90% of my bullying happened in the workplace as an adult. Mean girls grow into mean women.

@barbiec4312

2 ай бұрын

Ooof, I experienced bullying at work from a younger woman and didn’t even recognize it as such until someone pointed it out. Coworkers told the boss who asked me about it. The bully was transferred to another location and job type away from our prime positions and location within 3 months. I recognized that I need to stand up for myself, even though I always thought I was strong.

@MichaelaH2059

2 ай бұрын

Very true

@Chris-tg3qy

2 ай бұрын

@@barbiec4312. The fact that you didn’t know about it kind of shows strength. You can re-frame it to say you ignored it. Good for your boss and co- workers for doing the right thing.

@ceciliawilson6328

2 ай бұрын

High school never ends. I heard that in a movie and find it true. Insecure people do mean things. And a lot of their behavior carries over into adulthood.

@lillianbarker4292

2 ай бұрын

Me too! Pure Hell.

I am a teacher, and I am going to show my students this video. Your eight lessons learned are excellent tools for anyone facing bullying. Thank you for laying it out so succinctly. Be well and be blessed!

@melblacke5726

2 ай бұрын

This is an excellent idea.

Bullying affects your entire life even after it ends and even when you think you're fine. It's really damaging. Hard to overstate that. Thanks for sharing

@Syl-Vee

2 ай бұрын

This is so true.

@justathought7221

2 ай бұрын

Yea it does. It followed me to this day. I left a country to get away from the bullying.

@catherinerhyno9581

2 ай бұрын

Heartfelt and very useful advice, which I found very validating. Thank you.

@californiadreamin5093

2 ай бұрын

I think it’s the reason I never married. It’s hard to trust.

@Jenny-mo8bu

2 ай бұрын

@@californiadreamin5093 I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sorry you had to endure that and that it's still affecting you.

My generation was told "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". What a horrible lie that is. Words are like daggers to the soul.

Bullying is the typical manifestation of shame, self-loathing and lack of control of individuals who tend to have cluster B personality disorders. It’s the way they find to blow off the steam of what’s happening inside of them. Sad thing is, it’s not even about the person being bullied, it’s about themselves. Many will traumatize other people and won’t even remember because they were too focused on themselves to begin with. I wish this would be discussed more often.

My bully cornered me in a restroom at our 10 year reunion. I was in the stall, having a minor freak out about coming out, as though I was still 12. 😂 She actually followed me so she could apologize. It was an amazing, healing and cleansing experience. No one I've told the story to can believe it. I am so grateful to her for having the courage to do the right thing 16 years later!!

Wow, thank you for this. I was bullied for years as a child-I was chubby, glasses and braces, and started my period at age 9 in a white skirt, in class. There was a pack of bullies that called me “bloody Nancy”. Teachers and my parents did nothing. I wanted to die every day. I’m in my 60s now with good friends and a dear husband but even with years of therapy the bullying has scarred me and shaped my self image. I’m glad you’re thriving and sharing your story.

@loveherenow.

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing YOUR story, too. My heart goes out to nine-year-old (and older) you. ❤

@NailGirlInMontana

Ай бұрын

Ohhh wow that's horrible! I'm sorry you went through that. My bullies weren't all that bad, but it still hurt my feelings! Your experience sounds so terrible! 😭❤

Being bullied gives you a deeper understanding of people's nature and you learn to give certain types a wide birth. Tough lessons though ❤

@Syl-Vee

2 ай бұрын

You learn to navigate, lol

Bullying doesn’t stop at school age. I’m 72 and I’ve been bullied in my adulthood. In all places a church group. Unfortunately I stopped going to that church. The politics in church hierarchy is crazy.

@doricetimko5403

2 ай бұрын

Fortunately you chose the best option. Kudos.

After being bullied by my younger brother for all my life, I "divorced" him last year. Told him not to visit or call. He hasn't and I'm happier. But I still remember with sadness because it could have been better for all those decades.

I had a girl try to bully me in high school. One day she told me that she as going to meet me outside on a break and whip my hind end. Well, when I showed up at the meeting site and ready to stand up for myself outside of the classroom, her demeaner changed and she no longer bullied me any longer. I was ready to get my butt kicked, but I knew if I hid and didn't take up her offer she would always bully me. I found most bullies are all talk with no action. I have never been bullied since.

I was bullied as a child due to my obesity. I'd come home from school crying about some of the horrible comments the kids made and my mothers only response was 'empty barrels make the most noise". I learned to defend myself and I did. By the time I got to 6th/ 7th grade, I mouthed off at anyone that made a nasty comment. When I was a teenager, I put myself on a diet and began to embrace exercise and lost a lot of weight. As a result, I became a woman that didn't take anyone's crap for any reason. In my case, the bullies taught me to be self-sufficient which I still am to this day. It also, unfortunately, taught me that people can't be trusted. Our childhoods truly shape the remainder of our lives.

