanders8433 Agree. A truly remorseful cheater will accept that they can't be trusted. It's rare though, remorse is a dwindling resource.

If that's what he or she wants if the cheater don't love the other n wants to break up he or she needs to tell the other or they can rekindle a better love 5 min

Yes my older one found out of his 3rd cheating and told me.

I would love to talk to you for an hour just to try and figure my life out now after what I’ve done.. it’s been two years and I’m still in the same boat I don’t know how to fix things I’m just lost…

@WesternCowboy65

2 жыл бұрын

You got this buddy. Keep learning from your actions and be better in the future.

@no_u_420

2 жыл бұрын

Same , on 6 years myself.

@PenfiendTV

2 жыл бұрын

@@WesternCowboy65 thank you for that

A cheater doesn’t give a fuck, they just justify it. Cheaters always want to cheat it’s just a matter of how many excuses they canô come up with to get away with it. Once a piece of shit cheater always a piece of shit cheater

@ToddCreager

2 жыл бұрын

It’s definitely when the most painful things to be betrayed. My experience is that some people that cheat continue to cheat and some learn about why they cheat and stop. It seems like the first experience was your experience.

@QueVenGuey

Жыл бұрын

Not true…. People cheat. People also learn and change or don’t and continue making those mistakes. But there are people who have cheated and changed

@madelineanabella6400

Жыл бұрын

@@QueVenGuey maybe there’s hope

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@@QueVenGuey *There is nothing weak or strong about remaining with or leaving a cheater. You’re making a conscious decision, just like the cheater did when they betrayed you. A cheater makes a conscious decision: ‘What I’m about to do may jeopardize my trust with my partner, my relationship, but after careful consideration- I’m going to cheat because it’s worth the risk and I have my own reasons (what anyone thinks doesn’t concern me), my partner deserves me betraying them and wouldn’t understand so I’ll do it behind their back.’* *You should forgive a cheater and move on remembering the good times (regardless of length of relationship). Don’t hold a grudge or be mean spirited towards because they preferred to be with someone else and mislead you. One time is more than enough because cheaters made a conscious decision to betray you. You should never confront a cheater showing anger, frustration and upset because it’s meaningless; It’s only an ego stroke and laughing material for them. Cheaters don’t care what you think, how you feel or how their cheating affects you. Cheaters pretend to be remorseful when they’re caught, some will provide an Oscar worthy performance while crying saying they regret their actions. Ending a relationship with a cheater is the most unselfish thing you could ever do for someone else. It allows them to opportunity to have a clear conscience, get with others guilt free without all the misleading and sneaking around.* *Everyone deserves a shot at forgiveness and redemption. Hear them out, understand why it happened, don’t belittle them or put them down, don’t get mad at them, don’t hold a grudge (actually forgive them, it’s more than just saying it). It’s not mean spirited to help them through their bad conscious decision and then no longer being in a relationship with them. They may beg you to stay with them but you have to help them understand that they deserve someone they wouldn’t want to risk losing. They will appreciate you for your kindness and helping to prepare them to be a better version of themselves for their next partner. I’ve done this and it’s way easier done than said.*

My wife’s AP was a therapist. She wanted to work it out at first, but then she got some great “therapy” so decided to leave. I think I’ll figure this out on my own.

@fairyliciousa275

2 жыл бұрын

My husband is a therapist and his AP he was serious with is also a therapist with her social science degree and the his other AP he had a one night stand with is a psychologist. Boggles my mind.

they use you cheat and never apologise, doubt this is all true. Stress or excitment? Poor cheaters isnt it?

He cheated on me since 2008 til now still how many times we separated and have two kids I found that he has many woman fooled and dealing with ..as of now he asked another chance but til now he still doing what I will do ..if it's not forbidden to kill someone I did already ..do you think that he can change or I will fuck up and stop believing his lies and playmind games ..even in our sex life I observed that how many times he reject me ..

Fix volume.

A woman who is hurting at home and wants to tell you her problems on a daily basis sometimes at work or at the store will meet a man who really don't care about their situations at home and will agree and come up with a lie to understand that feeling just to have sex but I tell many women don't fall for that trap because I used it in my days of being single just to have sex with her but that was the past

My ex got cheated on only for her to cheat on me... What does that say about her?

