Thx, for making me conscious of this behavior. Growth is for a lifetime.

You are so smart. "Do as you'd like as long as you aren't imposing it on others" is not only a great way of behaving but a way of speaking. It respects both your freedoms and others freedoms and if everyone implemented this way of thinking the world would be a beautiful place.

I am subject to this by my older sister, we are both in our 50s and the only luke warm positive emotion I can bring myself feeling for is.... indifference. And that already takes all my strength. Imagine what I would feel if i let all this patronizing get to me! Naturally, I felt it from time to time. I think she might be reason I've become more or less of a stoic..

Damn. I definitely have been doing the self-improvement one. Thanks for helping me understand.

You know what, thanks. You're kind and helpful

Wow I absolutely love this . I felt the feeling but needed a clear definition to exactly what it sounds like.❤

love the way you explain it

Jesus, thank you so much for this. Really helps clear up how I’m coming across and why. Brilliant, thank you!

I've been accused of being condescending but I'm a manager and I'm trying to learn how to help without sounding like I'm better etc

Very well said! Thank-you.

Would love to hear how to navigate this with business partners, when each partner has different areas of expertise, and there isn't time and space to bring both partners as fully up to speed as they'd like (because that would require serious, long term education).

How do I avoid being patronized when a job coach talks to me that way? other people adopt this because they think they have to talk to me like that. I find this very annoying because I don't feel seen or heard or taken seriously, and I don't feel connected to other people and that makes me depressed. I feel so small that I find it very difficult to say anything about it. I said something about it once, but she still does it and that makes new employers and colleagues think that they should treat me that way. It gives me a lot of frustration and I am also a quiet person, so people can easily think that they should treat me that way. especially if my coach continues to do that all the time.

You're great. Don't go anywhere fast.

Very insightful for myself, gonna have to change…🎉

Thank you for this!! ❤⭐️💜

@YvetteErasmusPsyD

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome

Very helpful! especially on social media, trying to be helpful because I empathize but they never asked for my advice. my goal now is if I can't offer a helpful comment for what they are looking for to move along. Venters are my big downfall- social media-wise, i hope.

Thank you for this! My husband and I always end up arguing and turn nothing into a big fight. He often says my smart mouth is the problem. I always think I am just trying to help out and I even have to change the way I speak so I don’t feel like I’m telling him what to do. So instead of saying, maybe you should do this or do that, i started trying to ask him if he had done step A or B or exhausted all the options to solve it. I got told that I am condescending evn though I was giving a feedback for the problem I was asked for. My husband asked me “why is it even a question and why would I have to ask if he did a, b, c, d. He takes so much pride in his work so when I told him it could be a simple mistake or human error, he flipped out when I asked him to check all possible aspects of what could go wrong. It didn’t end well. I didn’t think my solicited advice would gone wrong. And now I am googling how to fix my smart mouth. For reference, English is my second language and I am trying my best and feel like I walk on eggshell everyday not to say the wrong words.

@Blackzoro2023

7 ай бұрын

What you’re doing is called micromanaging or undermining him. Don’t give advice if it’s not asked. Don’t question someone’s work. It makes them feel like they’re incompetent or even a child

@user-sm1jp4en9u

2 ай бұрын

​@@Blackzoro2023 You are right and women do it all the time. It pisses me off seeing how only men are accused of being patronizing in a relationship but everyone ignores the other way round.

@olafweyer859

Күн бұрын

@@user-sm1jp4en9u My sister is like this. God help me.

Beautiful video. This video very much aligns with how I expect other people to be considerate of their tone. Unfortunately, for that reason I'm unsure if it's wise for me to show this to my girlfriend. I'm unsure if I'm falling victim to the confirmation bias believing this to be truth, perhaps I'm actually not taking enough accountability for how I react to harsh tones (to clarify: I feel deeply hurt and angry at both myself and the situation. It's not until this happens several times that I start talking back in the same tone). Dang, autism sucks

@NovaNetworkProductions

Ай бұрын

Coming from a situation similar to this myself. It turned sour because I shut down and didn’t voice how their tone made me feel and it caused resentment to form. I know it feels vulnerable and you fear their judgement but be transparent as quick as you can. My advice is to create a safe space to open up a discussion by telling her hey I have a suggestion that will improve us being able to better communicate from a loving space and I want you to know that I want us to work but when you address me in a condescending and critical tone it can chip away at my confidence and cause me to feel less connected. Offer an example of two ways something can be said so she can realize how different it sounds when you speak from your higher self versus the ego.

