Real Dysfunctional families don"t like to admit thier flaws ..As lf that hides the Problem.

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Completely true! Because then they would have to do something different!

@curtistinemiller1560

5 жыл бұрын

@@RashawndaJames YEP.Thanks for.responding...

@rachelbrad6436

5 жыл бұрын

Yes EXACTLY they live in denial and live a lie

@Swanxman62

5 жыл бұрын

Hey this podcaster gave good insight to this topic podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-handle-dysfunctional-family-members-toxic-behaviors/id1465789483?i=1000440935684

@brahmabkitty03

4 жыл бұрын

At all! That's why I had to walk away from a few family members.

Growing up I felt like the lonely child and now that I’m an adult I’m like the golden child but still feels like the lonely child inside!

@Janicesaheed

2 жыл бұрын

Yes i feel that can happen, even the role of an invisible child can play in other relationships

This sums up my family. I'm the lost child but have also been the scapegoat at times. My oldest sister has always been the golden child. The favoritism is so blatant that its sickening. My brother is the middle child and the scapegoat. He was always getting into trouble and very angry. To outsiders, we seem like a nice family but there are many people who have no idea what went on in our home. It's sad because as adults, my siblings and I barely have relationships with each other. We're very disconnected. It's sad.

@Janicesaheed

2 жыл бұрын

Woah me too!!

@tatianatati9516

2 жыл бұрын

That’s me and my sisters

@dedemartin7864

2 жыл бұрын

Yep that's me and my sisters and one brother as well. Little to no contact with each other

@Freedom53807

Жыл бұрын

I have it too, it’s truly sad

@Not-the-usual-BS

Жыл бұрын

Same with me and that’s because we were divided against each other at a young age all the way up Until present day, the controlling behavior is still going on and will never change

I really enjoy a black women talking about this makes me as a POC feel more comfortable. Thank you

@RashawndaJames

2 жыл бұрын

I am happy to hear!!! Let me know if there are any topics that I can include 💛

I was considered the odd one out in my family, but people who know both myself, and my family, would say "they were the dysfunctional" one's. If they could have, they would have taken me to a psyciatrist to "fix" me, and make me more like them. Aargh!

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

It is so hard for others to see their dysfunction and even harder for the ones who are trying to be healthy in a dysfunctional family! I am glad that you can look back and recognize that you were not the "problem"!

No doubt I’m the “hero” the pressure is unreal, and my inability to express my feelings and emotions is now being brought to my attention now that I’m in a serious relationship. So happy there are others feeling the same way.

@purpleskies4553

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I feel you ❤ at least we got awareness now

@panama2468

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. I can't communicate,partially bc of myself, but also bc I'm not allowed to

i am the scape goat and lost kid. im 20 now and need to escape but findig money to move out is so hard😣

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

I encourage you to look at any resources, opportunities in the area. You may have to stretch yourself and search outside the area. I can imagine that it is hard learning who you are and forming your own true identity. I wish you the best in your journey for I know that it will not be easy, but I am hoping the pay off will be worth it!

@brahmabkitty03

4 жыл бұрын

Bel bo I'm those mainly. Change your focus in order to get out. Concentrate on your education and get a job to save. Don't let them know what you're doing.

@rlta04

2 жыл бұрын

I am 55 year old scapegoat. Listen, things only get worse and nothing you can do other than getting away and staying away can help. I learned this far too late.

