UPDATE: This was recorded years ago but soon after this episode aired, I met a man named Michael on Grindr and we started dating. We later got married in 2023 and have an exclusive, monogamous relationship so it is possible to find on that app. Here is an episode explaining how we met on the app: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ZmaqubWQe62nhZc.html And here is our wedding video: kzread.info/dash/bejne/ln-Jlritpaq-m7g.htmlsi=KUGfBEn_-pxi9zNe

@suukko

5 ай бұрын

Congratulations 🎉 & All the best ❤❤

@eatcakeomg

5 ай бұрын

yeah ofc but it’s literally looked down on, no matter how you look for it, to look for an actual romantic relationship and you’re weak for having any sort of feelings toward a hookup anyway congrats but im glad im early to this comment… please no one install grindr ever

@christhomas3952

4 ай бұрын

Yeah I was hoping for that too. I know as gay men, we don't have an easy way of finding each other. Even being on Grindr asking for a relationship shouldn't be looked down upon, because some areas, that's all you have when trying to find someone else.

@AnthonyHernandez-je1tx

2 ай бұрын

I was with my first real boyfriend for nearly 7 years and I also met him on Grindr.

The sad thing is that, it seems that the gay community doesn't really like to talk about the problems we have within the gay community.

@PoweredByRainbows

3 жыл бұрын

Well here on our show, we aren’t afraid to talk about anything. And if you have any suggestions on what we can talk about, we do take viewer ideas.

@wbtx2075

3 жыл бұрын

True. It's one of the many reasons I'm not on the community. Slightest criticism is often pushed away with the ultimate argument of you "having internalized homophobia" or being "too heteronormative". Not being into Casual Sex, polyarmory, Grindr etc. can get you shunned as a homophobe and it's absolutely ridiculous, toxic and harming. I'm seriously waiting for someone claiming that gay marriage is homophobic or too "normative" because open relationships are the only legit form of relationships for gay people.

@swapman6278

3 жыл бұрын

@@PoweredByRainbows I'd suggest a video on the concept of open relationships, both the upsides and downsides for couples, and the idea it gives young impressionable gays about relationships (assuming that they have to be open)

@ytallowskids2seedepravityb219

2 жыл бұрын

That's because that community is forever pointing their fingers screaming at the straight community ESPECIALLY those transwomen but they cant get along at all and sometimes be the reason a lot of them get hurt or worse

@johncrews5160

2 жыл бұрын

I wonder too that sometimes that we as the gay community are worried that if we do point out the flaws within our own community that the right wingers will try to use that against us when in reality everybody has their flaws and pros and cons but we just get judged more harshly for them simply because of who we are.

I think the problem is that hook up apps like Grindr are addictive, it’s like a slot machine that can give you sex at any time. Sex can be wonderful, but I think the problem we aren’t talking about is that many men are now addicted to sex, either through hook up culture or pornography. And they’re substituting a quick high for a loving relationship, which is probably why you see so many open relationships now. Grindr essentially dehumanises men and turns them into a commodity, disposable and exchangeable. After using it for years, I can confirm it is damaging to mental health..

Sexting, later ghosting... In person hookups, later ghosting.. Is it what gay community all about??? Come on!!

@srn_2268

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly what you mean. It’s a vicious cycle.

@winnied87

Жыл бұрын

Besides this you want to try more and prove yourself.. and then more.. because they all ghost you

@paulosousa5870

11 ай бұрын

Thats why I give up find someone for more than 10 years. Never had a boyfriend, and i lost my ability to believe in it. And I dont do hookups, so no sex with more than 10 years too. My life sucks because I can find happyness and just live my boring life without love. Sad (I have 34 years old)

@originalprecursor

5 ай бұрын

THIS! I can't imagine ghosting anyone. Especially someone who actually likes me. Its so strange.

For my lonely gays out there: keep going. Keep living your life, keep an open mind open, keep your eyes focused on what's beautiful about the world, but acknowledge the suffering of it also. My therapist from my past once told me made an analogy about hiking regarding my personal issue, "there's always going to be good berries and bad berries, always pick the good berries." 🌞🌻 Hugs from SF 🌉❤️☮️

@petemavus2948

3 жыл бұрын

Berry, berry insightful ;)

@erickz7433

3 жыл бұрын

@@petemavus2948 just ma 2 little cents 🙃

i hate gay apps, i want a boyfriend. i don’t like multiple partners 🥺

@angel2641

3 жыл бұрын

You look cute hmu 😋

@itsaaronlolz

3 жыл бұрын

@@angel2641 what’s your snap?

@angel2641

3 жыл бұрын

@@itsaaronlolz @ramirez0321.wtv

@lvw7668

3 жыл бұрын

Awwwwww...will be a cute story if it works out❣️

@Otterjock808

3 жыл бұрын

Your a cutie Aaron, wouldn’t mind dating you. What is your IG?

It's a messed up community. It's all about sex. Many gay men are least prepared for any long term relationship. I'm better being alone than to live with a toxic confused guy.

@winnied87

Жыл бұрын

It's quite interesting because straight couples are also getting into this trend. Men seek for other men to be promiscuous with, women want different men to sex with, etc. etc.

@jaspreetmail

Жыл бұрын

@@winnied87 you can't compare gay men with straight women. On dating sites these ladies don't write no pic no reply. This shows that a gay man does not have any other criteria in finding a suitable partner other than looks. Moreover by 40s straight people are out of dating game but gay men always have the pressure to look the best of them. I have almost denounced this community that is very superficial and doesn't see anything beyond a quick sex. Maybe one night stand is okay few times but doing it for years with strangers without ever knowing their names and living double standard lives with fake names is not a sanity for me. As a human being a human interaction is all we need. I don't expect anything from this community anymore. In the name of love , sex is getting sold. People may celebrate pride parades but in the end they lead lonely lives.

As an older gay man, I really do feel that all gay dating apps should be banned, as aside from the dangers of meeting someone in real life, they are promoting a culture that is totally unrealistic, aside from the disgusting hookup culture that is cheapening the very concept of sex and human interactions between gay people

I think, the problem is that it's almost impossible to bond with otner gay men besides hookup sex. It's like many of us are guarded and don't want to open up.

Even though my loneliness issues are still strongly there, I still feel more happier now for NOT using Grindr over a year. While I was using it I felt like a freely available prostitute standing in a faceless dark crowd begging them to be my life partners. And that feeling was horrible.

@ineedcomforthelpme3160

3 жыл бұрын

Its absoluetly horrible thats how i felt too 😥 i keep telling myself there's gotta be another way then these apps there has to be 😥.