@aimees4990

2 жыл бұрын

Happened to me. It's because hurt people, hurt people 💔

@WishesandWonder

Жыл бұрын

Same here

@AL-sg2jd

8 ай бұрын

Same here. Isn’t that something crazy? They tel you how much it hurts them only to do it to you. Selfish disgusting people.

He returned to me physically present but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, morally absent. His pride self centeredness enslave him, totally. Is GOD will change him? I donnu.

Boohoo the cheater suffers.... Good..

@TheRumbles13

3 жыл бұрын

He said alot more then that..

@barrytheflashallen3941

3 жыл бұрын

You're the reason why they get angry when caught

@KrizpyGecko

3 жыл бұрын

@@barrytheflashallen3941 you sound like a cheater.

@barrytheflashallen3941

3 жыл бұрын

@@KrizpyGecko lol but i'm not

@damianmelvin5097

3 жыл бұрын

Should've never cheated

The cheater doesn't care they are not sorry. Never said sorry either èven while dying. Been gone 5 years now still get ptsd days. I wasn't getting my needs met he was impotent and tried blaming me he was a narcissist as well. I stayed because he cheated overseas but I rang the woman and told her she could have him. Seen he cheated. She had no idea we had a handicapped child. Selfish woman and thoughtless. She knew he was married. I didn't forgive him either. 46 years married and I wasted years because he was not easy to live with. Its absolute betrayal.

I have two questions, do you do work on the unfaithful specifically so they can change and be better. And how young do take the clients?

Yes it makes them an evil demon.

What if you just keep it inside and don’t expose it?? Is that worse? What if your torn? Please help

@ToddCreager

2 жыл бұрын

Jasmine- there are no simple answers. You may want to get some assistance. If you want to find out how I may help. email me at todd@toddcreager.com. Take care.

@jasmine3416

2 жыл бұрын

Your right there is no simple answers. It’s so hard. Thank you for your reply

@Spartan127c

2 жыл бұрын

Dont worry Jasmine....you'll reap whatever you are sowing..👍

@jasmine3416

2 жыл бұрын

@@Spartan127c I sure hope so. Thank you

@Spartan127c

2 жыл бұрын

@@jasmine3416 Yep...if you cheated...it will eat you up inside....which is good...I hate cheaters and they can all burn in hell...🙂

I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TRUST ANY MAN ON EARTH.

@ToddCreager

6 ай бұрын

It is always sad to see this because even though you obviously were hurt by a man or multiple men, now, you have let them steal from you something that you deserve- to be cared for by a trustworthy man. This generalization is a cognitive distortion that I know you probably have to protect yourself from future pain.

So why do it then ?

@nobodyknows2016

2 жыл бұрын

Because they choose too, and they don't want a good healthy relationship

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

Though I’m faithful in all my relationships… I feel nothing negative towards people who cheat. I was cheated on twice. The way I see it, if I were the right person for them than they wouldn’t cheat, it’s not their fault. Upon confirmation of being cheated on both times I completely disappeared without a trace (one a 2 year relationship, the other was 3 years). I don’t know if either of them knew that a discovered they were cheating, but that’s none of my business. Well, the one that I was with for 3 years, her other boyfriend confronted me with evidence, so maybe he told her. I took the tougher route of ghosting them, walking away clean, forgiving them, while holding no grudge towards them or seeking revenge. Mental toughness trumps pain. I quickly concluded- if someone is cheating on me, do you think they’re going care about me whining, complaining, my pain or frustration? Of course NOT because they concluded our relationship for both of us, that it’s not important; hence them deciding to cheat. So having a conversation with them is meaningless unless you get some kind of thrill out of making them look or feel bad during about what they did. What’s weak is asking them for an explanation with the false sense that it’s going to change or undue what happened. It’s one of the most mentally toughest feats you’d ever do is forgive them while ghosting. Truth is there a relationship where no closure makes sense, whether or not people agree.

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@C C I agree with everything you wrote. Many called me cold hearted for having that approach. It’s a necessary approach in my opinion.

