I love having children. What I don’t enjoy is trying to be good at a demanding job, whilst also trying to be a good father and partner, and only ever feeling like I’m doing ok at two of those things at any one time. I never felt truly overwhelmed at times until I had children.

"Children are the biggest cause of stress."- my dad

Tali is both such a lovely and adorable woman + insanely smart. Love that combination ❤ get it girl!

Well, I turned 40 a few months ago. ✌️✨ I'm not on top of my mountain, but I have actually had waaay worse times in my life. In my teens I felt horrendous. Partly for deaths in my family, partly for lack of popularity. Like zero. It waslonely as hell. Nothing could be worse than those years.

As the saying goes, I’d rather be an optimist and proven wrong, than a pessimist and proven right

My life has never been as miserable since I had kids, I have 2 teenagers 17 and 15, they are a constant drain on my mental health and finincial health,, I am now at the stage I can't wait for them to grow up and move out,, throughout my life and my career people have always needed my services,, I am now at the stage of my life that I would gladly go to bed and not waken up in the morning... I can't cope anymore...... 😢😢

Can deffo see the benefits later on in life if you make it that far, but other than that I’ve never seen the appeal, love my nieces and nephews to bits but the odd day here and there is one thing. This whole bs parenting just stop when they get a certain age is nonsense, being a parent is a job for life, a tough one, make no mistake about it. I’ll just die a loner 😆

@gregpendrey6711

Жыл бұрын

😀

@cheddarfodder

Жыл бұрын

I think this was meant to be a throwaway comment but don't underestimate how utterly soul-destroying true loneliness is.

@anarisbell7656

Жыл бұрын

@@cheddarfodder If I'm not enough for my partner, they're not for me. Why does one NEED children to avoid loneliness? Is it because they're "obliged" to love their parents? There is no guarantee your children will even LIKE you.

@cheddarfodder

Жыл бұрын

@@anarisbell7656 I didn't say anyone needs to have kids. If someone doesn't want to, that's their choice and not mine. My wife and I also didn't have children out of some compulsion to be loved. We were very happy together before children. The other side of the equation though, is how much love you get to give and how much they receive from friends and family. They brighten everyone's lives. Youthful innocence and curiosity is a wonderful thing. My comment around loneliness was referring as much to when people are older all their friends are senile or dead. Our society has become very top heavy and we don't have enough young to look after the old. It's tragic. Population collapse is a far more pressing risk than most people realise, go and look at the statistics. It doesn't paint a pretty picture. Demographics are destiny.

@anarisbell7656

Жыл бұрын

@@cheddarfodder I'm not concerned about "doing my part" to prevent population collapse when humanity is speedrunning towards the earth's destruction as it is. Seems a horrifying and bleak future to foist on people who have no say in the matter, personally.

I’m a pessimist because if things go bad, I was right and didn’t expect anything less. If things are good, I’m genuinely surprised and feel twice as happy as the optimist who saw it all coming. It’s a win win……. But we’re all going to die and everything we know and have ever known will get swallowed by our sun before it explodes.

@TheForgivenman

Жыл бұрын

Life is a continuous process, so if you are a pessimist with things that you can't finish or solve but rather live with daily like a relationship for example, that means you are never going to be content and happy

@twillsJKZ

Жыл бұрын

Fair

@smidgelette

Жыл бұрын

I hear ya! That last bit made me LOL though. 😂

Not sure if it's a clickbait title but having kids is absolutely amazing. Yes, it's gruelling at times but anything worthwhile is! Screw happiness, I'll take the full blown purpose and fulfilment that children provide 7 days a week!

@Dragonn6667

Жыл бұрын

Its not worthwhile for everyone. People need to stop spreading this notion that everyone can handle parenthood. That it would be worthwhile for everyone. It makes sense to me if alot of parents got less happy after having kids. For most people, specifically women too, its shoved down our throats that having a child is the best thing any person can do. That its the most rewarding thing ever. That everyone is parent material. That you NEED to have children. And alot of women are given the idea that their whole PURPOSE of being alive is to procreate. So many people are given all of this without being educated on the negative aspects of having kids. So they have the kid(s) and only then are they hit with the harsh reality of parenting, a reality that not everyone is built for. And then they become less happy, but they cant turn back. Its too late. It is not for everyone. Its a case by case basis. For me, the best thing i can do is NOT have any kids. I know i cant handle any of the negative sides, and i want to live while im young. If i have kids, ill regret it.

@cheddarfodder

Жыл бұрын

@@Dragonn6667 I’m certainly not advocating that people have children before doing the prerequisite work on themselves 1st. I’m not saying it’s not hard but people in general are capable of far far more than they realise. I would also argue that someone like you, who has put together such a well penned response, may be more ready than you might realise. If you don’t want children, of course you do not have to though. You do you 😊 Smart people do need to procreate. No smart people having babies = stupid future population. It’s not become accepted in the mainstream yet but population collapse is also a very real and present danger. Western societies in particular have become very too heavy. It’s a recipe for disaster if we don’t have the young to support the old.

