One of the most savage Doug Stanhope bits I've seen

@blackdynamite6055

5 жыл бұрын

Fuck yeah man! Legendary bit. 😂😂

@ichbinthor

4 жыл бұрын

amazing!

"Uh, we're going to kill each other by the hundreds and thousands... Not us, of course, poor people's kids". Ain't that the truth.

How do you quadruple a cops intelligence? Give him a dog.

@SGFTI

4 жыл бұрын

I like the variation "What do you call a smart cop? K9 unit."

@duggancruz

4 жыл бұрын

LOL, don't disagree at all 😀!

This guy is starting to earn legendary status as years go by and his words become more true..

"Enforcing bad law well isn't a virtue..."

@TobeornottooB

4 жыл бұрын

I am not aware of any good "law," are you?

@justinallen2408

3 жыл бұрын

@@TobeornottooB just anti murder, abuse, kidnapping, theft laws

If there's ever a live action Rick and Morty, I want Stanhope to play Rick.

@stevenmaclean7908

5 жыл бұрын

it would have to be doc brown

@upstatemilitia1

5 жыл бұрын

Goddammit thatll work haha

@mitchelltodd6363

5 жыл бұрын

That's the least Jerry thing I've heard all year

@mariguana7918

5 жыл бұрын

Holy shit that makes so much sense

@SnackPatrol

5 жыл бұрын

@@stevenmaclean7908 Uh....what? That's who Rick is based on.

Doug's standard requests for each show he performs: Unlimited alcohol and a microphone.

This shit is so layered. Doug is brilliant

Some psychopaths join the military to kill people legally in combat, then come home and become cops. They’re still psychopaths with the same ambition.

@rokuthedog

4 жыл бұрын

Not just cops. Doctors and nurses too. Beware of anyone that chooses a position of authority for a profession.

@rokuthedog

4 жыл бұрын

@Stanley Rhodes the 3rd leading cause of death in the usa is medical malpractice

@dalvinortiz6619

4 жыл бұрын

@@rokuthedog A position of authority that can legally inflict pain upon others.

@tomatoesofdoom

4 жыл бұрын

@@rokuthedog One of the scariest concepts I've ever seen regularly is the Doctor or medical care giver that issues the "shut up" medication or practice upon an "uncooperative" patient. I feel like I've seen that far too many times. Imagine thinking yourself in a position where you - As a Doctor - say, lock a patient in a strange position as if to say "fuck you" for annoying you. Or giving someone a sedative because they're being verbally combative. I've seriously seen that too many times in my life.

@jjryan1352

4 жыл бұрын

Francis from Stripes: All I know is that I finally get to shoot somebody.

The most underrated and underwatched comic of a whole generation!

@hahnsmantra7276

4 жыл бұрын

They can't put him on TV..... He says what we crave to hear

Love you Doug!!!! You NAILED the cop mentality!!!!!!!!!!

This guy is an honest prospective comedian. Tells it like it is.

I can't stand cops....they like to push you for no reason...

@madbear3512

5 жыл бұрын

No your just a asshole

@swagcandy2576

5 жыл бұрын

Sometimes you just want a place to eat, and they won't have it

@madbear3512

5 жыл бұрын

@@swagcandy2576 Or won't let you ear there

@Goffix2009

4 жыл бұрын

Until you need one. Right?

@corynewton3865

4 жыл бұрын

Love this comment for the simple reason that most of the other's commenting are too stupid to realize you are quoting from a movie. LOOK AT HIS NAME, MORONS!

I found my new spirit animal.

@user-nd8vl7uy5x

4 жыл бұрын

Good for you

Stanhope 2020

@jailbird1378

5 жыл бұрын

I have a Bill Burr, Doug Stanhope 2020 bumper sticker.

@rg86er

4 жыл бұрын

@@jailbird1378 can I get one plz?

@jailbird1378

4 жыл бұрын

@@rg86er liberty maniacs. com

If you decide to be a cop and "risk your life every day," you shouldn't ask for special treatment or rewards---it was your choice, and if you don't like it, do something else.

