Gaslighting is exactly what Mother Gothel did to Rapunzel in Tangled. Mother Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel and kept her stuck in a tower for all her 18 years of life while constantly telling her she’s worthless and not ready to go outside and then played all the insults off as a joke. And when Rapunzel asked to leave the tower, Mother Gothel acted as if she was the victim and made it seem like Rapunzel was being ungrateful for how she raised and sheltered her. Poor Rapunzel went through a lot.

@veronicapiccinini7956

3 жыл бұрын

@@katherinealvarez9216 how about Judge Frollo? He lied about Quasimodo's mother fate, he told him the world is a cruel, heartless place and that no one would love him because of his deformity. Or White Diamond. She claimed she was the purest and the perfect one, that she knows best, while viewing the other Diamonds (especially Pink) as flawed pawns who always mess up. Then she told Steven that he's nothing more than Pink's vessel, that he's not his own person, and she even tried to murder him by ripping away his Gem to prove she is right. Good thing that Steven's Gem half shut her mouth.

@TheGoldenAlchemist86

3 жыл бұрын

It was the first time I ever understood what gas lighting was as a child. At some parts of the movie I questioned if she *was* the bad guy and that she really loved rapunzel. It also made me realize that my parents were like that two each other and to my siblings and I.....

@Ratchet2431

3 жыл бұрын

@@veronicapiccinini7956 Yeah, it's obvious that Gothel was based in Frollo.

@sofitocyn100

3 жыл бұрын

Rapunzel didn't exist

@ceschadelacruz5718

3 жыл бұрын

She was a well-written villain

Mother Gothel the ultimate gaslighting villain in Disney.

@kathyalex778

3 жыл бұрын

Yes and there's so much symbolism with actual lights and candles as well that reflect that!

@aridaiescamilla497

3 жыл бұрын

I loved the video of Cinema Therapy about it

@Timmyartificio

3 жыл бұрын

@@aridaiescamilla497 went in to the comment to say this! It's a great channel

@christinegallo4983

3 жыл бұрын

So was Frollo in the Hunchback of Notre Dame

@scifigrl92

3 жыл бұрын

I think she invented that concept

You know what's really a mindfuck? When abusers accuse you of gaslighting them for attempting to call out their gaslighting. I think that's part of why people are very sensitive to the term being misused/overused. It doesn't just dilute its power, it feels like it's going to be weaponized against victims.

@minivanban6654

3 жыл бұрын

LMAO, when I have to have conversations with gaslighters they adopt my speech and terms. It's always funny when they parrot certain terms but the use isn't right. It's even more hilarious when I have to explain to them what it means and that they're using it wrong. Tragic comedy.

@alaia-awakened

3 жыл бұрын

This trick has been played on me quite a few times before I realized the other person was a narcissist. Only one solution: don’t go into discussion, just walk the other way and don’t look back

@Aaron-kj8dv

3 жыл бұрын

This is true, im actually to the point now where if someone is calling out others for gaslighting I expect it to be a gaslighitng technique because now that person who was just accused looks guilty no matter what they do. I've seen it happen so often.

@greatgownsbeautifulgowns

3 жыл бұрын

Aside from being told you gaslight them when you tell them they're gaslighting you, they will also accuse you of doing the exact same bad behavior that they are doing down to the T. I'm dealing with a gaslighter in my own life who wherever I tell her that she did something to me, she will literally say that I did it to her too... the things she's saying aren't even true at all though! For example, if I tell her a specific way in which she spoke to me disrespectfully regarding a specific situation, she will say that whatever rude thing she said to me I also said to her-- the funny part is if I ask for a specific example of what I said she can never seem to produce one. It's like, she says "You did/said it!" and I'm like, ok, when and how? Then she just gets angrier and starts making up more stuff. I'm fully aware and I've figured it out that the accusing me of acting as horrible as she does is nothing but her attempt to justify her behavior towards me-- it's basically her way of saying "Well you deserve to be treated like this because you do it to me too". It's also a way of not taking accountability and not even making an attempt to do any better, because if a person doesn't think and doesn't want to admit to themselves that they've done anything wrong--well then what is there to change and do better?

@lastjob2011

3 жыл бұрын

Like when a black person calls out racism, and the white person calls THEM a racist....

Emotional Abuse can be JUST as damaging as physical abuse. The victim might be unaware that they're being abused for ages, and feel as though everything they do is wrong, that their abuser is always right, and making excuses for their behaviour. The long term effects should be depicted more in the media. 😿💔

@alexsmith2910

3 жыл бұрын

Emotional Abuse can be JUST as damaging as physical abuse. Say it a little louder for the people in the back.

@veralenora7368

3 жыл бұрын

Happened to me as a kid while being sexually abused. Being unable to trust reality ... I can't describe how *effective* that is in weakening people.

@LittleNayuh

3 жыл бұрын

It can even be more long lasting and damaging than physical abuse actually, and can easily cause things like cptsd, it’s also often combined with sexual abuse, I wish it was depicted more often as well, and brought more awareness of

@goldieh7121

3 жыл бұрын

My gaslighting ex didn't hit me for 20 plus years, he knew that would be the last straw. However, he would isolate me by lying about me behind my back, constantly grab at my body and would "playfully" pin me down in bed. Finally, while separated and trying to make it work, he took a life insurance policy out on me without my permission. Even when people are intentionally gaslighting without the physical abuse, it doesn't mean they won't be physically dangerous in the future..

@essencer.9494

3 жыл бұрын

@@goldieh7121 My ex did the same thing. He didn't hit me, but he would use "play" to be violent. I like acting like a fool and horsing around and wrestling, ect. But he used that to literally bruise me and then punished me when I asked him to chill. He lied about pretty much everything, stole from me, He would say the most horrendous things and then call me "psycho" (or worse) when I reacted to it. His normal MO was to create a situation and then punish me for that situation. Like "stop saying you want my dog to die "(yes, really). Then he would take things from me (my money, my computer, ect) and literally lecture me for hours about how "ridiculous," "crazy" and "evil" I am. I could feel the physical danger becoming more apparent, and had nightmares that he'd assault me or kill me. I escaped in the middle of the night.

There is something so pervasive and violating about gaslighting. Like they said, it's roots are from an intimate settings (relationships in the home). There's something truly upsetting about the people you trust around you actively making you think that you're insane/exaggerating.

@specialtwice4975

3 жыл бұрын

Otherwise known as people with cluster b- Npd, aspd, bpd, hpd.

@minivanban6654

3 жыл бұрын

LMAO, you gonna generalize something that every mental level portrays. Got any evidence for that comment?

@minivanban6654

3 жыл бұрын

Seriously, where's the evidence?

@lastjob2011

3 жыл бұрын

Gaslighting is cruel and often long-term. it shows how truly evil someone can be to do that to a person over and over again. crafty, untrustworthy.

@grungepants

3 жыл бұрын

My family did this to me, they started to scape goat me after my grandfather died for some reason. There was a dynamic of being either the golden child or the black sheep. You had to agree with the family. It was like a cult. I started seeing a therapist because of depression and she told me they were abusing me. My grandmother even went to see my therapist to try to convince the therapist that she wasn't a bad person. Not too long after I was thrown out of the house. They were extremely manipulative narcissists.

The thing with gaslighting is that even when you're out of it and you know you've been gaslighted, a part of you still wonders if it's really the case. And you still feel guilty or hear their voices in your head. I think it gets better as time goes by, but when you're feeling more vulnerable, they can still have some power over you. It's so infuriating.

@sarroumarbeu6810

3 жыл бұрын

I agree so much with this

@teniseuna

3 жыл бұрын

Time definitely gives you perspective with gaslighting..

@sparklemotion8377

3 жыл бұрын

Because it is very normal in society. So it doesn't stop when you leave your narcissistic family or partner. I listen to those reddit AITA and you wouldn't believe the horrible stories of gaslighting by the whole tribe family, friends, colleagues etc It helps me not feel such a loser but it also infuriates me how it's everywhere and you can't escape it. My whole life was one big Am I the A hole?!

@dity9442

3 жыл бұрын

That's true.

@kybunnii

3 жыл бұрын

This hit homd

"Gaslighting is an attempt to change the truth." Tracy Malone

@trinaq

3 жыл бұрын

That's true, though it's usually brought about by utilising underhanded tactics to make someone BELIEVE that they're insane, and to force them to think your way.