I bullied a girl in 5th grade at the time I was being abused by a priest and I think I needed to feel control. I cry when I think about hurting my classmate and I reached out in my 50s to apologize. All bullies are not the same...some of us have regrets ♡

@Summerrose400

2 ай бұрын

That is a very brave thing to do , owning up and apologising to your victim.

@allkindsamusicchick

2 ай бұрын

That a girl! Great Job!

I have learned that gossip is a form of bullying. I dropped out of most social media because I was tired of the gossip.

@maureen14

Ай бұрын

Same here.

The philosophy of stoicism explains how to deal with negative people. “The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

@robins_nest_

2 ай бұрын

I love Marcus A. So much wisdom. Great quote.

I was bullied my entire childhood. I still feel the effects of it at the age of 54. Thank you for this video. I'm going to save it and watch it again. Hopefully, some healing will happen for me and give me better strategies for the future.

@joykennel5348

2 ай бұрын

❤🙏❤️

I was severely bullied all through middle school and high school because a large group of "mean girls" just didn't like the way I looked and hated my face. I'm now thankful for Patty, Carol, and the gang for their invaluable early life lesson. It turned me into a compassionate, empathetic, and brutally confident woman. I choose to shine my light and love on others and never let anyone dull my sparkle. You're my kind of human! God bless you for this upload ❤❤❤❤

Unfortunately, children who are bullies sometimes grow up to be adults who are bullies. Sometimes you don't have the luxury of ignoring a bully. That's when you need to stand up for yourself.

As someone who has a long history of being hurt most of my life, I have spent my adult life trying to make myself as unavailable to as many people as I possibly can. I would way rather have no friends, no support in my life and be completely alone than to have fair weathered friendships or be surrounded by people who make me feel even more alone. That’s my two cents worth.

@vernabryant2894

2 ай бұрын

I think just like you.

@LaurieC0812

2 ай бұрын

100% agree.

@nnjack9931

2 ай бұрын

I agree. It's kinda sad but true.

As introverts we appreciate our friends. We enjoy the gift of meaningful friendships, because we avoid superficial people. So I think we have the best friendships of all. Now you also have internet friends; not deep friendships, granted, but still valuable. After all, we are like minded or we wouldn't continue listening. I appreciate you.

I was bullied as a child too. I think as a result, I keep my friend circle on the small side and am choosy about who I allow in.

My take away now that I'm older is when I finally realized that bullies are not my people, they take pleasure in hurting others and often they are more judgemental to themselves. I'd much rather be me imperfect and as kind as I can be than to be someone who takes pleasure in other people's pain. Just imagine being them!

Wow! Talk about thought-provoking! I was an obese child so the bullying came freely from all directions, including random strangers. I have worked on my self esteem for my entire adult life. There is hope !! 👍🇨🇦😎🙏💝

@LAVirgo67

2 ай бұрын

Same here! Fat kid & fat adult. The bullying as a kid was relentless. Thankfully, it did get better as I grew up & I moved away to college.

I am an adult. Bullying is not restricted to children.unfortunately I have been bullied by a neighbor. Soon after I moved in she started cursing at me. She even has told me I should “move to a farm.” Yes, I suppose she is mentally ill.however, I still dislike the behavior. Stay safe out there. Bullying is bad at any age.

@susanwilson4695

2 ай бұрын

I have an elderly neighbor, he is a narcissist and feels he is king. He demands money, I blocked my phone, do not answer the door and keep all his mail. He has trashed talked me to others, but he is 85, all I have to do is wait and that makes me smile. He wants interaction for gossip. I do not comply.

Me too. Bullied so much by about a dozen kids at one school, then the other. Bullied horribly at home by a narcissistic mother. Bullied at work! I'm happily living in another country. The beach and the ocean are my peace and therapy. Thank you for sharing your story.

@wishfulbeauty

11 күн бұрын

Key WORD …..a family of origin of a Narc or many Narcs . It’s a spiritual sabatoge until one leaves the unit and comes out of agreement/ breaks the LIE of illusion . The spiritual sabatoge is via their disillusion gossip and slander of you to others behind your back . Comes then into the physical manifestation of others to abuse you in friend groups, career, jobs and so much more. Thank god I was AWAKENED out of the demise and misery of such a miserable bunch of “mean girls” who were unfortunately, all maternal side -mother, grandmother, aunts . Now I feel ICCK when I’m around such . Planning to move to the beach in the future as well You should start a KZread channel of reflection on how you came to LEARN the TRUTH. Ps. In my uncovering …a lot of hidden SA brushed under the rug 😑😤 I’ll be one of your subscribers

It is difficult if one is financially dependent on a bully.

@paisleyhunter

2 ай бұрын

Boss? Because I went through this. It's so hard.