GOD almighty Allah categorised the cheating is the same as killing someone or associate a partner with GOD is a big Sin

My husband still wants to go to the church where the emotional affair partner goes. It’s killing me. He seems so happy when he gets to go because I give in to his pouting, but then I’m just getting destroyed and dreading every Sunday. The church also minimizes the situation. My faith is getting very harmed because I feel like God and everyone are against me now. I feel so stupid that I can’t just leave. I’m attached and dependent on him. I feel like such a loser and ugly and uneducated, because I compare myself with the other woman. He most likely has undiagnosed autism which makes it even harder; he can’t see my perspective and calls me crazy and minimizes the fact that he “only took her out to lunch” with his ring off… Sorry for the rant. I just want to not hurt anymore. I wish I could build a life under the same roof and not think of any of this. I’ve asked him to please not mention the church or anybody there and let me just pretend it never happened. That plan has not gotten off the ground very well, as he gets contacted by people often and invited places by them. They’re all a trigger to me now. Does anyone have a suggestion of one or two things I can do just get up and move forward? I feel like my chest has been blown out.

@bittehiereinfugen7723

Күн бұрын

Get him to undergo adequate therapy - and also seek good therapeutic help for yourself! Learn to set boundaries for him, think carefully about what is important to you, and also state the consequences that you will draw if he does not respect these boundaries. But you also have to let the consequences follow, otherwise you will make yourself untrustworthy. Tell him about your feelings calmly and without accusations. There is a channel here (Affair Recovery) that I can highly recommend to you. If the other members of your church talk to you stupidly, talk to you about your marital problems without asking and judge you or put you under pressure - put them in their place, according to the motto: "If I were looking for advice from you, I would talk to you. But I don't think you're in a position to help me." Don't let yourself get down and stand up for yourself, you should be worth it. Learn to set boundaries. Not everyone has to like you, but once you have internalized that, this insight is very liberating.

I don’t agree with you at all. Obviously you have not seen the majority of couples who have to keep up with their spouse gaslighting, manipulating and beating the innocent partner. NO ONE should have to take that abuse. Narcissists are never remorseful and cannot convey empathy… it’s not in their chemical make up. The only thing you can do is leave and find shelter before it’s too late.

@MP-gw5kw

2 жыл бұрын

He wasn’t referring to narcissistic partners or abuse. And yes, if a partner is a narcissist there is no hope, and the best thing to do is run. They will somehow convince you it’s your fault for cheating.

@angielucas5164

2 жыл бұрын

Not everyone who cheats is a narcissist. That wasn't mentioned once in the video.

@QueVenGuey

Жыл бұрын

He wasn’t referring to narcissistic partners though 😬 that’s something entirely different. Those people have no hope. Remorseful ones do (maybe not in the same relationship, but another)

I was considering it, but hearing how much it ages you because of how stressful it can be changes my mind. Tganks for your video.

@terrywade3696

3 жыл бұрын

Mojo Jojo: Really? The thing you’re most concerned about is that it will AGE you? VANITY is what keeps you from cheating? So, what about your integrity, trustworthiness and love for your partner? If you love someone, your concern should be about protecting their heart from the kind of pain & devastation you cheating on them will give them! It’s worse than death! The one who loves you and trusts you believes that you love them. Cheating is lying to their face, keeping secrets from them, stealing their reality and their choices. You become a betrayer. Someone who’s selfish at their “loved” ones expense just so you can have your ego fed! You were considering it but it might age you? You have bigger problems than that, Peter Pan! People are not objects to play with! They have real grownup feelings! You can completely destroy the person who loves you in every way that a person can be destroyed because the person they love & trusts is the one who guts them with a knife! And you were considering it? Do women a favor and never go near them again!

@osio7528

2 жыл бұрын

You are evil

Yer hubby messed up by wen my hair dresser dyed hair red wen knocked shouted Hollies here wtf whos Hollie ? Then out n saw way they were sly glaces n pub she walked up to him n mouthed whos that im his wife ? But his aging n not sleeping or eating as good more aches n pains tiredness ec .