@filipeferreira5087

3 жыл бұрын

Proud of you!! Keep it up

@asmrfoodieuk7965

3 жыл бұрын

What do you do now instead? Especially with a pandemic on. How do you meet people without apps or have you given up for good?

@zingapore4007

3 жыл бұрын

I used Tinder and found it way better than Grindr (but it was just to explore the apps, never met anyone)

@Ghost-ul8eu

2 жыл бұрын

I wouldn't give up there are some of us looking for something more. I starting hooking up last year when I came out gay and I don't know how people enjoy this.Using people as sophisticated masturbation toys doesn't feel right to me at all,but it's my only way of meeting other gay men until I move.When I did hook up I tried to make small talk and get to know them,but most of them didn't seem interested in anything but fucking. I did manage to find some dates there so it's not impossible.If someone like me is searching sooner or later another person wanting the same thing will find me.

It’s not just loneliness. These hook up apps are designed like casino games. There’s a science to it and everything from the trademark grindr yellow to the weird new message sound the app makes . It’s all designed to be addictive , enticing and keeps us coming back for more. These apps are addicting and shopping for men is a huge ego boost. It’s a lot more fun than reading a book before bed. Notice how so many men put up these Adonis like photos on their profile where they look like something they are not and they’re constantly online yet never really hook up? They just go on to collect compliments to boost their ego . This is the selfie generation and technology encourages us to want everything NOW. Grindr is a result of our vanity, obsession with beauty, sex and the glorification of ourselves. It’s very disturbing and nobody seems to care.

@jmudikun

2 жыл бұрын

Very on point comment, and very sad that we've come to this point

@franszeelie-frenchy2951

Жыл бұрын

Grindr has an almost monopoly hold because most apps dont market themselves for the lgbti community or are too expensive. grindr has a lot of free features where most other dating apps have limited features and even so Grindr caters for the sex-crazed. i would actually love to bring that app down for the harm they cause. Not just that but grindr is classified wrongly. Its not a DATING app, its a virtual brothel. It should fall under the RX category (porn) and app stores need to obscure it like that. With very little resources for gay kids their first go-to app is Grindr. Frankly, most gay people don't know where else to go (no matter your age). Gay people themselves have often exploited the gay community for personal power or influence or money by creating these apps/ venues etc. and dont give a fackel about the harm.

@kenfordbody4lyfefitness

Жыл бұрын

Very very well said! So insightful

@TwinFalls88

10 ай бұрын

@jmudikun in a sense I wouldn't say "we".... the culprit is clearly the SHAREHOLDERS of Apps and other exploitative businesses like these. It all comes back to CLASS. We're being used like PAWNS in a game, at any cost to make the Rich richer.... In other words, let's focus the blame where it's deserved i.e. rage against the rich who have created the maze we all crawl through

@johnjordan5080

10 ай бұрын

Couldn't agree more, well said 😊

Hookups can be fun in the moment, but then it's like, OK, now what? I'm still spending the night alone. It's a brief "high" but it fades quickly. But a solid relationship with an emotionally mature man has proven elusive.

@TheAlfredPlatform

2 жыл бұрын

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

@QueenR_974

2 жыл бұрын

@paulhorn27 You said it so accurately. It really is a brief high and when the high fades away after the moment it feels so awful

Being Gay is such a PAIN!! In my experience/life. I'm straight edge, Masculine, emotionally available, chill gym rat. Not into the lgbt scene. I live in a nature area suburb between two major cities. Dating sucks, everyone plays games, just wants sex, or lives way too far!! Turning 30 soon, I've honestly given up on dating. I just hit up grindr from time to time, & come to the conclusion this is what gay life is, sadly.

@nirmalsitaldin4056

Жыл бұрын

I live in Europe now, the Netherlands.. and there are many available men, but oh boy isn't it all about sex! It seems like that's what gay culture is all about.. as stereotypical as it seems. And let's not get started on the standards: I'm a a bit of a fem twink/geek and poc: you either get fetishized, are too fem, or too masc for most gay men. That's why I barely pay attention to the gay scene (Grindr) anymore. Dunno why I ranted but I had to 😅

@MrTree93

Жыл бұрын

@@nirmalsitaldin4056 Id love to live in Europe, lotta vacation spots! I swear if I had a Penny for the amount of times I get called Daddy, followed by their wild kinky fantasies 😅

@GuyCalledAdam

Жыл бұрын

What you just said really speaks to me mate

@tula1433

Жыл бұрын

Can I hook u up with my gay friend? He just got out of the navy and is a handsome nice guy! His snap is smirkcles ❤

@nirmalsitaldin4056

Жыл бұрын

@@MrTree93 For sure, but it sucks if you really are looking for more than what you described in your comment: the gay dating scene sucks everywhere.

Got rid of all dating apps months ago. I've never felt more free ☺

@sazude2

3 жыл бұрын

Gweerrrll I'm about to delete all my profiles and die without a partner. I'm starting to regret being gay. Wish I was straight sometimes. Ugh.

@josue.bruy.

2 жыл бұрын

Please help me☹️

@fil_britbunnyboi872

2 жыл бұрын

@@sazude2 I felt that way before. I thought being gay massively reduced my chances of finding a boyfriend. Then funny enough the day I decided to be happy single, I met my boyfriend a fortnight after. Dont give up! 😀

@morenalajqi8577

2 жыл бұрын

@@sazude2 I have no idea how i am on this channel now but it's not so easy for the average straight man either but it is for us girls in terms of dating. You guys are usually horny and want sex and it's easier for you guys to understand the same gender. It's usually different in terms of dating for us girls and we deal with different issues in terms of dating. I will admit most females have a lot of options and usually they try and go for the top 5 or so % of men and its rough for the average guy...

@kevlarw7656

2 жыл бұрын

@@sazude2 haha true story

I only had one Grindr hookup. But what was really happening was me not dealing with the suicide of my best friend, who was my first love.

A lot of gay men don't want to get into a long-term relationship because then they'd have to admit to themselves that they're gay and they're not comfortable with that. Thus, by jumping from partner to partner, they can convince themselves that they're basically straight and only engaging in homosexual behaviour from time to time. Also, there are many gay men who are extremely closeted and, thus, being in a relationship where they cannot attend social functions with their partner might be awkward for them and the idea and the idea of being in a gay marriage is unfathomable to them, being that they can bare see themselves in a same-sex relationship.

@tula1433

Ай бұрын

Gay men are all looking for a partner that shows none of the same signs of effeminacy and flamboyance that they dislike in themselves. The obsession with heteronormative roles is hurting gays. Every gay man I know is waiting for a masculine straight passing gay man who never comes that they can play the effeminate counterpart to. Sad.