@MichaelaH2059

2 ай бұрын

Document everything, record conversations if possible.

@burgesscr

2 ай бұрын

It's complicated when the bully is a spouse. I read books and learned to become smart about money, and managed my own income stream, quietly. I understand the feeling of having your hands tied like this.

@ritahemmerly4224

2 ай бұрын

When there is a will, there is a way. Find it!

Your take on bullying is spot on. Please keep speaking your truth. I love your channel and I will continue to watch and support you. Much love

I too was brutally bullied, will never forgive it or forget their names, holding on to it has protected me from toxic people with similar characteristics.

You are lucky to have friends 😊. I am a 56 year young woman and have no friends 😢. It is hard to make friends...

@virginiasummer2619

2 ай бұрын

It certainly gets harder as you get older.

I lost my job at 58 by 2 bosses that worked together in bullying. The heath care organization ceo decided over 50 too old and not flexible. Your video on your job loss drew me to your site. I started a publication org, translated a dissertation and wrote a small book. I love gardening and animals, this keeps me busy. Toxic people make a toxic workplace.

@doricetimko5403

2 ай бұрын

Continued blessings to you💜

@rosygreen7

2 ай бұрын

Aww. I totally relate. Similar thing happened to me. I had a fantastic job in a male dominated industry and was very successful. I won way more awards and promotions than anyone else I worked with. Everything changed when the national board replaced most of the senior managers and did a major restructure. They employed the most heartless psychopathic lazy manager. He brought over 2 guys who worked for him in a previous company he worked for. Well the trio plotted and schemed and did not advise me of important meetings etc. There was a major restructuring and redundancies announced and I am sure that they felt that I was a threat. Only a few months earlier I won the national award for the best performance as a sales manager. I had always gotten along with my customers and co workers until this evil trio came along and destroyed the company. They bullied, spread rumours and trash talked the employees. The new manager when talking about women managers in another state often referred to them as C’s. I just wished that I had documented everything so as I could have taken them to court. They were that bad I’m sure no one would believe how awful they were unless I could legally record some of their conversations. I was absolutely devastated to lose my job, but I am thankful for not having to work in such a toxic workplace. Hope you have healed. I know it can take years. Sounds like you are on the right path with gardening and writing and enjoying animals. ❤❤❤

I was not bullied, but was snubbed by girls in high school. I had a group of friends and they decided to snub me so I was left alone. It was traumatic too. I had dropped out of school because of the isolation and then earned my GED, went to college and earned my Masters Degree in teaching. Those girls were the popular group. They do not even know what they did to me since I never brought it up when seeing them in my town. I still occasionally run into a few of them, but they are friendly not realizing what they did. Most say I needed to get over it in which I did. But what is interesting is because they were so self-absorbed they were clueless that it ruined my high school years. I am fine now, but it took a long time. I am 55 now. And of course I am not invited nor would I ever go to high school reunions. I will never forget the hurt, but I have had a great life so it did not destroy me thankfully. Hugs for what you went through too.

I learned that forging my own path, despite toxic feedback, was always the best route in life.

I am the oldest of five. When bullied at school in 7th grade, I took it for a time. I had other friends, like you, in different places and my younger siblings. None attended the same school because of age and school divisions. I was a good student in the AP classes and was involved in activities. One day, this mean girl, the bully, got me at lunch recess. Well, I had enough. I followed her up the stairs and put her in a locker, and shut the door. Several teachers saw it. They smiled at me as I went to class. Someone finally shut her up. After that, she found me to talk. She showed me her wrists that she had cut. I told her that she didn't have to do that and was a pretty girl, and whatever made her so unhappy was not worth that. She got some counseling and no more bullying. I hope she is still doing alright. It was back in 1972. A long time ago😅. I still think about it. She didn't like my happiness or loving family. So she tried to make me sad, too. How sad these bullies must be. If she hadn't hit me, who knows? I just treated her like one of my pesky brothers. No harm. Just go away.😅

Hi Jen. I'm fairly new to your channel, and am very much enjoying your channel. I can relate to bullying. I just turned 65, and this took place in the 6th grade. A "mean" girl started a rumor that I didn't wear underwear and that I had had a nose job. At 11 or 12, this destroyed me at the time. Every now and then, I think of the experience, but I think in some way, it made me a more compassionate person. And in return, I taught my own daughters to be empathetic to others who try to put them down. They're adults now, well adjusted, but my daughter did have a horrible incident of bullying in the 4th grade. She handled it well, even though she was hurt at the time. I'm not impressed with titles or status either. I, like you, have a diverse group of friends. I think as we age, we are more selective in choosing friends. I appreciate you sharing your experience. Have a great day. You have a very calm and soothing demeanor. Hugs to you. René

@Juanita5359

2 ай бұрын

There must be something about grades 4-7 that brings out the evil in kids. I know its adolescence, but it just escalates and its like "pack mentality".