@Lovely-oh9ym

2 жыл бұрын

I’m in that same situation. It feels so suffocating

@Chronorust

2 жыл бұрын

Same position for so long

I was the lost child. Two parents that wasn't ready to have a child which was/am me. The punching bag of my mother and father. Both were abusive. Both were verbally abusive. I was never seen as the perfect golden child but rather the black sheep, the child that cried so much that I do not smile, I do not laugh, my sense of humor is dull, my voice is monotone. I can't comprehend emotion. I'm the eldest of three siblings and I talk to nobody. I've made the initiative, but they never tried. So, that is okay with me. Father was married always mad and I would be the guy that deals with the physical abuse from his stress of bad marriage and school was lacking. Zoom forward I've became a culinary perfectionist which is toxic to the extreme and draining. But I've understood later in my late 20's like last year that I need to live for myself and get to know who I, Aaliyas, is as a person/man/human being ect. So i, go to therapy weekly for childhood ptsd and combat ptsd with depression to understand these things and understand that I am not some freak of nature. Which by Allah I, got lucky to have a wonderful therapist who listens with intent, he doesn't talk to me about emotion because I cannot comprehend that... And I'm getting better day by day

Yep...I was the Hero. I still have problems accepting that I’m not perfect and can’t take on the world or save my family like I wanted to. But I can accept myself now and try to change this dynamic for my children.

Recently I've realised I'm the lost child. Quiet, bookish, isolated. Also considering the emotional abuse and neglect I've put up with all my life. Also its fun as I'm an only child!

I’m the mascot and I remember my sigh of relief I made after every minor family activities.. it was bery frustrating to make the convos light and funny so no one gets angry

Some of these roles are interchangeable🚶🏿‍♀️

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Very true! Thanks for commenting and watching!

Trying to disentangle myself from my family now.. I have not heard of the mascot and lost child roles before. My mum and dad called me paranoid for years but when I tried to erect a boundary, ''no more'' they got angry. like., ''Respect OUR right to label you.'' I was a scapegoat/mascot.

I’m the scapegoat mix with the lost child 😩

I was the golden child. And I just wanted to say that it's not all positive attention. I was also the one my dad would take most of his frustration out on by teasing me, making me angry and lash out and then punish me for it. It's not fun at all.

@gray11

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate to that

@hienienguyen6766

Жыл бұрын

i know the feeling

Lost child and scapegoats are definitely interchangeable

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

I agree!

@brahmabkitty03

4 жыл бұрын

Yep

@Epscylon

4 жыл бұрын

Yes and no. I can tell my mother was a lost scapegoat, but I'm just lost.

With my dad, I was the golden child/invisible child then a scapegoat because I was a truth teller. With my mother, I was the invisible child, golden child, then now a truth teller.

I think I'm the scapegoat and lost child. My mom has this habit of triangulating, making painful comparisons and shaming me constantly. She's controlling and says the most hurtful unempathetic things, that I've had to deal with episodes of depression in the past. I'm 21 now leaving home soon and never looking back.

@Freedom53807

Жыл бұрын

Wish you good luck and all the best , I left home before 4 months and I’m happy

Lost child to my mom, Golden to dad, Scapegoat to rest of family, Mascot in personal relationships :) d y s f u n c t i o n a l

Love your description of the family dynamics. I use this in my SUD family wellness groups to introduce roles because you explain it so clearly! Thank you for this content!

Theres also a lot more to this coz I find myself doing the best out of all my siblings (hero) but I dont get along with my parents(scapegoat). I have different views from them and we dont see eye to eye.

Am I the only one who hears the fire alarm beeping for a new battery in the background??? I thought it was my house….

Thank you so much for creating this video. I shared it with my group!! They provided positive feedback!! :-)

This is great, keep going!

Scapegoats wya?!

@aim9794

6 жыл бұрын

MJangel 11 right here

@jayr7777

6 жыл бұрын

Lol

@MiamiVegHead

6 жыл бұрын

Up in heaa

@nothere3950

6 жыл бұрын

MJangel 11 Here

@missqlalah

5 жыл бұрын

Lol Here in 2018!

Great video, Rashawnda! Great breakdown of these dysfunctional roles. Just what I was looking for to use with clients.

@RashawndaJames

2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful Vaughn!

How come we all r same!!! Every family has Golden child !!! The middle ones are always lost!! Unfortunately.. middle ones can also be escapegoat whenever needed..