I deleted grindr, just got annoyed with people seeking one night stands

@HikarusukeShindou

5 ай бұрын

Same here I was just trying to find friends but the people on their are so judgemental

@ginormicaa

5 ай бұрын

And in the recent days they are so moody i have noticed .

@martinm9072

4 ай бұрын

@@HikarusukeShindouthere are no friends like we used to knew, those are just ppl for random hook up

@HikarusukeShindou

4 ай бұрын

@@martinm9072 yeah I learned that but there's people on there that that are looking for friends though

Haven’t had sex in 3 years. I think the tears have drowned my heart. I don’t even want to be with someone anymore. I wish it wasn’t like that

I am 39, Hispanic, and never felt lonely. I am perfectly comfortable living in my beautiful apartment all by myself. I don't need to be with anyone. I don't waste time on these sex apps. I love myself in every way.

@sammeni2911

2 жыл бұрын

What's your secret?

@snixxdevaughn3267

2 жыл бұрын

@Jacobyy V I feel that👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾

@machoman6969

9 ай бұрын

@@sammeni2911 I'm not him but I'm in a similar position. (Minus the beautiful apartment 😂) It took me decades of solitude to be comfortable with myself , being alone. I'm so comfortable that I don't even need human contact anymore. My collection of toys take care of my... urges. And hobbies and studies keep my mind occupied and away from stupid thoughts. Some people might find this oh no !!! SO SAD 1!1 !! but it's way better option than what the community offers: cheating, pain, hookups ,being used and thrown away like a toy, tears and neurotic oPeN pOliAmOrY relationships 😂 now THAT'S some truly sad stuff. 💯

I hooked up recently and was left feeling numb / sad / depressed… I too want something more than that. But do any men want to build a relationship together? that seems rare….

@AG-ni8jm

2 жыл бұрын

I tried hooking up over a dozen times and felt meh. Had two brief relationships and the intimacy was amazing. Look for love but avoid hookup apps

Guy: **sends heart** Me: Hi cutie Guy: Are you a bottom? Me: **sigh**

@satanickiller6131

5 ай бұрын

Grindr in a nutshell.

So I'm a bit of a late bloomer meaning I was fairly unattractive in my teens and now at 22 I look wayyy better, working out, braces off, overall appearance and clothes etc. And I thought grindr would be a better experience and no. Firstly I'm black before I'm gay so white gays tend to over sexualize me. They can't go 2 msgs without asking about my BBC. I find that I get more romanticized attention & fun dates when I stay in other places like Europe or so. Gay dating sucks. Everyone is soul-less, dull & horny. Then they want to do open relationships because they want the privileges of having a partner (they barely want) while having everyone else. 0 discipline.

@chrisofmelbourne87

2 жыл бұрын

Wow much, such good points. You hit the nail on the head!

This entire video is accurate beyond words, and unfortunately I've found that it's difficult for straight people to understand this, as well as gay men who don't see hookup culture as an inherent problem. I wish that this wasn't such a taboo topic, and I wish more individuals saw the mass inability to secure a gay monogamous relationship within the community as a problem to begin with. Sadly, I think this issue has had some form of manifestation long before Grindr was invented. Grindr just amplified it. the idea of hookup culture has been embedded into gay culture since the sexual liberation of the 70s given that many interactions between men were largely micro and quick to avoid stigmatization as well as law penalties at the time. This carried its way into the present moment given societal marginalization and backlash. Existing within a heteronormative society for centuries is largely to blame given that the overwhelming forces of religion and bigotry. The "ideal" image of men being seen as largely individual, unemotional and stoic has woven its way into gay culture given the overwhelming drive for hookup culture and unfortunately I don't think most people realize this, and if they do, many don't care. If you throw in the basis of traumatic experiences, a toxic culture, and the idea of residing in a society that was never meant for you to exist in, it becomes literally impossible to find a closed, committed relationship. I'll admit that I'm biased but the preconceived idea of coming out to find a supportive community where I will eventually find a committed partner who I will fall in love with is the biggest lie that I've ever been told, and at this point being out for six-ish years, I get the picture. Relationships aren't cool. People don't want commitment, relational development, or a life partner. Sadly, people want sex and want temporary love. I'm really glad you made this video. I think it's really important to talk about this and it's always a good thing knowing that I'm not alone in this experience.

@mastersuperblaster702

3 жыл бұрын

I wish every straight girl who complains about men had to live as a single, non wealthy, non white, average built gay man for one year. She'd last maybe a week before begging to have her lady parts returned. They have no clue how much harder it is to date and live as a gay man. The only real benefit gay men have over straight women is we literally can't get pregnant, or get the other guy pregnant. I find this benefit to be more of a hindrance than a perk. If gay guys had to risk pregnancy or being put on child support for 18 yrs, we'd take relationships (and each other) alot more seriously.

@yogotti1230

3 жыл бұрын

Great comment. You put into words exactly how I’ve been thinking and feeling lately.

@zingapore4007

3 жыл бұрын

This makes me so sad, since I came out only some months ago, in my 28s, and I just wish to have a meaningful relationship with someone. :(

@stephenn77

2 жыл бұрын

This in many ways is the “nail on the head”. The reason the culture is so sexually based too is because of LACK, not getting enough affection, love, intimacy or physical connection. Yes, men have high sex drives, but there are extremely limited outlets to express ourselves. Much of this life is spent in isolation, seclusion, shame and stigma due to the society at large and this not being accepted as a normal life. Gayness has slowly, very slowly become more visable in the mainstream. These apps have shown that indeed there is a much bigger population out there and more people coming out every day. Even thirty years ago, it was never this visible. Unfortunately, we have a LONG WAY to go as a society accepting this. Homosexuality currently is a marginalized minority, even further than the entire BLM movement. Black lives matter and gay lives matter too!

@tula1433

2 жыл бұрын

@@mastersuperblaster702 great comment. You are so right most women complain about men but have no idea how bad it is for gay men. I will always have a soft spot for the gays because I know it’s so hard to find what most women take for granted. I transitioned and I’m dating a cop now. Way better then the misery of Grindr

No family, no friends, no great relationship, no hookups? Yah me neither. But we've made it this far without them. I say we keep going. Take care.

@sibusisodlamini7598

3 жыл бұрын

This is true but you can definitely work on having friends

Recently got out of the toxic hook up culture. I’ve learned to have more respect for myself and others. Too many men look at other men as just objects. Not looking for anything deep or meaningful.

I'm almost at the point I don't want sex anymore, but only love and attention, a cuddle, a friend, someone to talk to. Everything a healthy relationship has to offer except the sex. I guess I just get a dog. And my problem is solved.

@petemavus2948

3 жыл бұрын

Get a dog or be a dawg ? LOL There's got to be a better way !