@hoogzy78

5 жыл бұрын

37Dionysos I totally agree. If I'm not happy with my job I quit and go get another.

@37Dionysos

5 жыл бұрын

@@usernameonutube You mean, being born a cop? Being made a cop by your mother? Having to live where the only job is policeman?

@randalclarke5487

5 жыл бұрын

Totally... I don't back the blue. Fucking militant police state

@1-gz7xy

5 жыл бұрын

@@randalclarke5487 hell yea im with you my brother

@interimmayorofcoolsville3661

4 жыл бұрын

@J NAMBLA: North American Man Boy Love Association. You agreed to being a chapter leader of this pedophilia based organization in your local area. This has now officially been documented.

so good

Almost choked to death on a giant piece of gum when he said "dog shit wrist rocket"

What do Cops and Firefighters have in common??..They both wanted to grow up to be Firefighters..

@jeffsmith894

5 жыл бұрын

Gay

@2116sassafrass

4 жыл бұрын

Love it

@NoneNone-wz5ul

4 жыл бұрын

low iq joke..

@patrickmccutcheon8860

4 жыл бұрын

Firefighters are dicks, too. I live in an area with only volunteer fire departments and these dudes walk around acting like New York City Firefighters, all because they wear a helmet and read some book about house fires.

Thanks for this. Just a small correction, this is not from "Something to take the edge off" (2000). It is from "Deadbeat Hero" (2004)

@TheBronxBunnyMan

5 жыл бұрын

You can obviously tell that by the War in Iraq and 9/11 references.

@TheUArabej

4 жыл бұрын

@@TheBronxBunnyMan my bad

@interimmayorofcoolsville3661

4 жыл бұрын

@@TheUArabej Dont sweat it man you hearted the comment and acknowledged your mistake. All is forgiven in the eyes of the tube:)

@arealhuman826

4 жыл бұрын

@@interimmayorofcoolsville3661 I mean he didn't fix it

@interimmayorofcoolsville3661

4 жыл бұрын

@@arealhuman826 no he didnt. He acknowledged it in this comment, but he technically didnt fix it. Do you feel better having acknowledged this? If so that's good for you:)

The milatery is a place you turn to when you can't get a real job, and you want a career that allows you to justifably kill without a court appearence.

Ye the war was not volunteer for the other people.

@Ojos.juntos

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah. I love Doug, but that was kinda shitty considering how the US still invades overseas

Three people are wearing wires.

Stanhope for President 2020

Stanhope is chaos and i love it!

That cop in training shit was genius, he walked right into an ambush

God damn this was good. Pure gold!

The service is truly a self correcting service. Thank you Doug Stanhope for allowing me to be offended, educated and keep my observations flexible : ) Me being offended should not take away others rights. I may not agree with someone or something but I will never take away their rights to display or communicate.

True about the military troops. Haha

@Goffix2009

4 жыл бұрын

Mostly true! LOL! From an Army Medic ('69-'70).

Dam. That was savage and brilliant.

This is the bravest and most brutal takedown of anyone I've ever seen by a comic. Doug is a true legend.

Fearless

Stanhope is half-drunk every time I watch his stand-up...and I love it. 🤣🤣

@tux1968

4 жыл бұрын

The guy has built up a stupid tolerance to alcohol. He can't physically drink enough of it to get more than half-drunk.

my god , i never saw this guy before! he is great!

" PIGS IN BLACKET FOUNDATION. " Whooaah.

All true. Takes balls to say it though

"I just wanted to see where you megalomaniacs were in case I wanted to score DRUGS after the show!"

Lmffao!!!! Everything i have ever thought

just brilliant.... awesome .... as he says .. . its difficult to sell it to mainstream Americans while its an obvious common sense for the rest .

Come back to the Northeast of England again Doug. I missed you pal.

Savage.

5:45 Truth spoken!

This guy is great

Brilliant the way he shits on the bushwaugh establishment tools in the audience.