@konraddygudaj257

3 жыл бұрын

@@trinaq I agree

@NoName-mm6gh

3 жыл бұрын

@@trinaq truth

@kkcake5771

3 жыл бұрын

True

@MireVale

2 жыл бұрын

That’s called lying

The take always has content when you need it

@trinaq

3 жыл бұрын

I strongly concur, that's why they're my favourite analysis channels, they always have convincing arguments that I end up agreeing with them by the end! ❤️

@Timelordvainglorious1

3 жыл бұрын

I can’t believe how many likes I got

One of my bosses has been trying to gaslight me into thinking I’m attracted to him. So I saved every text message he ever sent me and showed them to my female boss who outranks him. She says she’s going to look into getting me a better position in the company at one of our sister locations so I won’t have to deal with him anymore. It’s so nice to be believed.

@alaia-awakened

3 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry you had to go through that - you handled that amazingly well

@raziel7148

3 жыл бұрын

glad you got out of that situation, but why does your female boss not fire him? you did nothing wrong, so why do you have to go to a different location?

@alluneedislessthan3

3 жыл бұрын

@@raziel7148 because even though she outranks him she can’t fire him, and the boss over her definitely isn’t going to fire him since it’s an old boys club up there and the guy harassing me has been friends with the owners for decades. The male bosses won’t believe me without mountains of evidence of a heinous crime and even then they might choose to not because of how sexist and boy’s clubby it is. Plus they’re notorious for not firing people unless you literally stop showing up at all or steal from the company. Plus I’m basically a minimum wage part time worker who’s been there for half a year so I’m the one who gets moved. 🙃 But it works for me because I’ve been trying to move to full time anyway and I can’t there but may be able to at our sister location.

@raziel7148

3 жыл бұрын

@@alluneedislessthan3 sorry to hear the situation you were in, i thought that it was unfair that you had to move away. when you say that it works for you, then who am i to say otherwise? what has happened can't be undone, let's hope that it's a blessing in disguise. best of luck to you and in your new job.

@brianc5186

3 жыл бұрын

Cant you get a minimum wage job anywhere. Plus if the "culture" there is so bad you can always leave. Interesting

I just want to take a moment to appreciate the fact that the actual psychological term, "Gaslighting," was derived from a play/movie. It's amazing how influential pop culture is. This is a particularly important discourse now during the pandemic where domestic violence in all forms has skyrocketed. Thank you for posting.

@taylor_green_9

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! And that book they mentioned, The Yellow Wallpaper, was influential on psychological treatments

@watermelonlalala

3 жыл бұрын

That movie probably taught a lot of people how to gaslight. Make your spouse think he/she is crazy. But I never heard the term gaslighting tossed around until about the last ten years. In the age of Twitter.

@ahumanbeingfromtheearth1502

3 жыл бұрын

@@watermelonlalala True, but it probably taught a lot more people how to recognise when they are being gaslighted, and if someone's takeaway from the film was a "how to" guide then they are the type of person who likely would have become an abuser regardless.

@watermelonlalala

3 жыл бұрын

@@ahumanbeingfromtheearth1502 That has been Hollywood's protest since the first movie theaters were built. Movie with an unusual crime plays one week, somebody goes out and commits that crime in the next week or two. Hollywood: Don't blame us. Hollywood KNOWS people will copy their movies in many ways. That's why they make them. Propaganda factory and social engineering operation.

I’m not sure it’s accurate to call Kilgrave Jessica’s “Ex” because she never consented to their relationship. Great video though :)

@Angelica_h023

3 жыл бұрын

☝️ exactly. It was assault and abuse the whole time.

@peacekeeperbabe

3 жыл бұрын

Thank u! I thought I was hearing things; Kilgrave is sooo not a ex of Jessica's; he saw her and gaslighted their whole relationship!!

@TrillyThough

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly

As someone who has experienced gaslighting in a relationship, seeing it done in so many different ways in the media and also on a large scale is downright painful. It is actually traumatic.

@iheartjbgccb

3 жыл бұрын

Same with sexual assault scenes and jokes. Shouldn't they give us a bit of a heads up?

Broke: the take misspelt "mean" for "meme," lmao that's shoddy work Woke: the take intentionally wrote "meme" in place for "mean" as a play on words that indicates how "gaslighting" has become a popular meme that people carelessly throw around, thus diluting the serious nature of this indicator of abuse. lmao that's brilliant and punny. Bespoke: the take intentionally wrote "meme" for "mean" to trick our brains into reading "meme" as "mean" (thus utilizing the phenomenon of scotoma, "which means the way in which the brain reinterprets the truth when it expects to see a certain thing" - i.e, a mental auto-correct). This is a thematic play on words to drive home the way gaslighting works. So, later when you come back to this video and you see that it says "meme" and not "mean" you start to question your own memories of having read it as "mean." I.e, the title about gaslighting is working on us the same way gaslighting works during abuse. that's.... chaotic genius-but-not-really-it's-hard-work-and-skill and I have no words.

@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017

3 жыл бұрын

This video is still broke though because it doesn't talk about the origins of these behaviors in cluster B personality disorders.

@satbiym5378

3 жыл бұрын

​@@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017 ah, so lemme get this right. You think the video is broke because despite the take analyzing gaslighting as a trope - which is a topic with infinite variety in its own right, on which there are people doing actual thesis work on - solely from a media studies perspective in a 22 minute video (i.e, the advertised purpose of their channel) didn't take the time to get into the nitty gritty, nuanced discussion of "yes while gaslighting might be present within some members who are survivors of cluster b personality disorders, it is not a pre-requisite of their mental illness condition and all too often is a result of that person having possibly undergone emotional abuse first hand and not recognizing that that behavior as abuse and propagating that to their other relationships. But this doesn't mean that those with cluster b personality disorders can be excused from the way they are propagating that abuse to others, of course not. But it does us good to remember that survivors of mental illnesses are more often the victim than the perpetrators of abuse and that recognition of these toxic traits through educational videos like this - without vilifying people with mental illnesses - is a way to fight the continued propagation of abuse. However, apart from those who are already suffering and vilified for things they cannot help, there are abusers who don't fall under cluster b personality disorders who manipulate and abuse people around them, and this video focuses on those people rather than the 1-6% of those cluster b personality disorder." Let me get this straight, is not mentioning this the failure you're accusing the take of?

@nicholecharo1263

3 жыл бұрын

@@satbiym5378 this clap back was everything and i'm so thankful you had the patience to do so 😳 especially how you added that mentally ill people are more likely to be the victims of gaslighting rather than the perpetrators (even though it 100% can happen, i feel like they use these arguments to either 1) villainize us as being mostly abusive or 2) excuse abusive behavior by blaming it on the mental illness...which also villianizes the mental disorder itself even if that's not necessarily why to said it)

@lanatureestlartdedieu9591

3 жыл бұрын

@@satbiym5378 yes ma’am/ sir 👏👏

Many children are raised by parents for whom gaslighting their kids comes as easy as breathing to them. The result is an adult who grows up with low self-esteem and crippling self doubt.

@Author.Noelle.Alexandria

3 жыл бұрын

My mother did this. With my own daughter, she's allowed to call me and he dad out of she thinks we're wrong about something. Sometimes we are, and she needs to be safe speaking up.

@ananya1721

3 жыл бұрын

@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria I'm glad you're raising your girl with a voice to speak up against wrong. It always starts at home. 🖤

@juliannehannes11

3 жыл бұрын

It's me and it's called having a narc parent

@sandracmyers

3 жыл бұрын

@@juliannehannes11 not just you....

@Iluvrocket

3 жыл бұрын

That’s what the Lexapro is for

Honestly challenging a gaslighter directly can put you at risk of physical abuse. Make sure your safe first, that you have an out. And remember grey rock is a good option to fight to keep your mind safe when you can't.

gaslighting can also be used to turn people against each other.

@Itsunclegabby

3 жыл бұрын

Triangulation.

@alicedubois1348

3 жыл бұрын

That is exactly what is happening right now. Left vs right. Sjw's vs normies, vegans vs omnivores. It is happening g everywhere. People just love to use pur emotions and they manipulate our emotions into their own agenda. It is a frustrating and powder weapon.

@Itsunclegabby

3 жыл бұрын

@@alicedubois1348 I hear what you're saying and I agree, but with the examples you've chosen, there's truth and then there's fiction.

@kiriki4558

3 жыл бұрын

@@alicedubois1348 ¿Do you realice that aré things that simply can't be compatible? Like, do you think that a homosexual person must tolerante and acepto the prejudices against them?

@alicedubois1348

3 жыл бұрын

@@kiriki4558 I'm bi and I tolerate the tons of prejudice against me. So many people hate and fear what they do not understand. Just either ignore them or educate them. ❤ I understand that sometimes shit doesn't fly... But lately everyone seems to fly off the handle way too quickly. Someone needs to be the first one to show some tolerance and love. Fighting and being an asshole when feeling are hurt doesn't solve anything. I don't mean you, I mean the sjw's on the internet. They are usually overly sensitive and will verbally attack when their feelings are hurt. That's just wrong.

