Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable | Harlan Cohen | TEDxUrsulineCollege

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. In his witty and powerful talk, Harlan Cohen shares his own experience of dealing with difficult moments in college and discusses why we must all get comfortable with the uncomfortable in life.
Harlan Cohen is a New York Times bestselling author, nationally syndicated advice columnist, and speaker who has visited over 400 college campuses. He is the author of six books including, The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College. The Naked Roommate: For Parents Only, Dad’s Expecting Too!, and Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober. Harlan is a frequent guest on television and radio programs and has appeared on the Today Show. You can follow him on Twitter @HarlanCohen and read his advice at www.HarlanCohen.com. He is based in Chicago, Illinois.In his witty and powerful talk, Harlan Cohen shares his own experience of dealing with difficult moments in college and discusses why we must all get comfortable with the uncomfortable in life.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Пікірлер: 93

  • @wick12298
    @wick122982 жыл бұрын

    "We suffer more in imagination than in reality" ~Seneca

  • @KD-wz8tp
    @KD-wz8tp4 жыл бұрын

    I've noticed that I'm becoming increasingly more introverted and socially awkward the older I get. It's very difficult being in many environments that are anti me. I'm trying to figure out ways to handle the rejection that I experience from those that just don't get me. It gets hard sometimes. Thank you for this video. Headed towards a new path of comfortable discomfort.

  • @Blacuh

    @Blacuh

    3 жыл бұрын

    Same, i’m turning 13, but i’m socially awkward and my mum notices as well.

  • @janedoe8566

    @janedoe8566

    3 жыл бұрын

    I know how you feel

  • @msotrump2629

    @msotrump2629

    3 жыл бұрын

    Thank you for sharing. You are much loved.

  • @stephaniebygoytia3507

    @stephaniebygoytia3507

    2 жыл бұрын

    Omg same

  • @shira7867

    @shira7867

    Жыл бұрын

    It’s crazy how many people feel like this. You’re not alone!

  • @soehan3117
    @soehan3117 Жыл бұрын

    I finished watching this video uncomfortably.

  • @mstee7674
    @mstee76743 жыл бұрын

    Gosh this was my college experience, I didn’t know that you were supposed to be okay with being uncomfortable.

  • @tonyrose3294

    @tonyrose3294

    3 жыл бұрын

    nahh definitely not if its your romate getting "entertained" right in top of you.

  • @lokeefelix987
    @lokeefelix9877 жыл бұрын

    If you're doing mental math of everything that goes wrong, your life will always be negative

  • @snapkrr

    @snapkrr

    7 жыл бұрын

    facts

  • @esraayousef6822

    @esraayousef6822

    5 жыл бұрын

    good words

  • @jordan8824

    @jordan8824

    Жыл бұрын

    I don't agree

  • @DanielPSurman
    @DanielPSurman7 жыл бұрын

    Face the uncomfortable. Yes that is key.

  • @TheBreemad
    @TheBreemad7 жыл бұрын

    He's an amazing speaker. Clear and concise.

  • @user-rn8wp8xi5y

    @user-rn8wp8xi5y

    5 жыл бұрын

    oOoO what do when you have to go back and look for the right things for the future and iPhone and iPhone and your iPad app

  • @sidkamat6987
    @sidkamat69873 жыл бұрын

    How to be comfortable with the uncomfortable? 1. Universal Rejection truth: Face the truths. 5 People(who will help you) , 3 Places(where you are accepted), Patience

  • @am_rima
    @am_rima Жыл бұрын

    Instead of my first year being uncomfortable for a long while, it turned into an overwhelming feeling that became part of the uncomfortable so my mindset turned into “none of this people know me as well as I do or the people that knew me in high school, let’s go say hi and give a genuine smile” and here I am in my fourth year, a Vice President for a cultural organization on campus that welcomed me in my first year and have a solid idea of what my dream career would be. I learned to accept the uncomfortableness and do it first and if it didn’t workout (making friends, connections, communicating with professors) then it’s okay. At least I tried :)

  • @mini-qx9gx
    @mini-qx9gx2 жыл бұрын

    Love this! Only advice I have to anyone watching is you do not have to have someone to lean on. Sometimes that can turn into a safety net. Learn to love and trust yourself

  • @mikelombard21
    @mikelombard212 жыл бұрын

    The first 30 seconds of this resonated with me so hard. I was that college student.

  • @ashjcoronado
    @ashjcoronado7 жыл бұрын

    I really needed to listen to this so badly!!!

  • @willvarley6452

    @willvarley6452

    6 жыл бұрын

    Ashley Coronado ask to borrow his ears then

  • @wellbodisalone
    @wellbodisalone3 ай бұрын

    Facing the uncomfortable is a way to learn and grow.

  • @lucybdavies6192
    @lucybdavies61923 жыл бұрын

    Well said, People, patience & places I am stuck in wrong deadliest circle

  • @naylabyxbe3411
    @naylabyxbe34114 жыл бұрын

    That was a wonderful share! So relatable....thank you and I’m passing it along. cheers!