@Not-Ap

3 жыл бұрын

@@petemavus2948 There is! Get a few dozen cats instead!

In my town, the majority of dudes on those apps arent even looking for hookups. They are just on there to show off or to see how easily they can get someone. Insecurities + anonymity= one big ego fest

@mastersuperblaster702

3 жыл бұрын

Are you guilty of this yourself?

@vegaswithdrawal4132

3 жыл бұрын

@@mastersuperblaster702 No

@mastersuperblaster702

3 жыл бұрын

@@vegaswithdrawal4132 I wish every straight girl who complains about men had to live as a single, non wealthy, non white, average built gay man for one year. She'd last maybe a week before begging to have her lady parts returned. They have no clue how much harder it is to date and live as a gay man. The only real benefit gay men have over straight women is we literally can't get pregnant, or get the other guy pregnant. I find this benefit to be more of a hindrance than a perk. If gay guys had to risk pregnancy or being put on child support for 18 yrs, we'd take relationships (and each other) alot more seriously.

@vegaswithdrawal4132

3 жыл бұрын

@@mastersuperblaster702 My resentment lies more on men. Especially bi men who act as if women are the only ones worthy of attention and affection while I'm just a living dildo they can use when they get the urge to take it up the ass. At least be a passionate bottom and not a stiff, boring one

@whynot7802

3 жыл бұрын

Ewwwww they can look good but with that personality?yeah...no

Dan Savage said it like this, "It's not because we are GAY men, but because we're gay MEN." In terms of sex, men, regardless of orientation, were not trained/conditioned to be as prudent and selective as women. Men didn't have the same restrictions as women. Add all of with being physically attracted to other men, and there you have the matters we have.

I couldn’t agree with you more on this. I experience depression and loneliness because of these apps that houses these superficial cruel men. I’m usually sad and constantly stressed out because of it. It’s sad that these developers only pushed for one night stands and not building relationships and friendships. I just hope it becomes a thing of the past and people like us can heal properly and find real love.

@mansoura.6586

3 жыл бұрын

Literally same. Deactivated mines last year and my life has been way easier since

Hmm, I'm an older'ish guy who seems to have gotten caught up in the grindr & Scruff dynamics. It's not that exciting, but it can be a good tool for keeping your plumbing clean, lol. They're typically a loveless lifestyle, but some people want that. Me, I've been out of a long-term relationship for 4 years now, and would rather eventually meet a great guy in the hopes to settle down with. No knocks to the younger group, but, I've no idea where else to look for other like-minded men who are tired of just hooking up and would prefer getting to know someone, and maybe settle down into a relationship. Until then, this is where I am. The apps don't help combat loneliness, and often don't offer up the best quality guys to choose from. I want more than just good sex. I can't be the only one feeling this way.

@echospaw899

Жыл бұрын

@@hiddendude841 I'm sorry you're in that space, too. I'm glad I'm not the only one, but a bummer someone else might feel the same about hooking up. The 'just right guy' will find you one day. You're still young... I do miss my youth tho. LOL!

Everything is fucked in the sense they couldn't make apps that facilitate pleasant interactions, they have to make us cranky, separate & isolated from one another. Ive even heard of grindr moderators storing nudes etc through messages that were supposed to be between 2 people

Yeah. We need more gay and lesbian counselors who are willing to help the community out to heal the loneliness trauma

About cortisol: I think you have it backwards. Cortisol increases our stress response to a stressor. If we really did have less cortisol (which I doubt) we would be super chill in the face of a stressor.

The thing that I dislike is that the only option outside of gay dating apps to meet gay people is to go to places where everyone is going to be intoxicated. If you don't drink, you are literally out of luck.

@kalejuice5701

2 жыл бұрын

I dislike drinking AND recreational drug use. Really widdles down options fast for guys, let alone women.

@markusskand9773

2 жыл бұрын

charity and community events folks ! ... Gather and DO something with like -minded

@stephenn77

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, and all the gay events involve alcohol.

@ste9071

2 жыл бұрын

@@kalejuice5701 same here Caleb, but I’d still never use them apps.

This deserves way more attention. Thank you for this. ❤️

Finding a relationship isn't in the business interest of the apps. That's why they'll never want us to find a match that leads to using their product less

Smart, Articulate, Insightfull. I'm just about to take a break from the apps. My mental health is suffering. Thanks you!!

@PoweredByRainbows

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for the nice, uplifting comment!

@PoweredByRainbows

4 жыл бұрын

Jaye is right. Sometimes the best thing can be a break from these apps especially during this pandemic when you can't meet anyone in person anyway, even if it goes well. So take a short break and give your heart a break for a bit. Then come back when you think the moment is right.

@maxwheatley4497

3 жыл бұрын

Thats my 2021 resolution. Those apps ruined my 2020. That and covid

I'm bisexual, and tbh i 100% understand the loneliness gay men are going through

@zerozeroone4424

3 жыл бұрын

@@BlackmageAku27 SAME

@zerozeroone4424

3 жыл бұрын

@Aquarian Dawn oh really? You got Discord?

@zerozeroone4424

3 жыл бұрын

@Aquarian Dawn Yeah i love Morrowind too

@oologahnorthernrailroad8873

3 жыл бұрын

@@BlackmageAku27 I’m lonely af, but I don’t want hookups.

Most of the gay men I know are fully sex and/or porn addicts, but the gay community is not ready for that conversation. If you bring it up, you're just sex-negative. The reality though is that I'm very sex positive, and am very comfortable having casual sex. I just don't need it consistently and would rather have consistent sex with a loving partner than find a new guy all the time. In the meantime, I can take care of myself better than most guys can or will.

@FriendofDorothy

3 ай бұрын

I find porn boring. Always had to Fast Forward so gave up on it years ago. As to labeling anyone a "sex addict" that is more complex. A therapist should make that diagnosis based on the criterion in the DSM5 (or whatever number it is at now). Too many guys label other guys "sex addicts" out of jealousy. Not a term to be used casually or lightly. You may be sex positive but you have no biz diagnosing other gay men as sex addicts just because you haven't yet found your partner online. .

@andersonstudiosmusic

3 ай бұрын

@@FriendofDorothy maybe try reading up on sex addiction. It’s blatantly obvious that most gays are sex addicts based on just a superficial understanding of the concept, but let me break it down for you based on my experience offline: most gays would openly and gladly have sex in their workplace if it was available. most gays would openly and gladly sleep with someone other than their partner whether or not they’re open. Most gays spend the majority of their free time on the apps or at gay bars focused primarily on finding a hookup. Most gays are openly and honestly obsessed with sex. Like they will literally shout it at you, and you somehow aren’t seeing the signs? It doesn’t take a psychologist to understand that someone who so clearly has allowed their life to become dominated by sex, is a sex addict. Edit: and before you say some BS like “hang with better people, you just aren’t finding the good ones”, like where are they? In the community I live in, this is literally all that there is. I’ve scoured the entire city, and I can find plenty of people willing to fuck but very few who are even interested in there being a date beforehand.