I was bullied and ostracized in grade 5 and 6..to this day i still dont know why. I remember not telling my mom because i thought she would think something was wrong with me because the school kids didnt like me. It was a small school and i had no idea how to handle it so i just stayed by myself. Im 56 now and it still stings a little.

@sharonhodkinson2011

Күн бұрын

I didn't tell my parents about my bullying either because I thought they would see me differently. They would suddenly see the fault in me that the bullies saw and would join them and dislike me also. I am 63 and just say away from people.

I was bullied a lot in school and also by my two older siblings... I've been researching undiagnosed autism and convinced that is my problem... It helps a lot to know my brain just works differently and I can be confident with my special ways of acting and thinking...

When I was 7 and in grade 3, a group of girls decided to try to force me to do something I didn't want to do, so I just collapsed onto the ground, totally relaxed. They couldn't get me to do anything, so they went off in a huff, saying I was mental, and never bothered me again for ages. If any other child hit me, I pretended I didn't feel it, and just ignored it, no matter how much they hit me. Again, they thought there was something wrong with me, and left me alone. I also didn't speak to them. As and adult,the best thing anyone can do to annoy another person is pretend they don't exist and do not acknowledge their talk, greetings, waving, yelling etc. They will say rude things, they will get angry. But they will decide there is something wrong with you (never themselves) and leave you alone. (Well, so far, and I'm nearly 70)

I’m 67, and have put up with a lot of crap throughout my life. But I agree that age and experience teach you not to tolerate a lot of garbage. I just wish I’d have known that when I was younger. 😎

Having friends not meeting each other is the best thing. When everyone meets each other it just causes problems, believe me.

@Faith_and_Hope_07

2 ай бұрын

I agree.

@Chris-tg3qy

2 ай бұрын

I don’t think they need to meet either. They have different interests and it’s kind of nice to have several different safe places rather than one blended place that has now changed.

@foodinaflurry

2 ай бұрын

I agree. Keep them separate 😊

My bully was my older sister. A few years back she told me that she never would have chosen me as a friend and she’s only tolerated me as a sister. We haven’t talked in 4 years. It hurt, but her decision and words came from her own fears and loss, and nothing that I could have ever done to her.

@KristineT4525

2 ай бұрын

My older sister has been my lifelong bully as well. I grew up hearing “why do you have to be so weird? You are so embarrassing! I don’t even want people to know we’re related. I’m having friends over so you need to disappear.” I’m 56 now and she’s no better. I’ve embraced my quirky personality and love my life. It’s sad that she is still trying fit in with some false standards. Here’s to moving on!,

My bullies are all dead. One got hit by a car when he ran out of gas coming home from the riverboat casino, and staggered out in the middle of the road, drunk at night. The other was murdered by another one of our classmates 2 years after graduation. The other bully beat up this guy and broke his jaw, the victim then went home, got his gun and finished him off. I guess that put a stop to his bullying for sure. My bullying wasn't bad enough for me to change schools, though. I was good at avoiding people.

@Angela-uo4ur

2 ай бұрын

Karma

@judyblakely7450

2 ай бұрын

Karma! There is a certain person in my universe that needs a little karma.

@munchkinheaven7877

2 ай бұрын

Irritation makes a Pearl

@TallyDrake

2 ай бұрын

😳

TEAM INTROVERT! ❤🎉

My father was my biggest bully growing up. He made sure I knew how much he hated my appearance ( I had an undiagnosed genetic disease that greatly affected how I looked - pimples, pigmentation, overweight, facial hair etc) and just me as a person. It made me shrink as an individual. I struggled with extremely low self esteem and ended up with toxic partners. I am healing and doing better now. Bullying is horrible

I'm 63 now. And I agree with a lot of your videos. I must admit I admire your attitude.

I have more empathy after being bullied as a child. It does forever change you.

The bully in my life is my sister. Takes the high school mean girl to a whole new level.

@wildhorses6817

2 ай бұрын

Yes, my experience also.

I am loving your channel - had similar experience going from grade 4 to 5 but my parents made the opposite choice. I was ostracized anyway and called “smarty-pants” and other not so kind monikers by kids who were jealous. Teachers asked me not to raise my hand if I knew the answer and to give others a chance. I eventually learned the “burden” of being smarter than average and watched others with similar talents try to hide their abilities just so they could fit in. Today my life is similar to yours - I live alone, and I LOVE my life. I have genuine friends I can engage in intelligent conversation and a deep abiding faith that sustains me. Please continue your bi-weekly videos. The world needs more truth and practical intelligent thinkers. 😊

I experienced toxic work environment!

@ceciliawilson6328

2 ай бұрын

Me too. Even though my supervisor knew and spoke with me about it, nothing really changed. I felt management wanted to present their department as cohesive and professional, with no problems. It was called a real eye opener.