WHAT IF... YOU DIE TONIGHT? "And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works. Then Death and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire." (REVELATION 20:12-15) Today, while you are still alive and able, may you repent from your sins, believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that JESUS CHRIST is your Lord and Savior, so that through Him, your name will be written in the Book of Life. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." (JOHN 3:16-17)

I can see why the person that has gotten cheat on would react the way they would. However do you guys ever come to see this in a different perspective. So what you are saying is a men goes to prison for committing a crime time goes by and the man is freed. Now the man is regretful of his past so now he is trying to start fresh but because of his background people no longer respect him or treat him kindly. No one is giving the man a chance to change and instead are judging him. That is exactly what we are doing to do all those who have committed infidelity. Just because a person has commit such act we shouldn’t assume all cheater turn out to be the same way just like we do with prisoners. Some people that get out of prison come out trying to start a better life and fix their mistakes same with the cheater. While others go back to their ways but who are we to be the ones who make the judgement. Who are me to limit those who are trying to change their act truth is if someone is trying to get back on their toes let them. They want to fix their acts.

@ToddCreager

6 ай бұрын

I love this Sandra! Couldn't agree more!

Wake up! THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO NARCISSIST! Read that again

@Joyce_21

10 ай бұрын

💯

It's easy to judge and shame. Understanding takes strength.

@mojo4719

2 жыл бұрын

Accountability is needed to mature. The Peter Pan syndrome will only deter growth.

@miscelleneousstuff

2 жыл бұрын

Cheaters would be judged. They should be judged harshly.

Volume sooo low

How are you sympathetic to these cheaters?

@ToddCreager

6 ай бұрын

Cheaters are hurtful and infidelity is terrible but there is more to cheaters than their cheating. If you look at people on the surface, you miss some of the underlying factors that are going on. I see what I see and I see more to the story in every person who commits infidelity.

It’s somewhat unsettling that this video is made in what looks like a bedroom, not an office. This distracts from the message.

Benjamin is one of the trusted hackers out there, reach out to him for all types of hacking job via the above mail.

The man or woman needs to take part of the blame if the person was more open less angry n take there heads put of the phone or whatever it is he or she would feel more compatible but it's more the cheaters fault then the victim if he or she doesn't open there mouths it will keep repeating n it can very well turn extremely dangours I don't think the cheater be it man or woman would want to put there loved one in danger if the cheater is being bkacked mailed that can't happen if he or she speaks up if the other loves him or her they will stick together n find away to work it out

@angielucas5164

2 жыл бұрын

It is never the victims fault! There are more ways to solve problems than cheating.

If you've never been cheated on, this might sound reasonable. If you've cheated on somebody and hope to be forgiven, this probably sounds reasonable, but if you've been cheated on this sounds completely unreasonable...

@ToddCreager

6 ай бұрын

Tricia, I guess I would need to understand what is unreasonable to you. Take care.

@triciakuhn2406

6 ай бұрын

@ToddCreager To me it's unreasonable to expect anything from someone that you have so totally offended against, especially sympathy. This video reaks of an attempt to remind the victims that their abusers the people who have destroyed them, are human too... I ask cheaters one question, and it's always the same answer... Did your shame and regret stop you from cheating... they eventually have to admit that only getting caught stoped them... just like all serial offenders such as rapist, child molesters, or murders... Why is it that those who offend you always expect you to forgive and forget why is it that society always expects you to forgive and forget sometimes, the things that are done to you are impossible to forget whether you forgive them or not But forgiveness is contingent ...it always is on the people who are hurting you stopping or you leaving them to find recovery from the things they've done to you it doesn't matter how sorry someone is if they continue to do the things that destroy your soul forgiveness and forgetfulness are not beneficial to anyone except the abuser who expects they will always be forgiven and their offenses forgotten so they can continue without consequences.

Lust is a demon and if they have that they will not stop cheating.Get God in your life and be delivered from the demon of Lust.Only way

😢

I hate how we can justify what a cheater does

@ToddCreager

2 жыл бұрын

Nobody is justifying what a cheater does, Benjamin. It’s not OK. But just like any problem, if we don’t look deeper into it to understand why, nothing will change and will often get worse.

@zuludevil92

2 жыл бұрын

@@ToddCreager im in so much pain my wife cheated on me after 8 yrs of marriage so its still fresh i find it difficult ti ever forgive but my kids are involved so it complicates moving on.