This Is why i hate people who says that the victim "must ask for help themselves" when people around leave them alone with their abuser knowing what Is happening. Or "she choosed to have him as boyfriend/husband" impling that Is her fault (in the case of violence against women). They clearly never experienced something like that in their life to say something so ignorant and cruel.

@pigpjs

3 жыл бұрын

The other one, "Why doesn't she just leave?" Because statistically, that's when she dies. Her fear for her safety if she leaves isn't in her head. It's like living in a burning house but as long as you stay the fire will be on the first floor and you will be on the second floor. Yes the smoke makes breathing unbearable but to leave you have to go to the burning first floor and have a high risk of burning alive.

@PhoebeFayRuthLouise

3 жыл бұрын

@@pigpjs Exactly!

@truewantsaband

2 жыл бұрын

Right, abuse is always a head trip and it can happen to anyone. I heard it said that childhood trauma is first and foremost an attack upon your perception because biologically, you had to attach to caregivers. You had to trust.

“The Truman Show” makes me uneasy ‘til this day.

@NinaNiterose86

3 жыл бұрын

The more time passes, the more uneasy it makes me feel, tbh.

@nigatar

3 жыл бұрын

I love how this video says, "even his wife." I know this video is trying to convince me that gas lighting is generally something men do to women, but the more it clarifies the definition, the more I see how this has been women's greatest weapon against men who are hard wired to believe the woman.

@Aaron-xo5ud

3 жыл бұрын

@@nigatar Yea, I get the reason why the talked for 5 mins on hysteria, but honestly its not really an example of gaslighting. Its more of a belittling of issues. It can involve gaslighting, but not always. You can look at the 'fake pregnancy' trope as a form of gaslighting only done by women to their male spouse.

@nigatar

3 жыл бұрын

@@Aaron-xo5ud "a form of?" Seems like the fake pregnancy "trope" is exactly what gaslighting truly is, I'm sorry if it's inherent to women like originally said. What the video describes is more like a Jedi Mind Trick lol, where both parties have all the information but one is just too weak minded..like convincing someone that they farted when it's just u and them in the room.

@thegnome73

3 жыл бұрын

@@nigatar fake pregnancy is outright lying, not gaslighting. Please use the term more precisely, or else we will render it meaningless

Until the term became mainstream, I didn’t know this is what was done to me by my cheating ex-husband, who continually made me feel like I was being cuckoo and jealous for no reason. I knew he was cheating and I knew something was wrong. He made me feel crazy for months. Thankfully someone else caught him and proved I was right all along.

@xyzsame4081

3 жыл бұрын

You could check out the channel of Dr. Ramani a psychologist that specializes in narcissism. the word is thrown around a lot - but there is a clinical definition and most true narcs will gaslight as part of their behavior / tactics. You likely will find relief in hearing and _understanding_ the phenomen and how it plays out in relationships. Many state their relief in the comment section that they now understand and feel validated - a comment section which is uncommonly polite, helpful and supportive for youtube ;) Normally a cheating husband would feel guilty so if he is so easily able to go into attack or manipulation mode, there is a chance he is a narc or has strong narcissistic tendencies.

@xyzsame4081

3 жыл бұрын

Another point that I picked up from Dr. John Delony. Most partners of a cheating (ex)spouse will question their ability to judge reality. Even if the cheating partner does not gaslight but just tries to pull it off secretly, and is remorseful, etc. The cheated on partner does not only need to rebuild trust with the spouse (if they try to work it out) they also need to regain trust in themselves. And that is under better conditions with a partner that is not manipulative. Again the information of Dr. Ramani could help you with that.

@wakandaforever4994

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly what happened with my abusive ex who most definitely had NPD.

I do love that there is a much more focused awareness of gaslighting, but it’s still being glossed over like real OCD. I was in a marriage where my significant other gaslighted me for eight years. It’s been eight years since the divorce, and I still am petrified to date. They only show what it is, not the devastation is leaves in its wake. It doesn’t show what it takes to heal, and even if you can.

@xyzsame4081

3 жыл бұрын

You could check out the channel of Dr. Ramani a psychologist that specializes in narcissism. Most true narcs will gaslight as part of their behavior / tactics. 8 years sound like it. You likely will find relief in hearing and understanding the phenomen and how it plays out in relationships and what she recommends for recovery. Many state their relief in the comment section that they now understand and _feel validated_ It also would set you up to sniff out narcs in future relationships right in the dating phase. (or recognize them in your family of origin, or in the workplace). Was your ex husband in the beginning very charming, did he rush the relationship ? Was it very "romantic" like in the movies - almost too good to be true ? Did everyone think what a charming husband you had - but (after some time when the honeymoon phase ended) he was a different person when you were with friends, family or in public compared to when you were alone with him ?

@nicoleallen3079

3 жыл бұрын

@@xyzsame4081, I was in therapy for a while afterwards. My ex has obsessive compulsive personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. He was wonderful until we got married. I jokingly call him the pied Piper. Everyone loves him, including my parents. When I left, I was shunned by my family for a few years. I now have no need for a romantic relationship. I have wonderful friends. If I’m lonely, I have 3 dogs and 4 cats. My life is now wonderful and full. 😁

@GenerationNextNextNext

2 жыл бұрын

@@nicoleallen3079 Me too as well. My issue started with my mother and came from men supposedly "interested in me". I am now comfortable being single and alone because my life is full. I am happy you left that toxicity.

I had an ex that gaslit. We were going on a plane ride to meet his mother. I told him before the plane ride that I didn't like traveling that much--I like being there, but the physical traveling I've never liked. He ignored me. Because I was both nervous from the plane ride and meeting his mother, I was exhausted and tired out. So I was polite to her, but fell asleep. While I was sleeping I heard him "apologizing" for me, and his mother defended me and said it was OK, I was probably tired, etc and explain for me. When I finally woke up, he told me that he had to defend me, when it was his mother that had defended me. The thing was by then I couldn't fight him. Not because I wasn't strong, it was because he'd worn me down and even if I knew the objective reality, he often made it impossible to leave--he had financial control, I had no experience before him. And if I challenged him, he'd gaslight even more, which made it more difficult. Staying did me no good as he started to throw objects near me closer and closer to probably prep me for being hit, since he made such threats before. Every bruise I accidentally got he said, "Did I do that to you?" But I was the one being abusive according to him. I had to force him to break up with me to get out of the relationship and agree to his terms to do so. It's better to leave early.

@lemsip207

3 жыл бұрын

I had a nasty neighbour who told me that his brothers wanted to smash my flat door down and he had stopped them. It was because they were playing loud music for almost 48 hours straight and I had called the police. The truth was more like he wanted to smash my flat door down and his brothers had stopped him. Gaslighters always project their nasty comments onto third parties and claim that the third party had been gossiping instead.

I can't even finish watching this cz it triggers me so much being gone through it myself for years and being helpless and young!! If you read this and you went through it too, I just wanna say, your pain is valid, even if people don't understand it. I truly hope you got out of it safely and feel better soon.

@dashrubberbear

3 жыл бұрын

💜stay strong 💪

@doesntreply

3 жыл бұрын

💙

@migaish_

3 жыл бұрын

I'm with you it was hard, but it made me happy at the same time. There's so much more awareness of this type of abuse nowadays, it makes it easier to understand the abuse you've gone through

@chhavimonga

3 жыл бұрын

@@migaish_ ya I'm so glad people are realizing what this is and getting out of toxic relationships

@dancechica

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. It was hard to be reminded of all the same things I went through

and that's why Rosemary's baby is sooooo terrifying, the gaslighting is all over the place

@lizanna6390

3 жыл бұрын

Elements of it in stepford wives too.

"The Lady Vanishes" seems to be another good example, where a young lady on a train is befriended by an older lady, who then vanishes. She tries to find the older lady, but has a difficult time convincing anyone that the older lady is real, partly because there doesn't seem to be any evidence, partly because there's actually a conspiracy. So some people are in on the whole thing and deny her claims to make her seem crazy to the others (and, increasingly, to herself), while some of the others are basically fooled into believing she's lost touch with reality. And some others lie about having seen the older lady to protect their own interests.

@harrybetteridge7532

3 жыл бұрын

Also "So Long at the Fair" where while an English brother & sister visit the worlds fair in pair in 1889 the brother disappears but the hotel staff insist the sister arrived alone & his room is no longer there.