I'm the scapegoat and lost child mainly. The mascot when others are torn down the back to scapegoat and lost child when their accepted again.

@KiaMiaProductions

5 ай бұрын

Same.

Oh my gosh I found this relatable

Lost child, mascot

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing!

Guess I am the lost child. My 3 sisters are much older then me. The way I describe my family is there are me and my parents and then there are my parents and my sisters. Wherever my sisters are I am no where to be found. I'm usually in another room. I consider myself lucky if one of my sisters acknowledges my presence and I almost 47 years old. Now that my parents are having health issues I am not included in family decisions about my parents healthcare. Right now my dad's in the hospital and my 3 sisters are taking turns being with my mom. Not one time have any of them asked if I would like to help. This is how it's been my whole life. I'm grieving and I hurt for my parents because I know they tried their best but my relationship with my sisters never existed and never will. That's the hardest part is when you know it will never be. How many years can you keep hearing family come up with excuses why they can't be in your life?

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear that you have had to endure this. I would encourage you to grieve it but seek healing in other ways.

@davidheard709

3 жыл бұрын

I can understand such incident, I don't know u or much of the situation, but being neglected from family can be hurtful to one's needs.

I’m the scapegoat/mascot

@davidgoggins9585

3 жыл бұрын

Woah that’s a crazy combo!

Great video! I'm currently an AMFT in California and will be using this as psychoeducation during group therapy today!

@RashawndaJames

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much!

Damnnn X ' ( 💙😭😭😭 I will still be here Thank you so muchh for the videos

I’m the lost child. People STILL walk past me three times looking for me only to be surprised that I’d been in the same room as them for the past two hours. I’ve gotten very good at being invisible to escape punishment

Very true! And sometimes these roles change depending on the situation.

@RashawndaJames

3 жыл бұрын

I completely agree

@lukavuletic9954

2 жыл бұрын

Im the lost child and they sure make me feel like you explained🤯

I was the hero but also the scapegoat at some point. I actually like to distinguish between being the hero and the golden child. The hero is left to think they should always get good grades and achieve things, while the golden child tends to have the same interests as the parents and is valued even more than the other kids.

Can you be all three?? ✋🏾✋🏾

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Yes you can, especially with different people and at different times in your life.

I think I literally played all roles trying to survive my childhood. Even though I feel sad for my child self , I kind of feel really really proud for trying and coming up with so many strategies with that little smart brain ! 💓

I love your narrative and expressive style.

@RashawndaJames

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much!

@Danielsantos-fn8rl

2 жыл бұрын

Yup .l already noticed that. She is very expressive!God bless ya !

me: scape goat + lost child 1st sis : mascot 2nd sis : hero

Hi Rashawnda! I enjoyed your video very much. Have you considered doing a video that can elaborate on how to counteract these dysfunctinal family roles?

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

I will add this video to the list!

We all have had to survive in life! Here are 4 roles that children take on to survive a dysfunctional childhood. If you feel comfortable, let us know which role you identify with the most. I would say HERO was my role...but that is another video :) Thanks for watching!

@rudypridec3

6 жыл бұрын

Undefined Truth very good content, I love your videos

@camalebell9826

5 жыл бұрын

Hey how are u great video i needed to hear this yea

This was credited as a source in my grad school program!

@RashawndaJames

Жыл бұрын

That is so awesome! Thanks for letting me know. Glad I could help :)

I'm the lost child

@elitegotenks2204

5 жыл бұрын

your beautiful to be a lost child mamacita

@yamiyo6050

4 жыл бұрын

Same😂

@Kate98755

3 жыл бұрын

lost child, my sister was given make overs, modeling class, my father spent so much time with my sister, my sister got braces...but not me but i needed tgem, when i was eary20's, i pointed out that i never received any of those things, my mom said, but we felt you didn't need us. 🤦‍♀️😒my mom didn't even see how soul crushing that was, i think she was trying to be positive, like i'm this can do person....

