So THAT'S why I ADORED my grandpa, especially as an infant (i have seen photos of me looking at him with the purest affection i have ever seen, and i was very close to him as a child, he died when i was 11....i think it affected me more than I have even begun to process, my mother's death has eclipsed everything else for so long now...Anyway. I digress...) He was the only calm, sane one, it makes sense now- any shred of stability i knew was because of him, i would be even more messed up, he saved us all in so many ways, he was a good man...

Self-regulation is huge in my school district. They use color codes to help kids identify their emotions. Great video as always! Thank you! 🙏🏽

@MorenaCubana

4 жыл бұрын

That's awesome!!!

@alexlaroux5993

3 жыл бұрын

👏

@zain4019

3 жыл бұрын

Wow. That’s amazing. Which district or city do you teach in?

@Alphacentauri819

2 жыл бұрын

Identifying emotions is only a sliver of self regulation. What tools are they encouraging/allowing time for, supporting, for regulation? Regulation is a reset of the nervous system… which involves getting out of fight/flight. Yoga, deep breathing (with emphasis on slow long exhalation, as this stimulates the activation of the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest)), any thing that supports mindfulness. Much, much deeper than identifying emotions on a color wheel. Many times, those who have trauma (abuse or neglect, I like Dr Gabor Mates definition) have an extremely difficult time identifying their emotions. Felt body sensations is a good place to start, as far as encouraging that ability or tune in. It is great to have charts like that…shows a step in the right direction…but the schools I know that have things like that, are abysmal at real life application and ongoing encouragement for self regulation. For example: a kid “acting up” is not usually gently asked what they need to support themselves in the moment. They are often sent to the hall, principle etc., problem solving room. A true tuning in and awareness, takes staff who are able to self regulate well and consistently…and often, this is not the case! I’ve seen principles, teachers, who struggle themselves with self regulation! The most powerful thing, is to get it down and model the behavior.

@nonamemel

Жыл бұрын

that’s beautiful

I have had anxiety and intrusive thoughts since my teen years, and for the first time I am learning how to deal with them, and your advise really helps me a lot, and it's comforting to know that I am not alone in this process. Thank you so much!!!!!

#selfhealers, I hope this one is helpful. Let me know what you think in the comments

@lauren6485

4 жыл бұрын

I've never seen content of yours that wasn't helpful, here or on Instagram 💜💜 thank you so much, always

@TechwithToya

4 жыл бұрын

This is definitely what I’m going through right now with my 4 year old daughter. I find myself shutting down and zoning out when she has a temper tantrum because that is my way of not flipping out. I need this!!!! Thank you sooo much.

@TheJannaZinzi

4 жыл бұрын

Important notes about journaling, thank you!

@mariquitaphilippadeboissie9434

4 жыл бұрын

SO helpful, Nicole. Thank you. I am back here right now to see how to navigate a concrete challenge to my capacity to auto-regulate! Amazing - practical - resource. A question (perhaps you've covered this elsewhere..) do you have more suggestions for how to lower the intense sensations that come up when we out of sorts? I try belly breathing and that definitely silences the internal monologue (at least temporarily). The tricky part for me is trying to figure out how to deal with my altered body chemistry once it has gone awry. Again - many thanks!

@francineperreault9373

4 жыл бұрын

tori790 I am the complete opposite... I flip out and yell 😪. Definitely needed this. I need to remain more conscious and aware and catch myself before I react. 🙏🙏🙏

Heck, glad you weren't born in the early 40's like me. My mother told me that she felt badly then that all the "experts" said to let the baby cry it out. I have dealt with the effects (anxiety and insecurity) of that all my life.

@Joelswinger34

3 ай бұрын

Sounds like the "technique" was the same,not worse than what she described.

Conscious awareness is definitely a game changer for me. Observing myself and seeing myself from a totally different perspective and as how possibly someone else sees me is quite powerful. I have spent the whole of my adult life in a freeze response. I have only realised since reading your books and these great videos that how I used to function, or not function for that matter was called a freeze response. Thank you, I am 71 years old and its taken this long to find help and understanding the reason for my depression, anxiety, panic attacks and physical issues i.e. high blood pressure, allergies, digestive problems, back aches etc etc. were all related to a disregulated nervous system.

a-ha moment - after journaling, leave the feelings there. Thank you!

I journal a lot, I paint and create. Still, in relationships, I can have a variety of dysregulated feelings or emotions about unresolved trauma. I can become emotionally or psychologically triggered and confused about their origins. Thank you for your straight talk and for providing solutions that make sense.