@jesceeskylar6409

2 ай бұрын

💯💯💯

@andersonstudiosmusic

2 ай бұрын

@@FriendofDorothy I've witnessed the effects of sex addiction on plenty of gay men. It doesn't require a psychologist when they check off every single box of symptoms. The reality though is that it has become so normalized in gay culture that no one is going and getting the therapy they need, because they think what they're doing is normal and healthy.

@tula1433

Ай бұрын

Gay men are all searching for another gay man that shows none of the signs of effeminacy and flamboyance they dislike in themselves. The make up loving gay fem men are the FIRST ones to say they love breaking gender expression roles, yet they all would rather stay single then date another campy queen like themselves. Self loathing is ruining the gay scene. So many of my gay friends would rather take scraps from downlow men with blank Grindr profiles then date another flamboyant queen. So sad. Self love would help.

I hate it when Gay guys say to me That i Seek in the wrong Place. Like Then what is the Right Place? Is there a Place for Gay people That hast to do with getting to know someone Not just for Sex?

@pizzazzsnudge7800

Жыл бұрын

Yes there are, I met some great guys through gay sports leagues for example.

@salomonsarmiento6274

Жыл бұрын

@@pizzazzsnudge7800 that is not a right answer as just apply to Europe o Usa

@gonzalososa9276

Жыл бұрын

There is no place. I’ve done my research. Trust me 🤣😭

Grindr is a sea of headless torsos that never responds to questions or hellos! I don’t want an immature closet case where it’s all new. I want a bf!! I want to build a life with someone and I’m tired of being alone… There, I said it!

Wouldn't know what it's like to have a relationship. Every time I try the dude just wants a hook up.

@em4227

8 ай бұрын

Exactly just enjoy the ride

@em4227

8 ай бұрын

Quit thinking like a woman and you will release yourself and enjoy yourself much more you'll meet some guy at some point or you'll make great friends

@arthurkirkland1419

8 ай бұрын

@em4227 yeah no. Maybe other people enjoy being the town bicycle taking it through the backdoor every night but that ain't me.

The fear of being loved is so huge....now I am terminal dying neurological.....I tried to date.....worked on self.....friends wanted to play and I couldn't.....good tomorrows for you all

Take my advice… NEVER DATE SOMEONE YOU MEET ON GRINDR OR SCRUFF. You’ll be sorry 😅

@PoweredByRainbows

Жыл бұрын

I met my fiancé there so it’s not all bad, it’s just how you use it I guess.

@Wickedpissah138

Жыл бұрын

@@PoweredByRainbows I’ve met nothing but sex addicts, drug addicts and very self-absorbed men. Though I guess that’s just really a issue for the community at large, not just the apps. Also. You’re honestly never certain who you are really talking to on Grindr also (until you meet in person). I remember going to a few hookups when Grindr first came out and I was in my early 20s and the guy answering the door was definitely not the guy in the pics. I’m glad you had a good experience on it, it’s very rare!

@Wickedpissah138

Жыл бұрын

@@PoweredByRainbows and it’s obvi I’m still on it… I’m just cautious 😇😅😅

@shutupimstilltalking

Жыл бұрын

@@Wickedpissah138 yeah few good rules. 1. Always meet at a public place first. Restaurant, park whatever. 2. Get their social account It helps to know if who you're dealing with is xy or z. 3. Don't have sex on the first meet. Express sexual interest sure, but give it a day to assess how you feel. I've met two long-term partners on grindr. James of 5 years worked at the same Amazon as me, but I hit him up on grindr. I had a clear idea of what he looked like so I asked him to come hang out at my place. We didn't have sex tell the next morning, but it wasn't too bad in the long run. Tyson of 2 years I met at a park near his house. Technically I had to pick him up and take him to the park. It wasn't until a few days later I was ready for sex. Tldr if a guy can't be bothered to meet you before sex he's a catfish. If he has no social account he's a closet case or cheater. It's pretty simple. I just hate that most viable guys run when I say things like "I don't have any nudes" like I'm 5'11" and 140 pounds, six pack abs and I do eventual send my man unsolicited d pics. I just gotta be okay with the fact that their aren't very many viable guys.

Base any interaction on sex and you will be stuck with it. The route to love is an open mind and more importantly, time... the time to get to know a fellow human being.

I feel like I have always been at odds with this culture. I finally came out last year at 31 years old after I was tired of living as a man who wasn't true to himself.After finally coming to my friends and family I went straight to Grindr and precided to have many sexual encounters which satisfied an urge that I have been wanting. After that I wanted to find a relationship and quickly realized that was a shitshow and my self worth was destroyed. I became incredibly bitter and went through an emotional time to the point where I needed psychiatric help. I'm doing much better mentally now but I no longer trust men anymore and I don't want to go through that bullshit on these apps again. All I really want is a relationship I know im not owed anything,but it would be nice to have one. I realize though if I don't try to meet people again im going to be alone forever. I have my sister and nephew I care for but it would be nice to care for a man of my own. I have everything I want in life except a boyfriend.

@user-vu7rv1xf1l

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same, I was lonely before I came out, & I am now lonely & hopeless since I got involved with the gay community. I went in Grindr just to look, & its made me really hung up & anxious about dating & sex. I am monogamous & demisexual, which seems to mean I an an aliean everywhere.

@gonzalososa9276

Жыл бұрын

Join the club man 😏

@tula1433

6 ай бұрын

Let a man care for YOU! Change your view from “care for a man of my own” to “have a man care for ME!”

Imagine a time before the apps when you actually had to approach people, and mist people arent so forward as they are on apps as far as sex. Grindr killed the gay community.

@danielesteve8359

26 күн бұрын

Nope. Straight people did it long time ago

Grindr is like a poison ivy. It destroys everything.

@danielesteve8359

26 күн бұрын

Like gay men?

@hadcrio6845

18 күн бұрын

​@danielesteve8359 Short-term gratification is the best practice to turn you into a psychopath, by definition.

Wow !! This was AMAZINGLY said ... you literally took the words out of my mouth. This is literally how I’ve felt about Grindr even when I used to use it but I was in a dark place and these apps are not here to help us. I really wish the older gay generation took better care of the younger gay generation, but it’s okay cuz we learned and are now going to make a difference. Really happy I stumbled upon ur video💜

Thanks for speaking about these important issues! I can relate 100%! We can only find better ways of connecting by having these discussions! 👍

It sounds pointless to come out the closet unless you're actually dating someone.