I'm an introvert, too, with many, many friends and a full social life. A lot of people don't understand that being an introvert doesn't mean you're shy, or not social. What it amounts to for me is that I need LOTS of time to myself, and time to recharge after being with people. I truly enjoy your videos!

Oddly, as a Christian I've come across a lot of Christian bullies in my life. Not sure what that's all about. I have been very open about not going to church but instead having a personal relationship with God daily, and yet I would be bombarded with church invites and Bible study gatherings. Usually, I would agree to go to 1 or 2 with a reminder of my preference but then I would get ghosted or told I'm going to hell for not fully committing. I'm an introvert too and that's just how I feel closer to God without, for lack of a better word, distractions. If people want to go to church, I fully support that but to bully and judge people who don't probably isn't the best approach either.

@catherinewilson1079

2 ай бұрын

Bullies are everywhere including church. In fact church is the worst place for bullying. Where there are lots of unspoken rules there will be lots of bullying. “Wherever 2 or 3 gather in my name, I will be there” (Don’t remember the location of this in the Bible🙄)

I was bullied at a job I really loved. I kept my mouth shut living in this toxic environment for years. The problem was that there were 5 bullies in a very small area. I went to therapy and was told I should leave (run) but to this day the bullying has affected me financially and menta!ly. I lost good benefits and the job itself I really liked.

71 going on 72, been bullied off and on all my life. Grade school, workplace and neighbors. What a horrible experience, I mean I could go on and on. The most current problem was bullying with neighbors, don't want to go to all the details. It would take a novel. Started with being a small, petite and short person. The most recent was neighbors trying to recruit new neighbors to start in on bullying me! I can now tell when someone is trying to bully me, the new neighbors did start doing it, and let's just say "I beat them to the punch"

My husband had raging acne starting in 5th grade and was bullied until high school. He developed a fabulous sense of humor and great compassion for others. Another bullied friend said she developed her sense of humor because when the other kids were laughing, their eyes were closed 😂. Bullying made me stronger but still vulnerable. It helped me when I taught students of color and Native Americans. They are bullied by society and many have internalized shame and low self worth just as I had-with a strong sense of humor to cope.

Thank you Jen for sharing this! You've outlined some great points. I will share this with my daughters. I too was bullied in 5th grade by a boy and had to change grade schools. Only to return to High school with the same kid. Everyone thought he was great and one of my childhood friends was dating him (fortunately they didn't end up together, she was too nice for him). But I still have to deal with him at reunions where everyone talks about him like he's a hero. He was a football "star" in high school and a Firefighter. So he has a good cover story. But last year after a reunion I realized how much that still effected me at 58 years old. I have tried explaining to friends why I don't like him or trust him and have gotten the basic, "get over it" response from several, including my best friend of 40 years. I find myself relying on my wider circle of friends now and focusing on new friends that fit better with whom I've become, not what others always thought I was. Love your stories! Thanks for sharing them!!

Bullies are bullied children themselves. If you were to meet them in the street years later, they probably have no idea who you are or what they did. They move on very quickly. Don’t let bullies ruin your lives, forget them, they may not still be alive anyway. 👍

@californiadreamin5093

2 ай бұрын

Easier said than done. You can’t forget years of bullying and lost rites of passage like never being invited to high school parties or the prom. I’m in my 60’s. It;s a part of me. Nothing I ever do will change that. Thank you bullies, for ruining my life.

@TheMarihifenanna

2 ай бұрын

@@californiadreamin5093Please don’t give them all this power. ❤

I learned that bullies are really insecure in themselves and the only way to get attention is to torture someone else. My bully lasted a day (so she thinks, secretly I was scared of her. Never showed it though.). I am an introvert. But shine in my own way.

So many gems 💎 I like that you said not to change for the bully. 🙏🙏🙏 48 years old and I’m Born and raised in New York City- a city full of many cultures and traditions. I was raised to not let anyone bully me - and not to bully someone as well. However, I see bullying characteristics on the bus, in the street, and the workplace. I have learned to not allow those people to be a part of my soul, spirit and also let them be aware that they are not allowed to bully me. I don’t run away , I stand up, I don’t back away , I’m Not a physical threat- but I’m capable of speaking up and know when to back down - I often say to myself: the wisdom to know the difference 🙏

This was very insightful. Thank you for sharing. About 2 years ago I was visiting my hometown and my brother and I attended a village fair. He bumped into an old friend of his and introduced me-I almost didn’t recognize him 50 years later but it was a boy who used to bully me as I walked home from school. I did not hold back, very unusual for me, but I looked at him in the eyes and said “oh my God, you were SO MEAN to me! Do you remember how you used to follow me home? the things you used to say to me?” he had no memory of this, he looked very surprised at my reaction to “meeting” him. He didn’t apologize. He said he didn’t remember, but I felt awesome afterward. Being able to yell at him for those 10 seconds really helped me pull my power back.