@standground7956

Жыл бұрын

@@ToddCreager *There is nothing weak or strong about remaining with or leaving a cheater. You’re making a conscious decision, just like the cheater did when they betrayed you. A cheater makes a conscious decision: ‘What I’m about to do may jeopardize my trust with my partner, my relationship, but after careful consideration- I’m going to cheat because it’s worth the risk and I have my own reasons (what anyone thinks doesn’t concern me), my partner deserves me betraying them and wouldn’t understand so I’ll do it behind their back.’* *You should forgive a cheater and move on remembering the good times (regardless of length of relationship). Don’t hold a grudge or be mean spirited towards because they preferred to be with someone else and mislead you. One time is more than enough because cheaters made a conscious decision to betray you. You should never confront a cheater showing anger, frustration and upset because it’s meaningless; It’s only an ego stroke and laughing material for them. Cheaters don’t care what you think, how you feel or how their cheating affects you. Cheaters pretend to be remorseful when they’re caught, some will provide an Oscar worthy performance while crying saying they regret their actions. Ending a relationship with a cheater is the most unselfish thing you could ever do for someone else. It allows them to opportunity to have a clear conscience, get with others guilt free without all the misleading and sneaking around.* *Everyone deserves a shot at forgiveness and redemption. Hear them out, understand why it happened, don’t belittle them or put them down, don’t get mad at them, don’t hold a grudge (actually forgive them, it’s more than just saying it). It’s not mean spirited to help them through their bad conscious decision and then no longer being in a relationship with them. They may beg you to stay with them but you have to help them understand that they deserve someone they wouldn’t want to risk losing. They will appreciate you for your kindness and helping to prepare them to be a better version of themselves for their next partner. I’ve done this and it’s way easier done than said.*

This is “historical evidence” he’s taking about.

Nah man, there's no going back. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

@samuelvishesh

3 жыл бұрын

@lou davey Right...

@TheRumbles13

3 жыл бұрын

@lou davey bro stop shilling

@samuelvishesh

3 жыл бұрын

@Marian Nana Right...

@Moonxrockzzz

2 жыл бұрын

Everyone is different, If someone really loves you they would change but if they don’t they won’t.

@samuelvishesh

2 жыл бұрын

@@Moonxrockzzz nah, if someone loves the other, they would also respect the other enough to not cheat. That's is no love without respect in this regard.

I cheat on my boy 2 days ago. I’m not a bad person. I treat my love one like he deserves. Always giving everything but we are like so different. He is always hide on his room playing games and me for my self I like to go deep into the night, meet new people, dancing, go on a trip. Our dates is basically the same all the time. It was like that for 3 years. The fact is that I want to talk to him about it. Confess myself. How do I begin? What to avoid? I feel like a piece of crap but he is like my best friend and deserves the truth. Help me please 😢

What made them do it? Not wanting to be responsible. Oh single again while married. Dumb.

It's like a vampire sucking out the blood. What fools.

I don’t wanna listen to this guy talk someone sum it up

7 years later and we are separating this whole sht is better after uh not when the women is the cheater fck this

I have a tip for all the therapists peddling the “marriage can be saved” crap. If you really really want to do a service to society, spend the first 5 years after infidelity focus 100% on the victim of cheating and stop this garbage about the cheater. Let them suffer horribly. Make every conversation about pain and the damage they created. Then after the 5 years is up, recommend the victim divorce the cheater. The cheater needs to feel the full, lifelong weight of their betrayal. Whoever tells you their relationship is better, is lying. I’ve seen the “get over it” marriages. They’re broken beyond repair, and they admit to openly lying to their therapists.

@ToddCreager

2 ай бұрын

People have very strong feelings about this, and I totally understand. Just understand, though that I’m definitely not one of those get over it kind of therapists nor would I ever expect a victim of infidelity to just get over it. If you listen to some more of my videos, you’ll get a better sense of where I come from regarding those who betray. It’s not as simple as bad people are those that cheat. It’s just deeper and more complex than that and that truth has been experienced by me for now over four decades. But like I said before, I do understand the strong feelings.