I think a played a little bit of all of them through out my life time

Great video! Subscribed

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks!

It seems like this is family dynamics and how children learn to cope.

I'm the scapegoat, and nobody understands me. Everyone thinks I'm angry but I'm in pain. And my parents put me there. It's crazy becuase they r the people that should love you the most. I'm only 15 and I can't wait to leave and cut them off

@sallyconnor6841

3 жыл бұрын

Hang in there. You sound like a strong 15 year old!

@booboobunny5655

3 жыл бұрын

I don’t know what to say because there isn’t much help out there for minors. When you turn 18 or become financially stable you can move out and forget about them. Focus on making some good friends who understand you for now. That might bring the weight off your shoulders.

Scapegoat and lost child a mixture of both once i started being blunt about how I was being mistreated they said I was “pulling them on strings”. “Turning them against each other” “evil” all types of shit even tried to label me as bipolar sent me to the mental hospital

@goddess3nergy

4 жыл бұрын

So then I turned into the lost child

@lyn9415

3 жыл бұрын

Can totally relate.

@booboobunny5655

3 жыл бұрын

That sucks. I’m sorry that happened to you. ;(

@booboobunny5655

3 жыл бұрын

Also I can relate to that because people in my family kept saying that “something was wrong with me” when I try to communicate or understand why they do or say certain things. They took me to see a therapist and I actually found it very helpful because my therapist called out my family for being too criticizing, so I guess that worked out.

@lpsluckykitty9443

2 жыл бұрын

@@booboobunny5655 Same, my parents kept name calling me, making me look like a villain to my other siblings. I grew up thinking I was a horrible, short-tempered person because they didn’t let me be anything else but that so they could my siblings on a pedestal. It really sucks but I’m doing better. Turns out I’m actually a really calm person, they just manipulated me into thinking I was the opposite.

i am the scapegoat. my younger sister is the lost child, and my older sister is the golden child. this is crazy. just bc of the childhood trauma this makes us a dysfunctional family. this messes up people mental health so badly.

Awesome 👍

@RashawndaJames

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks

for me, I'm definitely the lost child, I'm the youngest in my family and I just deal with everything by myself, my sister Is the middle child and she's "the hero" of the family, she gets all of the attention, whatever she wants, my parents praise her, while I am ignored, left alone, my parents just let me be, leaves me alone at the house, all they care about are my grades, I don't get good ones, I'm forced to study until I get everything right, I hide my feelings and just act normal, I only eat a little bit and I dont sleep, I can't handle the pain anymore and it hurts a lot

I am a weird mix of scape goat and lost child.. 😀😛😳😞

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing!

@alanafoster1172

5 жыл бұрын

@@RashawndaJames no thank you for making a good video 👍

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

When I heard about “the lost child” I went ahhh shit… that’s me

This is a good video.

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for the watching and supporting!

I was the mascot, hero in the eyes of my mother and scapegoat in the eyes of my father, my sister was the lost child 100%, sometimes the mascot but not usually

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing

@lukavuletic9954

2 жыл бұрын

My aunt is mascot.

Whew, chile. Imma lil worried about what I'm gonna learn in this.

Oh shit I’m the mascot 😮 eye opening. Humor is my coping mechanism and my shield 😢

In my family I am both the Hero and the Lost child as I have been so isolated from my peers and friends since middle school, pushed to have the best grades, while my brother has been the scapegoat and has been using his role to try to be the Hero role and I feel bad for him but he has been unwilling to change small things about himself to leave the role of being the scapegoat

Scapegoat

Lonly child.

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

these are classic roles in Alcoholism(active) in a family..how many over now over 50 yearsold and looking back see their lives have been stolen ................ have been put into hero and scapegoat ... if through no fault of your own can;t perform and be perfect anymore example would be got divorced or widow lost your career they bragged on..............then became path of least resistance (no more bodyguard or>>> witness) and became scapegoat ......it is so painful . will divide your family and hurt multiiple generations of innocent lives and ones who do not deserve loss of god give loving relationships for them.....do not believe trashy stories about your family or a member from a distant or 1 relative only ....ask them directly. praying you won't

I was distracted by the constant blinking of the eyes!