Senior on senior bullying is the worst. Especially when there a group of them lead by a lead bully. I feel sorry for them when they go through an afterlife review after they die.

My bully was the one person who loved me best. It was my dad. He was trying to protect me from myself because I was gullible, innocent. It took me a long time to forgive my dad, but when he had Alzheimers he acted out exactly what traumas he had lived. I cried. He was showing me what he had lived. I cried. Hurt people do hurt people, he thought he was helping me, but he was the only person that never lied to me. His intentions were good, but bullying kills our self confidence. He didn't know that. He's been RIP for the last 24 years but he remains in my heart and I forgive the person, his love was real. But bullying wasn't helpful, his sincerety and love was. ❤

@opinionatedone

2 ай бұрын

That's hard emotional work. Blessings.

I believe snobbism and bullying are the same. The only antidote is to ignore them, an act they simply can not handle. They suffer extreme insecurities. Your talks are so to the point and very confidence-building. What a pleasure!

I kept ignoring someone at work and their bullying toward me and it got worse and worse. It was like he was trying his hardest to get a reaction and because I never gave it to him, it got worse and worse. I started having panic attacks at work and he started getting other co workers to do the bullying for him when he wasn’t there. People that I had good conversations with started treating me like crap. I eventually left that job. I was also recently told that it’s not the bully with the problem, but the one who can’t handle the bully.

@silverandsolo

2 ай бұрын

I'm glad you got out of there, what a despicable place to work!

@TallyDrake

2 ай бұрын

Anyone who says the bully isn't the one with the problem is a bully themselves.

When I was bullied in school, the counselors told me it was my fault, that I needed to buck up and learn to be tougher. It was such a medieval mindset. I really hope that schools have changed

Definitely the indifference. Finding a way around a bully's behaviour and not giving them my valuable energy. Great video, I wish more people spoke openly about this. ❤

I was severely bullied all throughout my childhood by an older sister - I'm male - and by the time I got to high school, I had been so conditioned to that abuse I was a prime target for bullying there, as well. All of that greatly informed the rest of my life, and despite working very hard over the years to try to fully regain my mental and emotional health, I don't believe I have, or ever will. There's a deep sadness in me - almost like a huge gash in my soul - and I believe it will stay with me for the rest of my life.

@catherinewilson1079

2 ай бұрын

Therapy??? 💕

@jod6cindy

2 ай бұрын

@catherinewilson1079 Thank you. I've had many years of it, and I've worked hard at it, too, but the painful memories are still there. I think a child's psyche is like a sponge, and the messages that are given to it bury themselves so deep, the remnants of them remain there for the rest of that person's life.

@bieberfan6300

2 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I hope one day you find you can find happiness x

@jod6cindy

2 ай бұрын

@@bieberfan6300 Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

@catherinewilson1079

2 ай бұрын

@@jod6cindy I’m sorry. I understand. I have never tried it but I have heard EMDR could help.

Jen, you are very wise and intelligent and well spoken. You just talk to your subscribers. I know you put much thought in to what you’re going to say but you are not reading a script. I love that!

I'll bet you will get a zillion comments here. Add me to the list of having been bullied. All from using one word that seemed "funny" to the bully (6th grade). For two years she would see me in a public place. She was always with a friend in tow. She would walk right up to me and ask how my "special word" was doing with a grin on her face. Finally, one day, I turned to her as she spoke. When she was done, I laughed out loud and explained, "That was pretty funny, wasn't it?" I genuinely laughed again. The surprised look on her face was priceless. She never approached me again. I am also an introvert who has different "group friends." It is better for me to keep them separate because they don't understand each other's interests. Thanks for sharing.

Reading all the comments is an eye opener for sure. At 74 I'm still not over my bulling experiences as a child possibly because two of the worst were family members.

@kathyoliva6966

2 ай бұрын

Yes ditto

Unfortunately people do not change. They may grow up, but their behavior doesn’t change. They may even want to change but because it’s very hard to do, most will not. I’m also an introvert and have found most of the people I worked with were bullies. Manufacturing seems to grow them by leaps and bounds. I found if I stood up for myself and become more, forceful let’s say, those people stayed away from me. But that said, most of my closest friends I worked with for years. I now let no one even try to bully me. Life is too short to put up with that crap. Love your channel doll.

I wasn’t personally bullied but I still remember the rage I felt towards a bully that was making a school friend life hell. Even as a child I knew injustice and cruelty dished out by bullying was toxic and dreadful. I became a nurse and am a fierce advocate for my patients as I can now step in whereas a child I felt I could not. You are a very wise woman and a pleasure to spend time watching your thought provoking videos. Thank you for that.