  • @TheGreatGYROFLUFF
    @TheGreatGYROFLUFF3 жыл бұрын

    This reminds me of a metaphor I saw used. If we are all sticks and our goal is to stand upright. We have three paths. One, you can try your best to do it alone but it would only take a gust of wind to blow you over. Two, you can search for another stick to lean against which may just as easily fall once you lean on it. Or three, you can surround yourself with other sticks leaning against many and when one falls it's fine because you have other supports behind it.

  • @shayanpz7209
    @shayanpz72092 жыл бұрын

    One of the best talks I watched after break up which actually was giving guidance and solutions. Thank you 🙏🏽

  • @anisarraf2992
    @anisarraf29923 жыл бұрын

    Love this speech

  • @infinitybless7132
    @infinitybless71322 жыл бұрын

    A lot of people in this world need to learn how to love everyone. Love is the key to everything. God Bless us all 🥰😇

  • @mymobilebuddy4392
    @mymobilebuddy43925 жыл бұрын

    I had to listen to it twice to get it. It is a great topic.

  • @HelpMeHarlan
    @HelpMeHarlan9 жыл бұрын

    Who are your FIVE people? Where are your THREE places? How patient are you?

  • @AnayranPinheirodeAzevedo

    @AnayranPinheirodeAzevedo

    9 жыл бұрын

    HarlanCohen Thank you for these words. I'm passing through some rough situations in my life, and remember that we need to have people, places and be patient to face these difficulties and get better. I hope this will end, soon or not.

  • @safabaderr559

    @safabaderr559

    7 жыл бұрын

    HarlanCohen i'm lebanese and i'm comfortable, lonely, and broken..i have some acne that low my self-esteem..

  • @safabaderr559

    @safabaderr559

    7 жыл бұрын

    umcomfortable*

  • @caroh3158

    @caroh3158

    6 жыл бұрын

    Thank you👍

  • @antonyliberopoulos933
    @antonyliberopoulos9333 жыл бұрын

    Thank you Harlan

  • @faith8736
    @faith87367 жыл бұрын

    Thank you .

  • @mikelombard21
    @mikelombard212 жыл бұрын

    Thank you so much. I needed to hear this.

  • @forevermore9431
    @forevermore94313 жыл бұрын

    That guy is so amazing. So likeable

  • @louo3767
    @louo37677 жыл бұрын

    brave talk!

  • @debbiethompson14
    @debbiethompson143 жыл бұрын

    WOW!!! THANK YOU

  • @leizdutra9377
    @leizdutra93777 жыл бұрын

    Great talk

  • @jeandistefano5486
    @jeandistefano54864 жыл бұрын

    Thank you! Gina in lights

  • @paulastella8268
    @paulastella82682 жыл бұрын

    Interesting. I you reinforced the reason why I am totally and completely alone,and yes I am in currently and have been for 2 yrs therapy. My therapist is really good at what he does.

  • @dilil345
    @dilil3455 жыл бұрын

    WoW powerful 👍

  • @guloguloguy
    @guloguloguy8 жыл бұрын

    THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY, INSIGHTFUL, AND INSPIRATIONAL VIEWPOINT, AND MIGHT BE WELL WORTH REVISITING, SOMETIMES! THANK YOU, HARLAN!!!!

  • @pansarakesh7394
    @pansarakesh73946 жыл бұрын

    It was Great

  • @qasimqureshi4857
    @qasimqureshi48574 жыл бұрын

    Reminds me of the Fresh Prince episode where Carlton got rejected from the fraternity.

  • @peterreed736
    @peterreed7367 ай бұрын

    I've learnt after 59 years that there's is not a single good reason to leave my comfort zone...so I don't. I have a phobia of needles and flying so I just stopped flying or having injections. I also hate socialising so I don't...I now turn down all invites to go out, parties, weddings...and my life is so much better for it.

  • @earthclad6833

    @earthclad6833

    2 ай бұрын

    Sounds depressing

  • @alexiz_89cancer27
    @alexiz_89cancer275 жыл бұрын

    It’s hard for me to get comfortable. I’m in the middle of it right now..

  • @HelpMeHarlan

    @HelpMeHarlan

    5 жыл бұрын

    Focus on patience right now. Lean on people who have been through it. Put yourself in places where you can find help and support. It's hard to find clarity when you're in the middle of it. Don't try. Just walk along with the discomfort and it will drift behind you over time. Then you will find clarity.

  • @alexiz_89cancer27

    @alexiz_89cancer27

    5 жыл бұрын

    HarlanCohen thanks I needed that!

  • @itsybitsy999
    @itsybitsy9996 жыл бұрын

    No, not everyone has people who will always be there for them and no, not everyone has a place they can be comfortable and safe in. This talk is far too simple.