Right on man! Your analysis of the situation is BRILLIANT !

Thanks so much. You showed me so many new perspectives. And I have been analysing this topic thoroughly for long myself

Perfectly articulated what I couldn’t put into words. Thanks!

Great video! You’re doing the real work for the community. 🖤

You won't ever find love on Grindr. Get rid of this shit

@cascioalbert1981

3 жыл бұрын

Why do you say so?

@filipeferreira5087

3 жыл бұрын

Cause is the reality. You can find a lot of things on Grindr, but love is not one of them.

@salomonsarmiento6274

3 жыл бұрын

Where should we find love as gay people? What do you recommend?

@filipeferreira5087

3 жыл бұрын

That's the point man. We should not seek for love cause in the end we just get the love we deserve... in other words, we attract what we are. Anyways, I've already met so many awesome guys at the church, bars etc..

@cascioalbert1981

3 жыл бұрын

@@filipeferreira5087 can we chat on hangout?

Thank you for this very caring and sensitive presentation, also very informative. You've done a great job! All the best to you

I remember when I first came out in the early 90s before cellphones and apps. The bars were filled with those same guys that are on the apps looking for one night stands. So... I don't see how going to bars is going to solve anything. And spending time in bars usually means drinking and that can lead to all sorts of problems. The intenet in general and especially apps have lowered the bar on manners and polite communication, though.

Who can afford a gay neighborhood?

Very well said. This 15 min video summarized my dating history in 15 minutes. I too thought life would be very different. Thanks again for sharing.

@PoweredByRainbows

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

This is excellent. You are unique in your insight, where as some of these other videos about loneliness are just venting. Good for you for standing by your values. You have inspired me to take another look at myself : )

Yeah I threw in the towel and just live my life as a loner. As a 50y/o, I say back then it was much easier meeting a quality guy for a relationship but nowadays, relationships are defined differently. With so many polyamorous, open relationships and marriages, I really don't even see the point in trying to date anyone anymore.

@DavidRodriguez-gl5pn

2 жыл бұрын

I’m 31 and feel the same way. It doesn’t even matter the age, there is just a culture of insecurity that surrounds the gay club scene

@jmudikun

2 жыл бұрын

Aren't these "polyamorous" relationships about people who just don't want to commit to anybody? I agree with you as another 50something who lived through the HIV epidemic. Because people were dying around us, we found out necessary to form support networks because our communities were so hostile to us. I just watch what's happening and shake my head

I'm tired of dating apps

Those apps do what they do because they CAN'T give you love. I can't do hookups, I never could. And it means the chances of me finding any kind of relationship are incredibly low. It's lottery levels of possibilty at this point. I can logically understand how buying a lottery ticket is pretty silly considering the odds and I approach it in that way - or don't bother and save money! But I just cannot seem to give up hope - despite the odds - on meeting a partner. It's painful, soul destroying and it always seems to end with me feeling suicidal levels of isolation, despondency and loneliness. What purpose or meaning can these wasted lives possibly have?

@tyson3577

9 ай бұрын

I hear you. I know this pain too.

@blue-ck9ns

9 ай бұрын

I am a 26 year old attractive gay male who regularly gets hit on or flirted with by both men and women, but mainly women. Beautiful women, who are around my age and have similar interests to me. It makes me feel even more lonely, because I see all of the options that are available to me and realize how much better my life could be if I was on the other side. It feels like I’m cursed, like my good looks are all a waste (not trying to sound cocky or anything). The only men that hit on me are older men. The guys that I like always end up being taken, are only looking for hookups, or are straight. I’ve only officially ever dated 2 guys and neither relationship lasted more than 3 months. This is a life full of loneliness, sadness, and emotional starvation

@renacleerican7824

9 ай бұрын

Yes we have it very rough. But at least we dont have to endure the grossness of being attracted by women. Straight men are enslaved by their biological injonction of reproduction, they are here to serve the other gender. Homosexual men, despite their loneliness( created by the heternormativ society itself), are free from this real curse. My straight friend have it very rough too with the other gender, oftenly feeling/being trapped into convenient marriage/family nightmare with a woman( I love woman, but I am happy to find them absolutely unattractive, I see it as a blessing). Also many homosexual men were genius creators, emperors, artists, scientists, philosophers, our contribution to civilization is enormous. I wish you find a good man, for sure he is there, dont give up on your right to love, and being loved!!!

@originalprecursor

5 ай бұрын

@@blue-ck9ns The only men that hit on you are older? Where exactly are you at when this happens?

I don't think there's a worse time to be Bisexual than now. You either deal with girls thinking you are just gay in disguise, or with the terrible gay dating scene full clubbing, sex and escapism. I used to be self conscious a few years ago about being lonely and never having a bf/gf, but the more I think about it the more I realize there is no winning in this game, maybe I'm the lucky one instead.

@Dolphinboi

8 ай бұрын

Clubbing and sex is normal. You just see it as wrong when gay men do it with each other

@maboilaurence8227

8 ай бұрын

@@Dolphinboi Not when it becomes your entire lifestyle, no. Man, gay, woman makes no difference.

@Dolphinboi

8 ай бұрын

@@maboilaurence8227 is going clubbing every weekend like many adults do wrong?

Great vid. You hit on a lot of truths and what you say is v authentic. I agree with the comment above...Your content deserves a big audience.

I believe that men, regardless of their sexuality, struggle with forming meaningful relationships that does not involve sex.

@PoweredByRainbows

6 ай бұрын

We have seen it’s all genders who struggle with this except for those that are asexual. So it’s not just men.

@Friendly_Neigborhood_Astolfo

2 ай бұрын

​@@PoweredByRainbowsStole the words out of my mouth

I’m 30 and have only been with 1 guy when I was 20 and have been single ever since

@GuyCalledAdam

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry to hear that, just remember your not the only one in this world, it is difficult being alone

I saw profiles there saying dont send a message if u r short,fat,old,femme ect...

Since my breakup in 2013 when I was together with my husband for over 12 years, I never dated again. Because the way the majority of the gays are dating is beyond my understanding. Back in 2001 things were a lot different according to dating. I guess I be a single guy for the rest of my life.

@TheChosen217

3 жыл бұрын

That's sad ... I hope things change for you.

@salomonsarmiento6274

3 жыл бұрын

😍

@mikealan1984

3 жыл бұрын

What happened with your breakup

Very well done video, this channel needs more subs

Really great video! I think you got the loneliness and isolation of growing up gay 100% right. And I think not having healthy relationship rolemodels and not being able to be ourselves until we're much older has a huge impact (and not in a good way). While straight people are busy experimenting with dating and sex, we're usually still in the closet terrified that someone else is going to find out and utterly ashamed of ourselves because we're taught to believe that we are not good enough and that something is wrong with us because of our sexuality. My question is - how can we use the dating apps (since there doesn't seem to be many other options for gay men) while also protecting our mental health and well-being?

