I can never get enough of Tom looking into the camera and smiling, after Bert says something amazing lol

@vance9090

3 жыл бұрын

Amazing? Or completely tok’d?

@colosseo7827

3 жыл бұрын

@@vance9090 Amazing as in tok'd. Just like how cool guys are...well, cool *guitar solo*

@stephenbranagan7063

3 жыл бұрын

It's the best

@GerritCoulter

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah he's Jim Halpert

@drewcookies

3 жыл бұрын

Uhhundred percent

Nadav: is googling: slow as shit Nadav: is grabbing edibles: fast as shit

@samthegroce1584

3 жыл бұрын

I hope he finds it

@breadlytoasted

3 жыл бұрын

That's why they keep him around

@joelondonuk8337

3 жыл бұрын

Nadav; is having a shit:.....

@Kwestdaroc4

3 жыл бұрын

@@Mudshudders I also read it in song, but multiple times trying to match words with nadav is googling 😂

@jamesnaccarato1615

2 жыл бұрын

very perceptive

“Oh there’s rocks in here! .....I collected them.” Bert is 7 and I love him

@joanncaribbeanfan4505

3 жыл бұрын

I thought he meant crack.

@SunflowerDogs

2 жыл бұрын

@@joanncaribbeanfan4505 he did say the bag was ALL drugs so, fair

bert perpetually has the energy of a kid that just got back from summer camp and needs to tell his parents everything right now

@tigerdragonmartialarts4032

2 жыл бұрын

Hes also the type to be from a whole other planet and still be like “uh my planet is way better than yours uh-hundred-percent better”

I wish Bert would talk more. Maybe someday he will get comfortable enough to open up and talk about himself a little bit

@DGchase

3 жыл бұрын

All he does is talk what do you mean

@TDOLLA

3 жыл бұрын

@@DGchase I was being sarcastic. Yes, Bert has absolutely no problem saying every single thought that crosses his mind onto the mic. He finds himself endlessly fascinating. I like Bert though it doesn’t actually bother me as it does so many other 2 Bears fans.

@TheOrlandoTrustfull

3 жыл бұрын

Chase Bollman: This guy gets it

@TDOLLA

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheOrlandoTrustfull he made me look like quite the fool

@jessegrzanowicz1034

3 жыл бұрын

@@DGchase lol 240+ people got the joke!!!!!😂

"is she in a wheelchair in real life?" bert: "no, no- no- no- she's beautiful"

@wateronfeathers

3 жыл бұрын

🤣 like why are they mutually exclusive?!

@milesmccue9388

3 жыл бұрын

Glad u caught that too💀😂

@wretchedslippage3255

3 жыл бұрын

He doesnt talk about a female without the caveat "shes butifoo"

@a.k.4o

3 жыл бұрын

I love Bert's child like honesty

@wateronfeathers

3 жыл бұрын

@@AgendaInMind I’m literally so excited that this wild ass comment is a reply to my comment!

Berry telling his kids he is dead and loves them while tim laughs maniacally in the background. Clip that for his actual funeral

So wholesome when Tom goes “ It’s fun to watch you enjoy a treat “ when Bert eats the chocolate candies.

took 75 episodes for Tom to figure out candy shuts Bart up. wow

@mattwellington4158

3 жыл бұрын

Took my mom 3 years so

@phalspar

3 жыл бұрын

And it’s still taken you longer to figure out nobody gives a shit

@sneakygarbage469

3 жыл бұрын

He had to focus on tryin to open the wrapper

@earlymorningpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

@@phalspar “best podcast in mankind” stfu

@JDCypr3ss

3 жыл бұрын

@@phalspar you gave enough of a shit to post a shitty comment about it. Plenty of weekly comments in here about Bert shutting up if you don't like comments don't read them.

Getting too high then having to drink to compensate for being too high is the most i've ever related to bert

@shawnmcvey7789

3 жыл бұрын

I'm the opposite; if I get too drunk I have to smoke to even out. It all depends on your home base.

@samhicks9462

3 жыл бұрын

any time i mix the two it just amplifies both

@janpavel1441

3 жыл бұрын

'evening out' downers with even more downers lmao

@RA-dn2ic

3 жыл бұрын

I usually do cocaine to even out

@MNewsTime

3 жыл бұрын

You’re all right. Lol

“I don’t want to be married to her if she can’t take a few punches from a cop” 54:14 - Burp twiceler dropping wisdom about what one ought to value in a life partner

Bert like 5 months ago: We should be dandys Bert now: I’d never wear a suit...