Bullied in grade school and have spent life avoiding people but am envious that you have friends. I'm older than you and haven't figured out how to make friends. I think I'm afraid of being rejected. You see what your filters allow you to see 😢

I dealt with my bully by clever, calculated imposition of intimidation and threats: You'd be surprised how a bully's attitude changes when you act in such a way as to make him believe he has awakened the sleeping giant within a closet psychopath.

48. Bullying changes you. Permanently. It alters life. That's the truth. I have forgotten names of my bullies. Most of em. I probably will remember their face if i came across. But it affected my behaviour, self confidence forever. Nothing replaces the broken trust and loss of self confidence. No matter how much you achieve, you still remain unconfident and keep thinking you will be hated and dismissed for no reason and mean people will lie about you and laugh at you. That never goes away. So, saying get over it, is so stupid. How? No one knows how. But, yes one realizes, everyone faces something or the other. And its also true, that not everyone you meet is nasty. We all just have unlucky phases and we come across bad persons. But we also meet amazing kind people. So lesson. MOVE. When you find yourself surrounded by mean people...RUN AWAY. You cant improve them. Just AVOID them.

For me at age 7-, my bully is my twin sister. I recently separated from her for the second time and I’m not sure if I want to re-connect with her ever again, frankly. Do I miss her? Yes. There are aspects of her that I enjoy very much, however, I deserve to be treated with respect in any relationship, regardless of whether they are a relative or a friend. Toxic dysfunction has no place in my life anymore. I’m glad I finally figured that part out at least! Thank you for your input, Jen. 😊

@Juanita5359

2 ай бұрын

I thought I had a bad bullying experience but it has to suck for your own twin to torment you. I hope for you healing and peace.

When I see / hear unkind people it doubles down my efforts to be better than that with my own interactions with folks. Once i see it as “their “problem I have a mindset shift and do not absorb any toxicity ❤Go Jen ❤

Ahhh bullying… I was bullied for many years as a child. .. it really took a toll on me.. I was somewhat of a homely child with very exaggerated features that weren’t very flattering. In no way am I about revenge, BUT.. the group of young ladies and a few gentlemen, if you will .. haven’t faired so well. I go through in my mind each and every one of them.. and life hasn’t rewarded them for their bad behavior.. I was actually physically ill much of my childhood because of these young people and my home life.. it was PAINFUL! But here I am doing well! I love my life and I’m doing my best to find forgiveness for those who broke my heart time and time again.. I would like to say I’m grateful for all that I experienced but I’m not there yet. I can say my this.. I’m very aware of mean people and I do not tolerate them.. I’m for sure a very outspoken strong woman because of my unfortunate experiences as a child. Here’s to moving on and healing our broken pieces.❤😊

As a bullied child, I understand. I have also been bullied at the workplace as an adult. Even in my 50's! I am soon to retire, and just like you, I handle things very differently, and that is the best thing about growing older.

I was bullied 'by adults' when I moved, as a single working mother with a young daughter after a move to a small insular community.....add to that coming from a rather disengaged family, shall we say, some of whom were in the area..... What I learned...hmm not sure what I learned that balanced out the undeserved pain and anguish, except for, I could be the fiercest momma bear to my cub. Man was I brave...purchasing a home, going back to school, upgrading my job to the point that I was an administrator in a university., a thankless however well paying endeavour..... Yes we moved and it was another brave endeavour ... Not sure one ever let's it go entirely... I read Wayne Dyer religiously.....and he was my saviour. ♥️🇨🇦

I understand the separated friends group ❤

I was also bullied,and it really shaped me, thanks ma'am.

Some people are forced to live with bullies in their own families. Interesting dynamic when you skip a grade when you're under 10. I was 8. ... Forgiveness has healthy benefits. Many bullies were themselves traumatized and so are worthy of being pitied rather than feared or disdained. Yes, I agree with indifference -- why waste your precious life energy? Hahaha "off a ducks back" is a phrase I also like to use. Yes, in the workplace, objectivity and consistent documentation are key. And me too, bully radar makes me place myself between the bully and the intended victim. Thanks for a generally entertaining, thought provoking and informative channel.

Great video Jen! My mother was my bully. Living with her for 17 years only made me stronger. I had tons of friends at school. She treated me badly in many ways and one of those ways was to keep me home from school or to make me late for school on a daily basis. After I graduated from high school, I moved 300 miles away from her and lived with my Dad’s brother and his wife. Life has been a struggle, but I am stronger for it. I retired in 2011 after a career making over $100k USD yearly. I know now that my mother was the bully but she taught me how to survive.

@MadonnaGrogan

2 ай бұрын

Family can be the worst and cruelest, as an adult, let go move on, live your best fun life

Excellent advice. Thanks for sharing .