Thank you. Thank you for verbalizing my experience and for helping me find a bit of piece and release of shame. I thought it was just me being nasty and addicted that I would engage in these cycles, but this makes total sense. This doesn’t justify my previous actions, but it provides clarity.

This is an excellent video. Thank you for posting.

@PoweredByRainbows

Жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

Great video! Hookup apps bring out the worst in us: when we use it we become something we are not. We have all rejected or been rejected by someone because of their physical appearance, their height, their weight, etc… but are we really that cruel in real life? I don't think so! I’d love to stop using this apps trying to find love, but I don’t have any other choice.

@johnjordan5080

10 ай бұрын

Couldn't agree more 😊

I’ve been using grindr for a year now and believe it or not I haven’t experience hookups. No one wants to meet me😅

@wesleybarrett9502

2 жыл бұрын

Yes I have seen this too. But not on grindr since generally I am not looking for gay or bisexual men. After all, towards men I am demisexual. For me I found more people by finding networking in local and regional communities and going to their public events. Or just as Matt said, a Gay Bar is a wonderful place. Even for straight people, as long as they are open minded and good people.

@japayuking7664

2 жыл бұрын

😊

@japayuking7664

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah😅

Grindr and hookup culture is at least there. I’ve given up on ever finding an LTR. My 20’s are ending and I’ve never had one, so if ain’t no one want me I might as well have limitless sex.

The one thing people don't talk about is the word "dating". Before these apps the word dating was actually going out on a date and get to know the person. Today people don't understand the difference between dating and hookups and call the apps dating. And the sad part is actual real dating apps have been grinderized which means going online to meet people who want relationships is hard these days. Especially profiles that say they want relationships but they themselves think relationship is a one night stand.

What a great video man. Spot on! Very well said, thanks for making this. If only more gay men were into self reflection, self development and looking at the mirror. That is a big problem in the community (Apart from trauma, loneliness and substance abuse).

Why does a fish go after a worm that has a HOOK in it?

I know I’m unattractive. But when I started taking intensive care of my body, and have this small glow-up as I call it, I started engaging in hook-up culture. At first, I often get blocked in Grindr but when my physique started improving, guys keep coming in. And everytime a hook-up ends, it makes me feel so damn lonely and sad. Now it made me feel unworthy of a real romantic relationship. The last time I went on a date was 3 yrs ago, that was my first and probably be the last. I feel greatly insecure about how I look so I resorted to hook-ups to feel validation to make fill that empty void inside me. But it made me feel more lonely.

@andreasobuaculla9511

8 ай бұрын

Stop I can tell you now you arent unattractive,dont worry about hook ups,it'll come when it comes,but get the unattractive thing ,put to bed.

@originalprecursor

5 ай бұрын

You 'know' you are unattractive? If the PFP you have is actually you, then that is wildly incorrect. Although even if you 'are' unattractive its likely unwise to talk about yourself like that. If a comment said by another would hurt your feelings, then how is a comment you say about yourself, supposed to make you feel?

@Uraniumore299

5 ай бұрын

Idk how it’s supposed to make me feel and yes the pfp is me. 🤷‍♂️ the hookup culture really got me lost

@originalprecursor

4 ай бұрын

@@Uraniumore299 What happens is, your own opinions and the opinions of externals merge. Granting the general coherence of your own thoughts into the words of others. Plainly stated : Your mind begins to warp itself in order to comply with what you hear.

@Uraniumore299

4 ай бұрын

@@originalprecursor that could be true. And I am working on my confidence for the past few yrs but it’s difficult bec I believed my whole life that I am unattractive.

I prefer to be by my own. The last relation I had for 15 years, was enough for me to give up. Im not a hookup male anyway. This’s app’s are not simple, my best friend have it, and he always told me, about guys asking for nudes pictures at a very first time😳

Wow. I have not used internet dating since the early 2000s. Before apps. Now my my kids are older and I want to date again, however, I am clueless how to date now because I will not do the apps. Before, I did internet dating it made me feel more lonely which was resolved after a relationship for 8 years. Thank you for this video! So true about the gay bar culture. Even if you had no luck at the bar, we formed a gay community. Even if the guy didn't like you, you eventually became friends and you had a chance to socialize, a human need.

This raised some really good points and was very well researched. 🎉

@em4227

8 ай бұрын

Yeah but he never really talked about the simplicity of all that if you have four testicles in the family things are different gays are not heteronormative we are different. And in that difference you get different types of relationships and we should grow on that not trying to be heteronormative. They statrd here that straight men don't hook up as much as gay men well obviously because women the other half aren't into that as much as men but getting back to the basics when you have four testicles in the family this is what you get. So why are we trying to give ourselves such a hard time with that reality gays are different as lesbians are different from gay men as well

@yashjoseph3544

8 ай бұрын

@@em4227 "Guys will be guys" is not a good excuse for behaving like a wild animal and fucking hundreds of guys, especially if that is contributing to the unusually LARGE number of single and lonely gay men. How am I supposed to trust a gay guy to spend my life with if so many of them give excuses like that? When are they going to learn their actions have consequences? Consequences that affect other people! Monogamy isn't "heteronormative". I don't have "internalized homophobia" for wanting to have one partner to spend my life with. I have no sympathy for a lonely gay guy in his 40s-50s complaining about their own loneliness if they participated in this toxic hookup culture. They brought this on themselves, not straight people forcing heteronormativity on them.

@roryyoooo

7 ай бұрын

I think both points are valid. I think the problem is that hook up apps like Grindr are addictive, it’s like a slot machine that can give you sex at any time. Sex can be wonderful, but I think the problem we aren’t talking about is that many men are now addicted to sex, either through hook up culture or pornography. And they’re substituting a quick high for a loving relationship, which is probably why you see so many open relationships now. Grindr essentially dehumanises men and turns them into a commodity, disposable and exchangeable. After using it for years, I can confirm it is damaging to mental health. Time to get rid.

I don't like how there's pressure to hook up I just want to snuggle up and watch a good movie

@reyr.7439

3 жыл бұрын

Same, especially since I have a low sex drive due to my depression. I just want someone to hangout with.

@Baoaa123

3 жыл бұрын

Oh my goddd I feel so fucking seen in this videos comment section. I wish this was talked about more. The pressure to hook up and then the regret from it. Absolutely awful. I found Tinder was a safer space to try and date :)

@reyr.7439

3 жыл бұрын

@@Baoaa123 I switched to Tinder and it's so much better. Better looking guys and you get to meet them first and not feel forced to fuck the moment you meet.