@keeganpower6931

3 жыл бұрын

Bert always: talking absolute shite

@BACNandEGGS

3 жыл бұрын

Only kids think changing your mind is weak

@tobe1207

3 жыл бұрын

Tbf so is jumping to extremes like bert does

@steamedyam

2 жыл бұрын

Strong humans can change their mind, children will say shit without thinking and then massively flip flop on the issue without even thinking

“Bert could definitely be talked in to switching Governments” Joey Diaz

@TheTictac28

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@car-ls8uc

3 жыл бұрын

Bert is a pretty dumb individual...

@epheyeTK

3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@DweeD1516

3 жыл бұрын

@@car-ls8uc Fun Fact: Intelligent people are more likely to be in and are more susceptible to the persuasion of cults.

@GoScience123

3 жыл бұрын

@@DweeD1516 the original quote was, I think, in context insinuating that bert could be convinced into doing gay stuff. nothing about actual governments/cults lol

Anyone else think that Bert would react the same way to literally any piece of chocolate or candy you handed him?

@discostew44444

3 жыл бұрын

you could hand him a dried turd and get the same reaction

@Neimonster

3 жыл бұрын

I think it's like feeding the ducks, he'll peck and anything if you say it's a treat

@crookdaddyfresh8058

3 жыл бұрын

Uuuh hundred percent

@MissBlueEyeliner

3 жыл бұрын

I feel like the word “treat” is what really does it.

@Ek-yt8hb

3 жыл бұрын

Its a staged ad

Calling Jared was Bert’s best phone call idea.

The way Bert reacted to getting a treat was amaze.

Bert is literally the human personification of the bear that tried to kill him for a marshmallow.

@BryceLK

3 жыл бұрын

The bear was possessed and the spirit was passed on through the mouth.

@jamisonkyle1362

3 жыл бұрын

I was late to the party

@Opine_Divine

3 жыл бұрын

That story was actually a parable he constructed where created the character of "the bear" as a device to dissociate himself from his own behavior that even he can't abide and he casts himself in the role of "the victim" in this case to illustrate how he's his own worst enemy, in fact, the primary threat to his own existence and only motivated by marshmallows and pussy (his wife, in this case, who came to his rescue).

@BryceLK

3 жыл бұрын

@@Opine_Divine God damn, I want you to interpret all of his bits to me like a preacher for the Church of Bert. We are all but cogs in the One True Machine. May we be blessed with treats.

@Opine_Divine

3 жыл бұрын

@@BryceLK Peace be with you. *makes the sign of the cross and anoints you with Tito's Vodka*

It's cool that Bobby Lee and Santino let Tom and Bert have their show back.

@stuarcari

3 жыл бұрын

I would have liked them to have brought Rudy back with them

@albertgarcia9273

3 жыл бұрын

Theyre good friends 😉👍🏼

@HeCticCaNine

3 жыл бұрын

@@albertgarcia9273 no that’s steebee and jeremiah.

@albertgarcia9273

3 жыл бұрын

@@HeCticCaNine how dare you. lol

@jorgecostanza7147

3 жыл бұрын

Dream podcast would have Santino replace bert 🤷‍♂️

“You have to be prepared to drink and drive." Brought to you by bud seltzer

Bert being proud of what to do in the event of a DUI is the most Two Bears thing ever.

Bernt has a “woman’s” fanny pack, which he uses to store his “Miss Grass”, which are pre-rolls targeted for women... what a progressive

@brittv420

3 жыл бұрын

damn i had no idea there was such a thing, i thought a pre-roll was just a pre-roll lol

@Patitas.De.Molcajete

3 жыл бұрын

@@brittv420 I thought the same. Then I looked up the brand, and realized how heavily they market it to women

@nickparker4863

3 жыл бұрын

S

@101wormwood

3 жыл бұрын

with like 0 remorse and 1% embarrassed ... it is what it is

@conor7187

3 жыл бұрын

Naaah he just buys them cause he doesn't want women to have things to themselves. Patriarch n shit

"Not nightly, but not 'not' nightly." - Bert

I turn into a telescope when Bert is saying something and it cuts to Tom staring at the camera with a smirk on his face.