A great video (as always) Nicole! I would add that we can also use nature to regulate our thoughts and emotions. A short walk outside, a deep breath of fresh air, the smell of a flower, the view of a sunset, watching clouds pass by, etc can be so soothing for the nervous system.. we often overlook simplicity when simple is often the most meaningful and transformative. 🧡 Thanks again for making this work available for people all over the world who need to know these tools the most! You are amazing! Sending love from Germany, Nila 😉

@kimbaka4364

3 жыл бұрын

This is great advice as well! Thank you ☺️

@MissesCakes

3 жыл бұрын

Nicole I would add that a relationship with Our Lord also does wonders.

@Sweetsoul717

3 жыл бұрын

Gh

@almondmilksoda

Жыл бұрын

Sunshine on your face truly does wonders. 🌞✨

I currently feel so scared and alone and deep belly breathing is literally the only thing that helps me calm myself. Thank you for this video!

@laughylau

4 жыл бұрын

@lisasachse778

4 жыл бұрын

Laura Martini Thank you! It’s so hard when you don’t really have anyone to talk to. Watching videos and being talked and feeling understood is the next best thing.

@laughylau

4 жыл бұрын

@@lisasachse778 I understand. If you want to talk, I am here!

@lisasachse778

4 жыл бұрын

Laura Martini Thank you, that’s very kind! ...I just feel like this quarantine is a huge kick in the face for everyone who has been single involuntarily for a long time. Thinking of all those couples happily bonding together (though that certainly comes with its own set of challenges) while I am even more isolated than before. But I guess it’s a great learning opportunity to become even stronger and more independent 🤷🏻‍♀️

@laughylau

4 жыл бұрын

@@lisasachse778 I understand. I can imagine it is very lonely and that's when anxiety gets so much worse. I think it is completely understandable that you feel isolated and we humans have a very primal need for connection, I don't think you are weak or dependent for wanting companionship. We are wired for it and we thrive when we have it. I have lived a similar experience when unemployed in the country I emigrated to, many months of isolation and I felt like I was going crazy. The anxiety was debilitating. It got much better when I moved in with a friend. I hope this quarantine ends soon. One online therapist which helps me with anxiety is Sheryl Paul, she has an instagram account, wisdomofanxiety, if you would like to check it out. Sending hugs!

My mother used to tell me she hated me and that I was as useless as “tits on a bull.” And next came 15 foster homes beginning with a care centre for troubled kids at the age of 1.5. Thanks mom and dad for the cptsd. Now it’s broken and failed relationships, constant anxiety and tears, terror, and conflict with self love. So much anger as well. But it’s up to us to manage and re-parent ourselves as you’ve said. Bring in the IFS, EMDR, self love, distraction, can’t, dbt, acceptance and commitment, and schema therapy. Yay.

@zain4019

3 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry. As someone whose been hurt as well, I know the mess that our caregivers and people who were supposed to look after us often leave behind. Your case is in the extremes of that, and that hurt is going to take time to heal. But you *can* heal. *Everything* can be healed. Everything. I would add TRE (trauma releasing exercises), somatic experiencing and EFT (emotional freedom tapping) to your list as well. They can be tremendously healing. As can compassion. Don’t ever underestimate how kindness directed towards your hurt inner child can heal you. It can- and you deserve that love. Best wishes

@MultiFreddy34

3 жыл бұрын

zain Thank you for your encouragement. I am familiar with EFT tapping. Interesting that a good pal just mentioned it again the other day. I agree the trauma can be healed. I find myself trying to do little things currently am experiencing a lot of mental resistance. It’s difficult to feed myself let alone walk long distances or start new hobbies. But I know that over time and with dedicated practice things will start to become a little easier. Best wishes to you as well! Ps, trauma exercises are also something I’m interested in looking into. I’ve been on a mission to crack the cptsd healing code. Are you familiar with the polyvagal theory? I’m quite hopeful that it’s implementation might be a source of relief as well. Best wishes!

That cry it out business started long before the 80's! Try the 40's 50's... In the 80's I learned NOT to do that to my children, because it was done to me in 1961.

I’ve never seen such a supportive comment section!

Thanks Nicole. I have a feeling this will become a breakthrough with my BPD. So, THERE IS hope...

Your comments about the dangers of journaling and the potential for ruminating and getting stuck in those feelings really resonates with me. There are some situations in life where we're repeatedly, deliberately traumatized for no fault of our own. For me, it was spending years in court being endlessly lied to and lied about in every way imaginable. I survived by dissociating from my feelings and needs, because it was the only way to say sane and have the fortitude not to back down and get steamrolled. I was strong all the time when I wasn't alone, and when I was alone, I spent all my time ruminating, alone with my rage. And through the rage came some very important and creative insights that were essential to the war I was fighting. Now I feel afraid to acknowledge wants and needs as if they are things completely foreign to me, and I struggle to replace the pattern of ruminating, because I'm afraid of abandoning survival mode.