@user-wy9yo8kk5c

3 жыл бұрын

@Alex Hyde..you gave the best example, I will look for that movie, most here are talking about an ex or one person..It is exactly as you say, some lie and some just go along, let's say cops say so, so every neighbor believes it or is ppl used to snitch and follow that person to drive these ppls agendas further, no matter if it's husband, cop, doctor etc..gas lighting can be many ppl involved especially if that person has no one in their life to back them up..Really "sick,evil" stuff gets done and it's done so often validated by authority like cops that the person begins to question their own sanity.. The EXACT result all of these ppl help create, and for what reason, some base it on gossip, some paid snitches some just sick and believe the original gaslighting lie told on the person by cops or authority figures such as doctors , parents,family..but authority has to back it up to be truly valid..and many women are kileed but cops believe they just died and not gas lit into taking their own lives or worse murder...very suck and anybody who participated for any reason is "sick" themselves!

Wasn’t Scar a gaslighter? Made his own nephew, Simba, believe that because of him, Mufasa died. Also, made Simba believe that he’ll never be welcomed back to the pride.

@alaia-awakened

3 жыл бұрын

Totally he was

@Visplight

3 жыл бұрын

No, just lying to someone isn't gaslighting. Did you even pay attention?

@riverAmazonNZ

3 жыл бұрын

No that was just a lie. Gaslighting requires that the victim questions their own sanity.

@lisamarie5937

3 жыл бұрын

No, that's just a lie. It would be gaslighting if Simba had suspected Scar had something to do with Mufasa's death but Scar made him doubt himself.

@sandpiperr

2 жыл бұрын

Yes, he was in how he made Simba think he was responsible for Mufasa's death.

I'm glad they showed examples of both men AND women gaslighting in relationships. There certainly is a history of women being told they were crazy for showing any discomfort whatsoever, but that is not the only situation that can happen. Anybody who is sick enough in the head to gaslight needs to go to therapy and relearn what a healthy relationship is like.

If you go on a fishing trip and then tell someone you caught a big fish: that's a lie. If you tell that lie to someone who went on the fishing trip with you: that's gaslighting.

@sd201027

3 жыл бұрын

Very simple and to the point distinction between lying and gaslighting. Thanks!

I'm surprised how difficult this was for me to get through. I was in an abusive relationship and was gaslit right into the hospital because my anxiety was so bad and I thought I was experiencing psychosis. Nope - just a toxic narcissist!

A company was able to bully me out of my job through gaslighting. Shocking looking back the impact that had on me and that was just the workplace, I can't imagine how damaging it must be to have that happen to you in close relationships

@LittleHobbit13

3 жыл бұрын

Similar experience. Had a team of toxic supervisors who managed to gaslight me into questioning if I could do a job I was currently doing and doing well. I legit started to look at the great results I was turning in and still questioned if I could do the job. Thankfully, I'm no longer there and I had the right people around me at the time to reinforce the right truth. As bad it felt, it would have been worse without those people.

@TheLeah2344

3 жыл бұрын

Yup I experienced it in close relationships, by the police, by coworkers and managers, and strangers.

@minivanban6654

3 жыл бұрын

Bruh, same. Kamans Art Shoppes is in north america and the company is shady. The owner, ben Kamans and his family are trash. They employ poor artists then treat them like dirt. They don't offer any holiday bonus or anything, instead the owners mom sends out a Christmas email telling staff that her new painted calendar is available for sale..... Trash if I ever saw it. They use their management staff and HR reps to gaslight and disregard staff. DO NOT let anyone you give a heck about to work for that company.

My ex was a master at gaslighting. He constantly made me feel as though I didn’t love him or treat him right, but i catered to his every whim. But if I started doing my makeup or had to do chores and he didn’t have my full attention, he would berate me until I was sobbing, and keep berating me.

@trinaq

3 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry to hear about that. Emotional abuse is a horrible thing for anyone to experience, but it's heartbreaking when it comes from someone whom you love and trust, like a close friend, partner or family member. You may convince yourself that they're only looking out for you, and that they could NEVER abuse you, and that it's your fault if you mess up. I hope that you're in a far better place emotionally, and are happier now! 😘

@goldieh7121

3 жыл бұрын

@Ana Duarte And now people are minimizing your experience and doubting your reality, I'm so sorry. It may not be as intentional as in the past, but the gaslighting continues. That's why I've had to stop trying to convince others and just trust my own reality.

@elleyeah746

3 жыл бұрын

@Paul Beleuta oh my god SHUT UP

@elleyeah746

3 жыл бұрын

@Paul Beleuta the whole thing about these relationships is that the abuser gaslights them so much that they can’t leave. I have so many friends that were abused in this way. Before you go and invalidate women’s experiences go and do some research. Did you even watch the video?? Though I doubt your pea brain could retain the information

@elleyeah746

3 жыл бұрын

@Paul Beleuta when someone talks about abuse and your response is to write it off my calling it “cartoonish” and calling them stupid for not leaving, THAT is harsh. And on a video about abuse no less.

The thing this doesn't address is that gaslighting happens every day in small ways. "I didn't say that," "you're putting words in my mouth," are more common forms of gaslighting where sometimes miscommunication happens, or when people don't want to admit to their mistakes so they act like it didn't happen. These small instances might not constitute abuse, but they are a form of gaslighting that happens.

@sampreston1791

3 жыл бұрын

Couldn't agree more, I actually told a woman off for making a judgement she had no basis to make. They then turned around and called me mentally ill. I called them out so hard as a former victim of gaslighting and on how they were also perpetuating the negative stigma attached to mental health during a period in history that people should feel safe to speak out for struggling. I see people like this as the lowest of low I'm afraid. My experience taught me it's also difficult to convince people you're ok if someone else has gone about saying you're crazy (how my marriage finally ended after years of gaslighting). It takes away everything including your voice.. it's cruel and frightening.

@availanila

3 жыл бұрын

Those aren't gaslighting.

@km1dash6

3 жыл бұрын

@@johndyer8776 "you're putting words in my mouth" can be a form of gaslighting that goes either way. If I say "you said this," when you didn't, then that is me gaslighting you. If you say "you're putting words in my mouth," after you say something and you try to convince me you didn't say that, that is you gaslighting me. The basic idea here, though, that I am trying to point out is that abusive behaviors are very common, but don't constitute abuse unless other conditions are met: persistence, omnipresence, and power imbalance. Generally, gaslighting happens all the time in small and large ways. But it becomes abusive when it enters into an interpersonal dynamic. In the broad sense of the word, it is when one person trys to discredit an experience, like in the play. In the narrow sense, it is when there is an abusive dynamic utilizing the discrediting of experience.

@AirQuotes

3 жыл бұрын

And in the entire history of you where everything is recorded even that doesn't help matters

@EmoBearRights

3 жыл бұрын

I agree people's perceptions or memories can be flawed and come into conflict that's not gaslighting. Gaslighting is deliberately making someone doubt themselves to control them.

My ex would sort of do this. He'd say he was going to a function that he said he had mentioned before, and it was always a new announcement to me, because I would always be surprised, even though he would be like, "But I told you that already." I started to think I had a faulty memory.

@issecret1

3 жыл бұрын

There's no sort of here. That's a pretty classic example of gaslighting

@emmaj1384

3 жыл бұрын

@@issecret1 ah. I say sort of because he never insulted me over it, you know? And I never wanted to be like, “well maybe YOU’RE the one imagining that you told me.” And I just never thought to talk about that conflict calmly because there are other areas in my life where I don’t remember stuff, so I just chalked it up to that.

@stellaw3682

3 жыл бұрын

My ex would be similar! Right at the end of our relationship he would always tell me he had something to do (which he didn't, he just wanted to ignore me/not spend time with me) and that we couldn't see each other that day - and when I asked about other times, where I knew he had time (I swear I'm not as controlling as this sounds, we have just been together so long, that I just knew his "schedule", yk?), He would always find something. When he started doing it extremely I would question him about why he is trying to "run away" from me, and he would always say that that's not what he's doing, that I'm just too fixated on that and that I shouldn't be so overdramatic....

@Author.Noelle.Alexandria

3 жыл бұрын

@@emmaj1384 It's actually possible that his memory was the faulty one. Did he start off doing that, or was that something he started doing farther into the relationship? My husband used to do that, but it was genuinely an issue of memory, and we've figured out ways of make it easier for him to remember, and that helped a lot. Gaslighting does need intent. We do need to be careful not to chalk genuine bad memory up to gaslighting.

@emmaj1384

3 жыл бұрын

@@Author.Noelle.Alexandria hmm well he did have chronic migraines but him not telling me things actually started around the time he was cheating on me behind my back, now that I think back on it 😬

Gaslight has a very clear motive - it wasn’t because he felt emasculated, he married her specifically for the house. He wanted the jewels he thought were hidden in the attic.