Bert's voice became so serious when Tom started giving him treats

bert is pretty much a real life homer simpson.

@breakfastattiffanys741

2 жыл бұрын

Goddamn you nailed it!

That "It's a treat" followed by Bert rumbling was great. Pavlov would be proud.

Brett struggling to open the child proof packages for his edibles was amazing.

I love how confidently Bert talks about something he doesn't understand at all

I love how “this would be a great sponsor” is Bart code for... “I’m tired of paying for this and want it for free now even though I’m a millionaire” lol

@DekkarJr

3 жыл бұрын

His laziness knows no bounds.

@adrenaholly9624

3 жыл бұрын

If you think he's aware of how much money it costs.... You're tok'd. LeeAnne makes it quite clear he doesn't know dick about their house. Let alone his finances.

@popedizzled_mywizzle

3 жыл бұрын

@@adrenaholly9624 that's ok. He's rich. He's got people to deal with the details like those.

@adrenaholly9624

3 жыл бұрын

@@popedizzled_mywizzle exactly! He just likes sharing products. Like aggressively. 🤣

@jeansdelajeans3937

3 жыл бұрын

Well it works because I just shared that clip with our marketing team and Lowell's will now be sponsoring 2B1C lmao

Who else when Bert said “oh I have rocks in here” thought no fucking way this dude just dumped out some crack rocks😂😂

@rustypotato9064

3 жыл бұрын

First thought. Then it was real rocks and I lost it

@John_Guice

3 жыл бұрын

I thought he meant moonrocks, given the context

@LordxSilas

3 жыл бұрын

I definitely thought crack, but laughed even harder to find out it was real rocks.

@just1frosty516

3 жыл бұрын

@@LordxSilas Fr😭😭

@PochoNews

3 жыл бұрын

I knew it was just earth rocks cause he collects em but I didn't think he'd put them right next to GLASS!!??

"Growing up in Florida you did not do drugs" is the least Florida thing I've ever heard.

"If you're watching this im dead now" I omost spit out my drink.

Bret in his casket will be shirtless, gold chain, hat, and a bottle of Tito’s snuggled into his arm.

@MarioGonzalez-yq3gw

3 жыл бұрын

Don't forget the gold President

@mjsudela

3 жыл бұрын

Titos would discontinue the brand because the main source of revenue was dead.

Take a shot everytime Bert says “signature cocktail”

@Neimonster

3 жыл бұрын

You'd have enough shots to fill one of Bert's kool aide bottles

Bert saying he would tell the cop to shoot LeeAnne made me fucking crack up.

“I’ve seen you drink wine like it’s Gatorade” 😂

Bert has a Fanny pack of weed but doesn’t smoke a lot 🤣🤣

Nadav laughing in the background makes me so happy every time ❤️

@chukkalow4

3 жыл бұрын

Did you catch when he laughed so hard he started coughing 😂😂

@livinglife1089

3 жыл бұрын

I like it too but think they add it in after

@wateronfeathers

3 жыл бұрын

@@livinglife1089 you think? Idk cause it seems like you never know what he’s going to go off about ya know?? He’ll cut up at times that u wouldn’t expect I feel

@wateronfeathers

3 жыл бұрын

@@chukkalow4 excellent 😂

@stope420

3 жыл бұрын

@@livinglife1089 don’t crush my dreams with this thought, hahaha.

Bert is hilarious with the whole "Go ahead and tase Leanne" hahahah

When bert says he kicked a woman in the chest in his dream. I imagine it like charlie murphy kicking Rick james in his chest on that dave chappelle skit. 😂🤣

Bert: i have something important to say, i can't be distracted. Also Bert: candy...

" I started unwrappening it..." - Bert

Honestly this may have been the best episode I’ve seen yet lmfao. I laughed so hard the entire time holy shit

Bart planning how to accept a DUI with grace instead of just planning to get a ride is just a great example of how tok'd he truly is

Bert is an ever-evolving character.

@popedizzled_mywizzle

3 жыл бұрын

Aren't we all.

@Chillibe

3 жыл бұрын

What do you mean? He didn't evolve past 16..