Thank u for underwriting the importance of getting in connection with yourself! Being 48, i am so thankfull for walking this way. Despite the negativity that lead me this way. Never to late to know yourself and be connected with unlimited new possibilities. ❤

Thank you for all you do

So grateful I can watch video after video without bracing myself for an ad screaming in between each, words cannot thank you enough 🙏

I came across your content on women of impact, and was struck when you mentioned the memory trouble an headaches that you had experienced in the past, and especially your comment that you written it off as the Alzheimer's gene in your family. I am 23 and have been experiencing the same and even writing it off as the Alzheimer's gene in my family.. at 23! I'm taking your advice and trying to heal my trauma brain 💜 thank you, I feel validated.

I had a hard time paying attention to this video, because of me! I have a hard time just slowing down and paying attention to the learning of what I need to do, instead of just being able to do. I was busy trying to listen and not reading the prompts on the screen at first, so to get myself to slow my mind and pay attention and be present, I started my deep belly breaths! Then that was one of the steps. 😂 Thank you SO much for everything you do. You really are leading a movement of healing for the world.

Thank you for being a guiding light when my in person therapy sessions stopped. I’m so thankful you are here for everyone.

i had to learn belly breathing from singing and i practised laying down with a book on my belly it makes it a lot easier

@user-bo1ue1ur3t

3 жыл бұрын

but why everything can be practiced

@lindasack9616

3 жыл бұрын

Great idea, Cristina!

@ronbarton7799

3 жыл бұрын

I'm curious for my own vocal stamina what, what type of belly breathing did you learn

If ur reading this one day at a time u got this !💯 it’s not going to be easy and it’s about both the highs and lows of the entire journey. This is a practice and practice takes time .Literally don’t beat urself up Source/ God / universe loves u for u .

Love the new setup, and I always love the valuable information. Thank you

This is great! Thank you. For a long time, I wasn't good at being aware of my emotions. This is really helpful to me.

As always, great content!! Thanks Nicole for everything that you do for this community!!

I’ve been binge watching your videos and I am happy that you are making this information for us to heal ourselves. You are amazing.

Thank you!!!! I love how affirmative, practical and positive your content is

Everyday your work makes more sense to me and I feel myself growing and understanding myself more and just accepting the process of healing I love you ❣️

This is so beautiful and impactful! Thank you for sharing!! Many blessings of peace 💕😊

Thank you, Nicole! I learn a lot from your videos. This one is especially important to me as I deal with a dysregulated nervous system.

Great help. Great service you are doing, Nicole. It makes absolute sense.

I can’t express how helpful your videos are, everything you say is so accurate to people who are suffering trauma, to live in a constant state of fear and threat is no picnic, thank you for this video 🙌

Thank you! You're a big help to every one who needs to see this video.

I'm so luckyy I know this amazing wonderful woman, I never skip one video of yours, they are so helpful, Thank youu!

I grew up with a yelling/screaming parent. Iwas in my thirties before i began to improve significantly. It is very difficult to learn this on your own when you have never had good guidance.

Thank you again for your videos. Parts of what you talked about I sort of know...but you brought clarity, and an organized way to continue to grow and heal...thank you.

Thank you so much for this. I suffer from anxiety but have gotten better with it or so I thought. I detach a lot still. I never looked at it from the perspective of what we receive in infancy. My mom was a very anxious person. She would jump when the doorbell or phone even when the phone rang. Everything frazzled her so it's definitely true that I did not receive any regulatory help from her. Thank you for your words and everything you do.

What a natural blessing you are. Great advice

You're saving our lives. Truly. Thank u.❤

Your videos and work is breaking down super high-level concepts that are top-down, taking years to learn and practice, into bottom-up self-healing practices. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and the top of my brain for your work! I share it so often with clients (and do it myself). You've made it accessible for all and self-healing an achievable reality.

Very concise, doable and helpful info, thankyou. Your podcasts are so incredibly well organized and easy to apply. I'm really enjoying them! 💛

Thank you ! Tnank you ! Thank you ! It is a convoluted path, but it's worth going there and discovering piece, solace and strength within. Many blessings to you. You emanate confidence, tranquility, beauty and integrity. I love what you do. It is powerful and liberating.