I had watched the movie Gaslight with my grandmother about 10 years ago, and it really stuck with me.

“Whoever controls the media, controls the mind” Jim Morrison

@bloggerblogg5878

3 жыл бұрын

true. we are clearly seeing this today and the days of ''pandemic''. Covid is the perfect example that he was right.

@zacharyunger8585

3 жыл бұрын

In today's culture, The Democrats control the mainstream media and everyone doesn't do their own research and blindly absorb everything they say as objective fact

@pstash78

3 жыл бұрын

@@zacharyunger8585 Just like how the Cult 45 led an incitement & insurrection through Faux News, OAN, Newsmax, Qanon, MAGA, & Blue Lives Matter?

@zacharyunger8585

3 жыл бұрын

@@pstash78 just the Liberal mob and blm and antfia ravaged cities, destroyed 1 to 2 billion dollars in property damage which was mostly minority owned, 700+ federal buildings destroyed, tc

@zacharyunger8585

3 жыл бұрын

@@pstash78 I mean I could go on if you want to but objectively speaking left wing violence has been way worse compared to what happened at the Capitol. Violence is bad no matter who is doing it. but if you going to take the stance of caring about innocent people and law and order but refuse to condemn left wing violence you can happily sit done because your a hypocrite

Gaslighting is not only within relationships, but also familial bonds.

A lot of my family are experts at this; hell, a family member gaslighting me about how writing about my father's history of emotional abuse was extremely hurtful to him (because my 30 years worth of emotional hurt meant nothing, I suppose) was why I felt the need to apologize for it in order to move back home after ending up in a roommate situation that turned toxic.

@ophelianeot9861

3 жыл бұрын

Thats only emotional abuse, exploiting vulnerability to control someone. Its not gas lighting. Some people get the emotional abuse wrong so its not even criticism? You want them to get their emotional abuse right? Is that the joke?

@PhoenixRising87

3 жыл бұрын

@@ophelianeot9861 To give you more insight into specifically how I was gaslighted: -both my parents would say extremely hurtful things to me in my teen and younger adult years and cap them off with an "I'm just teasing!" (Mother Gothel, anyone?); -the last event I mentioned in the original post is a big example; what happened was that my aunt and mother found out I had written about my father's emotional abuse, and of course, my dad found out and was profoundly hurt by it. As it turns out, none of them had actually read it; they were mad that I dared to talk about family conflict publicly at all. My mother and my aunt both chastised me (after I came to them in desperation about my roommate trying to extort me), saying I hurt my father and had no right to take family conflict public (even though writing about it so I could be heard was key to my recovery...which was promptly derailed), my aunt even went so far as to say my grandfather did more hurtful things to her which I will not share (I don't actually know why she thought that was a defense), and also guilt-tripped me about crowdfunding to keep a roof over my head (because they refused to believe that my chronic pain had gotten worse, despite the fact that I'd started walking with a cane by then). TL;DR- I was groomed into an emotionally unsure basketcase by my family, then essentially told that the hurtful things they've done to me are fine, but shame on me if I ever write publicly about them.

@PhoenixRising87

3 жыл бұрын

@Anne Day Honestly, I'd rather not go into it. Let's just say, she took advantage of the fact that I was desperate to not return to my parents and knew nothing about renting a room to extort extra rent money from me that I never agreed to, at the risk of being kicked out (our landlady only came to the house once in a blue moon).

@Bar_Bar27

3 жыл бұрын

My "mother" manipulated and gaslighted me saying me being in depression was hurting her and that she's the victim in all this. She really made me believe I was a bad person for being depressed and making her hurt. Now I know better, she manipulated me all my life and I had no clue until finding out about personality disorders and their games. Now we don't even talk since I exposed her years ago. She just angry that she can't manipulate me anymore

@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254

3 жыл бұрын

@@PhoenixRising87 Could we be cousin?

Omg yes those thrillers where they don't believe the woman and make it seem she's crazy when she was right all along. I hate them because it hurts to see the people around her not care or even listen until it's almost too late

@tei4724

3 жыл бұрын

It's worse when the ending is that the woman was crazy all along... Perpetuating that harmful belief of women being hysterical and crazy.

13:40 Whenever I hear news stories of how victims are gaslit and how it perpetuates rape culture and such I thought. "This would be the kind of thing netflix would and should make a show about!" Now I find that they already have. I just think that's bonkers.

@TrulyMadlyShallowly

3 жыл бұрын

@@smartass0124 Can you knock it off with the spamtrolling? You're all over the comment section with this same crap. This is not even a reply to this comment. Go find a US political forum somewhere.

As someone who has been raped and exploited by a famous individual with a good public image this episode spoke personally to me. It made me very happy to see that me constantly challenging their lies was a good choice and a way for me to stand up for myself. Thank you for this video and all your hard work !

Amber Heard offers a real life example. When Depp(who's no prize, don't misunderstand)calls her out for assaulting him, she replies: "You are such a baby; I didn't hit you with a closed fist"

@bellaknightR597

3 жыл бұрын

I agree except when you said Johnny is no prize, I would love to just be in his vasintiy

@sandpiperr

2 жыл бұрын

@@bellaknightR597 Simping isn't a good look.

@bellaknightR597

2 жыл бұрын

@@sandpiperr I'm not simping, I'm a fan, I think it'd be cool to meet him, even if I was who really cares? I'm not bothering anyone, just let me be me

@claragillespie1063

2 жыл бұрын

@@bellaknightR597 it's vicinity, actually. Just saying.

So happy they showed a clip of Rapunzel. Perfect example of it.

Hate how my ex gf would make me think I was the one gaslighting when it turns out she was. I think we overlook how it can happen to guys aswell as women because everyone blamed me until it was revealed she was doing it time and time again

@sarroumarbeu6810

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah.. everyone can play the game or fall victim for it.. it's just so hurtful

@kingmuizz708

3 жыл бұрын

@@sarroumarbeu6810 very hurtful,I mean I felt insane and everyone we knew took her side and I was alone.. then when it turned out she did it well they all came back like nothing happened..sucks..

@sarroumarbeu6810

3 жыл бұрын

@@kingmuizz708 absolutely sucks... I'm glad the ordeal is atleast over.

@kingmuizz708

3 жыл бұрын

@@sarroumarbeu6810 yeah same, thank you man

@doesntreply

3 жыл бұрын

My mother gaslights me all the time, but she makes all her friends believe that I'm the one doing it or that I'm crazy, even though I know for sure I'm not because unlike her I seek mental health treatment and that's how I found out she was gaslighting me and when I brought it up she got aggressive. I hope more people realize that anyone can do this to anyone else and it's important to listen to both sides and get people professional help. I hope you're doing better now, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Please do the abusive husband trope or the sensitive man trope or the prince charming trope

When you learn the psychopathy check sheet you begin to see psychopathy everywhere, gaslighting is the same. It's not that psychopathy or gaslighting don't exist, they both very much do, however the subtle nature of each makes identifying them difficult for laymen and for gaslighting, having a third person doesn't automatically solve this issue. I thought my girlfriend was gaslighting me, my roommate (let's call him Skip) always took my side, he often witnessed or overheard our arguments and would assure and confirm that what I was seeing and feeling was real and valid, that I was right. I ended up breaking up with her over this and then months later when I started seeing mental health experts (at the behest of another friend who was getting a degree in psychology) I slowly began to realize that not only was it possible and even likely that she wasn't gaslighting me but by continuously denying her perspective, her account of things, I was unintentionally gaslighting *her* . When I was able to clear up some of my distorted thinking it became clear that I had a tendency to jump to conclusions I just *knew* had to be the case, it was obvious to me and her denial of my reality felt purposefully, she *had* to see what she was doing and a person I thought was a good friend was in my corner further enabling my distorted thought processes. Not much later I come to find out that I am bi-polar AND when my roommate (who had moved in with his girlfriend who he met after I broke up with mine) was dumped by his gf, she gave me a call and told me that he admitted to her that he could see that there were times where I was clearly in the wrong and misunderstanding the situation, but apparently Skip disliked my girlfriend and was at the time severely jealous that I had someone and he didn't. He purposefully took my side in hopes that it would ramp up my paranoia about my gf and fracture our relationship. It worked. I had to call up my ex and apologize profusely for everything I put her through and let her know what had actually happened between us and why, I gave her Skip's ex's number so she could also hear that part from someone else. Turns out my *roommate* was gaslighting me and I simply wasn't in a position to spot it. Gaslighting preys upon the subjective experience, which is inherently unreliable, we are often bad experiencers of our own mental world, also our memories change when we reflect on them and so our every interaction with other people is rife with potential misunderstandings. You can unintentionally gaslight someone simply by being assured of the infallibility of any given memory that involves someone who loves and trusts you. A mere and genuine disagreement about the particulars of what took place can easily become malignant if either or both parties have a different context or perspective, having a neutral third party is super helpful but how many of us have this? Most of us have friends eager to take our side and be there for us, they may not be anymore reliable than yourself *edit* : If I could go back I'd have gone to couples therapy where a neutral third party could've helped us navigate these issues.