You can be both the lost and scapegoat.

its not my family its me ! my family is just like every ones family trying too work it out ! I just don't have time to try I am doing what I need to do ! let my family keep trying .

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

I agree about families just trying to work out the best way you can

I would say I'm a hero and a scapegoat. I don't cause as many problems in my family cause I'm silent and I barely do or need anything. But when I get praised for like passing a test or good grades that makes me feel like 'If I mess up my good reputation now, I can make my family's reputation worse than it already is.' My family is known for having smart people and good people in it so I feel like one mistake of our family would go into shame. I wouldn't say I'm the 'Golden Child' that's my younger brother. My mother does reprimand me as much as she does with my older sister and brother, but I do stick up for them when my mother is wrong.

@iamfish9223

Ай бұрын

I don’t think you’re a mix of both, they’re conflicting roles

I’m a mix of the lost child and mascot at school I’m the mascot but at home I’m the lost child

I'm a mix of mascot and hero for sure

You said I can request longer videos and I’ve been racking my brain trying to find new topics you haven’t talked about but honestly I would like more/longer videos on some of the topic you’ve already talked about with a different perspective. Here are some of the topic I would love to see talked about maybe with guess host to give a different perspective? List: BPD and how it effects life, work etc. Anger Issues : how to not react verbally or physically. Loneliness: something tangible to do to get you pass the loneliness so it doesn’t result in a full blown panic attacks. Self harm: how to combat self harm when your thinking about it even when you’re happy? Depression: how to talk to people when they think you’re strong but you’re dying slowly inside (dramatic I know lol) Body dysmorphia: how to take a step back and see your body in a different light? Personality disorder: how to create an healthy relationship with someone who has a personality disorder when you also do? Also how all this ties into to the black communities. I’ll stop there for now lol. Thank you!

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

I am adding all of these to my list lol Thanks so much!!!

@roxywyndham

5 жыл бұрын

Rashawnda Carey yayyy I cant wait. You’re absolutely welcome 😊😊

Describes me and my siblings to a T. I'm definitely the hero child in my family. I'm the oldest too. What's funny is my three younger siblings in the other roles too. The second oldest, my brother is the lost child. My sister who is the third child, does try to defuse things and make peace at awkward times at family stuff and my youngest sister, the fourth child is the scapegoat cause we always blame her.

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

It is scary how truthful family roles can be! I am glad that you were able to get some knowledge from the video. I will have follow up videos about the roles. Thanks for watching!

Idk I'm the 2 oldest I help so much with my younger siblings but my stepdad thinks I don't because my mom lies to him telling him I don't I'm put very last in my family everyone does everything and spoils my mom and my other siblings idk what I am

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing. Look up the term "parentified child" and let me know your thoughts. However, it sounds like you are in the category of your mother's scapegoat. I will be making another video on unhealthy mother daughter relationships that may be helpful to you as well.

@swearveit

5 жыл бұрын

Ill tell you what you are...you're strong! Dealing with that treatment make you a strong and admirable person.👏

Is it possible to be a mix of things? I always had fingers pointed at me growing up. But was quite and did well in school. Because I was different felt unwanted by family.

@lpsluckykitty9443

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I was the scapegoat/lost child.

My eldest brother seems like the hero child My second older brother seems like the scapegoat And I, the youngest, feel like the lost child However, I feel like we're all the lost child a little bit, I just don't have much other than that going for me

my brother is the hero child and i’m the scapegoat child it’s so hard to live with it

great to see a professional clear audio video professional counselor women of color. keep it up and very informative video

@RashawndaJames

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Will do!