@anonymous0s0egion

5 жыл бұрын

wtf is bushwaugh? did you mean Bourgeoisie?

@baileyfurio2327

5 жыл бұрын

You know what he meant

@anonymous0s0egion

5 жыл бұрын

@@baileyfurio2327 Only because I know context and have a fairly good grasp of the english language...

@anonymous0s0egion

5 жыл бұрын

@Justin McCoy Oh stop hating. honestly you guys couldn't troll your way out of a wet paper bag. lurk moar newbs

@K0sm1cKid

4 жыл бұрын

Ya'll mf think you'd be the ones kilking the Kulaks until you forget that there's billions of people in the world that don't even have internet. Just wait all our heads will be on the block, you aren't special. 😂

Pigs in a blanket lol

The year 2020 brought me here.

George Carlin, Doug Stanhope, Dave Chappelle in that order.

@wrencoelestis2194

5 жыл бұрын

You forgot bill hicks

@wrencoelestis2194

4 жыл бұрын

leslie graham well blue is better than red sooo

"People wrestle ALLIGATORS too...but never without an AUDIENCE!"

I'd prefer it vaulted out of a trebuchet..

😆 awesome

I thought Doug had let me down big-time, then brings it back nasty style.

The reason "soldiers" can not just quit the military at any time they want is because the definition of the word "soldier" means SOLD TO DIE. Back in the day they used to be called WARRIORS because those people were specifically trained from a young age to go WAR. Knowing the definition, who and where the word derived and what language it derived from tells the whole story. SOLDIERS are SOLD TO DIE that's why there's a minimum of three veterans a day commit suicide and the government doesn't care because that person was SOLD TO DIE no matter how they die. Side note definition of the word government means CONTROL THE MIND. That word derived from two Latin words "govern" comes from the word governor which means to control, like the governor on your car "controls" how fast that car can go. And"ment" comes from the word "mental"meaning the mind. The definition tells you why people act a certain way. Soldiers are sold to die so they're considered dead in the eyes of the government once they sign that enlistment "CONTRACT". That's why going AWOL is illegal because it's a breach of contract with the government that that person signed signing their life away. Who's way of life did they sell themselves to defend.... they sold themselves to the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT to protect their way of life NOT MY way of life and probably not your way of life either.

@katsumiskytower8714

5 жыл бұрын

my loyalty lies with no flag, seems your the same

@tonybones9638

5 жыл бұрын

This

@captainvoluntaryistthestat3207

5 жыл бұрын

u watch mark passio by any chance?

@vanivari359

5 жыл бұрын

Your interpretation is a bit loose and does not reflect the etymology exactly - "soldier" comes from french and latin. It goes back to "solidus" which was a type of coin (related to "solid", like: coins are solid). In medieval Latin, a "soldarius" was a fighter of the type "one having pay" (in form of coins). So while the chance to die is part of the job description, soldier means "paid fighter". At the time when the word was created, many fighters did not receive payment. In Germany, a soldier is a "soldat" and a soldiers pay is called "sold" - comes from italian "soldo" which comes from latin "soldus" which was a contracted version of "solidus".

@ericanderson3985

5 жыл бұрын

No shit head, it's because they signed a contract and they're obligated to honor that. And that little nugget that you tried to pass off as wisdom smells like shit because you pull it out of your ass.

Shout out Killeen. We used to say I support them when they went off to the war by taking care of their girlfriend

'Rotted octopus' god I'm dying here.

wrong again :D

Octopus catapult... Dog shit in a wrist rocket... top of the food chain, master of the projectile.

Заебись.

7:02 he’s like “u wot?”

I love clops .

Lol!!!!! Gold....

Holy fuck....he is an absolute savage. I love it :)

Chill😭😭😭

truth!!!!!!

I gave Doug my Texas Shield at a Live show he did here 2 years ago😎

*HA HA HA!* "Dogshit in a wrist-rocket."

Gotta love the troops, right?