@kerrychristensen7204

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@Passions5555

3 жыл бұрын

Wow the last part of what you just said was so full of insight and self awareness I am in shock. Is this wisdom you gained in therapy or just deep self reflection? And yeah, subjective experience can be skewed and be totally different from person to the other who was in a similar situation. It's amazing how this should seem like comonsense but it really isn't.

@alaia-awakened

3 жыл бұрын

Wow, way to take personal responsibility! Thank you for sharing, very insightful and making me think about whether I’ve done this without meaning to

@view12372

3 жыл бұрын

It really is on point your view on the subject 👏👏

@jeremyjub9147

2 жыл бұрын

This is a fantastic post, thank you for sharing! My husband and I separated recently and I am having a really hard time figuring things out. I feel quite traumatised by some of the things I've been through with him but I am very aware that memory is unreliable and I'm only seeing my side of the story. I brought my own past and issues to the relationship just as he brought his, and over lockdown I think we became very wary and untrusting of each other, but maybe that wasn't based in objective truth so much as fear of vulnerability in a horrible time. It helps to read something from someone who has realised that their experience was not objective truth. I hope you are doing better now.

On the flip side of this issue, how many of you know someone who constantly accuses others of gaslighting them? A woman in my writing group told a lot of stories about being gaslit by her father, boyfriends, ex-husband, bosses, coworkers, neighbors, and strangers. She took critiques on her writing very personally, and when several people told her that her extreme defensiveness was inappropriate and simply wrong… “You’re gaslighting me!” She was the most extreme case I’ve met, but I’ve crossed paths with others. I think the term became so popular, even pre-Trump, in part because it’s such an easy attack on anyone who tells you you’re wrong. There is such a thing as being TOO stubbornly attached to “your reality” and in those cases people are quite right to try to make you doubt it. If a lot of people have told you that you’re crazy, maybe you are...

@kahkah1986

3 жыл бұрын

So true, I think to a certain extent people naturally misremember things for example; it is very easy for a person to genuinely forget to mention something, for example, or say something and the person doesn't hear/ catch on, see something another person doesn't see etc. If you are paranoid, you see this as more meaningful than it probably is. If you are insecure, you see every attempt at counselling as a criticism/ gaslighting. Gaslighting has to be sinister, it takes a while to notice because it is a pattern of nasty obliviousness, not the occasional dropped ball.

@jamjox9922

3 жыл бұрын

I think you're describing a self-victimized narcissist; they differ from grandiose narcissist. Grandiose think they're god's gift to the world, self-victimized believe the world is always out to get them. In both cases, the world revolves around them--and they lack self-awareness, empathy, self-reflection or appropriate responsiblity to see themselves at fault for anything going wrong in their life.

@satyathota9546

3 жыл бұрын

Online and on social media, I often see far left people/SJWs accuse others of gaslighting. Specifically, they accuse Asians of gaslighting other minority groups by simply talking about our experience and relative success compared to other groups. They claim that we collectively deny racism and do this to intentionally confuse other minority groups by telling them what SJWs think is false. The accusation of gaslighting other minorities is then often followed up by the accusation that Asians "enable white supremacy".

@perfectchemistry8291

3 жыл бұрын

@@satyathota9546 I think it's relatively stupid to compare the Asian minority to the Black minority when the historical experience of racism is completely different because although both minorities experienced racism, the latter was undeniably worse. Slavery should be the most obvious reason why. Even Japanese Americans who were forced into internment camps were given reparations after 40 years whereas 160 years after the legal ending of black enslavement in the USA the same cannot be said and likely never will for black Americans. It may not be gaslighting to compare the two but it sure is stupid.

@jbtechcon7434

3 жыл бұрын

@@satyathota9546 Uh oh, sounds like you just got gaslit by a Leftist just now! But you're absolutely right, the spectacular success of Asians in America is frustrating to people trying advance a narrative that their own total lack of success is product of racism not their own behavior. And black American who do succeed through intelligence and hard work get gaslit and called sellouts, house-slaves, etc. The more I think about it, most of the time I've ever heard anyone accused of gaslighting, it was just a weaponized false accusation.

I’m once again asking for The Take to finish the ATLA personalities series

@Whatsinaname_

3 жыл бұрын

Please.

@NS-li9jd

3 жыл бұрын

Up !

Great video can you do the Native American stereotype in movies and shows thank you 😊 🙏🏽.

@zenani7929

3 жыл бұрын

John Redcorn

@GenerationNextNextNext

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! I'm not the only one!

I had a boyfriend who did it to me. He constantly god mad at me when I criticized him or just asked him to not do sth that upset me. He once left me alone in the middle of a very dangerous city in the middle of the night with no possibility to get home or get somewhere safe after he had treated me horribly the entire evening, flirted heavily with another woman and had denied me to take me home even tho my only wish was to get home and sleep as i had been working almost 24/7 the last two weeks. He would gaslight me into believing i was crazy and was overreacting and even told his family i had turned his friends against him even tho i never even had a proper conversation with them let alone make him look bad. He also was physically violent but not to me really. Or at least he didn't hit me just shoved me aside so hard that i fell and hurt myself. He humiliated me several times, body shamed me constantly and when i ended the relationship basically told me I was mentally Ill. He also threatened me several time in a very subtle ways and when i told him i was afraid and begged him not to threaten me he mocked me as if i was imagining things. It was only three months but damn it was bad.

In my experience gaslighting is what people say your doing when they dont want to recognize they're own actions that have been pointed out to them

@nataliaalfonso2662

3 жыл бұрын

Well projection and victim-playing are also things narcissistic abusers do. The truth lies in whether or not UOU were actually gaslighting someone. People misusing and abusing the term is classic. And metaironic.

One of your best videos, and that’s high praise indeed. Every time I explain gaslighting to someone, they inevitably say ‘Oh my god, my mother/friend/boss did that to me all the time. I wish I’d had a word for it then.’ Language empowers us.

Thank you for acknowledging how overused this term is. Gaslighting occurs over the course of months and more often years. The guy you went on two dates with did not gaslight you...he just lied about what kind of job he has. That’s why so often it’s parents who do it to their children and people who have been in long term relationships.

@Psychwriteify

3 жыл бұрын

Ok, I both agree and disagree. Gaslighting is a series of actions done to destabilize someone and gain control over them. It is very effective when done in the long term, and mileage may vary in medium or short term situations. I had a "friend" who tried to break down my mental barriers once I let him live on my couch(I didn't recognize what it was at the time because I was determined to give him the benefit of the doubt because his life had gone very wrong and kind of stopped myself from calling a spade a spade), and the only thing it did was make his stay more and more dependent on my concern for him being homeless than anything involving friendship. Then he all at once in a fit of anger he tried to convince me that all my problems were from a level of hallucinations that made it impossible to drive (let alone be a full time student with a job that I drove to) and tried to weaponize every conversation I had without a third person present. What he did was very much gaslighting, but it ended in him getting all of his shit that wasn't legal paperwork given to goodwill because he didn't clear out by the way too generous deadline of three days that I gave him after that bald faced attempt at psychological abuse.

@shopece8807

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely no. I fully disagree that it takes a long time for it to be considered legit gaslighting. Strangers do it to strangers in person and online all the time. Tf. It's really the intent and the motive that makes it gaslighting.

The Take never misses!

@sarroumarbeu6810

3 жыл бұрын

EVER

@archer1949

3 жыл бұрын

I had........issues with their The Queen’s Gambit video.

The Redemption Trope

that moment when you tell your abuser they're gaslighting you and they say that's not a real thing...

I love this series but calling Jessica Jones the ex of Kilgrave doesn’t sit well with me. Because she never said yes to anything in their interactions outside of his powers.

One of the wildest things I learned recently (that was probably a no-brainer, in hindsight) is that people with certain disorders/mental illnesses that affect their memory and perception of reality, such as those with ADHD, anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, PTSD, BPD, etc etc have a higher risk of being gaslit by the people in their lives. The combination of low self-esteem, poor self-assessment, shoddy recall, altered sense of reality, and greater need to depend on others to help you function, can feed into a worsening cycle of abuse, worsened symptoms, more abuse, even worse symptoms, and so on.