  • @antonczerny

    @antonczerny

    6 жыл бұрын

    If you don't have them, go out there and find them. You can move and do something about it. You're not a tree!

  • @carolinethompson8261

    @carolinethompson8261

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@antonczerny hard to find those people who care

  • @yvaz3373

    @yvaz3373

    5 жыл бұрын

    Circus system: these are stories you tell yoursel. Change the story and see what happens

  • @naylabyxbe3411

    @naylabyxbe3411

    4 жыл бұрын

    I hear you....I suggest you listen again...he addresses that. Be patient with yourself and listen again and ask yourself questions...you will find your way ....don’t give up

  • @debbiethompson14

    @debbiethompson14

    3 жыл бұрын

    Seek and you shall find. Probably don't put yourself out there and it sounds like you just feel sorry for yourself for not having that but the whole idea is for you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable put yourself out there. Stop waiting for things to come to you, go look for them!

  • @ikemkrueger
    @ikemkrueger8 жыл бұрын

    I have trouble getting the concept.

  • @HelpMeHarlan

    @HelpMeHarlan

    8 жыл бұрын

    Which part is hard to understand? Would be happy to clear it up. Thanks

  • @user-rn8wp8xi5y

    @user-rn8wp8xi5y

    5 жыл бұрын

    @@HelpMeHarlan nomination to do so is that

  • @sirbenzo9
    @sirbenzo96 жыл бұрын

    Well, mary jane is a good one. Best friend ever!!! lol. Actually, it's not bad--but I noticed it haltered my social skills and angst. I quit a month ago to grow in social aspects.

  • @piscesmusic3116
    @piscesmusic3116 Жыл бұрын

    I am still trying to find my place. Wish me luck.

  • @contrafax
    @contrafax6 жыл бұрын

    I thought the two types are people are: Those who try to pigeon hole people and those that do not.

  • @ghaithobaid6397
    @ghaithobaid63973 жыл бұрын

    people, places, petient Who are my people ? Where am I places? am I patient enough to get there?

  • @dtdslayer
    @dtdslayer4 жыл бұрын

    What happens when u have to go back to the past to bring u to the present?

  • @Uyy778
    @Uyy7788 жыл бұрын

    What do you mean by places?

  • @HelpMeHarlan

    @HelpMeHarlan

    8 жыл бұрын

    +Davis Nottingham Places are locations (virtual included) where you can find connection, community, answers and support. Think about places where you can live, learn, lead, love, sweat, play, and pray. There are places with open access (all inclusive, spiritual and community based), places you have to be invited to get access (exclusive clubs, organizations, activities), and places where you pay (can be open access or exclusive). There are always places where we can find connection, community, and answers, but we need to put ourselves in these places. Another way to find places is to identify people who reflect your core values, interests and passions. Identify the places they have found their connection and community and let this lead you. Hope this helps.

  • @nickbarbov6607

    @nickbarbov6607

    7 жыл бұрын

    Davis Nottingham Very good extensive explanation of places by Harlan.

  • @msblondemindy

    @msblondemindy

    7 жыл бұрын

    +HarlanCohen you are awesome.

  • @msblondemindy

    @msblondemindy

    7 жыл бұрын

    +HarlanCohen thank you.

  • @zoltanzoltan303
    @zoltanzoltan3032 жыл бұрын

    95% unconfortable all the week expect weekend. What do you think?

  • @GabrielaLtc
    @GabrielaLtc7 жыл бұрын

    why do you tell people you recognize them when in fact you do not?

  • @adibhutani9977

    @adibhutani9977

    7 жыл бұрын

    Hahaha That's what you get from this video. 😃

  • @missperfect121995

    @missperfect121995

    7 жыл бұрын

    It makes people feel good. He wants others to feel important. He meant so much to them so he doesn't want to make them feel bad.

  • @JeremiahFernandez

    @JeremiahFernandez

    6 жыл бұрын

    it's called being nice

  • @niktszczegolny5617

    @niktszczegolny5617

    5 жыл бұрын

    so, he run for them from the uncomfortable

  • @alexgarcia5577
    @alexgarcia55772 жыл бұрын

    Not everyone has people who will always be there for them and no, not everyone has a place they can be comfortable and safe in. This talk is far too simple

  • @demetrius8184

    @demetrius8184

    2 жыл бұрын

    Are you serious... you copied exactly the same comment. At least make it subtle smh

  • @gabrielmasseur4944
    @gabrielmasseur49448 жыл бұрын

    Very nice ears

  • @adamromero

    @adamromero

    6 жыл бұрын

    shhh... he can hear you

  • @Ben_Dover753

    @Ben_Dover753

    5 жыл бұрын

    My long lost brother, he's a good listener. :-P

  • @Uminental
    @Uminental7 жыл бұрын

    0:00 X..videos

  • @sali3309
    @sali33094 жыл бұрын

    Those ears tho. XD

  • @sunburnttongue1759

    @sunburnttongue1759

    3 жыл бұрын

    he heard that