Nicole your videos have popped into my life at a time when I am so ready to hear the message and learn more about self care of my mind. Thankyou so much, its helping me through my dark night of the soul. Sending you much love and grateful for the wisdom you are sharing to help us all heal ourselves.🙏

omg I am obsessed with your videos ! I LOVE that now I can know i'm not crazy ! I always thought the way I was feeling and thinking was so odd and like I was just not being understood ! To know that all this is my entire life !!! THANK YOU !!!!

Thank you ALWAYS and FOREVER for your time and energy ✨. Most importantly for being you. You're gratification in all your videos is so VERY touching. I am and ALWAYS will be so grateful for you 💓

Thank you so much. I was dissociated for most of my life and didn't even know it. I am now more present than ever. I appreciate all of your work! It has helped me so much on my journey. 💗

Thank you so so much for your videos! They really do help me with many, many different aspects of my life. ❤️

I've been practicing this lately after years of being out of control. It's going well it's very nice to finally be learning ☺️

Thank you! A friend sent this video link to me…. So glad she did … thank you for sharing tools to regulate ❤

Excellent video! I really needed it today!!! I'm a huge fan of your way to describe the mind tools that you offer. Thank you!

How do you not have more followers??? Your videos are simple and easy to put into practice! They’re helping me so much ♥️

i appreciate when you give personal examples of your experiences!!

This video is priceless. It is so easy to help yourself that you seem to not believe. Thanks for leaving this information here.

This was extremely helpful. I’m very glad I found your channel.

I needed this today. It showed up in my recommendations and your content is making me so much more aware of my childhood trauma especially that I didn’t have words for or know the causes, thank you so much for being on this platform ❤

Thank you for this video …I have bpd and dyspraxia and this short video has helped me more than weeks of therapy did. I usually find it difficult to focus and take in information but Your very clear and easy to understand💜

This is essentially what I want to teach my four homeschooled kids. I am grateful for this but I know (more or less) how difficult to be accountable for one’s own emotion. Being a mom is so hard because it’s all about what you’re talking about/+plus the added littles. Gonna get a rule of life here so we don’t have feelings that go wacko speradically. Thanks Nicole for getting this out on KZread. This is a saver.

My 19 year old daughter was just diagnosed with p.o.t.s. and I just shared this video with her because I know this will help her! Thank you so much I love everything you do! You've helped me so much ❤️

Thank you for educating. Literally life changing. 😊❤

noticing body really works for me ! today i got angry when dealing with a rude person, and since i noticed how my body felt, i started to adjust my reaction to him

Summary --- Ways to Regulate ourself i.e our thoughts + emotions n behaviour. 1)Daily practice consciousness awareness by doing meditation --Living in present moment. 2) Practice deep belly breathing becoz our breathe is an amazing regulator system. 3)Journal the feeling that come up whether it is -ve or +ve feeling So u pick up the journal u write it out n close it n thn u refocus ur attention on ur next moment. U don't keep rehearsing wht u wrote in that journal all day . 4)Notice ur body or sensation's like wht or hw do u feel?🤔That is a great way to ground ourselves. Notice the sensation that are happening for u in ur body .The sooner u get connected with ur body ,the sooner u are going to be able to hlp ur body to regulate. Thank u for this video with subtitle 🙏🙏

Thank you so much. Im doing reperanting, and this things are so useful for me. Im learning to be adult. It is not easy, but I want to integrate myself for the first time. I didnt understand some thing in the start, because the resistance to change is so hiii. And it is all about persistance in this process. Thank you so much for sharing youre knowledge and expirience.

Been searching for help with this and alas, I found your video. Thank you SO MUCH!

Thank you so much for this video. It's so important to self regulate. I teach PreK and we teach Conscious Discipline. One of its components is to breathe deeply so help ourselves calm down when we are upset. We practice this of course daily so that it is in place when they have those moments. It has really helped my students begin to help themselves and their peers (a friend can breathe with them) self regulate. Thanks again! 💗

I love your content. This will be challenging for me since it is all new, but Im still gonna follow the steps you have presented. Thanks so much for all you do!

I just love you, was struggling with my emotions since last night, and now thankfully feeling better. Thanks alot ❤

I share this with my daughters and Friends I think it could use some of your therapy including this one very important thank you again🙏🏼🙏🏼👍👍💜

@TheHolisticPsychologist

4 жыл бұрын

I'm so grateful you're sharing and find this helpful.