@Passions5555

3 жыл бұрын

You hit the nail on the head. As someone who sometimes has to rely on other people due to having a learning disability and notoriously poor memory I had a situation like this in elementary school. I had someone (an older kid than me) assigned to me to help me keep tract of things because I was notorious for misplacing stuff and because of this I was a target for kids in my class hiding important items on me and playing dumb because I honestly couldn't recall where I left them and only having the shit eating smirks on their faces when confronted by myself and the teacher if they took my text book/pen/eraser backpack ect. To know they moved my stuff and we're getting away with it. But because of my poor short term memory I could not say without a doubt that I had just misplaced something or they messed with it. The older kid who was assigned one year (I think I was in second or third grade) to help me keep tract of things did this to me on one traumatic instance. I lost my science text book spent the whole year not being able to find it and getting scolding in front of the class for not having it and being made to humble myself to ask kids who did not like me to push my desk close to theirs during science period so can share their text book during class. I remember the humiliation and trying unsuccessfully not to cry while being made to go around the class room asking to sit next to someone and share their book with me and if they said no the teacher said I had to find someone else that was willing because she wouldn't MAKE anyone do it. That was my punishment for being "careless." I remember wracking my brain and second guessing my self...did I really not put my text book back where it belonged? (In elementary school we were assigned our own book but we were not allowed to take it home, we had to keep it in the classroom in a special spot with everyone else's). I remember my habit of waiting until everyone was leaving for lunch to put my science book away just so I can put it where I knew where it was and no one would have the opportunity to move it on me to mess me up. The only one who was in the room with me was the teacher and the older kid they assigned to help me keep tract of things. I even questioned her and asked if she moved my science book for any reason (because I caught her moving it a few times in a "better spot" I could find it) and every time she would get defensive and remind me she is there to help me so I needed to stop blaming her for my carelessness. Well at the end of the year, when we were alone she handed me my science book and admitted she hid it behind the coat rack. I got pissed and screamed at her why she did it when she was supposed to help me. She said her younger sister put her up to it, (a girl who was my age who hated me, and caused me so much trouble the year before that we were deleberatly put in different homerooms that current year so I would've be harassed by her). This girl was nice to my face and made me think she was genuinely on my side ( though looking back her niceness was really condensending). So this older girl messed with my head and made me think she was helping me and made me think she has nothing to do with my missing science book when she did. And even worse when I tried to tell the teachers about it they took her side because I was a kid with poor memory who needed extra help and she was older and a capable strait A student. I got scolded for being ungrateful, not taking responsibility, and trying to blame someone for my carelessness that the teacher set up to help me because I was "hopeless." So yeah people like us are more likely to be gaslighted and people who are nerutypical tend to be believed more.

@Icecreamandradness

3 жыл бұрын

@@Passions5555 God, thats fucking disgusting. A lot of teachers are severely lacking in training or understanding for those with additional needs, and that can contribute *so much* to the traumatic experiences we face while growing up. I hope you’re at least in a better space now, around people you trust and who respect you. And you’re right, most neurotypical people are way more likely to believe other neurotypical people. It’s so frustrating :(

Speaking of which: Alice Macray and Joyce Byers. I don't know if it's gaslighting but I found it fucked up how Mark Darcy left Bridget Jones at the end of the first movie. Yep Tangled taught us how gaslighting works and appropriate for kids! This is something that felt familiar to me

@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254

3 жыл бұрын

@Sofia Byrsan But walk off with no word and all mad

The Obsessive Fan trope. I know Annie Wilkes from Misery will be on the thumbnail. And if it's not too much trouble, could you add the clip from Family Guy where Stewie, as Annie, rants about the movie Contact?

@lizanna6390

3 жыл бұрын

@@katherinealvarez9216 that would be an interesting video topic to

Trump being in the thumbnail is a funny choice because I've been feeling gaslit about the insurrection at the Capitol with Republicans downplaying a coup attempt 😒

@Itsunclegabby

3 жыл бұрын

"Can we just live in peace?" _No, you're coming with us._ "Can we just live in peace?" _No. Don't worship like that. Savage._ "Can we just live in peace?" _We're taking your land AND your children._ "Can we just live in peace?" _No. We're going to beat you for asking. If you don't like it, leave._

@elizrebezilmadommdo1662

3 жыл бұрын

@@smartass0124 They weren't saying that ALL of them were peaceful though (at least, that's not what I've heard from the news, because I literally remember seeing footage of the riots and the people on the news referring to them as riots/violent protests. There is still footage on KZread in fact where blm riots are referred to as violent and show acts of violence done by citizens). I've seen footage of both blm riots and regular peaceful protest, some where the police were attacking the protests and some where they didn't. The fact that republicans claim that democrats didn't acknowledge the existing riots because they state that only SOME of them were riots is gaslighting in itself. The point was that ALL the protests were lumped together into one group as being "riots", which isn't a fair image, and people were trying to stop that misconception, and Trump and his supporters didn't like that. It's bad to pretend that none of them were riots, but it's also bad to pretend that ALL of them were riots too. Back in June (I think that's when the riots and protests started), my grandpa was on the phone calling my mom because he was scared that we were in danger due to the "riots", even though our city only had peaceful protests (obviously I can't say the same for other cities unfortunately). Lumping all the protests as being 100% good or 100% bad is gaslighting. There were cases where I'd see footage police attacking peaceful protestors standing there while getting attacked, and there were cases where it was the other way around. And the fact that people say that what we saw isn't true and we're just stupid or crazy is gaslighting. Saying that no one from the left acknowledged the riots is gaslighting as well. Either you've been gaslit or you are one of the people actively trying to gaslight us, but either way, you're contributing to the problem.

@myac3076

3 жыл бұрын

@Dominique Higgins yep

@lindsayblair5181

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!!

@beetlebob4675

3 жыл бұрын

@@smartass0124 Thanks for commenting for the algorithm. Now more people will see the video, and the original comment. And yours, for immediate comparison.

The fact that Trump is in the thumbnail is sending me

@Prettyfunnycoolnhot

3 жыл бұрын

I almost didn't see it. 🤣🤣

@zelixleo5

3 жыл бұрын

@Trumpville Bruh you already know. Trump is the ultimate scapegoat

@trinaq

3 жыл бұрын

I know, it's hilarious that Trump's in the thumbnail, he's made constantly blaming other people for his faux pas his day job!

@zelixleo5

3 жыл бұрын

@Trumpville Okay girl I was giving him credit. Do you even know what scapegoat means? It's when someone blame you for shit all the time.. that's what people did with Trump..blame him for all the shit happening like it was his fault when half of the stuff he had nothing to do with. Don't come at me foul

@alyssahansen1400

3 жыл бұрын

@Trumpville It refers to Trump's claims on the numbers of the inauguration crowd and his constant claiming of fake news to reduce trust in journalism and science. It's where the phrase "alternative facts" comes from, and this is briefly addressed in the video and cited as the cause of the resurgence of this topic. As to why that example was chosen for the thumbnail: probably to attract attention.

And here's a twist; if someone is accused of gaslighting, you will never know the truth. The lie of a gaslighter will sound no different than the truth told by an innocent person.

@Author.Noelle.Alexandria

3 жыл бұрын

Sadly true. That's why it's impossible to help a victim.

I just thought gaslighting was a buzzword for the longest time and was unclear of the meaning because of how it gets thrown around. However, once I actually looked into it myself and understood the origin of the term, then I realized I finally had a name for what my mother does to me. She believes her own lies and will outright deny reality. When someone is unwilling to have an honest conversation, there is literally no way to reach a resolution. She will always be the victim. It's scary. This is why now as an adult I pay such close attention to what people say because my mom made me question my sanity and memory so much as a kid by denying her own words

A deviation from movies: As a citizen in the 2020ies I’m living in permanently gaslit Stockholm. Or as historian Timothy Snyder put it: So if you want to rip the heart out of a democracy directly, if you want to go right at it and kill it, what you do is you go after facts. And that is what modern authoritarians do. Step one: You lie yourself, all the time. Step two: You say it’s your opponents and the journalists who lie. Step three: Everyone looks around and says, “What is truth? There is no truth.” And then, resistance is impossible, and the game is over.

@taylor_green_9

3 жыл бұрын

That's why it is important to stand our ground and insist that the truth does exist and lies are lies, not "opinions" or "points of view" or "narratives" or "someone else's truth"

I’m pretty disappointed that you guys didn’t touch on the topic of narcissistic parents gaslighting their children, like in Tangled. My narcissist mother was super toxic and gaslit me my entire life, I had to go no contact two years ago because she refused to change. Wish you guys could’ve taken the opportunity to shed light on this topic.