@suigeneris6397

Жыл бұрын

Lots of ways to get purpose and fulfilment besides dragging more people into the world. I'm totally fulfilled doing volunteer work without having to wake up all hours, having no privacy or personal space, spending money on stupid kid toys, and changing crappy diapers, thanks.

@cheddarfodder

Жыл бұрын

@@suigeneris6397 I agree, there are lots of other ways. For example; community, volunteering, friendships and career are all part of the picture. Having kids and doing volunteer work aren't mutually exclusive though. You can even rope the kids into volunteering too and have even more impact in the long run.

@Dragonn6667

Жыл бұрын

@@cheddarfodder im not ready. As of right now i dont think i ever will be and if i somehow change my mind in the future id not have my own children, especially being a lesbian. I do not have the patience for children. I can be around them for a bit but they quickly wear down my energy. I could not deal with them every single day for many years. I also am neurodivergent with mental health issues. I dont even have the motivation to take care of my own basic needs many days. I could not take care of a whole other human on top of that. And i would be scared of passing my issues down to a child as well. I am still young, having a child would mean basically pausing my life. I want to travel and do all sorts of things while im young, and children make that alot harder. Everything costs so much more. Children are a lifelong responsibility, not an easy decision that should be made on a whim. Instead of making generalized statements that children are amazing for everyone, we should acknowledge that some people arent meant to parent, and we should encourage people to be well informed on the negatives of children instead of brushing past that. Many people do regret their kids because they felt like they had to have them from societal pressure. Thats not right. It leads to parents that will be negletful and even abusive. Regretted kids know what they are and are likely in for a lifetime of trauma due to that. I know i am not parent material and i doubt that shall change. Also, i am an antinatalist, i dont think anyone should be having children while we literally have 8 billion people on this planet and counting every second. We’re likely about nearing the capacity that earth should be able to support, and we’re absolutely running her into the ground as it is. We should be focusing on saving whats left of our world before adding more people to it. Thats my thoughts on that. Tho i dont think that people who have children are horrible necessarily.

most controversial question in parenthood

Well that's not making sense to me, does she mean the pessimistic are less happy in their 30, 40, 50's, or is it everyone, optimistic people also. 🤔. So what's the difference if it's happening to us all.

I thought children were meant to bring meaning to your life not necessarily happiness 🤔

Becoming a mother has been one of the most profound, enriching and joyful experiences of my life x

What I hate about this show is the stressful intro.

Dont have kids in your 20s or 30s .

I don't think she is a reliable source for any of these statements she making. She seems unsure

Does she have kids?

@peterlfc1387

Жыл бұрын

Doubt it.

@woboznz

Жыл бұрын

She explains that she does have kids, and loves being with them. Calm your woman hating down thanks.

@peterlfc1387

Жыл бұрын

@@woboznz what she’s saying doesn’t make sense then. Having kids is the best thing you can have unless you’re an narcissistic person.

@grazylisa

Жыл бұрын

@@peterlfc1387 I don't think you fully listened to what she said. She was clear when she said that this is just a research and the numbers. And that her actual experience is totally the opposite. Meaning that this is not her opinion or what she actually agrees with, because she has kids and that they do make her happy. But it still doesn't change the fact that data showes that having children does not make you happy. It may not be the case for her. But obviously there are a lot of people out there who does feel this way. And while for you having kids may be the best that can happen to you. That doesn't mean that everyone feels or should feel the same way nor does it make them a narcissistic person. We need to stop projecting our own moral choice upon another. Some people just don't like nor want to have kids. I can even argue that if you don't like kids, then not having them makes you a good person. Because otherwise it would be very unfair to bring an unwanted child in to this world.

@peterlfc1387

Жыл бұрын

@@grazylisa there’s a big percentage of people who agree having children makes them happy. That’s not the case for everyone but most. Of course I agree there’s people who don’t want kids or thought they’d love kids and when they do they’re underwhelmed. Everyone is different but on the whole most people, regardless of society or social standing, feel having kids is a pure human feeling to happiness. Whether that is nature of all living creatures I don’t know.

I wonder if today’s societal expectations on happiness have skewed the outcomes.

Shes studies the brain and nervous system but clearly doesnt have a clue about actual peoplw

@eamcbmsc

Жыл бұрын

Did you actually listen?

@waynewhitaker234

Жыл бұрын

@@eamcbmsc yeah shes full of shit mostly

The szionce says we shouldn’t breed so gods chosen victim group can have the earth.

@yellowfruitchocker9879

Жыл бұрын

Great comment 😁

I'm sure she has good things to say . But it's like listening to a machine gun .