@utlonghorn86

3 жыл бұрын

De-volving if that's a word

I love the experiments Tom runs with Bert lol

Bert admitted to lacing gummy bears with edibles and giving it to people and yet somehow managed to take a jab at ari for his dosing in the same episode 😂 big brain

@Jesusluvz

3 жыл бұрын

Mdma vs Mary Jane, totally comparable. I mean, one could literally kill you, and one gets you hungry. But what does anyone know right?

@tomdowley3688

2 жыл бұрын

@@Jesusluvz the principle's the same though - drugging people without them knowing ain't ok

@Jesusluvz

2 жыл бұрын

@@tomdowley3688 yeah, but that’s like comparing what bill cosby did to what Bert did. One was evil, and could cause irreparable damage, and let’s be honest, weed cannot. Both not okay, yea, but what ari did was about a thousand levels worse.

@tomdowley3688

2 жыл бұрын

@@Jesusluvz oh yeh ffair i completely agree - just wanted to make sure people weren't saying that the weed one was not a problem

never seen bert so quiet when tom gave him the chocolate

Burnt: "I wish I could give me teeth a break." Tim: *literally stops everything to give Bart the WORST food for his dental crisis* Keep things high and tight chomos! 👖

We've finally figured out how to get Brunt to stop talking. Give him treats.

Should’ve shown the Shia Lebouf DUI video, that’s literally the best

Brent pulling an Ari @7:00 and dosing his friends 😆

Tom handing burnt the chocolate candy reminds me of Dwight in the office being trained to have a mint when Jim shuts his computer off lmao

@rafaeldecarvalho1

3 жыл бұрын

Hehe burnt

@VideoNozoki

3 жыл бұрын

I really hope this is what Tom is doing.

“I’m not just there to stain my teeth” Burnt Chrysler 😂😂😂😂😂😂

@MrJayehawk

3 жыл бұрын

That was a classic line.

7:10 bart talks about pulling an Ari, then casually changes subject 😂

Every time they mention a story they’ll tell each other “off-mic”, I stop caring about the rest of the show and only want to hear those stories.

I immediately assumed Brunt was just misremebering Matt Damon's name when they brought up Johnny.

@DND09

3 жыл бұрын

Lmao same

“Murdering Morons” has me rollin

The Bears having alfajores and conitos Havanna?! My Argentinian pride is through the roof!

I can't say it enough of how much I love Bert and Tom. I can't see them live cause I'm a single Dad but man these two guys are dudes I'd dig a hole in the desert for. They make me happier than anything.

Bruce 'please don't spike me' kerscher crushing up THC to sprinkle on CBD and then not telling people? Wild.

If Bart's kids get into partying they're so set. Dad gets Titos sent to the house for free, has fanny packs full of drugs that we doesn't know what's in it or where it came from, and high end drinks with the push of a button in the kitchen.

@dustinparks9157

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking all that too. They better not leave for the weekend. And leave the kids home.

@janpavel1441

3 жыл бұрын

georgia and ayla both getting a train run on while bertyboi kneels in the background to 'empower basketball-americans' because he's a brainwashed commiefornian

@ShadySKWASHA

3 жыл бұрын

@@janpavel1441 Keep hating on California, while we pay for your states welfare debts with our taxes. Your tiktokd state has no economic value

@janpavel1441

3 жыл бұрын

@@ShadySKWASHA Bold of you to assume that I'm from Martshartistan in the first place lmao. Now come on, give me that overly predictable jingoistic spiel about how every country outside of the USA is third world.

@nelparduke5601

3 жыл бұрын

I wasn't trying to be ironic or judgemental here... I'm legitimately jealous of the opportunities his kids will have. Former liquor cabinet thieves of this planet raise your hands!

I always laugh so hard, when mid convo when they’re talking Tom goes “yeah” and Bert responds like an excited kid with a slightly louder “YEAH!”

Track suit goes perfectly w Bert’s pinky ring

@JosephEhrenpreis

3 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha

I think Leeanne telling tom he's gonna get super fat was her jedi mind trick to make Tom actually get in very good shape. Tommy is looking super slim!

@littlefrog9553

3 жыл бұрын

I think she assumed he would do what Bert would do in his situation.

@BoTillman46480

3 жыл бұрын

It’s just his left arm that’s skinny. It messes with your mind.

@candicedavis935

3 жыл бұрын

Hot!!!