@dexterpace7710

3 жыл бұрын

@@reyr.7439 I completely understand how you feel

I've been on grindr with a chubby unattractive body and even a slimmed down toned body. Regardless I was bombarded with dick pics, had multiple conversations that faded into nothing and a few hookups that also faded into nothing. I don't believe looks is the real issue because beauty is truly subjective. I think as gay men we over value sex to the degree that we approach dating through a sex lens. Speaking for myself, putting a pause on the sex allowed me to think clearly and actually invest time into the emotional parts of dating. I realised I was as emotionally closed off as the other guys and needed to learn self love to be open to accepting someone else's. The emotional part is what's missing.

@hannahmiller5515

2 жыл бұрын

Hey I was moved by your comment. I was just wondering what your self love mindset is like now compared to before? I think I need to learn the emotional component you mentioned.

@johnjordan5080

10 ай бұрын

Well said that man 😊

Hey buddy. You made my day today and I want to hug you xx

Great video, good points, accurate assessment…interesting view on gay intimacy and relationships, it resonates with me.

I have lost the concept of love through different hookups I've had in my life and despite being self conscious i have somehow given up.

Strong content. I’ve always felt 2 years behind my peers emotionally. Weather that be puberty, dating, etc it’s weird thinking “oh I’ll do that 2 years later”. I’m glad I moved to away from home to figure out who I am. But home is still home 🏠

Thank you so much I’m happy someone talked about this

This is such an awesome and helpful video, thank you so much! I too have deleted everything and feel amazing. Life is too short to be living depleted, rejected and addicted to these apps. I want to enjoy my life and live with confidence and boldness! The only thing I would comment on is the assumption that our feelings of loneliness stem from our teenage years not being able to have same sex relationships like other teenagers who have opposite sex attractions. I think this maybe an oversimplification and I feel we need to go deeper than this assumption. I have some friends who did not develop same sex attractions until their early 20s, one late 20s and another early 30s!! Up until then, they were always attracted to and dated the opposite sex and developed same sex attractions later on. These friends also experience loneliness and the negative effects of gay culture described in the video, yet in their teenage years they were opposite sex attracted so there was not this 'fustration' felt in high school. Of course, these are only a few examples and everyone is different. Sexuality is so fluid and everyone has their own unique journey with their sexuality so let's be careful not to generalise.

@stephenn77

2 жыл бұрын

David, you’re a handsome man! Maybe this comment section is a good way to find a date. ;)

I can feel this, I am 30 yo and still in closet, my friends and family probably know that I am gay, because I didnt have a girlfiend, but I am so afraid to tell them, I work now and I dont need economic support but the idea of telling the truth to my friends or family terrifies me. The worst is that I am an only child and the only male in the household. I constantly feel lonely or sad because I wont do my "duty" as a man in my house. I have tried to find a friend or someome to talk in apps like grindr but it was bad, people just ask me for private photos, positions and stuff like that. I am not gonna lie I have had casual s*x encounters in that app, like you said if I can't find a friend or a secret boyfriend at least I will try to be less horny, but after that I feel bad again and I want the other dude to just go, and I feel kinda dirty. I dont know man, sometimes I wonder why I have to live like this, I wish I was like my friends and have a wife and a "normal" family.

@MrMootube1000

2 жыл бұрын

Being gay isn’t abnormal or dirty. I understand where you are coming from but also remember the things that you are saying to yourself are only hurting you. You are a man and biologically men have sexual desires. You add two men together in a sexual situation and of course it’s going to be different and it’s going to seem dirty or whatever but it’s not. Just because you were conditioned all your life to believe in heteronormative standards does not mean that those standards are even healthy or realistic for heterosexuals. You are ALLOWED to have sex in what ever ways you are comfortable with. You do not have a duty to please anyone in your household. You owe nothing to no one in this life. This is your life you only have one of them. I understand the fear behind coming out. But there comes a point in time where you need to stop being irrational and in your head and just allow yourself to live your life without judgement of yourself. Find better friends who you can be yourself with, doesn’t necessarily have to be gay men but maybe straight females who will accept you. You can live your life at a distance to keep people happy but just fucking be yourself because when those people all die and its just you left are you even able to say that you ever lived for yourself?

@user-qx1om2wj1h

2 жыл бұрын

I think it would help to find some queer friends online to talk to, tumbr has a large LGBT+ community and it's surprising easy to find queer friends on tinder.

@timothyxosullivan

Жыл бұрын

Oh man. I so want to give you a big hug.

I love your logical and empathetic perspective. I want to find a girlfriend in person,, but I isolate myself from any activities where I could meet a woman,, because I feel so lowly about myself. It's hard because I was damaged by circumstances that can only be reversed by being in positive circumstances, but the damages make me too afraid to try to be in circumstances where positive things happen. I am a hermit besides going to work

Thank you for this. You speak from experience.

grindr would be good if I had a 100% success rate with meeting every guy that i'm attracted to, but the truth is i'm probably not doing any better than 5%, and i know for a fact that many people don't even achieve 1% success - so now we are all seeking therapy apart from the hottest of the hot

still don't think the apps are the problems at all. the problem it's the gay community itself. most of the guys I knew had this crazy ideia of deserving a really handsome guy with muscles, great body and masculine even if they self are out of shape, were ugly or toothless so they will probably finish up their lives alone for wanting people much over their league. anything less than this is just for hookups, never for dating. So I'm taking a time of this gay life to work on myself (gym) so in the future I can find someone special. gonna spend some time alone and also improve my mental health and them maybe my chances of luck will increase. wish happiness for all you guys. XO

@ajwalker4416

3 жыл бұрын

Very good point (s)

@reyr.7439

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, we need to focus on ourselves. We expect to find the perfect guy when we should instead be that perfect guy.

@salomonsarmiento6274

3 жыл бұрын

You should be what you're trying to look for. If you like handsome muscle dudes you probably should look the same in the gay world

@Not-Ap

Жыл бұрын

Well good luck ever changing that or waiting for the day it will. Gay Men and people in general seem to believe that happiness is result of making all the right choices (according to what they told was right) in life and thus earning happiness. Well quite simply it don't work like that at all. Happiness and joy are fleeting but also found in the places you least expect. It's not something you earn but a byproduct of actions taken reaching for your desires. Often it's not what you think it is, how it should look like, or even what you desire. It's something you find along the way that you weren't even aware of before. It's happenstance and things often right under your nose the whole time.

Love your awakening msges. I wish it would reach more people to open their eyes and mind to reality. Yes reality bites but it’s something we gotta accept.

Thank you for this content. This helped me a lot.

I really needed this