@HK-db4uv

5 жыл бұрын

WRONG AGAIN! 😂😂😂

Love to the pig hater

@ShaunHensley

5 жыл бұрын

douglas787 Pigs are intelligent animals.

1:27 someone raises pig after he says pig

I bet the cop wishes he kept his mouth shut now... haha

@patrickmccutcheon8860

5 жыл бұрын

Should've exercised his Miranda Rights and waited until his lawyer came.

Thank Fuck for a minute there ....i .. phew . ACAB .

Nothin but RESPECT. Fuck tha law

Does it make me bad person that I agree about everything with Stanhope (and laughing my ass off)? Wish when I get to argument about something I could deliver like him.

More things should be Rus Sub'd

I love how plastered he is

love me some Stanhope but if you have ever been rescued by a police/fireman, your perspective changes a little. I did not care what their motive was when pulled out alive.

5:52 you mean a marine

Is it really voluntary when people are convinced to join with lies?

@epictetus9221

5 жыл бұрын

yeah, it is. but they got fucked with

@epictetus9221

4 жыл бұрын

@Kodi Schitter No - the most adaptable will.

@Goffix2009

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! And it SUCKS!!!

Now they are faithing for Antartica, hihu....

Everything he said was really funny and accurate but I can't understand the "rules on war" but you do need rules in war to prevent events like Hiroshima from happening again. A war should result in the defeat of one group/regime but it shouldn't wipe out a nation maybe im looking at this to literal but that IS the reason why we have rules on war that any country should be held accountable to

It's been said that terrorism is the last true art form. I don't agree, but Doug's got a point about it's uses and abuses. Out manned, out gunned what options do smaller countries have against an empire? You like Star Wars and root for the 'rebels' but those 'rebels' sure as hell aren't the good old USA. The US is now the empire folks and if you don't like being called 'storm troopers' then you might want to read a book before signing that 4 year contract that gets shifted into 6 years and then eight before you can leave your 'tour of duty.' They'll re-up you while you're out on patrol and then what? That's right another 18 months in 'the sand box.' Some guys have gotten 12 trips to Afghanistan out of their 4 year National Guard enlistment. And BOTH Democrats and Republicans are talking about bringing back the Draft. National Service for citizens over 18. NOT just registering for 'selective service' but THE DRAFT.

This is what Joe rogan wants to be! His military joke is very similar to joes!

Truth..lol .im just getting to old to say this real shit no more I guess

1312

@kennybruder8653

5 жыл бұрын

Got that right.

Since when did risking your life involve risking a chance on a low level celebrity? That’s your bait.

Doug is fantastic. Raw, unabashed humour.

Does stanhoup have a bit about mafia?just wonderin haha

Can join the military just dont get go in to Marines or Army ground war sucks compared to pushing a button

Did he go too far 😂

poor cop got shit on. haha

Libertarian advocating crime. See how he likes that after his money maker is smashed for life and you do 2 years.

@matthewcorcoran16

4 жыл бұрын

Where is he advocating crime

acab

I never found this dude funny

@petesmith9475

4 жыл бұрын

he preaching the truth most people are afraid to talk and funny as f. heis not for dummies like you

@aarionlynch

4 жыл бұрын

@@petesmith9475 I get his humor just not for me. Not everyone likes all comedy styles. So don't be offended.

@aarionlynch

4 жыл бұрын

@@petesmith9475 He's great and very intelligent. I love this kind of comedy but i just dont laugh i just listen and go yeah thats a great point. Hicks was similar in subject material but has me howling at the same time. Same with Carlin who to me was the best of all time. Make sense? Is art not subjective Pete?

@supersaiyanzero386

4 жыл бұрын

Who cares? Go find someone you find funny and applaud them then. Probably b8 comment tho

Funny, but weak political points !!

@HBC423

5 жыл бұрын

How?

@steveh7418

5 жыл бұрын

Fake news

@dba3067

5 жыл бұрын

Lol like you have better

I like how he got hesitant

just brilliant.... awesome .... as he says .. . its difficult to sell it to mainstream Americans while its an obvious common sense for the rest .