@NS-sx4dq

3 жыл бұрын

If by super slim you mean not obese then yeah

@jamesnaccarato1615

2 жыл бұрын

interesting theory

Brent and Tim are repping Christine’s “tribe” today. Remember, healing takes time, and this ain’t Amazon prime. Have a good Monday my kings and Queens above 18, the King loves you. We up outta here!

@imjustapancake3188

3 жыл бұрын

Her “tribe”? :0

@zackmitchell9587

3 жыл бұрын

@@imjustapancake3188 Literally anything Eastern European. Eastern Block, if you will. She’s Hungarian, but her tribe is any neighboring country, apparently.

@bigloudandnoisy3601

3 жыл бұрын

@@zackmitchell9587 I’ve had ENOUGH of this kind of foolishness. Every single episode it’s “eastern blocker- this” “that’s my tribe- that” “that’s my kind of people-blah blah”. How many times is she going to complain about her heritage but relate everything to it?! It’s insaaaane

@kiltzanm

3 жыл бұрын

I’ll see you in May!

@janpavel1441

3 жыл бұрын

@@bigloudandnoisy3601 they're commiefornians, what did you expect

This felt like an older episode. Instant classic.

So Leanne says "let's have a signature cocktail" x 7

FINALLY, something to watch while I wait for bad friends to come out

@inwardpod

3 жыл бұрын

Respek

A small wave of depression hits at the end of these. I NEED MY BEARS

@uwotm

3 жыл бұрын

Thats when i turn to BAD FRIENDS

@angusyoung119

3 жыл бұрын

@@uwotm Ive been watching them more, but they just aren't the bears

I love that Bart has literally no filter and says the first thing that pops in is head when he’s about to talk 😂😂😂.

Bert eating treats might be my favorite thing. I wish I could enjoy things to a 10/10 like Bert does.

Hey guys, I missed it. Did Leann say “let’s have a signature cocktail”?

Nothing is better than tims silent facial judgement

"i need to reinvent the fork" - high Bert

This episode has some solid gold quotes and one-liners

Toms multiple nightly edibles are Bert levels of indulgence.

@RobbieFitzgerald

3 жыл бұрын

Hang on. These edibles arent that strong. 4 hours and its wearing off?

Look at bert man, so inspirational

@fXInn14

3 жыл бұрын

Just amazing bro

Brutus knows he can't shut up so he admits immediately to the dui 🤣

Mommies!!! PLEASE DO MORE OF THE WEEEED TIME!! This was by far my favorite episode, especially after I had 2 edibles and am currently… enjoying myself 😊

"I'm not just here to stain my teeth" is uh hundred percent a merch opportunity

@VideoNozoki

3 жыл бұрын

That was a good line!

Ep.75: Fancy Tracksuits and Man Purses

Crazy to almost 2 years since we were blessed with this podcast

Brent having a treat epiphany: “I started ‘unwrapening’ it and everything...”

I look forward to Mondays because of this

@jasonwinterton9369

3 жыл бұрын

NO SHIT!

So great of Bert to walk us through his continuing sobriety.

Tommy gave Bert a treat and he *literally* made the same noise as Homer Simpson right before eating a donut.

Bert is my spirit animal. Drug mule.

What about dressing like a Dandy?? Been waiting for that!

Brett "I'm like a god damned barracuda" Chistmas

Them 2 together is the best podcast there is.

Honestly the best show yet, thanks Tim & Bart.

The real reason Barf likes that track suit is because he finally found a new piece of clothing that he can fit in. He got tired of wearing pregnant lady pants.

Bert looks like the WAAAY-to-serious Little League Dad. "You drop a ball one more time, Timmy, it's nothing but crusts and water at the Hut!"

54:25 Berrrrt!!! Daamn your the MACHINE!!!!! Love you Bro👊🏽

Finally...I'm obsessed with this whole franchise 🔥💯🔥

“Someone’s gonna hold her to the feet fire for that” - Brandt Kreensher

" It's always better when the wife goes - You want to get down with a vice real quick? -FINALLY I LIKE YOU!" man this hit hard always wish my ex-wife smoked weed and drank beers with me

Just watched that full Alpha Mail short on Vimeo and have no idea how it wasn't picked up for a full movie. Hysterical

Bert needs to listen to Tom's First 48 bit for DUI advice. "Lawyer up! You cant handle it. You think you can talk your way out of it...you're doing 25 to life"