Ugh, I hate being patronized. The chef at my job was kind of hard on me one day, and then the next day, said, "How are you?" See, previously, she'd taken me to my boss's office--with the both of them--and told me that I've been touching my coworkers too much ( *_casually,_* on arms or shoulders). I was always very outgoing and tactile at work. She told me that we need the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment. That I shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school or tell my stories, because they may be inappropriate or upsetting (can't remember her exact words) to others. Now yeah, I pretty much didn't have a filter, but I don't think I said anything *_horrible._* I only meant to have fun with my crew. I really didn't get specific information from the chef about subjects and references. She likes that I'm outgoing, but she made it sound risky and in need of limits. And again, that I shouldn't touch anyone without consent. And then the next day, she asked how I was. Like, WTF? What did she think? That I was doing well after she practically shamed me? If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was patronizing me--or just plain nuts. I should've said, "Uh....I'm sorry, I'm genuinely curious to ask, why would you ask me how I am after yesterday?" I'd kiII to know her point of view. Also, for the record, I own my mistakes at work, so I don't want anyone twisting it around into I'm making the chef the only bad guy. I didn't _mean_ any harm or discomfort. If I had known anyone would feel either, (though technically no one showed signs), I would _not_ have touched them. I am not a creep. But the chef made me feel like one. See, she shouldn’t have been so firm and in my face. A gentle, respectful talk for a couple minutes was all I needed. She shouldn’t have restricted me to handshakes only. Casual taps or pats or whatever are actually ok, as long as you don’t overdo them and it’s to friendly people who clearly enjoy you. I always thought it was perfectly innocent and natural, and I still do, in certain ways. Happens a lot at the bar parties I go to-total strangers. Besides, two middle-aged workers from the dining department have done it to me; I don’t condemn it. Also, the chef did not have to ask my boss if there was anything she wanted to add. How did she think that would make me feel? Not disrespected and like a criminal? HeII, my boss shouldn’t have been in the room at all; I deserved some dignity and comfort. I felt horrible. But of course, whenever I expressed this side on other videos, people would continue faulting me or saying the chef was right. To them, it was this side over the other. I felt like no one understood me or the gray areas I still think exist.

I've been accused of this since I was 3 years old. And it sounds like there is no way out.

thank you 🦋

@YvetteErasmusPsyD

Жыл бұрын

You’re welcome 😊

How do you do that when you are in the role of an expert? People come to you for the expertise, accuse you of this and still expect service. How can you "check yourself" without sounding stilted?

@damoodaiki

6 ай бұрын

woah. that's "butt-hurt" on a whole other level. they pay you to get butt-hurt and then complain about it😂🤣defensive much

your eyes are just beautiful! can't get away from them :)

@windermere2330

Ай бұрын

She has nice hair too!

Wow right on the money 💰

Could calling someone boss be a way to patronize them? I get called boss a lot by people I don’t know almost every day. I’m a pretty muscular guy and I think that’s probably why but I get the feeling a lot of these people are trying to subtly assert dominance because of that. Am I crazy? 😅

Wow, I grew up with: your work Sucks, or that's good work. I didn't get upset about it. If my work sucked, I tried to do it better. If I couldn't do better I got fired and went someplace else to work. To my great surprise, every place I quit, said you are welcome to come back. I didn't because I quit because of low pay. Almost Every place, I got fired from called me to come back after they fired me. I told them I have a job for more pay or just no thank you.

I don't know, I always felt the way a person reacts to what they are told says more about THEM than the person delivering the message. Unless, of course, they are being verbally abusive and cussing or belittling; The only thing that should matter is whether the person has a point and is making sense.

@olafweyer859

Күн бұрын

You establish a hierachy between the one you talk to and yourself when you critizise or patronize. I won't accept your establishing that hierachy. I will already not take in what you have to say, I have to contest you on the hierachy. It's not your place. I won't be down and you won't be high up. I won't have that! It disgusts me. I myself meet everyone eye to eye. It's called respect. You are not above me. Nobody is.

@WallStreetWill86

20 сағат бұрын

@@olafweyer859 it really doesn't matter if you consider it a hierarchy or condescending. The bottom line is in life there are consequences for the wrong decisions and failing to take good advice. How you see it is irrelevant. You will be left to deal with those consequences alone.

@olafweyer859

15 сағат бұрын

@@WallStreetWill86It doesn't matter as it pertains to the matter at hand, but it matters in regards to the relationship we have. And as for "you will be left to deal with those consequences alone"? Unironically wonderful, that"s how I prefer it, it's called agency and being able carry ones own burdens. I wouldn't have it any other way. And I learn from that, not from you, you aren"t really needed for this.

Tell the truth

You are so beautiful

I did not find this helpful. I found this to be blaming the person that is being accused of being patronizing the one at fault. Instead of making the person that is feeling this way be in charge of their owen feelings. making the first person need to change how they are and how they talk to another adult because they don't feel the need to take it for what it is rather they are trying to turn it into a personal attack because they have some kind of trauma in there owen life. So rather then be aware of that they are trying to change other people rather than correct the trauma in them selves.

@evaamour

11 ай бұрын

Hello love, just an fyi one of the first things she said was to check if it’s true or not, so if you did check and found that in your case it’s not true as in that you are indeed NOT being patronising, than you probs don’t have to worry about the other things she said after that, this whole vid is basically just giving insight for a person who is indeed being patronizing and how they can perhaps go about that🤍 Just for reference that Time stamp is: 1:00 Aka if you’re accused of being patronizing, even though your not being patronizing, you ain’t got nothing to worry about your good haha🌞🤍 She was also just mentioning maybe why sometimes people do that (misjudge/accuse) , which as you said has nothing to do with the misjudged/ accused but it’s in good character to have an understanding on it

@zyeborm

8 ай бұрын

It also matters if you care about the other persons feelings. Like if its your partner saying they feel this. They do feel it, it's up to you if you want to change so they don't feel it or if you want them to change.

@Gebruikersnaam35

6 ай бұрын

I loved her video. Always check : maybe you are condescending. Not impossible.Take some responsibility. To accuse the other party of trauma just because they do not accept your words as you think they should, does sound rather patronising.

@lovesharose2960

5 ай бұрын

Trauma or not, being patronizing is not cool and shouldn't be done to other people. Sure someone should take accountability for their own feelings, but at what time do patronizing people take accountability for being shitty people?!!!!! 🤔🧐🙄

People are week no a days.