@bobbywhitehead4204

2 ай бұрын

@@ToddCreager Respectfully, I think this is an excuse machine for cheaters. For every well intentioned therapist, theres a nutjob like Esther Perel sucking up the air with her crazy, “its okay to cheat and we have to change the dynamics” garbage. I admit to conflation with the extremist view, but there used to be social consequences for this crap. If your boss found out you would lose your job, your club memberships cancelled, banks would even refuse to work with you. That was decades ago. Now its, ‘cheat, fix some stuff, blame the partner of course because its always their fault, and no one has a problem with it’. I think the cheater is wholesale the issue. It starts with a lie - “I promise to be faithful”. At some point they fail to be honest about their issues. Again, NOT the fault of the victim. Then they act on the impulse. Its all masked narcissism. My biggest issue is acting as if this behavior should be normalized or even accepted. We do too much of that now. Out country has to stop “accepting” every indecent behavior simply for the sake of fixing the unfixable. Fix the victims. Thats who needs the help. I’m not saying you’re ill intentioned or you blame the victim. But if you separate the cheating from the marriage, thats a problem. They aren’t causal. The cheating is that partners world view of their partner. They openly devalue that person. They willingly abuse trust and love. They engage in cruelty. Thats their definition of marriage. To them the victim of their actions has asked for it, wants it, deserves it, whatever. No where in there is anything worthwhile. They asked for it, got it, and in many cases are proud of it. The question I would ask is an ethical one. By encouraging couples to stay together and work through it, inevitably blaming victims at some point, though maybe not intentionally, are you in fact promoting a cultural shift where cheating is becoming normalized and more acceptable? Its a serious ethical question…

@bittehiereinfugen7723

Күн бұрын

​@@bobbywhitehead4204As a cheated wife, I would like to tell you that in my opinion you are sitting on a damn high horse. There is so much hatred in your words that I truly feel sorry for you. And you really don't seem to want to understand anything about the psychology of cheating, which is a shame. Because it's actually very interesting what goes on in the soul of a cheater. Cheating has always occurred, and current research indicates that cheating occurs in approximately 45% of all relationships. Of course - as always, as in all previous centuries - we can sweep everything under the carpet. Or we can do educational work. My husband and I are one of those couples that you categorically doubt exist. I don't see my husband as a bad person, but rather as a person who just felt shitty in his life for a while but couldn't talk about it. That's why he became addicted to sex and porn and went to prostitutes for years - for the dopamine kick. Despite this, he always loved me and was always afraid of losing me. And- he was always there for me! He never neglected me, spent every free minute with me, was always kind and considerate. This is of course an extremely abbreviated version of our story. With your hateful attitude, you are cheating yourself from learning something important about us humans. And the alleged consequences that cheating is said to have had in the past - when and where did that happen? It sounds like Fantasyland to me.

Boo hoo.

I used Uncoverlinks_Online cyber services as a therapy session, taking us through a very chaotic mind and leaving us with a sense of peace and resolution at the end. He used this album as a way to document the breaking of generational curses that have kept his family toxic for so long while also giving the culture permission so that we can start breaking our own generational curses even if it means using him as the means to do so. Bless

What makes Uncoverlinks_Online a genius is he literally got cancelled from all social media platforms and got more famous with more views, and not from his Rumble. He has other people post for him and spread his word and they literally cannot stop him nor figure out how to stop him. I do think he is a genius. I am a surgeon, I consider myself very smart but I don’t know if I would be true genius level. I find him in that rare upper echelon of intelligence

First of all. Thank you for making the work sping so easy and taking your responsibility seriously and completing cyber work gracefully! You deserve to be refered. Uncoverlinks_Online does what he says he is going to do and his ethics are of the highest quality in cyber spy.

Uncoverlinks_Online is such a gifted cyber private investigator. He's been a great talent even before the target knows what his up to. But thank God now the world knows that the bro is really good at his work. I wish him the best in his future endeavors.

Uncoverlinks_Online is the best cyber expert I've ever seeing on YT. The dedication, passion and humor he has in these spy hub is what makes it so amazing. I’m happy it's easy to use on backend but excited to see you give that penny to cheater !

Uncoverlinks_Online gonna make it in the cyber spy business, regardless. he's amazing. The way he gives you remote control of other people’s phone is those high notes like a 30 year veteran was insane.