@IndigoDisco

2 жыл бұрын

Applauding skin colour is divisive, puerile & unnecessary!

Nice

@RashawndaJames

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks

I was the youngest of four and the lost child, mostly.

I use to be the hero until I gave up after years of not getting attention I deserved So now I’m a lost child, I’ve always been a lost child but I use to get all the achievements to get attention but it didn’t last for long, it was a fake persona, I’ve always tried to do most things on my own so when my mum and sister found out I was selfharming from childhood trauma they only saw it as a phase cos at the end of the day I don’t open up so when I do something not right it’s seen as me changing or hormones not something that was already theory or not my fault

I’m the lost one in my family!

What family is not? I think every family is...heck, Adam & Eve had a dysfunctional family, lol.

@RashawndaJames

Жыл бұрын

I agree! There is no perfect family!

Could you tell me about the role of Children from Lost Children, Please?

My mom got beat up and pimp out never went to therapy I’m definitely the scapegoat. She says she is too busy to address anything like healing. She got married to someone who also was abused.

@KiaMiaProductions

5 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry

I think I’m the scapegoat but maybe also the mascot? Idk. I wouldn’t say my family is dysfunctional but sometimes I feel like my family targets and shames me for stuff that isn’t my fault and I am always trying to be anything but serious so I don’t have to think about serious stuff cuz serious stuff sucks

#crying

I am mix of scapegoat and lost child

WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE THE NARCISSISTS ARE LIVING BETTER THAN YOU? I AM THE SCAPEGOAT AND WAS NEVER TAUGHT SOCIAL SKILLS, SO, AS AN ADULT, I AM A ALONE INTROVERT. MY NARCISSIST MOTHER SEEMS TO LIVING THE LIFE I WANTED FOR MYSELF. IT'S SO UNFAIR.

what if you end up being the scapegoat and a lost child

Your are pretty.

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks!

@MiamiVegHead

6 жыл бұрын

Yeah! She’s beauty and brains.

@RashawndaJames

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Danielle!

@MiamiVegHead

6 жыл бұрын

Undefined Therapy ❤️

I was the lost child for sure

Even so-called normal families have the same dynamics

Hero: my brother Me: scapegoat

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

I appreciate you sharing. Thanks.

Damn all 3. Mostly scapegoat. Im 44 going on mur...... Nothing works. The middle is the golden child. The oldest.. I dont know. I'll call him the lost want to be hero. I dont know which I hate the most. My mother trumps my father by 10. Only thing with my siblings is that I can fire on them., but I hate them just as much.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the kids attachment style

My middle sister was a scape goat but she was always happy smiling and upbeat but my mom blamed her everything and demonized her all of the time…. My baby baby sister is the golden child… I was the lost child and I am the oldest…. My mom pretty much ignored me her attention was mostly on my middle sister and my baby sister

I feel like the lost child describe the young version of me...

3 yr old Sister : Hero Me : ScapeGoat (im always trying to find a bf or relationship becuz i dont get enough love) Me : Lost child (but i try to talk my feelings but get aired or shut off) Me and sis: Mascot (Jesus....)

💥🎥The Trophy Child's Struggle-Mission Impossible on repeat 🔁 💡Harsh reality:💢 Being utilized specifically as an emotional punching bag ⚠️Lies that are told: "You need to think about others" "Honor your mother and father" "Sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do in life" 📖Translation:👊💥🤕 You might be being used as an emotional punching bag, and occasionally you might get hit with the 1,2,3 combo but you have to be strong! Every now and then you might get an uppercut, a liver shot and even an unexpected overhand, but that's what being a man/woman is about! You need to think about someone other than yourself sometimes, and quit being selfish‼️ 😮........🤔💭.......💢🤨 Excuse me❓

I’m the Scapgoat/loner.

Mother: Hero Me: Scapegoat Brother: Mascot

@RashawndaJames

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing about your family!

@worthydailyhairart

5 жыл бұрын

What about your dad?