First, I admire you and your mission to help others. You certainly help me! I have started to realize that I engage in a lot of people pleasing as a result of my traumas and this has led to some sort of social media addiction. I compulsively look at instagram among other apps to get some sort of validation. Always wanting to post something funny/witty for a rise. I am getting tired of having everyone else's thoughts and opinions in my head all of the time, I don't know what I truly think about any given topic. I think it's time to step away and start to recenter on my own awareness. This video helped me see that better. Thanks for helping me along my journey. 💚

Thank you for sharing this, your videos are so amazingly helpful to me. And thank you for the subtitles 🙏

Thank you ☺️. It felt so good ☺️. Will make sure to practice these all from today💕

so much love to you, your work is amazing

Standing ovation on the explanation. The fourth one is hard for me I just don't want to feel the negative sensations in my body especially anxiety etc

I definitely need to work on this. I am a big wreck emotionally. I have an opinion that people are born with a temperament that is either uptight or passive. I am definitely uptight, high strung. My mom is as well. At least 2 of her siblings were/are. But I have 4 sisters and two of them I'd consider very calm and regulated. I haven't ever seen one of them cry or get out of control. We were all raised by my mom and dad. Of all 5 kids, my mom said I was the one that ALWAYS cried. She said they could never go anywhere because of me. I also had insomnia no matter how much she sang to me and rocked me. My daughter also was that way. She is super sensitive like me with insomnia, and it's crazy how much a part I see genetics playing. But I hope I can learn from videos like these how to calm myself. I cry in public places, I get super overwhelmed with any little change. I feel like I don't have any friends due to this issue. Also I feel certain my medical issues are connected too. I have dysautonomia and I've had chronic fatigue and now I have constant muscle twitching all over my body. (Very possibly genetic.) Life is harder for some people--even when they have the same situations and opportunities that others have. It's hard to be a Highly Sensitive Person. Good can come from it too, for sure. Especially once we improve all we can.

@DR_1_1

4 ай бұрын

Same here, I tried journaling, including my dreams for years, reading about psychology/psychiatry, practicing yoga, self awareness... yet I still get triggered. A few weeks ago I exchanged a few words with a girl I liked, then when I asked her name, she came closer with that smile to answer and ask mine, but although I tried to play the game, I had to leave in a hurry after a few seconds! Too much mess inside, what was going on!? She changed my life with her move, but now I still don't now if she wanted to be nice, or was mocking me, most likely just playing.... This inability to handle (and manipulate) emotions is a real handicap for relationships, and so for social life, career, etc!

Thank you for these lectures. Coming out of dissociative amnesia for years. I’m just trying to relearn so much

Thank you Dr. Nicole we love you!!

I find this very helpful. Really grateful to you for sharing this! I didn't really know how to deal with my emotions back then and didn't understand why I was feeling things in a certain way. Hopefully, I could put this into practice and be able to regulate my emotions better from now on.

Your work is a gift to all of us people that are asking themselves if that state of dysregulation is really it? I mean there is gotta be more!!

These are exactly what I have learned! And they help a lot more than my old ways. I especially have grown to actually enjoy journalling and can easily fill many pages.

Great information Dr. Nicole things we've never been taught we kinda figured it out. This is very clear. Thx

I’m so thankful for you 🙏

This is really fantastic, thanks a lot. I was looking for a different view of looking at my mind and thanks to you now I can really see a new pattern of my mind, I can find answers to my questions. Now I can understand my behavior and reactions towards some stuff, it definitely comes from the habituated behavior, or the trauma from the childhood. OMG, I subscribed after this video and it was the first video of your channel that I've watched. Thanks to Mel Robbins for having a live with you couple of hours ago . I really happy to find you. 👍👍☺☺

Wow......this video has given much hope....in my journey.

Wow! The belly breathing really helps! So great, thank you!

Thank you doctor. I need this to know. You are so right.

Love you Nicole! Thanks for sharing this. I can definitely benefit from doing more writing about how i feel and feeling where it is in my body. I have the tendency to dissociate and shut down and now it makes sense as to HOW that began back in infancy and childhood. BIG LOVE

I am getting better at this! The first step is being aware that I am triggered. Then I can see why emotions feel so out of control, and more often behave in a way I won't regret.

Hi Nicole! Thanks again for the amazing tools. Have you ever considered enabling your videos to receive subtitle suggestions here on youtube? I would love to be able to share your content with my friends and family in Brazil.

You’re wonderful. Thank you!

This is so insightful! Thank you so much.

This is GOLD NICOLE

Super awesome. Thank you, Nicole 💙

Thank you so much for this 💖

Really helpful and spot on for what is needed right now!

Holy crap. Well done with he coregulation talk. I love you. I love myself:)

This is such a great channel, so clear and well explained, feels very grounding. Thank you a lot for these video's

Hey! I just tuned back in to your channel to see if your production was improved. So much better, wow!! I LOVE your content and I love that you are MASTERING youtube! :D

Absolutely loved it 🤍 thanks

This is amazing. Thank you 🙏🏾

Fantastic video. really thanks for your support.