Words of wisdom! I was bullied at school during my teenage years, always one particular girl & her 2 followers. They were not intelligent and I was a top achiever, but I am short and so got picked on. It was difficult then but I couldn't care less about them now. If I met them again, I wouldn't waste my time with talking to them. I believe being the victim of bullying is damaging but you don't have to carry that baggage with you. I'll never forget but I won't give the bullies space in my mind.

Thank you so much for talking about this. I was bullied from kindergarten through 8th grade. But in my case it was because of race. It deeply affected me all my life. We are about the same age but I have not aquired the mental and emotional strength you seem to have. Thank you so much for these videos, they are really helping me.

I have to disagree with you about how to stop bullying. Bullies do it to look big in front of their friends. They don’t want a person to stand up for themselves because it makes them weak. They look for a doormat who will ignore them. As a kid, I was bullied. I ignored my bullies but that made it worse. It wasn’t until I found something to pick on my bullies for that it stopped. You have to fight fire with fire. I also started Marshall arts. That put an end to it all. However, they still isolated me all through high school. Everyone was afraid to be my friend for fear of becoming the next victim. I never got invited to parties or the prom. But I became a big success after college and all of a sudden the bullies from grade and high school want to be my facebook friend. Do they not remember what they did? Did they think it was no big deal? I’m about your age and it has effected me greatly even though it was decades ago, and even though I had tremendous career success. The bully that started it all died of a heroin overdose… but for the rest of them, an acknowledgement for what they did or an apology would go a long way to healing those wounds.

@allkindsamusicchick

2 ай бұрын

Protect yourself. Whatever will be will be.

My bullies were my four older brothers and it really messed me up; and caused me to be completely estranged from my family for the rest of my life. If only my bullying had only been kids at school

I found myself nodding as I was watching this. Especially "indifference"! I love it!

Although I wasn't bullied I was teased a lot. It made me more shy than I already was. Once my schoolmates understood this, they stopped teasing. But, that was many years ago. Our world is different today. I'm sorry that happened to you, Jen. "Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body" Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)

WOW! Amen to everything you said!

Very wise words. Also bullied as a kid. Didn't know what to do and didn't know how to get help from adults. Attempted to but was told that I was making a big to do about nothing. One thing I don't handle well is being shouted at. I have never been able to just shout right back. No, I just freeze right up. To this day, I don't really feel like I cope with conflict and bullies well.

Your videos remind me of Mahadevi Matangi. There is so much beauty and strength in being an outcast and living on the fringes. Those who live outside of what mainstream dubs acceptable are secretly blessed. I'm so glad I found your videos. I've been bullied for the last 8 years and have been embarrassed to talk about it, and maybe I don't need to, but it profoundly hurt me. That said, I've become much more aware and have turned inward and get to focus on what makes me happy. Like you said, the opinions of those who don't really have heart don't matter.

Yep I was bullied too. By my sister. Even as adults now I keep her at arms length.

Great idea about diverse friend groups. If something goes wrong with one group it doesn't spill over to everyone else.

Yes! I've never heard this described so accurately. I hope you realize how helpful you are being with this video. I have an unconscious habit of allowing bullies to target me. I am finally learning that it is so important to minimize contact and minimize reaction. Some people, and very good people usually, are just more 'pickable', as some of my colleagues used to say. I now know, it is not cowardly to avoid unfairly toxic interactions. Great channel.

You are very smart to have many “baskets” of friends. There is a book , FEEL THE FEAR and do it anyway “. By Susan Jeffers. She illustrates a grid in her book. She asks the question “ how big is your life? Having many interests and various friends does give you more support for you and them. ❤️ thank you for your wisdom 😊

This is outstanding.

Very sad so many commented on being bullied, but it's not surprising. Growing up with a disability - wow bullying was a given. As an adult, I wrote a children’s book for 7-9-year-olds and it was really helpful for me to do that. Therapeutic writing is helpful.

everyone should watch this video. It's so insightful! Thank you for making it. I would also like to say, as a much bullied person myself, many of these lessons/insights were not easy to learn. And, I have also come to realise that most bullies were severely bullied themselves - usually by their parents or peers as a young child. It's important to remember they are just acting like big fish in a small pond, because they feel powerless themselves. Once they are in a big pond, and are a small fry again, they crumble. While it is hard to have compassion for them, once you see that they are coming from a place of pain themselves, you can see them for who and what they really are. It helps you lose your fear. It doesn't make their behaviour acceptable, but it does make it more understandable. Eh! Love and respect yourself, and the bully will be far less able to target you. ❤️🤗

I’m 71 and like you l was also bullied in elementary ,l had eczema and kids called me scabby and would run away from me. But l got back at some of them when the boys in high School asked me out and l would tell them,Not in a cold day in H-LL. But what l did learn is you do have to forgive them in your heart, ( not necessarily in person) because saving it in a corner can just eat you up inside.