I was raised by jealous paranoid & manipulative woman. When I think back to certain events as a child I realized she was gaslighting not only me but other relatives too. Now once I became a teenager, even though I didn't know the term for it, I knew what she was doing & I would call her out on it. Of course she denied it but because I continued to challenge her she stopped trying to gaslight me but continue with other people smh.

So weird to hear the Archers mentioned on here! I feel like most The Take watchers won't know anything about the Archers, but it's a radio show about country life that's been running since the 1950s and has over 19,000 episodes! I feel like most people hate it but I genuinely love it so much and think it deserves more younger listeners so please check it out 😂

I'm so glad people are becoming more and more aware of gaslighting. It helps to better understand the abuse I've gone through. I hope that going forward we as a society can educate others so they don't go through the same abuse.

This is so important to dissect. Thank you so much for this.

I spent years trapped in an abusive relationship being gaslit constantly. Always being told that I was crazy and dramatic and insecure. It was 12 years of it. By the time I escaped, I was suicidal and barely functional. I still have trouble trusting myself to make even small decisions, and I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I'm not sure when I'll get better. I don't think I ever want to be in another relationship again. Being alone is safer.

@KL-rd9tg

3 жыл бұрын

Hi! I was in an abusive relationship too and wanted to share some encouragement. Life may seem unbearable at this moment, especially with anxiety and panic attacks, but don't forget that you're a survivor and you are stronger than you give yourself credit for carrying on. I'm sorry that you're still dealing with the emotional aftermath of the relationship. Some things that helped me were researching abusive relationships and their results, like Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Just seeing the symptoms and having a name of what I was going through really helped me understand the daily anxiety I was experiencing. I'm not a psychologist, so I can't diagnose what you're going through as Complex-PTSD, but just know that you're not alone and talking about it with someone you feel safe around (a friend, an understanding coworker, a therapist) can help.

@UnsortedSeeds

3 жыл бұрын

@@KL-rd9tg Hi. Thank you for your kind words. I have seen a therapist several to be honest, and they all diagnosed me with PTSD. One diagnosed with cPTSD. I've been been able to work through a lot of it, but I still have nightmares and panic attacks - not nearly as frequently as before, thankfully. To be honest, I'm dealing with a lifetime of abuse I endured while growing up, getting out of the mindsets that lead me to being with an abuser in the first place. A lot of no contact with nearly my entire family, cutting out people that were supposedly friends, etc. It's a lot, and I don't really feel that I would be able to maintain a romantic attachment because of it. But I will continue to work at it just for myself.

My biggest problem with gaslighting, you can tell people never watched the actual movie, because they always describe it wrong.

@goldieh7121

3 жыл бұрын

Yep, I notice that too.

@deezxc

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah it's happening in this very comment section. At least it's in the general discourse now which I hope makes it less effective for abusers and more identifiable for potential victims.

@ipsygypsy16

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for saying that. The 1944 movie starring Ingrid Bergman was a hell of a movie, as all Bergman's films were.

@Renee_VSJ

3 жыл бұрын

@@ipsygypsy16 It's so good, right? It's too bad more people don't take the time to watch it.

Loved the book "the yellow wallpaper". Fun fact in the UK, too much yellow is not aloud on phycology wards as the colour is always "sunny" and can make people more depressed. Like it's mocking them....like "the yellow wallpaper"

Please do video on 'Jealousy' the worst sin. It portrats so many times in the media and in pop culture. Do those people realise they're being jealous? In their heart of heart do they even admit it? How harmful it can go and how far they can go?

We love to see my hometown/high school represented well in media. We’re now known as the town that DuPont gaslight. It’s so sad.

I was regularly gaslit when I was a child and ended up with a bordeline personality disorder. It was one of the many psychological abuse I was subjected to, but it was the one who hurted the most. I was so caught up in my family's lie that by the age of 8, I was convinced that I was a monster that would hurt anyone who approached me.

*The Spoiled Brat Trope.*

@trinaq

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I agree, with Veruca Salt being the poster child for the Trope! 💖🍭

@preciousyoung357

3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@nancyomalley9959

3 жыл бұрын

@@trinaq Along with Nellie and Nancy Oleson from "Little House on the Prairie", Angelica Pickles, Regina George

There should be a compilation of the movies mentioned in the videos, I often pause it a lot to write down, it would be nice to have these listed in the description. Just a suggestion. I enjoy very much the deep dives into the cinema world, and it's depictions of behaviors we have in real life.

I love that there is in depth content like this being well-made. The criss-crossing of real world and fictional examples and the extended discussion here does a good job of making the pattern visible and recognizable in many different forms, which is especially appropriate since the behavior being described is especially dangerous because it is focused on remaining invisible and unrecognized. More relevant today than ever.

Gaslighting: what the media does to the American public everyday

@watermelonlalala

3 жыл бұрын

And what the liberals do to the conservatives on Twitter.

@Aaron-kj8dv

3 жыл бұрын

Everytime I want to trust a media story i remember they all said Iraq had WMDs and then I dont trust anything they say lol Some lies are just unforgivable

It can also be exhausting to constantly challenge the gas lighter. In some situations it’s better just escape them all together and make your reality whatever you want it to be.

I think a big example of Gaslighting is Rosemary's Baby. It ticks all the boxes explored and I'm actually surprised that it didn't feature on here. It's closer to the Truman show in that everyone around her is gaslighting her about her fear over having a demon baby, including her husband, neighbours and even her doctor.

@Author.Noelle.Alexandria

3 жыл бұрын

Rosemary's Baby was a supernatural horror story. So it's on a different level.

@becarec0987

3 жыл бұрын

The normal people around her are the ones gaslighting her during her whole pregnancy though. It's psychological and paranoia, like the examples given here.

PLEASE do an analysis of Promising Young Woman!! I just watched it today and it was AMAZING.

I’ve had this happen with doctors before, one in particular. They would contradict themselves between appointments and when I’d tell them that they said something different last time they’d deny it. It’s incredibly frustrating and unsettling.

Do you guys ever rest? Amazing quality video essays every 👏other👏 day👏!

Damn, this week's video got very real and dark. It's so educational!

Midnight Lace is the Doris Day movie based on Gaslight.

A companion piece to ‘Jane Eyre’ is ‘Wide Sargasso Sea’ by Jean Rhys.

Jessica Jones is sooo underrated 🥺

@leemolloy1112

3 жыл бұрын

I tried so hard to watch this but was so bored

Finally a description of what’s been happening to me for 34 years.

@Ana.Garcia.

3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry. I hope you find your way out of this

@cosmicmuffin322

3 жыл бұрын

Having a name for it is incredibly empowering. But don't confront your gaslighter unless you are absolutely sure they won't harm you or make your life worse in revenge. Use the "grey rock" technique to keep yourself sane and safe until you can leave. Good luck and hugs to you 💜

I love that you guys finally have a video that addresses the history and cultural context of a word that is thrown around so much these days. Very much on point ❤️❤️

The take always hits! I always come out of their videos with more movies and shows on my to-watch list every time

*The Pervert Trope*

@sdb1401

3 жыл бұрын

y e s

@YellowDia

3 жыл бұрын

Yessss it’s so lazy how sometimes it *their only character trait and how it’s supposed to make them comedic relief

@YellowDia

3 жыл бұрын

@semi obviously

@tei4724

3 жыл бұрын

It's either used as a joke (never funny) as someone mentioned or as some voyeuristic experience for a perverted part of the audience which is even more disturbing. To pull from anime, everytime a girl is accidentally in a compromising postion- not only does the main character view it, but we take part in the perversion. It's fucking gross.

@fis7363

3 жыл бұрын

YES

I would love to see a take on men in toxic relationships. How they are not believed or damasculated. How men will just call her crazy and write it off. How men are drawn toward the "crazy" girl when she is actually toxic. Something like that.

your take(The Take) is so well done great production like a pre-primetime show

I'm serious when I say this has become my all time favorite KZread channel. You're all SO thoughtful and your compassion shows in every video. You are good people.

Best one yet. Thank you, Susannah and Debra!

This looks like a GREAT video, but as I'm going through this exact right now with a man I'm trying to Extricate myself from, because he still has **my money,** which as you say is part of what inspires them to control us--it's simply too painful for me to watch at the moment. But **thank you** for making it.

Seems Satan was the orginal gaslighter. He told Eve 'Doesnt the fruit look pleasing to the eye?', 'if you eat it you will not die'

You guys put so much effort into every video and it rocks!

The best video I have seen so far on gaslighting. Well done. The inclusion of so many depictions of gaslighting in popular culture and then placing those personal relationships characterised by gaslighting in the larger framework of our entire political system and social context where the goal is to create an alternate reality where there is no objective truth was inspired and thought provoking. So many pieces fell into place about personal and professional interactions over many years for me watching this. Wow.